Girlfriend Says I'm Being Unsupportive By REFUSING To Let Her Sister Move In With Us r/Relationships

[@TsukiKageTora]

I hate how people unilaterally decide that family should move in without their partner’s consent, especially when the partner will be more financially responsible.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

I agree

[@WhitneyDahlin]

Yeah HOW is this so common? I don't know I just think it's extremely weird for families to be so co-dependent that they will destroy their relationship with their partner and put their family above their spouse like this.

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

@@WhitneyDahlin it is entitlement.

[@sonialinsey8083]

Maybe if sis was responsible and had a job to pay rent it might be fine but she sounds like a moody lazy bitch like I was as a teenager.

[@rachelguyer8447]

See with these relationship reddits I like to put myself in the situation and personally I don't think that's weird to need to take care of family. I think that's a very American thing. A lot of un American cultures do live with family and this kind of request isn't abnormal. And I'm American. But I wouldn't have a problem if I had the home and my bf wanted to move his brother in and I know brother is 17 so I don't have to babysit him and he wants to live with us because his dad is an asshole to him. Idk. It's something I would do for anyone I truly loved and cared for enough to date for three years and move in. Especially if marriage is the goal in our relationship why wouldn't I want to help her family. I would have rules of course. But idk maybe I'm just weird. I have a history of parents just being assholes and I used to let my brother come spend weekends at my apartment just to get away from them. Family is everything.

[@cesaravegah3787]

Funny how rightly refusing to be a doormat Is now called "being unsuportive", NTA, if OP didn't signed to support his SO family he dont need to do so.

[@drl5002]

Unsupportive, controlling, financially abusive, whatever words they want to come up with to be manipulative and get their way.

[@agentzapdos4960]

There's a pretty extreme difference in culture and mentality between poor people and not-poor people, even within the same ethnicity, faith, region, etc. I think this is a fundamental incompatibility based in socioeconomic class rather than anything to do with abuse or manipulation.

[@MusketeerGweneth]

If the little sister cannot be civil with step-dad, how can she be expected to be civil with OP? I vote NTA

[@kaitohkid7229]

The doormats of today are programmed to be like that. No spine society. The opposite are called Karen 😮😅.

[@DerekScottBland]

I don't see how many people are ignoring that Lucas has been saying TERRIBLE shit to the other kids for a while now and the parents are just finding out about it. Yeah, the kid is allowed to miss his mom, but telling other kids that he would let them die if it meant saving his box of mementos is way too far.

[@Digitalfairy]

The only reason they're saying uch things is because OP is a stepmother and according to reddit's BS prejudice against stepparents: you have to let your stepchild mistreat you in everything and never be better than the bio parents otherwise your an evil person. Pathetic but it happens.

[@thedeepseaking3659]

Right, and people even act like it's OP's fault that this is all happening or like its just something that a new familiar bond was introduced to. OP had been with the dad for over years

[@danielleunderwood7770]

​@@thedeepseaking3659 its reddit, men and step-parents get screwed over by them, when they have done nothing wrong. They always in the wrong on there 🤷🏽‍♀ I have seen posts that are similar but the man or step-parent is always TA but a women isn't.

[@lindah3803]

OP just found out that SS has been repeatedly saying this stuff. Cameras should be installed inside the house. OP can discover if SS is behaving like this unprovoked/provoked. Also make sure nothing worse is happening. OP and hubby can monitor the video. With the amount of anger SS is displaying,he could be being even more verbally abusive or even physically abusive.

[@terramarini6880]

He is not TA, I'm guessing the kids have been harassing him about the box, I'm guessing the subject of his box gets brought up a lot, I am guessing it's been suggested he let the girls "just have a look" more than once, I'm guessing he's done with it. They need to get off his back about his mementos while he grieves his mothers death (however long that takes, nobody gets to gatekeep his grieving process, nobody).

[@carlrood4457]

"..adjust to the new family dynamic..."??? It's been SIX YEARS!!! He's clearly NOT adjusting at all. He's not even at "polite tolerance". His mother has been gone for 10 years, dad has been remarried for6. There's no set timeline, but this is beyond normal grief. Something is seriously broken in this boy.

[@Digitalfairy]

It's called bitterness. "How dare my dad remarry a total stranger instead of remaining a widower forever?!" It's pathetic but I've seen kids turn real nasty when they parents decided to remarry even within a reasonable timeframe.

[@juliearmfield2634]

​@@Digitalfairyif you haven't lost your mother at a young age like that then you have no right to tell that kid how he's supposed to grieve

[@adrianmcbride1666]

@@juliearmfield2634 not bullying other people is a reasonable boundary to set for any sort of grief/trauma.

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@adrianmcbride1666 I'm just wondering how exactly they went about blending the families together and how long it took them and because it seems like that would have a major effect on how he react to it and he dealt with it. One thing is for sure that kid has got a whole lot of pain buried inside him and it doesn't sound like he quite knows our deal with it

[@adrianmcbride1666]

@@juliearmfield2634 it has been 6 years that he has been living with them, and 10 since his mother died. The stepmom indicated that she has set very clear rules regarding personal boundaries and enforced those rules. There is also clear indications that they have been supportive of him as a family, in fact the only member of the family that seems to be actively unkind/dismissive of his emotions is his father.

[@Russman67]

Story 1: The ex-girlfriend Just tried to buffalo her way through OP's boundaries and secure spot for her sister to move in on his dime. No is still a complete sentence.

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

I agree. She expected him to shoulder all of the expense for her sister indefinitely and would not compromise. That isn’t a relationship; that is a bully.

[@rachelguyer8447]

​@@Alberto-wu1mj did she actually say I want you to financially take care of my sister? I mean if she did then yeah definitely she's an ass. But if that was never discussed like how do you think this will affect me financially and she didn't have a solution. I mean sister is 17 not 7. No babysitting and she can work to help in the household as well as doing chores. But I stated in another comment. I feel like that would be something I would want to do for my partner. Unless they explicitly said oh I can't support them I was hoping you would. Then hard no. That's weird. I'll have to go listen to that one again

[@Julienna]

I think that the sister would also be jealous of OP and create drama between him and his girlfriend.

[@rachelguyer8447]

@@Julienna that's a wild assumption. What makes you say that? She's 17. She has her own life.

[@Russman67]

@@rachelguyer8447 the girlfriend was already at her financial limit. OP was already taking a larger share of rent on the 2 Br before the 17 year old moving in was brought up. Since the girlfriend doesn't have more to spare, the funds to cover the sister would come from OP. If they moved into a 3 Br, OP would have to pay it.

[@1911odisea]

Story 3: A good example of why it's often a bad idea to go to Reddit for advice. Redditors always craft a crazy story in their head and have an insane amount of prejudice.

[@Digitalfairy]

Yeah this kid "How dare my dad remarry a total stranger instead of remaining a widower forever?!" It's pathetic but I've seen kids turn real nasty when they parents decided to remarry even within a reasonable timeframe. And people give him a free pass because what? OP is just the stepmother, a stranger? And here I thought we lived in the 21st century.

[@Lillireify]

Story 3 - NTA, although there's something wild happening there. I lost my mum as a teenager too, but I was never ever cruel enough to tell my step family to their face multiple times that they're meaningless. Good of OP for removing kids from games, I hope therapy will help oldest kid with grief. Losing a mother is absolutely, utterly hard.

[@ameixsell]

She died when he was 5, it's been 10 years.... there's no excuse for this behavior

[@Digitalfairy]

@@ameixsell Darn right!

[@carlrood4457]

@@ameixsell My one guess is given the age, he's scared he'll forget his mom because he was at an age where it's kind of borderline of how many clear memories he'd have of her.

[@OtakuWrath]

I feel like it has a lot to do with feeling like he has nobody. He has no family to rely on so he relies on his dead mother. His father has a new partner, his new siblings have each other. He has nobody, he feels alone in his own house surrounded by "strangers." His dad can't support him because he's supporting his new family. He's 15 grieving and extremely alone. Rather than try and create a relationship with this new family and treat them as his foster family he is on the defensive as you would If the place you're supposed to feel the most comfort in was full of people you don't know. Everyone else helps each other feel comfort in the home while he is forced to cope alone. He might be a bit resentful because he has to cope alone while everyone else has family. As far as he's concerned his only family he can rely on in this harsh reality is dead and his coping mechanism/support is that box because he doesn't have a living person he feels he can hold when he needs it.

