r/AmITheA**Hole For Getting Mad At A Coworker For Refusing To Use My Name?

[@Ixbran]

Why is everyone blaming the uncle when the aunt just walked off without telling him. Its the aunts fault for trying to force the baby onto her niece, she should have gone to her husband. Kudos to him for taking responsibility but he honestly should have been just as mad at the aunt as everyone else.

[@WobblesandBean]

Uhhh.... because he was literally right there, witnessed the exchange between his wife and her niece, and didn't step in to pick up his own kid, that's why.

[@Ixbran]

@@WobblesandBean except the post never says that! The couple showed up and the aunt went and tried forcing her kid on the OPs daughter. The next time he's mentioned its him freaking out over what happened and trying to help. Because he's never mentioned between their arrival and his freak out, and theneize of the yard is never mentioned, I am under the assumption he was off talking to other guests out of line of sight while the aunt chased op's daughter around with the baby. He likely had no idea she had dumped the baby on the girl and the hurried inside. Its liekly she was so busy trying to force OPs daughter to watch the baby she never bothered to tell her husband she was going inside so he didn't know to help the girl with the child, or just take the kid so the girl didn't have too. Again this is all on the Aunts fault, no one else's. Shes so busy trying to force a relationship between the cousins she didn't even bother to ask her own husband to watch the child. Its not OPs Fault, its not the OP's Daughters fault. And it's not the Uncles fault. This all happened because that bitchnof an aunt can't learn to accept No from people not wanting to take care if her baby for her.

[@katieb.1184]

I mean, the thing is, the uncle DID say it was his fault. and because of how society treats parents people get frustrated when dad's just get the easy pass. I think that we didn't see as much of his interaction with the Aunt to know if he was mad. He stepped in, took the responsibility and that might have been the best move at the time to shield the niece. Aunt was the first one at fault for refusing to listen to the solid no, then uncle since he admitted fault so it seems like he was close enough to catch the interaction. Realistically... I've been right next to my kids and they've gotten hurt. So it may not even be a "people failed" accident.

[@Ixbran]

@@katieb.1184 I get thr implications he was taking the blame so as to not let the niece get in trouble. How is he at fault when he didn't know his wife was trying to force the niece to babysit, he was just as unaware of what was going in as everyone else was. He shouldn't feel forced to take responsibility for his wife's shifty behavior.

[@shadowkissed2370]

The half siblings marrying. As a genealogist, I just have to shake my head at the hell future generations will go through trying untangle that tree.

[@smapa1185]

They're not half siblings, just legal siblings.

[@shadowkissed2370]

​@@smapa1185 Yes I know this, I used that as a descriptor.. They are two half siblings to the OP who are marrying.

[@Nexitaluv]

I mean, at least their tree is going to be really thin😂. Only one set of grandparents, one aunt on both sides of the family... I honestly don't understand how so many people don't get why the sister is freaking out.

[@DedraAmbroseandSnow]

Me & my mother's nephew whom is also my step brother. Our parents divorced & my Dad married his mom. So on my mom's side he's my 1st cousin, his kids my 2nd, their kids my 3rd cousins. But on my Dad's side he's my step brother, his kids my nieces and nephew, their kids my great grand nieces & nephews. Try to not get to confused by this. Yes it's extremely weird for my baby brother and I

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@DedraAmbroseandSnow oh don't worry I can follow along and have seen worse in helping put family trees together. There can be a lot of endogamy and pedigree collapse in family trees that it's just one or two branches for many years.

[@G14-Classified]

In the story of OP’s siblings getting married all I could think of is Woody Allen divorcing his wife and marrying his adopted daughter so Wrong IMO.

[@MythicalHex]

for the second story, THAT IS NEGLECT! I was neglected as a kid growing up, everyone expected me to keep myself occupied and not "bother" them. How did I end up? major social effing anxiety and speech issues because I barely had anyone to healthily talk to growing up, now that I'm an adult everyone expects me to tell them stuff a lot but I can't.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

"He's Not Your Sister's Brother"..... Good name for a Bluegrass song hahahaha

[@barbaralangford9877]

Yes, but her sister would be her sister-in-law and her brother would be her brother-in-law. 🤯🤯🤯🤯 Mind blowing!!!!

[@mothertrucker936]

14 year old doesn’t want to watch kid: NTA this is all on op’s sister. She could have handed him to the father or bring him with her to the bathroom. But no she was intent on having your daughter responsible and scolded. Tell your mom that she should apologize as she’s as responsible as your daughter. That should make her understand. Meanwhile sister has a big problem; she abandoned her child to try and make a point, that’s questionable parenting imo

[@WobblesandBean]

Both OP's sister and her mother sound absolutely wretched. Sister just wants a free babysitter at her beck and call, and OP's mother is a conkwocket for taking the sister's side.

[@katwiltz1134]

If she said no then she was not supposed to hand that baby off to anybody she's supposed to go about our business and anybody else who heard well they would be at fault because they were adults

[@katwiltz1134]

@@WobblesandBean let your mom know that it's okay you understand she's going to make mistakes which is how your sister her daughter walked in there and did an ass move was told no by 14 year old and abandoned her child resulting and said child getting hurt chasing after his mother who it just abandon him Brandy also because Granny heard and she didn't do s*** either and she knew Opie daughter said no cuz she thought she should have said yes tell your mom is Stellar parenting like that that resulted in a child being hurt that day image you see the similarity in between your sister and and your mom's parenting skills or lack thereof anybody under the consenting age can be used as slave labor to be around kids to babysit them I am thrilled that your daughter knew diseno this was not an emergency until your sister and your mom totally ignored the baby the baby got hurt and what happened they then turned on the fourteen-year-old like a pack of dog maybe that's why she never wanted to watch somebody else's kid because you end up with everything that parent does or doesn't do and you have to answer for it beefs screamed at and berated instead of somebody saying hey don't scream at her that's not her child the fourteen-year-old is a child herself and she said no she did not consent to watching that child Kudos that she could speak up for herself obviously no one would ever babysit for your sister especially now with your mama thinking it's okay to that she screaming at a fourteen-year-old you're doing great with your daughter keep up the great work

[@boblorch6212]

Regarding the 14yo girl who’s uncle bought her sanitary products…WTF?!? Her parents won’t buy her these necessary products because she’s supposed to be working to pay for them herself and then get mad when good uncle springs for some?!? Those parents need to be investigated for neglect and probably abuse. What dirtbags.

