Mitch Hedberg Lays Out the Perfect Pizza Franchise

Mitch Hedberg explains why turkeys piss him off, details his ideas for his pizza franchise and guesses the true motivations of people who hand out flyers.
About Comedy Central Presents:
These half-hour specials showcased some of the best up-and-coming comedians of the moment. The show was a pivotal stepping stone for many of today's stand-up stars, including Dave Chappelle, Patton Oswalt, Amy Schumer, Jim Gaffigan, Kevin Hart, Zach Galifianakis, Dane Cook, Bill Burr, Wanda Sykes and Maria Bamford.
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[@standup]

Want more Mitch Hedberg? Watch more here: kzbin.info/aero/PLZAW5O34QidZrsUBIYcTv0IETvkPri_xA

[@glomargadaffi2129]

Normalize the audio. That stinger at the end blew my brains out.

[@williamwilliams7697]

P L 0pp Lllp:

[@stevetancredi6034]

Thank you for this

[@greenyawgmoth]

I used to love Might Hedberg. I still do, but I used to, too.

[@prod6mill.512]

greenyawgmoth 🤣

[@nosuchluck9477]

This comment will be fixed during editing. These words will be removed and new ones will be inserted!

[@mitchellmcglamry2074]

That was awesome

[@Patchaddictedpolymath]

Reminds me of something Woody Harrelson said

[@lemongavine]

I see what you did there. You’re a real fan.

[@blupunk01]

"If you're flammable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit." I said this to someone not two months ago. Some of Mitch's best lines never leave my head.

[@ae4164]

"An escalator cannot break, it can only become stairs." Mitch Hedberg's wisdom makes Confucius look like Jaden Smith.

[@wvu05]

@@ae4164 "Escalator is now stairs. We apologize for the convenience."

[@byte01010101me]

I guess when an elevator breaks it turns into a closet.

[@dutchdykefinger]

@@byte01010101me that, or a bullet train to hell morphing into an oversized casket, depending on high up you are and how badly it breaks.

[@JohnWalker-sn9fq]

"Dogs are always in the push up position."

[@user-pg7uj4bp4q]

"I never take drugs, I always pay for them."

[@meganperreault5191]

The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence) Movie Review

[@vipr1142]

He had 100% Swedish humor. His father must had joked alot with him with Swedish jokes.

[@nic00001]

@Lisa Surlie you're weird for that one fam

[@bajenbilly]

@Lisa Surlie did you even get the joke lmao wtf

[@RinnzuRosendale]

@Lisa Surlie just popping in a year later to point out what an awful person you were here. 😉

[@JustWasted3HoursHere]

My favorite Mitch routine is where someone says "Here's a picture of me when I was younger" and Mitch says "ALL pictures of you are from when you were younger!"

[@JustWasted3HoursHere]

@Micah Mcgaffin Are you sure? because I seem to remember that he told the story as someone said this to him. It would be nigh impossible to find that sketch again...

[@JustWasted3HoursHere]

@Micah Mcgaffin Nobody says it to him on the stage, true, if that's what you mean. But Mitch says that a person said this to him and he also says how he replied. I'm 87% confident that this is what happened. :^P

[@JustWasted3HoursHere]

@Micah Mcgaffin Hey! I found it!: kzbin.info/www/bejne/fnSYl4yie9Wro9E He says "One time a guy handed me a picture and said 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when you were younger."

[@trajectoryunown]

Mine is "I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too!"

[@JustWasted3HoursHere]

@@trajectoryunown Yep, that's a good one. Really a bummer that he was so into drugs (heroin was his drug of choice if I remember correctly). Killed him in the end. Way too young and too talented.

[@Alejandro_87]

"I played in a death metal band. People either loved us or they hated us, or they thought we were okay."

[@LordMurdocka]

“That joke was better than you acted”

[@LoveKeepsGiving]

One of the best jokes ever! Which means meh, just another Mitch Hedberg quote.

[@vgothvgoth3219]

Every time I'm handed a flyer i think of Mitch...man i miss him! I don't think I've ever quoted someone as much...i never get tired of him even after watching for years

[@joleneangelicsingarrett5837]

RIP Mitch... You were a legend without even knowing... You are proof people can work thru anxiety and do their thing... Love ya man... Xoxo

[@GodinSpace]

Well apparently he couldn't work through it lol

[@joleneangelicsingarrett5837]

@loserface everyone has their own demons one way or another... The fact he ever got on stage in the first place is impressive... Xoxo

[@GodinSpace]

@@joleneangelicsingarrett5837 well you sure are fun at parties

[@joleneangelicsingarrett5837]

@loserface always... xoxo

[@xavierbennett3248]

What happened to him?

