Gave All My Inheritance To My Dad So He Can Retire Instead Of Paying Off Husbands Debt r/AITA

[@caitofga]

Not taking worker’s comp while injured is like not taking cholesterol medicine if you need it. It’s not heroic and that last commentor had hit right.

[@notoriousd.i.g.87]

Story 1: OP could have invested some of that money and let it grow over time. A 7 figure inheritance could quite easily build greatly over time, to the point where by the time her dad was 50 or 65, they could pay for him to retire and still have a shit ton left over to take care of herself and her partner. They're TA for being so irresponsible with such a life changing amount of money.

[@brigidtheirish]

As alternate_geography pointed out, she and her dad seem to suffer from short-sightedness.

[@jp-fk5ke]

@@brigidtheirish especially because the dad didnt take workers compensation when he actually needed. There is a quote that I've heard before "you will never on your deathbed thinking that you should've worked more." And also she basically gave her grandfather's money to people he probably never knew since the father seems like the kind of person who would work until his last breath which would mean the wife and kids will get it and also why are do they have 3 kids if they cant afford it.

[@rolandhansen812]

I agree. The money was OPs to do with as she pleased so I would have to say she wasn't an A-hole but she was an idiot. It was a kindness for OP to want to give her dad an early retirement but she will likely need that $$ for her and her hubby's retirement, house, children etc etc. There's an old saying "Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm" She just burned her & her spouse's financial future because she wanted to help her dad. Now both she and hubby will need to struggle to become debt free. Invest it and then later help dad when he's actually ready to retire. Unless you gave him multi-millions of $$ it will likely not be enough to support him & his family for the next 40 to 50 years.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@jp-fk5ke No kidding. I grew up poor and Dad sometimes, in his darker moments, beat himself up for his 'failure' to provide. The rest of the time he understood that he chose spending time with his family over killing himself for a paycheck. We could do without most material things. We couldn't do without *Dad.* Also, I'm the oldest of *four.* By a lot of metrics, my parents couldn't 'afford' us, but we got by.

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

@@rolandhansen812 Absolutely. Even putting it into some conservative mutual funds (lower return but lower risk when the market is volatile), would have earned a pretty penny in interest and dividends. And use at least SOME of it to pay off even part of her husband’s student loan debt. That kind of money is the gift that keeps on giving , IF YOU’RE SMART ABOUT IT. Which OP clearly wasn’t.

[@cjb2749]

Story 1: I just... I can't believe the father even took all that money... putting myself in his shoes is relatively easy, because I could definitely see my daughter trying to do something like that for me, and I know exactly how it would play out: I would cry, hug her, tell her how proud I am that she's such an amazing person, and promptly refuse to take the money. She would cry too, tell me why it's important to her that I keep it, and refuse to take it back. Then we would end up doing my absolute favorite thing, which is to compromise. I would accept a small portion as a gift, but I could NEVER take all of her inheritance. No way. And as soon as I asked how her husband feels about this decision of hers, and she told me that she didn't give him a choice, we would have a long conversation where I remind her that you don't make unilateral decisions in a partnership, and then I'd go over what I taught her growing up about communication and healthy relationships, just to make sure that she hasn't lost sight of the most important components. I just can't even wrap my head around her father simply accepting the money. What happens if his wife starts blowing it? Or divorces him? I hope he at least put a large chunk of it in an interest bearing account with a plan to ultimately return it to his daughter...

[@serpentinewolf7085]

Spot on. I’d never take my little siblings money (third parent). But I’d be so proud.

[@PrincessAshley-Kawaii]

unless OP plans to yeet the husband, and didnt want to deal with splitting her inheritence. Due to him being "bad"

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Story 3: Do people not understand that the sister giving her the wedding dress at cost means she’s isn’t making money on that dress? She’s giving her the dress for what she pays for it. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Ospyro3em]

First story- I understand why OP felt her Dad deserved to retire early, but it feels this goal of hers blinded her to everything else. While I want to commend her for caring about her dad so much, I feel this decision was very single minded and short sighted.

[@Flufferz626]

My retired father would never let me do that. I "paid" for his hotel when he visited me 2 weeks ago (he was staying a week and my husband and I discussed this) to reserve it for him online. Found out he asked the hotel to switch the card to his card and paid for it lol. "Save it for yourselves" he told me.

[@catherineholt1149]

in my opinion no one is an AH but OP and the father do have to stop being short sighted about this. given the figure she can have her cake and eat it so to speak

[@mkuti-childress3625]

@@catherineholt1149 Shortsighted is the key word here! Even if everything goes well with her father, every time she and her husband have a financial hit-which they will- she will hear about it from her husband, if he actually sticks around.

[@KaiserShield]

She more stupid then a AH in my opinion. 7 figures isn't enough to retire at 40 with a wife and mutiple kids to care for. One medical disaster will wipe those funds out completely. Not counting whatever support their need for college. And this all is assuming the wealth isn't wasted on crap or poor decision making.

[@Ospyro3em]

@@KaiserShield agreed, that's why I didn't give a judgement in my comment. I wouldn't call her an AH, just didn't think it through very well

[@riceracm]

8:00 I can’t believe OP’s father is _willing_ to take that much money from his own child….⁉️ OP may not be thinking rationally of her own future, but the father certainly should, unless he’s _not_ that altruistic…🤔🤨

[@adambartlett114]

Not remotely altruistic, he's a vulture manipulating her into sacrificing herself to fund her dad's & dad's new family's lifestyle. No decent dad will ever accept such a sacrifice. It's even worse that dad & the new family aren't even related to OP's granddad. It's his ex wife's father & the granddad explicitly gave it to his granddaughter, not his waste of space daughter's ex husband. I bet the old guy is rolling over in his grave at what his granddaughter did. Heck, he probably would never have given it to her if he knew what she would do. He probably tell OP's husband to run screaming if still alive.

[@eljay1980]

@Riceracm I came down to the comments to see if anyone else had thought of this and it seems not many have (so far you're the first I've seen). If I were in OP's position, then of course I would want to help my father however I know he would not accept the help without making sure that my own future was financially stable and I had money set aside for things like medical bills, savings, emergency fund, etc. OP could easily have shared a seven figure inheritance with her father, whilst also ensuring her own future stability with her husband. I do question the fathers morals that he was so willing to take such a huge sum of money from his ex father in law via his daughter in the form of her inheritance to fund his new life with his new family while he sits at home without needing to work, all the while his daughter is having to work hard for everything she wants when it should in fact be the OP who is in the position her father is in now... where does OP fit into the fathers new life other than funding it? I can definitely see why OP's husband is upset, it's a life changing sum of money, she made a life changing decision for someone else when she could have at least talked about it with her husband and I personally think this would make me stop and consider just how valuable I and our marriage is to her. Something with this just doesn't sit right with me.

