I Told My Fiance That His BEST FRIEND Can't Be His Best Man r/Relationships

[@paperkay]

Why do I keep getting the sense that OP is being penalized for her hard work? Her parents are poor, she has debt, she works long hours AND PAYS 80% of everything, while trust fund hubby kicks back and enjoys his care free life... and THEN complains he hasn't enough spending money to bail out deadbeat besties?

[@habituallearner7680]

Exactly! I think OP is being gaslighted into feeling guilty when she has no reason to do so.

[@skyandthemoon]

Honestly I don't think this marriage is going to end well with everything you listed you can tell OP has sacrificed a lot to get the income she needs to support herself and her love ones while her husbands gets to benefit from this and also lives an easy life having everything paid for him by his parents she is going to realize this and probably become resentful of him especially if they have kids....

[@jefferykilgore4042]

I dont really understand split incomes for longterm couples personally. seems like shit would get real complicated real quick. been with my wife 10 years an weve been stressed about money plenty of times but neither of us were ever the villain never had an argument over money wed just be like damn were fked an try to figure it out. we pool 100% of our money. somteims ive made more an vice versa an starting next month she will be earning about 1k more a month than me due to her promotion(sugar momma :p) but its never been an issue of money regardless who earned more at a specific point in time. I can see paying for the best man to come to the wedding(i guess) but why in TFFFF would they ever pay the hospital bills? its not like the hospital has to get paid before he can leave.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

I have a feeling that she is Asian desperate to marry a white guy from the respectable family to show off. She is looking for a trophy husband and willing to pay the full price.

[@Zurround]

If not outright END THINGS WITH HIM she at the very least needs to POSTPONE the wedding. Her husband I suspect is only a little bit better in how he functions in life than his "best friend" is....

[@beeppboopp]

Story 1: The number of people bashing on OP for not paying for the friend are absolutely disgusting. This is not financial abuse. OP is not stopping her partner from paying for his friend - she's stopping him from using HER money for it. You have ZERO obligation to financially support anyone, let alone someone who's as horrible as the friend. The friend is genuinely an awful human being, with no care or regard for anyone. The finance still supporting the friend after drunk driving is such a red flag...such a great way to show to morals.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

WTF if the fiance loves his drunk friend that much why doesn't he ask his rich father to lend him money, why would he ask his future wife to pay! That's crazy 🤪 she should ve postponed the marriage and she clearly got duped by the future FIL who is a family lawyer 😂

[@AngelaMerici12]

Yeah, it sounds weird how she pays for most things but wait! She also has to pay for the drunk friend?? I hope she takes a time to think about it. She is going to end up exhausted one day while her husband is only working part time.

[@robertx8020]

Maybe he did ask his dad and because he isn't an idiot (unlike his son) he declined?

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

​@@AngelaMerici12she will snap after they have kids. Stress of work+ stress of raising kids while seeing her husband enjoying a comfortable life with part time job and paid off hobbies 😂 total recipe for a disaster.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

​@@robertx8020pretty sure the father recommended his son to ask his desperate gullible fiancee to pay 😅😅😅😅

[@AngelaMerici12]

@@gostavoadolfos2023 WOW!! I think you read my mind I was thinking just that. Hopefully she'll wake up before but it's most likely yo happen after kids or after she gets sick at some point.

[@Swnsasy]

He literally drives drunk, could have killed someone, has no job and lives in his parents basement how on earth does he think he can pay them back?? What he's asking is to literally put OP'S life on hold to basically take care of another adult! It's not lending, it's GIVING THOUSANDS!! Hell to the nah!! Nta.. I don't pay for people who drive drunk!!

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 1 I was wondering how OP could be in the right based on the title, but I'm on her side. No way I would fund an AH who makes a habit of driving drunk. He could've killed several people being a selfish negligent jackass. I wouldn't marry the fiance. He seems to have very poor judgment. You are the company you keep Hugs to everyone who's been affected by drunk drivers. I'm so sorry 😞 🤗

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@srideout91 🙄🙄🙄

[@pickle_pup8187]

My siblings and I grew up without our dad - he passed before I was born - due to teens drag racing drunk. People who drive drunk seriously cause me to loose my temper.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@pickle_pup8187 I'm so sorry for your loss. I have no tolerance for intentionally putting people in danger like this

[@runicflower127]

I didn’t like drunk drivers before and I dislike them even more than I did now because a drunk driver hit my mom’s childhood best friend I think head on and while the drunk driver survived my moms best friend didn’t and her fiancé that was in the passenger’s seat was injured pretty bad.

[@runicflower127]

@@pickle_pup8187​​⁠I’m sorry for your loss drunk drivers suck

[@SilverstreamPJ28]

Story 1: OP not wanting to fund the trip AND the medical bills of a drunk driver isn't financial abuse lmfao

[@anabana538]

I was confused about the judgement for op i story 1. I remember a story where the husband was upset with his wife b/c she wanted him to help her and her siblings pay for the in-laws retirement care. And everyone voted that op was nta when he essentially said you can’t volunteer my money to pay for your parents🤔 I get it’s a different scenario but why was the op ok for not letting others monopolize his money but this op is an A for not wanting to spend her money on a drunk driver ?

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Reddit is crazy and inconsistent.