[@Shenn3165]

For the woman who almost died due to dr neglect, get a good malpractice attorney.

[@Aelitagurl]

Second story, I had the volume lowered for a second and thought you said, "Cannot count to zero." And thought to myself, "Damn. What the hell are these parents doing not teaching him the barest of bare minimum??" 😂

[@gaffawebber]

Not getting someone's name right REPEATEDLY is a big deal. Do better, people.

[@aleisterblacke]

My name has been misprounced my entire life. I'm 53, and can still remember my 1st and 2nd grade teachers pronouncing it "Alexander" or "A-lie-ster". Some seem to think my last name is Blake. No, it's Blacke. And yes, this is my real name. That wrestler stole it from me.

[@ladythalia227]

Get over yourself. I lived abroad for a year. Nobody ever got my Nordic pronunciation of Marianne right. No big deal, you’re not the center of the universe.

[@schokigirl1989]

Story 1: "It is not a big deal." I fail to see how this is his decision to make. It is OPs Name & Ops decision.

[@cchastant8251]

To that, I'd find a different way to say that coworker's name. Maybe several. Since, you know, it doesn't matter...

[@zahraa4149]

You can't expect everyone to always pronounce your name correctly when it's not in their native language My name gets mispronounced constantly by people from my country, and I corret them every single time because I *know* they can pronounce it. They just tend to shorten it With foreign friends, even ones that speak my language, I rarely do It may be a big deal to OP, but they still should calm down with their expectations

[@bubblegum_flavor551]

@@zahraa4149 I think you forgot the part the co-worker knew he was mispronouncing her name and kept doing it

[@Laurels-id6qo]

@@bubblegum_flavor551 exactly, I feel like everyone skipped over the part where the Co worker is doing it cos it makes the others laugh

[@dustyrose192]

@@zahraa4149 you always try to get their name right tho. You dont get to just decide a new name for them. My mom hated getting a nickname out of her name and i hate it when people can't say my name right (i usually allow for leeway but if we work together and you'll using my name a lot, fuck that)

[@autumn557]

“Not everyone has family that wants to help them move” And my answer is “and not everyone wants to help people who don’t want to help them. So yeah, if I was the cousin I would never lend a hand back.”

[@katieb.1184]

right? I have family I will show up for and do the hard work... and I have family I will avoid. I didn't need help moving out of my parent's house cause it was two truck-loads and hubs and I had it covered, but my cousins that offered were the ones I'd help lmao

[@theshortone1959]

I am a transman. i tell people my name is Erik so they add an A to the end. I get called dramatic when I inform them there is not a at the end. The coworker sounds transphobic. It is disgusting when people do this to me.

[@DeannaJacksonDJsDelectables]

That's exactly why I'm going with NTA.

[@SonofKalas22]

NO ONE outside my own community pronounces my name right. Get over yourself. It's not always malicious.

[@michaelleppek5033]

No, you're a woman.

[@MargaritaOnTheRox]

But it's not like the coworker was using the wrong gendered version of the name. The name, the mispronunciation, and the agreed nickname were all gender neutral. How can the coworker be transphobic when everything he called OP was gender neutral?

[@canislupusfool]

@@michaelleppek5033 Their life experience has led them to identify as a transman. This is a bold move and I applaud them for having the strength to come out. Your life experience has led you to identify as an asshole. An identity capable only of spewing shit out into the world. I pity the people related to you.

[@partysuvius]

The OP who was dealing with that horrid disease, should have gone immediately to a new GP or the ER. She could have *died*, ffs. I’m glad she’s okay now, and I hope the disease was still caught soon enough.

[@ceecee8126]

The neighbor gamer word baby that the guy has? I agree. Sounds like cancer

[@Metonymy1979]

As a landlord and a landlord that lives with tenants, she can tell them not to bring the kids over because that was an agreement before he moved in. She is not only a landlord, she is his roommate.

[@MOlsen-sg3yi]

I disagree with the YTA of the 1st story. The edit gives a clear reason for why they snapped. They went back of forth about the Pronounciation/name EVERY MORNING (as OP states) as the coworker wouldn't JUST stick to "R" as agreed . In a perfect world no one would get mad at each other but OP is human and was tired of it. OP is NTA. The coworker also ADMITTED to pocking fun as well. Edit: he even said he NOTICED OP was uncomfortable when he did it put "you didn't say anything" is a perfect excuse right?

[@sagejungwirth4155]

Yes this! I just dont get why everyone thinks op is the a**hole. Names are about identity more than anything, to poke fun at someone's name and intentionally mispronounce it even after that person has already given a reasonable alternative in certain cases, is downright mean. Imo its no different from mocking a person for their race, gender, or sexuality, because it's all doing the same thing, putting someone down based on their personal identity.

[@helloname3218]

Agree, Finally someone who gets it. markee usually has decent takes but while watching him talk about this I couldn't help but scream "What do you MEAN they are the ASSHOLE!!?"