[@riceracm]

@@eljay1980 girl, I’m right there with you about all that…. Granted, my dad would have done the _exact_ same thing as OPs dad apparently did, he wouldn’t think twice about permanently screwing me over, in fact, he would be giddy with delight that _he_ was taken care of…. And if in the future I needed money for something critical, he would probably charge me interest to borrow back some of the money I gifted him (or use it to try to get me to allow him access to my children for his own evil purposes…). But my _mom_ would never dream of taking something from me that could possibly hurt my future, and I’m eternally grateful I had at least the one good and loving parent!

[@eljay1980]

@@riceracm I'm sorry to hear your Dad is like that, but so so glad that you have a fantastic Mom to help you live your best life! You and your Mom living your lives and not letting him hold you back is the best thing you can do, and it's having that kind of support we need in life. Financing someone doesn't guarantee they will respect or care about your future, and I just hope OP doesn't need to find that out the hard way one day!

[@riceracm]

@@adambartlett114 Yeah the whole situation is maddening…I wish someone could talk some sense into OP…..or maybe, just maybe, OP wrote her account right before her father called her to say he could never take all that from her, and that he wants her to use it first for her family….It’s doubtful, but here’s hoping! 🤞

[@johnnagustafson9996]

Wedding dress story.... To the commenter that said OP was trying to make a buck off her sister.... OP offered a dress "at cost", which means OP would make any money from the dress. Which is a huge deal.

[@DerekScottBland]

OP would actually lose money once you factor in paying employees or taking her own time to assist the bride while she was trying on dressses.

[@cbailey009]

I just think that the sister just got excited when she saw the dress she liked and just bought it without even thinking about it. She might've totally just forgot about op out of excitement and ment nothing by it. But idk

[@johnnagustafson9996]

@@cbailey009 I agree that could be the case. I just object to the commenter that was making a profit issue of it.

[@brigidtheirish]

It honestly feels like a "straw that broke the camel's back" scenario. I want more details on how the half-sister hurt their mom, why the half-sister argued with their mom over the house *the mom* bought *for the half-sister,* and how it got so bad most of the family went *no contact* with the half-sister.

[@Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs.]

The OP's husband in the first story will walk out. I'm sure of it. Every little financial struggle they have from now on, every time he looks at his loans, he's going to remember that it could have been avoided/she could have helped with. There'll be a major blow-out between the two of them pretty soon.

[@ineedhoez]

Divorce worthy.

[@Jogeta5]

OP in story 1 should have put that money into investing, that was a lot of money which could have been increased. The father is only in his 40s, the increased amount could have eventually helped both OP's family and her father's.

[@brigidtheirish]

Yeah. Or something. OP means well, but her husband's debts kinda become *her* debts (and vice versa) with marriage and that's a *bit* more urgent.

[@CocoCece08]

@@brigidtheirish Exactly what OP isn't getting. When I married my husband, I ended up with HIS $7k debt. If i had that million, I'd have paid that off first.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@CocoCece08 Exactly. I'm single, so if I got a windfall like that, I'd pay off all my parent's debts, help out my siblings, and *then* focus on me, but *I'm single.* I'm also *nearly 40* and the oldest of my siblings. OP is *married* and in her *20s.*

[@jp-fk5ke]

Really if the OP had put that money into some stocks that pay dividends the conservative estimate would be an additional 30k a year in income

[@ComaLies225]

Even if she’s not investing, the least she could do is put it in a time deposit/cd accounts where it can gain interest. Sure it’s nice to let her dad retire but her dad also has another family and that money will run out sooner than expected

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Ouch. Story 1- I would have to say OP is TA for not contributing to their own future. Although I understand why OP wants to help their dad. My mum raised me through the loss of my brother, and my (now late) alcoholic fathers abuse. If I came into 7 figures, I would most certainly make sure my mum never wanted anything ever again. However, I would also invest in my own future. I don't have kids (and won't be having any) so I would also invest in my niece and nephews futures.

[@Russman67]

I loved my mom who just passed. I would have loved to have got her retired when she was in her 40s-50s. But to do so without setting my family up for the future would be reckless. And making the decision unilaterally doesn't make for smooth sailing in the marriage. True it's not the husband's money but she can't tell if she'd need it in the future or if it will be squandered by dad and his new family.

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

I agree completely, and I feel it's in poor taste for the father to let his daughter sacrifice her (and her potential children's) future, all to support his wife and their 3 kids. If her dad is so bad off physically, why doesn't he become the SAHP and let the wife work? As a mom, I just feel it's not kosher. Unless my son was doing so well, with constant income coming in so he would never have a worry, then I couldn't in good conscience take his money. I have a disability that will drastically cut my life short, he's in his 20's, I know he would like to help, but my main concern right now is to just make sure he is prepared for the end, and that there is a smooth transition to have my assets transferred to him. It feels like OP'S dad should have, at the least, insisted she keep half for her future needs: what parent wants to thrive at their child's expense?? Also, my sincerest condolences for the loss of your mother. I can't imagine how painful that must be.

[@kerridwynntheacegoblin6465]

That poor cat. Imagine having a mistress like that.

[@andrear7550]

Okay I fully understand op's position to want to help their dad. However, he can't realistically retire in his 40's while still having younger kids with his new wife, he's still going to have to work for some time. This is just the reality of life. There is no way he can make it through to his old age on whatever money op gives him, unless it's quite a large sum and with strict budgeting and no one else to care for but himself.

[@RosensDragon2140]

Apparently from the comments it was in the millions. So if the father manages it correctly it can last the rest of his life. But also at that sum OP could have split it and BOTH families would have been financially stable. They made a brash decision and now the money is gone. If their dad died tomorrow in a car accident the step-mom and half siblings now have a 7 figure total and she could just remarry and cut OP off. It was a huge, short sighted ahole move to not discuss this with their husband and may break their marriage. Because honestly it's troubling being tied to someone who doesn't think through how to handle large sums of money.

[@PowerControl]

@@RosensDragon2140 If her father is as good with money as she is, or as good he is with his body, this sum will not be sufficient.

[@mimiNana-yi4cy]

she stated that if he manages it well he should be ok but if he doesn't she will be there to pick up the pieces. Her husband needs to cut and run now. they will, forever, be supporting her father and his second family. OP needs to face reality. She is married, and her first priority is the family she is making with her husband. It is not her responsibility to support her step mother and half siblings. Her father chose to remarry and have more kids, that is not her job to support them. What a food she was

[@robertx8020]

OP is an AH and not very bright . Just giving millions away and leaving her husband in debts? That money could have been used for her future and kids? What a stupid thing to do!

[@teresayeates3437]

@@robertx8020 Husband got those debts with no expectation of inheritance. That debt is his and the love of the daughter for the incredibly devoted dad is amazing. The husband could have walked after she paid his debts.

