Mind-Blindness 101: Why This Cognitive Deficit Causes Problems In Relationships

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--- Discipline for Defiant Teens on the Autism Spectrum: www.myaspergersteen.com/
--- Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: www.autism-meltdowns.com/
--- Launching Adult Children with ASD Level 1: How to Promote Self-Reliance: www.launchingadultchildren.com/
--- Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Kids on the Spectrum: www.social-skills-emotion-man...
--- Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: aspergers-mystery.blogspot.com/

[@steveluxecable3817]

As a Level 1 Autistic person myself, I have to take issue with one thing that’s been said in this video. Mind blindness is not the polar opposite of empathy. Mind blindness only prevents us from showing an empathetic response because we’re unable to decipher how someone else is feeling / thinking based on nonverbal communication and body language. It doesn’t mean that we lack empathy. We lack a mechanism that can TRIGGER empathy. That doesn’t mean, however, that we’re incapable of feeling either type of empathy, especially if the person tells us how they feel. Many of us are deeply empathetic. We just need things spelled out for us in concrete terms when it comes to how someone else is feeling. The idea that Autistic people don’t have empathy is a fallacy that needs to be done away with, as it only serves to dehumanize and slur the lot of us. Just my $0.02 for whatever it is worth.

[@fatoumfatoumeh]

Exactly. We have affective empathy, for eg., seeing someone we care about cry will definitely trigger loads of empathy and make us feel bad, eventhough we may not realize it’s empathy due to our alexithymia. Just give us abit of time to process, so that we can figure out how to comfort you the way you deserve to be comforted. It gets better with age, and a high functioning autistic person will learn how to respond appropriately and empathetically with experience. It doesn’t come naturally for us to respond that way, but it can definitely be learned! Just as long as the high-functioning autistic individual values their relationships and aren’t narcissistically self-absorbed.

[@chrisjackson9626]

During my diagnosis, we did the EQ assessment. I scored 11/60, but my wife scored me 7/60. Compromised 'neurotypical' empathy and social difficulties is thought to be below 30. I aced that sucker!

[@ivanramirez8145]

Thanks to this man I knows why my autism has made my life so hard, now I know why.

[@SgtRock-LeatherNuts]

THIS is my wife ... tried so hard to connect with her, THIS is a huge firewall for us :(

[@christinafidance340]

What I find that is just so stinkin’ odd about my aspie husband is that he will do anything I ask of him, BUT I’m often just blown away at the fact that I HAVE TO ASK! I’m not talking about stuff to do with emotional and difficult feelings and understanding how I feel and what I may need, such as me just needing a hug or a kind word when I am feeling down. No, not stuff like that at all. Perfect example…. We are getting ready to walk out the door to go to work and he’ll be standing by the door getting frustrated because he’s ready to go (he’s extremely impatient) and he’ll say something like, “Are you ready?” And I’ll respond with, “Almost. I just need to take the trash out and the cats still need to be fed.” And nothing. Unless I specifically say to him, “Can you help me so we can both get out of here faster??? Would you like to tie up the trash and put a new bag in the can or feed & water the cats???” 🤦🏽‍♀️ I just will NEVER understand why something like that needs to be asked!!! WHY??? And it’s not like it’s something new either since I could understand the first few times, but this is something I’ve stressed a lot since we’ve been together and since we also work together! Just the whole idea of working together or delegating tasks between us in order to get stuff done more efficiently. Oh which reminds me of another thing that sort of related that I also just don’t get - We live on a boat so space is tight sometimes and if he is working on something down in the bilge (basically in any of these little compartments under the floor boards), I cannot get by and it can cut off my access to another room entirely. So, I’m constantly telling him to please just ask me if I need to get by first before opening up the hatch. But NO! Instead, he’ll be ready to go and hurrying me along and then decide to go check on something in the meantime to make sure everything is ok and that the pumps are all working like they’re supposed to and then when he’s done, he will head straight for the door again and say, “Are you ready?” And I’m like, how the hell would I be??? I’ve been standing here in a freakin’ bath towel waiting to get into the bedroom THIS ENTIRE TIME!!!! UUGH!!! I’m serious. But God forbid if I am ever in his way…. It drives him absolutely INSANE!!! Yet, at dinner time, he will often start eating gis plate while standing at the damn counter (and remember…. It’s a boat so there’s literally only room for one person at a time in our galley!) and I’m behind him still waiting to make my plate! So, in the beginning, I just thought he was a complete @$$Hole and a lot of people upon meeting him for the first time so as well. It just really appears that the man always has his head shoved so completely far up his own arse that it is truly mind boggling to me, as well as do many other people upon meeting him too.

