Massages are Bad Gifts. Steve Soelberg - Full Special

You are watching the full comedy special "We Say Bim" by Steve Soelberg. If you're enjoying this comedy special, download the Dry Bar Comedy App where you can watch over 160 + Dry Bar Comedy specials ad free. The Dry Bar Comedy App is available on all iOS and Android devices and is free to download.

[@Psychlist1972]

In my house, we weren't allowed to say "fart". So my mum said to say "poop" instead. I didn't know, until I was much older, that "poop" meant something totally different. "Sorry, I pooped" had people looking at me in horror. Sometimes I think my mum was playing the troll long game with that one.

[@ashjb7624]

LOL!!

[@stefa7034]

:))))))))

[@xxjaynehodsonxx]

I had to do it.. I had a 2 year old, decided to get a puppy. It use to hide under the couch, so I decided to call it Tucker. Just so he would sound cute calling his name. You know what that sounded like....had to do it.

[@graceb7284]

My sons grandparents are southern & they say "Oh did you poot" or "I think he had a poot" instead of fart or gas for the longest time I thought they were saying poop lol

[@alexanderjimenez1698]

Use this bit on stage

[@melissasaint3283]

"Rub my aura while you and me listen to Enya" That's basically ASMR 😂

[@anne-droid7739]

That bit about the obsessive-compulsive tongue is hysterically funny!

[@bellaeva4348]

Anne-droid 😂🤣

[@thewanderer6444]

i had one of those for a few years in my early teens, i shredded my tongue. then tore it out with pliers :D

[@Psychol-Snooper]

@@thewanderer6444 I have removable retainer that my orthodontist punched a indentation in and for years my tongue would find it when I was asleep and wake me up in fear that I had a major cavity. Every time it was like "dude... Dude! Big problem!"

[@Kelarys]

I still have one of them, which is why I always carry floss in case of emergency, and when one comes up and I realize I've forgotten, my day is instantly ruined.

[@maddysydney]

The Facebook photo album analogy so spot on 🤣

[@ms.bkaraokeb4307]

This guy got funnier as the time went on. Hes so laid back and chill. He's HILARIOUS! I'm a new fan of Steve Soelberg.

[@acidwizard6528]

Agreed. His material got better later and built on previous jokes. Enjoyed this quite a bit.

[@magnetsoldiercephas331]

Yes I agree. A lot of gems on this Dry Bar channel.

[@gaylecook753]

@@acidwizard6528 ,

[@amber3574]

Definitely agree

[@keithbyrd1112]

Agree

[@jenjungwoon]

"i could have had a regular job... but this is too much fun." that really made me love him. someone who just loves what he does and followed his passion.

[@jacquelinenelson7740]

Hi u

[@danicatanner7698]

"Juice pouch", i'm dying!

[@airport862]

"Don't worry. I'm a friend of a friend." Haha

[@halomorningstar967]

Watching this late at night, keeping the volume low because everyone else in my thin-walled home is sleeping - and he got me laughing hysterically and I couldn't stop! It's rare to see a comedian with such a similar odd childhood, and to have the exact same familial smell sensitivity...It would have been hilarious anyway, but with it practically custom-made to my experience it left me cackling with tears in my eyes and sore tummy muscles. Amazing

[@adieldeedee]

1waa

[@effu9593]

@@adieldeedee Ditto!!

[@A.C.71]

The bit about the cat hopping on his dads lap and fixing the fact he smelled normal killed me.

[@krishoward1360]

This guy! We need more of this guy!

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

"I slid down on my bum, it sounds like I slid down the hill on a homeless man I own for some reason ..." LMAO I literally cried laughing 😭

[@thedizzyparker]

That freakkng tongue bit 😆😆😆 I have had that stupid retainer for like 16 years and I STILL do it!

[@keetopuffs]

I've got a kernel in my gum now while watching this and I couldn't stop messing with it

[@BigWinWinter]

This was a level of humor that kept escalating as it went on. Well delivered, well timed, very funny. Really enjoyed this!

