r/AmITheA**Hole For Telling My Parents I'm Going To College Far Far Away From Them?

[@nancyadams9228]

One of my children had the nephews escort the rings down the aisle carrying lightsabers to protect them at their wedding. The processional was the Emperial March from Star Wars. Worked for us. 😂

[@heleneclark563]

The boys can carry signs, saying something like “Here Comes The Bride”.

[@Ann_Wall-Chiasson]

I fucking love that

[@kvbstudios316]

We gave my nephew a new fishing pole with an oversized ring tied to the line, and his slightly older nephew got a briefcase and a nerf gun to be “Ring Securtiy.” It was fun!

[@catlover2223]

That is so cute!!!

[@LillyianPuppy]

I understand why the groom was so vague. He's claiming she was shooting down his ideas but all his "ideas" were just rejections of her ideas, so she's shooting down him shooting down what she wants. Been there. Hate that.

[@iheartcryptoverse2857]

My husband did that with me when it came to choosing a restaurant to eat at. I'd name 1. Nope. 2? Nope. 3? Nah. OK, where do you want to go? Iduntknow. Fixed it by naming one place and when he says no, I say, Alright it's your turn. Name a place or we go to the one I picked.

[@katieb.1184]

yuuuup, been there too (but with mom not hubby.) she was very upset I wouldn't hear her out on my flowers. I said I wanted red roses, she said she had planned for white and I shouldn't just reject her ideas without trying compromise- but the only compromise offered was to agree with her. (in the end, I had my flowers.) I don't get how people think this way... how do people make it so one-sided? Have a discussion, hear both sides and make a concession where needed. you can't just pitch a fit over the other person saying no when your "idea" is to completely cut out everything they care about. If he's sooooo concerned here are some easy compromises: - include in the dialogue for giving away something simple referencing the tradition OR just have it in the program that way - make the nieces and nephews jr brides and groomsmen OR find something they want to throw or carry that the church allows (or do the aisle runner.)

[@kateregan8738]

@@iheartcryptoverse2857el😮

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

Oh hearing this reminds me of my nephew... I had all my niblings in my wedding; you absolutely can have more than one or even 2 children in each role... ok back to Mr 6. He was told he'd be carrying a pillow and the girls would be throwing flower petals. He wanted to throw flower petals too. In the end, someone had a boy's look on ny wedding day, and the box with the extras couldn't be found last minute so no one did that part but now he's 18 and flower boys are a thing? I think he will like that. OPs fiancee is right to not just want one niece to be in the wedding. It really did cause unnecessary drama among our cousins growing up when this happened. We learnt to get over it but, it did sting and it was a bit uncomfortable for the 2 kids that were chosen as well... tbh idk that OP is ready to be a husband he's a bit controlling

[@tegantalks9612]

Story 1- uhh normal parents usually do loosen the reigns as they get closer to 18. My siblings have been allowed to drive to the nearest city on a regular basis for sports since they’ve been 16. I didn’t get my license until I was 22 but when I was their age my parents trusted me to stay home for a week at a time because I had to work and they were going on vacation.

[@kaitlyndismuke9966]

How is no one questioning the “need” to babysit a grown ass woman at these weddings?? If grandma can’t keep her emotional problems in check so as to not ruin someone else’s day, she doesn’t get invited! Full stop. Idk how OP is selfish for not wanting to do that at every event, which is already a trend being established. No one should be babysitting grown women at all, but much less the same person at every event.

[@margaritap.9459]

Yup, people tend to mistake "enabling" with "help", and these are to very different things.

[@semideadnat]

Agreed. I voted everyone sucks here because they are allowing her to keep acting that way and ruining what should have been a day where people should celebrate a day where 2 people come together but instead are dealing with a grumpy racist lady. Doesn't matter how sweet she is she need therapy.

[@adambartlett114]

I am not saying enable bad people to be bad but it's not bad to enable disabled lives ones to be involved in their limited capacity. When my grandmothers dementia got bad, I happily babysat her so that she could be involved in whatever activities she wanted to do. There's no reason that she should be left out or isolated because she is sick. She was not dead yet, so there's no reason for her to not be involved. Of course, she wasn't perfect but she always loved us all dearly. I would happily fight anyone who wanted me to leave her out. Heck, even if I hate whatever she wanted to do, I'll put aside my feelings to make sure she has a blast. I wish I could have even a moment more time with her... She never hesitated to always be there for me when I was growing up. She was the best grandmother I could have ever had & it was no hardship to have her around, even when she had the worst symptoms of her disease, where she couldn't remember me or lashed out in fear/confusion. It was 1 of the worst moments in my life when she would struggle to make sense of the confusing world overwhelming her. Frankly, if any partner of mine tried to interfere with my caring for her however needed, I would dump them in a heartbeat. I'm not saying my partner has to do everything I do & if they just said they wouldn't help, I could deal; but don't expect me not to do whatever she needs. Of course, I wouldn't be with a person that wasn't on board with the life I lead. I am picky & only get involved with people who match my nature.

[@semideadnat]

@@adambartlett114 I get what you mean but I don't think the grandmother had dementia at all. OP said she has a lot of problems mentally and I don't think she meant dementia, I think she meant there were some mental issue that went unsolved for. However I get your point but in this case I think everyone should have gotten the Grandmother some help when they knew she'd be like this during a wedding.

