Told My Wife She Has NO Say In Disciplining My Children r/Relationships

[@pansprayers]

Never, ever, EVER use food as a punishment. That's how you traumatize kids into disordered eating as adults, setting them up for a life of pain. Huge overstep. Huge.

[@pansprayers]

Oh God, onto the update. Nope, no. This isn't acceptable. Not a little bit, not at all.

[@BiologicalClock]

I'm so glad he's leaving her. This kind of draconian punishment is damaging to kids. OP's wife seems like the kind of person who thinks "My parents did this to me and I turned out okay", not realizing that she did NOT turn out okay, she is abusive to children. I'm so glad OP is sticking up for his ex-wife too, this is how you correctly parent your children after a divorce, rather than pitting your current spouse against your former spouse. The children are the most important here.

[@clownrat5759]

My mother did that. She threatened me by withholding food or dinner, and now? *I* use that against her. It’s not healthy by ANY means, but it’s a sort of “well now I’ll get back at you the same way”. If she says something particularly hurtful, I simply won’t eat for a day+ depending on how bad it gets. From age 6-7+ I was constantly threatened with “you’re not getting food until this or that” constantly, I ended up getting an ED in freshman year which was left to fester, and I ended up becoming suicidal long before that. Seriously, people. Do NOT use food as a punishment for your kids! I’m 18 now, and I’m STILL recovering my relationship with food through cooking, exploring foods I like, etc.

[@Songbirdstress]

Not to mention making the other one watch. Ugh.

[@pansprayers]

@@clownrat5759 sorry to hear that. The crap I went through as a kid is one of the many reasons why I double majored in Culinary Science and as a Dietician for my first degree. I had to take a hard look at what was being taught to me, and just how miserable those teaching the lessons were in their own lives. Remember to forgive yourself when you have setbacks, and to ask for help when you need it.

[@mariannecormier3021]

my mom tried the soap thing on my sis for cussing...she liked it and i never took a bath with soap that didn't have bites out of it for the rest of my childhood

[@Dragonemperess]

O_o Holy crap! XD Talk about backfiring!

[@ineedhoez]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@tennesseedogpack]

@@ineedhoezmy folks used tobasco for years. Jokes on them I like hot sauce

[@slantos2668]

Story 1: I was all set to state "YTA, of course step-parents should play a role in disciplining children" until I heard the story. OMFG NTA. That is a step-MONSTER and that is ABUSE, not discipline. I hope that woman is never allowed near children again. Story 2 was just heart-warming and sweet.

[@heathermiller5765]

Crazy, I also used the word "stepmonster" to describe her (in my head anyway)

[@robertx8020]

True ..from the title I had the YTA verdict ready but after 2 minutes that all changed

[@hilaryc3203]

Step parents should play a role in setting guidelines, but direct discipline or dealing with issues should come from the bio parent. My daughter has two bio kids and three step kids. She handles the tough stuff with hers and he handles the tough stuff with his (there is not a lot). Everything is respectful, the kids openly love their step parents and it's a very healthy family. Boundaries are important.

[@shadesofjade]

I’ve seen that movie. Matilda and The. Entire. Confection.😂

[@00videovideo]

Honestly it’s not even that bad. You guys are probably the ones that cry CA when the kid gets a spanking.

[@ScarabD]

The son's behaviour in story one is very typical in many victims: he made *himself* the main target, made sure that HE was the one who took the hits, metaphorically or literally, to spare his sister. It was only when she also took the abuse, that he realised this tactic wasn't going to work, and told his dad. He didn't care what happened to him, so long as his sister was protected. That is heartbreaking as f***. No wonder the younger kid's got into a bad habit like stealing (I doubt this was the first time). Like all victims, she's trying to find control in a situation that was abusive. Wife needs crazy ammounts of therapy. Her parents absolutely screwed her over. How did he not NOTICE any of this?

[@chetarisin3035]

It's because she hid it so well. And probably intimidated the kids into staying silent

[@naturalbaby]

Because covert abusers make it really hard to tell. Like his son said, if it were him only getting abused he probably would have never said anything. I hope this c u n t gets prison time.

[@jgraaay18]

@@chetarisin3035 Exactly. 'Who do you think your daddy's going to pick if push come to shove? A disobedient brat like you, or his wife?' Just hope he gets well lawyered up for the divorce because she sounds like the kind of spiteful so-and-so who'll try and take him for everything.

[@ScarabD]

@@naturalbabyI agree she's terrible but honestly, therapy first. Loooots of therapy. She's obviously exhibiting learned behaviours that she thinks are perfectly normal since it's how SHE grew up and now she's reflecting that trauma on more kids. It's no excuse and she should definitely be punished, but we need to meet these problems at the root cause to ensure the cycle of abuse stops.

[@a.n4031]

The stealing definitely wasn't the first time. Proven by the fact that he and his ex wife already had a game plan on what to do if they stole

[@Raaslen]

Last story: a beautiful essay on how to ask for forgiveness. OP not only was actually regretful of his past actions, but he owned it and changed his behavior to prove it, while listening to the advice of the people who knew better

[@CouncilEstateRach]

It's wonderful when people realise things need to change, not only have the bravery to try but the ears to hear their mistakes. I hope they begin a wonderful family life.

