r/AmITheA**Hole For Having A Family Dinner After My Sister's Wedding?

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#AITA #Family #Parenting

[@pixiegirl131415]

Story 1: you know how else you can see distant relatives? You suck it up and GO TO THE WEDDING. Also, have you never been to a wedding? Between the ceremony, pictures, and a reception, no way is it over in 5 hrs.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

I disagree with the last part, at least in the area I live. My wife and I checked out 40 to 50 venues. Most of them had a 4 hour block you could use, or pay large amounts to extend the time. Some had a 5 hour limit, maybe 4 or 5 of the ones we looked at had more than a 5 hour block that was their standard. And most of those venues had the "everyone needs to be gone by that time", not "need to start leaving by at that time" This may vary depending on where they live though, just speaking from my personal experience.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@80sCanadian ive had the opposite experience, I've been to at least 12 weddings. And only 2 of them had a separate venue for the reception. I dont know if this has anything to do with it, but both of the weddings that had separate reception areas were both church weddings.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@80sCanadian this is one of the things that do kind of suck about the AITAH posts. Different people with different opinions, whether it's based on culture, life style, geographical locations, religion, etc. I left a separate post on here where more than argued against my point of view stating that their experience is different. But both of them were in different countries, and the wedding they described were on property of a family member. I'm in southern California, most weddings here are at a venue or a church. And (at least during my research of venues) the majority of them are full service (ceremony and reception) and offer very limited time restraints. The venue we chose was the only one that offered 6 hours of availability and our wedding was going to be around 23k. From what we found, that was on the higher end of the midrange venues. Due to covid, we ended up doing a small intimate backyard wedding. And my family is known for throwing family parties after the reception for the out of town family members to spend time together while the bride and groom due the newly wed stuff after the reception (Due to the time restraints of the venues) I come across similar issues in a lot of AITAH posts.

[@katieb.1184]

@@somerandoonyt9553 huh... that's the exact opposite of us.... most of ours had half-day style bookings, where you'd have it all afternoon and evening. (I'm not arguing like I see in the one response, I find it interesting) We did a 2pm church wedding, reception started at 5 with "cocktail hour", introductions at 6, dinner 6:30... and I left around 1:30am after paying out my vendors.

[@fandomfan2800]

lol no

[@Alissandre_Iskander]

Story 1: The frick? Should've just sucked it up and gone to the wedding. At the reception, you wouldn't have to talk to or even think about Jay. Just catch up with family.

[@ms.honiqualisha4529]

She is the sister, so most likely would have been forced somehow to interact with Jay.

[@misfit1395]

Or at least do the dinner a day before or after the wedding.the fact that it's her sister makes it even worse. I hope no one showed up to the dinner. The nerve!

[@hiya8722]

I wouldn’t go either but then again I see no problem

[@nadiahinson3515]

Nah she got the hots for the groom

[@bigswig7844]

What

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Wedding dinner story: Definitely TA, but what gets me is she says most of the wedding guests went to her dinner! Did these people not want to stick around for the wedding reception for some reason, or were they confused and thought OP's "family dinner" was part of the wedding activities? It's weird that they just left the wedding to go to OP's dinner.

[@IAmNotASuccubus]

I was wondering that too. Yes she sucks big time for throwing this shindig butnthe fact that the family actually WENT to this thing is a headscratcher

[@untitled-gv3qp]

They probably thought it was a part of the wedding. I would've probably thought something like "oh, it's her sister so the bride probably organized it and wants to have the reception at home or something." Especially since it would be so soon after the ceremony and pictures and stuff. I can't imagine leaving a wedding to go eat somewhere else an hour away unless I thought it was what I was supposed to do. The OP was probably vague about the details when she told the family.

[@IAmNotASuccubus]

@@untitled-gv3qp You've got a point. Though I'd love to have been a fly on the wall that day, because I'm sure someone had to eventually ask where the bride and groom were.

[@kristy6703]

The wedding was in the morning and her dinner was presumably at dinner time. I doubt the reception lasted all day long and the guests had to leave early to get to dinner.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@IAmNotASuccubus or even where the sister was during the wedding.

[@maheenahmed6653]

Story 2: NTA. The friend was being rude. Especially “Dogs like bones. Not men” what a disgusting comment. OP kept being pushed. Maybe op took it a bit far. But they apologized. Body shaming is wrong no matter who the target is.

[@moakristenssom936]

Yeah, and I don’t think OP “sank” to her level. As Markee said, it would have been ESH if OP started constantly commenting on her friends weight, but retaliating once after being pushed for years are not equal and doesn’t make OP TA. What OP did was give her friend a taste of her own medicine, which is sometimes needed for someone to stop because some people just won’t realise how hurtful their words/actions are unless you show them

[@kmbaldwin5325]

I was prepared to call OP the a$$hole, but this woman deserved a taste of her own medicine. I’m not into body shaming, but there are way too many people who make incredibly rude comments like that to thin people and think it’s ok because the person is thin, so body comments can’t possibly affect them, right? 🙄And in this case, being really thin wasn’t something OP could/can really control due to her thyroid issue that she just learned about.

[@Kristanni20X6]

So it's okay to body shame on someone who's skinny? After all, everyone wants to be skinny! People should be lucky they're skinny. ...Right? Even though being skinny doesn't always mean they're healthy. Stop defending people who body shame over skinny people. It's disgusting.

[@ZombieSazza]

“That’s how you end up in a Mr Ballen video” Markee has impeccable taste!

[@aspidistraeliator]

About the airport incident, everyone saying she is the ahole seems to have forgotten that her flights were booked weeks before he made that 10 am appointment. HE totally forgot about it, and made the thing, at the time the flights were booked us when he said he would pick her up. The thing can be done on mobile, he could have gone to the airport to get her and STILL done his 10 am thing.

[@gayeenglund1907]

Story 3: Did I miss where the daughter gave an opinion where she wanted to live?

