How To Improve Your Inner Voice - Ethan Kross

[@ChrisWillx]

One of my favourite podcast moments this year at 1:07:07

[@Phillyprnc]

I was a bit stressed dealing with some chatter tonight when I started watching your video. The maid bring you the water was the perfect tonic. I jotted down a lot of information from the conversation. All very helpful but cracking up as she brought you the water was instant relief. I`m still smiling while I write this. Great Podcast! Thanks.

[@CONEHEADDK]

If this guy's explanation isn't good enough for you, I'll tell you.. Actually it's pretty simple, and you should be able to figure it out be yourself - but I'll take the free PR for sharing it with you and the world.

[@jonfreelove]

Mine too 😂

[@navin-j7585]

Super funny.

[@brandoalberga1762]

lmao

[@lreinhart2626]

One of the greatest little tricks I was ever taught was to replace self-deprecating humor (Which I was majorly guilty of) with sarcastic self-aggrandizing. Instead of making jokes at my own expense that basically went along the lines of "I'm dumb, ugly, whatever, etc." around friends for a cheap laugh, I replaced it with a tongue-in-cheek self-aggrandizing sarcasm. If I lost a match in a video game, I would drip my voice in sarcasm and loudly proclaim "How great I was to mercifully let other people win, etc." Everyone knows you don't mean what you are saying, but subconsciously you and the people who are around you just hear you saying how great you are, and somehow it sinks in at a deep level. I found my mood and self-confidence improving dramatically. It even somehow made my friends and family view me in a whole new positive light. In theory I am transmitting the same information. If I fuck up and I say I suck, then I am saying I suck, but if I say mockingly that I am the greatest in the world, I am obviously still saying I suck, but somehow your brain gets tricked into believing what you say after a certain period of time. I didn't invent the trick, saw it in a video ages ago. Hopefully it works for some other people out there too. :)

[@andrewjoyner4133]

@L Reinhart So in summary it is kinda bigging yourself up while not taking yourself too seriously? Don't want to put words in your mouth but that's what I got from that. And a little self deprecation maybe ok but I would agree too much can indicate an issue.

[@Life_as_Game]

This is a great trick. You are sooo smart for sharing it, and I am amazing for how quickly I was able to absorb and implement it 😉

[@alelectric2767]

I started praying recently and that has helped with my negative inner voice. Wasn’t really a religious person and praying isn’t for everyone but it’s helping.

[@DonaldAMisc]

The dystopian film is called "Chaos Walking" with Tom Holland. You're welcome. 🙂

[@sbai4319]

This is the best video for this channel. I felt normal at last.

[@tomtom21194]

I've spent so long in the self loathing, self flagellation that I don't know how successful these tips will be but I'll try

[@oakson3045]

Bless you, I wish you nothing but success

[@ethanoptimized]

I honestly solved 90% of my negative inner voice by meditating daily. The negative self-talk is a reaction to other thoughts you have and meditation teaches you exactly that: how to be less reactive to your thoughts. 🧠 I made a video about it on my channel but to save you some time, just DO IT

[@MRHaro188]

How much do you meditate on average, if I may ask?

[@ethanoptimized]

@@hughmungus431 Thanks for sharing your story, it's really inspiring

[@ethanoptimized]

@@MRHaro188 For me it's really as simple as 10 minutes in the mornings. It doesn't work the first couple weeks but after a while you learn how to quiet the inner voice to (almost) silence

[@MRHaro188]

@@ethanoptimized Alright, thanks for the answer!

[@tbobtbob330]

YES! Before I started doing samatha meditation, my thoughts were mainly verbal. After a few months my thoughts started being weirdly non-verbal - conceptual is how I describe it after 6 years and 2k hours on the cushion. The very nature of my thoughts are different now (thank christ).

[@Smyrna37]

Decluttering always sorts out the chatter for me personally. The more peaceful my surroundings, the quieter my mind is

[@jonfreelove]

The self talk is something I found hugely helpful in my own mind, starting the sentence with Jon have a word with yourself sets me in the flow to be able to see logic and sense when my thoughts are scattered. Great episode 🙌

[@africaart]

I discovered this channel about a week ago... One of the best channel on KZbin.

