How I Knew I Was Asexual

[@Genderlessbug]

My reminder to asexual folks who may not relate as much to exactly what Lynn is talking about in this video, you are still valid. No matter what part the spectrum you are on, we see you. You don't have to be sex repulsed or to of always known you didn't feel those things to be valid ❤

[@HotDogTimeMachine385]

Representation! Matters! People should feel valid their whole life and not think they're somehow wrong their entire life until they're 45 when someone tells them asexuality exists. You're valid! You deserve to be respected!

[@lynnsaga1397]

I'm very lucky that I found out about it when I was a teenager. I know not everyone in the ace community has that privilege but I will do everything I can to education more people on the beautiful community

[@HotDogTimeMachine385]

​@@lynnsaga1397 Helping others is the most we can do in life. You're wonderful, Lynn! 🖤 🐘🤍💜

[@oklu_]

I hope there's more Asexual representation even in examples in sexual harrassment educational materials.

[@amandadiamond7147]

I was so infamous for my complete lack of sexual interest growing up that my friends and family were calling me asexual before we even knew it was a thing.

[@EsaLena1]

I identify with this SO HARD. I remember hearing from 4th grade (or was it 5th? I forget - I'm 42, so it has been a long time) how tempting sex was and hormones and all this...and never feeling it. And also hearing girls talk about who was cute and who they had crushes on and NOT UNDERSTANDING IT.

[@AvaFayIliza]

I'll be 40 this year, and I still don't know if I'm ace or not. I'm really happy there are young people, like yourself, putting yourself out there, so there are much fewer people like me, who still aren't sure at 39. 💖 -Ava

[@DemLep]

Labels are tools. If it helps use it, if it doesn't don't. Either way you are still you and that is valid.

[@AvaFayIliza]

I 100% agree. For me personally, labels do help. I always like to keep in mind: it's not the label that describes me, rather it's who I am that dictates what labels apply to me. Having a label I can relate to helps me feel better, because it reminds me I'm not alone. 💖 -Ava

[@alienwandering]

I found out about asexuality in a collector fandom. Someone had posted that they were asexual and I didn't know what that meant. I knew intersex people existed, so I thought if people could have both parts, why not none? Of course, I didn't ask them about it, but went to Google instead. As I read, everything clicked. I was asexual! It was like a weight being lifted. I never really "got" the sexual attraction thing and everything suddenly made sense. Reflecting even more, I now know I am an Ace/Enby and am FINALLY learning how to be ME

[@puppyjjong3339]

I'm 31 and have only recently discovered that asexuality is a spectrum, and that I myself am greysexual. I spent the rest of my life up to this point thinking that I was just straight but knowing that something was off or different about me. I felt embarrassed and that I was missing out on things other people seemed to get so easily, because of whatever was "wrong" with me. I'm still questioning myself a lot but knowing that I'm not alone and I'm not broken is a huge relief!

[@ellacatmusic]

10:14 As an ace teen, I sadly relate to this so much. It’s so difficult to live in a hetero-normative society where sex is expected in like every romantic relationship. Your channel has definitely helped so much, so thank you 🫶

[@Genderlessbug]

I am currently a demi-romantic asexual teen working through the same thing. I am so scared people won't understand that I enjoy different forms of touch and intimacy (hugs, holding hands, head rubs) and that I really don't care about sex. I also have major abandonment issues which makes this worse because I don't build romantic bonds easily and I need to grow and emotional bond to fall for someone so the thought I might go through all that trouble just for them to leave me because I'm ace is just horrible.

[@ellacatmusic]

@@Genderlessbug It's so sad that we have to go through that. And what you said about intimacy is exactly how I feel as well. But you are deserving of love and someone that accepts you, just like Lynn said.

[@christineburk4026]

Yeah, it drives me nuts how quickly people hook up so soon after meeting! Call me old fashioned, but that just ain't my style. I'd prefer to be in love (in the true sense) first, but as aro, that may never actually happen for me, which I'm perfectly fine with, to be honest. You could say i am demisexual in theory or by choice as a matter of principle--long story about why that is. The aego part of me can indulge in romantic fantasy any time I want with no one to answer to. :)

[@SylvesterLazarus]

I'd call myself gray ace, but there's this one phenomenon I kinda noticed on myself, I'm not sure how much others would compare. I always heard people saying how they see anyone and immediately get thoughts of sleeping with them, while I often have the immediate thought that I'd want to hug someone. Just get the feeling of mutually touching someone a really neutral but personally close and platonic loving way, without anything sexual whatsoever. I really strongly feel that this is not the average experience.

