r/AmITheA**Hole Because I Got Mad That My Wife Took Our Child Into The Ocean?

[@tamitami9275]

I was holding my 8 month old daughter in the ocean, we were only hip deep rinsing off the sand. We were facing toward the beach, when a rogue wave hit us from behind, ripping my daughter out of my arms. I reached down immediately and grabbed my baby. Thank God! OP is not an AH accidents happen in the ocean in a split second.

[@goldenpaladin]

thats the one thing markee said that upset me abit it dosent matter on size all it takes is one strong wave to pull you in your a good mother for picking your daughter up quickly

[@heymikey4025]

@@goldenpaladin exactly! My mother told me about how she’d try to tightly/securely position and hold onto her baby brother in the car (as a passenger) just in case of an accident (before using child restraint systems in vehicles was made law), but looking back now she knows if an accident had actually happened that she’d likely have not been able to keep a hold of him… It’s sort of similar to if a strong enough wave hits an adult that’s holding a baby there’s a chance that they won’t be able to keep ahold of the baby…

[@goldenpaladin]

@@heymikey4025 yeah my mother told me a time when she was at the beach a waved knocked her down when she was holding my sister my dad was next to her and it knocked them both down

[@wylie5525]

Markee needs to go to Bondi Beach that has an undertow in the middle of it. Go to a pool and teach the kid to swim, then let them enjoy the ocean.

[@lct1196]

Total agree here. Ocean is a whole other beast than some pool. Shit happens. Currents can be strong. Not worth bringing your child farther out than they can stand

[@Mkay999]

The ocean is incredibly unpredictable. I would say NTA as a Floridan. A big wave can come out of nowhere.

[@alcoholicsanonymous7341]

As another Floridian, I agree because that's also why it's a requirement for parents to get their babies to learn how to float on their backs when they're able to move on their own

[@alcoholicsanonymous7341]

Of course it won't help much with a giant wave it's just a preventative measure

[@restinwalken]

Yeah in a lake I'd still say more or a esh. But most lakes are quite predictable. Oceans no going in above waist with a not great swimming child is dangerous. Wife is ah for ignoring husbands reasonable fear/worry.

[@andysheepleton]

I completely agree. Rogue waves, or just really big waves that are larger than normal which are far more frequent but not as large as Rogue waves are real and happen frequently enough that you have to act as if there is going to be a rogue/big wave that day.

[@recycledapathy7411]

Coming into this a year after the video dropped, but yeah, I agree. I was listening to this with my daughter and I think the thing that pissed us both off the most were the commenters calling OP's fear "irrational". Like, if OP lived in Kansas, his fear of drowning in the ocean would be irrational, but he was literally standing on a beach. That's like calling someone's fear of fire irrational when their house is burning down.

[@corbiepayne]

Speaking as a kid who got dragged out to water over my head by my dad and still hates being in the water with him, maybe the kid's input should matter? Learning how to 'find your own buoyancy' can be done in water that isn't over your head, I'm a good swimmer these days but I learned from my older sister.

[@bob8mybobbob]

Agree 100%. When I was little my family went to a wave pool, and since I was tiny and couldn't swim my parents would lift me up whenever a wave came in to prevent my head from going under. My dad would pretend to not see the wave coming, and I would scream at him to lift me up (which he always did at the last second). I was terrified, but apparently, he just thought it was all in good fun. Please listen to your kid, if they say they're scared, believe them.

[@zenorose8569]

Yeah definitely for me to learn to swim was i was thrown in a lake after being told to swim to shore

[@adambartlett114]

@@zenorose8569 Yeah, that's all fed up ways to teach kids to swim. There's no reason to do this except you don't care if the kid lives or dies or lives but at what cost. It's not hard to teach kids to swim without being a jerk or abusive.

[@lovingmusichere]

I respectfully disagree with your opinion on the ocean story. Talking water and kids, I’d say having kids with you in a pool is one thing, but the ocean is something else. In a pool the water doesn’t move so it’s easier to learn to swim and keep safe, but the ocean’s waves are unpredictable and can be really strong. All fun and games until an adult gets pushed by a wave and loses their grip on the kid. Drowning is a legitimate thing to be scared of for your child while in the ocean. Hell, even just water in the face and up your nose via a small wave is sometimes not funny.

[@emmamukal5381]

As someone who lived on the west coast and knows way too many cases of adults and children getting sucked out, OP did not overreact and is not AH. No matter how strong of a swimmer she is, normal and flash riptides can be terrifying when you’re unsuspecting. One of the saddest stories I’ve heard was a little girl and her mom playing only like knee high for the little girl. She fell and got dragged out by a riptide and her mother tried to save her only for them both to drown.

[@aWywardWyvern]

First story: NTA people took that "your gonna pass your trauma to your child!" concept and ran way too far with it. From the post, the kid wasn't showing any interest in wanting to go in deeper, wanting your kid to wear a life vest in water over their head when they can't swim yet isn't gonna pass on trauma, it's just a smart thing to do. One rouge wave or a sudden rip and that life vest could be the difference between someone spotting the kid floating and struggling instead of them just sinking like a stone. So NTA and a bit concerned by the "my kid NEVER wears a life vest!" comments tbh.

