Madame Web - God Tier Garbage

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-Well…-
Madame Web is a terrible movie. Join me for a breakdown.
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#madameweb #sonyspiderman #mcu #marvel #review #videoessay #moviereview

[@laxmanrawat748]

Morbius walked so that Madame Web could crawl.

[@zenithquasar9623]

🤣

[@mikeg5039]

morbius morbed so web could web lol

[@AG-sj4om]

Morbius walked so that Madame web could wheel around

[@prsnguy]

Morbius crawled so that madame web could sit around on its lazy ahh and do jack shi-

[@tubbyconnorapparatus9764]

Morbius farted so that Madame Web could shit.

[@lynngatrell7965]

My grandma always told me, "I don't care what they tell you in school, but Madame Web was black."

[@dorianaguayo9542]

😂

[@hakikiwicaksana7231]

Wasn't expecting this type of comment 🤯🤯🤯🤯

[@dorianaguayo9542]

@@hakikiwicaksana7231 it's making fun of a statement made (by a professor no less) on the Cleopatra documentary

[@Draeber]

and gay

[@abdullah-_-.]

@@dorianaguayo9542 calling it a "documentary" is REALLY stretching the meaning of the word

[@ColonelCorson]

My favorite scene in the movie was when Madame Web logged onto her ICONIC Madame Computer and said “It’s time to surf the web”.

[@MilkshakeVA]

it's madame webbing time

[@Werewolf.with.Internet.Access]

Could not keep it together, lost my shit in theaters

[@jasonmaclean719]

Not certain if it was Webbing Time or Madameing Time. Either way, this was certainly one of THE movies of all time.

[@Kable_TV]

The morbius venom 3 crossover mid credits scene with jk Simmons voiceover had me so excited for the next madame web movie

[@jasonmaclean719]

@@Kable_TV IKR?? I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of Bonesaw as well. At least Bonesaw's reboot.

[@chaz9808]

Never seen a character so happy to be blinded and paralyzed

[@Treblaine]

She's happy because the movie is finally over and she she made you watch it all. This movie feels like a greentext troll movie plot was used used as a seed for AI.

[@haroldb1856]

Being restrained and blindfolded is her thing, I guess.

[@stellviahohenheim]

​@@haroldb1856ayyyy haha

[@gp2917]

She’s happy she will never have to watch Madame Web

[@brucebezold2714]

Sound like what happen to the movie goers.

[@michelleyoung731]

If I were 9 months pregnant,the last place on earth I would go to is the Amazon jungle with venomous snakes, poison frogs, hairy spiders and jaguars. Not a great place to give birth.

[@IncredibleMet]

Yeah but you need the macguffin which is only found in the middle of the Amazon rainforest otherwise the story ends.

[@jeffreyspinner9720]

Mary Sues eat jaguars for breakfast! No training necessary, with their bare labia. What can be more dangerous than a perimenopausal woman with a blank stare?

[@haroldb1856]

It's a great place to get spider powers but a hotbed of violent spider crime.

[@Darth_Bateman]

Okay but there’s one thing you did not conside- SHUT UP.

[@lucasd1646]

You have internalised misogyny, being 9 months pregnant makes you stronger and turns you into an unstoppable girl boss.

[@MostlyNotDps]

My favorite part about the movie is imagining a bunch of writers in a room high-fiving each other and saying shit like "Once they see this, they'll BEG us to make more Spider-Man movies."

[@BoadieBroadus3211]

I hope the spiders were worth it, mom

[@splicer_]

*more Spider-Man movies without Spider-Man but featuring obscurely related side characters.

[@GhostOfKiev2023]

They really killed the main villain with a falling sign? That's like something from a 1930's silent movie or a 70's cartoon show. No wonder the studios want to replace writers with AI.

[@alex_tucker]

My favorite part was when she shouted "oh no, I forgot my damn web!' and then that became her name.

[@gackdaddy]

Vastly underrated joke. NICE.

[@douglasmcquaid5343]

Her line was literally "I forgot my web" cut and dry... It's Dakota Johnson..

[@planescaped]

@@douglasmcquaid5343 She has super monotone and sedation powers.

