I REFUSE To Support My Son's Pregnant Girlfriend Until She Has A Paternity Test r/Relationships

[@sandracox4341]

To the person who said "you don't have a right to a test from her" You are correct. But They also don't have any obligation to give her support.

[@jotaux3652]

Story 1: She obviously does not like the GF but I think she's right to ask for the paternity test.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

She...was an addict. Mom is from wealthy family. Probably old money. They are quite picky who their kids get married with. Lots of....asian parents are like that.

[@757Bricksquad]

She has a right to not like the GF. One of My best friends became a drug addict in high school. He’s clean now, but we talk and he fights demons every single day. He himself says he feels like a relapse is always just right around the corner and ironically this just serves as more motivation for him to stay clean. However, also knowing my friend, I would not want to raise a kid with a person in that situation. Raising a kid in general is hard enough, fighting addiction demons is a whole other story.

[@DinoTamer-22]

I agree. While she isn’t being the nicest to the girl I think it’s wise to ask for a paternity test before supporting someone financially. It’s all well and good to help others but be sure to cover yourself in case they aren’t good people.

[@waves2378]

Honestly, if I have kids, Im demanding a paternity test immediately after I give birth. Of course, I would never cheat on a boyfriend or husband, but there are assh*les who say the craziest things, so I want to just be able to prove them wrong on the spot. Also, if a boyfriend or husband was ever the one to want a test, I would be demanding a maternity test. If the baby i bring home from the hospital isn't his, it definitely wouldn't be mine.

[@Ivy94F]

@@waves2378 A paternity test would determine maternity as well, since you would be tested in either scenario. Its the same test. Its just called paternity because that’s the only parent that’s unknown.

[@wickedbird1538]

S1. A friend never got DNA from his pregnant girlfriend. He volunteered to support her. When she relapsed, the state took custody. He tried to get custody, but it turned out someone else was the father. The real father took custody and my friend was no longer able to see his daughter. Ever.

[@rmhartman]

wasn't he named on the birth certificate?

[@wickedbird1538]

@@rmhartman she refused to put any name on the birth certificate. She never told him she had cheated on him.

[@lonewanderer8743]

Written like a true Reddit fanfiction maybe you should post.

[@CyeOutsider]

How old was the child? Becuase a court is simply not going to rip a child away from the only parent they know to go live with a stranger. In my country, parents don't have rights in the family court system - children have rights. No parent is entitled to custody or visitations. The court makes a determination as to what's in the child's best interests. In some circumstances, an independent Children's Lawyer is appointed to advocate for the child.

[@wickedbird1538]

@@CyeOutsider The mom was stripped of her parental rights because of continuing problems with drugs and neglect. the state ordered DNA testing and my friend was not the father. ( He had no legal standing even though he had been sending her money and was a regular babysitter), The mom FINALLY named a one night stand who wanted the preschool child after DNA testing proved he was the real father.

[@bredaisy4001]

The son is the AH. How can he be 24, getting someone pregnant but can't afford. Let him get a second job if he needs money for the baby. The parents do not owe money to them.

[@kendon0923]

I never really understand the people who say you shouldn’t judge someone on their past. What else are you supposed to judge them on? Her son Is willing to be parents with someone he knocked up 2 months into a relationship and everything his parents know about the girl screams gold digger. Giving a bit of reassurance should be the least he can do for his parents since he’s the one asking them for money. I’d still do the paternity. Hurt feelings over doubt hurt a lot less than betrayed feelings after finding out you weren’t the father.

[@teresadurham8828]

This right here!!! 👏👏👏👏

[@emilybarclay8831]

Anyone who says that wants people to forget the patterns of their behaviour because they know they aren’t a good person

[@paden1865able]

A good many people overlook the fact that folks can and do change from how they were years ago. Yeah, take into account where they came from but recognize how far they've come since then.

[@teresadurham8828]

@@paden1865able That's great and I agree but she got pregnant within 2 months of dating. Nothing about that shows maturity on her part or the son's part honestly. She's still displaying concerning behavior with impulse control and immaturity.

[@paden1865able]

​@@teresadurham8828 I got pregnant after two months of exclusively dating my now husband and we celebrated our 18th anniversary last month. Our son is nineteen and we did the paternity test to shut the grandmother up. Yes, husband is the father, even though our son looks like my dad, which really torked off the mil.😆

[@Raaslen]

Story 2: well, that's the exactly reason why my sister, who is a tattoo artist, has a rule in her studio that forbids her and her colleagues to tattoo drunk people

[@katie6731]

It's illegal in many places to tattoo a person the artist believes is drunk. Also, tattooing a drunk person can be dangerous, as the general consensus is that they tend to bleed more. Your sister works at a shop that cares about the safety of its clients above the lure of the almighty dollar--even if tattooing a drunk person is legal wherever her shop is located.

[@katphish30]

@@katie6731 Good or even decent tattoos are hella expensive too, so if they'll tattoo drunk people they probably don't do good work.

[@Raaslen]

@@katie6731 Yes, and it's actually hard for the artist to do a good job because of the execive bleeding

[@katie6731]

@@katphish30 I definitely agree. Clients aren't just paying for their specific tattoo, but for everything that the artist put into improving their craft, and for the safety protocols required by the artist and the shop's management. I absolutely love my tattoos--each one represents a person or experience that has had a profound effect on my life--but it's pretty obvious which ones were serious investments that involved years of planning and researching artists, and which weren't. 😄 I'm pretty sure the artist who did my first tattoo would have tattooed me if I'd been falling-down drunk, as long as he got paid. 😬

[@user-de2wv8ri8n]

I assume consent to the tattoo and any docs they need to sign is totally out the window so why would you

[@helenlewis2510]

My only condition for the paternity test would be either MIL or her son paying for it, especially since pre birth paternity test are expensive vs after the birth

[@Legion-xq8eo]

A real woman, nice to know they still exist!!

