Working Mom Daycare Guilt ... & the Baby Peed IN MY EYE . . . | MamaDoctorJones

Discussing why I DON'T feel guilty my kids are in daycare and running through some of the other childcare options we've used.

[@OneMamaToAnother]

The US needs to get on board with paid maternity leaves that give parents time to be home with their babies for a decent amount of time.

[@mommy2kdk]

Yes we do!

[@OneMamaToAnother]

In Canada (and other countries) parental leave is available to mothers or fathers or they can divide the time so that doesn't apply. It's 18 months here now :)

[@matea6973]

How much of a maternity leave do you get in the US? I live in Croatia and we get a year but don't get paid in full for that year so some moms go back to work after 6 months.

[@athenadominguezcastillo2752]

We do, we also need better child care for afterwards.

[@FedUpPrincess09]

We do get maternity leave but it's up to the employer if they WANT to pay or not...and maybe some states r different but here in Michigan the only maternity leave I was given was 6 weeks...when I got out of the hospital my boss said she wanted a note from the Dr at my 6 week follow-up stating I was cleared and all was good (obviously expecting me back) 3 weeks later she tells me over the phone I need to find a different job cuz I no longer work there...they hired a girl to help pick up the slack while I was gone as an after school job cuz she was in high school...well 3 weeks into my maternity leave school got out for her and she wanted full-time hours and my boss couldn't afford to pay us both when I came back... so basically I had a baby and more expenses and I get fired cuz I can't be there and this girl could be... fucked up part is my old boss was like family and I knew her my whole life as like a grandmother to me...

[@stillwatersfarm8499]

I have realized people have different relationship needs. Some people get married and want to be together night and day. Other people get married and want to do their own thing and come together for shorter periods of time. Same with children. Some families want to be together all the time. Others want separate lives with a home base. No way is the right way. The right way is the one in which you thrive. When we listen to our children they tell us what they need. Same goes for spouse and self.

[@WitteArtistry]

Heck yes!! 😍

[@CatrionaCharles]

“The right way is the way in which you thrive”, YES, that is an awesome observation!

[@victoriaharmon7297]

Very true well said!

[@SarahLizDoan]

Still Waters Farm excellent advice and wise comment. Thank you!

[@shahdalali7999]

Oh wow, I never really put so much thought into it. I always felt that I was weird for wanting a break from my family or wanting to spend all of my time with them, so thank you for posting that comment.

[@WitteArtistry]

I found your channel today and I am not a mom, nor pregnant, nor want to be a parent, but I find your channel really insightful and it is helping me understand the parents around me. So thank you! :D

[@RawrZombieKittens]

Witte Artistry I’m so glad that I am not the only person who has absolutely no interest in having children who watches this channel just because it’s interesting!

[@WitteArtistry]

@@RawrZombieKittens haha heck yeah! Gotta be a well rounded person!

[@bgoquick]

No judgment here. Each of us should be able to decide what is best for us whether we decide to have kids or not its up to us and not be shamed for it. I agree I really like her channel because how insightful it is and how well she explains things

[@katla_phc]

Agreed! I was recommended this channel most likely because I'm currently premed and I absolutely love it! (Even though I don't want kids and don't want to be an obgyn)

[@theskeletonfairy]

Samesies

[@robertkoons1154]

Dad tip to mom, immediately cover male organ with clean diaper while changing, and always keep it covered as long as baby is on its back. You are dealing with a small hose which can point in any direction. Also point it down toward legs during and after changing. Always assume it is loaded.

[@CatrionaCharles]

Little Bob I think she learned that the hard way! 😂

[@shannonscrazyhouse877]

Lol lol but true lol lol

[@jebsmith323]

Always assume it is loaded! hahahahahaha

[@lauramorgan27]

It’s called a penis

[@TheRubinator13]

🤣 something us women and our lack of hoses don't think about until its either told to them or its too late 🤣 thankfully I found this comment before ever having children 🤣

[@cackleberrycottage2340]

My kids are grown up now, but the trouble for us was the cost. I was working as a court clerk and by the time I paid for full time child care, I ended up making about $50 per week clear money. Plus I was gone for 10 hours a day with my drive. I barely saw my kids at all so we eventually decided that $50 wasn't worth it, even though I really liked that job and now regret not staying there. I found a job at a hospital ER and worked Fri, Sat and Sunday 3 to 11. I had more money working less hours.but no benefits and now no retirement either. It is very hard when you have no one to help you and you don't make enough to afford good help.

[@starcharlie1880]

Wow that's hard. I'm so glad you overcame that ❤

[@audrey8543]

My brother peed in the doctors eye right as he was born. My stepmom insists that's why his birth weight was 8lb 15oz instead of 9lb LOL!

[@RedRoseSeptember22]

lmfao that's too funny!!!

[@marie-sophieemilypatricawa1830]

Damn I never thought about that what I might have weighed..... (was born with 4690gramms) but that was after I pooped on my mums belly as soon as he handed me up to her..... @Mama Doctor Jones is that actually happening often that new borns pee or poop right away?

[@momkatmax]

Cute!

[@michelle3445]

My son peed on my chest right after birth. LoL

[@destynewalsh9552]

I used to work at daycare, and this is exactly what we told the moms with daycare guilt 😁

[@jencatlady8092]

As a daycare teacher thank you for saying this .

[@kirar2180]

Ditto🤗

[@carolyncassedy6576]

As a preschool teacher, thank you for the kind words. So many people are negative about preschool and day care. People can be really rude especially on the internet. So thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.