[@kaseyford1490]

Lynn just described my early 20's/High School life of feeling left out and having to 'pick' someone to fit in. So real 😅 I really wish I had a queer sibling though. That would've helped me realise a lot sooner as no-one in my immediate/extended family is queer. 😢 You're lucky Lynn 😊

[@cradica]

Jaiden animations help me realize I was aro ace, but I was still confused. Then I found out about a little something called "lust" and it all started to make sense.

[@Panguinolucy]

Aroace trans woman here, I’m probably going to leave a rambling comment here so there will be a lot of stuff below 1:47 yeah I remember that idea too, not even as a religious thing but rather as a more general society thing, it’s kinda wild I really wanted to be a caretaker rather than a mom looking back, it’s quite wild. 3:31 yeah, I remember sex Ed I actually had to leave because all the boys in my class were joking about sex Ed stuff and I couldn’t even handle it. I didn’t understand the jokes and it felt mostly just disgusting. Some of it was me being trans but more of it was likely because of my sex repulsed asexuality 4:22 probably one of the things I struggled with was I could never do “boy talk” or “girl talk” for that matter, like “you find that person pretty? Yeah they do have a pretty outfit” if I could even manage that. 5:19 I never realized I wasn’t “normal” in that way, I didn’t realize people actually were attracted to beautiful people for a long time 5:44 I first heard about asexuality from a friend while playing minecraft, realizing that it described me too. My parents overheard and I got sent to my therapist shortly after, who told me how sexuality is a shifting thing and don’t put a label on too quickly. I uhhh am still very ace and will be for my entire life. 7:58 I thought I was demi for a while, it didn’t quite fit me because I was mixing up friend and crush whenever I thought that. Basically I can see exactly how it works better than other sexual orientations similar to how I can understand bi and pan a bit better, so yeah I kinda get it. 9:25 can’t wait until I can say that with my gender identity, that’ll be so nice 9:56 wasn’t too hard for me, it was trickier for me to accept other people aren’t asexual 11:45 yeah… it’s rough, Valentine’s Day is a day of crying each year for me because of how isolating it is. 12:24 same I’m pretty open about being ace, saves a lot of miscommunication. I also apparently just give aroace vibes in general which is handy Anyway yeah I think that’s everything I have to say

[@Nevaeh_Jackson]

I can so relate to not accepting at first that everyone else wasn't asexual 😅

[@xFailage]

Thanks for sharing the information in this video! It was like a hug for my soul.

[@liamodonovan6610]

You are a genuine awesome person love you're video's you are a good person wishing religion's are cults you are a fun person wishing you the best lynn you are a good intelligent person you were and are never broken

[@lynnsaga1397]

Thank you so much!

[@ericramey116]

Growing up Christian and Ace is definitely confusing. I also had similarities confusion growing up with all the discussion about sex and how difficult it was to resist and all that. And sitting through all those VERY uncomfortable discussions wondering what was wrong with me because I really didn’t have the desire, and for me it was VERY easy to avoid because I really didn’t want to have sex. But on top of that being gay and noticing how nice a few of the guys looked really piled on that confusion/shame/guilt.

[@facthunt2facthunt245]

How can you be gay as well as ace? Observing that some men are handsome isn't gay.

[@ericramey116]

The long way of saying it would be homo-romantic asexual. Experience romantic attraction but not sexual attraction.

[@emilycryder1096]

@@facthunt2facthunt245 Look up the split attraction model.

[@michaelsingh8487]

Even after figuring out I was aro-spec and asexual, I'm still having difficulties figuring out myself. Heck, I think I'm more worried now about being left behind than before I came out to some people. That being said, identifying what I am has definitely helped broaden my horizons as to what relationships can be and how diverse the world is.

