I "Ruined" My Kid's Life After She Destroyed A Wedding Dress New Update r/Relationships

[@AndyyWithAY]

I remember the C story. I was so furious with C. She's so vindictive and horrible. She destroyed her aunt's dress out of spite. 16 is too old to behave this way. I hope they were able to repurpose the dress. This story was heartbreaking

[@hinatanaruto1111]

[@Somebody9666]

C also said and I quote "It was not her fault" C you little c-word.... You KNOW what the F you did...

[@kittikats]

I remember getting into an argument in the original comments with a man who said it was all a misunderstanding and of course she had to cut her way out. This was before the update with the reason. 1) if it got stuck on her breasts because overhead pull then the legs / skirt part would be fine. You also can reverse. Or if the zip was stuck you don't cut the dress. 2) Or you cut a side seam. (OP told us that the dress was cut down the centre front of the top). 3) Also if the skirt was damaged because it's a step in dress then the top would be undamaged.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@kittikats That commenter isn't very smart. She shouldn't have tried the dress on to begin with. This sounds like it would be like me trying on clothes that belong to my cousin who I tower over at 5'2. She's like a size 0. I'm very curvy. I can look at her clothes and know they're not going to fit. A wedding dress is super special I don't get why all these people think this violation is okay. And if she just HAD to use scissors, which she didn't at any point. She could've cut a straightish line on the seam, so it could be salvaged. But I knew this was malicious from the start.

[@kittikats]

@@AndyyWithAY Exactly. That guy didn't understand how clothes worked.

[@candypettynettie487]

C Still makes no sense to me. She was 16 worried about a future wedding dress? Ridiculous

[@ajzephyros7454]

Some girls dream about their special princess day from when they were little. I remember being much younger than C and hearing some of the girls thinking out loud about their perfect wedding some day.

[@truthseeker9249]

@@ajzephyros7454 I did the same thing my whole life and I still am now at 20 years old because I have found my true love. But I would never do anything like this because I am not a sociopath. Especially not over something as selfish as jealousy over not getting a handmade dress from someone. I'd pay any price just to see my grandma again and I wouldn't want a damn thing from her. I'd just want her to hold me. I'd just want us to sit in her TV room and eat a big buck of ice cream together while watching Say Yes To The Dress just like old times. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I'm sorry I just miss her so much. Anyway the point is I could never do something so cruel no matter how much I want my perfect wedding. All I need is my true love and my grandma watching us from above as I marry him while wearing the necklace she gave me as a child.

[@MisterNightfish]

I'm not seeing the part where the kid's life was "ruined"? If anything, it was high time she learned that there are consequences for actions. Most of us have to do that way before we are 16. People that are insulated from that for too long grow up to be awful and the longer they get away with it, the less likely they are to make positive changes.

[@juliearmfield2634]

I think he was just quoting his daughter

[@ajzephyros7454]

She's 16, a bad hair-cut "ruins your life" at that age

[@AndyyWithAY]

She's still insanely privileged. Like I didn't know parents paying thousands for college was a thing. My mom contributed, but I got scholarships and loans. Her not having a college fund isn't a punishment. That just makes her like 99% of students.

[@tamarasmith9060]

Yeah, he was quoting her. She thought having no spending money at college would mean she would have no social life & therefore her life was ruined.

[@trillionbones89]

Also it was her future fun money, not something vital.

[@mugen3603]

Ripping someone's wedding dress by accident is bad enough, but purposely destroying it because you can't have it is utterly psychotic behavior. This is the difference between doing something bad and being a bad person, and C is very clearly a terrible human being. And to do that to your own family... it's repulsive. What a disgusting person.

[@mindingmybusiness3915]

Good thing they got her checked because the way she planned this whole thing is messed up.

[@twit3537]

@@mindingmybusiness3915 yeah it was 100% premeditated. I honestly think the OP is being too hopeful in hoping that his sis and his daughter can make amends. The sis probably wanted to just move on with things to not stress herself out further. Hence still inviting her to not create drama from not inviting her and not accepting the money for thr medical bills which she may think would make C angry (honestly I would be scared of her attacking me or my stuff or fuming about something til she lashes out because thats what she did with the dress). I dont think that C can make it up to ANY family member. C destroyed one of the last momentos or creations of someone everyonr in OPs family held dear. Even if it wasnt a gift to other family members it still held a lot of sentiment to them. She nuked the relationship with that entire side of yhe family imo. She lost a lot of trust, love and benefits with that side of the family. No free wedding dresses, no inviting her to family things at his sisters (or any family member who didnt forgive her b4cause she is an adult now and doesnt have to tag along if OP is invited) and most likely no emotional support or anything for any of her life events (like graduation and weddings). I think the only reason grandpa and aunt are lettint her help yhem out to get money is because of OP convincing them or trying to convince them that she has change. Just because she js jn therapy now doesn't mean she HAS to be forgiven, if ever Honestly idk how the grandpa helped C out after destroying something that was (presumably) the last thing his late wife worked hard on. OPs family are saints almost verging on pushovers imo.

[@quinhoprimeiro1049]

C is getting off so easly... Every consequence she got is huge by itself, but compared to her actions and jealousy she is getting a slap in the wrist

[@BlueBelle277]

I applaud C’s Father for not only giving her a good punishment but also getting her into therapy to deal with her issues

[@onyxdragon1179]

I think that was the father

[@kbf9644]

Any reason your completely discounting the father? Who merited out all the punishment and accountability to begin with?

[@ps9501]

Original writer is the father, not mother.

[@BlueBelle277]

Gotcha I thought the op was the mother!

