My Fiancee Is Disappointed I Didn't Spend Enough On The Engagement Ring r/Relationships

[@maranathaschraag5757]

The pregnancy story- the saddest part is that op is a veteran and was SA'd "multiple times" for "an extended period". Yes, she didn't get pregnant, but it just proves that women are not safe in the service. There is no accountability for men who do this. They're often transferred to a different unit rather than disciplined in any way, or arrested for their crimes. "The invisible war" is a documentary about the terrible issue. I hope their kiddo is happy and healthy.

[@AngelaVEdwards]

Yeah. While I respect the military, it’s actually frightening to me how often this happens in the service. That is something our worthless politicians can actually do something about.

[@draconicfeline6177]

If they really cared about military strength then making it so that the danger and stress of the military isn't coming from within would be a priority. People serving should feel that their people have their back and can be trusted and will be fair. That their own will take care of them, and they will take care of their own. Weapons and tech are all well and good but a soldier who believes in the country, their peers, and institution can do real wonders with a pointy stick...

[@anonymouse9833]

The guy that violated me after dr*gging me ended up with no consequences whatsoever because “well you drank the drink he brought you...” I had to work with him every single day for 4 more years. The military is a wild place.

[@ivonnelara1698]

My mother who is a veteran is sadly a victim of this. She was SA multiple times in the military, by those she didn't know and were close to. There is even a good possibility I'm a product of that as well. My mother doesn't remember what happened the night I was conceived so doesn't know if it was or wasn't consentual

[@maranathaschraag5757]

@ivonnelara1698 if she doesn't remember, then she couldn't consent. I am so sorry she went through that.

[@HoodieHorizon]

If the price of the ring matters more than the sentiment behind it then the relationship is doomed to fail

[@cpaul9269]

Agreed.

[@amandab8433]

Exactly. Been happily married for almost 36 years. Even though we've been able to afford a "Price doesn't matter" ring for 30 of those years, I'd never give up my $125 Service Merchandise gold band ❤.

[@wildfyah]

Thing is it didn't. It was just the shock and she admitted it was silly of her

[@technicaldifficulties368]

That goes in both directions though.

[@VixLeu]

Exactly. When I was engaged, we went looking for a ring together. I'm a Dec bday and I really like blue zircon stones, so I found one I really liked, a blue zircon heart-shaped ring and it was like $400. He went all "No, my girl is getting a DIAMOND." I did finally find a heart-shaped one that cost him most of several of his paychecks, but he insisted on getting it anyway. I'm still a little weirded out that so much money was spent on a RING ... the relationship is more than an object.

[@mikef2811]

My boss' fiancé bought her a $20K ring and got a divorced a year later when he was caught cheating. I bought an $80 ring and still together after 30 years.

[@videofan1010]

No offense but your story means nothing. I say that because the woman you're married to is not the woman from the story.

[@mikef2811]

@@videofan1010 What I am saying is that to stop valuing useless things...there are bigger things to worry about than a ring.

[@Masenken]

Ring don't buy loyalty, as they say

[@Extem1]

@@videofan1010 I found it nice. It just goes to show that an engagement ring isn't the end all be all of a marriage.

[@Goldenxbih]

@@Masenkenwhen he’s the one that cheated?… right

[@thefallennero5265]

Story 2: Ok the fact that the Sarah's parents are considering pressing charges against OP for trespassing and invading her privacy shows the two never had a friendship where they could just go into each other's houses otherwise charges probably wouldn't have been brought up

[@peachesnsht]

This is an odd take from my side but, to me, it doesn't prove that the friendship wasn't like that. Sometimes parents would take nuclear routes to protect their kids. Context for my opinion. When I was a teenager, there was a group of friends, mostly boys between 16-20. One day, two of them were playing some dumbsht. One would put a bit of alcohol on his tshirt and the other would try to light it with a matchstick by throwing it to his torso. Eventually, one tshirt got soaked in alcohol, the other threw the match and the guy got 2nd degree burns. The parents of the harmed guy wanted to press charges against the other because of what happened, regardless of the other one also playing (this was not a bullying thing, we were just part of the Jackass generation that idolized Johnny Knoxville). In the end, no charges were pressed but (lets call him) the perpetrator parents kicked him out of his house for a couple of weeks (btw, this was in Mexico and both of them were 18). So, yes. That's why I don't really think it proves anything. And, even thought I don't also believe she was trying to manipulate Sarah, in fact, she did. There are waaaaay better ways to handle this like, asking her and letting her know she's there for her. It sounds to me like she's a boundary stomper and that this was the last straw in a long list of bad friend behavior.

[@locusxe1411]

@@peachesnshtto each their own. I agree with the commenter above personally but you have different experiences that make you believe differently

[@peachesnsht]

@@locusxe1411 and it's ok. Not because I have a fk'd up story that may change my perspective, everybody should change their own. I did thought the same but my mind decided to remind me that story xD

[@emanx222]

You seem to have completely ignored the full statement, the parents aren't pressing charges simply for trespassing, it's the INVASION OF PRIVACY aspect that adds weight to it because who knows what kinds of secrets about that family the OP may have unknowingly uncovered, not to mention that if OP is capable of litetally going into a vacant home and snooping through private things what more could they be capable of??? Her parent's reaction is litetally common senseb😂 I'm sure OP and the ex friend DID have the kind of relationship where they could just go into eachothers houses with the obviously implicit understanding that neither would do something so utterly stupid

[@2Bjaded1]

I don't believe it's for him going in the house itself but moreso the reason he did it. I don't think they had a problem with him there but probably his reason for going there was what did it. One of my nephews (think age 6-8) spends so much time over his friends house they call him and his brother (couple years older) their "visiting sons". One day his friend wasn't home and it was early so my nephew went in (passcode house) and opened all the room doors looking for someone to be in the house. No one was there so he shut the doors and left. The have cameras inside and told my sister. They said " Please don't kill him. He didn't do anything but opened the doors looking for someone, and he left sad". They felt bad for him and gave him and his brother hugs. My sister scolded him about it and made him promise to not do it again. The important thing isn't about the privilege but what you do with it.

