Making sex normal | Debby Herbenick | TEDxBloomington

The belief that human beings -- throughout their lives -- deserve to have access to accurate information about their bodies and sexuality drives much of Debby Herbenick's work. Among her greatest passions is translating sexual science to the general public through teaching, books, columns, podcasts, television, social media, blogging, crafting, public art, and her latest project: Make Sex Normal. Herbenick is a research scientist at Indiana University's School of Public Health-Bloomington, co-director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion, and sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. The author of five books about sex and love, her latest is "Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered for Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex" (Running Press, 2012). She is also one of the lead investigators of the largest nationally representative studies about sex in America, the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior. @DebbyHerbenick
Websites: makesexnormal.tumblr.com mysexprofessor.com
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@saralowe5306]

My great grandma told me she asked a relative with 5 children how her baby would come out, she answered " same bloody way they go in" My nana is 100 now, I'll never forget that story :-)

[@danielmonarrez6029]

they should treat them in respect how they are instead of bothering them

[@scslappyface121]

I can tell from the comments below that many can't begin to fathom what this lady is talking about, & its a shame because what she's saying is valuable to everyone.

[@lewisrose9802]

Great talk, and quite relevant to me a disabled adult. Anything disability related to sex is an even bigger taboo, it just isn't talked about enough.

[@danielmonarrez6029]

you should until your asking her hand in marriage

[@tommypaslaski5246]

Debby was a professor of mine at IU. She is an inspirational, honest, and tolerant individual who does a lot of good for a much needed audience. Everyone should listen to her and try to be as open and non-judgmental as she does in her approach to this taboo subject.

[@witchplease9695]

I have a friend who believes that she's not supposed to enjoy sex. She doesn't know why, but she feels guilty and bad for enjoying sex with her fiance. She grew up in a conservative home which is probably why. But it's seriously sad that she's been conditioned to think sex is something that's supposed to be pleasurable for him and not her.

[@elisamalu7887]

I understand her and the feeling.

[@georgegrigoriu5114]

God made sex.

[@witchplease9695]

Neil Mcintosh​ That "joke" wasn't very funny, but ok. Counseling has been suggested to her but she doesn't want to. Nobody can make her. I just hope her husband will help her think differently.

[@danminnesota7460]

Destinee It's her conscience bothering her. I'm guessing she was raised with the value that sex is meant for marriage and so when she does so while not being married, she thinks she's being bad, thus the guilt. I'm thinking she feels like she's disrespecting her parents and possibly God. I noticed in the second post you mention her husband, so I'm guessing she's gotten married since the first post and as such, I'm going to guess she won't feel any or at least less guilty.

[@witchplease9695]

***** No. Guilt doesn't make anything enjoyable.

[@doobiesoda3873]

For me, sex is normal (at least when I do it), I just don't feel the need to tell every person I meet on the street, or my entire family about my sex life. It's okay to keep things private and it doesn't make you a prude, immature or a "religious nut". For me, privacy is comfort.

[@CyberChrist]

+Emmy Jeffery She cited cases where it's vital to talk about it, yet too many people don't.

[@etmax1]

I was given the job of teaching our 2 girls about sex prior to puberty because my wife wasn't good at explaining, so both were taught before it was discussed in school and before they had their periods. We covered biological and emotional aspects and basically the whole nine yards so that when their friends started talking about it they would know and be able to separate BS from reality. I also told them that they must understand that other kids may not have had this talk and so they must respect that and let them learn the way their parents felt necessary. In the years that followed we were able to have some rather interesting dinner table conversations because our kids felt they could talk about virtually anything with us, and happy to say both made it to adulthood without an unwanted pregnancy or STD. I don't believe all they told us about their relationships with male friends, but I'm confident they had the minimum number of sexual partners and revered sex as an important part of a committed relationship rather than something you do after a few beers with whoever is handy.

[@HostileAtHeart]

So tell me then, what is bad about having sex without being in a commited relationship? If that actually is your opinion then I can guarantee you that your daughters didn't talk to you about "virtually anything" since Sex is beautiful, not just with someone you love.

[@etmax1]

madeofukf The down side of sex outside of a committed relationship is one more venereal diseases, several of which have gained immunity to most antibiotics.

[@HostileAtHeart]

etmax1 Use condoms and you don't have to worry about it, easy as that. Btw its good of you to have talked to them about this stuff as people can feel so disconnected with their body if no one ever explained to them what is going on with them during puberty :)

[@etmax1]

madeofukf There's a lot more to a sexual act than just intercourse, if your one night stand had a 69'er with their last partner and didn't use a condom then unless you consider a "glory hole" scenario "beautiful" you could have just got one of several of the nasties I mentioned. When I consider the length and breadth of a meaningful relationship with a life partner and how there are virtually no taboos with the "wear a condom and no kissing, no cunnilingus, no foreplay with fingers" I have to say you are offering a rather empty alternative.

[@HostileAtHeart]

etmax1 If you are going to go about sex that way then you will always be scared of having fun and trusting a person you're not that familiar with. It is so very unlikely that a sexual disease is going to be transmitted through someone's mouth or fingers without them or myself knowing it's even absurd to mention it. When I consider the variety and beauty of good sex and how there are virtually no limits as to the body, movements, sounds, tastes, expiriences, I have to say you are offering a rather empty alternative.

[@brianbarbour2531]

I always wonder what the deal is with American society with sex. It seems that allot of people simply stick their head into the sand and ignore it. I grew up in Germany where sex is very open and people talk about it like adults should be. We also have lots of nude beaches and people don't judge each other, everyone is simply having a good time. Germany also has only 1/10th of HIV and Aids in comparison to the USA.

[@Coolguy130000]

+Brian Barbour Germany also has a lot less people than the US. Also, I used to live in California and currently live in Frankfurt and attend Gymnasium here. I've found the openness (or conservatism) about sex being about the same in California as here in Germany... Sooo I call BS on your statement

[@Coolguy130000]

+Tim Nguyen no, sex is not considered a sin in America. At least not more or less so than Germany

[@kevp7314]

American culture is based on Christianity, so we keep a strong emphasis on marriage & we're protective of the innocence of children. We understand things on a spiritual level, as opposed to merely a superficial level.

[@brianbarbour2531]

Coolguy130000 Please don't compare your stint in Frankfurt to my entire life growing up in Germany. How many nude Beaches are there in California, How many Government Regulated Red Light district does California have? Since you are in Frankfurt, go and take a stroll to Taunus and Kaiser Strasse. How many Swinger Clubs are in Cali, Germany has Thousands of them! How Many News Papers shows Actually Nude Woman...in the U.S. there are NONE. Go Back to the Gymnasium and learn to make better educated arguments.