[@HarryVibes36]

No they’re BSing lol

[@tomnorton8499]

Last story. Don't poke the bear and be surprised when you're mauled. I can almost guarantee SIL would have known who's necklace was hanging from the mirror.

[@JustAGalOnTheGo]

That was my thought. A woman’s necklace hanging from the rear view mirror of a recent widower’s car. It doesn’t take a genius to guess who’s necklace it probably was. No wonder the thread had to be locked. 😬

[@kismetcaffet9862]

"I couldn't imagine being with someone as thin as you." This type of comment would make me very uncomfortable if a close friend said it to me. Seriously, if OP gained weight, would her best friend of 15+ years start imagining being with her? It's just a really weird thing for one platonic friend to say to another.

[@naruto456431]

I used to be so skinny at 18 I was almost anorexic and now I’m over weight with bulimia nervosa I am very sensitive about my weight and body I would start crying if I ever heard that from a best friend

[@franl155]

"Men don't like bones" "They don't like bouncy castles, either"

[@alesia858]

@@franl155 wait dudes love bouncy castles they're a great time lmao

[@kuehnerthanyou3409]

@@alesia858 but do dudes make love to bouncy castles? 🧐

[@alesia858]

@@kuehnerthanyou3409 judging by ER pics... It might be safer than some of the things they decide to f instead 😜

[@holly1218]

For the engagement car story, that’s beyond brutally honest- that’s just brutal. There’s a huge difference between brutally honest and just being mean for the sake of it.

[@aikikaname6508]

I have been to a few weddings and hardly got to speak to the bride/groom. Just talk to the BIL for the five minutes you speak to them and then catch up with family, or have a family breakfast the next day! The only way OP would be N T A would be if the reason she doesn’t get along with BIL is because he was her ex who dumped her for her sister

[@funtimegenshin6973]

She didn't force the guest to leave the wedding they did it them selves tho and u can hate the groom for more than just that

[@issecret1]

I went to a wedding and spent a lot of time with the bride without even exchanging a word with the groom who gave me the creeps. It's ridiculously easy

[@joeschmo622]

As for the sister whose babysitter plans "fell through" the Thursday before the wedding on Saturday, how much you wanna bet that was horseshit, and just a convenient excuse to bring her kids to the wedding as she always planned?

[@janet6421]

OP should have loudly announced "would the parents of the crying child please take your kid and leave" after the first time he interrupted the vows. Then keep everything on hold until you can't hear him anymore.

[@joeschmo622]

@@janet6421 Ohhh, back when I was a kid, there was a parish priest/pastor who would literally stop the mass and silently *wait* until the kid was taken out back, out of earshot, before continuing. Parents learned to either leave the kids at home, or stay right near the door so in case a kid got fidgety they'd be right there to avoid all the unwanted attention as everyone would turn and stare. Any "entitled parents" would be silent-shamed to gtfo right quick. Normal parents would just be instantly mortified.

[@AtomicPuffin]

2nd story: I have and will ALWAYS feel this way in these situations. NTA! DONT SHAME ANY BODIES!! But it is never ok for someone to constantly make snide comments about someone's weight even if its a skinny person. And don't dish what you can't take. These are very easy rules to follow. I get so mad when I see stories about this because I've experienced it myself of ppl thinking I'm forcing myself to not eat because "I think I'm fat" When in reality I just don't eat large portions of food to be full. But If I were to EVER suggest someone telling me this to maybe portion their food better I would be immediately attacked as 'fatphobic' n an asshole. Nah fam. We don't play that way

[@pansprayers]

LOL, right? Even if I eat everything out of the house and neighborhood, I can't force my digestive system to do what it's supposed to do. 4k or 150 calories, my body just doesn't 'get' it.

[@HighLordBaron]

A doctor telling an obese person that they are, in fact, obese is fat phobic. But constantly pestering skinny people about being skinny is okay. Attacking instagrammers because they post videos doing sports is okay. Complaining that a person is watching their own weight and trying to loose some is okay......Just....no. Body positivity goes all ways. All body shapes, sizes etc. But somehow, for many body positivity means no one is allowed to mention they are obese while they can say what they want.....

[@AngelaVEdwards]

All the "body positivity" stuff we've seen hasn't taught people not to denigrate _underweight_ people, huh? I know that hyPERthyroidism can result in weight loss. I don't know a human who's had the problem but my cat did and my big, fluffy cat got super skinny. I told the vet I wished I could have some of what he had. LOL But it's wrong to comment on people's bodies, fat _or_ skinny.

[@stephanierademacher7818]

my Nana said. if you're big enough to hit, you're big enough to get hit. If you don't want it done to you... Don't do it.

[@katieb.1184]

That alyssa story. I was like... yeah a 4yr old swapping back won't be so bad. I thought she like... got a bachelors degree and came back. but ELEVEN?!?!?!?!? Girl you abandoned your daughter for more than half the time you were meant to care for her.

[@kanelovec4315]

I wonder if in the first story was op even invited to the wedding. That is why op kept saying they hate the bil and maybe the rest of the family had a fight over the marriage because others don't like the man

[@izzisart]

Ooh, that's a good point! And would absolutely make sense that she would do this out of spite!

[@somerandoonyt9553]

The wedding story. I'm not going to say OP is NTA, but I would like to defend them against most of the commenters reasons. Mostly due to lack of information. I got married almost a year ago, my wife and I looked at somewhere between 40 to 50 venues. All but 3 or 4 of them only offered 4 hour blocks, and the agreement would be that guest had to leave at that point, some had an additional hour specifically for cleaning up. Based on that experience, giving the guests 5 hours to enjoy the wedding is conceivable. In theory, that gave the guests up to two hours in between the wedding ending, and the dinner beginning. Also, the invitation may have had an end time on it, and OP planned accordingly. Also, would these opinions be the same if grandma threw a dinner party afterward so the out of town family has more time to spend together? I'm guessing the commenters would have a more supportive opinion. In my family, it's not uncommon for a family member to throw an after party or dinner party for the family. The newlyweds (traditionally) leave as soon as the reception is over for the honeymoon. Perhaps this was the plan, and OP knew that. Truth is, we dont really know the whole story, and I think people are focusing on finding assumptions to make OP sound like a jealous and malicious sister...just because she doesn't like the SO.