[@sailorjupiter4]

story 1: why doesn’t the fiancé ask his wealthy family to sponsor his POS BFF? lmao

[@ineedhoez]

That part

[@Mimino55-y5k]

Because the family will say no. 🤣I think OP is naive to think this arrangement will work out. Although it seems like she is ready to become a parent figure and provider to her laid back future husband. But that might change when she sees her girlfriends in more traditional relationships.

[@chamab.6800]

Story 1: absolutely not. She has said more than once that she is paying for her friend out of her own personal funds. If her fiancée wanted to pay for his friend out of his money then he could. It’s like folks are skipping over that part. She said her fiancé’s family has money. Why doesn’t he ask them? They may need to go to counseling but they also need to discuss their money differences. She comes from a poor background. But she’s the one being pressured to pay? She has no one to fall back on like he does. Absolutely not. Let her fiancé find the money.

[@erickaennis2738]

Somethings off with the fiance. Why is she paying the bulk of everything? She's being used. A lot of red flags here. I see a divorce if they marry. Abs she'll be stuck paying alimony and child support if they have kids. I'd call this mess off.

[@StephFish1004]

First off: the friend deserves nothing, he's horrible. The way OP talks about her fiancé in regards to finances makes me think she's in denial about her feelings on their income differences. I see a lot of resentment and possibly divorce in her future.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

She'll end up having to pay the bum alimony and child support, too, to add insult to injury.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@LostSoulchild89 The fiancé sounds too immature and lazy to get married. Grown men step up to help their partners.

[@Flakey101]

@@MaryTheresa1986 So the only way for a grown man to help a partner is to get more money. Do you really see potential partners as walking ATMS then?

[@bautistalover]

@@LostSoulchild89yeah see this idea bothers me because this isn’t any different then a SAH partner situation the only difference is her fiancé is actually bringing in his own money. Why is it when we as women make more money there’s always some kind of denigration towards the man who makes less? When the guy makes more money and his partner doesn’t have “extra” money it’s so you even like your girlfriend, you must not be wanting forever? Just seems weird to me that this is what they both agreed on because they have different goals so why is their choice a problem?

[@επιθετικόακτινιδιο]

I don't know about future resentments, but Tom has made very poor life choices, and it is high time he faces consequences. Funding a trip and his medical bills sounds like a reward, not a consequence

[@madambutterfly1997]

NTA I wouldn’t finance the friend either. Drunk driving is a quick way to get cut outta my life

[@ajzephyros7454]

Or get cut out of life in general

[@Nerdbookworm]

Exactly, I don’t want friends that do that shit

[@AngelaMerici12]

I don't like people who get drunk point blank.

[@noydb-1]

Sounds to me like Tom went on another bender and has even bigger medical (and perhaps legal) bills, so he's now acting like its his own choice to attend the legally mandated rehab the court ordered him to attend. He's hoping this will enable him to squeeze some money out of OP/fiance to cover his growing debts. At least that's my guess.

[@owl7072]

"It may be best that I get over myself and try to support my partner" Your partner is asking you to financially support someone you don't like that keeps making the same stupidly reckless mistake over and over. There's nothing to get over other than the friend getting over his complete lack of regard for the wellbeing of himself and others.

[@nellbell2568]

She even said "if it was any other friend I'd do it in a heartbeat" like that made her unreasonable instead of pointing out that it's only bc he's such an actually terrible human being

[@aduckofsomesort]

@@nellbell2568any other friends wouldn’t drive drunk

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

Idk why but I read your comment in an angry loud voice 😂😂😂😂😂

[@mirror2760]

I was kinda iffy on the reason in story 1. The minute I heard drunk driving my opinion changed immediately. Yep that loser friend did do it to himself by DRUNK DRIVING.

[@ViixenVox]

​@F40PH-2CAT no. His friend could have killed so many people. It wasn't even a one off occurrence, op stated the friend does it often. He knowingly gets drunk and chooses to drive. He doesn't care if he kills someone.

[@kathleenmcfarlane2555]

Story 1: OP should secure her portion of the house money so that fiance doesn't give it to friend.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

from all the things she posted she seems very gullible and the fiance has a family lawyer as a father so you can be assured that she is screwed on the short and long therm.

[@jackieOAT]

I hate she contributes more from her income essentially to a wealthy kid... it's like an ironic take on capitalism...work hard and you make it and than you still pay for the comfort of rich 😢

[@totallynotalpharius2283]

This is the best Reddit channel imo for three reasons 1.) marks voice is pleasant 2.) his background lore is hilarious 3.) he reads the story / offers his opinion , that’s it. Other channels will state obvious sfuff and make it seem like it’s profound

[@videofan1010]

I'd like to add... Mark's genuine personality comes through constantly. He restores my faith in humanity...

[@xdsc96]

"Who the bloody hells got the time to cheat?" 😂

[@xellosmakuzo2586]

And his expressive pictures to go along with the opinions he gives

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Yes, he is definitely the best Reddit channel. He’s also humble and grateful for his audience, unlike another channel, who calls his subscribers “fans” and acts like a jackass.

[@Swnsasy]

Mark and Lost Genre, my two favorites... I love both of their personality and they interact with us.. I watch many different ones but I'll pause anything else I'm watching on pause and come here first!🤣 The way it sets up is I watch Mark and then Lost Genre puts up like 3mins after and, him and Mark chit chat too so seeing them both in comments to each other just makes me adore them both so much! Oh, and POPPY!! 😂❤

[@paulastiles5507]

I'm with OP. I'm skeptical that Tom will be able to clean up his act (the odds are against him, unfortunately), let alone in time for his friend's wedding, but I sure hope he does.

