The First Girl (with Shannon Beveridge)

A lesbian rite of passage - getting your heart broken by the first girl you love. Shannon Beveridge joins Mal to share her story of a "co-dependent friendship" turned to secret relationship, the emotional rollercoaster of being in love with someone who will never come out, and the impact of being outed to your family. Don't worry though - it all turns out okay.
Please remember to subscribe, rate, review and share this podcast with your Aunt Kathy! Follow the show at @madeitoutpodcast and follow Mal @malglowenke

[@aindiramanayake1207]

I love Kevin needs to be a movie titles for a lesbian romcom

[@kakatrueman1035]

Hahaha it cracks me up because my husband’s name is Kevin 🤦🏻‍♀️ 😂

[@haha_DayDay]

Bet! Making the script now 😂

[@shelbylau7595]

The constant "I love Kevin" is so funny lmao

[@junetakesover]

for me its the "I don't know what's going on" 🤣

[@viktoriiashkurenko2849]

This is amazing, a podcast about lesbians hosted by a lesbian, aaaaaa, i needed that

[@movsess]

i haven't heard Shannon talk in years, was she always this funny and charismatic? 😅 i was cracking up the whole ep

[@jesselox3470]

I didn’t remember her being this funny either! Not that she wasn’t i think she was just shyer

[@ХалаБуда-х3с]

That's what I thought! I remember watching her in her Cammi-era and erlier and I thought she is so beautiful and was very refreshing with all that gay stuff. But also i thought she was kinda plain or even boring by herself, without cheerfull Camdon by her side. This video instead shows how funny and smart she is. Maybe she just matured or became more confident. Probably both. What a nice podcast!

[@ronnieoren]

she's funny as fuck when she's comfortable! and also in this interview she's super hyped by the host, I mean the way she's laughing just gets the ball rolling just like in old shows the crowd laughing just made everything funnier!

[@marianafelix6562]

She was always funny 😂 for me

[@someoneelse7629]

Shannon, the Internet needs more of you, please come back and bring your visdom to us.

[@taracruzan5908]

As a lesbian in her mid(ish) 40’s, from Texas , I really enjoyed this episode. Not my exact story but I related to it a lot. My age, being from rural Texas and being in the military under Don’t ask Don’t tell, I could tell you some stories lol. Glad to see this channel and the stories you are telling.

[@gills77]

Damn! What was it like under DADT?? IDK if you feel comfortable sharing, but I can't imagine. It's a whole other layer. ❤️

[@whodis2792]

South of Nowhere was my gay awakening tooo!!! I'm a happy 32 yr old lesbian now because of it.

[@Katie_kay29]

It was the show of our generation. We all have that South Of Nowhere story 😊

[@ronnieoren]

YO SAME

[@ericacarrera1542]

Yesss 🙌🏻🤙🏻

[@tomatosoup4641]

SAME.

[@sidewalksurf800]

The “this is why people like making out” definitely hits 💯

[@eufalkao]

I honestly don't know how I ended up here, but as soon as I saw Shannon, I had to click on the video and I'm just so happy and can literally relate to everything. Also, this host's laugh is precious. Hahaha. Haven't finished the video yet, but I just know I'll have to come around again. Much love from Brazil!

[@litndexter8127]

Shannon your intellect is ICONIC. You framed and put every thought with so much clarity. Each word hit home!

[@TechAC81]

That first "relationship" with a woman is super intense. It really is just the two of you against the world. It's super heavy. It's definitely a right of passage though. If you can get through that, you can get through anything lol.

[@chelsea3177]

Truly! I somehow ended up marrying mine, but we didn't fully come out until 2 years into our relationship lol

[@TechAC81]

@@chelsea3177 Congratulations!! You got lucky lol! I wish y’all many blessings!

[@justinesprice9782]

This podcast is so important, i feel so seen 😭

[@rachelkapicak6215]

I found Shannon’s KZbin videos seven or eight years ago when I was just beginning to come out to myself and they were such a life saver. She was the first girl that I could see myself and my experience in. She was the first gay girl I followed that gave me hope :). So cool to see her journey.