[@katieb.1184]

right? and that one comment being like "we have our own version of her and we all take turns, suck it up." how about no? gma CLEARLY tanked a date night completely with her bullshit and required him to stay near her all night lest she melt down.

[@bdhu2001]

The shaving situation, OP is complaining about the stubble. Stubble really is irritating and makes sense.

[@fishbowl5308]

Right like everyone saying he just wants her to shave. No he just doesn't want to feel a cactus on his leg. You don't want to shave rn cool dont press your leg against him til its actual hair

[@dinimueter539]

Many commenters would have judged completely different if the genders were reversed. I’m saying this as a woman.

[@muhname6052]

That might be true but he's a man saying something negative about a woman and this is reddit

[@WendyGraceArtist]

When my fingers get numb, my partner shaves me. It started as a favor, but we now find it an intensely intimate, caring, serene experience. Actions that lead you to feel cherished often lead to more quality nookie.

[@victorvaldez8869]

About the friend who's ex-friend outed them as being married to a trans man after an argument, they deserve to be outed to any other friends in their circle as to just what a miserable person they are. OP should save some of the hateful voicemails & other issues that her sharing the information has caused, then share them in a group chat with any shared acquaintances. As far as the family, get a restraining order against the family & security measures, I'm sure you have more than enough proof to be granted it by a Judge.

[@quaruke9489]

And possibly endangerment charges for their child by making a dangerous situation VERY likely to happen

[@pippo17173]

I hate how the other friend sorta agreed with this person to not lied. Like dude or women or whatever, did op not mention how horrible they are with trans people? That is not an option. I would get if it means *Tell the truth and tell them to fuck off* but that is not what its saying here.

[@Liam_Phoenix]

@@pippo17173 I consider "dude" a gender neutral term, because dudette just feels weird in my mouth

[@niansillabffs]

My bf and I are over 200lbs and share a full sized bed and we don't touch our legs while we sleep. Everyone saying the OP is the asshole because he doesn't want his gf's stubbly legs on his are just making excuses as to why women don't need to shave NOT why she can't keep her legs to herself after he asked multiple times.

[@MrRyukage]

First Story, NTA. I had one guy that won't leave me alone. I agree to go on a date,but I stood him up. I wasn't interested because I liked someone else and the guy in question was fronting about being "in love" with when he just want to hook up with me. If he just wanted hook up,why couldn't he be honest about it.

[@TheSolidMidgetOfficial]

That ex-friend who outted their friend needs to go MIA along with OPs parents.

[@sdaniels160]

Razor stubble is uncomfortable. Once it grows in, it's not uncomfortable. Stubble it scratchy. He's allowed to say he's uncomfortable.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

If your boyfriend really loves his grandmother he would find her a good THERAPIST. If you don't mind being her babysitter at every family function, fine but if not, get another boyfriend.

[@badateverything5392]

12-year-old and make-up, no problem. Piercings, I would say is a potential problem, as sometimes they don't re-seal (mine haven't and I don't like them). Acrylic on the nails when the person is younger than 12 can damage the nail bed, that is why a lot of salons and nail bars have age limits.

[@idgarobingoodfellow]

Yeah, 3 piercings in each ear? Semi permanent eyelash extensions? Before 12? I don't understand all the YTAs, Because there's something seriously wrong with this girl under home life, Especially because she lied to her father about it. From the mom's reaction, I really think there's some projecting going on there.

[@badateverything5392]

@@idgarobingoodfellow I think he needs to have a really calm "why do you want this?" talk with his daughter. It is possible that she is like me, didn't do it for anyone else and just really loved the aesthetic. My father told me that I couldn't go out with one particular look (when I was seventeen) because it was provocative (I painted zips where my eyeliner should be) and I told him that I put a lot of effort into it and wasn't doing it for anyone else (as he assumed). Nothing more was said on the topic and he admitted that I actually drew it well, he was just worried that I was doing it for other people. If the daughter is mature, then she should be able to explain what she likes about these additions to her look. There is also the possibility that she just wants to spend time with her mother and therefore, asks her for things her mother will take her to. Mine helped me dye my hair when I was about thirteen and it was really nice quality time. It might be that the daughter doesn't care about any of this and just likes spending time in the salon with mum. The mother is the real problem, as she isn't looking out for her daughter. Acrylic nails on a child under the age of twelve can do PERMANENT damage to her nails. My mother isn't the most outwardly confident individual, but when I expressed an interest in making more long-term changes to how I looked, she came down hard and made me really go into why I wanted it and absolutely put her foot down when it came to anything which could cause damage (I was not allowed to use bleach until I was eighteen, as she didn't want me to fry my hair, I got that number down to seventeen). The mother should be able to explain to the father why she is okay with what her daughter is doing without it turning into a fight. My mother defended my choices to my father and it helped reassure him that I was doing it for the right reasons; she NEVER got in a fight with him over it (a calm defence with the aforementioned eyeliner zip situation) and him realising it was genuinely my choice made everyone feel a lot better. *one time I was wearing quite a revealing outfit and dad was furious until I explained that it was cosplay and I was going to a friend's birthday, where all of them will be wearing similar things, at which point he offered to tight-lace the top of the dress, as it didn't fit properly (I was almost eighteen at this point). This whole situation seems really unhealthy for such young girl :(