[@cchastant8251]

My name isn't rare, but it isn't common anymore. When I was young, there were usually 2-3 others in each class with a name that sounded similar, but almost never the same. No teacher or fellow Americans had issues saying it properly. Many foreign nationals have issues with saying the name. When I grew older, fewer and fewer people shared the same name, but there were still enough other people with similar sounding names that when I took on a job where an overhead announcement system was in use, I lopped off two letters to make my name sound =less= like all the others who were similar, and I'd |be more likely to understand if they were calling for me or not. Skip forward to my late 30's. Still in America. As coworkers become mostly younger, my name becomes rarer, but there are still a slew of similar-sounding names around that are semi-common. I get an American-born Personal Manager, who switches the vowel in my first name for another, and introduces me to a herd of new hires by this new name. The first time, I politely but firmly corrected him instantly. It's noisy on the floor. If a new hire needs my help, I don't want to ignore them... but I'm also not going to answer to not-my-name. The second (and every other time) the PM introduced me to new hires by not-my-name, I verbally pounced on and corrected him. "That's NOT my name! My name is Name. I won't answer to the other, why do you keep telling them the wrong name?!" He did this at least twice a month... for TWO YEARS. If anyone in the building should be able to say my name correctly, it should be the Personal Manager, especially one born in my country, and also from the Pacific Northwest. He had no good reason to not say it right, and I jumped on him every time for it in the hopes that the NEW people would at least get it right. And at least once I heard one call me by the wrong name while I didn't break stride, then recall my name to have me turn to respond. So it didn't help with the PM, but it did for the new hires.

[@Lyoko2516]

Nicknames are like consent: They can be withdrawn. Like once, I asked a coworker if I could call her "Prim", because she looked like Katniss's sister. She was okay with that at first, but she later told me (like a couple days after or so) that she wasn't comfortable with it. I now call her by her name and nothing more. She still looks like Primrose because of how she does her hair, but I don't call her that. :)

[@katwiltz1134]

@Gi Gi 😔👊

[@partysuvius]

If my half-brother saw me trying to date one of his siblings on his father’s side (we share a mother), he absolutely would tell me off with how gross it was to watch his half siblings, who share no biological tie outside of our half-brother, get in an intimate romantic/sexual relationship with each other and completely disregard the fact that they SHARE A SIBLING despite not being bio siblings. And grew up together. Those two have some shit they need to talk out with a therapist. I could never, most people in that situation would never even consider it a possibility. That’s just gross. Step-siblings who grew up as normal siblings *since diapers* suddenly want to get married after a semi-hidden long-term relationship? Ew. If I were the parents, I would never support that. They grew up and were raised to be siblings. Not being biologically related is the only exception for them, despite their relationship definitely being defined as incestuous.

[@JutlandAngel]

I didn't even grow up with my step siblings (they moved out before my mom and step dad got together) and I still can't see me getting married to any of them. They got introduced as my siblings, they are my siblings, despite me not having as much a bond with them as my biological sister.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

I went to school with a guy named Rynn. And how is Ren even funnier than Rin? That's dumb

[@andrewalexander9492]

Because Ren is one of the title characters in the cartoon Ren and Stimpy.

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

@@andrewalexander9492 I know who Ren is. But unless you spell it out, it doesn't sound that different and still not that funny lol

[@madeegaindraws]

wait how was it pronounced? im confused is it "ryan" or "rin"

[@troubleinthevalley5884]

@@madeegaindraws Rin

[@oougahersharr]

I was in my early forties and had Shingles. I tried to get the vaccine for it to prevent another horrible, painful outbreak. I was literally told that I would need a prescription, despite going to a free clinic, because I was too young to have Shingles. My doctor that diagnosed me was not happy. He said, "I know you"re too young, and you know you're too young, but someone forgot to tell the disease cause you have it." He went on to tell me that he's treated infants with Shingles, too, so age is not a deciding factor. He sent me to the VA three hours away to get my shot, since I'm a vet, telling me that a,civilian doctor wouldn't believe us. Sigh.

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

When I took dance lessons decades ago, this was this 16yo girl in my class who would get shingles. This was decades ago before they had any oral meds to treat it. I’m so sick of the attitude “you’re too young to get X”. A really common one is strokes.

[@SurrealInfection]

I'm a vet with a disease that I "shouldn't have". Screw the naysayers. If people knew how many of us DIED because of bias based neglect their tunes would change. I have spent years having to research my own medical issues, it was my only weapon to push the doctors into actually paying attention. It was an outside doctor that gave me the proper aknowledgment. Though it is extremely difficult to hold VA docs at fault. The system is designed in that their careers are more important than our health. Ive been called a liar, treated like an addict, blown off and so on. I have to walk a tightrope because if I'm ever called a "combative patient" then there goes all of that work and my files would be closed or "misplaced." Some VAs are great, many not. It's still a crap shoot and a long, long battle no matter where you go.

[@pokefan124]

With the burrito story, the reason a lot of homeless shelters take tags off of clothes they give is that the homeless can’t sell them for drugs and the like. If he was truly hungry he would’ve taken the burrito

[@breadcells640]

What’s with this mindset? When people who aren’t homeless do drugs and drink no one raises half the stink they do when homeless people, who have EVERY reason to be stressed and feel hopeless, turn to drugs and alcohol. Does it help their situation? No. Does preventing them from getting any kind of money to survive in an effective way help them? Also no. This mindset of never giving homeless people money only keeps them homeless and creates an even greater spiral wherein they have to rely on a system that keeps them homeless and criminalises that state of being in every facet.

[@breadcells640]

If he’d said “I wanna make the cost of the burrito stretch instead” I’m sure most people would have turned him away in distrust bc the attitude people have to the homeless is fucking foul

[@pokefan124]

I think especially with this story he was offered a burrito, was given specific conditions AGREED and rescinded. All I was commenting on was my experience in retail no need to get hostile.

[@Demonic_Culture_Nut]

And if þe homeless guy was allergic to someþing in þe burrito? He wasn't offered a burrito, he was told he was getting one.

