Men don't want a challenge: his life is hard enough

[@psychacks]

Many women believe that a man will not respect them -- or consider them for a long-term relationship -- if she is too "easy" in the courtship process. This is not true. When it comes to their relationships, men don't want a challenge. This is because -- when it comes to the average man -- his life is hard enough. While men might need a chase, they are not looking for a woman to complicate their lives. Join my community: the-captains-quarters.mn.co Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzbin.info/www/bejne/jaO7c62HZ613e7M Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #women

[@PeterJennings28]

​@@psychacks Excellent point. It absolutely needed to be said. I have no interest in jumping through hoops and will just move on if that's what she's trying to have me do. Not interested in a chase either though. I don't pursue, I don't chase. I painstakingly built myself into the type of guy who gets it handed to me, exactly for the reason that I do not want to chase. They are all interchangeable anyways and won't like me as much if I pursue them so it never makes any sense to ever chase.

[@sami.1983]

@psychacks sir no one wants the average man.. who exactly is this channel for? If it's for average men, then most of your advise is null.

[@PeterJennings28]

@@sami.1983 bro, if you're calling yourself average, what do you expect your results are going to be? start believing in yourself more and take some chances, be bold. Stop complaining about other people's content, it makes you look like a victim.

[@sami.1983]

@PeterJennings28 im no average dude. But women can tell if you're average in status and $$. Most of taraban's content is geared toward the three 6's which most men aren't.

[@PeterJennings28]

@@sami.1983 good for you claiming above average. Now. #1. listen more to casey zander than taraban. Taraban has good points but zander is the one w/ the real knowledge. #2, stop thinking status is everything. #3, give up this idea that all women reject men who don't have the 6s. It's total bullshit. I'm 5'9 but somehow they all want me. It is a mentality, a mindset. Those 666 markers are meaningless when you know how to actually push a woman's buttons. Even if you don't know how to do that, the vast majority of it all is strictly your belief of yourself. Listen to Casey Zander for like 3-4 hours, oh, and stop getting mad or being upset at what other people do.

[@Hdhfhhdh]

If a woman says “ if you can’t handle me at my worst , you don’t deserve me at my best “ , RUN !!

[@Woofreestyle]

🏃‍♂️

[@crafty1098]

If I'm dealing with her at her worst, it's because she spent her best days accumulating baggage. Those days are gone and won't be coming back.

[@yahyame111]

😂😂😂

[@dont6441]

Run either way lol

[@JaySmith-pv2mw]

Yes! I HATE that phrase. If I really care about someone, she doesn't deserve to see me at my worst.

[@SpaceCaptainDR]

Her being a challenge is the opposite of being nurturing

[@JPs-q1o]

Any and all energy, time, and attention diverted towards BS, drama, and other manipulation is energy, time, and attention unavailable for a man's mission, purpose, and success. Why women get in a marriage or LTR with a man only to proceed to undermine his "being the winner" that she wants is beyond me. I mean if he's only a winner when he's not with you then how is that not an absolute "L"?

[@ladybug3380]

She’s not supposed to mother you, you already had a female in your life that did that. Her job is to make you stronger by pointing out your weaknesses, she’s trying to make you better than her so she can keep being attracted to you. If she mothers you she’ll lose sexual desire for you because she’ll view you as one of her children and not a sexual mate. It’s an interesting dynamic 😅

[@somepolishguy5977]

... and lets be honest at 35+ some days your mission is to wake up in the morning and go freaking with your day as sometimes you have to work with people you HATE (I earn good - just well - you all know the drill) - so at first sign of drama I'm finishing things - always - since 2 years - best decision EVER!

[@AB-yr2eo]

@@somepolishguy5977 i feel you man. i enjoy my work but i don’t always enjoy working with people i’m not fond of. having to deal with that stress and then deal with the additional stress by a “nurturing” and “supportive” woman at home is just unacceptable.

[@sirphil13]

I f you read "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering Masculinity Through the Lens of Archetypal Psychology - A Journey into the Male Psyche and Its Four Essential Aspects" by Moore and Gillette, the men born with a Lover or King's temperament are the nurturers while the Warrior and Magicians (women) have a fatherly energy, the roles may be reverse but the opposites (King to Magician, Lovers to Warriors) do exceptional well together as partners, and they both benefit by learning aspects from each other. That pairing has the most personal growth potential. As a dominate King personality type, I tend to look for magician type women, they seem attracted to the King types, and we both love sitting for hours talking about life and what makes it tick. The King cares about his kingdom and makes sure everything is orderly, and his people are well taken care of. I don't mind being a nurturing type, because I have the other three masculinity archetypes under my belt, like tools on a tool belt...she'll know I am masculine yet caring too.

[@petelipson3769]

Maybe at 18 y.o. when a man is still living off his parents income, sure, maybe chasing a challenging women is fun. But when a man gets into the real world and strives for above average income, gets his own car, home that he is fully responible for paying.........a "challenging woman" is just a distraction and inconvenience.

[@timbobill7279]

Exactly.

[@iamJro98]

Fact 👏

[@JPs-q1o]

Any and all energy, time, and attention diverted towards BS, drama, and other manipulation is energy, time, and attention unavailable for a man's mission, purpose, and success. Why women get in a marriage or LTR with a man only to proceed to undermine his "being the winner" that she wants is beyond me. I mean if he's only a winner when he's not with you then how is that not an absolute "L"?