[@Bijecarli]

What OP3'S brother did to his wife should be criminal. Whinging on about fertility issues while he could have been actively harming his own unborn child. Wtf.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

The update qualifies for the Ron Burgundy "well, that escalated quickly".

[@dominicwehrmann8515]

10k for an engagement ring???? Wtf … and asking for a price?

[@cheergiver]

I think my husband spent a couple hundred. I don’t care, it’s a pretty ring, and the style I like. I think I would have felt like a piece of shit if he spent 10k on a piece of jewelry when we could have put that towards something more important.

[@Swnsasy]

My husband bought me a ring and it's absolutely beautiful and the band with it is amazing together! I have no idea how much it costs because I couldn't care... He bought me a gorgeous necklace with a diamond in the middle with earrings, no idea how much, don't care... Just celebrated a decade... It's him who is everything to me,not my jewelry... I know it's a lab though.

[@juliearmfield2634]

3500 is still alot of money, I mean you would think she had gotten the ring out of a Cracker Jack box

[@samisass6759]

My ring cost my husband literally nothing. Because it’s the one my dad gave my mom in the early 80s. I love that ring more then I can say

[@Swnsasy]

@@juliearmfield2634 Haha, right!

[@TheBlueDsc]

I enjoy how OP1 tells a story that makes his Fiance look like a gold digger, and then gets mad at the comments for calling her a gold digger.

[@salomerodriguez5145]

That weirded me out

[@loiracitr]

To me, she just sounded entitled

[@lyndaagnew2307]

My fiancee got me a $200 engagement, and $70 wedding band. we were poor. i didn't care, still dont. Married 30 years this year.

[@nikkil.6338]

My husband spent $200 something on the ring because he couldn't afford more. The issue now is that its so tarnished and dinged already at 5 years it can't be there ring I'm still wearing a few years from now - it just wont hold up.

[@invertedghostgames9899]

Story 3 - What the fuck? That was so out of left field! I thought the brother was just upset cause maybe he found out he was infertile or something, but the fact that he was cheating on his wife, invited the mistress to the party, and gave his pregnant wife an STD is just... What? I hope we get an update to this, cause that was WILD.

[@deettekearns9092]

Story 1 - As a woman, I am curious as to what purpose it served to know the price of the ring? It wouldn't have even occurred to me ask what was spent. Story 2 - Wow, I did not see that coming!

[@floraposteschild4184]

If she wants to hock it.

[@The_Food_Police]

In some cultures, ppl want to know how much the ring costs because if they divorce, they'll either pawn or sell the ring. Use the money to cover expenses that come up after divorce. I don't think that's why she asked him though.

[@SkyEcho751]

Story 1: I'd guess for 2 Reasons. First being De Beers, a company that invested in diamonds and made them seem 'super important' for wealth and status, which overinflated the price by like 50x their real price. Second is my personal theory, that it is a way of showing that the man values the woman he's proposing to. Either to her, her family, or to society at large.

[@deettekearns9092]

@@SkyEcho751 - Thanks for your insight. I have always thought of an engagement ring as a gift. And you never ask the price of a gift.

[@kateajurors8640]

I don't know, sometimes me and my partner talk about random prices of things.Just that is curiosity?What kind of disturbs me?Is he even admits?He didn't even spend one whole pay check on the ring so how much time is she worth to him. This is suppose to be a PROMISE ring a ring that is a representation of their to be promise of marriage together. Don't get me wrong she is 100% vain but the fact he still could not seem to spend a whole paycheck on a ring show how much of a cheapskate he is and I have to wonder if he hasn't cheated out in other important moments of their relationship and maybe this was the last straw to her ??? We don't and will never know the other side to most of these stories

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: "I broke into my friends room, stole and read her diary, then used the knowledge gained to manipulate her AITA", of course YTA. You know what a good friend does if they think their friend is having problems? That's right they ask them if something is wrong, and if they want to talk about it. They definitely do not brake into their room steal the diary and use it as a tool to force them to open up. What if her problem was you...Would you spread the rest of the diary? Or blackmail her into staying friends? You overstepped by leaps and bounds (to a criminal level). Story 2 (update): She does not owe you forgiveness. The best thing you can do is leave her alone. If one day she decides to forgive you and let you back into her life, thank your lucky stars, because I don't know anybody who is that forgiving. Oh and because of the legal definition of trespassing in some places you might be clear of those, but there are worst charges that you are definitely guilty of. That being braking & entering and theft (assuming you took the diary out of the house). Again the best advise is to leave them all alone, and accept that she may never forgive you. Oh and if you go to court, plead guilty and take your punishment, whatever the judge decides, without making excuses like you are now.

[@jrytacct]

And people ask me why all my private files are electronic and encrypted. Any diaries I left out would be fakes filled with outrageous nonsense to see if anyone was snooping on me.

[@Gumbier_Than]

​@@jrytacctsame, same, and I also speak a few languages. 😊

[@jamesthompson2905]

Story 2 is a perfect example of how good intentions do not always result in good outcomes. Op may have genuinely believed that they were helping their friend, but the ends do not always justify the means. What op did was a breach of trust, crossed boundaries, and violated their friend's right to privacy. What op should have done was let their friend know that they were there for them whenever needed and that the friend in question can take their time til they are ready to open up. Sometimes just knowing that someone is there ready and waiting to help in whatever way needed is enough to allow people to start down the road to opening up. All it takes is kindness and patience.

[@jaimedritt4622]

I also wonder if this friend and OP were not as close as OP thought. When OP said this friend was growing distant from her, maybe that friend was simply trying to disengage from the friendship. Even in OP's updates, it sounds like she is still trying to justify her behavior because of her "good" intentions. She just doesn't get it, and I imagine that she was probably an exhausting friend to have. It's obsessive and creepy to trespass into someone's house, read their diary, and then try to manipulate their friend's behavior through knowledge gained from that diary.

[@user-blob]

Yep. You know what they say about the road to Hell?