[@Vipre-]

I strongly believe the tests should be done for all live births just like any other standard postnatal test, however this condition for prenatal testing is entirely fair.

[@Lillypop93]

I'm fine with paternity tests my only conditions are that the person who asks pays and when it comes back I want a hand written note of apology for doubting me

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@Lillypop93 I'm glad you used the word doubt instead of accusation. Doubt implies it is a possibility that it may have happened, and it absolutely is for 99.999% of all pregnancies. An accusation is claiming you believe it happened.

[@gaywerewolf1294]

Story 1: I'm sorry but when you ask people for money, they get to set whatever conditions they want bc, and this may be a shocker, it's THEIR money, not yours. the moment you ask them for it is the moment it's their business what you do with that money.

[@FluffballKitties]

Story 1, I can understand her perspective. I have a sil who is a functioning addict, who regularly would tell people she was clean. I also wonder why she isn't on Medicaid or the help the plan in place for if you are overqualified for Medicaid.

[@ceeshnia]

She works full time as a waitress, so she may be in that gap of "too much for x, too little for y", or the amount she'd have to pay monthly is too high for her to currently pay.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@ceeshnia Yeah, you can't really live on the cap for assistance in a lot of places.

[@packergeek10]

It's always insane to me that Reddit always freaks out if a man asks for paternity test. I think a paternity test in general should be done at birth period.

[@Kairos_Akuma]

Agreed. And more than once, to make sure. Given certain conditions can make the test a negative even if the child is the dads - like beeing a Chimera.

[@FrederikEngelmand]

100p. People think all women are angels. But remember 1 in 3 paternity tests come out negative. Ofc there is some bias in that statistic. For example you take it mostly when you have doubts in the first place. But still

[@Rhaenarys]

I don't see a problem with at birth. It's while pregnant that's a problem. It's very costly, invasive, and painful, which can cause extra stress on mother, in turn affecting the baby

[@scotthinger6397]

@@Rhaenarys A blood test from the mother can be done with no danger to the baby. I think the cost is $500 dollars.

[@Rhaenarys]

@@scotthinger6397 no, it doesn't directly harm the baby. But it isn't painless for the mother, which causes stress, which causes potential harm to the baby. But I can see how since it would be a woman, not a man, being stabbed in the stomach by a needle not a big deal...

[@EmiriTsukiyo]

As someone who's husband has maintained 5y sobriety from meth and went from drug addicted loser to honest and hardworking family man...I understand OP in story 1 and I don't think there was anything wrong with asking for a paternity test. Just because you love and trust someone doesn't mean your family will, it takes time to establish that trust. My family didn't trust my husband for the first few years of his sobriety but now they not only trust him, they love him and are proud of him. People have no idea how drugs can really fuck up things unless they've been through a situation, themselves... I'm glad OP managed to have a happy ending and that the girlfriend seems to truly be a changed and good person and I wish them all a happy life... but I don't think she was am AH in the first place and her son shouldve been more understanding.

[@lilypaddington1797]

Maaaaaaaaaan, its such a delightful breath of fresh air to have a story where people actually function like mature adults and communicate with each other properly to work through a minor kink in their relationship, so sweet and nice~ ♥

[@nationalsocialism3504]

She definitely dodged that paternity test, though... good for her scam being successful. A simple blood draw from the mother during one of her routine doctors appointments is all that is involved. It's less than nothing as far as an inconvenience & MIL would have already been paying for the doctor visits anyways.

[@robertx8020]

@@nationalsocialism3504 A lot of assumptions! Where I live you just couldn't get a doctor's appointment during Covid unless it was an emergency! And you seem to assume she was lying?

[@KopitioBozynski]

@@robertx8020 It's a safe assumption considering signing the birth certificate to a child that isn't his would mean a minimum of eighteen years of financial servitude. Also not everyone lives where you live.

[@nationalsocialism3504]

@@robertx8020 since the official number is 10-15% & the unofficial number is +30%... with her history & the relationship, she's definitely more likely to be lying than not.

[@Davtwan]

@@robertx8020 - A lot of folks here are very judgmental when it comes to relationships. That said, I do understand that a birth-certificate signing isn’t something to be taken lightly. With that said, good on the GF if she really wasn’t the one asking for assistance. And good on OP for being there at the birth regardless of the outcome. They got a lot of things to figure out, but it sounds like they’ll be alright.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: I'm rolling my eyes really hard at the son thinking he can dictate to his parents the terms of his borrowing money from them. So much entitlement. Just get the damned test and go from there, or don't and don't get the money. Story #2: Eh...on the fence about this one. I think the OP, who is closer to the situation, is probably the better one to judge. That said, lots of people come on Reddit, claiming they have the mostest solidest relationship evah, only for it to turn out that the relationship has more red flags flying than a pirate ship and they were either in denial or didn't want to mention them. So, Reddit posters aren't necessarily the most reliable reporters on how solid a relationship is.

[@lauracottom7425]

Story 1: Nta all you asked for was a paternity test. They are asking for your money. If he has a job why do they need your money? If he wants to be the dad then let him. Just because you “see “ your son in the baby could mean she has a type. I hope it works out.

