My Wife Threw Out My Valentines Gift So I Destroyed Her Late Husbands Wedding Ring r/Relationships

[@drawingdame7718]

I will never understand why some people *knowingly* date widows/widowers or people with kids and then be offended that, surprise surprise, the deceased spouse or the kids are still a factor in their lives

[@ronnieman87]

Same thing with single mothers, but it seems like everyone wants to be Mr White knight or Captain save-a-ho.

[@xanderthecharmander8365]

It is so confusing. Of course if her husband hadn't died she would still be with him. That's generally how being a widow works

[@Flufferz626]

My dad's ex was the same way. My mother died in 2011, and in 2012 he started dating this woman. They even moved in together at one point. But he broke up with her because she couldn't handle that he'd never marry her, that my mom would be the only wife he ever had and he still loved and missed her. Before they broke up he would have to distance himself from his gf on my parents wedding anniversary and also the anniversary of my mom's death. The final straw was when she noticed him purchasing flowers one day (she was on a break from her work and the flower shop was next door so it was coincidence), only for him to leave and not take them to her. She was angry and confronted him after she got off work about the flowers and he told her that it was my mom's birthday and he brought her favorite flowers to her grave and sat there for a bit. She went nuts. People don't understand how soulmates work sometimes. She knew he was a widower.

[@reinathefox6600]

He died while they were together, this guy is gonna die without her

[@tayganroberts5098]

@@Flufferz626 your dad was the problem then. He still loved a women who wasn’t alive to love him back. But another woman WAS there to love him and he treated her badly. Not abusively, but buying flowers for your dead ex over your live partner is just disrespectful. You have a new love and requiring them to live in the shadow of your late partner is selfish and uncaring. I’m not surprised she was upset.

[@SherriLyle80s]

"Do you love him?" What kind of question is that? She lost him! Of course she will always love him!

[@tookitogo]

Yep! And it’s not as though a person’s love is a finite resource. I feel that one’s heart expands to love all the people you want to love. She can love (and grieve) her late husband while still loving her new one. Now, it does sound like she remarried too soon. There are different kinds of love, and I suspect* that grieving includes _changing_ the kind of love one feels for the deceased. She wasn’t done with that. *”suspect” because I’ve never been a widower so I can’t say for sure. I’ve only lost pets, including one that died very suddenly out of the blue, and I know that my love for pets gone doesn’t take away my love of later pets. I just… make more love in my heart.

[@SherriLyle80s]

@@tookitogo my mother was a widow and she remarried. You are definitely correct.

[@tookitogo]

@@SherriLyle80s Thanks for the reply! As I said, it’s not something I have personal experience with.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

The way the OP handled this was very poorly. However, the way the wife acted/acts is just as poorly. Not to sound crass, but this is why you NEVER marry someone whose spouse passed away. You are forever competing for their love against a ghost that regardless of how their marriage was or that person acted, can do no wrong. You can't win against a ghost aka the memory of their dead spouse.

[@knightraven7044]

Actions speak louder than words

[@heymrnickerbocker]

Story 1 TLDR: I went crazy with a hammer and scared TF out of my wife. Now she's gone and I don't understand why. 😩

[@jaimedritt4622]

That sums it up perfectly!!!!

[@JustinAdamson270]

She ain't scared she's just upset new hubby ain't taking the backseat to the dead man

[@heymrnickerbocker]

@@JustinAdamson270 as someone who has actually had someone pull up a hammer at me in anger (and not be hit with the hammer) I can tell you from experience SHE IS SCARED OF HIM. Someone's ability to finally control themselves after an outburst of violence (even towards an object) does not negate the fact they had the outburst and its highly probable if not definite they will do it again. OP acknowledged he wasn't taking a backseat to the man, he hadn't been brought up in years. The man is dead. If you personally consider that taking a backseat - and thats an excuse for swinging a hammer in anger like you're Thor or somebody, you have just as many issues as OP. Hope no one ever starts swinging a hammer in front of your daughter, sister, mother etc. But from what you wrote they probably already have and it's probably you who swung it. It's also not surprising that he showed that outburst AFTER she married him. He got comfortable and decided to unmask. That's exactly how abusers do.

[@whims6278]

@@JustinAdamson270 this says so much about your character, and if someone I knew made this comment I would avoid them, because that's literally an insane way to think unless you're an abusive, dismissive, misogynistic POS

[@snakesandstones4252]

​@@heymrnickerbocker yep, agreed. Gotta love all the dudes in the comments here defending him either bc they'd do the same or they've never had to feel scared of their SO before. I would def be both scared of him getting physically abusive, but I'd also be scared of him from an emotional abuse standpoint as well. All she asked was for him to not celebrate that one particular day because it was painful for her--not only did he ignore that, but he went and did the most emotionally abusive thing he could thing of, he WANTED to hurt her and hurt her as cruelly as he possibly could. Nothing she was doing was to intentionally hurt him, but he was fully aware that if she broke down that bad over flowers, the damage he'd do by destroying her ring and screaming that her husband was dead repeatedly would do to her. After my father passed away, and I found his corpse several hours later, I had to go to a PTSD specialist and one of the hardest things for me to do was to say outloud that he was dead. She helped me prepare for weeks before having me say it on repeat while doing EMDR therapy--I couldn't imagine what having someone I loved and trusted the most scream it on repeat while violently bashing one of his treasured possessions would have done to me.

[@madhatterine2805]

The guy can't believe that she is scared of him, after he attacked her ring with a hammer, screaming at her, clearly furious? How could that woman not be scared of him?

[@justine8387]

Then his go to reaction is that he wanted to throw away the ring. Not "oh shit how can I have it fixed" he doubles down with his abusive reactions.

[@jasoncarter4343]

She wasn’t scared of him because he never once threatened her or harmed throughout the entirety of their relationship. She was looking for an out on a man she didn’t love and got one.

[@Sapphirelily]

@@jasoncarter4343 Really? Decades of knowing someone then marrying that same person then said person dies tragically. She did move on! Valentine’s was her WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!! No matter HOW much time passes, that’s ALWAYS going to be a sore day for her. (I know this because my mother is a widow and her wedding anniversary is a sore day for her) The wife is always going to love her *LATE* husband because there are at least a decade of memories! Then OP got jealous because (yes!) she still loves her *LATE* husband. She wasn’t LOOKING for a way out. HE drove her away with his possessive jealousy and HE shattered her trust by destroying the ONE thing she had. *ASSHOLE*

[@sopadumacacoumadelicia5]

@@jasoncarter4343 lol

[@videofan1010]

@@jasoncarter4343 I hope you don't date...

[@MorbidKat]

The way she said "I rather you had hit me with a hammer" is gut wrenching. And he made her throw away all the photos of them together! Jeez....what a monstrous person

[@randomusername3873]

Don't give him ideas though

[@CryWolf-sm9iw]

Idk, she’d rather he hit her with the hammer over a ring? Talk about melodramatic. The guy essentially was married to a corpse himself.

[@smarsh7779]

@@CryWolf-sm9iw I'm worried you don't see a man losing his mind and violently attacking stuff with a hammer to do as much emotional harm as possible because his SO didn't want flowers as the problem, and rather seem to think the problem is that she has loved more than one person in her lifetime? I just........realized that deep dark level of resentment can't be reasoned with. Have a good day man. Try not to flip out and turn violent because your 'bride' is a human and not a sims character, best of luck.

[@doggolovescheese1310]

Yeah...I feel like he was emotionally abusive

[@Poorstargazer23]

@@CryWolf-sm9iw and God forbid you pass before her... I hope she mourns you with as much care, love, and honor as you expect this women in story one to have for her deceased husband...especially should your "bride" remarry. It's the golden rule, do unto others and all that 💛

[@RaspberryHugs]

If he wanted to celebrate a day of love with her then he should have suggested they create their own. A new holiday. New traditions.

[@chsparkle]

Or just go all out in their anniversary, shed probably be fine with that.

[@aynuralbek6474]

or he could`ve done that any day in 365 days, why it has to be valentine`s day though?

[@mothercabbagepatch3344]

Yes, I thought that. Why not just make their own wedding anniversary really special.

[@johnpauljones9310]

@@chsparkle Nope. Ever tried to date a widow? I have. They build shrines to their "lost love" and no matter what you do, the first guy either did it first or better or would have done it better if he'd had more time with her.

[@amphoteric]

@@johnpauljones9310 i bet you're the insecure type to make your s/o get rid of all the pictures and possessions she owns that reminds her of her late husband too, aren't you? 🙄

[@edme007]

Story 1 “According to everyone here I have no one to blame but myself” shows that he doesn’t understand why he was wrong. And like Mark said there are 364 other days to show his love but OP is focused on doing it on her anniversary. It’s a power play and it failed

[@lnaph]

Clearly has a lack of empathy

[@mimiNana-yi4cy]

yes, I picked up, immediately, on his lack of empathy. He needs to be number 1. Her statement to him made me want to cry, especially the part of where she got rid of all pics of her, and her true love, because he did not want them around. He was trying to erase her past, instead of accepting it. All she ever asked was for him to not tread on her wedding day to her first love, that was all she ever asked. I wonder if they had married on any other day if he would have respected that. He deserves what he gets, a divorce, and she deserves so much much more in a partner. His behavior was, blatantly, abusive and it sounds like he just wanted to control her. He does not get it. it's all about what he wanted, never what she needed. I wish OP's, soon to be, ex all the best and all the healing that she needs. OP needs to get some serious therapy to deal with his lack of empathy and need for control.

[@lnaph]

@@mimiNana-yi4cy she doesn't doesn't have a grave she can visit.

[@kimsvisualdiary]

In my opinion they both need to stay single. Him especially. She needs therapy to deal with her grief and he needs to get into a long term relationship with a fleshlight because he’s too much of a selfish prick to be with someone else.

