r/AITA I Changed My Babies Name Despite Promising Late Husbands Family I'd Name After Him

[@msredux]

Op was 3 month pregnant and grieving her death husband, that is not a time to be making promises

[@AndyyWithAY]

*Michael from The Office yes gif*

[@13thMaiden]

Not to mention she could have just made the kid's _middle_ name his Dad's. Then basically she didn't break the promise but won't be calling it regularly (except when she's pissed at him)

[@TriXJester]

Thats peak emotional manipulation

[@shedeuray5305]

Regarding promise to MIL and then choosing à different name after birth of baby and not telling MIL: MIL seemed pushy. I think OP was trying to avoid a big blowout with MIL and perhaps trying to establish her independence from MIL.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

I don't think she actually promised though, I think she just agreed while grieving

[@laurenmentink7401]

American here who studied Criminal Justice. Stealing 1k (one thousand) dollars is a felony. Stealing less than that is a misdemeanor. Her roommate would be looking at a possible prison sentence. I don't know how many years though. Is this her first offense? Then leniency might come into play if it is.

[@amethystanne4586]

Mom of twins, and 2 singletons here…… when a pregnant woman says she has to go, get OUT OF THE WAY NOW!

[@indianspartan76]

Story 2: I don't even.... I was on your side, but you don't tell people to hold it! Even if they are not pregnant, it's harmful for their organs to hold or in. BIG YTA

[@regitetihw84]

I honestly laughed when he said "and there's a couple of wee edits after", and yes I think the guy in the piss truck story is an ass for not pulling over to let a pregnant woman pee. I have never been pregnant but I know that when anyone says they need to pee you pull over and let them go pee.

[@MarkNarrations]

It was honestly an accidental pun! 🤣🤣

[@katiesmith2031]

@@MarkNarrations I loved it lol

[@KittenUndercover]

@@MarkNarrations ‘accidental’ double pun!

[@pebble5478]

@@MarkNarrations accidental puns are the best puns! 😎

[@badkitty4922]

Loved the "accidental" pun, too! Lol!🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 (See what I did, there?😂😂😜😜)

[@jackspring7709]

Story 2: OP - you are a major AH. When any adult says they need to go, you can take it for granted that it is urgent. What a jerk.

[@songohan3321]

Did OP in story 2 literally asked a pregnant woman to hold it for 15 minutes? Pretty sure that not how anything works.

[@jesswagner7391]

Yay! My fussy newborn heard "What is up..." and got all calm. Guess that's what happens when you listen to a lot of Mark while pregnant 😆. She's definitely a waffle 🧇

[@badkitty4922]

😂😂😂 She's off to a great start! Congratulations, new mama!!💖💖😘😘👍👍

[@katiesmith2031]

That's awesome congratulations me and my daughter's say much love lol he's a great influence on everyone hope you have a wonderful evening goodnight and sweet dreams

[@imjustafangirl6468]

For Halloween she should be a waffle or a stick of butter

[@KittenUndercover]

Mini waffle!

[@FlamesofJagger]

Got a little waffle 🧇 in the making 😋

[@strudel_reviews]

"pull over and let her take a wazz" best quote of the video and as a woman who's been pregnant makes me laugh my butt off

[@owl7072]

Story 5: NTA If I heard/read correctly, that money was saved over the years from when he was a kid, so I'm assuming it's in a separate account and not the joint one in which case it's his money to do with as he pleases.

[@jlady4110]

I mean if he'd done it with joint funds it'd be another matter. Just makes me mad when someone who does save for years and gets married etc.. its expected to be handed over as joint funds without even talking to the actual owner of those funds.

[@phtevlin]

When a pregnant tells you that she needs to pee NOW, she needs to pee NOW. Clean the mess up yourself.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Story 2, "A couple of wee edits" 😂. Nice pun 😂. OP is TA. She's pregnant with twins 🙄. Pregnant women have miniature humans pressing against their bladders, hard to hold your pee when it's being pressed on. The sister must have been absolutely desperate to release her bladder like that. Must have been devastating for her. So glad OP now accepts his assholery and has apologised. It takes guts to admit you're in the wrong.

[@mayfl0wers]

Story 1: NTA. OP really had no obligation to let MIL know she was changing her mind about her son's name. She's the mother and its HER decision. She is dealing with the grief of the loss of her husband by allowing their son to have his own personality and life. Finding out on facebook is not a big of a deal as everyone thinks it is. It's JUST facebook. MIL is the AH for throwing a tantrum for not wanting to see her grandson all because of a name. Grief striken or not, thats a terrible thing to say. Hopefully OP protects her son from her until she apologizes.

[@_.whoischandler]

She could’ve called or reached out before she put that info on Facebook. That’s her son that she had to burry . They always say a mother should never have to burry her child and she had to with hers . Esh in this situation

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

Promise is promise. if a person cant hold its own word.. i wont be able to ever trust that person. regardles the reason! YTA

[@MaryTheresa1986]

​@@putrapratama-sq8hu I guess it's just as well that MIL won't be subjected to OP and Lucas' presence in her life.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 3: NTA " shebcalled me a cruel and heartless bitch" this coming from the THIEF who stole food from a CHILD. Screw her. Report her, evict her, and be done. Edit: there's already an update. Roommate AND A GUY were arrested for theft and drug charges, but some of those were reduced due to some other issues.

