r/AITA For Not Forgiving A Friend For What She Said About MY BODY

[@CreeperOnYourHouse]

For story 2: I think they're missing that the guy was OP's friend first, to whom he went to for support. NTA, he confided in his friend for support, and now that friend is swooping in on his ex-wife. That's not really something friends do without talking first.

[@Jen321able]

Exactly. Most people would be mad about someone they thought was a friend going after his ex wife. Its not about her moving on its about feeling betrayed.

[@marcusegan8682]

Exactly. He didn't say she couldn't hang out with him, or even complain. He said HE didn't want to hang out with the guy because he's trying to sleep with his soon to be ex. I wouldn't want to hang out with that guy either. He can fuck right off.

[@adinayar8614]

He may have been rude, but if any of those Redditors said they wouldn't be they're lying. He never said anything about his ex-wife not being allowed to be with him, it's just, he feels uncomfortable atm with hanging out with someone who is trying to get in his STBX Wife's pants.

[@laylastabile1377]

I agree. Some respect please

[@brandi5126]

I agree. With all of it. And I will even go one step further to say that wife is a selfish ahole to her kid. If things go south with this guy, what does that mean for her kid’s friendship with the little boy. Also, that can be embarrassing as kids to have your parents date. Is she sure her child would be comfortable with that if things do go well? Divorce is stressful enough for children, why would you want complicate their social time during quarantine by sleeping with the father of one of the few friends they get to see regularly.

[@BitterSimplicity]

Story one: At an apartment complex I used to live in, there was an old lady who wore a bikini to the community pool. Low cut briefs, strapless bra, all sagging and wrinkles on display. She also wore lipstick, a pretty sunhat, and diva sunglasses, totally rocking it. The only comment I heard? A younger mom saying she wished she was that confident in her body (and I agreed). The thing about brutal honesty is that, it's usually not even an objective truth. It's a shitty opinion designed to make you feel bad, but hidden behind the virtue of 'honesty' and 'good intentions' so that if you're upset by it, you're the bad guy. That chick is trash and should lose the friend title asap.

[@viralmasquerade]

Story one: what is her friend trying to protect her from, comments exactly like those?

[@lizcatty9281]

Lol, gr8 point!🤭 🧡🇦🇺

[@SorenPenrose]

"My wife says nothing is going on but I'm not sure...anyway as he was cooking dinner at her place last week (no biggie, this happens a lot)..." Something tells me this guy isn't very smart. edit: fuck that was story 2...oops sorry

[@TheNormExperience]

Precisely! This critique isn’t honest and isn’t said with good intentions - it was said because of your friend’s issues and ultimately has way more to do with that than Op OR her body. You want to know what people find attractive at the beach or otherwise? Confidence. Something Op has and the “friend” doesn’t. Seriously, walk away from this person till they mature past this - I can promise you won’t miss constant unnecessary drama or having to stand up for yourself against idiots.

[@lsmmoore1]

Especially since that friend is invoking Godwin's Law in the worst possible way? Not even considering that Godwin wasn't saying that Godwin's Law was suspended outright, but rather saying it was suspended when it comes to talking about the white supremacists in the Republican party because those are ACTUAL Nazis? Some of whom have ACTUALLY and OPENLY expressed support for the Holocaust?

[@gabrielmeth4844]

@@TheNormExperience do you actually believe this? Has anyone looked you in the eye and been honest to you, without coddling your feelings? You can tell most of the reddit commentators aren't used to straight comments.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

Story 1: not that it matters, but who gives a shit about stretch marks? Everyone has stretch marks. Like, those without stretch marks are probably extremely outnumbered by those who do. By this logic, does that mean NOBODY is allowed to show their body at the beach? It sounds like the friend is insecure of her own body and projecting it onto her friend.

[@reptiles3244]

Yeah no you're wrong in everything you said not Everyone had stretch marks and the ones who do are actually the ones outnumbered

[@gaysatan4565]

It’s a weird thing media doesn’t show. Like “no celebrities have cellulite/stretch marks” but that’s the 1%, not everyone gets surgery/plastic/injections to looks like that

[@gaysatan4565]

@@reptiles3244 nah b, you’re actually in the wrong lol. Maybe not pregnancy stretch marks but most people have saggy skin/cellulite somewhere. If you have smile lines, those could be considered stretch marks

[@itzkamof1235]

@@reptiles3244 umm most people do have stretch marks. It can be because of pregnancy,weight gain,weight loss,having a skin condition and so much more.

[@annabrand2249]

I and some of my friends, have stretch marks on our legs from growing quickly during puberty. Totally agree!

[@-mokerly-5984]

Mark's audible relish getting to read the expression "pound sand"... I can't it's too good

[@MarkNarrations]

Psst one of my most recent favourite things :)

[@-mokerly-5984]

@@MarkNarrations I feel that! A new favorite phrase can be a ton of fun. I'm eternally fond of "the unmistakable scent of heresy" from a like of dialogue I read years ago.

[@missm.e9914]

I think for story 2 people are missing the point, it doesn't sound like OP is telling his wife who she can be with or even cares that she is going to be seeing other people, it sounds like he's creeped out by the guy who is actively trying to bonk his wife asking him on a buddy buddy trip together, I be insulted by that too, that's crossing some sort of line of common decency.

[@phoenixwaddell6093]

The fact that the davorce isn't even finalized yet also

[@scheneli000]

Yeah, it’s like when he asked his friend for advice, his friend was like, “sounds like the lady is single. Time to swoop in!”

