MST3K - Days of our Years

A morbid look at the importance of safety on the job. "So, the leading causes of accidents are joy, sex, and old age?"

[@EvanderBerryWall]

*Baby cries* "Speaking of accidents ..." Fucking. Lost. It.

[@matthewclark5612]

The moral of the story: Don't do anything and don't ever be happy. You'll just end up horribly injuring yourself and killing others.

[@SaesarSalad]

Matthew Clark Word!

[@pittland44]

A valuable lesson brought to you by the good people at Union Pacific.

[@wadecarmen7501]

Unless your job is professional serial killer or Mafia hitman, it's no problem.

[@cindydott452]

The moral of the story: Don't weld your eyeballs!

[@mlshull]

And....gentle pressure...

[@arizonakiller8892]

"I often stop by here for a cup of coffee." "That's really interesting."

[@Eyetrauma]

Maybe the old man wouldn't have suffered a heart attack if they gave him the means to take a vacation more often than every 40 years.

[@80MWH]

Naw, it was his own fault he got old. :P

[@SaesarSalad]

80MWH Old people are stupid.

[@JudasPriest9878]

He shouldn't be thinking of Mamie Eisenhower on the job

[@SaesarSalad]

JudasPriest9878 Mamie Eisenhower makes me hard!

[@pittland44]

He just use a car battery to defribrilate his own heart and get back to work.

[@malkamusik]

"Hey, have a massive coronary on you own time!"

[@Metripleone]

'He went through a stop sign, better take it easy Joe'. 'GET OUT OF MY HEAD REVEREND!'

[@silentevil77]

"I'm watching you feel good."

[@pittland44]

Obey the toaster!!!

[@polygoncreatures4045]

That was the line that doubled me over.

[@berserkley]

"In my version, things went a lot further..." Definitely in the MST3K shorts top 5.

[@BrianRobertRose]

For some reason, the line that makes me laugh the most is the way Mike Nelson snidely says, "That's really interesting."

[@christieperry4361]

CineCraft I say that to my husband all the time.

[@danielboone8435]

@@christieperry4361 that's really interesting...

[@bourdon0774]

I'm a Lutheran pastor and I love MST3K, but combining it with my profession is especially a scream. Love it!!

[@madeinamerica3620]

"...it's the Adversary who is humorless. I'm sure God likes to laugh." -from Operation Changeling, by Poul Anderson

[@angbandsbane]

Ah, MST3K videos. The one place on KZbin where the comments are actually funny rather than toxic

[@pittland44]

Not sure if I want to laugh or cry at this remark.

[@jonathanwashington6083]

Don't worry some asswipe will come and Ruin Everything soon enough....

[@AmyLSacks]

"Maaaaa, Jonathan's LOOKING at meeeee!!!"

[@typacsk]

"Well you and all of your pets should DIE!" (...for those not familiar, it's from one of the "Twilight" Rifftrax.)

[@daughterofolaf]

Haha. Unless the video has anything to do with the Netflix era and beyond. Those get ugly really fast!

[@GrixieKong]

“Come over to this siiiiiide....” “OBEY THE TOASTER!”

[@GretaZ-dd3lu]

He just couldn't get there fast enough... ...for those 2 scoops of raisins. This short is gold!

[@DawnOfTheOzz]

"Hey, Joe." *CRONCH* "Aaaaaaaah!"

[@derekarmstrong3590]

“In my version things went a lot further” 🤣🤣🤣

[@Ronbo710]

" ... the filth that is humanity" God these lines were *PRICELESS* !!

[@snakes3425]

Has anyone noticed everyone who's come into contact with the Reverand has ended up either dead, guilt ridden or in a neck brace

[@jakobole]

Pearl Necklace?

[@frankgutierrez6016]

He the brother Jessica Fletcher of Murder she wrote.

[@cindydott452]

@@frankgutierrez6016 He's best friends with Johnathan and Jennifer Hart too!