[@MC-ze8wj]

I met my husband when we were both barely 18, and we were living in university dorms paid for by our parents/ student loans. He was my 1st everything and I loved him so much right from the start that I couldn't hide it from him and play games if I wanted. I was completely enamored and I cant evven explain the puppy love and infatuation. I was told he'd dump me if I gave it up too soon and I cried many nights after thinking he would because I did (on my own in my dorm) it took me closer to 6 months to a year to realize he wasnt going to and that idea (that men dump girls who give them what they want) was a lie, at least for a good man like mine. I dont think he would have apprecieted me pretending I didnt like him as much as I did and arbitrarly holding out even then...though I kind of feel like if you can accomplish that then maybe you dont like him as much as you think. Or maybe they're not an emotional latina like I am...I dont know. I just know I couldn't have played it cool, I loved him too much. That being said, I think it is dangerous, and we're christians now, so this whole thing is not what I would recommend...

[@somepolishguy5977]

@@MC-ze8wj if you would pretend you would put red flag on yourself. Big red flag. And men - we never forget - we may forgive - but never forget ;)

[@david-o6g1h]

My brother was a perfect example. He was a trial attorney in the state of Washington AG's office. High stress, high stakes. Married late, about 45 years old, was "over the moon" in love, thought he'd found "The One." After the honeymoon sheen wore off, he'd come home after 16-hour days to another battleground. She'd pick fights, harass him over trivia, constantly demanding attention, so he could "prove" his love for her. He put up with it for awhile before deciding there was more to life than 24/7/365 stress and needless drama. Divorced her and moved on.

[@Krunchtastic727]

The easier her life is the harder she will be on you because she is bored.

[@professionalpookie]

Your brother likes men

[@d53101]

@@david-o6g1h Sounds like a Bait and Switch bride. Baits you with the act of being a “great catch.” Then does the switch to how she really is after the wedding and honeymoon. Part of the Switch many times is to turn off sex.

[@GerardoDelValle.]

Amen ​@@Krunchtastic727

[@andrewbakescakes9684]

I'm just a bit younger than your brother was and almost made the same mistake recently. Girls want a "successful man", but don't understand that the more successful he is, the worse she makes his life with that crap.

[@Nathan-xr4gv]

I don't want to chase or a challenge. I'm not a child and I don't have that energy anymore.

[@vananon51]

The juice isn’t worth the squeeze. All the bs we men have to put up with is difficult enough; dealing with contentious women is like intentionally drinking poison ☠️...it will eventually destroy you.

[@vladivf]

most 40 year old women I know are children... how did we get here? I remember the late 1990s and the early 2000s well... back then women shared all kinds of burdens with men; back then they were true adults by the time they graduated high school.

[@MichaelBrown-wx6zq]

People learned how to wait and thought it also meant to compromise. They'd rather coast to 3rd place than contribute to getting 1st

[@Mrtickleberries]

I agree I think this one is just too tenuious. Reminds me of a time a woman said to me she'd read that men like high heels because it makes women look like prey, I said to her so nothing to do with making butt stick out then?.

[@ninjatemper8797]

Agreed. I think Orion is out to lunch on that chase analogy.

[@Spuddleme]

I encourage all men to learn how to say no. The sooner, the better.

[@beastinshow2362]

for friggin sure. hi, previous 'fkboi' here, until I abstained for about a decade. Humbug, but not jitterbug. Also, shutterbuggin' by buck 65 perhaps. Ta. :)

[@melenico4512]

Especially to BS call them out. Too many men let shit slide for sex basically.

[@johannesdolch]

@@melenico4512 Top Comment. Most men have never said no to a woman in their lives.

[@9StickNate]

I’m 51. I work long hours in the ER, but I get paid well. My job can be smooth sailing and then sudden chaos. My time away from work involves my rest, my hobbies and the preservation of sanity. I want to come home to a sanctuary, not a sanitarium. The last things that I want to deal with are meltdowns, hissy-fits, temper tantrums, defiance or any other forms of manipulation. My time and sanity are too precious. What amazes me is, there are women around my age who still play these teenage games. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.

[@jorisclaes2648]

And those types will never stop!

[@Nordic_Sky]

Yep, in today's age, women in their 40s and 50s are often just as demanding as they were in their 20s. And they are surprised no guy wants them. Lmao.

[@M0viLover]

*The juice isn’t worth the squeeze.* 100%!!

[@BlueFish-kq9fh]

" *... there are women around my age who still play these teenage games.* " Most adult women are mentally at the teenage level. The less stressful ones are mentally aged around 15, 16, 17. The worse ones are 13-year-old Mean Girls. Adult women who are mentally aged in agreement with their physical age are rare exceptions. They are the ones in successful relationships or marriages.

[@9StickNate]

@ Isn’t that the truth! The last time I dated I was 38, I returned to the dating scene at 50. The sense of entitlement is crazy. I either find older ones who still think they’re still a hot 23 year old with the mind of a 16 year old; or a seemingly-mature, entitled woman “not willing to settle”.