[@SherriLyle80s]

S2: I always had friends and family tell me that my cousin doesn't like my exbf at the time. For 4 years... Trickle truth. Now they are married. OP needs to be on guard.

[@dc.pxrecious]

The real question is why is the son asking his parents to help with pregnancy expenses? That's the son and his girlfriend's responsibility. A paternity request is reasonable in this situation

[@tracy238]

Story 1: Absolutely should get a paternity test done. Story 2: The only acceptable name on you is your childs, otherwise I see it as an ownership name.

[@nvfury13]

In story two, it was definitely their drunken intent…on top of the “I’m your toy” symbolism since it was obviously Toy Story inspired.

[@CryWolf-sm9iw]

Lol! “He clearly loves…” 6 months in a relationship. That’s called the honeymoon phase.

[@edgarretana8377]

I fucking hate people on the internet sometimes. They call out the mother for judging the pregnant woman based on her past but even after OP shows a change of heart and growth she’s still getting hate comments.

[@erikahammer4337]

What I have to wonder, from the second story, is if Jess is also in the army. If she is, I don't see this tattoo as a big deal. Even if she isn't, military types create extremely strong family bonds with people, especially through trauma. Either way, it sounds more like Tom and Jess simply confused a developing family tie for sexual tension.

[@tartsonawire]

Maybe I watch too much Paternity Court, but I still think story 1 should get a test, just to be 100% sure and alleviate any lingering doubts or head off any future issues

[@iwantsifegold]

NTA as parents is your duty to protect your son and a Confirmation can’t hurt so protect him 100%

[@owlintrenchcoat]

The first OP did sound kind of judgemental just in general, but come on. They got pregnant after dating a couple months. When you get pregnant with people you don't have any kind of strong trust and relationship with, it just makes sense to establish paternity and get it out of the way before moving on to the big parenting decisions.

[@brittaniharold1880]

She's very judgemental and a snob.The pregnant girlfriend is working on her own while the op's son got his job because daddy's the boss.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@brittaniharold1880 like girls don't baby-trap guys that they think will be good earners all the time, and girls with multiple partners don't clamp onto the most successful one when they become pregnant all the time. That situation sounds very sketchy. I would absolutely be questioning paternity in OP's shoes, and unlike OP, a slight resemblance, and her being a decent person in general, wouldn't be enough to convince me otherwise. i would certainly hope otherwise, but those doubts wouldn't just evaporate like that. Paternity fraud is honestly a worse crime than rape, and the state and hospitals are actively supporting those that commit the crime. The whole thing is sick and needs to change. I am 100% for mandatory paternity testing.

[@wolfengod8277]

@@brittaniharold1880 Her working a low wage job doesn’t mean she is of good character, the potential grandparents are looking out for their own son and their own financial well-being. OP was doing nothing wrong.

[@brittaniharold1880]

@@wolfengod8277 she never mentioned her character.She mentioned things that have nothing to do with her.Why does she feel the need to mention that her parents are dead as if that explains her working?

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

What do you mean "don't have any kind of strong trust and relationship with"? Did you miss the part where they grew up together and have been friends for years?

[@mariannenelson855]

to be honest I was raised by addicts and it's really hard when you love them you want to believe in them they can do better but the hardest decision I have to make is keep them at an arm's distance to protect myself yet still close enough to help feed them

[@dandotvid]

People get so butthurt about paternity tests. It's just to have a guarantee before you start shelling out money. It should be mandatory anyway. And "clearly loves"??? They've been together for less than a year. She's been pregnant since 2 months into the relationship. Sure, they may have known each other for years, but this is still the very *beginning* of a relationship.

[@loganmorningstar9122]

I agree, it's something I would insist on in a situation like story 1.

[@jusminejustice2794]

it seems like Op's son is heavily against it and the gf sounds like she wasn't against the idea.

[@ladyv5655]

IMHO, the only person who has the right to ask for a paternity test is the father. The snobbish, witchy grandmother has no business saying anything about this.

[@OmniscientlyMe]

@@ladyv5655 You could also say they have no business asking for money. Ask for other people's money and they have every right to set conditions to receive it.

[@Undomaranel]

@@ladyv5655 I agree. But just as a broken clock is right twice a day? And just as trashy as it was for the son to ask OP for money? That entitled family deserves each other.

[@zakeena82]

Story 2 : OP should get a Jessica tattoo on her foot too!

[@SailorMya]

Why not get a cover-up tattoo!? That is what my SO did. Before we met in person he had tons of tattoos already and he told me strait up that he did have his ex's name tattooed on him. I thought "Oh, a little name is not a big deal"... till I saw it... Two rings intertwined with their names on them... It was on the back of his neck so he didn't really think about it but I saw it ALL. THE. TIME. Well on valentines day he diched me for most of the day because he was at the tattoo shop getting it covered and had his friends get me for the surprise later! It really did make me happy and this guy seems like he would be fine with more ink. Just like in my story it might not seem like a big deal now but she will see it now that she knows it is there. This is just an option that I'm surprise wasn't brought up at all. P.S. Never get a SO's name on you it usually ends in disaster!!! Maybe that is why they could never work out because he had her name on him! LOL

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Because it's on the bottom of the foot and you got to walk on that thing?

[@rebelks88]

The description of the style makes it seem like it was a black name on the bottom of his foot. Not really an elegant way to cover that other than with a sock lol

[@calmandfree]

I think the placement is the issue, the bottom of the foot isn't really the idle place for a tattoo to begin with. I mean small surface area, also a lot of nerves located there and you will still have to walk and put pressure on it so who knows how long it will last. It looks like OP's boyfriend is leaning toward removing it completely, which might be the best option.