[@LakeFX]

He's America's favorite deacon of death.

[@cooldork68]

Their honeymoon at Six Flags is going to be real fun.

[@Q.Q.Kachoo]

REV: To the impatient Joe, the men almost seemed to be purposely stalling as they stowed their gear. MIKE: Joe smelled conspiracy in everything. I also love it when the Rev randomly says "I often stop at this diner for a cup of coffee", and Mike says "That's really INTERESTING!" in that humoring tone usually reserved for the elderly and/or insane.

[@RanMouri82]

This is the most depressing MST3K short I've seen. Thanks, minister, for reminding us that disabilities ruin life for everybody.

[@wadecarmen7501]

Wonder if the minister would have been so caring if it was a black man, woman, or gay guy who was injured and killed.

[@RanMouri82]

@@wadecarmen7501 Was he caring to begin with? He just bemoaned that these folks missed out on the prosperity gospel.

[@planescaped]

@@RanMouri82 Yeah, I was expecting a message about how people who've experienced tragedy shouldn't wallow in what happened to them but rather overcome it... Instead we get a minister pointing at the victims and saying sucks to be them!

[@kelvintorrence5994]

Your most welcome, come 2 church thus Sunday 4 more,bless you.

[@menslady125eif2590]

I know, right? Even the riffing doesn't take away the sadness.

[@TanzDerSchatten]

These are some of the most hilariously contrived accidents ever. Apparently Union Pacific didn't have a problem insulting their employees' intelligence.

[@s4ujcd]

TanzDerSchatten AHHHH!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING IDIOT! GET THAT TORCH OUT OF MY EYES!

[@shadetreader]

Companies insult their employees' intelligence with every paycheck

[@christopherrichardson2945]

@@s4ujcd “you don’t have to hold it there” is probably one of my all time favorite lines

[@cindydott452]

Shake hands with danger??

[@TimelordR]

This film has the 4 D's: disability, dismemberment, death & depression.

[@jimmyjim170]

+TimelordR Four more D's for this short could be denial, disaster, degradation and disillusionment!

[@dynostretch9215]

deadly downcast deacon deliberately depresses devoted diligence

[@DerekPower]

These are words with a D this time

[@typacsk]

Sadly, a couple of these guys forgot the fifth D: Dodge.

[@cindydott452]

Doom, destruction, devastation, & denied (as in insurance claim)

[@sspeigel13]

"although she has never been in an accident...she acts like she has" LOL!!!!

[@TheStapleGunKid]

So according to this video, workers are supposed to predict when they have heart attacks. Right.... Even more absurd is the notion that companies would be okay with workers taking time off any time they were not feeling well.

[@Goawaykidyoubotherme]

If you're having chest pains for a week then a heart attack is a good guess

[@tysontaggart7246]

​@@Goawaykidyoubotherme "probably just indigestion"

[@TanzDerSchatten]

"The others? They were along for the ride, whether they liked it or not. Liked it? They hated it! But what could they do?" Uh, maybe pound on the cab of the truck and yell, "Slow down, you idiot!"

[@TheStapleGunKid]

I like how the guys riding on the truck are perfectly fine after the accident, but the guy in the truck is the only one severely injured. Really, what are the chances of that happening?

[@pittland44]

Get out of my head reverend!!!

[@dirrdevil]

Why couldn't they ride in the cab?

[@Kur10usity]

Flag on the moon...

[@BlueEyes7452]

She wasn't skimping on anything. She dreamed of tract housing. There was that perfectly scrumptious model house she'd been wanting all these years. Squalor Contemporary

[@sclogse1]

Sounds like a Tom Waits man...

[@jonathanwashington6083]

This shorts sounds suspiciously like Union Pacific's pre-eminent defense against possible lawsuits. (See if you injure yourself on our trains, it's never because of faulty brakes or unsafe working conditions! It's because you were TOO CARELESS AND UNSAFE! So no restitution for YOU, buddy!"