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Re: engagement rings, there's no way in hell I'd feel safe walking around with $10,000 worth of diamonds on my finger. Love is not about wearing an expensive rock.

[@ronniec427]

Story 1: Being materialistic can be a problem in a relationship no matter who has more money, not just when one is a gold digger but glad they worked it out.

[@johnsmith9784]

Yeah, and tbh his points about her having money doesn’t really change anything, being a gold digger is a state of mind, it doesn’t depend on how much money they got. I’m glad it seemingly worked out in the end, though she’s shown her immaturity pretty badly. But Reddit seemed to have a pretty decent take on things given the information, and I don’t know why the guy is gonna get mad when people are trying to look out for him.

[@TraceyBoyland]

1st story. He painted the picture. He told us the story. How is he surprise with the comments. We thought that is where he was going with the story.

[@BruinPhD2009]

I'm amazed that people don't realize that they can type a novel of a post and the readers still don't have all the context. You really can't get too mad at the reaction when you put yourself on line like that.

[@valgardener7656]

@@BruinPhD2009 You can't really get too mad when you call someone's gf a goldigger, and he calmly tells that you are wrong and lists the reason why. If that is "too angry" for you, better not opine on anyone's gf in real life, because you could get an ACTUAL angry reaction, and I don't think you'd be able to take it.

[@Harvest133]

@@valgardener7656 If it walks like a duck; quacks like a duck... it's probably a duck.

[@Ken17-b8g]

Exactly. Like yes of course we don’t know anything about the person you are posting about expect the information you give us. We respond based on what we read. Yes, there are people with insane takes on posts but yeah those are the type of responses you’ll get from strangers who are not involved in your relationship. Rather go to your friends and family then.

[@iamalbertwesker2]

Story 2: OP's gonna be the kind of mum that does that to their own child.

[@sassysarah39]

In my mind, I don’t necessarily care how much the engagement because the less you spent on an engagement ring the more you can put towards the wedding you’re honeymoon a house more meaningful things

[@KeitieKalopsia]

Exactly this. Why spend money you can’t afford on a ring that will just look pretty when you could be spending it on something that will benefit your future?

[@TwiggyHetfield27]

Story 2: How To Lose A Friend 101, OP just saying "yea, I know it's a violation of privacy but I violated it anyway... you know... to help" No girl. I used to keep diaries but got so paranoid that my mom would read them (she used to go through my room often) that I just stopped. A diary/journal is supposed to be a safe space. OP went into her friends house (while NO ONE WAS HOME) & read her friends most vulnerable thoughts. If she wanted to talk she would've on her own time. Story 3: NTA. People that say "you're rubbing your (blank) in our faces" are projecting. I don't think OP should have to walk on eggshells about her pregnancy. What was the brother expecting? OP to wait until the baby was born to spring the news. In ANY CASE he'd be upset. Even if OP had waited until the second trimester, her brother would've found any excuse to be mad at her. After Update: Wait... where'd the cheating come from!?!? SIL finally gets pregnant & they don't invite OP & her husband to the gender reveal BUT DO invite the AP!?!?!? This... is one twisted family.

[@johnnyhall9154]

Story 2 OP literally broke in to her friend's house. The fuck did she expect?

[@KatieB33]

Oh story 2 😮 My sisters did this to me. I went into hospital for my mental health and they decided because of an ex husbands comments I was a drug addict and alcoholic. Went to my home and went through my drawers and laptop and threw out my pipe for pot and came into hospital and TOLD me I had to go into rehab. They wouldn’t believe that I was just depressed. I have tried to talk to them about not asking me if it was true before accusing me. But they won’t listen to how they broke my trust and instead say, get over it we thought we were doing the right thing and their apologies were said angrily. My trust has been broken forever. But I’m the bad guy for feeling betrayed.

[@peachesnsht]

I'm so sorry you went through that. Sending you a really big hug!!!

[@KatieB33]

@@peachesnsht thank you. You made me cry but I’m having a bad day.

[@peachesnsht]

@@KatieB33 sorry to read that. I don't know what you are going through but I hope Is something temporal. You are strong, important and beautiful. I know life is tough but I'm sure you can get through it. I'm not going to tell you not to feel the way you feel. Cry, throw a tantrum, let your feelings out but, once you get it all out, do the best you can. You have an internet stranger right here who believes in you.

[@KatieB33]

@@peachesnsht thank you so much random internet stranger, this happened 7 years ago but I only recently asked to talk to them one at a time. To try and repair our relationship and their responses are still raw. But thank you xx

[@shylavender]

That’s absolutely horrendous! I’m so sorry you were put through that by your own family. I sincerely hope that the professionals didn’t listen to them, and that you heal from this. Perhaps going low/no contact with them would be for the best, if that’s at all possible for you right now? You are absolutely NOT the bad guy here, and their reactions and anger say it all. No, you should not “just get over it”. They violated your privacy, then tried to use it against you without even asking you for the truth. What they did was wrong and you are not at fault, lovely. I hope you know that. Wishing you all the best

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: NTA, she loved the ring till you told her it was cheaper than expected. It isn't like you bought a $100 fake gold, glass ring. Spending more than a week or 2 pay on a ring is financially irresponsible, especially in today's economy, when housing prices are crazy and wedding costs are insane. Say you have $50K to budget to get married, If you spend $25k on a ring, then you only have $25k (plus whatever your fiance has saved/budgeted)for the wedding and honeymoon. $3500 is a respectable amount to spend on an engagement ring at your income. Story 1 (update): Good happy update.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

I was thinking did she budget to spend a similar amount for a gift for him? She loved the ring before he said how much he spent on it. Maybe to know for insurance purposes, but that's it. I think an engagement ring is a dumb idea anyway since it's usually the wedding ring that's worn daily.

[@jennifersilves4195]

But it's a fake diamond, according to many people.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: I used to journal until my first wife read my journal and decided to become an armchair psychologist. What OP did was a boundary stomp, even with good intentions. What a horrible idea.