[@Mimino55-y5k]

Nah, it's the reddit echo chamber. Full of trolls with a serious chip on the shoulder against men. OP had every right not to want to be buddy buddy with that dude and his ex is being a dick to him. They have children together, I see major issues for him with co-parenting in future.

[@sailorjestie]

first story: as someone with stretch marks and a chubby tummy who's FINALLY getting confident enough to wear two pieces, NTA. guess who audibly gasped and went "NO SHE DID *NOT*" because i've heard similar comments about myself that tanked my self esteem? THIS GAL! Ditch the friend, rock the two piece! Also, CAKE IS LIFE.

[@sleepwalking3345]

Can confirm, most people have stretch marks. Im skinny as shit, have been all my life, to the point where ive been accused of having an eating disorder bc 'no ones naturally that skinny' and *i* have stretch marks. They are easily covered up but i still have them and thats ok. Things like stretch marks, a thigh gap, NOT having a thigh gap are all natural and we, as a society should hype up ALL body types weather that be skinnier people or heavier set people

[@mattblood4201]

I was under 100 pounds until I was 19 years old & I ate in between meals as well so yes people can be naturally that skinny whoever said that is an idiot

[@shannond1511]

Most ppl actually get stretch marks from.growing when they were young. Thats why literally pretty much everubody has them

[@meplays5269]

Yeah. My months old baby had stretchmarks, my skinny as heck toddler does have that pesky orange skin (dunno if its called that way in english...when the skin is buckling and does look a bit pockmarked in texture). It doesnt at all come with weight but with life.

[@ettinakitten5047]

I got thigh stretch marks as a teen just from growing taller.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

He told his wife no to giving his mom money and she said "fuck that, it's only $6k" and gave it to her anyways. I'd be pissed, it cost her $6k to teach herself a lesson on why you don't spend money behind your spouses back and to learn to listen to someone who knows first hand how evil another is and why you should listen.

[@NervousKraken]

Funny thing with story 5. Does he make the pizza guys wait around for 15 minutes up to an hour for him to pick up his food? I frickin doubt it, cause he knows damn well that they'd throw it out by then. He only does this to his wife because he doesn't respect her; not her time, not her effort, or even as a person. If I was his spouse, I'd start thinking about if he's even worth it.

[@PurpleHeartsOnFire]

For story 4, I’m sorry I’m gonna say NTA. I know you’re suppose to have empathy for others during their hurt, but he told her so many times that she’s horrible. His wife literally thought she knew more than someone who grew up with that woman for all of his life. He cut connect and and didn’t want her in his life, and the wife disregarded his feelings and his advice. Even gave away money, he didn’t want her to give away (finances are suppose to be mutual, even in split income marriages). There’s a time where you just have to stop trying to fix people’s feelings. It’s like the friend who kept going back to their toxic ex, you eventually stop talking to each other.

[@danacarter9147]

It's understandable that 4th OP's wife lost her mother, but building a relationship with her mother- in-law, who is toxic, is a rookie mistake; if that happened to me, I would be furious...and profoundly resentful.

[@stephenlundy5082]

Story 2: I think OP realizes that his STBXW has the right to date anyone she wants. But I think what OP is objecting to is that the first person to "make a run at her" is someone who OP thought of was a friend of his. What ever happened to "Bros before Hos?" You just don't date a friend's ex wife or ex GF. The friend looked sheepish because that is exactly what he was trying to do. And ladies, would any of you date one of your friend's ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? As for the STBXW's reaction about OP being possessive is off base here. She's the only one thinking about herself. I wonder if before the friend's divorce she was friendly with the friend's ex-wife? Maybe a general lack of empathy is what lead to the current divorce in the first place.

[@bobbyjay205]

I don't think OP and new guy were friends first. The kids were the friends first. NG was friendly, and gave OP some advise, but that doesn't mean they were friends. More like aquaintences. That's the idea I got. They are in the same pandemic bubble too. Maybe it's not so nefarious. Play dates means parents too sometimes.

[@torahammas6722]

Why would dating a friends ex be bad in any way? As long as you got together after your friend and they were separate, then whats the issue? Also, why isnt the wife allowed to be upset at op here? They are in the finalising stages of divorce, and thats apparently no secret. She is single and should be able to see whoever she wants, surely?

[@sabinagrisi9726]

@@torahammas6722 She is ABOUT to be single, not single yet

[@FoxyMomma4ever]

@@sabinagrisi9726 Thank you!

[@goromajima7677]

Story 1: well if she wants to make that comparison, hitler massacred people with good intentions, just because you have good intentions doesn’t mean it’s good. NTA

[@blueDemonheart]

In addition, he forced people to vote for him, soooooooooo...

[@gaysatan4565]

@@blueDemonheart also a time thing, it was like the German Great Depression when he was being elected. People are victims of big, strong words

[@justinjones-smith5168]

Story 4: NTA. You told her numerous times to cut contact to her. She chose not to listen to you.

[@zerobolt9506]

That was story 4

[@ashh4929]

This is like that "one guy" in the movies warning everyone of a coming disaster to the point they look hysterical. Then all of a sudden the disaster hits and people are licking their wounds wondering "why didn't we listen?!"