[@targaghjj]

Yup. And notice how everyone is TOO CARELESS AND UNSAFE only because they saw the barest glint of happiness ahead on the horizon. So the message is "NO HOPE, NEVER HOPE, YOU'RE STUCK HERE FOREVER!!" (Evil cackle)

[@bhmch39]

targaghjj lol

[@pittland44]

Don't forget, you're here forever!

[@82dorrin]

Every time I watch this short, I'm reminded of the things that happen to the people who weren't even there.

[@wadecarmen7501]

AMTRACK is king of railroad accidents.

[@romra3803]

"There. My problem went away."

[@madeinamerica3620]

If he really did think that, I don't know whether or not to envy him.

[@bloodrunsclear]

The moral? DON'T WORK FOR THE RAILROAD!

[@CrabOfDoom]

bloodrunsclear Especially since is appears that Fred DIED ON THE JOB but Union Pacific denied his pension to his widow and son. If Fred was going to retire, anyway, it was his pension that was going to send Lenny to college, but if Lenny couldn't afford to go? No pension. "He's dead, you're screwed. Love always, Union Pacific."

[@jimmyjim170]

+CrabOfDoom This short and Last Clear Chance prove that Union Pacific just has it out for people.

[@wadecarmen7501]

Esp. in Japan! Godzilla always stomps on railroads.

[@wadecarmen7501]

Don't buy a RR in Monopoly!

[@82dorrin]

Every time I watch this short, I'm reminded of the things that happen to the people who weren't even there.

[@madeinamerica3620]

Yeah, I gue...HUH?? 😯 😁

[@0okamino]

18:19 "Hey, buddy, got a light?" Don't worry. After the accident, Charlie became Roy Orbison and went on to have a very successful career in music.

[@williamhubert572]

He didn't have to hold the torch on his eyes.

[@kevin2400]

I was waiting for a Roy Orbison joke from one of the bots

[@christieperry4361]

This is Helen....Hi Helen. Mrs Joe Toast Obey the toast!!!

[@WVUer21]

"That was so incredibly average..."

[@buckeyeschmave]

"So his name is Joe Joe?" :)

[@luisreyes1963]

Definitely not played by Peter Boyle.

[@JiveDadson]

For it is written in the Book of Wisdom, "Thou shalt not run with scissors, lest thou gougest an eye out."

[@typacsk]

Ah, a fellow follower of Mrs. Cosmopolite :)

[@JiveDadson]

@@typacsk I don't know who that is.

[@typacsk]

@@JiveDadson It's from the Discworld books--she gets treated like some kind of profound philosopher, but all of her quotations are the kind of thing you'd hear from a working-class mom whose patience is wearing thin.

[@typacsk]

@@JiveDadson It's from the Discworld books. Other characters quote her as if she was a great philosopher, but all of her Wisdom is stereotypical "tough-love working-class mom" stuff.

[@kd17Burger]

AAARRGH You don't have to hold it there Now he's T Bone Burnette So many Classic lines

[@Ronbo710]

" ,,, There my problem went away." LOFL Man I miss these shows :(

[@samr8889]

Ah, the good old time where you were safer OUTSIDE the car then inside.

[@PaleHorseShabuShabu]

*than

[@matthewclark5612]

Is it me, or does Helen seem more upset that her 'perfect marriage' is ruined more than about what happened to Joe?

[@bhmch39]

Lol. I just thought that. She's like "Thanks a lot mister Indy 500, now MY dream is road kill!"

[@CrabOfDoom]

B Michaels I don't even understand why her dreams would BE roadkill. She had nothing white to wear to her wedding, even if she couldn't afford a designer dress? She can't still have sex with a man in a neck brace? (you totally can.) Joe can't still have hobbies or interests to lead a fulfilling life? Hell, all he wanted was a housekeeper, and he still got one and has an excuse not to help her--shouldn't that be his jackpot? They both just gave up on life, because Joe was suddenly disabled. That's horrifically stupid.