[@Coolguy130000]

+Brian Barbour wow someone's angry... I've spent three years in Frankfurt now and lived 5 years in a small city/town off Stuttgart. What I was referring to was the attitude of the people, not government regulated red light districts. And in terms of people's attitudes the difference isn't that great. Also, if you want to make a proper argument why don't you refrain from making offensive or condescending comments. At the same time, I am sure you haven't lived a lifetime in America either so your argument goes around to bite you back.

[@hereandnow6645]

Ummm... did she suggest to read 50 Shades to women who don't know what good sex is? This book has the wrongest message of love, consent and BDSM. Don't get me wrong, if you are into rape fiction as a fantasy go on. But to promote this book as a "sex-positive porn" is simply absurd. So normal sex is defined as an "abusive relationship" now? What kind of suggestion is this?

[@011azr]

hereANDnow Right. I hope she was just joking.

[@hayzeus1216]

hereANDnow Have you read the books? The BDSM element is one facet of the stories, it dissolves into love...real love.

[@hereandnow6645]

Dukie Doomsayer Yes I did. It was poorly written. Rough sex is always about consent, communication and reassurance. ALWAYS. That was not BDSM. Finally, that was not a love story. It was a massage to insecure women that if a man stalks them or pressures them or behaves aggressively towards them, they should appreciate it. It is not love if your partner controls you. Its neither romantic, nor everlasting and not unconditional. It's not even hateful or selfish love. It's a lie. It's a joke. And honestly its not even good porn. But what do you expect from a character so stupid, to a) not reading interview questions beforehand and b) to actually not reading fast enough or at least stop before actually saying the word "gay"? Who does that??? How stupid can you be? That wasn't adorkable, that was plain dumb. And I am supposed to believe that this moment was the one where she made a man fall for her? Pffff... What a joke.

[@martyillingworth5221]

hereANDnow nothing positive about porn... screws your mind, wrecks relationships, and i'm sure has impacts in domestic violence... nothing positive there!

[@1neerdowell]

hereANDnow I could not agree more. The book was poorly written and had a horrible message where BDSM was concerned. BDSM is about consent, not force.

[@theNeverangel]

I love this talk, she highlights what is the most important problem about sex today. We desperately need to talk about it more openly.

[@danielmonarrez6029]

i get woman like this they asked me if we know this person I'm like oh don't talk to those freaks

[@EmilyAndMichael]

We are happy to support this! People like Debby Herbenick and these kinds of TED talks make this world a better place to live in. Thank you!

[@MISTAWULFY]

the first step could probably be not demonizing people for finding other people attractive.

[@khalidcon1]

bold presentation. most easily explained. i support her efforts. i don't know, why many disliked this video?

[@davidsirmons]

In answer to the pundits: Yes, she had conservative upbringing. Yes, her mother was put in a closet about sex generally. That was the nature of such talks in that day for much of america. Because of her experience, she rightly wanted to help other girls avoid that shame, confusion, pain, anxiety, and also help parents be informed enough to give information to their kids when asked. It is a noble, enlightening, compassionate effort, and is to be applauded. Thankfully, such ignorance is diminishing with such broadly accessible information these days, and less stigma.

[@srimansrini]

One of the wonderful talk about sex and sexuality. Imagine a situation where talking is sex is not normal in a palace like US, then think about other rigid part of the world. I think, making sex education compulsory could be one of the solutions to solve this problem. Like her, we all should make sex normal and no religious, cultural and linguistic forces allow us to stopping our thoughts and actions.

[@theNeverangel]

I agree. Compulsory sex education is so useful and so needed.

[@commode7x]

Nyckelpiga Compulsory life education is what's really needed. It's not just about specific topics and issues, but about being able to treat people better. Yes, that makes me sound like a totally naïve asshat, but teaching character traits, unfortunately, is much, much better than most Western education curricula.

[@theNeverangel]

commode7x Well, us naive asshats should stick together then ^^ School could teach to much more useful things than it does now. I would love to see non-violent communication, sex ed., critical thinking (the real deal..), integrity, alexander technique etc. being seriously incorporated into education.

[@commode7x]

Nyckelpiga But real men talk with their FISTS!! Lol, I kid, but I think that you're right about adding important topics into the main curriculum. Last time I checked, many new American teachers graduating with Ed.M. degrees noted that the current American curriculum was a fantastic idea 200 years ago, when it was important to teach children important skills like knowing how to survey land area geometry, count cows, and do cheese yield estimations in their head. In the modern day, learning how to do median and mode have almost zero practical use, trigonometry is something that is only useful for engineers and scientists, and the total lack of information in civics classes about lobbying legislators and the proper political process in their own country is a recipe for disaster. As had been the case for the past 30 years, the ones teaching our children are other children, and we're now reaping the fruits of that educational system.

[@fatimahanwaar306]

exactly

[@oldskoolaspie]

Sex has always been "normal." It's part of the human experience that does not change. It's a universal.

[@RalphDratman]

Before persuading the world that sex is normal, we need to answer a few questions: 1) Why is sex so embarrassing to talk about? 2) Why do we only have sex out of view of other people? 3) Why do we forbid nudity and sexual activity in public and at work? I don't know the answers to these questions, and I suspect no one else does either. We can't very well make sex normal without the answers.

[@movelea]

In my opinion, the answer to the second question is because it's an intimate act with your partner and there's no need to share that level of intimacy with people you aren't that close to.

[@RalphDratman]

I asked Jared Diamond the first question after a lecture he delivered, some years ago. He didn't know why sex is embarrassing either.

[@morganthem]

Did you watch the vsauce video I linked in my previous comment? You might get a clue there.

[@RalphDratman]

John Morgan I can't seem to find your other comment. Do you have a link to it?

[@wwawa16l22]

it's intimate, just because we don't display ourselves on aplatter for all to see doesn't make it not normal, do you think a person pooping in the middle of a busy street is doing so because it is normal to poop???

[@danieloverwater6303]

*Sex is not everything as society tries to make it. It is being over played. The truth is, sex is a very small part of a relationship. Spiritual people make love all the time, and sex is just a small part.The pleasure seeking mind is using it against us*. People now have sex because everybody lives in the mindprison and the mind only strives for pleasure. It is sex without love, only to fill up the emptyness (people live as empty mindslaves) To have sex with love you need to overcome the clutter of your mind first. Google *TruthContest read the Present*

[@trippygiphy6127]

Finally some soul food..