[@megaman37456]

Honesty I think the reason OP doesn't get along with the fiance' is because he's one of those guys who likes to boss people around all the time.

[@leruetheday377]

OP from the religion story is NTA. Husband and his mom can't just erase her! It's her home, too!

[@msredux]

NTA he agreed to pick her up at the airport and the made a online appointment at the same time

[@x.s5162]

For real. He had so much time to not schedule anything for that time or find someone to cover if that's the "only" time it could happen. Or take laptop with him if it's a zoom or phone call meeting and do it in the cell phone lot. That's kind of the benefit of working from home.

[@debbiechimobi4809]

Story about taking her child back from her mother: The minute I heard she was kicked out but her daughter wasn't, I knew it had something to do with drugs, alcohol or moving with the wrong crowd

[@maheenahmed6653]

Story 1: weddings can run long. And to have a dinner at 5 when the wedding is at 11 is pushing it. OP is TA. Because the family maybe would feel obligated to see op because they weren’t at the wedding. Why couldn’t op do a breakfast or brunch

[@maheenahmed6653]

Also op couldn’t suck it up for one day to attend?

[@ruthgriffiths7365]

@@maheenahmed6653 Absolutely Maheen.

[@fandomfan2800]

NTA

[@beckylynne2155]

The dog story killed me. That girl doesnt deserve an apology. The girl and her family owe OP an apology!

[@candiebarr6745]

If the kid is 11, just ask her what she wants.

[@gayeenglund1907]

Story 1: Why did the guests leave the wedding? That is what I can't work out.

[@emilybarclay8831]

Probably because OP is a spoiled brat who’d throw a tantrum if no one came to their special dinner party

[@kristy6703]

It was a morning wedding, her dinner was presumably at dinner time. There is no reason to believe that they had to leave the reception to make it to dinner. Logically I would assume that they attended the entire reception and gathered for the dinner after sister left on her honeymoon. Unless the sister had a dinner planned for out of town guests, similar to the brunches that many couples host the day after the wedding, OP didnt steal anything from her sisters day.

[@usagi18]

Maybe they thought venue closed early and OP would be hosting an "after" wedding event bride and groom would also attend

[@megaman37456]

@@emilybarclay8831 Or perhaps the fiance' is a piece of entitlement himself? Ever consider that?

[@emilybarclay8831]

@@megaman37456 let’s see, jay’s actions: got married on his wedding day OP’s actions: purposefully organised a separate event halfway through her sister’s wedding and excluded the bride and groom, basically guaranteeing her sister’s wedding will be cut in half because OP didn’t like her brother in law and decided that her not liking him means she gets to literally steal his wedding

[@CJMactaggartknits]

I had a Shepard dog for 8 years. He started breaking his teeth, and limping at 3 years old. Diagnosed with early onset arthritis of the hips, then he snapped his ACL, one year to the day later he snapped the other one. I was homeless at that time, and his foster home was moving away. I did not have the money for a surgery that would not have improved his quality of life only prolonged it by months. So I had him PTS with my Vets permission, there were no rescues like there is today. It would have been heartbreaking for any family to steal him from me, force him to go through with another surgery, just for him to lose his back end 6 months later. On the outside he looked awesome, but his bones were tired, his ligaments were tired, his dog friends "ignored" him and he would fall behind or stay back of the pack (which he did not do the first time) - A dog knows when they are done. And this year... I did 8 months of palliative care for our 15 y 3 m old dog. It is/was NOT that easy. By the end it was messy, I cried every day, I did not sleep, he could not see, he could not hear, he could not eat, he could not walk, he pooped in the house - randomly. What I thought was puppy dreams were in fact seizures. The Vet was about to yell at me and tell me he was not ready, but when we had to help him into the Room, and he failed her exams, then his veins collapsed during the procedure and he went into ANOTHER seizure. The end was so messed up. She actually said she was so sorry for her attitude on the phone. UUGGGHH. We will have to replace the floor where his bed was. I could not have handled someone stealing our dog on that day. What is wrong with people. Sorry for OP's loss. Having to watch your loved one decline mentally and physically sucks. One is always told to end on a high note - it's hard to know When that happened.

[@candiebarr6745]

My mom had a rule that we had to be in school or working if we wanted to stay at home. If we were working, we had to help with bills, but they were a lot cheaper than if we lived on our own so we were able to save money

[@kathyhallock2528]

The about kicking son out. I'm 56 and have been homeless since May. I have an income but can not find a place to rent. My landlord had to sell all his rental property. So have many more rental property owners which has created a housing shortage. He may not be able to even find a place to live.

[@superzooperhaze6597]

story 1: definitely not a controversial opinion. that friend is horrendous and OP has accepted the abuse for years because “well she has supported me.” no one should say those things to their FRIENDS. having insecurities with your body is no excuse.

[@doffy2686]

You mean story 2?

[@pansprayers]

That's... Not story One.

[@wyvern723]

Body shaming sucks. I have been body shamed since I was about 13. It's never cool, and doesn't change anything, it just makes people feel bad about themselves.