[@catte.]

Maybe a hot take on story 1 but I'd be interested to know what the father thinks? I'd think that a good parent would never ever accept that kind of money from their child if it meant their child would loose out in the long run, which OP will if we're being realistic here.

[@CocoCece08]

Even my mom (passed away 10 years ago) wouldn't accept it! She'd have said, "Honey, maybe about 200 bucks a month for me would be wonderful. Keep it for you and your husband."

[@brigidtheirish]

OP said he didn't like the idea but did accept the money.

[@Drezha3]

Story one: i actually commented on this post. I said op was TA because of her decision to unilaterally give the entirety of her inheritance to her dad with no regard for any situation that the money may have helped with. And the fact that it was seven figures.

[@CocoCece08]

Right? I'd have helped my husband (less debt means better future and less stress on him) first, then split it up. She should have married her dad, since she loves him more.

[@damien678]

S3, yeah nah, sis was TA. Family businesses are no joke, and that's a genuine slight against your own sibling. It's not like OP was her twice-removed cousin or something. Christ. That's literally sis saying she doesn't give a F*** about OP, her livelihood, and her future. Why should she go to the wedding, after that?

[@missveeta8872]

Story 1: oh my gooooodnesss. Giving all that money away when you have so much debt? Pay the debt first, talk to your hubby about giving the rest away (or some of it) and use your improved economical situation to grow your own wealth and put you in a better position to help family in the future.

[@moonheems3558]

Especially cause its maternal side inheritance and dad was divorced from the mom. So giving moms sides money to daddy

[@teresayeates3437]

@@moonheems3558 Not divorced, widowed.

[@teresayeates3437]

@@melodyharpole8272 And if she paid husbands debts, which he chose to take on, and the husband leaves, then what?

[@TsukiKageTora]

It’s not her debt. It’s the husband’s debt.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@melodyharpole8272 he is choosing to be upset his wife didn’t give him money on debt he had chosen to do when before he married her. Fuck that. Why would she give her inheritance to a man who didn’t budget well enough to be still in debt from school? And people see debt loans of 10k+ and are like “yikes. That’s a lot.” Not as much as a car payment. Cars can cost from 300+ a month, my debt from college costs 80 a month. They could budget their income that way, but to demand her spend her inheritance the way he wants? He is the asshole. NOT her.

[@sablemoreno5095]

I'm saying nta for the last story. Purely because the sister didn't have the common courtesy to at least inform Op that there wasn't anything that she liked at her store and was looking elsewhere before actually getting a dress. (I personally would be HELLA pissed if family did that to me, mainly when I'm starting up because even if its family and at cost it's a boost of confidence and a 'I can do this' ; family members have done this with my mom but it was a side hobby thing so while she was annoyed it wasn't the same as if it was her main job and she didn't rely on it as the OP does) I feel it's not so much the dress itself in this but the final straw situation, and the dress just happens to be the embodiment of all the minor resentment for her sister's previous actions. Also it's like "I'm offering you a huge favor where there's nothing in it for me, and you spit on my kindness but not at least giving me the grace of denying my offer until after you've already disrespected me and our relationship". (I haven't seen the Godfather, but from what I know of the famous line and the sentiment behind it, it's similar to that I think, without all the mob boss crime)

[@DerekScottBland]

And we don't even know that was the case, that there was nothing she liked. OP sounded like she could order pretty much anything sister wanted. Sister could have called and said "hey, I found this dress I really like, can you get it?"

[@shells500tutubo]

OP's sister did her a favor, because you KNOW she was going to be demanding and have all sorts of problems and may have ultimately demanded to return the dress and be reimbursed for it.

[@civivva4501]

Million Dollar inheritance!!! CAN WE GET THE MONEY BACK??!!

[@amygarcia3729]

Story 2: Good thing Op is leaving the roomate! What the roomate was doing is so wrong! I just got a puppy yesterday after years of wanting one, and would never think about leaving him with someone who made it clear they don't want him. That roomate sounds like they are 3 wanting something and crying to get their way.

[@briansmaller7443]

Cat story - the main thing as the assumption it was"our" cat when it was painfully obviously OP didn't consider the cat theirs at all. NTA.

[@justinbullock6042]

Story one: I'd bet money the dad was never home due to affairs, and was a martyr narc that trained OP to feel eternally indebted for all of his sacrifices.

[@ineedhoez]

Yup. The reason he had to work two jobs is because he was too stupid to get an education/learn a trade that would allow him to have a career that supported a family. A person who is 50 years old and still doing backbreaking work because they haven't figured out how to invest in their future, is going to blow that money

[@kiratheangeloflove3124]

Story 2: Wow, what kinda roommate... My roommate have a dog and 2 two cats. Every time he have to go somewhere (family or his boyfriend) he always ask me if it okay and I know he actually asking: Do you mind looking after the animals? I mostly say yes, but he's fully aware if I say no, I mean it and don't keep asking.

[@gaylenewood7707]

I bet you spoil those pets while he's away huh??

[@WoodlandT]

The inheritance story is so painful. They most likely paid double taxes on that huge sum by doing it the way she did. If she had setup a trust with the amount her father would’ve kept after taxes and had it payout the maximum giftable amount to all eligible members of her father’s household each year, he’d eventually have it all. And she could’ve kept the portion her father would’ve had to pay in taxes to pay off her husband’s debts and possibly have lots leftover. Everyone would’ve been sorted out. She really should’ve hired a financial advisor.

[@sylphiongamer8201]

"Whether he was sick or had broken ribs, he went to work." "Didn't ask for workers compensation or time off". People need to stop glorifying this shit. It benefits no one to go to work sick and contagious, or with unhealed injuries that can get worse and end up with an even longer time away from work later, or even a permanent disability. Those mechanisms are in place for a reason, use them.

[@creyes4182]

Ops husband was in debt and she gave 7 figures to her dad, holy shit. She gave up 7 figures to make sure she was still her daddy’s favorite no matter what.

[@ineedhoez]

Bingo!

[@Flufferz626]

You are loved and valued, Waffle Gang. "Let's just jump straight into madness" Story of my life sir.

[@gaylenewood7707]

Umm hey I wonder if mark would sell his homemade waffles??😉.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

I suspect Dad will NOT retire, hopefully he will spend the money wisely and not blow it.

[@owl7072]

Story 2: I just find it funny how OP was going to tell her they would watch the cat and she ruined it by not letting them speak and yelling at/insulting them while demanding they watch the cat lmao Op: I've thought about it and I've decided that I'll watch your cat- Her: You HAVE to watch the cat! You're such an inconsiderate selfish asshole! Why can't you do this one thing for me!? Op: 🚪🚶🏻‍♂️

[@momotaro1236]

Story 1: It was an NTA until I heard it was seven figures. You should have helped pay off some of that debt and still give regular portions of it to your dad.