[@theowright765]

Words and thoughts are the 1st tools we used that ran away from our control. So meditation is a very subtle hero story of voulanteering to submit and allow the thoughts tools to return and settle into a potential for use , rather than being in contol

[@theneutralgroundpodcast]

The inner voice is great for functional simulation of ideas and potential interactions. However, pairing it with external vocalization-even alone-is also important because hearing it out loud creates a new experience of internalization where new sites of meaning can be created. I’m very much enjoying the conversation. Thank you.

[@twhiteofrd_1102]

As someone who a handful of times has managed to quiet the inner voice through meditation.,that doctor is right. The feeling is euphoric.

[@yachyoun4113]

When he asks is it possible to change our own norms and improve how we talk to ourselves over time really resonated with me. I just went through 2 years of destroying my own shell to rebuild my personality, and to be honest that really was a struggle. However, I’ve been able to totally shift my perception and be a totally other person. I also like to joke about how we could change our genetic predefined behavior with our will, although it takes a lot of desire and endurance. I’d definitely like to share more about it if we one day I have the opportunity to talk on this podcast and to listen to others opinions and experiences 🙌🙌

[@coje7412]

I stumbled upon that treating yourself as a friend tool by having mimicked conversations in my head to other people whenever I was struggling with something, makes a lot more sense now why that works so well.

[@Danivriv]

One of the exercises I work with in therapy is to identify what thoughts that go through your mind are actually true or just suppositions. You can't imagine how many of these thoughts we have a day, and that we take as true but are just suppositions. And example: "my boss haven't reply that email, he might be angry at me for the delay of the project last time". Examining you own thoughts and self talk tells you a lot of your mental state.

[@wildflowerpower]

31:30 ... We definitely should aim for being in the moment most all of the time. All mental suffering springs from straying from the present moment.

[@crazierthan-u7571]

Ethan's comments about filtering negative thinking through a second language brought to mind a documentary I saw 20 years ago. A Holocaust survivor related her harrowing experiences as a precious 16-year-old Jewish girl. She said she had never been able to tell her story in her first language, German, but her second English tongue made it bearable. English is the only language I know, however, so I cried for an hour! I know a tiny bit of Spanish, and Ethan is right -- cursing in another language is totally different. Just don't use a second language to curse at a person for whom it is a first language ...

[@spectraamunari9059]

As a hypnotherapist, I am truly loving this interview!! The internal voice can be our greatest foe or most valiant champion. Thanks for this!

[@verisimlitudesque]

"Temporal distancing" Very cool concept, learned a lot about this with treating insomnia in that you can stave off the anxiety of trying to sleep by telling yourself you're going to think about the problem in the morning.

[@jayp3570]

Been watching most new episodes, but glad the KZbin algorithm hit me with this one. Very helpful so far

[@joealley0]

Chris you ask the most useful questions, the ones I’m thinking of all the time, really appreciate the work, have a top week.

[@aluna.jaguar]

I loved this interview, the tools shared AND even the thing about "el agua" and the lady in the hotel. I just found your KZbin channel AND I like It more every day. Abrazos desde México. ❤

[@mbfun9298]

Listening to this I notice for the firs time in a while that my chatter frequency has gone down dramatically over a two year period ( somewhere about 50-80% less). There are two specific tools/methods that helped me here. 1) GTD and being aware of open loops, this one was by far the most effective, as I now have a system that my mind can't trust that if I delegate to that system it will be handled. This doesn't need to be some complex system, a todo list can do wonders if you know that adding that item to that todo list will guarantee that you will address it in the future. 2) Externalization ( I don't know how else to call it), when something bothers me too much for me to focus, I then make a audio recording of me talking about that problem/situation from different sides, almost like when you are at the therapist. What this does, I noticed, is make your thoughts be external so that they can be processed by different parts of your brain and you can actually much better rationalize with yourself, come with the solution etc. And rather than just talking to yourself, recording yourself has the effect of you getting the feeling that someone is listening.

[@lcarthel]

Thank you Chris, this podcast was great!!!

[@dwirtz0116]

The inner voice helps to get past that mental "resistance" some of us feel as well. 🤔👏✌️

[@psyfiles7351]

Thank you so much for this fantastic discussion so helpful!