[@TheIronwil]

Gay Son: Glad this story turned out so well. My daughter is LGBT, and I get the difficulties. As far as society has come the past decade, there’s still a lot of discrimination. I really hate it when people ask me if I approve of her sexual orientation. Usually I just say yes, because this conveys my intent, but the fact is I don’t “approve” of her orientation, nor do I “disapprove ”. To me this would be like approving of her being right-handed or having green eyes. Approval just doesn’t factor into it. I strongly support her, but I think taking a position of approving/disapproving of someone else’s sexual orientation is entitled and arrogant.

[@mkuti-childress3625]

I’d just ask them, “Do you approve of _your_ child’s/children’s sexual orientation? Or do you not really think about it and just love your child?”

[@meirin5316]

@@mkuti-childress3625 there is nothing to approve tho. it is their life. they have to be fine with their decisions and as long they are i should be too

[@parkerabbott2189]

@@meirin5316 they're not disagreeing with that, in fact that's exactly what they're saying. When they flip the question, it's supposed to make people realize that's not really a thing

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Ugg, I hate it too when people are asking the approve question. But what makes me enrage even more is the word "lifestyle" for LGBTQ. It's not a lyfestyle you are choosing, you were born that way. And how often I have to explain that "I WANT to be the oposite gender" is the wrong verb for being trans, because nobody WANTS to be a different gender (or no gender). You just ARE, and being the wrong gender is making you sick in so many ways. So there's no wanting, you just have to change. Anyway, glad you are "accepting of your daughter's sexuality" (another of these cringy goosebumps sentences)

[@TheIronwil]

@@Nathan_Bookwurm Well said.

[@trainerlesseevee478]

Story 1: my aunt had someone do this to her when she was a child and it scared her for life. She can't eat that food anymore and gets physically sick around it. That's not okay. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN!!

[@00videovideo]

Good that means she learned her lesson.

[@stirlingarcher7972]

Story 1: NTA. The stepmom knows what punishments the kid’s parents use, those are the only ones she should be using. It’s not for her to make up her own. Her method was really toxic/abusive too. Wow, that update was sad but not surprising. At least now the dad can put an end to it

[@shebakoby]

Story 1: That wasn't even a punishment that fit the crime. That's the sort of punishment that used to get used when a child bought (not stole) a pack of cigarettes, to dissuade them from smoking. Not only did the stepmom force the child to eat all the chocolate all at once, she forced her to eat STOLEN CHOCOLATE, instead of returning it whence it came. This is a morally indefensible punishment in all possible ways. I don't know what's wrong with the new wife all of a sudden but maybe hidden things have been going on that OP was not aware of. I'm calling that now before the 1st update.

[@brandi5126]

Yeah it reminded me of that King of the Hill episode.

[@clownrat5759]

Well? What are your thoughts AFTER the update?🤣 you were dead on.

[@shebakoby]

@@clownrat5759 Yeah, I called it. Sounded like this isn't the first time that stepmom did something like that; it was only the first time she got caught. The stepmom was doing what one of my cousins' stepmom was doing, secretly being an abusive narcissist while the father was out of the loop until he wasn't, but that particular step took the dad for everything in the divorce.

[@Musiyca]

How can someone hid this stuff of mental illness for 7 years??? OP never spoke with her about how she was raised and how she would raise their children? I'm astonished how careless OP was to bring that type of person into their lives 💀

[@danilapetrova1178]

Borders on sadism imo. She loves watching the kids suffer

[@e.w9641]

I remember that super nanny episode! super nanny was so angry at the mom and told the mom to eat soap herself after the mom said it's no big deal and wouldn't do any harm.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

Story 2. Damn, I hate it when people start cutting onions without telling me. I'm so happy for OP and his son. And the partner. OP may have been a flawed parent, but he clearly did something right for his son to be able to talk and forgive after all this time. I wish them the best in this life.

[@ginathecookie]

oh wrong emoji

[@ginathecookie]

I know that's a typo but man, is it an unfortunate typo 😬 If can fix, pls do But I do agree, flawed parent but he is trying and the son is reaching out in return and its all great

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@ginathecookie I'm assuming the typo you were referring to was sin instead of son. I fixed it

[@MarionHogan-m5i]

Brave move from OP yielded absolutely amazing dividends. Well done OP, and family 💕

[@Pridegriffin]

Regarding the dad being reunited with his gay son and meeting his partner and grandchildren; I think it's wonderful he overcame his worries and got in touch again with a warm, honest and open letter to the son. Best wishes in dad's new life with his son and family.

[@thunderbutt357XD]

sometimes thats all it takes. my own dad is a statue for the most part from an emotional standpoint, and i learned early on that i couldnt trust them with anything going on in my life. its a sadrealization to have when u wake up and realize that u havent talked to them in a while and u feel better for it

[@ruthgriffiths7365]

@@thunderbutt357XD I truly hope you are surrounded by people who love and value you. Children are the greatest blessing, I will never understand anyone who withholds love, attention or time from their own child. Don't ever believe that your father's shortcomings were in any way your fault. A child requires food, shelter, security and, most importantly, love. Love for your child is not conditional upon their behaviour, appearance, achievements or goals. Love for your child is overwhelming and glorious. From that first breath you know that you would die for this tiny pink bundle. That love grows with every passing day, it is singularly spectacular. One of the greatest joys as a parent is watching their personality develop. That cute toddler very rapidly becomes an argumentative teenager who knows everything, that is when you start to feel real pride in the confident, capable adult they will become. And then...the cycle begins again with grandchildren. Live your life on your own terms and live well. Much love x