[@ivanadragmire2873]

Mark, you do not take a 4 year old out into neck deep water. Especially one that doesnt know how to swim. The ocean is unpredictable, i got ripped under a wave at 7 years old and I'm a fairly strong swimmer. You do not gamble with a child's safty. All it takes is a moment. One moment for the wife to slip, one moment for the current to pick up or the wife to walk into a rip tide, one moment for a random waved to crash into her. You dont teach a kid to swim in the ocean, you teach them in calm waters im an area you know can't suddenly become dangerous. The wife was extremely irresponsible.

[@dr.kristinedukeawc6799]

Whoa Whoa Whoa on the 1st story. Put a life vest on the child who cannot swim and is not familiar with the ocean. I don't know which ocean this OP is talking about, but if it is the Pacific...the child and parent can easily be caught in a rip tide. This can happen even when they appear close to shore. Imagine a wave pulling you out and trying to find your footing only to realize you're out over your head. The Pacific gets deep fast. I've watched my 6'3" son taken away by a rip tide. He knows what to do...but imagine a 4 year old? Then what happens when a good size wave knocks mom and child over. I'm 5'6" out to my knees. Got hit by a wave and knocked over. Tried to stand back up and hit again. Is it really worth your child's life to not pay $15 at walmart and take a minute to put your child in a life vest.

[@duanesamuelson2256]

Unless you are putting the kid in a type 1 vest you're setting them up to drown if they aren't a swimmer. A type 1 forces you to float on your back. Type 3 and 4 face down Unless you swim well enough to orient yourself face up. Far better to have them comfortable enough to not panic.

[@Demonic_Culture_Nut]

Even if it's just a lake, riptides are still a problem. Lake Michigan pulls a lot of people under and away from shore every year.

[@s-elliot-illus]

You got rips, you got currents, you got troughs, the ocean is scary when you really think about how easy it is to get funnelled out by a strong current

[@chetarisin3035]

First story. NTA. That's deep as hell, having the water up to your neck. The ocean is incredibly unpredictable. One wrong wave and the baby could drown. What do people not get about that?

[@mmmelbs810]

i know right??? people are saying “she’s ur wife u need to trust her” that’s not how this works… sooo many things can happen in the water. and everyone is invalidating his feelings bc his wife can swim 🤦‍♀️

[@hilariousactually]

I'm nine months late but this exactly!

[@katieb.1184]

technically he said "chest" which to me could range from bottom of the ribcage to the armpits... and all that is in the range I don't think is good. I was so annoyed with the people talking about "you aren't supposed to use life vests to learn to swim" SHE WASN'T TEACHING THE KID TO SWIM! She was essentially doing the same as with boating and stuff. existing in the water.

[@hilariousactually]

@@katieb.1184 EXACTLY! It so nice to see people with common sense in this comment section

[@Demonic_Culture_Nut]

One riptide and you've got, not one, but two people in danger and one incredibly traumatized young child who would likely develop aquaphobia in þe best case scenario.

[@SP-io7lj]

Story#1: All it takes is for ONE thing to happen and things would be all over for the daughter! Why do people think that the only things that can happen are the intentional things? That's why they're called ACCIDENTS! If she had fallen, stepped on a sting ray (which I've actually had happen), stepped on a piece of coral/rock, got hit by a wave, got pulled by a changing current, got knocked into by a big fish (she was in chest deep water) or had a simple medical emergency, that child would have had ZERO protection! People always think things won't happen until they do! How dumb is the mother for doing that!

[@ludwigvxnhentai3299]

so many people underestimate the ocean until they are dragged under for a minute from a rouge wave. teach your child how to swim before taking them out that deep. NAH

[@ArtemisKitty]

Yeah, learning to swim, if done in the ocean, should be done somewhere shallow enough that the learner can get their footing sufficiently to NOT be sucked out to sea by undertow. They can't be expected to know how to lie flat and float on their back while paddling backwards to get back to shore, nor will they likely be capable of doing it, even should they know what they're supposed to do in that situation. And if another child gets involved? They will 100% drown the other child to save their own life out of panic. Spoken from personal experience. When I was 10 years old, and a fairly powerful swimmer, a friend of mine was thrown into a deep swimming pool. They had never swum before, and began to drown. There was no lifeguard on duty, as we later discovered they had gone off to the lifeguard shack with one of the beach-goers to have sex. Anyway, long story short, I died. I drowned. Defibrillators hurt like hell. Cracked ribs from CPR don't feel much better either. Don't mess around with the chance of that happening to your child. There might not be a defibrillator on-hand if they drown at the beach because you were confident they'd be ok, but then undertow takes hold...

[@blondie7740]

You know, rather than putting him down for being afraid of the ocean, she could have been supportive. I am afraid of heights, but neither of my kids are. My husband helped me and they learned that just because I was afraid, that did not mean they had to be. His fear sounds like a phobia, and that is not something you just get over.