[@SailorMya]

​@@calmandfree If the pain of the removal is worse then the tattoo then the pain of another tattoo is still the better option.

[@SailorMya]

@@rebelks88 You would be surprised what they can do for coverups now! My SO's Tattoo was the size of my fist and full color with a dark bold black outline and they managed to cover it with a pac-man picture with the ghosts. If anything a talented artist could take that base and make it something new like a different word. It is just an option that I have always found better then removal. Adding more artwork to your body is better then adding more scars.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 is tricky. They do spend a lot of time together and both had feelings for each other. Tattoos are not romantic. People get tattoos of loved ones for various reasons. Just communicate. And the Woody from Toy Story line. I am DEAD! 🤣

[@SailorMya]

I always say don't get your SO's name because it is like a curse that ends relationships more then anything! So yea they are not romantic at all! LOL

[@MONKEYDZETS]

This is not a close relationship this is someone he had feelings for!

[@stellamccoy5259]

No way in heck would I take care of my sons child. He plays he pays. Being a grandparent doesn't mean taking care of the baby, unless something happens to the parents. NTA.

[@sbradley3008]

If they want his money, they have no right to judge his requirements to get his money. Take it or leave it.

[@audreym3908]

I think OP is female

[@TheMimiSard]

Story 1 - I am glad for that NTA response, because that is how I feel more than anything. I think OP's distrust is a little YTA, but I also think wanting a paternity test is something I think is not terrible. I wonder if the son's reaction is a case of manly pride refusing to even think that she could cheat on him. In the end, I understand OP's concern, but I am glad things have worked out.

[@TheMimiSard]

The other option with tattoos is having a cover tattoo applied over it. I have seen picture comparisons of bad tatts and cover tatts, and if the second artist is good, the result can look really good.

[@TheRealVenna]

Andy in Toy Story wrote his name on Woody's foot because they were best friends. Honestly, if I was ever close enough to someone that I felt I could call them my best friend, I think getting each other's names tattooed on our feet would be a cute, and funny bonding experience we could share.

[@dustyrose192]

its painful tho

[@Ivy94F]

Not on the sole of my foot though. Ouch!!! Lol!

[@gurglequeen433]

I'm kind of with OP in the first story, maybe I'm jaded from hearing so many stories on reddit of people finding out the kid isn't theirs, but I feel like a paternity test is a small ask.

[@NeverShoutNever45454]

For real, I’m surprised everyone’s calling her an AH. Like yea she doesn’t really like the girl, but she doesn’t have to give her money regardless of it’s his or not. Asking for a paternity test is just her stipulation, if he doesn’t want to that’s fine he just won’t get the financial support.

[@robertx8020]

@@NeverShoutNever45454 Sonce the GF didn't ASK for money and the BF didn't want her to have one, there seems to be no reason to take one!

[@NeverShoutNever45454]

@@robertx8020 I think as long as no one was being overly pushy about it no one did anything wrong, the mom had a right to ask and the son and gf had the right to refuse as long as they left it at that then it’s fine

[@Germania72]

They've been together for only 6 months. Her son wants her help, I don't think it's inappropriate to ask for a paternity test.

[@jamestown8398]

I agree. It really shouldn’t have the stigma that it does, and in my mind people who get angry about the suggestion are at best being very unreasonable, and at worst are cheaters.

[@jadis3143]

She had a right to be concerned. For all she knows her son is being manipulated

[@Reikotsu]

Story 1: NTA, she was right to be concerned, you can’t ask for someone’s else money without clarifying everything. Also, doesn’t matter how nice or delightful she is, that is not a substitute for a paternity test.

[@MarkNarrations]

Oh hello you cheeky so and so!

[@FriedaMMartin]

Hello!

[@dm9078]

It’s OP’s damn money no one is entitled to it. And here’s the thing, why does OP have to like her. Plenty of people dislike their in-laws. Let the son get a job to support his kid. NTA I was wondering the same thing that that one Commenter wondered why were they both getting divorced at the same time? Is it because both of their spouses were jealous of their relationship? That is a question OP needs to ask

[@jaegerthedane3245]

Haven't you listened to any of the video? For the last story, they were getting divorces at the same time because OP's boyfriend's ex was cheating on him while the friend was getting out of an abusive relationship. Pay fucking attention. For the first story, OP doesn't have to like her son's girlfriend, but she didn't have to be a cunt towards her either. The OP in the first story was judging her son's girlfriend based only on the fact that the girlfriend actually struggled through life and had to go through hurdles to get to where she is now.

[@aluralovell6829]

She doesn't have to like her that's true but just be upfront about it, don't try to BS people by pretending you like her and that your dislike of her has nothing to do with it. Once you start lying no matter how small or irrelevant the lie is no one wants to hear you anymore.

[@Cantmakeupmymindonaname]

Story 1) Originally No one TA until the update where son is a little bit TA for asking for money when gf didnt want to.

[@knitwit9447]

Im always glad to see your videos! Recently I went through something quite tragic and though I'm doing better, it's still difficult and I take all the happiness I can get! Stay safe and have a great day!

[@jennilynne1977]

Mark always seems to help when someone has gone through a tragic event or trauma. I know he made me feel better when I lost 2 very important family members.

[@huinismith]

I'm sending you a virtual hug.