[@MizTameRumors]

2nd OP was TA from the title, it was somehow worse than I expected. Glad the frienss parents are pressing charges. Breaking into someone's house to read their diary is bonkers.

[@only1one1me]

Story 1: OP not explaining she makes just about as much as he does, describing a typical gold-digger situation in his main post, and being [surprised Pikachu] when people think she’s a gold digger is…lol.

[@Nohideaa]

Ah, yes, story 3, I remember that one. The update was such a dramatic twist, i didn't even expect it. That brother is so unhinged.

[@selinesbeau]

"I genuinely believed I was helping." You can genuinely believe something and be 100% wrong.

[@sandyberger-r9j]

Diary story: That backfired badly. I can’t imagine that a friend would go through my stuff in my room when I‘m not there. Totally unacceptable.

[@wonhur885]

Fascinating video, Let's stop taking relationship and family for granted. I have battled depression since my wife left me. I have tried all I can to make her see that I love her with everything I am made of but she has insisted on leaving. This has made me so empty, and I do not know what to do. I can barely function properly at work. I am frustrated and miserable. I really miss her.

[@MalcolmM.Stanton-hy4jb]

Your pain resonates with me. Letting go of someone dear to your heart is an immense challenge. I found myself in a comparable situation when my 12-year-long relationship ended, and I struggled to accept it. Despite my efforts to reconcile, I eventually turned to a spiritual counsellor for guidance, which eventually led to a reunion. I'm now filled with joy

[@wonhur885]

I'm keen on meeting the counsellor you're talking about. What steps should I take?

[@MalcolmM.Stanton-hy4jb]

Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being

[@wonhur885]

Thank you for this information. I have just looked her up on Google. impressive.

[@SirBitingBen]

When I was in the Airforce, my commanding officer told me: “you’ll know you have the right girl when she is ok with a ring pop” lol

[@sandyberger-r9j]

And you know you have the wrong guy if he thinks you’re worth no more than a ring pop. I wish I had known that 20 years ago when I was fine with a cheap silver ring. During our marriage, he cheated multiple times and left me to secure a wealthier woman.

[@SirBitingBen]

@@sandyberger-r9j Idk, i think men and women generally have different values in money. I could care less about some ring, hell I don't even care if I ever get one. I'd rather get new rims for my car lol

[@Mariana-zk8pn]

​@@sandyberger-r9jmen who buy expensive engagement rings also cheat. It's not about the money, it never was.

[@sandyberger-r9j]

@@Mariana-zk8pn Not money, but whether you value someone. Would you buy your beloved a cheap gift or wouldn’t you want them to have something nice and of good quality if you can afford it? The real question here is: do they put their partner first or do they rather spend the money on nice things for themselves?

[@Mariana-zk8pn]

@@sandyberger-r9j I would spend that money on something else for my partner, not an engagement ring because i see them as something very unnecesary and because there's much more important things like the wedding or a home for us. Maybe because where I'm from, latin america, we struggle a lot for financial stability so wasting so much money in jewelry seems insane even if you can afford it. There's better ways to show love.

[@natnuss98]

I'm sorry 3,5k?!?! Wtf that's so much money.

[@hi_stranger9156]

The whole industry around the price of engagement rings and wedding expenses is a glorified extortion racket anyhow. So, you're willing to invest money in your relationship and your partner. Good, that's great, you should do that, its good and healthy. But I'd put the money towards actually useful things, like the house you're talking about saving up for. That's a far better and more concrete way to say I love you.

[@immortalsofar5314]

If you want to know its real value, try selling it back.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Story 2: OP reminds me of some friends I used to have. They were invasive and pushy and made me feel more alone in the world with them than without them. The correct answer is to point out that your friend seems different and that you'll be there for them if they need it. House invasion for a diary is bad, but this sounds like a "final straw" situation.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm gonna have to listen to story 2 again. I missed that part about OP sneaking in the house when no one was home. Excuse me!! But, journals are private, sacred. I think OP meant well, but she is the TA. Trespassing 😱 I think the parents are doing too much if OP typically goes in the house. She shouldn't have gone in for THAT, but she's 17

[@zerobolt9506]

Yea the parents aren't right here

[@zerobolt9506]

And what if the friend had written that they were gonna end their life & by reading the dairy OP found out & stopped it, people saying it's never ok to snoop, but they then backtrack if it involves death or someone cheating on someone, people need to make up their minds

[@autumnjey4683]

​@@zerobolt9506 that's bullshit. OP had no reason to believe her friend was suicidal, and if she DID, the right thing still would not have been to snoop in her private things. this is a much different situation than a cheating spouse.

[@Digitalfairy]

@@zerobolt9506 And at the end of the day people are not mindreaders - no one truly knows you need help unless you ask.

[@locusxe1411]

Yeah 17 is old enough to know better. And I don’t think her friendship was the way she claimed it was if they’re charging her

[@aileencastaneda3724]

I told my husband I wanted a plain platinum band for our wedding since I already got something with diamonds I was planning to use. He went above and beyond on my wishes. He custom made a ring for me with a solitaire diamonds on the side and two wedding bands with blue sapphires. He spent under $10K and he picked out the diamond and it was just beautiful. I can trade in the diamond but honestly he picked out the rings and it was beautiful. The size is perfect and I couldn’t trade it in. We tied the knot in September and we’re going on a cruise for our first anniversary. 💕 It’s a lab diamond and he told me this ring has a little bit of us in it. He likes to see more diamonds but he knows I love solitaires/ simplicity. The wedding bands have the blue sapphires symbolizing our love plus we would be getting married on September. Blue sapphires is the stone for September it has so much meaning. ❤

[@larimatolaganon4946]

My husband spent $0 on our engagement necklaces (feather pendants because we were huge original harvest moon fans) and $0 on our wedding rings. I bought them because I found them. My ring and both necklaces cost half what his ring cost, as he has massive fingers and needed a huge ring.