[@groofromtheup5719]

I did the Mr. Mom thing for my first 2. I remember swinging my then 6month old girl on a swing at a zoo. The typical overprotective mom was swinging her 3 (?) Year old boy next to us. The swing was barely moving and I could see a little fear in the kid. My baby was having a blast getting flung more than 4 times as high. Mom's fears were not doing that kid any favors.

[@blondie7740]

@@groofromtheup5719 I still work on my fear of heights, and I don’t let it stop me from doing things. Although my husband may have to come help me when I freeze . But I tried to make it clear that my fear of heights was a phobia, and not something they should be afraid of. I have pictures of them standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon with their Dad. It’s okay to be afraid, you just have to make sure you don’t let your fear stop you.

[@becausemynameiscommon5609]

To an extent. Once a phobia stops a kid from life experiences that is when it becomes a problem. I wasn't allowed to walk near a railing on the second floor of the mall or take any pictures from view points that also had railings because my mom was afraid. It may sound stupid and lacking empathy, but it's really hard to enjoy stuff when you have someone freaking out on you because of their fear. Like when we were, going to Crater Lake with my extended family. When you can't get close enough to edge to actually see that lake, it take away from the experience. I agree that putting him down isn't the way to go, but dealing with someone lashing out at you because of their fear, can actually take some of the fun away from a relatively safe, enjoyable experience.

[@sylbarose2488]

regarding the ocean story. He's NAH. The ocean is powerful and dangerous. Rouge waves, rip tides, sharks can happen at any given moment and he is right to be upset.

[@groofromtheup5719]

Shorts one; notice how she keeps saying "he lashed out"? I really doubt he did. She is the AH.

[@nabzisi3928]

A huge one.

[@princesssunshine874]

NTA: First, you should NOT learn to swim in the ocean. The strongest swimmers die in the ocean. Also, I'm an Oregonian. We have sneaker waves. A lot of people die every year because they feel they are strong swimmers and don't understand how our ocean works. The coast has always been a second home. I would be so careful if I had children around the ocean despite how familiar I am with it.

[@catpoke9557]

Swimming in the ocean is borderline impossible. Even if you can do it, there will still be waves that WILL knock you over. You can get back up if you know how to swim, yes, but if you don't? You're just underwater now.

[@hendyo_98]

Did everyone one miss the part where he said "neck deep"? That's fucking deep.

[@katwitanruna]

Good lord have mercy on the fiancé wanting the 15 yo to cut her hair. When I married my ex, I ended up buying his 18 yo daughter two dresses to make sure she had one she was happy with. She dyed her hair black and looked like Audrey Hepburn. I told her so. I was proud of her just as I was of my own children. A bride can’t be upstaged so long as she acts with Grace.

[@sharonblevins3281]

Is she trying to drown her?! WTH. NTA Nope you were right!

[@Venus-z7n3n]

Water is dangerous and unpredictable... drowning can happen even during a freaking occurrence...my daughter in law was taking a walk on a Denver bike path with my almost 3 year old grandson...it started raining and water came down from the mountains and washed them away...he was found 3 days later...she suffered survivors guilt until she passed away from a hernia she got during the incident...mother took unheeded risks with her child...

[@marisolmartinez5097]

So the dad is an asshole fo worrying about his daughter? You never underestimate the ocean.

[@staylor3483]

As an adult with ADHD, I've been driving legally for 40 yrs. Before that I drove on back dirt roads and in fields around farms. You got this kiddo.

[@samssams666]

I saw the title of this video and I think without watching it first Opie would not be the a-hole for being upset unless he lashed out in a manner that was mean because my grandfather also had a fear of the water in general after losing his brother to an accident in a pond at their house where the brother drowned and no one knew until it was too late

[@katerobilliard8055]

Dude super disappointed in your commentary on this one. As an Aussie you should know how dangerous the sea is. If that mother got a dumper she would not have been able to hold that kid. As a mother of beach goers I’m horrified. Even without big waves, rips and undertows are hard to spot unless your a seasoned surfer/surf rescuer. It’s made me unsubscribe which is a bummer Because I like to support fellow 🇦🇺 ☹️

[@duanesamuelson2256]

It depends on what ocean (or lakes since many have beaches also) as well as the conditions at that individual beach. 20 yards out and only chest deep sounds like a flats area and probably minimal waves. Know and read the water. I lived in an area that my daughter when she was 5 could walk out 50 feet and be in waist (hers) deep water. Waves might reach 2 feet. Yes she could swim and was watched closely (moreso since she tended to chase small nurse sharks). She didn't panic when she steped in a hole or when she was lifted above the sand by a wave. The point is she managed to survive. Not panicking is the key.

[@catpoke9557]

I live in Texas, pretty far from the sea, and I still know how dangerous it is! I almost drowned on the SHORE once because the waves were so strong I got knocked over and couldn't surface for a few seconds.

[@Tijggie82]

Story 1: I don't know. Kids can drown so fast. Reminds me of the story of the granddad teaching his grandson to swim, looked away for a second and the grandson drowned.... Edit story about the adoption "did OP's mom put a gun to her head to giver up the child?" Right, because only a gun can provide any pressure in someone's life. Some people are such simpletons.