[@Sparowace]

As an Amab ace person who was also raised mormon, I never really did make up crushes but I also remember being very uncomfortable about how early they talk about sex and relationships

[@garak_on_b5679]

i never ever feel broken or incomplete for not having all those feelings nor for not being attracted, i just felt the others are awkward and weird that they r so into romatic or sexual relationships while there r tons of way more interesting stuff around.😂 and no one really answers me the question why are u so into those relationships, so it feels even more strange that they couldn't even tell, like they are bewitched or something

[@ChelseyIsATotal5SOSFan]

This video was really helpful. I’m just recently coming into my ace journey, I just came out a few days ago, and I’ve been trying to navigate and I’ve found some really good groups with other ace people who have been very welcoming.

[@smwood91]

I am new to learning about Asexuality and I believe I'm at least Demi but I have this fear that no-one is going to want to be with me because I'm going to ask them to wait a long time to be intimate...I had this fear in college (the hookup culture was disgusting to me) and I still have the fear in my 30's...I am still learning all of the terms in this community and find it all a bit overwhelming at the moment....but I found this video very comforting so thanks for sharing how you learned you are Ace!

[@tom2d285]

I just recently found out I was asexual while trying to research it to better understand my friends. and it has been very comforting to find videos like these talking about it. It’s definitely been a wild week so far.

[@autumnblossom1129]

This vid helped me figure out im probably Graysexual!! I'll probably tell ppl im ace too bc I dont wanna explain that but Ive been cpnfused on whether or not im asexual or not and landing on graysexual is totally fine by me. DONT BE AFRAID TO EXPLORE YOUR IDENTOTY AND FIND A GENDER OR SEXUALITY YOURE COMFORTABLE WITH!!! ❤❤❤❤

[@riverchampeimont]

I knew I was ace already but your videos participated in helping me realize I was aro too. Thank you.

[@sunshinelavender5889]

Thank you for giving your backstory and explaining how you worked your way to accepting being ace. I never had crushes, and I typically thought of s*x as something you just do in a relationship. I never initiated it when I think about it, but I was (without knowing at the time) either demi or just very s*x favorable. Now, I’m my late 30s, I classify myself as grey ace (closer to the ace part of the spectrum rather than close to hetero, if that makes sense). And currently classify myself as s*x neutral (working my way from s*x adverse since I am married and want to try seggs things sporadically for hubby). Even though only a few people know about me being ace, I smile whenever I see an ace flag and thank you so much for your videos 💜🩶🤍🖤. P.S. the wolf cut looks really nice and the sushi roll plushie in the background is adorable.

[@christineburk4026]

As an adolescent, I hardly knew about the concept of asexuality and never aromantic at all until about 2 years ago when I was 40! On some level I always knew I was aro but couldn't really find a name for my feelings until then. Question for Lynn: Do you happen to have any content about aegoromantic or aegosexual orientation, or if not, consider doing a video about that? I think that is a big part of my identity based on the last 30 years or so of my life.

[@waffelpokalypse7365]

I’d never really had crushes when I was younger and had kinda been “eh” with romantic advances when I’d gotten a couple in high school, but I’d chalked it up to the available people just not being my type. I didn’t learn about the term “asexuality” until I was 22 and in college. The meaning of the term made sense to me as I read it, but it wasn’t until I was offered a chance at an FWB relationship that it hit me that I was ace. The guy who wanted to be FWB with me was a guy I met on day 1 of college; we happened to be looking at/photographing the same exact flyer for an on-campus D&D/TTRPG/TCG club. We then saw each other two days later at that year’s first club meeting, and ended up in a lot of the same game groups, and even started hanging out outside of said game groups. Most amatonormative folks would look at that and say “wow, those two are destined for each other!” There was even a point in time where I could have seen us together, when I was still facing the last dying gasps of comphet. Then came the day he asked me if I wanted to be FWB. At first, I was a bit excited because nobody had ever wanted sex with me before (I had poor social development and I ’ve always been kinda meh in terms of looks and attractiveness) and here I was getting an offer. Yay I’m not gonna graduate college a virgin!! But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I really didn’t feel right about it and that I was only excited at the thought of doing the “right thing in life” according to society and being able to behave “like a normal person”. That was when everything started to hit me and I realized I was ace - my game club buddy was actually the first person I came out to. I’m now 35 and very outspoken about my aceness.