[@joghaella9500]

exactly!

[@Qamarudheen]

+daniel overwater well written mate !!

[@GentlemanNosh]

+daniel overwater Yeah not so much Daniel. Don't fall into the trap of thinking how you feel is normal and that is how everyone else should feel. I'm also a little bit worried that you might be projecting here. If you aren't up on that, do a quick search on Wikipedia for "Psychological projection" Have a good day.

[@enggopah]

+daniel overwater Sex without relationship "love", and sex for pleasure, is wonderful as well and fits in a healthy disposition / mind/body as well. You are trying to demonize flesh and pleasure in a subtle way. The reality is that mind/soul (psyche/nous) inheres in matter, and the problem for western civilization has always come and still currently comes from its negative attitude toward the material world. The present day degradation of diet and environment and subsequent ill health only makes people feel more natural with being uncomfortable with "mere" sex (it is not mere if it's done well, and like anything worth doing, it is worth doing well).

[@KaneyoshiSouji]

It is such a simple subject and many people talk about it, but I like the idea of being very open about the idea anywhere. That it isn't something to be ashamed of, but done in a decent way. Thank you. I enjoyed this.

[@danielmonarrez6029]

yeah i think the princess kept going crazy somebody came to attack her drove the car quick

[@2660016A]

I agree with many of the points here, especially from the sexual health perspective but I think it can be taken too far. For me, part of the intimacy of sex is that it is a special, private journey with my partner that symbolises the deep, unique nature of our relationship. One of the TED talks she suggested is about a website where couples share videos of their favourite sexual practices - to me this invites others into what should be a private space between a couple and steps over the mark. We are in danger of losing the sanctity of physical relationships. I think it's possible to talk openly about sexual subjects without going so far as to undermine this special private bond between a couple.

[@danielmonarrez6029]

i agree they should respeect how woman are very important they have jobs I'm like come on if they want something wait until marriage

[@billhothi7313]

The most honest talk. I wish we do it and save lots of youngsters from being misguided about this wonderful union.

[@sezzysays4351]

Found this very interesting!!! I had radiation to my Pelivc region due to a very rare cancer - throughout my year of treatment and seeing my specialists once a week, they constantly brought up the side effects I could have and what I was getting. Not once did they ever, ever say that it could affect me sexually or chance things 'down there!'!! Even after my treatment, I am still high risk so have to see my drs every month - not once did they ask how my sex life was, or how things were down below - so I felt embarrassed when I finally got up the nerve to ask my female oncologist about why things were not quite right in tha area!!! I was embarrassed!!!!! She said "oh, yes I forgot to tell you that this... This... This and this could all happen from radiation and chemo to that area!" WTF - I should have been told that from the beginning along with all the other side effects you told me about - it should be normal ! And why should I have to get up the guts to ask my Dr about it in the first place.... To be embarrassed about asking??? It's not right - sex is perfectly natural and normal part of our lives! I don't understand why we are made to believe it is something 'dirty' and to be kept secret as such.... Even in the medical field.

[@stephenchristopher6248]

Excellent articulation ! Her face almost never showed any discomfort and could communicate so many intimate secrets in a breezy & relaxed way. Well done.

[@danielmonarrez6029]

my friends who play sports right she and her buddies were playing some random punk came over me and three greek princess cousins came to asked if we know them we explain do not speak to them if they enter anyplace else should kept the doors locked

[@therealzilch]

Thanks for doing a job that is sorely needed. And thanks for the great family story too.

[@SadeMetsavirta]

I actually had a similar experience when my period started. I didn't tell anyone because I was ashamed, thank god for the internet. It's ridiculous since half the population of the world has had/has a period! Why do we have to feel ashamed for a natural thing? Still I notice women (myself included) hushing about periods and feeling embarrassed when buying tampons etc...

[@vijayjain4642]

We have to be bold enough to fight against this taboo

[@fredthomson8941]

I also shop fem aisle for panty liners. Keeps my briefs cleaner longer. But main use is for the occasional bleeding hemorrhoids. Felt odd at first bit mot ashamed anymore.

[@agislax3895]

the good news is religion is dying, and sex is more common then ever.

[@SMARTART-ys2wd]

agis lax the best sex is what was under god's rules (marriage). Sex out side marriage means Lost families, Sexual diseases, girls with children without fathers, many hassles. The only one who can put the perfect rules for human being is God. We find this justice in law of Islam. In Islam there is No oppression. Equity is done perfectly according to the needs not to the mathematical equal sign.

[@agislax3895]

Ism Yas we respectfully disagree. ila Alliqa peace.

[@kleenex3000]

Ism Yas "Sex out side marriage means [...] Sexual diseases" That is one reason why I approve of the instutution of Gay marriage.

[@BS2all]

Ism Yas Orrr you can wear condoms and get tested before having sex...

[@kleenex3000]

David'sSon Our Organs of Procreation are the entities which qualify for the actual G-Ds, through their capability of creating NEW LIFE. Your writings are nul and void: The Holy Scriptures (PentaTeuch, Holy Bible and Noble Qur'an) worship just evolved, originally brain-fabricated idols of Polytheism. For their blasphemy, to proclaim a GNOSTIC position of "number of G-Ds = 1" or "G-D is 3 persons" (Triune G-D) about the actually unknowable, namely said number of possibly-actual / actually-possible G-Ds *OUTSIDE* the Human brain, the Holy Scriptures named above are a deception. Your J(the)C is actually a personification of an Astro-THEO-Logical concept = Veneration of the Life-Giver S☼NNE. The last Genetic Template/Spiritual Precursor (from at least SIXTEEN) was the glorification of the Pontifex Maximus (greatest Bridgebuilder namely between Humans and G-Dheit), S☼N of Venus DIVUS (Divine) *Julius(the)Caesar*. Now, kneel down in front of your wife our your husband, and venerate their Creator G-Ds by your hands and by your mouth.

[@mikecools3716]

nice lesson learned a lot as boy from this lecture

[@aidan1030]

In my house the Gospel of sex was never touched. Consequently I deliberately got addicted to porn hitting 12. Moms, Dads be serious and loving parents never hide the facts from your children or next generations will suffer consequences. Be educated and educate the timeline of every one.

[@ericachapin]

Excellent talk - Thank you.