[@ameixsell]

@WB you're saying a whole lot of nothing tbh. It's been 10 years, did you think the wife and stepkids just shown up out of the blue? Ok so we can excuse not being able to verbalize his feelings when he was younger than 10, but he's had 5 more years since he turned 10. If he was doing this because "grieving" or didn't know how to cope with the life he's been living for 5 years already, why did he purposefully say those things for years when Dad and stepmom weren't around? Because he'd get in trouble, which means it's not an instantaneous emotional response but calculated.

[@safespacebear]

Story 3. I think the kid is obviously dealing with the loss of his mom but he's also using that box and the rules surrounding it as a way to spread his misery to others. Grieving is fine, being cruel is not

[@Nerdbookworm]

I. Would take the box and tell him I donated it. See how he reacts.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Bold of her to call Op selfish when she's the one trying to move in a whole person and basically expecting Op to cover the majority of the cost without even actually discussing it with him

[@kimsvisualdiary]

OP is “selfish” because he isn’t bowing to her whims. Fuck the gf.

[@kencrum2524]

In regards to the miscarriage story, doctors really need to do a better job of explaining especially to women when they say that you will not be able to have children that doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t get pregnant it just means you won’t be able to carry. I mean sure if you have your ovaries removed you can’t get pregnant but if you are assumed to be in fertile it could mean that you just will not be able to carry to term. Doesn’t really change the story overall but it would’ve made the blow less crushing.

[@shadowscall7758]

I have also noticed a lot of people don't listen to the "its unlikely.." or "chances are" parts of when doctors talk to them. Doctors RARELY say "it is impossible" or "it can't happen". Most of the time, they will say "your chances are not good" or something like that. However, people hear what they want to hear and hear "its impossible". It's the same with weathermen. When they predict an 90% chance of something happening and it doesn't, people like to say that they were wrong. No, they weren't. They said it had a high chance, but that still means there is a chance it won't happen. If people understood that, I think it would help in cases like that.

[@DoritoBot9000]

It also most of the times doesn’t mean that it’s 100% impossible that it will ever happen. Just that they have reason to believe that the odds are so low that statistically unlikely it will happen in their lifetime, like the lotery. This exactly is how a former schoolmate of mine got pregnant, she was told that because she suddenly got a hormone imbalance that “she couldn’t get pregnant “ until it was corrected. Well, a couple months later, surprise! So many Doctors do make a poor job at communicating.

[@nardopolo7407]

i'ma male i was in a horrible accident as a child cause some damage I was told I wouldn't be able to sire children apparently I healed a lot betterthen they thought I would.

[@lynnw7155]

I had a miscarriage. Good grief. How long should everyone sit around and grieve? People are really coming down hard on OP; life doesn't stop after a miscarriage.

[@Becks-and-books]

@@lynnw7155 everyone grieves a miscarriage differently. We don’t know how far along she was or how it happened. For some a miscarriage is extremely traumatic (which is why Mark has a trigger warning on stories like these), and when your partner is struggling you should be there for them and listen to their needs. Plus, it sounds like the girlfriend might grieve thinking this was her only shot at having a child given the context, so that adds more grief. No matter what, though, the fact that you experienced a miscarriage is irrelevant here because your experience was your own and cannot be used to judge others

[@jaycehoward2771]

Dude this is a really great indication of what type of future you will be facing from her. It definitely won’t end with the sister.

[@titofuente9979]

"I told her we can put living together off a year an she can get a place with her sister if she wants to get her out of her house. That was not enough for her..." That's because she obviously wants you to pay for it. She is not willing to pay for taking her sister, she wants you to pay for her. It's not a coincidence that when she can have you paying for 2/3 of the household, she suddenly decided to bring her sister. Why didn't she take her before? Because that means she is the one paying. She is just putting a big 'SINGLE MOM' on you, and she is not even a mother yet. So, as your friend told you, this is what she is going to pull on some guys once she is a single mother in the future. She is looking for someone to cover the money for her plans. Dodged a bullet there pal!

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

​@@titofuente9979 Yea. That first sentence said it all. If the situation with sister was really so aweful, girlfriend would've taken her into her own apartment and made it work already. Apparently, the situation wasn't that dire.

[@TelManothHexperax]

​@@titofuente9979 agree she act like a SAHM when she is barely the GF and they dont even start live together ... GF feel entiteld of op money soo mutch already ...

[@richardlee653]

@@Nathan_Bookwurm I can't help wondering whether the girlfriend would be able to guarantee that her sister would behave reasonably. Are her problems with her stepfather "you're not my daddy" issues, or is she just going through a teenage rebellious and obnoxious phase?

[@mikehilbert9349]

Story 3: This kid is showing psychopathic tendencies. He actively contemplates letting his stepsiblings die in gruesome ways.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Haven't reached the end of the story yet, but I'm guessing "stepdad is an a-hole" means he has rules he expects 17 yr old stepdaughter to follow, and the girl assumes that if she lives with her sister and sister's BF, she can do whatever she wants and won't have house rules to follow.

[@joimumu]

Agree and if Op girlfriend sister can’t respect her stepdad rules then odds are she can’t respect Op needs and rules

[@fcold9402]

3. I am thankful this story did not go where I thought it was going to go. I thought she would take th box away to punish him or her kids would break it or something. She just doesnt want to got to his games and treat him like one of her kids anymore. I kind of see that as a win-win as he does not appear to want to be treated as her kid and probably doesnt care if her and her kids attend his games. So by all means NTA, don't go to his games and leave each other alone.

[@thedeepseaking3659]

Leave each other alone? What? You must have a weird mind as OP did nothing wrong to the kid but he is straight up telling her and her kids that they're worthless to him and you play it off as if she doesn't want to go as if she hates him? And this is even after 8-9 years of being in the boy's life? Bro that's some sick thinking. I would say, if it was an choice, that kid is an ahole along with the father seemingly disregarding the feeling of all the other kids with just not doing anything but say therapy but being ready to be pissed when the other kids refuse to go to this kids games anymore. Like nice letting all the other kids know who's your favorite.

[@shells500tutubo]

@@thedeepseaking3659 That is why she should leave him alone and let him wallow in his fantasy of being the only child and wishing everyone else would disappear. Hell, I might even leave the household with my biological kids until that kid is out of the house. He is a demon seed and the father is oblivious.

[@ameixsell]

Honestly they should take away that box because it's giving him a really unhealthy attachment. Take it away the life and memories of his mother until he can respect the lives of those currently living.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

​@@shells500tutubo demon seed? It's a 15 year old who doesn't care about his stepmom and her brood. Y'all are mad weird.

[@Digitalfairy]

@@SilverstreamPJ28 Oh boohoo! He couldn't force his daddy to be single for all eternity so he clings to his "precious" and says he'll gladly let little kids die? I lost all sympathy for him when he started being cruel to little kids especially his half-sibling. FYBFI, OP is just a woman with naturally curious who married an idiot. This is the 21st century, bullying little ones and trying to break up a parent's marriage is a big fat don't. If Lucas wants to be alone with the box so badly why not let OP reinforce the law of ice (feed/clothe him, pay for his education, but no one on one ) and drill it into her kids heads that they are NEVER to be alone with him.

[@cutekitty1212]

Imagine telling someone unprovoked that you would let them die. I understand he's grieving but that is so fucked up.

[@truthseeker9249]

Oh my mother would have backhanded him across the face so hard he would have gone blind.

[@Digitalfairy]

Exactly, it's messed up and yet people make excuses for Lucas and claim OP is the bad guy because what? She's just the stepmother? And here I thought we lived in an era where we don't believe in stereotypes. Just because you couldn't control your parents lovelife doesn't mean everyone has to be as miserable as you, nor should they continue mourning the same way too.