[@juliettemay2666]

I felt guilty at first, but our daycare staff were so wonderful, she loved playing with the other kids, and she loved going to school like a big girl.

[@lindamarshall3485]

@@juliettemay2666 It's so good for kids socialization, plus trained and experienced staff often have really good insight into ways to deal with common behaviour issues

[@TinishaR91]

Thank you! I am a daycare provider. I love that you say we are a village that is so true! I am so fortunate that I have wonderful daycare parents! I love every single of my kiddos!

[@zaydenelliot9339]

I was already thinking "it takes a village" when i clicked on this video so I'm so glad you said it. In our ancestry it was very very normal to have a village mentality to raising children and I think it's HEALTHIER for a child to be exposed to all different kinds of (trusted) people and views. I think it makes children more independent and more readily able to think for themselves while also making them more socially adjusted and just well rounded people in general.

[@bottomlessmomosa8958]

Totally agree with her too! If you want some more inspo I made a podcast episode about how MOM guilt is BS that's only 14 minutes. Would love to get your feedback podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mom-guilt-is-bull-sh-t/id1506416980?i=1000473342276

[@zebzoron]

I had a stay at home dad and my mom worked. They thought it was important for me to socialize with other children so they decided to have me go to daycare one day a week. I loved daycare and looked forward to it! As long as you find the right daycare for your child, I see nothing wrong with using it. I love your message!

[@RedRoseSeptember22]

Agreed :)

[@You.Tube.Sucks.]

Kat, I was JUST wondering whether one day a week would be enough for adequate socialization. Do you feel that it was for you?

[@Neohell85]

I also grew up with a stay at home dad! My mum was a civil engineer and earned 4 times what my dad did as a van driver, so it made sense that she be the breadwinner. Sadly, she died when I was 6 but my dad still rocked it as a single parent. Even now I’m 34, he’s still the best dad ever.

[@intuitive_duck]

Interesting! I really like that idea of having scheduled times for daycare/socializing.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

@@intuitive_duck I know, never thought of it that way

[@Shellyshocked]

I went to a few different day cares as a child. I won't give details but, it was a horrific experience. My mother was a workaholic and it was still hard for her to afford child care plus pay the bills. By the time she would pick me up from day care she'd be exhausted but, she'd still have to clean the house, cook dinner then clean up from cooking dinner and get me ready for bed. She would take time to read me a story and lay with me a bit before I'd fall asleep. I wanted to tell her how bad things were at day care but, I'd act like everything was fine. At 6 yrs old I don't know if I knew any better. She worked a second job on the weekends but, thankfully my grandmother was able to watch me. I loved going to my grandmother's. I'm definitely not judging people for sending their children to day care. I just know that no matter how many reviews or gold stars a day care gets you can never guarantee its gonna be a good place for your child. You may think your toddler or 6 yr old would tell you if something was wrong but not always. And infants can't talk. You can also tell yourself you'd be able to tell if something bad was happening. Even my mother gave me the whole speech about telling her if someone ever hurt me. But I never told her and it effected me for a long time. Especially once I decided to get married and have children. I made sure my husband knew I would be a stay at home mother until my children were school aged. I took them to the play ground and to other places to socialize with other children but, there was no way I was paying someone else to watch my babies. I hated even sending them to school once they were school aged. They are adults now and they've all moved out on their own but, I still worry about them constantly. Thankfully they understand why I'm so crazy and love me even though I drive them nuts. I some times wish I had told my Mother what happened before she passed away a year and a half ago. But then again she would have blamed her self and I wouldn't have wanted her to feel like she did something wrong.

[@jasminemarika7122]

What made it so horrible?

[@martinashaw9141]

You're amazing

[@kaleigh4081]

Amen! To both sides - I had people really insult me about my decision to be a stay at home mom! How crazy! That said, I think day care is really the right option for so many families and children. Having worked in a school for children with learning disabilities, I can see how good it is for these children to be in day care where they can get proper stimulation/early education as opposed to them being at home alone with a parent. So both options can be perfect - it always depends on the family, the child and the situation. Thanks for this video.

[@kellyalves756]

KaLeigh It takes a village- and some of those villagers make a career out of it. I am a proud professional aunt to many generations of children in my community. Good for you for making the decision to stay home! It must be wonderful to get all that one on one, just be sure and maintain access to whatever your own village might be. Whoever decided that mothers should resign themselves to doing it alone was nuts.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

Thanks! Yep, being a work-outside-the-home mom is a really emotional thing. We're all just doing the best we can

[@sadiejean08]

Stay at home mom here, and I love when my babies go to “school” when I work out... they get to play with kids their age and we get a break from each other! I respect both sham and working moms, we both work hard for our children!

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

thank you for sharing this! I agree: all moms are freakin' hardworking moms and deserve a lot of credit (plus a good break as often as they can get it!)

[@rhondawilliams517]

I always thought the more people that loved my son the better.

[@SarahLizDoan]

Rhonda Williams YES!

[@SauraElanthier]

I learned while I had been laid off for 6 months that I am NOT stay-at-home-parent material! I love my son very dearly and took him out for walks all the time, but it's not the flavor of work that I am meant for. I am definitely a career woman!

[@saragruber1019]

Me too. I planned to take a year off with our last move. Our daughter was 3 and I was going to spend the time with her. I lasted 2 months before i was working part time. I started with 6 hours a week and was up to 40 hours a week within a few months. I did work evenings, so she was still home with me during the day and that was great, but I have to work.

[@stayathomemarine]

@@saragruber1019 can you elaborate? Like was it too stressful being home with the baby all day?

