My Boyfriend of 4 Years Won’t Talk About Marriage

My Boyfriend of 4 Years Won’t Talk About Marriage
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[@suz7082]

Back in the day I dated a guy for 3 years. We used to hang out with his brother and brother's girlfriend - they had been together 7 years with no marriage in sight. Brother's girlfriend decided to call it quits - then brother was married to another girl within 1 year. That caused me to have the hard conversation with my boyfriend. He didn't want to get married (not the right time, wanted to wait until the end of my residency, etc.). I walked and he was married within the year. If he's not marrying you, there is a reason. Don't fall for the BS.

[@AlexPerazaTV]

For men, there’s no real reason to get married that’s what you’re missing. Only if you’re going to have kids. Even then there’s still little incentive for men at all as you can still raise kids unmarried.

[@nicktaylor1003]

False. Steve Harvey's Channel - "Hey Steve: Waiting for the Wedding". In a nut shell, is he ready for marriage? Can he give his wife the life she dreamt of? Can he comfortably have kids on one income. Did he achieve his dreams? Women often have dreams of marriage and motherhood. Nothing wrong with that. Men have dreams of careers, assets, stability. Nothing wrong with that. Women can also dream of those things but they think it'll come with marriage, marriage will cause stability. Just because you're ready for marriage doesnt mean he is, and thats ok.

[@Joel-pg4yi]

The nonsense you come up with. Just because you married it doesn't mean he won't leave. You just want to use law to take all his stuff.

[@Black_Samurai-fish]

I knew within 2 weeks my wife was the one. 12 years and 6 kids later I wasn’t wrong.

[@sweetluvgurl]

@@Joel-pg4yiYou keep leaving comments like these. Damn, you either got divorced or witnessed something to think that.

[@GabrielMartinez-sd8pc]

"we're basically married..." No. You're basically not.

[@carloscampos5469]

practically they are only change would be a piece of paper. and govt saying half of his is yours now and vice versa

[@firefly9838]

The state of mind is what matters. Not a certificate from the government.

[@erinselmon7289]

She’s saying they are acting married

[@georgewagner7787]

The piece of paper IS THE COMMITMENT

[@georgewagner7787]

Not to mention legal status

[@lisacraft9929]

When my fiance proposed to me, I asked him, "When do you want to marry me?". His response, " Yesterday.". Thats what you want. Not a lot of excuses.

[@marmel4086]

This!!!

[@stephengallagher2209]

Also, you want marriage advice from some chick who is not married.

[@GMAMEC]

After a year of dating, my husband and I got married. Some people thought it was too soon. When you know, you know. I had no doubts about the love. We've been together for over 25 years.

[@rarebird_82]

My last husband shouted "marry me" one morning before I left his house - we'd been together 4 weeks. I thought he was half asleep, he said - no, it's just the first thing I think of when I wake up. If you dont have that energy, you're not that into eachother ✌🏻

[@LateNightRewrites]

​@@rarebird_82and judging by your use of the word "last" it actually sounds like that energy is not what leads to long term marriage 😆 🤣

[@smj7916]

As a man, if a man is dating and sleeping with you for years without proposing, he thinks he deserves better.

[@stephengallagher2209]

Who elected you? You'd be a very dim man to sign up for marriage these days.

[@danichangg8408]

Or he thinks you deserve better

[@figand_fern3997]

​@@danichangg8408 nah if he thinks you deserve better he would still propose. sometimes they say u deserve better (than to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you) which is the same as saying they deserve better.

[@jonathanmunguia1030]

People think they know everything thats complete BS. A MAN can love a woman and provide but be concerned of have everything taken away from him one day, which is a valid reason to have a concern of "marriage".. it benefits the woman if things go sour divorce benefits women more than men its not equality... theres so many stories of guys with a lot of money they made themselves and the woman takes half or almost everything.. i dont see why people cant normalize being together without involving the government its possible to do so but perspective is everything and society thinks everyone should do the same thing.. im just saying people have different perspectives, fear or concerns for not involving the gov. So assuming its about deserving or not deserving you have a closed mind and there many reasons people are concered about marriage ESPECIALLY MEN. WOMEN DONT HAVE THE BURDEN OF WORKING LIKE A SLAVE AND POSSIBLY HAVING EVERYTHING STRIPPED FROM THEM THAT THEY WORKED THEIR ASS OFF FOR..... comments like yours are stupid and one sided

[@yvettecariaga223]

Whoa!

[@kengy1991]

It upsets him to TALK about marriage?! Girl, you need to walk away now.

[@kengy1991]

@Heinrich Himmler Lol yep, he's been doing that for almost 5 years!

[@natb4491]

I was in a relationship like that for almost 8 years. I understand why people don't want to get married, but I couldn't get him to talk to me about long term plans. I felt like I was the problem, and I was putting too much pressure on him. It made me feel awful about myself.

[@natb4491]

@Heinrich Himmler That's understandable, but I think it's important to communicate what you want either way.

[@stevenlee5146]

@Heinrich Himmler yes marriage is a bad deal for us men. This is why I intentionally tried to find a woman who is more wealthy or more successful while “ shopping” for a wife. There are plenty of women that men like this can find chemistry with. I don’t believe in such a thing that there is only one called “soul mate”

[@janicefinch3563]

@Heinrich Himmler My husband isn't in my income bracket and I have the utmost respect for him

[@musiccrazy5678]

Sis, you're a placeholder. He doesn't want to marry you, if he did, he WOULD. It's time to move on.

[@michaelh5055]

Marriage is incredibly risky for men. What is the incentive? It's basically just signing a document that turns over most of the man's property to the woman. I am not trying to be rude. But women in general get marriage fever. All they can think about is the big day. Then comes baby fever. Marriage is a huge risk for guys. Potential for years of child support, and if you are together long enough. Then it's a lifetime of alimony. She gets half your retirement and even gets to take part of your social security later in life.

[@tanL22]

@@michaelh5055 Boys with your mentality need to stay single.

[@michaelh7527]

@@tanL22 Why? And how does pointing out this reality make me a boy? Most women want to rush to marriage just to brag about the ring on their finger. Most women rush to children because of maternal instincts. Over half of women go running to a divorce attorney when they realize that wow, this marriage and baby stuff actually requires effort.

[@tanL22]

@@michaelh7527 You're not speaking any reality, you're speaking from your childish, deep seated unresolved perspective about relationships. Again, stay single.

[@rebekahcrook226]

@@michaelh5055 It is a risk for both sides. I'm very blessed to be married to a man who honors me as an equal partner, not as a burden. I honor him as my husband and father of our children, as my best friend. No power struggle, no calculations, just working together to get through this life and try to help as many of our fellow mortals as possible. Be wise and love without the power struggle.

[@marybroussard5850]

My daughter dated a guy for 10 yrs. She wanted to get married and he wouldn't commit. She met a guy who treated her like a princess during CV-19. She broke up with her boyfriend (I was so glad). She and the new boyfriend got married in 2023 and everyone loves him. He treats our daughter so good and she is fiercely protective of him. She is now happy and in a healthy relationship.

[@debsday5445]

Fabulous ❤

[@murdahmammiez]

She left her man of t'en years for à New guy that gave her some attention. Sounds like a good gal

[@cassietheboss9211]

Might as well take her chances, her current relationship wasn't going anywhere sooo...at least she broke it off instead of being unfaithful. ​@murdahmammiez

[@MiamiChica]

I’m happy for her

[@Discoleo]

@@murdahmammiezlmao right.

[@buffymcmuffin5361]

I heard of a 30 year-old gal who wanted kids, but boyfriend wasn't ready. 10 years went by. Now boyfriend wanted kids, so he dumped her (she's 40 now) and went to a 30 year old gal to have kids with. Cautionary tale.

