Monologue: Operation Desert Stormy | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

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Bill recaps the top stories of the week, including the U.S. strike on Syria and President Trump's mob boss mentality.
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[@CaliforniaBushman]

🎶Golden Showers bring May flowers🎶

[@genericname1622]

Thank you America for creating the best reality show of all time. So many twist and turns every single week!

[@mushpurple]

Generic Name might be fun from afar but worse if you have to live in it

[@carold5746]

I know, who in the world needs cable anymore :)

[@AWARHERO]

Muller: "Are you Decent?" Cohen: "I work for Trump... What do you think?" lmao

[@uncletibs]

Pre ordered Comey book on AMAZON! Take that Spanky. Reading it on a Hawaiian beach in May. I love biographies.

[@ameyagokhale5123]

Bokasmowl Traitor? Wtf? How come no one said this when Hillary was being investigated

[@crisduta6229]

Future generations will look back at us and say: They knew everything that was going on and did nothing to stop it.

[@jdutch-pt8qi]

Yea a police state where lawfare is used to lock up political enemies and fascism will be labeled as democracy we need to protect.

[@amantedelmondo1787]

"Follow the implants" LOL...

[@sailtheplains]

"No that's where I ate my cheeseburgers!" You just can't even make this shit up.

[@Sarmaamy]

Who needs comedians and entertainment when we have president Spanky Bonespurs!

[@kingrobert1st]

Sarmaamy it's Spanky McBonespurs.

[@Sarmaamy]

King Robert I stand corrected!

[@kingrobert1st]

Sarmaamy 🤗

[@ironsnowflake1076]

Bokasmowl there was comedy before Trump....there has ALWAYS been dips*** a**clowns from the start and don't worry, when this particular specimen is cooling his bone spur encrusted heels in the klink...we will STILL have plenty to loao at :D

[@ironsnowflake1076]

Bokasmowl Well I must say that I totally disagree with you....take Bill Maher for instance, I have been a total fan girl of his reaching back to "Politically Incorrect" in the 90's. I loved his standup comedy and I watched his documentary on religion like ten times...there will ALWAYS be a platform for him because he holds no prisoners on either side and below his sharply intelligent wit and amazing humor, beats a warm and thoughtful heart. I think you underestimate the need for "gallows" humor at this time in history..maybe trump rubs your happy gland and makes you moan with delight...but for the MAJORITY of us...we are living in a surreal S***storm that is simultaneously frighteningly serious and stupidly ridiculous. YOU may be okay with a 71 year old sociopathic, greedy, lying, perverted, fiercely unintelligent,p**** obsessed lowlife having the nuclear codes etc. but forgive the rest of us for leaning on the comedians of the world for relief...I definitely don't think they will be rendered obsolete in my lifetime.....

[@Burn269]

I can’t wait for Stormy’s next film. You know the one in a hotel room with two prostitutes and Real estate millionaire. The one where he’s paying them to pee on each other. I’m writing the script right now. Title “Urine Trouble”.

[@bibbitybabitty]

Bill keeps blushing at the start of all the applause - adorbs

[@patriciaa4451]

I had to explain to my mum what a golden shower is. Thanks Trump.

[@whitedeion598]

Patricia A pretty sure it's the trash tv like Maher and MSNBC that are talking about golden showers. Thank them.

[@czgibson3086]

^ Look at the elegant and sensible writing of this Trumpaholic. How could anybody argue with such ingenious and well-considered reasoning?

[@mommasitayoung148]

Patricia A Report all the ugly remarks from Trump's Minion's 🤗

[@mommasitayoung148]

gary newman Keep Trolling Bot!

[@mommasitayoung148]

Derick Smith Is your Momma😎She couldn't get enough "Chocolate".

[@Serai3]

The New York Post called Twitler PEE BRAIN on their cover today. LOL

[@noeldown1952]

"Look at me, my body is a temple." I lost it.

[@CaliforniaBushman]

The Real Time writers should just take a six month vacation and let Trump write the jokes till the August break.

[@hazmat5162]

PEE PEE TAPE!!! PEE PEE TAPE!!! PEE PEE TAPE!!!

[@GenevieveThornton]

HAZ MAT I think it’s real now! Didn’t before!