[@saragruber1019]

@@stayathomemarine no I just missed working.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

Thank you for this refreshing perspective! I feel like so often people assume career moms are inherently "bad" moms :(

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

@@saragruber1019 I, too, have found that my job is an outlet for my own creative expression...it's really become a part of my own identity and while I wrestle with mom guilt, I am convinced that my kids should see me living out my dream!

[@Kim-Papercrafter]

You’re children seem to be having a very different experience than I did with daycare. I used family daycare for many years but found out later that my son’s family daycarer physically hurt him at least once and I don’t think she liked him either. We also used a daycare centre for one year when my son was 3 he was bitten a lot, learn’t to bite, contracted chicken pox and had head lice numerous times. I do think there are good daycare centres out there but I no longer trust anyone else to look after my child. I’m pregnant and will be a full time stay at home mum with this one. I homeschool my eldest now. I gave up my career in outside school hours care to take care of my own child, I’m very happy with this decision. I completely understand that being a stay at home mum is not for everyone though.

[@1986Baki]

As a daycare teacher myself i can tell you guys i love all the children like they are my own children and we do alot to really make them feel like they are at home there.

[@lifeinawheelchairadventure4034]

My friend said she’s a better parent if she gets a break from her kids 4 days a week. Her hubby works 4 days, too, so between the 2 of them, the kids are in care partial days, 3 days a week. They have every weekend and holiday with their kids and do you wanna know what??? The kids turned out FINE!

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

good to know! i've been thinking so much about all this, too. Mom guilt is so vicious!

[@ingobaby1]

I think it's awesome that your kids can experience daycare. It is a great way to learn how to socialize with other kids their age! In Norway, we have a different system for when you get kids. Here, you have the right to stay at home for 9 months (I think) with 100% salary or for longer, but with less pay. Dads also get 12 weeks to stay home with full pay. I think it's an awesome solution, however, I understand that some people prefer going back to work earlier, and there is nothing wrong with that! I've met a bunch of different people with different solutions for their kids, and I have yet to meet a single one who in any way neglected their kid, by choosing as they did :) Edit: I'm pretty sure it is as it is here, because the government really want people to have more babies :O

[@emersonhawks]

Daycare shouldnt be shamed, but pls do the research on where you put them My uncle found put they were beating his daughter while in daycare, and they got very lucky that all he did was get the place shut down

[@BStop22]

I do agree with you. And, that is horrible that happened to your niece. However, now the reputable daycares have cameras and you can watch your child/baby in the room the whole time, if you wanted. So, no chance for something like that to even happen.

[@gracyk9934]

Oh there was a daycare in my small town of 6,000 where it was revealed years ago that they were abusing kids. I think there are cameras now but the daycare is still open. I’ve heard bad things about it even today still. Crazy thing is, it’s run and owned by the hospital!

[@tylerv5413]

That’s my biggest fear and why I don’t use daycare.

[@crazymusicchick]

In Australia we have so many regulations it’s hard for this to happen today we have people that you can call and will spot check the centre if you called them idk what the USA is like so can’t say anything about that

[@bottomlessmomosa8958]

Totally agree with her too! If you want some more inspo I made a podcast episode about how MOM guilt is BS that's only 14 minutes. Would love to get your feedback podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mom-guilt-is-bull-sh-t/id1506416980?i=1000473342276

[@juliehammett]

I wish I had found your channel sooner! This is exactly what I needed to hear. We are starting daycare next month so I can continue my PhD at A&M and I think we've waited too long because of my guilt, which has caused tension in my work. Thanks, Dr. Jones.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

How awesome that you're getting your PhD! Wow. I got mine in 2013 and had wanted kids for soooo long but they didn't end up happening until I'd accepted a tenure-track job. Talk about mom guilt! But I've learned so much along the way...

[@hannahhettwer3030]

As a nanny who strives everyday to make kids feel as loved and fulfilled as I can when they’re missing their parents, I really appreciate this video. I can tell you it’s my passion to comfort those kids and be the most stable and compassionate caretaker while you are taking care of your family away from them.. I can promise you I love and protect those babies as my own! You mamas rock and it’s so good for your children to bond and form relationships with other people and children beside just you!! 💖💖

[@jasmindarling1552]

Thanks for sharing! I’m in the midst of Bringing Up Bebé (book) and it’s so refreshing to see that in other cultures/countries daycare is actually highly sought after and it’s considered not only the norm but actually odd if your child isn’t enrolled! But it also has high standards on a national level as opposed to the model we have in the US...but still! Daycare is great for kids! So is being home with their parents! Or a nanny! ❤️

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

That's an awesome perspective. I've heard of that book before but need to revisit it. Thanks!

[@cbpd89]

Both my parents worked, but my grandmother lived with us for most of my childhood and teenage years. I loved her dearly and it was very nice for my parents to be able to work and not wonder who would be there when I got home from school. I was lucky, this is simply not the case in a lot of households and daycare is a perfectly legitimate way to make sure your kids are cared for while you are working!

[@mollyp7953]

I needed this, today. Stumbled on it in the midst of getting my 2 year old girls signed up so that their dad can go back to work. We'll also be starting to time share soon with their mom and it's been eating me up. Your words here are so comforting and I'm grateful my girls will have a village.

[@erinmeadows14]

my son had severe gross motor skills delay due to congenital hypotonia (yay premie). He has done nothing but blossom and is almost caught up since we put him in daycare at 3 months. His PT saw a huge change after starting daycare and the longer he is there the more he improves. I wanted to stay home with him but couldn't. I see now that this was the right thing for him in the long run no matter my desires.