[@jackspring7709]

Hold on. Banning Valentine's Day and then screaming at him for bringing her presents on Valentine's Day as her husband. I don't think you realise what that means. This is not "I'll always grieve for him" (which is understandable), this is "This is your place, and that's where you'll stay". Incredibly destructive - unfortunately he was then prompted to be even more destructive. Normally I have nothing but contempt for Anyone who destroys an heirloom, especially one with such tragic memories attached. They both attacked each other in a way that will be probably difficult to come back from, if at all. It's a pity - and I feel awful for both of them.

[@Devneek]

I think the biggest thing here that no one's speaking about is that every time he would talk about getting angry his first thing after was "I want to throw out that ring", like he truly wasn't sorry or definitely did not learn.

[@jodieg6318]

Story 1 has me squirming, “I love her so much!” “I just wanted to show my love for her!” After he made her get rid of her late husband’s photos, was happy when late husband wasn’t mentioned, screamed in her face, and finally got violent and did something he knew would hurt her the most. What was next? “I love her so much I had to hit her.”

[@CreditR01]

He's a controlling bastard. I'm sure this was just the cherry on top of a pile of red flags, like her mentioning that he wouldn't let her hang pictures of her late husband in the house. I hope his wife recovers and her ring can be salvaged.

[@goawayleavemealone2880]

I literally decided he was the ahole from the title, but I was also morbidly curious.

[@achocot]

@@CreditR01 not hang. she wasn't allowed to have any pictures of her late husband... the ring was all she had left of him.

[@GMAMEC]

Yeah, the pictures indicated that there was more to this story. I initially thought the flower situation was bad, but getting rid of every trace of her deceased husband was cruel.

[@chanterelle483]

Yes, abusers would also tell you that they love the person they abuse. People, it's not enough to love someone. You need to love them right.

[@bienemaja9058]

Story 1 is beyond scary. What would have happened if she had ignored him destroyed the ring and just continued to leave? The whole story reads like the build-up to a homicide to me.

[@bridgetteburrows7967]

Bullshit she took off her wedding ring .many years past that means he can't celebrate V Day because of a dead spouse.Stop using dead spouse as an excuse on V day should he walk on egg shells for the rest of the marriage?

[@TheIronwil]

Story 1: It’s over. There are things done in anger that can be forgiven, and some that can’t. Domestic violence is the latter, and this more than qualifies. Screaming in her face and then taking a hammer to her late husband’s ring… Trust is broken, replaced by fear and rage.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Respect for her to leave him, and call him the abuser who he realy is. This dude has serious anger issues and need therapy asap. Btw this is the reason why i always say don't marry on valentinesday. You never know what the future hold for you, and you will ruin tthis day.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

‼️ I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion and please read through the whole comment before commenting below. I completely agree what he did was really f***** up and wrong. But what she did was also really f***** up and wrong. He just wanted her to reassure him that she loved him and that he wasn't just a rebound. She refused to give him any reassurance or comfort at all. She wouldn't say it to him because he WAS just a rebound and she WAS just using him. I doubt she actually loved him otherwise why didn't she just give her husband some reassurance since she literally just destroyed his Valentine's Day present he bought out of love in front of him. All he wanted was confirmation that she actually loved him and she refused. She wouldn't even talk about it. She didn't speak to him or look at him she just gave him the silent treatment packed up her s*** and was planning to leave him. She even took off her wedding and engagement rings without saying a f****** word to him. Her behavior is f****** disgusting. And her being sad does not give her an excuse to treat him that way. That is not how you treat someone you love. Period. End of story. Just as him being sad and upset doesn't give him a right to destroy her late husband's ring. They're both in the wrong, her more than him, she clearly wasn't ready to move on when she married OP. She even admitted that. She led him on and used him because she was still grieving her late husband. Now she's basically ruined OPs life because she was so selfish she wanted to keep him even tho she wasn't actually ready to move on. That doesn't justify what op did but the wife isn't some saint like Reddit is making her out to be.

[@BiologicalClock]

@@WhitneyDahlin Holy shit, no, being traumatized from your first spouse's death and having an emotional reaction when an established boundary has been violated is not "just as bad" as going on a rage-fueled emotionally and verbally abusive tirade including the destruction of irreplaceable property. Wife definitely should have healed more before getting into a relationship and needs therapy, but OP still crossed a boundary that she set from the beginning and instead of TALKING to her and asking about maybe celebrating V-Day since it's meaningful to him, he intentionally disregarded her previous boundary and then flipped the fuck out on her when she got upset.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Tbh I would have used the hammer on OP. She is far kinder than I.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

@@paulinadeboer3604 I respectfully but completely disagree. Just because he lost his temper once doesn't mean he's a monster. We have no evidence at all he's an abuser. Yeah he shouldn't have destroyed the ring but she shouldn't have destroyed his Valentine's Day gift and then when he just wanted to reassurance he wasn't a rebound and she loved him she refused to give it to him. She gave him the silent treatment wouldn't even look at him and broke up with him by taking off both of her rings and putting them on the table while refusing to speak to him or look at him. That doesn't justify what he did. But her behavior is completely disgusting and we have far more evidence for her being the abuser than for him being the abuser. Silent treatments are famous tactics of selfish abusers. I'm not saying she is an abuser I don't think we have enough evidence for that. I'm just saying we have far more evidence for her being one than for him. She isn't an innocent victim. She ADMITTED to selfishly refusing to break up with him even though she wasn't ready to move on just because she didn't want to lose him. She led him on, strung him along. She's selfish and pretty entitled. Her feelings have no more importance than his feelings. His feelings matter just as much.

[@raptor_redd]

He met (and presumably started pursuing) her within a year of her being widowed, made her get rid of her dead husband's pictures, tried to use a cash grab holiday to erase her wedding anniversary because he "thinks its a sweet holiday", and then proceeded to destroy the last piece of her dead childhood sweetheart that she had and this is HIS version of events. This man's a walking red flag parade and I'd love to see his ex describe their relationship in a few years when she's finally had the distance and time to process it. $10 says the phrases lovebomb and felt pressured are involved.

[@marywray6046]

You know, no one forced her to go out with him, but you act like she had no free will, she didn't help the situation either

[@jackspring7709]

Oh, he pursued her, did he? Ok. Forced her into a relationship when she was grieving. Got it. And he "pressured" her. Yep, got that, too - loud and clear. It's too bad you seem to think she was too weak to make her own decisions. So - men are all predators, women aren't able to think for themselves. Sure thing, raptor.

[@rachaelclark8465]

Agree with Mary and Jack.

[@randomusername3873]

Dude, women are people with agency and free will. Nobody knows if you are ready for a relationship other that yourself, if you are not ready to enter a relationship and do it anyways you are the one in the wrong The fact that OP is a nutjob doesn't mean that he forced her into a marriage she didn't want wtf

[@natnuss98]

@@marywray6046 no one forced him to date a widow. Yet here he is being jealous over a dead person.

[@Arthus850]

Literally every update of story 1 made OP seem more and more unhinged. I’m actually afraid for his ex wife’s future. He wouldn’t let her keep photos of him. He mentioned whiskey once he realized it was over. He’s drowning his sorrows in alcohol. That most of the time leads to insanity. I only hope he doesn’t become so unhinged that he goes after his ex.

[@Bonaduece]

"It's hard to imagine she actually wants to leave me." Is it? Is it really? 🤔 What a schmuck.

[@addicted2mako]

The way he put quotes around the word ‘dating’ when describing her and her late husband’s relationship is really telling. He’s still trying to dismiss their love as something not nearly as important and meaningful as his own marriage to her. Someone once said that grief doesn’t get smaller with time; it’s just that life grows around it. OP pursued this relationship thinking his presence could (and should) erase the importance her first husband had and so he never gave her time to let life grow around her grief. If she ever wants to find love again (and I don’t blame her if she never does), may it be with someone who understands and respects the man who held such a prevalent place in her life. And regard OP as a fart: something that shows up, is unpleasant, but is otherwise forgotten

[@chs75]

No, she never gave herself time to let life grow around her grief...and as a result he was forced into a throuple with a ghost.

[@mkay4]

@@chs75 she didn’t hold him at gun point. Even though I agree she should have for her own sake and mental health taken the time to properly grieve. He could have at ANY POINT. Just broken up. She had very clear and very solid boundaries. He just assumed that because they got married all her previous feelings and boundaries were null and void. If he had communicated the possibility of trying Valentines again after marriage, she would have been able to have voiced her feelings. But he didn’t really care about her. Not in a healthy way at least.

[@katieb.1184]

@@chs75 forced implies it wasn't a choice he made. he made the choice knowing her and everything it entailed. he was a grown man who stomped over a simple boundary because HE wanted to celebrate an overpriced holiday. And THEN he proceeded to destroy something important to her out of anger and spite, and even after calming down, he continued to want to hurt her more. I don't do v-day because it was my gram's birthday... my husband understood this and picked a different day to be all over-the-top sappy... it's an easy thing to work around, he just couldn't respect a simple boundary or even discuss it before.

[@thatwitchychick2717]

@@chs75 So.. you're blaming the victim.. did I get that right?

[@justine8387]

@@chs75 he wasn't forced. He chose to be with a person who has trauma and grief.

[@Aziara86]

"I got rid of all my photos with him(late husband) and that ring is all I had left" Kinda buried the lead there... This guy was an abusive controlling ass from the start!

[@shells500tutubo]

When I read that, all I could think of is how he buried the lede. That should have been in his first paragraph. Although his wife DEFINITELY wasn't ready to remarry anyone, he wasn't ready to marry anyone with a past life and relationships. She got of her DEAD HUSBAND'S photos? That is madness, and is sounds like that is far from the only thing she has done to try to appease him- "that is the only thing I ask for and you couldn't even do that". I really hope she is in ongoing therapy and that she doesn't get in any relationship after dumping him. Sounds like a grief support group would be helpful, but I'll bet OP didn't like THAT either.