[@thunderbutt357XD]

@@ruthgriffiths7365 While i have people who care, sadly theyre more than 2000 miles away and i have no way to get to them. as of now im on my own. If i do have children im not making my fathers mistakes. they will be loved more than life itself, and thankfully i have a good woman in my life who will help me in that. my situation just doesnt permit me to be with her at the moment. I dont even know when i will be able to see her but all i can do is hang on. Im tired, lord im tired but im managing. I have no doubts on your ideas on children, thats something i want to experience myself. im just glad i found someone who is worth trying with. all the best to you as well

[@JDKT002]

This story hits really REALLY close to home for me. I came out as trans to my family last summer, but I haven't seen any of them in 3 years because of Covid. So It's still this distant thing for them, they have this picture of me in their head from 3 years ago. I literally have a hand written letter next to me that I'll be mailing to my dad, as I don't really feel he fully grasps the huge implications of my identity. It's a sincere two page letter about how I'm feeling about visiting him this summer and what I'll need from him and the rest of the family. How I miss all of them and want to see them, and hope they are just as eager to "meet" me. This story gives me a lot of hope.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. I kinda suck at communicating verbally with most people other than my dad. Part of it is my stutter, a larger part of it is the reason *behind* my stutter. Asperger's *sucks* for real-time communication. Whenever I have something super important I want to say, I write it down. It's something my mom taught me. Basically, I kinda understand where the guy is coming from. I'm a lot more open with my emotions and *attempts* at communicating than he is, but I definitely get having a hard time communicating *effectively.*

[@justozzy5559]

So glad the dad in the first story is leaving that awful step-mom. Too many stories of parents staying with shit partners, so I just love that he's standing up for his kids and looking out for their best interests instead of his own

[@BusArch42]

Amen to that. My mom stayed with my step dad and watched him beat us bloody. Small wonder my sister was not speaking to her at her death and I had made up but didn’t trust them

[@pamelajohnson6425]

It'd be poetic if, when handing her the divorce papers, he says, "Now that I know you're an abusive piece of sh*t, I can't stand the sight of you. It's over!" There's no way she didn't know what she was doing was wrong. It only happened when Dad wasn't around and wasn't likely to find out. She probably had the poor son thinking if he said anything about the punishment, he'd have to go through the usual punishment methods of his parents, as well.

[@shebakoby]

Story one update: CALLED IT! OF COURSE the new wife has been secretly disciplining the kids *all* *along*. This woman is a covert narcissist or some other form of Cluster-B disaster, as are her own parents.

[@Songbirdstress]

Not got there yet, but daughter acting out of character is a red flag of itself .

[@shebakoby]

@@Songbirdstress yeah, probably from the stepmom pulling nonsensical "punishments" that the stepmom's own cluster-B/Narc family did that only have a loose association to the crime.

[@thedestroyasystem]

@@shebakoby why do you think it’s appropriate to label this woman a “covert narcissist” or “cluster B disaster”? Label her as she is: “abusive”. It is not your place to diagnose people you don’t know over the internet, and it is not your place to stigmatize disorders you clearly don’t understand. Cluster b folks are more inclined to abusive behavior because of their disorders, but stereotyping all people with cluster b disorders as abusers will only discourage them from seeking help to prevent and remedy those behaviors within themselves. Cluster B/Narcissist is not synonymous with abusive.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@Songbirdstress maybe it’s because she wanted to get the attention of her father because her new stepmother did a complete 180 when getting married to her dad and she was worried about her brother. Honestly, at that age I would have done the same thing to make brother not be quiet about how he is being treated and speak up. When I was a kid I feared no one would believe me as a kid, so actions made things more believable than words can ever

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Yep and MIL did the same to her daughter and told her to do the same to his children.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Even if she _did_ have a say, what she did was a little unhinged ngl. So daughter stole chocolate, what should have been done was exactly what Op said he would have done which was march her back in there and make her apologize and return it. Not fucking force her to eat it to a point she's physically sick, that's toxic and abusive as hell. "She'll learn her lesson and never do it again though" yeah but it'll be out of _fear_ of what else this women will do to her rather than because she actually learned something. The _only_ thing daughter learned was to hide shit from her because who knows what other shit she'll do if she thinks daughter did something wrong. You should _never_ be using fear of what you'll do to them as a way of disciplining your kids, I can tell you right now that it'll fuck them up. Edit: Omfg it's not even "a little" like I said, she's _completely_ unhinged and needs some God damn help before she's ever allowed within 50 feet of another child. Edit 2: My parents did the "soap in the mouth" thing, it was with liquid soap rather than a bar though and I still gag and almost throw up just _thinking_ about it even though I was 6 at the time and that was 14 years ago 🚶🏻

[@Acidfunkish]