[@kitkakitteh]

Then I hope he can pay his own way,too. Because it sounds like a con job to me.

[@DePhoegonIsle]

Honestly It's a win win for OP, as shitty as that is really. either Top cleans his act up enough and puts real effort into changing behaviors which is a win for him & those around him including the OP SO, or it's a Win for OP in vindication.... at the cost of the mental health of the SO. So the question is, why not hope for the best, nothing is gained from being pesimistiec in a place where there is nothing but time to prove if changes have been made or being made along with improvements as well. All you'd get from being pesimistiec is 'I was right, you were wrong' against your SO, about his Life long best friend being worthless and unable to change..... or you get proven wrong and it will be held against you for trying to hold him down. -aka, it's nothing but a win to offer the helping hand even on the conditional that he Makes improvments, takes the steps needed to improve and change for the better... because if if he couldn't change or didn't want to..... you can not be held accountable for attempting to hold him down, and you wouldn't be adding to the mental stress of your SO either what ever the outcome.

[@ericmishima]

Story 1: what would the grooms parents say if he asked them for the money for his friend? Do the parents know what his friend is like?

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

rich people are smart with their money so his parents would never to agree to lend him a cent, he is emotionally manipulating his fiancee because she has a low working class background and more vulnerable since the marriage is on the line after the wedding invitations are already sent.

[@onepieceisking5493]

I'm not surprised that Tom didn't react well because he thought that everyone was against him rather than supporting his horrid behavior. So he tried to go NC with everyone for awhile because he feels betrayed and angry but then, hopefully, realizes that everyone was right that he needed help and to change for the better.

[@joeschmo622]

It's pretty apparent that The Redditors have reading comprehension problems. The Opie made it *VERY* explicit that she was paying for The Teacher out of her own pocket, and that nothing from the wedding account nor the house account were going towards that. And she *DID NOT* say that The Tom couldn't come, just that if he couldn't afford to, or The Fiance couldn't afford to cover it out of *HIS* personal savings, then The Opie wouldn't go into a financial hole to do it, nor tap into those two shared accounts, and if he couldn't afford to come, then maybe he shouldn't. If someone else, *or* The Fiance could and would cover his costs, then he could come. And all that "financial abuse" and "power dynamic" is just crap. The Opie is saddled with student debt, went into a more stressful career for better bux, so yeah, she brings more to the table, and deservedly so. "Financial abuse" usually just means "I can't mooch/leech off you as much as I want to". Ugh.

[@BruinPhD2009]

I’m sure those people got all worked up about the title (which doesn’t read well) and spent the rest of the time figuring out how to justify their first impressions, based on the title (which again, doesn’t read well). By the time OP was done describing the friend, I wanted to slap the guy. 😅

[@RuminatingRaptor]

I couldn’t agree more. So many psychological terms are being thrown around by thumb therapists, it drives me bonkers.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

​@@RuminatingRaptor"Thumb therapists". I love that!

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

OP is kinda stupid, and I believe the future FIL who is a family lawyer managed with the help of his son to play a number on her to think that this situation is fair plus he just chose to do part time job which means the responsibilities are even heavier on her, what she gonna do when they have kids? she will pay 100% while her future husband enjoys a calm job and his hobbies paid by the dumbest independent career oriented woman lmao

[@sicilianboy27]

it happens on nearly every single post that i see on these types of channels. redditors read the story, cherry pick certain parts, and then formulate some convoluted narrative that has NOTHING to do with the ACTUAL story all while throwing around your typical reddit buzzwords ( NC, abuse, therapy, etc) honestly i'm shocked that we didn't get a comment urging OP to break up with her fiance.

[@audraverela3663]

It’s good that Fiancé had that soul searching, it was needed. So was the intervention. I’m glad Tom is getting the help he desperately needed, and hope he recovers.

[@bookgirl2]

If a fiance of OP1 is well off then Why not ask his parents to put the bill for his buddy and all of his sad little mistakes that have put him in this position? I agree with OP that she has no reason to offer her money to help this guy. It's not selfish or cruel, it is simply the consequences of his actions and behavior.

[@apimente1]

They are financially incompatible. I think she will eventually end up resenting her husband after a few years and relationship will turn toxic. But best wishes to the both of them.

[@Tammohawk1]

My 19 yr old nephew moved in with me a few weeks ago. We've been having fun turning each other on to different music. And today, we have been thumping LOUD. So glad we don't have neighbors to worry about.

[@One.DeSanctis.]

OP's fiance has well off parents. OP should leave it to him to pay for this/enable this friend, but only out of his own earned money or what his parents will give us.

[@jenniferdaniels701]

Story 1- even if OP was willing to help him pay for tickets/ hotel, etc, will the best friend be physically able to travel? How much help/ medical assistance would he need? OP and FH need to talk about this friend and if he's really worth staying friends with.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

he already chose his L friend over his future wife! the idea of marriage is ridiculous at this point.

