Still Not Ready To Commit To My Girlfriend

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[@sunshinexoxo6107]

He doesn't love her but loves the comfort she gives. Leave him, girl.

[@dinajones2761]

Soooo true

[@kratostomatoes8587]

You're full of s and probably don't have a successful relationship if your knee-jerk reaction is for her to leave him over natural feelings that are healthy for him to have.

[@princekiki33]

Marriage isn't about love its about responsibility, marriage is a huge risk for a man, love is not a good reason to take on that risk

[@slaywayy7241]

@@princekiki33 Right so he shouldn’t be dating someone who wants marriage. Everything is a risk but if you feel that way or any man for that matter, then don’t get into a relationship with someone who does. Period.

[@pussydestroyer69285]

@@princekiki33 then dont date someone who wants marriage. Simple. Easy solution

[@mclauren86]

Girlfriend, if you are reading this take heed: Do not let your BOYFRIEND keep you from meeting your HUSBAND. Leave him and move on.

[@theartofcute217]

Wanted to say exactly this!!! Men always come back dont be afraid to LEAVE don't play house with this guy. Haha When he comes back let him know that you expect a ring, not a damn dog collar. If he's not pursuing you, LEAVE. Honestly just leave in general girl.

[@user-he6rs8xi7u]

@@theartofcute217 cat ladies.

[@Monae6890]

👏

[@thatrandomproject6652]

This guy is definitely attractive to pull this off

[@Deadman_Elit3]

The divorce rate is higher than ever and women initiate over 80% of divorces. Men lose the most in divorces which literally gives us very little to no incentive to get married. If she really loves being with the guy, being married shouldn't matter. If a guy isn't committing to the relationship, that's a different story but if a guy is committed, marriage shouldn't make any difference. It's just a status thing with a ring and an expensive venue

[@BW_Reformation]

Please dump her. I would feel absolutely horrified if a man felt this way about me. If you don’t think she’s the one by now then it’s a no.

[@ashtonelvismusic]

Facts

[@InTheNameOfLife1]

Same!!!! She’s way better off if he leaves. She deserves someone that is sure about her

[@camellia8625]

He may enjoy the perks of a committed relationship without making the commitment.

[@saferides2474]

​@@camellia8625 what is commitment lol

[@user_abcxyzz]

​@@saferides2474monogomus

[@ruraljuror6585]

Don't be a place holder. He'll take your child bearing years and marry someone else that he really wants.

[@sabrinashelton1997]

Exactly this! Women don't seem to get this. You can't have kids forever.

[@Olivetree80]

Not everyone wants kids lol

[@sabrinashelton1997]

@@Olivetree80 But most do. If you are a woman who doesn't care and doesn't mind never getting married, then by all means, have at it.

[@willywonkausername]

@@sabrinashelton1997I would not say that it’s true “most do.” A lot of women are child free by choice and happy with it

[@sabrinashelton1997]

@@willywonkausername most do

[@seaportsthename]

my ex was like this. i waited for 4 years… got tired of waiting on being “worthy” of marriage. finally left and i’m much happier.

[@user-he6rs8xi7u]

Guys know within a year of commitment. Good job on leaving.

[@TopFlightSecurity415]

yea it should def not take 4 years smh 2 years max to figure out if you want to marry someone imp

[@kaidiver4306]

Had a friend waited for over 15 years, 3 kids .. and still nothing. A couple of people i know I waited over 5 years, 10 and still nothing. I've also meant people been together for over 5, 10 years, finally got engaged and gotten married. To me it all depends on the couple

[@ohnobo14]

I bet he is far happier too

[@nohandletobehad]

The one way to look at it is this. If your face burned and you looked way different would your boyfriend or girlfriend stay by yourside because they love you and it doesn't matter to them how you look then you have hit the jackpot. I had been with my girlfriend now wife and I lover her to death. A jet ski exploded on my face and It burn very badly. I immediately knew she wouldn't care she truly really loved me. Luckily my face healed exactly the way it was before, we are happily married and I love her so much

[@laurenecarter246]

After 4 years you know if you want to marry someone. Let her go, man. It's cruel.