[@Jessicace]

I don't think you should feel bad about having to use childcare considering your circumstances, but to put your child's development down to being in daycare, when there is no true way to measure that. Daycare should be a choice, not something people should HAVE to use because there is not sufficient maternity leave. The lack of maternity leave in the US is disgusting, and it is a reflection of the perception of a caregiving role being worthless in our economically driven society.

[@mahiavalle]

My local daycare won’t take our preemie since he hasn’t had RSV injections.

[@NurseLiz]

YESSS I feel like every parent needs to see this. Villages come in so many shapes and forms. Thanks for talking about this :)

[@yojs17_]

Ob/gyn also and I have one son who is 18 months! My mom stayed home with him for the first year and at a year we out him in daycare. I love love love his “school” , he has created great bonds with his teachers and learns so much. I feel more at ease with him in daycare than when he was staying at home with my mom because she was doing grandparents do...spoil them! And was hard to keep him on a schedule, etc, etc. Daycare is great for so many reasons. I even send him full time when I am off from work and on vacation and I don’t feel guilty about it!

[@bmcdonald7303]

Same! Not the dr part but sending mine just to take a half day to relax in complete silence and peace. Also, “school” keeps mine on a schedule that works for us whereas anytime my mother offered to keep them, it was much harder to get them back on track with a routine.

[@erinbrennan9397]

Love your channel! My mom raised the 5 of us while creating a now multi-million dollar business. She has no need to feel bad for putting us in daycare. If anything, it was a large sacrifice. When she started her company she only made enough to cover the cost of daycare for us and my dad’s salary barely covered our expenses. I had the absolute best time in daycare - learned more than many at that age, and when my mom picked us up we got so excited to see her. I’m glad now to have a great example of a working mother. You are now another great example of a woman who doesn’t have to give up being a good mom to be a successful person.

[@smritizalpuri]

Thought of the day "going to work feels like a break to me" : Ditto Mama, ditto

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

so true, right? as much as we love our kids, it's not an either/or thing--we can be BOTH moms and ambitious career women

[@bottomlessmomosa8958]

Totally agree with her too! If you want some more inspo I made a podcast episode about how MOM guilt is BS that's only 14 minutes. Would love to get your feedback podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mom-guilt-is-bull-sh-t/id1506416980?i=1000473342276

[@hotmessjess2762]

um holy heck! THANK YOU! I needed to hear this.

[@courtneycartwright4975]

same here. i feel guilty all the dang time. i would totally stay home if i could afford it but i can't. i have a friend who said this and it helped me a lot - 'all mom's feel guilty, may as well pay the bills while you're at it'

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

mom guilt is so awful! how do you handle it?

[@bottomlessmomosa8958]

Totally agree with her too! If you want some more inspo I made a podcast episode about how MOM guilt is BS that's only 14 minutes. Would love to get your feedback podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mom-guilt-is-bull-sh-t/id1506416980?i=1000473342276

[@erinl7930]

I work in a childcare and have had a parent or two admit they were pretty happy it was Monday! Haha. I appreciated hearing your point of view on childcare and children being raised by a village and that the village looks different to each family. Viewing your childcare providers as part of the team helping raise your kids shows a great amount of respect and fondness for them. Sounds like a win-win situation!

[@laurawright3747]

Exactly! I preferred in home daycare over a daycare center. My provider is now a friend and my son is still friends with her 2 oldest who are around his age. I loved being nanny before I had kids and then after I had my son for about a year. Now a single mom and thankful for all the friends who have become like family and help me with my son who is now 8 and in 3rd grade.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

I would LOVE to find in-home daycare but I haven't been able to. Being a working mom is sure an emotional thing, but it motivates me to be the very best I can be for my 3 boys!

[@laurawright3747]

@@SolutionsforSimplicity it's definitely hard to find a balance and I only have one!

[@eternalsoule4092]

I work in a daycare and it was really nice hearing a hard working parents perspective on what we do ❤

[@oliviascholes3540]

BLESS YOUR FACE for this video!! I start med school in August and have to put my baby in childcare. Mom guilt level 100 until I watched this and now I feel soooo much better!

[@franug]

I want to become pregnant within the next 2 years and have had a close friend - a new mom - kind of shaming moms that don't stay at home because, for her, "it's impossible to be a working mom and be truly present for your kid". I found it so insulting that honestly, I stopped talking to her for a while. My mom has always told me how important it was for her to keep on working, and I have fond memories of my time at day care, and also, the fact that my mom worked and had some sort of financial independence from my dad set an amazing example for me as an adult. My husband and I have talked about this a lot; he also wants to keep working so I think we'll combine days at my in-laws (my parents still work full time!) with daycare, plus my flexible work schedule will help smooth things out. As you say, MOST women HAVE to work to feed and raise their families! I just can't with that stupid shame. If you want/can be a stay-at-home mom, that's amazing, but shaming mothers that have or want to work it's ridiculous. As long as you give love and good values to your kids, they're going to be happy; and if you're happier working than staying at home, that's part of that too.

[@julesvibe]

I'm not a young mom anymore but I enjoy your content and I share it with all the young moms I have in my life. You're wonderful

[@lemonadecupcakes]

Thank you for this. A parent's confidence in leaving their child in preschool is the best indicator of how a child handles being in school. Fake it 'til you make it when it comes to parental confidence. When you see the child thrive and learn, then you can have REAL confidence in your choices. And I love and miss my kiddos desperately now that school is closed due to pandemic. I am tearing up just thinking about them. They take pieces of our hearts, know this about your teachers.