[@izzisart]

Story 1: NAH. Op can name their baby anything they want, I wouldn't really expect any promises made right after the death of a partner to be held. However MIL is grieving too and probably clung onto this one thing more than she should have. It might have been worth it just to give her a quiet heads up. Both are valid, neither did anything wrong.

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

Promise is promise. if a person cant hold its own word.. i wont be able to ever trust that person. regardles the reason!

[@izzisart]

@@putrapratama-sq8hu Babies names are as changeable as the wind up until the paper is signed. The rest of the family should be aware of this. Promises made in grief should also be taken with some salt as emotions are running high and thinking might not be clear. I'd hardly say it's drastic enough to "never trust them again" but MIL is entitled to her feelings. The best way to handle it would probably have been to talk it out with each other and reach an understanding.

[@brigidtheirish]

Of all the emotions through all these stories, story 3 makes me feel *sick.* The roommate stole OP's money and her *grandma's ring!* I hope OP gets the ring back. I hope everything that was stolen can be returned.

[@fionaeckert4556]

Last story... I get this right that usually your money is yours to spend as you please but in this case it's not? Op said they have a joint account but this money was specially NOT taken from that account but was his personal savings. His wife is in no way entitled to his savings! For all I care he could have spent it on a luxury motorcycle and still wouldn't be the AH.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Exactly my thoughts…this was money he started saving when he still lived with his parents and it is his money, not joint money with his wife! They have the other account they started when they got married so she shouldn’t have any say about his other account 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@cynicalminion]

4: it's such a refreshing change to get a story involving cancelling a wedding where the couple are still on the same side... 😂

[@TsukiKageTora]

I love how everyone assumed OP decided months before delivery that she will change the name. When Mark read the story I easily thought right before due date or right after birth. She is not “YTA” because some rando online assuming the worse of her. 🤦🏻‍♀️ This is why the INFO is a thing and why it should be used. If it isn’t clear or something has holes or doesn’t make sense, ask OP what they mean to make things clear rather than putting what you think is the case. It should be utilized more often.

[@jamestown8398]

She still could have told MIL over a personal call instead of letting her find out by Facebook. When you make a promise you create some obligations, and one of those is let the person you made the promise to know personally if you can no longer keep it.

[@Warlord-dc5un]

She still the YTA for the way she just disregarded and disrespected a grieving mother that wanted an explanation as she got blindsided for no reason. You do not do that especially when the mother isn't freaking out but is having a normal conversation with you about the issue.

[@iris5678]

I do hope she finds it in her heart to compromise and at least make the kid's middle name be the father's. There's no harm in that.

[@TsukiKageTora]

The grieving mother also picked a pregnant woman’s grieving time to basically make her agree to it when she wasn’t in sound mind. You all are pathetic assholes for thinking she is an asshole and the mil isn’t for literally abandoning her grandson over a fucking name. Whatever, glad you all aren’t in my life

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

@@jamestown8398 A promise made under duress is a promise that should NEVER be kept. It's illegal to uphold contracts under duress, so why are you telling her she's an asshole for not "keeping the illegal contract in place", so to speak? Let's change the terms a little - Your mother just died a sudden and unexpected death. Your mom's friend tells you it would be a great way to honor your mom if you used your incoming inheritance to build a house for that friend so she can "remember your mom". You're in distress, alone, and not thinking straight, so you agree and promise her you will use all of the inheritance to build that friend a home. But as time goes on, as you process the grief, you realize it was shitty of them to corner you in your time of grief and that building them a house won't actually honor your mother. Do you still hand over the inheritance because "you made a promise", or do you do what is right for YOU and acknowledge it was selfish and manipulative of the friend to use your pain and grief to their own ends? Also, I can see why OP didn't "do her a courtesy and warn her": The woman didn't have the courtesy to not prey on a pregnant widow and she wasn't above attacking her after the fact, so do you sincerely think MIL wouldn't have broken her back to try to force OP to "take it back and honor the contract made under duress"? After all, MIL still tried that tactic even after the name was made public, but at least with it being public now, MIL is limited about what tactics and manipulation she can use now without exposing herself for the asshole she is. MIL never once thought about OP or the actual baby in this scenario, only on how to resurrect her own son, and that isn't healthy or good for anyone. I get MIL is grieving, but it is no excuse to be a manipulative asshole.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#3 - jail time or probation is up to the judge and the district attorney in the city/county. they take into account the criminal's history (done this before? long history of doing it? first time? etc) when deciding - but whoa betide the one who gets probation for a first offense and does it again while on probation; that is very often a trip right back to jail then time in the state pokey! OP is NTA and needs to make sure police know about the family antique missing also - she might get it back if the girl gives the location of it (even if a pawn shop) in exchange for a lesser sentence!

