I'm Having Doubts About My Fiance Due To His Past As A CHEATER r/Relationships

[@clairebear-96]

Omg he really said that sleeping around in college is worse than cheating on your wife who just had a miscarriage….. absolutely delusional

[@WorldTree33]

Especially when she was very clear there was no overlap. Like this screams, “Old fashioned dude thinks women shouldn’t sleep with people before marriage”!

[@LunaP1]

OP missed the opportunity to tell him "Well, you got with me. So what does that say about you?" He sees a wife as someone he can bang on demand. Hope the fucker gets robbed by a gold digger and takes out loans in his name to pay off her debt, and he ends up alone, in debt and everybody abandons him including his boss.

[@H.P._Lovecrafts_Beloved_Cat]

You having a "past" of a few sexual partners in college is very different from him cheating on his wife of 4 years because she had a miscarriage. Christ on a bike!

[@sonialinsey8083]

Hahaha those MGTOW dudes are so awful lol. 35 year old overweight men with neckbeards are mad someone has lots of bedroom fun but not with them. They’re like angry barking seals. I’m pretty conservative, too, but those dudes are p3d0s in disguise. Their ideal woman is 14 basically.

[@MuDkipzCHancelLOr]

Both aren't marriage material but they're not equal for sure.

[@user-ln7vf5gc5h]

​@@MuDkipzCHancelLOryou would be one of the people where its better to be single. Number of previous partners is completely morally neutral, and if it would make you think less of someone, it says more about your bad character than theirs.

[@calico_queen8976]

Yup, what people do in a past relationship is a pretty big indicator towards their character. If you have a partner that has a history of cheating/abusing their previous relationships, what makes you think they won't do the same to you? And the fact he's still in contact with his AP...Uh, yeah, no thanks.

[@calico_queen8976]

​@@MuDkipzCHancelLOrHow is OP having a past (none of which involves cheating) not marriage material? You know that your partner can have a life before you, right?

[@godking]

The boyfriend from story one has learned what to say to appear to be a good guy and appear remorseful for his past actions but in the end the mask drops as it always does. The fact that he immediately went after OPs sexual past when cornered proves it.

[@actuallynotsteve]

As somebody said on this channel once, when somebody shows you who they actually are, believe them.

[@bonniebaldridge1248]

Well said. Also true.

[@johnbradbury8610]

And Op fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

​@@johnbradbury8610no she didnt she left him and only wasted a yr. Dude couldnt handle minor pushing at all.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

​@@johnbradbury8610Eh, for a little bit but she managed to get out in time "mostly" on her own. She already saw the signs she just needed a little bit of perspective to help her follow her own instincts.

[@ScreamingDucksShotMyMother]

The reason he cheated is the biggest red flag to me.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

And he got caught in their marital home!!! He’s absolutely disgusting.

[@marleneperry6972]

Some of us college students did not have just one boy/girlfriend, that's life...out in the real world when relationships are getting real is the time to be honest w/yourself.

[@videofan1010]

Ok... The woman he cheated on was grieving and healing from a miscarriage. That is the disgusting part. I feel bad for the lack of support for her 😢.

[@Gumbier_Than]

Ever worse, apparently hooking up while single is worse than cheating on a grieving SO.

[@videofan1010]

​@@Gumbier_ThanApparently 🤷🏾‍♀️. The OP's fiancé showed his true colors and his nasty feelings about women.

[@DezGrowSpot]

​@@Gumbier_Thandude is weak for fucking around on his ex when she miscarried. I had former friends who either left their ladies while they were pregnant or while they miscarried.

[@JoJoGranum]

I agree . I’ve had two stillbirths and my ex justified by his lack of grief “I wasn’t the one carrying it, she was.” So I carried the emotional grieving for all of it. Coward.

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

I completely agree with you. Not only was what he did disgusting and despicable, but he kept trying to brush it aside as no big deal, in the past and that he had learned his lesson. Basically minimalizing it while somehow trying to make it look like he was a fantastic person for seeing the error of his ways and should be lauded for doing so. But it was him trying to turn the tables on OP and tell her that he didn’t judge her for dating and having normal and adult relationships in the past, so she shouldn’t judge him for cheating (as though they’re the same🙄), that really clinched it for me. He honestly is not sorry in the least and he would definitely do it again. He is only sorry he got caught and is still refusing to take responsibility. If he were truly sorry and repentant, he’d feel guilty about what he did, would understand OP postponing the wedding, and wouldn’t be comparing having some exes and ex-FWBs as being the same as being a former cheater. And he definitely wouldn’t be trying to turn it all on OP the way he is.

[@dreamart3395]

Last story. I had a “pig pen” for a husband. Out of frustration I got a large cardboard box that I placed next to his side of the bed. Every time I’d clean/pick up the house I would dump everything he’d left laying around in the box … clothes, shoes, garbage, magazines, dirty dishes/plates with food still on it and utensils. When he’d ask me if I’d seen his “whatever” I would ask him if he’d checked the box. Oh boy he would get angry. It took some time but eventually he cleaned up his act. Bottom line … when I quit taking responsibility of him and his trailings he eventually took ownership.

[@amandasunshine2]

Idk why people don't get rid of the man instead of the stuff 🤔

[@triciad4100]

@@amandasunshine2 I don't think the fire station baby boxes have enough room. 🤷🏻‍♀

[@jenniferfoote5442]

​@@triciad4100😂😂😂

[@ArcaneNim]

Story 1 Op: my fiance cheated on his ex wife Me: Oh no. Op: My fiance cheated on his ex wife, while she was recovering from a miscarriage. Me: OH NO. OP: He compared my sexual history with his cheating on his ex after a miscarriage and he's still in contact with his AP. Me:🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚨

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

More red flags than a communist parade.

[@calico_queen8976]

Add the fact, she's 10 years younger than him and also rushing her to marry him when they've been together less an a year.

[@untitled-gv3qp]

​@@calico_queen8976The fact that he immediately lost his mind when the OP said to postpone the marriage makes me think he was trying to baby trap her or something. He might've been trying to baby trap his ex if she hadn't had the miscarriage.

[@sakuratejina]

Story 2: this is why during my wedding, I chose to have the parents walk down the aisle together to symbolize celebrating their own marriages before blessing ours. I didn’t want to be given away, but rather have the previous generation show support and be able to participate

[@calico_queen8976]

Also, girl is getting married but can't pay for it...If OP shouldn't get offended about not being able to walk her down the aisle then the daughter shouldn't be offended about not getting someone to pay for her wedding.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

@@calico_queen8976Because 'independent strong women' label only applies when it benefit the women, not when they want to extort money from men.

[@ThForgemaster42]

There's been an update in story 2. To summarize, op gave his daughter a gift that was the same price as her older sister's wedding cost, the daughter (who op has shared the post with) is going to find a way to include op in the wedding (which is still in the early planning stages). Also, it's very unlikely that this is a relationship breaker since the daughter's laughing at the notion of uninviting op.