Exactlyyyyy. If your parenting "style" makes your kids fear you, they will never open up to you again. They'll never ask for help. They'll never risk keeping you apprised of their lives and situations, or asking for advice when they're in over their heads. Trust me. I grew up with a mother with BPD, and a father with NPD. He was verbally (and then physically) abusive, controlling, and obsessed with appearances, so anything done "wrong" (to him) was considered shameful. She couldn't handle any kind of stress, and would have literal tantrums and say the most awful things, over any minor transgression. Like, when I was 5, I left some of my toys out in the common areas (we weren't allowed to have any presence in common areas, at all). My mom grabbed a garbage bag and started packing those toys into it, and then went into my room and threw those in, because I wasn't responsible enough to have toys, apparently. All the while screaming about how selfish I was, how much she resented me. She left the bags out for garbage pickup. I was absolutely devastated. I didn't understand what was going on. I thought both my mom and dad legit hated me, because I didn't understand, and there was no good connection between the transgression and the punishment. What I learned was to make my existence as small as possible. I learned how to behave... but only in front of them. I learned how to lie, a lot, because it was necessary for my survival. I hid everything, always, because there was never going to be appropriate advice given, just a lot of verbal (or occasionally physical) abuse. Or just plain cruelty. I had an uncle who was non-judgemental, and super chill. I feel so fortunate for having him to just listen, and not go off on me. To offer advice, but not expect it to be taken. If I wouldn't have had him, I don't know if I would have survived my teenage years. I appreciated him so, so much.

[@Themrine2013]

That type of punishment is common though. And I would say it isn't abuse

[@owl7072]

@@Acidfunkish same. My mom is _still_ like that sometimes, there's too many incidents to name but first example that came to mind was that she essentially took my stimulus check (she "asked" but when she "asks" for things, there's the unspoken line of "I'm gonna guilt trip and/or berate you for saying anything other than yes") to help pay for part of our house, then turned around and claimed that I didn't contribute anything therefore I don't have a say in how the house is decorated because _she_ paid for it so it's _her_ house and nobody else's. She took $600 from me then said I did nothing to help 🤚🙄 could have used that shit to save for getting an apartment, especially since I had just recently lost my job before then. I once had a classmate see me outside of school and he said I looked robotic when with my family unlike at school where I'm more relaxed and I'm still having a crisis over this perspective. Edit: Idk if you already know of it, but there's a subreddit called "Raised by Narcissists", I go through there sometimes and it helps me a bit in terms of advice on coping and stuff like that, they also have resources for different things but I never looked into them so I don't know _exactly_ what's there

[@clownrat5759]

@@Themrine2013 It is incredibly abusive.

[@clownrat5759]

@@Acidfunkish This is terrifying for me to read, because it’s like I’m staring in a damn mirror! I showed severe symptoms of ADHD, depression, anxiety, etc as a young YOUNG child and resented cleaning my room as any young child does. That was made worse by my mental state and my room was, admittedly, horrible. My mother didn’t help, though. She’d do the same, threatening to throw out everything I cared about, all my belongings and clothing, etc. Eventually, you know what happened? that taught me that anything she gives, she can take away just as easily without hesitation. So I stopped caring about my belongings, I stopped caring about my clothing, toys, etc. I stopped caring about it all so that I wouldn’t be upset when she inevitably took it away, including food.

[@apersonnamedkai817]

It’s so refreshing to see parents working a healthy coparenting relationship with their ex. It’s even more refreshing seeing OP stand up for his kids and putting a stop to the step mom’s “discipline”

[@Alteusgirl]

When you mentionned the nanny show reminded me of the french one where a dad was making his kids spank each other to avoid getting in legal trouble for doing it himself. But the one episode that marked me forever were those parents who were strugling because their like 8yo was staying up all night playing violent video games and he was starting to display violent behaviour toward his parents.. the nanny pointed out that leaving a child with a console and tv in his room and buying games that are for over 18 then yelling at him for playing said game and being tempted to play was maybe contradictory. kinda like: here son i bought you this and that and then complaining the kid is using this and that.

[@astronautviolet153]

Story 1 NTA that can lead too a eating disorder I really do hope the Op press charges on her because she's a danger to children. And this waffle community very lovely.

[@J05c]

That was my childhood and you might be shocked to hear I have one.

[@stirlingarcher7972]

Story 2 is so heart warming!! I’m glad it worked out for OP and his son

[@jeanproctor3663]

Story 2 - what an amazing and wonderful update and I'm so glad the Dad has fully accepted his son and partner, that all Dad's updates are so happy and positive and that he loves his son's artner as much as his own son. If only all parental stories and updates where a child has a different sexuality than their parents thought, could be as positive as this one. It's beautiful and heart-warming.

[@jessicawolfe5861]

A family member found out his kids were being abused by his now ex while he was at work. They didn’t tell him. He felt so awful and immediately kicked her to the curb.

[@justinthompson6364]

First story: Even if OP's wife were to be an equal in parenting the kids, that would only entail sitting down with both him and his ex to determine how to discipline the kids, _not_ making decisions unilaterally and not even telling OP about them- that indicates she _knows_ she's in the wrong. The second story is lovely though. It's nice to have a happy story on here every once in a while.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S2: how lovely. When people have good hearts, it's never too late! Re. advice: just treat them like a heterosexual couple, e.g. you wouldn't talk to someone about their "heterosexual lifestyle", would you?

[@theannoyingartist-jen8899]

The wife in the first story is essentially my dead step mom. She constantly used food as punishments and would shread and break our stuff in front of us.