[@glenben92]

I was absolutely howling when chris thought he'd successfully got the point across to the cleaning lady then you can see her tootle back in as soon as he turns around hahahahhahahahahaha that was absolutely golden mate, i'm in bits

[@yurigansmith]

13:18 It's not only words like "Schadenfreude", which can be at least explained relatively easily in English (enjoying another person's failure, damage, etc.), but there are also a lot of fill words like "halt", "eben", "gerade", "wohl" in the - usually spoken, rather not written - German language that can have a confusing variety of context-depending functions, and which are used to express and/or accentuate a certain rhetorical meaning, respectively how one feels about or what one expects from a certain thing or situation.

[@ReggieRed91]

One of your best interviews (opinion). Thank you!

[@MarkMcMillanMusic]

If This means anything- less than 10 minutes into this podcast i tipped my tobacco into my wheelie bin. And since I picked the packet out my in house bin today after throwing it in there last night, i knew I had to empty the actual packet into the bin. My inner voice is placated. But God is the war still to be won. Probably every day. Fighting for my life essentially. Thank YOU Chris for making that fight a little easier.

[@thestraightroad305]

Been there!

[@raisonvarner8175]

Beliefs are never just "cultural" in nature, they perform a function and "do work" for us of some kind. When you can identify the WORK a belief is doing, then they become a little more malleable as people begin to realize the work it's doing is more important than the literalness of the belief itself. That's why we often don't discard our beliefs when they're demonstrated to be inaccurate, we find ways to maintain the WORK the belief is doing and the belief can change to accommodate the work. It's all about the work it's doing for us.

[@stanislavpocaji]

Chris, thanks This was great!!

[@xylope3384]

i was mainly in my life thinking with pictures and videos i never used my inner voice ever before, till 3 years ago i practiced a lot with that and i am struggling to keep the voice consistent loud enough for the whole day. After 2 years of practicing i started to speak and hear others speaking inside my dreams and somehow i managed only once in that time when i was sleep to controll my voice in the sleep when i was in a dream. But i feel every day its getting better and my goal pretty much is since im feeling that im pretty good using my right side of the brain and controll it well enough . I should mainly focus for the upcoming years into practicing my inner voice which i feel in the left side of my brain .

[@biancarice789]

this was a very pleasant listenting, you both have very calm demeanoures! i always like it when the guest asks your opinion on something , chris. great episode as always:)

[@sarasotauptoseattle]

Great episode. Thanks.

[@AllanDavisArt]

If you don't think you have an inner voice. That's the voice we're talking about.

[@cindymurray12]

This is so interesting…thank you! American Sign Language (ASL) is my second language but ASL is very expressive/animated. ASL actually helped me be more in tune with my emotions so I’m wondering if cursing in second language helps being objective when it’s an verbal language versus non-verbal like ASL.

[@raskolnikov1461]

This is GOLD ❤Thank you so much.

[@44142726]

I love Ethan's take on not needing to quiet the mind, but he misses the point of the argument he's addressing. The point isn't that you should *always* be present and free from the inner voice. The point is that you should *usually* be free from it, unless you're using it to complete a task (which is what he's describing when he lists his examples). There's no reason for your mind to be chattering when you're enjoying time with friends or family, focusing on a book or movie, focused on creative work, driving your car, etc. The mind should be used as a tool-pick it up to complete a task, and put it down when it's not needed.

[@SirBoden]

This reminds me of Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche and his Quieting the Monkey Mind (chatter) meditation techniques. He would be a great person to interview.

[@flowmovementtherapy2096]

The basis of the Postural Restoration Institute is this impact of the loss of function of right vs left hemisphere of the brain. When people lost the left hemisphere in a stroke their prognosis for mobility was much lower than if they lost the right side. This is because our brains orient around the world and prefer the right side (right arm, nostril, eye, leg, diaphragm etc). Losing the side we use to orient and move with meant relearning with a hemisphere that simply isn't used to taking charge in this capacity.

[@ushika]

25:12 movie mentioned here is called "Chaos walking" (2021)

[@mattanderson6672]

Thank you!