[@Mtnsunshine]

Just found this podcast/YT channel, and I’m so glad I did. Very professional.👍 I’m sure it will help a lot of people! I grew up in the same time of NO representation. Thank goodness that has changed. But more healthy representation has to continue to happen. Your channel is a good example of what we, and the world, needs. Thank you for being here. 🙏 🏳️‍🌈

[@areliandino3700]

My first love was like this almost to a T except our relationship & friendship didn’t survive. I used to carry the weight of her secret and now I don’t. Respect & gratitude for the honesty Shannon

[@dawnriddler]

The whole not seeing it for yourself because you couldn't identify with what was around is so relatable!

[@pipersullivan7144]

This has been my exact experience like to a T of my first and confronting being gay in a small religious community. I thought I was the only one so THANK YOU. This makes processing it so much better and provides more understanding. Gives me courage and hope🙏🏼 thank you thank you thank you

[@vaniaroquegarcia7369]

This ep. is so perfect! I've sent it to my best friend, she lives in a country that have always forbidden same sex relationships and LGBTQI+ community, and for that fact and lack of her fam acceptance she's having a very hard time on coming out. So thank you so much for this kind of podcast 🙏🏽❤️

[@cmerry3996]

Enjoyed this podcast- great that it was a deep dive into a particular experience instead of the same old interviews!

[@MustacheKat16]

I don’t usually podcasts but i love this episode. The intense friendships is soooo real and difficult Its like still being stuck on your first love and its so much more intense I had also threatened to be outted by my girlfriends best friend and hearing it from someone else. Just this podcast was so helpful go hear

[@Tara........]

It's great to see Shannon back on youtube!!!

[@bhanchique8294]

Shannon is funny! and they both connected so well it made the podcast easy to listen. you can listen to this repeatedly still equally funny and interesting

[@miley_miles1165]

Listening to this podcast definitely bring back some memories on my college days. All I can say I am so happy right now to finally found the love of my life...currently planning how we are going to spend the rest of our life together 🙂

[@moons4363]

So happy for you sis❤

[@farizathabet818]

We need a movie/serie of shannons life 😍

[@PatEleonore]

South of Nowhere was intense! Wayyy before its time! I binged it again in adulthood. Salute to those lesbos 🫡

[@ambertheanxious]

Oh my god so relatable about changing in other rooms and not looking when other girls would be changing lol I was terrified

[@itsokmaybe]

Loved it, it was my first time watching the podcast. I’m 27, came out like a year ago and I’m glad I found you girls, its kinda scary to try and figure it all out at first

[@shannonclaro934]

I love the laughed of the Interviewer😂 it made me laughed also😂

[@Maxwell20946]

I would love to see Zolita in this podcast, too❤

[@SaloYD]

UGH this is a podcast I didn’t know I needed. I feel so SEEN ❤

[@suzannenelson5976]

I think this is my favorite podcast, Shannon is always just so honest and confident. Always so kind and gentle as well. I love Shannon’s podcast, Now This is Living. Of course Mal, yours is my first love…. And you never forget her! 😂

[@ginbrasilchick6247]

Wow, thank you so much for this podcast Shannon, I have been watching you forever and I love this podcast the most. This was sooo real, raw, and I could identify so much. ❤ 😊

[@danijelasaric5738]

Been looking forward to this excited for any Shan B content 😁

[@ROCKONplaceboforever]

Found this podcast through Shannon and I'm obsessed ❤ 🌈

[@lonegabalebatse9356]

the host has the cutest laughter 😄

[@mrc2205]

Ok this podcast is becoming a favourite for sure, always lots of laughs. Shannon has always been funny when I’ve seen her on other pods.

[@joannecotterell3965]

How have I only just found this podcast. Killing me with laughter here :)

[@DC-1313]

Totally relate in so many aspects, thank you for sharing this amazing conversation! ❤

[@olix1466]

Agh thank you yt algorithm 😭 this podcast has been SAVING MEEEE-- started with Ali & cried so much omfggg.. & this ep had me laughing & smiling so much,, going thru so much queer trauma but Im strong & Ik i got this. Thank you for helping me get thru the day.

[@mallorypacific7936]

This podcast is so validating. My stories about coming out/first girl/etc always felt so isolating. I love that you’ve cultivated such a community.🫶🏼

[@CordersGallaxy]

This is so amazing am so glad I get to hear lesbian stories I can relate too❤

[@beatrizfabiano4165]

I want this podcast to be huge. Absolutely loved it ❤

[@britpoppansy]

Dude, the part about the baby monitor -- M O R T I F Y I N G.