[@mikerequadt9661]

Laughed my bim off

[@TheManifestationMovement]

I have a permanent retainer and this is the truest joke I've ever heard in my life.

[@elisabethclark9989]

He just wouldn’t stop talking about it and I was like STOP MY TONGUE IS SPAZZING OUT!!!

[@itsthemaggieshow]

Saaaaame. My tongue couldn’t stop touching it when he was telling that

[@miklotube]

For a PG comedian he is pretty funny. He has very good timing, cool pace and a clever wit. I will be looking to see more of him.

[@mosart7025]

Yeah, I love how he takes his time and is just conversational. sort of. Laid back. But then when he does ramp it up it's a nice change of pace.

[@rebeccareid89]

Like Nate Bergatze

[@rockforester7908]

I think it’s the venue that’s PG. In the US anyway “dry” means no alcohol. It goes back to Prohibition days. Some of these guys might give you a more blue show at other venues.

[@anahansen8909]

When he said "Its a bummer" in the accent joke, I really wanted him to say "bim-mer" instead

[@flexitarianbeanqueen]

same here! pretty sure that would've killed! 😂

[@GreybeardtheSurvivor]

Yep...me too.

[@graceoverall]

Haha, perfect. Hopefully he reads your comment and changes how he tells it.

[@sandrawhite8605]

@@flexitarianbeanqueen😊

[@ChristianSchu]

Yes! Me too. I was assuming he would. Great comedy either way. I love this video.

[@avamasquerade]

From one homeschooled kid to another, "clean comedy" is like telling the school bully that if they don't shush up and stop it, you'll kick their bim.

[@1ocalsanta]

haha bim i see what u did there

[@emilybishop9582]

😂😂😂 this is the most accurate thing I've seen 😂😂😂

[@MJ-sy2en]

What would the brim of the bim mean

[@desireekagan1885]

Hahaha awe

[@TheBlackAxe1]

Sooo, if you were home schooled, does that mean the school bully was one of your siblings?

[@eastsideterri22]

Juice pouch. I love that. I'm gonna borrow that too. I'd have never thought of that one. Lol

[@kellykurenoff1692]

Omg him explaining the gagging...... I was crying! 🤣🤣🤣

[@Elemiriel]

cracked up several times during this set. Loved it! He should be a repeat

[@johntao6822]

I like people who make the mundane funny; laugh at themselves. Very nice, kid

[@Psychol-Snooper]

Mundane... lava lamp? Chestnuts? I think he also makes extreme things mundane. What even is that ice creme story about? I think you'd need a behavioral sociologist to make that make sense! XD

[@johntao6822]

@@Psychol-Snooper clearly, he's good at both

[@Psychol-Snooper]

@@johntao6822 There are a lot of great comedians out here now!

[@bensoelberg6641]

@@Psychol-Snooper I lived it, and still don't understand why it happened.

[@Psychol-Snooper]

@@bensoelberg6641 It's stuck with me. All families are weird, but the baby bird story is hauntingly weird. Like a strange dream weird. XD

[@nicolarollinson4381]

I love this guy 😅 I haven't cried with laughter in too long. Thank you, man 😂

[@Joshua-ev9uw]

I mean he's good but you literally "cried with laugher" over it?

[@nicolarollinson4381]

@@Joshua-ev9uw tears of joy that I experienced laughter again. Exactly the medicine that I needed at that moment in time 😁

[@almamataboy4567]

I really like Steve's demeanour. So effortlessly funny. Had a really good time, thanks! 😂

[@j.bernard752]

I had that bear t-shirt years ago. I loved it! This guy had me laughing the whole time. Great set up and awesome timing!

[@NoniOfFive]

Just rub my aura and let’s listen to Enya!! I completely died

[@stevemcmahan8277]

“So I sat on my dad’s knee. He bounced me”. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

[@kelly2fly]

What a genius his dad was with the ice cream! Everyone gets the same amount of treats, the same waiting time, and there's no dishes to wash besides the spoons.