[@theconfusedvampire]

​@Truth Seeker I hope your mother ends up in prison.

[@theconfusedvampire]

I.... actually, I totally understand why he did that.... it is wrong and mean, but, the kid needs a hug, understanding, then stern consequences and therapy. At one point as a teenager I vocalized a desire to torture my grandmother to death. I was h*lla f***ed up and I needed help.

[@wmdkitty]

Imagine bothering someone about the one thing you've been told not to bother them about, and doing it so much they hate you enough to wish you dead.

[@fyoutube9410]

I barely survived living with teens, the thought of doing it again gives me hives.

[@rachelguyer8447]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@robertx8020]

I knwo ,right? Teens can be terrible ..I can know as I've been one Ofc at that time I wasn't the bad one ...everybody else was 🤣

[@dcg590]

Hahahaha you just cracked me up!!

[@madambutterfly1997]

They seriously need to STOP saying stupid shit like “my ex isn’t a bad/terrible person”

[@Zino_Kohiruimaki]

I Agree

[@truecooler21]

11:32 here is where Story 2 starts. Mark got silly again

[@WhitneyDahlin]

I wonder if the update on story 2 is a lie and they aren't back together. Because first of all why would she apologize? Secondly he was so stubborn in the comments refusing to think he had done anything wrong. So I doubt he would come to Reddit and admit he was wrong and Reddit was right and their relationship is over. Thirdly she was so upset she literally moved everything out of the house and gave the dog to a friend to take care of because she couldn't stand to see him. I really don't think they're back together

[@sashwing7726]

@WhitneyDahlin nope, people, including Mark, just didn't pay attention to the story. At the beginning of the story, the poster said that the girlfriend had originally agreed to the trip before the miscarriage had ever happened. After the miscarriage she told him she didn't want to go. His justification is that the trip was already paid for, and he wanted to go. The girlfriend told him to just go, and she didn't care, and then she left. The reason for the apology was not because of her angry response. More than likely it was because she didn't express her feelings in the situation. Not everyone will understand some think a thumbs up is simply a thumbs up.

[@Julienna]

@@WhitneyDahlin She probably apologized for saying he can go and then ghosting him, creating drama by moving out, when he was away, instead of talking to him openly and asking him to stay with her, because she cannot cope with the pain alone now and needs him. And, yes, she should have apologized for it, although she did it overwhelmed by emotions. Her apology means that she can recognize her wrong-doing, and OP apologized to her for leaving her alone. So, they both care about each other's feelings, which is good.

[@Loaves_of_Cat]

@@sashwing7726the justification part sounds like the part of the story where *after* the gf said okay when op said he’ll be going for 3 days (which again is also after the miscarriage)

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@sashwing7726 dude admitted in the comments she told him mulitple times to not go every time he brought it up until she finally told him to go. hes a whiny man child.

[@danielbob2628]

Story 1: This is good. People should realize that this kind of disrespect really does prevent relationships from being happy ones.

[@tinywaterdrinker5136]

Story 3. Yeah there's never any reason to abuse small children, let alone your baby brother. Keep the kids away from the selective sociopath until he gets help

[@Digitalfairy]

Agreed and to think insular trolls like vamp, Shawna Burt, Pragati Singh and Duff the duff make excuses for oversized brats like Lucas? Here I thought we lived in the 21st century when people don't believe in small-minded stereotypes.

[@McBruce999]

S1: OP's GF thought she got a hold of him in her pinky finger. Good for OP he immediately posted his problem on Reddit. Even though OP doesn't paint his GF in a bad picture, the story, and incidents reveal her true intentions. OP was gonna pay 2/3 for himself and his GF, GF immediately saw an opportunity to use OP as her human ATM. Good for OP clearing all the mess even before it started.

[@momof6innj873]

I feel in the 1st story that OP's girlfriend and sister planned it. If it only came up after she had given up her apartment then I feel like she planned this with her sister so that OP would be financially responsible for them all.

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

The first story girlfriend is acting entitled. If you cannot afford a third person to live with you, don’t expect someone else to pay for it.

[@jodieg6318]

Story 3: this story is from the stepmom’s point of view, teenagers do and say stupid shit, grief and trying integrate a family is notorious for not working, especially when it seems the dad is crass enough to make stupid jokes, all that being said I think their was plenty of malicious intent behind Lucas telling his step and half siblings that their lives are worthless to him. The “they need to know their place” is what hammered that home the most, combined with carrying around the box that they have been explicitly told they are not to mess with; I was a teenager once too and the only reason I would have carried around an important trinket like that would be so people *would* ask about it. Weather he’s still hurting and wants to spread the misery or was truly sinister in his intentions it is still fucked up.

[@Fiero425]

They'd rather the kid be more withdrawn or lie to them! Idiots! He may need therapy, but not to make everyone else happy! He meant what he said and was honest! ;-(

[@joshuaadkins9820]

I mean just because OP explicitly told her girls not to mess with the box doesn't mean they didn't try when mom wasn't around. If someone kept trying to mess with my shit id keep it on me so they couldn't.

[@Park-Kim_VMin]

Story 1. NTA run because you didn't need a teenager mooching off of you. This is the hill you need to die on, I actually supported my older brother, but no more also if you support her now she will not be going anywhere.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

I have no fucking clue as to why Lucas isn’t considered an AH, that was a disgusting thing to say, especially when the kids did him no wrong. He can be sad about his mom’s death all he wants, that doesn’t give him a pass to be a jerk. God forbid AITA treat teens as actual people that _do_ know right from wrong instead of brain-dead creatures that don’t know anything and shouldn’t be held accountable but should still be listened to.

[@janedoe885]

Agreed. He can be sad sure but he’s basically saying ‘I wouldn’t care if you died and inanimate objects get priority over your lives and well-being’. It would be fucked up to say that to a stranger. Frankly I wouldn’t say that to a person I hated. Telling kids that especially just because his dad married their mom is pretty vile. And he is old enough to know better.

[@Noah-xp5is]

Exactly, if it was something he said once, in the heat of the moment, it would be understandable (still not ok, but understandable). He is not a child anymore, he understands what he's saying and it's worrying he thinks that is something normal to say

[@aquamarin4851]

15 is no stupid kid anymore, these kind of comments obviously multiple times are alarmingly creepy

[@Digitalfairy]

Because OP a stepmother and reddit believes that BS stereotype that all step parents, step brothers/sisters, step-anything are an evil species.

[@thedeepseaking3659]

@@janedoe885 What even makes it worse is that before the therapy day he was also caught saying basically he even cares more for his friends than them as he would save his friends over the box but not them. That means he knows what he's saying is hurtful and doesn't want to get it twisted with him thinking of it being something as important as his mother.

[@MizTameRumors]

If 17 year old fights with her step dad, chances are she'll fight with OP too. OP does not need that. Especially not if he is expected to financially support the sister!! Either sis sucks it up and sticks it out till she can move out, or OP's gf gets a place for her and her sister.

[@GMAMEC]

This was my thought too. I remember being 17. I *thought* I knew everything. Like many teens, I wasn’t a huge fan of curfews, chores, or family routines.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

Story 2, I disagree with the majority. It was weeks after the event, and it wasn't just a "fun" trip. It was a family event for his brother that is, hopefully, once in a lifetime. Yes, she might have still needed support but that is why we have a support NETWORK. He had a loss too, though not as hormonal and physical and he had these plans to be with his brother and celebrate something in his brother's life. She should have communicated how she felt and perhaps they could have arranged for her to be with someone. A friend, a mother, his family, someone. Trying to make it sound like he selfishly abandoned her to go on a wild boys weekend is not accurate.

[@joimumu]

Agree and I think Op is better of without her

[@Kazuma.-]

Thankfully someone can see it. I said the same things.