[@askformoreinfowhichyouwont7510]

"Sex being treated as abnormal".. I believe we don't talk so much about it, because we cannot accept everyone who wishes to have sex with us. We select our sex partners based on the best outcome. Due to the fact that we need to decline requests for sex, I believe it has become a standard to better not "talk about or mention sex" or "see it as abnormal" in order not to get the sex requester get frustrated or unhappy. Taking the idea of psychology: In a way ignoring is better than punishment, though ignorance is a bad approach, it is the lesser of two evils.

[@mohanthomas3214]

50 Shades of Grey is a sex positive porn? What the hell is wrong with this woman? Seriously?

[@nfinn42]

+Mohan Thomas A flaw in an otherwise good video.

[@mohanthomas3214]

nfinn42 Look, all sexually dimorphic creatures have sex. There is nothing to go hoo-haa over it. The so called "women's sexuality" is just way too overhyped and overrrated. And 50 shades of grey. Well............

[@DeepNtuSer]

She is a feminist, that's how stupid feminists are.

[@krumplethemal8831]

its because when a rich handsome man wants to turn you into a prostitute its acceptible female dream but if he is poor and less attractive it should be a crime against women..

[@mohanthomas3214]

Krumple Themal True :(

[@andreaskyriakou9814]

wonderful talk and a great, simple message.

[@jplatter6629]

This TED talk makes me proud of my hometown! Great discussion.

[@kamaninon]

"my mom will find this out when she hears this talk" killed me xD

[@annwrog]

The sad thing is that many people probably have similar stories

[@souloftheage]

If I had kids, I'd place a large, comprehensive MEDICAL book on the coffee table when the children are prepubescent. The kids WILL read those books-because kids are inquisitive- and they'll have SCIENTIFIC MEDICAL ANSWERS....and go from there.

[@ChrisTian-lf2oh]

I feel bad for people that STILL treat sex as taboo, when its instead one of the most natural things ever. Seems to be a big thing in the US and also among religious groups. Accept it for what it is, and live with it. As a Swede, I can talk about sex with anyone, at anytime. I´m not ashamed at all.

[@gkelly941]

Great talk on an interesting and compelling subject. And she's so matter of fact. The "sex talk" for me (a man in my sixties) was even more cursory. Fortunately, I took course when I was a college freshman that filled me in on the details. It was mass lecture class taught by an older professor with a great sense of humor who was comfortable with the subject matter, and used humor to defuse the palpable tension during his lectures.

[@danielmonarrez6029]

if it was me i would have it like during marriage because most wanted this type of relationships for example called them princess or dollar face like most mansions wait until marriage comes like 25 or 23 maybe 35 years olds wait until this woman says yes for proposal or the rings if they have jobs like over payyin their college tutions its we called them smart woman

[@katib5198]

Never read 50 Shades of Grey. It glorifies an abusive relationship and is flat out horribly written by all definitions.

[@CharlieB1989]

It's about a consensual BDSM relationship _not_ and abusive relationship. I agree that it's terribly written though and should be avoided.

[@katib5198]

It's unlike any BDSM I have ever heard about.

[@oscarnitz4923]

Any book can be badly written. 50 shades of grey is one of them, regardless of its content xD

[@mc.8391]

have you ever read (heard of even..)..."The Story of O" ..written in 1950s translated from French....... far more sensual far more everything lol......

[@hongpham8416]

mm. k

[@jum3lies]

I think one of the problems with this video and with a lot of stuff that comes out of this vein is that the speakers are engaging in rhetoric, but believe they are transmitting knowledge. Reference this quote from the Wikipedia article on rhetoric: "The relationship between rhetoric and knowledge is characteristic for the nature of human understanding, and reflects two closely related but adversarial traditions. Rhetoric is concerned with the influence on our beliefs or behaviors with the available means, usually in order to achieve certain effects, such as consensus on some issue. Knowledge, on the other hand, is concerned with the justification of our beliefs with the available evidence or good reasons." PS - I agree with Bimdorf - well said.

[@charlesstiebing9231]

“The first two facts which a healthy boy or girl feels about sex are these: first that it is beautiful and then that it is dangerous.” GK Chesterton

[@dhanilks4898]

I support your talk Mi's ... It's nice of you that you have talked about a tabooed subject that is actually ain't taboo. This clearly subject talking not about sex is taboo.. I guess most of all agree to this...

[@GrantSR]

What I think is odd is that she mentions all those ways to make sex normal, all those people to read or watch or listen to, and yet misses the one person who has been making sex normal for longer and for more people than all of the TED luminaries she mentioned: Dan Savage

[@debbyherbenick]

Dan is wonderful! And you're right: he should have been mentioned.

[@lalakuma9]

I remember in college, the girl who was in charge of supplying emergency condoms at the dorm taped condom packs all over the hallway walls. But then it was soon taken down by the janitors because they thought that it was vandalism.

[@fredthomson8941]

Did you have male visitors ir did you girls get thrm for future use?

[@danielmonarrez6029]

when this happend my friends went to asked me about this reason they left the area somebody came to invade their privacy I'm like what is going in this place now its happening two woman said somebody came to this place I'm like do not talk to those people

[@contrafax]

A quote from my favorite show, I am not sure it is an exact quote.. but. "We exist because of sex. It's not something to be afraid of. It's something to honor. to enjoy." Sun Bak. Sense8

[@SunderT]

The site was worth visiting to learn more. Thanks to the team.

[@roseteax]

This is a great TED Talk. I agree that sex should become more of an open discussion

[@rafafrederice]

Excellent lecture and point of view about the subject!

[@abrahama5603]

Its really appreciable to share such educative thoughts. Inspiration to the new gen and may become a revolutionary step towards rebuilding of humanity and the world as a whole. Keep it up. Thanks to you tube

[@theo9e6]

Maybe we talk about sex in this manner, because it's by far the most intimate thing people can do together... I don't know whether we'll ever be able to talk about sex freely. I don't know about you, but when I was in school I never wanted to talk about sex, especially not with my teachers and/or parents. Maybe we ignore sex or talk about it as an abnormal thing, because it is indeed not normal at all to talk about it. People even have problems talking to their partners on their sexual fantasies. We humans have a sense of shame, whether we are conservative or progressive about it. There certainly are differences to which extent we feel shame. I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable talking about it, but not because my parents demonised it or neglected it!