[@samoanjoseph1457]

OP kept saying it's silly to call her a gold digger because she has all this money and will get more... but all that tells me is she really can afford to buy her own ring at whatever cost would satisfy her. Maybe it's a case where they need to just go ring shopping together to ensure she's happy. But I have to wonder, if the roles were reversed, what would she spend on OP if it was her money? And who is paying how much for the wedding? That would be a topic of interest to me.

[@emanx222]

I mean based on his own personal context he was right lol. It was crazy to call her a gold digger, he never disparaged her or insulted her in his post or even said anything bad about her, all he did was outline the facts and how it made him feel, had he actually given examples of gold digging behaviour (to which OP litetally said this is the only thing she's ever done in that vane since they've been together) maybe it would make sense but no..People jumped to all kinds of wild conclusions lol

[@TheBlueDsc]

​@@emanx222Being upset that an obscenely expensive gift wasn't even more obscenely expensive is pretty gold diggery behavior. It's not at all surprising that people would go there.

[@j.j.juggernaut9709]

You are trying a bit too hard to fit this story into the whole "males are victims and females are evil like our mothers" narrative there buddy, might wanna slow down a little and apply some thinking over the kneejerk reaction 💀

[@alannahd.7417]

Thank god Sarah has great parents and friends! Like wtf OP? I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my friends just hanging in my house unsupervised (at 17!!)

[@stuffyouotterlistento1461]

It's absolutely ridiculous that we are expected to pay thousands of dollars for a little metal ring with a shiny bit. It serves no purpose other than as ornamentation, and I highly doubt that most people find real diamonds that much more aesthetically pleasing than some cut-rate substitute, if they can even tell a difference at all. And being disappointed with a ring after learning the cost is basically being upset that your fiance didn't get ripped off more. Would anybody do the same thing with a car or a house? Surely it's better to get whatever you're getting at a lower price.

[@ElysV135]

You are actually wrong. Jewellery and precious metals usually hold their value, so if you have nice ring, you can count on that if there aren't any other options. It has an actual purpose.

[@stuffyouotterlistento1461]

@@ElysV135 I'd argue that is, at best, a side effect and not a purpose. If preserving wealth is your goal, there are better ways to go about it.

[@johnsmith9784]

⁠@@ElysV135Hi, I actually used to work with jewelry, they do not hold anything close to “retail” value. Take this 3500 ring. I don’t know any details but just for example, it may have a 2000 diamond, and the gold content might be say 250. So just buying it you’ve lost 1250. Or roughly 35%. And the markup is only going to increase from there. On top of that, selling a 2000 diamond that’s in a setting instead of being properly packaged is actually a negative. The jewelry industry does not really value labour in second hand items. So much jewelry just gets harvested for stones and melted the moment it changes hands. It’s a poor was to hold onto money at best, if buying retail jewelry thinking you’re investing you are just losing money.

[@lexiburrows8127]

@@johnsmith9784 So many people do not understand that unless there is a particular historical value to a piece of jewellery (which for 99.9999% of the World is not the case), re-selling jewellery just gets you scrap value.

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 2 - YTA. It doesn’t matter what OP’s intentions were, what she did was completely inappropriate. I get she’s still young and learning but holy hell I wouldn’t have ever considered this at her age because I knew how important it can be to have a place to express private thoughts, like a diary or journal. OP needs to grow up and learn about boundaries, or she’s going to drive more people away in the future. While it’ll really suck if the ex-friend’s parents go through with pressing charges, I guess OP really won’t ever forget what invading privacy of others can and will cost her.

[@gtc9966]

19:05 ‘my heart is breaking for THEM’ Ok then. My heart is breaking for one of them..

[@onepieceisking5493]

I've told my mom that I actually didn't care how expensive the ring was. I would actually prefer to be as low as can be like $200 for a certain cherry blossom type i actually like to a $85 snowflake if we choose on a winter wedding.

[@TheMixzero6]

Lol Story 2 reminded me to another story where the guy had a crush on his friend when they were teens and one day he ended up readind her diary, found out the kind of guys that she liked and he started to act that way to win her. They are married and OP never told her about it 🤣 About this Story: It is a shame because after this I dont think OP will ever try to help another friend in a future, she will try to not get involved at all and that can also cause more problems for her.

[@GiordanDiodato]

Yeah really.

[@SirBitingBen]

$3500? Nah I was thinking like $1k would be most for me.

[@PuppyKatt]

I would be happy with any engagement ring that was not a "toy" ring.

[@justaperson4656]

I'm gonna end up being that guy with the dirt ring (Context: girlie pop got a gold band made with a resin insert filled with dirt from the park she met her bf in, so that she could propose in that same park and they could always carry it with them)

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: My wedding ring was twenty bucks on Amazon. My one request was that it not turn my finger green, because I have skin allergies. It’s sterling silver, cubic zirconia, in the shape of a lotus flower, and I absolutely LOVE it! Happily married 11 years, together for 18. People that get bent out of shape over the price of a ring tells me they’ve never experienced a real problem.

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

STORY 2: *YTA* quote, instead of being grateful” dude you went into her house without her knowing and you read her diary. Screw good intentions that is so messed up.

[@bennyd.1862]

Story 2: So you broke into your friend's house just to read her diary? I know teens do dumb shit but this is just…wow.

[@jm1670]

S2, the only thing OP had to do was just be there for her friend and be a shoulder to lean on.

[@demarcusholmes2866]

Maybe I'm biased about the first story cause, well, me and my husband aren't doing wedding rings due to finances and also because we both find it crazy to spend money on a ring and for it to potentially be lost. Hence, why me and him just went with the wedding bands. In the end, if you have the finances, that's fine, but it's the partner that makes the marriage not the ring

[@ShakespeareDoomsday]

“Only $3,500”? I would feel bad if I was given a ring that costs more than $1k. I’d rather have a $3,500 instrument or something else that’s actually useful if someone wanted to spend that much money on me. Then again, I’ve known about the diamond cartel’s shenanigans for about a decade so I wouldn’t want a blood diamond anyway.

[@MeekoButterbean]

As long as it’s a ring you are happy to wear every day for the rest of your life, what does it matter how much it cost. The most important part is the person giving it to you and your love for each other.