[@SaesarSalad]

CrabOfDoom The money for the dress had pay for his medical bills. And back then, people didn't have sex.

[@snakes3425]

+SaesarSalad Also Joe was probably fired for causing the accident

[@TanzDerSchatten]

+Matthew Clark She probably nags him on a daily basis about why he was driving like such a dumbsquat that day too. "I coulda had a white wedding and we coulda gone to Six Flags and I coulda quit working at the diner but no, you had to pass on a solid line..."

[@OriginalRocketJock]

"America's Deacon of Death!" -- Great Stuff.

[@christieperry4361]

(looks at baby) speaking of accidents

[@teedup8995]

They should have had a train scene there.

[@nygiantsfan6]

One of my all-time favorite MST3K bits. The riffs are so on point, and the film itself is just...bizarre.

[@KareemPilot]

Definitely one of the top 5 shorts

[@pittland44]

Obey the Toaster!

[@sclarin2]

It was so incredibly average

[@planescaped]

'Those accident victims... You know their lives are over now? Poor souls should just off themselves and be off to heaven, because there's no happiness living like that. So be safe. Don't be like them. Praise Union Pacific and god.'

[@lmaunkst]

R: I often stop by here for a cup of coffee. M: That's really interesting!

[@christopherphillips8162]

Most depressing mst3k short ever. This one and that one with the guy catching the poor bear cubs are one watchers for me. God i love the mst3k shorts tho. They're great!!

[@luisreyes1963]

Industrial accidents are comedy gold! 😒

[@TheAnubis57]

"Plan 9 from outer space." :) Wow, the house they were looking at vaguely looks like the house Bela Lugosi lived in from the same movie !

[@cooldork68]

I didn't hate accidents enough

[@rogerinkart]

"You don't have to HOLD IT THERE!" Ah, MST. The best thing to come out of Minnesota since the Jayhawks and 3M post-it notes.

[@AceAttorny]

Sad Sunglasses Charlie always gets me.

[@kd17Burger]

On the way to the shop he remembered something He had to go kiss Helen LMAO

[@snakes3425]

Yeah it's not like the guys on the back of the truck could tap on the glass and say "Joe pull over and let one of us drive you're too distracted with your upcoming wedding"

[@doctorgene3201]

+snakes3425 No they can't, Joe's hormones put them in a catatonic state.

[@coolsomeXD]

Maybe there all getting married.

[@wadecarmen7501]

@@doctorgene3201 Joe is gay

[@TheSilverFiend]

ironically the ambulance driver hit four people on the way there

[@JamaicanCastle]

MST3K predicted GTA ambulance drivers!

[@wadecarmen7501]

Delivering pizzas.

[@pittland44]

Well it does happen.

[@vainguitarist]

"So the leading causes of accidents are joy, sex, and old age??" THAT'S RIGHT--YOU HEARD THE REVEREND. AVOID ALL OF THESE THINGS ALL THE TIME OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!!!! amen.

[@gonzaleo]

Man, this was one brutal short! Mike and Trace really put the hate on this one.

[@sottosopravoce]

My husband didn't grow up with mst3k so I'm converting him. I just showed him this to remind him to get my attention before he starts talking to me when I my have headphones in. Gentle pressure.

[@s4ujcd]

They rebuilt Joe. They made him stronger, faster,....

[@ilikethecokev2]

Shame they didn't want to spend a lot of money...

[@pittland44]

Yeah, but they only spent $75.00 on rebuilding him.

[@EmployeeJoe630]

then they put him to work hour after hour his work was never over.

[@robertdiotalevi7742]

The Bionic Loser

[@dynostretch9215]

....and with a built-in sprinkler system!

[@clshannon21]

"Oh my God, the reverand's killed again!"

[@michaelbeaudoin1518]

"Come over to this siiiide...." haha!