[@angelapalmer6782]

HAZ MAT I always thought it was real but now would be a really good time for Russia to release it, since Spanky pissed off Putin. I have been wondering what his punishment will be. Pee pee tape or poisoning? I vote for poisoning!!!

[@AkaroXIV]

angela palmer What did Trump do to you? Shit.

[@bernardoheusi6146]

P P Tape

[@ironsnowflake1076]

HAZ MAT (Putin sitting in leather armchair, in a darkened room, stroking pussy-cat, watching a certain high quality surveillance tape).....whispering.....soon, my orange American lap-dog....soon....evil laughter......

[@worldsnetizen2035]

LOL, operation desert Stormy, Well done! Spanky

[@Homer62001]

Bill really reminding me of Johnny Carson tonight.

[@skyejp4975]

Homer62001 do u mean like cheesy old timey punchlines (never saw Carson)? I was expecting bill to home run this due to arsenal of material but he’s been better with less

[@Homer62001]

Skye JP No just the mannerisms. Go back and look at some old footage of Carson, you’ll see it.

[@TheThisguy1983]

Teff B Bill Maher is SUPPOSED to be more political...remember he had a whole show about it? Johnny Carson is not funny, let alone untouchable the way you hold him up. He was completely bland, inoffensive, whitebread, retirement home humor.

[@Homer62001]

Teff B Calm the fuck down

[@robertmenegazzi7290]

Thank god for Bill, I really need levity right now

[@QuantumOfSolace1]

And we really think Bill keeps it real?? - come on - he is a comedian- even though he is not funny at all. Sad -you people put so much into these entertainers.

[@kylestubbs8867]

“Look at me. My body’s a temple.” I was expecting two of Bill’s next words to be “of” and “doom”.

[@alexhopkins8831]

I have the body of a GOD. BUDHA

[@hariomshrivastava6436]

Alex Hopkins you mean Buddha, budha is what we call an old man in our language

[@KatimaMulilo]

Ganesh is more like it.

[@joniahdemarco3371]

I have a shirt of that exact quote and picture of Buddha. 😆 Love it.

[@GlenMacDonald]

Love the shouts of joy in the background when he mentions that Paul Ryan is leaving.

[@PoeLemic]

You bring JOY and HAPPINESS to those of us who are ASHAMED to be a voter in this day and age. If only, a different outcome!

[@prophetessangelamims6112]

Even he knew Stormy was a joke back then. And he stands by that to this day….

[@justachannel9379]

Funny, that's my nickname for Scott Pruitt.

[@Amenti_H]

"My body is a temple. Just look at this Trump's tower. Big, beautiful tower..."

[@stevie68a]

Bill Maher is always spot on.

[@SingularianMan]

Gettem Bill!😂😂

[@evelynjoyce]

"Peeing in bed!? That's where I eat my cheeseburgers!" LOL.

[@LisaLisa-rl3pm]

Operation Desert Stormy... oh I just love it!!! Poor Donald Chump!

[@wellfedcomedian]

Great jokes Bill!!!

[@seanascala5683]

My bodys a temple!!! Lol!!!

[@naweedking203]

Nice one 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@chrismason947]

With Comey's book and the warrant on Cohen, the look on Pee Pee Brain's face reminds me of my dog when it tries to pass a peach pit. Look out Spanky, Urine deep doo doo now!

[@derekkoster7635]

Awesome show !!

[@JayJay-xf2jf]

'Taint team' is everything 🤣

[@brihmendiola4347]

Hilarious. I died.

[@BuzzBroz]

Good one.

[@slanguagefreak2388]

they didn't bang on the door, Bill, it was a no knock warrant. I hate it when inaccuracies kill the joke.

[@jackman507]

🔥🔥🔥

[@petev1137]

Imagine Trump's lowest, 2-3 yrs ago maybe not. Now the sky's the limit.

[@carlossegovia3011]

Libtard echo chamber.The left celebrating a Gestapo like FBI, supporting foreign dictators and spreading tabloid news. There was a time when I believe Maher was an intelligent person when he criticizes religion but I guess religion is such a nonsense that any idiot can criticize it.

[@WhoIsElKabong]

Carlos Segovia the ghestapo didn't rely on judge approved warrants, snowflake.