[@lizthedizwiz2171]

I really appreciate this video. I am first time mommy to be and my whole pregnancy I have felt guilty that I will have to return to work after my daughter is born. Your words have given me some peace. I love my job and have no choice but to return as we are depending on my income. I am coming to terms with the fact that that is okay and doesn't make me a bad mom. Thank you for your help.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

It can be so heartbreaking to want to be with your kids full-time but need to work to help provide for your family. Right there with ya! But you're so right: it doesn't make us bad moms AT ALL!

[@kylahgabbert127]

As a mil-spouse and teacher; yes yes yes!! The village looks different for everyone and there isn't shame in what works best for youa

[@robynmagilton6722]

YOU ARE A GENIUS!!! I have been feeling so overwhelmed by the thought of having children and how this might impact my career which I love but is exhausting in itself. I didn't even get to the end of the video before I had to go away and Google how much an aupair costs. Shockingly having an aupair is about half the cost of taking your child to a child minder/day care in the U.K. and you get so many more benefits. We are not yet at the point of trying yet but I shared the idea with my husband and it makes us both feel better. As someone with a disability it also alleviates some of the other worries which come with parenting. Thank you :)

[@jegallant]

Thank you for helping to normalize daycare. The only times I felt guilt for daycare was when I went back to work. But that’s it.

[@JaelynR28]

i’m a daycare teacher and all i have to say is thank you!! i am a toddler teacher in a 2 year old class and i absolutely love my kiddos and it makes me feel better that parents trust us too!

[@WakeUpMay]

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and I just registered my son for daycare yesterday. I left the daycare feeling kind of sad and guilty about it but I enjoy working and I enjoy having my own income. This video popped up into my suggested videos and I’m so thankful it did. Thank you!

[@stayathomemarine]

How was it going back to work?

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

Being a working mom is really challenging, but we can't let mom guilt get us down! Hope you're hanging in there!

[@epsilona7472]

I work part time and the kids go to day care, (agree with the work is a break statement by the way). I put my kids in day care on my day off sometimes just so I can have a nap, like if my brain is tired, It's bad. Anyway, I don't feel guilty about it because its my kids' only real time they can socialise with kids their own age, they learn so much and have so many things to play with there, the early learning framework taught is amazing and they have animals to feed and take care of, then when they come home, I have energy and can give them my all.

[@kayladamron8957]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🙌🏻🙌🏻Thank you!!! It is nice to hear some with the same views as I do on this subject!! I think however you see fit to take care of your children is your decision! As a resident, my son goes to daycare. I get the question about who my son is with while I’m at work & I get the “ahhh, that’s a shame that you had to put him in daycare.” It was mine and my husband’s decision. He loves daycare. & this week actually, he was sick, and when he got to go back to daycare he was so excited! Socially he is so developed and I think it is a great thing for him and my family. Another frustrating thing, is when I’m on nightshift and I say that my husband is with our son & people are shocked that he keeps him at night alone. He is just as much my husbands responsibility as mine. In all honesty, he has kept him more nights alone than I have due to me being in residency!

[@RedRoseSeptember22]

Right? People act like Daddies can't handle their own kids and it's annoying!!!

[@KatieHoppertater]

Thanks for offering your perspective on how you don’t feel guilty for daycare! I am in the Navy and I can not wait to be able to stay home with my babies. But until then I must put them in daycare. My daughter is 9 months now, and you are right I have built a wonderful relationship with her caregivers! I love all of your videos- you are so smart and honest ❤️

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

So awesome that you're in the Navy! I've wrestled a lot with having to have my kids in daycare, too. But in a lot of ways, it's really forced us to make more QUALITY time

[@KristyRadio]

Thank you for this! I was raised by a stay at home mom but know I want to be a working mom and have always worried about this. Thank you 💗

[@paologreen]

I love your honest take on this touchy subject matter. And yes, why can’t moms and dads just be nice to each other. There’s always so much judgment for staying home or going to work. Can’t please anyone so away with guilt indeed! Guilt is a waste of time. I use day care part time and I have the best of both worlds. In my case day care is definitely my village since i have no family around to help out. Thanks for your video. Love your humor too.

[@sweetpea22000]

This is a great way to look at it. I just recently quit my job to stay at home and homeschool my kids. I did have some guilt over them being in daycare when they were younger, but I do see the benefits they got from it. I will say that not all daycares are created equal so please please do your research Moms.

[@lanaturner5439]

I saw this I won't judge you I got to stay with my son because I looked after my mum and I felt guilty because he didn't have loads of friends but I looked after her for more than 20 years before she passed away and I'm thankful for that. My son who is now 23 told me he was thankful that I was home with him because he had an understanding of disabled people and had a great relationship with his granny. When he told me that I was so relieved . Love your videos xx

[@chloecrawford5426]

Thank you for this SO MUCH ❤

[@nectariakolaxidou5736]

I'm very far from having kids but I still love your content ❤ I've loved your Instagram for awhile and I'm so excited about your new channel Love from Greece

[@TERRYMONGOS]

I really appreciate your points ❤

[@kaystone777]

Hi! New follower here! I have a 6 month old and I’m a 4th year medical student. He goes to daycare when I’m on rotations but my schedule’s not too rigorous. However I’m getting so nervous for intern year (family medicine) as a mom!! Thanks for the encouragement that it’s ok to want to work and even have a busy job!

[@stephencook3868]

Excellent point about the village. Never thought of it that way....