[@nathryl03]

If it's okay, I'd like to send you lots of hugs

[@BruinPhD2009]

I'm sorry you've had a difficult time in your life. I hope you're making the journey back to better times.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

Story 1: I can understand the concerns but the bias comes through heavily. So I would say what others did: it's OP's money, they don't have to support anyone they choose not to. But they could lose their son over this, so... risky. If I was the girl, I would be hurt, but if I were being honest and had nothing to hide, I would get it over with, take the test, and prove I was being honest. If the parents continued to dislike her after that, I would go no contact, that's a lost battle.

[@dianasmith8248]

Story one: Given her history they have every right to have that rule. Their son has no right to ask for money on her behalf if he will not provide them with what they want.

[@GiordanDiodato]

plus it is OP's money

[@dianasmith8248]

@@GiordanDiodato yep that is the main thing.

[@lucaswinsor4469]

On the other hand, she comes off as incredibly elitist and judgmental. Basically every word she says is dripping with contempt, and that's what most of the YTA's were about, not the money.

[@dianasmith8248]

@@lucaswinsor4469 I understand, but at the end of the day it is really only about the money.

[@catandrobbyflores]

@@lucaswinsor4469 kinda but let's be honest, how many stories do we see on here where fathers are tricked into caring for kids that arnt theirs.

[@slippyquack7672]

I'll put it like this: normalizing paternity tests, especially at birth, only has benefits for everyone involved. The only one who it doesn't benefit, is the cheater. End of discussion.

[@Floratic]

Or maybe don't get someone pregnant you don't trust.

[@helar2574]

@@Floratic You know, that there some intresting tactics, like holes in condoms, lying about BC etc? FFS, i remember very old story where GF took used condom and use sperm to get pregnant through IVF.

[@oliviabean8264]

I have no problem with that idea... what I do have a problem with is that everyone is just using similar points to sidestep the discussion of how when one acts like a classist snob towards there kids partner that anything negative they say about them will just be interpreted as a blatant attempt to poison the well. There may be a lot of stories online about men finding out a kid isn't genetically theres but theres even more stories online about crazy to just no MIL's.

[@AngelaMastrodonato]

There are people out there who refuse to take AncestryDNA tests because they fear their DNA is stored indefinitely in a database out there and could be used for nefarious purposes. These same people may not feel right getting samples of their baby’s DNA and aren’t sure that the DNA won’t be kept in a database somewhere for who knows how long. Just because you fully trust the medical industry doesn’t mean everyone does.

[@peteranon8455]

@@Floratic Obviously, the problem is that these guys DID trust the mothers of their supposed children. Your logic is backward.

[@listenquitely2888]

Story 1: they are adults. Why do u need to support them?

[@trillionbones89]

because that is what good parents do. their son was a student *before* their first job and he has a child on the way - aka medical expenses. are you one of the parents that kick their child out of home when turning 18 even though they are still in high shool? because that is how you sound like.

[@Mouse2379]

@@trillionbones89 No, that is not what "good" parents do, he's 24 so is she; they are adults! It's called cutting the apron strings. How are they to learn to do life on their own if they keep getting handouts? People grow with struggles.

[@trillionbones89]

@@Mouse2379 you are not supposed to pamper them, mate. Financing them during education is not that. Stop pretending the system is fair. Student debt, unpaid internships, terrible life costs for young people are real after all and you don't need to put your child on the streets to give them character. That's ridiculous. A little aid is not pampering, but good parenting and your responsibilities as parent don't seize magically at 18

[@mangomothman7768]

Story 2- Finally, adults acting and communicating like adults should! I understand its going to be a little difficult and confusing for some time I think things are going to work out ok. It sounds like things are well and truly in the past and hopefully OP's relationship grows stronger from this! Keep up the good communication and things will be ok!!!

[@magoichi75]

Reddit is widely known for their distain for upper middle class/rich people so them pulling this nonsense on story 1 is no big surprise.

[@indianspartan76]

Story 1: OP may be a douche for disliking the girl, but NTA for wanting a paternity test to support financially.

[@jakeand9020]

Not even for not liking her, it's the blatantly lying about it part that gets me. "He accused me of not liking her, not true" The fu.. the entire post up to that point was you making it perfectly clear you don't like her. "and I don't want her to be the mother of my grandchildren, not true" woman you LITERALLY said you didn't want her to be the mother of your grandchildren, literally, like two sentences ago. But, yeah, requesting a paternity test is perfectly reasonable, just wish she'd be honest about why she wants it.

[@VergilTheLegendaryDarkSlayer]

Story 1 NTA Paternity tests need to be mandatory

[@janenorwood1614]

It should be mandatory for paternity test on ALL babies- period!

[@dessnatazha]

The tattoo thing seems like such a non-issue to me. Lots of people get dumb tattoos when drunk. Or in love, or as a dare. It happened years ago and the relationship is good. Nobody's gonna see it on the bottom of his foot. I just wouldn't care at all, even after hearing the story.

[@Ivy94F]

The only thing that I would see as a problem, is if OP has to keep explaining something he’s clearly embarrassed about. Kids? Neighbors at a pool party? Inlaws when he gets married? If he’s embarrassed about it, then he probably should invest on getting it removed or else he’ll have to tell that story on demand.

[@whitneybennett5076]

I don't really agree with the YTA in the first story. While I do agree that it sounds like OP doesn't really like the gf, I also think she does have some valid concerns. Even if the gf is allegedly clean atm, it is possible for her to relapse sooner or later (I have nothing against people who are former addicts and many really do make a genuine effort to turn their lives around, but I still think you need to be kind of cautious with them). Plus, OP and her husband and son do sound very financially stable, and a lot of females rely on guys with that characteristic to support them (REGARDLESS of whether or not the provider is the actual father to the child). OP has already made it clear that she will help out if the gf is tested and the child really is her son's. I don't think one DNA test is too much to ask. A child will affect someone's life dramatically in every way, and they shouldn't have to put their finances and future on the line for a child that may be someone else's.