[@hydrokineticpowerhouse]

@@shells500tutubo Plus he got into this relationship when he was twenty. When I showed the title to my twenty year old sister she said she deserved it. He clearly was not prepared to be in a relationship with a widow and learned nothing over the eight years they’ve been together.

[@tayganroberts5098]

Why are you parading your ex around your new partner? Even if he is dead, why should your partner be okay that you still live another man? You wouldn’t be with them if your late partner wasn’t dead so why should anyone be happy about that!?

[@Aziara86]

@@tayganroberts5098 1. Not an ex, a late husband. 2. It's not 'parading around' to keep a photo album.

[@tayganroberts5098]

@@Aziara86 a late husband is an EX. “Ex” as a prefix means “out of”. She was OUT OF a relationship with her late husband, that makes him an ex. Doesn’t matter how the relationship ended, that’s how prefixes work.

[@cantduckinbelieveit7426]

Story one: what. The. Hell. What a psychopath

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 1: how much of a narcissist do you have to be that you don’t understand how abusive you were to your partner.

[@KlaudiaShaefferr]

Narcissists do know they’re abusing their victims. This OP was hoping to paint the story a certain way, get some sympathy and then send the link to the post to his wife. Mission failed.

[@formanga8871]

You mean wife right as she never thought about OPs feelings and emotions before agreeing to marry him.

[@LifeCompanionDogs8083]

​@@formanga8871 Found the abuser.

[@RG-vs8qz]

I'm glad at least one person can recognize this ​@@formanga8871

[@sydneykloba7827]

When my mom had just become a widow, my dad’s ring broke completely on accident and it was like he died again, for the both of us. I can’t fathom what THAT felt like.

[@PaintSplashProductions]

Story 3: Well that just made my year. I can't imagine being those kids and going from nothing of their own to getting so many presents, clothes and getting a whole Christmas tree. OP sounds like an amazing parent

[@TarisLuna]

First story: Abusers often hit / destroy the things around you, before they actually hit you. He f*cked up greatly and she's way better off without him.

[@Nukie144]

He sought out the exact thing she valued above everything else, the last remaining symbol of her late husband he let her keep. He knew exactly how to hurt her as horribly as possibly without laying a finger on her.

[@kennethsjvold9212]

So she is also a abuser since she destroyed the flowers?? Wtf is wrong with the comments here🙄🙄

[@TarisLuna]

@@kennethsjvold9212 asking him time and time again not to do something at Valentinesday and throwing away flowers is absolutely different to destroying the last thing someone has from a dead loved one. So no, she is not.

[@lnaph]

@@kennethsjvold9212 you are like the op. I pity any woman who you get in your web

[@KLT-id9nm]

If we get legally technical the flowers were hers the moment he gifted them and therefore legally hers to destroy. (Assuming they're in the US.) And all she did was toss them. They could have been salvaged. The ring possibly can't be.

[@clairebear-96]

Jesussss when he described how he smashed it while yelling at her, my mouth dropped open….. thank god she’s getting a divorce, IM scared of this guy and I don’t even know who he is, thank god she’s getting out of there

[@cutietae247]

The fact he did That after giving her the idea he was respecting her single explicit boundary just to hurt Her as much as he possibly could ….. like the rage is a sign domestic abuse can come. He said what they all say “I’d never do that I wasn’t thinking” yes you were. You wanted to hurt her as much as possible and I hope she divorces him

[@elaexplorer]

Yeah, like the hammer was just sitting next to the dresser.

[@TiffWaffles]

OP could have avoided this altogether by asking his wife if he could get her something nice to celebrate their love after Valentine's Day. He knew that she probably saw Valentine's Day as a bit of a memorial day to remember the man she loved before him but he refused to accept that because's he's selfish. Now, I have BPD so feeling intense anger isn't a stranger. I know how it feels to be so angry that you want to hurt somebody, but you have those moments before you lash out that you think about it and you don't do it. Most of my anger is often redirected at myself (very unhealthy, yes). OP knew what he was doing. He sought out that precious box with the ring and found a hammer and destroyed it. I feel so heartbroken for his wife. Imagine watching somebody you love destroying something so precious to you, begging for him to stop because that's the only thing you have left of somebody that was irreplaceable in your heart. OP's wife was finished with the argument. She wasn't responding because she needed space and instead of giving her space and continuing the conversation later, he went and yelled at her before destroying something that she can't ever get back.

[@cutietae247]

@@TiffWaffles right any day is Valentine’s Day if you want to show love. So many people have demanding careers and NEVER get Valentine’s Day together. Drs, nurses, military, truck drivers, etc. he should be thankful he can just be with her at all on those important days

[@thrillereighties8241]

@@TiffWaffles You don't get it. She is damaged goods. She belongs to a ghost. She was never his.

[@mrs.h2725]

She's honestly lucky she got out now. He showed some seriously unhinged violent tendencies here. And even afterwards he still 'doesn't get it' that what he did was serious enough for divorce, and was still so angry at her that he was considering throwing the ring away. He's a monster. And yes Valentine's day is just a bs commercial holiday. Her wedding anniversary to her tragically deceased husband is what that day represented to her, and she never hid that fact. That he would ever consider trying to argue that or make it about him is beyond disgusting and shows he has zero respect for her. I hope he gets serious therapy before ever considering getting in a relationship again. *Edit to add: oh and he knew her history of panic attacks and struggling with mental health from losing her husband in a tragedy. I'm sure having him rage out and smash her wedding ring is compounding her already difficult PTSD issues. Can't imagine how stressed she would be having the ring and his ashes still there with that psychopath who's shown he's capable of destroying such hugely important things.

[@BlueSkyBS]

Story 1: If ever there was someone who deserved all of the misery and despair they've brought upon themselves, it's this OP.

[@starbird3939]

Wife: “Please don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day” OP: (does that) Wife: “YOU HAD ONE JOB, DUDE, ONE JOB!” OP: (smashes wedding ring) Wife: (leaves) Op: (Surprised Pikachu Face) Also OP took his wife’s wedding ring and smashed it… destroying her property. That is a classic red flag for domestic abuse.

[@lnaph]

Yes and physical violence starting starting objects escalates... he said himself eh felt such rage...and yet he was ready ready throw out the ring later because when was angry. He is a dangerous person

[@davidburton3447]

The whole post was a story about him trying to exert dominance. 1st he tried to co-op valentines day because he couldn't let her have ONE day where she missed her former husband. When that blew up and destroyed the most valuable thing she had to remember him. If she hadn't snapped him out of it with her fearful pleas, he would have likely destroyed all the pics too. She was right to leave. He was a moron, insecure, and very controlling. A recipe for abuse.

[@lnaph]

@@davidburton3447 perfectly said (although the pics were already destroyed. He had asked her to destroy them earlier in their relationship)

[@simonO712]

@@benjiro8793 There is no time limit for how long you're allowed to grieve. Him walkimg all over her boundaries gave her a _panic attack._ I'd say it's pretty reasonable to not behave 100% rationally after that. If she had been allowed to calm down and _then_ she decided to leave him I'd probably agree it's a bit of an overreaction (when viewed in a vacuum at least), but that isn't what happened.

[@paden1865able]

Just got dressed after a shower and I'm knackered after a deep clean of the living room. The first story husband would have gotten the snot knocked out of him by my family. She asked for one day of the year and he thought he could cross that boundary, then turned cruel and vicious. Someone please get the idiot a form fitting hug me jacket...

[@mysticaccy]

Last story: Such a beautiful story. I'm so glad that OP was able to make it magical for the girls.

[@owlintrenchcoat]

Yeah, a dude who has fits of rage during which he takes a hammer to things she loves is someone who's potentially dangerous, imo. That's scary.

[@nathryl03]

I was thinking just that. This time the ring, next time what, her head? That man is dangerous and I'm glad she decided to leave.

[@briant7134]

Big time. Especially how he described it… he lost control and went into full blown rage in a situation that didn’t at all call for it. He is insecure, and in my opinion sounds very egotistical, and his reaction tells me he is a danger.

[@amerlin388]

"Full blown rage", which IS totally understandable in this situation, during which he still held it together enough to vent his rage on an object not a person. Yes, not a high bar but high enough that all these people calling him dangerous and violent are full of crap.

[@nathryl03]

@@amerlin388 Some abusers start with objects you care about before turning their rage on you. While I might agree that one situation is probably not enough to know for sure, his behavior is definitely a huge red flag. And, before you say I don't know what I'm talking about, I speak from experience.

[@TheSandman1775]

After him asking , rightly so, if he was a rebound and yelling at her when she wouldn’t even talk to him she took off her ring and put it on the nightstand. This nutball NEVER loved him. He was right all along. He was a rebound, nothing more. She even told him she wasn’t ready when they got together. If anyone is abusive it’s this woman. Emotionally abusive throughout the relationship. Letting him know that no matter what he was ALWAYS #2.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

It hurts my heart that little girls of 4 and 5 have never had a Christmas of any kind. Bless OP and his family for not only taking them in, but giving them such a magical gift.

[@Russman67]

The second OP asked "Am I the rebound", knowing the history his wife had with her late husband, knowing that her and her late husband were married on Valentine's Day so that day is forever poisoned, you can feel the casket on this relationship close. Smashing the ring was just driving large nails through the top. That move was disgusting and cruel. Grant her the divorce and walk away.

[@JustinAdamson270]

She deserves it lol

[@CaulkMongler]

Honestly I’ve heard so many horror stories of jealousy regarding *dead partners* that I really question the humanity of a lot of people.