[@christylouis2611]

That is witchcraft

[@ntmn8444]

It’s a tale as old as time. 3 years tops to be with a man. That’s it. And don’t live with him. I would’ve been married by now had it not been for COVID-19, but I told my fiancé….let’s get it done. He said he was waiting for me to tell him of the day, so I told him, let’s do it. 😆

[@travisjett424]

@@ntmn8444 nothing in it for a man to be married

[@Hamyhamster24]

@@travisjett424 yes there is tax reasons. And as long as you sign prenups, and upfront with how divisions of your assets will be if you divorce, there shouldn’t be loss on any sides.

[@wallyshomestead9034]

Wow, she deserved better. Hopefully she will have one late in life, she still can anything is possible.

[@sairaphilip437]

Unpopular opinion: women who want to be married should stop this living together before marriage business. It just creates lazy, unmotivated men.

[@joyt458]

Agree. I decided to live together first but only because I could take care of myself alone and would not be tied financially. We also were very transparent about marriage and future family goals and I set an internal expiration date for things to move accordingly. Living together gave great insight but had to be done right. That’s my opinion anyway. Happily married 5 years with two beautiful children now.

[@devadii24]

🎯🎯🎯

[@devadii24]

I didn’t live with my husband before we got married and it motivated us to marry before the next step… all this shacking up and kids with multiple people is destroying the family IMO

[@louiseerbslisbjerg7854]

Un-popular opinion; Men wjo dos'nt wsnt to get nsrtied should stop this living with and wasting women's time when they know said women's expectations. They'r just crappy people eho dos'nt hive a sh*t that they leave said women hanging, intentionelly.

[@tamra9867]

Yep!!!

[@sofiarangel1315]

When she said they “knocked out debt together” I already knew she’s his come up woman. He’s using her to save money and when he has enough in the bank, he’s leaving her for the woman he really wants. Sorry to say.

[@buffymcmuffin5361]

Don't be surprised when he leaves for someone younger & cuter. He'll spend his money on her.

[@shola7987]

Yup

[@SarahR2D2]

Sad

[@gailainsley6939]

@@buffymcmuffin5361 often times it isnt even a young woman. It's just for a woman who knows her worth. Very rarely do I see men with their stuff together marry women that are 'young' (19-25)..their women tend to be over 25..mostly in their 30s.

[@lifeandhomewithmeredith9050]

Hmmmm never thought of that. Good addition to the conversation.

[@razmiddle9410]

Oh honey. You know the answer - you're a forever-girlfriend and when you eventually get frustrated and dump him, he'll marry the next woman.

[@ntmn8444]

That’s how it works.

[@abbylebaddie]

I dated my ex for 5 years and I wasted the better part of my 20s waiting for him to finally choose me. It's so hard when you love someone who doesn't love you back. If I could have a do over, I would never have dated him.

[@razmiddle9410]

@@abbylebaddie He might have loved you but not seen you as marriage material. Which sucks and must mess with your sense of worth for a long, long time. I hope you're in a better place now!

[@jcherestal]

@@abbylebaddie how about you? We're you a great gf?

[@lnaph]

@@jcherestal incels ☕

[@wonder12374]

Men marry who they want, but they will stay with who makes things comfortable and convenient until they find who they want. Period.

[@johnnastrom9400]

And more and more men do not want to marry anymore thanks to risk.

[@wonder12374]

@John Nastrom same for women.

[@johnnastrom9400]

@@wonder12374 The risk is far greater for men. Talk to a divorce attorney.

[@smileyglitter852]

​@@johnnastrom9400, I'm 10,000 in the hole from a narc. Save that b.s for the Red pill ..

[@staceystrukel1917]

It’s not that black and white.

[@melanieschafer1297]

If he won’t marry you after 4 years, he will never do it. I was with a guy for 12 years and this guy still didn’t want to marry me. Never wait that long for a guy.

[@muhammadsaad496]

he's genius, he should not get married, bcoz women initiate divorce 75% and get half of men assets, marriage is bad deal for men.

[@helena3631]

Over 2 years is insane can’t imagine a decade

[@danilaroche1156]

My mom got tired of waiting for her man to marry her after 6 years and she left. He was shook! He married her but the marriage was tumultuous. Bottom line, neither served and prioritized the Lord. When we put Jesus first..we can't go wrong.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

​@@muhammadsaad496 then stay single and pay a maid to cook and clean for you

[@GoebbelsWife]

​@muhammadsaad496 That's because men just cheat and expect the woman to stay. Men cause most the problems and expect tbe woman to be submissive. We won't be, we will just divorce you

[@booksindemand]

If he doesn't want to marry you after 4 years you're what's called a placeholder. Sad but true

[@deirdrekiely6187]

^^^^ 100% true!!!!

[@viviennedunbar3374]

When I met my husband I thought he just wanted a fling and I wasn’t interested, we became really good friends for a few months.Then on a road-trip with friends he took me aside and told me he was madly in love with me and wanted us to try dating. I was very shocked as had no idea his feelings were that strong (I knew he had the hots for me but that’s not the same). So when we got back from our trip we started dating and 3 weeks later he proposed and took me to buy a ring. We married within 12 months of meeting and have been very happily married 27 years. He is still crazy about me. When a man wants to he locks you down fast.

[@mariatorres9789]

Exactly. My hubby dated/slept with over a hundred girls. He'd never considered marriage. We dated & he proposed in 2 weeks, & said I'm the one. He came over one weekend, and never left. For 5 mos, I kept making him pay his rent, & telling him we don't live together, he's just visiting. He kept proposing. He finally stopped paying rent & said we're living together & he's not paying that anymore. He kept proposing ever so often, & I'd say that I just wasn't sure, and we should wait. After 6 years of happiness, I finally said yes! We've been together 18 years, & still happy as a clam. He really loves me, from when he first met me, he's loved me. ❤

[@caitlankelly4367]

I dated 2 men seriously in my 20’s(at different times 19-21, 22-24). Neither could be swayed to marry me. I met my would be husband at 27, he asked me to marry him after 2 months, we have been married 7 years with 2 kids. My point, it happens quickly when it’s meant to be, no begging or wondering necessary.

[@kamaraalya7607]

Exactly. When men want it, they'll be clear about it! My now husband asked for my hand a couple months in as well. When you know you know

[@leabeauty837]

It doesn’t have to happen quickly. 2 months for most people absolutely not, 2 years though yes it should.

[@alisoncanty1894]

That is exactly what I want. Very quick.

[@caitlankelly4367]

@@leabeauty837 I think it’s ok to wait 1 or 2 years to get married but the statement of intention needs to be there very early on. 4 years to a man is nothing, to a female in her prime, its life altering.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

I'd say you got pretty lucky that he turned out to be a good guy. Most people that act that fast to propose are crazy and haven't taken the time to know you well. I'd say it's a good sign if a man brings up that he's dating for marriage early within the first few dates and can provide a reasonable timeline.

[@parkwood6334]

Boyfriend gets upset when she brings up marriage because he's getting exactly what he wants. That conversation upsets his apple cart. He's already let her know he doesn't want marriage, she doesn't want to listen.

[@CareerCraft56]

It does not take 4 years for a man to know if he wants to marry you. After 4 years still playing houses and no ring let it go👍

[@kara2162]

This guy got a good deal for way too long. She even helped him pay off his debt. She got played.

[@bestbudsourchannel4807]

Watch. Leave him and he will meet someone else and be married in 9 months. He doesn't want to marry HER.

[@TiffanyMis24]

Me and my husband have been together 16 years this year but only married for 7 of those years. We had a 2 year old and had just bought a house. I was tired of not enjoying any holiday because I my heart was always hoping he propose. Best thing I ever did was tell him I’m leaving if we don’t get married. He immediately said pick a date. We picked a date 10 months late and that was that. I should have done that years prior but I’m glad I did it.

[@AmIJosi]

@@TiffanyMis24 well done lady. Most of us keep waiting ... this sucks.