[@babygirl_lunaa9096]

Story 2 always makes me tear up a little, it's so wholesome, like grannies on facebook

[@CreepyBlueAnimals84]

That Stepmother is a true Disney villian!! What an amazing little boy OP and Ex have for speaking up when his sister was being abused. Hopefully, those kids can heal from that witch's abuse!!

[@lucassinclair2392]

That second story honestly has me ugly crying. I have a comparable relationship with my mom and I doubt I’ll ever get that. The father is a good man.

[@WatsonAndDaughter]

Story #1: New wife is abusive. That's awful. Poor guy.

[@WyntheRogue]

I'm glad he wised up and kicked her to the curb and pretty happy him and his first ex have a healthy and platonic co parenting relationship. Just to be safe though, OP should look into some therapy for his kiddos,the stunt ex step mom pulled on OP's daughter to punish her could lead to an eating disorder/unhealthy relationship with food.

[@AngelDeed]

Poor guy was completely fine having another women take care of his children tho. If she has no say in how they are raised then he shouldn't expect her to take care of them either. They are his children, he should be the one taking care of them.

[@BexareagleCheryl]

Last story: when I was younger I thought that when you get older -say 60’s- that you would be fully formed as yourself. At 61 I’ve learned that is not true. We grow and change our entire lives (hopefully). I learn new things about the world and myself and attempt to move goodness and light forwArd!!

[@Boingoelf1]

Story one:WTF? Nta and I’m glad he decided to leave her.

[@TheIronwil]

When I was a kid I got the soap in the mouth treatment. As far as my childhood went, this was incredibly mild. But I still wouldn’t do it to my kids. Nor would I make them eat until they are sick. There’s a certain amount of fear in parental respect, but the fear should be in the context of getting into trouble or losing privileges. Or disappointment if you have a good relationship. Kids shouldn’t fear their parents physically or fear for their safety.

[@duncancrochets]

On this last story I was just thinking "whose chopping onions in here?"

[@wrenpeach6707]

The father in the last story has such a beautiful heart and wonderful emotional intelligence, and it sounds like things were not always that way. I'm so happy for him and his family that he's grown to where he is now. Very heartwarming story that brought a tear to my eye ❤ I'm so thankful these lovely people are in each other's lives.

[@BiologicalClock]

Just in time! I'm back to work after a weekend of gallavanting around Chicago, and this is just what I need to get through the day.

[@MarkNarrations]

A pleasure to keep you company :)

[@Swnsasy]

Oooh, so that's what we're using now for being out and about doing naughty stuff huh? Mhm, Mhm... Hehe 😂

[@sethjr9815]

Think that super nanny episode was having the kid eat a giant spoon of chilly sauce

[@Oicurmtoyoy]

Story 1: Like everyone is saying, that is abusive, and how you give your kids an eating disorder. Moreover, the store didn't get the candy back, and the kids didn't learn why sealing is wrong (because it hurts the victim), just that you will be punished if you do it. With all of that said, the wife is right that she should have a say in how the children are disciplined. She should have to integrate into the current system of discipline, of course, to maintain consistency, and she can't do abusive BS like that, but she is technically right that she should have a say. That said, she's still clearly TA, and she's clearly messed up, both from the silent treatment, and the stuff in the update. Yes her punishments were related, vaguely, but they were neither reasonable (i.e. proportional) nor respectful (i.e. they were designed to hurt, not teach). For the theft of chocolate, she should've forced them to return it, then apologise, then find have the kid do enough chores to earn enough money for, say, 10% of what she stole, and say "what you took from those people was worth 10 times what you just did". This would teach the kid the real weight of what they just did, on top of showing them how to make it right by returning the goods. Similarly, chores equal to the price of the ice pop for stealing that, and then giving him money for his work, and making him buy ice pops for everyone else, so he can see how it feels to have his labour go to other people. For drawing on the desk, he should've been forced to clean it, instead of having his sketchbooks, which probably meant something to him, destroyed, as he actually learns the natural consequences of what he did, rather than arbitrary ones. And for jumping in the pool, no pool for x amount of time (i.e. the whole day). After all, if it were a public pool, you'd be kicked out for breaking the rules. In general, if you can't use something right, you can't use it. If you caused damage, undo it. See the actual consequences of your actions, not some arbitrary ones that only exist because someone decided to force them on you. Glad OP said she had to go. She really did.

[@deppnut1]

Story 1, so glad OP found out what was happening and sent her packing. Like others, I was expecting to hear she simply took electronics away or something until he got home.

[@HackiePuffs]

Jeez that first step mom’s punishments not only are child abuse but sound like borderline TORTURE!!!

[@ericmishima]

6:23 .... "it's called Supernanny. I don't know if you've heard of it" 😀😄😆😅😂🤣

[@joreyn7656]

Wife's "discipline" of her step kids is absolutely abuse and I'm glad OP is leaving. He needs to protect his kids.

[@tacooflove6175]

Story 2: it’s hard to argue with a letter, words can be twisted or miss remembered but a letter that says I love you always is permanent

[@teeshastoeckel4257]

Awe the dad reuniting with his son was so heart warming to hear...

[@BritInvLvr]

Ha. Getting your mouth washed out with soap was a common punishment for cussing. Also having to smoke a pack of cigs to ‘cure’ you from smoking. Rough times indeed.

[@kyraevermoon5544]

Love these stories, just two people trying to be the best dads they can be. Story 2 was heartbreaking about how they'd been distant, but especially heart warming about them reconnecting. And story one, good on dad for protecting his kids from that psycho!