[@davemccage7918]

Imagine reducing down your parent’s chosen career path to one singular aspect of it. My dad was a loan officer in 2008, so if I wanted to rebuke him I would have to say “I hope the subprime mortgages were worth it dad…” 😒

[@rahmellbrown162]

LMAOO

[@rexstetson1717]

What I really appreciate about the inclusion of the song “Toxic,” is that in an interview, the lead writer said the movie was set in 2003 specifically so the song could be used. 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@aphrodieMonkey]

It doesn't get anymore epic than this. Base the entire premise of your Spiderman spinoff off of Britney's Spears overused hit (never mind Peter Parker) and still manage to fuck that up

[@jennas3212]

But Toxic was released in November 2003??

[@tubbyconnorapparatus9764]

I think without a doubt the funniest moment from this film is when Cassandra is driving an ambulance through a building and Ezekiel, who isn’t even in the way of the ambulance, intentionally jumps in front of the ambulance and gets hit by it. It’s like so obviously contrived that it’s kind of funny to me.

[@BakedCookiesallday]

That's a known as lazy writing

[@londonunderground3609]

He was actually thinking “fuck me I’ve so completely lost the will to live that I’m going to try to end it all by jumping into the path of this flying truck ambulance that has suddenly appeared out of nowhere’

[@Cyboogie.the.Cyborg]

They really did Adam Scott dirty with this role, he deserved a lot more

[@bassman8144]

Yeah but he signed up for it🤷🏿

[@tubbyconnorapparatus9764]

Anything for the dollars you see.

[@phoggypsych]

"You get to be Ben Parker!" "Oh, like from Spider-Man!" "Uh, sure. Yea."

[@MikeMarlowe-ym3zy]

You ever thought that maybe he’s in a ton of hack garbage because he’s a fucking hack?

[@Film_Sushi]

First sort out Henry Cavill, damn. Then some B-listers. LOL

[@terryrocks2j]

Another scene that was dumb was where Mary was giving birth. The 3 girls could had just stayed in the house with the curtains closed. As long as they stayed in the house and kept out of trouble, they would had been safe.

[@Justtr317]

Not to mention where the girl is trying to be seen in the car 😂😂

[@CraftySouthpaw]

"Another scene that was dumb ..." You'd be hard-pressed to find a single scene that ISN'T dumb.

[@exodiatheforbid9355]

Little platoon was done dirty 💀

[@joseroa5243]

he finishes one nightmare to wake up on another

[@davemccage7918]

Some better check up on him. With all these terrible movies coming out lately, Platoon is probably working harder than children’s therapists at a pride parade.

[@TheEmbessyNetwork]

There should be a 3 pack DVD release of Madame Web, Morbius and The Marvels and title it the "Well, we tried" collection. I'll take 50 copies, please! Lmao

[@ferchubenitez1995]

What else can you expect when it's written by the same writers behind Morbius? I had zero hope for this when I saw who was writing it.

[@metatron3037]

Just ignore the race-swap for the moment, why do they hire not so pretty actress?

[@Werewolf.with.Internet.Access]

⁠@@metatron3037 Genuine question, who was race swapped…?

[@ferchubenitez1995]

​​@@metatron3037 race swap or lift can be offset if the actor/actress is skilled and the script is well written. Neither of those apply here in any way or form, but honestly even the most skilled actors would struggle with this dialogue so I'm not even sure if it's right to blame the actors here.

[@milordo]

​​@Werewolf.with.Internet.Access the villan was white in the comics. Which is weird because they usually KEEP the bad guys white

[@BrandonScott-mi5pz]

HOT 🔥 GARBAGE 🗑🗑🗑🗑🗑🗑📈🗑🗑🗑🗑🗑🗑

[@demontamerbf18]

"The superhero genre practically exists for the lolz at this point", oh my god, I hadn't thought about that, it's so true and so sad.

[@planescaped]

What is old is new again, from movies that were disrespected, to moves that were beloved, back to being disrespected.

[@TiberiusX]

I blame Deadpool. It made Hollywood think that comics were camp again.

[@shaggy5percent]

I like how the photographs that would've been taken in the 80's have higher resolution than the movie itself. Cause that makes sense.

[@davemckansas4654]

Not to nitpick but Cassie is in her early 30s in 2003, so the pics would be early 70s, which even more enhances your point.

[@shaggy5percent]

@@davemckansas4654 you right.

[@batmansillo]

"You can't madame THIS web!" Actual line in the movie.