[@th-bx6bq]

The way i knew immediately it was Erose who gave the "7 weeks to get over a breakup" advice, and they then confirmed it on ig lmaoooo. Great episode and i love the host, shannon as always is a great guest. That girl's lived many lives

[@loimieforsman2305]

I could relate so much with this episode. ❤ so inspiring and feeling not alone.

[@LewTurysta]

Omg I relate so so much to this, thank you for this episode, IT IS SO GOOD TO KNOW THAT WAS NOT AN ALONE EXPERIENCE. Thank you so much, I can't even.. omg

[@alecn2328]

Can't wait to listen more story of people journey. The similar and different of how each of you go to find yourself and accept is crazy. South of Nowhere was a great show it help.

[@CrimsonCutie08]

Thank you, Shannon for sharing your stories. I only discovered you a week ago, I wish I knew you 10 years ago. I feel like I have many similarities to you. Thank you, I am so very glad I found you :)

[@keatonmask1918]

omg South of Nowhere! i just scoured the earth to find that show on DVD because it’s not streaming anywhere anymore haha

[@ayotiffany1016]

I'm really in love with this podcast

[@daciab]

Shannon’s rizz is through the roof, makes me want to try the gum in the mouth move 😂😂😂😂

[@mag8812]

Wow, this is so relatable! Despite I'm a full-out lesbian for 10 years since I was 17, I recently experienced this "intense friendship vibe" from one of my work colleagues (in her 40s), without knowing, for almost a year! I considered her behavior towards me open & fully aware! But wait, after I confessed some feelings to her, this woman denied any "romantic feelings"! .. only a year full of drama, jealousy, possessiveness, obsession, total adoration, and an intense friendship vibe. :D And now she hopes we will continue "our friendship" like nothing happened. xD

[@truGEMini01]

Is it weird that I wanna know more? Lol sounds like she’s definitely into women but hasn’t accepted it.

[@anaraposo6642]

It breaks my heart listening to your story... I'm so sorry for you and your girlfriend. Also, I find myself thanking the Universe or whatever for being a late blooming lesbian. I would definitively not have the strength to go through all that in my teenage years!!! Just came out to myself (and whoever wants to know :-p) about a year and a half ago, at the beautiful age of 38 🤟

[@ilianaconilatina]

I really like to listen both of you, It felt like a sweet safe space. Thank you

[@aulestiastudio]

Great video! Very informative! The two of you are very intelligent and funny.

[@iamzulfiyamusic]

This is absolutely relatable on every level. Thank you so much for sharing and for being you.

[@3Oh3metrostation]

Shannon is the best human being ever. Looooove her

[@RoguePanda93]

I was 7 when the music video to All The Things She Said by t.a.t.u was released. That is all the representation I needed to understand who I was and who I liked. There was representation, just not a lot like today.

[@jenemm2741]

I was 14 and that video was such a huge thing for me ❤

[@mareli-kv5uy]

This was so good.. so relatable. Thanks for sharing!

[@anaa9245]

Wow Shannon and you are the coolest! Great podcast episode ❤

[@maureenkinyanjui3979]

iam going through this phase at the moment, and its so hard since i don't know any queer people in our small community, thanks for this.

[@jessicatjoa3573]

these experiences are mostly universal for lesbians out there and while watching - i was thinking about this one particular girl who i was obsessed with

[@colourfully21]

Omg, listening to your experience I came to the realisation that my best friend in highschool may have been in love with me, and I did not realise! I thought we were just really, REALLY close. Looking back, there were A LOT of signs. The friendship ended shortly after I slept with my then bf and I never figured out what happened. She got really mad at me afterwards. I always thought it was, because (for what ever reason) she wasn't the first one I told. I feel really stupid.

[@claddagh143]

I am pretty sure I was in love with my bestie from high school but I am asexual, so I was SOOO confused during that time. I kept asking people if you could be "half in love with someone" because I was always told that IN LOVE was something that was love plus sexual attraction. But our relationship (at least on my end) felt super intense. I remember thinking it was possible I COULD fall in love with her for real if we were given more freedom to spend time together. I am from a Southern Baptist upbringing, and didn’t want that to happen, so I purposely chose a different college than her. It took me a long time for those feelings to fade into fondness and not what I had been feeling before. And it was years after that I learned what asexuality was. So now I consider myself a Sapphic Ace. Lol. I sometimes still wonder what would have happened if I had known better what was happening at the time and that was why my reactions to her were what they were.