[@mythogenesis4788]

Not after a miscarriage. And not for a party (not even the wedding itself, the party.) If you wouldn’t leave your wife after a car accident where her infant child had died and she needed to go to the hospital when she CLEARLY was still grieving and in pain, you shouldn’t leave a partner after a miscarriage. Depending on how far along they are, the experience could be more akin to a still birth of an underformed fetus. That’s one of the most traumatic experience a would-be mother could ever face.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

@Mythogenesis She didn't need to go to the hospital. She wanted support and should have a network. It may be a party, but it is not just "any" party. It is something important in the life of his brother. I have had a miscarriage, no one had to miss big life events for it. Yes, I needed support, some of it was physical and I had people help me.

[@mythogenesis4788]

@@ZoeAlleyne I’m glad you had people to help you. It would be nice if everyone had that.

[@beccaf262]

Yeah the step son needs help. It’s not normal to “want to put people in their place” by telling them their lives are meaningless. Kid sounds like a bully. Regardless of whether he lost his mum he’s still being awful.

[@Digitalfairy]

Exactly! And yet people are still giving hims a free pass because what? He's a teenager who lost his mom years ago and OP is just the stepmother? Rubbish! No excuse whatsoever, lets him try to pull that same crap at school then get sent ot the guidance counselor.

[@vampire9545]

That's a weird definition of bullying

[@enibeni2071]

My question is "the decision of not supporting the step son, was it a decision made by the children or was ot made by the mother? If the mother was the person who decided that, she is controlling and she is damaging th relationship between the children. If the children want to go, let them go. Don't separate the children unless it's actually needed. P.D: also, parents need to pay attention to how children react to the death of a loved one. Some children reject their stepmother/stepfather because they haven't received proper help. Somw children think the stepmother/stepfather is an "invasor", a "thief, .someone who doesn't deserve "the throne".

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

Lucas needs counseling and a safety deposit box. I wouldn't be surprised if he's hanging on so hard to the only thing he has left (dad's moved on, aka emotionally left him). Maybe he's so fixated because it's the one thing he fears...losing that box. That box represents his mother, and is inextricably tied to the family he lost. Now his family is different and feels unacceptable.

[@ausnerl4355]

I just have to say that Lucas does not have a monopoly on misery. If he doesn’t want anyone to bother or ask about the box he can keep it in his room when it’s family time. He is using it as a weapon to his Steps and half brother. And OP said that she made sure that they left him alone about it. So I think he know that he could use it to hurt them that’s why he walks around with all the time. If something is that precious to you wouldn’t you want to make sure it’s safe? He’s a narcissistic AH.

[@Digitalfairy]

It wouldn't surprise me but insular people like Shawna burt, Pragati Singh and Duff the duff just hate any stepparent, stepsister etc either way for backwards narrow-minded reasons.

[@buckeyenative1365]

It's concerning that he may be getting some sick pleasure out of carrying the box around to tease the step/half siblings, knowing they are curious about it. Dad needs to parent and tell his son the box stays in the bedroom, period, end of discussion. Not sure therapy is going to help someone who seems to take such pleasure in being cruel to family members.

[@shells500tutubo]

Story 1- How refreshing! Op realizes that his gf isn't mature enough for a two person relationship and ends the relationship. No going back and forth, no giving in to her pushiness and guilt tripping. He SO did the right thing. Gf just got comfortable and I think she was used to Op usually going along with whatever she wanted because whatever it was wasn't so important to him. She is not much better than her 17 y/o sister, making plans with other people's money.

[@kylaluv8453]

Frankly both sounded immature and shelfish to me. In relationships sometimes you have to compromise. He was a hard no and she was a hard yes. No real discussion regarding other options. Instead of all or nothing set limits on how often the sister can come over. The sister is 17 so she is old enough to get a job. Make her get a job and pitch in on food when she is over. Set up a contract stating pre-defined and agreed rules. You know, talk through problems like adults. Now a days I wonder how any marriage ever last when people break up over their first conflict.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@kylaluv8453 They're just dating.

[@kylaluv8453]

@@ruthsaunders9507 They were planning on moving in together, that is a bit more than just dating. That is making a serious commitment. Also, are you saying couples who are "just dating" shouldn't use proper conflict resolution skills? Are you saying only married couples need to resolve conflicts in a mature manner?

[@robertx8020]

@@kylaluv8453 If you don't want a teen in your house, what will cause more stress and (most likely) won't contribute to your spendings, there is no comprimise! You either allow her or you don't And what is the sister breaks the rules? throw her out or 'compromise' again? and again? NO! sometimes it's good to show your bounderies!

[@kylaluv8453]

@@robertx8020 All or nothing with you I see. Now the sister is NEVER allowed over. Looks like gf dodged a huge bullet. And if the teen breaks the rules, then yes, her privileges to come over are suspended for a certain amount of time. Really, are the youth today this wimpy they can't enforce ground rules? This selfish that they are not willing to compromise with those they say they love? If this is true, then divorce rates ate gonna sky rocket.

[@MasteringMason]

2nd story's comments on the update also call him out on that last comment he said about the gf apologizing to him.

[@Emi_TheWinged]

omg.. gf apologising... and you just know he gaslighted the shit out of her and blamed her or something. She was in no way wrong, it's actually bad for her to stay with him. He is so oblivious to basic shit, he has no empathy at all

[@toothless3835]

@@Emi_TheWinged because saying "Go ahead on the trip" isn't being communicative when she really didn't want him go, only telling him as he's about to go when he can't cancel. "I changed my mind" would've been better than just getting mad that he did what she said he could. She's allowed to change her mind. But she got mad that he didn't read her mind knowing she wanted him to stay despite her saying she didn't care. As a woman, I don't tell people "do this thing" and then expect them to know I mean the opposite.

[@noname-ip9xe]

@@Emi_TheWingedlol he’s better off without her.

[@noname-ip9xe]

@@toothless3835thisssss,I’m tired of this idea and we need to call women out more for expecting everyone to read minds.

[@lucinamendez4566]

You said you would go to the Bachelor Party. You committed. It was only 3 days. She was playing mind games because she is miserable, people do this a lot to the people they are closest to. Take out their fury and anguish at them.

[@PatKilbourn]

My son and his wife took in her younger, preteen, sister. It was because there were valid reasons to consider it. However, it was done after long and detailed discussions that included the agreement that he would have parental authority over her. It worked out well there were the expected behaviors that anyone with a growing child experiences but they worked them out together. I want also to note that her single father also signed guardianship papers. The fact that OP's SO expected him to take in SIL with no input from parents and with no discussion or respect means that he got himself out of a potentially toxic marriage. I hope his future turns out as well as he deserves.

[@ciyate9487]

I understand where the boy is coming from but if there’s something wrong with him if he keeps telling them that constantly you don’t have to be family but still respect people

[@Digitalfairy]

Well said. Just cause you lost a parent doesn't entitle one to treat everyone as their punching bags.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

im guessing they keep probing about that box or being close to Lucas.

[@Digitalfairy]

@@Kris-wo4pj I'm guessing Lucas never heard of a little thing called a vault. They can even buy one for a good price or put it in the bank. He's doing it deliberately because he said he'd sacrifice it to save a friend (if he still has any afterwards)

[@kyriacarica5862]

Why do I have a feeling most people who are giving Lucas a pass are teens who are mad at their parents because they have to clean their rooms and/or are twenty-somethings who don’t have children? Lucas’ dad needs to put his big boy dad pants on and parent his kid instead of just slapping the word “therapy” around like it’s some kind of magic pill that will fix everything

[@Digitalfairy]

Or maybe they're just insular bitter little creeps who never had their dream of watching their parents magically get back together like they hoped or that their widowed parent remain single forever come true. Jayme, Vosburg, Duff the duff and pragati singh are among them

[@dufftheduff7335]

or maybe people just needs to understand that just because daddy gets a new family everybody isnt just expected to love them.

[@Bala_Niranna]

@@dufftheduff7335 not bullying your new step siblings =/= being forced to love them

[@dufftheduff7335]

@@Bala_Niranna he aint bullying them though. Being honest about not giving a shit about someone isnt bullying.

[@MagicIsaacSage]

​@@dufftheduff7335 Yeah, if it's once or twice max. To do so repeatedly makes you cross over into bully territory.