[@Mewse1203]

Story 4: NTA you don't owe anyone a wedding. It's funny though "pick a date sonar can come to the wedding, or I'm not coming to the wedding." Has got to be the most hilarious ultimatum in existence. It's like those choosing beggar who say " give it to me for free or I'm never coming back" SMH

[@songohan3321]

You know, there is nothing wrong with middle names as long as the name is not Karen, Becky, or Kevin. Blame Reddit for this.

[@jesswagner7391]

I had the nicest neighbor in n the world. Her name was Karen. I felt so bad for her when she would get jokes about her name, but she'd just join in on the joking. I miss her being my neighbor.

[@chanel113]

What does Becky mean?

[@songohan3321]

@@chanel113 Anti-vaxxer.

[@tiryaclearsong421]

@@songohan3321 When did that start?

[@annajapiassu306]

im uncultured af so please tell me what the names becky and kevin are associated with..? also, add kyle to the list!

[@cats1900]

"A couple of wee edits" on the pee story had me laughing way too hard.

[@genocidalyoukai7890]

Story 5: NTA This dude used his personal finances to pay off his parents money that he saved since he was a kid. He mentions that he and his wife have a joint finance account to save money for both of them, but he didn’t take money out of their joint account. He took money out of his personal account. His wife should be concerned at his bad finance decision, but not get mad at him for it, because he was using his personal money that he was saving for himself. nta.

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: NTA I don't even need the Story. The baby's name is OPs choice and it doesn't matter what she said to them. If she wants to make a different decision, she can and she doesn't need to tell them shit. Also the argument of "it'll be like he's still here" is dumb because the kid IS proof of that regardless of the name. That kid is his legacy and evidence of his existence. The fact that OP has good reasons to do so is just icing on the cake. She shouldn't be yelling at OP and if THAT is what makes her want to see her grandkids or not, she is an asshole. Asking her to make that promise was bullshit in the first place. Edit: I don't get these ESH/YTA comments that say "you have no obligation to tell her" but judge her the asshole for not doing so. You can't have it both ways.

[@sethmichel6138]

responding to your edit: I don't see the contradiction you believe is there, just because you don't have the obligation to do something doesn't mean it's not an ahole thing to not do

[@volcanicrose7158]

My parents had a hard time figuring out what my older brother's name was going to be. It wasn't until he was born, or right before, did they found out who he was supposed to be called. When my Mom was pregnant with my sister and I, she and Dad had two sets of names ready for us. Two boy names and two girl names. They needed to actually see us to know who was who. Point is, 1st OP's son isn't his dad. His father's name wasn't for him. It's wrong for his grandmother to make him his dad's replacement, no matter how unintentional it is. She needs help with her grief. OP and her son cannot provide that.

[@katiesmith2031]

Story 2 YTA I've been pregnant and was at a place with no public bathroom lucky for me a 17yr knew better and let me use their private bathrooms op is an idiot

[@ruthbeamish8849]

Consider the pregnant woman 's utter humiliation in ending up micurating in the back of a truck in front 2 adult males.

[@runawayfromtoads674]

I'm kinda glad OP never named her son after her husband. I do think she should reconsider making it a middle name, but her child being born is enough to honor her husband. I'd say NTA. Where was MIL all this time? It doesn't seem like they have a relatively close bond for her to reach out prior to posting on Facebook. And with how the MIL reacted as if she now doesn't wanna see the grandson, I'd think it's disheartening. But they are both grieving. I just think it's best they talk soon.

[@indianspartan76]

Story 5: NTA. This wasn't money from their joint account but rather OP's savings from when he was a kid. Helping his parents out is a noble thing to do. I don't like this wife going back on her original judgment

[@ewanmcgregorofficial3641]

Omg yes, the people of Reddit can’t seem to understand the fact that this is his money.

[@jamestown8398]

That's what I think too. Wife had no legal or moral claim to that money, so OP could spend it as he saw fit.

[@candicewaits9271]

People don't read for comprehension smh. I agree that he's NTA.

[@simonO712]

THANK YOU!

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Just the fact that she is throwing a fit shows she in it for the money!

[@xxairman09xx]

First story, why couldn't she have the middle name be the father's name? That way the father is honored but she can still move on with her son's first name being different

[@izzisart]

I was wondering that. That would probably be the best solution.

[@dovianempire1868]

She said she only changed her mind after the birth. She was probably still out of it honestly. It likely didn't come to her head as a solution.

[@xxairman09xx]

@@dovianempire1868 yeah i get that but still inconsiderate. Before making that decision she should have looked at all of her possible options first since she made that promise.

[@dovianempire1868]

@@xxairman09xx that's a fair point too. It really doesn't sound like she's in a good mind space at any point in the story. She probably tunnel-visioned and then made a snap decision. Not the best. She could have done better. That's undeniable, but I can get why she wasn't thinking straight.

[@SupremeCommanderBaiser]

Yeah, I would have done that too. Very easy way to avoid drama.