[@idgarobingoodfellow]

@@badateverything5392 I don't disagree with you, I have no problem with the makeup and the clothing and the hair dye, that's all fine, let her live her life the way she wants it. I made ... choices when I was that age, and the only long term effects are some cringeworthy photos. But the things like the acrylics, the 3 piercings on each year, the semi permanent lash extensions, the fact her friend has an ED, combined with the lying to the father and the mother's fast and out of proportion reaction seem to imply a potential deeper problem that deserves at least a bit more investigation if for no other reason than to make sure that this girl is okay and doesn't need any help, and I'm worried that everyone calling OP TA will discourage them from looking into it more. If it all is her idea, then just confirm that there's nothing else deeper going on, tell her she's beautiful with or without all of it, and that she can always tell OP anything, etc etc

[@tegantalks9612]

God damn, if some punk ass kid came along trying to pick a fight with my toddler I would certainly not be as nice as the guy in the story. Thankfully the kids in my neighborhood are all pretty nice.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

There is being protective and there is being controlling. And OP parents are way to controlling. I hope when OP moves, he cuts contact with his parents cause it sounds like he be better off without them. What happens when he gets married and starts a family? I wouldnt let those people around my kids at all.

[@kaylafuller8948]

Nope he is a minor they have every right to do everything they do. When your a minor freedom and privacy is a privilege not a right.

[@RandomTrinidadian]

@@kaylafuller8948 but how do you expect the minor to mature and have real workd experience, when the parents dont even let him?

[@down2this754]

@@kaylafuller8948 we are trying to raise adults. The best way to get there is to be stupid while you are young and have a safe place to land when you make mistakes. I'm to controlling over my kids, and I work every day to be less so, but I know the best thing for kids is to be able to make choices with guidance. IF you never make a decision on your own, how do you learn to make decisions?

[@pippo17173]

@@kaylafuller8948 I get that but up until he is 18? Dude, my parents are strict as well when I was younger but their never this fucking strict. This is just abuse.

[@chocolattemocha8512]

@@kaylafuller8948 painthuffer moment

[@kalinaphillips9779]

The wedding story. I hope that OP's GF will cancel the wedding. OP is too controlling in petty, insignificant things and is too obsessed with what other people will think. It is definitely not a good basis for marriage.

[@kennethsjvold9212]

Why is he controlling? Because she want get her way on everything? So its her way or no way🤔 and he is controlling.

[@jadedjane6241]

I know. The problem isn't even about control. He is so sexist and preoccupied with what people who don't really know them think compared to his fiancee.

[@audreyagbodjan5338]

I laughed at how they confiscated the condoms. Lmaoo me in my head "kkay I got it I won't use condoms, geez"

[@meghanplayssims]

the one where the husband works 14 hour days, the wife obviously agreed to this so that she could be a sahm. if she doesnt want that arrangement anymore, she needs to say something. its not OPs fault he is fulfilling their agreement.

[@jingerjar1365]

A bride hired a psychiatric male nurse to accompany her difficult mother and her mother was elated.

[@scarysara9364]

For the 'Ruth' story: The basic message that seemed to be constantly sent O.P.'s way was "If you want to attend any event then you have to look after this old woman at all of them; if you don't want to watch her then you might as well not come to any weddings period, the only time you won't have to babysit at a wedding is when it's yours."

[@audreyagbodjan5338]

About the shaving thing I had a sleep over with my cousin and she had stubble. Stubble is worse than the feeling of sandpaper against you. Stubble is not the same as a full bush of hair. The whole thing was I usually don't mind rubbing my leg against people. Its soothing... atleast when the texture is smooth. She kept tryna rub her leg against me. If she want to not shave thats fine. Im not going to make her feel insecure but she had to stop making me uncomfortable.

[@dingleberryjones1012]

"no whispering " BAHAHAHAHA that slayed me

[@ED-fo1pe]

Balcony smoking story: OP is definitely TA. Second-hand smoke is deadly, OP walking further away from the building is not. Most likely anyway... I've read too much true crime.

[@mothertrucker936]

Unwanted pregnancy: ESH first, I question if friend is really pregnant or simply trying to steal $$$$. Back down op. Your money can go wherever you decide. The minute you give money to a friend, you’ve lost a friend and gained a leech. Block her and the supposed friend who all feel entitled to your money. Bad friends

[@saratronus]

Why do I feel that op is also the asshole the whole idea that people should having kids just The against his belief is just weird to me Like I do try to respect other people's beliefs but this this just feels weird. And for all we know the friend was gonna go through the abortion but changed her mind last minute as most people do This all seems suspicious to me

[@mothertrucker936]

@@saratronus agreed that it definitely felt off

[@mariapizzaa]

I miss when markee used to read more comments. That is always what made his channel my favorite of the reddit readers.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

OP in first story, run. I was you once, I did not run. I tried but ended up caving. I regret it every day.

[@lisashook4290]

If everyone picked up 10 pieces of trash EVERY Tuesday then in 10 years we could make a difference in the environment. Turning off the water heater in 1 flat would not. More importantly we need to end our dependence on fossil fuels and lower the carbon footprint in every country.

[@damien678]

companies that have been proven to be the main causes of such problems also need to be held responsible and do much, much better

[@ponfarru]

Environmentalists and environmentalist politicians should probably consider telepresence/zoom calls, etc. versus flying over the place creating a higher than average carbon footprint.