[@lisathornton2187]

Thank you for the update. That was the best and most obvious solution. The father just wanted to be included, so they just need to find some other way to include him.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Thanks! That's a nice ending to the story. 😊

[@natmickan]

@@lisathornton2187yeah, what I don’t understand is OP’s assumption that him not walking her down the aisle meant he was being excluded/it was a “spit in the face”…there’s *a whole bunch* of wedding traditions/optional parts that include parents/significant people. If he was as close with her as he kept insisting, then I don’t understand why he couldn’t ask if he was going to be in another bit/if they could come up with their own meaningful/symbolic part. Kinda disappointed that he was so inflexible in his thinking when he wasn’t getting his way (on a day that isn’t about him/his feelings)

[@Adamskyize]

Most wedding pages have a list of alternatives to giving the bride away. It's not hard to find some other way to include OP.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@natmickan There’s also the fact that he was upset that he was being excluded, but has no problem with his wife being excluded. He never even considered the option of having both parents walk her down the aisle, so I have a hard time believing it wasn’t about him and the patriarchal tradition.

[@Khanjikai]

If you can't trust, you can't trust. It's better for both of you if you end it now.

[@actuallynotsteve]

This, 100%.

[@themayhemofmadness7038]

Yeah. OP was never as okay with his past as she wanted to believe she was.

[@jezebelle57]

Full disclosure: I’m a baby boomer, meaning I came of age during the sexual revolution. For the first time in history, women/girls were free to sleep with anyone they wanted and as many “anyone’s” as they wanted. And no one could make you feel bad about doing it. No one was faithful to anyone, frankly. I would never have been involved in a relationship with anyone who couldn’t satisfy me sexually. Which is why I think holding on to virginity is ridiculous. I can’t imagine agreeing to marry someone without knowing if we’re compatible sexually. And yes, some men were complete duds in bed. My God, the thought of being trapped with a dud was unthinkable. So the idea of anyone judging anyone for their sexual past is beyond insane. I mean, why? Who the fuck does some guy think he is to judge me simply because I’m a woman? All the nasty words “loose” women are called are rooted in patriarchy and male insecurity. Men don’t like being compared and they don’t like women to know what they’re doing. Which explains 30+ year old men going after “women” who are barely legal. A woman their own age usually is smart enough to see through their bullshit. An experienced woman knows a good lover from a bad lover. She knows when what a guy likes is a kink or something downright disgusting. I have always felt, as did most women of my generation, that no man EVER had the right to tell me what to do. It wasn’t until AIDS and drugs and the rise of the religious and political right that women started being judged according to the old patriarchal standards. And if the GOP has its way we’re going to have a real life Handmaid’s Tale going on. Saying all of that to say this: I never wanted, nor had children. None of my girlfriends did. We didn’t want the responsibility nor were we willing to be brood mares. However, I would imagine that having a miscarriage, especially when the child was very much wanted, is close to the worst pain a woman can experience. So a partner cheating while a woman is going through this is to me, one of the most disgusting, vile and despicable things a man could do. And the excuses are ALWAYS the same. They weren’t getting enough attention, they couldn’t deal with the woman’s depression, etc. ad nauseum. How could any man justify doing this? How could this in any way, shape or form compare to having consensual sex? And he gets caught in the act, in his house, probably in the marital bed! He’s still fooling around with his AP. Of course he is. And he got nasty because he was pissed off that his much younger girlfriend held him accountable. He thought he could bamboozle OP into marrying him but it didn’t work. His next girlfriend will probably be 19.

[@Original_Tenshi_Chan]

​@@jezebelle57You're an interesting boomer. As a Gen X, most of my experience with boomers has been jackasses like the far right evangelical "benefit from FDR, but kick the ladder so no one else does" republicans. I know it's not possible EVERY boomer is a right winger, just that even the moderates tended to hold similar views of patriarchal rules. It's delightful and refreshing to see one who seems to be in tune with the plight of women (and people in general) of the younger generations, and not forgetting that they were once where we are currently. I like that. It strangely gives me hope there is still hope for the future, because right now, it feels like it's us "kids" fighting against the old guard who is desperate to grasp onto its last vestige of power. But knowing there are Boomers who are fighting with us, gives me hope. Thank you.

[@des1279]

You can work on building trust especially in this scenario where the trust is questioned not bc of what he’s done to OP but what he’s done in his past. Couples counseling sounded like a good option if he actually changed and had taken accountability. But he obviously hasn’t and just wants everyone to forgive him bc he’s tired of everyone being mad at him.

[@moonmist9366]

Oh no, story 1 OP is such a MOMSTER how DARE she enjoy her sexuality having safe consensual sex while her poor poor fiance ONLY cheated on her devastated wife... Yikes.

[@FoxExcess]

*his wife, but yes

[@Russman67]

Story 1: Jaime gave the better breadcrumbs to OP explaining his cheating. And now she's got more of the picture of how this happened. And he's rushing her into wedding after a year. And her having a sexual past doesn't equate to him cheating on his wife after a miscarriage.

[@jaymel4691]

And he conveniently left out the part where he still works with and is friendly with his former AP. The key for me us that OP had to find out the complete story from other people and Jaime only gave her the least awful parts of the truth, and he tried really hard to minimize what he did tell her. Glad she got out.

[@kentario1610]

​@@jaymel4691I'm glad she got out, stood straight with a shiny spine, but also the friend who couldn't bear seeing OP marry a man without knowing the actual story. Good on them both.

[@pippo17173]

@@jaymel4691 Sounds like he is basically doing what we see most horrible women are in reddit on grabbing a meal ticket where she will pay for everything while he goes and screws with the women who he still sees.

[@josephedward7534]

I recently heard a similar story where the OP was engaged to a man, who had cheated on his ex-wife, after a year of dating. She did the same thing as this OP by asking him to hold off on getting married and date a while longer first. His reaction was the opposite of the fiancé in this story. He said he understood and supported her decision. As a result, they didn’t break up. The reaction of the fiancé in this story showed that he was still as selfish as he was back when he cheated.

[@tully6648]

Story 3: If you've gotten to a point where you know you have to completely tidy up before you leave for a few days because if you don't your fully grown partner will give you "loads to come back to," it's really time to consider tossing the partner. That "joke" of his was either him testing his boundaries or giving himself a power trip ("Sure, she said something, but she still picked it up."), and his tantrum only confirms (to me) that his PTSD excuse is-no pun intended-rubbish.

[@enjolireyes643]

Story 1- If he didn’t cheat on you personally but still find yourself unable to trust him due to his past then don’t marry him! Nothing wrong with an amicable break! Edit after update: I can understand people who want those with a low body count but don’t compare that to infidelity. Happy she got away from that dude!

[@erenssister.5535]

Also he didn't have a problem with it until now. It seems like OP has already told him about her past and was honest with him. But he was not fully honest about his actions.

[@miaposamarie226]

NGL wanting someone with a low body count is a red flag incel shit

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Me too. In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with having multiple relationships as long as you don't cheat or abuse in said relationships.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Body count is such a cringe term.

[@catandrobbyflores]

​@RuminatingRaptor that's how some people see it unfortunately

[@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909]

He felt neglected because she was depressed after a MISCARRIAGE? What a joke of a male. He's for the streets.

[@scarlthesnarl5581]

"You having multiple prior partners is just as bad as me betraying my ex-wife after she suffered an awful loss!" Good job on knowing your worth and dumping him immediately. He has not changed, and the fact that he seems to think it's even remotely comparable means he's going to continue to have issues.