[@kuno3336]

"Endless expanse of wet blue desert" is a pretty cool description

[@SimplyjustKatey]

The prior lifeguards take on lifejackets irks me. As someone who has lifeguarded in the past, it's your responsibility to make sure the parents are within arms reach of the child if they are wearing a lifejacket. If a parent cannot follow these rules you kick them out. It is also your responsibility to make sure everyone in your area is wearing coastguard certified lifejackets in the proper size. If they aren't you call the family over and inform them the child cannot wear that. Don't blame the lifejackets for the parents or your negligence. Properly fitted lifejackets SAVE LIVES. Do not fear monger life saving tools. Also, the ocean isn't the place to learn how to swim. If you cannot swim do not get in the ocean, period. If you want to learn how to swim start in the pool not in an unpredictable body of water with a current that could sweep you away.

[@brandonshelp4682]

For the record, fear of the ocean is not irrational. Riptides, predators, and venomous animals are very real dangers.

[@Mytwohearts]

Story 1 NTA I take my kids to large lakes and they must wear a life vest if in water waist high. None of us fear the water and I am not a strong swimmer and my kids go for deep water every chance they get. I rather go swimming knowing my kids are safe, than run the risk of them drowning if I'm distracted for a second trying to keep myself afloat.

[@billijomaynard8924]

I can understand peoples view about the girl choosing her bio parents over her adoptive parents, but please do keep in mind, not all bio parents give up their children willingly, there are many cases of newborns being wrongly taken away from their bio parents by the state. This happens frequently in Ontario where the Children's Aid Society have far too much authority given to them by the Provincial Government. I know quite a few people who have had their children taken form them as my Mom worked with them to try to help them regain custody along with a former CAS Social Worker that quit her job because she saw a lot of lies and corruption being perpetrated by some of her colleagues. There are targeted populations that CAS focuses on more then others, mainly single mothers or fathers with a low income, the Indigenous population and single parents with disabilities. The more children they have in their care, the more they get in funding from the Government so they have motive for apprehending as many children into their custody as they can get away with. There was a very famous case of this in Toronto Ontario where a 5 year old boy died from neglect after CAS took custody of him and his siblings away from his parents and put them into the custody of their grandmother who had a history of known child abuse and had been convicted of it previously. Ontario is also the only Province in Canada where the Ombudsman cannot investigate complaints against CAS. This case happened nearly 20 years ago butt it is far from being the only one. www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/inquest-into-boy-s-death-to-shed-light-on-child-welfare-system-1.1699846

[@carolgibson-wilson4354]

This is awful. I think the USA isn't better tho.

[@Yllania]

Yea everyone immediately deciding the bio parents were liars are weird. Shit like this isn't actually uncommon, even in the US. Not all adoptive family are good people. You don't have to love people just because they raised you if they did a shitty job of it.

[@LeeMilby]

@@Yllania This is true - there are a lot of narcissistic / harmful adoptive parents out there, but unfortunately that gets swept under the rug quite a lot (for example look at the story of Adam Crapser, whose parents adopted him from S. Korea, horribly abused him, abandoned him, failed to finalize his citizenship without his knowledge, and as a result he was deported from the US at around 40 years old). Just like all parents, there's some good, some bad. But in the adoption triad, there are plenty of possessive, overzealous, entitled adoptive parents who adopt because they like the praise they get from the community for doing such a saintly act, and also they enjoy having the control over an adoptive child than a bio child. Everyone expects adoptees to be grateful for their circumstances, no matter how their adoptive family's treat them, and adoptees often feel trapped and helpless to complain about their circumstances for fear of losing a family for the second time around. The media likes to portray adoptive families as heroic and saintly, and historically, adoptive parents have been at the forefront of adoption policy and advocacy so there is plenty of bias present in the majority of adoption messaging that adoptive parents are always right, adoptees are ungrateful, and bio parents are evil. The truth is much more nuanced.

[@vzburns1]

The gal selling her flat will get much more in good karma/feels than $2500 would ever get her.

[@cynicalminion]

NTA- i appreciate everybody's thoughts regarding traumatizing the kid, and OP definitely needs to calm down, but what nobody seems to be considering when answering the "what if something happened to the kid" question is "what if something happened to the mom"?? op could easily lose BOTH of them... the ocean is NOT a swimming pool when it comes to safety precautions.

[@krystalfloods6197]

She knew she was pregnant and intentionally did not say anything because she was selfish and wanted the job. She did it before she’ll do it again. OP was just being honest.

[@missyjune9014]

My oldest was at a run by 8 months and fasinated by water. He had swim lessons in the " infant" sessions and on swim team as he got older. He still loves the water in his 40s. I felt better knowing he had/has skills no matter what lifeguard was around.

[@hanananah]

First story, NTA in my opinion. In an unpredictable body of water like the ocean small kids who don't swim well should have SOMETHING that floats if they're in over their waist. A kickboard is a good option because they can't get tangled up in it or stuck under it. My little step cousins parents are a lot, but that's one rule they have that I agree with wholeheartedly.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

Not the NTA, SHARKS, i.e. Bull Sharks, Great Whites, Mako's, Tiger Sharks, Killer Jelly Fish, etc.