[@womp2376]

The first story sounds crazy!!!

[@michaelbaker197]

How is op TA for expressing her concern? In this situation, I think the aunt is the TA for blowing up like she did rather than explaining how the cousin is trying a new look for herself like a civil person.

[@auntdeen6314]

When my sister got married she had both our parents walk her down the aisle. They were not divorced, she just liked the symbolism of it.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP NTA. Your amazing for taking in the child that was the product of your ex and sister's fiance cheating. Also thumbs up for getting therapy and being open minded that the child is totally innocent in this and am treating him well and protecting him from others who would treat him as less or badly. Yes, I do agree sister has the right to some of her feelings but it doesnt excuse her bad behavior and treatment of the child who is innocent. She should get therapy so she can work out her feelings and behavior. Meanwhile keep the kids away from her since she cant be trusted not to say or do hurtful things to them.

[@Its_like_the_T-Rex]

Is Ruth like super rich or something? Is BF taking one for the team to get the entire inheritance?

[@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399]

Honestly makes sense

[@RockLikeAStone]

I love the irony in someone saying you don’t need to change for anyone as an argument to get someone to change back into something they are more comfortable with

[@curtisfranzen986]

1st story. To qualify, I am a 55 year old straight, white, Catholic male. Between my wife and I, 2 of our 4 kids are gay. I don't give a shyte. Both have had to live guarded lives to avoid the unrelenting hate. People who don't know either, hate them for no reason. The self righteous are the worst. To paraphrase the Bible, God says it is not our place to judge, in fact judgement is God's job. Peace to All!

[@jayjaytaylor565]

Thank you!! My sperm donor couldn't accept my sexuality because he said he is a Christian. The self righteous give good Christians a bad rep.

[@curtisfranzen986]

@@jayjaytaylor565 Thank You for your reply. Also, Thank You for your open mind as well. Actually, most Christian's are sane. A few bad apple's, ya know?

[@curtisfranzen986]

@@jayjaytaylor565 I'm sorry for not replying quickly. I had to absorb your response. I completely understand the term "sperm donor". My biological male parent is not my "DAD"!!! That is reserved for the Man who earned the title. My Dad (RIP) accepted me as his son. The last I heard of my "sperm donor" was that he drank himself to death, and drowned in a puddle of his own vomit. I laughed.

[@curtisfranzen986]

Some may think I'm cold. All I can say is that I've seen things none should see. I'm sorry, peace.

[@jayjaytaylor565]

@@curtisfranzen986 My aunt is a devout Christian. Her daughter is a lesbian. It doesn't matter who she is with, my aunt is super accepting of her life choice and even calls her partner her daughter. I wish more Christians were as accepting as you are. ❤️

[@semideadnat]

"My wedding" I'm sorry I was on his side about the number of flower children but after that my opinion just changed. YTA The story about Ruth, why isn't anyone taking Ruth to therapy? She sounds like someone who needs help and if it's effecting everyone around her I think people need to step up and get her the help she needs. ESH for allowing her to be like this and not help her.

[@catlover2223]

Honestly, if Ruth is as old as it sounds, I doubt she would go. She’s probably flip out at whoever suggested it to her.

[@ceridwen04]

First story: how to ensure your child would die to do all that stuff all together the first time they get a chance out of your control (and guidance).

[@kristinwiebold2433]

Calling someone an incubator is really rude. But that lady was extremely over the line and OP's mom valuing that rude couple over her own kid is messed up.

[@str4yk1dsw0rldd0minati0n]

1:36:14 NTA, one time me and my cousins got threatened for asking the boys to get out of the girls toilets and for me calling one of them “fat ass” after he called me fat. My dad came over and took their 3 scooters and said we’re taking them to the police station and reporting what they did cause they also tried hitting my dad. They knew they would get in trouble cause those scooters never got picked up or anything from what my aunt said

[@missybuchanan9631]

Oof, I have two degrees (one in creative writing, one in English lit, psychology, & criminology) and I would 100% advise to make that a minor... Note: not in the US.

[@Lugialuvr]

Man just hearing how in the husband carrying the baby story, I wanted to like deck the ex-friend. Just what a miserable rotten human being. Just, that's horrible. I've had friends shout out my crushes when they were mad at me when we were in like 6th grade in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Small tiny secrets. and the thing was we were like TWEENS. And we didn't touch anything like how she'd been in Foster Care. How I might've had a mental illness. It was all silly drama but we NEVER touched the big ticket nuclear stuff even though our friendship did fracture after the fact. How is it that two tweens on the verge of a friendship ending argument had more decency than that scumbag? That's the equivalent of SWATTING levels since you're siccing dangerous people on them. Bigots are monsters.

[@minagica]

Some people styled as "choosing beggars" here merely don't want to be psychologically abused 🙄

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

while back off at a 12 year old dying their hair, but acrylics and peircings before 13 in a group that has a history of eating disorder? thinking auntie and friends are wanna be pageant moms

[@dawnstone4424]

The 12 year old girl one worries me. She’s only 12 . OP should have spoke more tactfully but I do understand the concern. 12 is too young for makeup and bleached hair and acrylics.

[@Its_like_the_T-Rex]

Why do they keep inviting Ruth... a woman who needs a babysitter or she'll ruin a wedding????.WTF? Is Ruth a pseudonym for KAREN???