[@capriwesleyracing]

This takes me back to thinking about the book, What To Say When You Talk To Yourself by Dr Shad Helmstetter. We learn how our brains are like computers and the words and things we say are being programmed into our head, good or bad. So we must learn how to rewrite our Self-Talk in our brain to be positive.

[@WeirdParadox]

Great content 👍

[@pwile2002]

Those of us who have spent 50 years without tech are ridiculed for not using tech 24/7. We did learn how to do things without tech and actually enjoy them, but are being forced continually to use tech for everyday activities. We can't seem to escape it.

[@jakeiss10]

Damn, this shit is relevant for me... This work is paying off 8 months later. Thanks, Chris.

[@cybergigafactory]

Great interview! In my case meditation has helped me steer my thoughts much better than before. After some training with that I can use my inner voice relatively effective to think and do things much better than before. It’s a tool for me to strategize my actions in advance. Great topic 👏👏👏 Thanks a lot.

[@lesleyt4327]

I think the part of our brain that used to remember phone numbers is now taken up remembering online passwords and code numbers for entry keypads and card payments

[@ArthurMorganX1]

Rumination is a real problem for me because i regret the way my marriage broke up i get stuck in such depressive negative chatter she is with someone else and looking to start a family i just have such huge regret and it makes me so sad i just cant shake it

[@SmashMaster]

Haha that room lady incident was so cute!

[@random0345]

Awesome!

[@Leo-mr1qz]

I knew a woman who had experienced childhood trauma where she grew up in India. The abuse was so extreme that she was unable to tell her story in her second language; which was English. She couldn't articulate the words to express what had happened to her. The memories were in Farcè (sp?). I found that to be so very interesting! A side note, this women also claims to be non-binary in her late 20's. Her abuse was so emotionally traumatizing that she chooses not to identify with her gender. One of the saddest stories I've ever heard. 😢

[@rolandlao7527]

Where can i read the study about watching the sky through tree branches? thank you for your work!

[@ramthian]

Thanks 😊

[@fearthehoneybadger]

I don't need any improvements. I have lots of little voices.

[@DavoWillo]

In regards to mindfulness and being always in the moment. Even in Buddhism, the belief is one should always striving to become as much in the moment as possible, not to reach ‘enlightenment’. Most religions tend to have a version of that also. So it’s always trying to improve and move forward, not to become perfect.

[@darkestafrica3]

Hi Chris, episode was great - I'm really interested to know the references for the studies you both mentioned. Any chance for show notes in the future? You mentioned a study on the neurological effects of seeing the tree branch patters and Cross mentioned a few studies but didn't mention the names of the them. That would be awesome!

[@dwirtz0116]

Chris man you've got a bot (I know it's not actually you) hounding me like mad! I'm not sure if there is anything at all you can do to clamp down on bots on the channel. Just thought I should at least let you know though. Cheers and keep up the great work! 👍👏🤪😎💯

[@texfromro]

"Chaos walking" is the name of the movie

[@19cornholio90]

Nice one!

[@terrancegrant1664]

Since you came from the service industry, we know you tipped her well, Chris! 😁

[@ahatx8686]

Loved this interview but my inner monologue wouldn't shut up about the fact that you're actually taking about Second Person, not Third Person.

[@DanielFlynn-zf9ib]

I viewed a video here recently that was saying that just recently (past 10 to 20 years) they learned that a small amount of people don't have that "internal voice" going on in their head. First thing that baffled me was what could be going on to replace that function lol. Second thing was how funny I thought it was that mankind has just figured that out. I know myself and I don't think it would have come to me to ask someone " excuse me, do you have that little voice in your head that is talking to you all the time". Has anyone here heard of this and if they know of any videos about this, please put it down here. Thanks

[@samantha-kemp-therapy]

Great

[@lloovvaallee]

So Chris; maybe the people with holes in their socks removed them because they were embarrassed.

[@elizabethkajet5501]

Or perhaps not everyone wore socks. 🙂

[@naughteedesign]

what was the name of that film where people could hear everybody's inner voice

[@theowright765]

We all sound foolish trying to use speech externalised words to describe reality thats only a potential manifold of experience

[@silentm999]

Whats the over/under on how many times says "bro science" in this episode? Im betting 3-5.