[@queencars802]

Never use food as a punishment, it causes issues in the future that never goes away without alot of therapy and gives the kid an unhealthy relationship with food. When I was younger my parents brought my brother to Disneyland without me, said I was too young I was like 4 or 5 and this is the earliest memory I have and I remember it all clear as day. I stayed with a family friend we knew all growing up. I wasnt a picky eater by any means but I HATED bananas. The consistency made me gag and I didnt like the taste. I was forced to sit at the table for HOURS, didn't go to bed until just before midnight when I forced myself to eat it. Still to this day I f*cking HATE bananas. I love banana bread and banana flavored things but plain bananas? F*ck no. This was just from me not wanting to eat it and even me being 28 I still despise bananas 😂 I can only imagine how this could affect your daughter, I feel bad she got so sick especially, be sure this doesnt happen again! I'll say it again, never use food as a punishment!!!

[@heathermiller5765]

My heart hurts for those two kids in the first story. I sure hope they're doing better 😢

[@silverwurm]

I teared up at that last story! So great they were able to reconcile and be a family again. Always a treat to have a happy ending with these stories.

[@TibsPlays]

“Fell out of love & split but still maintain an amazing friendship” = fundamental misunderstanding of what marriage is

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA that's not discipline. That's abuser and I bet she's doing much worse in secret. You NEVER use food as a punishment. She isn't an equal parent. Shes a stepmom. She probably got her abusive nature from her mom. Edit after update: Jesus christ....divorce her immediately. That poor boy.

[@theseawriter]

I have two tests today, and two major tests (SAT and a state Science test) on Wednesday and Thursday. It’s nice to listen to you while I’m taking it/studying

[@carolroberts4614]

Good luck!

[@micahpatchen1538]

Man, it would be great if the older parents out there reached out to there kids like the last story! YAY happy family!!

[@artemisameretsu6905]

Ngl that last story made me cry it was so very sweet 🥺 I'm so glad they reconnected. Sometimes admitting you're human and have made mistakes and acknowledge the hurt it may have caused is all a child wants and needs to start healing

[@bluebird2472]

RE Father and Son reunion. What a beautiful story. I am so glad they are now together as a family. Others should read this realize the mistakes they have made in disowning their children for being who they are.

[@myownsidekick]

Yeah, soap in the mouth is a OLD school punishment for swearing ("dirty mouth needs cleaning" line of thinking) it used to be alot more dangerous when soap had crazy ingredients in it. See: A Christmas Story. Alot of people now use hot sauce instead of soap. My grandmother who was raised in an orphanage during the 30s would threaten us with soap in the mouth....Too bad I was a weird kid who liked the taste of soap more than I liked toothpaste. She'd walk back in the bathroom after going to grab me a towel and I'd have the entire bar in my mouth. Soap always had teethmarks in it lmao.

[@mcyeetus6933]

When I was little my friends mum washed his mouth out with soap for swearing. Found him the bathroom a while later eating it 🤢🤮

[@shannonbullock2202]

The last story has me soooo emotional. I cannot believe the immense happiness I feel for this man and his son. What a lovely retirement OP has to look forward to. I hope they make great memories they will cherish forever.

[@frith.calluna]

Story 2 honestly had me crying tears of joy. I do adore a happy ending for all people involved. Although it's still a work in progress, it seems both parties are absolutely willing to make this relationship work and I think this will be a good change for both of them. Best wishes to OP, the son, the partner and their children. I hope they get to make many happy memories together in the future.

[@Ospyro3em]

After the awful stepmother in the first story, it's so nice to have a wholesome second story!

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 1: My mom did the whole “you took it you eat it all” punishment on me when I was small and took the whole tub of sugared cherries to eat a few when I was about 7 years old. She didn’t realize how terrible of a punishment it was until she tried to give me some of those same types of cherries as a prize for finishing all my homework without being asked to, I started gagging at the smell and since then have never been able to stomach sugared cherries even though they used to be my favorite. She regrets it so much and apologizes to me for it whenever it’s brought up. I love my mom and forgive her for the mistake she made as a first time mom, but the main difference between her and the mom of this story is that my mom recognized that it was a terrible thing to do and did her best to be better as a mom. OP’s wife is such a monster.

[@maryl1785]

!-Evil stepmother. The last story -- Amazing! Loved it. So sad it took that long to come together, but they did come together as a family in a beautiful way.

[@nadiaoneill3570]

Ma heart! That last story was so beautiful. Lots of respect to OP for being so well reflected on himself and I am so happy for him that things turned out so good! 🥰

[@aishalee5924]

The reconnecting dad and son story was soooo beautiful!!!

[@TriXJester]

Mark talking about the Soap Punishment in Supernanny just reminded me of what my aunt would do to punish us (cousins, sibling, & me) as kids when we said something we werent supposed to (cursing, being rude to people, saying mean things to each other, etc), which was she drop a dab of really spicy hot sauce on our tongues. If we did something we werent supposed to (like hitting each other, throwing things, etc) then we'd spend the rest of the day cleaning something.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark. wow just wow.. that last story brought tears. so glad he has new beginning. Stay safe please. PEACE

[@sophiescott143]

Story 1: The wife's punishment in question was absolutely abusive. If it had been a reasonable punishment I'd have suggested having a conversation between her, you, and the ex regarding discipline, but she abused your child. Far as I'm concerned, the proper response here to the wife is "Bye, Felicia."