[@tayganroberts5098]

@@CaulkMongler if people stop getting into relationships before they’ve had therapy to deal with their loss and grief and STOPPED making people feel second to a dead person than yeah that would be great

[@natnuss98]

@@tayganroberts5098 if people would stop dating people who are clearly grieving. Also he was never made to feel like second best: 01:20 'she never brings him up anymore' 02:23 'she never discusses him anymore' 03:37 'we haven't discussed him since our first year together' 05:25 'she's always treated me with immense love, never compared me to him'

[@randomusername3873]

@@natnuss98 Sorry but I disagree. It's on the person that enters the relationship to be ready, not on the other one. That doesn't mean that OP isn't insane, but I really don't like the implication that a person is not responsible for their decisions

[@hvensward]

story 1- "is my marriage over" uh.. yeah, no shit? he ignored her very understandable request to not celebrate a holiday that was triggering for her, caused her to have a panic attack, then demolished the ring of her *dead* late husband in front of her. he needs serious help. the late husband died in a *car accident*. he needs to accept that yes, she will always love him. yes, she wouldnt be with him were her late husband still alive. you have to accept that when you enter a relationship with someone who has lost their partner like that. show your wife how much you love her on literally ANY other day than valentines day. "i hope she just texted that out of anger and she'll come around" how can you even think that after what you did to her?? shes terrified of you. if you can destroy something that mean so much to her that easily, and STILL consider doing more damage to it (throwing it out) she is completely right to never trust you again. OP is a huge piece of shit. theres no rebuilding that.

[@definitelyarealperson248]

Also the fact that every time she refused to come back, he resorted to angry. And wanted to further destroy the ring and hurt her.

[@tamsel814]

Yeah, and then he wanted to celebrate their love in that day. Like, to him it may just be valentines day celebrating their current love, but to her it meant so much more and was a day of grief.

[@squirrel670]

@@tamsel814 he doesn't love her, he wants to own her. Valentines day is just a holiday, not the embodiment of love itself. I love my partner and because I love him, I could never imagine disrespecting him and disregarding his feelings like this because of what I would like. Then complaining about the price and carrying on like a movie villain with how evil that was. That shit would make people cry and thats even if its fake. The concept of this in itself is heartbreaking. Then he has the nerve to say its not that big a deal and thought she'd come back. Nasty to the core.

[@hvensward]

@@squirrel670 totally agree! if he really loved her, he'd be more understanding (or at least try) about her feelings and needs. he totally disregards her feelings even in the updates.

[@justine8387]

Her: please don't contact me or my family. Him: I called her and left a whole bunch of voice mails. Also him: I don't understand what I did wrong. Dear God man just listen to yourself.

[@julia7200]

Last story: I can imagine their beaming faces and the feelings they felt. It’s clear as day that the kids feel safer with them. So happy that they will finally experience real love.

[@meadowsong8560]

Whoa! That guy is crazy if he thinks he can make it up to his wife. He must have looked absolutely terrifying smashing that ring with a hammer. I would have been afraid he was going to turn on me next.

[@Evolution1101]

The OP from the first story is better off. He sounded like he was plenty patient with her and gave her space every time she asked for it. It's completely reasonable to not want to be surrounded by photos of the man who was married to your wife. Everyone ripping on him for making her get rid of the ex's photos can fuck off, from the way the story played out you just know she was treating that shit like a bloody shrine in his own house. In any case, I'm sure they're in a box at her parents’ house. I guarantee she didn't burn them, so chill. It's completely reasonable to want to celebrate Valentine's Day with your partner (as corny as that may be). It's not his fault that she and her dead ex chose that day to get married. I find it interesting that the first time he brought her gifts on Valentine's Day (when you would think the wounds would have been fresher), she did not have the hysterical reaction she did at the end. This makes me think that she had already decided to end it and just wanted a reason. There is a limit to the amount of bullshit a person will take. And I'm sorry but after nearly a decade together and having to put up with this crap, asking "if she still loved her ex and if OP was nothing but a rebound to her" was a completely reasonable question for the OP to ask. For fuck sakes, he couldn't even bring his own wife flowers without her making it about her goddamned dead ex. And you just know this bullshit would have continued for the rest of his life. The other thing that makes me suspect she had already checked out, was the refusal to answer the question, and the performative removal of the jewellery the OP got her on their own wedding day - which in a way WAS an answer, but it was clearly also meant to wind him up, like "Yes, I do still love him. This shit you got me means nothing compared to what I had with him." And to further wind him up, she continued refusing to talk to him (for simply asking the most reasonable question in the world at that point), and went to pack a duffle bag. Of course he would yell at that point. Who wouldn't?! That's not abuse, that's the minimal normal reaction one would have upon coming to the realisation that the person you thought loved you really didn't. I don't condone the smashing of the ring, but I do get it. Like, "Oh, our rings mean nothing to you?! They do to me. You don't want to talk about it? Fine. Fuck you then. Here's what the ring that clearly matters more to you than our wedding rings means to me - fuck all." I get it. She got the result she was looking for. But then to play the "I'm scared to be around you." card when she literally goaded him into an emotional reaction... I'm sorry but that's just shitty. He wasn't violent towards her, he took his frustration out on something she loved. You're not scared of him, you're scared to admit that you're scared to be alone and that he was in fact a rebound and that you willingly wasted his life because you couldn't be bothered being honest and getting over your own issues before latching onto him as a life line. Honestly, he should have smashed that ring years prior, instead of wasting almost a decade on a lost cause and living in a dead man's shadow.

[@tiryaclearsong421]

@@Evolution1101 I think you might have broken something stretching that hard. You just really want the fact that the OP flew into a violent rage to be his wife's fault. I hate to tell you, but it isn't. His emotional reactions are his own responsibility. Her "sins" are being a widow, asking not to celebrate Valentine's day, and throwing away some dead flowers he bought her despite knowing this day was traumatic for her. On her side she minimized the impact her grief had on their relationship and never compared the OP to her late husband. Not even in her final messages when she told him she was scared. And she was right to be afraid. Someone taking a hammer to your possessions in anger while screaming is frightening. How long until that hammer is used on you? I honestly think you need more help than the OP. He's way closer to accepting what he did was wrong than you are.

[@Evolution1101]

@@tiryaclearsong421 Lol, now who's stretching?! His emotional reaction was a direct result of nearly a decade worth of her bullshit. She chose to get in a relationship with him knowing full-well she was not over her ex. He did nothing but try to express affections to his wife but after nearly a decade she showed him that she was clearly not over her ex. at which point he asked literally the most logical question in the world - "Am I nothing but a rebound to you? Do you still love him?" And instead of being mature about it, she gave him the silent treatment and symbolically told him they were through by taking off her engagement/wedding rings. For daring to want to know where he stands in his own damn relationship. Did he react in the best way? No. But honestly, it needed to be done. She didn't want to deal with her crap and she was dragging him down with her. To try to twist that into, "Oh I wonder how long it would take for him to turn the hammer on her..." is laughable! She wanted an out and played the "I'm scared card." The only villain in this story is her for wasting a decade of this guy's life instead of going to get therapy. He is the victim. And you're insane if you think otherwise. 🖕

[@sampa2nyc]

@@Evolution1101 Very well said. True, It's possible by her reaction that she had already checked out of the relationship.

[@MissRayneNerdiiChicK]

@@tiryaclearsong421 Exactly. Op is an abusive insecure narc. Everything is about him, him, him.

[@afterdarkcreations7089]

I wonder if she got the ring back. I feel so bad for her and I hope she safely got away from him for good.

[@TiffWaffles]

Oh my God... So even after OP's wife told him to stop sending her messages, he goes right on ahead and does so. I can imagine that most of those messages and voice mails went from trying to guilt trip her into remaining in the relationship with him to being very angry and blaming HER for what HE did. He needs to stop contacting her and start accepting the fact that HIS actions resulted in the end of their relationship. She did NOTHING wrong. She did NOTHING to deserve anything he did to her!

[@kbf9644]

I have serious doubts he’ll give that ring back. 😡😔

[@prophetaverette7872]

@@kbf9644 by the 3rd update it’s HEAVILY implied he didn’t

[@ichishida]

He’s not the only one at fault, she never loved him and just used him to fill a void, no one packs and bag and leave their ring after a single question, doesn’t excuse him for what he did but she’s no saint on this story

[@FunSizeSpamberguesa]

@@ichishida "A single question." Seriously? That "simple" (highly manipulative) question was the final straw after he stomped on the one and only boundary, by his own admission, she'd ever placed. That "simple" question proved that in his mind, the entire thing was really just about him and what he wanted. If he'd had even an ounce of common sense, he'd have abjectly apologized, not made himself out to be the victim after knowingly and deliberately doing something he himself had agreed to not do. The man is a violent, selfish moron who doesn't even seem to really understand what he did wrong.

[@ichishida]

No one said she deserved what he did, and you need to listen to to it a few more times. I just said she was never invested in the relationship to start with.

[@D-M-K-1-2]

Story 1: Jesus, Every single update made OP EVEN WORSE. Especially when it turns out he made her throw out all the photos of her late husband. I'm guessing from this that OP's just an insecure man-child.

[@PrincessAmanante]

I’m hoping the pictures are with her family and they weren’t actually thrown out.

[@TheSandman1775]

😂😂😂

[@ComaLies225]

Before the update: I literally gasped out loud and I’m currently working in an office while listening. Holy moly he messed up so bad. Not only did he not respect his wife’s wishes to not celebrate Valentine’s Day, he also went out of his way to disrespect her boundary AND destroyed her most beloved possession. I hope she never goes back. Wow

[@prophetaverette7872]

I too was working in the office listening and gasped out loud at this part

[@OZARKMOON1960]

But isn't it sad that her dead husband's ring is 'her most beloved possession'? And not anything to do with her current marriage or husband?

[@jkosov2319]

well he thought that she finally overcome her last marriage when she married OP, its really not that crazy that after the marriage he would be able to celebrate that day, right??