[@claddagh143]

What kind of signs do you notice when looking back? Besides the ending of the friendship when it did

[@savagemittens9749]

The absolute ANXIETY I felt when she was talking about the parents coming in and saying we need to talk to her. Just. Oh god.

[@Aveeguides]

I came out in 2009, during my freshman year of high school. Through middle school I knew I was gay though. So when we would change for gym, I would go to the back row of lockers. I don’t remember having a conscious decision to do it, I just remember feeling like it would be wrong to see my friends undress. My friends were always like, “You don’t need to be embarrassed! No one is judging each other. We all have stretch marks, etc.” But my gay ass was like… Only one of my friends ever came up to me after I came out and was like, “Was that why you wouldn’t change with us in middle school?” Now as an adult, it’s whatever. But I think it’s normal for teens to have a heightened conscious about sex and sexuality.

[@Honeydoyou]

I had the same experience of going into the bathroom stalls to change and averting my eyes as girls changed in the dressing room. I was worried I’d stare too long and someone would notice or feel uncomfortable

[@sukhpreetgrewal5090]

I can relate to all the part about family, friends and coming out. I am 28yrs now.. who had crushes on female teachers and friends in her childhood but never acted on those but now totally confused as I am thinking if I am Bi but too scared to come out which is mentally stressful now. Can related to both of your experience. Much needed talk. Thank you.

[@TaylorStephens-te5qw]

Texas is not the best place to be as a lesbian. But ya find folks to get with and it does get better. I adore you both. Funny...I'm from California, then Indiana, then Kansas, then Tennessee And then Texas. You both are in California...so it may be time to get back home. Loved the chat. My first girlfriend is asleep on my couch right NOW! Funny how that happened.

[@brandybird3954]

That’s not even true. Texas large cities are very liberal. Dallas is the most conservative out of all of them. I grew up in Houston and there were so many of us and it was for the most part a good experience. Also grew up around all religions, races and queer people. Houston also had the first openly lesbian mayor in the US. So no it’s not Texas, it’s parts of Texas. I wished this fake narrative would stop. I’ve had one of my worst homophobic experience in NY and I’m From Texas.

[@TaylorStephens-te5qw]

@@brandybird3954 Glad your big city living has been less tramatic than my rural existance. I have a group of Trump supporters down the street and they love to throw their BS my way as they drive by. I think the Rainbow flag makes them seriously nuts. Ahhh Texas. And if I get called a "fa99ot" ,as these yut yuts think it's the female version, I will lose my preverbial shit.

[@olikah4667]

I thank the algorithm for bringing Shannon to me. I connect so much to what she’s saying. I haven’t been outed. However, I’m a queer woman in a backward African country. I can’t wait to leave and find me my wife and live happily ever after 🫶🏿❤ Happy Pride month, Queers 🏳️‍🌈🌈

[@coachholly21]

"Tumblr - the lesbian Mecca." Can confirm 😂 I met my wife on Tumblr nearly 10yrs ago

[@ashleytheseeker8480]

Even when I was married to a man, I was still on Tumblr looking at lesbian content and I still didn't acknowledge my gayness.

[@jn3378]

your laugh is everything, I could listen to it all day hahaha

[@tenzero5274]

No fr the first girl is so diff from the first love cause it’s just the secrecy, the trauma, and the new emotions it’s so intense, scary and exciting… def an experience..

[@laurenbyrne6304]

The trauma of the secrecy🥲 so true. And nobody talks about the obsession. Which is embarrassing to say, but I felt so obsessed with my first WLW. Literally the first thing on my mind waking up would be her, and she would be on my mind constantly. It was way too much and I had to end it. Never been like that with men, I still don’t understand it. I have some healing to do

[@tenzero5274]

@@laurenbyrne6304 i feel you, you’re not alone in this. I wasn’t the one who ended the relationship but looking back i’m so glad it ended cuz the obsession was bad

[@stephanyfelix319]

Amo el podcast, el contenido que necesitaba

[@jamilaanderson7505]

Great vid!! 😊😊😊 I found this channel tonight!! I'm a new subscriber!!

