Male Rape Victims (Part 1) | Unpacked with Relebogile Mabotja - Episode 12 | Season 1

Four men, who are all victims of rape, have decided to speak up about their pain, experiences, and challenges thereof. We unpack the reasons why they decided to open up about their stories.
#UnpackedWithRelebogile​
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Host:
Relebogile Mabotja
Studio Guest: Rees Man and Okuhle Sithole
Video Call Guest: Dirk Kotze and Toki Mohoto
Production:
Executive Producers:
Kgothatso Legwale (KG)
Relebogile Mabotja
Content Producers:
Clive Moagi
Zoliswa King
Social Media / PA:
Obakeng Mogafe
Camera Crew:
Series Director:
Thabiso Mofokeng
Camera Operator:
Katleho Tsotetsi
Sound Operator:
Tumi Sekudu
Art Director:
David Arends
Set Dresser:
Edgar Moyo
Make-up Artists:
Merlene Williams
Lesego Tloubatla
Production Driver:
Masene Mogoai Worx
Office Assistant:
Phathisiwe Mkweli
Post Production:
Graphics:
Not A Sausage
Editors:
Pixel Culture
Post Production / DIT:
Tumelo Kgongwana

[@sizakelediya4080]

While we protecting girls we don't realise even boys are exposed to rape. I love this show

[@zainabinti5170]

True fact, that's why we have so many dysfunctional men and society.

[@bcaiqs]

Most men and boys are ashamed and do not speak out .

[@kgabojacobeth2542]

I understand why Okuhle wasn’t talking much because the WOUND is still fresh And you could even hear the pain in his voice when he speaks ..

[@kwenanapoleonngoepe7274]

The pain in Okuhle's voice 😢 😭 😭... May you all find healing and strength

[@relebogilemabotja215]

🙏🏾

[@okuhle_nn5854]

🙏🏻😩

[@nobantuevelyn5300]

😢😢😢

[@esthermphanda4836]

💔💔

[@ksazobafit....2216]

Braa and this person had the audacity to say you gaining weight I'm happy about it like something is very very wrong with men all of it is thought out tactically

[@blairuiccoed]

Tjo. LEBO, Your show needs more eyes. You talk about things the media doesn't dare to touch on. THIS HURTS😭

[@luciateffu9608]

I am a rape victim myself and I chose to expose my perpetrator in any way possible and I salute all these men for opening up about their experiences.

[@ihelpthosewhohelpthem3362]

may GOD bless you, and may your story help someone out there who needs it.

[@sphekza]

This must have been one of Relebogile's heaviest interviews 😭 She handled it with so much care still ❤️

[@pasekamakgwale4069]

As a victim of rape this has honestly gave me the courage to open up and sad thing is that as a gay man is hard for people to believe you when you tell them the story

[@slaghas7436]

Hade buddy....

[@mn-zh1sm]

I am so sorry for what you went through. You have every right to tell your story in whatever way you want. I am a random stranger on the internet but i believe you, your story is valid, your pain is valid, you are valid. I hope and pray for healing and peace for you!

[@kellyalexander7347]

So sorry no one should ever go through that 😔

[@tawiwicury]

relebogile is really good at interviewing, she doesnt project herself and her biases, shes very self aware and knows how to navigate the conversation without being imposing. brilliant.

[@thandugonose9769]

She is excellent. I find myself wishing others would conduct interviews like her.

[@thepoeticempress6553]

I have a younger brother and I always pray God keep him safe, this is really painful 😭😭😭😭

[@manny_the_creative9678]

The worst part is "telling someone and they laugh at you or don't believe you" 😭😭😭

[@ntokotoPM]

So sad☹️💔

[@thandimaanzo166]

We need to teach our boys that men can also cry.

[@nelilinda2199]

That's true.

[@wilheminadunywa8756]

The freezing part from Okuhle😭😭😭You just freeze and your mind automatically tells you what’s gonna happen to you but you can’t do anything at that time 😭😭😭 I still remember all the faces I saw that day during that freezing period 😭 Hope we all find healing 🙏🏼

[@relebogilemabotja215]

Wishing you all the strength and healing that you need ❤️🙏🏾

[@sinamilegumbi2287]

Healing to you!!