[@keyhansaldjoughi9613]

So glad my relationship ended 4 months ago. As soon as she said "it's not working, give me freedom "... I was like, where do I sign up. Blocked her across all platforms and went ghost

[@willemsleveille314]

@@keyhansaldjoughi9613 “Where do I sign up?..”.. 😂🤣😂🤣

[@professionalpookie]

That never happened....

[@niarlatotepbasset]

@@professionalpookie , okay, pookie

[@wyrlismike]

Stay strong brother!

[@brianwonderbread8854]

Respectfully, men don't want a chase either...I don't even bank at Chase.

[@maxfortefan2947]

You dont have to chase anyone. If she finds you attractive, you will know for sure

[@acefully4703]

Me too😂😂😂

[@BasedGym675]

I agree. I've chased women and have had women chased me. It's no fun having to chase. I don't get where people got this idea that men like chasing.

[@Davorox1]

​@@BasedGym675cave man days maybe

[@chipsteve]

Agreed. How do scorts make money? Yup.

[@knowledgeispower200]

I had a date this week. It seemed to be going well. She's spontaneous, pretty, smart, etc. But suddenly, she started talking about how she likes to 'stir things up every now and then,' 'mess around,' and a whole lot of other chaos. She also thought she could walk all over me. I didn’t text her back. I want peace, not a woman who looks for trouble when it's not necessary.

[@rayrwyr]

Good call

[@andrewmackenzie325]

You heeded the warnings, well done.

[@melenico4512]

That is ridiculous what she said and very immature.

[@dylanking1895]

You should have replied and explained it to her very bluntly, then stop replying.

[@tres5533]

Go for you bro. Saved yourself a lot of wear and tear.

[@ppumpkin3282]

The title sums it up pretty well, life is challeging enough.

[@JPs-q1o]

Any and all energy, time, and attention diverted towards BS, drama, and other manipulation is energy, time, and attention unavailable for a man's mission, purpose, and success. Why women get in a marriage or LTR with a man only to proceed to undermine his "being the winner" that she wants is beyond me. I mean if he's only a winner when he's not with you then how is that not an absolute "L"?

[@minimatemasterworks]

Every time I hear that line(against my will) from that Taylor Swift song "boys only want love if it's torture" I think of thousands, possibly millions, of girls that were influenced to have bad relationships.

[@chipsteve]

She is so evil and has created so much misery and suffering in the world, and almost no one talks about it. She is the epitome of Schrodinger's feminist.

[@Viktor_Bolsov]

@@minimatemasterworks Same, I never understood what she meant by that line since it’s possibly the most absurdly incorrect thing you can say. It’s like saying: “Girls are ONLY interested in NASCAR and hunting. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya!”

[@Reu8enofleon]

Aren’t a tonne of her songs catharsis around her latest shitty relationship? I don’t think her fans care about good messages lol

[@MakeCakeNotWar]

women tell on themselves. The lyrics to Dark Horses by Katie Perry are pretty nutz (catchy tune, don't get my wrong but the lyrics are just WTAF)

[@Ostenjager]

Taylor Swift should *not* be anyone’s relationship role model.

[@shojwiebelhaus1391]

There is also the fact that men know that certain men don't get challenged because women are hyper attracted to them and won't mess up their chance with him. When a woman makes herself a challenge for you she's saying "you need to prove your worth it"

[@taylorbostic6757]

Spot on

[@TheOlzee]

Yeah this is true

[@vananon51]

And if that’s her mindset, run the other way. No woman on earth is worth the headache and suffering of dealing with a contentious, challenging woman. No good a woman does is worth the manipulation, neglect, abuse, and stress if she’s a stubborn, contentious, combative woman. It’s better to remain single and at peace than to deal with a difficult woman.

[@MC-ze8wj]

Yes, this is exactly what I was thinking! I met my husband when we were teenagers and I was so infatuated from day 1 I could not have played it cool if I had wanted to! I was told to do that by womn in my life and told he would leave if I gave him what he wanted and boy how I cried because I already had and I'd told him I loved him in a flash too so I thought he'd leave. They litterally told me if you tell him you love him he will run for the hills. I couldn't have faked it though- I liked him too much! 15 years and 4 sons later; I don't think they were right after all 😂 so much unnecessary heartache.

[@m.m4982]

Making yourself a challenge and constantly providing challenges are 2 different things. Challenges are roadblocks that need to be solved and put to rest. If a woman keeps "challenging" you to "keep you on your toes" she's just making your life more difficult than it needs to be.

[@db3580]

To take it one step further...I think the key distinction between a Chase and a Challenge is the element of Playfulness. If both parties experience the interaction as Playful, it's a Chase. If one or both parties feels cornered or confronted or attacked, it's a Challenge. And when Challenged, men go into fight or flight mode....basically the exact opposite of what's needed for a positive romantic dynamic. Great video.

[@graemesutton2919]

Thank you. I am too tired for drama. I am too tired for conflict, being attacked , and unfairly criticised. I'd rather be single and that's what I am.

[@professionalpookie]

Do you even attract women?

[@SavMacCauley]

Women who are genuinely interested in you don’t require you to chase them.

[@julianterris]

Men should not want every interested woman.

[@tomaszstramel3594]

There are different women. Some love being chased by the man they are interested in. Which isn't too say a guy must accept it.

[@andrewmackenzie325]

Yes. The “adorer and the adored”.