[@scarletassassin523]

And dolphins don’t forget dolphins them sadistic creatures

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

@@scarletassassin523 I almost drowned and I was right on the beach in 2 feet of water, UNDERTOW. The beach was crammed with people, no one helped me until fortunately one woman saw me and reached out her hand and grabbed me. She then went to a lifeguard and he shut down the beach. I was a teenager and I never went back in the water again.

[@ladyv5655]

I sold a house a few years ago and I chose a nice couple from Chicago over an investor who offered $1000 more. Even now I get a lot of satisfaction from thinking of them being as happy as I was. They were really excited about the trees I had planted so I knew they would take care of the trees I loved so much.

[@caroleller6968]

I have ADHD and have even driven a big rig. It is actually not a bad job for someone with ADHD because you have to focus on several things at a time. And I did that job with no meds. Driving a tri-axle dump truck was even better. When my trainer asked others how I was doing, they told him that I was doing better than most people that have been driving for years. Lol.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP NTA. If mom wants to teach daughter how toswim, she should do it in a more calmer place than the beach where waves can separate child from parent. Dont know how good ops daughter is being so deep with a child who can't swim isnt a smart idea.

[@RobertBrown-xf5qd]

Agreed

[@groofromtheup5719]

You do realize people are more buoyant in the ocean? Or are you letting your own fears and ignorance rule?

[@ohnaliirony8997]

@@groofromtheup5719 Adults know how to manage that buoyancy. They know to float on their back. From what it sounds like the child has never had swimming practice before, and wouldn't know how to survive. It's better to practice somewhere else, like OC was saying.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@ohnaliirony8997 why would you assume zero swimming practice at 4yo?

[@krossrenterainment1319]

@@groofromtheup5719 why would you assume the did?

[@King-Of-Dragons]

Story 2: I was told this same thing. While in drivers Ed my class was alerted to my ADHD (which was really autism) so the other two in my car would act super nervous when I was at the wheel which in turn made me nervous and decline my turn at the wheel. This caused me to fail the class. I now use a mini bike to get to places. I also am farsighted

[@Khaisz.]

8:40-9:37 as someone with adhd, I agree with all here. I myself listen to stories like these ones from Markee or Mr. Reddit or just music to occupy my distracting thoughts so I can focus on driving. Also, I had to stop taking my meds as well because complications, but my meds made me so sleepy to the point I could literally fall asleep anywhere at any time.

[@apercu7239]

Op's roommate thinks that "The world owes her something because she's here". (Staples Singers)

[@jdd9993]

What legal client cares what makeup the receptionist is wearing? As long as everyone is in business attire, the prime concern is the legal acumen of the attorneys. OP's co-worker is a misogynistic, judgmental AH. She was right to call him out.

[@TheListyRayne]

Any small children should have on life vests at the ocean. We take my nieces and nephews to the beach, and they must have on life vests. Learning to swim should be done in a pool or still body of water. One good war and you lose your balance and grip on the child. All of these people calling him an AH are not realizing how quickly a child can drown. I am in my 40s and nearly drowned on a tubing trip. I am a great swimmer, but if not for my life vest, I would have never been able to get out of the situation I was in when I got caught in a suction. I was crying when I got free. It was terrifying and horrific!

[@WritersOnTheWall]

I think it depends of the beach, I used to live on the beach, about 4 people drowned a summer, usually a drunk who walked out into the ocean after the life guards left, but every few years there would be a kid

[@ArtemisKitty]

"Why did you leave the bar I got you kicked out of when the bouncer I sent over physically forced you to leave?" Oh, I don't know, because the next step would have been cops showing up and possibly shooting him, considering the false situation you set up?

[@norsehawk]

You are right Katie, I don't know you, I'm not your boyfriend, find somewhere else to live..... Byeeeeee.

[@katieb.1184]

for the nine year old... she not only got the switch but ALSO GAMES. switch games are NOT CHEAP. and I have two boys who are about to turn nine. They were able to go to parties from 3 years on and understand gifts weren't always theirs. (we had trouble that long because my parents decided to always let them help open, so they wanted everyone to let them help open.)

[@Drako2577]

The first story either eta or noa because his fear is valid, but anything could happen too. This is something that could have been talked about. If one of any number of events happened that caused harm to the child, everyone would jump down the mom's throat.

[@wrgirlie86]

As someone with ADHD, driving can be a problem with driving, but if you're worried play books or even reddit stories ;)

[@CrystallynRose]

Guess I'm going against the grain on a lot of these...the first one totally NTA. He said that his wife took the baby in up to her chest/neck. The ocean can be unpredictable and anything could've happened that made her drop the baby. The MIL and son birthday story, I think totally NTA. Yes, the baby won't remember, but the 1st birthday for their 1st child is a big deal. Also MIL comes across as a narcissist. She didn't want to share her birthday and even told OP to hold him in...WTF? She could easily have her bday on Friday or Sunday. The adoption one...we aren't truly aware of the family dynamics there. It does seem like her adoptive parents pressured her bio parents to give OP up and then closed the adoption after they promised to keep it open and allow interaction with their daughter. That seems pretty deceitful. Also sounds like they tried to erase OP's culture. Since we weren't there we can't really judge her relationship with her adoptive parents...it's very possible they were distant with her. I think the YTA decision is a bit harsh not knowing what her childhood was like.