[@TortoiseNotTurtle]

Like bro "Yeah I know I cheated on my wife after her miscarriage, but you had several consensual relationships! Take that!"

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

"And you will never find another partner who accepts your sexual history" 😱😱😱

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah, I can definitely see him being alone for the rest of his life, even if he does eventually get with his mistress. That relationship is going to crash and burn too. Relationships born from affairs don't usually last long. And considering his attitude towards women, I would not be surprised if he tried to come crawling back after realizing that he has no one left to fall back on. 😒

[@missmeliscious3429]

Any cheater than use the word "mistake" instead of "bad decision" has yet to truly hold themselves accountable for their actions

[@Russman67]

The husband needs to do better. He's making a choice to be a slob and leaving trash by can is a joke but leaving the box on his laptop is too far? Dude's whacked.

[@hughg.rection1421]

This reminds me of another story where OP openly admits to cheating on his ex (who he was now on amicable terms with) to his new GF. The GF kept monitoring him 24/7 and eventually, if I recall correctly, began stalking his ex. Ex called OP for help and when he went to check up on her, GF was there and went mental, eventually ending up with the police being called on her.

[@jennilynne1977]

I remember the story you're talking about. They ended up getting the girlfriend arrested because of her stalking.

[@jakemarie828]

His crazy reaction to slowing down proves it was a love-bombing trap. Bullet dodged OP.

[@miaposamarie226]

If a 30 year old goes to a 24 year old and rushes them into marriage thats already a massive red flag. That should have been her "oh this man is a tool" moment as soon as he shoved her into marriage.

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

Yes, but she was 24. Most 24 year olds don't have much in the way of life experience to know better... which is probably why he was interested in her. Young, naïve people with little or no life experience are easier to manipulate and take advantage of.

[@InvasionAnimation]

This is a rp guy, they would go for someone at least 3 years younger due to the "bio clock". Weird ain't it.

[@ALEXWORLD11]

30yo already divorced. Not to forget this part…

[@SilverKingGary]

Just throwing this out there because of the start of the update: Me can 100% control themselves and cheating is a conscience decision, Never let a guy lie to you about that.

[@GonzoHenson]

Story 3: theory. Dude struggles to feel in control of his PTSD so he compensates by feeling in control of his wife. He uses his garbage to mark territory (puts it in places that interferes with her values but not in places that bother him) so that he can watch her clean up. It makes him feel powerful and in control again. And, yeah, it does amuse him, so that's why it's 'just a joke.' He doesn't care that she's not laughing.

[@absintheminded203]

S1; "Dying single isn't as bad as rotting away with men like you." Carefully tucking that one away for later use. Glad OP saw the red flags and acted accordingly.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah, I love and admire this OP. 😊

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly Me too! She’s fabulous.

[@DBG-fh7io]

No she knew and over reacted yall want to crucify cheaters so badly on here. People are human ffs. People like you are the reason Andrew Tate was able to ruin the minds of so many men.

[@ineedhoez]

Ayo! Good looking out on the friends who warned her too

[@indianspartan76]

She actually kinda bugged me. He was open from the beginning, then he said, let's break up if you can't trust me. Then she pushed the issue, and that's when he lost his temper. He seemed to have done everything right up to that that point (outside of the cheating, of course).

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 1: OP dodged a bullet. This guy said these things because he saw the writing on the wall that the relationship was over and wanted to hurt OP. OP should not take on those words because they are illogical and untrue. A few sessions with a therapist may help OP get past that BS that guy spewed.

[@slick8086]

Confessions of past infidelity should be disclosed at the beginning of the relationship, not at proposal time. At the beginning they are about transparency, and give the partner time to integrate your behavior now with knowledge of the past. At the time of proposal they are manipulation.

[@zellagrace445]

I never looked at it that way: revealing past infidelity at the time of proposing as manipulation.

[@ghislainedefeligonde5166]

Suffering from PTSD can be hard and it can be a reason someone is not relationship material. This is one of those "don't set yourself on fire to warm your husband" type of situations

[@TonySamedi]

Fun Note: The Brides family paying for the wedding is ALSO a sexist tradition. It comes from Dowry prices, and the family of the bride paying the husband for 'taking on the burden' of the wife.

[@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909]

The ex wife didn't think he would cheat when she miscarried. The OP is naive to think that he won't cheat if she miscarries.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

But she didn't think that way. She was suspicious of him when he trickle truthed about his cheating.

[@sonialinsey8083]

Well she’s young. Some people who have had nice, sheltered lives can’t imagine anything bad happening to them. They literally have nothing to compare it to. I’ve seen it happen time and time again, some people don’t even learn after the fact.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 1. I experienced 4 miscarriages before I became pregnant with and birthed our twins. Guess where my husband was? He was right beside me, grieving with and supporting me. That what a spouse does, not practicall blame them than runaway to the arms (or bed) of woman.

[@twiceshy9773]

Story 2- my parents didn't pay for my wedding but I wanted my stepfather to walk me down the aisle anyway cos it was the only way I could properly publicly "thank" him...with this story, it all depends on how it is communicated🤷‍♀️

[@candiebarr6745]

He feels "guilty" because of what happened to him. Not because of what he did to his ex.

[@min-hk4yk]

Story 1: Him saying that her sexual history is the same as him cheating is a MASSIVE red flag. Men like him are the ones that are taking advantage of women that are sexually active anyway, hence the cheating. Her being more sexually active in the past is her business, not his, and any man that asks you about your body count and gets mad when you tell them what it is should die in a fire, honestly. Him calling her loose is 1: untrue, as the vagina is a muscle and retains its original shape and 2: a cheap way to try and manipulate her into thinking she's worthless and should stay in a relationship with him because he's a "good guy" that "accepts her as she is even with her past."

[@FoxExcess]

"You're a slut and I'm such a nice guy for being with you" Nice guys in a nutshell

[@ily9402]

She should be happy he showed his true colours if his dumbass thinks vaginas get loose after having sex then I don't even want to know what he thinks happens to them after giving birth he's very insecure

[@thomasjoseph5876]

He was honest with her from the beginning, if she didn't leave him at that point, that is on her. The fact is, however, that most of us high-value men don't want a skank with a high body count and a sordid sexual past. Like it or not, that is just the way it is. We have 80% of the women chasing us so we have plenty of options and we don't have to accept a skanky woman. If she doesn't have to talk about her past sexual history then why does he??? Double standards much???

[@UchuKejiMovan]

What type of PTSD prevents one from cleaning up after themselves? Serious question

[@Janjones7735]

I’m Assuming he’s an untidy person and just generally isn’t a good cleaner and the PTSD makes him just leave things around? As an untidy person I don’t think he gets a pass for this though. Like he can at least help her clean.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Idk about the PTSD, but Op also mentioned depression from the PTSD and depression can cause you to neglect yourself and your household (not on purpose, but cuz every normal tiny thing you do when having a depression is a struggle) However, leaving stuff 1 meter from the bin and leaving stuff as a joke is just Ahole behaviour. 🙄

[@sagesaria]

One of PTSD's symptoms is depression, which makes it hard to function in any capacity, let alone cleaning up after yourself. Sometimes you spend every ounce of energy you have just getting out of bed or going to work. PTSD can also create what is called a sense of foreshortened future - the belief that your life will end very soon, so you might convince yourself it's not even worth cleaning up or making plans or anything.