[@suehirsch6545]

Re bride dissing OP's car: NOT the AH. You DON'T make rude remarks to someone who is doing you a favor. They could have taken a taxi/limo/Uber. You weren't the only fish in the sea, but they chose to inconvenience YOU, and instead of thanking you, she started throwing turds like a monkey. What was she expecting would come of that?! Don't dish it out if you can't take it. She made her bed.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP NTA. Passengers in someone else's vehicle should never insult the driver or their belongs or be rude while in the vehicle.Family included in this. Driver has 100% right to kick out rude people. OP's brother should.have told his fiancee to zip her lip. He really should have called for an ubern

[@tgbedini]

I remember the SIL trashing the guy's late wife's necklace and the car story. Thing I kept thinking was, even if it wasn't a sentimental attachment to the car, so what? She's getting a free ride home, and she can't stop insulting the car and by that, the driver, who is giving her the ride? And then, when he clearly let her know it bothered him, and that he would not tolerate any more disrespect, she did exactly that, and worse. And if someone did that to me in my car, which is not sentimental to me, I too would say, "shut up or walk." And as for the brother, who sits there while his Fiancee is an absolute asshole, and incredibly ungracious? In fact, OP, in this case, was the "brutally honest" one. He said if you do it again, you're out, and he was true to his word.

[@runaruinous]

Story two: "Didn't realize it affected me the way it did." No..she knew exactly how it would effect you especially with the "I can't imagine being with someone as thin as you." and "Dogs like bones, men don't." Absolutely malicious. And friends supporting you can still be toxic.

[@jdd9993]

OP was totally justified in kicking the fiancee' out of his car. She was totally insensitive and should have kept her evil mouth shut. The brother should have been the one to address his fiancee''s behavior. She doesn't deserve to join that family.

[@Fireprincess161]

what kind of family says yes to showing up the dinner after the party? Why didn't they say 'sorry, I'm at the wedding.'

[@nakamichael7218]

I fully understand that every situation is different and that there are plenty of absolutely wonderful stellar parents out there who’ve said exactly this and followed through, but tbh, every time I hear the sentence “I’m ready to be a parent now” I get massive, MASSIVE red flags and alarm bells going off right off the bat

[@Roedygr]

CUSTODY : From the way I see it it is irrelevant what mom wants and what OP wants. What matters is what Alyssa wants. How old is mom? How many years of good health does she have left capable of caring for a child? Does she have sufficient income over the coming decade to support a child?

[@επιθετικόακτινιδιο]

Nope!NOPE! You missed the comment that explained OP leat a predator near her child

[@debbiechimobi4809]

Wedding homophobia story: As someone belonging to another minority group (POC in a white racist dominated environment and a female who is career minded) I've learnt to accept there are always gonna be people who believe because we are not the 'default' or what they consider ok, there will always be bigots, but that doesn't give us the right to dictate people's relationships within their own space. If the cousins are not comfortable going to the wedding, then don't go, it may suck but either ignore the grandparents (If they're civil) and have a blast with who they came to celebrate, or just don't go

[@ArtemisKitty]

All that talk about the OP "cheating the system" there... every single argument he makes against OP sounds a lot more like he's angry at the inequality of various systems, not anything OP had any influence or control over at any point, so... why take it out on her? If he really feels that this is an injustice, how does his griping and making her life miserable help change things towards what he considers better? It's just another example of don't shoot the messenger... only that's exactly what he seems to be doing. And that's never going to change anything, whether it should be or not. edit: grammar correction Edit 2: And to be clear, I don't mean to sound at all like I agree with what he's arguing about, just the fact that... no one ever gets anything improved by just bitching like that. OP is absolutely NTA there in my opinion, though. Ugh.

[@nousernamesarevalid]

Newly engaged story: why was no one else just telling the fiancee to shut it? OP was a saint for even offering her a ride. Why does brother want to marry that horrible human being? Brother, mother and fiancee are all the AH, and OP deserves better.

[@missybuchanan9631]

Yeah, that is a toxic friend. My BFF has been skeletal at times and has always been skinny while I’m fat. Even when she was 10kg UNDERweight I never made nasty comments about her size. She’s never commented on mine. I love her. 25 years strong.

[@GillyFromPhilly]

People who are self-proclaimed brutally honest, I find, enjoy the brutality more than the honesty.

[@rayblacksmith8738]

To the op with the insecure boyfriend, dump him right away. You have outgrown him and need to have a partner who is not threatened by your success. Keep us updated with what happens.

[@oliviaksiag6163]

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. As someone who is actually brutally honest, there is a difference between brutal honesty and bullying. Edit: I would say that the goth girl's story is NTA. Her husband is living a double life, and he didn't plan for avoiding conflict when he married her. Dealing with his mom should have been a conversation before they moved in together, or he should have just cut her off.

[@Roedygr]

DINNER : Your dinner was held long after the wedding. The guests had already left the wedding. They were no longer her guests. You holding a dinner implied her reception dinner was inadequate. I would tell her to get stuffed. The fact that so many people came to your dinner indicates they saw nothing wrong with your scheduling. Jes is most upset about not being invited. You make no bones it was a deliberate snub.

[@recklessrex]

This. I'm surprised more people didn't pick up on how weird it is that so many people actually left a wedding in favor of a 5pm dinner an hour away. It sounded to me like perhaps they weren't terribly excited about the wedding and only showed up to be polite

[@brooklyncesarone9616]

I HAVE NEVER HEARD MARKEE GO OFF SO HARD 😂😂 the first story ticked him off! Lol

[@izzisart]

Story 1: YTA. If you want to see everyone, just go to the wedding and stay the other side of the room from Jay. You basically poached guests from her reception! Heck, could you not arrange with everyone to do the dinner or some kind of meet-up the day AFTER the wedding as a kind of goodbye before everyone parts ways?

[@fandomfan2800]

nope NTA

[@fandomfan2800]

no lol sis is a BRAT

[@lynsthoughts3576]

No one mentioned that he Blindsided his parents about dropping out of school. He HAD a free place to live as LONG AS HE WAS IN SCHOOL!!! Blindsiding your parents about dropping out AND still expecting free living is BS!!! He wants a free place to live to work at a restaurant and NEVER thought about moving. NTA I'm sorry I left home at 17, joined the Navy and never ever moved back him.