[@groofromtheup5719]

she got off WAY light on the punishment scale compared to the damage she caused.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Why on earth is a 16 yr old so angry? OP's sister is an angel. C got virtually no consequences all things considered. Her aunt could have died from her selfish, cruel, petty actions. And she STILL gets to go to college and got to go to the wedding. C better become an amazing person. She has had every opportunity.

[@agentzapdos4960]

I think OP would have been justified to execute C on the spot. I think it would still be justified to execute her.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Yeah crohns is a very nasty and painful disease. It will really wipe a person out

[@wofomofo1636]

There's something more. Edit: I take it back, That is a Real Monster.

[@briansmaller7443]

Yeah - I agree - C faced no real consequences. Ohh some therapy. Working on anger issues. She is a cruel vindictive person and will probably be that way her whole life.

[@Barlmoro]

@@briansmaller7443 i ask myself what happen to such people if the have to work and stuff. but than i think she will be the one coworker nobody talk to for long

[@kbf9644]

I remember the first story. Don’t expect Sister to ever be the same with your daughter again. And you better be understanding about it. Yes, you say C is working on things. Changes nothing that happened.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Presumptuous of C to believe that she would be entitled to a free, handmade wedding dress if gran were alive. With that in mind though, it seems like seamstressing and textile craft runs in the family. With OP being as young as he is, his aunt who salvaged the ruined dress should still be capable of making a dress when C is old enough to get married. She was really short sighted with that. I'm betting that that bridge is burned now though.

[@atinyevil1383]

I don't argue with your point at all, I just came here to say that the dress wasn't free. It just didn't cost Sister money. It cost time, effort, and love, which mean more than money. Not even to mention what the grandmother spent out of her own pocket to make the dress and give it to sister. I think that's one of the biggest fundamental flaws in C's thinking is that sister got a "free" dress.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

@@atinyevil1383 You're right, but one of C's main points of anger and jealousy was that she would someday have to pay for a dress while her aunt didn't. I do agree though that C and her mother don't understand the cost of labour or sentiment.

[@marahbaker8615]

Not to mention C was only 16 so even if the grandmother were alive, there's a good chance that creating a garment that detailed may be too hard on the grandmother's joints, back so she may not have been up to making the dress

[@scheneli000]

My nana wanted to hand make my wedding dress, but it just wasn’t feasible seeing as we’re across the country from each other, but she discussed making one for my cousin when she got married. Would I have loved a nana-made wedding dress? More than anything. Would I have been jealous my cousin got one and not me? Definitely, but I wouldn’t have been mad since it wasn’t feasible. But C couldn’t forgive the fact her grandma was DEAD so couldn’t make her one? Sheesh, you’d think she’d treasure her aunts dress for being the last thing their grandma made P.s. My cousin ended up buying her dress anyway Edited autocorrect

[@lindah3803]

No, OP will buy/have a dress made for the princess. She won't pay for anything.

[@jenniferhanses7064]

Story 1 Update: I call BS. She's upset that in the future she'll have to pay for a dress? That's it? Her aunt took over the family seamstress business. I can't speak for the aunt, but based on the story here and the aunt remaking the dress for free, it seems highly likely to me that yes, she would in fact get a free tailor-made dress. Or at least a highly discounted one. This doesn't add up.

[@yandereskitty]

Yea I feel that she was let off very light and its a slap in the face to the dead Gma and the person she hospitalised due to severe stress. Lucky daddy was there to give her the money she needed. Daddy or mommy won't be there forever . So she best learn some empathy.

[@twit3537]

Well she burnt yhose bridges imo and probably will have to pay for a dress or have a random dpare one given to her at discount. I dont know how the grandpa feels too. Like, C destroyed one of the last things his late wife created using lots of love, time and effort. And the aunt who worked for the grandma and grandpa probably saw how hard she worked on it So to know it was HACKED TO BITS and letting that same person WORK FOR YOU is crazy imo. They probably are only doing it becauze OP asked rhem to help and because his sister probably doesnt want any more drama brought from it. The sister probably convinced rhem to help out C due to the fact she refused the money/seemed to feel bad about taking the money. She also didnt outright disinivite C, just didnt put her in the wedding party (probably to stop people from qsking where she was/draw attention to the issue/trying to be somewhat normalized). I think they (rest of family besides OP and C) are hiding their feelings for OPs sake since its his daughter and he would be caught in the middle. As far as Im concerned. She is now an adult and shouldn't be surprised when she is done college and more and mote family begin "losing contact" with her. That dress meant something to that ENTIRE family and no amount of therapy will revive the dead to help make amends (because she also disrespected the late grandma by doing that to rhe dress as well)

[@saikoneko1937]

Aunt and OPs Sister will never trust C ever again. The excuses are just that excuses. She's a garbage person. If she gets engaged she'll demand Aunt make her a dress. Hopefully Aunt says No.

[@mindyschocolate]

S2: I like how the parents say Op needs to let go of the past, when they themselves refused to let go of the past regarding wife’s past occupation. NTA. Leave it up.

[@matmil5]

Yeah, buuut that lliterally makes op a hypocrite. They clearly let go of the past after a while and op brought it up again to be petty. Everyone sucks there.

[@locusxe1411]

@@matmil5 he didn’t though… his parents noticed the picture and he simply told them while it was still up. They brought it up so he answered them. NTA

[@dianacandelaria1925]

Just because they moved on doesn’t mean “forgive and forget”. The parents are upset because they feel “humiliated “ instead of humbled; meaning they learned nothing. OP never brought it up. They did. They made the choice NOT to respect OP’s wife. Instead of going NC over the disrespect to his wife and child: he put up a reminder. In HIS home. Don’t like it - don’t visit. OP can visit them instead.

[@squirrel670]

@@locusxe1411 why does he need to forget they missed his wedding because they thought his baby wasn't his? They asked and they got an answer. There's no reason op needs to bury this fact or that he can't display the DNA test in his home. If they feel humiliated, that's what they wanted to do to op and his wife by not going to the wedding when it wasn't even their business if the baby was his or not.