[@madalene7724]

Mark, are you ok? You didn’t sound like your chipper self. I hope you’re doing well. You make our days a little brighter, so I hope we wafflers return that same positive energy. Thank you for another wonderful upload. I really do appreciate them! 💞

[@Tammohawk1]

There are people at the hospital whose job it is to make sure that people can pay their medical bills. If OP's future husband's friend isn't working, there are govt. programs he qualifies for that will cover his medical costs. OP and her fiance don't have to cover a dime.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

Not true, medical debt is one of major reasons for bankruptcy.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: NTA, this guy (his friend) sounds more like an anchor than a friend, and no by no means should you or your fiancee set your plans on for to pay his medical bills. Story 1 (edits): Wait your fiancee's entire retirement plan is "I hope my parents don't spend all their money, and when they die they leave me enough to retire" that is a huge red-flag. Even in wealthy families having your own financial plan, outside getting the family money one day, is super important. I think your fiancee needs to talk to his dad about money again cause he certainly didn't learn the lesson his dad tried to teach you both. Story 1 (update): Well hopefully Tom truly did hit rock bottom and is honest about getting (and wanting) treatment. It is a long hard road.

[@RoseKoneko]

I hope he actually finds help and isn’t paying lip service to keep being coddled by the people around him.

[@AndyyWithAY]

The more I hear about the fiance the more of a red flag he is. Tom or whatever the "friend" is named is just a user in every way. He's burned multiple family members. The fact the friend barely even likes fiance, but he capes this hard is sus on a bus. He wants to take from their house fund to support a horrible POS. Run, run, run!! The thing about finances doesn't really factor in to me. It's one thing if you don't have the potential to earn, but he purposely made a choice to get a low salary and cushy job. It's about time the fiance FINALLY cut Tom loose, but OP still should not marry him. I hope she has an iron clad prenup. Because she's gonna need a divorce real quick

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I agree. It's ridiculous that OP is helping the fiancé pay off his car and fund his hobbies, yet she feels she shouldn't get to rely on him to help her out. He sounds like a lazy, selfish golddigger who cares more about his desires than the woman slaving away at a job she hates to make his life possible. The fiancé and Tom should just build an art room together and get it over with.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

he also chose to do part time before getting married! as a man I believe that financial responsibilities should be shared between the spouses and the wife should support her husband in difficult time but this is too much. the future FIL who is also a family lawyer managed to gaslit her into thinking that this crazy unfair situation is normal and will make their already weak relationship stronger!

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@gostavoadolfos2023 I hope OP consults another attorney for a second opinion, but somehow I doubt it. Between OP and his parents, the fiancé is set for life.

[@shebakoby]

sunk cost fallacy is a helluva drug.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

​@@MaryTheresa1986she sounds very naive and gullible. Her man us litteraly relying on his parents death for his retirement! Obviously he can't support kids since he already takes from his Gf income to pay for his car and hobbies 😅

[@amethystanne4586]

Oh no, that drunk-driving friend is horrible……..OP needs to take out everything she put in the joint accounts and open one in just her name. I have a feeling the fiancé would take out whatever he wanted, leaving the joint accounts with minimal funds. Just because he got angry “How dare OP doesn’t do as I say”.

[@AndyyWithAY]

My mom asked if I wanted pigs in a blanket yesterday. I always enjoy those, so I'm not sure why that day would be any different. My dad then brought some pulled pork sandwiches, fries, and fried pickes. Ohhh and baked beans. I had a little of everything. It was so good. Then we watched Bluey And since I learned yesterday that pigs in a blanket means different things in different places I'm talking about hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls and baked to perfection.

[@dejang2115]

For me pigs in blankets are bacon cooked into pancakes 😗

[@triciad4100]

@@dejang2115 There's only one way to settle this dispute. Take the crescent roll cocktail weenies and wrap them in the bacon pancakes. 🤤

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@triciad4100 ooooo

[@wmdkitty]

It's a sausage in pastry or biscuit dough.

[@bigWazaa]

Me personally. It doesn't matter if my friend is a drunk that had an accident or if he is a teacher. His financial problems are his problems. In some cases, I can lend some money, to a certain degree, but he has to give it back for sure.

[@poohbear4515]

Cruel as it sounds, the world will be a tad safer if Tom dies. Tom has no respect towards anyone whatsoever and will someday kill somebody, and not even have a spit of remorse for them. He’s a shitty asshole that may be going through crap that he needs help with, but it sounds like he’s so far down, he won’t listen to no one. I bet his letter was all fake, manipulative words that bore into fiancé’s head. Speaking of which, fiancée doesn’t sound like the right partner. He’s very kind and caring, but that’s his weak points when it comes to his “best friend”. OP should keep her eyes on him a tad longer before walking down the aisle.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hey you yes you, take a deep breath let it out slowly, and lower your shoulders. Know that you are important to someone even if you feel like no one loves you, guess what I do. I'm so proud of you being here. Thank you. Now make sure you take care of yourself and drink some water, eat something and take a stretch break.💜💜🤗🤗💜💜🤗🤗

[@kelleygreengrass]

You don't even know me freak

[@megnotmegan1966]

Hey you, yes you….thanks! Ditto! 💖

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@@megnotmegan1966 💜💜🤗🤗

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Sorry I can't see who else responded

[@Catherine.Dorian.]