[@hiphopapotamus6913]

Second story: I think everyone that’s had a distant parent wish’s for this sort of situation to happen with their parent so A++ on how he handled things and I applaud him for mending the bridges he broke.

[@christinasilva1776]

In 2012 a 5 year old took one of her stepmother drinks. As a punishment they forced the girl to drink 70 ounces/2 liters of a grape soda and water mixture. in a 1 -2 hour period. The child died. I'm against any punishment involving a child being forced to eat or drink anything.

[@krystinreives7776]

Story 1:I honestly hope that OP’s soon to be ex get some therapy and I have a feeling even the therapist will tell her that what her parents did to her is terrible. Now she’s exhibiting almost identical behavior is what they probably did to her saying how she admitted that this is the same punishments she got when she was younger. And she normalized it so much that she doesn’t even realize what they did was heavily abusive seen hell when Opie got angry at her she didn’t realize the punishment she was giving to his kids were that bad but I agree that this lady needs to go and get some therapy see how her parents are too dense to realize that they are crappy parenting is rubbed off on their child and if this poor woman has any children they’re gonna have to suffer the same fate hopefully Op can probably talk her into getting some therapy as well as divorcing her.

[@chantalalexander]

She won't go to therapy. She thinks she has done absolutely nothing wrong, and to make it worse, her family is backing her up in that nonsense. OP has the best option in mind a.k.a getting the heck away from her because it will only get worse.

[@eileenherrera2510]

What a year jerker this story was. Such a beautiful ending. I am so happy for dad, son, SIL and grandkids.

[@brigidtheirish]

What gets me is, well, two things. First, it sounds like he didn't talk about disciplining the kids with the new wife *before* marriage. That's something that should *always* be discussed before marrying regardless of whether you already have kids or not! Second, and possibly more importantly is that the new wife had the daughter *eat* the *stolen goods* until she was *sick* and then *kept forcing her.* And OP got after the wife for not following set methods instead of, you know, *CHILD ABUSE?!*

[@pirateadam3686]

Story 1: I'm going with ESH. People piling on about how she isn't the parent - but she's been a parental figure for 7 years and is a step-mother. Her punishment was crap and needs dealing with. But that wasn't the question. The question was about telling the wife she can't discipline the children at all. For that, YTA. Edit after hearing update: Ok, yeah. She's a psycho and needed to go. Still, piss poor communication all round.

[@soteriabutler8171]

Geez I'm slowly rethinking my own childhood because I was thinking the candy punishment was not that bad until everyone in the comments saying it was abuse

[@calmingvoice8646]

AITA for telling my wife not to abuse my children?

[@fate_clotho9596]

Last Story: This has to be *THE BEST STORY EVER!* Seriously! It literally has to be the best story I've ever heard read from Reddit! 💜💜💜 I was grinning with tears as Mark got to the end! OMG!😱 How insanely beautiful and incredibly wonderful is *THAT?!* 💜💜💜 What a note to go to bed by! I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I did! Have a beautiful rest of your week, Waffle Gang and Mark!💜💜💜🌈💜💜💜

[@VesnaVK]

Story 1: the new wife is a narcissist. The silent treatment is the big giveaway.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

Story 1. Personally, I feel that step parents should never have the assumption of being a parental figure. A role model? Of course. A caring adult? Definitely. But assuming they are a parent only because they married a single parent. No. Especially when both parents are still active and close with the children. If that relationship develops, and the children grow to see you as a parent, that's an amazing thing, a beautiful thing. And in this situation, even if step mom was the real mom. Discipline should always be discussed and agreed upon by both parents. At the very most, "give me the chocolate and go to your room until dad gets home so we can discuss your punishment" just like the one commenter says. To me, that is a universal punishment for pretty much anything.

[@hannahbanana0466]

Story 1: that isn't even discipline. Thats abuse in the form of humiliation. And way to potentially start an eating disorder.

[@mortiz9004]

Story 1: I do not support what the stepmom did what so ever, what she did was beyond childish, was straight up abuse and I'd honestly leave her over this as well. Now, I do have a question though. Assuming there are children coming from new (future) wife, how will discipline be done then? Will a new, different system that only applies to the new child be created, which can possibly lead to resentment from/towards siblings? Or will the new wife simply have to agree to a system she has no say in to be fair to all children? I'd imagine a sit-down with all adults would be in order, but I am genuinely curious how that would play out.

[@TheMimiSard]

I have had my "mouth washed out with soap", but I feel that I can say it is a super-old-fashioned punishment because it was old-fashioned even when I was 6-yrs-old, and I'm 40+ now.

[@atinyevil1383]

Story 1: this reminds me of what my dad was afraid of when he was dating. That he’d find some lady who hit me or locked me in the closet as punishment. It’s heartbreaking to hear that the son never said anything in the 7 years, but I am glad that he said something now and that OP is getting his kids out of there.

[@laraantipova389]

If it makes you feel better kids are 100,000X more likely to be killed by a stepfather than a stepmother.

[@AngelDeed]

Lifehack for man who are scared: take care of your own fking children instead of looking for a free nanny. Most of these guys expect their new girlfriends to take on 100% of the responsibility of raising his kids while his life goes on unchanged and then are surprised they didn't even notice the abuse.. They are his kids and his responsibility not the girlfriends.