[@middaydraws3379]

@@matmil5 Not really and no they didn't let go of the past. They only let go of that issue because they were proven wrong about it but that doesn't mean they let go of the past. If they had let go they wouldn't have an issue with the test results up on the wall instead they would have understood that they massively fucked up. Instead they got pissed and made excuse after excuse still using his wife's past.

[@Tammohawk1]

2. There was a question about the paternity of one of my brothers' kids. When the child was born I asked him if he was going to do a DNA test. His answer was, "No, the baby is mine." We all left it at that and it's never been brought up to him again.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

I’m flabbergasted that OP ever let those two back into their lives. Why on earth would you want two people around your family that they don’t even like and tried to sabotage.

[@samiulhuda4001]

hes a moron if there were legitimate concerns

[@samiulhuda4001]

@@itsjustmaddisen its not sabotage. cant u see its a massive red flag from parents point of view. their son marrine a Wh**e

[@shizuevoltam]

I missed the part where C’s life was ruined…

[@elikahnapace8668]

losing 'fun money' is not a ruined life...obviously an entitled brat perpetrated by op judging by his title claim

[@addicted2mako]

Interesting how often the parents in story two threaten OP with refusing to attend or visit things. After a few times, I’d tell them to not threaten me with a good time

[@rogerrabbit80]

My reply after the first few times would be, "Promise?"

[@libbert5757]

Weddings always seem to bring out the worst in human nature. Protect your valuables. Don't leave anything to chance.

[@ChrisAndCats]

And funerals/wills.

[@trinitylane2202]

It wouldn't matter if the wedding dress wasn't too small for OP's daughter. I don't think anyone wants someone else to wear their wedding dress before they wear it themselves at their wedding. Even if it's just to try on.

[@astronautviolet153]

Story: 1 Op daughter, C destroy the dress because it was the last thing that grandma made. she did it out of jealousy because of her aunt.

[@Olivia-ek9ib]

I find it funny C is mad she has to get a job for personal spending cash in college, because my parents made me do the same thing - not because I did anything wrong, but because if I want to do something for fun it needs to be my responsibility to pay for it.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 1: I don't understand how she has both the mental maturity to save up that much money, and yet the mental immaturity to destroy a dress she was told not to try on. Plus she knows the rule is to pay for stuff she breaks, that's the real kicker for me. And it wouldn't have even destroyed her college fun, only cut into her fun money. You're not supposed to have fun when you're being punished. Also: pretty big assumption on her part that she's getting married in the future. And that has nothing to do with her weight, and everything to do with her attitude.

[@rogerrabbit80]

I'm just wondering if she planned on destroying the dress from the start. She tried it on, and when that didn't do enough damage she grabbed the scissors.

[@sighthoundlady15]

@@rogerrabbit80 I thought the same thing, it’s obvious she didn’t just stay behind because she planned on sneaking in to try on the dress, she already knew she was going to destroy it far before just “trying it on.”

[@brigidtheirish]

@nexus169 Also she had been controlling her anger issues with sports. Once Covid hit, she didn't have that outlet and spiraled.

[@AlgeArid]

There's a world of difference between intellectual and emotional maturity. She sounds like she had the first and lacked the second.

[@kaeyartz]

tbh i feel ithat its a lesson to learn bc if she did that as an adult you can bet that she would've been sued for the damage big time for much more than just 15k.

[@mothmanlol6263]

No future was ruined, most kids don’t have 15k saved up before they get to college, she can get a student loan like everyone else

[@mothmanlol6263]

What would a uni student even be able to do with that much money besides tuition, that’s an insane amount of money for a student and her future will definitely not be ruined for not having it

[@gaxalee7392]

I didn’t get to go to my grandpa’s funeral because of my dad. I was around 4-5 years old sat in my uncle’s lap right outside the room for the service. I was fighting, kicking, scratching, hitting, begging, and screaming because I desperately wanted to tell my Poppy “goodbye”. I have never punished anyone for my lost opportunity, not even my dad or my uncle. If a grieving kindergartener can be respectful and kind regardless of hurt and anger, so can a 16 year old who should know fucking better.

[@TitianBelle]

I’m a little concerned about her taking her anger out during sporting events. We all get frustrated and exercising is a good way to work that off. But I wonder if she’s being overly aggressive with her own or opposing teammates. Violently hacking a wedding dress apart seems to go beyond typical anger levels. I’m also not totally convinced I believe her explanation for destroying the dress. Saying she did it because she doesn’t get hew own dress from grandma sounds kind of like she’s manipulating people into feeling sorry for her, therefore it’s not really her fault for being angry and destructive because it is true that losing grandma is sad. It just doesn’t feel like enough and I think there’s another reason she did this.

[@truthseeker9249]

I feel like she somehow has a personal vendetta against her Aunt. But what could it be?

[@thevoidismyhome7242]

Story 2: The parents only apologized so they could get access to the grandbaby. They still absolutely think OP's wife cheated or smth stupid. OP is NTA. It's not reconciliation until the aggressors understand *why* their actions were bad and apologize for the actions and disrespect. It's the "forgive, never forget" and I hate that people are like "If you've reconciled, you have to forget". No, you don't. If you were hurt, even if you've reconciled, it's up to you to decide when you forget. If the parents reconciled, why are they embarrassed by their actions? Why are they trying to cover up their bad choices? Maybe it's because they know they didn't apologize for the right reasons, or even apologize at all. Maybe they're embarrassed because it continues to show they are wrong and they don't want to be wrong, they just want the grandbaby. Fuck the ESH and YTA. OP is in the right to keep that part of his history up, because he was the one hurt by it, he and his wife. As long as his wife is in agreement, the DNA test should stay up.