The one thing that concerns me is the line “he makes my skin crawl”. Everyone has an innate sense that tells them when someone is dangerous, you know in the pit of your stomach but we often override it out of social reasons, maybe they’re charming or attractive or you feel you can’t say anything… but there may be a deeper reason she feels off around him. So I don’t sound nuts, there’s an exact example. A woman was on a blind date and she kept feeling her instinct telling her to run but he was charming and handsome and charismatic… but finally she went to the bathroom and locked herself in there until her brother came to get her and she escaped. She thought she had been nuts until some time later the news showed her date on tv, it was Ted Bundy

[@Jesse_E5150]

Its all fun and games with these drunk drivers until they seriously injure or kill someone. I once had a vehicle tottaled by a drunk driver. Thankfully the vehicle did its job and protected me. NTA

[@LovesGaming37]

Story one: Nta. I would never spend my money on a drunk driver.

[@habituallearner7680]

If OP insists on going forward with the marriage despite all of the red flags, she needs an ironclad prenup and completely separate accounts so that, when her slacker husband falls for Tom's pleas yet again, it won't be OP's funds cleaning up his latest mess.

[@lostshadows768]

Tom was always going to ask them to pay to get him to the wedding, the accident just meant he did it sooner. Jobless moochers don't have thousands of dollars lying around to attend a destination wedding.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

The fiancé isn’t obligated he feels responsible. The fiancé should get a second job to pay for his friend

[@dueldr]

Story 1 .. the fact that husband would maintain such a low life as a friend is a red flag. We become the people who we surround ourselves with.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - I agree with you. If your fiancé can scrape together the funds another way, you'd have no problem with his best man. The issue is him pulling from your future to fund his friend's irresponsibility. Frankly, that's where I'd draw the line, too. ETA: I think your financial plan sounds amazing! I'm even more against bailing out his friend. If he wants to so badly, he can pick up some more work, since he's 'voluntarily' part time. Hell, he can flip burgers to make extra cash. I'm actually kind of glad with how this all turned out. Communication wins again. Everyone opened their eyes, and are hopefully on to a better future.

[@DaWhiteWolffie]

A drunk driver? He should be in jail, not gifted a vacay.

[@gerrimilner9448]

i knew someone who drunk drove a car hit a tree and killed the 3 passengers at 14. as a minor was not prosecuted, but had really bad mental health and the worst relationships for the 5 years i knew them. drunk driving is attempted murder, your lucky if you dont kill someone, its like fiering down the road, you may/may not hit/injure/kill/mame a person/persons. never worth the risk

[@ondank]

Story 1 I think this relationship is gonna have issues. If you are wealthy and in a relationship with someone with a much different income then you can't expect equal contributions. Whilst on the surface OP is paying a proportional share with her partner, she has also driven up the costs. Their incomes are so diverse that she can pay the difference, her share of expenses and still afford to bring multiple people along whilst her partner can't afford to pay extra for one. She isn't the arsehole. But in failing to recognize and consider this and worse, justifying this as her hard work vs him choosing to just have fun with his career they are going to run into massive resentment issues. Either her from him holding back her lifestyle or him for her living large whilst he struggles to make ends meet.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

He could mitigate that by growing up, putting on his big boy panties, and getting a full-time, high paying job. If he's grown enough to get married, he's old enough to contribute in a meaningful way to to household instead of always having his hand out.

[@sheralync5854]

she's not ready for marriage. I this, I that, my money, my profession. Married people: our money, our goals, our vision of the future

[@PinkMarshmallows]

I don't believe Tom. At first, when he sent that text when he was alone to "think", I thought it was a "goodbye" text, as that is what it sounded like. I really hope I'm wrong, and that he didn't unalive himself.

[@street55789]

I’m truly happy for this couple that they have such financial security. They are so far out of my ability to imagine that I feel like I need a trigger warning (lol), as I sit here out of money-for the 9 millionth month in a row-by the 17th of each month. Sigh. I hope their relationship works for them and that they never have financial worries.

[@gostavoadolfos2023]

Happy for the fiance who has rich parents and a gullible future wife as a safety net.😂

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@gostavoadolfos2023 And probably a well-to-do mistress on the side too!

[@ineedhoez]

He has financial security! She is screwed!

[@ineedhoez]

​@@gostavoadolfos2023facts!!!!😂😂😂😂😂 homie hit it out of the park

[@aduckofsomesort]

If fiancé really wants him there, he needs to pay for it out of his own pocket and not shared finances, which is exactly what OP is doing on her end. But with the context that he just got into a drunk driving accident, I wouldn’t want him anywhere near me regardless. I totally get where OP is coming from and I have no sympathy for the fiancé or their friend.

[@LA-mz1dd]

That first comment on the first story ' you don't get to choose his best man'. Do people have reading comprehension problems? She didn't, she doesn't want their savings to go towards that man. How does that make an ESH? He can pay himself from HIS money. How are people missing that. No, she shouldn't have to fork over her hard earned money just because she makes more.

[@maggpiprime954]

The way I lifted my head from my work at the end when Mark said "... maybe you're doing a little bit of drawing..!" 😂💖

[@jasonrustmann7535]

The difference in their upbringings is so apparent, one never had to worry about money, so still doesn't, and one who's seen what a lack of money can do, and never wants to see it again. Hopefully this works out for them.