[@UchuKejiMovan]

@@Janjones7735 listening to the story this is the exact thing I thought. Dudes is nor depressed or suffering from PTSD. Now he just found the perfect live in maid

[@WorldTree33]

It depends heavily on the type of trauma you experienced honestly. Plus you’ll naturally find yourself creating clutter and feeling reluctant to clean it as a subconscious reaction to have some form of control of your surroundings. I personally have a hard time doing the dishes due to certain traumatic events. I freeze up when I look at them and start hyperventilating. So is it possible? Yes. However, context here does not seem to match with this problem.

[@sarahlyon157]

The story about the guy with depression: my husband has depression and a personality disorder. He cleans up after himself and helps with chores. This is laziness, not depression.

[@ily9402]

Story 1: OP should stick to men around her age range men who date women ten years younger than them tend to be red flags and insecure so I'm not surprised he acted that way towards OP

[@angelanewton7995]

I don't look at being walked down the aisle as being given away. I look at it as moving into a new chapter of life

[@FoxExcess]

Good for you. She doesn't. Some people don't look at hijabs as means of men controlling what women wear, but people who do shouldn't be forced to compromise their beliefs under the threat of not getting the same financial support their siblings got. And just because it happens doesn't make it right.

[@damien678]

Unfortunately there are men that still act like their daughters are their possessions in our societies. It's a tradition that for some has evolved but for some has kept the same meaning.

[@calico_queen8976]

​@@FoxExcessYeah but if you're not able to financially support yourself on your own, you probably shouldn't do it yet. The daughter is 19 and can get a job if she wants to.

[@SkyEcho751]

"I don't talk to her" Meanwhile he's talking with her right in front of OP... Plus if you work with the person you need to try transferring jobs to a new workplace, because if you are still working alongside your Affair Partner, then it's gonna make it very hard to trust in a relationship. If I was dating a girl and she was still working alongside her affair partner, I'd tell her "Ya I don't feel good about this, so I'm breaking things off" because well, it's better to break it off and try again with someone else then try to 'remove my doubts'.

[@ElviAlivE]

Op from story 1 got herself saved on reddit. Dudes a monster

[@notoriousd.i.g.87]

Story 2: I go ESH. I think the dad is too stressed about it. However I do see the hypocrisy of the daughter wanting one tradition, the dad paying for the wedding, but not another, not walking down the isle.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Having hookups and cheating on your wife after a miscarriage are two completely different things. I can't with these men who act like they're saints for forgiving a woman's sexual past. It's such a gross and misogynistic way of thinking. ETA I don't think anything is inherently wrong with not wanting to date someone due to body count. Both men and women have preferences about what they consider too high or too low, not all maybe not even most, but some. The issue is getting with someone knowing their past and acting like they should worship you and make you their God for forgiving their past. Heck no!

[@ronnieman87]

5 or 6 sexual partners I can live with, but 15 ,20, 50? Hell no! If my preferences make me misogynistic then so be it, I wear your insults like a crown

[@Midnight0Mistress]

Me either. One is a coward and the other is a responsible adult. Ex fiance is a loser and so we're all those stupid commenters.

[@xelectrix]

​@ronnieman87 as long as it applies both ways. Looking down on women for having 15, 20, 50 as you've said when you have the same amount or more is misogynistic.

[@meadowsong8560]

Yes! Thank you!

[@actuallynotsteve]

It's the golden double standard, that way too many men think is a hill to die on. If they ran through 20+ "sluts" in college, they'd high five their bros and it'd be a badge of honor. But if a girl does the same thing, she's a "loose woman" per the OP's sexist fiance, and it's pathetic. Like really, really pathetic. We can all have a good time if we want, and settle down later if we want. Or not, it's literally ALL ok as long as it's safe.

[@imjustgonnasayit415]

“No one would want a woman with baggage like you” Well.. I mean, he did.. so yea And let me say, as a guy that is red-pill, I hate the “men can’t control themselves” excuse bc the rp is all about self control

[@FoxExcess]

Wait, you're saying MGTOW men are hypocrites? Color me shocked!

[@imjustgonnasayit415]

@@FoxExcess lmao, a lot of groups like this are hypocrites (mgtow, f*minists, leftists, right wing, etc).. once you call them out on their bs, watch them avoid accountability

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

He only said that "no one else wants you" crap to manipulate her into staying.

[@robertx8020]

I bet he went into his first marriage as a virgin /s

[@AndyyWithAY]

Last night my dad texted me and told me to make sure I locked all the doors because he wouldn't be home. I was going around the house ensured every nook and cranny was secure. I went by the front door and saw a shadowy figure. I was convinced a serial killer was out there and had been waiting for the chance to take me out. It was actually just a black cat 😅🤣 I'm still here, y'all. I'm a-ok and my neighborhood is very safe. My brother came home later.

[@actuallynotsteve]

Jeez that sounds scary. I used to watch X-Files and see aliens through the window at night, because I got left home alone too. Definitely avoid windows when you're home alone late at night, there's no monsters under the bed.

[@jennilynne1977]

Glad you're a-ok. Sounds like your brain went on vacation without the rest of you. 🤣😂🤣 I hope you are having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace ☮️, hugs🤗 and love😘!

[@ellicerslavic]

I just picture this cute lil cat confused at you being so scared like 'I just wanted to say hi!' 😂

[@actuallynotsteve]

@@ellicerslavic Happened more than once, hahaha, and her name was Scully. We found her all roughed up in a lot somewhere, and decided it would be Mulder/Scully depending on whether it was a boy or girl. She'd disappear a lot and then come through the window at the worst time.

[@ladydragon76]

The Priestess at my wedding asked "Who escorts this woman toward her new life." because I too (after a rocky relationship with my father) did NOT like the idea of being 'given away' by a father who certainly didn't own me but also was not there at key moments when I needed a father. I did it for tradition, but the wording was carefully agreed upon by me, my husband, and the Priestess. That said. I also did not ask my father for any money at all, and he did not provide any. Hells, I had my bff's dad (who WAS like a father to me) ready to escort me if my dad once again didn't show up.

[@sammidoneff]

Real talk, every single “I’m mad I can’t walk my daughter down the isle” post is weird to me because I genuinely didn’t know that was a tradition as a kid. Apparently they did it for my aunts wedding where I was a flower girl, but my distinct memory was that the bride and groom walked in together. Everything else just seems weird to me I suppose it makes sense that they actually just walk out together, but still the current “tradition” makes no freaking sense.

[@FoxExcess]

It makes sense if you understand history. Women were legal property, they were not people under the law for the majority of legal existence. So therefore the former owner (father) is transferring his property to a husband. This is why so many women understandably have a problem with it. This is why mothers do not give sons away.