[@CreditR01]

@@OZARKMOON1960 It's a symbol of a precious memory. A ring of eternal love. Falling in love with someone else doesn't she has to or will stop caring about her late husband's memory. And regardless of what your sentiment is on that subject, OP had NO right to destroy her things. That's something only abusive and nightmarish people do. I'm sure his wife had other things that meant something to her from their marriage, but now, she probably couldn't care less about them. Whatever wrongs she did, nothing compares to what he did.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

If the genders were reversed, everyone would be saying, "Leave him! He can't get over his dead wife. He should thank you for flowers on Valentine's Day."

[@serenityserena118]

Story 1 reminds me of another Reddit story where it was a woman who married her widowed husband. She got insecure about his dead wife, she through all of her pictures away when they moved. Honestly, people need to deal with their jealousy of the dead when they choose a marry a widow. OP in story 1 could have solved this by communicating, and asking if she wanted to celebrate valentine's day before the actual day.

[@formanga8871]

In that case wife was in wrong as other then talking to her husband she go she'd and did that herself. But here wife had all power, She decided what is good or bad and all current husband wanted was to celebrate Velentine Day with his wife.

[@RevWarRev]

"I love her beyond words". No, he doesn't. He loves himself and what HE wants. His response to her trauma was to scream at her and traumatize her further. He did this to the 'sweetest' woman he knows. He is a scary canyon full of red flags warning her away - what if the next time he comes at her with the hammer. The "I wasn't thinking" is a pathetic excuse to get away with this inexcusable behavior. OP was never fighting a ghost, he was fighting his own insecurity and fears.

[@hydrokineticpowerhouse]

I’m surprised how few people understand how his own insecurity was the problem.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

abusive men love the "i didnt know i was doing/i was blinded by fury" defense to pretend as if their calculated violent actions against their partners werent their own fault

[@crowdemon_archives]

He also deliberately stomped all over his ex-wife's boundaries. Of course she would want to book the fuck out since he can't seem to follow a simple instruction.

[@tinycrimester]

story 1: this is so sad, because i 100% get what the 2nd husband is going through, but his rigidity and anger issues are terrifying.

[@mikef2811]

This guy is a time bomb. He cannot accept that she once loves another man. It is only a matter of time before he loses it and kills her. Thank God, she divorced him.

[@swiftninja91]

Story 1 - So ... instead of saying"sorry honey, I forgot what this day meant to you. I'll make it up to you", then spending the day giving her space or talking out her feelings and maybe doing something another day, OP destroyed something insanely sentimental and precious? Nah. This relationship is done. There's no saving it unless he can somehow find somewhere that can fix it. But even then, that memory is NEVER going away and will probably come up in every fight going forward.

[@partyshoes2917]

Dude is an immature fool that thinks he could compete with the Dead Guy and have something positive come out of it .... I'd rather my wife have feelings for a dead man than a living man she could jump into bed with

[@DePhoegonIsle]

@@holographicwing Eh, it's likely that she knew then that ... she could never 'move on' to the point that the rage that came out from years on years of dancing around a very sensitive set of feelings, and being forced to ignore romantic gestures year after year... built up in him. Honestly, it's likely was a reality check for her and knowing she never had the chance to get over her lose, and that he was just the 'stand in replacement' to avoid facing it. He just ... Took it to far, and ruined anything they might have had. He never stood a chance after the flowers, the end was coming. She had time to realize it had been a good 6-7 years & she couldn't even get flowers from her husband without breaking. It just went from a completely unfortunate & sad thing, to ... F'd up entirely with hurt everything, emotionally speaking, everywhere and years of pent up frustrations breaking through on the same day for both of them. She's a tragic loss tale that rebounded and couldn't admit it to herself or others, and He's a persong that go pushed to far & snapped. He's still a major asshole for doing what he did about the verbal fight & ring, but I would dare to say they both need a therapist ... majorly.

[@katrinatia-jasmine7704]

​@@DePhoegonIsle He has every other day of the year to be romantic with his wife, he should be able to understand that the wedding anniversary of her late husband is going to be an emotional day and to respect that.

[@tcop30]

@@holographicwing he went nuclear then regretted it. Seems like that is the pattern, make her up set and then say sorry, then do something stupid and again apologize.

[@kaylaprice370]

Both parties are assholes. Sorry but she made the mistake of marring someone and then dismissed his feelings too. Yes it was there anniversary but her current husband got emotionally neglected. Yea he shouldn't have done that. But I understand why he got made. She lead him on. She just as guilty

[@user-up1ux5nu4f]

The fact she had to get rid of all her late husbands pictures all she had left was his ring because it made him uncomfortable make my stomach hurt… she sounds amazing and you OP sound abusive and controlling … I hope she finds better

[@hydrokineticpowerhouse]

After her first husband died and she realized the second man she’s ever been with was an abuser on what was supposed to be her tenth wedding anniversary I doubt it. Plus she’s clearly needs long relationships before she’s ready for commitment. She was with OP for seven years before they got married and didn’t have enough dating experience to see the red flags in their relationship.

[@cheyennetrumbos]

She never should have gotten remarried. I honestly don't blame OP, she wasn't ready to move on. She never should have married again so soon.

[@bonniegomez5333]

@@cheyennetrumbos "I dont blame OP" why? By OP own admission, she stopped mentioning him after the first year, showed immense love, and never compared the two of them. She laid down a very simple and understandable boundary about her and her late husband's wedding anniversary. He waited 7 years until they were married and he thought she couldn't leave before he decided to stomp on her boundaries. BTW, no one is going to pick you from the youtube comment section.

[@101Mant]

@@cheyennetrumbos she shouldn't have got into a relationship that soon, but OP was completely out of order and has major anger management issues.

[@cheyennetrumbos]

@@bonniegomez5333 don't need anyone to pick me, honey. I'm in a very happy relationship. He's not mad that she's mentioned him, he's angry that he can't celebrate a fucking holiday that's supposed to be (ignoring the commercialization) about love between two people

[@Nonprofitgenie]

Story 1: From his updates, he still doesn't understand the severity of what he has done. Even when OPs wife in the text said you made me get rid of the photos of her & her ex husband, he's probably even more controlling in her every day life

[@katphish30]

NOT her "ex husband," her LATE husband. They didn't break up, he's very permanently dead. It's completely, completely different.

[@johnpauljones9310]

The wife also doesn't understand what she's done either. Her next marriage is going to fail for the exact same reason this one did: No man can compete with her hero worship of her first husband.

[@amphoteric]

@@johnpauljones9310 op mentions at the very end that his wife has NEVER compared him to her late husband. EDIT: hope the wife (now ex) finds a better man in the future who doesn't get mad she had a husband that died in a tragic accident. jeez.

[@katphish30]

@@johnpauljones9310 No. No, no, no, fucking no. Come back when you've been widowed and you'll have a right to an opinion.

[@raptor_redd]

I'm amazed that people are just glossing over that detail. My grandma's second husband made her throw out every trace of her first husband because it "made him uncomfortable". He viewed himself as a victim who patiently and lovingly accepted my grieving grandma and threw temper tantrums when her first husband was brought up. I'll bet money OP is an insecure control freak and wouldn't be surprised if his ex looks back in a few years and realizes he lovebombed and aggressively pursued her while she was still vulnerable from her husband's death.

[@gigga143]

Story 1: It’s over, there is no going back from this. This was a horrible, psychotic thing to do IMO. If I had a friend who told me this story I can see me saying to her if I was her I’d be done. I’d bring some of my male buddies to come over with her to get her stuff and that would be that. I hope she never comes back and has realized the husband is not a safe person for her.

[@CreditR01]

This. OP acted downright insane.

[@holeymcsockpuppet]

She ended the marriage before he smashed the ring. Not an appropriate response to her ending the marriage, but it's understandable. He f*cked up, she ends the marriage, he goes into a rage and destroys the ring. Pretty normal progression. If the genders were reversed, people would be all, "dump this guy. He needs to get over his dead wife."

[@katieb.1184]

@@holeymcsockpuppet uhm... how is "goes into a rage and destroys the ring" a normal end to that progression... many MANY divorces are declared that do not end in violent rages, that's actually a minority thing and I wish it was a never thing. and nah... the wife made steps to not compare him to the late husband or to bring him up, and she got rid of photos... genders reversed I'd still think the OP was waaaaaay out of line.

[@sfamerken12]

@@CreditR01 As a side note. Poor communication did this. She never propperly took the time to grieve. Jumped into the next relationship. Claimed a widely used day for her own and a dead former partner. Then the demonstrative removal of all her jewelry in front of OP to wind him up, as he was already yelling. Packing a bag without speaking. She got the result she was looking for, except she didn't expect the extent of it. Yeah, OP is an AH. But she shares equal blame.

[@sfamerken12]

@@VenusLily Nothing about this was normal. Not OPs actions, nor the wife's actions. Granted her poor communicationskills and stupidity to immediately jump into the next relationship are no free pass for the hateful destruction of a memory. But I saw this coming the moment OP mentioned the 1 month after death. Neither of them are worse than the other. Only way it would be if OP got physical with her.

[@snowdrop6046]

If I was op in the first story I would have asked for a divorce instead of destroying her things and yelling at her

[@notevenlistening6072]

This guy has no idea he's an abuser.

[@tookitogo]

@Starship15 A2 I’m not so sure. I think many narcissists literally have NO idea that their behavior is abusive.

[@DgShadowChocolate]

Even if he didn’t destroy the ring, he still escalated his anger from screaming at her, to grabbing a hammer. He chose to show her just how violent he could get, and that is so fucking terrifying. What woman could trust a man when she could lose her life in the process? Everything else in this story breaks my heart for her.

[@wmdkitty]

Next time, he'll take the hammer to her face.