[@MsCathy42]

I was a single parent who had to use day care. The girls learned a lot, played a lot and made life long friends. Hugs to you and your family.

[@melanierotter1707]

I personally think that the discussion is not about daycare, but about being away from your kids. I live in Germany, I could‘ve taken 1 years of maternity leave (with 67% of my salary) or a 2-year leave (with 34% of my salary) ...I decided to go back to work since I don‘t think a family can live out of 1 salary only. I have a mortgage to pay off and I like my kids to grow up in a nice place with a backyard and enough room to play and have fun! I got asked why I got kids if I „just give them away“ instead of staying at home... I figured though, that most people asking me such question, do not work at all, didn‘t even work before they got pregnant... that‘s how we all change over time...it‘s a different generation now...I was lucky enough though to work part time from home, which was a perfect deal for me! I truly believe that the most important aspect at this very young age of our kids is that they are loved, taken care of and have a place they feel at home/safe/comfy... I do believe that daycare can provide loved and safe place for our kids! I love that you call it your village, that is exactly what our kids need!!!

[@katewojdan1646]

I have been SEARCHING for you!! Current SAHM, former ER nurse here. Hubby is an ER doc, last year of residency. 🙌🏻 I have put my desire to go to med school on the back burner for years, mostly due to childcare concerns. I even stopped cold-turkey in my final semester of FNP school because the desire to go to med school was just so strong. So happy to hear you have total peace and happiness with your career choice! I needed to hear that. No regrets in doing what you love.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

Good for you for searching your heart, though!

[@The_Queen_of_Change]

Hello Dr Jones from Greece! I ve found you and I've been a fun a couple of months now! It strikes me that in the US women still have guilt for daycare, here it's the law. We have paid maternity leaves for a year after childbirth to share time with our baby but after that we have to go to work. Most parents work until 67 to actually be able to retire so it is our village

[@raineyweimer2863]

I love you and your honesty so much ❤ 💓

[@jeanibeanibeach1177]

It's good to see mommy & Daddy work (if that is what they want and need) and it's good for them see you acheive, and be strong role model parents. It shows them a good work ethic, and especially since you love what you do they see that they can have a career and family too when and if they want that! Children pick up on happinesses and know from observation that you are happy, and some are happy at home, or a mixture of part time work. The goal is happy parents, who love what they chose to do as adults, no matter what that looks like, and that is how they become like you one day! A happy well adjusted adult! You are rocking adulting, and are such a strong advocate and supporter of women and families, BE PROUD!

[@jadomonell]

This is great! I love your stuff, I heard the last comment on being happy it's Monday-daycare-day. I can totally relate. On a more thematic note: I am an expat living in a big city in Germany. I have two kids (3.5 yrs and 7 mo), and here, everyone sends their kid to daycare. It's an integral part of the secondary socialization. My oldest has been in daycare since he was 1.5 yrs and it's totally our "village." Where we live we have no one to help us out. My family is on another continent, my German in-laws are too far away or far too busy. Sometimes I feel bad but I also really have to either work (I freelance working from home) or get other shtuff done, and if my son were at home, he would be having a very boring time alone in his room. Definitely not better than daycare :-)

[@kimberlywillis9691]

Thank you so much. This really calmed a lot of my anxieties!

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

Mom guilt is so terrible, isn't it? We know we shouldn't feel it but then we do and others sometimes make us feel worse--so anyone that can help us put things in perspective is awesome!

[@musicdependent94]

My kids love their daycare and so do I! They've grown so much and have made friends they wouldn't have otherwise. My kids love putting on their backpacks and going to "school"

[@candicemcmanaway]

I loved that you touched on this bc I have a lot of moms that shame me on this. Sometimes when I get off work I will stop home and get dinner done if it can be done quickly then go grab my daughter. So many people will chastise me for it. Or just working in general that I have her in daycare mom through Friday I mean i hear it constantly

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

it's terrible that other moms can be so vicious. We're all doing the best we can!

[@vballprincess167]

This is such a great truth! I think a really important factor in not feeling guilty about leaving your kids at a daycare is being confident that it's a good daycare. I used to work at a daycare in my early 20s and some of the teachers and conditions there were so bad. Teachers were constantly yelling, there wasn't very much structure throughout the day, there was one teacher there whose own kids were in the daycare and she would hit them and physically throw them around. If a parent saw it, the other teachers would just say, oh those are her own kids, like that made it ok. I wish I had had the courage to call CPS...but anyway. If my kids went to that daycare, then yeah I would feel guilty because it's a horrible daycare. But knowing that they're in a quality daycare with teachers that love them and put in effort to teach and train them in the same loving manner that I would, makes me glad to have to that help.

[@izzieluv]

I didn't go to a daycare center, but my brother and I went to all day babysitters in our neighborhood. I think it's a great option, we had friends very young and it just provided more people that loved us. Sure, there were times I wished I could have spent the day with my mom and not at the babysitter's, but for the most part I loved going there and seeing my friends and the people who basically became my second family.