[@aloekitty4833]

May you find love, light and healing.

[@chipo-lweendomwiindilila3689]

Love, light & healing your beautiful way

[@Sunshine_INFJ]

Sending love and hugs your way.

[@thepoeticempress6553]

When I tell you that this broke my heart 🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭💔💔 I feel like giving Okuhle a hug even though I know it won't change anything, he is traumatized and it's cutting me deep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@lionessnala2000]

Me too 🥺🥺🥺

[@nkhabe03]

Same here

[@nthabisengmampa2289]

So true

[@cyliamotsoenengzengele]

Okuhle's pain is so fresh. He is trying to avoid the pain by locking it up in the brain. The "I don't remember " part is a way of cushioning the pain and also the avoidance to give the details because it's still too uncomfortable to narrate.

[@lionessnala2000]

Yeah...I think you are right...he needs help I hope he us getting help...goodness me. I just feel his pain more...

[@ruseangirl]

No, sometimes your mind will block out details of trauma so him not remembering is not just because he is uncomfortable

[@stellamooibedi9027]

Nothing should be considered taboo anymore, so many people are carrying lots of pain in their hearts because of their unspoken truths !!!!

[@knowthyself5044]

Thank you🌻💛🌻

[@paulkhoboko1324]

Your show is very touching, I know what okuhle is talking about, Even today no one believes me that i got raped. Much love from Lesotho

[@TheresaNyamaropa]

Sending love and support Paul

[@ntokotoPM]

Love and light your way❤️❤️

[@xollymadala4294]

Just know that there's nothing wrong about you and it was not your fault there's something wrong about the person who did that you much love ❤ for you

[@palesatshego8626]

Askies mkhaya.. love and strength you way🤗🤗

[@loladedelano7481]

So….sorry that happened to you. I don’t know you but I believe you. May God heal you completely & I pray you are strong enough to use your story to help others!! 💜

[@92Kandee]

The thing with being raped; people who have not lived the experience will ask why you didn't fight off the perpetrator; what did you do in the situation? They think rape is a violent act, not realizing that sometimes, you are so overcome with fear and shock that you know there just is no way to fight a person off. You become so defeated, in that moment, that all you can do is just let whatever what might happen, happen. That does not mean the victim wanted it or allowed it to happen - the emotional scarring is just as bad. The act of rape is isn't as black and white as society wants to make it - there is a grey area (where victims don't fight, where the male gets erect and ejaculates, where the female gets wet, where the victim may have wanted it but changed her/his mind a minute later); all those examples are STILL rape. Another part; as women, we need to learn to be kinder and more gentle to men. Toki said something SO profound about what his wife, at the time, expected from him without considering his past trauma. It's sad that she couldn't support him; granted, a woman shouldn't heal a man, but she should have allowed him space to be & shown empathy.

[@oliviankosi6469]

Keke so may people struggle to understand this statement right here and if people would it would make a huge difference. well said

[@evezazzle5974]

You are such a beautiful soul. The world is better with you in it ❤️🙏✨

[@AllthingsDavi]

For some reasons it makes me find peace to know that im not alone, being male and a rape victim on 3 occasions. It has put my life on hold. Social anxiety, and anger issues. And when you open up about being raped you are dismissed as male or no symphathy shown for you at all. Its like you can read a person s mind saying are you crazy

[@ntokotoPM]

You're not alone. Sending you healing ❤️

[@AllthingsDavi]

Thank you.

[@nardalinton-brown7953]

Speak out it help you to free yourself from the burdens there are people who will believe you

[@nkhabe03]

May you find healing

[@nenesibanda4171]

Hope you get help. Sorry for what happened.

[@TulongaShingualulu]

I have learned a lot from this as a woman.

[@khetimthembu8465]

Shout out to these men for sharing their stories. It's really hard talking about such in the society we live in. Stay strong guys😊❤️.

[@ziyandashozi7905]

Okuhle still needs help to deal with what happened to him.. I feel like he thinks this is his fault, had he not been drank they probably wouldn’t have taken advantage of him of which is not true.. My heart goes out to all the victims, may they heal ♥️♥️

[@nompilokhanyile8100]

How does this channel not have 200K subscribers already? This is quality, thought provoking, educational content right here.