[@subway7008]

PSA: Opening a car door underwater is easy once the car is filled with water. If you are ever in a drowning vehicle, do not waste energy trying to open the car door before then. instead, stay calm and wait for the car to fill with water. When the car is so full that there is as little air remaining as possible, take a deep breath and only then open the door. Because the pressure inside and outside of the vehicle will be about equal at that point, it is going to open normally as if on land

[@KerryBuchanan]

Good tip. Also, if you are in a vehicle that has been dropped from an airplane, stay calm. Once the vehicle reaches land, the door will remove itself for you.

[@zerozero1520]

First time I've seen a villain get taken out by being P'd on.

[@TimSedai]

Dakota is good when she wants to be, and her idgaf press tour was epic nepo girl

[@dagfinissocool]

who's her daddy? please say it's Don Johnson:)

[@CraftySouthpaw]

@@dagfinissocool Yes, and her mother is Melanie Griffith.

[@PeteDingerton]

"Okay, let's do it, just make peter parker a baby and the comic book nerds will love it" 😂😂

[@johnnyjay6959]

I watch Ryan George do a Pitch Meeting on this and producer guy asks writer guy “wait did she cause his death since she slowed him down long enough for the truck to his the ambulance. Lmfao.

[@Raz.C]

Exposition isn't "bad," per se. It depends *entirely* on how that exposition is handled. When exposition is shared between characters who should both already know all of that information, then "Yes," that is bad! However, there are also some very good ways to handle exposition. My 'go-to' has always been a scene in Masada, where the Roman Engineer is explaining to Lucius Flavius Silva (Roman governor of Judea) what they'll need to be able to build a siege tower. It's a brilliantly handled bit o exposition and should be the gold standard, in my opinion. Another good + bad example is at the beginning of Inception. Mal is explaining to Cobb what happens when you get killed in your dream, even though Cobb would already know that. The dialogue is therefore spoken SOLELY for the benefit of the audience and is a horribly handled exposition dump. Later in the movie, however, they pick up a rookie and have to explain to her how things work. Those exposition dumps are appropriate and well handled I hope I've now shown how exposition isn't good OR bad, but that it rather depends on how that exposition is handled and whether the dialogue is narratively necessary or not. In other words, if both characters already know the information, then they shouldn't need to share that information with each other again (such as the horrible exposition dumps ala 'Let's go over the plan one more time...') whereas, if at least one character present is ignorant of the information in question, then it is indeed narratively necessary for that information to be shared (ie - 'Really? So you've never heard the story behind why he's known as _The Spider's Matador??)_

[@petriew2018]

the Mission Impossible movies also generally do this well. Every briefing scene is a glorified 'exposition dump'.... but in the context of the movie it's characters who need to know this info getting told this at the same time we, the audience, just happen to be watching. it feels appropriate to the movie you're watching and thus it becomes good writing Lord of the Rings does a good deal of exposition as well, the opening monologue is nothing but an 'exposition dump'. But while it's happening your getting visuals that really help set the tone of the movie and give you a feel for this fantasy world you'd instead just get blindly dumped into the middle of, which would be jarring and make it hard for immersion. Good writing because it's using the time to do multiple things, not just tell the audience the plot. exposition is one of those things that will quickly expose a bad writer. It inevitably has to happen at some point in most stories, but there's so many ways you can have it not JUST be exposition. It can also be used to establish characters based on how they react to or deliver said exposition (Quentin Tarantino exposits the entire plot of Reservoir Dogs in the opening scene, and how the characters behave during informs how the movie actually plays out), it can be used for world building, it can be used to set the tone and style of the movie you intend to show.... but yeah, having two characters you've just met and know nothing about clumsily repeat information they should already know is a massive red flag that criminal hackery is about to unfold....

[@Raz.C]

@@petriew2018 Very well said! I'd like to add something about Lord of the Rings, though - The opening narration is largely handled by Tolkien as a conversation between Frodo and Gandalf, near the start of the book. It's that same conversation where Sam is busted for eavesdropping, though in the books it happens at night and is much more involved than what PJ gives us on screen. I honestly don't know if it would have made for a better movie if PJ had left the necessary exposition as dialogue between Frodo and Gandalf, or as the opening narration.

[@pinealdreams1064]

Inception is the worst case for exposition because you can tell Ellen Page's entire character exists solely to be delivered it.

[@wanderingbufoon]

Dakota, Hamill, Cavill, Harison Ford, all respectable actors that showed contempt on something they were excited to be a part off only to be betrayed by the showrunners are commendable for telling or warning the audience that what they're about to watch is absolutely insulting to the characters they wished to play. Dakota is commendable in my eyes because after they got done filming, she fired her agency for giving her that dumpster fire project. Although, I would say that they too probably weren't aware that it was going to be bad. Still, they could've done a few mins of research about the team that made the script. I think Leto is the like the king of getting bad roles. Morbius and the Joker are some that he got wrecked on. A lot of people say it's his acting (simply because they really can't get over the fact that he was a singer first).