[@stayathomemarine]

I used to be active duty military. When I became pregnant, my husband and I discussed our future plans immensely.. Who will reenlist? Am I going to stay in or get out? Although I enjoyed the Marine Corps, the thought of working 12-15 hour days with my baby in daycare horrified me. I ended up finishing my time in and got out. My husband did too. He's an electrician and I've been a stay at home mom ever since and never looked back. That being said - I knew many Marines who were mothers as well. It was tough for them to leave their babies. And on deployments.. that was really rough. I personally did not want that for my children but I understood the need to continue serving. We all are doing our best 😊

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

So true. We ARE all doing our best. It's such a shame when anyone else--especially any other mom--makes us feel bad about the choices we make for our families

[@alyssaknox9188]

I was very anti-day care/any care other than close family until I was pregnant with my second child. I had an “aha!” moment when I realized the reason my OB/GYN could deliver my second child was BECAUSE of day care. She had children of her own which made me comfortable with her and she completely and wholly understood pregnancy and my overall needs. The reason I was able to have these amazing, caring, wonderful doctors was because of child care (day care, nanny, whatever!) I’m a WAHM now while my children are in school but I still need help from my “village” (my husband & parents) after school, weekends, vacation, etc. If I didn’t have that I’d certainly need day care. Motherhood is hard enough without being judged for supporting your children.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

Thanks for sharing this! Being a working mom is really hard, but I know we all struggle with mom guilt in some form or another. It's high time we shifted our perspective!

[@gen6895]

Love this video you posted today! I understand the struggles of being peed on by your baby....ie rained on. I also relate to using work as a way to just have a break from motherhood even if it is just for a few hours. Finally I never felt bad for putting my child in day care as he got to play with other children his age. In fact I had three places in my pocket so I could get things done. Basically it is great to have all the support needed to be the best mom ever!

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

very true. there are lots of benefits when our kids can play with others and we get a bit of a break to work or whatever we need to do

[@michaelakeenan7437]

I was a day care teacher for 4 years before our first baby was born & I love hearing this from a parent. The teachers really do love what they do & definitely dont get paid enough for all of the hard work we have to do with 15 3 year olds in a class. 😅😫💙🥰 but I loved it!

[@MinxWat]

You are adorable. Thank you for keeping it real. And bonus!! #DOC

[@Frau.Kanzlerin]

I like my daughter being in daycare because they do so many great things like crafts, physical activity, education (she can speak some Spanish!), etc. She's more socially mature than her cousin that stays at home (not that it's wrong to keep them home). It's also good for my mental health. Relying on family for childcare is great and all, but they're human and need rest too, especially if they're older. I feel less guilty about using daycare for that reason and the grandparents don't have reason to emotionally blackmail me. I know that sounds dramatic, but uhh, there are some unique mental health situations in our families and watching a child full time at an older age isn't always conducive to their mental health.

[@aprilcottrell88]

Thank you! My husband and I are hoping to start a family soon and this has been something I have worried about. I had a babysitter for the first 8 years of my life and she was great! Honestly she spoiled my sibling and I. Mom told me once she regretted that because she felt like she missed out on a lot with us. So I've been worried about the same thing. But you know what I love my job and it will all be okay! Like you said, it does take a village. So thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[@meghamsha]

I love this video. Very insightful. I'm a working mom. I'm a trainee surgeon and I have a very busy schedule. Right now I have a three month old baby and I have to start working next month. I was having a lot of guilt. I was like I should not have studied ,I'm not doing justice to my kid... But after watching this video I feel much better. My parents will look after my baby when go to work. BTW I liked your working mom pumping tips video also ❤

[@StevenandStefanie]

As a daycare worker for 5 years I reconigize parents need daycare because money and jobs and just overall busy lives BUT that being said it breaks my heart to see majority (and by majority I mean 85-90%) have lonnngg days where they're at school 8+ hrs and it affects them and their attitudes. Especially bc at a young age I believe they need one on one attention and instead they're fighting a minimum of 10 kids for attention. I've seen sweet kids turn into monsters because the lack of attention gets to them. Again I get daycare is nessisary but I wish a) kids could have a maximum hours spent there and b) much much lower child to teacher ratios. I dont want to shame parents for using daycare because I dont blame them at ALL if anything I blame the american system for being the way it is but again as someone who's worked at multiple day cares for years and years I hate to break it but they're are negatives and kids can suffer from them

[@kyasidre]

Mom memories...lol. We all love them. And I loved daycare because it taught my girls how to socialize and make friends. I was very shy growing up so I’m grateful that my girls were outgoing.

[@loribothwell5493]

Mama Jones you're so sweet and objective. I think you are very cute when you apologize for offending others because you are so kind in all your comments.🥰

[@juliettemay2666]

My daughter was in daycare. As a 1 year old, they taught her baby sign, which I continued to teach her. It made her much less frustrating as she could communicate. When she started kindergarten, it was an easy transition. I loved my daycare staff.

[@31michelle64]

We were a Navy family, we never lived close to our family. My first child was born with spina bifida (not diagnosed prenatally) and a few other issues. Between his health issues and the Navy moving us, working wasn't an option, especially the first yr when he has multiple surgeries. Then we had 2 more kids, and I stayed home partly by choice, partly because no one would touch a medically complicated kid. Fast forward to my kids being older, and my mom had cancer. Hubby still active duty, and my mom needed me. I had just started a job, but everything stopped w/ Mom sick. Long story a little longer, my daughters ended up in my husband and I's hometown daycare/summer school care when approaching 3rd grade/6th. While there, the kids told them they were spoiled because they had never been in daycare! My poor babies were terribly hurt (you know how mean kids can be) and their grandma was dying. Thankfully my m-i-l did her best to mend their wounds (not literal)... and in the end they enjoyed their summer as best they could. Thankful that my parents and in-laws lived in the same town so I could spend time with my mom. We all need to quit "dissing" both stay at home moms (or dad) and parents who use daycare. My not working had more to do with not being able to find satisfactory daycare... we sacrificed many years of retirement savings, there were no vacations, and a lot of debt... but it worked out in the end.