[@zerobolt9506]

@@ashh4929 😂🤣🤣, except that one guy stuck in a tree saying "this is all that guys fault for coming in and saying a disaster was coming". 🤣

[@Jen321able]

Story 2. I dont think anyone is really an asshole. Especially Op or ex wife. The other guy presented himself as a friend then went to try to get with Op's soon to be ex. Come on. That would feel like a betrayal. Wife can talk to whoever but the guy going for her and playing friend looks shady to Op and I dont really blame him.

[@theterriblechannel7060]

Story 1: she sounds like the type of person to tell 70 yr old women to stop ageing because "old doesn't look good" SMH

[@15oClock]

1. I wouldn't want my "friends" making comments on *my* stretch marks either! Body positivity, man! 2. Layard doesn't need OP's friendship or approval; he'll still be gross. Pay him no mind; get therapy. 3. Addicts put a strain on their families, not just themself. Sixty isn't early, but OP needs to let them grieve. 4. When everyone tells you this person is gonna be terrible for you, stay away! "I told you so" still sucks. 5. There are healthier ways to deal with a chronically late husband! What a waste of food.

[@Jamiee-p]

Story 1: As Thumper once said in the film Bambi "If you've got nothing nice to say, it's best to say nothing at all." That friend should watch that film.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

Story 5. I'm kind of going with an ESH. OP complained that she has no time to rest between work and cooking. She made the choice to have that specific time. My wife and I eat at different times every night, based on when we both begin getting hungry. It kind of sounds a bit controlling having such a strict eating schedule. However, the husband agreed to it, so he should be ready on time. I dont know how stressing the husbands work is, and sometimes ppl lose track in the shower, or being on the toilet. But every night is a bit excessive. I think more communication and changing things up may be needed.

[@MrJpaynebb]

ESH. OP shouldn't have trashed a good meal. The husband needs to stop be late for dinner when home. He doesn't want to spend some time together as a couple sharing a meal, that's sad. Either they come up with a new time perhaps 7pm to eat or OP just cooks for herself. Let the husband make his own meal and OP can cook whatever she wants when she wants. He's a grown man so he needs to take care of his own meals himself.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@MrJpaynebb my biggest thing is, why such a strict 6:30 exactly. Every day. does OP have dinner done at 6:30 every day? Is she ever late getting dinner done? The strictness of time is just odd to me. I may be in the minority in this one though

[@MrJpaynebb]

@@somerandoonyt9553 many families have a set dinner time. That's how I grew up so it's not unusual to me. She just should stop cooking for him and let him make his own meals.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

@@MrJpaynebb I agree with her not making him dinner. My family more had a goal time of between 530 to 630. But was very common to not eat until 7, for various reasons. But, I also am in a family of 4. (My parents, myself and my brother) I'd say the husband sucks the most here, but if a strict time for eating isn't working, maybe not have it be so strict. I'd be curious as to why the husband is so frequently late though. OP doesn't give examples of the husbands reasoning for being late. Which, to me, says he either doesn't have excuses, or OP left them out for a reason. That's a down side of these types of posts. What's the saying? There's two truths, his truth and her truth, the real truth lies somewhere in between.

[@jus4795]

Yeah, I also do not understand the strict time rule. Everyone should be allowed to eat when they want so.

[@bennyd.1862]

Story 1: Bruh you need a new friend.

[@krafka]

Story 1: Whenever someone's defense for their crappy behavior reverts to "you're blowing this out of proportion" or "you're being too sensitive" or "I had good intentions," you can pretty much assume you're NTA for being upset. When used in combination, there is a fundamental contradiction. Not only do they work against each other, but they ALL demonstrate they understand what they said or did was wrong at some level, but they've judged it wasn't that bad.

[@feralgoblin1150]

Everytime Mark talks about his love for cake it makes me happy since I listen to him all the time while I'm at work as a cake decorator

[@justozzy5559]

The Shrek is love clip made me choke on my nuggets 🤣🤣

[@BankruptMonkey]

Why be married to someone who expects you to wait on them hand and foot but also won't use any love language for you and won't participate in therapy? At this point she's a maid not a wife.

[@blkbrdmntrvimes6438]

He doesn't expect that , and he does contribute around the house she said so herself .

[@jasperj.d.g.4147]

@@blkbrdmntrvimes6438 he gets on her case if she eats when he isn't there yet

[@ettinakitten5047]

@@jasperj.d.g.4147 Where did it say that? He actually told her to start eating without him if she wants to.

[@stephenlundy5082]

Story 4: NTA. While OP's wife was warned, "I told you so" is not very constructive, but sometimes people just have to experience the crap to understand the crap. Now that Mom is gone, you should get your wife into therapy. She obviously has mom abandonment issues that made her so vulnerable to your Mom's predatory practices. As for the 6K... well that's an expensive lesson, hopefully she'll learn something.

[@ostaviahylton2581]

Could you imagine your friend going after your spouse even before the ink has dried not the Ahole! They were friends; the friend probably knows about out the ex wife because of the ex-husband

[@deaths_enigma]

OP of story 2 is NTA- dude isn't trying to dictate his STB-Ex's future relationships, he just doesn't want to all buddy buddy with the guy flirting with her. How is that bad?