[@Aurummorituri]

Story 1 NTA. Jesus Christ, this woman lost her husband, you take advantage of her her grief to foist a heavy promise on her without allowing her to process her grief and then decree the grandchild is no longer wanted when she later decides naming her son after her late husband is unhealthy and the promise was not made in good conscience or mental health. You people shaming this poor woman naming her son not after her late husband…shame on YOU. “Callous disregard” my ass. As if being the man’s wife carrying his child is less than his mother or her loss is less than the mother’s. You’re absolutely disgusting.

[@ezyo1000]

It's an ESH. Again she is not ta got not naming her son after her husband, but she is TA for not having a conversation and just posting it on FB and lashing out at her mil with hurtful barbs. The mil is an AH for saying she doesn't want to see her grandson. There wasn't anything wrong with mil suggesting op name the child after the husband because it was from a place of grief and remembering, not manipulation like your trying to claim

[@utatanepiko7087]

In my cynical opinion, it's also possible she would put unreasonable expectations on the son and if he doesn't act like her late son, she'd drop him and op like a rock. I have a feeling that's another reason why op didn't name her son after her late husband too but never mentioned it in her post

[@ezyo1000]

@@utatanepiko7087 I mean to start its all coming from a place of grief. Second MIL to start was calm with OP and told OP that she was disappointed that she learned the name change via Facebook and not from her herself. OP then lashed out and threw the hurtful barbs first, followed by MIL responding in kind. This makes both TA as there wasn't any indication that they were on bad terms. Both are hurting and OP decided to lash out first

[@elaexplorer]

Sounds to me the MIL was planning on having the grandson replace her dead son.

[@TheEmpressReborn]

My thoughts exactly. The widow was taken advantage of, then later decided on the healthiest way to move on. Too many either name someone after a dead loved one to either replace, or declare that the new child is the reincarnation of the loved one. Now I believe in reincarnation, but it doesn't work that way.

[@redsprout9347]

First story: I don't think the Facebook announcement message was tactless, but the mother in law made it seem like she was going to project the memory of her son onto her grandson, and that is an asshole move on the child.

[@kristy6703]

I think a facebook post rather than calling family is tacky. OP doesnt mention anything about toxic in laws so there is no reason to think she should keep her son away from his grandparents. As a single mom she will probably need some help from them now and then. And as a mom she should absolutely want as many people in her sons life who love him unconditionally. Its normal to expect a child will be named after a deceased parent as most people do honor in that way. OP was well within her rights to change her mind but I think the fact that her mil was calm at first and just expressed disappointment at finding out on facebook shows that she was not trying to push any agenda.

[@Warlord-dc5un]

She was a grieving mother and wanted her son to be remembered I don't see it as an asshole move like how I don't see OP agreeing at first or changing her mind for her sanity as an asshole move. Op is the asshole in this story not for changing her mind but completely disregarding her husband's own mother and having internet folk hear about the name before the grieving mother she made a promise too. OP acted completely callous and cold to a mother just looking for an explanation. This is the last thing that mother has of her son yet got blindsided and treated like shit by her sons wife.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@kristy6703 she didn’t post on Facebook for MIL, she posted it for friends and her family.

[@tiryaclearsong421]

@@TsukiKageTora MIL is family. She's OP'S child's other grandma.

[@alexvalentine5091]

@@TsukiKageTora so her Mother in law isn’t family?

[@Mewse1203]

Story 5: NTA I was originally going to say YTA because it seemed like his wife hadn't wanted him to and he did it anyway, but he asked and she said it was OK and apparently didn't think it was serious. Don't say yes if you don't mean it. It was also from his sole account from before their marriage. Edit:...did no one read where the wife agreed?

[@jennysmith38]

I did, but obviously a few people here didn't, and everyone on Reddit didn't

[@OhHeyItIsNano]

I did as well. Twice. All the "YTA" comments confused me.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@OhHeyItIsNano As one commenter asked, did the wife *actually* agree or did OP refuse to take no for an answer? And 77k is a *lot* of money. Why does he feel *this* is his responsibility? He didn't say his mom can't work, just that she *doesn't.* OP has a *kid.*

[@Faith12996]

@@brigidtheirish i was took it as his wife likely saying okay but probably not realizing just how much money he was going to give his parents. As someone who is close to my parents, I would do the same. It's his own personal money, not from their joint account, so what he does with it isn't up to her anyways. It was nice of him to ask her first.

[@brigidtheirish]

@@Faith12996 I would, too, but I'm not married. That just seems like *a lot* to spend when you have a kid and your own mortgage.

[@froggy8195]

The mom didnt just lose her son. That daughter in law has made it obvious she isnt going to let her in that kids life anyway.

[@josephbrown9665]

Anything stolen over $500 is a felony. They normally don’t get jail time unless they have other felony convictions before the charges they facing.

[@missymeakin6945]

Story 2: I didn't even finish listening this jerk story. YAH over and over and over! A woman with 2 babies bouncing on her bladder CANNOT HOLD IT IN! clean your own damn truck.