[@xaui2240]

She's stupid of staying

[@danigirl103]

Wasted four years of her life. Let her go find someone who is serious and give her the commitment she deserves.

[@purplelove3666]

She wasted her life.

[@weekendnomad5038]

Exactly

[@BlendedBarbieDoll]

Ladies don’t let your boyfriend get in the way of you meeting your husband.

[@user-he6rs8xi7u]

Ladies: make sure you leave your boyfriend before you look for his replacement.

[@CaraJohnson01]

​@user-he6rs8xi7u nah you want to waste her years by stringing her along and there's overlap that's on you. Women have a biological clock ya know what they say all is fair in love and war

[@xsgtxbigboy1655]

@@CaraJohnson01funny cause if we cheat we’re trash but girls do they say you go girl

[@CaraJohnson01]

@xsgtxbigboy1655 cheating is a shitty thing to do for both but stringing someone along is also shitty so it's not like he doesn't deserve it. If he wasn't marrying her he obviously doesn't love her anyway so no harm no foul

[@MrsM2358]

Amen!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@Girlgonewise]

She should have never moved in with this man and allow him to string her along for 4 years. He’s getting all the benefits of a wife without having to be married. He loves her company but he doesn’t love her. He’s the type that will leave a long term relationship and be married to someone else within a year. She’s a place holder.

[@xsgtxbigboy1655]

Sounds like what girl do to guys on the daily but they cheat the whole time instead

[@Crazyced]

This 'wife treatment' concept is stupid considering most women are looking for husband treatment from the very 1st date where he picks up that tab. They then expect that husband treatment to continue all the way till they pop the question to even consider it. You are right that there are good chances that he would marry the next girl much quicker (if she makes him tick).

[@katiefrankie6]

Exactly. Don’t have sex with someone who hasn’t publicly committed to you via marriage. Stop playing house.

[@jaqueitch]

This dude is immature. First "overwhelmed" with working. He's in a band (oh, the irony). Now, he's stringing along a girl with his immaturity. He can't commit to anything.

[@purplelove3666]

No one can string you along. You have to make that choice to go along.

[@justmejenny7986]

@@purplelove3666 yes,people play with others emotions all the time.

[@stormstargazer3056]

Now he’s blaming mommy because he can’t commit to his girlfriend. Pathetic.

[@camellia8625]

@@purplelove3666the girl friend probably believes his protestations of love. He is giving mixed signals. Who wants to believe their partner is stringing them along.

[@meganrenee5581]

Yup...that's all I hear is immaturity....

[@MeloFloww]

He doesn’t love her, he loves the idea of her being around. She should leave. Brother is wasting everyone’s time.

[@orangefield2308]

he must die for her, but she will not die for him

[@waluigisim]

@@orangefield2308this is so dramatic 😂

[@chiefguns1980]

I'd bet if they do marry, it won't last long@

[@kcourtney6826]

Lol! I’ve seen situations like this before he doesn’t want to marry her, if they break up he’ll meet someone new and propose to them within the year. Happens all the time.

[@InTheNameOfLife1]

100%

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

And this may be true, but it is annoying for the woman. You can listen and hear all his excuses on why he doesn’t want to break up, too

[@saferides2474]

He do that because you left over a paper not because he loves the new person

[@Chet_24]

She can leave, too. Dont act like she's some hapless bystander in this

[@Shazzie_Rose]

I don't think he'll propose but, rather, ride the initial stage high until the girl wants a commitment then drop her and go into another relationship. Wash, rinse and cycle.

[@wavynaturalista]

You see why you should never move in with just a boyfriend? Do not give spouse benefits to boyfriends or girlfriends. This is your life! Do not play with your life. Period.

[@howtopopo7118]

Id argue he just isn’t mature enough. Not against living with an s/o.

[@GratiaPrima_]

@@howtopopo7118 if they can’t commit before moving you in, that’s ALWAYS immaturity.

[@BagsNBaguettes_327]

Agreed. I never lived with my husband prior to us getting married.

[@michelmurphy7152]

Agreed completely

[@Alvin-xs7db]

Spouse "benefits" 🤣 For the woman perhaps

[@waybogus]

Never spend more than a year of your life with someone if marriage isn't on the table. Too many people do exactly this and it ends dreadfully every single time.