[@aloekitty4833]

Asking if he's still alive... So they knew that 1. It's rape, 2. They're infecting him believing that he'd die. Sounds like attempted murder as well to me.

[@MrsMax2009]

it was deliberate to infect him to eventually die...sounds like attempted murder to me

[@ksazobafit....2216]

The audacity to even say that to him... Like this is well thought out and Mos Def not the first time they did it and it sucks that if he reports it he won't be believed

[@xollymadala4294]

It actually was attempted murder

[@upscalemelanin7939]

They need to go to jail

[@merdeux21]

It is...attempted murder

[@Keekeembhele]

My heart is literally in pieces...we live in a cruel world

[@thandomdyolo5434]

This is so sad to watch , I'm really sorry for what happened to y'all 😭. I hope you guys heal from this and I'm grateful that you guys are telling your story it will make others be able to open up about their traumas as well.

[@mphowamofolo]

Such a painful episode. I wish them strength and healing 🎈

[@relebogilemabotja215]

🙏🏾

[@musasamelasoncasenduli1086]

Relebogile Mabotja, the sweetest interviewer, you're so welcoming and your interviewing tactics makes it easy for interviewees to respond freely and comfortably. Okuhle and you other guys, be strong. May you all find healing. 🙏

[@jasd9476]

I stumbled on this channel by accident and I must say I LOVE IT! Great topics, so genuine, and the interviewer is so GORGEOUS! 😍☺️..Definitely have to subscribe.

[@laonetsamai114]

The Queen of talkshows handled this interview like the pro she is👐

[@megacontents8020]

Thank you for the platform for opportunity to relate to what some of us have kept to our chest for so long. It's a healing process for us

[@teresag.destinationmountai7802]

As one who has survived childhood sexual, emotional and physical abuse it saddens me wether man or woman that we can’t have a normal relationship without the past constantly haunting us…. There are some things we have fought like hell to get past and come to peace with yet this one thing is always lingering in the background…some have the constant reminder due to being infected with something like HIV but most of us have invisible scars…. Thank you for sharing this story with your grace and empathy many just don’t get and we kind of go through life being victimized over and over again…mentally and it mostly come from the church…. I am 61 and in Texarkana Arkansas US and it’s a shame yet I love it that I must watch shows from your country that effectively bring healing and peace

[@evezazzle5974]

Love and light to you, you never ever deserved that abuse and cruelty EVER ‼️ Wishing you a kind and gentle recovery and life 🙏✨❤️💐🌹🌺🌸🌻🌼

[@sihlendwandwe5777]

Very true I'm lucky he didn't infect me with HIV and AIDS but constantly struggling with UTI at the young age 😢

[@siggyS19]

This is one of those things we dont want to speak about in society and it's this silence that co-signs a heinous crime. I don't know what the fear with unpacking this is. So many victims out there, I feel like there might be as many Male victims as there are female.

[@cecilemuntu5401]

I really applaud these brave men. There's many out there who are ashamed to speak out, not only in sexual context but also in any forms of abuse. I myself is a witness of a family man being abused by his wife. Beaten up, even getting injured by his wife in front of his children. I really pray they find the strength to speak up.😔😔

[@dazelziwewe619]

Shame. That's so sad.

[@boynextdoor04]

This is honestly heartbreaking 🥺. I know how it feels to be in that place. Hope everyone finds healing ❤️‍🩹.

[@nomxhosapekani7966]

I once watched a docie about men in the DRC sexually assualt in front of their families by Rebels & UN soldiers in the Congo and them having to watch, it kinda made me understand the anger some men carry, not because of masculaty, but being put in such a place of weakness infront of those you vowed to protect. 😢 😢 😭 😭😭 😭

[@ksazobafit....2216]

I hope you heal thabang I really do...