[@freeyaw29]

I doubt Dakota is respectable 😂. just a bad movie that fits with a bad actress 😂

[@petriew2018]

@@freeyaw29 she's not that bad.... just has really poor choice in scripts....

[@wanderingbufoon]

@@freeyaw29 she's fine as an actress. I say that she's respectable because she's not a bad actress and actually respect the craft and the original source. IDK why you're saying she's bad when she isn't. Perhaps you dislike the films that she's involved in but that doesn't mean she herself is bad. I don't like her films, it doesn't mean I see her as a bad actress. That's like the whole Edward Patterson case. Good actor, everyone thinks of him as a joke because of his Twilight role.

[@MarvinPowell1]

@wanderingbufoon She didn't attack any of the fans once, imply this was a movie 'only for women," and _tried_ to stay professional while being forced to promote a movie she knew was dogsh*t even while filming. Those things alone make her better than 90-95% of actors in Hollywood today. For as bad as The Last Jedi was, Mark Hamill was extremely immature and juvenile about it all. Yeah, we know the movie sucks, but you're still an adult getting paid for it all. You don't have to like Dakota Johnson as an actress or the fact she's a 2nd gen nepo-baby, but I don't get all the hate for her. She's more professional than most celebrites we've seen and no one blames her for this awful movie being bad. Also, her agency flat out LIED to her about the movie and said it was going to be in the MCU. So they're mostly to blame.

[@wanderingbufoon]

@@MarvinPowell1 Mark Hamill wasn't a sellout. That's why. It's an iconic IP that the new studio runners had no idea what to do and did the opposite of "taking care of it" Showing displeasure is immature but being a sellout is worse. You're making it seem like he pulled a Rachel Zegler. What he did was what Henry Cavill did.

[@Eva01-jy2qu7pu9r]

I thought The Marvels was the absolute worst superhero movie that couldn't be topped in terms of its doodoo quality. But once Madame Web started knocking on our doors, I knew we had some solid competition.

[@shawnrandles]

Your impression of Ezekiel was spot on. I laughed in the theater at almost every line he said.

[@TheDissident77]

"Dakota Johnson is a pretty solid actress" - THAT. That right there is a lie.

[@sonikboom007]

A fuckin full blown fib!

[@RydarkVoyager]

I will admit that Dakota's posture in those interviews would bring the tiniest nod of approval from a US Marine drill instructor. Then he'd order her to drop and do 50 pushups (remember, drill instructors have that programmed into them).

[@M0RGAT0RY]

I already said this at least 40+ times: Dakota ( Johnson) couldn't even name a single Spider-Man movie

[@Beans-do6wc]

At least Sydney Sweeney is hot i guess

[@BiscuitsOfWrath]

She sucks in all the right ways 😉

[@JohnGardnerAlhadis]

​@@Beans-do6wc >implying that Dakota Johnson isn't hot

[@g_dub]

​@@JohnGardnerAlhadisyea but Dakota is old. I'm team Sweeney all the way 😎

[@JohnGardnerAlhadis]

@@g_dub She's only 34, kid...

[@arisaga822]

To paraphrase Carl Benjamin: ‘I wouldn’t even hate watch it”

[@thecalmbeforethemaelstrom]

0:24 Honestly it’s impressive that they’ve bombed THAT many times AND STILL get hired. you’d think that even by accident they’d put a movie that scores over 50%…but no. these guys can’t be serious right? where’s the part where they tell everyone it was a Harvard study that tests the theory of failing upwards in Hollywood? or a guinness world record attempt? idk…I refuse to believe they have ever watched their own movie and said “Yes this is going to be the movie of the year.”

[@tubbyconnorapparatus9764]

I don’t think anyone involved actually cares tbh. I think as long someone they have hired is able to produce something quick enough to be shovelled out, then the actual making process doesn’t matter to them.

[@clayongunzelle9555]

I think all KZbinrs need to know you can't go wrong with a well placed Bill Burr clip😅😅😅

[@KiLLKiNDLY]

Also I watched the start of this movie online a while ago but thought the website had uploaded a bad copy because the audio was so off. I had no idea it was actually like that

[@JohnGardnerAlhadis]

I hope the spiders were worth it, mum.