[@ivanvargas2425]

So marry a complete stranger and move in together? Just to divorce later on. Smart…very smart…

[@shachede6828]

Facts that’s my rule too, 1 year if we have no future together after 1 year it’s over lol.

[@waybogus]

@@ivanvargas2425 If you have been going out with someone for one year and you still consider them a complete stranger, you're doing dating wrong.

[@ivanvargas2425]

@@waybogus You don't truly know someone until you live with them. So either you shack up or get married to stranger. Statistically, divorce rate is at an all time high, due to quick marriages. Dave is a number's guy but doesn't look at the numbers for the divorce rate and time frame. He just can't admit he's wrong here.

[@waybogus]

@@ivanvargas2425 You're completely off. Divorce rates are higher among people who lived together before marriage. No one likes to be treated like a free trial. Shacking up before marriage implicitly implies "I love you, but if someone better comes along for either one of us, we can opt out".

[@danielrn133]

This guy won't do anything. He "tries" to quit a band but does't. He won't marry his GF. Just wallowing around indecisive.

[@random-nz7dy]

Or what might happen is they will eventually get married out of obligation and family pressure thinking that it will fix the problem and then they'll get divorced very quickly

[@jeromehenry4484]

I can just hear it in caller's voice that he will not follow Dr. Deloney's advice, especially the part about getting a full diagnostic test for personality disorders from a trained professional, because that would create a "commitment" to treatment/therapy. Lame, just lame, to blame his mother for his perspective on women sabotaging his career, musical aspirations, etc. His a grown 30-year-old man for crying out loud! He has had 12 years of adult experiences to make up his own damn mind about women, his girlfriend in particular, his career moves, etc. Would be interesting to know if he is very tied to his mother, how are the lives of his brothers (are they successful, happy, content?). Hope girlfriend is listening to these calls at a distance from him (not in his presence) so she can get clarity on the situation. She is not his dream girl and he will hold out until he finds her.

[@sueblack5794]

For that woman's sake hope he doesn't do anything and lets her go. She can absolutely find someone better than him and her biggest mistake will be to marry a man who really doesn't care that much about her.

[@sueblack5794]

@@random-nz7dy This man is wishy-washy and guarantees he makes his partner crazy with his hot and cold relationship. He sounds like a big-time avoidant and they are terrible to be in a relationship for the long run.

[@random-nz7dy]

@@sueblack5794 yep. And they both know it but they both committed 4 years so neither of them wants to be a one to First admit that they're not the ones for each other because it's hard to admit that you've wasted your time with somebody who's not the one for

[@JustineCarissa]

The girlfriend was willing to accept him even with diagnosis and she was all in. This guy should realize how lucky he is. I like how Dr. John said it’s about choosing to be together or not.

[@purplelove3666]

Justine. Come on. Thats not suprising that the girl was willing to accept him even with his diagnosis. You have women that are married to jail birds

[@weekendnomad5038]

I didn’t catch what he had

[@ineedhoez]

Most likely she is a codependent with boundary issues. Hence, the 4 years of waiting.

[@Nah-ah]

My guess is she has an own set of psychological issues, hence she chose a guy like him! Co-dependency… probably will try to play nurse and fix him! He’s a walking red flag! And he sounds like he’s more committed to band than he is to her!

[@SacramentalSims]

@@weekendnomad5038 Boderline personality disorder.

[@quarterlimit5838]

This is classic “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free” mentality.

[@missjackson_]

Yup, exactly why I refuse to move in with my boyfriend before marriage. Less likely to get married because you’re already doing everything as a wife without the benefits of the title

[@Dev-In-Denver123]

ARE YOU CALLING MY FAT WIFE A COW??? 😡🤬

[@anon7684]

Perfect reason why to never get married

[@Shay-yg7nm]

After 4yrs if you don't know she's the one then she ain't the one! Let her go find someone worth her time

[@michaelh2282]

Ladies, once a man is settled in his career and feels that he's in a position to provide, we only need 3-6 months to know if we want to marry you. If you're not the One for us, many of us will string you along for sex, companionship, and someone to iron our clothes. But the moment someone "better" comes along, we'll toss you aside. The only reason we might marry you in this situation is because we get to a point in life where we feel we're too old/tired/undesirable to find someone better so we just "settle" for you. So ladies, assuming you want to be married, insist early on that you want to be married, and dump him within nine months if he won't commit.