[@tealight2074]

First Story, Completely NTA. People have a right to be called by their names. Period. Just because OP ignored the disrespect in the past does not mean OP must ignore it forever. (Also, people with standard names should not pass judgement on this. You don't know the aggrivation, pain, and grating annoyance it can cause. It will literally become the proverbial straw). NTA. I would have gone to HR a long time ago.

[@ttrev007]

Renting a room is different than renting an apartment. You can put limitations on who comes into the home. I would look into local laws and kick his ass out.

[@posey1982]

Second story, an 18 month old barely a toddler fell on the stairs, chasing his mom. Who had just abandoned him. A child that young, without the designated carer hand off being clearly accepted, is essentially alone surrounded by stangers. . . Any other PTSD, or cPTSD survivors recognize that essential feeling? Aka for none- contempt unfamiliar "ringing any bells?" Is the bullies term for the above concept. The mother needs a hard check into post-partum therapy. Arm Chair rant over.

[@shadowkissed2370]

The medical issue NTA. It is the doctors responsibility to find out what is going on with you not to just dismiss your issues because of your age. That is grounds for a malpractice suit. I have gone through this myself. I fell down the stairs and was in terrible pain. I got a x-ray done and when to pain management and the doctor who specialized in spinal injuries refused to look at the x-ray and told me to walk for her. She said there was nothing wrong with me and because of my age I could not be in that much pain and I was only there for the pain medication that she would NEVER subscribe to me. For a year I fought and struggled and was in terrible pain the whole time. I developed vertigo at one point. I was finally able to get my primary to give me a MRI and my primary said there was a "small" slipped disk. This gave me a opening to go to a neurosurgeon. The moment the neurosurgeon saw my MRI I was rushed into surgery. The surgery to hours longer than it should have. It turns out it wasn't a "small" slipped disk it was a very bad slipped disk that had calcified and was cutting into my spinal cord, hence the vertigo. The doctor said if I had fallen in the year that it took to be able to get to him the disk would have severed my spinal cord and I would have become a quadriplegic. I have had two surgeries since and I am still in extreme pain. The year I had no medical treatment killed the nerves in my feet and my left hand. I am pretty young still and when new doctors see me they still think I am lying even though they have the records. I am to young in their opinion.

[@davebaton8879]

Yeah, OP in that case doesn't need an AITA judgement but a medical malpractice attorney since she was actually maimed and it could have been caused by the neglectful actions by the doctors. Their behavior looks really bad and I personally would love to see them explain their refusal to see a patient.

[@katwiltz1134]

@@davebaton8879 definitely she needs to know hey you told me this you're a bad doctor you're a bad doctor and a better doctor at least did save me from being paralyzed you said I was here for paying you didn't even bother to look you didn't do your due diligence and then I would report the doctor what they said was I look too healthy to be dying wtf?! Lots of people do until they die

[@princesssunshine874]

The Aunt is trying to manipulate her niece into providing free childcare. That's why niece keeps turning aunt's attempt to watch the kid, down.

[@actepukc]

About the Ryn-Ren-Rin story :D If I get mad when someone mispronounces my name ... I will need to be always angry at someone, even people that speak my native language (not Russian) struggle with my name, what to say that it's not the hardest one but ... good that she/he realises that some people just struggle with pronunciation.

[@Khaisz.]

44:00 I know a step- brother/sister who is married and has a kid. However they wasn't step-siblings when they started dating, that happened a few years later when the parents started dating and later got married, so they just continued staying together despite suddenly being Step-siblings. Anyway, it does sound very wierd to an outsider. So OP is NTA for saying it was wierd an making the joke. Because I and several others have already made similar jokes about it being wierd as OP did and everyone has taken it fine and not over reacted. Edit: oh and they did have the kid after the parents married.

[@MythicalHex]

kinda reminds me of a reddit story I heard from a vid like this one, where they were engaged and pregnant and the moment their mother met their fiance's father not long before the wedding, the fiance's father cheated on their wife with the mother and ended up getting hitched, and then tried telling the couple they couldn't get married anymore.

[@hoodieninja1646]

@@MythicalHex Jesus. That's horrible

[@despinasgarden.4100]

First story: NTA or at worst ESH, seriously, OP may had overracted, but getting someone's name is a way to show respect. The coworker may actually have problems with the pronounciation of OP's name, but it says that he also misspronounced it for laughs EVERY morning, dude is not even trying to get OP'S name right. At least you two make things right in the end.

[@Orinatl]

They said they did that originally but then they sat the standard the “R” was okay.

[@wendyhadley2764]

NTA, from what you said you tried to let your coworker know you were uncomfortable not being called by your name. He was either just clueless or he didn't care how he made you feel. Yes you could have handled it better but you got fed up with nobody caring, I get that. You could apologize for how you said what you said and that you still consider it disrespectful the way he's been treating you. A lot of people seem to have missed the fact that he was calling your name wrong for laughs. Nobody's name is a joke,I don't care how odd or ridiculous it sounds to anybody else.

[@ttrev007]

It would make sense to hold off giving money to the step kids until they have been adopted by the son.

[@WobblesandBean]

Agreed. The wife has some gall, waltzing in and demanding her new in-laws pay for her children's college like that. Not only that, but she feels entitled to an inheritance! Her husband/OP's son hasn't even adopted her kids yet. For the son's sake, I sincerely hope he got an ironclad prenup.

[@skyelindsey687]

Homeless guy one, NTA. There’s no guarantee that $10 would’ve gone for food. 99/100 if a homeless person wants the money over the food then they want to use that money for drugs or alcohol. And if it had really been an “I can’t handle the burrito” he would’ve said that.

[@morganjune3357]

1st Story: NTA. I'm nonbinary and my girlfriend is a transwoman whose name is also Rin. Names are so important to one's identity, I can understand why it finally wore you down.