[@MarvinPowell1]

I've made so many videos on Madame Web, but KZbin blocks so many of them. This movie is so bad, it's actually fun. And Dakota Johnson deserved so much better. Yes, she's a second generation nepo-baby, but she isn't woke and hasn't once attacked the movie audience for anything, so that already puts her a step above most Hollywood actors these days. She knows this movie is bad and isn't trying hard to hide that from us, so respect given where it's due. She may not be the greatest actress ever, but Dakota Johnson (and even Sydney Sweeney) deserved better than this.

[@CrashPK77]

Your French Accent Guy fucking destroyed me. Also, nice shout out to Little Platoon! 😂 Your best yet, man. Snark Level 99. Thank you!

[@jasonmaclean719]

Are we certain Neil Breen didn't play a hand in the film's production?🤔

[@Gengh13]

A fellow space ice fan I presume?

[@NJGuy1973]

I wish he had been. So Madame Web could uncover the secrets of the corruption.

[@jasonmaclean719]

@@NJGuy1973 only a steady diet of tuna and spinach can uncover that.

[@jasonmaclean719]

@@Gengh13 nope. Weird Movies With Mark

[@aster1760]

I wanna point this out for others because its an interesting piece of trivia. Ezekiel Sims in the classic 616 universe never had a Spiderman suit. He only ever wore a fly ass suit and just never wore shoes to stick easy. The Ezekiel we see in that suit is an alternate universe version of him, and the suit he's wearing is a homage to "The Last Stand" Spiderman, A Spiderman that our 616 Pete saw as his possible Future where as he got old and slowed down he got more brutal and sad. Its called the last stand because Peter sees his past and present, and sees that if he continues down the road of eternal responsibility....He will stand at his uncles grave, the NYPD will meet him there, they will ask him to please stop the fight, one last time...and he will die there fighting, because he can never give up the responsibility. The story is made even more cutting in that Present day Peter horrified of this future tries to stop the past, only to see himself be gunned down and then the vision ends and he's back to the at the time current world ending war. Its a suit that wordlessly haunted him as a reward for helping a famous superperson costume tailor in one of the best pieces of Spiderman media out there.....And I find it to be a beautifully symbolic and chilling suit. Its my #1 suit in fact.

[@jacearmor5274]

14:02 Are we sure this is a nightmare and not a dream? (You know what I'm talking about)

[@BoadieBroadus3211]

Mmm Sydney Sweeney(‘s boobs)…

[@GIBBO4182]

3:08 this moment is only 2nd to “l Bobby mudda, l Bobby mom”

[@alphatrion4365]

I remember it as "I'm a Bobby mudda, I'm Bobby mom". Not a big deal but the details add to the comedy I think.

[@GrubbJunker]

"What have you guys done? Let me see here... Dracula Untold. Hmm. The Last Witch Hunter. Good. Gods of Egypt. That was a banger! Morbius. OMG You're the Morbin' time people! Here's 80 mil. Make me spider-man adjacent blind wheelchair old lady, forget her name."

[@Stealth86651]

What pulled me out of depression was knowing it was someone's full time job to write and produce this movie. Remember, no matter what you're useful yo this world compared to that.

[@dantevoncrowlley2243]

Dosen't even qualify as super heroe origin, more like a villain origin

[@doozsromhacks]

shoeless leather borat is CRAZY LMAOOOO

[@arghjayem]

16:23 wait…..Emma Roberts is in the movie? Man she kept that quiet! 😂

[@silverhawk24]

Probably was too embarrassed, I don't blame her

[@PlasmaKn1ghtFN]

Never been to a movie where the whole audience laughed but that last scene made everyone cry laughing

[@JimsMusicDungeon]

Great video, hopefully I'll watch this cinema masterpiece soon as it's part of the Morbius Cinematic Universe, the greatest universe of all! But I have one criticism... Toxic did come out in november 2003 cause that's when the album In the Zone was released... the single did come out in 2004, but the track was out for months on the actual album :3

[@TheMovieCynic]

I believe the movie takes place over the spring or summer of 2003, but who knows. It could be sunny and 70 in New York in December in Madame Web World.

[@crakhaed]

Appreciate you correcting the historical record of britney spears' discography 😂

[@JimsMusicDungeon]

@@TheMovieCynic In The MCU (Morbius Cinematic Universe) anything is possible. I'm more disappointed, that the song Bring Me To Life by Evanescence is not in Madame Web, it would be historically accurate to put it there (the single came out in january 2003). Wasted opportunity.