[@huinismith]

Story 2: [hears title] yes, YTA. And a gargantuan one.

[@madambutterfly1997]

It's funny how he's telling people in the comments to go touch grass when he pointed out how her reaction is "out of character for her"

[@enjolireyes643]

Story 2- YTA - The road to hell was paved with good intentions. OP crossed her friend's boundaries and may ultimately lose a friend she cares about.

[@babybookworm003]

Story 2 the only time it’s ever okay to read someone’s diary is if said person’s life is in extreme danger and the information within might help or said person was murderd and the police take it to try And glean evidence any other circumstances the diary is off limits

[@goatkiller666]

When I hear “my partner is drawing away from me.” threads, the other partner often assumes cheating (it’s a safe bet after all) and then breaks into their partner’s phone. Hence didn’t know what’s on the phone until she’s done looking at it. In our case, it wasn’t cheating… but in those other cases, they didn’t KNOW until after they’d invaded the person’s privacy. So, where’s the line? Why is it okay for someone to break privacy based on “drawing away”, and when is it not okay?

[@chrispurdie9799]

It really anoys me when people write a story people comment then the op gets pissed off and insults the commenters that she's not like that when the story you get says gold digger or cheater or thinks there a horse they will comment that people only see wat u write we don't know u so be forgiving with the anger towards reddit strangers .story 2 I have a passed situation with this issue my friend used to keep a online diary I was staying round his 1 night it opened up whilst I was trying to find a funny video of us in are kids days from my dad's old recorder well it opened and I instantly closed it 2 weeks later he committed suicide 1 week after that I was going through his computer and I opened up his diary he wrote that day I was over he was going to do it and planned it all out I now wish I had opened it and read it and tried to stop him even if it ruined are friendship I would rather have a friend hating me alive then loving me dead.

[@SoulScore88]

OP: I didn't get the ring my fiancé ask for and she got mad. Reddit: Gold digger. OP: She makes more than me. Me: Maybe add a little more context buddy.

[@IrisAsuras]

Genuinely believing you helped someone by sneaking into their home and snooped through her diary. Wow. Creepy as hell

[@Nekomi7]

Story 2: Many people would do themselves a mighty favor to cross-stitch the following on a pillowcase: *The way to hell is paved with good intentions.* With all the repercussions OP is facing, she is definitely experincing her own version of hell on earth right now. Might be a good idea to get her into therapy to work on her screwed helper syndrome.

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

3- NTA, It’s THE FAMILY CHAT! He doesn’t get to control who shares what!

[@jodilynnt9418]

My husband bought my gorgeous heart shaped diamond wedding ring on a 75% off sale. He’s brilliant & exceptional with money. And even though we’re not wealthy, we own our lovely mid century home, travel often to visit our grown kids & grandkids as we are creating our online business we can run from anywhere with Wi-Fi. I’m blessed we’re on the same page about money which is extremely important, as we get ready to celebrate our 20th anniversary. 🥰

[@helar2574]

Story 2: Yeah, snoping is bad and all that...but, IF for ex. you snooped and found, that you friend has really suicide/self-harm thoughts..then snooping is kinda "good"? If there is only some normal teenager angst, then it's bad. So sometimes you need to think for yourself what worth more for you. Add to that rising suicide rate for teenagers and you get results like in this story. Result of this story is another person who in future will probably do nothing to help others, because for her it forever will be assosiated with bad memories

[@zerobolt9506]

And the parents are going to far on this too

[@mellttabor2134]

Can’t agree- first step is asking the friend what’s wrong because they seem down. If your really scared something is wrong but friend won’t open up “ AFTER YOU ASKED WHAT WAS WRONG” perhaps get the parents involved… If you agree that walking into the home and reading personal diary as a first and only solution please don’t be offended if your friends and family take your acceptance and start crossing your privacy boundaries. ( just saying)

[@helar2574]

@@mellttabor2134well, teenagers not known for often thinking about consequences. Take very close friend, who distancing herself, add possible google search about teensd problems, add teenager's impulsiveness and you get this story

[@DerekScottBland]

I gave my wife my mother's engagement ring, and we bought very basic wedding bands off of goddamned Amazon because we realized the less we spent on something superficial the more we had to spend on a great honeymoon that would make real memories for us.

[@Goodfood717]

A couple like story one will never last because one of them ejected. He ran to strangers before taking his fiancé seriously and speaking with her like an adult.

[@CatAstridphe]

Story 2: I'm a big believer in people telling me their emotional and mental struggles of their own volition, but also as someone who doesn't like to share my struggles for the stereotypical reasons of being stubborn and not wanting to bother people and even sometimes as a method of self punishment, I know sometimes we need that push. I'm also a big believer in knowing what's up based on number of red flags in the behaviour. If I see the red flags start popping for self harming or destrustive and reckless behaviour that is unlike them, I'm getting in there however I can to keep an eye, and if I think it's headed for off the deep end, I'll calling back up, whatever the situation calls for. So without having been there to monitor myself, I won't falt OP for reading the diary, so long as they genuinely just skimmed it to get a read on if their friend was going to become a danger to themselves or others, and not just to be nosey and know their business. After learning it seemd to be all pretty minor stuff, I'd have kept my mouth and never mentioned a thing. Offered company and support and that's it. Literally just "I've noticed you seem really down/off/bothered by something lately. If you ever want to talk or just want some company even, I'm here for you," and then plan a day to hang out. I should also just mention that personally, for myself, I can get really bad because of multiple conditions. Like being close to checking myself into a hospital so I don't hurt or unalive myself kind of bad. That's why I get so vigilant and anxious, because nobody should have to reach that point before someone else steps in, and I want to trust that people can handle their own shit, but I've been shown many times they can't always.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 2: All I needed to read was the title, to decide that you are, indeed, TAH. I would never, ever talk to you again if you EVER shared my journal or diary with anyone. H3LL, I would never, ever talk to you again if you even read it. WTF is the matter with you?