[@jtoms3]

"People either loved us or hated us....or they thought we were okay." 🤣

[@matthewnewberry3172]

"I dont believe in cell phones or beepers. I just hang out with everyone I know all the time. When someone needs to get ahold of me, they just say; Hey Mitch! And I turn my head slightly." R.I.P you funny mother you.

[@PoisondBacon]

Nobody can make me laugh as hard as this goofy bastard. Rest in peace. So glad he fought through his anxiety to share his hilarious jokes accompanied by perfect timing.

[@atheismgaming17]

For me, John Mulaney matches him. R.I.P Mitch Hedburg

[@staceymarie6895]

When ever I'm depressed I listen to KZbin videos of Mitch Hedberg. A genius. Gone too soon.

[@dimitrismith5496]

Katch up the broad way is right round the corner bae

[@whitemike1221able]

An escalator can never be broken, it just becomes stairs! Sorry for the convenience 🤣🤣🤣 I miss mitch so much, truly amazing stand up.

[@Rookseven7]

I think that line every time I see a broken elevator!!

[@greenyawgmoth]

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.

[@mitchellmcglamry2074]

My favorite comedian

[@holycrapchris]

The ending is cutoff. After the audience laughs, "You guys are a smart crowd. When I play the dumb crowds, I need to change that last line to, _man, you got a lotta shit on your head!_ "

[@edgarvalencia9639]

"Turkey's, just be your selves "😂 😎😂

[@phise1]

Absolute LEGEND! Miss you everyday Mitch, you rocked the comedy scene with your overtly simple delivery yet brilliant take on the most mundane subjects is still unmatched. RIP KING.

[@googleisillukinati8071]

TECHNOLOGY!

[@jamesr8738]

Hahaha I just saw a cinnamon roll candle yesterday. Mitch was years ahead of the times.

[@krowwithakay]

I wish Mitch was still alive, he’s my absolute favorite comedian. Most underrated comedian

[@MysteryScienceGaming]

that fire exit joke is just stellar.

[@pillar81]

"A lot of death metal bands had intense names like Rigor Mortis, or Mortuary, or Obituary. We weren't that intense. We went with Injured. Later on we changed it to Acapella...as we were walking out of the pawn shop." That had to simmer a bit in the audience brains until they got it.

[@Shredulex]

... I've listened to Mitch for years and I still don't get the A Capella pawn shop part...

[@karlinchina]

@@Shredulex Seems like kind of a bad joke. They pawned the instruments so they had to become A Capella? I think.

[@Shredulex]

@@karlinchina Ooooooh. Went right over my head.

[@pillar81]

@@karlinchina You got it. Circle gets the square.

[@Nick30468]

I thought I'd heard all of his jokes, but this one I seem to have missed. I thought it was hilarious.

[@SavagesInMyTown]

he told like 20 jokes in 5 minutes lol respect

[@moedoesdiys1880]

There has never been a better comedian! I’m so glad to see he’s still going thru his shows. He lives on! the best!!! 🙌🏼

[@RS-ec6ik]

He died

[@merisonola]

*An escalator can never break. It just becomes stairs.* Legendary.

[@CountArtha]

"Later we changed it to A Capella, as we were leaving the pawn shop." Took the audience a second to get that one. :D

[@lawrencegenereux8567]

@Paul Turnbloom Really?

[@SovereignMoney]

They didn’t buy any pawned instruments?

[@vanhopecomedy]

Okay I had to read the comments to get it. Mitch was way ahead of his time.

[@barryanderson3910]

@Colton Moore The reason they didn't get it is that they were trying to relate it to his previous comment about extreme names, and it really wasn't related.

[@JeffWarren47]

@Kent Kerr I'm a new COMIC and Mitch was/is my inspiration.Id love ur OPINION.SUBSCRIBE if u LIKE. kzbin.info/www/bejne/oWbdgGpogLR1mKuV

[@jaygroomes1357]

I love how real this guy is

[@killibeats]

gottdamn that dude at 3:00 was loving this

[@gracjanrotke]

Mitch is killing it!!! ...glad I got to see him live

[@andrewbowman4010]

Yeah..... He killed himself....... 🤣😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

[@gracjanrotke]

@@andrewbowman4010 not fucking funny! Poor choice of words! ... disgusting fumor!