[@idontknowhowigothere5474]

FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT I’m cis and even I understand how they felt 😭

[@Levithos]

Wait, you can't eat ramen without water? Get the cheap bags, break the noodles, sprinkle the flavoring in there and shake. About as easy to eat as chips.

[@lorifiedler13]

Airbnb - OP should just bow out. That would make things so much easier.

[@rollothecat2010]

Story 1: Jokes that are repeated are malicious and not funny. OP should have calmly explained to co-worker that it bothered them. I suspect that he did not learn to produce OP's name because he thought OP was okay with the joke.

[@lilbitof3kiddos507]

Nta the girl knows that if she gives in even a little that the aunt will up the pressure on her to watch him. I know, I was her. I made the mistake and my aunt pushed it till I was a free babysitter for the rest of her brood that she ended up having it sucked for 4 years and three monsters.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

Damn, what the hell is up with solely blaming the dad on the No Babysitting post? He already took responsibility for his carelessness, what more do y’all want? Should he flagellate himself in penance or crawl on his knees up a mountain to seek forgiveness? Why shift the _entire_ blame on him when auntie was the one that went MIA without notifying her husband? There’s such a hyper fixation on the uncle when the aunt is the true antagonist, forcing the daughter to babysit as if she were the US Government drafting teens to fight in the Vietnam War.

[@dianneshedrick1989]

OP had a right to be angry. She deliberately turned off his phone so he would not get his calls. And deleted some of them too. Talk about entitled. OP said her dad was going to be there for a few days, so her going on the day OPs wife went into labor is bc. She could have gone the next day. Now OP has no memories of his babies birth all because of her. She was selfish. OP has every right to be mad, and for those others to tell him to pretty much "get over it" is cold and wrong. What if something happened and his wife had complications and died or the baby died before he got there. How would they feel about that?. NTA.

[@nitza6255]

I find it odd my stepfather married his stepsister and have 2 sister in common. We used to joke with my step brothers that their dad was also his uncle lol

[@rhondasisco-cleveland2665]

Rin has labeled themselves as a hothead. 🤷🏻‍♀️. It’s going to take a while to walk it back.

[@skyelindsey687]

Period one. Women, don’t settle for less than what that Uncle did for the OP.

[@joycec8]

Parent: Y U no do homework? Your punishment is you can't do homework.

[@katieb.1184]

"my wife is more nocturnal" "I'm going to discuss getting on similar sleep schdules with my wife." TERRIBLE IDEA. I'm more nocturnal than my husband and I'm a SAHM. If I went to bed with him, I'd be waking up at 3/4AM and it would throw me even more off of the house's food schedule. That time when the house is quiet and no one but the cats are awake are my only peaceful moments in the land of crazy twinados. He says he helps with child stuff, but even when my husband is taking care of them, if they're not outside, there's not much peace to it. and usually his dad-time is when I need to be doing things like cooking. She shouldn't lay in bed awake, though. that movement is messing up the kid's sleep and isn't getting them into good habits. just stay out of the room until bedtime.

[@suehirsch6545]

Re kid free apt that was remodeled by OP before new roomie decided to bring in the kid: The roomie needs to be told that the apt. is a "kid free zone". If OP doesn't make that a hard and fast rule, the roomie will start taking advantage more and more over time. Things will start to get damaged, and resentment will build up. Neglectful parents are negligent ppl, and that roomie will never pay to repair or replace damaged items. Also, it sounds like the roomie keeps bringing the kid hoping that OP will provide free child care w/ out realizing it.

[@hekatsees9449]

Hungry Homeless Story: People want to help the homeless, but most people who help want to receive gratitude. It’s often conditional. If I give to anyone without pre-set conditions, then it’s no longer my money to dictate where it goes or what it is used for. OP seems to have pre-set where the money was to go, i.e., a burrito, so OP was upset because the condition of the deal struck was not honored…. I have given without inquiring where money would go. I have also given money to a seemingly homeless woman who wanted food & she immediately got in line to order food. One never knows. If you give; you give & it’s put away in the past where it belongs…

[@frankhooper7871]

I call rubbish on a lot of the commenters on the first story. OP made it clear that the co-worker had a good grasp of the English language and decent pronunciation. Presumably that means they could correctly pronounce words like grin, sin & pin - in which case they could also pronounce Ryn. Thir smacks of deliberate mispronunciation.

[@willgroody5296]

The sister story and the birth tell his family that they’ll never see the kid or him if they keep pestering

[@lina9535]

30-60 minutes to fall back asleep? Oh poor baby, try having up to 2 hours trying to fall back asleep.

[@cchastant8251]