[@christineburk4026]

OMG, that's exactly what happened when I was 12! Only when asked by other girls "who do you like?", I just kind of thought about which guy I thought was attractive or interesting (I never really talked to boys that much since I was very insecure with myself at the time), most of whom I hadn't talked to before. I admit I had a few fleeting crushes in grade school too, but I never really made it a priority to talk about them. Needless to say I was definitely not your "typical teenager", hehe.

[@mandyb2245]

I've been identifying as pansexual for the past few years. But now I'm questioning. I'm not exactly sex repulsed, but I'm just kind of indifferent to it. I don't need it to fulfill my life. I didn't learn about sex until I was 12 and back then it did repulse me. There was no possibility of me becoming a pregnant teenager, I thought it sounded just plain gross. I didn't start desiring intimacy until I got with my (now) ex. I was raised Baptist, and so we he, so we didn't have full sex til after we got married. Bad idea. It hurt too much and I didn't like it. Long story short, it was one of the many reasons we split up. My next relationship was a lot better. The only reason I'm single now is that my wonderful boyfriend passed away in 2020 (seizure). Now I'm alone, and quite frankly, I can go the rest of my life never having sex again. I'm 41. So now I'm wondering if I am in fact panromantic and asexual. The kind of asexual...I have no idea. I'm still researching it.

[@animeator]

Yay representation! This will help many and that makes me happy 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈💚🥺

[@animeator]

And, demi is entirely valid and so are you!!

[@SheilaDunnon-ve4ks]

You helped me.😊❤

[@oklu_]

The organization I work for uses the term LGB/TGNB. Where did A go? So sad 😭 Glad that at they included non-binary

[@quorrafromtron]

hello, fellow post mormon asexual non-binary person............................................. wtf is that coincidence?!? great vid btw

[@JaimeeTyrell]

COVID made me realize I was asexual. Nobody was touching me and I LOVED IT. Never felt more happy. And I also love that we don’t kiss or shake hands anymore after the pandemic was over. I broke up my relationship and I’ve never felt more free.

[@Weird_One_]

Throughout my life I just kinda assumed I was hetero and just happened to not like people or really understood what that it was. I remember people also always saying I was lying when I said I didn’t have a crush on anyone and it always turned into a thing, and I was just confused about what was happening. Eventually when I was 16 at the end of sex ed, they had a couple of queer people put on a presentation about the queer community when, and during that they offhandedly mentioned asexuality and how only some people actually thought it was part of the queer community, which ouch. But that sent me into a confused couple of weeks with the help of a lot of KZbin, I figured out I was aroace.

[@Iamveryboredrn]

💜🤍🩶🖤

[@brandonhatter2493]

I'm figuring a lot out i wish i knew sooner I'm 26 and I still haven't formed a sexual type of relationship with someone 😢 thank you so much

[@Jockwardia]

What a fine video. So I am aroace and I realised that by watching youtube videos about asexuallity and aromanticism since about a year ago. I have known that for all my life that was aroace. I just didn't have a term for it. I never understood the whole consept with being together with an other person for another reason than children. I don't want children nor another person in my life. In school especially the later years everyone was like. Who do you date? Who are you crushing on? I would say none and they tought I lied and just tought I was embarrased. I never had a crush, I was never lying in bed thinking about anyone like I have heard "normal" people do. That is not to say I never have wanted children in my whole life. I have had my moments of "Yeah! Raising children would be wonderful" but no! You need a partner for that and no one have asked me out. No one makes me go like: I so want to date that person! They are all the same in my opinion.

[@sofiaspeakman8086]

I figured out I was asexual after I went through my whole time at college without feeling attraction like that for anyone. I had always just assumed it would happen by college. Then I started watching KZbin videos about it. (I wish I could remember which ones.)

[@meredithsalt8397]

I'm 40 something and it wasn't until recently that I was told I was Asexual. It wasn't even a vocabulary word when I was in highscool. My therapist suggested it. I got mostel of my Ace education was from here and a few other KZbin. ❤❤

[@meredithsalt8397]

Hindsight I could see it and was called a few things because of it. Didn't know about Ace and Aero or Demi until last few years. I'm barely out to myself. I've been "broken" a long time because of a chronic illness and this was in addition to it. It's a struggle for me to accept me. I've only shared with a couple of friends. 🤷‍♀️

[@Archiv1st-bd3lp]

my ace-ness can be summed up with person: don’t have sex until marriedddd!!,!, me: why would you ?!?!?