[@andrewbakescakes9684]

I think "chase" in this video means "make reasonable effort". He says if a girl just offers herself up too easily, the guy won't like it. I see where he's coming from, bc a guy should wonder how many other men she has been that easy with. Too easy is a sign of promiscuousness.

[@cippuda]

Changing relationships one video at a time.

[@Mom_Luvs_Tech]

You are sooooo right! I’m pretty good looking but what’s made me very popular with men is that I’m nice to them. I’m respectful and accepting. I’m not rude or dismissing. I’m not snobby or shaming. This life is hard. And deep down we all want to feel connected and accepted. It’s so simple to give.

[@RyanPatrickFlanagan]

At this point the Doctor should be nominated for the Presidential medal of freedom! Awesome video!

[@gigarayden]

His heart is in a good place. May he live for many years and in good health.

[@crafty1098]

Hey, why not? Presidential Medals for everyone!

[@dongzilla1979]

@donaldtrumpjr

[@dhickey5919]

Men are built different. In a recent job the company owner expected high performance and results... or else. My boss walked out a month after hiring me. Shortly thereafter, his boss was called on a Sunday and fired over the phone. No one in my row of desks lasted three months. I worked hard and thrived under the same conditions. I gained respect and great experience from the few veterans who did the same. The crew were all men. Nobody cries if you don't make it. The girlfriend wasn't high maintenance, but she also had no idea the level of stress in my daily life. You just carry the load you're given. It would have been nice if she had my back and made things easier, but she was a strong independent woman. When she wasn't living up to agreements, we'd discussed for the future (after seven years) I finally decided to end it. If she was in my corner instead of against me much of the time we'd have a life together. Next.

[@TheLinkedList]

I'm curious, what were the agreements?

[@GrandChiefSmackaho]

A lot of the women where I'm at loooooooove getting guys to chase them, but you can see them get more and more depressed or panicked when guys stop responding. flirting is fun, but when it's all chase with no destination, it loses a little magic. Like: "yeah yeah, I've seen this routine a hundred times and I already know it's going nowhere."

[@Bill-xv9mz]

Dr. Taraban dropping straight-up truth again. Thank you so much, appreciate it.

[@mr.goldenproductions_0143]

Straight up BS on the ""chase" part of the video though.

[@StanWhitton]

I found the good Dr. about a year ago. This channel has influenced my life more than I could have anticipated. It’s my favorite channel and I recommend it to all of my friends. A massive thank you Dr.

[@JaySmith-pv2mw]

Same.

[@TheNotNormalPodcast]

Agreed

[@your_royal_highness]

Women’s lack of rationality (delusions) and especially their not being accountable is what really drives us nuts. I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times a woman has sincerely apologized for her behavior

[@tjhammer24]

the apologies aren't even true, they have a GREAT capacity for cognitive dissonance. It's innate. Survival instinct

[@crazymonkeyVII]

That's exactly it! A challenge is exhausting, a chase is exciting! What a great video Orion!

[@JasonF_1985]

Yeah, 39 and after years of chasing, dozens of rejections, thousands of dollars spent, and having to guess whether a woman is interested or not while she herself doesn’t know what she wants… I’m looking to be pursued at this point. No more energy or enthusiasm for chasing. Drained, disillusioned, and adjusted to not relying on anyone for anything. I have worked at building a great career, worked on my mental and physical health, and worked at dating. I’m over it.

[@adofominka8767]

You should not have chased in the first place. If you are chasing something, it means it’s running from you! Let it go! Only deal with women who are SEXUALLY attracted to you!

[@rayrwyr]

Only choose women who choose you.

[@melenico4512]

I can see your perspective. It is very simple man. Women that find you highly desirable and are attracted to you won't play BS games well not at the beginning anyway. Not saying this is right or wrong but men have experienced going for a coffee with a woman and 2 hours later he is having sex at his place. Did she make him go through hoops song and dance etc. Biology plays a major role especially in the initial phases. Don't get me wrong if you continue with many women, they start doing shit tests even after the sexual encounter and you're like really.

[@Nordic_Sky]

If you want to be pursued, head to SE Asia. That's what I did. It was an eye-opening experience, to be sure. At first you think it can't be real. Lol!

[@cosmopolitanbay9508]

I feel ya! The One thing I'm having issues coming to terms with is the insane amount of hours, effort, energy and money spent chasing tail. Irreversibly lost!

[@michaelbutler1557]

Orion. This is spot on. As a 62 year old man who was married for 27 years, has been through divorce in my late forties, have dated a number of women in the past 13 years since divorce, have my own daughters, granddaughters and sisters sisters and has a history good professional working relationships with women in my workplace (I am now retired) I think that your view on male/female relationship dynamics is very accurate. This article is correct in my opinion. Most men have busy lives and don’t have the time or inclination to put up with nonsense or games from women ‘playing hard to get’.

[@marktapley7571]

if a woman is interested in a man she will be available however once under contract the mostly physical attraction she initially had will often decline as she can now cash out and move on to another simp.

[@dangregory-ys2li]

This is the best episode I've ever seen you do. Praying this goes viral and actually gets out to all the women who need to watch it 🙏

[@grantcanada1]

My mom asked me why didn't she come over - and I said "She's just too much."

[@durandus676]

I told my mom how easy it would be to just never show up again. That helped a lot. Like it actually helped.