[@Coccelo]

15% of the population went: "What inner voice?"

[@innercirclebacktest]

doesn’t seem like you watched the full video - guest debunks that people “have no inner voice” . ironic comment

[@carolfox9620]

We're going to need Dr. Koss as an expert witness when the government tries to force through legislation on thought crimes (currently in congress in Ireland and coming soon to North America)....

[@ivandansigmun3891]

I wish I could stop talking to myself. It's driving me nuts! lol

[@rolandlao7527]

What is the movie ? :D :D

[@THEoldy]

A road nearby has a sunset that silhouettes a panorama of trees, it's bro science af

[@haventdecided7672]

Aphantasia - no mental imagery, can also include no internal "voices" that have any auditory quality, no internal sensations like taste or touch or music, and emotive memory can be lacking. I can think in words, construct a dialogue, but it's all in my own "wordness", the quality of what I might imagine saying and the others response has the same identical "voiceness". I can for example remember an example emotion from an experience but it has zero experiential quality. I can recall being happy but it has no sense/feeling/experiential quality of happiness.

[@NA-vj8yr]

What I don’t get about this kind of podcast is why, after the last couple of years, people still respect the opinions of people with “advanced degrees” over the opinions of average people.

[@iloverumi]

i do not have an inner voice/monologue. not everyone does.

[@lyl.y]

Thats impossible

[@Biggiiful]

Really? You don't ever think "outloud" in you're own head? Never have a mental debate with yourself?

[@iloverumi]

@@Biggiiful No. I don't think in words either. To speak or write, I "translate" my non-verbal thoughts into words... I often heard people talk about their inner voices and narrative selves, but I never understood what they were talking about. I also didn't realize that they had a different inner mental "dimension" that I lacked. I do have the ability to visualize or form visual mental images. However, apparently there are people who can't do that. It's called "aphantasia." So, in light of that, I suppose it's not so unusual that some people don't have inner monologues/dialogues or narrative selves... It is interesting, though.

[@mickmarrett9284]

I often wonder how animal think as they have no words or dialog

[@key-reel]

Guy's asked one question but vaguely answers a different one while excessively smacking. I wish you could do more neurobiology/meditation interviews.

[@anewagora]

19:05 I'm tired of this idea being repeated without people further considering the reasons why someone would be skeptical of evidence against something they've perceived as true for a long time, or that's otherwise rooted in their map of reality. If I initially encounter something that doesn't fit a fundamental part of reality, I'll either be confused by it or I'll be very skeptical. This seems perfectly normal, but somehow a large number of people assume it must be an ego problem. It takes time and long-term exposure to new experiences and new information to process both the old reality and the potential new reality. If it's contradictory to the old reality rather than making more sense of it, then the information seems like nonsense. Otherwise you have to accept an idea of reality that makes no sense.

[@pary710]

48:00 ish

[@tonyhill2905]

between 32 and 33 mins, the door behind Ethan mysteriously opens. I have assumed this was to top up his botox. apart from one crease line the guys forehead just didn't move the whole time!! Great work as always, Chris 👍

[@JokerisWild4]

We silently talk to ourselves? I didn't get the memo, I'm like Andrew Huberman, I talk out loud and don't care who thinks I'm nuts 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@MrRaitzi]

I don't get constantly these topics.. All of us are not in some fucking crisis constantly.

[@DEMillerEarl]

You don't get that talking about the inner voice isn't just about crisis?

[@lollybagmike2502]

Sometimes it's nice to know more about things too, it's not just about being in a crisis, you shouldn't be so upset about being confused

[@fpfk8703]

This guy looks like Kyle Kulinski plus 20 years.

[@HaZZb97]

first :)

[@Stratton218]

annotations

[@Stratton218]

4:39

[@Stratton218]

10:48

[@jomo4435]

Haha, goes back to the collision of the belief's of annanuki aliens on earth and the story of eden garden's tree of knowledge....knowledge being unnatural for earth

[@DigitalNomadOnFIRE]

Swiss Army Knives are bad at 1000 things. Awful analogy.

[@renaissancestatesman]

Really wanted to watch this but this guy needs to drink some damn water. How do people ignore lip smackers smacking their lips?