[@mosart7025]

Spoon. Didn't he say "one spoon?" Even better!

[@kelly2fly]

@@mosart7025 oops

[@MsFunology]

"juice pouch" is in my new vocabulary list. 😂

[@Victoria-dh9vb]

"Just rub my aura" So.... Reiki?

[@riaranta3150]

Victoria were cut from the same cloth 👌🏻

[@lableurose1747]

Chakra

[@GreybeardtheSurvivor]

Steve has a new fan here. I laughed my BIM off !

[@jenniferpiper4293]

Up down up down left right left right B A select....one up for Mario! Way to go, that was hilarious. We're normal! LMAO

[@iwantpizza476]

Him: *has a whole story about how he couldn't say bum as a kid* Also him: *starts very next sentence with "and it a bummer" AND DOESNT MAKE A JOKE OUT OF IT OR EVEN PAUSE FOR IRONY*

[@Musicphilsgood]

no I thought that made the joke sting more. If he pointed out the irony, it would have killed it. It was a nudge at the intelligent viewers

[@jeanettekniebusch9812]

I usually dont laugh outloud even though I think somethings funny and I ACTUALLY laughed outloud CONSTANTLY! I shared this one w several people.

[@user-or1ye3iz6d]

I laughed so hard at his accidental Facebook post!!!

[@ashfoderBJJ]

"I'll tell the truth. No squirrel stories." Hilarious!

[@erinmorrison9070]

Finally representation for those of us with permanent retainers!

[@AwesomeChickk101]

Very enjoyable stand up! The end stories about the ER had me in hysterics. 😂

[@jacquelinedavis4955]

I'm a massage therapist and this is the funniest stand up of heard on massage by far. ...you know what? Forget it you can just massage my aura Tears 🤣

[@DJElectraFry]

My favorite comedy show ever! I watch it at least twice in a row every few weeks or so? 😂

[@jessica_2468]

He really had me cracking up!

[@Positivekitten]

As a professional massage therapist, I’m very sorry to hear this. We look at our profession as therapeutic and healing, we’re not just rubbing on bodies, we are addressing issues with your musculoskeletal system. We are trained healthcare providers. Unfortunately, too many stereotypes about “massage parlors“ give us a bad rap, But many of us are here because we want to make a difference. Massage has many genuine health benefits. Please consider looking at massage therapy as a part of health care.

[@LadyVoldemort]

100% laugh the whole time!!! 😂😂😂 I love this guy, he's hilarious...reminds me to another hilarious favorite of mine, David Spade. 👍👍👍👍 Hope he'll get bigger and bigger in the future because I love his comedy style and delivery.

[@theboxofdogs]

The Facebook bit. Too relatable.

[@lukeben2131]

Is it just me, or does this guy look like the perfect combination of Kevin Bacon and David Spade?

[@annic7995]

Right!?! That's whoe he reminded me of, David Spade!

[@jmdmcarr]

I loved this! He had me in stitches! And, I just have to say I'd give anything to have his bear shirt. So cute!

[@Ellisif333]

He's hilarious. His delivery reminds me of David Spade.

[@NoniOfFive]

Yes! That’s exactly who I was thinking of. He almost looks like him. Almost.

[@melissasaint3283]

Except warmer

[@LadyVoldemort]

I was about to comment on that! 😂 I love David Spade, and I love him!!!

[@dontconfusetheboy]

Yes, but I like this guy a lot more than David Spade

[@chaeclark8118]

@@NoniOfFive No way, thats Kevin Bacon!

[@Luke-dg1tn]

As someone who just got an expander, the permanent retainer part was perfect

[@dawnlapka2433]

I grew up in military family. Lots of swearing. I believe I lived in the confessional for a while when I was trying to break myself of the habit of naughty words. That thing about home school and teaching hoarders not to hoard things anymore was great! I'm crying with laughter now!!!😂😋🤗👍. I'm an official fan!