[@jhshett]

I'm grateful to my parents for teaching me that sex is both beautiful and sacred. It is the ultimate physical expression of genuine love. It should be talked about in a reverent and respectful manner. And it should be practiced by married couples who are eternally committed to each other. I'm 26 years old. I've dated a number of girls but never had any sexual relations with them. I value my procreative powers and my wedding night will be a beautiful experience for me and my wife. We will have saved our bodies for each other. Virtue is what needs to be taught in sex education. Being loyal, respectful, and honoring your partner should be taught in sex education. My parents taught me these things in a loving environment. Not everyone will have the same opportunity. I realize that. But I don't think this TED talk is pointing people in the right direction.

[@hollypattersonwriter]

Wow you are a incredible man! I am also saving myself, I think there is a small group of us so it is nice to hear that there are some like me out there. I have been blessed also with awesome parents that taught me the value of sex. It is beautiful but this world makes it filthy with their thoughts and actions and no value for human life. You and I on the other hand know the truth and should shout it from the roof tops! People need to heat it!

[@KidsWithGuns1992]

It's nice that you think of it this way but I don't think sex should be something sacred if you don't want it to. Sex can be a purely physical animalistic act, and doesn't ever have to mean anything. But it also can. Sex is sex - what emotion you add to it is your choice, and no one should be shamed if they have hundreds of non emotional sex partners if that's for their own pleasure. Sex is great so long as no one is being taken advantage of or doing it for self validation.

[@hollypattersonwriter]

KidsWithGuns1992 As long as the person understands that they will get a STD having that many sex partners. and Step up when a baby is conceived and be a dam father for once. Then I think it perfectly fine. You however are making it like its purely a physical experience when it takes everything in you to have sex being connected emotionally and mentally. You can not compartmentalize sex and those who think they can are really kidding themselves. If I chose to have sex early on I would have had a bunch of kids and either be with someone I don't love or be by myself like so many single parents. No thank you I'll wait out for the right man. It's easier for a man to get up and leave because he is not the one who has to be concerned if he is pregnant or not. It is much harder for a women to do this without getting pregnant. Unless she can't have kids and even if that was true who would want all that baggage.

[@KidsWithGuns1992]

Jaimie Vanderhouck I completely disagree. Having many sex parents does NOT entail STDs and/or chances of children, it's obviously called the use of safe sex and contraception. Sex is NATURALLY a physical act wherein humans simply do it for pleasure. It has become a socially instilled concept for people to have all this meaning and weight to it - which can be fine - but also shouldn't mean people should be shamed for having many sex parents. There is NOTHING wrong with sleeping around so long as you are responsible and not putting yourself in danger. And having sex early on does no mean you will, once again, have kids or "fall in love" with the wrong partner. That is just insanity to link the two in this modern age. Sex is NOT a bad thing, and you make it out to be. This is why we need to talk about sex more on a social level, because people wait until marriage and have this terrible dogma against it thinking "if I have sex at fifteen I will be ruined forever!". Not true at all, simply just not true.

[@jhshett]

You cannot decouple sex from emotion. Sex is the ultimate physical expression of love. A clear conscience will always dictate that. Yes, people can choose to use it recreationally, but that does not change the nature or purpose of it, nor does it make it right. When I was younger and my big brother would upset me, my natural instinct was to name-call and fight. When I was mad I didn't want to clean, or help, or serve anyone. Although this was NATURAL that didn't make it RIGHT. The purpose of sex is to make the world go round. It begets the next generation. It is not meant for self gratification. The pleasure of it is a bonus feature NOT the purpose. We live in an age where preteens are posting sexually explicit photos to each other, upwards of 80% of people are viewing pornography, In the United States porn makes more money than the “combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises or the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC” (Internet Pornography Statistics: 2003), birthrates are hitting all time lows, 80 years from now some countries will be half their population size, women are constantly shown in the media as mere objects. I cannot even bear the thought of having parents who sleep around with other adults just for the fun of it. All my confidence and trust in them would be lost. Angry, upset, and confused I might likely follow the same pattern and fight against chastity and morality. I would cite scientists who say its healthy to view pornography and masturbate, and I would completely ignore the others who say it's not. Everything I'd hear, see, and listen to would be measured by whether the thought of it gave me an erection or not. The world is loosing its traction. Happiness is not found in fleeting moments of pleasure, but in enduring relationships built on mutual trust and genuine love. People who fight against that idea are making excuses for their own behavior. They run away from their innate light. They abandon their conscience. And when that happens its only a matter of time before their addictions cause something terrible to happen such as rape, incest, murder etc... If Satan really does exist, then why would he not continue to tempt and pull someone with this view you say is good, further and further into grotesque practices? I attended a conference once where a speaker presented the results of a group drawing project. The elementary school kids were asked to draw what they thought was most important in their future families. All but one group drew either naked women with big breasts and high heels or naked men. These kids were in 2nd grade! These will be the future leaders of the world. How incredibly sad. And you have the audacity to say that sex is meant for pleasure. That lie can only lead to unhappy endings and broken families. Again let me say what the truth about sex is. Sex is beautiful. Sex is sacred. The natural purpose of sex is to create life. It is the ultimate physical expression of genuine love. When it is not treated in this way, then you get a world tormented with addiction, distrust, and broken families.

[@Covencraft]

It would also help if every woman would stop calling any guy who doesn't look like he lives in a gym "Creepy".

[@subaschandran1951]

Procreation, the cardinal principle of life needs to be talked widely to eliminate pervert minds. TED doing wonderful job...Will contribute my share in due course

[@Bimdorf]

Oh yeah... I can just imagine a man reading a sex book on the subway. He'd never get to read the book,because he'd be dealing with the shitstorm from women of ALL walks of life.

[@Bimdorf]

Mak Dem how about a guy reading "Three-way Afternoon"?

[@JONIMORONI]

!!Wome - and more - feminists- n have been dealing with the shitstorm (great term!) for sooooo long.....maybe men could take it, just sometimes ? The end might BE WORTH THE MEANS!

[@1212zeek1212]

I wish I had more patience to explain why I disagree with everyone in the comments who are against this video. Alas, it's just not worth the time I would have to put in. Live your lives. Try and be happy. Don't repress your sexuality. Let it out. Learn how to express it. Good luck.

[@tonyho94]

It's very simple. If you want kids, don't use contraception (birth control. If you don't want kids, use contraception (birth control).

[@GrBr42]

"It is a very pleasant habit we started 40 years ago. It makes the marriage better." Hahahaha.. :D Great lecture, thank you!! :))

[@carioca56]

Thank you Debbie!