[@ianreddick6066]

@@kara2162 got played like a guitar

[@allyshalibre5320]

Take it from someone who’s been with their “fiance” for almost 12 years. We’ve been engaged for almost 3 years and now we have a 6 month old. Now I feel stuck and stupid for wasting my own time. I don’t know how to get out now. I deserve better and I know it. Just leave while it’s easier than my situation.

[@ntmn8444]

Set the date. See what he does.

[@oroville12345]

Says the woman with an instgam filter picture.... red flags if I ever seen one.

[@katieblake3023]

@@oroville12345 Says the guy with "MGTOW guy" as his username LOL. Talk about red flag. Ironic. MGTOW is nothing but modern guy's version of third-wave feminism, both promote women-hating/bashing and men-hating/bashing respectively, BOTH Mgtow and third-wave feminism are cancer to society. Both made up of weak minded ppl and degenerates with a chip on their shoulders (puke).

[@katieblake3023]

That's kind of you to share your experience, however painful, to warn, help and spare others. Appreciated.

[@theartofcute217]

Set the date, see how hes reacting ... talk less but do more, if he fights you on The Wedding Date take your engagement ring OFF put it were he can see it deliberately. Say nothing, let HIM bring it up. Men were created to hunt, the sperm chases the egg. Let him chase you. But give it only 2 weeks before you have a conversation with him. ( a very short one, with only you saying that you desire to be married, but you also respect that he doesn't want to and you're sad but you will recover and be married. 😊) Focus on yourself, grow your skills, your hobbies, look good, focus on your beautiful baby. If you desire marriage you WILL be married. It just won't be to him. ( how he chooses to show up and behave towards you will determine if he can be blessed in that way) He needs to get that through his head. You will be married, but not to him. Highly recommend looking up Laura Doyle empowered wife... it will help tremendously. All the best to you love ❤

[@kristinrichmond8185]

When a man wants to marry you, he will ask you to marry him. Look at what he does, not what he says.

[@stephaniesmith1025]

Get out, get out, get out. If he hasn’t proposed, it means he doesn’t think you’re the “one”. I was in a relationship exactly like this for almost 10 years and then met my husband who wanted to marry me almost immediately after we met. You are worth so much more than that. How dare he not want to marry you! My biggest regret is not getting married until I was 39 and having such a short time line for having children. You only get one life... do not let some stupid boyfriend waste your time.

[@cecileganel]

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 don’t let your BOYFRIEND keep you from your HUSBAND

[@salonsavy6476]

Exactly!,, I wasted 8 years with the wrong guy,

[@Fiery154]

I waited till I was 31 to marry and it still interfered with my timeline for having children. Date with purpose!

[@purplelove3666]

How dare him not want to marry her? You act as if thats his obligation. He doesnt have to marry her and also he shouldn't have to waste her time if marriage is not the way he wants to go. Try courting ladies. Get to know a man for marriage purposes not to just be in some relashionship,this is forbiden in my religion

[@nicktaylor1003]

From Steve Harvey's Channel - "Hey Steve: Waiting for the Wedding". In a nut shell, is he ready for marriage? Can he give his wife the life she dreamt of? Can he comfortably have kids on one income. Did he achieve his dreams? Women often have dreams of marriage and motherhood. Nothing wrong with that. Men have dreams of careers, assets, stability. Nothing wrong with that. Women can also dream of those things but they think it'll come with marriage, marriage will cause stability. Just because you're ready for marriage doesnt mean he is, and thats ok.

[@jordynvalenzuela2554]

I had an ex with the same attitude. We argued about it constantly it made me so angry. Thankfully, we didn’t live together and I eventually broke it off. Now I am married to the love of my life, pregnant with our first child, and couldn’t be happier. Girl, move on. There is someone way better out there who will love you enough to commit to you.

[@Briemerald]

✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾

[@alp.9672]

He can still be the love of your life without the government involved.

[@goodgirlvicki]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@prihaps]

@@alp.9672 it’s just a piece of paper so get married.

[@prihaps]

@@alp.9672 if a man wants my babies, I need a ring on it to produce. No broken homes here.

[@vaska1999]

Kudos to the South Korean guy who spoke out about the racism he's experienced, the indifference and apathy of his community, of the people around him, and the suffering it's caused him. Sharing that pain so that others may be spared it.

[@annagrishchenko782]

I am from Eastern Europe and we have an unspoken rule if a men doesn't talk about marriage in the first few dates he will not ask to marry you, he just wants sex or you are convenient in some way. Because men will usually know if you are the one very fast. Don't waste time ladies if you want marriage.

[@LB-uo7xy]

Exactly! Couldn't have said it better.

[@user-mz7de3kc3d]

First few dates? That’s insane

[@czarna.slask87]

Which country are u from?

[@devadii24]

I find that with Italians and some South Americans too… anyone from a traditional family really… my husband started talking about marriage and family after a few months… more generally, if I want to be married and have kids, etc… Here we are 18 yrs later with 2 kids ❤

[@louiseerbslisbjerg7854]

I'd take of running like there's no tomorrow if someone brought up martisge on say the 3rd date 😱 You font even know each other. My thought would be "this is a sick, controlling individual who's either love bombing or gaslighting". But then again we're all different. I just see a lot if control and possible abuse in the future.

[@dancebrittany23]

When John said "21st century women are trained to become peacekeepers", I felt that HARD.

[@garimaheath]

Me too. Probably all centuries though.

[@ntmn8444]

This is so true!

[@Dbb27]

Nothing new with that. Survival of children and the family dependent on peace.

[@kellharris2491]

OMG it's so unfair.

[@fightsportspace7327]

🧢 🧢 🧢

[@videowatcher398]

She's not requiring him to marry her . She gave him all marriage benefits. And she's making excuses for him.

[@greenAbbot]

I didn’t marry my wife because I wanted to finally get the benefits she was withholding from me. I married her because I wanted to keep getting those benefits for the rest of my life. Marriage benefits are a renewable resource.

[@rachelgooden9981]

@@greenAbbot exsctly

[@Abigail-ib1nm]

@@greenAbbot thank you for this comment. One of my friends said that their mother did not cook for her (now) husband until *after* they were married. I always thought that this was so cool, but something felt slightly off in my heart because i love giving (of myself) to people, and everytime my (gal) friends are over I cook for them. I am 18 years old, and I know that if I could serve anyone in my home, in any way, I would. And refusing to cook for someone/guy because that is a "marriage benefit" seemed strange from my heart, and your comment finally helped settled that thought. (I've been thinking about this for 1.5 years. 😭)

[@Abigail-ib1nm]

I also want it on the record that I concur with the original comment, except that it was missing that which the above gentleman addressed.

[@saptab1344]

@@greenAbbot yes but the thing is for some guys they realize some women are gonna stay forever lol

[@slb7216]

Dear Mr. Park, I'm 73 years old Korean woman. During Covid, same thing happened to me in Berlin, Germany. Please stay resilient and not to be affected by ignorance people!

[@LifeChangingAudiobooks_]

💜💜💜 sending you love!

[@karissakline6765]

My bf and I were together 4 years, living together 2 of them. I finally said ‘I’m totally understanding you are feeling too young to get married, but I’m not, so I’ve got to move on’. He proposed within a month! It wasn’t an ultimatum for him, it was a choice for ME to be what I wanted to be…a wife…and he didn’t want that to be with someone else! Happily married 7 years now 😊

[@DeRocco21]

you basically said what you wanted, and the question was this is what i want, are you along for the ride? so he had to go or not and he did!

[@user-rj1hz4sg8r]

That's sad

[@BusArch42]

Same happened to me. I told him I needed to move forward with him or someone else. It’s 30 years for us

[@Brenaenae]

Him not marrying you is saying “You’re not worth it “ for whatever reason… doesn’t mean it’s true, it’s just his truth.

[@danilaroche1156]

Sounds like psycho babble and new age thought. Chile.......

[@hillaryh.5197]

💯

[@BusArch42]

Yup. Absolutely true

[@YoYo_Ma]

You shouldn't have to beg someone to marry you. If he wanted to marry you, he would.