[@aless2906]

Who is also the guy he went to for advice about being a divorcee. That's crossing a lot of boundaries, just imagine a friend trying to go into one of your ex's pants after you went to him for advice, I would be pretty pissed too

[@PelegdolevWackyycool]

Story 2 nta. The balls on that vulture man.... asking the ex of the woman ur trying to screw to go skiing, yikes. Sure he has no say who his wife’s screws but I mean, to go skiing with him he has every reason to decline rudely

[@mikilacunningham6259]

2nd story NTA u was spot on he's an ass of a friend.... Being two face & trying to play buddy buddy w u when he's waiting for the papers not even waiting for the ink to dry

[@dinowolf359]

I'm the kind of person who if asked 'does this make my but look big?' I answer honestly, but that was just mean, you don't tear someone down you offer criticism and alternative choices that might be better

[@draughtoflethe]

I'll do you one better: If you're not asked, you don't offer unsolicited criticism about someone's fashion choices or their body. If they ask, sure, some measure of honesty is warranted, but OP didn't even ask.

[@rebecca4480]

Thats a hard question as people are going for the big bum as thay want it big and like it that way lol.

[@boooo13]

I love how you greet each new person that gives you money. I like it so much better than having a tier where the youtuber actually says the persons name.

[@ollieaur]

In situations like story 1 I like the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" Just because your intentions is good, doesn't make your actions any less hurtful

[@TheKingOfSpooks]

I just kind of wonder how the kids in the divorce story feel about a tottally new man becoming a part of their permanent lives and romancing their mother while their perents divorce isn't even over and using them as an exuse to spend time with the mom tbh. Like they haven't even gotten used to their dad not being there all the time and now they got this new man they gotta get used too as well. All pretty immediately.

[@janicewilcox8590]

I think I told you so is valid. I don't say it often mind you. But when someone who knows a person has to hold the line. My sister is narcissistic and some of my family were throwing themselves on her sword. To the detriment of my nephew (her son). They were trying to hold my nephew at 17 to a standard she lied about. I put myself up as a shield for him. ... When she turned on all those people years later, I definitely said I told you so. Eff people who are gullible but at the same time know someone is toxic. No. Periodt.

[@sammicunniam3992]

The third story really hit home for me as my mum was an alcoholic and spent time inside. The people in the comments seem to be really judgemental. All I see is people telling OP to take responsibility when in actual fact OP has :They are trying to get clean. People need to remember that addicts tend to rely of substances for emotional support and a cruel comment like that is something no one deserves. So OP NTA, but i would recommend cutting your brother off, that kind of mind set is not what you need right now. Focus on getting better.

[@mpmansell]

Story 4: NTA, although, as usual, lots of AHs in the comments. Whatever OP's wife's motivations, she utterly disregarded OP's wishes to not have his abusive mother in his life and causing problems. Lest anyone object, her being stolen from, and how it impacts OP and their relationship IS bringing her into his life.. The wife brought her in regardless of his feelings. That is an AH move. I have people who I cut out of my life for very good reasons. Anyone who interferes and tries to bring them back in is in for a World of pain for THEIR abuse and disrespect and OP's wife is lucky he has only said 'I told you so'. OP's wife might have issues, but it doesn't giver her a free pass to bring abuse and bad memories into her husband's life. Everyone who supports the (disrespectful) wife and calls OP an AH is an AH themselves.

[@anya0410]

But the wife also needs professional mental health help tho, her past explains her behaviour, but doesn't justify it

[@mpmansell]

@@anya0410 did I say she didn't? In any case, her getting that help is her responsibility alone.

[@itjustmemanning8441]

Story four, The only ass in this story is the mother. OP tried hard to warn her but like most people she had to learn the hard way. If the mother comes back, I hope op's wife will block her.

[@draughtoflethe]

Besides which, how many years of his mother's abuse did it take for OP to go NC with her? From the details given, it's not as though his wife tried to force contact between OP and his mother, she just reached out on her own behalf. Yes, OP warned her, but people without experience with abusive parents can be naive. The fact is, OP's wife is hurting now. Is his saying "I told you so" really worth more than offering her compassion in her pain? If so, he sounds like his mother's son.

[@CapnAkira]

The wife is also an ahole for refusing to listen to OP. He grew up with her and has a good idea of his mother's character.

[@JSainte17]

@@draughtoflethe Nah, that’s bullshit. OP said he told her to go NC just like he had already done. Also, he admits to comforting her the first handful of times mom left her crying. She did it to herself. If you ask someone’s opinion, then ignore it, then get hurt, and continue to do the same frickin thing every time, it’s shitty to expect the person you’re ignoring to comfort you again and again and again so you can right back to doing the dumb shit.

[@deedeeschway9566]

@@draughtoflethe OP is probably also frustrated by what his wife is going through. He knows how it will end but his wife keeps coming back for more and he is still present having to cope with the emotional fallout each time as a supportive husband. He is already burnt out and done with his mother but he is still forced to deal with her garbage. He likely does resent his wife a little for dragging him back to the drama (even if it’s only at the edges). While it’s not the same, it reminds me of listening to a friend/former coworker complain about the toxic workplace that I had finally quit. She stayed at that job but complained about it each time we met and I was just losing sympathy for her. Just quit already! Get a new job! It’s hard to be sympathetic to someone who refuses to remove themselves from an unhealthy environment or toxic person when you did that exact thing. It feels like you get stuck back in that mindset you had in the past.

[@vagrantmessiah]

Story 3: I'm a HARD drinker, I also come from a line of hard drinkers (on both sides). I'm a pretty functional "drinker" but my mother is a LOT worse and my dad (they're divorced) is retired so either way he's earned it. They both know how I drink and have dealt with it in their own ways. While it was a shitty move to go to ANYONES'S funeral hammered let alone your mother's is screwed TF up, OP can't be held responsible for their deaths unless he was driving the car they died in or something (you get what I mean). OP is an adult and I'm sure their parents saw them as such even given their obvious faults. The brother is 100% an asshole for putting that on OP, it's hard enough to get/stay sober and that bullshit would kick them off the horse for a good long bender. I'm split between NAH & ESH if I'm being honest, pending more info.