[@aylanae4797]

Like seriously

[@jeaniebee3657]

lol why do people need reddit to tell them to just talk to their SO's? what has society came to?

[@lynnw7155]

Many people today don't seem to have independent thought. I've noticed that my 28 year old daughter can't get dressed in the morning without having a 'committee meetings' of her friends on social media about what to wear.

[@a.munroe]

I'm glad S1 ended up on the same page. The first thing that came to mind is that they could use the remaining budget to put towards the wedding or home.

[@Mewse1203]

Diary story: Not a diary issue, but we had a very similar kind of problem with my son recently. It was more about a kid thinking they could be a mental health counselor. Our 18 year old son struggles with his mental health. Recently he came to me with a diagnosis of a crazy mental health disease that is extremely rare for people to have. Like it's so rare that they are debating whether it actually exists. I asked who had diagnosed him. Cancelred his counselor's name but not actually saying his counselor had done, so he finally says that it was his significant other. Then tells me that His significant other, Who is sixteen, can explain it to me. I basically Tom. I don't need a 16-year-old, explaining a mental health diagnosis when what he's telling me doesn't make any sense. Despite that, he calls his significant other and again, tries to have him explain it to me. I got kind of angry. This is an issue we've had before. He and his friends think they know enough about mental health problems that they know how to Diagnose and fix things. I have a Bachelor's degree in psychology. And I wouldn't even gain to try to diagnose people and these are people that haven't even graduated high school yet. My father in law is a mechanic. He has a sign up in a shop that says, "if you think it's expensive, now, wait till you have an amateur, do it. " That is what o p and my son's partner need to understand. They are great at being a shoulder to cry on and a sounding board, but they are not mental health counselors. Even if they were, They shouldn't treat family and friends.

[@chezshirecat1872]

I helped my mom’s husband pick a ring for her. It wasn’t too much less than $500 and it was ordered off of Etsy-it all worked out and she loves it.

[@Zurround]

Diary invasion story: One of my favorite proverbs: THE ROAD TO HE11 IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS.

[@liabowden8526]

So sick of our society's weird things about weddings in general. It causes so much bs.

[@magiciandice]

I love when stories begin with "I know it was wrong, but..." But I'ma do it anyway!

[@alexashcraft116]

People that care that much about the price of a ring aren't worth your time.

[@justinecorrington4106]

Oh the last story, no I don’t care she’s 17. She isn’t 7; she knows she can’t just break into her friend’s house to do detective stuff. Like no, and her intentions was very much in the, what is she hiding? Why isn’t she confiding in me, her bestie? Because she planned on hiding she read the diary and tried to manipulate her friend by asking prodding questions and got caught. And then double down. Like she knows that was wrong, but hoped not to get caught

[@gamertime8841]

There was a jeweler near me, who had an advertisement going on, that made my blood boil every time I'd heard it.🤬 "Husband's don't let your wife suffer from TINY DIAMOND SYNDROME." FFS🤦🏼‍♀️

[@davidlionheart2438]

Story 2 - Anybody f*cking stupid enough to leave their house unlocked is inviting anything that happens as a result.

[@viddergrapho8488]

Fr tho there are serial killers who chose their victims specifically because they would test door handles and murder whomever they found inside if the doors were unlocked at night

[@serialgunner6055]

Story 2, OP has a narcissistic savior complete, feel like they wanted to be seen as a good person and be her friend savior

[@alisonsmith7162]

Yeah, it'd be funny if Sarah was actually sharing stuff with the mutual friends, and OP2 really wasn't as important to Sarah, as Sarah was to her. There are plenty of reasons teens don't share stuff. Maybe the OP isn't as reliable friend as she makes out, hence the charges under consideration by Sarah's family.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

Last story- What? OP's brother and SIL invited his mistress to their party, but not OP? Not even a face time thing to watch? That is freaking wild and just so damn sad. It is OP's life, but I would steer far clear of that entire train wreck for a few years until things settle and see what comes of it - brother with SIL, with mistress, or off after another piece of tail. What a mess.

[@scribeofrebirth1431]

I’ve never understood the concept of spending so much money on a ring! There are plenty of great rings out there for less than $100. My fellow women! We don’t need a ring worth a down payment on a house!

[@tgbedini]

I guess my problem with the whole "Ring Cycle" is I don't much like either OP or his fiancee. He opened the story without much context, then griped when people made assumptions or comments that they wouldn't have made if he had given more info in the first place. His hostility toward them is a tad off-putting. And her insecurity about getting a mere $3500 ring, that she loves and thinks is beautiful, well, my sympathy muscle is exhausted by that attitude. Oh, and story 3 "We're having trouble getting pregnant, so no one else is allowed to share their joy with the entire family, because it hurts my fee fees." So, hide the fact that you've had a child, too. No one else is permitted happiness as long as we're not.

[@lasmirandadennsiewillja9435]

I often think people in the comments should simply be held to the same standards in the real world as they hold people in those stories. For example, a fiancée in a story does something stupid, but then listens when told how it affected her partner, admits she had had a dumb moment that wasn't okay, and apologises, and for that, she's called having attitudes and not deserving of any sympathy. So, if someone who says something like this ever does a dumb thing, realises it, and apologises for it, the people involved should be like, "Nah, we might have liked or even loved you before, but now you simply aren't likeable anymore."

[@gelibeanzcantrell7192]

my engagement ring is a $30 walmart fake diamond ring and i love it because i love my husband. sure we have our ups and downs, but i've never complained about the ring. he's even told me that if he ever finds a real one that he'll get it for me, but i told him not to worry about it. we even have wood wedding bands that we picked together. we don't wear our rings very often (me because i'm a sahm and i don't want to damage them and him because he's left handed and it doesn't quite fit on his right hand), but when we do wear them, we wear them proudly. the price of the rings shouldn't matter as long as both people know that they're in it for life. in May this year, we'll have been married for 6 years.