[@Ajr5691]

Yo was that the Ultimate Warrior making that "guitar riff" noise? Lmao

[@zaxx]

At least they haven't cast Whoopie Goldberg as Blade. Yet.

[@Film_Sushi]

It´s impressive how they managed to keep those Sydney´s assets covered during the whole film, lol.

[@sexylazercatwizard]

Who tf is dakota johnson related to? How did that cardboard cutout get any work

[@rosselliswilkinson]

She is the daughter of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith

[@ian59]

Worst movie I ever saw was The Avengers, no not the one you're thinking of, not the MCU. I'm talking about Ralph Fiennes and Uma Thurman. The best part was that I did not know going into it how bad it was and had to re-orient my expectations mid movie but I still walked out laughing. If you're not sure what movie I'm referring to, because it is sort of obscure, just know that Madame Web's rotten tomatoes score was over 3X higher than the score this movie got. Interestingly some of what made The Avengers terrible was in sharp contrast the opposite of what made Madame Web terrible. Instead of telling you exactly and bluntly everything that was going on they only spoke in allusions, inside jokes, and metaphors the entire movie so you had no idea WTF was going on. Also the editing on it was so terrible that there was a part later in the movie that jumps out of nowhere because they had cut all of the stuff that explains it and sets it up but decided to leave this part in anyway in spite of the fact that it had no more significance than the characters traversing from one spot to another. What makes it extraordinary though is that it's completely bizarre inherently and also starkly contrasts to the moods and themes of the movie. If you're a fan of watching terrible movies ironically then check out The Avengers but make sure to not watch the extended edition, try to get the original movie theater cut.

[@SlipperyNips]

19:50 giant reflection of the crane arm for the camera

[@KiLLKiNDLY]

I gotta know what was that clip of the guy voice singing a guitar from? that absolutely killed me

[@johnmoorefilm]

25-year Hollywood vet here : trust me - if the lead bad/good guy in a movie is named after a Biblical character : THE FILM WILL SUCK. It’s God’s revenge or something…😅

[@adamndirtyape]

How do you have Sydney Sweeney in a skintight superhero costume in your film and somehow still end up making it unwatchable?

[@user-zl9sh9mz6h]

She has butter face.

[@ravenRedwake]

5:22 that fella looks like Steven Crowder and Hassan Piker did the fusion dance.

[@Architect_Art_Vandelay]

😂

[@brianmurphy6480]

Well, I guess we found where the writers of all those awful SyFy "Original Movies" went after they'd successfully destroyed that network. 🤷‍♂️ Edit: Also, who had the camera that took the picture of her mother with the camera? 🤔

[@bloodrunsclear]

‘The reason we set it in 2002 was so we could use Britney Spears ‘Toxic’. -One of the filmmakers (really)

[@mlgamings6110]

Love how one of the writers' last name is Sharpless, lmao

[@kinginthenorth88251]

Finally, a good content creator. I tried so hard to watch Pinely's vid on this but he made a second channel and as usual the content overall takes a hit and it all may as well be on second channel. please upload more i miss u

[@EatWave]

"How do I shot Web?" -Madame Web's cinematographer.

[@linasomeday2049]

if they weren’t gonna do anything with Adam Scott being Ben Parker, they should’ve just let him be Ben Wyatt

[@tndpilyta7673]

Sony thought morbious was unironnicaly successful so they hired the same person

[@S-vx4rw]

Your imitation of Ezekiel, on point bruh. 😂😂

[@Fuccoffbud]

He should have just said his catchphrase: “They’re going to destroy me!”

[@pikestance8851]

Actually, opening the door completely submerged is easy to do. However, you risk drowning if you wait until the water pressure equals. This is why they tell you to immediately unfasten your seatbelt roll down the window and get out of the vehicle. if you wait, you have to wait until the interior of the car is filled with water.

[@whos-the-stiff]

At 17:11, the blood painted on her hands in a straight line is another huge indication of 0 f**ks given. 😅

[@jeremielebrun2244]

is it me or.... when you know that someone will kill you, running after him doesn't seems to be the smartest thing to do, right?

[@LiveFreeOrDie2A]

My favorite scene was when she stunningly and bravely declared: *"There is a tempest in me. It swept me to this island for a reason. And it will not be quelled by you, Regent."* So stunning. So brave.