[@nankihoaeane4396]

It's difficult going through this interview. It's hurtful and scary. Having male children its scary

[@ntokotoPM]

I'm really scared of having kids because of this kind of evil in the world. 💔

[@cynthiamagaga9061]

It's not easy for men to speak up... This is a start to encourage others to come out, May the Lord heal and comfortable you guys❤️

[@yandiswanongwe5901]

Ow man 😭😭, this is so painful may they all find healing. Love and light ❤

[@BafanaGweba]

Spiritual bypassing ... Thank you, Lebo. I learned something new today. Keep up the good work.

[@ihelpthosewhohelpthem3362]

Your show is absolutely amazing, Thank God for you!!!!!!!!! May he continue to bless you with growth and abundance!!

[@PerceivIT]

After what had happened all you need is an honest hug and the voice telling you all will be well. Take your power back and stand as tall while you get you get your justice.

[@neoh-d1877]

wish I knew about your channel sooner , my goodness the content is amazing. thank you so much for this. The conversations feel natural and very genuine. ❤

[@aloekitty4833]

Also big up yourself Lebza for the interviewing skills. You come across as genuine and knowledgeable.

[@teachersikhumbuzomoyo5419]

This has made me subscribe to your channel. I am a healer myself and promulgating justice. *healing wishes and goes out to you all victims * you're loved and accepted

[@thulisilemathonsi3639]

This is emotionally traumatic to watch our men going thru this Keep strong and find healling🙏

[@stellamooibedi9027]

Relebogile this is so heavy and you handled it like a pro, I hope you get therapy for all these heavy ones.

[@relebogilemabotja215]

Thank you!

[@jorisankonoane2448]

All of you went through a painful and traumatic experience, may you find healing and be able to move forward in life though from the sound of your voices this has created lifetime scars I hope you find peace.

[@pontsomudau414]

Tjo sending love and hugs to Okuhle🕯️🕯️😩😩

[@buzvii6755]

I love this show so much. It is very informative.

[@blandineumurerwa326]

It's the dynamic panel that shows that this doesn't just happen to a man because of his race, religion or preference! Lebo you are powerful

[@msm5887]

Akamhle uOkuhle 😍. These men are so well versed 😍. Rele you are a Powehouse Nana ♥️

[@relebogilemabotja215]

Thank you!

[@nomxhosapekani7966]

I can only imagine that 100's of people so this but did have the heart to click and watch, because it's really heavy &deep. Yes abuse is heavy, but showing your weak side when society expect you to be strong is the same pain women feel when society say things like but it's not like you were a virgin.😢😢😢😢 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭

[@zimkhitha.h]

Wow..had goosebumps throughout

[@nenesibanda4171]

I would like rapists to be interviewed, I want to know what runs in their mind when they harming and hurting other people. This is sad and traumatic, people hate their bodies and live with memories that have happened. I wish people can understand what this does to the human spirit.

[@najeehaamid5194]

Love love your show ❣️❤️💖 Thank you for discussing sensitive issues sensibly and intelligently. Much support and love to all victims. Stay strong.

[@tshepisomorobi659]

What a painful story my sister Rele and much respect to your wonderful guests for speaking up and also for teaching us young men to never be judgemental toward male rape victims and this also shows how the system really destroy human nature, and this thing of so called "feminism" that always when we talk about masculinity is toxic but yet we never hear of toxic femininity is really not helping the society in general because men are always portrayed as these dangerous creatures while on the other hand we ignore the whole ample of good men that exist out there, and how is calling men toxic or "trash" going to help? This is the reason why is also difficult for some people to believe that men are also the victims of rape because they are always seemed as perpetrators. Lastly but not the least as a society we should strive to finding solutions to this calamity other than judging one another and referring to one another as "trash".

[@gofaoneelizabethmallege903]

Heartbreaking indeed😭Strength to you guys

[@ericamkandawire6048]

This makes me worry for my brother who is still a child, who is now an orphan and is being raised by extended family members we don't even know very well😡😖 you can't trust just anybody,nomatter what, with a minor especially when they're a sibling or child of yours.

[@lehlogonolomasuku]

Orphan how while you still alive?

[@shebacynn1320]

Why isn’t he with you?