[@emasters8619]

This is why folks need a very good financial planner. Someone with the knowledge could have shown her how to make that kind of money work for both households for years to come.

[@ineedhoez]

Exactly!!! This is how poor people stay poor. The father just going to blow through that money anyways

[@z0mb1egutzz]

Story 1: I really don't know honestly. I'm on everyone's side. I respect OP deeply but also feel it was not well thought out. Story 2: NTA, it's her pet and she needs to take care of it.

[@ineedhoez]

Story 1: wow. wow. wow. What a total effing AH!!!! There were so many ways to do this. She should have put the money in a trust. She could grow the wealth and pay her father's living expenses. This would allow her to "retire" her father and build a solid financial future for her own family.

[@lisakaz35]

I don't get the comments from Story 3. Mark correctly stated that OP offered her the ability to buy at cost. OP therefore wasn't going to be making money on the dress. Gotta be about whim, in-laws or fear Mum would crash the dress search. OP shoulda asked (if she offered to buy it at cost, as in a sizable savings) why she didn't entrust her with getting it? Could be a slight or something else. I think there's info missing.

[@msredux]

Nah husband can pay his own debt, he is young and can work, not wait for his wife to pay for him. And after that he will probably divorce her for not talking to him about the money.

[@BexsBoxofConfusion]

Honestly, I agree with ESH in story 1, and the dad is extra TA for ACCEPTING that much money from his daughter. My parents would *never* accept that much money from me, especially knowing it was pretty much all of my money. When we've had good parents we obviously want to give back to them, but it cannot be at the expense of our future which is hopefully much much longer than theirs.

[@Clyde-S-Wilcox]

Story 1: This is a prime example of marriage not being what it's meant to be anymore. You don't get to make massive financial decisions without consulting your spouse and expect them to be happy about it

[@roelthas]

Yep, that first OP was all heart and cero brain, I hope it doesn't comeback to bite them in the ass.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 2: Good for OP and I love how the "roommate" shot themselves in the foot by throwing a tantrum when OP was going to cave and help them.

[@MsTemptation]

S2: NTA. She should have asked if you would look after her cat instead of ASSuming that you would when she brought up the fact that she was going away on a trip for two weeks. You don't owe her. You were already nice by saying yes to her request to get the bloody cat. She is the pet owner so she needed to make certain that someone would be taking care of her cat. She doesn't get free help just because you're roommates. That would be like someone expecting you to watch their kid for two weeks while they're away. Hell no.

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

Story 1) OP threw away their entire future to fulfil a childish fantasy. When Dad dies the money goes straight to his SAHW and their kids while OP struggles through the rest of their life to retire old with far less money. Actually, maybe OP wasn't mature enough to have such a large amount of money any way. However, it's not my money to delegate.

[@carolsimpson4422]

If they were close, I could understand op feeling hurt. But if they have a distant,formal relationship- she just has to accept that they're not close like that. And maybe make an effort to get closer instead of pushing her farther away.

[@Intrepid_Explorer]

Hold up, let's do some math. Those student loans can't possibly be more than $100k. More likely, they're around $50k, give or take. The inheritance amount is 7 figures (more than $1 million) which means there is plenty of money to pay off OP's husband's student debt *AND* retire her father, yet she still won't do it because essentially she doesn't feel her husband's loan is her responsibility (which is legally true, but I'm not sure that's how you should think in a marriage), and because her father matters more to her. Also, why not get a financial planner and invest it? Dad isn’t even ready to retire according to OP’s edits. She can pay off the debt, set her own family up, and still have money for her dad. That's why I'm giving a pretty sizeable YTA. OP's husband's debt is going to affect her, too. They may not qualify for a mortgage if his credit is trashed. Plus, what about talking it over with your spouse before you rush to spend it? Aren't you partners? Did you do any planning around this? What about your own financial stability? What if one of you becomes disabled and your household income is not enough to sustain you? What if you want to have children and need to fund their college? What happens if you lose your job? Those are just a few of the questions OP and her husband should have discussed before she decided to "retire" her dad, whatever that means. I understand why OP's husband is losing his shit over this. OP just ignored him. My hot take: OP's husband probably needs to start planning a life without her because she obviously doesn't care about him.

[@jaleesagreene6800]

Pretty much

[@seleneledezma3543]

Yeah this marriage is over. I doubt the husband won't think about it, every time the payments are due. This woman sounds a little unhinged. She decided to retire her dad, and didn't see a way out of it? It's really weird. But, I'm sure stepmom and half siblings will enjoy the money plenty 😉

[@cedric7751]

The inheritance was several millions. Enough to invest into real estate and have money flowing in every month so she can both help her husband repay his debt and pay her father a salary to retire all while still possessing all of the money. Unless her father invests the money, he will only be spending it and those millions will be gone by the time he dies.

[@sallygreimes6585]

Uf hubby was a health professional, debt can rack up to several hundred thousand.

[@shells500tutubo]

The student loans most certainly CAN be more than $100,000, but rarely more than $500,000. OP is very financially stupid and is holding herself to this promise she made to herself when she was basically a child. And this is just my opinion, but he doesn't really sound like the great father she thinks he is. He remarried and had three more children, worked two jobs so had no time to spend with OP or even the new children. I'm not getting it. In any event, she has enough to take care of hubby's loans AND father's future, but she needs a post-nup for hubby stating he has to pay her back in event of a divorce, on either end, and perhaps as each year they are married passes that amount becomes less and less.

[@momotaro1236]

Story 3: NTA She broke your agreement and bought from your competitors.

[@SheenaFujibayashisan]

Sorry Mark, but I'm gonna say NTA for story 3. She's totally valid to be upset. She was offering to lose money to help her sister, which is a super sweet thing. And the sister didn't even give her the kindness to say 'sorry, but I wanted to go with x company instead' so she wasn't wasting her time waiting for her sister. Plus the fact the sister went to a DIRECT competitor. Not to another group elsewhere. Somewhere she likely knew OP was competing with. So it sounds like the sister has something against OP to make her excited then shoot her in the foot like that.

[@MarkNarrations]

No need to apologise Little, it's what it's all about. I enjoy hearing others thoughts and often find myself changing my own thought process from hearing them :)

[@robertx8020]

I fully agree! PLUS did the sister even check if OP could deliver the SAME dress at cost price? If not then we KNOW the sister did it to annoy OP ...in which case OP is fully justified in not going!