[@toysruskid5074]

Eh.... ESH. He was doing her a favor when it happened. Sure, he was unreasonable, but it could have been pure ignorance. It doesn't excuse his stupidity and AHery., but he wasn't charging her for moving services. Why were they using him to move AND as a chauffer even though they knew he wasn't experienced with pregnancy? Many drivers refuse frequently stopping, especially when it's their free time you're burning through.

[@paden1865able]

Bouncing around in a truck when you're pregnant doesn't help matters any, either. Trust me, been there, done that.

[@momotaro1236]

Story 1: NTA He’s your baby not your husband‘s family is baby. They were probably going to use your kid is an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with your husband‘s loss. You made that promise when you just lost your husband you are/were still very grief stricken and weren’t thinking clearly.

[@MiZZVMN]

She could have called and gave a heads up.

[@momotaro1236]

@@MiZZVMN fair she should have called ahead but the mother-in-law still screamed at her

[@tiryaclearsong421]

@@momotaro1236 She started lashing out first. I think people going with NAH are right. In reality everyone is wrong. Everyone is also dealing with profound grief and lashing out. I wish there was an everyone needs grief counseling verdict.

[@cyrilenejones8487]

The money in the last story had absolutely nothing to do with the wife. OP said that 80% of that money was accumulated while he lived with his parents. He also said after marriage they started their fund. Sometimes I think in relationships people get really selfish when it comes to money. If he wanted to help his parents with that money it’s his prerogative.

[@ShatoraDragondore]

Story 2: A PREGNANT WITH TWINS woman told you she had to pee. You find her a bathroom or cover her so she can pee on the side of the road.

[@JasperCatProductions]

First story, it is OP baby not MIl baby, she does not have a say in his name. MIL should be more kind if she wants to see her grandson. Her screaming at me over my son would get her to no contact town real quick. It’s a shame MIL lost her son but OP lost her husband and just had a baby. Op doesn’t need MIL crap attitude right now or ever.

[@ezyo1000]

I think your forgetting the part where mil calmly talked to her about how she was disappointed she didn't even tell her and she had to find out via a Facebook post, then OP lashed out first with the barbs about her just being the MIL. Then the subsequent back and forth drives them both into AH territory

[@Warlord-dc5un]

Nah OP the asshole here. The mother just lost her child then gets blindsided and is told she is worth nothing because she is just a "MIL" like ffs that's cruel. If the mother was lashing out first fair enough but she just wanted an explanation and that she was hurt that she wasn't told about especially when OP made a promise to her. I understand OP for changing the name I say it's the better choice but the mother wasn't forcing her and OP decided to treat the mother of her late husband aswell as grandmother of her child like complete shit.

[@bloonh8tr619]

All rise for the national anthem of the Mark Narration community 0:05

[@katiesmith2031]

I know right I occasionally write poetry and I actually wrote a poem about Mark and in the poem I said we still need a national anthem lol

[@missymeakin6945]

Last story: is no one not paying attention to the fact is the savings is separate from his marriage savings? He had this before his marriage?

[@zerobolt9506]

Yea they didn't listen to his post at all

[@OhHeyItIsNano]

Yeah. Had to listen to the story Twice just to know whether or not I was crazy for thinking the Wife agreed and where the Money came from just because of all the "YTA" comments.

[@phtevlin]

When your son was born, he told you what name he wanted...and you listened to him.

[@fionaeckert4556]

1st story... Where was it specifically said that op "promised" to name the baby after its father when it's a boy? She said she liked the suggestion MIL made but never promised. Though she should have told MIL personally and not let her find out via social media. Maybe she could have honoured his father by giving his name as a middle name...

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

Promise is promise. if a person cant hold its own word.. i wont be able to ever trust that person. regardles the reason!

[@cookingkurry4384]

For story 1 did everyone miss that she changed her mind just after she gave birth.....when would she have time to talk to MIL about the change? maybe before posting. But the name change would of been done and the MIL would of still been pissed any how, since she was making OP make dump promises that should not of been made in the first place, this is why baby names should never be discussed with anyone other then a SO.

[@krystiharper]

Story 3 it's not just credit card theft it's also identity theft that is a felony.

[@kolonarulez5222]

8:21 "wee edits" We see what you did Mark

[@Norinia]

NTA story 1. Op was alone and super pregnant. Why give them the chance to harass and hate her while she’s vulnerable. If she had told them, there could have been a chance that they pose as loving family to ride to the hospital, then, when mom’s out, they say “Oh, I know what she wanted to name him.” And sign your husband’s name in and then it will be logged before OP could do anything to stop it, unless she wants to pay expensive fees to change it. Even then, for the rest of the kid’s life, they’d act like what she did doesn’t count and would keep calling the kid the name. We hear too many Toxic MIL stories, and I think this is one of them. That she doesn’t want him now that he’s not named exactly her son’s name is disturbing. Clearly like she was seeing him like her husband reborn, and was going to act as such. OP isn’t the asshole for not giving them the chance to act. Now the name is record, so there is no precedent for it. MIL is showing her true colors by being disgusted about a child only for not having her son’s name. Pretty sick.