[@tbvv6729]

Sounds like my mom, she is difficult to deal with constantly telling me and my wife what to do. I’m so damn glad my wife is nothing like my mom.

[@markallen2984]

​@@tbvv6729 (in Yoda's voice: "She will be. She WILL be)

[@charlesg7926]

Lmfaooo. Bad women are annoying but so are guys who obsessively crawl up to “mommy” as an adult. Yall need to be men not boys

[@durandus676]

@ i visit on work trips to help her with furniture and yard work.

[@debayanghosh9228]

"The Joy of Conquering and the Joy of Being Conquered" - that was romantic.

[@hadeedahmad9465]

A Challenging woman means an ungrateful and disrespectful woman

[@vananon51]

A disrespectful woman is a cancer in his life. If your woman disrespects you and treats you like shit, leave her ASAP. No good she does when she’s not being crazy is worth the abuse and disrespect she puts you through when she’s being deranged. Crazy women are a dime a dozen; a calm and peaceable woman is a diamond in the rough. I’ve never known of any to actually exist.

[@steveos5112]

Pretty much MOST if not all women are ungrateful.

[@SpyKosis]

I had you on in the background Dr. Taraban, as I normally do, but when I heard the name Norah Vincent my ears perked up. Norah Vincent is a treasure close to my heart as she took the time to step into the shoes and befriend men in their most closest settings. I would make the sacrifice to let her come back and live a fulfilled life knowing she made a sacrifice to understand my life and how we live as men. She's a hero. Thank you Norah.

[@somethinderpsterious]

Um

[@crafty1098]

RIP Norah, may her memory be a blessing. It was devastating to hear that she passed away.

[@rayrwyr]

There was one girl who, for an experiment, pretended to a man on a dating app and discovered how hard it is to get attention. She barely got any attention because she used the profile of an average man.

[@SpyKosis]

@@rayrwyr I love those videos. There's a few now. If you just try to take the time to understand what others go through the world would be such a better place.

[@VishalBolarum]

I run a software company with my brother & we pretty much work 10-hour days Monday to Sunday. I employ 7 full-time people & solve challenging problems every day. When I finish my day, I have zero mental bandwidth to deal with anything else. So, if a woman gives me any unnecessary hurdles or emotional hardship, I give her silence.

[@melenico4512]

I understand I work in I.T Systems.

[@rvh1999]

There's more to life then only work.....

[@khanhcao3123]

​@rvh1999 work is better than a yapping woman.

[@freeman436]

Knocked it outta the park with this one.

[@JPs-q1o]

Any and all energy, time, and attention diverted towards BS, drama, and other manipulation is energy, time, and attention unavailable for a man's mission, purpose, and success. Why women get in a marriage or LTR with a man only to proceed to undermine his "being the winner" that she wants is beyond me. I mean if he's only a winner when he's not with you then how is that not an absolute "L"?

[@fencerd02]

I don’t chase. I don’t have time for those games especially with women’s inflated egos these days

[@melenico4512]

The double whammy is when 40 plus women become challenging. They are basically shooting themselves in the foot. Playing too hard to get when you are hard to want is basically a perpetual loop of being single. Essentially it is a carry over from when they where young but now there looks dont match the attitude basically.

[@toddd6563]

Started out chasing, all I found were challenges. Now a step back in my own happiness, reflect on my experiences and smile

[@gruntwolf7970]

Years ago, I rescued a 'damsel in distress.' I learned that they don't stay rescued.

[@brianrossiter6427]

Absolutely right. We don’t want games and garbage. We want you to be interested and be agreeable. That’s it.

[@JamTheHam32]

I’m glad you brought up the uncomfortable analogy of an animal predator hunting their prey. “Challenge” means an enemy animal, a “chase” means prey to be pursued.

[@roadscholarwarrior]

I told this to my ex-wife. My career is a battle everyday and is an extremely stressful and difficult career. I always have worked hard and when I came home I only wanted peace. All I found was chaos and ungrateful bitterness. Complaining, depression and anger was my gift when I got home. I had a lot of patience for a long time. I also let myself feel guilty because I always try to make my partner happy.. in the end it was bad for both of us. But now I insist on peace first before anything else. It’s working much better for me

[@MM395226]

100% Accurate! the "damsel in distress" had me involved in a 2-year toxic relationship with a narcicist. WHo was Damsel in Distress when it waas convinnient (needed a job, rent money, never picked up the tab at a restaurant) and "independent strong woman" when it was also convinnient ( never cooked, never helped with house work, never contributing to the relationship bucket) .

[@ma2000]

Frankly the chase is getting tiresome too 🙂

[@cosmopolitanbay9508]

was just about thinking that - I guess men, now better connected than ever thru social media, feel like their experience is shared among a vast majority with the very same conclusion: it's not worth it!

[@vampiro4236]

Why the hell would any man (or woman even) want someone who brings them pain and aggravation? I've overheard that "oh he just can't handle me/you" and I shake my head every time. Why should he have to handle you, you're an adult, handle yourself!

[@henrylicious]

Exactly. Circus animals need handlers.

[@d53101]

It’s not we can’t handle you. We don’t want to handle you.