[@izzlebizzle9581]

Mark is my spirit animal. I cried at the “shrek is love, shrek is life”clip

[@kennethsour-olaverria1145]

I was eating a piece of cake 🍰 when you said that Mark couldn't it be more spot on. Also wine is life too.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Ooo what kind

[@kennethsour-olaverria1145]

Chocolate cake and red wine

[@kennethsour-olaverria1145]

Because I enjoy life and that's what I want

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Do whats best for you and dont forget to drink water

[@kennethsour-olaverria1145]

I got a glass of water with me

[@ktfitz4604]

Story 1: Eat cake in your bathing suit. Make your friend go nuclear!

[@a.u.t.057]

Damn that friend in first story is just how shallow can you b

[@marinam3809]

I’ve been completley bummed out all day cause my labs have been cancelled for the next two weeks, But Mark always seems to put a smile on my face. Thank you 💜

[@locusxe1411]

I get the other judgements form story 4. I really do but he warned her in advance and the partner still wanted to have a relationship and paid the price for it

[@jennilynne1977]

Thank you so much for making my day three times today. Twice at work (first being able to listen to you, the second time was you ❤ my comment) and once just now being able to listen to you twice in one day. Keep up the great work Mark! Love to you!

[@reginarainer9740]

As somebody with a toxic mother- what OP's wife did was unforgivable. I get she is in pain and she is mourning, but that is what grief counseling is for. Not going behind your spouse's back to contact somebody who has deliberately hurt them to the point they were cut off entirely. And let's be clear here, it's not like the wife didn't know what that mother was like long before this situation arose. Long before OP ever needed to warn her. Grief is not an excuse for causes others pain. While I say OP should have told her to go to therapy instead of warning her, she has no excuse and OP should not have to go 'there, there' for his wife's fuck up.

[@cheskydivision]

I completely understand OP's frustration with her husband. He basically showed her every day that he took her for granted. She worked all day then came home to cook, hubby came home and got to unwind while op is cooking and could not respect her enough to come down on time or a few minutes early to set the table or help with something. OP's reaction did not come out of the blue.it just happened to be the last straw. Sounds like your married to my ex. He actually used the words I have to unwind after work to me daily. I did all house chores and cooking plus child care after 12 hour days plus over hour of driving to and from work and day care pick/drop. He did a strict 9/5 and hung out with his brother or friends a couple of hours before heading home. Oops turned into a rant. OP nta.

[@viralmasquerade]

There has to be some sort of prize we can hand out to the person who finds the one scenario where "told you so" is the right move

[@soulbound2]

In th e movies where the guy who no one exsept one person suspects the bad guy is the bad guy and they call if

[@Ghostcyborg71]

It can be such a satisfying move

[@empressstorm6505]

Story 1: Heck NO your NTA, your friend has no right talking about your body that you embrace. You have every right to wear whatever bathing suit you want. Don't let your friend's words bring your down. Tell your friend to kick rocks.

[@threeducks157]

While I get she is maybe grieving, but op cut off the mom for a reason she is toxic and most likely harmed op in some kind of way. The wife single handed decided to form a relationship with that woman despite what the op went through.

[@msredux]

Op knew his mother, and told his wife not to trust his mother, and then fell for her lies because she "knew" better. Go cry me a river

[@JSainte17]

Thank you! This was my argument... Wrong Mark. First, he comforted her the first few times she ignored his warning. Second, everyone hates that friend who asks your opinion, ignores it, gets hurt, later asks again, ignores it, get hurt, rinse and repeat forever. So yes “I told you so.” is appropriate. If you ask me and I tell this is a bad idea over and over, then you get hurt and expect me to pick up the pieces AGAIN... I’m gonna stop talking to you.

[@missluciddreams3472]

Exactly! This should be the top comment! 👍

[@TheNormExperience]

I think it’s really an ESH because I understand the wife hoping she could fix it because she was searching blindly for a maternal figure from unheralded grief. But I also really get OP whose been hurt by this vile woman his WHOLE life and has told his wife all of that pain not having the emotional space left to mourn his wife’s loss as well when she made the same mistake. It should be something they could bond over, and if he wife had done it at the beginning of a relationship I could see it being a well-intentioned mistake...but AFTER being married? Throwing away thousands? I think that’s more on the wife than OP, but obviously they both are reeling from this woman and need to find a way to come together and move past this and try to get their money back. I’d say the only true Ahole here is the Mom. Followed by the wife for not trusting her spouse, and a little one for OP for the “you made your bed” comment. I just do think that could be said better.

[@msredux]

@@TheNormExperience that's why you should trust your partner when they talk about their parents

[@MrJpaynebb]

NTA. Follow your partner/spouses lead when dealing with their family members. If your spouse is low or no contact with their own parent and everyone else is in the family as well, it's usually for good cause. OP repeatedly warned her. Who loans someone $6k without at least a signed contract/loan agreement? Your wife was very naive and I have some empathy for her but come on man?! Does she fall for the Nigerian prince emails also? Sometimes you just have to say those words "I told you so" for people to finally understand you're trying to protect them all along.