[@Funky-Chicken-678]

I feel so seen ❤

[@Archiv1st-bd3lp]

I remember reading a book in which the story was based around the main character being ace. After I finished reading I went huh. That sounds like me lol.

[@christineburk4026]

Addendum: I thought maybe college? Maybe at work? Maybe when I turn 30, and so on. Nope. At least not for the right reasons.

[@JohnBarfield-qw3bh]

Is it possible to be pansexual BUT be aromatic towards men?

[@animeator]

Yes, if that is how you consider your identity.

[@Nevaeh_Jackson]

It is definitely on the spectrum 👍🏽

[@Milo-hp9fw]

Yep! Sexuality is weird and wonky, and if you feel like those labels best suit you and make you the most comfortable, you are totally valid!

[@DemLep]

Sounds like pansexual straight romantic. Assuming you identify as a man by your name being John. I apologize if that is wrong. Romantic and sexual attraction don't have to align. Note: Biromantic or gynoromantic might also fit. Just kind of depends on how it feels to you.

[@at1the1beginning]

Yep, life seems to have fucked me over pretty good. If I ever turn out to be (some type of) asexual indeed (as I'm starting to fear I am), you can just kill me right then and there.

[@rinkuraku5251]

I'm transfemme ace, possibly aro, possibly biro, I'm not 100% sure there. My journey of coming to accept myself was pretty complicated. I had "crushes" growing up, but I'm not sure that wasn't simply gender envy. I liked romance plots in fiction, but the idea of just falling for someone seemed like a made up thing. That's how I was until I was 13. Then I went to a friend's birthday party. (Well more like friend of a friend) He got a porn magazine somehow, I did not ask for details, and showed everyone. My take away from that, I really wished I looked like the women in it, the boys certainly did not share that desire, and maybe I'm not attracted to girls. Then not much happened for a while. I was getting pretty depressed from the gender dysphoria, but was scared to say anything. My wearing dresses had been beaten out of me before this. I was also acting out a lot at school to "prove" I was a guy because I was in denial about that part of me. My parents did get me some help and I was put on antidepressants, which got me through puberty alive at least. In college I started to explore my sexuality a bit. I quickly realized I actually wasn't attracted to either girls or guys. At this point I still couldn't accept that I'm trans, but I did accept that I'm ace, but I still hadn't actually encountered the term yet. I didn't seek out any info on it or anything, but I encountered the term when I was about 25, and it was like yup that's me. It still took me another ten years to accept I'm trans, and eight years to come out and start transitioning. It's been a long journey, but I mostly understand myself now and I'm finally starting to be happy. Now if I can just figure out if I'm aro or biro. That's been the hardest part to figure out.

[@RichardGaudry-uz2bt]

To tell my story, I think I would be remiss if I neglected to mention that I do not mean to throw any shade on any group or belief system. My mom and dad split when I was two. I was raised by a single mom for quite awhile; she wasn't a hardcore feminist, but I did hear a lot of feminist rhetoric in my formative years; some of it I would call pretty toxic for a kid to grow up hearing. But I digress. Eventually my mom remarried. She was somewhat agnostic, he was industrial strength atheist. He was also a hebephile; as in he has a thing for early adolescent teenagers. (11-14) I know this from personal experience. He called what he did education. Needless to say my love map got badly distorted. I will spare you the details. During my teens and 20's, I was actually kind of repulsed or at least averse to sex and relationships, but I could fake it in order to fit in. I turned out to be a very good actor. I questioned myself, even tried bisezualty, none of it felt right. After awhile I stopped pretending. I just avoided relationships and dating altogether. I got told all the things that we've all probably heard; my personal favorite being that I have standards that are too high. Then one night I saw a documentary about this thing called asexuality. Though a lot of it resonated with me, I dismissed it and assumed my aversion was all about my abusive stepfather. Until a few years ago. Fast forward to 2017. At a birthday party, A friend from a LARP troupe came out as ace. I already knew what thar was, and was of course completely cool with it, but other friends at the party had to make a thing of it. By this time I had sobered up, finally found a therapist that was willing to see me ((you might be surprised how hard that is for a guy to do even when he does honestly look). Anyway, there I was observing the big ace debate, keeping silent because the more I heard the more it made sense - for me, I mean. I had my own internal dialogue going on. Since then I have been exploring and finallly coming to terms with myself. You are right; I'm not broken or defective. I am no longer averse to dating or relationships; more ambivalent. When I do date it is almost never about sex, though that could become a thing, though it never really has to. As an epilogue, I should say I have nothing against my mom. We made peace with each other the harmful things she said long before she died in 2017. As for tge stepfather, mom d8vorced him in 1991, and I have since pressed charges against. I won that case. No I do not hold any atheists in any contempt. His crimes were not caused by anything other than his own sickness which has nothing to do with any religion or lack thereof. Also, the friends at the party that had a hard time wrapping their head around asexuality are not bad oeople, just conditioned to buy into a narrative in which asexuality doesn't seem to fit. It's like programming; and that kind of programming can be difficult to override. I'm not saying it's okay; only that a great deal 9f patience will be necessary to get through to the brainwashed masses.