[@abbylebaddie]

This is interesting. I honestly would need a longer time to figure out if I wanted to marry someone.

[@michaelh2282]

@@abbylebaddie We men are very simple minded creatures compared to women. We don't spend lots of time analyzing our thoughts and emotions and being introspective like women do. If we like what we see, we'll decide quick and fight to claim you. Otherwise, you're just something to pass the time with till something better comes along.

[@meg39818]

My fiancé wouldn’t commit to me when his business was stressing him out. Then the business picked up, money came in and I’m wearin’ a ring!

[@michaelh2282]

@@meg39818 My congratulations! As I said above, even many good men won't commit to the woman of their dreams until they feel comfortable with their work and are in a position to provide.

[@ppw169634]

I 100% agree with this! It took my fiancée a few months longer, but it only took me about 5 months. I never felt this in other relationships. When a man is ready, he knows really quickly

[@coconutwater4531]

Men like this run through multiple women their entire lives. He *may* cave and decide to get married in his 40s when his health starts failing or he has ED, balding, and isn’t appealing to women anymore. Regardless, I hope this lady leaves him yesterday and finds a mature man.

[@dinajones2761]

40’s??

[@mr5timewcwchamp]

A little harsh per say, not to mention he’s acknowledged he needs to change. (Needs to make a decision to not Waste her time, and she needs to make her own decisions as well) He’s expressing where he’s at, but it’s not like he’s not trying to do something about it. Also, how do you know he won’t be in better shape in his 40’s with good hair genetics? My dad lost 100 pounds in his 40’s and his hairline is better than mine. (Sad for me).

[@coconutwater4531]

@@mr5timewcwchamp Sure, that’s possible, but not likely. Most people look worse and have worse health as they age, especially men who die earlier than women on average. Of course there are exceptions. And the girlfriend clearly has issues of her own to stay in this situation for so long. I just can’t comment on her case because she hasn’t called in.

[@coconutwater4531]

@@mr5timewcwchamp I forgot to mention that men who are married tend to be healthier and live longer. This is well documented.

[@computernerd8157]

LOL, well I guess that true in lazy ass America and all other western countries;however, the only reason no woman choose me is because I am poor. If I ever get married and that a Big if I will be in my 40's. However, I am in better shape in my late 30s then I have ever been in my 20s. Yes I am balding though, I just shave it all off. Thr solution is to date Younger if you want too period. This is why I believe marriage is not about love because my exprience taught me otherwise.

[@crazeekids9744]

Does the girlfriend want marriage? If she does and he’s not willing to commit, then he needs to let go of this relationship. It’s not fair to her.

[@Acordionista509]

Why can't even be the one that ends it? She's the one who wants it. Not him

[@Cashhhhew]

@@Acordionista509if I’m interpreting your horrible English correctly it’s because he’s lying to her. Giving her false promises just to keep her on the line. If he’s out, he needs to man up and say it.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

​@@Cashhhhewexactly

[@jasonrodgers9063]

Back in 1984 I was in a similar situation with the treasure of a woman that would later become my wife. I was scared to death to commit, didn't think I had the wherewithal ($$) to take on such a responsibility (also a 12 year old step-son). I finally decided to "take the leap, to run down that aisle". Best decision I ever made. We had 34 wonderful years together, until cardiovascular disease took her from me. You've been "de-facto" married for 4 years now, just GO FOR IT! I'm guessing you'll be glad you did.

[@weekendnomad5038]

I’m sooo sorry for your loss . It seems like you love her a lot. I hope I’ve found this too. I think most men go through this though . I made it known to my now husband I wouldn’t waste more than a year in a relationship if it wasn’t heading towards marriage. We were married at 11 months. He had canceled our first appointment at the court because he was scared.. but he actually kept his word on the second. We were married on 2-22-2022 lol .