[@swaggchu789]

1:06:34 I'm in the twilight zone again. Why in tf would a man want his kids to have wife's ex's last name? She could at the very least hyphenate.

[@BlondeEyes7]

I’m wondering how it would look if we graphed people’s responses re: the first story alongside which oceans they have experience with. 😂 You don’t mess around with the Pacific, especially in Oregon and Washington. Mom’s actions sound incredibly reckless to me, but I know not all beaches are as deadly as the ones I grew up around.

[@Gabitronia]

The story of pregnant op, and the comment from the girl in priority seating. How does she know the pregnancy wasn't really the result of an assault. I'm obviously not saying that is what happened, but all she did was ask politely if she could sit. She didn't demand, and that comment was uncalled for.

[@LmaoMoni]

Aside that why is a grown woman gossiping about something that happened YEARS prior. She’s writes like she’s all professional but this is the pettiest shit I’ve see in AWHILE

[@Gabitronia]

@@LmaoMoni Probably just wanted to add her only story to a relatable platform. Maybe it's something that still occupies her mind, and wanted to see new perspectives.

[@pkbarton8466]

YTA your husband can where shorts in his house. You have issues. Big issues.

[@NowieC]

NTA. There's nothing asshole'ish about caring for your child's safety. My son has been a good ocean swimmer since age 10 (Jr. Life Guards). He got into a situation where he was being pulled away and I was not a good ocean swimmer. I freaked out but started in after him. Thankfully, I hadn't gotten far when his JLG training kicked in and he was able to get back to the beach safely, as did I. There was a lifeguard on duty but I don't know where they were or what they were doing. We still have fun at the beach and in the surf, but have no interest in swimming in it. Well, that plus the fact that shark sitings are more frequent in the area. 🤭

[@formershadow]

Have you never heard of an undercurrent Markee? NTA growing up on the west coast we were taught this. Also in summer camp we always wore life vests at the beach.

[@Sylphella]

Reddit hivemind never fails to disappoint with its bad judgement.

[@cass3473]

The adoptive desi child story: she was ABSOLUTELY stolen. The YTA comments did not pass the vibe check. Especially the one that was like “Because her bio parents said so????” The bio parents put the thought in the kid’s head that their adoptive parents went back on the agreement and then when the kid asked the adoptive parents, their response was to cry and apologize and said they were afraid of the bio parents taking the kid back. That seals the deal that what the bio parents said was true.

[@fandomfan2800]

Yep and the adoptive "parents" didn't even like the kid and reddits like "but they didn't abuse/kill you so you should live them!?!?!" I fucking hate reddit sometimes

[@FreijaVanir]

Facial hair story: maybe none of your family deserves to be in your life, if they gang up to bully your husband.

[@jamielegacy2366]

adoptive parents dont get to strip down adoptees identities and then still get to play victim when they leave. i wanna hug the op @ 51 min

[@christinecampbell1677]

People need to be careful in the water. He is not an a-hole. I can't believe people think this was ok.

[@staylor3483]

Best ADHD med I have ever had, have given to my own kids & grandkids.. & yes, it was prescribed by an actual doctor.. Omega 3 fish oil. It works!! Make sure you read the labels though to make sure the EPA & DHA levels above 600mg each. The high the better.

[@AALynx]

I have ADHD, my whole family does. I won't argue the fish oil thing, it might work for some people (not us). But stimulants are also pretty safe and effective. Have you actually tried them?

[@LmaoMoni]

@@AALynx maybe like a combo this?

[@restinwalken]

Wtf is wrong with all the OP an AH because he was uncomfortable fearful with his nonswimming daughter was in chest and neck high ocean water. His wife knowing how to swim in the ocean means f all. As someone who's been swimming alone in deep water since 3-4. You don't take someone into water deeper than their mid waist who can't swim. Even that is dangerous in ocean water as a set of hard hitting waves, rouge hight wave, rip tides, an sudden strong undertow can take you feet from you rip anything on hand out of it and into deeper water. Are there safer ocean beaches yes. Ignoring a parent valid, YES VALID concern makes the Wife the AH. My dad hate feared water. He nearly drowned in a pond and never went back in water. When we'd go to the ocean he'd stand on the beach and just watch. Dad being afraid of water never stopped me from enjoying it. It taught me to be aware and careful and RESPECT the dangers water can pose.

[@wyvern723]

I got dragged out by rough waves (beach was one, giant rip tide). I am a good swimmer and almost drowned. I don't let my kids go deeper than knee deep. Rogue waves kill people. Seems like none of thsee people have dealt with rigue waves.