[@carlrood4457]

Note how it's only ever the bad things in the past you're supposedly not supposed to judge.

[@carylhalfwassen8555]

And their heart.

[@DopeFreshLife]

If the son believe that’s his baby, then HE can provide for her. NTA

[@fireflyinspiration639]

She has been clean for 3 years. And no where in there was a history of cheating. The paternity test was completely unfounded.

[@carylhalfwassen8555]

History amounted to how much time? 4 months, and already 2 months pregnant? Outside of the young woman’s known past it seems an abrupt launch into a family relationship.

[@Josku2411]

Very early and tfw my car just decided to go mute on the mechanic and then fix her own problem and i'm sat here like "Sassy lady aren't cha"

[@xiimooniixmoon2988]

First story I'm so amazed at how many people are so willing to trust a recovering alcoholic and drug addict when just the smallest amount of stress could make them relapse. These people are the ones who always end up on the news because they were too trusting. It ended good this time but you never know if she will relapse in the future when times get hard.

[@gerrymichaud3851]

I was in a LDR with a Filipina widow for 19 years. We started as pen pals in Jan 2000. I went to the Philippines in 2009 and preposed. My parents didn't understand our relationship at all, (they are in their 80s). Finally in 2018 she got a tourist VISA and came to the US to speak at a educational conference. My parents were hesitant to see her. They had a wonderful time with her and they were awed, (my parents were doubtful since my track record with my ex and others I dated was bad). I went back the next day to pickup something I had forgotten, they gave me a hug and said they were so wrong. We were married in 2019 and she loves my family and they love her.

[@taz598]

Story 1...in the US having a baby is not cheap and if you don't have insurance it can put you thousands of dollars in debt....so asking for a paternity test before committing to that kind of money is reasonable. In those circumstances I'd have asked for either a paternity test or a contract stating if the child turns out not be his that all money has to be repaid. In this day and age no matter how well you think you know someone you should always cover your back. She picked him because she thought he would be the most financially stable no she picked him because she thought it would be a one way ticket to his parents money.....It is her and their sons job to pay those bills they created the child they have to pay the expenses not mom and dad.

[@bttwin5555]

Story 1 the parents have the right to know if this is their grandchild before financial support is given. Also why can't her son support her?

[@dianagoodwin233]

1st story: Happy it ended well, mom has right to be concerned but it's the extra stuff that bothers me. Don't have complete story but living on own without parents is tough at young age, what's wrong with GED, i heard its can be difficult. How did she become an addict? Not hav8ng parents makes u susceptible, or maybe from Rx, I know from experience how addictive it can be. You started from the doctor since it was a part of a treatment plan, so you become dependent on it then you become addicted, the doctor stops writing Rx so here comes painful horrible withdrawals, 5o ease pain and clear mind you find relief on street drugs. If that's what happened she is incredibly strong, all w/on family support. Then you assume she is asking for help. Why is her son better? Money? College? Job security? He had soon many advantages, she struggled, happy it all worked out in the end and babies are a delight and blessing

[@briansmaller7443]

A pre-natal paternity test is a simple blood test for the mother. It is not major surgery so getting one is literally having a vial of blood taken and it being sent to the lab. Five minutes of patient time. If i were that OP I would get a DNA sample from the kid now and get it tested.

[@sarasmr4278]

It's awesome they can do it that way now. It used to be a much bigger deal and was actually like a minor surgery/procedure and carried a risk of miscarriage. A lot of people waited for the baby to be born.

[@jamiesheerdon1321]

It's also a statement that they think the woman is a ho and is capable and probably cheated. Physically it's simple mentally it's not.

[@robertx8020]

So you would take blood from the child w/o telling the parents? Wow ..great way to let them go NC on you!

[@katta309]

I hope they meant that the dna would be like a little bit of hair not blood

[@leegraves8878]

@@robertx8020 Now that it is born it is a mouth swab doofus, they are talking about a pre natal they take the mothers blood you know out of the mother's say arm. If the girl is so stand up why would she object?

[@ashassassin]

Story one. Yta. You're honestly going to let that woman struggle through her pregnancy?! On her own? With no family. A paternity test can't be done safely until after baby is here. If you want one then, fine, but you help that woman out or get ready to never see your grandkids.

[@elcholo83]

Story 1: NTA anyone who says otherwise doesn't have a brain. Story 2: NTA big red flag there sis.

[@saldiven2009]

I'll repeat something I've said for years now. We really need to normalize getting paternity tests for all births. The only reason to oppose this would be someone lying about the paternity. In these days, paternity tests are incredibly cheap and incredibly accurate. The test should be a normal part of the medical tests done at every birth.

[@kawaibakaneko]

In my country (France) private paternity tests are actually illegal, you need to appeal to a judge with a lawyer and you need the consent of the potential father to make a legal test. If you do an illegal paternity, you can do one year in prison! and pay 15000 euros wtf.... I have absolutely no idea why things are like that in my country!

[@misscatalina711]

Honestly, who wants an ex-junkies for a daughter-in-law?

[@potato-rp2bf]

Story 1 - NTA. It’s a new relationship, OP doesn’t know her well enough to support her without knowing for certain if she’s not lying to them

[@TriXJester]

Story 2: That's a trauma bond.

[@Cel3ere5]

Bingo! 🍪 For you. 💚 My guess is Sponsorships?