[@jasonrodgers9063]

@@weekendnomad5038 Congrats! Enjoy the ride! Savor every second together. The time goes by in a flash.

[@coconutwater4531]

Sorry for your loss. Sounds like she was a wonderful lady.

[@madisonandthefarm]

🙏🏼🙏🏼

[@Acordionista509]

Don't do it, think of the financial liability you will put yourself in

[@dhritikapoor2897]

God . He was so infuriating to even listen to for 15 min. How is she living with him 😱

[@chiefguns1980]

I listened for a little over 7, what a goofball! And Dr. wasn't much better! This woman isn't much smarter than her so called boyfriend. He's never going to marry her and if he does at her insistence, it'll be miserable.

[@stormstargazer3056]

He’s blaming “mommy” because he’s too immature to commit. Pathetic.

[@KatieLHall-fy1hw]

Yeah, he does have a lot of excuses

[@bluebellcrushedvelvet]

Well, his mom is TOXIC af!!! Like wtf is wrong with his mom tbh!!! Those are the WORST WOMEN ON THE WORLD!! Disgusting and she's psychotic also!! She should have NEVER EVER had children if she was going to poison them like that!

[@queenj.8i895]

This man said he has Borderline Personality Disorder, that is HUGE. He needs serious professional help & needs to take it seriously and put in serious work for healing. You have no idea the heaviness of his past abuse and traumas. They’re not an excuse, but they are very, VERY real obstacles to having any kind of “normal” life. He does not experience most things the way you do, so don’t judge. Unless of course you and your life are perfect. 🙏🏽 Blessings

[@christinajose285]

​​@@queenj.8i895you are wrong. He is a full grown man that needs to take accountability. Mental illness is no excuse to treat people like crap. And if you can't control yourself stay away from people. People with BPD should stay out of relationships hands down. Because they are unwell and deeply selfish. They don't make good partners or parents. Everything will be about them and there illness.the best thing anyone can do is walk away .

[@annt7384]

Don’t underestimate the power of mommies to steer their boys into some really stupid directions and predicaments. I would be surprised if he really did have borderline personality disorder, but it’s something to definitely get checked out. It’s a long process to get that diagnosis, and it doesn’t sound like he’s gone through that yet with his counselor. If you choose to work on it, there are huge and immediate results using dbt and cbt techniques (and maybe others too). I was in a partial hospitalization program for mood disorders, and it was amazing to witness.

[@colettemallory3813]

He’s Peter Pan. He’s not ready to grow up. He does not want to decide, to choose. He is not ready to function as an adult. He’s a little boy who is terrified. All these choices frighten him. He is immobilized and therefore chooses nothing (or is it everything…a la three bands).

[@thecommonsensecapricorn]

i relate to him a lot. he probably should break up with her. i was the same way with my ex and it was definitely hard to leave, and after 4 years it was really hard to hear he’s with someone else, but ultimately you make the best decision for yourself and the other person. i would’ve never given my ex the commitment and love he deserved - i still haven’t gotten over my fears. im still immature. 24 years old, working on myself daily.

[@nicphythian3080]

Yes but he recognizes it and wants to change... and is starting to take steps towards positive change.

[@donaldlyons17]

@@nicphythian3080 I don’t think he should change. He is who he is and they should accept him as he is!

[@mr5timewcwchamp]

Before we get to harsh, understand he may have BPD. Granted he needs to make a decision, no excuses. But, if you have family or friends with mental health diagnoses then you understand things are just different. Not in a good or bad way, but just different than how most of feel or perceive things.

[@calmingbabysleep1256]

🙋

[@9liveslisa]

There is an old saying, "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? His girlfriend needs to wise up and dump him. The sooner the better.

[@Cashhhhew]

I’m guessing she didn’t because he’s giving her false hope and saying all of the right things. He’s stringing her along. Given how old this episode is I hope he grew up and did the right thing.

[@crestfire8008]

He does not see a future with her. He does not love her. He just likes the convenience she is

[@thecrackedcocoon5423]

If women are so bad why even be with one? Just stay away from them and you should be fine.