[@UnderTheTableGremlin]

That’s honestly disgusting that C would destroy that dress, especially considering how meaningful the dress was.

[@FFGirl76]

I've mixed feelings about Story 1. It was obvious that she had done the damage on purpose, but in the update, the OP still doesn't give her real consequences. He gives her emotional distress money back and still pays for college. She didn't really deal with any repercussions. She went to therapy and said sorry, but... yeah, not really sure.

[@void9938]

Yes! She got a temporary scare and had her punishments reversed for "good behavior"

[@itsjustmaddisen]

I feel the same. Saying something and doing something to show you’re sorry are very different. C better shape up because if not, I have a feeling she’ll lose a lot of family. I kind of feel like she got away with having a tantrum.

[@madgevanness4011]

The 12k wasn’t given back.

[@FFGirl76]

@@madgevanness4011 I know, but the 3k was, which he labeled as the distress fee.

[@gregjayonnaise8314]

The OP’s comments said she was grounded for six months. I’m also pretty sure that her money did go to repairing the dress, it’s just that the 3k wasn’t given to the aunt. So she didn’t get away completely scotfree.

[@Midorikonokami]

Am I the only one who never skips because they enjoy Mark's voice so much? As for the original story, and the punishment? It almost feels like not enough. Money can't replace a unique dress that was a masterpiece of love and labour, and then threw her aunt in hospital and almost killed her. Honestly, C is lucky her aunt loves her so much, and didn't drag her to small claims court. She sounds unhinged and not someone I would trust with a pair of scissors anywhere near me. Therapy or not, that was not a normal outburst.

[@cb9825]

LMAO in the second story the parents demand that OP must "let the past go", but they themselves wouldn't let the past go? I mean, the wife's work is in the past too.

[@solitairemask7754]

Story 2: No matter how much they'll try to apologize, they can't undo the damage they caused by skipping the wedding. They deserve to have it held over them and to be humiliated for it, because that's what truly happened.

[@vampire9545]

It's their photo taken at the wedding :p

[@jessicastorey8966]

@@vampire9545ll

[@MaryTheresa1986]

💯

[@CatacombD]

That's fine. OP doesn't have to forgive or reconcile with his parents. But then he should stop pretending that he's forgiven them and moved on. It seems like he wants to frame himself as the merciful son, who has forgiven his horrible parents for how they mistreated his wife.... but he's too much of an asshole to actually bury the hatchet. So instead, he pretends that he reconciled with them, while also literally framing his revenge on his living room wall. Stop pretending; Just admit that you don't forgive your parents, and embrace the fact that you're relishing in your revenge.

[@Loaves_of_Cat]

@@CatacombD that story is more of a “forgive but no forget” situation. If it’s humiliating to his parents to have that, they did it to themselves, they can’t stand having a reminder of what they did even if it’s literally in the background. And plus, if op is someone who didn’t judge his wife’s past, he’s certainly a man who would’ve “buried the hatchet” had the parents sincerely apologized. Since he isn’t “burying the hatchet”, I’m guessing the parents never truly apologized for what they did. And I think by “reconciliation” op means he’s on speaking terms with his parents. Doesn’t mean he’s gonna let them forget what they did or anyone else for that matter.

[@TopazFire15]

What the hell kind of kid needs $15,000 for fun money in college? Imagine letting your kid have everything they want whenever they want and wondering why they have anger issues. She’s gonna get locked up if she doesn’t get to the bottom of these anger problems, rather than just sublimating them with sports.

[@carlrood4457]

If you assume about 8 months at school over 4 years, that's really only about $470/month if she doesn't work and earn more. If the school is in major city like NYC, that's really not all that much.

[@Snowshowslow]

She saved it up herself. A lot of people have more money than they need. Do you make a fuss about all of them?

[@carolinenagel7085]

'If I can't have it nobody can so I'm destroying it' is psychopathic behaviour. I hope C got intensive therapy.

[@deusdamnit]

Final Story: The expression "forgive, but do not forget" comes to mind. OP's parents don't sound like they really ever apologized. It sounds more like they gave in after being proven wrong, because it would make them look bad otherwise. But, given that they harbored negative thoughts about OP's wife to begin with (there's literally nothing wrong with being a sex worker; the industry is full of scummy and abusive people, but that is not the fault of the sex workers) and were explicit in sharing their disapproval, it doesn't matter how they choose to reconcile. I'd think of it like this: If tattoos are a tapestry of who you are, then what are tattoos that you regret? There's two basic ways you can handle them. You can get them covered up, or you can add to them to change what they mean. In this situation, I see OP telling people who ask about the framed paternity test as expressing a truthful part of his past. Now, OP's parents can choose to be indignant and offended, or they can choose to reconcile and change the narrative: It doesn't have to be a reminder that they weren't at the wedding, but it could be a promise that they will be better. When they're at OP's home, and they see that, they can remember how their behavior deprived them of sharing an important moment in OP's life, and they can endeavor to always be better. By the same token, it can be a lesson for OP to take the same consideration for his child's future. For now, it's a little petty; but, so was their reasoning for not attending the wedding, and you can't ever take something like that back, so why should he have to when he's just telling the truth?

[@CatacombD]

He's literally framed his revenge and put it on his wall. That's fine. Relish in your revenge. You do you, OP. ... but if you continue to bask in the joy of your revenge, while simultaneously pretending like you've reconciled with your parents, then you come off as a prick. If OP would drop the facade, I'd say NTA. Since he maintains the facade, ESH.