[@jarleskogly8388]

That popcorn bit hit home. Its a great feeling when you give up, and then 1 minute later you wonder what's that on your tongue, and then you realize its the popcorn bit and it came loose from your gums!

[@shannonrobinson262]

Laughing so hard I’m crying. Baby birds...I’ve done this with my kids and ice cream.

[@jonathanstatham88]

So, I live alone and watch alot of standup. Like alot, alot. Keeps me smiling and happy. So, I like to think I am a pretty decent judge of what makes a comedian. This guy was really good. His delivery, the actual jokes, even the way he said them. He really got into the act skillfully. Very impressed, will be looking into the rest of his shows. MUST WATCH. This was really one of the better shows, you wouldnt be disappointed if you watched it.

[@graceoverall]

21:33 LMBO!!!! That is so me. I do the same thing. I definitely don't do well with bad smells either. LOL! Maybe because I grew up out in the sticks.

[@ezmeraldadudortoka7549]

Probably the first dry bar comedy special that I have literally clapped and left out loud at! Brilliant!

[@Viviosworld]

This guy is actually pretty good, scary date joke lol

[@SamAsm367]

Risque for Dry Bar and really funny without getting "wet". Very smart.

[@debz6110]

So glad I stuck with this guy. Yes, he started a bit slow, but warmed right up!! Funny, funny, funny!

[@DrewciferTek]

LOL!!! "i'm gonna keep that one" definitely a creeep hhahahaha

[@neldablanco1663]

My comfort level is fully clothed....just saying!

[@LadyVoldemort]

Same here.🙋 Full hijab, actually. Can't get any massages unless from my own husband...or cats. 😂😂😂

[@LadyMarimeya]

That's okay! Don't let a therapist pressure you to undress more than you want. While some techniques won't be effective through clothing, a GOOD therapist will be able to work around it and figure it out. :)

[@publicalias8172]

Y no comfort in own skin

[@meganluck4352]

Me too. I have been called prude over the years but I am totally fine with that.

[@robertschwartz4810]

How do you know whether you're being massaged or tenderized?

[@urbosasfurry2126]

Sweeney Todd approves of this comment.

[@normaalvarado2880]

It is one and the same. Re-liqufying stuck connective tissue allows you to move as you did when you were younger😉😁

[@jhariii]

"CHESTNUTS them is smooth" 😭😂😂😂😂

[@justrelax3743]

Hey Steve! Love this performance!!!!! You need to add it to your page so people can see how much you have grown/improved. It is amazing. I watched this during the Coronavirus quarantine and laughed harder than I have in quite awhile. Thanks!!!!!! Here is my definition of the six feet social distancing rule: 🦶🏻 🦶🏻 🦶🏻 🦶🏻 🦶🏻 🦶🏻

[@lovewarrior2329]

I'm going to school as a start-at-homeschooling mom to be an MA and just learned what -itis is.. You were close; it is a suffix meaning inflammation!!! You're making me laugh harder and more often than ANY OTHER comedian I've watched in years!!!!! Thank God for you, your heart, and may you be blessed and guided by His Eternal Love, Always, as well as those whom you love! Thank you, Brother! 🙏🥰🤗 Happy New Year!

[@judywright4241]

Love Warrior --Good luck on your home schooling. We did it from when youngest was in 4th grade & still couldn’t read. It was wonderful, slowed down time.

[@lovewarrior2329]

@@judywright4241 Lovely! Thanks for the supportive wishes! 🤗

[@benjamincloud4330]

"Just one little f-word for mommy"

[@ennamorgan9673]

A hilarious Kevin Bacon-looking-and-sounding David Spade style of comedian! Loved the chestnut bit!

[@Lisa-sq3zl]

Totally thought Kevin Bacon too!