[@mmeshikgaphola419]

Our society teach women how not to be victims of rape but neglect teaching men how not to be perpetrators of rape,no wonder we are bedevilled by the scourge of rape. Sexual assault & rape of young men by their male counterpart or by women,is as prevalent as the raping of women by men. But too much emphasis is invested on the plight of female rape victims. We have the same problem acrosss the gender spectrum but the spotlight is unfairly focused on a single gender. Interestingly,most men who are victims of rape,will likely,in turn,become perpetrators of rape themselves if they don't seek help through speaking out & counseling..Its a vicious cycle of unending trauma & psychological damage. The main reason why most men would rather die than speaking out for being sexually abused is because of toxic,sensitive masculinity amongst men,themselves. They fear secondary victimization. A man who is a victim of rape is regarded as weak & not a man enough. Religion & culture are weaponized to emasculate male rape victims. Until we realize as a society that we don't have a problem of rape & gender-based violence,we rather have a problem with men-their toxic,hypersensitive masculinity which breeds violence violence,misogyny & sexual violence. If i walk in the street by mid-night,i have 98% chances of being mugged,robbed & killed by other men than by other women. So,as a man,my gender doesn't shields me from the wrath of my fellow men. The most effective way to tackle the scourge of rape,GBV & violent crime is by empowering men to unlearn,relearn the toxic,misleading teaching religion & culture has instilled in them for generations. They,too are victims of this systemic,flawed deeply entrenched partriarchal system.

[@tshepisomorobi659]

Dear my brother Kgaphola May I humbly ask if do you believe that is there such a thing as toxic femininity?

[@immaculatenzimande9929]

Thank you. I've never met a man who thinks, sees n articulates the world exactly as is. Thank you for brilliant pov.

[@tjsevarg3838]

That's a lot of words when you could have simply wrote "men, it's your fault if you're raped". Cause thats basically all you said.

[@teachersikhumbuzomoyo5419]

Kuhle please open a case, though no evidence exists now, investigation will be done and perhaps have a sense of justice...that will assist in healing too

[@mantwamadiba4715]

People are so evil, thank you all you amazing men for sharing.

[@thatothobejane4674]

Sending love and light to these men ❤

[@nkosiyazisukazi3927]

Yes. Let’s have those difficult conversations

[@cassandralebea7749]

This is a very good programme, only learnt about it today when I saw a pop up and I recognized Okuhle cause we went to the same high school. I commend him for his bravery and speaking about this, this will help alot of other young men be able to speak up and get the support they need while it's still early. I'm glad that he also found the courage to want to do something about it, all the best Okuhle I really pray you find healing and justice. 💕🙏🏾

[@modisedaeswatiniprincess6944]

They are so brave for coming out and sharing with us. Thank you for raising awareness. We love you so so much. Such brave men. Watching this I'm really upset because I had to break up with a guy I was dating coz he was a pedo. I didn't tell him exactly why I dumped him but I broke it off because he was just creepy around kids. Pedos are disgusting, I wish it was possible for me to open a case against him.

[@katiix]

When women get drunk and taken advantage of it's rape but when it happens to a man being taken advantage of while drunk people think it's funny and consider it as he got laid. The stereotype behind this needs to change.

[@randombar]

It really needs to change. As gents we need to stop celebrating guys who get raped. Ladies you also need to learn to ask for consent and stop attacking men, saying their gay if they don't want to sleep with you.

[@SM-mh1kq]

This is deep and heavy 😪 😔...people are going through a lot, joo mara life ... my heart Okhutle need a serious support.

[@QueenTho]

It is heartbreaking bathong, I pray for healing to you all 🙏🏿

[@l.mendes547]

Proud of these men for their courage 🙏

[@fikilemahlalela7564]

Listening to okuhle i cried😢😢 he still need help

[@thulaniningi7768]

I actually have a friend who was raped as well and is suicidal. my worry guys don't want to open cases and later might be too late. he was seventeen and still a child even today he hasn't opened a cape.

[@vuyox]

I can't thank the idea of this show enough. There is so much pain in these stories. I really don't see these men or any other person from sexual exploitation as "victims' but as survivers. Thanks for sharing, I hope to get the courage to share mine too.

[@sthembisomgenge9711]

😪This is extremely sad!!