[@kellypatterson8506]

3rd story ... wow...that ring is probably a 4 karrot emerald....thats huge...not 2 mention sentiment value, I bet if she had went to OP and asked to bum a few bucks till payday OP probably would have done it.

[@AndyyWithAY]

NTA for story 1. It's OP's baby. She does not owe anyone an explanation. Pregnancy is a super hormonal time, so she just changed her mind after thinking of it. I would say NAH here, but that bs about I was excited to meet my grandson now I'm now. Not cute

[@jamestown8398]

I voted ESH because OP made a promise. Changing her mind was fine, but she at least owed MIL a private conversation informing her of the change.

[@Warlord-dc5un]

She is the YTA here for me. She blindsided a grieving mother and decided to tell internet randoms first instead of family members that she promised to name the child after the husband, she went on to disregard and disrespect the grieving mother for just wanting an explanation along with telling her that she is hurt that she ended up finding out on Facebook. The woman just lost her son ffs.

[@jenniferlacey6974]

Story one was NAH until MIL said she didn’t want to meet the baby. This is not a good sign for the years to come. People forget that OP has to say the name every day. I already decided than none of my kids will be named after my late bf at least as a first name. It’s just so loaded. Mom had every right to say fine about grandma not seeing the kids. I wouldn’t want someone around my child if they were that petty or controlling. MIL instantly made the situation about herself. Hopefully this won’t be a pattern

[@ashleybullard6712]

Story 5 NTA he used his personal savings accounts not their joint account and she agreed

[@zerobolt9506]

Right

[@videofan1010]

I the MIL in story#1 was manipulative (unintentionally) for trying to influence a pregnant woman about naming shortly after losing her husband.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

See the last story I was like Nta until the fact he had a whole family that he basically screwed over to help his parents?? Wtf?!

[@ashleybullard6712]

How did he screw them over it was his money from his personal savings account NOT from their joint account

[@LawNerdsUnited]

@@ashleybullard6712 Exactly. This was HIS money from before he got married. He didn’t touch their joint account.

[@deppnut1]

Wow all the people calling anyone TA is story 1 are the real AH. The only AH in that story is covid. The situation was mishandled and harsh words were spoken but give me a break FFS both women are in a terrible place emotionally and not thinking clearly. Both owe one another apology for the harsh words. Hopefully the can move forward if they do.

[@elaexplorer]

So story 5: He used his money that he saved (while living for free with his parents) from before he was married. Wife had no claim on that money and he can do whatever he wanted with it. If it makes her feel better he can call it back rent, utilities, and food from his time living there. Had he used the joint money that they saved together, that would be an AH move but his money from his savings? NTA.

[@cheskydivision]

It’s great to help parents but what happens if op becomes ill, injured or dies? Op really did not think of his family

[@ashleybullard6712]

He uses the money in their joint savings account

[@briansmaller7443]

A promise wrung out of a grieving pregnant widow at an emotional time. That woman is NTA.

[@joshcheatham9424]

Theft over $500 is a felony on my state

[@andreea467]

Story 4: I missed at first when OP said they were paying for fiancee’s relatives trip. Because of this I couldn’t understand at first why would they be so angry with postponing the weeding and also SIL. So they’re angry because they ended up with no free trip. Yep, completely NTA. But SIL and MIL are big TA. For real now, “daddy issues”? OP just lost their father. Them grieving doesn’t mean they have “daddy issues”. I’m really curious what kind of relationship this family has, since they don’t really understand OP’s feelings.

[@Arylwren1]

Story 1: did the first yta commenter missed where op changed her mind after the child was born. The second one is also out of line with the yta comment. Same with third. Sounds like mil could have been pushing the idea on op after his death. Savings story, this was OPS money he saved before he got married. Did people miss this part?

[@missymeakin6945]

Story 1: NAH I understand your reasoning. Did you give your husbands name as your sons middle name at least?

[@toysruskid5074]

Eh... Grandma seems to want to replace her son with her grandson. If she had gone through with that promise, would she have constantly compared them and interfered with the parenting? That "I don't want to see him now." Makes me uncomfortable...

[@eeriecode1628]

@@toysruskid5074 That's a valid point. Without that line I would have said NAH, they're both grieving, but if the name was such a dealbreaker for MIL, I'm much more inclined to go with NTA. I agree with Meakin that putting the husband's name as the middle name would have been a good compromise on OP's part, but I suspect it wouldn't have been enough for MIL anyway...

[@barbaral743]

There are a bunch of "juniors," "little names," etc in my family. They don't like it.

[@als2480]

NAH- she really should have communicated in private about the name, but everyone's grieving. Everyone involved should see grief councilors.

[@purpleiguana208]

Story 2: Mark... Mark, really. "There's a couple of 'wee' edits." LOL I'm dying.