[@sfamerken12]

Carlos Segovia, for that statement you deserve to be called dumbass and idiot.

[@carlossegovia3011]

sfamerken Well at least I use my own name and hace coherent arguments. Your comment on the other hand just confirm my sayings.

[@carlossegovia3011]

I dont care FBI investigates Trump or Hillary I do care about liberty and due process. Who is that foreing dictator? Putin?

[@Lupinthe3rd.]

Trump did Drain the Swamp and Turned it into a cesspool.

[@garyberger9257]

"... Or even worse, what if it got back to Stormy?" OOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooo

[@petergreen2552]

"Attorney scumbag privilege". 😂

[@analuisajohnson2083]

This is too much fun.

[@tewfiksaad2884]

THERE SHOULD BE PROTESTS IN THE STREETS RIGHT NOW BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!!

[@eribertooooo]

It's happening 😂😂

[@Herehear49]

I'm putting together a medley of tunes to play for the soon to be gone and ever forgotten epic fail POTUS wannabe who is Trump: "The Party's Over", "Good Night Ladies", "Hit The Road Jack", "Adios, Au Revoir, Auf Wiedersehn", "Jive Talkin", "Midnight In Moscow", "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair" and (of course) "Taps".

[@reaganlear6548]

I like the Coachella joke👍

[@user98xp]

This is even better with auto captions.

[@DJames-fn3cl]

And by the way....where have Ivanka and Jared slunk off to???!!! How about bringing them back in the limelight to see how they are benefitting and changing the world as the chaos continues??!!!

[@wilhobbs207]

History want be kind, Bill.

[@geraldhagengruber3207]

Two pee, or not two pee, that is the question? Apologies to the Bard.

[@justsaying3729]

Dam!!!!

[@aggressiveattitudeera887]

At last, R. Kelly, the heat's off!

[@desioye7782]

Haha. It's like Rodney Dangerfield is his main writer.

[@totalbliss1]

"Taint Team - Donald's the asshole, Meuller's the balls...and you could figure out the rest." - Brilliant, the jokes practically write themselves!

[@melodychest9020]

Trump's excuse .. peeing on my feet is good to get rid of those bone spurs!!

[@petergreen2552]

I'll bet Donnie has all Bills monologues on repeat. 😅

[@InHumanoXY]

Was Bill way higher today than usual? Hahahaha.

[@maggletooth]

Please, Captain Underpants must stick. It’s perfect.

[@zikiwiki]

l Dont really know anybody except trump that bill always talk about since am from Finland but he is so funny that l always watch hes shows

[@vsen7]

Woo hoooo clap clap woohoo woooohoooo clap clap. Hahahaha...

[@beckyguelette5114]

The mountain just came down on spanky s head . happy Friday the 13th!

[@hevad]

- Is he high? - Are you high Bill Maher?

[@ursschaffer2661]

Whitehouse = Madhouse!!

[@LuisOrtega-ln6kg]

Here a monger there a monger everywhere a monger.

[@wileyschmitt]

Who here has heard of 'urine therapy'??

[@JSythe]

wiley schmitt you’re in? You’re in? You’re in?

[@corryjookit7818]

Millions of people throughout the world drink their own urine every day. They swear it has health benefits. Good skin and hair, arthritis etc. How do people who get lost in the desert survive when their water runs out? They drink their own urine. Babies swim around in it for 9 months, although we call this liquid Amniotic fluid, but it is actually baby pee. So, if you wish to try for curiosity or have aches and pains, or uncontrollable skin problems. Plus it's free. And, it's sterile.Cheers!

[@corryjookit7818]

I'm waiting for that 'rainy day' to try it, but at least I know it's sterile.

[@wileyschmitt]

Nice play on words, you're in the loop of looping ;)

[@wileyschmitt]

Good info Corry. People will real'eyes' it someday, but it's slowly becoming less and less obscure, even here in the West where it's needed the most by far as we see people left and right limited in life by scores of dis'ease' and poor quality of life that is mostly due to our daily habits getting the best of us at some point down the quick road of degeneration.

[@scherrypierce]

I think Comey knows what's on the pee tapes.

[@carolalter6697]

Mahr has the best writers

[@Thhrhshrgsh]

Did Comey get R. Kelly to help him write the book?