[@Colyde25]

I always knew Shannon was from Dallas, but I didn't know she went to Hebron! Small world. I will say Hebron is a big school to be fair. I remember no one's name, except for the kids I played Frisbee with.

[@salomepaquier6844]

Damn me too it was South of Nowhere which made me question my sexuality !!! So relatable ❤

[@kelechiihiasota1350]

I can so relate to your story shannon; it is frustrating... i mean she can't keep eating her cake and having it back. I'm glad you got the courage to move on though. At the end, be true to who you say you are.

[@antoniacristiano1801]

This was really great 😊

[@katherinesparks2778]

I have never felt more seen. Our stories are VERY similar. My first love/first girl I ever dated situation was almost word for word like this. Thank you for putting more content like this out there so people know they are not alone in it all 🫶🏻

[@maricv9710]

I neeeed "I love Kevin" merch

[@lizhernandez4997]

Thank you for sharing your story ❤

[@нрп-ш8х]

Great podcast, you are doing a good job

[@scarlet_._rose]

Soooooooo relatable 🙌🏻🙌🏻

[@beccamayberry9907]

Dude U-Haul or u-ghost is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard! Like never stop this

[@pottertardis9706]

Shannon is amazing I love her

[@sidessherri]

Get this! Growing up gay in Nebraska is awful😢

[@jayg1316]

I feel like we need to know what podcast her ex was on so we can hear the other perspective of the story. Someone pls find it haha

[@christinapuga4300]

Staying up

[@Katherine-ds2ft]

​@christinapuga4300 No, that's cammies podcast. Cammie isn't the first girl Shannon is talking about here.

[@MelixArgentina]

I know! I need it!!

[@jessicatjoa3573]

Liking this so i can visit back to find out later

[@jayg1316]

@@christinapuga4300 Ya Cam is also very openly gay, their relationship was public. Not the secretive one Shannon was describing

[@tomatosoup4641]

The Truth About Jane was my very first gay awakening as a kid but I still didn’t understand it was because *I* was queer. Then South Of Nowhere was *the* gay awakening for me as a teen

[@viewer1338]

Shannon stories is like all the wattpad story i can think of combine. I know lesbian love is intense but i cant believe it happen in real life

[@Katherine-ds2ft]

Shannon's step mom sounds like a vibe 😂

[@Swimdeep]

Listening to both of your early lesbian experiences echoes coming out 50 years ago. So weird how despite all the progress and changes, the social stigma remains remarkably the same.

[@UrsaKyma]

She is super cute 🥰 My first girl was my best friend for 2 years first and then we admit to each other that we are in love and having amazing relationship for 8'years... but that was over because she wanted a family with a man and a child... soooo... bisexual women., which are my gulity pleasure 🤣 but... the love between us was real... still is... but nowdays on a friendship zone.

[@SVega-v3w]

Thank you for this!

[@TraBellah]

I will always love Shannon 😂 I grew up loving her anyway hahaha

[@ostrichdoc]

I empathize with any coming out story but it wasn’t kind in Texas in any era. Came out to my parents in Texas at the age of 48… still brutal..

[@kaitlingobell1142]

I love this. So many things resonate with me. The whole “not knowing you could be a lesbian” situation and having only stereotypical gym teacher lesbian representation especially except I identify as bi so I was REALLY confused. Like ooo I like boys and also making out with girls but I am just totally straight🤪. Oh well. Fully out now, and loving life💜💙💕

[@kokoschultz]

How did we all have a lesbian P.E. Coach lol

[@MadeItOutPodcast]

UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE

[@brittanyjacobsen6508]

My son went to Catholic private school and had a lesbian PE teacher haha

[@BluePatriotWinner]

Catholic all girl high school. Two lesbian PE teachers in the early to mid '70's😂

[@MTTigre]

This just made my heart so happy and sad at the same time :( You were always really nice on tumblr so by far the best to be out here talking about experiences that a lot of us can relate to

[@indegrrees]

I would like to learn about the algorithm behind the 7-week post-breakup recovery timeline

[@Sadsstudent25]

Ur laugh is so gorgeoues keeping up with this podcazt 😅❤

[@DanielleCoscarelli]

This is dead on. Thanks for the humor