[@heyitsjujuu]

I split from a 9 year relationship when I was 27. I started dating after and within the second year with my current man, he asked me what type of ring I liked.

[@goodgirlvicki]

Wow, good for you!

[@catherineairadion5275]

Wow, that's great!!

[@deirdrekiely6187]

to ALL women - if you're not engaged by year # 3 then LEAVE. Pretty simple!!!

[@SydniAnnBaker]

​@@deirdrekiely6187for me its two months...

[@canelareina3795]

Are you married?

[@Erinleigh116]

I dated a guy for 6 years who kept telling me it would happen and then he met his now wife and dumped me. I learned my lesson after that.

[@emmib1388]

you dodged a bullet with that one!

[@mish375]

As painful as that is, he did you a favour in the long run. You can now find a man who respects your worth as a woman and life partner.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

Just curious, were there issues in the relationship that warranted slowing down to figure out first before marriage? Did he ever tell you if there was for him on his end?

[@nbobbyn09]

I’ve been with my bf for 4 years and we have a baby together and still no engagement. At 6 months into the relationship he would tell me that he is going to marry me and talk about our wedding and our life together. Now I look back and realize how he was manipulating me to stay because he knew my end game was a marriage and he never had any intention on marrying me. Now I am 40 years old and realistically won’t be able to leave for a few more years. I feel trapped and angry. Angry at him and myself. After a year someone knows for absolute certain of they’re going to marry their partner. If no serious actions are taken, people should leave. That is the advice I would give myself if I could.

[@hillaryh.5197]

You did this to yourself. Your only angry at YOU.

[@nbobbyn09]

@@hillaryh.5197 you’re*

[@fluffedsquirrel]

As hard as it is, leave now, before trapping yourself any further

[@RandomName-my2uo]

If he's not all in, especially with a child together, you need to be out. Find healthy ways to coparent, and it is still possible for you to find real love. While your age will make it more difficult, there will be guys your age who either won't be bothered about not having children or who'll be willing to consider family planning methods, or even adoption. Your kid needs to know their mother is loved as it grows, and needs to see their mother showing love too. I think that'll be difficult in your current relationship.

[@hobolove2468]

@@hillaryh.5197have some compassion, damn

[@mariamiranda3208]

Never let a man tell you two times he doesn't want you. TIME TO GO!

[@alexabyers2954]

I'm in the same boat. 5 years and every 6-12 months I bring it up (being together/married) and he makes up excuses, looks at his feet, turns red, changes the subject and pushes it off to a day that never comes.

[@BusArch42]

@@alexabyers2954leave. Don’t wait until you cannot have kids

[@ssmith8758]

Ugh, I feel for this woman! I’m closing in on two years in a relationship and am about to pull the plug. He’s wasting my time. He knows it and so do I.

[@irina383]

You are right, dont doubt it. They gaslight us and lead us on pretty well, any boyfriend that won’t talk about marriage knows you are not the one but wants to get the sex benefits. Women really do have a short time to get married and have kids. Just imagine you sacrificing your future babies for some selfish boyfriend. I dated someone for 5 years, still not married no kids at 36, the longer relationship lasts the more traumatized us women become, the harder the separation is, the longer it takes. And the older we get the less chances we have to ever get married

[@RG-hf4et]

A guy will continue a relationship abd coast along as long as he is getting what HE wants. They don't care what you want. Think wisely.

[@AllThingsSoul]

That's right. A man knows if he wants to marry you within 6 months of dating you. Move on. You will regret wasting your younger years on a buzzard.

[@jenniferlloyd9574]

@@RG-hf4et If a guy is getting the milk for free, he doesn't want to buy the cow. Guys are weird that way. If he knows she's been with A LOT of guys, he doesn't want to chase/marry her. If he can't respect her as wife material, he doesn't want to marry her. Some guys won't marry a specific girl if they think they can get a better looking permanent girl. Sadly... In that case, he's just biding his time while getting laid. Girls have the misconception that sex can get a guy to fall in love and that isn't the case. Sex fulfills a physical need for a guy. A guy doesn't value what he can get cheaply and easily. Here's are big mistakes girls make: Sleeping with him before there's any type of commitment or too early. A guy honestly doesn't respect that, plus he wonders how many guys she's done that with... Chasing him. Being too clingy. Throwing your friends over for him at moment's notice. Allowing booty calls. Being at his beck and call or disposal. Not having a life. Acting cheap or trashy. Dressing cheap or trashy. Acting stupid. Getting drunk. Not having values or morals. Not valuing herself. Things that make guys think of marriage: Self-esteem. Her having goals and friends. Her having her own interests. Turning down time with him because she has other social commitments. Not just jumping into bed with him!! Not chasing him. Not being clingy. Intelligence. Interest in life. Not getting sloppy, drunk, trashy, etc... Being kind to others. Being respectful/polite. Not embarrassing him in front of his friends. A girl he can bring home to his mother AND grandmother. EDIT: A guy who's 22 could meet a beautiful virgin who has a college degree and is "waiting for marriage"😉 and he'll STILL pass her by for marriage because he really just wants to "sow his wild oats" and honestly isn't ready for marriage . If she weren't a virgin and just let him in her bed, then she'd be someone to kill time with while having his physical needs met.

[@RG-hf4et]

@Jennifer Lloyd I am older and I know all about everything you wrote. Women are too easy to have sex with guys. They brought this problem upon themselves.

[@miriambautista9713]

This woman built up another woman’s husband 😒 he is having a tantrum because he’s like why don’t you want to continue being my fake wife while I’m looking for my real wife… she needs to get out

[@more2me100]

Wow he really spoke to me about the 4 year relationship… I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years and for the majority of our relationship he has refused to talk about anything! I too have read about Gottman and multiple other studies… and he’s comfortable! His life is completely comfortable and I’m in so much pain. I’m feeling worthless, unimportant and not considered! I’m applying to grad school in a couple months and I’ll be applying out of the city and state… I’m going to choose me for now on. If I get accepted I’m going happily!

[@liorajimenez3085]

And if you DON'T get accepted Get a new apt Schedule movers to come back it all up and move it Block him and any mutual friends on social media Walk into a Verizon-type store, get a new phone with a new number Don't tell him ANY of this. Then LEAVE. Don't call him. Go see about dancing clubs in your area and do that to occupy yourself in the evening or a cooking class. Do something to keep you busy. Get a 30 min daily walk in, etc. Get your diet straight. Get some good books and hit a thrift store for a comfy reading chair. Revamp your life to what YOU want. Do not go back to him. You are worth more and the first person who has to love you is YOU! People only treat us the way we allow them to.

[@mariahconklin4150]

Why do you care so much though? Why not just be happy with him how it is? I'm so confused. I'm happy not wanting to get married. Not everyone needs to get married I'm glad I"m not married and I'm 38 years old. No one should pressure anyone to get married.

[@more2me100]

@@mariahconklin4150 I care because as a 31 year old woman I want to be able to have children… and even if I were to get pregnant now, he says that he would want me to have an abortion… even with us being together for 5.5 years and him not wanting to wear protection. It is completely on me for us to not have children and be on birth control. We both don’t want to have children until marriage and he doesn’t want to be married until we live together. He was supposed to move in by June…. And it’s June 2 and we haven’t even spoke about it seriously! I care because we are stuck in time! He won’t move forward towards anything! He won’t even talk about things

[@annieemanniee]

​@@more2me100Girl, please leave him. We deserve better than this treatment. I left a 2 and a half relationship just like this and he moved on within 3months into another serious relationship while this past year I've been getting my strength and my self worth back. Trust me, he is NOT worth it. We've got to believe in ourselves, and keep the faith that better men who will align our needs with their own are out there. We've seem it for others, so why can't we have the same? ❤ I wish you the best! I'm 33 now, and I left my ex just before turning 32. They are wasting our time when we are in this stage of our lives and refuse to understand our needs and concerns. Better to get out now while we are still young but yet now wiser and stronger about ourselves and our self worth. All the best 👍🏾 ✨️ 💓

[@more2me100]

@@annieemanniee thank you for taking the time out to send me this sis! I totally agree with you! We’re starting therapy together next week and I can’t help but to think that it’s all just too late! I can’t even cry about it anymore! I’m focusing on me right now! I think what keeps me with him is that he is such a good man… he just doesn’t want to grow up! But I know I need to make a decision! You should be proud of yourself for moving on and taking care of yourself! That’s inspiring! Here’s to us and our future! 🥂🤞🏾

[@theluckienurse]

It’s not up to a woman to require marriage from a man. A man has to want marriage. If a woman tries to require marriage from a man who is not marriage material and does not want marriage, it’s going to be an ultimatum. And he will either give into that ultimatum and resent her, or he will walk away. The ONLY thing a woman can do in this situation is find a man who does value marriage and values you.