[@jimbobjones9330]

No. It's an anagram for "Hurt"

[@stacys8729]

I would be pretty concerned if a neice of mine, 12 years old, had acrylic nails, full face make-up, multiple piercings, revelaing clothing, , and semi-permanent eye lash extensions. I'm not sure why all the commenters were so harsh on OP. What's next- tatoo at 13, nose job at 15? (I'm a woman, have a face piercing, have tattoos, dyed my hair in high school , etc. Not a prude.)

[@audreyagbodjan5338]

Nothing done was permanent. She was learning gradually

[@cuzican1902]

I agree. Age appropriate. That list sounds like what an adult would have, not a child/pre-teen. Why let your pre-teen where revealing clothing?

[@blackghostart308]

One of the most concerning things is the nails because I guarantee the nail tech advised against extensions for a preteen, they could permanently damage the way her nails grow.

[@berriganache481]

@@blackghostart308 I'm so glad someone pointed this out because as someone that has had their nails done via acrylic many times, I thought that too. Also, when I studied hairdressing, I remember my text book advising that the person needs to be 16 to touch peroxide. Like sure, she could have used lemon juice to bleach her full head to being blonde but I'm skeptical at the same time. I think it's okay for 12 y/os to be experimenting but the acrylic nails and blonde hair concern me.

[@mikimishisa]

I mean tbf what's revealing to her? You can't say oh well it has spaghetti straps and shorts on and call it revealing. And idk dying hair is what it is personally won't let my kids until they're 18. But piercings can close.

[@fionaeckert4556]

The groom who wants a say in planning the wedding... He should just tell his fiancée if he is not included in the planning for THEIR day, he will make sure not to be included when it comes to paying.

[@katieb.1184]

Normally I'm one to argue for grooms getting a say in the wedding and until he gave examples I was ready to declare him NTA... but a groom shouldn't have a say on who represent's the bride's past. of the two examples given, that one is a firmly bride-only decision. (in the same way best man is groom-only decision) the other one, he's trying to cut out even more people she cares about without a decent suggestion to include them, on top of the weak explanation of "its weird for boys to throw flowers." He's mainly YTA because of the things he's saying, not because he wants a say in the wedding.

[@jingerjar1365]

I would take those "friends" to small claims court. In CA we can get up to 10,000 dollars. If you could afford a lawyer and go for bigger money maybe prison for potential physical harm and harm to your daughter down her long road of school bullying

[@krysd8594]

I've been there with the long nails etc but now at 35 I don't care. I almost never wear makeup etc. She's learning, just help her and make sure she's healthy.

[@notCynicalReally]

Also, with the girlfriend with hairy legs Wtf is wrong with people on Reddit??? Sharp Stubble Is Irritating

[@nikkaztia2113]

Regarding the wedding: What compromise is the bride doing. You all are telling the groom he is the ah and not compromising but where is the bride compromising. Anyway, my compromise would be the bride side pay for all these extra kids outfits etc.

[@dinimueter539]

That’s what bothered me too. Everyone thinks it’s totally valid for the bride to want a bunch of flower kids but the groom is an AH if he wants only two? Wtf?

[@Ville-q6l]

the cousin changing how she looks, my mom and dad let me do very similar things to what the aunt allows and i would say its raised my confidence rather than ruin it

[@ThePinkBinks]

Last story: the aunt is Kim’s mother from an assault and OP’s parents adopted their niece after aunt was forced to go through with the pregnancy. Kim is OP’s cousin not sister. Kim’s mother hates her as she’s the result of assault and can’t stand being around her but someone clearly decided Kim had to be kept in the faaamily at the cost of the aunt’s mental health. “She loves her sibling’s children equally” but does not love her own one that she rejected.

[@Liam_Phoenix]

Thats certainly one theory!

[@Darkprincess-nd8jn]

Actually not a theory it was explained in update in video of another channel that’s this is what happened as well as the fact the birth destroyed her ability to have any other children

[@Lugialuvr]

The college story. As someone who was in the sister's position, I wanted to be a writer. I am honestly glad I didn't go down that path. That market is super saturated and to have to work to make my writing 'sellable' would've been the worst. I am now looking to have a stable and worthwhile career that has put me in a very secure position financially. It sucked to have to get that similar talk from my father about going for a degree that earned me money. But all things considered I am very happy. I can also potentially choose to pursue opportunities to further my creative writing skills in a scholastic environment in the near future should I choose to. I think the issue is the way sister put it, and the wya others are like 'that money should come with no strings attached' I've seen too many english majors note how useless their degrees are. Why not recommend she get a degree in a field that'll actually do work for her? A lot of people are like 'wah they're killing her dreams' like what does a creative writing degree even give you? What doors does it open that simply just... working on your writing wouldn't open? A lot of famous writers seemed to have other jobs that gave them life experience and helped shape their writing. You write what you know. Harrison Ford was famously a carpenter before netting his first acting job, he met his first director through a job. The parents are allowed to push their daughter into a field that'll get her ahead. They aren't saying she can't write anymore. They aren't saying she'll never be a writer. But they are telling me what I've been told over and over and echoed from creators, actors, and writers. Always have a backup plan. She's going to college to make sure she has the foundation for a solid back up plan. Or even something to get her money while she waits for her writing career to take off.