[@sarahraisingmyvoice]

I made a Pinterest page with rings at a variety of price points. That way, my future husband would know I didn’t care about price as long as he picked something that fit my style. The $10k+ category was literally subtitled “I can dream, can’t I?” My husband actually got my ring for free, as it was a family heirloom from my maternal grandmother. BARGAINS MAKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS BETTER.

[@sandyberger-r9j]

I think the point on the ring is that fiancée expected him to make a „sacrifice“ aka pay an amount of money he had to struggle a bit for her instead of just paying it out of pocket. Glad, they worked it out.

[@9r7g5h]

Ok, history lesson time. Engagement rings are a hold over from when dowaries/bride prices were a thing, and yes, they were a thing in America too. Almost every single culture has their own version. If you don't know what they are, basically the potential groom gives live stock or money to the family to make up for the lost labor of the wife, and the wife actually leaves her family home with some livestock or money to take to her new home SO SHE CAN SUPPORT HERSELF IN CASE OF DIVORCE OR IF THE HUSBAND DIES. The dowary was always the wife's. It was untouchable by anyone but her. When women couldn't have jobs, couldn't control their own money, when everything they owned was their husband's, their dowary was still theirs. If they were divorced and sent to some remote land, they could take the dowary with them 99% of the time. If the husband died, she could use the dowary to provide for herself and the children while the husband's lands were controlled by his family until the kids were old enough. The dowary was lifesaving. When many people stopped being farmers, that's when jewlery became the dowary. Because for a long time, gold and gems would hold their value, unlike today. In case of divorce or death, selling these pieces of jewlery was, again, lifesaving for many women and their children. In our current society, engagement rings have just taken the place of an engagement goats, or engagement pile of silk, or engagement breeding pair of hunting dogs. Even in our grandmother's time, a ring could still be sold in case of divorce or death and take care of the family, at least for a few months. While today things are so different (and so much better), we do have to recognize that it's hard breaking a mindset that's from thousands of years of tradition that's in almost EVERY culture, give someone a day or two of grace, and then have an adult conversation about things. Knowing the history surrounding a mindset can help a lot.

[@darky5554]

My only thought when hearing story 2 is "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"

[@christinesinclair6938]

S1: It's not about the ring price, calling it now! Update: Ok, it was just societal BS. Cool. S2: YTA. That was a friendship ruining act. After update: The parents pressing charges might be a bridge too far, but I can't blame the mutual friends from putting distance between OP2 and them. S3: OP3 NTA and the brother is an AH. Tough times don't excuse it. Also, I think he's cheating? I saw this story before. Update confirmed that yeah, brother is a cheating piece of garbage.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: If the OP doesn't want people to think his fiancee isn't a gold digger, he needs not to paint her as one to thousands of complete strangers on Reddit. Maybe she's the one who needs to run. And fast.

[@elikahnapace8668]

story 1 - the fiancee seems to equate love and cost as a sole measure...op needs to be careful and aware of her value system story 2 - the road to hell is paved with good intentions and now face the consequences...op still not quite aware of the despicable action she did towards her friend...still with the 'I am sorry buuuttttt...' mentality as stated in her update

[@catr5716]

Story 2 accept my help!

[@maranathaschraag5757]

The diary - that kid made a kid mistake. Sounds like they learned their lesson regarding snooping. Now they're learning that actions have consequences. Doubtful anything will come from the legal actions.

[@Musiyca]

Story 2: My favourite saying goes "Hell is lined with good intentions" meaning it doesn't matter where your heart was at, your actions were still wrong and/or hurtful to the other person. Pushing someone to talk always brings the opposite result. People need the space to open up and OP was instead surrounding her friend, forcing to share what's on her mind. Let alone hinting at the exact words she's written in the diary. Sick! I'm guessing you used to be good friends, otherwise her parents wouldn't let OP into the house when the friend wasn't home, but man, there's no coming back from this. At 17 that's the end of a friendship. Harsh reality check and lesson for OP to never do that to anybody ever again. YTA EDIT - Hold up, it wasn't even the parents letting OP in. She just took advantage that her house is always open?? That's criminal! Faul! Y T massive A!

[@elysiamathias6476]

My original engagement ring was used and very inexpensive. A few years into our marriage, we upgraded. The "new" ring was also used but Wirth much more. I love both of them.

[@tatertot1946]

Good grief! My beloved husband put a gold metallic candy wrapper on my finger because we were poor as dirt! Even though he has since bought gorgeous jewelery for me, I still have that precious little candy wrapper. It's not about the money baby girl it's about the value of the person. I'm 78 now and have never regretted saying yes to this beautiful man.

[@F1fangirl96]

I don’t understand women who put the cost of the ring to the value of the relationship (no offense quite literally confused). My man could give me a ring pop and I’d be happy. I don’t need a ring

[@LaineyBug2020]

S2- Sounds like a Narcissist in the making. She really thought only *SHE* was qualified to save her friend, that none of the societal laws or boundaries applied to *HER* because *SHE* was the *HERO* her friend needed. She only regrets her actions because she's facing the consequences. She didn't say she was actually sorry, she said she needed to apologize. The only reason she noticed there was anything wrong with the friend was probably because the friend wasn't paying her enough attention.

[@toothless3835]

I bought my husband a tungsten band with a design I created engraved on it for less than 200 dollars. I worked with an etsy jeweler on a ring for me for less than 400 dollars. I lost the damned thing at my mum's house. No idea where it went. So now I wear a 30 dollar titanium silver band until I get around to buying something else. I'd have been horrified to have lost something that cost 3000, let alone 10k. Hell, my classrings from high school and college were both less than 500 dollars each. The ring cost isn't important. The person who's wearing it is.

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

Afternoon waffle gang! On e again, let's rock on with Mark and little Poppy ❤️

[@Bangbangshelly]

Story 1: point out that if you spend less on a ring that meets her requirements and that she loves, that you have more to spend on the honeymoon.

[@peterhobson3262]

Okay, buddy, you say your gold digger fiancee isn't a gold digger. Silly us, thinking that since she acts just like a gold digger that she'x a gold digger. Thanks for setting us straight about the gold digger.