[@kiaandketa]

"she spit in the eggs" i love this show.i used to watch it all the time

[@marccolten9801]

Oh, no , he died minutes before his time.

[@daniellenoble4705]

"Boo Radley waved him on." I choked.

[@ashland1977]

The scene at the coffee shop made me laugh so hard.

[@luisreyes1963]

She spit in the eggs...🍳

[@phylliselizahb1041]

"Obey the toaster!"

[@MutantSentry]

Accidents...never caused by poor supervision, defective equipment, unreasonable work schedules or acts of God... no they are always the fault of carelessness...i.e. the victims fault.

[@jordanfreeman3226]

***** Actually, even back then there should have been a dead man's switch that would have shut it off if George let go, like if, let's say, he had a FUCKING HEART ATTACK

[@pittland44]

MutantSentry That thought hadn't even occurred to me but you're dead right. I just always thought Servo was right, there wasn't one of them that wasn't drunk.

[@eviljoel]

The company put out motivational signs, they're now blameless.

[@jordanfreeman3226]

BugPope "See our elaborate safety system?"

[@lavalampluva55401]

"I didn't hate accidents enough."

[@timhyer1]

“Get out of town accident lover!!!!” 😂

[@christieperry4361]

He'd chosen his new look

[@TackyRackyComixNEO]

"Boo Radley waved him on." To Kill A Mockingbird reference FTW

[@christieperry4361]

TackyRackyComixNEO then they sneak in "Tony Dow!"

[@cantstandya2]

"They are victims of themselves. I hate themselves." "My church is in a railroad town, not far from a big freight terminal and repair shop...all mine" "In my congregation, are railroad people in every capacity. And not one who isn't safety concious...not one who isn't drunk." "Accident haters, all of us. Hating the waste, the pain, the needlessness...the waste that is humanity." "I'm bigger than Jesus" All of these in 30 seconds (2:20-2:50), had me rolling on the floor.

[@christieperry4361]

cantstandya2 the little quips are the secret of their success.

[@christieperry4361]

Don't forget chief justice Earl Warren

[@Schornforce]

Always remember-- heart attacks are solely your fault. Never have them during work hours. How inconsiderate can you get?

[@starri]

Can you imagine what a pleasure it must have been to attend one of the reverend's joyful sermons?

[@madeinamerica3620]

Well, the Chinese say, "Happiness shared is doubled. Misery shared is halved." Whatever THAT'S worth.

[@MrBigcityal]

Charlie was close now, I could smell him.

[@madeinamerica3620]

With respect, perhaps it should be, "Charlie's baby was close now...he could smell him..."

[@madeinamerica3620]

Or perhaps, "Charlie was close now. He could smell me." 😎

[@TheStapleGunKid]

Okay honestly, who the heck would want to work for Union Pacific after watching this horribly depressing film? I would think this would scare all their employees away.

[@kelvintorrence5994]

It pays well,

[@SaesarSalad]

"Good one, George!"

[@KeithDec25]

SaesarSalad Yeah "George you are hilarious!" George was already thinking about the Hawaiian sex tour and Mamie Eisenhower....

[@KeithDec25]

s4ujcd Yeah but Ike and George got there first!....

[@markcysts]

Man, it must've been really annoying to be a worker back in those days when you get pulled from work to watch some depressing industrial short with religious overtones about lives destroyed about accidents on the job. I'm guessing a lot of guys had to cheer themselves up at the bar riffing on it after the whistle blew at five.

[@marccolten9801]

Not just then. I had to watch them at AT&T in the 70s - 90s and at Walmart post retirement. Welcome to corporate America where everything is your fault.

[@AmyLSacks]

@@marccolten9801 The Rev's sermons are so dull that death seems like a blessing.

[@JoeKaye-hn5dt]

They showed us this in shop class. (1960)

[@TanzDerSchatten]

When I worked at FedEx, I had to watch a safety video in which one of the actors was very downcast about how he had "let down the team" by getting injured. Forever after that, we were constantly telling each other, "I feel like you're letting down the team." P.S. I never saw any real injuries in my time there, but there were plenty of people who let down the team by not bothering to show up most mornings.