[@digitalharmony26]

I don’t get all the comments about the 10yo cousin. I have acrylics and box dyed red hair. I’ve been dying my hair and wearing acrylics for years, but I started when I was 17-18. Being 10-12 you don’t fully understand the issues you can have later in life because of these things. Just because she wants it doesn’t make it okay. Give a kid the option of a balanced meal and cake and ice cream and no shit they’ll choose cake. Doesn’t mean it’s good for them. Also they keep saying it’s the mothers job to tell her, but the mother is letting your young child dress provocatively and damage her hair and nails so idk if she’s a safe bet to educate this child. OP may have gone about it wrong but people seem to be missing the key points here.

[@jazzyj1449]

I did the same thing in 1970 and was the best years of my life. I moved back locally and has been miserable since, so plan on being low or no contact forever.

[@muhname6052]

I'm not saying that they where having an affair but I'm immediately suspicious of people who date so soon after the death of a spouse. Especially when you have kids. Like I'm not saying you shouldn't find someone else to be happy with but when the time you use is measured in months it looks super shady even if it isn't.

[@minagica]

Omg, OP's "strict" parents are controlling manipulative abusive AHs, wtf is wrong with them??? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@terellbrown4326]

This is why I don't get advice from stranger on the internet because to be honestly I don't give a fukk about what a random stranger's got to say

[@angeliqueillstopprocrastin479]

For the one about smoking on the balcony-NTA, but get a smokeless ashtray or a fan that might blow it further away. But it's your balcony.

[@GeorgiaDLee]

OP 2: If you're in the US sue your ex friend and each family member in small claims court for emotional distress and harassment. Also out their behavior on social media and to their employers. Lying for your safety is OK.

[@kitkakitteh]

has nothing to do with safety. if ppl refrained from spending their lives LYING to everybody, the retaliatory violence and hate would stop.

[@GeorgiaDLee]

@@kitkakitteh oh. so no violence occurs when trans people are honest about who they are upfront? yeah, i don't think so. stay in your lane bigot.

[@kitkakitteh]

@@GeorgiaDLee who knows, they’re too busy lying, cheating and swindling everyone they know, in the name of their safety. Ruining the lives of others with their deceptions doesn’t make anyone want them in their lives

[@damien678]

@@kitkakitteh you have no right to the medical records of ANYBODY. transition is a part of that. it is medical history. you have no right to it. It is not lying for a transgender man to present himself as a man, since that IS his gender.

[@LittleImpaler]

The wedding. It's his wedding too. This is a relationship. Relationship are work. Once a relationship becomes one sided. It's not a relationship. OP needs to think if he wants to marry someone like this, because it won't change.

[@bobcatred]

Oh honestly. The kids on reddit acting like the dad wanting their kids to major in something that has more career potential is a horrible monster clearly haven’t spent a lot of time trying to find a job competing with every other liberal arts/art/English/history/whatever grad who thought that they’d graduate from school and magically they’d get paid to read books or write term papers or whatever it is that one imagines when we’re 17 and idealistic. Sometimes parents are trying to prevent you from taking the hard road because they know it sucks. Some of them are bitchier about it than others and could learn a lesson or two in not driving obstinate teenagers into direct defiance, but it doesn’t automatically mean they’re horrible narcissists out to make their kids miserable. It means they suck at communicating with teenagers. JFC.

[@damien678]

I agree with you, and my biggest asset is my artistic skills. I've been drawing since I could hold a pencil and have been both supported and *expected* to become a professional artist. But they only gave me supplies, and didn't even encourage going to paid classes. They even didn't approve of me being very passionate about wanting to be a lawyer at 17 (I'm 24 and still really like knowing law stuff, and would like to go study it when I can, which I'm expecting to be my 30s). I still regularly do art and always strive to improve my skills, and I wish so desperately that I wasn't pushed into it so hard without any actual support to get me truly ready for such a career beyond technical, manual skills. It's a nightmare, and you HAVE to be good at business in general, especially if you're gonna do freelance work, and if you're an professional artist? You're most likely gonna do at least a BIT of freelancing, if that's not your entire career. For a lot of bigger career opportunities (especially in America) you have to pay AN UNGODLY AMOUNT to go to an art school, and the kicker is you already have to display artistic skills and talent beforehand. You have to already be at least decent at art and good at making an art portfolio. And while art school does develop your skills and knowledge further, the main reason to go is the industry connections you'll make through it. And that's for the chance at things like... *checks notes* to INTERN at places like Cartoon Network. probably the best thing it'll ever teach an artist is how to manage their time, and how to do art quick(er). Because most artists will make their money with commercial work. Gods help any child of a non-wealthy family trying to become a gallery artist. Because the main image of a professional artist? What we, societally, imagine when thinking of one? Yeah, that's not even close to how it is for most professional artists. TLDR (I'm so sorry for the rant); Art as a career is really time-consuming, requires skills we don't think of, and isn't even how we commonly think of it to be for most. It's hard even WHEN everything goes right. Not to mention how undervalued artists genuinely are. It's reasonable AF for a parent to be concerned in general.

[@mothertrucker936]

S1: NTA when will people mind their own fkng business about what goes on in other people’s bedroom. These people act shocked while they’re the ones being perverted. Your husband was loved and accepted by the entire family and suddenly he’s not good enough anymore. Change your entire entourage. That sister who’s sneaking around needs a good tongue lashing. Her jealousy and need for attention is what made her run to brag and stir the sht with your bigoted family. Love your life, no excuses. Congratulations and best wishes to the new family.