[@waakkeuppp]

He’s right about that permanent retainer 9:37

[@YouKnowTheDuck]

Time stamp?

[@muppetallica]

@@YouKnowTheDuck 9:37

[@decyrano]

I thought he was talking about always being prepared for lawsuits... Perry Mason never goes away.

[@pamelacass9642]

I'm using juice box. It's perfect.

[@alexanderjimenez1698]

Juice pouch

[@EnlivenWellness]

This guy is GREAT!

[@a.taylor8294]

Thanks for being a totally kooky comedian! Doing completely unexpected jokes!

[@aliciahaley113]

After being surprised/traumatized by a massage, I realized how creepy it is for people like me who have PTSD. Never again.

[@eoa363]

😔

[@bsp5161]

Yes, totally. I end up talking fast nonstop (nervous(, or telling jokes. And it’s really awkward if you have sinus issues to lie flat on your front at the massage therapist or even chiropractor

[@amethysthyde9273]

This. I had my first massage at age 22. It'll be my last. No thank you.

[@kimberlyoldschool]

I think it’s the norm to not really like them, because it IS an odd interaction, when you think about it. I had serious muscle and tendon pain issues for years, and I’ve had so many deep tissue massages that bruised me (but also released the knots and the pain) that I will fling my near-naked body onto a table for ANYONE, as long as they can untie my knots. I think that level of comfort makes me the weird one.

[@thestonethatthebuilderrefu5231]

I did that thing with the accent to a very southern state trooper. He said " boy are you mawkin' me?" I said " naw, naw sir I talk like this all the time " fortunately I'd been making fun of this accent for years so I was able to keep it up

[@mosart7025]

Isn't it "tawk lack this alllll the tahm"?

[@_amaya.]

He looks like a good artist tried to draw Mark Wahlberg from memory

[@AnasCorner]

LOL, this made me laugh way too hard. *Because I was thinking the exact same thing*

[@e.mcm.9076]

Yes! He looks like him!

[@conanseibel4464]

Mark Wahlberg and David Spade.

[@davidyarbrough222]

7j78

[@davidyarbrough222]

You O_o:-[O_o8-)O_o:-$:-[=_=*\0/*o:-)o:-)=_=♡(˃͈ દ ˂͈ ༶ )(⊃😆👼🤦👼🤦🏌️🤦👼👼🤦🤦👼👼🤦 o((*^▽^*))oლ(◕ω◕ლ)(づ￣ ³￣)づ♡(˃͈ દ ˂͈ ༶ 🌻🌲🏵️🏵️🏵️)😆🤣😈😈😢 ʖ̫⊂(•‿•⊂ )*.✧( T_T)＼(^-^ )(つ✧ω✧)つ(つ✧ω✧)つ(づ￣ ³￣)づ • )⊃o((*^▽^*))o(･-･) \(･◡･)/⊂(･ω･*⊂)6.o

[@whitneyhaley6326]

Wow... this guy really did get funnier as he went along. Huge fan now.

[@user-cl6uj5bn2f]

"Rub my aura while we listen to Enya" 🤣🤣🤣 😭

[@BB-BA55akaMR-BLEGH]

"That is a BUMmer" will always have a new meaning for me... :)

[@flamingpieherman9822]

This guy reminds me of the guy on How I Met Your Mother! He is so hilarious!! Cannot believe how funny and witty he is at the same time

[@kcl060]

Omg, so hilarious! I was fighting back tears on the chestnuts part!

[@covfefecutiepie8000]

6:57 That's a "bimmer" to you young man

[@adeliakimsey4434]

Oh my Lord help me! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Definitely a Depends©️ routine throughout! 🤦‍♀️😭😂

[@hikikomori5]

I couldn't curse or use words with bad connotations. A few decades later I still look over my shoulder before I curse.

[@alexanerose4820]

Same hear mate. I had to "substitute" or outright ignore them the first time I said them thanks to my good ol parents but after all these years I can say I'm glad I've realized how... crude they really are. An example would be to substitute bull$#@! for Bolshevik! It's a real word and get's the idea across while beaing clean! It's a win!