[@sakatababa]

@@CatacombD do you know what reconcile even means? it has nothing to do with forgiveness. even less with forgetting. it means "to settle down accounts", "to equate" or "to come to terms with". it means to accept the factual state of reality from all sides involved in the point they are reconciling with. since this was all about the fidelity, that test is the factual evidence of that point of reconciliation. and that test wasn't a "revenge". it was a literal prerequisite of his parents for them to attend the wedding.

[@melanie1825]

I say NTA for this. His parents decided not to attend the wedding - that's on them. The framed DNA test reminds them of that, that sounds like they're in the find out part of the equation. Some parents act like bullies and are surprised when their adult children don't just let them maintain a "perfect" outward impression to the world.

[@samiulhuda4001]

to be fair if my kid married a sex worker i would skeptical of her too. and yes the son made a wrong choice

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 OP would only be TA if his wife wasn't on board, but she is so NTA. But remove this before your child is old enough to understand

[@cjandauntieyaya1446]

I don't think it is petty. OP's parents ruined their wedding and pregnancy of their first born. OP's parents besmirched the honor of OP's wife. Reconciliation does NOT mean you forgive or forget past transgressions. It just means one is able to move past the slight and continue with the relationship. The fact that the parents feel humiliated instead of humbled shows they really don't regret their past actions. They simply want to have access to their grandbaby.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

The grandparents should be kissing OP and his wife's feet for allowing them to see the baby at all. I think OP should go no contact and kick them out of his and his family's lives.

[@zerofate9669]

Yeah they obviously judged opS wife past harshly. She had to do what she had to do to survive just like everyone else and even tho she's not proud of it, she still was able to live. I'd keep the photo frame up til they respect the wife and admit what they did was not only cold and heartless but downright soul crushing to miss a wedding of their child and a future with grandkids. They disrespected his wife, his kid, and him by not attending. The wife of course is still hurt by their actions they judge her as. She was a sex worker and she left that all behind her but to the parents n brother she's a wh%$e and always will be. Plus your brother a crackhead of the family? So...he is still a crackhead as in doing drugs? So they don't jump on his case on drugs and still doing them but they jump on the wife for sex work and getting clean and quitting? Op keep the picture up and make them apologize and keep them at arms length. Don't leave them alone with your kid either. They most likely will do something to the kid u didn't consent to or a DNA test again.

[@shells500tutubo]

@Ryan Mazingo I call it understanding and moving on. You understand who the person is by their behavior, and how you misjudged them by expecting more of them. Their "forgiveness" is you moving on from that, not absolving them of what they did. Like, "I understand you are a thief, so I will keep you as somewhat of a friend, but I will never let you into my house again or leave you alone with any of my possessions, because I know you will steal them".

[@atinyevil1383]

Agreed. My grandmother has ruined many things I own. Clothes, object, a fancy porcelain egg her mother gave me. All because she did things I explicitly told her not to do. I love my grandmother, but whenever she does something or is about to do something that would cause her to break, ruin, or lose my stuff, I tell her as such. She always asks what she's ruined and I list everything I can remember in that point in time. I don't need to forget or forgive her for breaking my things, even if I do love her.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@shells500tutubo 💯

[@AndyyWithAY]

Wholesome story incoming: I was walking around the neighborhood and some kids at one of the houses ran over and said hi. They asked if I wanted a Pokemon card. I said sure. They said it would cost money. I checked my wallet, but didn't have any. I told them I'd go home and get some. After rummaging the house I found some cash and went back. First the baby gave me a pokemon card he had made. So cute. Then I traded $5 for Primeape I believe. I was such a shy kid and still shy as an adult, so I respect the hustle and always help when I can, especially kids.

[@MarkNarrations]

Imagine you getting that shiny Charizard oooooo weeeee! I remember selling all the ice poles out of my mum's freezer, on my skateboard pretending to be the ice cream man. It was a quick career, the ice poles would have melted within 10 minutes haha

[@MaryTheresa1986]

That's adorable!

[@damien678]

I love this sm

[@standinthegsp6858]

Maybe you should have him sign his handmade card. It might be worth big money someday after he becomes famous lol.

[@ScooterBond1970]

💗😁

[@khughes9574]

To the seamstresses reaching out to help: You folks are good people! (also, I'm not crying...I have allergies... )

[@angrichT]

I'm too petty for the first story. C would be watching her back because come prom and graduation...I'm bringing scissors. ✂️👗🎓

[@ambiava123]

Angela Richie.....😅🤣😂🤣....some 👹👹👹's would be volunteering to help you, and the 😇😇😇's aren't watching 🤗🤗🤗

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #2: OP is the King of Petty and as long as his wife is on board, I'm totally here for it. Crackhead Bro can just sit down.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

Seriously. So disappointed with all the YTA/ETA comments! It was petty but it wasn't childish. And I would never have forgiven my parents for pulling that. That is so disrespectful, demanding a paternity test, ffs. I would have done something similar as well. Anyone that was okay with that just because the parents apologized must be doormats to narcissists 😅

[@miminana-hd6nf]

I agree. His parents have tried to make amends but OP, and his wife, are letting them know that while there may be a truce, nothing is forgotten. It also let's OP's parents know that any more interference,and outrageous demands will be met with the same kind of pettiness. Karma is a bitch.

[@goddessrick8734]

​@@jaymevosburgh3660 His wife was a sex worker. Extremely reasonable for parents to believe their son was making a massive mistake. It would be insane for any parent to not be extremely concerned or against the relationship.

[@Swnsasy]

Story 1: NTA... What she did must be out of spite.. I'm sorry but it has to be more than just, "I wanted to try it on." That just doesn't sound right at all... I feel so horrible for your sister... It hurts my soul so very much.. Your daughter could of taken PARTS from the dress when she got married but instead, she decided to be so incredibly selfish and hateful... My BIL has Crohn's and he's already had 2 ft of colon removed and STRESS CAN KILL with this disease.... I just feel so, so bad in my soul for the sister.... My grandmother means EVERYTHING to me and I miss her so much... She passed on my bday 10yrs ago, met my husband on my birthday the year later and married on my birthday the year after that because he said he wanted that day to be for my grams and me to smile....