[@rainyday2966]

what made him think it was okay to still be buddy buddy with the mistress? Why did it take OP to ask who the woman was for him to come clean? this whole situation is sketchy as hell. definitely leave his ass

[@LaluMakesFilms]

I laughed at the last story when he threw a tantrum. What a child.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Ummm the red flags with that first guy. I DO believe once a cheater, always a cheater. And even if not, why risk it? He cheated after his wife had a miscarriage!! That's a huge and traumatic loss. Then he got caught, I think that's worse than confessing to your cheating. Then on top of everything else he still works with and hangs out with the mistress. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting engaged or planning to marry after a year. If you spend a lot of time together and ask the right questions, it can work. The issue is THIS guy is a living red flag

[@sashwing7726]

The problem is that one of the most common statements in a relationship is that it should judge or condemn someone simply because of their past. In an ironic twist, the red pill community is the biggest supporter or the idea that women should have a clean relationship past. As such, a woman with multiple partners or someone who committed infidelity is not a God candidate for a relationship. As such, for years, the new idea has been treating a relationship on it own without using past actions as ammunition against your partner.

[@joaolima7131]

I do believe they can change though, there are many past cheaters who now live happy married lives, cheaters are still people and people can change . The disgusting part in this story was his reasoning and vagueness. Usually I think that cheaters have a higher chance of not changing if they cheat on you and you take them back. I think if s person is young, you can kinda blame it on immaturity, cheating is especially common during adolescence and early adulthood, but if they are in their late twenties to early thirties, eh not so much

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

I don’t think “once a cheater, always a cheater” is entirely accurate. However, most people that do cheat, cheat again. In this case, he cheated in a different relationship. He openly admitted everything. He isn’t doing anything shady and is showing her his phone, etc. If OP can’t trust him, she needs to leave. Otherwise their relationship will become toxic. And I don’t find referring to the miscarriage as “a tragic accident” was much of a lie. She does need to talk about her fears with him and make a decision from that. @8:50. Nevermind. I had so much hope for him. And then he starts on about her past. And breaking things off with him is the right thing to do.

[@Gumbier_Than]

Damn right. Then he said that her past was worse than his cheating. 😒 I don't think he really loved her, I just think he believed he struck gold finding a young woman to mold. A young woman with a sexual past he thought he could use to leverage his own sins.

[@ScreamingDucksShotMyMother]

He was absolutely lying by omission by calling it a tragic accident so he wouldn’t have to admit he cheated on her because she had a miscarriage and, was depressed over it.

[@ScreamingDucksShotMyMother]

⁠@@Gumbier_Than That’s a very weird mindset to have. You feel like he struck gold with a young woman to manipulate? Why is that gold for you?

[@Lillireify]

I agree with everything apart from calling a miscarriage "a tragic accident". It feels like a white lie to me, because yeah, it was one, but it's far more than that in many aspects. :)

[@jakemarie828]

​@@ScreamingDucksShotMyMotherthey're saying that's how the bf manipulative mind probably thinks, not their own opinion I don't think.

[@Darlin_86]

The wedding story: he doesn’t have to give her away they can change he words to” who brings this woman to wed?” Then he gets to walk and she is not given away

[@FoxExcess]

Or he can just stay seated like the mothers in weddings are expected to. She doesn't want any part of the tradition, and he has no reason to not respect that other than being terribly ignorant of history, which isn't a good reason.

[@vSpade]

I think he should have taken it as a blessing that she only wanted to slow things down rather than outright break up with him. he got a little bit too greedy and lost it all. it is clear that he has not learned his lesson.

[@CaptBrightside89]

If someone has opened the "cheating door" and walked through it, there is always the chance they could do it again. I can't trust or respect someone who would betray someone they ostensibly "love" or at the very least made a commitment to. If I can't trust or respect someone, there is no way in hell I could maintain a relationship with them. Absolutely no way.

[@Yori6552]

Story 2: This is something between a NAH and a NTA for me and why I can't decide is based on information. I get why the daughter may not want to participate in certain traditions, but the way it's worded implies she may have removed ALL traditions involving the parents based on her principles and this was some sort of final straw. If that's not the case, then it's a NAH, but if she effectively removed her parents from every role in the wedding other than checkbook, then NTA. Again, parents shouldn't get full rights to control an event just because they're paying for part or all of it, but some of the things OP said make it seem like he and his wife may have been completely left out of every aspect of the event. Though considering how quickly people jumped on OP, I doubt we'll get more info on this story.

[@PredictedCyborg]

The one about the partner with the rubbish is hilarious. "You're just doing it to get a reaction out of me!" - Erm, wasn't that the point of the 'joke' you played on her? To get a reaction out of HER? xD

[@FoxExcess]

Putting yourself in someone else's shoes is not a strong suit for the unintelligent.

[@rylashadow18]

S1) You don't know him well enough to marry him. He down played his cheating by calling it a mistake. Cheating is a choice. He hid he still has some form of contact with his AP. He hid that his cheating happened due to a lost that devestated not just him but more so his ex wife. I couldn't imagine just loosing a child and then to find out the one person whose supposed to forsake all overs forsakes our vows to be selfish. He comes across as rushing things. No talks of therapy be it individual for you both and couple's which shows a healthy person to be with. He's showing so many red flags he's the entire parade. If you're feeling you need more time it's reasonable. However if he tries to push the issue of getting married you need to cut him loose. Okay dude there's a difference between being a single teenager than a married man. The fact you think you can attack someone over that is laughably disgusting. I'm sure you'll find someone better OP. S2) She has a right to walk down the aisle on her own just as OP has a right to say he doesn't want to pay for the wedding. Also to the commentor's saying he should be paying for the wedding. He's respecting her rights to be independant of him that equals paying for her own wedding. She's not entitled to her parents money in anyway shape or form. S3) I feel he does this just to treat you like his maid not his equal. Disabilities aren't excuses ever. Anyone who uses excuses just wants to shirk it and they're showing you that you don't matter as long as they get their way. He knows you've said your done being his maid. He can either be left to his own devices with a request to start doing something about it or your filing for divorce. In sickness and in health maybe the vow but it doesn't give one the right to abuse their partner.

[@kitarrah1422]

Story 1: He has narcissistic traits or is a narcissist. What makes me think that? The whole lying by omission, the immediate defensiveness/bringing up how many sexual partners she had and trying to compare it with his cheating on his ex-wife; and the blowing up on her when she said she wanted to take more time to date him before marrying him. Plus, him saying "Good luck finding anyone else who would have you with your sexual past!" My ex-husband is a covert narcissist, and he acted very similarly with me. He would say all the time "No one else would put up with you!" Once, I retorted "Yeah? Well, no one else would put up with you, either!" Next thing I knew, I had something heavy thrown at me; and then, he had his hands around my throat, choking me until I nearly passed out!

[@thomasjoseph5876]

You need to relisten to the video, pretty much everything you said is incorrect per the OP in the video. You also have it really wrong with calling him a narcissist. That word is massively over-used and used incorrectly by most people these days including you.

[@stevebanner5609]

Story 1: NEVER let someone judge you for your sexual past-unless it’s cheating-otherwise if they cannot get over it then lose them…

[@somethingelse4204]

Story 2: If OP really respects his daughter's "independent thinking" he should ask her if they can come up with a new ritual in her wedding that he and her mom can participate in that symbolizes her family's supporting her new marriage. Maybe OP doesn't walk her down the aisle, but instead he and his wife light their daughter's candle for the unity candle ceremony? Make a new tradition.

[@jasonrustmann7535]

Or. She could just let her dad, who's money she's still all to happy to take for a big party, just walk her down the isle. Seems pretty simple to me. That marriage won't last.