I'm on the fence about story 1. OP doesn't mention if that coworker has trouble with the "Ryn" sound in other words, which would clinch my opinion on YTA or NTA. From the level of annoyance, the coworker doesn't have any problem with being =able= to say it correctly, but chooses to ignore saying it right to get laughs. This would make my choice NTA. In this case, I would have started mispronouncing HIS name in return. My name isn't rare, but it isn't common anymore. When I was young, there were usually 2-3 others in each class with a name that sounded similar, but almost never the same. No teacher or fellow Americans had issues saying it properly. Many foreign nationals have issues with saying the name. When I grew older, fewer and fewer people shared the same name, but there were still enough other people with similar sounding names that when I took on a job where an overhead announcement system was in use, I lopped off two letters to make my name sound =less= like all the others who were similar, and I'd |be more likely to understand if they were calling for me or not. Skip forward to my late 30's. Still in America. As coworkers become mostly younger, my name becomes rarer, but there are still a slew of similar-sounding names around that are semi-common. I get an American-born Personal Manager, who switches the vowel in my first name for another, and introduces me to a herd of new hires by this new name. The first time, I politely but firmly corrected him instantly. It's noisy on the floor. If a new hire needs my help, I don't want to ignore them... but I'm also not going to answer to not-my-name. The second (and every other time) the PM introduced me to new hires by not-my-name, I verbally pounced on and corrected him. "That's NOT my name! My name is Name. I won't answer to the other, why do you keep telling them the wrong name?!" He did this at least twice a month... for TWO YEARS. If anyone in the building should be able to say my name correctly, it should be the Personal Manager, especially one born in my country, and also from the Pacific Northwest. He had no good reason to not say it right, and I jumped on him every time for it in the hopes that the NEW people would at least get it right. And at least once I heard one call me by the wrong name while I didn't break stride, then recall my name to have me turn to respond. So it didn't help with the PM, but it did for the new hires. I have helped others pronounce my name properly. As I've said, foreign born sometimes have issues with how to say my first name. When I lived in Seattle, I worked one job where about 1/3 of the staff was every type of Asian on the planet, far as I could tell. First day on that job, I was taken around and introduced to everyone personally. Ten different people, ten different ways my name was pronounced, and none of it was malicious. And there was NO way I'd remember all those versions of my name. "Call me L. It's my middle name, and it's a good Asian name (although spelled differently). Everyone will be able to say it, and I'll know when people are speaking with me." Instantly, everyone could say my name L, and EVERYONE, including all American born working there called me by my middle name without issue. I didn't feel disrespected that so many couldn't say my name, I just switched to one everyone could say so that I'd respond faster when addressed.

[@Justadeerthatgames]

yeah im on the fence with this one too

[@alexishenry4434]

That trip calculation was needlessly complicated! Why is an even split so difficult for everyone to agree to?

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP NTA. You trusted your sister and she made you miss the birth of your daughter. Something that will never happen again. Your wife was probably scared and vulnerable and needed you a d you missing this can cause marital issues. Dont know how old sister was but she should have been old enough to eat lunch alone with him. Or at least he might understand. It was very selfish of her.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

ESH. Jane's previous kids have her ex and the grandparents on both sides to contribute to college funds. It is rather entitled to demand that OP and his wife have to contribute when sam's other kids only have OP and his wife and their dad to contribute to theirs. Then jane demanding her kids get inheritance also sounds entitled since they would have inheritance from her parent's and maybe the ex's side depending. Dont think the paper saying they wont divorce is too unfair since jane is showing gold digger symptoms and OP's is just protecting himself.

[@fcold9402]

Can't even imagine being upset with a non native speaker not being able to pronounce my name. I would be sad if people got upset when i could not pronounce their name (other language names or even names from my own language, which i struggle with). Sometimes i see a name in writing, i can pronounce it right in my head but just cannot pronounce it right out loud.

[@alesia858]

I once worked somewhere where everyone mispronounced my name or tried to use a nickname. It pissed me off and I left as soon as I could. The bare minimum you can do to respect a person is to pronounce their name correctly. Put in the effort. And yes. Practice. I'll 100% put in the effort to pronounce names I'm not familiar with and that should be the standard *unless* they have a speech impediment.

[@skyelindsey687]

Even with speech impediments the goal to pronounce difficult words correctly is to practice. I have rhoticism and I have difficult words, but while names like Jordan and Albert are difficult for me, I still practice to make sure I say them correctly. I don’t abbreviate them to J and A because “it’s too difficult.”

[@Jordan-bm8lp]

@skyelindsey687 my name is Jordan and I actually go by my initials JB a lot. Even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t mind getting a new nickname from someone because my government name is hard for them to say. That’s actually kind of cool! So know there are Jordans out there who would appreciate your approach

[@Ian-gk7ne]

It's their name??? Actually it's NOT their name yet!!!

[@fcold9402]

3. You do not "get close" by babysitting. NTA. Your daughter said she would not be watching the baby. The mother abandoned the baby with the person who said no. This is all on mother. Do not punish your daughter.

[@RhonyLynn]

Although I see why people thought the person in the first story was a yta for getting upset about their coworker misusing their name after they’d already agreed to a “compromise”, I also understand the anger & frustration when someone completely disregard your feelings about your own name. I personally hate my birth name, due to the fact that it was a name used in a VERY popular song from the 1970s, & I spent my entire childhood having every idiot & their uncle sing the song at me thinking they were hilarious! 🤬 In high school I started going by a nickname that is usually for a boy, but can be used for a girl. (Think Bobbi for Roberta instead of Bobby for Robert) There was a coworker at a place I worked who thought it was funny to call me the fully male name version of my nickname. (Again, think Robert instead of Bobbi) I spent months asking her to stop, telling her I hated having my name mocked due to all the childhood teasing. She just kept saying she thought it was funny, so she was going to do whatever she wanted. One day she called me by that name & I flipped out on her in front of other coworkers & customers. Finally the manager got involved & she basically stopped talking to me all together. (WIN!) She was fired soon afterwards for unrelated reasons.

[@jimbobjones9330]

The AirBNB story. If they want you to split the room, bring along a crazy meth-head for company. If you're paying as much as everyone else, may as well make it entertaining.

[@CannibalChxrry]

The story about the kid not watching the younger kid. NO MEANS NO PERIOD. IF THEY DONT WANT TO WATCH A CHILD THEY SHOULDN'T BE FORCED TO. FULL STOP.

[@amy5424]

the Secret NickName. You can go to HR without without making the formal complaint and discuss what your options are... so if you are ever unsure of how to respond to something at work you can go to HR and talk hypothetically....

[@arkangelrose6820]

Cis people joking and messing around with non cis people's names is one of the least funny 'jokes' to be made. I'm not saying it's transphobia - but it's not a joke if both parties aren't laughing. Have some damn consideration people.

[@drea4195]

Last story: OP was right to shut down his wife's bullying behavior, but I hope he didn't tell her to "shut up" directly in front of the children. That wouldn't be setting a very good example, either.

[@eponymoususer8923]

It’s on the kid’s mom to put her toddler with someone safe because she was in charge of him. She should never leave her kid with someone who doesn’t want to watch them.