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "You're embarrassing us!" Aw that's sad 😔 maybe you should have thought about that before not attending your own child's wedding for petty reasons 🥺 And would you look at that, they won't come back and be around him until he does something they want, some things never change 💞

[@staceywacey1978]

The parents want OP#2 to forget the past... but the whole thing started over them being unable to forget the past.

[@alissaroberts2545]

2nd story, when the wife no longer feels hurt by the parents, the picture can come down. Until such time it stays up. The parents seem happy to dish it out, but they have trouble taking it. They need to suck up, as they asked for it.

[@carlrood4457]

Then don't claim they've reconciled, because they haven't.

[@RageOfBeef]

@@carlrood4457 reconciliation does not mean forgetting the horrible thing someone does to you, If someone ruined my wedding or try to throw shade at my relationship and then at some point admitted they fucked up, we can continue being friends sure, but I'm damn sure not gonna forget nor let them forget the pain they caused me and remind them that we are only still talking because they've made their promise not to stoop to such things again, ops parents in the post only showed exactly why "forgive but do not forget" is important and why that stayed up, because what did they do when they saw something that reminds them of how they need to be better, they revert back to doing the same tactic of "do what I want or your dead to me", one can reconcile an issue and still remember and keep mementos of the fact it occured to remind yourself that they hit strike one in the first place, it's a physical reminder of the trust they burned, and that bothers them probably because they want to believe they could hit strike two without consequences, well it sounds like they chose to hit strike two trying to forcefully erase the harm done by strike one, I hope they don't give them the chance for strike three because if someone commits the same crime twice what's the point in giving them the freedom to do it again

[@alissaroberts2545]

@@carlrood4457 I agree with you there, but I wasn't the one who said they had.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: I remember this story from when it first came out. C is a selfish, spoiled little c and she's damned lucky all she lost was her college "fun money." I'd have seriously considered disowning her because I don't think this is something you can get past with someone, at least not over a few months or even years.

[@ambiava123]

Paula Stiles....You not too far from THAT ASSESSMENT. When people show you WHO THEY ARE the first time....believe them.

[@lauraanderson8785]

I know I shouldn't laugh because this is a sad story, but you describing that "C is a selfish, spoiled little c" is so funny to me 😂😂

[@paulastiles5507]

@@lauraanderson8785Thanks!

[@Russman67]

Story 2: Does That test come down immediately? Nope. Nuh-uh. Negative Ghost Rider. They were happy to judge OP's wife harshly. They can live with that. I'm good with the petty response

[@LillyianPuppy]

I swear, when I'm in the nursing home and can't remember what I had for breakfast, I will still remember every aita story you've narrated.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: It's been the hottest of minutes since I've heard this story, I'm curious as to what could have happened since then

[@flamelily2086]

OP was right to make C pay all her savings for ruining the dress. She had been told that the dress would not fit her and that she was not to try it on. Her action was done deliberately out of spite and she ruined a very special dress made by their grandmother who is now dead. OP's punishment is quite right.The daughter needs to pay for what she did. C can't expect her aunt to forgive her easily after what she did by destroying her dress.

[@juliebiggerbear7300]

First story, I am so glad that C is getting help, because she clearly needs it. Also, glad that sister one made it through both a Covid infection and a Crohn’s flair up because wow! Last story. I think it’s funny how one of the comments you read is all “concerned“ about the child, asking questions when they’re five and having to be told about sex work when they’re five. Apparently this commentor has absolutely no experience with children lol! I actually went and found the story yesterday, and one of the commenters put something down, which I am personally all for because it raises the petty and it’s really a neat idea. That idea being that mom and dad should also get DNA tests and post them on either side of their child’s! Introduce them to STEM early!

[@carlrood4457]

I remember reading a long time ago that using things like sports (e.g. hitting a heavy bag) aren't really good ways to deal with anger. It deals with the immediate aggression, but not the source of the anger. People end up equating anger with the physical acts and get more violent.

[@damien678]

Yeah but it's no good to just let it get pent up, either. Like, it's a good point you have, but sports and other ways to vent anger are genuinely important to those of us in anger management.

[@Grace_x68]

S2 What a man. Love the petty OP. It's a warning for the parents for the future.

[@alligatorbutt1368]

The adults in C's life are incredibly well adjusted people and handled the situation in the best way, honestly C is very fortunate

[@hothotheat3000]

She’s gonna be so embarrassed by her behavior when she grows up.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

Story 2: why on earth did you get back into contact with these people. They clearly don’t like your wife and will probably take it out on your kid too. It sounds like you’re still pissed and your wife is still upset… so why? They sound so toxic and full of drama-don’t say it’s for your son because it’s not. If they find out their grandparents trashed their mother, he’ll be asking you why you let them talk to his mother like that and cut them out themselves but also get mad at you.