[@somethingelse4204]

@@jasonrustmann7535 If she doesn't want her dad to walk her down the aisle, that's her decision. The bride and groom make those decisions, not the parents of the bride or groom. I don't blame the dad at all for withdrawing his financial support - that's a valid choice. But he can't dictate what happens on the wedding day - in my opinion.

[@calico_queen8976]

​@@somethingelse4204Agreed. If OP can't get offended over not being able to walk his daughter down the aisle then the daughter can't get offended when he doesn't pay for it. Critical thinkers would know the consequences of their actions.

[@nanoglitch6693]

Because the daughter *isn't* an "independent thinker," she's a dumb teenager with the typical "i am so very smarter than previous generations" attitude and decided to copy an idea she obviously just heard off someone else because she put literally zero "independent" thought into the insulting implication of completely excluding her father from the ceremony. 😂

[@MrSiren52]

Story one. If the cheater was truly trying to be honest he would have brought up the cheating before becoming serious, let alone proposing. He waited to bring it up after the ring to manipulate OP into staying with him while "telling the truth"

[@Unidentified.Problem]

Story 2 bothers me a lot. I'm not having anyone walk me down the aisle for many reasons: I don't agree with the idea of being "given away", I don't value my parents and step parents that much, and also I like the symbolism of choosing this path and, ultimately, two becoming one. Everyone knows in my family and no one is upset. I don't expect money from my family, but if they had said no payment because they weren't being respected or some bull crap? That'd be it. No more contact or anything. How dare. Ugh.

[@craigwapples4200]

A lot of people miss the point of the father well a good one giving the husband the role of provider protector and support from that point he is the man who will be walking by her side in life people who only remember the toxic parts that help their agenda “not you “

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

I mean, if your an adult, why do you need your parents to pay for the wedding? The bride's parents paying for the wedding comes from the same misogynistic traditions as the parents giving the brides away, or the groom's family giving a dowry.

[@dandotvid]

Sorry, but that kind of retaliation and entitlement is a problem as well. If you have a right to decide what happens at your wedding, don't others have a right to decide on whether or not they want to spend money on that wedding? You're holding any potential future contact over someone's head on the condition that they pay for something for you. Your wedding, your choice. Their money, their choice.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #3: What?! I've had PTSD for decades and no, it does not make you a slob. OP needs to find herself a spine and get herself away from this manbaby whom she never should have married in the first place.

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

Jesus the comments on that first one Of course there’s dudes talking that nonsense just because op *checks notes* had the audacity to have more than one partner. And saying that men cheating is normal, good lord the delusion You’d think they’d realize why they get made fun of so much

[@FoxExcess]

They'll never get it, and anything that they're unhappy about is someone else's fault. If a man did something, it wasn't that bad. If it was, then it was a woman behind it. And if there was no women involved, oh well he's exhibiting female behavior, because that's not how real men act. The excuses are endless and read straight out of the narcissists handbook.

[@rae5164]

Holy crap did op in story one luck out in getting out of that relationship. So glad she trusted her gut and had that conversation so she could get the hell out of there.

[@danawhiting3593]

#2 NTA OP's daughter needs to do some more research. The act of giving away the Bride was not done to assert ownership. That was the DOWERY "property or money brought by a bride to her husband on their marriage". The act of giving the bride away is to show the HUSBAND that he has someone to answer to should he mistreat the bride in anyway. That she has someone in her life that you will answer to and that has her back. That is why the Officiant asks who gives her hand in marriage. So all who witness this knows she is not alone in this world and has family (that can be blood or the people you choose to be your family) that are ride or die for her.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

It’s not his child’s “principle” if she is picking and choosing what traditional things she likes and which ones she doesn’t.

[@ondank]

Story 2 : I think sometimes AITA drifts into some really odd territory where people contrive what one can do legally with what one should do morally. Because lets be clear, being legally in the right doesn't stop you being an arsehole. If OP promised her money no strings attached, and then when she explains how she wants to do things he reengages, then yeah, he is an arsehole for then withdrawing. But I would also go further and say I don't trust OP in the slightest because he says he raised a free thinker for a daughter and then, when she demonstrates principles, he immediately tries to coerce her to doing what he wants. He then tries to redefine what free thinking means in order to get out of criticism. He didn't discuss and debate the idea with her, he went straight to retaliation and coercion. This is doubly problematic because his daughter is 19 and putting aside everything I have to say about that, she obviously isn't going to be able to afford any kind of wedding without help, so he knows that withdrawing his money won't just make the wedding less of an occasion, but it means there wont be one at all so what he perceives as a slight can't happen. I feel a low contact/information diet future for this guy coming

[@HarryVibes36]

Nah

[@FoxExcess]

@@HarryVibes36 Great counter argument

[@HarryVibes36]

@@FoxExcess I can’t make one because I don’t wanna read all that.

[@Demonic_Culture_Nut]

"being legally in the right doesn't stop you from being an arsehole." Case in point, *insert one of many modern CEOs here*.

[@stirlingarcher7972]

Story 2: NTA a father/parents paying for the daughters wedding is steeped in the exact same misogyny as the father/parents walking the daughter down the aisle. If one is too misogynistic for her (which I do actually understand) then it stands to reason the other would be just as insulting to her.

[@CasualVFlowerEnjoyer]

Yeah if she's so independent, she can pay for her own wedding.

[@FoxExcess]

@@CasualVFlowerEnjoyer Yeah, you're not getting the point here. You don't tell your child you're going to give them a gift, and then later tell them it's only happening if they accept your demands. Not sure how you're not getting the difference between that and just not helping pay for your kid's wedding.

[@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat]

​@FoxExcess Nope it's a not a gift. It's a tradition. It's traditional to "gift" money for your daughter's wedding. So if she doesn't want to be traditional then she doesn't take part in a tradition. Plus where did op say the money was a gift?

[@alexanderhenby1362]

​@@FoxExcessPaying for a wedding is not "going back on a gift" Paying for a wedding is a several thousand dollar financial commitment that is for celebrating two families becoming one. The bride's family is supposed to pay for the wedding to give her away, in the same way as the guys family is supposed to give her father something of value for her. The dad's right it's all steeped in some unsavory parts of tradition, so I agree, if she doesnt want one thing because of its roots (that obviously matters to the father), she cant have the convenient one. She cant have her cake and eat it too.

[@TheRockinDonkey]

Nah. He’s making it transactional, that makes him a giant asshole. His edit reflects that.

[@jesterbrown90]

Story 1: Surprise, surprise, he's still the same asshole. He just wanted everyone else to drop it.

[@fletcher0411]

I am a independent woman, I run a business, house on 47 acres and 2 vehicles. Guess what I WANT my daddy to walk me down the aisle. Bc I'm not so insecure that I care. And bc EVERYONE that knows me knows just how INDEPENDENT I am despite my missing a leg.