[@ArmyOfFreaks]

Wow that 1st story hurt so bad... I just happened to be changing and I actually looked at my stretch marks and felt bad....that is not a friend, she is an ahole. And she even hurt my feelings. My friend helped me pick out a 2 piece 5 months after I gave birth....that's a friend💕

[@danacarter9147]

Not only did the first story hurt my heart, it also ₱*&§es me off; what kind of friend makes 1st OP feel bad about herself, just because she (1st OP) has stretch marks?

[@brodykennison2140]

Cake=✨L I F E✨

[@MsBELLE7]

Story 2; sounds like this dude is trying to keep things chill, and if he does want this guys ex wife then he wants a good co parenting situation. And it would do his kid well to see that.

[@jessiejeanne9717]

Pregnancy can be disfiguring. I'm less than I was in high school, no stretch marks aside from the leg length growth spurts, and I have my pregnancy bagel of flesh that will never go away. Guess what? That skin protected my son while he was still a bun in the oven. This body, with another, created a life we love. Pregnancy is harrowing!!!!

[@NeoLotex]

Story 4: Was it true what OP said? Yes. Was it smart? Probably not as it's still his wife and not someone you just cut contact with. I agree to a little bit with that one redditor who said that the wife might still be grieving, but this whole "You should have suggested someone else" is complete, that's not how it works, that's why so many stepparent situations don't work out. You don't just suggest someone, there needs to be a connection or at least positive expactations towards that person. In the end they seriously need to look into therapy or something alike as it's somewhat telling that she is desperate enough to cling to a person that's pretty much hated by basically the entire immediate family.

[@nothintoreadhere6168]

Can we talk about how likable op from the first story is? She seems like a fun person to be around

[@thecriticalone1783]

I personally like pie over cake, but that's just because I think frosting is too sweet.

[@brianjeffrey1913]

🙌

[@ktfitz4604]

I like me some cake sans frosting. Pie is the stuff, too, though.

[@cynthiana8328]

4:16 "Cake is life." Personally, for me, I believe *cheese makes the world go round.*

[@klynne7943]

This first story hit home for me, literally! I grew up with a mom who was always suggesting, pushing, insisting that I would be pretty IF I would just lose weight....from the day I hit puberty she was always 'just trying to help' with her passive aggressive comments. Since she had been a beauty queen when younger, she had expected a similar child, since dad was a handsome young man as well . What she didn't take into account was that genetics can be tricky! Dad's family had a strong genetic influence on me as well, just not as she has expected! Here's the kicker, I don't look like either of them, I took after a great aunt on dad's side who was short and plump. In fact even though we had pictures of this woman that you could put a picture of me over and it would align perfectly, she never accepting me being short (mind you I am 5'4" 200lbs at 55yrs and have 3 kids) and plump! I was put on so many diets before I even graduated from high school (still 5'4" but only 135 lbs. then) I forget their names. She put me in aerobics classes with her that only served to injure me, as I was not athletic and had asthma...again from dad's kin. And here is where it all ties in. Mom dictated what I could and couldn't wear based on my weight/shape and what would be best for her, i.e. 'No you can't wear that, it will make you look HEAVIER, not let's find something more flattering'. etc. The devastating undertone in all her attempts to 'just help' was the message that I just wasn't good enough to be HER daughter. This 'friend' is more concerned about herself than you. You can't choose your parents.......

[@LacquationsAceptance]

Story 1: when a friend says they are being honest, it is not honesty. There is something else, there seems to be jealous or some form of embarrassed thought to be seen with her. Story 3: the brother is blaming him for their parents' deaths and that is wrong. His brother needs to stop associating their death to his addiction. He can help him not punish. Story 4: he told his wife, gave warnings, she ignored. Now she knows why there was a reason to not follow through. She needs to learn some people can not be trusted. The wife needs therapy about losing her mother and her MIL. This is a matter of courts with $6k. Story 5: seems like the husband needs time to relax. She is treating him like a children. I have been told this in public school: there are a lot of stravibg children in China. Should ask him what he is doing on the computer or why he is late when still at work. Change the rules, not get angry.

[@coral4826]

Story 1: drop that "friend" like a bad habit on fire. If she feels the need to comment on something like that and feels there's nothing wrong with saying that to a friend, she can screw off. Story 2: legit thought the kid's friend's dad's fake name was Lanyard 😂😂😂 lol

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Whoever is reading this i send hugs and great vibes. Drink water, eat food, nap, take a break, take care of yourself gosh darn it. And if you don't I swear I will find you and keep you in a cottage and take care of you. 🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜

[@TNTMAN360]

Every time I see this comment I feel happy how did you accomplish this

[@AnotherLittleArtist]

As always, thank you!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@TNTMAN360 because I'm a fae witch and I send the happy cause I want yall to be happy

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@AnotherLittleArtist np 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@AnotherLittleArtist]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 also uno reverse card

[@katwiltz1134]

If you can't even be bothered to eat a meal together when do you have time for intimacy

[@putuananda1220]

Excatly!!

[@nyashahardley]

Story4: the mom didn’t steal 6k , the wife was a sucker and gave it to her.

[@randomidakatta4333]

Ooo, im pretty darn early! Tbh i really needed a video to distract me from my depression right now. Your videos always cheer me up.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

I'm sorry that it's bad rn I know how that is I send all the hugs, virtual baked goods, thick fluffy blankets and water 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@jennilynne1977]

His videos cheer me up as well. I hope things start looking up for you soon. Virtual hugs to you.