[@andrewbowman4010]

@@gracjanrotke 😂😂😂 a little sensitive there aren't we? I mean honestly, if you love stand up comedy and that offended you, then idk what to tell you. 😂😂😂

[@cinnamongirl3070]

"You have a lot of nerve." "Well, you have a lot of cranium accessories." 🤣

[@DJ-ys9pv]

Cool to put a face to the voice lol didn’t realize I even knew who he was when I clicked the vid it wasn’t until he stared talking. Unmistakable cadence and style

[@sloppydice1215]

Hands down, the best quotes I’ve ever used during common bar conversations was from Mitch

[@gabrielcarter3936]

‘When someone hands you a flyer it’s like they’re asking YOU to throw it away’ 😂😂

[@TieDef]

I love those slow burn jokes. You're so used to a different kind of storytelling from stand up comedians that it can take a second to realize that you've already heard the entire joke; you have to replay it in your head real quick before you can laugh.

[@MrBaronCabron]

Tbf, this is the complete opposite of a slow burn. Watch Stewart Lee Pear Cider for a "slow burn". Love Mitch tho

[@disterbed7104]

the man the legend the king of 1 liners

[@SpaceExplorer4430]

What about Chandler from friends? 😂

[@nihilist6008]

@@SpaceExplorer4430 what about no.

[@SpaceExplorer4430]

@@nihilist6008 how about no, to you

[@travim4314]

He was the best. Still laughing at the same jokes after all these years.

[@derekb8866]

"I used to smoke pot, I still do. But i used to too..."

[@filmfelineadmin]

Nice avatar haha you're a cefolopoid

[@MrPantheren]

like every three months i get the line “and they all want SUNCHIPS” stick in my head… this guy made such an impact on me unknowingly

[@mattmarzula]

Got any more sad stories with atrocious grammar?

[@MrPantheren]

Matt Marzula heck yeah! my newest sad story is ur miserable life

[@gregdahlen4375]

different kinda earworm

[@omegachuy]

Here you throw this away! 😂

[@tmac8892]

Escalators never break. They become stairs.

[@Jim73]

love this guy. I wish he was still here telling jokes

[@birrdman928]

Mitch: I hate turkeys Me:💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

[@shootits48]

He's my favorite comedian, i know his stuff by heart. 🤣

[@dwyanejordan234]

We need a movie about Mitch. Evan Peters would do an amazing job

[@BubbaZen10]

Makes me smile every time i watch him.

[@yomomma4270]

I said, 'Hey! You got a lot of... cranium... accessories.'

[@ALWTunes]

I still constantly quote Mitch among friends and family. Still a legend to me.

[@braptor87]

Im sorry that your standards for legends is so low.

[@charleshoughton100]

I'm so thankful for this man

[@thai7em]

RIP Mitch still one of my most favorite comedians.

[@jeffnaslund]

The Kurt Cobain of comedy

[@mchikos]

Jeff Naslund too tru!

[@doofus0123]

absolutely Perfect description.

[@georgeholt325]

Nice one.

[@resident_alien595]

Nailed it. He was exactly that.

[@Time4House]

Absolutely

[@raykehr1832]

RIP Mitch Hedberg. Loved this guy.

[@Rob_Kates]

I loved his delivery.

[@joejitsu034]

Gone but never forgotten ❤️

[@nillathrilla]

GOAT!! the best ever, still missed. I still listen to his specials

[@aaronhickman192]

Yankee Candle owes his estate some bills

[@EsenJolie]

i luv 2 rewatch Mitch Hedberg jokes 🔥🔥🔥

[@TheGreatBoomy25]

Call it irony, but Mitch passed on April 1st. Even making a joke out his last day, genius.

[@alburnett75]

This man was so underrated 😧 love me some Mitch ❤❤❤

[@tendersheep667]

I miss this hilarious man! He left Earth far too soon! I hope God laughs daily with you up in the clouds!

[@3daypriest]

God laughing in the clouds. You’re funny.

[@tendersheep667]

@@3daypriest I can only imagine he laughs, why else would he take so many hilarious people so early in their lives?

[@AngryJT]

He left when he felt it was appropriate.

[@notafan1139]

@@AngryJT nope he slammed Vicodin and oxy because he was an unchecked addict that's the beginning and end of that story no divine intervention, no choices taken just a drug addict doing what drug addicts do best.

[@binarylifestylez]

@@notafan1139 glad you can share you're godly sense of morality fucking bum 😂

[@FRATZROCKET]

Brilliant. Miss this guy so dam much.