[@ThKiwi]

Love the confession at the end lol! I’m pregnant with my first and have gotten SO MUCH negative feedback on my choice to stay home with my daughter. I’m like.....sheesh guys, I’m in the super lucky position to be able to choose whether I work right now and I can always change my mind and go back to work at any time! The hubby and I have discussed putting her in daycare one or two days for socializing and so I can have a breather even if staying home works out fabulously for us. Let people make the decisions that are best for their families!

[@thaliabotha9]

You do you girl! Nevermind what other people say!

[@mariamistfire5482]

"hey remember that time you peed in your mom's eye?" "who are you" "Ohhhh,..... no one.

[@ankyara86]

It's funny because us women will always find something to feel guilty about. My only daughter has been home cared all her life (by my mom). Maybe it was great the first 6 months but now (13 months) I feel I am doing her a disservice. There are people trained in child development and who could even at this stage challenge her. I know my mom gets tired and puts her in front of the TV way more than I would want. I'm sharing this just so you guys know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side ❤️💐 I've already chosen a day care and hopefully she will start soon.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

Thank you for sharing this! It's so true: I really do think all of us find something to feel guilty about! Such a shame cuz we're all trying to do our best!

[@catmomjill]

When a friend of mine was nervous about putting his child in daycare, I told him about my niece, who, like you said, bloomed there. She learned how to share her toys and how to make friends.

[@MultiDaisy1995]

I really love that you can pared day care to having a village. That’s exactly how I feel about it as well. BTW saw the comment at the end. lol!

[@TheCraigellen]

I worked in a daycare for a long time. I was blessed so many families let me spend time with their littles! I was also fortunate enough to be able to bring my kids to work with me for free as long as having them there didn't require another teacher.

[@KarloStars]

As for daycare I grew up with grandparents who had plenty of time to care for me however I used to see kids playing outside of a daycare once and I really wanted to go. Eventually I started going to daycare not because my guardians needed me to go, but because I actually wanted to go. Daycare was super fun in my experience. You get to play, nap, and socialize with other children and to me that was fun so I hope no parent feels bad if they have to use daycare. It's not torture time (or it shouldn't be) Daycare can be a very fun experience for the child! It was for me.

[@alexgreg12]

Thank you for this. We're having to put our 16 month old son in daycare for the first time. My new school district provides it for staff, so that's nice. Still needed to hear this.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

not getting to be with our kids 24/7 can be so hard, but it comes with a lot of awesome opportunities for everyone--all the more chance to appreciate the times we ARE together, I've found

[@xdiamondbabyx]

Having to do it and wanting to are two totally different situations, also the quality of care is/can be greatly different depending on ones situation...

[@Yjen]

I don't have kids, so I don't have that experience, but I have studied a bit of child psychology and attachment theory, and I know several people who work/have worked at daycare, and I see it as an overwhelmingly posititive thing. In Sweden you start learning English and sign language at daycare, as well as the obvious reading, writing and some maths. If you find a good daycare, then it can even be far better than having a nanny or taking care of your own kids full-time, bc they get to socialise with other kids and they are cared for by educated and experienced professionals.

[@shawnatroyer1411]

I realize this is an old video but I want to share. Years ago I had a friend who was a stay at home mom. Her youngest daughter was so jealous of her brother going to school that her mom signed her up for daycare 2 days a week for x hours just so her daughter could put on her backpack and "go to school." She was so proud of going!

[@brandym3926]

As someone who has worked in a daycare environment, it can be an incredible experience for their social development. Especially if your child has special needs. Just make sure you find a school they like! I know I have seen less than ideal ones...

[@JulieJSchmidt]

I remember quite a few Mondays thinking, "Thank God it is Monday, school, daycare, work here I come!" But every Friday I was even happier it was Friday and we would eat popcorn and watch movies and sleep in the living room. Why can't women just support whichever decision each makes. SAHMs deserve gold hearts, so do day care workers, and teachers. I bet those same people would not want to help a family whose loved one is in their last hours, or just had major surgery get to the bathroom for the first time. I LOVED being a nurse, I always thought I wanted to stay at home with the babies, I would not have lasted 3 months! Nope, no thanks, No way!

[@drdrewdowomensmedicine4935]

Dad OBGYN, MFM here. We are blessed to have a great on site hospital daycare that I can see the kiddos between patients. My husband is a orthopedic surgeon so daycare isn’t avoidable. We don’t live close enough for grandparents to be the care givers so my first option got nixed there. They took care of all my cousins growing up and I would have loved to give my kids that chance. How do I get passed the guilt? I’ve been blessed enough to help others fulfill their dreams of becoming parents. This is a special calling that isn’t for everyone. My kids may not get the same quantity of our time that others get, but we try to give them exceptional QUALITY time. If dad has to leave dinner to go help a lady become a mom I can only hope they understand and in time can appreciate what amazing gift I am giving to someone.

[@cecefernandes5657]

I use to work at a daycare and it was always heartbreaking when Mum's or even Dad's would come in and feel the need to apologize or explain themselves. I would always take time to sit them down and explain that they are still the most important part of their children's lives and they are still their parent. Daycares are here to help children and parents and there should be no guilt associated with.

[@kayleeo3587]

Thank you for this video. I had my first baby this past November and she starts daycare next month. I love the idea of it is your village. I love my baby but I love my job too.

[@SolutionsforSimplicity]

so true. it's not a zero-sum game! We can love our kids AND our jobs without having to choose

[@ErinLorainePCOS]

Also i love that u are posting this video.