[@castleofaargh2093]

They really hoped that line would be up there with "you shall not pass!" 😂

[@Bacchus325]

Whats wrong with "I hope the spiders were worth it mom"? Seems pretty standard. Shes upset that her mother wasted away her life chasing spiders. Its not a banger line obviously but it gets the job done.

[@shamrockdragon7634]

All the superhero movies now seem to be trying to outdo each other in how awful the story, characters and effects are.

[@donovangomez9489]

Also I'm surprised u didn't bring up Gregor's arc. I feel like it talked about some of the points about clones and their duty to the Republic. Him choosing to come back and fight for the Republic was a powerful moment for me. Would love to hear ur take

[@Kisamon]

I think I have to educate you on why she stole the Taxi, because the last time I remember she normally ride a taxi and she told him to drive her to her home, the taxi driver told her that he don't know where the fuck her home is.

[@brianlaferriere6326]

Man my boy said that WHAMMM!! With his whole chest lol 😂

[@westnile21]

I almost spat out my drink when MJF popped up talking about Joe Frazier😂

[@kaceywade3604]

Watched Alteori vid on this right before I watched it for myself. Can safely say the movie is the trailer. That one singular conveniently left out chefs kiss meme IS the movie. God tier writing.

[@tylerdurden4006]

Congrats to Johnson on making super heroes and BDSM boring and unwatchable. 👏

[@azazelaluzfera726]

Still better than that Nepo robot mara Rooney

[@Gravewhisper]

I remember hearing the Director say she wanted the movie to take place in 2003 specifically so they could use the song toxic. Now you're telling me that song wasn't released until 2004? Amazing.

[@thientuongnguyen2564]

It's the Mafia II version of gross anachronism elements, only Mafia is a great video game franchise and this "movie" wasn't.

[@ikelaiho]

People said Mobius was terrible. I saw it for myself and it wasn't that bad. I saw this movie yesterday in my humble opinion Sony should stop making movies. Until they get it all right.

[@Quartermp4]

I found out about the Madame web movie from a TikTok edit 😂

[@thomaswebhead]

My favorite scene is the whole birth of Peter Parker. I wish someone could record the going to labor scene, the ambulance scene and the birth scene. I think it’s interesting to see Ben Parker being there for Peter’s birth and not Dr. Richard Parker. It fits well with Peter and Ben’s father and son chemistry, don’t you guys think?

[@ransfordarthur4418]

23:05 dude missed the chance to quote "the Prometheus school of running away from things"

[@vsznry]

You bet those background actors looked up that.

[@stitchedmouthgirl]

I’m so confused about Cass’s age. Like it’s 2003 and she’s confirmed to be born in 1973, so she’s 30. But then they say she’s in her early and mid 30s multiple times. Which is bad but not as much as purposely setting this movie in 2003 to reference Garfield’s Spider-Man and to use Britney Spears music… but forgetting Garfield’s Spider-Man was already confirmed to be born in 1995 and since when did you HAVE to set a movie in the year as a song that plays in the movie? But again it doesn’t even matter because they got the song’s release year wrong AS WELL. Like how did nobody just Google this?? Especially since some of these mistakes are so blatantly obvious. Like surely they knew the Garfield SM movie takes place in 2012 and there’s no way he was 9 years old in that movie, please the stupidity is killing me. I’m assuming someone other than Dakota’s agent MUST of been fired for this movie.

[@martino5742]

casting Sydney Sweeney in a movie in which a different character is named Cassie is a bruh moment within this bruh moment of a movie

[@Kveldred]

holy hell I'm only about three minutes into this video and already you got me good three times in a row. 🌚👍🏿 _it's_ l i t e r a l l y *_a laugh a minute_*_ up in here!_ 👌🏿🌝 _(feel free to use that as a pull quote for ur channel bro)_ so I scrolled down a bit, expecting to see something like "21 million views" and... huh. guess I caught this TMC guy early in his career, 'cause this is clearly str8 🔥. 👌💯💯 (and that's coming from a dude so hard to please that my *usual* response, when giving a new channel a shot, is: • "wow I've produced bowel movements with a higher IQ than this guy" _or_ • "I see Big Pharma's answer to the expiring z-drug patents has escaped the lab" hahahaha get it y'all) (...what do you mean, _"no"?_ wow, brush up on your drugs of abuse guys, lmao! or what, does _ur mommy_ say not to do drugs, like _a big lame baby_ rofl lmao c'mon do u wanna be *cool* or not-) I'm a good influence. That judge didn't know wtf he was doing. What was I talking about again?