[@mc.8391]

everyone should be able to speak as easily and naturally about sex as this woman... she was informative, funny and confident...... so many people, even in 21st century are either embarrassed or remain ignorant of the whole subject... sad

[@jackhousman6637]

Don't read Fifty Shade of Grey in public. It is possible the worst novel ever published in English. It wouldn't get the author through English Comp.101. Awful.

[@chambersbenjo]

Well done good presentation

[@HaejinLeeCryptoAnalyst]

But, but, but....the Catholic Church says premarital sex is a mortal sin and I'll burn in hell for eternity! The Bishop says after going to R rated movies, I need to go to confession and do real serious hail maries and glory bs. But, a French kiss is a venial sin so i'll only burn a little bit in purgatory. Now, the above, is a quick summary of how people get screwed up by religion and sex. IMHO, the Pope and Church need not be allowed in your bed room!

[@akshanshgautam2941]

This reminds me of my Biology teacher in class 10th though she wa s alittle different She entered d class and said anybody who giggled or asked questions will be thrown out

[@allanlam7669]

I guess the reason I don't talk about sex is because it is not a topic I think about with much articulation. Thanks to this talk, I can begin to elucidate this complex issue. There are so many issues. The public and private space, the sciences, the history of sex and religions, gender differences in different cultures, my own sexual preferences, influences from supporting networks of an individual. I agree that in the western world, sexual health does still have some dark areas that need to be talked about more - because there is that threat of diseases and rape. It doesn't make sense that sex being such a large part of who we are is not talked about more in everyday interactions. Hmm, perhaps because it can be used to discriminate? Well, hmm, I guess with discrimination, there comes with it regulation and fair rights, I think we are all willing to take that route, as opposed to staying with the dangerous status quo.

[@joelee5875]

dark areas- lol

[@Fuktupratbag]

people are taught when growing up to believe sex is dirty and you can't do it till or even talk about it til after 25 but that's all anyone will say about it but almost EVERYone has sex. but we watch movies that display the most gross most gruesome outright disgusting and sickening scenes of murders that's not even done in real life. that almost no one does. I say what if everyone that has sex, Murders someone or everyone else. where would we be then ? people are so uptight and downright appalled by the word and the action that hordes of people dont even associate the word with the act. people are fucking stupid. I talked with my parents in-turn I spoke with my kids about it, kids need to know where how when it's appropriate. the actual age it should start why they have those feelings when and how to control them and every other aspect and then encouraged them to ask specific questions or what ifs and there were lots of them but it taught them to be open to questioning me or mom about sex and not feel ashamed but ask us and only us and NOT discuss it with the teachers because they would call the cops and all that scenario and they don't inform kids of anything.

[@thomasbeaver1]

Sex is the principle weapon women use to manipulate men. Men need sex and women innately know how to use this weakness. "You left dirty dishes in the sink; no sex for a week." "You forgot to take out the trash no sex for a month." Women don't have a sex drive and don't really derive pleasure from sex which is why they are able to use it like a weapon against men.

[@VincentVegas64]

Women don't derive pleasure from sex with YOU. Don't speak for other men.

[@johnflave]

+Beaver thats a fucked up view.. are you that butthurt by your own insecurity that you place your warped value overlay across normality and come up with thomas beavers view? maybe take the trash out more often you lazy fuck, that, or come home early and find shes not into you.. shes into anyone but you. abdul, mustaffa, david, peter paul and mary. anyone but you. perhaps you are like the black hole of sexual enjoyment, you just suck the life out of all the people around you bizarre.

[@Fuktupratbag]

why don't you go fuck yourself ! and I don't give a flying fuck about other people you shithead

[@johnflave]

nunya, i was referring to the Beaver guy....

[@AdamShaiken]

Kristin Davis doppelganger.

[@slowrunn3r88]

This was a good video, but one thing people don't talk much about-and need to address-is why some people feel anxiety about making sex normal. I'll give you a personal story: In high school I was more or less the abstinent kid, I wanted to wait for somebody special. Well! This didn't go over well for many people I knew; they WOULD NOT cease to harass me, make me feel less-than-human, and remind me that no girl would want anything to do with me. So naturally, until just a few years ago, when people would talk about sex and how "it's only natural, everybody does it. It's abnormal NOT to do it" I would feel a lot of anxiety. And no, it's not because I was an evil sexist who wanted to follow Hitler's ideas and do horrible things to innocent people. It's because of the way I had been treated... So while I very much agree with most of what she was saying, we also need to look out for people who are very uncomfortable with talking about sex and instead of immediately attacking them, listen

[@n3tkUt]

Hey, thanks for disqualifying yourself from being Hitler. His thing was different than what you seem to be about. I don't really know you though.

[@slowrunn3r88]

B. Radley KZbin didn't give me enough comment space to complete my thought. My main point is the reason many people have anxiety over sex being "normalized" isn't because they're a bunch of assholes, it's because of personal reasons and in order to change somebody's opinions, you can't just present facts and logic, you've got to speak to them on an emotional level

[@KidsWithGuns1992]

My father grew up in a religious fundamentalist family, and so naturally turned out pretty fucked up. Fortunately my mother comes from a pretty forward thinking liberal family, but my fathers strangeness with sex and sexual related issues (will change the channel if a sex scene comes on/won't ever talk about sex or kissing/was initially against homosexuality which soon changed from my mum telling him to stop being a dick head/etc.) and that rubbed off on the children. It's frustrating because sex is something almost all of us do and yet we're weird about it. After many years of finding myself and growing up and becoming mature, I can now talk freely about sex without feeling weird or getting embarrassed. My fathers view in addition to societal views really fucked me up with talking about something so basic in our lives. I'm just glad I've been smart enough to realize otherwise. Unfortunately many people aren't and continue in their religion or continue in their homophobia (which stems from being awkward with sex), etc.

[@sydneyfaulkner3728]

(+ hell yeah for mentioning lena dunham's girls for "real" diverse bodies!)

[@honkyjesuseternal]

Fatty.

[@DustinRodriguez1_0]

Read sex books in public... yeah, I'm a guy. I would be arrested. I do certainly read pretty much every sex book I can get my hands on, I've been studying it since I was 9 years old when my mom tore the anatomy pages out of a science book I got for my birthday. To anyone wanting to learn about sex, probably the best single book I have ever read is titled "Good Sex Illustrated". It was written in the 1970s, but it is more relevant now than ever.