[@VergilTheLegendaryDarkSlayer]

Story 1 OP is a good parent for giving C repercussions for her actions, C is lucky OP didn't even pull her college fund as well telling her "if you want to go to college, get a job"

[@s.v.2796]

Neither my daughter or my granddaughter or even my granddaughter's teen mother who was abandoned at infancy and abused would have behaved in such a deplorable manner. It is selfish beyond words. She must grow up and pay for it

[@paden1865able]

Spent the morning bathing one of my demons, I mean, cats. A little blood of mine was spilled and she bit me twice, lightly, but Maggie Mae got the cooking oil out of her coat. Now, I'm heating up the oven to bake cookies. (She's loving on me now and won't leave me alone, but I know she'll likely the piddle on something of mine as an act of revenge. 😆)

[@MiniKitty27]

story 2: "forgive and don't forget" is my takeaway, NTA. keep the test on the wall as long as you want, if they have a problem, well, actions: meet consequences. they should be embarrassed that they missed the wedding and they should be reminded of their misstep so they can't sweep it under the rug like they clearly want to

[@dldavi]

Story 1: NTA C is so lucky her aunt didn’t sue her. That behavior was despicable. I truly hope she gets the help that she needs. Story 2: NTA You can forgive, but you do not have to forget. It’s not like the parents over there every day anyways. I’ll highly doubt OP will keep the DNA test up forever, but it’s their house and they get to decorate anyway they want to. And shout out to OP’s wife for not being ashamed of her past and moving forward.

[@copercurlz]

For story 2, there's a good comment from a past story that sums it up well. Forgive and forget are two separate statements. Just because you forgive, you do not have to forget. OP is not the asshole. He's forgiven, but he most likely will never forget. And that's fine. His parents hurt him. Leave those results up proudly.

[@carlrood4457]

But he hasn't forgiven. You don't keep throwing the offense in the face of someone you've forgiven. Not forgetting is merely maintaining vigilance and reducing the level of truse.

[@truthseeker9249]

@@carlrood4457 Like HELL you don't keep throwing it in someone's face. When someone does something horrible to you, you make them SUFFER for it. They deserve it. They deserve to be taught a lesson.

[@truthseeker9249]

@nexus169 Agreed.

[@nadiahinson3515]

What I am taking away from this story is that no matter how vicious and spiteful you are as long as you attend therapy all is forgiven

[@melissaclark1051]

Just because you forgive does not mean you forget

[@raven4090]

Exactly. Forgetting the bad things people have done would even be dangerous in the future.

[@CatacombD]

Forgetting is entirely different from "Make your revenge a center piece on your wall, which you gleefully explain to anyone who comes to visit your house." I am perfectly fine with OP holding the grudge. His parents are total Aholes. He is perfectly in the right to get revenge. But don't go on the internet and pretend you've forgiven them while you're still actively getting your revenge on them.

[@ayanaatthrivebewhole]

This was the best way that they could have handled that wedding dress situation! I'm really proud of that family

[@TheNormExperience]

Reddit: Forgive, but never forget. Also Reddit: You’ve forgiven them, so why can’t you forget what they did?! …what?

[@void9938]

Op really floped hard by matching that money, she did not deserve to have that money back.

[@phyllis9750]

Story 1: I LOVE THIS!!!! Keep it up to keep the reminder about power, and that the parents have NONE in your home!

[@MrH347]

Story 1: That’s a big assumption to think C would be getting married. She has a terrible attitude and anger issues to boot. If she uses her weight as an excuse for her actions she is going to be alone for a long time. I honestly wouldn’t be able to move past something like that. Probably cut her out of my life. She put her aunt in the hospital. The family is a lot more supportive than I would have been, but then again I would never claim to be a good person.

[@WereMike]

Accountability usually does not feel pleasant but it is so important long-term.

[@Feisty_Elfgirl_5258]

The dress wasn't free. There was time and material that went into it. Just because someone makes you something doesn't mean its free. This is why I no longer make items for people

[@roelthas]

I hope she can at least somewhat make amends, but that's not only with the sister, but everyone involved. Honestly, if someone did that to my wife, I would have a hard time getting over it, so I doubt the relationships can go back to what they were and that's only on her.

[@LadyPinkmonsta]

I just can't believe it's been two years since the C story first came out ಠ_ಠ

[@frith.calluna]

Isn't "don't touch what doesn't belong to you" one of the first things you learn in kindergarten? Really don't get why it's such a hard concept to some people.

[@brandi5126]

S1: NTA. I don't think giving the 3k is too much either because what she did was intentional and cruel and she really ruined a big part of your sister's wedding.

[@walkofnails2923]

If it was me, I would never be able to look at C the same way again. All trust would be lost

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

I wouldn’t’ve invited that monster to my wedding.

[@jenniferfoote5442]

I remember this story..i think what C did was horrifying and i think mostly it was handled the way it should have been..honestly considering how young OP and and his ex were when they had C they seem to have parented her with maturity mostly..it sounds like OP's family is very close knit, supportive which im sure helped alot..i hope C continues therapy for her anger issues

[@Bookwright]

Story 1. I am a little bit surprised that no one has mentioned grief. Jelous, anger, covid, isolation and grief together is an toxic mix. I belive paying what one destroyed is fitting, consequence is better then just punishment and C are also working on the issues behind her anger. It's an awfull thing that she'll have to live with and be ashamed of for the rest of her life to. Grief is no excuse but it is part of the surcomstance.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 1: this brat actually could have killed her aunt because she got mad and jealous that her aunt got a dress made for her while she won’t cause the family member seamstress died. The actual f. Glad she now realized how wrong she was but that was literally because her aunt was basically not trying to die. It’s sad it took that to make her see her actions were wrong not the rule of she broke something she pays for it (only complaining about the lack of “fun money” she will have in school). It shouldn’t take a near death of a family member to realize she did wrong, and that’s scary

[@Handalorian]

Upvote, then watch. This is the way.

[@MarkNarrations]

This is the way

[@matthewuzulis5016]

S1: I don't know if C and Sis will ever have a close relationship, having such a super special item like that destroyed is so horrible, a wedding dress many women find very special in itself, made by a family member increases that, it being the final gift from them... now consider how much the sister has to put up with due to her own health causing her pains on top of even when there is not a flare up just the simple act of clothes shopping would be a pain to find something she likes and fits. C showed how little she regarded Sis by purposefully destroying the dress out of envy, not cause Sis some how slighted her or something but rather a feeling of you don't deserve a nice thing. Even if C is making strides to move past Sis already has a measure of where she stands in regards to C and that will not be easy to forget or let go of. I hope they can have as healthy relationship as possible but I don't think it will be very close. S2: What a mess of a family, I do think it's a ESH as well for much the same reasons as people have already said. I'm also holding the wife to the same standard but with her I feel she is the most just in the case but if she has accepted she should also be moving on or just not accept.