[@crashmaster26]

Just found you recently, freaking LOVE the content. You're making me laugh more than the Drinker can!

[@Wheels-of-terror]

Your accent replicating the villains was perfect! I almost thought it was the actual dialogue from the movie. Shoeless leather Borat was funny too.

[@aphrodieMonkey]

That was my personal fave

[@wilford_brimley]

I watched it and remember thinking that Uncle Ben must have been an expert diver to get her out of that river. Cassie is also in a wreck and almost drowned, likely concussion, but somehow, they allow her to go on call the next day, less than 24 hours. Wouldn't they make it mandatory for her to have a day off or at least get checked by the hospital herself before putting her in the field again? Maybe she has an abusive manager and bad health insurance?

[@angelarch5352]

17:17 madame web delayed her boss from driving away after her vision of him getting hit by a truck-- so SHE in fact was the reason he was hit! she killed him!

[@CosmicGoku529]

She is responsible for the death of an innocent man, kidnapped 3 underage girls, and stole 2 vehicles.

[@foxylover9250]

Technically Britney Spear's "Toxic" did exist in 2003 as the album it was included on came out that year, however it wasn't released as a single until 2004, I guess this is my smart ass way of saying that they really needed to set this film in 2004 for the scene with that song to make sense.

[@MarvinPowell1]

Yes, specifically March or April 2004, since it clearly wasn't winter time in New York during the movie's events.

[@robertjackson8246]

I came from nothing. Absolutely nothing.

[@TheComicMaster1995]

In the movies one defence that I can give it while still feeling my soul, at 21:20, she did actually remove the license plates earlier if I remember correctly.

[@Venator2015]

How is it you like so many other critics bashing this movie FORGOT TO MENTION THAT PEPSI INFAMOUSLY SET MICHAEL JACKSON’S HEAD ON FIRE DUE TO A PYROTECHNICS MALFUNCTION and thus resulted in his extensive surgeries to dye his skin a uniform color… And this movie hilariously just adds more fuel to the Pepsi kills fire. Does nobody remember that? Is everyone just stuck with 5 second goldfish memory these days?

[@ElMalito187]

Makes 2015's Fantastic Four reboot look like an Oscar masterpiece.

[@stev6963]

I’ve only watched the first 3 minutes of this video and I have to subscribe simply because he included that Bad Friends clip of “I want to be Ninja” lmao. He also has made me laugh a solid like 4 times in 3.5 minutes so it’s well earned!

[@msjonyba1234]

S/O to The Little Platoon for giving us 2.5hr movies about movies and shows. Makes the shifts fly by.

[@FotiniLunatic]

At this point ChatGPT needs an oscar!

[@JayAnnAych]

Can someone please recommend a movie where Dakota Johnson was actually good? I know her from 50 Shades (where she was bad but it was attributed to the very bad material), Persuasion (which was panned because it was a stupid re-imagining of the original Jane Austen, so her interpretation of the character didn't fit the story), Suspiria (where she was wooden as well but i thought her character was supposed to be and she fit the story well), as well as "The five year engagement" (where she played the minor role of the sex-craved 20-year old who overwhelmed and annoyed jason Segels Character so he would want to go back to emily blunt) and beastly (where she played the very minor role of Alex Pettyfers ex-girlfriend and had like two lines). Which movie was she actually good in? Because i would really like to see what she can do, if she got a script that made her play a person that is alive and human and funny, and spirited and "real" as opposed to the stilted people she played so far. Also, i really like her voice but it never goes out of it's very mellow melodic mid-range (from mezzo-piano to mezzo-forte) almost without emotions (apart from maybe an implied "inside-joke" kind of smirk, for example when she does interviews or mocks her own role in 50Shades).

[@addieroth5201]

She's a terrible actress.

[@iamthewizardwhoknocks2845]

She was good in Bad times at the El Royale.

[@RossM3838]

How does a spider tribe in the Peruvian Amazon ship this baby back to New York? Just asking How does the news paper in the diner have a story about the kidnapping that just happened minutes before? Just asking dakota Johnson is a nepotism baby that’s all Her father is Ron Johnson her mother is Melanie Griffith and grandmother is Blythe danner

[@addieroth5201]

That explains a lot.

[@jaeydec9163]

1. a basket and stork 2. time-traveling newspaper stand