[@FoxExcess]

She never said she was independent. HE said, "I taught her to be an independent thinker" That's it. So you're angry over your own inability to listen. And just because YOU don't mind that tradition, doesn't mean everyone else has to think like you. This isn't your wedding honey. If one of your parents said they would pay for your wedding, just like they did with your siblings. But then when they hear you aren't planning to have an apple bobbing contest they tell you that they're not going to uphold their promise anymore, they would be AHs. Just like this father is being. It doesn't matter what it is, if you want to hold money over your kid's head just so that YOU can have something YOU want at THEIR wedding when it goes against their beliefs, you are wrong for that. I don't know why this simple concept is so hard for people to grasp. Oddly enough no one has this much trouble in understanding this simple concept when it's a matter of a MIL trying to impose her traditions on someone else's wedding. For some reason people magically know unanimously that that is manipulative. You're so focused on trying to make her into some dislikable character instead of just understanding that this, no matter what demand it was that makes the kid uncomfortable, is not ok and their wedding. He claims he's proud of raising an independent thinker, then in the next breath criticizes her independent thoughts. Clearly he's only proud of her "independent thoughts" if they align with his own.

[@fletcher0411]

@FoxExcess not sure where you got the idea I'm angry. I don't care that much about internet strangers. Furthermore, my point clearly escapes you.

[@macylouwho1187]

This is the price of cheating. People never forget it once they find out about you. You become “marked” as untrustworthy, a liar, a manipulator, and just in general a bunch of bad things. People will whisper it behind your back, your actions follow you forever more whether anyone likes that or not. It’s just how it is. You are lessened as a person in everyone’s eyes, and that would include any smart partner that you take on after that (although it’s highly questionable judgement to even date a known cheater who did something THIS terrible and selfish to their former spouse). This wasn’t just cheating, it was kicking someone while they were already down. OP’s attempt to minimize the issue by doing the old “well, all’s well that ends well right? She’s so much happier with someone else ANYWAY and he’s changed!” is a bit pathetic and apologist. She’s making excuses for him like it’s not that bad. It IS that bad. The poor lady needed love and support during that time-not cheated on and ignored. Whatta douchecanoe, yikes. Anyone who dates this man needs their head examined because there are OTHER BETTER MEN available, sheesh. Go find one! When the mask slipped at the end-she saw who he really is and it ain’t pretty. THAT’S who he really is inside. The same jerk that did what he did in the past-he’s just sugarcoated himself to look changed. The old saying goes: “a tiger never changes his stripes.” It’s true, they just get better at camouflaging their misdeeds to fly under the radar of social acceptability.

[@RockinTheBassGuitar]

Story 2: I don't understand why people throw out being walked down the isle along with being "given away" you can walk together without that part of it. Also, people expecting to have their wedding paid for while also spitting in the face of the one paying is baffling.

[@7thlittleleopard7]

The thing that icks me about the second story is the line where he says "if I don't own you then I won't pay for the wedding" - as though his thoughts are that he DOES own her and it's his RIGHT to give her away.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

OP made the right decision. She's better off without her cheating ex. And I'm just irritated at his comeback to OP. 8:50 In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with having multiple relationships as long as you don't cheat or abuse in said relationships. And that is exactly why I'm pretty sure OP's ex is probably going to be spending the rest of his life alone, even if he does eventually get with his mistress. That relationship is going to crash and burn as well. He's fooling himself if he thinks he can find someone as good as OP or his ex-wife, especially with that attitude. 😒

[@TheIronwil]

Story 2: Not sure. On one hand, OP is being heavy handed with the withdrawal of financial support for the wedding. But to be told he can’t walk her down the aisle after bankrolling the wedding… also not cool. So I guess ESH. Some people can’t get that just because a tradition has a history of something negative, it doesn’t mean the tradition still has the same meaning today. If OP was a patriarchic father who treated her as property, I could understand her position, but there’s nothing in this post to suggest that.

[@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909]

What is with idiots saying men's cheating isn't that big of a deal? I hate people who say that shit.

[@FoxExcess]

Andrew Tate types are getting more and more commonplace these days, it's troubling.

[@sarahjean3670]

Yikes. So many red flags. If he was truly remorseful, he would have switched jobs. I am probably too lenient about cheating, but an ongoing affair 3 years prior? Nah. Get out.

[@GoCoyote]

When my wife and I got married, we walked alone from different directions, then met and walked up the aisle together. Marriage is about choosing to be a legal family together, and a wedding is to include your friends and relatives, and to publicly express your feelings for each other and your marriage. Everyone is allowed to use their creativity to do so in a way that feels good to them, and if your not on board, that doesn’t mean that they should make allowances for you, just as you don’t need to make allowances for them. Choose your battles wisely with a long view as to the kind of relationships you want in the future, and don’t cut out people just because you disagree. Only cut off people if they become toxic to you or others.

[@noka4033]

Story 1: This guy cheated on his wife of 4 years after she was recovering from a miscarriage and he still has contact with his AP and never even op the whole story, she had to get the full picture from someone else. And on top of that, he actually equates honest consensual sex where no one got hurt to him cheating on his wife after a miscarriage. This guy needs more than a therapist, he needs an exorcist. Even his friends and parents are disgusted by him.

[@chimchimindiandragon]

Loved the last paragraph of the first story calling out misogynistic incels in her post... Self respecting women are a sight to behold

[@sandeegarding7582]

Story 2..... so healthy parents do exist

[@sirenblack]

Story 2: nta she doesn’t want to be walked down the aisle because of the traditional history and connotations that holds then all other traditions should go to, like father of the bride paying for the wedding use to be the bride's family paying off the groom in the form of a dowry to take their daughters off their hands. That is the same if not worse than walking her down the aisle right?

[@FoxExcess]

Explain how a parent providing finances for their teenager should be considered the same as participating in a mock property hand over? This isn't India buddy. In case you weren't aware women weren't allowed to be financially independent. The father paid for everything. Typically both the husband's parents and bride's are supposed to chip in for the wedding, not just the bride's. You'd be looked at as extremely tacky and sexist in this culture if you went up to the bride's parents and told them you aren't contributing anything because you're the one with the son. I've literally never met someone in our culture who would ever do that, not even in my grandmother's day were people doing that. If one guy wants to go along with some random tradition of only he pays because he's the bride's father, then that's on him. But that has nothing to do with this. He gave any inkling to us or her that that was why he was doing it. She thought, since she's living in the 21st century that her parent was merely providing financial assistance like so many parents do with no strings attached. And since her parents come from an older time it's likely her mother ended up just being a housewife and does not have money of her own to contribute. If he thought of his financial contributions in the way you are discussing, that would have been on him to say in the first place. Not start attaching tradition clauses on after the fact. Most parents, whether it's the father or mother are happy to contribute to their kid's next step in life, whether they are the bride's parents or the husband's. God forbid she was under the impression that was what was happening here. He certainly gave no indication otherwise.

[@sirenblack]

traditionally in the west it is the father of the brides job to pay for the wedding. I don’t know why you brought India into this cause dowries were used in the west too and still is in some places. but traditionally not seeing the bride before the wedding and a wedding party was to make sure the bride wouldn’t run away, the walking the bride down the aisles was her being property and the father of the bride paying for the wedding was apart of the dowry as well as basically selling her off as Ops daughter likes to see it. All the traditions are misogynistic and most of them have been changed to have new meanings so if the daughter is turning up her nose at one tradition then scrap them all they are all seeped in women being seen as property and being sold off to the highest bidder. She isn’t owed a wedding you are right this is the 21st century and most people who are going to get married pay for their own weddings with no contribution from their parents so they can have the wedding they want as big or small, not everyone wants their parents contributing. And why are you assuming I am not from “this culture” as you put it? 45% of people still adhere to the tradition of father of brides family paying for the wedding where as 15% the grooms family will contribute. This is just fact and again nothing to do with India

[@calico_queen8976]

​@@FoxExcessCause a teenager can't provide for their basic needs while a 19 year old can and a wedding ain't a basic need. As you said it's the 21st century so she can get a job like a normal person and save up. If she's such a critical thinker, then she would know that if you have to rely on your parents to get you something that isn't really a necessity, you probably shouldn't get it. She's 19, that weirdly young to be married. She has plenty of time to get a job, work and save up for that wedding.