[@princess__blueberry1775]

I'm tired of people calling it fat shaming when you're just making an observation, if you don't like people being disgusted with your weight either lose the weight or be around people who don't give a shit.

[@maheenahmed6653]

Story 3: I don’t blame op for wanting her daughter back but I feel we need more info. Did op sign over her rights to the daughter? Did the mom essentially kidnap her since she kept her and then kicked out OP? That being said, to go full custody is a bad idea. They need to go about this slowly. What efforts did op make to reach out? How did the mom stop her?

[@maheenahmed6653]

Children need consistency. Op showing up Sporadically isn’t good. Did the mom did things to keep op from visiting??

[@therealcollin1201]

Go to 19:13

[@D-me-dream-smp]

I find the most telling thing in OPs post is that she made NO mention of her daughters needs or consider how this might effect her. The comment “I’m ready to be a mom now” just reeks of narcissism.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

@@therealcollin1201 There's no way to know if that is even true. The way the story reads is mom took the child and OP had little to no contact with said child. So either that commentator is making up stuff just for fun or OP lied about having any kind of custody. I'm not sure OP lied as why? If the commentators story had stopped at OP lost custody for neglect then it would have been believable with the story OP had given. But then the commentator went on to say that OP had custody when the girl was school age. But the facts as presented show that OP has barely had contact much less any form of custody since the child was born.

[@tuckersontim]

The lottery story. This is why you don't tell people you have money.

[@naturalPaths]

I almost wonder if the sister’s babysitter really Did cancel. The way the sister was so insistent on having children not only in the ‘daycare’ area, but also nap time children At The Ceremony, sounds very much as if it was a power trip. Every choice was lose/lose for OP. OP in NTA.

[@dawnsharp8524]

Dog story: I sat at my vet's office waiting for my beloved dog of 12 1/2 years to be put down. He had suddenly become sick and was in pain with no hope of a positive outcome. I was in tears and my dog was softly moaning. A woman came in with her big, happy dog who tried to play with my boy. My boy turned away and the other dog's owner said "it's ok! He's friendly and just wants to play." I looked up through my tears and said "not today" while guarding access to my boy. She finally took her dog away. WHY are you letting your dog play with random dogs at the vet's office? You don't know what disease another dog may have! And when the owner is in tears!? Mess with that owner in that position and YTA. (OP: I am so very sorry for your loss.)

[@ResidentMilf]

Last story: NTA. If you can have a glass of wine after your kids go to bed, which TONS of parents do, you can have a toke after the kids go to bed. Also, it largely depends on the person. I have ADHD and I use marijuana to manage my symptoms. I'm a better mother when I'm high because my attention span is longer, my anxiety is lower, and my attention to detail is better. My husband smokes before bed because he has PTSD and it helps prevent nightmares. He's a better parent with it, too. Some people get silly and lose their minds. I think that if you're trying a drug for the first time and you're a parent, you should make sure the kids are somewhere else for the night and surround yourself with people you trust, but he's smoked before, he knows how it affects him, and just like he could handle it if he had to put a kid to bed tipsy, he can handle it buzzed, too.

[@stormblade3626]

How did she not know who's necklace it was??? Who else's necklace would it have been???

[@sensenyajoseph8401]

Story 2: A good friend supports you not only in times and areas where you're struggling, but also celebrates you in areas where you're succeeding and thriving

[@ajjhawke7jj666]

Im sorry, inclusion is not encouraged by exclusion, it will just confirm to the grandparents that them are vengeful. Invite the GPS and give the family prominent rules, that help teach that everyone accepts it. Masing the wedding a protest will just increase the negativity.

[@420Witchling]

I’ve dealt with many of my family pets passing, if someone tried to kidnap one of them when I was going to put them to sleep… yeah, I’d go off too. On a side note; on human euthanasia.. I used to work in nursing homes, the last one I worked- first week there I found out one of the residents was being euthanized. It does happen, and it’s awful. However, they were in immense amounts of pain and just couldn’t do it anymore. They were sound of mind in the end and passed surrounded by their loved ones.

[@annabordelon6663]

Alyssa's mother. YTA. You bailed on her for 11 years You didn't send child support, you didn't call every day. You did the bare minimum now you want her.

[@karmagrl76]

So...The shower curtain story. She needs to hide her religion to appease her MIL but MIL doesn't need to hide hers? I get not wanting to rock the boat with your family, and I also get that it's hubby's house too, but he gave OP the okay to decorate as she saw fit. He didn't say, "Whatever you want, but try to tone things down in case mom gets offended," and quite frankly, if he had I'd have given him hell. He knew what he was getting into when he married her. He knew about her belief system, and unless MIL is planning on hiding her practically naked dude nailed to two pieces of wood, I don't think OP should have to hide her alter or her freaking shower curtain. Tell me this; if it were the other way around and OP were a Christian and MIL was some other religion, would you be okay with her having to hide her shit? No? Then GTFO.

[@cynthiaanderson3340]

Did you really just HAVE to blaspheme Jesus to expose your mean Spirit?

[@karmagrl76]

@@cynthiaanderson3340 1) It's not mean spirited to call out hypocrisy. Because that's what this is. You don't tell your wife to hide her religion when your mother isn't going to show the same courtesy. 2) Have you ever even seen crucifix? I call them like I see them.

[@inthewindago]

I had a friend some might have called brutally honest. But only if they just met her. She just told it like it was. She never went out of her way to say something cruel. But she wouldn’t hold back or mince her words. If a polite person would tel you. ‘You maybe shouldn’t have done X.’ She would just say. ‘ You were acting like ass when you did X. You have to knock that sh** out.’ lol She was also always there for her friends! I miss her.