[@lorifiedler13]

Procrastination story. I had a cause and effect paper due in high school. I chose procrastination as my subject. Got a C for creativity. 😂

[@draumpje]

Soooo… aunty completely disregards the 14 YO And then has the audacity to blame that 14 YO ? And your mother has the nerve to side with the aunty? You stand up for your daughter They are way off

[@TheNormExperience]

A backyard FULL of adults, including the other parent and who does the Mother think should be solely responsible for her infant? A 14 year old who has expressly refused multiple times. This is Mom’s screw-up too, and she needs to accept her bullheaded inability to respect someone’s right to refuse just got her own baby injured. If that doesn’t wake her up, nothing will.

[@princesssunshine874]

your parents are literally neglecting you, not getting you essential hygiene items. I'm so glad you have the uncle you do.

[@rollothecat2010]

Story 2: OP is helping out roommate by subsidizing roommates life. It can be irritating to have badly behaved children running amok about one's home. Since you own the condo and are the landlord, it is up to OP what you do. It is sad that your roommate does not teach his child how to behave. This is going to have negative consequences for this child in the future. You can raise his rent if the child starts staying too often. You can explain that you did not expect him to have his wild child visiting.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP and daughter NTA. I am glad BIL realized he messed up by not keeping an eye on his own kid. Real YTA is sister. She has been trying to force OP'S daughter to watch her son when OP'S daughter has said NO multiple times and has a good reason too. If sis had listened and dropped the toddler with his dad or another adult who agreed this probably wouldnt have happened. Sister needs to stop shoving her and BIL's kid onto OP's daughter who has said NO.

[@ttrev007]

NTA but not a good idea. Become self reliant before transitioning so that they cannot disrupt your access to hormones. Not sure how safe it is to just stop and start hormones.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

If someone was constantly harassing me to babysit their toddler, and I said NO multiple times, I don't get how a bbq picnic would suddenly change my mind. Daughter said no and that sis should ask the adults. Which she should have since she knew OP's daughter has said no multiple time before.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

Nah. Real person who messed up was the sister who just left without making sure someone was watching the kid. It would have taking a second for her to put the toddler in her Hubby's hands. And say brb.

[@oritreuben2184]

Landlord with roommate tenant with kid. One of the commenters left a wrong statement. If the tenant is sharing a place with the landlord, the landlord can absolutely limit guests or kids being in the place even for a little bit. The laws are different than from a tenant residing in a separate unit.

[@pokefan124]

That sibling one Goddamn. Lol XD

[@princesssunshine874]

YTA: i will say this with anyone who chooses to date or move in with a parent.. This is their home, their life. You OKAYED having a roommate with a child. This is now his home too. I'm saying this as CF person who would never choose to have a kid living with me/spending time in my house.

[@princesssunshine874]

Wow, I'm the odd one out, but NTA. In some states this is actually illegal and they are considered siblings even if they are not blood related. There is a psychological affect that happens if you grow up with someone. The brain will not allow attraction to this sibling, because your brain basically says "this person is my relative. I can't reproduce with this person."Again, same thing happens if their is no blood relation.. This is considered incest I believe in my state. I want to know where these people are from and how the state is allowing it.

[@staylor3483]

Re: Wife the bully: Everyone is focused on how much of a bully OPs wife was being. However, OP could have defused the entire situation by taking his wife by the hand & introducing her to the friend. 'Hey, it's great to see you. This is my wife. Wife this is So&so from my bus route. She's the one that sent us the Congrays cards when the kids were born. You won't believe this but so&so works at xx school as a sign interpreter. Cool huh?' This would have brought wife to silence without calling her out on the bullying & maybe she would have gotten the point t & not do it again.

[@BankruptMonkey]

That last story both the daughter and family friend had deceived the parents for a decade, their entire relationship with these parents is a lie, and now they have the nerve to tell the extended family the problem is bigotry and not having an entire ten years of lies and deceit.

[@jillynnrekowski6176]

Air BNB story - option one is split evenly per person. If the couples insist that you pay 1/4 then option 2 is OP gets first dibs on choice of bedroom. Option 3 is OP doesn’t go on the trip at all and the couples split 3 ways. Option 4 OP invites another single friend to join her.

[@Callimo]

Story 1: Nah, coworker is the AH here. Op's name is absolutely not hard to pronounce, even in multiple languages. if the guy can say the name "Kowzloski", he can say "Ryn" without any trouble. Coworker is being obtuse on purpose and OP had every right to call him out on it.

[@arleneroberts8886]

You shouldn’t leave your child alone with her

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP NTA. Your poor cousin and her 5yr daughter. The loss of a husband and 2 children must be heartbreaking for them both. Your SIL has no sympathy, no empathy and no manners at all. Your brother sound just as bad. Who cares if SIL cried, she was rubbing her pregnancy in everyone's at a funeral, cousin lost husband and 2 young children. SIL and Brother's etiquette was horrible and they were being monsters. Wish they had never been invited. So the attention could focused where it should be and people could remember and grieve in peace. I would call to SIL relatives and tell them exactly what she was doing at the funeral. Those with brains would apologize. I personally wouldnt want relationship with SIL and bro if that is how they act.

[@stephjovi]

Wait op is 14 and said she lost her job? Wth are those parents. She's supposed to pay for her own stuff? That's insane. In my country it's illegal to work under the age of 15

[@jazzamethyst8225]

14 year old who didn’t want to babysit for 2 seconds: NTA I think it’s weird that Op’s sister keeps trying to force a relationship there. I think she just wants free babysitting. I have a sibling who is 11 years my junior and although I will occasionally take her out to do something (only because I take out my other siblings who are 10 and 8 years younger than me) It feels like babysitting because she’s so young. It’s not enjoyable, it’s stressful and I have my own child to care for. It’s frustrating when I’m trying to care for my kid and she’s making a bunch of inappropriate and frankly rude comments.