[@diefenbaker7853]

Balcony smoker I would purchase a LOUD fan and place it on my balcony and turn it on at night when I smoke to blow the smoke away from his apartment but the fan would be loud enough to wake them up. Then play innocent when they complain.

[@leebrown6247]

As for the wedding: she flat out said it’s her decision and he doesn’t get a say. Danger, Will Robinson!

[@dinimueter539]

I don’t think OP is the AH for asking her cousin why she dyed her hair as long as she is genuinely interested in the cousin‘s reasoning. It might well be the mother who’s pressuring her daughter into „improving“ her looks.

[@mothertrucker936]

Prickly legs: NTA omg people! I swear the minute words can be twisted. OP doesn’t like the prickly legs against his own. Gf is purposely wrapping /rubbing her legs against him. I’ve complained about my husband’s stubble against my face and he stops. The minute a man complains about something legit, he is whipped with all kinds of nonsense. His gf obviously and usually shaves her legs OUT OF PREFERENCE and hadn’t done it in a few days. Stop finding reasons for couples to fight and make a war over nothing. This was not a hairy body issue.

[@RedOnly]

Do you realize how much pollution and waste are created by RECYCLING!?!? It's crazy! Just look behind"the curtain" at any recycling plant(not just the collection facility). Not to mention most is shipped🚢 over seas. Using reusable things and making less waste is better. But also....most reusable bags get 🤢. Thankfully the pandemic put a stop to disgusting cups and unwashed bags where I live!

[@nerdygeekgamer5528]

My dad's grandma, my great grandma played favorites with my dad and his sibling's my dad was always, always her "FAVORITE GRANDCHILD" and when I and my little brother came along we got the same treatment our dad got she did the whole " MY FAVORITE GRATE GRAND KID'S" I really wish she didn't do that but she did

[@barbaral743]

Wedding planning story: I've always considered both parents walking the bride down the aisle has giving both parents equal honor; nithing to do with state of parents marriage. For the flower kids, maybe the bride doesn't want to choose one niece/nephew over the others; who doesn't love little kids in a wedding?

[@jinx18e]

Why is everyone dogpiling on the dude about his girlfriend rubbing her hairy legs on him?! He just asked not to be touched by her hairy legs not that she had to shave or get dumped. He should sleep on the couch if he can't handle sleeping in the same bed? She was being annoying after being told no. It's not even about "the fact he can't get over her unshaven legs" it's just not wanting prickly hair rubbed on him and that is reasonable for everyone. Being annoying after being told to stop is a her problem not him.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Ops parents will control their kids weddings too. Support for kids shouldn’t come with strings.

[@heleneclark563]

About the father who remarried, I’m thinking that maybe what OP said may not be a lie. Who remarries 6 months after a spouse dies? I’m from the old school where a person wait a year after a spouse or SO dies.

[@Liam_Phoenix]

No no they only started dating 6 months after OG S/O died, they remarried when op was 14 or 15

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

57:46 depending on where in the house, there are people who can locate you with the bare minimum. Idk if OP is the TA, but that did occur to me.

[@Tom8201]

OP should sue the friend who outed them as well as the family.

[@catking1059]

@1:05:13 that wasn’t petty of OP. Justified AH

[@idrakostral1131]

right, Mark's "you're the asshole cus you pushed your agenda" deadass sounds like the typical LGBTQ+phobic jerks who're all like "THE LGBTQ AGENDA IS RUINING US" uh- anyone who harasses an LGBTQ+ member deserves to get spit in the face the way that woman was harassing OP, its unfair. (i'm a trans man, so i dont tolerate harassment like that not even a bit)

[@valerielocke7876]

AC is a personal choice. I have never had AC and never will. You will have worse times outside in the heat when you use AC all the time.

[@cynicalminion]

48:41- they may not be the bride and groom in THIS situation, but what about when they ARE? setting a "i'm not babysitting a grown-ass adult" boundary in their relationship is a good place to start. it helps to think of HIS position in this. he's basically saying he's NOT inviting her to the wedding, he's inviting her to help babysit. it's admirable that he wants to help out family, but he also needs to be the one to say "i'm attached to someone else. i'm willing to help contain drama, but i'm not coming to the event solo, so i can't be the ONLY one spending time keeping this woman under control." 50:00- and there it is... you have MULTIPLE family members doing the wrangling, and i notice that your mother, uncle, and you and your cousin's significant others aren't mentioned as being expected to help with the wrangling...

[@bouldermimi1178]

Re: Auntie’s college fund - Without her approval, neither the parents nor OP has the authority to divert the college fund to benefit Amy. Auntie should send payment for OP’s tuition, fees and etc. directly to her school. In her will, Auntie should establish a trust fund, with a trustworthy executor, in case there is money left in the account. NTA

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP NTA. Your bf is such a jerk for talking and spoiling the movie you pick. Parts of me says it is time to dump the bf.

[@mateo335]

I probably would've done it to his movies to see how he liked it.

[@susanlosey9511]

Story#2: change both your phone numbers and go no to your friend. Also tell your other friends that if they release any information on line or to anyone they can kiss your friendship goodbye.