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

@@robertx8020 I agree with you and Little as well. It's NOT about the wedding dress. The Wedding dress is just the physical representation of OP being "2nd best". The half-sister only wanted to interact with OP when she was having issues with their mom, as soon as the issues are resolved, sis no longer needs OP? Is OP just the stick the sis uses to beat the mom with? Why does the mom seem to favor, or at least desperately wants to placate the sis, but couldn't give two fucks about OP? Sis comes and goes, and is rewarded with a free house? Meanwhile, OP loses her job in the pandemic and subsequently loses her home too, but where is mom to swoop in and buy OP a home too, or at least let OP move into her home? It just feels too much like Golden CHild/Scapegoat syndrome. Even the way the sister specifically chose OP's biggest competitor and only called OP to rub it in... Let's be real; if someone told you "I can get you the exact same dress, but for wholesale cost", would you seriously snub your nose to it and choose to pay 3 times the wholesale price? Even if you didn't want to "do business with family", you're seriously willing to spend 3 times the amount AND go with their main competitor just to avoid doing business with them?? This all feels too calculated and mean-spirited. OP is NTA, but don't tell the Reddit hive mind that. Their heads will explode.

[@mkuti-childress3625]

I don’t think there is enough information. While I would also feel really hurt in the same situation, I would ask her if I had done anything that made her want to go somewhere else. I wonder if OP had been really pushy with her in some way or if the sister may have already been in love with a dress from a designer that OP doesn’t carry and she was afraid to tell her. I’ll bet there is some reason. I don’t think the OP is an a-hole for feeling hurt. But I do think she needs to hold her head up and go to the wedding, because if she doesn’t, she will _look_ like a petty a-hole to everyone else. She could actually lose business because of it.

[@robertx8020]

@@Original_Tenshi_Chan It wouldn't surprise me if the parensts pay for everything and the money spend was of no concern to the sister. And maybe mom expects a grandson from the sister (being in a relation) and not from OP (being single) and some mothers 'need' grandchildren!

[@stephenlundy5082]

Story 1: YTA. I am assuming that the chunk of money was well over 1 million dollars. And the point was made, that if the money was passed to the father with no strings attached then once the father passes, the money would more than likely go to support the Step mother and kids. Not necessarily a bad thing, but it now becomes part of the Step Mother's estate. That means that she could write her will to only give the money to her children. Honestly, if it were me, I would have used the portion over a million dollars for debt relief, then placed the balance of the money once OP's local family was relieved of some of their debt, I would have put the rest in a trust paying the interest to the Father, with the proviso that the money reverts back to OP on father's death. Then OP would still have the choice of supporting step siblings if her father passes away early, and eventually that money would be guaranteed to come back to her at some point. At some point, OP is likely going to want to have that money back to support her own family, and now she has left herself vulnerable to not getting any of it.

[@rolandhansen812]

That's actually a very good suggestion. You seem to have good financial sense. I got the feeling from the story that it was far less than a million - I'm listening again to see if I'm mistaken. I can't imagine her hubby has close to a million dollars in debt. Being in their 20s maybe $100K in college loans, and that seems a bit of a stretch. If she had inherited $1 million or more she could easily have cleared $100K in debt and had plenty left over for her father's retirement. Since dad is in his 40s, unless she had multi-millions, he & his family would have difficulty living off it for the next 40-50 years without him continuing to work.

[@ineedhoez]

She was so idiotic. Dad will blow through that money too.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

CAT STORY: NTA, Roommate should NOT have automatically assumed OP would take care of a cat for three weeks. Whether it’s a roommate or a relative you always ALWAYS check with them first BEFORE you plan to leave on a trip to make sure that they are OK with petsitting. Seriously how rude is it that you’re just minding your own business and all of a sudden your roommate is giving you a list of cat chores because they assume you’ll be taking care of their pet for them. Honestly the way she acts when things don’t get her way, clearly tells me she pulled the shit a lot growing up and that’s how her parents gave into her every wish and demand. They basically taught her that she constantly needs to pester and throw crying fits over to get her way. And the way she said “we got the cat together so it’s both of our responsibilities“ I would’ve threatened to kick her out with the cat right then and there.

[@brigidtheirish]

When you assume, you make and ass out of u and me. And, like you said, it suddenly becoming *our* cat and thus *OP's* responsibility is *classic* manipulation. I *adore* cats and would not mind having one suddenly dropped on me (that's actually how I got my first cat), but if this was, say, a dog? No. I *work* with dogs and *like* dogs, but *living* with a dog *in my house* would very much depend on the dog. Ever have to physically restrain a 75-pound dog that doesn't want to let go of something it *should NOT* have? Not to mention my autism-related sensory issues. Finding a kennel that takes cats can be tricky, but *surely* the roommate knows people who'd be willing to petsit.

[@rolandhansen812]

I'd bet almost anything that the roommate just takes off on vacation leaving the cat and thinking OP will the HAVE to take care of it. If my roommate did that to me after I said I would NOT take care of the cat I would call the animal shelter and tell them I have an abandoned cat I want removed. That said I actually would take care of the cat. I happen to love cats so it would be no burden to me (Unless I already had plans to go away myself)

[@kimberleyg4657]

Definitely need an update on story 2. Hopefully he tells the roommate after she gets back from holiday. So, she only has a few weeks notice to get her crap together. At least while she gone he can pack up his things in peace. I wouldn't be surprised if she leaves the cat behind before going on vacation. Just to force op.

[@CatAstridphe]

Story 2: I have made some concessions. Hire/ask someone else to come round to feed/water/cuddle the cat and clean the litterbox and I'd be there to let them in and keep an eye on it the rest of the time. That would be the cheapest option with minimal work.

[@iwantsifegold]

If I were op's husband, I would keep all types of finances completely separate, work twice as hard, and when I finally make that type of income bracket, leave her.

[@minacat7929]

No, he should leave her now. If he leaves while still in heavy debt, the family courts are less likely to financially ream him in favor of the wife. Also, it doesn't sound like they have kids, so it would be a clean break.

[@aikikaname6508]

Why? Why should he expect her to use all of her money to pay off his debts he accumulated by himself before he met? This sounds a bit gold diggery to me.

[@kylecabrera142]

@@aikikaname6508 because they are thier spouse and they could do both. If the husband isn't a medical doctorate or ivy league graduate lawyer their student debt shouldn't be more than 100k. Paying off the debt helps both of them. Now it's too late and most likley destroyed there marriage and screwed themselves over because if she gets into dire straights I highly doubt the dad will really help her since he took the money no questions asked.

[@shells500tutubo]

@@minacat7929 The courts wouldn't ream him anyway, not with that amount of money she has. And contrary to what some commenters believe, inheritance money is NEVER part of marital assets unless they have been comingled in some way.

[@shells500tutubo]

Realistically, no matter how hard he works he is not going to be making that kind of money. The overwhelming majority of money in the 7+ figure bracket is inherited, not earned.