[@msredux]

It's a respect thing to pronounce your co workers name right, I have a lot of co workers from another country , and guess what, we ask how their name is pronounce and then do it, not that hard

[@mdaenen123]

For some it is hard. Just because it isn’t to you doesn’t mean it’s not.

[@msredux]

@@mdaenen123 it's not that it's not hard, it's a respect thing, I want to learn to pronounce their name wright, and have people do the same with my name

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@msredux it might be a respect thing for you but you need to remember that some languages do not have the same letters vowels and enunciations that others do so it can be darn near impossible for some people to properly pronounce some names.

[@MargaritaOnTheRox]

@@msredux Even people who really and truly try to pronounce my name properly can't do it if they weren't raised in a Spanish household. Their tongues simply CANNOT roll the "r". I have accepted "Mar-gur-ee-da" because that is genuinely the best some people can do. Some languages don't have the same phonemes, either. Japanese doesn't have the "l" phoneme, so they literally can't hear it. When they pronounce "l" as an "r" they truly think they're saying it correctly because to their ears, it's correct. There's a sound in the Diné language that sounds like a "k" to English speakers. We'll probably never pronounce those words correctly because we can't hear the difference, but they can.

[@msredux]

But compromise on a nick name that you can clearly see is making the other uncomfortable is an asshole move, it's diferent if you talk to the person and try to get it wright instead of taking it as a joke, I'm from a spanish speaking country and it's nice to see people try, and when I found someone from a really different part of the world I will try my hardest to speak their name correctly ot as close as I can get.

[@smallblueangel]

I will never understand why people spend so much money for a wedding

[@unholyheretik]

I had a coworker who only called me "Joy" (my names Joey) and blamed it on english not being their first language. I counteracted this by correcting them to "No, not Joy, Jerk. I'm a Jerk." just to make them uncomfortable. What do you know, after a few goes of that, they could pronounce "Joey" like they were born and raised speakin' nothing but American english.

[@WobblesandBean]

42:20 Uhhhh....why is this legal? IS this even legal? If I understand it correctly, they don't share DNA, but they're still all technically half-siblings. THIS IS WEIRD. Seriously, what is WRONG with the AITA subreddit?!

[@katlynnmyers5927]

In order to be a half sibling, is someone you have to share the same DNA, which is about the same as if you were cousins, so in order for it to be hassling, you have to share DNA with them

[@arleneroberts8886]

Nta, don’t give her anymore chances. Don’t trust her

[@Simkitty]

When I was in a vocational program one of my fellow students was from Africa (Ghana) named Ibrahim. I was the only person who pronounced it correctly. Everyone else called him Abraham. To me it was rude and lazy. It irks me when people say "whatever" when someone tries to correct them. I always make sure I pronounce names properly. 😼 =^..^=

[@hekatsees9449]

Sibling Marriage: What is meant by “half-siblings”? Do they share genetics or not OR are the two of them ‘step-siblings’? I guess I’ve missed the complete story as I was not paying total attention. At first I thought it was a “Woody Allen” scenario, but no, it’s just life. With all the extreme drama in my life, past & present; I’m glad this particular drama is not in my life… All I can offer is good luck to the couple with no opinion whatsoever…

[@arleneroberts8886]

Nta, she wouldn’t stop until she was called out.

[@blackroseinbloom]

Story 1: NTA It’s absolute basic decency to pronounce one’s name right. The coworker was being a jerk for laughs. I’ve only ever encountered two people in my life who pronounce my name right and I’ve felt like I’ve had to settle with all the mispronunciations as it’s “close enough.” No, learn how to say the name right.

[@geaanderson8525]

I think daughter just don’t want to as she is being forced to mind the kid all the time.

[@kirksnowden8023]

I never give money. Food only. If you want me to treat you as my equal, don’t deceive me by waiting for me to walk away, then try to get cash out of it.

[@lina9535]

When you have several employees, or students, with the same name, the easiest thing is to go by their name and then the first letter in their last name. Example Jessica Smith, is Jessica S. We had like... 7 girls in my school with the same name, with two pairs which were in the same class, and that's what their teachers did. Jennifer C and Jennifer M for one, and Jennifer A and Jennifer S for the other.

[@princesssunshine874]

YTA: I'm a native English speaker. However, I have recently found I have auditory processing disorder. This means, i do not hear everything the same way other people do because there is a disconnect between my ears and brain. This means especially with non native language or accents, I hear things differently. Meaning, I may not pronounce or spell things correctly. Sometimes I don't even hear words clearly. It sounds like OP's Coworker isn't intentionally being an AH. Pronunciation is tricky thing.

[@skyelindsey687]

I wouldn’t say their correcting him every single time he used Rin or R is giving him the green light. And yes, practicing difficult words is how you learn to pronounce them correctly. That’s literally how we teach people with speech impediments to pronounce words correctly (source I have a speech impediment), and how we teach new languages to people (source is attempting to learn Spanish). And even then he wasn’t pronouncing it wrong due to his accent, he was pronouncing it wrong due to him thinking he was funny due to everyone but OP laughing at his mispronunciation of their name. OP had every right to blow up on him when he himself admits he saw how uncomfortable it made OP.

[@chakrakhan8624]

Literally the first time a lgbtq yada yada was called out in one of these. To my limited knowledge at least

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP NTA. That specialist was way out of line. Had he just done what he was suppose to do maybe you wouldnt be having the permanent problems your having know. Yes, your not died but damage has been done that might not be able to be reversed cuz this guy refused to listen and do his job. A person shouldn't have to fight with the doctors and specialists to get treatment done. And like what markee said those people can are saying your over reacting and what not can have your Illness and see how they feel. Would tell them to pound sand. Report that specialist.