[@meghanplayssims]

shorts story: i wouldnt have kids with that woman, they are going to get so messed up

[@robbiprendergast7759]

The daughter should've told her brother that everyone that laughed and took part in the joke was uninvited, not just the brutally honest (e.g. a euphemism for asshole). First husband used to call behaving like an asshole just being "honest", I always responded with "brutally honestly an asshole"...lol

[@katwiltz1134]

I am absolutely not terrified I'm terrified of idiots who bring a baby you can't swim the beach only chest deep for fear of making my child experience terrifying in case something goes wrong because I love the beach so much that's too small of a child to be chest-deep with somebody else who can't swim it's the whole reason I enjoy the beach most people in Louisiana know how to swim but I'm 50 stepped in and does happen and have seen it even in a swimming pool

[@lexycomer]

I don’t understand the judgements on that first one. I was a lifeguard for 2.5 years, a swim instructor for 2 and regularly took beach vacations as a kid. The wife was being reckless with the kid. Have you ever tried to support a 45 lb 4 year old in water deeper than your height? It’s tough, even just in pools. And kids have no sense of mortality and sometimes find it funny to dunk you or climb on your head. (The wife was out to her neck but when a wave comes it will easily be over her head). She should have put a life vest on her kid. When I was a kid, I got knocked over by a wave while out with my mom (water up to her knees/waist when it rose because of the waves) and even though I was wearing a life jacket, I was knocked over and under water for about 20 seconds. Nobody could see me because of the unclear water and the only reason I found my footing was because I was reaching for something to grab onto and pulled down my moms friends bottoms. The ocean is way more dangerous than pools, being upset that their wife took their kid out that far isn’t pushing their fear on them. It’s keeping them safe. You’ve got to know water can be dangerous to have a healthy respect for it

[@susanlosey9511]

It’s a known fact that strong swimmers drown more quickly as they get get overconfident. NTA.

[@keepdancingmaria]

Markee, you are wrong. An ocean is not a pond or a swimming pool. You can put a life vest on a child without instilling fear into the child. After all, you do other things for children without making them fearful. You put helmets on them before a bike ride. You put seatbelts on before a car ride, You make them brush their teeth before bed. You provide them with some sort of eye protection before watching a solar eclipse. You put sunscreen on them and mosquito repellent on them when it is appropriate... without making them terrified of the sun or of mosquitos...

[@darecrise]

Ehm my family goes to the German Ostsee every year for at least a week. It's practically standard that at least daily a child drowns there and may also never be seen again. And there are lifeguards everywhere... The ocean, no matter where (not just Hawaii) is ruthless.

[@alesia858]

Tbh I don't think a parent should force them in. I was very anxious of the water as a kid because New England waters have a ton of riptides, strong undertow, and rough breaks. I loved going in once I was a strong swimmer and could dig my heels and toes into the sand to avoid being swept away. Lifevests aren't the answer, but mom shouldn't drag in a kid that doesn't want to go.

[@owl6637]

First story, as a person with ADHD I have also been prevented from being able to take Permit tests and Driving exams simply because of my disability, I have to carpool or use Uber a lot simply because of an Ableist system that actively prevents me fron becoming a fully-functioning adult at 21 years old.

[@laurensmith20]

Adhd makes it dangerous sometimes ngl I got into a car accident myself because of it and now my family won't let me try again with driving...

[@groofromtheup5719]

Birthday one, MIL has problems. Why would any adault care that much about a birthday party? I "lost" my birthday, and really don't care. I hadn't really celebrated my birthday in decades. I'm just a bit frosty I didn't get a turn in the ticket blaster (kidding)

[@redtankgirl5]

Holy crap saying that an ambulance ride in Canada only costs $50. is misleading. The cost is different in each province and can go from $50. to as much as $800. Depending on the province you live in and/ or the insurance you have. Not saying he was obligated to give the kid a ride but he obviously doesn’t know enough about our health care system and how it works across the country. There are liabilities to taking a minor to the hospital but we also have Good Samaritan laws in Canada to protect those who help those in need of emergency care. Hard call for me but I can’t help but think everyone is the a-hole here.

[@theresaschuebel5151]

My graduation from high school was my day. I had a 9 yr old nephew at the time and he knew it was my day

[@best13999]

On the name story NTA. If the situation were reversed and OP was female, Redditt would say her fiancee was being completely unreasonable and breaking up the family for no reason. Taking a name is just as important as discussing having kids because it involves the kids. Names mean a lot. I have always wanted to take my husband's name. I hated it when my mom got remarried and hyphenated her name, my thought was always, choose one. I think OP should bounce. That woman needs to work on herself and her trauma and taking care of her kids if she's that wrapped up in it. The part that gets me is she thinks it's ok to name their possible future kids after some other guy, yeah hard pass, leave OP.

[@DrWhomst]

Genuinely laughed out loud at the “going into ambulance debt but we’re in Canada??” Kids are real dumb sometimes 😭😭

[@LT_Fates4228]

I know a guy who's wife was walking along the shore when a rouge wave hit took the 2 kids drowned... heart breaking

[@ruecifer5012]

Markee you can tell you arent a parent in your response to the first story. Floaties are a huge thing for keeping kids safe maybe it's not as common in Australia but the rest of the world isn't born at the beach like y'all are lol I'm a certified lifeguard and swim instructor and swam competitively; I put life vests and floaties on my children in any open water. Im horrified by what that mother chose to do.