[@smji5269]

Right? I wonder what the order of events was, did he get the hammer while yelling at her then decided to bring out the ring and destroy it? Or did he bring the hammer to scare her then realised if he didn't get the anger out on something without physically hurting her he'd end up killing her?

[@amerlin388]

That's an awful big leap you suggest going from smashing a ring to killing a spouse. She hurt him terribly by destroying a symbol of his love, he reciprocated by destoying a symbol of her love, but only after she also revealed their 8 year relationship had been a sham, something she found convenient while she slow-walked her recovery. I wonder how many times she would put on that ring (my precious!) when husband wasn't around.

[@smji5269]

@@amerlin388 At what point in an argument do you pick up a fucking hammer? You can use the but he's hurt card all you want, if the goal was to hurt her feelings about the ring he could have done what any none dangerous angry person would do: throw the ring out or in the trash or something similar. As soon as you pick up a potential weapon during an argument in which you're screaming at your partner, that's where you start looking dangerous. Being hurt doesn't matter, even if she literally cheated on him with his own brother, violence can't be justified.

[@amerlin388]

@@smji5269 Again you're conflating damage with violence. Given that the ring was tucked away, he clearly turned his attention away from wife and to the ring. When do you pick up a hammer? When you want something capable of damaging a metal ring.

[@ZikedY]

I've only heard the title of story 1 and how is that equivalent exchange Edit: how did op not understand how fucked up what he did was, he's supposed to be an adult

[@Flakey101]

@@AngelWJedi Why does she have to move on? I have not celebrated my birthday in 30 years because of a similar reason. It is no longer about me, but about the person I lost, so I can function for 364 days a year without it looming over me. OP Knew about this condition and if he did not like it he should never have gotten married to her in the first place. Why would she hurt another man though, as long as they are a loving man they can easily declare their love in multiple ways just not on a day made up by companies to make a profit.

[@Davtwan]

She may have started a relationship too early, but man did OP end it in one of the worst ways possible.

[@ladyofthelake93]

She set ONE BOUNDARY. And that's how he reacts. That marriage is over. And he needs therapy before he even considers another relationship.

[@sheallyart1233]

So glad the wife left as even in the update after her brother said to give him the ring he confessed he wants to through it a way. What a complete garbage husband the whole lost just talked about his feeling and he sounds like he has anger issues with how he just dismissed what he did as heat of the moment

[@justine8387]

He is saying it is so out of character for him to act like he did with the hammer but him saying he wanted to throw the ring away shows it is exactly who he is.

[@shirokusanagi3901]

That guy had the balls to ask how he can fix it after what he did? He hasn't learned a thing.

[@보모]

_people _*_people_* This guy walked in eyes wide open then he is upset that what he has *seen* was actually the case? OOP dated then married a grieving widow _possibly emotionally unsorted_ then want to whine about what he actually did? Want to show you love your wife by acting out of “blind rage” then the nerve to be upset and threatening more egregious treatment??? Control Anger Entitlement WTF

[@incineroar9933]

Abusers always say that they're good people and couldn't/wouldn't do something bad right after doing the bad thing.

[@Cassandra765]

Story 1: Okay, crazy jealous people? STOP dating widows if you can't handle the fact that they had a life before you. If you can't handle the fact that they love before you. If you're so self-absorbed and insecure that you need to be the one and only love of your partner's ENTIRE life. What OP did to his ex was horrendous and I'm not even sure he's really sorry considering how quickly he swings from remorse to want to further damage the ex's ring when she doesn't give him the response he wants. OP has serious issues and it's good that the ex is getting away from him.

[@gxr7777]

Story 1, you can't compete against a dead memory, all that is remembered is the good/best times. As for your marriage it's not over because it never started. Cut your losses and find someone that isn't broken or has a load of red flags.

[@rainbowunicorn709]

Truth.

[@squidward6187]

Any sympathy I had for him drained when I learned he made her throw away the pictures. Good God, the guy died, he's not an ex.

[@nathanhinman9069]

Story 3: Such as sad life, that they were expecting the police to take them because it was Christmas was heartbreaking, the joy they expressed the next morning certainly was heartwarming. I hope they've found their forever home.

[@alexmerrin9634]

I'm hoping the police came for some kind of Toys for Tots event but given the rest of the story, I think I'm being overly optimistic.

[@Azulakayes]

Story 1: This story made me cry. As someone who has precious photos and keepsakes from my loved ones who died, some more than 20 years ago but I still grieve them, this story was too much. OP isn't just an a-hole, he is so so cruel.

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 Updates “I just wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day” “I guess I was the asshole” “Part of me is still angry” “I didn’t think it was that bad.” I, I, I Me, me, me It’s all about OP, even after he destroyed ex’s property and traumatized her. Fuck this OP and thank god the woman is ditching this selfish piece of shit.

[@clairebear-96]

“it’s hard to imagine she wants to leave me” BRO after what you did… it would be hard to imagine she wanted to stay jfc

[@beingWantable]

1st story: He didn't want any traces of her previous husband. He wanted to overwrite valentines day, so that, even on that day, she would think of him and not her previous husband. Even in the reactions to the comments and later edits he didn't want to understand the meaning of valentines day for her. He didn't want to understand her. He loved her, he says... he was obsessed...

[@jkosov2319]

so he want to erase the ex but let her keep the ring?? how that works?? he didnt want to overwrite valentines day, he wants to celebrate it with his wife, come on you have a brain

[@natnuss98]

@@jkosov2319 he made her throw out the pictures.

[@gessikaguerra1351]

@@natnuss98 we don't know that situation. If you married someone and they plastered their walls with photos of their dead partner all over the house, or built a shrine in a popular space, wouldn't that irk you? She said pictures, meaning there were multiple. She never said if they were in a box or what. Out of context, it sounds really bad but we don't know the details of that detail.

[@jkosov2319]

@@natnuss98 but in what circumtances?? They were moving together, she move in with him or the other way around?? Mayority of people dont want to see photos of exes in the place that they are living if isnt absolutely necessary (when are kids involve); if it was for jealousy he would have make her throw the ring too

[@natnuss98]

@@jkosov2319 it's not an ex. It's a deceased husband. You don't take all the pictures of your grandparents down once they die do you? Even if your grandparent married someone new.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S1: honestly, ESH. OP obviously, but OP's wife for marrying before she was ready. You never "get over" a death like this, but memories need to be put in their proper place before moving on. OP and wife clearly should have had individual and couples counselling before getting together, but it's all too late now.

[@shivsankermondal]

agree , she wasn't ready to be married or be in relationship again , for op well he has temper issues.

[@lnaph]

Dude, thats was a day of memorial for the relationship. I she told him not to touch it and he did.

[@sinakirainine1719]

Story one: OP sounds genuinely crazy and self absorbed. His attitude is disturbing and his lack of empathy makes him feel like a psychopath. OP needs serious help and I'm glad the wife is safe

[@mikef2811]

With such blind rage, it is only a matter of time before she ends up dead. Good thing she moved on.

[@Chris-qf5do]

Story 1, he definitely knew what he was doing. He had to open the drawer take out the ring box, take out the ring and then get the hammer, which I can assume was not in the same sock drawer. During all those steps I'm sure the wife was screaming stop the whole time. He wanted to hurt her.

[@roowyrm9576]

Story 1 - is OP blind to what he has done? Does he really think that Valentines Day is the only day on which you can express your love? He deserves everything that happens. He blew it, just as if hammering the ring was actually hammering her body.

[@iris5678]

They were both in the wrong. She was not ready for a relationship and the dude needs anger management.

[@squirrel670]

@@iris5678 no they weren't. She asked for one thing and he couldn't do that and he knew she was recently grieving. Then demanded her to get rid of all his photos and even did this. My bf doesn't demand me to get rid of my exes photos or not talk to them, and I could never do something so fucking disgusting. He expected to smash her ring up and that was supposed to make her forget her late husband and only ever thing about him instead. If he didn't want a widow to act like one, he shouldn't have married one. These entitled people think its okay to demand if the late partner was alive that they would have left them for them and thats just insane and vanity. Literally Punishing someone for not hypothetically cheating on their late partner. The whole time he took not even one ounce of accountability for his actions. He is trash. If someone did this in a movie people would know they are evil.

[@jkosov2319]

​@@squirrel670 so she uses him has a rebound, lie to him about the reasons to not celebrate valentines day and then dont communicate with him when he has doubts of their relationship and he is the only one at fault?? wow youre really selective of your morals

[@lynnw7155]

I couldn't stay with someone that cruel. That kind of blind anger would scare me to death.

[@kylaluv8453]

@@squirrel670 Are you saying all widows through toddler size tantrums when triggered? Do you fall to the ground like a child as well? Wanna know what mature people who don't make other people responsible for their feelings do? The calmly but seriously remind them of their boundary. Maybe even at first suggest doing something else instead. You know, when she first asked him to respectfully not celebrate that day, suggest they start a whole new tradition on another day. Cause she and her feelings are not the only one's in that marriage. He is also a part of that relationship, he also has feelings. She don't care about his at all.

[@a.munroe]

1: I just couldn't do that to my love. I look at them and think about the love they had before me and I'm so ecstatic and surprised that it's us who made it... I'm actually crying a little I hurt so much for OPs wife. I just think how that would make my partner feel and I want to rage.

[@bige2268]

I’d be suing him for the price of the ring and emotional damage and I’d use this post as further evidence of an admission. He’s an abuser.

[@hydrokineticpowerhouse]

That’s why he deleted it people in the original comments pointed out he could get sued and the post was a confession.

[@Evolution1101]

If he's an abuser then she's worse.

[@Oggystein]

That first story made me sick. I had a brother who died on February 12th, buried on the 14th. I have NEVER celebrated Valentine's Day because its always a reminder. This poor woman married her childhood sweetheart on Valentine's Day and this guy is so up his own ass he can't appreciate that day is off limits. And then to destroy the ring her dead husband gave her and has the nerve to play up as if he's just a "place holder" for her first love. He's got serious issues

[@Saarman82]

Easy to figure out why Story 1 OP deleted his account. Came looking for validation and got called out on his crap. Couldn't stand to look in the mirror.