[@charityapril1707]

the pain in Okuhle's voice n eyes,,, it is heartbreaking to hear what you went you n now you live with it ,,, i can imagine on how deep it has affected you ,,, may the lord continue to give you strength and guide just know you are not alone ,, i wish to give you a warm hug,, may the Lord protected you

[@hilyam.i3226]

“Are you still alive?you gaining weight”THEEEEEE AUDACITY 😭

[@shammiemhindu8282]

Powerful topics Lebo💔💔

[@cyliamotsoenengzengele]

I have experienced the memories that my mind shields as dreams.

[@megacontents8020]

I can relate with that

[@mphihlengmagoro2957]

Heartbreaking stories shared here. Toki's story is particularly concerning man. Who grooms a 16-year-old for such? We need more of these brave men to break the silence and maybe with their sharing, we can find solutions and save other men out there. Healing to all the guys.

[@relebogilemabotja215]

Thank you. We hope that with this many more are able to.

[@immaculatenzimande9929]

Firstly, Rele thank you for this show. Thank you! ''All she saw was a provider, potential father and husband. There was no space for vulnerability or intimate conversations'' -Toki. I'm wounded on all your behalf my brothers. May the peace n light of God shine your way.

[@luism93g]

Grandes!

[@lionessnala2000]

Well done guys all of you for your bravery...

[@katiix]

People always think rape is violent and it's not, they expect you to be bloodied and bruised. People also think if your partner is forcing sex on you it's not rape when it is rape, not wanting sex with someone it's rape and rape is rape, no matter how or with who.

[@thatobaloyi6194]

I feel sympathise with anyone who has been raped,male or female . Men also deserve sympathy and justice when they have been raped

[@LindaTinahTV]

The delicacy of the host on such a fragile topic is to be applauded. While the fight to protect women is on going, males need to be seen too.

[@thokozanimaduma2175]

Yoooh it's painful. Lets hope speed recovery. God is on your side.

[@Bianca-ms4rt]

We live in a sick society.

[@joyent7643]

I pray God heals all rape and assault victims male and female. May you heal from those who violated you, those who mocked you, those who didn't believe you. I'm so sorry you went/are going through this. The world is so evil. May those who violated you also heal from whatever pushed them to do such disgusting things.

[@viwemsibi646]

my little brother was raped that shit fucked me up ... sometimes I wish that i could have done something to protect him.

[@charleyshaaz]

😢😢😢Okuhle i am so sorry this happened to you😘😘

[@cyliamotsoenengzengele]

Wow, Lebo, the suppressed memories 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@bulelwambono3032]

In my community we had 4 cases of boys being raped by someone we all trusted looking at as a very innocent and loved by everyone especially children😭what is truly sad in all that two children parents don't know even now because there children never disclose

[@sinenhlanhlamabuela4816]

But you as the community know this.. Why not do something about it? That one is a problem even make sound like"its not my child or relative" Very sad indeed

[@bulelwambono3032]

@@sinenhlanhlamabuela4816 I can not do something based on what I had but parents who there children disclosed of the accident did take action he is still behind bars for more investigation

[@stellamooibedi9027]

How parents are always blinded with people especially when they are monied🤮

[@xolelandamase5976]

Hayi amagweja🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️🙆‍♂️😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭Nigerians mabafeeeeeeeee rhaaaaa yini Okuhle😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[@ntandoyenkosicele5196]

We need an episode on spiritual bypassing please.

[@maletsatsimolefe1548]

Rape can really destroy a person in many ways, especially in a relationship one must have a partner that understands because no matter how long it happened you really don't forget about it.i pray for healing and strength to each and every person that has been raped 🙏

[@velamazibuko8413]

Okuhle is still under sooo much pain 😢

[@thatomokgwasa4074]

😭😭😭This stories. 💔

[@relebogilemabotja215]

Honestly 💔

[@vezembakario6300]

Relebogile you are God given 😭🙏😍

[@GuyFromSouthAfrica]

Can okuhle go and open a case as he knows his perpetrator's.

[@thabisiletshili1736]

😔💔💔they should speak up ✊as well and be taken seriously too

[@boitumelomasinga8680]

Yoh Okuhle guys. My heart💔💔💔😭😭😭