[@tjhammer24]

@@d53101 Not even, it's in the "CAN" that our life-force....energy gets drained. It's wasted energy. Yes we can, but WHY? And those answers have dwindled into none over time

[@vampiro4236]

@@d53101 Neither the man or the woman should want that, we are adults, and should act like it. This line though... I heard it said by women (from behind a bar) for years and I never understood why it was said with such pride.

[@firstLast-jw7bm]

@@vampiro4236 if they stop taking faux pride in it then they'll have to face the reality they've been avoiding looking at; the fact that they haven't matured in mind since freshman year of high school

[@SefyaneAlaoui]

Men you are changing a lot of lives. Thank you

[@sixsmith7653]

Amen, amen, and amen. Any household battlers go straight out of the door. I’ve been there and there’s nothing worse than having your own personal adversary and saboteur with you wherever you go.

[@johnnyjohnn281]

I’m done with chasing. If a woman wants me, she’ll have to chase ME. I’m certainly not a top-tier man, so needless to say, I remain single. And I’m really happy about that. 🙂

[@tjhammer24]

I'm basically arriving at this at this point. Just turned 50

[@thebbcjoke]

An important missing reminder is that a rabbit that had its legs previously broken cannot provide a good chase.

[@jdtransformation]

THANK YOU! I really needed these little acknowledgment about my life this morning, namely: (1) “Most men’s lives are too fucking challenging already.”, and (2) “When men are suffering no one gives a shit.” I recently ended an 11yr relationship with a woman I loved due to years of trying to convey this very concept to her. When we inevitably flamed-out due to my not being listened to, ‘our’ entire community went to sympathize, nurture and validate the ‘poor’ woman… whom I was busting my ass for years to support while not being commensurately supported back. While no one cared about my pain or suffering. Thanks for what you do… it makes a difference.

[@rayrwyr]

Men are considered to be the "the rock" which means rocks are not expected to have emotions.

[@reynj7375]

Damn 11 years! I went through 5 years dealing with a woman like yours. I can't imagine myself spending another 5 years with her. It would have been the death of me

[@ElliotScottDating]

I always tell my clients that what men want is a challenge they know they can win lol. They want it to seem like it's hard to get you when in reality, they want it hard for other men to get you but for you to be nurturing towards him.

[@scottlang7025]

Not even this, we just want a girl thats straightforward no games. You are either into me or not, other than that I am moving on. As a result I have met my perfect match, 22 years younger absolutely stunning and zero games, a real partner in life.

[@RockJohnson2000]

I agree with the meaning of your words but you do women a disservice by even saying that men want a challenge at all

[@ShonnMorris]

if women only pay attention to one of Dr. Teraban's videos, it should be this one! No relationship I ever got into was with a woman who wanted to challenge me. That's a huge turnoff as if feels like I'm dealing with another man. A lot of women think we're looking for another version of ourselves in them. We're not, we want the opposite or more of an opposite to compliment us.

[@arvincabugnason6728]

True. If women knew how much struggles a man go thru to normal day to day challenges at work, business, life. Their effin drama is not attractive at all.

[@BodyByBenSLC]

You are describing my first marriage. Once I figured out it I started seeing through it and she was not as cute. Even after we divorced, she would call me "I am at a party and I don't know these guys, I don't feel safe" or " I have flat tire" and I would say "that is not my problem"

[@infonet1967]

Why were u still accepting calls from ur ex? That’s the problem right there, ur still invested

[@johnsmith-zd5he]

They made the movie “pretty woman” but have yet to make a movie “handsome man”!?!? Thats because 98% of men would pick a homeless pretty women up off the street and take care of them. 98% of women would step right over a handsome homeless man. Yes men, we’re on our own lol😮

[@jefferyalberter9922]

They’d make it about a gay man.

[@anjunatuna]

Love this. Thank you for articulating it so well. The best dances and the best chases are all about rhythm, trust, and surrender-like dancing in the rain. If it feels like we're trying to dance in a torrential downpour, it’s likely a sign we’re chasing the wrong person. The right person will move with you, not against you, making the rain feel like a gift rather than a storm to endure.

[@firstLast-jw7bm]

stop demonizing heavy rain, one of my favorite weathers it's not ok in current year to be doing this so casually

[@anjunatuna]

@@firstLast-jw7bm LOL oh I would LOVE some heavy rain right now but I imagine trying to tango in it would be agonizing. 😆

[@AYEcorolla]

Making dating a game like so many women have has resulted in this. Men aren't losing confidence with women because we've changed or something. Its because they're making this a nerve wracking mine field.

[@lucasley20]

Norah Vincent's book is great for women to understand men's daily struggles. Sadly, she's is no longer with us since she self deleted a while after writing the book 😢

[@Ostenjager]

That really sucks. I wish she could have found peace in life instead of death. The irony is she took the path that very many biological men themselves take to escape their own pain.

[@IslandCloud-k8s]

I cannot like this video enough! And they should know that the desire to chase doesn't automatically turn off when a man is in a committed relationship.

[@gbdjski231]

Hats off to you sir!! You really nailed it! Again! I just found a woman who doesnt play games. What an absolute breeze of fresh air! She doesnt hide that shes into me, doesnt play games and we have such a great time together without bulshit and games.

[@rayrwyr]

That simply means she is very attracted to you and she does not want to risk losing you. Or, she is just putting on an act, until you get fully roped in.