[@lynsthoughts3576]

NTA... Husband KNEW arrival time. He was NOT at the airport and did NOT verify his schedule for picking up his wife

[@RD-py9sv]

LOL! Shower curtain battles! I live with three other friends and the shower curtain I bought drives them bonkers. I even put it up while everyone was at work (screwed my back, but that's my own issue). I delighted in every "OH MY GOD!" as they discovered it. But these are my friends, so the complaining is tilted more toward teasing rather than malicious. So, while they aren't thrilled with it, they haven't demanded I take it down. It's still up after a few years, and still causes random moments as new people discover it. Including my dad, who burst out laughing when he saw it. Sure, my curtain isn't religious-flavored, but a curtain is just water-proof art.

[@alenasenie6928]

Honesty is honesty, is not brutal, not kind, just the truth, if it is brutal or not depends on ourselves, this is only about the comment on brutal honesty, not about the post.

[@suehirsch6545]

Re dognapping: The honest reaction of OP's angry words was the best possible outcome. Kids need to experience honest reactions to their behaviors. It wasn't a punishment, but an honest reaction of a very stressed out person, and as kids grow up they're going to be walking amongst a lot of stressed out people all the time, and apparently OP's honest reaction provided a memorable life lesson, because the parents of the little girl are trying to guilt OP into apologizing playing the "traumatized child" card. The parents are at fault for not explaining the life cycle of all living things to their daughter and that death is inevitable and can be done in a humane manner, when a living creature is no longer living a happy, healthy and productive life. They're also at fault for not having taught their daughter to keep her hands off of other people's pets and belongings, so OP was doing them a favor by displaying her honest angst and frustration.

[@brendacowling4219]

Parents of child are clearly religious nuts who are training their daughter to believe prayer and miracles are the only appropriate response to pain, illness and death.

[@laurenc4138]

Yup, truthfully I had to have our family dog put down last year and if anyone had stolen even a single second of our time with her, I would’ve lost it too, without even being able to control it. Like I don’t know how op held it together as well as she did. That child would’ve heard things come out of my mouth that would be unsuitable for most adults. I get it’s a kid trying to do good, but her mother/father should’ve explained it to her before it got to this point. I knew why dogs had to be put down when my moms elderly dog had to be put to sleep when I was like 7 because she said “one responsibility of being a pet owner, as hard as it is, is making sure they don’t live their final days in extreme pain. Keeping them around because we’ll miss them is selfish, we own it to them to make their last days and painless and beautiful as possible” I got it after that, and it sucks and the 2 times we’ve lost family pets, it’s been like losing a family member with how horrible it was and how much we all cried, but it’s the last thing you can do as a caretaker when you’ve tried literally everything else to help them.

[@invisigoth510]

Story about woman making more money than BF: oh sweetie, he’s not a feminist OP: he’s a feminist Also OP: BF goes on days long rant about how women don’t earn their place in the workforce

[@Kristanni20X6]

8:53 Uh, no dude. Everyone sucks here. Who cares if it's because someone is fat or skinny? Body shaming is equally terrible regardless of what end of the spectrum you're on. I was fairly underweight in my early twenties and a coworker of mine told me while I was buying some avocadoes and almonds "Oh, is that all you eat? No wonder you're so skinny!" (I worked as a cashier at the time) and in my mid twenties, my bf (now my ex) told me to loose weight for a cosplay (I ballooned some weight). I'm 29 and while according to the BMI, I'm perfectly fine in my weight, I still have body insecurities. I've been on both sides and it sucks, man.

[@bethking9830]

Taxes on $20k are at minimum, 25%. $15k is nice, but not a windfall

[@kristy6703]

If the wedding was in the morning and she had a family dinner, then there really is no way she stole anything from her sister. Morning is before noon in general and dinner is at 5 or later in general. Her not going to the wedding is a seperate issue. I think its nice that she had a dinner for the family who were visiting so they had an activity to do other than the wedding together after traveling so far. Unless they had to travel hours to get to OPs they wouldnt have left the reception early. With a morning wedding there was either lunch served or only cake and lite refreshments. Which again means OP didnt take anything away from her sister.

[@VC-gt8fv]

I don’t know what it’s like where you’re from but I got married around the same time of day and my wedding lasted until around 10pm. It only finished then cause I was tired and went to bed I’m pretty sure my friends and family kept dancing. We had the ceremony, transport, entertainment/pictures, best man speech a sit down meal, fathers speeches, entertainment/ time to change to an evening outfit or put on layers (it was February) then an evening reception with additional guests we couldn’t accommodate in the church. That is fairly standard where I’m from it was a budget wedding so nothing extravagant but someone planning a 5pm meal an hour away from my venue for my 11:30/12:00 wedding would have been asking them to leave the wedding breakfast that I had paid for around the end of the main course. Honestly if I found out my sibling was the reason half of my elderly relatives I don’t often have a chance to see left my wedding before I even cut my cake or finished the speeches I’d be gutted. Especially if it was elderly family who may have felt pressured to accept the other invitation to see the sister as they don’t visit often. I’ve been to many weddings for several different cultures and in multiple countries and mine was the shortest I’ve ever been to. So if mine would have been disrupted I’d make a guess that most others would be too.

[@kristy6703]

@@VC-gt8fv That is definitely not the norm where I am from. Or anywhere in the US I have lived unless you are very wealthy/taking out loans and credit card debt. Evening weddings can run longer with dancing into the night. But anything before 5 pm is about 3 hours average. Unless its a catholic wedding with a full mass. Typically if someone is doing a morning wedding there is not dancing, little to no alcohol, and maybe a full lunch but usually just cake and finger foods. I would imagine if this family was known for all day weddings, or even if sis was having a full day wedding, OP would know ahead of time and not schedule the dinner. It doesnt sound like in OPs case the wedding went all day. And honestly, when it comes to elderly relatives, I cant imagine most would enjoy sitting at a wedding for twelve hours. I wouldnt even do that and I am no where near elderly. Its great that it worked for you and your family but even in my prime it would have been way too overstimulating for me to be around people and noise for that long.