[@hydrokineticpowerhouse]

If you find his original comment thread people there thought he was looking for validation too and he got it from the incels.

[@nekolalia3389]

Oof, the buried lede of her having no photos of her first husband to accomodate OP. There’s been a history of him trying to minimise/erase the dead husband that he’s still not acknowledging. (EDIT: The replies are not a place of honour. No great deed is commemorated here.)

[@tamsel814]

He seems to view her late husband as an her ex. Which like, just no.

[@JustinAdamson270]

There's no mention of photos

[@JustinAdamson270]

@@tamsel814 that's literally what he is they aren't together are they lol

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@JustinAdamson270 he's dead dumbass he's not a fucking ex he's her late husband who she would still be with even if she met OP and I get you're too slow to listen fully but there's no photos cuz OP is an abusive insecure man child. Also she never got to grieve cuz OP obviously pushed it. He doesn't get boundaries. He's a child crying and hitting cuz his friend isn't playing the way he wants to and his parents didn't kick that out of him.

[@bonniegomez5333]

@@JustinAdamson270 there is. Please stop commenting ignorance because this one clearly proves you didn't listen to or read the story.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: I could understand being upset if he didn't know or whatever, but he _did_ know. And even _then,_ what he did originally (buying her flowers) was something they could work through. What he did _after_ is horrific and unforgivable. And I feel like the "do you still love him" question is unfair. Of course she does, especially since their relationship ended while they were happy and deeply in love with each other, they had just gotten married ffs. It wasn't a typical break up, he _died_ man. Losing a loved one is a type of grief you never truly get over, you just kinda learn to live with it. Edit: "I hope she's just saying that out of anger" "Part of me is so angry I want to throw out his ring entirely" THAT'S why she said that, not out of her own anger, but also because of _you_ and _your_ anger and behavior. Edit 2: He made her get rid of the photos???? Let me guess, he's the type to say he "let" her keep the ring despite it being her property and not something he gets a say in 🙄

[@mimiNana-yi4cy]

the part of him telling her to get rid of the photos got me. I would have dumped his ass then. My heart breaks for her.

[@jackspring7709]

The problem is that she hadn't grieved properly before dating OP, so it was never resolved. What she went through is horrific but banning Valentine's Day and then blowing up when he tried to introduce it as her husband was a very bad and very destructive move - they were not ready to get together, as a result OP is constantly in her former husband's shadow and she has made it clear to him that's where his place is and that's where he's going to stay. That can't be acceptable to anyone. Normally I have nothing but contempt for Anyone who destroys an heirloom, especially one with such tragic memories attached. They both attacked each other in a way that will be probably difficult to come back from, if at all. It's a pity - and I feel awful for both of them.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Damn if OP really that jealous with the late husband he shouln't chase a widow,he should have find a single woman then.

[@hvensward]

@@jackspring7709 i dont think asking to not do anything for valentines day is a crazy request... people ask for holidays to not be celebrated for all sorts of reasons. its a traumatic day for her. he should have talked to her about it when he knew how badly it upset her. OP wasnt in the late husband's shadow at all, considering it doesnt seem like he even allowed her to keep photos. the ring was all she had. he knew she was a widow going into the relationship. most widows will never stop loving the partner they lost, and thats okay. they can still be happy and love a new person too.

[@jackspring7709]

@@hvensward I fully understand her reasoning, believe me I do. The problem is that she put OP in that place and told him that's where he is staying. Banning Valentine's Day for your spouse is a big thing, regardless of the circumstance. And sure, he should have spoke to her - but just as she should have spoken to him. Sure he knew she was widowed, but so did she. They should not have got together when they did, period - and that's on Both of them, not just him. His destruction of the ring is on him: her throwing his gift in the bin is on her. They got together too soon and that's on both of them.

[@reinathefox6600]

Holy hell this guy is so abusive. Even his updates were only about him further pleading to strangers to lie to him.

[@streamerssaymyname]

S1: "honey I decided you are cured enough for me to do what I wanted to do all this time! I've finally trained you to no longer be a widow! What? You're sad? Let me destroy this very important reminder of your first love."

[@matthewmorgan2367]

Why would you get remarried if you’re so traumatized that you can’t celebrate a holiday for couples anymore?

[@AndyyWithAY]

There are 364 other days in the year? WTF can you not show your wife your love any of those days. You can never compete with a dead person. They are immortalized as perfect. OP is such a cruel and delusional person. He lives in a fantasy world. He abused and scared his wife and he's saying that Reddit is saying he did something bad, if it's as bad as you say. He doesn't believe it

[@Azulakayes]

Not only that, Valentine's day was their wedding anniversary. He is so cruel.

[@jkosov2319]

also she could grieve on one of those 364 days too, right?? like the horrible act that he do was give her flowers, how dares he to do that?? is not like he try to overcome the ex on that day, he was just showing a romantic gesture but that the worst sin. You really are crazy

[@Barlmoro]

jeahr he realy is a idiot to escalate this and scar her. But i must admit i feel a grain of sadness for him, cose i had a similar relationship in my past .long story short my ex gfs first boyfriend diet young in a car accident and she idealized him extrem still 10 jeahrs later (died when she was 15 or 16 and i met her with 25 ). I was allway compaird to him and could not do anything without her mention he would made it better. Nice date - he would have made a better one. Got a raise at work - he would have a bigger one, made some woodwork ,what he never did - he would made it better. Gifts to her - his where better. etc. But i never would come to the idee to destroy some of her memories etc. No i did the only right thing, i left, cose i can not compete with an idealized memory and i know the resentment towards him would only grow. The point on witch i decide to leafe was the moment i thought with hate towards him and relaised: why do i hate a dead person i never met? This is not healthy and i can do nothing on this, cose she do not wannt to go to therapy. So i can say : i understand the feelings of the op, but his actions are disgustin.

[@chs75]

"OP is such a cruel and delusional person. He lives in a fantasy world." She is no different, birds of a feather...

[@jkosov2319]

@@Barlmoro i never say that he wasnt an AH. I am saying that she isnt good either and people dont say nothing about her blowing up over FLOWERS, thats what im saying both need a lot of therapy

[@Gamergal_Val92]

Whoa OP in the first story definitely is a huge AH and I'm glad that the soon to be ex wife decided to leave him. I feel so sorry for her.

[@phoenix211245]

Why do you? The guy sucks, he flew off the handle and destroyed something precious. But she can't handle a normal relationship gesture after 10 years of her first husband dying. If she can't handle a situation like an adult after that amount of time, she shouldn't be in a relationship period. They both suck, and it's a good thing they are no longer together.

[@hydrokineticpowerhouse]

@@phoenix211245 It was her tenth wedding anniversary and she stated her boundaries clearly the first time he did this. He chose to disrespect them.

[@Evolution1101]

@@hydrokineticpowerhouse It's not his wedding anniversary though. And no, she didn't "state her boundaries clearly the first time he got her something on Valentines' Day. She played it off like she thought the holiday was dumb. and then only after he pressed her did it come out that Valentine's day was her wedding anniversary with her ex. fast forward to nearly 10 years later, and when presented with a thoughtful and heart-felt gift from her actual partner, he has a knee-jerk hysterical reaction that led him to (very reasonably) ask "Do you still love him? Am I just a rebound?" To which like a child, she gives him the silent treatment and takes off her wedding rings from OP and packs a duffle bag. I don't condone the smashing of the ring, but I do get it. Like, "Oh, our rings mean nothing to you?! They do to me. You don't want to talk about it? Fine. Fuck you then. Here's what the ring that clearly matters more to you than our wedding rings means to me - fuck all." I get it. And then to play the "I'm scared to be around you." card when she literally goaded him into an emotional reaction... I'm sorry but that's just shitty. He wasn't violent towards her, he took his frustration out on something she loved. You're not scared of him, you're scared to admit that you're scared to be alone and that he was in fact a rebound and that you willingly wasted his life because you couldn't be bothered being honest and getting over your own issues before latching onto him as a life line. Honestly, he should have smashed that ring years prior, instead of wasting almost a decade on a lost cause and living in a dead man's shadow.

[@jennstewart3003]

Definitely a domestic violence incident.... It's not a far leap to go from bashing a ring to bashing her. I'm glad she got the red flags and ran. I hope he realizes how damn close he came from ending up in handcuffs and gets the help he needs as a result. She could have had him arrested for malicious destruction of property EASY.

[@sidahmedt6422]

Oh yeah he domestically assaulted a wedding ring. Fuck outta here

[@catandrobbyflores]

Story 1 is how to nuke your marriage in the span of 5 seconds. Not a single friend or family member is going to tell him where she is because this guy is freaking insane.

[@Erebus04]

You know what happens if your SO doesn't want to celebrate Valentines day? You choose a different random day and make that your new Valentines day, February 14th is just a commercial holiday make up your own holiday

[@kristy1653]

Story 1: The fact that she says he made her get rid of all of the photos of her late husband because HE didn’t want them in their home early on days a lot about how he was NEVER really actually cool with her widow status. And she never took enough time to grieve, either. She started seriously dating this guy, it sounds like, within months of her first husbands death. Her grief combined with his insecurity…this was bound to happen.

[@Bill-1370]

Story 1. OP's was an AH but his wife will never have a lasting relationship no matter how long she lives because she will never truly bury her deceased husband.

[@LOLtz1]

Story 1: they should have never dated so soon after the death of her husband. OP was never going to beat the image of the dead husband. What OP did was wrong but I'm not surprised the years of resentment build up to a boiling point. OP's ex-wife did confirm she still has feelings for her husband. So this was always going to be a problem. OP and ex-wife might have been a good couple for each other but they were just at two different emotional states when they met.