[@greenteawithhoneyandcream7173]

Oh honey a pregnant woman is a whole different person than just a grown woman 🤦‍♂️

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

2) As someone who has two kids, I can tell you right now that nothing is the same down there since my first pregnancy, I can't sneeze, laugh, cough or breathe sometimes without possibly risking peeing even if I don't have to go. I don't regret it though, I would pee myself everyday three times a day for the rest of my life for these guys if I had to. The only trick I can recommend to help keep yourself from peeing however after children or just in general, is to make sure you go when you need to and not wait, don't drink a lot before a trip or during if you can help it and try to keep your legs tightly closed when you cough, sneeze or laugh very hard. And my advice to everyone else, when someone says they have to pee, they have to freaking pee and you should let them and not tell them to "hold it", especially so close to giving birth with not just one, but TWO kids sitting on her bladder. Also I agree with that one commenter, being pregnant can cause sudden needs to go to the bathroom, you can have the tiniest sip of water and soon as that baby body slams your bladder you risk peeing yourself, they're so worth it though.

[@bricksloth6920]

A private wedding with just hubs and wife and kids and the brother sounds perfect. Much better than a big thing for a bunch of spoiled entitled extended family

[@lancerevell5979]

Story three..... Girst, OP should have immediately frogmarched the roommate back to those stores and returned all she had bought. Get the money back! The ring.... yeah, get the cops involved. Charge her with grand theft. Maybe they can get it back as the buyer received stolen goods. In any case, RM is looking at jailtime.

[@You_said_what1]

Story 1 YTA. You have the right to call the baby whatever you want BUT how she handled telling her mil was absolutely heartless.

[@unluckypuppy13]

I think the mother-in-law at least deserved a heads up about the name change.

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Story 1: NTA. She just saved her son from being the grandmother's surrogate son and the son from constantly being compared to a namesake. OP needs to do what is best for her and her son. Given the mil's expectation, I can only imagine what would have happened if OP had tried to convey the intention of the name change before it was done. I wholly back OP.

[@sabrinahinton1774]

Story 1 NTA) You don’t owe the grandma anything especially not naming your son after his deceased dad. Yes, the mom lost her son, but you lost your husband & your son will never meet his dad. Apparently she wasn’t that close or interested in her grandson or she would’ve been at the hospital awaiting his arrival. Hopefully she came around in these 2yrs but if not it’s her loss.

[@all-tickityboo5836]

I had my twins 4 1/2 weeks before the due date. I had one baby kicking my stomach and the other bouncing on my bladder like a space hopper! I once had to sit on a public beach and covertly hitch my dress up and pee as we couldn’t find the public toilets. The hardest bit was to pee slowly so the pee went down into the shingle and not my legs. Some men don’t get pregnancy issues.

[@Nonprofitgenie]

Story 2: that was definitely a pun from you right? A couple of wee edits 😂

[@Undomaranel]

You are not above judgement when controlled by raw emotion or steely logic. It just means you are unbalanced and not in control. ESH for that reason.

[@signespencer6887]

Story 2: in Victorian days, it would have been a big faux-pas to have a big wedding less than 18 months or 2 years after the loss of a parent

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

Mark, it's not so much that if the theft is over 1k that the police will get involved. They'll get involved for just about any amount (within reason). The difference is the level of crime and punishment. under 1k is a misdemeanor. That usually results in paying restitution, a fine, and MAYBE a brief stint in jail. If it's over 1k then it becomes a felony. That usually results in restitution, much higher fines, and a significant amount of time in prison. In my state, for that 20k theft, she would have to give back what was stolen, a 10k fine, AND about 5 years in prison. (it can go as low as 1 year in prison - still the same fine and restitution - if you have mitigating factors. Wanting to go on a shopping spree isn't one of those mitigating factors)

[@TheHellsHobbit]

#4 NTA, Can not believe SIL said they deserve a get-together. Enjoy your wedding. You have a get man.

[@kimberlycarrigan8824]

ETA? Naw. The MIL had no business deciding the name of the baby or demanding a patient in the hospital call her. The fact that she cares what the baby's name is is really weird.

[@brandyphillips129]

In the US, robbery laws are different from one state to another. In my experience, anything over $300 is considered a misdemeanor and over 1k is a felony.

[@SpiderRiderKya]

Story 1. Surely she could have just, given her husband's name as a middle name to the child instead? It seems like a good compromise to me. He'll still carry his father's name, but not as a first name so the mom won't have to have those wounds ripped open each time she uses her kid's name.

[@ScooterBond1970]

That was my own thought. That, or give the dad's name as a first name, but call the baby by his middle name.

[@nekowerewolf9769]

She doesn't need to compromise on her child's name

[@cutietae247]

Story one NTA. Sheeeee is the one who is pregnant by someone who passed away. Labor is terrifying and she did that without the father there. The baby will constantly be a living reminder of the man who is no longer here. She owes nothing more.she is raising his legacy every single day. Can you imagine the stress and pain she will have by saying that name like 100 times a day .... the MIL is a sh--itty person since she doesn't want to see her own child's son anymore because it doesn't have his name. It isn't her baby.