[@Doomreb]

*RIP Mitch Hedberg*

[@SomeRightGuy]

3:58 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👍

[@joanrey6103]

Rip legend

[@mossymoose8920]

You could see he was a lot more chill on stage in these later clips

[@jhyland87]

"I use to draw you..." "Because i was under the impression that mustard stain came out" Hahaha

[@cp_digital]

you can't tell from this clip but This is the special that Mitch bombed bombed doing. At one point during this special he sits on the stairs and says "this is going horribly" 😂😂😂

[@robertbeauchamp4031]

don't worry be happy I was wondering if this was that special.

[@stephencarmickle]

I love watching that video, he turns the crowd around about half way through.

[@jordanrodriguez6412]

Yah of course he did. He wasnt that funny.

[@Fresh_Biscuits]

@@jordanrodriguez6412 your opinion is wrong.

[@lawrencegenereux8567]

@@Fresh_Biscuits Your opinion is right.

[@Paineinyourblank]

Man I love Mitch Hedberg..

[@digitalrea]

This guy's a legend 👏

[@lander77477]

Hey the last part of that joke was cut out, he then says "This is a smart crowd, when I play the dumb crowd I gotta say, you gotta lot of shit on your head"

[@bobjr8658]

I never got to meet him or see him live but man I really miss something

[@cup_and_cone]

I remember seeing this on TV years ago.

[@flynnswagmire4303]

Best to ever do it.

[@samuelrobertson1567]

I'm still laughing at the first joke. I can't get pass that shit lol

[@tylerphillips503]

Twitter needs Mitch

[@mattmarzula]

Too bad he died before it was a thing.

[@raysmusic49]

Loved that guy!

[@DaBirdman1989]

This man taught the wonders of baked potatoes.

[@gregdahlen4375]

potatoes that smoked a lotta pot?

[@Grimblenork]

Honestly injured would be an awesome metal band name

[@grepfermin9353]

Absolute legend

[@KellyTaylorGuy]

I got to talk to him after a show once. "Hey Mitch. I just saw you at OU...You were great". I can't remember if he said "thanks" or "alright" but he replied and smiled.

[@noisepollution4473]

Legendary.

[@THX11458]

It's funny how life imitates art - today they sell candles that smell just like cinnamon rolls when you light them.

[@hihowsitgoing2867]

T. Gorbach shitty scented candles are neither life nor art lmao

[@yukimaruzam]

And now roommates wake up with false hopes

[@InstantSoop]

Hi, How’s it going? Right over your head. The “art” is the comedy by Mitch, the “life imitating art” are the Cinnabon candles being created after Mitch made that joke. Hence life imitating art...

[@VaultRadio]

And most of those stoner thought memes are literally things Mitch would say

[@MrAdriaxe]

A good idea is a good idea forever.

[@briancooper2112]

Mitch was funny as hell.😎

[@wherestheovenmit8466]

I love how random he was

[@bridgetstoli2347]

that boy is high af

[@BlazRa]

His bit about turkeys can apply to pears as well they put pear juice in everything

[@darkswim8686]

A legend.

[@blackgoatwithathousandyoun5785]

LOL at the noise someone makes at 1:25 "Wahhhhhh"

[@JD-ns9mr]

What kind of cigars do you like? Its a boys 😂😂😂

[@monkadelic13]

I kept my receipt for the donut, but still dont know why ink and paper was added to this deal

[@StONed-mb1iv]

'...a lot of..... cranium accessories?'

[@onjofilms]

Jesus Christ, that final sound blew my speakers. Or I'm deaf now.

[@KidYoureAHomo]

Laugh Factory does the same thing

[@JohnSmith-dq4dx]

@@KidYoureAHomo Yeah it's their new policy, it's called "Pay for the show or your ears will explode".

[@tinytanks]

MISS YOU, MITCH!

[@mikegeiler2347]

236 people were under the impression that the “mustard” stain came out

[@cjjones258]

Now I'm hungry for pizza

[@dainhuston]

I forgot all about the lot of cranium accessories. The 90's my friends my boss at the time everybody would share their favorite Mitch joke

[@user-ll2ui6nk1s]

Perfect

[@GeoffNelson]

Mitch was a once in a generation comedian. We miss him.

[@erikprestonTV]

Wow, the sound effect at the end are loud.

[@nes868]

My fake plants died because I forgot to pretend to water them - Mitch

[@Bikewithlove]

Great clip! It might be a good idea to raise the volume on Mitch, and lower the outro sound effect at the end.

[@killercaos123]

CLASSIC COMEDY

[@BaconTomatoCheese]

Turkeys… Man - just be yourselves!