[@LittleImpaler]

Oh well. A lot people don't stay for the whole wedding. And the family members that wanted to come to the dinner was their choice. Wedding ceremony started at 11. And Dinner was at 5. That's enough time to visit with the bride and do things you want to do there. I went to my cousin's wedding and she didn't care if people wanted to leave after the ceremony. The family left at different times. At end of the day people made their choices. Weddings don't mean the marriage is going to last.

[@angelastice5516]

With the airport pick up story... I think everyone forgot the man had many months heads up having agreed to a plan and then conveniently forgot when making other plans. How in anyway does this make it Ops problem.

[@geekfreak2000]

If you can't tip, don't eat out. Idc if the server is a millionaire, you tip. Gtfo OP

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

Man, I wish I could pay my employees $2 an hour and then subsidize their pay by asking customers for "donations" that aren't really "dontations"

[@Rudthxxxx]

I have been in animal rescue most of my life. Often animals have been in such terrible shape that I chose euthanasia. While it was needed to relieve them from misery, it has always been a dreaded, painful experience that I could hardly bare. OP probably spent many sleepless nights dreading the inevitable. My heart goes out to OP who was already barely coping before the kidnapping. The parents' job was to help this child understand that this was a tragedy for the owner, the dog and everyone that loved the dog. It was going to be a terrible loss for all concerned, but it was an act of kindness for this suffering dog. This was horrible for OP, the beloved dog and the child 😢.

[@chaos4654]

Oof, that deadbeat mom story update sounds like this chick is gonna pimp her daughter in a heartbeat if she never actually cleaned up her act.

[@jdd9993]

OP could have set the dinner for 7 or 8pm. That would have given everyone time to enjoy the wedding reception.

[@SK98765]

Picking up at airport story: NTA. I come from a family that drives each other too, also a friend group who would. I have to drive 50min to the nearest airport, and you can bet I'd be there to pick them up unless something really big happened, and even then I'd send a text and ask someone else to pick them up in my place. I once woke up at 4am to drive my friend to the train station so she could make her flight on time (different area, airport was hours away). Agreeing to pick someone up and then not is hugely inconsiderate.

[@fayalbar6197]

story 1 - not the a*hole if there is no reception after the wedding guest should have the whole schedule about the wedding so, to me no problem if she did the gathering after that the sister probably angry because she was not invited and the parents should have be angry too if OP did the gathering if there is still after party or what made by the bride

[@sdaniels160]

Acknowledging that you might be homophobic or racist or xenophobic is not a sign that you are. You can be prejudice without realizing it and it's very healthy to question whether you are.

[@kskidspastor]

So, it wasn’t so long ago that it was common for unmarried adult children to continue living “at home” contributing to the household. My (currently) 32 year old daughter stayed home after college, and paid off student loans, while helping with groceries. Now that she’s out of debt, she pays us room and board. She’s in a relationship that could lead to marriage. We have all agreed that her renting from us until she’s in a place to own a home, is more financially responsible than giving rent to someone else, to live alone. There’s security here, for her, as a single woman, and her rent helps toward paying our mortgage.

[@jdd9993]

Tips are part of wages; people don't lose wages just because they won money.

[@franl155]

nice of you to give Mr Ballen a mention!

[@helenjohnston8955]

for the children at the wedding, what is the bet that they never got a babysitter in the first place.

[@brett8259]

If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to go out to eat. Period. Tipping is part of the cost of going out.

[@ladyj.9350]

Agreed

[@aleiah.]

In Venezuela weddings last at least like 12 hours? And that's not even counting the hours getting ready and taking photos pre wedding. My aunt's wedding star at 6pm and ended at 8am, and that's not even counting that the bridal party star the preparation like at 8am lol. If a sister do that to me I'll be crazy mad, not even 15 years parties last so little.

[@HarryVibes36]

Story 1: I would say YTA buuuuut isn’t it odd why most people wanted to go to OPs place instead?

[@megaman37456]

@@80sCanadian Or maybe because there is a reason OP doesn't get along with the fiance, you ever think about that instead of jumping straight to villainizing OP? I'm not saying OP isn't an asshole for doing this, at least an unaware asshole, but if people left the wedding to join her, maybe it's because the fiance' is one of those guys who likes to boss everyone around.

[@jsg218]

I really want the OP from the wedding dinner story to hear your commentary! Ah it was a beautiful well deserved response 😂 The OP sucks so much!

[@ThatOddChickenHippie]

My sister is brutally honest, but she never offers it up unsolicited unless it is 100% necessary. Even when someone asks her for her opinion on things, she'll ask if they want her opinion or if they just want to vent; I'd they say they want her opinion, she asks if they want it sugar coated or not so that when she tells them what she thinks, they can't get mad at her because she gave them plenty of outs. Unsolicited "brutal honesty" isn't honesty, it's just being a dick.

[@Animezingly]

I feel like so many times people tell anyone not Christian to just suck it up and hide who they are. Because it’s easy. It’s not like people actually look at it as any other religion as they should, and treat it with the same respect.

[@mothertrucker936]

Insecure bf : NTA, op I think your relationship has run its course. His comments were not simply comments they were attacks on your person, your intelligence, racist , envious and insanely jealous. Say bye bye and find yourself a man who’s secure with your superior skills, intelligence and job. No matter how much pushing you got, you had to prove your worth and obviously have. Bravo to you

[@demonheart13]

"she is not a toxic friend" tells entire story about how toxic she is. This either sounds like a made up story, or she's looking with rose colored glasses.

[@ThatOddChickenHippie]

One should NEVER do any impairing substance when home alone with kids. Whether it's weed, alcohol, nightime cold medicine, ect. You are responsible for the safety of those kids; what if something happened and you needed to drive one of then to a doctor? You can't do that if you're stoned. Doing it when they're in bed is fine, but not when you're the only one in the house who is supposed to be responsible for them.