[@HonorWillow]

Story 1: I hate when people use the excuse I don’t owe them anything as an excuse to be uncompassionate. Yes, OP has all the rights in the world to change the name and they don’t need permission from the husbands family. However, I do think that they should’ve told the mother-in-law first before posting it online. We do have to remember that this woman also lost her son. It would’ve have cost OP anything to tell the mother-in-law first. But I also do think that the mother-in-law went too far by saying that she didn’t want to see the grandson anymore

[@chenlee9835]

Story 4: Op Is NTA. I would suggest that OP and partner get married in a civil ceremony.

[@brigidtheirish]

"Daddy issues." SIL called OP's fresh grief *"DADDY ISSUES!"*

[@TarisLuna]

Story 2: YTA I'm currently pregnant with my second child (7th month) and when I feel like I need to pee, I have about 5-10 minutes before I'm in danger of actually peeing myself. Can't imagine having 2 babies taking up the bladder-space and being told to hold it for that long.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@katiesmith2031]

Hugs and great vibes back 🤗🤗💙💙🤗🤗💙💙

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@katiesmith2031 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@emo7636]

This new mother didn't 'take jabs' at anybody, and she is not required to name her newborn anything other that what she wants to. She could have promised a different name every single day for the entire pregnancy, changed her mind at the birth, and she still wouldn't be in the wrong. However, this MIL saying 'I don't even want to meet him now' is pretty atrocious. Her son died, her daughter-in-law being pregnant is a blessing because it means her son will always live on, and she's pissed about the name? This girl could have named the baby 'Juniper Breeze Burrito' and any sane grandmother would just be thrilled to have him in their life. My goodness.

[@Russman67]

"There's a couple of wee edits..." 12 year old me: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@somedragonbastard]

Story 1: Honestly, NTA. NTA at all. She isn't obligated to name her baby after her dead husband, especially if that's just going to cause her and possibly the child more grief. We've seen these stories where family latches onto children born after someone's death and expects them to act like the dead person.

[@putrapratama-sq8hu]

Promise is promise. if a person cant hold its own word.. i wont be able to ever trust that person. regardles the reason!

[@hannahbanana0466]

Story 2: I can say from first hand experience, 3x, that when I really really need to go, sometimes it'll just dribble out without me even noticing initially. And when you really need to go, AND you sneeze?????.......it aaaaall comes out. OP it TA for refusing to be understanding.

[@romonaelrod7870]

1st, woo hoo, hiya Mark and Poppy and all of you waffle loving cheeky so and so's.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 2: I love hearing the obliviousness of OP in this story...

[@Flotton]

[@imperialspacemarine1539]

Story 1: NTA and to all who say "yta because you didnt tell it privately first": if you just gave birth and were physically and emotionally exhausted while also being in grief you wouldnt be able to make 100% sound, rational and well thought out decissions either so why the fuck do you expect OP to be able to do so? NTA NTA NTA

[@indyfmw]

For the last story: I feel like there is missing information? I was under the impression that OP has more than one savings account.

[@canadalovesanime3137]

story 1: OP owes the child a life of their own, not a redo for dad or MIL. It is NOT her decision to make. I wonder if OP's husband would have even wanted that anyway. NTA story 2: Clearly OP didn't want to help them move. Instead of maturely telling therm that and offering to put money toward a moving company, he decides that she can just "hold it". My father used to warn me NOT to hold it, as I would have control problems in the future. I always had an "iron bladder" but when I was expending my twins, that was not the case. The "I need to go now" took on a whole new meaning. OP is the one at fault, so OP can take responsibility and clean up "their" mess. YTA story 4: OP and partner don't NEED a big party. If being married is so important, they can go to the local court house and do it there. MIL and SIL have no say, they can just go pound salt. NTA

[@SupremeCommanderBaiser]

1) She could just give the child 2 first names to avoid drama.

[@dagnytheartist]

Story 1: NTA. I'm biased because I know somebody close to me who unexpectedly lost her brother painfully soon before having her baby boy and was being pressured by her family members into naming her new baby after her brother. She beautifully compromised by naming the baby after her older sister (but a boy version of the name) who died many years ago. I'm impressed by the way she handled it, but I'm still mad that anyone would pressure her into this while the grieving was fresh for her because it would make THEM feel better. It's sickening to me. But again, I'm biased towards OP because of that situation. Yes, I think that OP could have talked to her mother-in-law in private, but I don't think the Facebook post was an insensitive way to bring it up. Her mother-in-law does not get to control the baby's name, nor her, using her son's death. I know, though, that people can show their worst sides sometimes when they are grieving, and I am not trying to belittle her own situation at all. I like that OP stuck with her guns about naming the baby his own name. I hope mother-in-law can understand; at the very least, she might give in after getting flack from other family about not being a supportive grandmother. EDIT: Info needed: Did OP actually "promise" the mother-in-law? I know she used the word "promise" in the title, but hearing the actual explanation I was under the impression that she said something like "Okay" after the mother-in-law asked her or said "it would be really great of you if..." That's not the same thing as a promise, and IMO wouldn't require her to actually contact mother-in-law just to tell her she changed her mind.