[@msredux]

You can't just asume someone will petsit your cat without asking, NTA she has to make the arrangement for her cat. I hope op moves out and fin a better roommate

[@momotaro1236]

Story 2: NTA she didn’t even ask you, it’s her cat it’s her responsibility to find somebody to take care of it

[@benry007]

Story 2: I was going to say YTA but then I heard that it was for 3 weeks. A few nights would be simple as you basically just need to make sure it has food and water. 3 weeks is different though. Now you are into clearing its poop and giving it a lot of attention territory. While I would probably do it no problem OP has zero obligation to do so.

[@gaylenewood7707]

Inspector mark waffle I think that be a cool nickname huh??

[@khailah101]

Even without the time frame, OP is NTA. The roommate was planning this vacation and never asked? Nonsense.

[@benry007]

@@khailah101 if it was a couple of nights and OP wasn't afraid of cats I think it would be ESH. Filling a bowl with food once a day is not asking much for a weekend.

[@khailah101]

@@benry007 and there's my point. OP was not ASKED. And even if she was, asking does not guarantee a yes, because as you even said, "OP has zero obligation to do so."

[@benry007]

@@khailah101 yes in principle. But if the housemate was otherwise nice and wanted you to feed there cat like 3 times it would be a dick move to say no and make them pay lots of money to be looked after. 3 weeks is totally different though.

[@jp-fk5ke]

Story 1 YTA, OP is still going to have to pay the taxes on that inheritance that she just gave away and why did the father and wife decide to have kids if the father had to work 2 jobs for the family to get by. Plus if OP invested that money in to certain stocks they couldve gotten the equivalent of another salary through dividends.

[@kbf9644]

Cat-Roomie: NTA “She assumed….” First mistake. “…our cat” Second mistake. All on her.

[@blackwidor]

Minding an animal for 3 weeks? Wtf the stress of that . Didn't even ask! Poor bloody cat too. Wouldn't know where it's person was very unfair to the animal.

[@anthonyrosa5006]

Her Father didn't need to go start another family and run up debts. That was his choice and his wife could have worked. I don't know about retiring her Father in his 40s. I bet he will run up more debts and still have to work.

[@TorchT]

My take on Story 1, is that all three should have sat down and discuss it, I am not say it was the wrong idea, but on the flipside Op's husband is not owed the inheritance, so a very soft ESH, except for the OP dad as he tried to rejecting it

[@owl7072]

Story 3: NTA, I don't think it's about Op being pissy cause their sister won't pay them, I get the feeling that OP is upset because they're _trying_ to build a relationship by helping her with one of the biggest days of her life and sister didn't even have the courtesy to let OP know that she was denying the offer until after she went somewhere else and bought a dress on a whim. I'd be upset too if I offered help to someone and they didn't even have the decency to say "no thanks" and instead completely ignored me. Didn't she come in and try on dresses at Op's store? If she did, it sounds like she's just trying to figure out what she can use Op for but couldn't find anything and disregarded them because they aren't useful enough for her to get what she wants. Let's not forget her mother bought her a house and after she got what she wanted, she started a fight with her and stopped talking to her (not excusing the mother, especially since we don't know exactly what she did, just pointing it out). It genuinely sounds to me like sister only talks to people if they have something she wants.

[@yadayada752]

At $50,000 a year income from $1,000,000, it would only last 20 years. Minus interest, etc. I retired at age 52. My very good retirement has paid $1,500,000 out to me over the years. I expect to be around at least another 10 years.

[@ineedhoez]

You honestly could preserve the balance and live of the interest alone

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: I'm very conflicted but YTA. I'm not sure this was a good decision for OP financially. OPs future is now in jeopardy because she gave all her inheritance to dad. Add in that her husband had debt that reflects on her as well and she didn't even discuss it with him. They were much better ways to go about it. Also rewarding dad for making bad decisions just makes me angry. He disrespected his health for a company. He also worked 2 jobs so his wife could stay home and that's just not on for me. Now he gets who knows how much money after making bad decisions. Edit: MULTIPLE SEVEN FIGURES!? Major idiot! She really screwed herself and her husband out of a good life to give her dad a good one. That is fucked up.

[@Harvest133]

I'd divorce her immediately and without hesitation. She's not a wife. She's a room mate with extra liability.

[@ineedhoez]

Yeah, they could have all retired😂😂😂😂

[@ineedhoez]

​@@Harvest133Amen to that. Even if the husband didn't have any debt. She made a horrific financial decision without talking to her husband.

[@somedragonbastard]

Story 2: My friend asked me to check on her tomato plants 2 weeks before her vacation! You need to have these lined up

[@noahr.7144]

My grandfather retired in his 40's, most of his family were dying around that age

[@Vipre-]

Story 3: I feel so bad for the guy marrying into that mess. OP, mom, and sister all sound like absolute train wrecks.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: If OP didn’t want the cat she should have said she was allergic, then when her roommate keeps pushing she would know the type of person her roommate is.

[@Arylwren1]

Story 1: sounds more like op made it possible for her father to work less hours and pay off what ever debt he had. I would probably do the same thing if my parents were in the same position.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

1am. Could go to bed like a sensible person. OR, I can watch some. 🎶 R/ Am I the Buttt Hooolllleee 🎶 😁. I think it's obvious which one I have chosen 😂.

[@MediaWebCrawler]

To OP of Story 1: Since it's just you husbands debt, and since the money you got was all yours and only yours, surely all his money is his and you don't expect him to share his finances with you, right? Fucking wow. I've never seen someone be so grossly selfish while doing such a kind thing. Frankly, it just sounds like you have zero love or respect for your husband and are using him for his resources while not believing him to be worth any of yours. He deserves better, and it wouldn't surprise me if you showing your true colors to him like this has irreparably poisoned your marriage.. Although if I were the poor guy I would be *terrified* to divorce you, considering how you'll probably fight tooth and nail for half of his money and things. YTA OP -.-

[@itsalwayshalloweenexceptwh5118]

We don't know what kind of marriage contract they have. There are different forms of marriage contract that do not automatically consider the two partners resources pooled. There's a type of marriage contract that lets you retain sole ownership of all of the money and belongings you bring into the marriage, during the mariage and after a divorce. This type of contract is the default in some countries (including mine, the netherlands). There's even a marriage contract form that completely separates resources, even what is earned during the marriage is still considered separate. Even in the US it's wrong to assume that everyone has a type of marriage contract that splits the pooled resources 50/50. From my perspective it's perfectly possible and normal that they're not automatically pooling resources but are each paying their own part of the living costs. If that's true then the husband's debt is not her debt and his money/income is also not hers. If that's the situation they are in it sounds pretty entitled and alarming for the husband to expect the wife to pay of the debt he collected before their marriage. But since we don't know what kind of marriage contract these people have it's pretty pointless to call either the wife or the husband a user. If they are pooling resources his debt is also hers and if they divorce it's possible she has to take on half of his debt. If they are pooling resources then she knowingly (I hope) took on half of his debt when she married him. Do I have to point out how naïve/dumb that is? If they divorce his debt is automatically halved in that situation. So if she pays off his debt he can just divorce her and take half of the inheritance that was left. I mean, we are just speculating here. It's really easy to twist the narrative to make either her or her husband the bad person when we don't know what kind of contract these people have.