[@alexnightray3204]

"I guess"??? You don't love a person how you think they should be loved, you love a person based on respecting their boundaries, taking their needs and wants seriously, and based on how they need to be loved best. OP, no words. Massive YTA

[@stuporspoon]

Hammer to the ring... It's like he wanted to literally destroy a piece of her in the most violent way imaginable. I can feel her trauma just reading his second-hand account. That's an irreversible moment. Further, he says he wasn't thinking. Now quick, dear reader: Where's your nearest hammer? Where do you keep your prized jewelry? Those items are not typically kept within arm's reach of one another.

[@annhans3535]

Let this be a lesson to everyone. Don't get involved with someone who recently lost someone so suddenly. It never ends well. Not too long ago I attended a funeral of a lady who drank herself to death after getting remarried 1 year after her husband died suddenly. Grieve takes a long time and comes when least expected. She loved him in her own way because her love for her current husband is not the same as the first.

[@Only1199]

Or if you're going to get with a widow, at least wait a while before making things official and don't be an abusive, controlling, entitled, twat like OP.

[@LunaMane]

The OP in Story #1 was as mean-spirited as he was stupid. Thank the lord that poor woman is divorcing him. The fact that he deleted his profile after the last update says he could dish it but couldn't take it. There aren't enough roses in the world to fix what he did. And OP GUESSES he messed up!? How could he only guess? How could he not fathom that destroying an irreplaceable item would break down a relationship? If the wife did that everyone would call her controlling and a psycho. OP is just a loser.

[@johnpauljones9310]

The sad part is the wife is going to "hero worship" her first husband until it ruins her next marriage, too. Yeah, the guy has anger issues, no doubt, but the wife has serious problems when she'd rather suffer physical injury than lose a memento of her first husband.

[@Lizzey2006]

@@johnpauljones9310 For real? Op literaly went for his now wife less than a year after she lost the love of her life. The wife loves op and to make him feel loved she got rid of all pictures of her dead ex. The ring was the only thing she literaly had left, yet op went and destroyed it and later says he wanted to throw it out just to punish his wife. The only request his wife had was "No Valentines day" It was literaly her wedding aniversery.. How hard is it to leave her One day to remember her late husband? Op dosn't even see what he did wrong. Oh and saying he has anger issuse is an understatement, he chose to suprise her on her and her late husbands aniversery not out of "love for Valentines day" but out of wanting to make her 100% his. That is controling behavior, like who freaking tries to override a memorial day to declare their "love".

[@lukogs]

@@Lizzey2006 why marry other guy if you can't move on? Aren't you wasting their time as well? She shouldn't have “LOVE”d him in the first place.

[@Musiyca]

@@lukogs Come back when your spouce dies young, then we can talk how you handle this and how love works.

[@Lizzey2006]

@@lukogs Everyone takes diffrent amount of time to grieve, Op stuck to her like glue looking for any opertunity to get into a relationship, the wife stated that they did rush the relationship and op knew this jet cant even respect the One day she asked him to respect let alone respect the One item she begged him not to harm. The wife gave up all photoes with her late husband in them, What happends if one of her paraents died? Would Op need her to get rid of all pictures of them to just to feel loved? This possessiveness aint normal at all. Op talks of how the wife got emotional help from him but no mention of certefied help. Also Op need this to.

[@maddy8328]

Story 1. He is insane and she should have never gotten married if she wasn't ready. Major YTA. Update 2: of course she would be scared of a man who would fucking smash a beloved object. She said to stop contacting her, you need to fucking stop, or you'll go to jail. Leave her the hell alone, man.

[@RaspberryHugs]

It's not a matter of getting over them when your partner dies. There is no closure as the event that ended it is death so it'll always feel incomplete. They can have VERY successful relationships but only if the other person is respectful.

[@kitkakitteh]

You do not Ever “get over them”. If you’re fortunate you can move forward.

[@lnaph]

You do not forget those you love who die, you just make room in your life for new people. It is not.al and healthy to still love those who are no longer with us...and she made room for Jim, bt he didn't want any room in her heart for her best friend, which is sick.

[@jennifersilves4195]

There's no indication she wasn't ready.

[@CrystalRuizEnriquez]

Flowers and chocolate are sold every single day of the year. He could've, literally, chosen any of the other 364 days and had their very own special valentine's day, one day that was nobody else's valentine's day.

[@bigrivtodagled8210]

He got vicious because she wouldn’t engage with him so he lost it? Wow!

[@peteranon8455]

Story 1. If you marry a widow, you're going to have to accept being second best to a romanticized memory of her late husband. If you can't handle it, don't do it.

[@toysruskid5074]

Seriously... denying her photos... He never let her process her grief.

[@nuttmare9438]

I tried to put myself in OP's shoes and why he lost it on her up to the part he bashed in the ring then I had to listen to the story again and.... I'm devastated for the wife... I imagine being in her shoes watching that unfold and cannot deal. it might have been infuriating for him to not get a response but she wasn't trying to hurt him BUT he hurt her in the cruellest way imaginable. I couldn't go back to him. He'll have to live with what he has done

[@achocot]

I have the suspicion that she didn't respond because they have had this conversation many times already. And because she made it clear that Valentine's day was not a day she wanted to celebrate. He could have given her the flowers any other time. I suspect he has been ignoring her wishes and feelings for a long time and this was her breaking point. Whatever was going on prior to him getting violent though does not matter given what he did.

[@HaizeyWings]

@@achocot Agree 100%. Her silence may have been a trauma response :(

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

I only disagree with 1 part of what Mark said when he said "it's just 1 day, you have 364 other days", and for this story specifically, I agree. But what if it was something bigger, like Christmas or Halloween, something that has an entire season associated with it? Would the grieving party be cool celebrating the season but not the day? How do you address that with extended family who still celebrate the day? What if the partner decides the entire season is null and void because it's too painful? Valentines day may be easy for a couple to avoid, but deciding holidays need to vanish so the grieving can be "comfortable" is a slippery slope. OP and his ex wife both need counseling. Him for his anger and insecurities, and her for her grief.

[@disneydork100]

Story 1: I hope she finds love that will heal her and not hurt her. I hope he actually loses everything in the divorce and that no woman ever makes the mistake of getting into a relationship with him.

[@LilySaintSin]

Story 1. It's over. OP you can't come back from this.

[@y2kbabe37]

Story 1 is wild. That guy messed up, if I were the wife, I would leave too. Another great video Mark! Thank you! Helps make work easier and go by faster.

[@poohbear4515]

I truly hope that the ring could somehow be saved. Maybe take it to a jeweler and use bits of it to make another ring, or necklace so she can wear it whenever she wants. It might not look the same, but the pieces are still sentimental to her. I don’t feel horrible at all for OP. He knew that it was the day that she got married to her late sweetheart, yet he decided to listen to his brain and not his ex’s emotions. I hope she will be alright. What he did was incredibly unforgivable. He just made her depression so much worse after that cruel stunt he pulled.

[@lnaph]

Yes it can be reforged... it still holds thr sentimental value it had before as the material he wore

[@jkosov2319]

well he could have think that she finally could oveecome the grieve when she married him?? like he just give her flowers and she blow up and didnt want to talk about the situation. but he his the only one at fault??

[@lnaph]

@@jkosov2319 it was a year. Teh first year of loss is a complete blur. she told him to leave that day alone and he wouldn't do it even though she told himmezplicitely not to. Sheesh. Empathy and Respect are not that hard.

[@jkosov2319]

@@lnaph its been 8 years that they meet, you cant have selective empathy and just empathyze with her and not understand that have been 8 years and she still puts her last marriage over her new marriage. He just give her flowers and she blows up?? You have lack of empathy and respect for people that is use

[@meechiebaby493]

@@jkosov2319 Yes, he is absolutely the only one at fault. No Valentines Day celebration means no Valentines Day celebration. If you think that what he did was okay and the widow did something wrong, I suggest you reevaluate what the word no means. Then, look up the word "Empathy," and get some.

[@gtc9966]

Well…I’m kinda glad she admitted she shouldn’t have gotten into this relationship. Must’ve been difficult for OP to be in his shadow

[@gessikaguerra1351]

I don't excuse his outbreak, but I feel kinda bad for him. He wanted a wife who loved him and only him, not him and a ghost. I hope he finds that one day...after therapy of course. I don't want to call her an abuser, but it seems her love of her ex husband emotionally drained him. She should've told him no on the first date. She wasn't ready.

[@natnuss98]

01:20 'she never brings him up anymore' 02:23 'she never discusses him anymore' 03:37 'we haven't discussed him since our first year together' 05:25 'she's always treated me with immense love, never compared me to him' Where exactly was he in his shadows except for on valentine's Day? And you're right. He should have never started dating a woman who was so clearly still grieving he recently deceased husband and best friend.

[@gtc9966]

@@natnuss98 1:06 - she would often have panic attacks and lock herself in the bathroom 2:40 she looses her absolute shit 2:53 she storms out of the apartment without even putting shoes on, she starts screaming at the top of her lungs 3:41 no response…nothing at all 3:50 she gets up and start packing a duffel bag with clothes 4:00 she takes off her engagement and wedding rings and puts them on the nightstand She really should not have dragged someone else into her clearly overwhelming grief. I feel sorry for him. And her.

[@Angelgirllovesyou]

Story 1: he says things that make it seem he is not really remorseful until after she took action. She deserves better.

[@gngrblls2thwall]

Don’t marry someone whose spouse died if you’re ever going to need them to say they don’t still love their previous spouse. Guy’s a massive POS. Up until the very end he was still going on about how angry HE was, despite being 100% in the wrong against someone who did absolutely nothing wrong. The only person he has any right whatsoever to be angry at is himself, and he never at any point figured that out.