[@eastsideterri22]

We couldn't even say gosh darn but every other word out of my dad's mouth was GD this and GD that.

[@JacquelineUnderwood]

We had the same thing growing up in my house, but my brother and I now just curse almost like sailors 😂

[@juliad9947]

@@JacquelineUnderwood We have to make up for the lost time 😂

[@roseanneyoung]

Oh my goodness. I choked on my watermelon listening to the Chesnut part. 😂 I was dying!

[@oliviakrause3336]

I have my permanent retainer for 15 years now and my tongue still doesn't stop checking on it all the time.

[@chess6602]

You’re more likely to hear the word arse in the UK, we ain’t posh 😂

[@bt7846]

No, you're definitely not.

[@nathanthom8176]

To be honest posh Brits love to swear as well and would happily use the word arse.

[@antonburger01]

This guy is so good! So smooth, great delivery! One of the really good ones on Dry Bar, don't know why he hasn't had over a million views yet!?

[@diosdehuecomundo]

I actually really like his outfit though...

[@overcomer4226]

HI IM YOUR DATE!!!!!!!! Hes a scary guy and I'm into that! Tear pouring down my face no matter how many times I watch it!!!

[@susanhowe163]

STEVE, YOU THE COMEDY KING!! I SHOULD KNOW CAUSE I'M CANADIAN AND THAT'S HILARIOUSLY ALL BY ITSELF. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@alondraramirez4668]

From far away he looks like Kevin Bacon.

[@mrupholsteryman]

I'm thinking more of a younger Michael J Fox...maybe just his mannerism... Thinking back to the future.

[@SIenderplier]

Discount Matt Damon up close :P

[@marque235]

I'm squinting and you're right

[@honkytonkinson9787]

I was thinking Tim Robbins

[@alew9684]

Wow great reference 👍

[@Trytocookthis]

Message from Jesus in his heart. Happy Holidays, everyone!

[@amyl3729]

"just come over here and sit on my knew". Omg i choked on my cereal. Hahahaha

[@user-iv3fp4gy1u]

I’ll refer to him as my David Spade upgrade! Great material and delivery!

[@debbie3762]

A cat they were holding prisoner 😂

[@michaelmci7778]

Yo this guy is hilarious

[@smashley5687]

My permanent retainer popped off after 12 years and the FREEDOM of not feeling that stupid bar in the back of my teeth was amazing! I went to get the glue sanded off at the orthodontist and he asked if I wanted it back in or if I wanted a nightly retainer. I chose the nightly!

[@chawndel8279]

I laughed out loud through the whole thing!

[@judithb6623]

why aren't there more comedians out there speaking the truth about permanent retainers?! :D

[@cheetahiq]

Currently running over my permanent retainer with my tongue. Darn you, Steve!

[@thedizzyparker]

Courtney Schroeder i was trying to eat a salad while watching 😆 you know what that means. Just flick. Flick. Flick. Flick.

[@marj012]

Such a great guy, hilarious, and so genuine also.

[@enrica1998]

Omg! I have that same accent problem. It's like a tik... I can't help it. I have to actively try not to speak the way I'm hearing. I wonder why that happens to people. Bill Engvall has that issue to.

[@Isabella66Gracen]

Me too.

[@CazialsChannel]

Same!

[@jvance6]

I do this too by accident. I get asked what country I from...from people with accents. Some autistic people also have this problem. I don't think I'm on the spectrum, but interesting to know.

[@granmabern5283]

If we do it well, they will just think we sound normal...:)

[@pst5345]

Part of trying to give a sympathetic impression.

[@guybrush1701]

Omg. This is the most surreal thing. I am LITERALLY getting out chips and salsa to eat RIGHT NOW and he said "salsa"

[@TK-ui2th]

"HII'MYOURDATE" 😂😂