[@yaqbulyakkerbat4190]

Definitely. He should RUN. She's made it clear she'll set her hubby on fire to keep her daddy warm. Girl is obsessed

[@TheVeggiekat]

The dad doesn’t have to worry about the tax. OP is responsible for gift tax. She seriously screwed herself.

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 2: NTA. Roommate was very presumptuous regarding OP caring for her cat. If OP does it once, it will be assumed OP will do it every time. I can see roommate texting OP saying she's not coming home and to let the cat sleep with OP on a regular basis. Nope. Nope. Nope.

[@cupcak3ninja209]

The smart thing with that kinda money is to pay off any dept and put the rest in IRA’s and such and then delegate the returns to dif people aka Dad/yourself /etc and it’s more reliable then just throwing the funds and someone with bad money management if he had to work so many jobs and not get medical care

[@NuggetNapper]

Commenter in the last story: "your sister is not obligated to support you" Also commenter in the last story: tells OP they're obligated to support their sister

[@rachaelmorder6762]

Story 1: YTA if something, god forbid happens to your husband that student loan debt is yours... because YOU ARE MARRIED.

[@lina9535]

Devil's advocate. It's not that unreasonable to assume that a roommate can watch your pet for you when you go away. However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't ask. You should ALWAYS ask.

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

Honestly I get why op 1 wants to give it to her dad, the man seems to do hard labor with multiple injuries to provide for her and give her debt free college. Honestly he's going to die early if he keeps doing this. Husband probably has a desk job and is in no risk of injury or death. He can pay off his student loans like everyone else who has them. Also inheritance is not split between spouses.

[@mindyschocolate]

He’s only 45? Girl, you can’t retire him. He has decades to build up new debt. Why not set aside the money for him to take when he actually hits retirement age. You should have focused on getting yourself and husband out of debt first. How is daddyo going to always have you to fall back on if you’re drowning in debt yourself. You still won’t have anything extra to give to him again. You should have invested it at the least. You’re financially irresponsible. Good luck lady.

[@tamsinmoore2111]

Last Story: I actually think OP is NTA. She offered the dress at cost price and even said since the wedding isn't until 2023 there would be new season dresses to chose from. Plus, her sister found the dress she wanted at OP's major competitor. Surely OP could have ordered the same dress and would still be charging cost price which is a hell of a discount. People do these things for family and friends plus the additional word of mouth recommendations which builds the business. I can't understand all the YTA responses.

[@BubblyTeatime]

For the cat story I'm going to go with ESH because a pet is a household responsibility. If OP didn't want to take care of a cat he should've never agreed to let her have one and should've told her that she would needed to find a different place if she wanted a cat so badly. And her obviously for not thinking about who will care for her cat when she's gone for long periods.

[@brigidtheirish]

It's not OP's pet. Legally, at least, each roommate is a separate household. In practical terms, each roommate is often a separate household with a few shared spaces. OP is *not* the asshole.

[@BubblyTeatime]

@@brigidtheirish a pet can't distinguish that. Sure they may pick favorites but they don't understand the concept of shared spaces. Again he allowed this cat to be there regardless of whether he is the owner or not. If he didn't want to take care of this cat, that should've been establish beforehand so the roommate could really think about whether she should get a cat or not. If she knew beforehand maybe she would have gotten accommodations for the cat before her trip but neither of them talked about this and therefore everyone sucks here except for the cat.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@BubblyTeatime It's a *cat,* it *totally* understands the concept of shared spaces. Cat social dynamics *run* on time sharing. Besides, this isn't about what the cat understands, it's about the roommate making unwarranted assumptions.

[@kbf9644]

*mouth falls open* 😳 7 figures… 😳 And honestly? That father’s an AH for taking all that money.

[@Lillypop93]

Story 1 YTA she's married their finances are intertwined she had no right to make a unilateral decision that cost them millions especially since she said he had thousands of dollars worth of debt

[@oliviaanderson4595]

Going on holiday? Have pets? Organise their care well in advance! It’s a priority! It’s part of the holiday planning!

[@sequoyasierra5671]

STORY 2 OP NTA First let me make it very clear I love cats. I had three of them at once and several single or double cats throughout the years. When I got married, my husband made it clear I could have any animal I want but he wasn't going to take care of them, specifically, he wasn't going to ever clean up feces after the dogs or clean the kitty litter. I accepted the terms. He was good with the cats they loved him but he never did clean the kitty litter. The dogs loved him, too. He even fed the horses for me but he never cleaned their pens. OP should draw the line in the sand right here or this won't be the last time she does this. Also, eventually, OP is going to start getting calls of, "I'm out with my buddies can you feed the cat and clean the kitty litter? I don't want to come home yet." Don't do it.

[@Emily-ck9ji]

Yikes for story 2. I was about to say he could just watch the cat this ONE time, but the more I learned the more I was baffled by her behavior. She treated him as a prop to use and move around as she needed, not a roommate. Good lord. The fact that they barely interact cemented my belief that she is definitely not entitled to his help here. They aren't even friends, but she behaves as though it's totally normal to demand someone watch HER pet for WEEKS. No way. Hopefully we get an update. When she started reprimanding him for HER behavior? Refused to let him get in any words? Get out.

[@BersealiaDreamheart]

That’s what I was thinking. I was NTA all the way, but besides her assuming and not asking, the update solidifies my judgement.

[@NightwingNo_Jo]

Story 1: OP is the TA and so is her dad for accepting the money! 7 figures 🤯 are you kidding me! No wonder her SO thought the money would be used for their joint benefit (ie an SO’s debt will impact you). It’s probably too late but OP should really see about getting some of that money back. Also you should always get workmen’s comp when hurt at work. That’s not heroic, it’s stupid and lets the employer know they can walk all over you. Wouldn’t be surprised if her SO leaves her.

[@NightwingNo_Jo]

Edit: looks like OP deleted their account, probably because they got torn apart over the 7 figure inheritance

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

I would take care of the cat; but I adore cats. I can understand why people who don't like them, would say no.

[@justinbullock6042]

Story Two: Honestly if the roommate didnt have a history of being entitled, I'd not make a fuss, and watch the cat. But shes on dish duty for the next month.

[@toongrowner1]

First story I also find somewhat insulting. Like her dad worked his body and soul off so his daughter can have a better life and she basicly threw it all away to may end up in the same possition as her dad at some point, making all the dad's effort towards his daughter kind of pointless. It's a nice notion but in a long run really really dumb. Maybe she could give him a small amount or something, but not all. Also agree, why is his new wife not working? And the wife has kids too? Then they can't be this bad off right?