[@mdaenen123]

5 hours after the wedding? That’s plenty of time. How long they need? 15 hours?

[@andreabergstrom983]

There is a big difference between being honest and using a razor blade to punctuate the comments.

[@kyb3rcrystals]

the dog one: NTA. i understand how the kid feels. when we had to put my cat down ~2 years ago, i was in complete denial about it. my parents said that they were going to call the vet to make an appointment, and i stared at them and said no, he isn’t going to die, he’ll get better, etc. etc. that night, he puked and didn’t have the energy to move. the only reason he didn’t spend the entire night laying in his vomit was because i was sleeping on the floor next to him (he was under my bed) and the smell woke me up. by the time it was morning, it was clear it was his time. i couldn’t stop crying (i’m getting emotional writing this) and i would’ve done anything to bring him back to full health, but i couldn’t. i get the denial, i get the pain, but i also get having to let them go. she needs to be taught that sometimes, it’s for the best.

[@saucysalad1216]

story 3: this story hits so close to home for me, i was raised by grandparents since a few weeks old because my mother was(and still is 20 years later) a dr*g addict, she abandoned me and my grandparents rescued me. when i was 8 or 9 my mum asked to have me back and my granparents said not unless i got to know her because she was a COMPLETE stranger to me, my grandparents took money out of their retirement savings just to raise me and never got a single cent of money she received from the government to help my grandparents raise me OP is a total asshole to expect the her mum to just hand alyssa back when the two of them barely have a relationship, it would be totally traumatic for an 11 year-old to go through, i think alyssa's grandma who raised her has every right to refuse giving up alyssa in these circumstances, it would only be okay for alyssas grandmother to let alyssa go back to her mum if alyssa formed a bond with her mum and that ALYSSA was okay with it.

[@cindykq8086]

Everyone's comments on story 1 are excellent; if I were the bride I'd go NC with OP and have a serious conversation with the ones who left the reception for the dinner. Story 2: the fat friend really had it coming. She presented her jealous hurtful comments as jokes when they were intended as jabs. And I'm fat (thank you, Hashimoto's), have felt jealousy, but do NOT ever mock someone for being thin.

[@ruthgriffiths7365]

Op who held a dinner party after her sister's wedding is awful, utterly dreadful manners. My husband and I were married at 11:00, luncheon was served at 13:30 followed by a garden party, cream tea then dinner, dancing and supper in the evening. 60 of our guests were staying in the house plus another 30 in the Dower house, everyone else in yurts, cottages and pods around the grounds. Nobody left the party before 03:00.

[@moakristenssom936]

Yes! All the weddings I’ve been to have usually started with the ceremony around 11:00-13:00, after that the bride and groom usually are driven away in some form of carriage(horse, car etc.). They drive around for a short while so that the guests has time to get to the venue and welcome the couple there. Then there is food, dance, speeches and not a single wedding I know of has ended before midnight.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

May I ask the area you live in? Or held the wedding? I'm in southern California, and when my wife and I were looking at venues, out of almost 50, only like 5 of them had blocks of more than 4 or 5 hours. We were looking at midrange venues, not super cheap, not super expensive. We were also looking at all in one venues, we didn't want the wedding in one location, and the reception in another. Also, most the venues required guests to be gone at the designated time (other than ones that you clean yourself)

[@moakristenssom936]

@@somerandoonyt9553 I live in Scandinavia, so nowhere near US unfortunately. In a small town on the countryside. Most of those wedding venues were on farms either owned by the immediate family of the groom, or on a venue that my relatives own and host dinners, conferences and similar events. Weddings are still usually an all day event here. I remember some of my cousins and uncles getting married when I was younger, but their weddings were child-free and my parents were gone for the entire day.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@moakristenssom936 ok. When hearing the story, I only have my experiences to judge off of. I'd love to have been able to have an all day event. But around my area, you're lucky to have more than a 4 hour event if you are financially able to rent the expensive venues. And in my family, it's common to have after wedding meeting without the bride and groom, because the bride and groom are spending their evening together and husband and wife. I feel like if this was a grandparent that threw this dinner for the out of town relatives to spend more time together, a lot of the commenters would have a different opinion.

[@ruthgriffiths7365]

@@somerandoonyt9553 I'm sorry Grant, we live in England. The venue was actually my home, my family have owned the place for several hundred years. It's a lovely old house, it now belongs to my husband and I. We have been very happily married for 34 years, our four children were also married at home. Weddings are a minefield nowadays, it seems to be one of the few areas where the customer is not always right. Venues and vendors certainly seem to be in control. In the UK, most wedding receptions go on until very late with dancing etc. In Scotland, wedding receptions can go on until breakfast the following morning! My cousin's certainly did, best wedding ever. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and a very long and happy life together x

[@kskidspastor]

On leaving the brother and his new fiancée on the side of the road… I hope the brother opens his eyes and realizes that his fiancé is a toxic person. Why would anyone want to marry her? Also, OP, your brother DID do something. He allowed his fiancé to treat you like trash without calling her out for it. Your entire family sounds toxic. This can’t possibly be the first time you’ve been treated with such disrespect.

[@MaxPower-js1sk]

$20,000 isn’t a huge amount of money. That person was expecting to dine on the waitress’s expense. But in any case, the waitress is entitled to her money. If tipping is what everyone does and it’s part of their wage in that country, then she’s entitled to the money if she’s done the work, regardless of how much money she has in the bank.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

OP NTA. Where the heck were the 10 yrs parents?? OP shouldn't have yelled hurtful things to the young kids but I think it was the parents and kids fault not OP. If anything, kid should apologize to OP

[@ayeshawilliams88]

What the hell op is not the ah, it's her wedding it should be the way she wants.... period