[@JoshD8705]

Story 1 is sad. She didn't back off until he said it was over. I wish I knew her thought process after the fact.

[@anthonygilmour6236]

Simple she'll just blame him for everything and take no accountability.

[@JoshD8705]

@Anthony Gilmour My wife tried to move her sister, and her daughter in with us. I insisted on the right to correct her sister's daughter (kid is disrespectful, no father figure) and demanded that the sister have a job lined up. I never said no, but apparently, my demands were too high, lol.

[@rachelguyer8447]

​@@JoshD8705 see I don't think it's unreasonable to have stipulations if requested to help someone. I think it only makes sense. But in this story the teen is 17 not 13. One year left in school. She can work and make money to help pay her way. Also I've seen parents who aren't abusive but are just "assholes". It's verbal abuse and people forget that. Especially on a 17 year old who can't move out on her own and get away from it. Her sister wants to help her because it's clearly affecting the sister. Probably her self esteem and making her sister depressed. I was raised to be selfless. If his goal for their relationship was eventually marriage then why would a year of helping her sister be a problem?

[@JoshD8705]

@Rachel Guyer I'd imagine if the situation presented itself after him, and his gf had lived together alone a few months and knew their own dynamic. It wouldn't have been as much of an issue to him. I have a stepdaughter. We're her primary household. I've lived the life he was probably worried about. You can't roam around in underwear, sex life has to be more discrete. The cost of feeding, utilities, and if there's an argument, it's 2 v1. The difference between me and him is I was ready to marry and accept those things. He just wasn't there yet.

[@rachelguyer8447]

@@JoshD8705 that's what I was thinking he wasn't really looking at her as a long term partner. He was very quick to jump off and was excited to be single. It's probably for the best for all involved.

[@titofuente9979]

"I told her we can put living together off a year an she can get a place with her sister if she wants to get her out of her house. That was not enough for her..." That's because she obviously wants you to pay for it. She is not willing to pay for taking her sister, she wants you to pay for her. It's not a coincidence that when she can have you paying for 2/3 of the household, she suddenly decided to bring her sister. Why didn't she take her before? Because that means she is the one paying. She is just putting a big 'SINGLE MOM' on you, and she is not even a mother yet. So, as your friend told you, this is what she is going to pull on some guys once she is a single mother in the future. She is looking for someone to cover the money for her plans. Dodged a bullet there pal!

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

That's so huge hell to the no. When you're a man you need to protect yourself and having a dramatic teenager move in with you? All she has to do is make an accusation and even if he has evidence that he was out of state it wouldn't matter. He'd get killed no matter what. Especially with her being dramatic. I know sister will say that would never happen but that doesn't happen.... until it does. He needs to avoid this no matter what. Update: wow I can't believe he broke up with her. She probably went more nuclear on him than he's letting on. I wonder if she'll resent her sister now for this.

[@problematicprincess6270]

Wow, your really overdramatic and borderline silly

[@Trlababalane]

Some six monts ago, my mome ocalled me and begged that a church aquaintance needed to house a recently evicted 19 y/o kid, and no one had a place available. For reference I'm 37, had roomates since I was 15 and by the time I was 32 I was done sharing my living space with anyone. My apartment has an extra room, that I used to rent, but no more. I agreed, felt bad for a kid going homeless, the deal was untill that church friend's apartment gets free, a few days - month at most. It ended up being a three month long nightmare. The kid was disrespectful, lazy, dirty, smoked when she was explicitly sad it's a non-smoking place, would lock the door, or take her keys with her... A nightmare. I know that at 19 you're supposed to be an adult and legally are, but damy, that girl needed a parent and not a roomate. She ended up leaving abruptly, then begged to come back 2 days later. At that point I was like, no.... So my belief is that if teenager needs a place to stay, and is not your family. Never again.

[@memequeen6538]

Damn that sister really caused a breakup all because she couldn't handle one more year at home.

[@A_LadyBugs_Way]

Op needs to send the sister a gift card for helping him dodge a nuke.

[@jackchop1576]

Glad OP in story 1 ended it because this would be the future if he stayed and she would steamroll him over and over again just like this.

[@ReneeQRowland]

Story 3: NTA Lucas is going out of his way to tell you and the other children, repeatedly, that he thinks more about the shit on his shoe the he does for you or your children. I would try and keep the kids as separate as possible and I do NOT mean exclude Lucas. Maybe just keep Lucas’ events as Lucas, dad and you as much as feasible. Events for the other kids should also be the kids, you and hubby as much as feasible. ASK Lucas if he would like to go and if he says no, which he probably will, just say "Ok", the end.

[@Digitalfairy]

Exactly.

[@damoeman6004]

Story 1: OP didn't just dodge a bullet but a nuclear missile! This actually all played out in perfect timing. I'm sure his ex is kicking herself for not springing this on him after moving in together. Imagine what'll happen the second he mentions that lil sis isn't doing a thing and can at least pick up after herself. They will gang up on him calling him controlling and toxic! Exactly what step dad is going thru. He will be paying more than her and will have no say. Already being called names. She's already angry at him for not doing whatever she says. He is so lucky this happened ahead of the move. Where would sis go after graduation? Suddenly she'll have her own place? He will be stuck with her until lease is to be renewed and gf will take all furniture, appliances and dishes with her. Love these strong willed independent women that need bf to pay for majority of bills. People act like this when they think they are the much better catch than the partner. OP has admitted he has a great job, pay and is good looking. Yet she thought he'd cave to her demands.

[@Athlynne]

I'm sorry Lucas is grieving for his mother, but that doesn't excuse telling children, including his 5-YEAR-OLD brother, that a box matters more to him than their lives. If I were OP, I'd probably tell Lucas his fucking box can go cheer him on at games.

[@Digitalfairy]

Darn right!

[@jodieg6318]

That coupled with the “so they know their place” reeks of malicious intent even if 15 year olds say and do stupid things, but I was a teenager once too and the main reason I would carry a trinket around like that would be so people *would* ask me about it.

[@ashbrea381]

The last story: Here's the thing, people kept saying he 'needed room to breathe/time to adjust' stepmom/sibs have been in his life since he was NINE. I get not wanting to be close, but saying such blatantly hurtful things means he NEEDS that therapy to figure out why he's so angry at the kids for something they have no control over.

[@Digitalfairy]

Yeah and it sounds the insular crowd of reddit, Shawna burt, Pragati Singh and Duff the duff didn't get the memo. They just hate any stepparent, stepsister etc either way for backwards narrow-minded reasons.

[@jennydrake491]

Forcing a 14-year-old to go to therapy against his wishes will be counterproductive. The stepmom and daughters should go to learn how to back off, and the dad should go to learn how to help his grieving son. Hint: Don't tease him about the keepsake he cherishes from his dead mom!

[@aaramccrory1987]

Why is the step-dad even fighting with his stepdaughter? He is the adult. He is in charge. Why is he feuding with a child?

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 3 NTA. I’d keep my girls away from this 15 year old who doesn’t care about the very lives of my girls. Doesn’t matter if he misses his mom and doesn’t like his new family, it’s f-ed up to say to younger children’s faces that he’d save an inanimate object over their lives because their lives mean nothing to them. A 15 year old should know not to make statements like that. He needs more than therapy as therapy hasn’t helped him not be a “I won’t care if you die, if it means my box is safe” creep Hopefully when he is older he regrets and feels guilty over telling his step siblings that their lives mean nothing and he’d rather then die than his box be destroyed

[@Digitalfairy]

Darn-darn right! I lost all sympathy for the insular psycho the moment he said that. If he wants to alone so badly with his "precious", then he won't mind if everyone gives him the law of ice: pay for his education, feed, house him but that's it.

[@ailinfergan]

My motto: just because you've been traumatized does not give you a free pass to act shitty

[@Colorbrush21]

Some people are born with certain character traits. You can blame environment, stepparents, bio parents, teachers, whatever. I could understand Lucas being so bitter if his stepmother had tried to make him call her mom but she seemed to respect him. She did not cross the boundaries he put up. He needs extreme therapy and, in his case, it may not work. Some people are born a certain way and you can't rehabilitate them.