[@jennifersilves4195]

OP's adoptive parents coerced the mother into giving her up, then closed the adoption.

[@Mscrimsondragon]

Bad Day... NTA. It might teach her a little empathy and perspective.

[@brieanastraiton3665]

I'll m curious how old the life jacket post is. I have a just turned 5 yo. I used to be a lifeguard 20 years ago. We do live in mn so no ocean but we are the land of 10000 lakes. Everyone learns to swim early here. My lo is a natural fish lol but shes had some close calls even with life vests on. I personally feel this guys fear but trust is big too. As for the comment on life jackets not being allowed in pools, this is no longer true. Take any kid under 46" to a public pool and they provide proper life jackets for free now.

[@christina1764]

The story of a stepmother who left the stepdaughter out of the picture and wrote she did it to protect the stepdaughter. She is full of BS, I think she has the same crazy racist mindset like her parents. The parents must have known her husband had a mixed race daughter, it seems she and the man have gotten married (weren't her parents at the wedding ❔)and as far as I understood have had a child/children together (❔) Which has made her more confident, so she is now actively starting to push the stepdaughter aside, unfortunately I don't think this is the first time she has made the stepdaughter feel bad/like she is not a full member of the father's family, but it was the first time she did it so openly in front of the father, luckily the father saw through his racist wife. I really hope for the sake of all the children that he divorces this disgusting racist who from the beginning has hidden hers and probably her parents' racist beliefs, I can't imagine her parents didn't know about the stepdaughter at this point, so I'm not even sure they're racist(It should have come forth/created problems at this point) I believe she is the racist her way of formulating her post as well as the language in it clearly shows that she is racist and I have the feeling she uses the parents' "racism" as an excuse, so the husband doesn't discover what she had in mind, - I hope the husband leaves his racist wife and if they have a common child/children, I really hope(for their sake) he will do everything he can to get full custody, so the child/children will not be brainwashed with her and perhaps also her parents' racist beliefs❕❕ (Sorry for the length of my post)

[@oflilia]

florida kid whos gone to every beach here👋 ive known how to swim since i was 3, and thats a literal nightmare just reading. i NEVER advise going so far out that you’re up to your neck, no matter how old you are. its very hard to swim back to shore when the current wants to send you out, and thats with all 4 limbs; with a baby, you only have your legs, and you have to keep both your heads above water.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP NTA. M's pregnancy and maternity leave wasn't the problem. The problem was that she lied to their faces about being available during the critical project during the interviews for making the team's. Had she said she wouldnt be but would like to be considered next time, if asked, she could just say she is pregnant, they would probably congratulate her. Probably no faul and they would have picked someone else and not ran into that problem. Can't blame the leader or co workers for not being happy with her. Also as op said hr asked specifically about m. It was legal. OP wasn't spreading a rumor. The warning was necessary but dont think needed to be spread

[@krystalfloods6197]

If she wants a $60-$80,000 wedding then she should pay for it herself. She chose to get engaged to OP knowing that he does not want a wedding. She did not have to. If anything they should compromise and do something smaller but she should be the one to pay for it. Also if they decide to get a house and she doesn’t put any money towards it then she should not be on the title or deed or whatever it is

[@t123tina]

His Irish family would not like that her family is not there his family probably tease him too about the facial hair lol it happened to some Irish guy but u have to keep shaving everyday to make the hair darker so you can see my brother had to shave everyday now he has a nice beard and a goatee

[@emilyw.1186]

Even if life takes everything from you, it can’t take your compassion if you don’t let it. Nta op I think you should do what feels right

[@jeannemclaughlin7978]

"I asked SO POLITELY" for the girl to move. Why should we believe she asked politely? I want to hear the girl's side of the story. So often we hear, "I was so polite." But when we hear the other person's side, we hear the truth, and it's very, very different.

[@MeowCowardlyLion]

Good on the flat owner on giving it to the father and son.

[@warpthumr47]

I'm a retired ED RN. If the fracture was as bad as it sounds, such as a compound fracture? The OP moving the kid could have caused additional injury, especially nerve damage. It 100% should have been an ambulance transport.

[@jdd9993]

OP was right in not giving the injured kid a ride to the hospital; he could have been injured further. OP did not need the liability and is not the AH.

[@arleneroberts8886]

My aunt would get her youngest present on everyone birthday. (She had 6 kids)

[@groofromtheup5719]

Facial hair. You don't pick at a wound you know that is sensitive if you care for that person even slightly. Ps. I had a full thick beard in my senior picture, so it's not that.

[@belindawallace5203]

My son has ADHD, he passed his driving test on his first attempt and is a great driver.

[@vetaroberts3333]

Omg, Yta Yta. You are going to make this kid so afraid of everything

[@zanebryant1882]

With the ocean thing I learned how to swim from getting thrown into the deep end of the pool

[@RavenLunacy44]

Actually, on the US East Coast, it's really common to have kids wear jife jackets.