[@andrewbakescakes9684]

Let me know if she has a sister, *wink. But seriously, good on you. It's refreshing to see one of us guys get a win.

[@vipondiu]

I don't know, but I think the idea that "men want a challenge" is just a convenient excuse for being insufferable and/or to be an allibi for their propensity to generate unnecessary drama. As the good doctor said; there's a difference between a chase and a challenge, and I think most women are already aware of that, it's not a real misunderstanding. The chase should be over once the relationship officially starts because, well... the chase IS over.

[@hafizade]

Oh wow. The truth. Surely they’ll listen

[@sammyb1651]

🤣🤣🤣 Man that was dry! Salute!

[@ForceAlfaF1]

Dude! 👏👏👏

[@williamkimball4901]

Between being easy and difficult to deal with: (helpful advice for women) Don't be so easy that you aren't physically exclusive; don't be so difficult that life seems better being alone than being with you. That's the scale of appropriate behavior.

[@scottlang7025]

This right here, spot on ladies - just listen and apply please

[@LucretziaB]

Thank you Dr. T for the excellent, thorough explanation. It’s about time someone clarified the difference between chasing & challenging. You nailed it!

[@kirbythomas8637]

I felt compelled to write about my dating experience and came up with my four rules of dating. One of them is "don't be too much work for your date" and it points to the fact that we don't want to feel like we're at work when are with a woman on a date. It is directed at men but is good advice for women, too. Actual work can be hard enough - and if my encounter with a woman brings me the same feelings as my work sometimes does, then I'm going to want to clock out and go somewhere else.

[@MrHDProd]

She’s not a challenge for Chad and Tyrone 💯

[@j.m.f.g.450]

How in the world they expect that men figure them out while they can't even figure out themselves.

[@stavmgoo1575]

A man doesn't need to have his energy wasted by his "partner" being on the other team in a tug of war, he doesn't need to be thrown off his game by his partner chirping or trash talking at him when he is trying to make a future. If you are "partners" look up the meaning of the word.

[@rayrwyr]

If you use partner model, then the man has to he the senior partner, the leader, the boss. She has to accept his seniority in the partnership. 50-50 partnership means constant power struggle and eventual breakup or misery for both.

[@keithmorgan4883]

Only men who enjoy the chase are the ones who occasionally get what they want. If you constantly strike out, the chase is miserable.

[@AndyRobust]

I would say this to women: Don't play games. However, DO require a degree of reciprocity for the things you give to him. Life and human beings are wierd. If you're given everything on a plate, you don't value it. On the other hand, if you're constantly frustrated and unable to get anywhere because everything's so confusing, that too is not conducive to happiness. The best things in life are the things you work for, a little at a time, that reward your effort as you're making it in a way that encourages you to do more. If you've ever done any gardening, you'll know this feeling. Each year, the seeds and flower you planted last year begin to reward you, but also suggest further improvements. It's immensely satisfying to sit in a lovely garden and think "I made this place where I and those I cherish can sit". But it would give very little satisfaction to simply pay someone to come in and do the lot.

[@ihaurimadariaga]

That is very wise! And that is why I say no to late Saturday night drink and S-x dates. I get up early in a Sunday and plant some seeds and trees. At least I know some of them will germinate and thrive. So much better than interacting with a 50 year old casanova.

[@DragonNo1]

It fits totally with my own experience. This is why I totally left behind my romanticism with women. Those of them who incur into chronic drama to be saved, or those who need to become a challenge to make your life miserable in intimacy are total suckers to avoid. Run as soon as they show their colors.

[@GMacII]

3:55 - Dr. Taraban, I just want to say how much we appreciate seeing and hearing your enthusiasm in your messages. I remember listening to your earlier work when you seemed a bit hesitant to *fully* express your thoughts. This emphatic approach is exactly what we men need in our ethos. Thank you!

[@BeautiHacks]

Good distinction. These points needed to be announced.

[@wongel3950]

Men dont want to chase, what ur chasing is running away however we want to pursue WITH reciprocation

[@markallen2984]

Semantics: chase, pursuit, quest, hunt are all essentially synonyms in this context

[@crafty1098]

Men want a contract, women want a feeling. A contract implies value provided by both sides, and the terms agreed to up front. The feeling could imply anything or nothing at any given moment. When women need to feel Security, it means a nice guy who loves them so much that he accepts an increasingly one-sided and unconditional relationship. Telling herself she's out of his league means he won't leave her, he's safe. When they want to feel Attraction, it means a chad so attractive that winning him requires her to freely giving him a one-sided and unconditional relationship. Telling herself he's such a catch that her only chance is to let him entirely dominate her. Either way, these two feelings-driven poles are difficult, often impossible to reconcile. It worked among hunter-gatherer tribes where everyone lived in very close proximity and high mortality rates kept women usually in the Security-seeking mode. But modern prosperity and social media make threading that needle very nearly impossible. It forces a man in a committed relationship to consciously navigate Scylla and Charybdis: providing security to fulfill his commitments without killing attraction and being turned into a roommate. Running away makes a woman feel Attraction, for many reasons but especially because it proves he has options and therefore has been preselected by other women. Chasing a woman makes her feel validated about HER attractiveness, but casts HIS attractiveness in doubt. That fulfillment of Security also shifts her needs back to Attraction.