[@BIGEAGLEDUDE]

Even with the update, you need to be very cautious of the fiancé. Because in all honesty, no matter what hes going to put his best friend. Ahead of you period I get the feeling that he felt like his best friend in all honestly basically felt like he was pushing to a corner. He did not want to be pushed into a corner by his family or his friends to get sober. When he knows he wasn't ready period and I think long and hard. Not to mention him Thinking alone made him realize he needed to somewhat be a bit more even out when it came down to his celebrations of drinking period. You really should've just left him be And learn the hard way, especially if this has been going on for years. And it took your fiancé questioning the whole relationship in general. To see whether or not it was really worth it. Perfect

[@ILicoriceProductions]

I'm a night auditor at a hotel, so I tend to put this on so I have something to listen to while I wait for computers to reboot and files to backup.

[@leaddust5539]

He can’t be the best man if he can’t be a better man.

[@teacheschem]

As OP- there was no way I was paying for his friend. Her fiancé choose the low paying job and deals with the consequences of that. They have an excellent split according to % that allows him to achieve things he would not be able to by himself. If he wants to pay for his friend he can go get a part time job.

[@teacheschem]

Spoken from a teacher who does other jobs as well!

[@Scorpius7-l5h]

Story 1: NTA he's the one that chose his lower paying career because his family wealth( who by the by won't pay for Tom either). OP is caring enough to care for her parent old age. She put aside the money from her own paycheck. She does'nt have to foot the bill for a person she does'nt like.

[@AceFoxx70001519]

In story 1 the only ethical moral thing to do would be to make this her hill to die on, frankly her fiance's best friend should be in prison, not the hospital and most certainly not the wedding! Her fiance's family is wealthy, her fiance can ask them if he's so desperate to have utter garbage in the shape of a man at their wedding, and it would not be wrong to put her foot down and ban him, especially if there will be alchohol.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

I would question my fiancé's judgement if that's his best friend.

[@randomgeneration7781]

It sounded ominous that the fiance wanted to use the house fund to pay for Drunk Tom, like he was unconsciously planning for Drunk Tom to move in and become part of the household at some point. I just have the feeling if he didn't wake up to the realization that Drunk Tom was exploiting him it would absolutely happen.

[@ScooterBond1970]

ART ROOM 😄

[@Yume10605]

I agree with most of the people in this comment section. Op got gaslite into supporting her Fiance. Yes she makes more money and so yes she pays more into the bills. But he is also having op pay for his fun stuff.

[@SunshineTheLover]

its crazy how they say its unfair that op has disposable income. he put himself in that and she shouldn't have to come out of pocket for someone she doesnt like. its fair that shes paying for her family and friends because she has it like that period point blank. future husbando needs to get his money up. i agree that it could potentially repair the relationship but the way she feels isnt wrong in the first place. it would really be unfair if he had access to spend the money she earned just to prevent arguments

[@Zurround]

She might want to reconsider this MARRIAGE. It is a major RED FLAG (almost a "purple flag", my term for a warning even worse than red flag) to marry someone who has a CODEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP with someone who is very irresponsible and self destructive and reckless, to the point of helping him out financially with large amounts of money (which will subtract from the household finances). Note, if the friend was NOT an irresponsible and reckless deadbeat and really did have just some crap luck in life then maybe helping him out is ok but that is NOT the case here. If she marries him there is a VERY good chance that her husband will continue to use the money meant for their household (which could include for raising one or more children) to bail his friend out of trouble and if the friend ends up homeless he might let the friend MOVE IN WITH THEM. What if he wants to invite the friend to the child's birthday party or over for Thanksgiving dinner or some other celebratory event and his friend shows up drunk or on drugs or just behaves inappropriately. Something is seriously wrong with your HUSBAND if he is willing to kowtow this much to someone who is so obviously a liability. Either he has a "savior complex" and he seeks out self destructive people to bail out of trouble or he has been friends with this guy for so long that either he was not really aware of what a liability the guy is or maybe the guy was OK when they first met and gradually went down the wrong path but because he has so many years invested into the friendship he does not want to end it and is hoping his friend gets his act together. This is potentially a DEAL BREAKER. What if you have children and he wants his best friend to be their GOD FATHER??

[@MaryTheresa1986]

The fiancé sounds like a bum. OP should dump him and find an equal partner, not saddle herself with a man-child.

[@lnmoauf5284]

Story 1: OP is the A-Hole to herself. I really don't understand the comments saying OP should spend any money on the friend. I wouldn't spend a dime to help that guy. He literally engages in extremely reckless behavior and treats people poorly. Her fiance is garbage and he has garbage friends. I really hope OP realizes she deserves better and finds happiness with good people. She deserves it.

[@icantchange.youtubesaysine7338]

Im getting ready for bed while listening. Today was an okay day but the highlight was my little niece taking interest in my pokemon card collection. I've never been able to show people my collection (I have so many card because I've been collecting since primary school). She loves the show now too (Indigo league). How is everyone day? Hope your doing well too Mark!!!