[@gmarie3053]

Couldn’t have said it better

[@MsSimpleMovies]

You're correct, young lady.

[@prihaps]

Such wise advise!

[@Brainjoy01]

I only disagree because today society brainwashes men that marriage is a trap, that women are a risk and gold diggers. Not a lot of men understand the financial benefits alone

[@KC-dr3cg]

1,000 %

[@mariasampaio6517]

I am so sorry for Park. It's terrible to feel lonely and not welcome where you live. You do deserve to be here and there are people here that welcome and will be kind to you. You are strong for being away from your home and family, studying and working hard. I hope you find community and warmth soon.

[@frag_g]

Easy answer: he does not want to marry you. If he did, he would.

[@butterflygirl2285]

I remember the old expression, "Why buy the whole cow when the milk is free." It is a good adage that is still relevant. Man's basic nature has not changed. Walk away from him right away. Don't be patient. Life is extremely short.

[@BusArch42]

I had a guy tell me that. I laughed in his face. I am not a cow. I’m an educated woman who earns way than most men. What I expect is to be treated as an equal partner and after 4 years I did draw a line. I said if you don’t know now you never will and I’m leaving. It’s pretty simple. We’ve been married 30 years and had I not done that I would be married to someone else. I know my worth. The only question is if the guy has figured it out.

[@aliciastrom2525]

I was with my boyfriend almost 4 years when he hadn’t proposed or talked much about our future or marriage. I told his mom I was considering ending the relationship and the next day he proposed. When we talked about his reluctancy he said it had nothing to do with me but he knew I would only marry a man with his act together, college graduate etc and he was waiting to reach those milestones before asking me. Instead we married the following year and met them together. We will celebrate our 30th anniversary this October. So it’s not always that you’re not the one, sometimes it’s their own insecurities and issues. I’m so thankful I didn’t walk away. He’s truly the love of my life.

[@ineedhoez]

That is very true. That's why it's important to be able to have healthy conversations

[@staceystrukel1917]

Thank you for sharing your story. So many comments on here saying after so many years the person is using you and that is not necessarily true. It’s also not necessarily true if they want to marry you right away that this is good. Manipulative people will marry you in the first 6 months and trap you. Be very leery of marrying people too early. Other behaviors of the person matter more than the time. I don’t want my kids marrying somebody they have only known a year, that is dangerous.

[@hottstepher]

The thing that most women do is put _their_ needs/desires/wants on the back-burner & make the man’s their priority. Women really need to stop this bc men ALWAYS put themselves first. Women should move accordingly

[@BusArch42]

Almost exactly my story. And we are at 30 years

[@skysamples1879]

Wasted 5 years of my young life waiting for a man to commit to me and marriage, NEVER again will I ever waste my time

[@elainehague12]

Park is so brave for speaking out, i really hope he gets the support he needs and is no longer scared to go out. I was in tears listening to his experience, ì get a similar thing at the supermarket in the U.K. Just yesterday, some high school kids made fun of me and deliberately blocked my path when i was trying to get back to my car, i was exhausted, so I was struggling with my wheelchair, they were laughing as i went past and i broke down, my husband was walking towards me and witnessed it.

[@victoriaporsiempre]

I’m so sorry to hear that 😢people can be cruel sometimes, i hope your husband is a good person who treats you with love

[@allisoncowart1437]

I dated a man who bought a ring early on in the relationship and never actually proposed. Him having a ring convinced me that it would happen one day, but it was really just a way to keep me around unless someone better came along. He kept saying he sees me as his wife one day but he just couldn’t say for sure. I felt so sure about him, so it was heartbreaking. I waited and realized the man who loves me would never put me through that kind of pain and be ok with it the way he was. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I left. I thank God all the time that I got out. He was never going to choose me. Now I’m dating a man who makes me feel so loved every day. I never question if he wants me. Leaving is really hard, but staying with someone who doesn’t choose you is much harder.

[@SydniAnnBaker]

sick and evil

[@SweetEssie]

It's the "shut-up ring" only he kept it in his pocket

[@staceystrukel1917]

Thats manipulative behavior. He’s probably not good for anybody.

[@julinemo777]

Thank you for your comment, it’s like I was reading my story, 99% exactly like yours, minus the guy at the end of a story - didn’t meet him :)

[@BusArch42]

Glad you caught on and left

[@sabrinay9430]

No lady. Dump him. You want to be married, he doesn't. Case closed.

[@cynthiahanas7003]

He's annoyed by the question and she's afraid to bring it up because she's afraid of the answer

[@karaa7595]

My husband moved from Australia to marry me. Before that we had never met in person (LDR for a year after meeting online) and once we did meet in person we were engaged after 40 days. We're going on 11 yrs of marriage and we have one 7 yo child. If it's meant to be it will be.

[@nmuganda1]

Guys don’t need 5 years to decide if he wants to marry you. He hasn’t married you because you haven’t made it a requirement. What advantages does he have to change the status quo?? He is already getting all the benefits of a wife. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@aashcarti]

This was the first thing my therapist taught me, who was also a marriage counselor. He preached that a man will not do anything he needs to, especially if he’s comfortable and isn’t being demanded change

[@MD-pz3cn]

@@aashcarti That is completely idiotic.

[@katelynbrown98]

@@MD-pz3cn I feel like that statement would apply to women too. 🤷‍♀️

[@greenAbbot]

@@aashcarti Maybe get a different therapist. It took me five years to ask my wife to marry me, and we’ve been married 25 years. I’m very thankful she didn’t “demand” anything before I was ready. But we also didn’t have the communication problems this couple has, so my wife could be confident that I valued marriage and just needed to mature enough to make a lifetime commitment.

[@aashcarti]

@@greenAbbot there is a huge difference between wanting time to figure things out and wanting the benefits of a wife without having to commit. I’m glad your wife had confidence in you and that you guys didn’t struggle with communication. There’s no time minimum/maximum to get married by, but the point still stands that some men will not change if they dont need to - it’s those men specifically who take but never give back

[@chevyb0xbody]

“You cannot be responsible for how other people experience your boundaries.” That’s like an affirmation! 🌻

[@shola7987]

Whew

[@babyjessejames376]

I was with my first boyfriend for 4.5 years starting at age 21. We never even lived together. I didn't see the relationship progressing so I finally ended it.

[@minervagalvez4748]

He already told you he doesn't want to marry you by being NON-COMMITTAL!!!

[@EmpressoftheLibrary]

In my experience, when a guy really wants to marry a woman, she doesn't need to wait long for a proposal (unless they started dating when they were really young). I think he gets upset when she brings up the topic because he ultimately doesn't want to marry her, but he knows if he comes right out and says it, she'll walk away from the relationship. As long as he keeps saying, "someday, someday" she's got the carrot dangling in front of her to keep her in. And who knows, maybe he's not doing it to be deliberately manipulative, but is also in that way convincing himself that this is a forever relationship when deep down it isn't. Every couple I've known who was in this situation broke up eventually.