[@tonyahansen2188]

I totally hear you. I have always felt my husband thinks the whole world revolves around him. But now I know...it is just the way he is wired.

[@chrisjackson9626]

@@tonyahansen2188 thinking the "world revolves around him", I'm pretty certain is not how he will be feeling. That's your interpretation of it.

[@chrisjackson9626]

If you want stuff done, he needs clear, precise instructions. He is not going to work out what's in your head, nor will he learn from it. If you wait for him to work it out, you might be there for a while. I suspect you probably shouldn't be with an autistic partner, because you have absolutely no insight, which is exactly what we autistic folk get accused of. You're viewing this entirely from a NT perspective, with your NT friends to back up your preconceived ideas up. Luckily I have a fantastic wife, who has taken time to understand ASC and obviously I have taken time to try to understand the NT world, but I need guidance because it is not intuitive for me. I'm guessing this will be similar for your partner.

[@clayjug4893]

I don't know if it's for the same reasons but personally if someone tells me ''I just need to do this and that'' I would not help them either, unless they explicitly ask. Because I treat others the way I want to be treated, and when I want to do something, I don't like that someone imposes their ''help'' on me, it makes me feel like they think I'm unable to do it by myself.. So I also don't ''help'' others unless they ask. Maybe your husband feels like that too, I don't know

[@bereajohnson8906]

This info is such a gem! 💎 💯

[@jshir17]

*Can someone please explain to me why Psychiatrists say people are crazy for believing in telepathy, that their thoughts are being broadcast to others, or in mind reading but then say Autistics have a problem of mind blindness or theory of mind for not knowing what others are thinking or feeling like normals seem to do* We have empathy for others feelings even if we don’t know what they are; normals on the other hand seem to know what we’re feeling or thinking but don’t care

[@mreese8764]

Mental state number one the aspie doesn't get: "I just don't give a f* unless you flatter my ego and supply me with sustinence."

[@polarbearsrus6980]

First off, if a psychiatrist says people are crazy, go to a different one. That should never happen!!!

[@stephencolligan]

“Seem” being the operative word there. Many do genuinely care -,sadly you may not have experienced it,but it’s there in abundance ,I can assure you

[@christinafidance340]

Let me give this a try… “normals” aren’t reading your mind, they’re reading your actions, facial expressions, words, habits, patterns, etc. as a whole and inferring (some of) your thoughts and feelings. Telepathy would be possible without seeing the person, the other wouldn’t.

[@er6730]

I've come to realize that it freaks my husband out if I tell him what he's feeling. He also then kind of expects me to "read his mind" all the time. Dude. It's not like that at all. Looking at your body posture and your tone of voice, combined with knowing what you did that day and how you usually feel after doing it, it's a logical deduction. It's not mind-reading at all! I didn't even do it consciously or realize that you weren't trying to communicate it to me. So, if I don't know what you were up to that day, combined with very neutral body language, there's no way I can tell how you feel. But to him, it's the same. It's creepy to him that sometimes I can "see inside his brain" and offensive to him that sometimes I "ignore his feelings" when there was no indication of them. So now I try not to mention his feelings. I can see how it would be uncomfortable to be told "you're disappointed about A and you're hurt by B" and I deny it, only to figure out several hours later that yes, it's true. Better for me not to put him in that position. At most, I'll ask, "do you feel...?" And if he clearly does but denies it, I just accept his answer without believing it myself.

[@stylus2253]

My wife told ME she thought she and my daughters were on the spectrum to some degree. Compound this with death of a son, probable hypothyroid and zero libido from forever, PTSD for sure, adrenal fatigue, and Lyme disease. I'm dead, yet I live.

[@southernsoul152]

I’m so sorry.may I ask who has the hypnothyroid,ptsd,lyme,libido issues? You or your wife...

[@cathyarnett520]

Please seek help... you are possibly feeling overwhelmed right now... the death of a child alone... without the Lyme ( my son has this) can greatly impact your whole familial relationship... I lost a sister many years ago... along with her daughter ... I sought help years later... but, I’ve also worked in the mental health field ... don’t lose hope... reach out!

[@Intensive_Porpoises]

If neurotypical people can automatically interpret the needs, desires, feelings, beliefs, goals and purposes of other people.. why is there so much conflict and misunderstanding among people?! Surely you just perceive the other person's feelings and perspective and the matter is settled. Or is it all bullshit and you only _think_ you can read people's minds.

[@RealHero101111]

because it could all be made up poopies for selfish reasons or maybe they attribute their worldview thinkin that everyone thinks like that and are extentions of themselves.