[@modgenesis3868]

+Dustin Rodriguez tore the anatomy pages LMAO

[@hungrytomato]

Love this woman. I've been doing this for years. I talk about sex as if it were a normal thing to talk about all the time. When you show how you are comfortable with it, it's contagious and I see people around me become at ease with it too. Sometimes throwing in a not-too-naughty dirty joke to ease tension helps too. =)

[@RalphDratman]

I've never been very good at talking "normally" about sex, but the abundance of unembarrassed discussion on youtube has helped me improve over the past few months. I'm getting more and more impressed with the power of KZbin. I think it could help invert the current pyramid of ignorance in the U.S.

[@CharlieB1989]

Ralph Dratman KZbin spreads more ignorance than it does education.

[@hungrytomato]

***** Then destroying the Internet would accelerate technological advancement?

[@CharlieB1989]

hungrytomato No. KZbin is not the entire internet.

[@hungrytomato]

***** Point taken. But still, would abolishing KZbin actually increase overall intelligence? Sure there is a lot of crap, but for every piece of crap, there is also tons of debunking. Ignorance cannot withstand open scrutiny. Governments and religions who seek to impose ignorance always cut off open communication, not open it up.

[@bhimpokhrel4059]

Excellent presentation.

[@jcwebb540]

This started out great and got awful. She completely lost it instructing us to watch Lena Dunham's "Girls".

[@samuelviknyansky6136]

"Sex, in all of its ups and downs..." I see what you did there XD

[@rb5076]

"it is a normal part of life" ... ! .....as if we needed that declaration ....none of us would be here to listen to her without it

[@lissahaughton2867]

really good TED talk

[@swamisreeprabhoo1469]

BloominG Rose! Great Soul.

[@jojochou2513]

I live in Middle East, it can be very tricky... I can got arrested :o

[@tediffrig1336]

One of the things about talks like this is that it always seems like it always comes down to women being short handed about the issue. How many boys know about wet dreams? As being morally against RIC (routine infant circumcision), how often is the natural male body vilified? Someone is more likely to die from circumcision then to contract penile cancer, something that circumcision is supposed to prevent. There are studies out there that show the increase risk of UTIs that come from the caregiver not knowing how to properly clean. There are parallels here that get over looked. I happen to be a nerd that goes looking for information more then the average person, so yes I come across women that know less about their own sexual anatomy than I do. However the general misconception that I also come across is that the male anatomy is so simple that there is really nothing to know also plagues both sides of that aisle.

[@tonyho94]

Sex positivity is an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual sexual activities as fundamentally healthy and pleasurable, and encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation. The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that advocates these attitudes. The sex-positive movement advocates comprehensive sex education and safer sex as part of its campaign.

[@Ben-xx6cg]

Amazing woman, she's so right

[@OmniphonProductions]

Is it odd that my first instinct, upon hearing she works at the Kinsey Institute, was to be a bit jealous? I've been fascinated by their research since college, and I love that SOMEBODY is demystifying an aspect of life that so many have generationally and institutionally made a taboo subject...especially within a Puritanically hypocritical society that uses sex to sell everything from burgers to music to shampoo, while telling young people sex is sinful.

[@BobHUK]

I agree with you, but that's only in the USA. The rest of the world has moved on from that attitude a long time ago. Perhaps the citizens of the US should ask for their lawmakers to grow up and do some research in other countries before subjecting their own population to ignorance.

[@danielmonarrez6029]

are those people coming over those places again when are they going to stop going inside

[@Maleick]

Love those quotes

[@theicons209]

I agree with everything you discussed. But here in Massachusetts, if you read a book about sex, the closed minded people will think it's perverted, unappropriated, sex offending, sick minded, and they might even call the cops on you. The world needs a better sex education in schools and at home.

[@shannonbrock3588]

Where do you draw the line? I agree that talking about sex is a good thing in general, but isn't there a fine line to embracing your sexuality and flinging it out there for all to see (or hear)? I know people who have had many partners and I was surprised to learn that they have become disenchanted with sex. I guess too much information (or sex?) is like not enough, have find the right balance while still leaving something for the imagination

[@fredthomson8941]

May be thrilling to listen at first, but turns into broken record over time.

[@futuristiclettuce]

Notice what was absent from this talk about what makes sex "normal?" The phallus.

[@mrcircle]

Did they record this at the Waldron Arts Center?

[@dilipupadhyay]

Yes agreed

[@ignatei]

What does "marriage equality" events have to do with sexual education??

[@joeneuman7003]

Why does she mention gay pride and LGBT? I'm unsure how this relates to sex. Are these groups more sexual?

[@massimopanza8582]

You know… “some” people think that homosexuality is a choice. Now, choosing is based on being aware and conscious - otherwise, you don’t make a choice. This talk is just about raising awareness on the role of sex in human life. That’s why it is especially devoted to people who don’t need to be aware of sex… because they happen to be heterosexual, conservative, right-wing, conservative, narrow-minded WASPs. Otherwise, you are just a normal person who admit that your sexual preferences - whatever they are - are not a choice… but, in this case, you 1) see pretty well the meaning she attaches to being supportive of any kind of NATURAL (not chosen) sexual preferences; 2) can face such a brain-startling concept as “irony” ;-)

[@massimopanza8582]

Panait Ciprian Ok. Now I see how far you can deal with the concept of "irony". Peace on you.

[@MeesterVegas]

Yes, you are right. Sexuality is not a choice. You are either born a male, or you are born a female. This is easy to determine by looking in the groin area. Apparently, this can be a stunning revelation for many people.

[@massimopanza8582]

MeesterVegas Poor creature. So sad. What about moving to the Islamic State? You find lots of "fellow thinkers", out there ;-) Have a nice trip.

[@n3tkUt]

It gives the reason right at the top of the frame, in giant letters: Celebrate sexual diversity. As to your question, yes, of course they are, but not in the way you might be thinking. LGBT folks are put under a microscope by society, and it's all about sex, so many in the community are used to openly talking about it; especially those at a rally. If a person is uncomfortable about sex in general, being at an LGBT event may help tear down some mental barriers. Like the prior suggestion of reading sex books in public, she's implying that a repressed person should get out of their sexual comfort zone. Forcing a person out of their comfort zone is a common method of behavioral modification (e.g. breaking phobias).