[@ntmn8444]

Yes, and when they do, they both immediately find happiness and marry the next people. They’re literally holding each other back from something great.

[@EmpressoftheLibrary]

@@ntmn8444 That actually happened to one of my mom's friends. She lived with a guy for seven years. Every time she brought up marriage he'd say, "Why don't we start talking about it in another year?" She finally walked away and he was walking down the aisle with someone else a year later.

[@carocama4020]

You are not married because you choose not to be married. You hold the cards. It’s unfortunate that we let others dictate our lives. He’s using you as a place holder, I’m sorry to say...

[@antilaw9911]

Not true!

[@mistermanman]

I was screaming at the screen listening to this woman make excuses for her stupid boyfriend. That man is NOT going to marry her ever. He is keeping his options open. Period.

[@weekendnomad5038]

If a man is making excuses not to marry you after years you aren’t the one. It’s as simple as signing a paper at the court, ONE PAPER!! He knows within 6 months if he wants to marry you trust me

[@catherine4908]

oh boy...i was in a very similar situation. off and on with the same guy for YEARS and no ring. He had the same exact excuses as this guy...divorce stats, don't rush me, not the right time blah blah blah. Bottom line is he didn't want to marry ME. she should take a hint and move on.

[@dinimakhmudov1674]

Have you ever thought that he might not want marriage with anyone? If that was the case, he should have told her so, though.

[@Zumcho]

Lots of people won't get married unless you require it from them. That's why sometimes it's better to put off moving in and having kids until after that commitment is made.

[@KathyAZ]

Agree except for the "sometimes".

[@mskimrn9636]

Agree 100%- if you want to be married, require it before you start “playing “ married.

[@elizabethdumas4147]

Not sometimes, but all the time.

[@canelareina3795]

Sometimes? Lol

[@katiez688]

The problematic issue is that the guy gets defensive if she brings it up. Two people in a 5 year relationship ought to be able to have an open conversation about the future. When one party gets defensive, its usually because that party feels a certain way but does NOT want the other party to know.

[@lilsamantha1]

What u mean by feels a certain way

[@BusArch42]

Yup.

[@BusArch42]

@@lilsamantha1it means that the BF knows he will never commit to her and is lying to her

[@dayp8125]

I'm an African-American woman and cried with Park's call. It's hard to be discriminated for the way you look but stay strong and remember your goal and life plan. Tunnel vision is my method...hope that helps🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@alyssarogers4352]

What have you experienced?

[@helena3631]

Listen to Cynthia G and other KZbinrs and do the inner work…I do whatever gives me enjoyment and get sleep and meditate

[@SmileyAdventures]

@@helena3631 yup

[@prissylovejoy702]

Did park mention any specifics about the person who attacked him? I wonder about his age. It’s the young ones that are pushing this nonsense. Viruses have ALWAYS been named after the place they originated and yet there’s never been a problem before. Ever! Now, with everything being racist including the kitchen sink and milk and some 12 yr old idiot gets on the internet talkin trash it spreads like wildfire. All of a sudden something that’s never ever been a thing is now a THING! Or at least it is among small segment of society amplified by social and legacy media outlets. Remember if it “bleeds” it leads. Good news doesn’t get clicks and likes. No money to made unless people are angry or scared. Next time you hear a story ask yourself who is benefiting from telling the story and stop being lazy- one short google search can often tell you the truth of the matter.

[@vsand9798]

I have two boys who look Mexican American. They are actually Pacific Islander, Native American and various European cultures. They get treated poorly in our community all the time for not speaking Spanish. They are told “you aren’t a true Mexican”. We go to Mexican restaurants getting attitude and poor service because we can’t order in Spanish. I say this because it happens across all kinds of communities in the USA. It’s the price we pay for living in a melting pot. We can let it bring is down, or we can rise above it. My boys now laugh it off. They rise. I’m grateful for that.

[@dianethompson6804]

My daughter has a friend who has been living with her boyfriend for 21yrs! He says he doesnt believe in marriage and he doesnt want children. So she has gone without what she wants for 21 yrs. This has been her first and last boyfriend. So sad that she put her desires last.

[@Her.Serene.Feline.Cuteness.]

Pitiful.

[@BusArch42]

Awful

[@makeapennycry]

If you say “ we’re basically married without being married” he’s going to think “ then why marry?” Being married is different than not. If he wanted to marry you, he would’ve already. You are giving him your best years.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

Why do men to this?! It's a loss on their part to staying in something they don't really want. Those a years you could have with your wife making memories together for a lifetime. That wasted time can potentially cost a man the opportunity to have as many children as he's hoping to have some day. That's less time and money earned and put away for investments, retirement, and home ownership. It's wasted time and money spent on someone you don't want as your wife. I don't get why men go through life being apathetic and stupid coasting around screwing up their own life and someone else's in the meanwhile. Aren't men supposed to have testosterone, drive, focus, vision, and leadership? Aren't they supposed to be wired to make things happen? So many bums out there drifting around living flaccid lives. Ick. I couldn't be attracted to a guy like this. Sounds like he probably has man titties too. "Gets upset talking about marriage" with the woman who loves him? Are you kidding me? Waahhh, big soft man baby with big soft man baby feelings. Give me a break.

[@carollynt]

This woman is freaking AMAZING. When she finally leaves he is going to kick himself for letting this wonderful woman slip away.

[@xpmedia8660]

There's two sides to every story. Maybe she could be exhibiting behaviors that might be considered a red flag.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

Then he should tell her and they can work on it, clearly he hasn't cause she's in the dark about it if that's the case. Or if he's made up his mind and doesn't want to give her that opportunity then he needs to call it. He just keeps putting it off and isn't communicating any reason for hesitation other than the lame vague excuse that some people get divorced.

[@frumpusnumpus]

My cousin met his wife in college. Less than a semester of them dating, he asked me what I thought and before I could answer, he said to me 'she's the one'. They are married now. If a man wants to marry you, he will bring the topic up so fast, it will almost scare you. 😂 Also, they didn't get married until nearly a decade later because they needed to figure things out both financially and maturity wise. But the marriage card was always the number one reason they did anything. If an idea would not be beneficial for their lives together, they dropped it immediately. Sometimes you both need to get things in order before you get married. But if you can't even bring up the topic of marriage without him getting upset 4 years later, it's a lost cause.

[@TstormVA2012]

Men know. It doesn’t take 4, 10 years to decide if he going to marry you.

[@catherinenelson4162]

This is a tough situation for the caller. If he won't hear her, the she needs to give her notice to the landlord, and then ask the landlord to wait a few days before calling the boyfriend to find out what he's going to do.

[@ciannacoleman5125]

Lol, Yeah my boyfriend told me he loved me at 3mos and that he was going to marry me at 6mos. If he hadn't been one of my good friends for 7 years prior to dating he probably would have scared me away lol. Now at almost 2 years we are talking about getting married but it will still be another few months before he proposes and probably a year or so before we get married.

[@jordynvalenzuela2554]

Yeah, less than a month after we met my husband told me he wanted to marry me. I was like 😳🤣. but if you know, you know!

[@tw.bluesea]

Lol my husband said he loved me at first sight. I was the one proposing to him everyday, will you marry me? He always replied, Yes. Then, after 2 years, I said how about we get engaged on Xmas? He said okay. Then we only have few weeks to plan for the wedding in Italy and get married. Everything worked out just smoothly. When you find the right man, commitment is never an issue nor a problem. If you have a problem talking about commitment, he's not the one.

[@miyanakouyama6457]

Dear Mr. Park , you deserve better than that. Don't let jerks destroy a good man. Good luck with whatever you decide to do 🙂

[@amandawithlov3908]

I’d just hit him with the ultimatum , “I feel like this relationship is going no where” and if he feels attacked you walk away 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@user-go1ut1gz4n]

I wouldn't bother with the ultimatum, I would just start packing. He's dodged the conversation enough.

[@antilaw9911]

Going nowhere? So piece of paper make you feel???