[@MandyLina123]

Story 1: ESH. The wife sucks for letting the poor man work 2 jobs to support them as there is no guarantee the wife will go back to work when the kids do. The father for risking his own health and accepting so much money from his daughter which will affect her and her family not having it. The husband for expecting her to pay off his debts (because unless he doesn’t plan to go back into debt I wouldn’t) and her not thinking about her family. Easy solution: invest it. The dividends will stretch the funds especially when the father isn’t retiring soon. I agree marriage means debts become yours too, but I wouldn’t want to pay off someone else’s debts either. You made your bed? You sleep in it imo. Its one thing if its made during the marriage its another to enter marriage with debts. I had to pay off mine to be able to consider marriage. You do the same. I come from a family where unless you get your own ass outta debt, you won’t learn shit. We all had to deal with it. Doesn’t feel entirely fair to expect a bail out from someone else for YOUR own mistake. School debt is not as bad as credit card debt (he has both) but depending on the reason why for the debt, I wouldn’t pay it off. If he’s paying it off actively, I would consider it or consider helping out. I wouldn’t pay off the debt of someone who doesn’t think its their problem. (I dated an ex who paid $50 off a credit card $300 every month then racked it back up. If I had the funds, I would not help him as he clearly wasn’t trying to pay it off. It became too obvious he obviously wasn’t if a fully paid off card got racked up in mere months because he could not cut his spending at all on expenses like diet or gas. He loved spending more than $100+ a month on groceries and spending gas driving. He also had a 2k card which when paid off, went to max in like 6 months. He bought $1200 new computer…shortly after paying it off…great idea…) If he had the debt for say, dental. Sure. Pay it off for him, but addiction related debts he needs to bail himself out of especially if he’s not paying it off. I was an gambling addict and only stopped being an addict having to pay it off myself.

[@ineedhoez]

Student loan debt is different. The student loan debt was to get an education so you can command a higher salary. If my partner takes out 500,000 in student loans to become a doctor and now makes a million dollars a year, that person is bringing in 1 million dollars into our household. If you're not willing to help pay off student loan debt, then you shouldn't get to benefit from the education that the debt provided. I'll contribute $25,000 a year to the family budget. That's the amount that people make without a college degree, let alone medical school.

[@MandyLina123]

@@ineedhoez That seems fair. If only because if you don’t finish for whatever reason, your partner shouldn’t have to pay for the burden. School is hard. Not everyone can finish. Plenty drop out but I feel like only the person who quit should pay.

[@damien678]

S2, I was gonna say YTA until the first comment said 3 weeks. If it was a matter of a few days? Easy. I've gone to stay at a friend's place to take care of their cat (that needs an inhaler and medicine put into food) for around 5 days and found it super easy. 3 weeks though, without being told? But she also DOES live with this cat and CONSENTED to that. What was OP gonna do if roommate had to go to the hospital? If there was an emergency that had them out of the house? There are a lot of reasons people suddenly can't be around and I think OP should have at least thought about that. In this case though I think it's more of an ESH, but I'm not that much of a fan of r/AITA verdicts in general

[@LadySingingWolf]

That was my thought. While the roommate should have asked OP does live there and agreed to have the cat in the apartment. I would say NTA if the OP had to travel but they don't. Honestly cats are fairly low maintenance compared to other animals. I've apartment sat for a couple of weeks for a friend's family which included two cats and a dog. The cats were easy, the doggo not so much since I had to make sure to walk her several times a day and hope she didn't have an accident before I got back from work.

[@wplains]

Simple: not her cat, not her problem.

[@damien678]

@@LadySingingWolf People don't realise how high-maintenance dogs are and it really stresses me out because so many people think their big ass dogs will be fine with one walk A WEEK. it just kills me

[@LadySingingWolf]

@@damien678 Yeah, then they wonder why said dog is getting into everything and being aggressive, barking, chewing, ect. Its because big doggo is a very bored doggo. Their called working dogs for a reason.

[@waterfire98]

Im not AH enough to not take care of a roommates pet. At the bare minimum

[@soulechelon2643]

Story 2's Update: Yikes. That roommate just straight up talked herself onto the street didn't she? OP was ready to have a healthy conversation and even take care of the cat for her but nope - she had to run her mouth. This is a textbook example of why when someone says "We need to talk", you Let. Them. Talk. Because it's not always 100% bad news and it shows that you're willing to listen. I kinda hope the OP straight up tells her how she ruined that chance for herself. Or maybe even show her this reddit post before he drives off into the sunset.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark.. You are the best. So sorry I've been missing your stories for hrs it seems. Been having issues with my furry kids. Just please stay safe.. Peace

[@Madmark50484]

Story 1: when your man is doing well I assume you won’t want none of his money?

[@susanlosey9511]

Roommate is TAH. Her assuming = ass- u- n-me! Don’t cat sit she will do this again and again. 3 weeks is a long time to have someone cat sit. She probably didn’t have enough food and would expect you to buy cat food.

[@threeducks157]

First op does not know what marriage is frankly, while i respect the fact that she wanted to repay her dad i truly do, my assets put me in the %1 i no longer let my mother work and was able to pay my fiancee's medical school debts so i cant say i blame her too much for it. How ever it was a piss poor financial decision that will impact her future, and another fact that its not mentioned how would the dad feel if her marriage fails cause of the money?

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Ok story 2- I have 5 cats and a dog. I wouldn't ever just assume someone will look after them. If I can't arrange pet care then I don't go away, it's the FIRST thing I think of. 5 weeks ago I had a very serious surgical emergency. I went to A&E after making sure my furry babies care was sorted. I am fortunate enough to have an amazing friend who will take my dog in an emergency. My dog sees my friend at least once a week so she's very happy to stay with my friend. I wouldn't ever assume someone would take care of my cats and dogs while I went on holiday. I wouldn't even consider going away without making sure they have a pet sitter! Op is NTA

[@yaqbulyakkerbat4190]

Good lord. I'd have left her if I were the husband. If she's this stupid with money and so worshipful of her dad she'd endanger her future family for him at a heartbeat it's a major red flag. If she was this determined to bankroll her dad's other family she should have invested it or something at least.

[@melissaclark1051]

What if the Dad did not want to retire and actuallly likes working ? OP basically forced himinto guilt retirement. She could have given enough to keep him happy and enough for herself.

[@canislupusfool]

Is it just me or is the phrase 'I decided to retire him' sound like a euphemistic way of putting out a hit on him?

[@ringluvr]

Story 1: Now her and her husband will struggle for life. Dad's new family will get the step up. When Dad dies, his wife and new kids will inherit what's left. The kids will go to college debt free. And you and any kids you might have will struggle.