[@tru2me3223]

I think that something that should be looked at along with "sex" is all the other things that really cause this phobia of sex. I was on another video talking about "sex" in the form of masturbation and it's really sad that so many people were castigating and mocking the presenter, who had a vested interest in getting people to be more comfortable about sex, in the form of masturbation and was a professional, all because she was talking about a subject which so many are uncomfortable with and even find to be WRONG or a SIN. If a person can't even feel comfortable with their own body and sexual functions, how are they ever going to feel comfortable with sex, itself? Some people even have issues with indulging in sexual fantasies because they think they're wrong or find them nasty but sexual fantasy intensifies how turned on you can become along with orgasm. I think the reason for all of this hatred of sexual things is religious ideologies combined with certain human society's obsession with controlling and subduing others as well as themselves. All of it is based in fear and fear is a very difficult defense mechanism to overcome. From all of the ignorance I see, like people slut-shamming Miley Cyrus and so on, I don't see this getting better, anytime soon. There's so many faulty belief constructs that people never question. War and violence destroys more people and things than the naked, human body, masturbation or an orgasm and yet people hate those things more. It's illogical. But some would rather be right than live in true freedom and sexual bliss. I think this video puts sex in a box with the focus being only on heterosexual, monogamous couples. What about polyamory? What about open relationships? What about reversal of gender roles (women entering and pleasing men with strap-ons)? What about casual sex? What about homosexual sex? What about bisexual sex? What about solo sex (masturbation)? Once we start addressing sex in all of it's forms and not just this limited one she's portraying, that will be a start to much more truly sex positive thinking.

[@Rpd4716]

This fashionable topic is over its boundaries. It brings trouble and disturbance to places where there should be calm and peacefulness, and a free will to choose to think how you like. There is not enough freedom and distance to things like this in today, and with the other things that it brings. We don't want to see things too much through the viewpoint that it gives and don't want our lives to be disturbed with it too much. Along with this comes many other things that are not so good and desired to be sustained in life, and even becomes to problems of a some sort. It's like Sweden is brought to our homes unwillingly and without a purpose. This is something you don't want to mess with and create disturbances with it. You don't know what you are dealing with then and what kind of powers you might be unleashing. The things that they are using are not known to man how other things are and this should be avoided.

[@FreeminderXIII]

7:33 since when "50 shades of grey" is sex positive book!!!!... women!!

[@CrunchyMama]

I love the salt shaker!!

[@richardhankla6887]

GOD BLESS YOU, I AGREE WITH YOU 500%!!!!

[@nicolitooba]

This is a life-changing and concise movement to celebrate humanity... SEX is normal! This will help build more secured and better world. Maybe, this is the renaissance of sexual revolution...

[@Beefster09]

I agreed with this until about 9 minutes in. Sex is normal and healthy, but should not be treated so casually. I'm all for it being a more comfortable topic of private conversation between parents and children, and between close friends, but I think this course of action takes it too far.

[@SpaceOmega-zz6vs]

This "Anti-porn" crap going around always pisses me off. I hope TED isn't against "porn" it's self. I believe in that both Sexes should have sexual freedom, but telling them how to express, etc, etc doesn't promote that at all, it's slavery. Want to know the damn truth about this problem regarding porn? It's the responsibility, it's probably true that there are some bad problems with porn, but at the same time, not everyone gets problems.. It's just like a person being electrocuted by a computer, and somehow, we should blame computers instead of blaming the real cause.

[@SpaceOmega-zz6vs]

Ryan Burchett I didn't watch the whole video, so I wasn't sure if this about that, I think I heard that "Make love not porn" was not meant to be anti-porn too, and seen that it was trying to teach that "Not everyone is like this or that". (Only thing bothered me was the title of that, since some people think it is love (For the ones who has no problem).) "I am pretty sure it is about having realistic expectations for sexual encounters and not polarizing sex into vanilla and freaky." Not sure what you mean by "vanilla and freaky", since I'm worried you are suggesting people to not be different in "sexuality", like the ones who wants to make "porn". Like some people are not into real-life certain relationship or something maybe. As for the last part, yes possibly but I have heard people going against porn it's self just because of some other issues, I seen the talk about it and it seems really sad and pathetic. xD Examples: "Your brain on porn" and "nofap" is one of those anti-porn things. Sorry if my reply isn't clear I was sort of in a hurry.

[@SpaceOmega-zz6vs]

Ryan Burchett Sorry, it's just that Ted has been posting ideas that promote fear against it from other videos I think. I also seen comments supporting the fear, so maybe my comment was also a reaction against the idea from the comments as-well.. As for this one, I just thought it was another one of *those*. Oh, well I heard the person who made "Make Love Not Porn" was open about it, and even perhaps promoted it, as I heard somewhere. Either way, such title is a bit offensive against those who personality consent and likes it. And yeah, I talked about that because you talked about it in the other reply? I do wonder, does every TED video have the same person? I wonder if it's possible they can share ideas of others who teaches more of the other way around?

[@SpaceOmega-zz6vs]

Ryan Burchett This video? Or that "Make love not porn": I was trying to explain that I heard that the makers of that wasn't really against it.

[@SpaceOmega-zz6vs]

Ryan Burchett If you don't understand, then you don't have to read, I was just trying to bring ideas, explaining on what you said... Sorry if I am confusing you. :/

[@SunyiSideUp]

Seeing the comments, I'm a little afraid you'll be pissed at whatever I say... but, well, as a porn fan (I mean, it's fun to look at...), modern porn is rather exploitative and problematic. Besides porn stars, both male and female, speaking about abuse within the industry, a lot of it is not sexually healthy for the viewers because it creates dangerous and unreal expectations. It's sort of a shame. There should be a way to do porn without delving into abusive areas... porn is essentially people having sex on camera. Honestly, most of the anti-porn stuff isn't really against the concept of people having sex on camera but against the industry, which does some shitty stuff to people. There are some really good porn companies that are really good about not being abusive to their performers and create some porn that does not present dangerous and un-realistic sexual stuff that will negatively influence the viewers. It's out there, you just have to look. But yeah, I get you, porn is nice and it's hard to not just go to pornhub or something and watch random videos. Although I wish people could not take things so personally. Like, what's the point of getting angry with people for speaking the truth of their experiences just because you like to watch them fuck on camera and beat your meat to it? If you like to watch it, watch it... but don't make people be quiet about their abuse in the porn industry just because you like to watch it. That's just rude, and it's also stupid... and it also means you probably feel guilty and are just angry that someone awakened a guilt in you. BTW, you can feel less guilty by not actually supporting the industry and watching pirated porn instead... I mean, I hope you're not actually paying for porn... Use torrents. They're even better than free sites, because sometimes the free sites have sponsored videos, so the bad porn companies still make money from your views.

[@des2507]

Great lesson

[@Libertyjeepmudding]

I recently had a major surgery and was so disappointed that I made it through it

[@googcommenter7204]

people who talk much about sex often dont have much..