[@Aces135]

@@antilaw9911 does a piece of paper make you feel worse?

[@tw.bluesea]

The piece of paper is great. I enjoyed being my husband's wife very much. I love my official title. He likes to bring me out to social events and introduce me to people, "This is my wife!" He's very proud to have me in his life. He said so. Love it. He said if he has next life reincarnation, he still wants to marry me. My marriage is very blessed 🥰 If you get married with the right one, it's very fulfilling. My life is very purposeful. I was born to love my husband, with him, my life is complete and wonderful. Don't look at the divorce rate, look at not divorce rate instead. Many people are happily married and they grow old together.

[@dexterbarnes5249]

@@tw.bluesea lol. “50% of you are going to die in a place crash. But don’t think about it like that, 50% of you will live! Once we get to the vacation spot, it’ll be sooo with it!”

[@lisalister8002]

I knew a woman who dated a man for 20 years... he never wanted to get married.. after she finally broke up with him... he got married within 6 months.

[@DarthFurie]

Wow, I've been in a relationship for 5 years too... and married for almost 3! Five years with no ring is terrible because he's stringing her along. Please move on 😔

[@cnwolford]

Dr. Delony, Dr. Wolford here! Your advice is spot on for Jamie. Any chance we can get an update from her 1 month from now? 2,3? 6 or a year? I’d love to see follow-up with your callers, to see what has changed or if things remain worse or the same. Anyone else curious to see how this show has supported a change process for callers? Thanks for all that you do, Dr. Delony!

[@rabrubaker296]

Hey! Doctor D. Can you follow up on this comment suggestion? 😃

[@bradleymaravalli2851]

I would love for an update too!

[@RG-hf4et]

We would love an update show.

[@sarahgbadebo9415]

Yes let’s get an update!

[@danilaroche1156]

I bet they broke up.

[@judileeming1589]

My daughter was pining for several years for a guy (Mr Batchelor) who ran his own company, had climbed Everest, was very popular with the ladies, and always nice to her (friend zoned) until one day a professional footballer friend told her she was too nice a girl to waste her time on that guy. New job, meets a guy two years younger and they started dating. Mr Batchelor suddenly realised how he felt about her when he saw her with her new man and asked her if she would give him a chance. My daughter is now happily married with two children with her husband that is two years younger than her.

[@wmluna381]

Ha, good story!

[@DonnaLena1]

I hope they are happy for the rest of their lives! Good for your daughter ❤

[@msmagsmn]

Park, I hope you're doing well. Thank you for sharing. We're glad you're here.

[@kishajones841]

I wish more women would stand by what they want for their lives. I know too many women who are always waiting on their partner to take the lead. This is your life too and you have choices…you don’t have to wait for someone else to determine the course of your life. Most often than not they end up hurt feeling like they’ve wasted time.

[@kishajones841]

@excellence229 the same applies to men as it does the woman in this video. This is your life too and you have choices…you don’t have to wait for someone else to determine the course of your life. Most often than not they end up hurt feeling like they’ve wasted time!

[@StormyMonday0896]

When I met my husband, we were casual friends for 8 months because we both had just finalized divorces. I made him wait 😅. Then we started exclusive dating and he popped the question within 3 months and married 4 months after that. Married 10 years. If he's serious, he'll move quickly.

[@denisescudder6940]

First mistake was moving in together, before marriage.

[@m.a.156]

Living together for long time, well it sounds like they are already married ... I don't think people understand that marriage is the vow to stay together as partners ... the government contract, the wedding, the ring, none of it matter, it's the vow, the promise

[@amandaswanson9742]

Unfortunately I made that huge mistake. Thought I was being smart bc I was married b4. boyfriend said we should live together 1st to make sure everything is good. Still not married after 7years (2living together) I’m at point of wanting to break up bc I’m so frustrated with boyfriend

[@paresaalizadeh2423]

@@amandaswanson9742 Have a conversation with him.. if you feel any hesitation from him in your heart than you should leave. Don't waste your child bearing years on a man that isn't sure about you. You will regret it!

[@amandaswanson9742]

@@paresaalizadeh2423 I have talked to him with no luck. It’s my house (so I can’t leave) but he keeps saying we can work it out so he’s not leaving. I have 2 kids from my 1st marriage so pass the having more kids age.

[@paresaalizadeh2423]

@@amandaswanson9742 let him know that you are moving on and that he needs to leave. Tell him you're not his mommy, or his therapist, that you are a woman with a plan for her life and a being someones gf for the 8th year is not in the plan. There is nothing to work out.. he doesn't want to get married and you do. Stop wasting your time with a man that doesn't want to build a life together

[@darlingmkxo]

Dump him. I dated a man for 5 years and when I brought up marriage he gave excuse after excuse. I wasted so much time feeling like something was wrong with me and that I wasn't good enough. It took me a long time to realize that absolutely nothing was wrong with me.

[@TheMainMan364]

Maybe you just weren’t marriage material?

[@darlingmkxo]

@@TheMainMan364 Nah, it was definitely him. I'm happily married now to a man with family values and no mental health issues. Nice try tho Joshua. Have a nice day now 🙂

[@arberdemiri]

​@@darlingmkxohappy for you!

[@snbhagwandeen]

ive seen too many friends stay in relationships for many years with promises to get married...and the men were never ready...only to break up and they marry someone else within a year...smh...if they string you along for years they're never going to marry you...🤨🤨

[@Chartlaub5]

From the male perspective.. I had committment issues throughout my 20s. I met my wife at 30 and was ready to be married 2 months into it. We have 3 girls and a great life. He needs to walk that road himself. Dont waste the time other women wasted with me. When a man knows he knows.

[@BusArch42]

Some men need a lot more time to mature than others. My husband drug his feet over not feeling he was ready. I told him that our goals no longer aligned and I was leaving so I could have a family. We did get married. He asked and I said yes. Then I dictated when

[@Gromobran]

Yeah, if he don’t see marriage like something valuable and you do- go away. If he likes the idea of marriage but not want to marry- go away, too. Probably you are at that stage where the next step needs to be done. Forward together or separated.

[@Nrqsrt]

I have a close friend who believes in marriage but her bf doesn’t because he doesn’t want to be “tied” down to someone, yet she still wants to be with him. I told her not to complain in 2-3 years when she doesn’t have a ring 💍

[@denisseg9103]

i have a coworker who was with someone for 5 years who she absolutely loved. he wouldn't commit either. they broke up one time for less than a month and he found someone new. at month 2 he was engaged to the new woman.... never wait. you'll know your the chosen one within the first 2 years maximum. if he has no plans, doesnt bring it up, or you feel like your on seperate pages by year 2. let it go

[@justmeagain7]

I have seen this happening too many times. Men refusing too marry their girlfriends after 5, 8, 10 years together! Then they finally brake up and suddenly the guy wants to marry any woman he have been dating for just a few months. Why? It's like his ex girlfriend is the only woman in the world he didn't want to marry, he now wants to marry Anybody except for his ex. So weird. Why?

[@tashasc1]

@@justmeagain7 The ex-girlfriend is just a placeholder for the woman he really wants. He will look and wait for that woman for a long time--2, 4...20 years, but in the meantime, he does not want to be alone and wants to be taken care of. If he finally comes to terms that he cannot get the woman he wants, he will settle and marry that ex-girlfriend instead...a very sad reality.

[@hillarybillary21]

@@tashasc1 that’s narcissistic and women should stop playcating

[@staceystrukel1917]

That’s a manipulator. Whoever he married should run! Getting married after two months is dangerous.

[@staceystrukel1917]

@@tashasc1he doesn’t really want the woman he married after two months😂

[@cara9017]

My friend went through this, 12 years later, she is finally engaged. I feel like after 4 years, he should "know" and he knows your dreams. He should step up or move on.

[@TstormVA2012]

12 years and just an engagement? 12 years and go to justice of the peace. An engagement ring I a placeholder for 12 more years.