[@bforman1300]

A not-friend played on then-future-SIL's insecurities asking "What if your future in-laws don't like you?" before she met us. SIL brought it up to Mom during a phone call. Mom told her, "We don't care if you are green with purple polka-dots. (Bro) loves you, so we love you!" More than 20y on, that hasn't changed. She is a very different person from the rest of us and we frankly don't have a lot in common, but she is a wonderful amazing person and I am tearing up right now in gratitude that she is part of our family.

[@mr.maxwell4955]

Why do every parents think that their child need therapy when they do something bad?

[@jjjjjf7]

Omg the parents havent learnt anything in s2 "Do what we want or you won't see us" exact same strategy. They dont deserve to be forgiven.

[@rubymeaddle]

Parents in story 2 are lucky they even get to meet their grandkid.

[@DFullerLisa]

NTA. This was a very very hard, and a needed lesson for her to learn. She probably damaged her relationship with the bride and her family forever with how little regard she had for it. The emotional pain to lose Grabdmas wedding dress, yes, could have been turned into a family heirloom for the women. I do believe an eye for an eye. She took the dress mom took her hard earned money to pay for the dress. If mom had done nothing, the sister could also end up not talking to mom to.

[@IrisAsuras]

How was C's life ruined? She could still go to college.

[@JJerseyGirl]

1st story. Since OP had C at a young age. C and your sister kind of in a way grew up like siblings So C being jealous that great grandmother had made a custom dream dress for OP's sister and the way C responded is like a sibling rivalry.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 2: You can forgive, but never forget. If you forget, it gives them to blindside you and hurt you again. Not forgetting reminds you who you are dealing with so you can protect yourself.

[@joec8321]

3000 and more should be punitive damage as a punishment. She INTENTIONALLY to destroy the dress not innocent to try on the dress and got stuck on it. She is very manipulative.

[@CreeperOnYourHouse]

I am going to go against the grain here for story 2. He forgave, but he did not forget. He is forgiving them, letting them back into his life, letting them see their grandchild, but hes letting them know he did not forget that they think less of his wife for what she did in the past, and do not trust her.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 1: C should have been criminally prosecuted. If I were Sis C would still be on my $hit list and permanently excluded from my life.

[@scheneli000]

It’s great C is in therapy and is apparently sincere in regret and blah blah, but I don’t think she deserves to ever be forgiven. I definitely wouldn’t in this situation. It was a cold, calculated move. She can try to do better for others in the future, but her aunt is more than justified to not deal with her anymore if she so chooses

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you, take a deep breath let it out slowly, and lower your shoulders. Know that you are important to someone even if you feel like no one loves you, guess what I do. I'm so proud of you being here. Thank you. Now make sure you take care of yourself and drink some water, eat something and take a stretch break.💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

Story 1: I kinda want to know what punishment people want for C? Like she is 16, and not in a "she doesn't understand her actions" way but in a "there are only so many ways to punish a kid" way. Also like to the people saying she deserves to get cancer, die alone or is unredeemable, she is a teenager with untreated mental health issues, raised by two teenagers, going through one of the most extreme cases of isolation, public fear and shutdown of life while dealing with a family members death without her comfort activity. This isn't really the best time to get the idea of her personality.

[@MorningRose370]

If that had been my dress, C would not have been part of my life anymore. She would not have been at the wedding. And I would have made her parents fork over the hospital costs, down to the last penny. The sister is either an angel or a jellyfish.

[@WiseWordsbyWiki]

@@MorningRose370 okay, but that's you. If the sister doesn't want that then you can't enforce it so it's still not a reasonable punishment to suggest. Like at that point you are punishing the sister as well who clearly values her relationship with her niece over the dress.

[@enkiimuto1041]

C's father: She is the best thing I've ever done Well, that is sad.

[@thesecretshade]

I honestly laughed about him hanging it up. As long as it's ok with the wife. They apparently not going to leave it up until the kid can read lol But a little reminder to the parents does seem appropriate to me. They 100% told everyone who would listen who this ain't his baby and trash talked her. How is it not fair to show everyone their true face? They crapped on his wife's reputation and gossiped about her past but somehow it's "embarrassing" that he lets people know about it? Lol Yeah he didn't forget it and at some point he should take it down but let him and wife enjoy the moment for awhile lol

[@terramarini6880]

He could take it down and put up a wedding pic of them with her family... why aren't your parents in them? Oh they didn't attend the wedding? Why? Their absence in all the photos also speaks volumes.

[@kr0gan105]

I don’t think this type of jealousy won’t go away with therapy. Maybe improves but that’s just her personality

[@mysterylovescompany2657]

I hesitate to say this about a child, but...C sounds kind of evil. Sis is an angel. I personally feel like this would be one of the few things from a family member that I would likely find unforgiveable - not because of the accident part, but because the rest of it was driven entirely by an _unprovoked_ desire to _cause pain_ .

[@GeorgeGiann]

That’s BULLSH@@T. So she got a big chunk of the money back AND was invited to the wedding. Yeah, that showed her.

[@mericawillis2338]

Reconciling doesn’t equal forgiving

[@HunterTheron]

"But fuckingbailey says..." Geez Mark, what do you have against Bailey? *Sees username* Oh.

[@GBunnyG]

Story 2 makes me so happy.