[@SteveMichael]

Story 1. A lot of potential issues. The first is that both of the couples should be comfortable telling each other that their other "friends" are bad people. I know this is hard BUT again you both need to be able to have that conversation. When my wife and I was married I had to have this conversation with her about one of her "friends" and just gave examples of what this lady would say and do. She thought it over and started to distance herself and eventually just stopped talking to her. A few years later my wife pointed out a similar thing with one of my friends who I had for most of my life. I also thought it over and realized she was 100% right. That this dude was not in fact my friend or at a minimum someone who I really shouldn't be hanging around. My advice would be for these two to realize that they are a team and need to act like teammates. The other problem and this is a huge one. She makes a lot more money than him and has a degree. The statistics show that they have a greater than 90% chance of divorce. The data is what it is and there are a lot of reasons why this may be a factor but when over 9 out of 10 couples just like them end up in divorce, they should know that in advance and start having some serious conversations now. If this dude could somehow make close to what she makes then that stat drops a ton, so my advice is that if he loves her he will forgo all the other crap and earn as much as he can. I know there are a lot of people that will say "I know someone like that and they are doing great!" Yep, they are in the less than 10%. I know one also. Having said that, people are starting to believe that over time women want to feel like they "got the prize" or be able to brag about their husbands a bit and it wears on them. This is why a very large percentage of these women cheat on their husbands as well. My advice would be for them to know this and to really work on this in their marriage.

[@ineedhoez]

You are incorrect about the psychological thought process. It is not about women needing to brag about their man. It is about the woman feeling like her husband is a child. The woman feels like she has to do everything for the child. Her husband feels like a dependent. Then you add the fact that women are breadwinners and still have to do majority of the household chores, and the husband just seems completely and utterly useless. Men are not known for their ability to connect emotionally, so most men don't need the emotional needs of women. Studies show that the more housework women do, the less sexual interest they have. If you want to keep your wife happy, Handle the chores or pay someone to do it and don't ever be her dependent. Nothing dries up 🐱 like living with a man child.

[@maddydavidsdottir9862]

Make a legal document that explicitly says fiance can have his and only his money back from the house account BUT he will never be on the deed to the house, it will be ops only because she will be paying for it. IF fiance can pay that money back, he can go on the deed also, op, GET A FUCKING PRENUP AND DO NOT LET FIL BE IN CONTROL OF THE PRENUP!!!!

[@des1279]

Jesus, some people do not listen to the whole story do they? I don't think OP should have to pay for her fiances friend just bc she's paying for her friend and family. That was something /outside/ of their joint wedding savings account. And especially for his reasoning, the fact this dude has done this many times and just /now/ is having some direct consequences. I just don't see how OP is an AH at all so all these ESH don't make sense to me bc none of what she's doing is AH behavior...

[@dimsufferer9951]

From what I can tell, the ESH commenters seem to think that all of OP and Tom’s finances are “our money”

[@VNCstudios]

She even said if it was any other friend or family member she would pay no questions asked and he is the only one she has this stance with.

[@lisakaz35]

I don't blame OP on story 1 for not wanting to pay for the best man's trip but how she said it was bad and unnecessary. "I don't really like him and don't want to pay for him" should be enough, no?

[@lisakaz35]

Good compromise by OP.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

OP's financial situation stays tricky. They keep seperate finances (beside the joint fund), but she gets to pay all holidays cuz he wants to work part time and enjoy life. What if he gets ill before receiving this inheritance? Or what if his car breaks down and can't afford a new one? And what if they get kids? Is she going to be the only one saving up for their college money? What if something happens with OP? Can she rely on him then, or does she have to wait for his parents to die first? Ultimately, she's working her ass off being unhappy in her job to have needed security while he's enjoying freedom and enjoying free vacations paid by her. I get that you can't earn both the same money, but hearing that he even cut back on hours makes when already having the lower income is really unfair in my opinion.

[@WolframKKM]

Sorry, but what I can't get over is how this trust fund baby has a sugar momma. Is OP entitled to anything in the big payout when he inherits? Because right now, she's paying for everything while he lives this easygoing life only because _she_ affords it for him. What happens if they split? She'll have paid for him all these years and he'll continue to have it easy because of his parents, which she'd never see the benefits of. Sounds like he's had it made his entire life with everyone else taking care of him, while she'll always have to bust her ass.

[@charmscale]

I hope the best friend overcomes his addiction.

[@cheskydivision]

So hubby wants to use their joint funds to support his looser friend, even if op’s income is bigger the finances are still not fair because fiancé entered the relationship without the debts op has and doesn’t have to worry about saving for retirement since there will be an inheritance.

[@jackierenee1691]

This happened to my husband's long time friend. He went down a bad spiral from senior year on. He didn't make it. My husband gets sad at times, but he says those were his choices. Even if he would've bailed him out that one last time, he thinks the same outcome would have eventually happened. Hopefully the friend of OPs fiance gets better.

[@JustLouIt]

OP has tons of red flags herself

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Story 1: I hope that if OP does refuse, she is ready to this be used in the future in case someone close to her need any help from him. She literally put "i'm helping MY friend. You help yours". He is your fiance. You are about to enter a joined life. That is a red flag ON YOU. I'd think twice to go on with the wedding if I was the fiance

[@FanFicnic]

OP reached such a mature compromise.

[@paulziiee]

If the fiance was saying he would use his own money separate from the wedding and house fund to pay for his friend then fair enough, but he wants to use money from their joint funds which isa no go

[@LauraHorrorshow]

Because you asked, Mark: I am at work listening to your narrations. I work at a dog daycare/boarding/training/grooming facility. I work with the unsocial and dog reactive dogs as well as with the geriatric and special needs dogs. I’ll be sure to give them all lots of pets for you! ❤

[@Chipper6811]

I hope there is an update in a few months to see how everyone is progressing.