[@katyagrad3704]

Why shouldn't the mother not look out for her son? The son's pregnant gf is a recovering addict, and alcoholic. Anybody wouldn't wish a partner with that history for their child, if we're honest.

[@frozenheart7133]

Story 2: it’s way easier to cover a tattoo than to remove one. It’s also much cheaper.

[@audreym3908]

On the sole of the foot?

[@nhguapo]

Ignore all those folks calling you the a-hole. You have every right to ask for a paternity test especially given her history.

[@WhoCares869]

The first story she's NTA. Her concern does make sense. The way I see it a paternity test shouldn't be a problem for anybody.

[@CreditR01]

Story 1, NTA. OP should be more honest with their feelings, but that's still their money. They shouldn't fork over a bunch of money if they're unsure if the baby is really your grandchild. Don't know where all the vitriol in the responses is coming from. Just keep in mind that while she doesn't owe you a test, you don't have to help out financially. If you sincerely don't trust that the baby is your grandkid, then don't do it. /shrug

[@fcold9402]

1, Shouldn't the son and not the sons parents be helping the girl? Why is this even being requested of the parents?. NTI. whether you like the girl or not the son and his GF need to raise their own kid.

[@hyperplaguerat]

Story 1: OP was judgemental about the gf BUT it's not an asshole move to want confirmation before handing over money. Story 2: That tattoo would make many partners or potential partners uncomfortable. Glad it worked out.

[@ZoeAlleyne]

"My son who always asks for help and whom we put through school and are getting a job asked for medical cost help for his girlfriend and I was surprised to find out that she wasn't the one pushing for it". Tell me you don't know many poors without telling me you don't know many poors. Sure, some people will take a handout and in many ways I envy them. I was raised in a very different kind of poor family where we would rather walk barefoot over broken glass than ask for help.

[@delilahbelle2125]

S1: I would say NTA. The son and GF were together 6 months and the gf was 4 months pregnant. People "talk" for longer than 2 months nowadays before becoming official and being exclusive. I'd say OP isn't out of line to be worried. Then for the son to come asking for money for his girlfriend. Dude, if you're "excited to be a father" and aren't questioning paternity, then support your own girlfriend and baby. Yeah, it turns out the gf wasn't asking for $ and OP ate some humble pie, so there was growth there, but as for the initial issue OP brought to reddit, I don't think they were an AH.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S1: yeah, they're 24, not 14. I don't get the outrage about "judging her on her past"; yes, it's possible that she has changed, but how else is OP to judge her? OP should have just been honest about her feelings. If it's possible OP's son is the father, I think she should help, but it seems the son is the one pushing for funding. Hope it works out, for all their sakes.

[@clownrat5759]

I don’t think she should be obligated to help at all, even if it is her grandchild. It’s their money to do with as they please, and even if it does seem a dick move, they don’t need to support their son and his dumb decisions. Glad everything worked out, but I’m still not entirely happy with the conclusion as it seems everyone just swept it under the rug.

[@jaegerthedane3245]

Instead of judging people based on where they had been, judge them on where they are going and on their heart.

[@eldeano9964]

Story 1: we may have all been duped by a master manipulator. Things that should be mandatory. Pre-nups and paternity tests.

[@sweaterweatherlady]

I think S1 OP makes good points when it comes to her past. Relapse is always possible in any addiction, and it can indeed be a risk for the child. It is also possible to like someone, but not trust them. I had a relative who was the worst case scenario here. She was cool for a time, but she relapsed hard and lost all of her kids as a result. The gentleman who took the youngest learned that this was his son when the court ordered a paternity test. Last I heard, all the kids are well, but that was about a decade ago. The youngest is likely a preteen now.

[@jennywhite2462]

Story 1 I agree with people saying DNA should be done for everyone in the hospital it would save a lot of heartache. I had a friend who found out after 11 years his younger son wasn't his. Him and the mother had split years before. But he was very active in his kids lives and paid substantial child support. He ultimately decided that he would change nothing because he loved his son and he wanted to continue to be his father. But he was heartbroken and conflicted at first. I was honestly very impressed with his attitude he treated his younger son no different after finding out.

[@eleethtahgra7182]

Story 1; NTA. Just mama bear being mama bear worrying for its full grown cub. Glad the gf turned out to be a better person than she thought. Kudos to the gf.

[@amandastout1948]

If she got pregnant six months in it's one thing--two months can be someone else's kid.

[@peteranon8455]

6 years in can be someone else's...

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

Story 1: "Son accused us of not liking her, not true" *10 seconds earlier* "She is not who I would have wanted to be the mother of my grandchildren"

[@Mewse1203]

Story 2: I was on his side right up until the storybof why he got it. The fact he has it and never told OP about it is what bugs me the most. Edit after update: I'll say this, after a divorce you are lonely. Sometimes you latch on to people that you may be shouldn't. It sounds like they latched on to each other in a time when they were both going through big problems. then as they worked through it, they realized they weren't good for each other. Really don't see a problem with that.

[@audreym3908]

THIS! THANK YOU! People in the comments on here are such cynics.

[@jakeand9020]

My only problem is they almost certainly slept with each other. Obviously they say they didn't, but that means nothing. It is definitely something that would make it nearly impossible to still be close friends and have other relationships, so they'll say they didn't no matter what. Sorry, they were "really into each other," partying together, she got jealous he was dancing with another girl, he got her name tattooed on his foot (ownership style.) They definitely slept together, at least once. Honestly probably only once and agreed after that it never happened because they are simply not compatible on a romantic way.