[@typacsk]

My favorite was the Bobcat safety video, clearly made while "Home Improvement" was A Big Thing, that tried to parody an episode of that. (Oh, how it tried...)

[@jtlee891]

Yet, here in my parish, there are some who can only look back... Crow: I hate them.

[@DJPenguino51]

The chef in the corner diner where Joe stops looks like the chef in "I accuse my parents". "How about a cheeseburger and some french fried potatoes..." :)

[@christieperry4361]

Happy chef

[@christieperry4361]

"hey, ya dead yet?!" Holy heck.

[@KareemPilot]

Charlie was close now, you could smell him

[@sylvestervoigt9836]

Reminds me of Forrest saying There always looking for this Guy Charlie

[@phylliselizahb1041]

Oh, Crow! How'd ya like to practice "gentle pressure" together?

[@DaviddeBergerac]

So... Joe drove like an idiot, endangered the lives of two other people, and caused an accident and got hurt because of it... Gee, I almost thought he was at fault or something, I feel so bad for the guy.

[@procrastin9]

Wow... I have a really hard time feeling bad for the dude that burned his eyes out trying to light a cigar.

[@luisreyes1963]

Couldn't get hold of a Zippo lighter, eh? 🚬

[@solocitizen]

"My man is average!" "Obey the toaster" "Speaking of accidents..." "It was an average accident"

[@jakobole]

"That was so incredibly average" - haha!

[@nashvilleslim]

A time for love a time for hate. A time for freedom I swear it's not to late.

[@alexdionisos]

"So his name's Joe Joe?"

[@compwiz101]

All hail hypnotoaster!

[@IntroducingEmy]

I remember after my family and I saw this short, 'Gentle pressure' became a looong running joke.

[@NatPix]

So, I’ve been watching these clips off and on this week. Found myself reminiscing to watching MST3K as a kid. A phrase, “Gentle pressure,” has stuck with me all these years. When the narrator describes Charlie walking up behind the welder safely, a bell rang in my head. Then he said it and I yelled out, “HELL YEAH, GENTLE PRESSURE!” Good stuff, but poor Charlie.

[@madeinamerica3620]

Great anecdote, NatPix!

[@jim1842]

@5:50 “I’m watching you feel good” lmao 😂

[@ididyermom3273]

One wrong welding move and Roy Orbison's career was born!

[@TanzDerSchatten]

They try to depress you but end up just insulting your intelligence.

[@Speedball57]

"Get out of my head, reverend!" This is great. Probably one of my favorites.

[@luisreyes1963]

Too Late...😬

[@christieperry4361]

So much good tidbits in this one! "Where's my damn dinner!"

[@Queenie4666]

"her eyes were not always so sorrowfull. once they were bright and shiney- her coat glossy"

[@targaghjj]

So, she couldn't wear a white wedding dress because Joe was in a neck brace for a year?

[@ilikethecokev2]

I'm guessing they're implying his medical bills made them unable to afford a traditional wedding.

[@RanMouri82]

@@ilikethecokev2 She couldn't even afford a cheap, white dress. Darn that accident!

[@tertommy]

"...a taste of the spoiler..." crow's quips kill me

[@Verdigris04]

"Father, I'm having a crisis of faith. What should I do?" "Get safety goggles, my son."

[@Ronbo710]

This one and "What to do on a Date" are my two favorites! Pure Genius!!

[@cindydott452]

Mister B Natural is a true classic!

[@jadenova]

How dare George Price have that heart attack on the job. Didn't he know that the place to have heart attacks is at home.

[@samr8889]

ah that wonderful time in history where you were safer outside then inside the car when you got in a car accident!

[@TheStapleGunKid]

@crowtservo And it's not even the worst one on this show. That award goes too "A date with the family"