[@Skellybeans]

Not sure if counts or not, but I remember there was a time I was 12 or 13, can't remember my exact age but I was helping my dad with some project he was on and chatting. I remember asking the question "why is sex such a big deal?" and he tried to explain it like just a thing that happens or something I don't know. More just that I guess it was strange to ask a question like that. I think it was one of those things I would understand at a later point or something, just seems weird the whole directing people how to think without even trying to learn more about their thoughts. It's weird. Can a person change? Yes. Is change a part of nature? Also yes. But for whatever reason it seems like lots of people assume changes only to things they don't agree on, things being a phase or regret one day. Like somehow they already know the results but never got to know the person before them at the moment. I have very mixed feelings about the whole living up to your potential thing because too often it is measuring the shortcomings of another person's life by other things. To add to that is the insistence that the person cannot be happy or "truly happy" until they change in these specific ways and do these specific things. So sometimes when my brain isn't working to make a coherent point I end up going in tangents, kind of like what is happening now, no it is very much so what is happening now. This video is informative because the points are able to be made which could be really helpful for anyone questioning that stuff. I just want to add that not knowing answer yet and having questions is fine and good, so even not sure yet just being willing to ask the question is an important thing to do to know more about the you you are. This comment contributed an opinion, solicited on the idea that the video openned a discussion which I hope I haven't veered off too far from. Good video

[@Sarawinky]

i am greysexual and biromantic

[@MasterTurner969]

💚

[@PelhamStewart-cj4uu]

I guess i suck

[@LAU-ik6dp]

❤

[@asoukes]

certainly wouldn't consider myself ace, but starting hrt has completely destroyed my libido. i don't love the absence, but it's currently preferred over what it was pre-hrt.

[@ilovecairo]

Is it possible that your religion scared the F out of you when it comes to sex?

[@M00nGlitz]

There's nothing more tedious in 2024 than listening to a teen girl or young woman explaining her sexual and gender identities.

[@maxkozak9702]

I'm sorry. I believe that Demisexuality is real but it's not a legitimate part of the LGBT. In my eyes, Demisexual people are just people with a type that they like the same way that allosexual people can have preferences for different traits like brown hair or different body parts. It's just that the favoured traits of so-called Demisexual people is people they already have a romantic relationship with. If you're Demisexual, you're not asexual you're just an allosexual person with a type preference that happens to be slightly unusual.

[@emilycryder1096]

Demisexuals are not allosexual people who don't want sex until a relationship. Demisexuals are part of LGBT- they are literally in capable of feeling sexual attraction until a bond is formed. They are art of LGBT. I am sorry you're just ignorant. Alllosexuals do not feel sexual attraction until a bond is formed. Demisexuals are under the Asexual spectrum/umbrella.

[@Totally_Not_Tulip]

I realized that I'm ace a few weeks ago. I keep questioning myself though, but it does resonate with me. I feel attraction to people, but that doesn’t mean I want to engage in activities with them (my brain can't comprehend it, it grosses me out). Is this what being ace is like? 🫠😭

[@StaceyLuvsSnom]

There are many kinds of attractions so if it is not Sexual, you are Asexual

[@sol_autumnleaves]

I just came out to myself as AroAce and I can relate to so many aspects of your journey. I really enjoyed hearing your story of figuring out you're on the ace spectrum💜🐘🤍🖤it just gave me such positive vibes for some reason