[@Vipre-]

It's sad so many years were lost in story 2. You try to make the right decisions in life and too often never find out how bad you're screwing it up.

[@flamelily2086]

I had a stepson who was never disciplined. His behaviour left a lot to be desired so I put my foot down and disciplined him no matter what excuses my in laws made for his behaviour. He was 3 years old, his mother was not in the picture and had neglected him when she was around. It was understandable why he was misbehaving but bad behaviour shouldn't be allowed just because the child is upset. Children have to be taught that certain behaviour is unacceptable no matter how upset they are. Bullies get away with bullying innocent children because adults make excuses for them.

[@shebakoby]

true, but whacky, way-out, flat out immoral punishments (how would making a child eat STOLEN chocolate instead of oh I dunno, RETURNING IT TO THE STORE and apologizing, teach said child about the realities of theft?!) are not on, as Mark Narrations would say.

[@kp2223]

Tea and waffle time, thanks Mark

[@MarkNarrations]

Enjoy KP, hope you're well!

[@kp2223]

@@MarkNarrations today is my mother's birthday (she passed away 5 years ago, not long after i had my first baby) so it is particularly hard for me. So thank for the video, it's a good distraction.

[@leaf4087]

Was i the only one who was thinking " This is going to be hilarious if after he writes the letter hes not actually gay"

[@CarinaCoffee]

Not me sitting here bawling my eyes out. Having an emotionally distant dad myself, I really felt this. For example I'd have never known how worried my dad was about my uni and career and where life might lead me had he not drunkenly said so once. I honestly was floored that he actually cared that much. He's usually just upset with me.

[@kristintassos2741]

Story 2 had me literally crying happy tears!!! What a great story!!! Thank you Mark for sharing that one with us!!!

[@clairebear-96]

Omg supernanny !! My family used to watch that when I was a kid, the one with Jo - I’ve seen the soap in the mouth punishment before but only on the Christmas Story movie 😂😂

[@oakenshadow6763]

She force fed a kid sweets?! The kid then didn't have dinner? And she didn't even tell the actual parent of the kid?! What is wrong with this woman? She is going to give that kid an eating disorder! Even if it was her kid, you tell the other parent before deciding a punishment, and never use food as a punishment! How does this teach the kid not to steal? How does this make it right to the store that was stolen from?

[@CatAstridphe]

Story 2: Only being part way in, I'm always going to say "just link them to the post" They're honest feelings layed out simply. Can't do anything better to communicate them than that. EDIT: This had the best ending. I'm so glad for OP and his son.

[@retrostorm15]

Those kids are gonna need therapy, having your sketchbook destroyed and all your work ruined stays with you. That poor kid will never forget that.

[@theminisimmer]

When I heard about the punishment with the daughter in story 1, I knew that this was the tip of the iceburg and that it extends to other behaviours. And I was right. I'm glad OP decided to dump her. His children deserve better.

[@Guitarbarella]

As soon as I heard the”forced her to eat them all” that’s straight up child abuse.

[@Azulakayes]

Story 1- Annul that marriage. You cannot be married to an abusive woman. The trauma those kids have been through is heartbreaking. My god!

[@youarehere594]

First story, I was prepared to call OP the ahole because, quite frankly, we hear a lot of horror stories about a step parent not being allowed to discipline the kids and the kid pushing back because they know they can get away with it. But this...holy heck, this is straight up abuse, not only what she did to his daughter but to his son as well. I suspect that she was raised this way and I also suspect that she's been itching to "discipline" those kids when she was officially a step parent. Though she knew what she was doing was wrong...after all they dated how many years before she started doing this stuff? Yeah. Last one more brought tears to my eyes...this was wonderful that the two of them could work this out. Nice of you to end this on a good note.

[@HidanKitten32]

Oh I think I watched that Super Nanny episode. It was a really long time ago so it's not very vivid memories but the nanny was NOT happy about that

[@Julienna]

STORY 2: I was sobbing so hard listening to the story. My parents never loved me, they are very cold-hearted persons. They used to hurt me to feel better about themselves. They loved to see me down. Yes, they are both mentally ill and would keep abusing me, if I did not kick them out of my life for good about one year ago. I will never get such a letter, nor a reflection of their cruel parenting. I am so happy for OP and his son, that it worked out for them. So, so, happy. STORY 1: WTF??? That woman should never ever have any children, nor pets, in her care ever again. NEVER! She is mentally sick, but she does not see it. This makes her uncurable. Punishing by damaging their health? She should have been legally punished, if there was any evidence.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - Oh the feels at the second update; someone is cutting onions over here. That was a lovely outcome.

[@justaperson4656]

as the resident gay, there's never a "right time" to bring up coming out. I came out to my sister over text, and to my mother at the beach. A letter is amazing, especially when you can be nice and concise about it. A simple "We're distant, I regret that. I don't know if you're gay, but if you are, it doesn't matter, I love you anyway." would be amazing. Congrats on the update, happy things turned out well

[@rmhartman]

Damn. She was abused as a child, and knows no other way to punish.

[@ajb7530]

1st story, OP in this situation NTA. What your new wife did to your daughter is abusive. Her way is the wrong way to parent.