[@bouldermimi1178]

Re: creative writing - If OP is unwilling to follow a course of study that is acceptable to her father, she is free to pay for her college education on her own. YTA

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

1:05:10 "... something that shouldn't be issues." You said it all right there, Markee. But OP wasn't the one who decided that these even were issues. And s/he made pointing out the idiocy and hypocrisy of claiming that anyone should treat them as such their hill to die on. When bigoted, shallow people learn to live and let live, these things won't be seen as issues anymore. Until then, we have people like OP who rightly refuse to allow others to shame them just because they feel entitled to.

[@geraldgrenier8132]

the 6th story, the group theropy isn't working because the parents are being over bearing using it as a cudgle, and share the contenstece with her step sebbling is ever more undermining. quite simply the only way group theory is going to work is givening OP private 1 on 1 time with a therpost with a backbone so OP can build trust with other theropest, and cang group therapy will only work if theopest makest the parent back off and given them room to have their own feeling addressed.

[@Liam_Phoenix]

I'm sorry if this is mean but, its therapy, contents, siblings, and therapist, I don't mean it in a bad way I just like helping people with their spelling

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

People are nuts; poll dancing on the internet is NOT an art form, at least not to the guys watching her, they're watching her to get off, to them it's purely sexual. LOL

[@TheNormExperience]

Omg, wait....is she slow-roasting her nephew?😅

[@quaruke9489]

The first story sounds like a criminal offense

[@Sworddove]

On that one with the creepy, stalking co-worker, I would go all Southern on them. If he were to try something like that at work, I would holler in my loudest voice, "Oh hell no!" Insert first, middle and last name here. "I have told you time and time again that I am not interested in your advances and that they are most unwelcome." "Does your wife, insert her name here, know what you are doing?" "How dare you disrespect your wife." "Is this the way you would want someone to treat your mother?" "I hope she did not teach you that this is how you treat women" "Your actions are shameful and you shame your mother." Make sure you do this where all of your co-workers can hear what's going on. Then just glare at him and not say a word, looking him in the eye until he backs down and slinks away with his tail between his legs. He's counting on you being quiet and afraid of this getting around to your co-workers and making you look bad. This is how you turn it around, call him out on his sexual harassment and abuse. Tell the truth and shame the devil. 🤛👊🤜

[@el-syd1981]

Would you consider doing a Q&A livestream? Your reading is superb. Such a soothing voice.

[@Markee]

In the future I will do yeah. Right now I’m just too busy with life and stuff, so when I make time for it I’ll announce :)

[@el-syd1981]

@@Markee Thanks for your reply. :) Keep up what you are doing!

[@coptic1241]

I’m on the wedding guys side. Weddings already have to many people uninvite everyone and elope

[@bryanmatson5164]

The man that wants his way with his wedding is not the a**hole. Yes asking for one thing to go his way is in fact a compromise since everything else is exactly the way she wants it.

[@KazumiKiguma]

Every post without an update makes me die a little inside :') Especially that last one aaaaaaaaa

[@RockLikeAStone]

If I was invited to a wedding then called a jerk for saying I’m not going to babysit grandma. I’d get “food poisoning” and stay home. He can enjoy his rodeo

[@rangeraero]

"Incubator" story: Justified asshole. Sure, it could have been handled better if OP had kept their cool, but when you're being attacked, there's only so many times you can defend without fighting back. Using someone's one beliefs against them is going to be a touchy subject, as shown by the comment that says (paraphrasing) "don't be racist/sexist at racists/sexists". Sometimes, you end up fighting fire with fire, and it's a great way to let them hear how they sound when they say bigoted things.

[@iniratagen9740]

The parents in the first of are very inappropriate in how they treat their son. He needs to get away, school is a good excuse to run.

[@syrusorelio2309]

Why should the sister who got a college fund be expected to give up a full half? Will the parents give both sisters half of what they saved too? Honestly nta the money was given to her she shouldn't be expected to share it and the parents are aunt are the a- holes is OK to ask but don't demand it and it should be a private condo her sister shouldn't have been in the room when asking they also expect her to give half rather than each girl getting an even amount between the 2 funds, the aunt is an a- hole for favoritism

[@bouldermimi1178]

It sounds like the parents didn’t have any college money for their daughters.

[@jingerjar1365]

They should have allowed you therapy By yourself. Plus the fact they told others what you said in therapy. Not cool However you need to come clean about The affair. Talk to your therapist alone she should understand the underlying idea that gave you that idea.

[@jellysquid8077]

The parents in the 1st story don't sound they don't sound like they're worrying for OP or whatever we're dois whatever ridiculous crap they told him. They just have been convinced that their children are their property

[@stephjovi]

The smoker one is NTA. I'm a non smoker who needs open windows and hates the smell of cigarettes. When neighbors smoke on the balcony there their right. Yes it gets into my apartment but they have the right to smoke on their own balcony. I'm glad tough currently someone smokes weed around here I don't smoke cigarettes weed smells less bad

[@JanieBgrand]

Re the kid jumping states for college to avoid parents. Yes, they are very overprotective. Most don’t do it out of a power trip. They do it out of fear. Fear that controls their decisions. I wonder though, if he’s showing adult behavior by doing sneaky things behind their back.

[@greatauntlizbethg9137]

There was a severe lack of updates in this one