[@amyyaku5022]

S2: NAH. The YTAs ignore the fact that he wasn't going to party but to support his brother (bachelor party but still) and he was only gone for 3 days. He wasn't just leaving her to her own devices while she suffered. OP was there to support her and even contacted her during the trip. Maybe it's just me but OP shouldn't have to drop his other family and priorities. At the same time, I could understand why she was upset. She just wanted her husband there for support.

[@NottyAries]

In normal times that would be ok. However, a miscarriage is devastating. It's the equivalent of a child dying. Depression is real and she was in a very vulnerable and bad place but he left. I guess it depends on how much the miscarriage impacts the non pregnant person.

[@toothless3835]

@@NottyAries Then she should've told him not to go. Not just ask. She said "go ahead." that's the most annoying part for me. don't be mad that they decide to do the thing you said they could go do. Maybe it's because I never want to have kids, so a miscarriage can be devastating to those who want the kid and relief to those who didn't. But depression I understand. and in my most significant downs, I don't want anyone around because I have a hard time crying with people around. And Sometimes, I just want to let things out and not have anyone around to see me because I don't want them to feel helpless. Because that's how I feel when someone's going through something I can do nothing about. I get some people want comfort, but you can't expect someone to know because even the most depressed person can pretend and a smile isn't always a smile but you can't know unless the person tells you.

[@NottyAries]

@@toothless3835 I agree. However, I've also had debilitating depression due to grief where asking for help or attention is hard as hell to do. Grief can change people temporarily and the guilt that comes with it, makes you feel like a burden.

[@noname-ip9xe]

@@NottyAriesboohoo? I have depression too, that’s my problem, the world doesn’t stop for us because we have depression.

[@stevebanner5609]

Story 1: you did absolutely the correct thing!

[@LEVAR20]

Story 3. I have a feeling that the kids try Lucas a lot to see the box. To the point Lucas had to start coming up with something that will get them to shut up. OP only hears one side of the conversations and just assumes that her daughters are innocent in everything.

[@Pyrieltmj]

Story 1: OP dodged a bullet with his entitled ex. She was using him and didn’t care about his wants or needs, only herself. ETA:NTA

[@TypicalTroglodyte]

Story 3: it sounds like he’s suffering from the mental turmoil of his mom and in turn it’s making him lack empathy. However, their son is on his way to being a young adult and needs to learn that taking out his pain on others will only leave him alone.

[@BW022]

Story 1: I'm fine with helping family and I might even consider it with a GF (although it's pushing it when you just moved in). However, what gets me with OP's family is that it's just an ask without answering the obvious questions and thinking it through. Like... 1. Why does she have to leave? Not, "I don't like my stepfather." 2. What other steps were taken? Counselling? Did she actually try to work through this? Did every other family member turn her down? Did you even ask? If so why? Where is bio-dad and his family? 3. Have the parents agreed to this? If so, let's talk to them, in person and why would they want their daughter living elsewhere. 4. Is the family willing to pay for this? If not, why not? Even without pay are they willing to actually provide non-direct financial support? 5. Have they solve all the practical issues with living here. Schools, supervision, medical insurance, permission, etc. 6. What is the alternative if OP isn't willing? And there is always an alterative -- someone else's, foster care, father's side of the family, friends, or sister lives somewhere else. 7. Who is this kid? Does she get good grades, willing to cook and clean, has a part time job, does after school programs, etc. or does she hang around on her phone and is disrespectful to her parents. 8. Have we taken steps to avoid the obvious -- 17-year-old girl with older sister's live in boyfriend. False allegations, refusing to adhere to curfews, out partying, rude, etc. Do we have an agreement what happens if that is good. 9. Why is sister willing to risk her relationship with OP over this? They are just moving in together, it is risky enough a new couple living together, let alone adding a teen to the mix. Are their family willing to accept the risks if this doesn't work out -- say only OP or only sister is on the lease and they sign a cohabitation agreement that OP can request they leave and/or leave them on short notice. etc., etc. Honestly, I do more planning taking my dog to a boarding kennel than GF and her family does on moving a minor into an apartment with GF's boyfriend.

[@beatapogorzelska1241]

Maybete sister had some similar issues with the stepdad too and now wanted to show him the middle finger this way as soon as she thought she got a sucker to pay for it.

[@tmedvick]

We only received one point of view from the guy who didn't want to support his GF. He's looking forward to being single and wasn't looking to join a family.

[@ilovesports5468]

Story 1: She thought she had a sucker…lol… I know she’s mad she lost her meal ticket

[@TwilightMysts]

Story one, what immediately came to mind when I heard the sister was 17 was another reddit story where a guy had his partner's daughter accused him of SA to get him out of the picture in hopes that her mom and dad would get closer again. The guy was lucky in that it was cleared up in a few hours, but even then there is still the potential for reputational damage. And if it isn't cleared up in a few hours then it can have catastrophic consequences for the guy. Back to this story, the GF asking for this is basically the GF asking OP to play russian roulette with the little sister holding the gun. Maybe if I knew the little sister for a couple years, but with where OP is likely at in the relationship, there is no way I would say yes.

[@parlerdisscuteretsameliore6005]

Story 2: NTA He didn’t know what he could do to help her, probably thought some space from him to grieve would be for her and as a rule men are very literal, they’ll take “I don’t care if you go” as “I don’t care if you go” on face value, they don’t respond to passive aggression. Yes, he probably should have known better, and yes, we would all be hurt if our partners left us at that moment, but I completely understand his logic and his position isn’t one of malice, he couldn’t fix it so he removed himself from the situation thinking it would help after she gave him a verbal go ahead that he took at her word. He’s not an AH, just misinformed and naive.

[@zarpof3811]

17:05 Mark is showing how he buys into the bias portrayal of men, "men are bumbling idiots and it's the boyfriend's fault he didn't understand the girlfriend". Communication is a 2 way street, neither party communicated effectively until it was too late. The couple apologized to each other because there was a breakdown between their communication, it's not default the boyfriend's fault.

[@ilikeswords5877]

Bruh. All he said was "what does she have to apologize for"? How is that translated to you as "men are bumbling idiots"? Also, of course it's not default the boyfriend's fault, no one said that. But in this case it is the boyfriend's fault. He left her when she was in a very vurnerable state for a party. And it wasn't like she did the whole "im fine, but in reality i'm not" kind of thing. She did tell him two times that she wanted him to stay and he didn't listen, and in the comments op said that she said: "I don't care just go", which as the other comments explained was her gave up because op wouldn't listen. Could she have pleaded one last time for him to stay? Maybe. But considering the hotel and was not refundable some thing tells me that wouldn't cange his mind either way.

[@Cynthea_Lee]

@@ilikeswords5877 You can't say "do what ever you want" and then be ticked off that the person "did what ever you want" If the GF had simple stated "I can not emotionally deal with this alone right now I need you to stay" there would have possibly been a different outcome. The "party" was the bachelor party for his brother that had been set up for longer than she was preg, everything paid for in advance, as a female I would have told him to go, and gone to stay with my mom or sister if I still needed the emotional support.

[@toothless3835]

@@Cynthea_Lee Yeah. this. don't tell someone they can do a thing and expect them to know that's not what you mean. It's really annoying. I'm going to take what you say at face value because that's what I give people too. I'm a woman and I never expected people to just know when I want them to do the opposite of what I'm saying. Because that's very high school to me.

[@sherrygibbs7547]

If those poor kids are still forced to go to the stepsons/brothers games, they might start cheering for the other team (@ worst), boo their bro, or totally ignore the game (play on their devices), at best. Also, after this comment, if there were to be some emergency, where the 15 yo was hurt/unconscious/@ risk, would any of the other lids bother/try to help him out or risk their own lives, for him?!?!? I hope the young man can finally open up to someone and start processing the grief over the loss of his mom (nothing was said as to the circumstances of her loss, in regards to the boy). I hope he isn't (becoming) some kind of a psychopath.