[@SteviiLove]

Why is tattoo removal the first thing people go to when covering it up would be why easier and cheaper. Especially if it's just a name tattoo. It happens all the time.

[@christakriel3632]

First story. The relaps is very possible. My late husband was an alcoholic and he was sober 22 years before he relaps. When that happend, everybody that worked in rehab said it was supprising that he stayed dry for so long.

[@Cocollyt]

🎶 if we just required paternity tests at birth we’d avoid all these dramatic stories about it 🎶

[@CanonSkyrissian]

maternity tests too upon leaving the hospital because baby swaps happen. they're rare but they happen. dna tests for everyone involved!

[@cl5470]

Only if that means a dude's wife would get a call letting her know her husband fathered a kid outside marriage. And it should be used to automatically charge dead beats with child support. And don't forget, once the hospital has your DNA, they can and will give it to the cops if you commit a crime. You know what, I say do it. It will hurt loser deadbeat men more than women. Men are 1000x more likely to have a child with a side piece and try to bail than women.

[@maddy8328]

@@CanonSkyrissian agreed, I read a story about it on Reddit, truly heatbreay

[@victoraugusto743]

@@cl5470 I don't think you know how DNA tests work

[@philwill0123]

@@cl5470 this.

[@itsjustme7487]

Story 1.. PG GF got her GED good for her! Gf Has Been clean and dry for a good amount of time. Again, good for her. GF got pg all by herself ??? I think not. Whats up with him not using a rain coat. I'm glad you got to know and like the baby mama.

[@stalkercabbit5710]

The just tattoo story. The guy could cover up some pieces of the tattoo with other tattoos to hide the word Jess. Or at least break it up

[@ccsorn]

Jealous people always confound me. I refuse to allow any form of it in my relationship. The closest my wife and I ever came to brraking up is when that green-eyed monster raised its head. Either trust your partner or dont. If you cant, then just leave.

[@ettinakitten5047]

Story 1: Has it occurred to anyone that there could be reasons why they don't want a paternity test that the son knows about and doesn't want to share with his parents? I'm thinking of another Reddit post I read about where the mom had been SAed and got pregnant, and both of them knew there was uncertainty about the kid's paternity but did *not* want to confirm it either way, and then the dad's mother sneakily did a paternity test, confronted the mom with the negative results and basically retraumatized her. IMO, the son is the only one who has the right to ask for a paternity test, and only if he has reasonable suspicion. (Which I'd say he would simply because of how early it was in the relationship.) Also, imagine hypothetically if this was a stepchild, would OP be refusing to act like a grandparent?

[@benquoyeser4401]

All parents should get paternity test to make sure they don't get the wrong baby from the hospital and to see if they are their biological children. Also adoption parents should also get paternity test to see how close they are biologically to the child.

[@LooseDeuce]

Story 2: I wanna know more about the backyard BBQ fire, im sensing that shit is hilarious!

[@jimmyjohnjuan]

I believe that every child born should be paternity tested. It would fix some things. But she definitely was judgemental. Story 2 the bf tripping.

[@geekemedia]

Every family isn't traditional so this doesn't work. There are same sex couples, couples who use donors, embryo adoptions etc. Things people want to keep private.

[@Ivy94F]

@@geekemedia Not to mention, nobody ever says who’s going to be paying these standardized tests? Taxpayers? Will this be a forced fee for everyone, including those who don’t have paternity issues? I don’t see how that would work.

[@geekemedia]

@@Ivy94F the option is always there. Nothing is stopping anyone from taking a dna test. They can literally always request one and get one.

[@Ivy94F]

@@geekemedia I know that, I’m just taking the theory of ‘paternity tests should be mandatory,’ a little further than those who suggest it usually do. I was just trying to see how far the suggestion was thought out, or if it was just something ppl were saying in light of these specific infidelity situations.

[@geekemedia]

@@Ivy94F I was agreeing and adding on

[@MiZZVMN]

Story 1: NTA I would ask for a test to.

[@mkuti-childress3625]

Story 2: What?? When I wanted a squashed fairy on the bottom of my foot, the tattoo guy told me no reputable tattoo artist would give me one there! 🧐

[@paden1865able]

I can see why, the bottom of the foot is rich with nerves. Being totally ticklish, I wouldn't be able to bear it.

[@keepdancingmaria]

TBF, nowhere in the story was it said that the tattoo artist was a reputable one!

[@stojs4881]

NTA, Their money, their conditions.

[@thienvan2345]

Ngl if I ever get pregnant, I would get a test so that I put any negative thoughts to rest 😅

[@Jack-kx5rf]

Story 1 YTA. This is nothing to do with wether you financially support them or not. This is about how you treat and talk about human being, especially one that is your sons partner and hasn’t ever given anyone to doubt her loyalty or honesty.

[@chrish9348]

It doesn't matter if she likes her or not, doesn't matter if she's a former addict, doesn't matter if the son truly loves this young woman (whether the baby is his or not) the responsibility isn't the potential grandparents but his. If he wants her to live in his parents house he'll need to come up with a plan and financial compensation. If the baby isn't his, he still loves her emotional support should be provided she should be accepted. But helping would be at their discretion.

[@Chris-vm3ym]

DNA testing should be mandatory even if married.

[@savageinkstudios2969]

Story1- NTA, smart lady. Additionally, im pregnant and my own mother hasnt sunk a single penny into my pregnancy, and im not loaded. OP is in no way obligated to pay for someone elses medical bills. And OP isnt in the wrong for being unhappy about the situation one way or the other. Theyve barely started dating, so either he is the father and they are wildly irresponsible together, or hes not and shes right.