[@fostermom2cats821]

I work in a bakery.. and no cake for me please... BUT icecream cake.. yes please!

[@ZoeAlleyne]

With the wife giving mother in law more chances... I get she is grieving but... What she did is essentially side with someone who was abusive to her partner and then people are telling him to be more empathetic towards her. It would have been upsetting and painful to watch your wife buddy up to the woman who had done so much damage to you got the sake of her own grief. Bringing that toxicity back into his life even though he didn't want it. I feel worse for that OP. It takes a lot to cut off a parent. I recently did. I'm 30 and only just managed to realise how bad it was. If someone pulled my parent back into my life that would hurt a lot.

[@thePanda_huma]

Story 1: why do people insist on voicing their opinions about other people's bodies? She's projecting her insecurities.

[@Alteusgirl]

i just had an awful day but i cheered up when i saw a new video was up :D thanks Mark

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

I'm sorry about the bad day I send hugs 💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@bambi42]

The last story. I have heard these kind of storys before where someone has throw someone else plate in a bin and there has been fight over what to eat then. But the thing that puzzles me is that if you are making dinner, wouldn't there sure be more to eat than just two portions? Or are people eating frozen meals?

[@thedestroyasystem]

Man story 2 is a tough one. On the one hand, OP has no right to dictate who his soon-to-be-ex can and cannot date, or at what rate she gets to move on. On the other hand, both ex and Layard are being dishonest and two-faced by claiming they aren't in a relationship and acting all buddy-buddy with OP just to get to his ex. I can understand OP's frustrations as well, his emotions are probably all out of whack and seeing another guy swoop in like a vulture and try to date your not-yet-divorced wife (who may I add is still living in the same house as him) while lying about it and acting like your friend would throw me for a loop, as well. Ex and Layard can see each other if they want, but if they don't even have the balls to be honest about it that's an ass move. And still yet, Layard may genuinely want to have a friendship with OP, and neither of them have any obligation to inform him of their relationship status. The people saying YTA are the typical redditors siding with the woman because "her body her choice" while completely disregarding the nuance of the situation. ESH/NAH

[@evanboyd1541]

He should have pulled the guy aside and told him he wants no part in his little game.

[@Davtwan]

“Good intentions” is one of the weakest yet most commonly used excuses. A lot of stuff in the past has went wrong despite having good intentions. An informed and polite opinion always wins out against an honest and brutal one.

[@DestinationsChronicles]

OP Needs to dump that "friend". Friend is more concerned about how she will "look" with OP around. She doesn't care how anything affects OP at all.

[@locusxe1411]

I agree with the NAH verdict from story 2

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

Story 1: OP is NTA and I think she needs better friends. This one sounds like she's self-absorbed and just concerned about how She'll be treated sunbathing next to OP with stretch marks. IMHO, having such a friend is such a drain on fun times.

[@A_Little_Bit_Of_Everything06]

Story one: I've never been pregnant but when I turned 11 I hit a huge growth spurt and my thighs are covered in stretch Mark's so op in story is nta seriously if teens have stretch Marks because they grow does that mean they are ugly? No? So then op isn't either! Nobody is ugly we all have our own quirks also CAKE IS LIFE

[@ettinakitten5047]

Story 4 - wife should try volunteering in an old folks' home. Great way to meet lonely kind old people you can bond with if you're craving an older person in your life.

[@isiaadiel3468]

I got stretch marks. How did I get them? Gain weight after puberty and surviving an ED. People like this are just absolutely gross and I can't wait for their personalities to mold their appearance. That last story though... What a freaking baby this so called "man" is. Nah, scratch that. My infant niece has better behavior.

[@SamasBananas1]

Story 2: That dude was OPs friend first and confided in him and mans did have a point

[@RedReaper666OG]

Story 1: NTA, you earned your tiger stripes mama, so rock 'em!🐯

[@novabrilliant4510]

Just got back from a walk. Perfect time for some waffles ☺️ Thanks Mark.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

Story 1. I understand having good intentions and pointing out possible insecurities. However, I, being a man whose had many female friends asking me for a "man's opinion" on clothing, learned long ago that when asked for opinions, you ask, "what are you looking for, what are you wanting to accentuate with the clothing you're looking for, and only comment on how outfits or clothing works in those regards. Like the "do these pant make my ass look big?" My response is, "do you want them to make your ass look big?" And ask those questions before the clothes even get tried on. That way, all you have to do is say "yes, that fits you well," or, "no, the don't fit you the way you described wanting."

[@ettinakitten5047]

That's amazing! I love your approach to it!

[@orchidoxs126]

Story 2: I think it's a esh. To mainly because I look at it loke this this was a friend at some point. When they were married as soon as he finds out they are getting a divorce he starts doing this with the wife or soon to be ex wife. The wife does get to move with who ever, but with friends or exs people often have issues with that in other stories but in this story it's okay? Op doesn't have a say in who she sees. But they should both have respect or at least wait till they are fricking divorce first. This guy was just waiting for it to be known to do this. And he is now trying to play both sides the betraying party and the helpful friend. Esh.