[@ilovesports5468]

Story 2: NTA. What’s he supposed to do? Sit at home moping around forever? He needs to still live his life. Plus it was his BROTHER’S event….

[@mythogenesis4788]

It was a stag party. Those are JUST parties. Usually big and expensive parties, but parties still. There is no cermemonial requirement that says they both need to be there. Also, do you know what a miscarriage entails? I really hope you don’t for you to say that. Sometimes it’s lethal. Sometimes there is blood and tissue literally falling out of you. Add to that it happens seemingly at random and to many would-be new mothers (especially woth the pregnancy hormones at their peak) who were hoping for the child, the emotional fallout like losing their infant in a terrible accident where they were at the wheel. Would you leave your partner after an accident where their child died and they had to go to the emergency room for surgery for a party?

[@stoneman8387]

Story 1: MY HOME IS MY CASTLE!

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

Story 1: FINALLY a guy who did the right thing. Ex GF missed out on a good man. In 3 years, she's going to be filled with regret and complaining on social media about how all men are garbag€.

[@doctordetroit1217]

If he had gotten a bigger place to house the sister, guaranteed the next thing to happen would be her moving her boyfriend in, he as bad a very lucky escape!

[@doctordetroit1217]

*Had not bad!

[@Jaxycle]

Yesss time for my daily stories 😎😎😎

[@zachanikwano]

Honestly as long as the sister isn't being abused, and the situation isn't too taxing on her mental health, AND they do some therapy or have a family talk, she should be fine. Take this as an opportunity to learn conflict management and tolerating your "roommate" as it were.

[@joimumu]

Agree when she move out she has to know how to live with other people

[@kirstenredfield8216]

I'm gonna go unpopular for story #2 and say NAH. I'm so sorry for their loss, I've had 2 miscarriages myself and a third possible one that I'm not sure about, and it's devastating and traumatic to be sure. However, the trip was planned way before and it was two weeks after the miscarriage, not the next day. It was his brother's bachelor party which in theory should be a once in a lifetime event that op would want to be there for. Now if it was the next day or two that he was supposed to leave for the trip, then yes I would say cancel and stay but it was a couple weeks. The gf was 22. I don't mean to sound critical but her immaturity in communicating really shows, it's a horrible situation but she couldn't articulate to op why she wanted him to stay with her, especially in a way op could understand. Another possible issue is gf over-relying on op for support, does she have no family or friends to lean on? The story doesn't say. I don't really think either party was in the wrong I think it was just a lot of missing communication and misunderstanding.

[@tmedvick]

You would be on the right side of history. There's a reason they apologized to each other. AS I'm sure you know those periods of grief after a miscarriage are brutal and communicating through those difficult times is so hard. I have been through three as a husband and they are brutal and can be brutal on both partners. I do not like that OP did not address if he had arranged care for his GF for that weekend, but I agree with you.

[@jennydrake491]

I agree with you as someone who's been through miscarriages.

[@DezGrowSpot]

I'm a man and I agree with you. She was indirect with him and punished him for her indirectness. NTA

[@paigeknight5844]

I was looking for a comment like this because I was feeling the same way. Like i get it's tragic and everything but what did she expect him to do during those 3 days? If it was like the next day or less than a week I get it but at the end of the day, life moves on. Imagine if years later the regret he might feel missing out on this once in a lifetime moment with his brother. Like this wasn't a friend, this was his brother.

[@cheergiver]

I think she was very passive aggressive, and she could have handled 3 days alone especially since it didn’t happen the night before. I don’t entirely blame her, as she’s probably dealing with emotional hormones after the fact. But being more direct would have been much better.

[@MsTemptation]

S1: NTA. Good on op for not allowing his girlfriend to manipulate him into doing something that he’s not comfortable doing. I guarantee that had he acquiesced to the demands of his girlfriend, her sister would have become a permanent resident of his home.

[@hoper1294]

The dad is the AH in the last story. The stepson is 15. His mom died at age 5. Which means his half brother was born when he was 10. I have a feeling he is lashing out because of his father. His ex wife is dead and he makes remarks like that over something she left for THEIR son?

[@helianabanes4875]

OP absolutely KNEW his girlfriend didn't want him to go. Eff him.

[@jennifersilves4195]

Oh my... poor gf op2. She's going to have to struggle like this every single time.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

Story 1: I think it’s NTA. It’s asking a lot, and it’s more to the boyfriend’s expense than the girlfriend. I understand why the girlfriend wants her sister to move in, but it’s not an emergency. It would have made more sense for her to ask, but not demand. Story 2: he took “I don’t care just go” at face value. Like that is clearly her being frustrated that he doesn’t understand what she’s going through at all. And when he was explaining that he didn’t understand what she expected him to do if he stayed. Does he not understand how to comfort someone he loves when they’re grieving. You don’t have to do much, just be there with them.

[@geckokid8265]

Story 1: I'm pleasantly surprised by Reddit, a load of comments giving actual advice instead of just "break up"

[@myrabeth77]

It's been two weeks, and she can't stand to be on her own for a weekend she's known for while was coming (and thus could have planned company for)? Sounds to me like she needs a professional, not a boyfriend. There's literally nothing he can do for her except lose the money he invested in the trip... Because she wants him to sit near her amd do nothing, instead? GF isn't reasonable.

[@anthonym6119]

This whole situation was a blessing in disguise if he was already living together and she pulled this move breaking up would be much harder.

[@noname-ip9xe]

Story 2 NTA, The world doesn’t stop for her just because she’s upset, the plans were already there and it’s not just some party, this is Ops brother, she could literally go to anyone else for support she’s selfish.

[@cpaul9269]

story 1 - not only is this totally inappropriate, but they will also have to be parents to this girl as well - keeping tabs on her coming and going, etc. This is totally unfair to OP, especially since OP and his GF haven't ever lived together before. If this breaks the relationship, then so be it. it's better than the disasters that could occur if the sister 1. refuses to abide by rules, 2, accuses OP of any kind of harassment or abuse, 3. refuses to move out after high school...etc., etc. GF is way out of line here.

[@mikehilbert9349]

Story 1: This was the plan from the start for her. She was just trying to use OP.

[@sabrinahinton1774]

Story 2 NTA I have had 2 miscarriages and 2wks after the experience i wasn't expecting my partner to stop his life because i had to grieve in my own way. And i especially wouldn't want to him to put off his plans because it was something that was planned before this traumatic experience happened. And the only thing i wanted to do is cry and be alone. Being an adult means you communicate what you really want not what you think a person wants to hear. If you tell a person to go how can you get mad when they take you on it. Story 3) Leave the kid alone he lost his mom and they still have theirs. If he did lash out thats all the memories he have of his mom. He miss his mom he 15 your adults. I think the stepmom needs to back off and let him grieve in his own way and he see a family environment something he probably doesn't remember and he not knowing to handle his feelings is just misdirecting his hurt and its come out as angry.

[@emcustard]

Story 2: Man, I didn't realize my opinion would be against the grain. NTA. His brother is getting married, of course he should go support him! Yes, gf just went through a traumatic event, but he HAS been supportive. Does she not have any family or friends that could be a support network for the 3 days he's gone? Summer of 2020, I went to a funeral on Friday and my brother's wedding the very next day. I was still heartbroken. Here was this wonderful girl who would never graduate, never go to her friends' weddings or have a wedding herself, but I put that aside to be happy for my brother.

[@TheNormExperience]

“Lucas argued that he didn’t need therapy just because he doesn’t care about us or our lives doesn’t mean there is something wrong with him.” No…but his need to constantly remind everyone how he’d happily let them die DOES. Not caring means not bothering with someone. It doesn’t mean constantly reminding them how unbothered you are if they were killed…see the difference?