[@akashavayu4346]

Hey if the glove fits!

[@eribertooooo]

Make America golden again

[@kiklop3333]

hahahaha

[@dustinmehojevich5632]

Seals clapping

[@talariswatts-el9832]

Amen, brother! But his huge ego forced him to run for president.

[@CyGea]

As the angel Gabriel said. "Porn stars, not hookers, there's a difference."

[@schlauspieler1991]

it seems trump thinks he is still acting in home alone movie, but now in the role of the boy

[@espinozafn]

Why hasn't Bill invited Roseanne? Lol

[@teh201d]

Here I am ranting about his rant about other people's rants.

[@bluesmokegamer272]

Operation hide the sausage

[@myverynow]

lol

[@rickhanson7441]

"The FBI moved on Cohen like a bitch." Spanky Bonespurs is not amused.

[@DuyNguyenNEU]

Can someone help me out here? I heard they called Mueller team "tank team" or "tame team", but I am not sure about what I heard. What is it actually?

[@rohan9621]

Operation Stormy Desert sounds better

[@keggerous]

When Trump is paying you millions, I can't imagine you'd have a problem fronting 130k for a few years until you can get paid back.

[@tortori6294]

Can I date you!! lol love Bill Maher..

[@MrPratikorissa]

100 years from now, this presidency will be remembered as that of a clown. Unless someone worse becomes one.

[@ursschaffer2661]

Crooked donald!! :-))

[@OlOleander]

I feel like that "FBI moved on Michael Cohen like a bitch" went almost unnoticed by the audience, but it fucking destroyed me. I had to pause the video and wait for the laughing to subside.

[@tracytaylor5115]

The correct term is scumbag / scumbag privilege.

[@SharkPigster]

Wow so my personal lawyer of several years is a career criminal? How was I to know? Like I didn't know like right OK?HOW THE HELL WOULD I HAVE KNOWN? I'M LIKE 1000% INNOCENT OF KNOWING ANYTHING! He was a GOOD MAN just last week- but hey under the bus he goes. UNDER THE BUS! I never really liked him. Wouldn't know him if he was sitting next to me now. Its all about loyalty for me. What I mean by that is everyone must be 100% LOYAL TO ME! So because of all of my personal baggage * WE BEGIN BOMBING IN 5 MINUTES! * MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! MAGA! MAGA!

[@steventilmon7416]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@crazyking50]

and by the quality of guests on Bill Maher lately , Paul Ryan will be on his next show

[@lkshwz]

No mention of Zuckerberg, Bill!? C'mon how funny was that shit!!!

[@Marchant2]

If Trump wasn't Trump, what nickname would he give himself?

[@teamla1047]

Upon deep reflection, having been a second grader during the Watergate hearings, and seeing all the ways the world, especially technology, has changed since then, I deeply feel that Richard Nixon, off in whatever corner of the universe his soul has been consigned to, is perhaps not rolling over in his grave so much as he is thinking, "Thank GOD they didn't have twitter, facebook, you tube, internet when I was off having my little fandango. No cable networks full of late night pundits making fun of me. I mean, *I* even appeared on Laugh In. Sock it .... to ME?" Imagine what a mess Watergate would have been with social media - oh, no, wait, we've got a bigger mess, smack dab in the middle of social media! At least Nixon didn't tweet!

[@cantnv1]

Here at 420 views!!

[@nightowl1654]

Jessica Harbor nobody gives a shit

[@kamcashman]

I care JessicaHarbor,...god-dammit do I ever care like a mother fükkr

[@ClevyTR6]

I care ! STFU nightbowel

[@bluesmokegamer272]

You realize next week's show is on 4/20

[@nightowl1654]

J Clevy no thanks

[@shanealan2168]

In hindsight none of this aged well at all. Gee, who saw that coming

[@IsaZurizi]

#NoALaGuerra

[@thesprawl2361]

Mueller: _"Open up mr president, this is the FBI. We have a warrant for your arrest"_ Trump: _"Hang on, I'll be there in a minute - but I warn you, I just got up and I'm only wearing my tighty-whities"_ Mueller: _"Ugh Jesus. You know what, fuck it. You're no longer under arrest."_