[@KE-hr4sb]

Story 4: I sympathize with OP. Was it a nice thing to say? Not precisely, but he kept (figuratively) telling the toddler not to stick her hand on the hot stove. She kept doing it, and wants to cry every time she gets burned. After a point, it gets incredibly frustrating for the one begging you not to go down that path. I had a serial cheater friend, that was addicted to "bad boys." I don't mean tattoos and "guyliner;" I mean, married men, her boss, guys with a record or history of drug abuse, etc. Basically the guy she "couldn't have." I'd tell her x guy was bad news. She'd respond, "I'm an adult, it's my life and my choice. If you can't support me, then you can get out of my life." So I'd shut up. Few months later, she was burned, dumped, cheated on, abandoned while pregnant, etc. Inevitably, she'd want to cry on my shoulder about what an asshole the guy was and how awful he was to her. If I dared mention that I'd tried to warn her, she'd lecture me about how "if I was any kind of friend, I'd console and support her instead of saying I told you so." After ten years of the same old song and dance, she had three kids all by different fathers, was disowned by her family because the guy she was with had stolen from them to support his drug habit, living in her car, and her on-again-off-again husband got her addicted to meth, which resulted in their kids getting taken away. I just couldn't do it anymore.

[@gloriasowle8083]

Her friend with the bathing suit issue is afraid about how she will look next to you. Not how you will look.

[@polidon1577]

4:16 Waffles are life! *from the distance* "Darn it man you messed it up again"

[@ceeshnia]

Story 1: She didn't have good intentions. She wanted to put her friend down to either a. not "embarrass" herself, or b. because she wants the attention on herself and a woman in a two piece with stretch marks exudes confidence which is very attractive. Honestly, not an actual friend. Friends lift you up and tell you to go for it, to get that sexy piece and feel good in it. Story 2: Adults aside, her going from married to dating right away will have an affect on the children. My mom did that. It wasn't healthy, and it made us kids feel unimportant and forgotten. I am not saying don't date after you get a divorce by any means, but that from one to the other thing? Without so much as a healing period for all and not just the parents? The kids are going to take it really hard because their life has just been uprooted and seeing their mom moving on in a snap is a whiplash of emotions.

[@paden1865able]

Until the divorce is final, it's better to not date and just give yourself time to get accustomed to being a single person, with all the perks and drawbacks that come with it.

[@rayfordreed9304]

I think those commenters need to learn how to read considering they kept referring to OP's wife as his ex-wife

[@zerobolt9506]

Thank you, everyone keep saying ex wife, but until it's finalized they're not divorce yet

[@reptiles3244]

@@rayfordreed9304 it is his ex wife

[@reptiles3244]

@@zerobolt9506 they are divorced once proceedings are in place they're divorced they are seperated end of story

[@paden1865able]

@@reptiles3244 That's NOT what my lawyers told me. The divorce is not over and done until the judge signs off on them and the fees are paid.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Lol, I told you so is never going to work out if the person you're telling is someone you want to keep an ongoing relationship with!

[@abelink9229]

Story 4: bringing an abusive person into someone's life, especially against their protests, is abuse in itself. I don't buy the grief excuse. She made her bed.

[@MidnightCore7]

Dinner story: yta. Just don’t cook for him or put leftovers in the fridge. Some people aren’t hungry at certain times so you may be forcing the guy to eat at times when he isn’t hungry which will make him develop a bad relationship with food. You are not required to cook for him if you don’t like that he isn’t hungry at the same time as you then you can put his food in the fridge or have him cook his own food and you cook your own. YTA for trying to make a guy eat when he by the sounds of it, isn’t hungry.

[@Emi_Tempi]

First story reminds me of an argument between me and my friend. I was just talking about something small and she brought a comparrission to na_i to it. I was so confused at why she was bringing it in and she just kept comparing it to it. That was the last time I ever talked to that friend because that was like the 7th time she brought smth up that was nowhere near close to what we were arguing about(and she was a stubborn and nasty person.)

[@geckokid8265]

I like the mighty boosh reference at 17:17 with the username

[@Sascha-bf1kw]

S1: I'm fat and my right arm is disabled but on the beach I still feel good because I got friends who don't care about that, when I'm with them I could care less if anyone stares or thinks I look strange. And NTA friends should be honest but she is obviously not sorry that she hurt Op's feelings because all of her brain power that's left focuses on herself.

[@2Ten1Ryu]

Yeah. It's okay to say "maybe this isn't such a good idea, you might get stared at", but if your friend says "I don't mind" you should leave it at that and not try to convince them that they should care. like, what logic is behind that?

[@somethingelse4204]

For story 4: I would be PISSED if my spouse was trying to start up a relationship with my parents after I told them that I'd cut all contact with them due to the toxic things they'd done to me. OP's wife is either 1) acting like what OP suffered at his mother's hands isn't as important as her desire for a mother figure (and what does that mother figure HAVE to be OP's mum? There are nice older women all over? Go to a bake sale or antique store.), or 2) she straight up doesn't believe that OP had it as bad as he said. Maybe "I told you so" is an insensitive thing to say, but OP's wife is a massive idiot and even MORE insensitive. So OP is NTA to me.

[@whims6278]

Story 2 I somehow feel like I agree with both NTA and TAH

[@crkinjiraretaai]

Uhhhhh the dude is supposed to be his friend?? And he's moving in on his not yet ex wife? He never told HER she couldn't be with him. He told the man who was supposed to be his friend that he didn't want to be around HIM for moving in on her. That's the fucked up part. The ink isn't even dry and he's moving in on her. What kind of friend is that?!

[@graceful_rose_thorns]

MARK! You’re doing a good job!

[@whynotkevin5215]

not mark referencing Shrek is love, Shrek is life 😩