[@coolaunt516]

@@TstormVA2012 Exactly! It's the carrot to keep her hanging on.

[@agricolaregs]

They are going to break up with 4 years.

[@georgewagner7787]

My brother got burned in his first marriage so he won't marry. His girlfriend moved in with him but he didn't see the tears in her eyes when an old lady after my dad's funeral asked her if she was married.

[@helena3631]

If he told her he’s not getting married again then it’s her fault for moving in she’s the one wasting her mind to change a man

[@joyariffic4217]

She needs to move on then. Let him be bitter on his own

[@lovingsunshine3515]

@@joyariffic4217he may be bitter, but he learned his lesson that there’s a lot more to a marriage, more costly when there’s a divorce. He’s been there, done that and don’t want to take another risk. I can’t blame him for that. He was honest with the girlfriend that he doesn’t want to get married but she moved in anyway. Hoping she’ll change his mind 🙄 So it’s her fault.

[@DonnaLena1]

She needs to move on, and your brother needs to go to therapy.

[@kimberlygonzalez2864]

Park’s story made me cry. No one deserves that type of treatment. Keep your head up Park, God will bring the right people to stick by you. To protect you ❤ strong brother.

[@Kim-yx2ye]

If you dont have the relationship YOU want after 2 years you have the relationship HE wants. Decide what you want and walk out if its not going where you want it to go.

[@shinea1013]

After 18 months with the same person, and no marriage proposal, sweetie it’s time to meet your real man elsewhere. Time to move out.

[@DZ-cl1iu]

A year and a half????

[@shinea1013]

@@DZ-cl1iu It’s more than enough time to get to know the other person by observing and asking the right questions to see the direction of the relationship.

[@tayh.6235]

@@shinea1013 well I'm over here getting ready to get married six years after meeting. For some perspective, it was both of our first relationship and I was still in school so it was long distance for most of that time.

[@shinea1013]

@@tayh.6235 That’s great. Advance congratulations! The video is about living together type of situation.

[@mellyo7262]

Men are quick to act when they want something... he doesn’t want to marry you, or he would. One day despite his ‘trauma’ he will get married. It just won’t be to you. ♥️

[@dianaslade9595]

Harsh but true

[@theartofcute217]

If she really wants to be married SHE will be married too, it just won't be to him.

[@JasonTaylor-po5xc]

I dated a girl off and on for over a year. We had amazing chemistry over the phone (3+ hour conversations on a regular basis), granted in-person was more of a struggle. I finally asked her about our possible future. I could never get her to commit to anything. I finally walked her through relationship math (yes, I'm an engineer). I pointed out that if she wanted kids one day, she needed to take dating seriously - especially since I was really starting to have strong feelings for her. My kids are thankful she decided not in my favor. LOL A friend of mine introduced me to my wife soon after getting out of that relationship. We married within a year and have been married for over 21 years.

[@victoriaporsiempre]

that is beautiful story, specially because you knew what you wanted and went for it, it goes both ways, not only women want a stable relationship ❤

[@Foxie770]

My sister had a similar situation. She started living with her boyfriend after a year. He kept delaying marriage. Finally, she packed up her stuff and moved back to her condo. He showed up a week later to f on her doorstep with an engagement ring. They were married 6 months later - then she moved back in.

[@roxanne4820]

What a waste of time. First and biggest mistake was moving in with him without marriage. More often than not a man will become comfortable and complacent when you’re living together, and he will lose the sense of urgency to lock you down.

[@thestorybehindthat5236]

Nah, he wasn't going to marry her even if she gave him an ultimatum before moving in. She just would've figured this out sooner for herself if she had. A man knows he's risking the relationship if he drags his feet about marriage too long. This guy can't even have a conversation about marriage without getting upset. Men that want to get married have the basic ability to talk about it with another person. He's a big baby who likes having a mommy.

[@carolannmcgough]

I only need to read the title of the show to know it's time for you to move on. If after 4 years your boyfriend doesn't want to talk about marriage, you're not the one for him. Stop trying to make it fit. There's another amazing man out there who would love to put a ring on it and lock you down! Focus on your personal growth, self care, and move on. Wishing you all the best.

[@amethystmoon29]

As a Hoosier, my heart breaks for Park. We have so much hatred in tiny little pockets scattered throughout the whole state. I truly hope he’s in a better place 2 years later 😢❤

[@MacBook1ng]

What Park experienced was a fricken hate crime! Grocery stores typically have pretty good video footage. If not, go to a Walmart. They have very good cameras. The actions of that individual was pure hatred. He needs to be held accountable for his despicable actions. Not sure how the laws are written or enforced in Indiana but his actions towards Park were "disorderly conduct," threatening his sense of safety and well-being. I think it's defined as tumultuous behavior, a violent outburst or chaotic activity that was a racist, hate crime. Get a license plate and call the police!

[@TheRachag]

3 years too long after 1-2 years its time to have the conversation and move on if needed

[@marktheshark2569]

No, you need to get to know the person. Take some serious time before you decide to marry someone

[@garimaheath]

Two years is enough time.... pay attention to who they are.

[@marktheshark2569]

@@garimaheath maybe but people change, that’s why you should spend some serious years together. Cause next thing you know, after almost 5 years, she’s gonna go cheat on you with a man who is 25 years older than her and be with someone who was fired from their job as a police officer for being with hookers while on duty. Plus I like I said before people change for good or bad in some years time

[@garimaheath]

@@marktheshark2569 yeah there are no guarantees in life... even with the best laid plans, things can and do blow up. Rely on yourself.

[@marktheshark2569]

@@garimaheath yep, I know different two relationships where I thought the couple was doing fine, and then out of nowhere’s, after almost 5 years of dating bammmmm, they break up. So all I’m just trying to say is just be careful you don’t need to just rush into things, and don’t follow Dave’s advice of get married this weekend he says it all the time

[@summerdowlig]

He's not scared when it comes to getting the "benefits" of marriage w/o getting married.

[@katieblake3023]

IKR?? lmao.

[@Raminakai]

If she refused to have sex with him, he would throw a tantrum also. No sex before marriage helps to clarify things real fast.

[@Juliajustjoined]

Never let a man tell you he doesn’t want you twice

[@bettysmith4527]

If you are at a point in YOUR life where you are ready for marriage and maybe a family, and you have a boyfriend that isn't ready to commit, move on. Accept he doesn't want to marry you, whatever the reason, find someone who is not afraid of commitment.

[@muhammadsaad496]

i hope every men should refuse to get married until anti men divorce laws are reversed.

[@salomepereira6967]

My heart goes out to that poor kid! None of these wonderful humans deserve to pay the price of someone else's ignorance. Also praying for John's mental health, this really seemed to have got to him.

[@kara2162]

Ĺadies 🤦‍♀️ This tale is as old as time. If you desire to get married do not move in with your guy until your at least engaged. Period. Once you move in he has zero reason to marry you.

[@saptab1344]

preach

[@zeal4god402]

Yea, wait until marriage to move in. The engagement can be annulled

[@steph4922]

My mother in law didn't want us to get married. She suggested we move in together after we told her we want to get married. We had been going out for 4 years then. I know what she is thinking... they can move in and then break up. I was upset, I said well, she can tell her own daughter that. Why is her daughter married?

[@Hamyhamster24]

That’s an old way of thinking. It’s 2021, a lot of couples move in before engagement and are now happily married. Get with time and throw out that old fashioned mentality.

[@kara2162]

@@Hamyhamster24 I said IF her desire is to get married. Trust me.. men need 'guiding' lol 😅

[@Melcatsite]

We as women need to learn to stop being doormats

[@hillaryh.5197]

It’s an IQ problem. Not all women are below 75 but most are.

[@korab.23]

If you can't have the hard conversations, it doesn't get better. It gets worse for the one who wants to make progress. It's constant pain and longing and wishing. They'll have breadcrumb conversations, just enough to hold you over without any real progress.