[@dummygirl1201]

Why would you pay for a toxic mooch? It's your money, not your fiance's. If he wants his bff there, he can pay for him. You might want to think about why this guy is his bff. He can ask his rich family if he cares that much. It says something that he's expecting you to do it instead. What's next? Your fiance expects you to support him? Think again, girl. And this percentage system is not a good idea. Look at how he's taking advantage and expects you to pay and work more at a job you don't like while he works less and gets to do what he wants 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@ZoeAlleyne]

Ugh, "your higher earnings allow you more freedom" right...so one person chooses to work a more stressful, high paying job and the other prefers less pay and more enjoyment....and she should contribute more financially? Like, neither lifestyle choice is wrong. But if she is expected to make up for his financial inability she might as well get a more chill job and go 50/50.

[@bloonh8tr619]

Thanks for the uploads Mark, enjoy hearing you waffle!

[@pickle_pup8187]

OP needs to move her portion of the wedding fund and the house fund to her own account. I don’t trust the FDH to not take the funds without OP’s consent

[@georgegarvey7338]

This year, I had to let go of a friendship of over 45 years. He was my best friend, but I wasn't his. He was just getting meaner everyday. He said something about someone I knew that was a good man & at that moment I realized I couldn't deal with his screwing with me anymore & had an epiphany that this man was mean spirited to me. I just asked my wife about it & he was the same as this so called best man. My wife hated the way he talked to me sometimes. And she was emphatic that he was just an a** hole towards me. I hated to have to let go of him as a friend because we've been through some rough shlt in our lives, but I actually out grew him.

[@cupcakecarl]

Story 1: first red flag is that the fiance is friends with a drunk driver. He's not mature enough to get married if he seriously looks past that.

[@brandyanderson3522]

As the story went on I realized why the fiance is friends with the low-life like Tom. Because the fiance is full of 💩. We're talking elephant poop. Because the fiance starts to look like a really great guy when compared to Tom. Not to mention looking like a great supportive and also taken advantage of friend, by sticking with Tom thick and thin. They are both users but Tom is an amateur by comparison. This man has OP thinking that he's done this great noble thing of going part-time so that no co-workers have to be let go. But if he really thought about it the one who is being "noble" is her. This man will get an inheritance in the future. But what's that got to do with paying your bills now? So not only does he get to work less hours but he's also spun it so that he was the good guy by doing so. While conveniently overlooking the fact that by him going part-time he's contributing less money to their joint account to pay their bills. If OP does not wisen up enough to stop spending all her money on this con artist and she won't have those funds for her family that she gave up so much for.

[@paulinejackson5861]

This is why as a woman I only date men with significant wealth. Money is the cause for so many problems in relationships, dating rich keeps these problems away in both the short term and long term. OP should just ditch the fiance. He's not worth it.

[@ineedhoez]

At the very least, equal. Damn. She is subsidizing his life

[@xiimooniixmoon2988]

Why is she getting married to this guy? I wouldn't be surprised if she woke up one day and found the account almost completely empty because he gave tom a "loan"

[@dougmartin2007]

Something that jumped out at me is that the fiance somehow feels like he is responsible for helping Drunk Tom. Why? Why isn't Drunk Tom responsible for Drunk Tom? Also, how exactly is Fiance supposed to help Drunk Tom? Nothing is mentioned about him being some kind of addiction counselor. Giving a guy a bail out whenever he messes up is just enabling. So how do they define getting Drunk tom together, and how are they going to get there? It sound like there is no definition of a end goal, or a plan to get there. And it certainly sounds like Drunk Tom has no intention of getting better. Glad to hear in the update that the Fiance finally saw the light, and confronted Tom.

[@DisneyChar]

S1 nta, seperate your finanaces, he wants to drain your accounts knowing none of that money will ever come back.

[@jaysonpressley8642]

Between you and Lost Genre, I get my reddit fix. Id love to see you two do a crossover. That would rule!

[@MasterBuilderDragon]

I’m going to give everyone a piece of advice. Don’t go into a career just because you’ll make a bundle. Go into a career you’ll genuinely enjoy. You may not make a killing (not that high earning jobs can’t be fun) but you’ll be much happier. My current job doesn’t earn me a whole bunch, but I love the work I do and the people I work with are amazing. I genuinely look forward to each day. It’s much better to be happy and make an ok living than filthy rich and miserable.

[@Tailstraw_xD]

Sitting down and hashing it out, yknow, like partners, is the way to go. "My way or the highway" mentality doesn't lead to long and happy marriages.

[@potatoempress5731]

Nah I would have canceled the wedding, and told the fiancee to marry the drunk driver instead.

[@susankaempfer8427]

The drunk Tom saga; fiancé has 2 options; admit his lifelong childhood friend is garbage, or bully his wife into accepting Tom and pretend Tom is okay. He knows deep down how ridiculous this is and that’s what’s making him so angry. If hubby to be’s family is so well off, why doesn’t he ask them to pay for drunk Tom.

[@jimmyjohnjuan]

Story 1) nta but she is a red flag. She was allowing him to be the best man? I get wedding are a girls thing but the moment the cross the line of it's my wedding and not our wedding, I have to suspect her has a people. At the end of the day a wedding is not necessary and can be red flag is she obsesses over attention aswell.