[@Vallyrah]

Story 2: There are a lot of traditions that we don't follow any longer. I required that the "obey" portion of the vows be removed. I did however have my father walk me down the aisle, but he did not 'give me away'. To me it was (despite being in front of a crown) a private moment for my father to give me one last message before entering marriage. (Examples: 'no matter whose wife you are you will always be my daughter"; "you chose well, but know that you can always come home"; "I can't believe this day came so fast"; etc.) The whole "who gives this woman' was not included. Perhaps this would help the OP's daughter. Edit: I saw being walked down the aisle as a promise between my father and myself that he would there to guide me in all things, not control me, but support and advise.

[@battiekoda]

S2: So, mine is a biased opinion b/c I was raised to never expect my parents to pay for anything big after I reached a certain age. More of a: "You want it, you make the money to get it", kind of thing. But, I would NEVER expect my parents to pay for my wedding, but would probably break down if my dad couldn't/ wouldn't walk me down the isle.

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: "I never thought he would act like that" really? I saw it from a mile away.

[@debc6260]

First OP should walk away. Not up to the update yet, but hope she still walks away. EDIT Wow. Just wow. Bullet dodged.

[@anikanele7958]

The bf in story one comparing his cheating to her having multiple partners shows for him relationships are just about sex. "I did things society tells us are bad because I wanted sex. You also did things society thinks are bad to have sex. We have the same history" That guy cant even comprehend that the issue isnt what he did with that other woman, its the fact that he wasnt there for his grieving wife.

[@TheRealVenna]

In practically every scenario, when a villain says they are 'reformed' but resort to what aboutisms, they are, in essence, still a villain. Not to mention that consensual sex with multiple people is no where near the same thing as cheating on a spouse. One is exploration, and expression, the other is just selfish indulgence. Especially after suffering something so traumatic and him saying he felt neglected. Just full on selfish. His intentions are moot, if he didn't intend to hurt her, then he wouldn't have cheated, because he had to know he'd be found out, and the only outcome would be hurt. He is still trying to justify it, which means he has not accepted any responsibility. He's not sorry that he cheated, he's sorry he got caught.

[@TheMrKristens]

I am pretty non-traditional, but still walked with my Dad down the aisle. There was no 'who gives this girl' talk from the officiant. Just simply a walk with my Dad towards a new future. One he helped shape. He showed me what I wanted in the man I chose to walk in life with. That 'symbolic' walk was more important to me than any birthday or stage in life prior. It truly was something I thought was silly, outdated...etc. We had some laughs and chatted. It was sweet. It's some moments I truly cherish. I hope OP's daughter doesn't regret her decision one day. Most western born people don't see it as 'giving away' your daughter. It's symbolic of a bond you share...and moving forward with a larger family. It's not some prearranged thing. Heck, historically speaking...most prearranged marriages don't have a parent walking down the aisle... it's the bride...alone. Anyone watch Royal Weddings? Walking alone is a greater tradition of a marriage contract/control than walking with her father. But tomato potato.

[@hlcooper]

Story 1 I would have doubts about being with someone who cheated on partner and even more so when the rest of the details came out. However the biggest deal breaker is that he was still in contact with the woman he had an affair with and didn’t see a problem with it as “they have to work together”. Was that the same thing he said to his ex when she may have expressed doubts about his closeness to the woman?

[@cpaul9269]

S3 - I KNEW he had to have a "gaming console," somewhere....LOL!!!

[@anahernandezliceras2070]

S1: in Spanish we have a saying, "Ojo de loca nunca se equivoca" ("the eye of a crazy woman is never wrong"). When your instinct is warning you about someone... careful there.

[@micheleosullivan4430]

My husband and I walked together down the aisle. Why? We were walking with each other towards our lives and commitment together. I kinda agree, giving away the bride is weird to me too. It's a personal choice. Dad feels like he lost out. but in the end, it is the daughter's and her future hubby's wedding.

[@sksunshine4860]

A very wise man told me 25 years ago it's better to be single and wishing you were in a relationship than married and wishing you weren't. He and his wife were married 63 years and they were faithful through many challenges.

[@w7100]

Story 2: you don't own me!!! But she's getting married?

[@FoxExcess]

Keep good parts of traditions, leave the bad parts in the dust. Nothing wrong with that. We don't need mock property exchanges to have a wedding ceremony. Just like you don't need to be religious to get married by a priest or celebrate christmas. Just because I celebrate christmas doesn't mean I'm going to tell my kid I got them a christmas present, but then when it's time to give it to them add on a stipulation that they're only getting it if they come to church with me and declare Jesus as lord. That's no longer a gift, that's an attempt to control someone doing something that does not harm you in any way. Much like this story.

[@catandrobbyflores]

Oh we know exactly what he was thinking with his little head. Any man who cheats especially after a miscarriage is disgusting.

[@juliebiggerbear7300]

Story 3. I don’t think that’s a mental health issue, nope, I think that’s a control issue. Hubby is acting like an adult toddler, leaving stuff laying around and having tantrums when called out on his behavior. NTA and I hope OP stays strong with her countermeasures 😅

[@C0C0N0T]

I just don't understand why the OP of story 2 would insist on walking his daughter down the aisle, knowing that wasn't something she wanted? He DOES sound entitled to me. Providing your child with the best life you can is simply something you should want to do as a parent; using the sacrifices you had to make for the child that YOU decided to have, throwing them in her face like it's a bargaining chip, is gross to me. I understand feeling disappointed, i understand feeling hurt, but i don't understand the punishment just because he didn't get what he wanted on a day that isn't about him

[@FoxExcess]

Very good way of putting it. Yet many here are acting like a man doing the basics as a father entitles him to make his daughter go through with mock property exchange that she's told him makes her uncomfortable. So in other words, he's being treated just like her mother is being treated, expected to watch while she walks down the aisle, and that enrages people. And by people I mean incels. God forbid a man not have privileges no one would even think of giving her mother despite her doing the same amount of raising on top of risking her life and body creating her daughter in the first place. It's almost like this tradition has NOTHING to do with someone raising the bride and was a means of property exchange or something. WHo cOuLd hAvE gUeSsEd

[@theisgroth1358]

S2: People seem to completely forget that “walking her down the isle” is a moment of honor every father looks forward to for 18+ years. “You could ruin the relationship” right, but why is no one considering that taking away such a, relatively expected, very looked forward to moment, is just as hurtful from the daughters side? “Are you ready to lose your daughter over this?” how about “are you ready to hurt your father over this?”

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

Garbage day today, oh joy oh bliss LOL. Good Morning waffle gang, grab your coffee or your choice of morning refreshment. Let us all enjoy our time with Mark.