[@zard5930]

The takes in story 3 are wild. Loosing a parent as a child is an absolute cruel fate, there is no doubt about it. His father tried to help him cope, e.g. getting him therapy. So we have a new family system that came together at most 6 years ago, not immediatelly after the traumatic parting, there is time between that and they took their time to go from dating to being married, and that was helped along by therapy, too. Boundaries were set for the younger step siblings as to not pressure the step son about his precious box and by what was said, OP seemed to have nipped such behaviour in the bud, which is nice. And still the stepson is intentionally cruel behind his parents back. Not only that, he is holding onto his grief and chosing to not let it go. By carrying around the box the whole time, he puts his grief into focus. He uses the box not as a remembrance, but he uses it to separate him from the rest of his family. And this is were all of this goes into the not okay territory, not even starting onto his repeated and intentionally cruel comments. He knows what he is doing is wrong, if not he would not hide it from the parents. Step son is not coping well, he is doing his best to not cope at all and therapy was naught it seems. Which happens, therapy needs the patient to be willing to change and/or work through stuff. But his denial should not be on his siblings nor on his parents. OP chose correctly to protect their younger children against his lashing out. Her husband did nothing wrong in moving on and finding a new partner. But he needs to protect all his children, that includes protecting his children from the eldest lashing out. Step son is old enough to understand that actions have consequences, but the younger siblings do not understand why it is okay for step son to say such cruel things to them, but since they didn't "tattle" they know that step son has a special place in the family due to his grief. That's why OP needs to protect their children and husband needs to step up in helping her. Forcing the son into therapy again might not work, but there are other things mentioned like getting a lock for the box or putting the box in a safe so he cannot use it to hurt others, but knows it is safe and protected, are possibilities that should be discussed with a professional. But what is important that the step son isn't allowed to bully and hurt his siblings anymore.He can dislike them as much as he wants to. He does not need to love them or form a close bond with them, but he needs to respect them as human beings that will continue to live with him at least until he moves out.

[@thomascarlton82]

Story 1, well done op... well done

[@hothotheat3000]

Story 1: don’t bother unblocking her, OP. There’s nothing else to discuss. It’s over. She disrespected you.

[@albertgongora6944]

Alright with that story update I'm not going to lie the original poster really needs to get it through his head that his ex was not a good person to begin with because if she really was she would have not disregarded his feelings about this whole entire situation or even his comfort but the fact that she doubled down and acted as if there was no choice indeed had to give in to her demands to begin with then to me those are not the traits of a good person those are the traits of a controlling narcissist that wants it their way and I think the only reason that the original poster thinks she was a good person it's because she betrayed herself in that way to him and that's the part he still sees her as Plus on top of that I don't see how he doesn't find it suspicious that immediately she wanted to move in with him so quickly that's the biggest red-flag here most of all about the X that he's not seeing as well but rather than that I wish nothing but the best for the original poster and glad that you know like I said before they really dodged a bullet by breaking up with this person

[@beatapogorzelska1241]

The definition of "a good person" or not is very broad."She isn't a bad person " here means she doesn't steal, cheat or maliciously conspire against OP which seems to be true. On the other hand. she isn't really a good person who shouldn't be disrespectful and entitled.

[@Stuart267]

Simple solution. Dump the girlfriend when she's trying to guilt you into taking on more responsibility than your comfortable with. If she loved & respected you she'd respect your decision. This one clearly doesn't

[@1911odisea]

Story 2: OP is absolutely not the asshole. 1. Hello? He also suffers from the abortion? It was his kid? If she wanted to leave on a short trip, nobody would have a problem. 2. If she can't communicate clearly, that's her problem.

[@noname-ip9xe]

Not just that, but the world doesn’t stop for her, also she can go to anyone else, she’s miserable and wanted op to be miserable as well.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 3- I would hold off judgment until I heard from the SS. Something is telling me there's a lot of missing info being left out from her kids' behavior towards him and his keepsake box. And for him to be that attached to it when his father is full on making another family, there has to be some timeline issues with how the Dad handled everything.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Before the update I'm firmly NTA. The sister doesn't even live with GF already. There's no abuse, just a teen not liking living with her parents. Most of us would prefer to live with a sibling vs their parents. This is a nearly adult, not a small child or GF's daughter. After the update OP made the right decision. She wanted OP to fully support her sister. She flipped the script at the last minute.

[@dementedqueen4392]

Story 1 - Before the updates I was screaming 'Do not let her [17 year old] live with you!' It is rather sad he threw away a 3 year relationship. It sounded like she started backtracking because she realized she could NOT control him. I don't know, I'm all over the place with this one. I'm very glad OP said no to her moving in and he stood his ground but I'm wondering if in the final update, where he said he would talk to her when she calmed down, they came to a mutual agreement again and got back together. Story 2 - I think we're not stepping back and looking at the whole picture. OP was in a relationship where it would be childfree. She got pregnant and lost the child. I don't think he was being particularly sensitive on the subject because he didn't care about the child, being insensitive to the part where she had a miscarriage though. People who want to remain childfree do not want children, right? But then he kept asking if it was okay to go. She said yes and then no when he went to leave. When Mark asked why she apologized was probably because she realized after her grieving process was waning that she hadn't thought things through properly enough and had a knee-jerk reaction (moving out, etc). It sounds like she wants the relationship now that she's more clearheaded. I think they both acted rather strangely about the whole thing. So who the F knows what they plan on doing. I just feel like we shouldn't forget about the childfree aspect and that OP didn't think it was that big of a thing. That being said, many people who grieve while pushing away their loved ones, always regret what they did when they see more clearheaded and apologize and things resume as before. Story 3 - I heard this story on another channel and I'll say it again. Lucas needs help. OP needs to keep Lucas away (or at least not let him be alone for too long) with the other children. What he says is straight up cold and not to be ignored or OP will have a bigger problem than a grieving boy. I would be worried Lucas would put his siblings into a situation where he would not help them. But then, I don't just listen to semi-fake stories on Reddit but I actually read the news and kids killing kids is a real thing.

[@beatapogorzelska1241]

Story 1 My bet is that the sisters are alike in personality department that's why she can't get along with her stepfather.OP's ex is selfish and pig-headed which may be not so obvious while dating when there aren't any serious issues to face up to.It's good for OP to avoid moving in together as their relationship wouldn't last anyway and living with a leeching flatmate was in the cards.

[@rodrigorecio7715]

Story 3 the husband should say I’m not going to pay for kids that are not mine 😂😂

[@fcold9402]

Girlfriend, not wife. You have no family obligation, so NTA. Now the only question is Do you want to keep the girlfriend? If you do then you will likely have to give in. If it were me I would tell the girlfriend she and her sister can get their own place to share, but you are only looking for one new roommate.

[@celinelovell4725]

Same why did she apologize he should have said she accepted my apology

[@2GMen]

S1: YTA S2: YTA S3: NTA. Stepson is a sociopath towards his stepmother, stepsisters and half-brother; he doesn’t just need therapy, he might need institutionalization

[@danishaussie63]

S1: Ahhhhhhh..... when the relationship gods clearly step in and stop you from making a huge mistake, love it. Sure saved a lot of drama had it gone through. Now... go have some fun .🥳

[@jerriewyatt905]

Last story.. People who think young children who lose a parent very young can get over it and forget the parent and the love they felt.. they’re so,so, wrong.. my husband was 8 years old when his father died from cancer.. his mom remarried when he was 11..he was fortunate that his stepdad was a good dad to him and his older brother.. he never forgot his dad.. talked about him a lot.. he dearly loved his stepdad, but his brother always resented him..My husband asked his stepdad if he could call him dad and of course he was thrilled, but never once forced.. never tried to be the only father my husband had..

[@MydieLy]

"I don't care, just go..." yeeouch, that was definitely not to be taken at face value. She was just tired of being loaded with logical Arguments (i.e "the trip is non refundable" ) while she was sending an emotional support request without getting an answer. They talked on totally different communication levels and she was tired of him not realizing it

[@Grace_x68]

S1 Wow GF is super unreasonable

[@jacquimaclennan3254]

My concern would be how long would it take the sister to decide OP is the asshole? Nope, nope, nope not happening.

[@SingingMermaid4]

Story 3: NTA but that kid is uh---he's gonna be on a watchlist. He willingly threatens little kids, cannot imagine what he says at school. Grief aside, that is not normal behavior for a 15 year old.