[@DannyBoy443]

This video starts perfectly lol. Love it. Men who DO want a dating challenge, either don't know better or are so incredibly cocky that they're in their own world w/ women. That's my experience.

[@thepjholden1]

I’m starting to think that ignorance is bliss with the ladies. With all of this information and my understanding I don’t think I can love a woman.

[@cholan0501]

TRUE, You can either love a woman or understand her, not both.

[@BoostWang]

This is painfully true. We are invisible by default and nobody gives a shit about us. It is a challenge by itself just to have a place in this world, and the last thing we want is more bull shit from our own S/O who is supposed to support us.

[@bronkonovak6555]

You knocked this one out of the park Dr Taraban, thanks for this, let's hope women get it because hope is all we have..

[@Nordic_Sky]

Just a quick note that disinterested means unbiased, as in "the jury must be disinterested." Uninterested means not having interest. Common mistake.

[@CanadianDivergent]

thanks for picking up the ball here Orion! we need to undue the toxicity of feminism. ladies watching, by doing this you gain a better life too, better than you can imagine!

[@TheLkoler]

In your summary you forgot to emphasize that this lesson is for those seeking long term relationships. Minor point but important to keep that uppermost. One of your best! Thanks.

[@mystykalmn4434]

A lot of men are going through hell already, so every Man wants peace and love at home.

[@brianbachmeier34]

We're all gonna make it brahs 👍

[@jamesgabele4221]

As men get older peace and quiet are prized more than drama; no one needs additional stress their lives. There is truth about "the silver platter" - some will suspect or perceive it is a trap because based on experience they know the strings not visible and suspect something is up.

[@crafty1098]

Yeah that was my thought. We want unequivocal displays of attraction from the woman but, having learned that usually doesn't happen for most men, when it's too easy we start to suspect a trap.

[@somethinderpsterious]

Prized more than *poon*. Men never want drama, we just put up with it for poon

[@crafty1098]

@@somethinderpsterious Just as the destructive female fantasy is the bad boy who's only good to her, the destructive male fantasy is the good girl who's only a bad girl for him. The woman wants to combine lots of signals of extreme high value, with a state of total security. 50 Shades of Gray: the tall handsome dark triad billionaire who exclusively showers a single woman with attention, validation, and lots of cash and reflected status. Notice that characters like that also come with a lot of mystery and personal demons that make them behave erratically. They want that emotional arousal that comes with drama and unpredictability. The man wants lots of indicators of loyalty, agreeableness, submissiveness, and supportiveness... and at the same time she's smoking hot and a total freak in bed with him. A good wife and mother who demonstrates a high level of physical attraction to him and a constant readiness to engage in reproductive activity. Men want their homestead or kingdom to be quiet and internally stable and secure; their hunger for drama comes from external threats they march off and conquer.

[@lexical450]

I don't want a "chase" either, fuck that nonsense. It still falls under the "playing games" category, so i have no idea how you could advocate for that in a general sense. At least make a disclaimer saying it's a personal preference next time, cuz it sure as hell doesn't apply to every men.

[@mr.goldenproductions_0143]

At least one guy with common sense in the comments. Thank you Sir!

[@andrewbakescakes9684]

Here "chase" means "make reasonable effort". If a girl was super easy for you, she might be super easy for every other guy too (yuck).

[@wyrlismike]

Thanks for telling women the truth about this doc! Makes me sad to know none of the women I know will probably see this

[@ttdsi5745]

Absolutely comedic, and quotable

[@michaelwellen2866]

So it's like the difference between a well-designed boss fight in a video game and a boss that just randomly kills you for the smallest mistake

[@zord1352]

@@michaelwellen2866 in a bossfight, at least you have a chance to win xD I would rather meet Illidan than my ex xD

[@ConsumeristScroffa]

No, because these things are not mutually exclusive in video games. Take Dark Souls for instance.

[@ハク-q6e1j]

@@ConsumeristScroffa Maybe the difference between a challenging boss and an unfair one?

[@Lex_Lugar]

Good take.

[@firstLast-jw7bm]

@@ハク-q6e1j dark souls vs i wanna be the guy

[@Dougytea]

2:37 thanks for saying it again ❤ because it really is. Definitely agree with the definition of the chase.

[@AgentThursday]

Your take on agape is off, but point well taken. And you're dead on: The last thing we need or want is another "challenge" from someone who's supposed to be taking the edge off all the other challenges we have to face in life.

[@thx1136]

"I just need a partner who can handle my intensity" 😂

[@whocarescrapsa]

They are confusing co-operation with being challenging. We are meant to be a team going in the same direction - not in opposite directions.

[@catsupchutney]

Taking the time to know each other, and honestly communicating is not the same as playing hard to get.

[@rayabe]

RIP Nora Vincent

[@margo3367]

I love it when you compare the chase to foreplay for men. That simplifies it for me. ❤

[@mikenuyen4441]

I don't mind a challenge, but I do not want a quest with dragons attached.

[@fanfanthomas9688]

Can't decide if it's good that someone explains them this, or if it's so bad that someone had to explains them this, and say it five times over 10 minutes.

[@discorabbit]

Wrong. No chase.

[@vela-rn2jz]

Provide services and be respectful.. I’m telling you, it is the recipe to a strong and healthy foundation. If you can be your partners safe space.. you’re golden.