[@probablynot1368]

He most likely enjoys the physical contact and being taken care of.

[@myahill7475]

No, that’s too easy… he doesn’t want stability.

[@jackie41083]

Yes! Some men complain or criticize women so much, it's like just leave us alone completely

[@myahill7475]

@@jackie41083 yes, women can be evil but it’s men who are killing their entire families right now so that’s what I don’t get.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Statistically when you move in together, you end up staying together 2 years longer than you would have if you lived apart.

[@Thatperson2-u7u]

Sex does that too. No sex, dont live together, can rule out the wrong people alot faster

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

@@Thatperson2-u7u yes , they’re soul ties .

[@maryc3102]

I don’t see that as bad thing, I’d rather do that than go through a divorce because I didn’t have time to vet the person well

[@Hamyhamster24]

when you bring in stats and facts into a discussion, you gotta provide the sources to back it up. your tiny social circles and the internet don't count. the world has advanced so much beyond you're limited knowledge. we're in 2022 not 1920. people live differently now and traditions don't work for everyone. sit back down with your assumptions.

[@Thatperson2-u7u]

@@maryc3102 if you dont live together.of have sex in the first place though then can find out faster if they arent good for marriage in the first place- like all they wanted was sex or a place to live or not a kind person in other aspects in your life. You dont marry someone to then live together. You get to kniw the person first.

[@TuBui2]

Guy is just spoiled. Dr. asked him why he can't just a commit to just one thing (band, gf/wife, etc.) and the caller just gives excuses about his mom giving him bad female role models. Sir, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

[@Valhal1776]

What, was he just supposed to say "Because I'm wrong" or something? Those weren't just excuses. They were explanations of childhood psychological schemas that he gave in response to a question.

[@theworst4297]

@@Valhal1776 they are excuses. That ain’t got nothing to do with gf/wife, he is too grown to not take responsibility for how he acts.

[@Valhal1776]

@@theworst4297 that's one of the most ridiculous statements I've ever read.

[@JustinCase780]

But he IS getting his cake AND eating it too. 🤣

[@TheRayRayy]

Correct.

[@sophiawish9772]

Typical selfish guy. Wants it all but not willing to give.

[@broetchenahoi6524]

If he isn't ready, he isn't ready, and that's OK. Not OK though to hang on to his girlfriend if she wants to move forward in terms of marriage , kids etc.

[@missjackson_]

I agree

[@unknownname3189]

She could leave, he's not holding her hostage.

[@EdelweisSusie]

This sums men up exactly - they want all the benefits but are reluctant (and terrified) to commit to the right one: then she leaves and they hook up with another bint who bleeds them dry financially and then they really ARE in trouble! Sadly, men always choose the wrong road - and spend the rest of their lives regretting it.

[@alexavasquez1992]

Serves them right

[@myahill7475]

Yeah, and he’ll blame all women for his bad decisions. He has a good one but he’ll drag his feet so much that she is probably contemplating leaving now. He’ll marry that soul snatcher that will leave heart broken and jaded for life.

[@listrahtes]

The problem is that in the US marriage is horrible one sided in punishing the men when they divorce. It is such a brutal disparity that it simply isn't worth it anymore. You get destroyed financially and when kids are involved regarding custody. The two worst cases I had one was a personal patient was a guy well set in everything were the woman left after he had a stroke. She bled him try with alimony as she decided not to work to a point I gifted him sometimes food as he lived of basically water and bread. Horrible. The other one was a manager at a huge company also being divorced by a cheating wife. She was able to first steal near all money before divorce And the bleed him dry below unemployment payments plus with lies about abuse getting full custody. He killed himself .

[@xsgtxbigboy1655]

Funny cause all the girls are to much of a hoe they cheat the whole time then all the other girls say you go girl!!! But a man cheats there trash and not loyal or the girls says she cheated cause we ain’t around enough cause we work and ur a stay at home mom

[@sid2131]

Don't have sex before marriage if he doesn't put a ring on it

[@BagsNBaguettes_327]

Patrick, you need to grow up. Life is going to continue to kick you in the butt until you grow up. Don’t waste this woman’s time or life. She may want a family and you’re wasting her time, the most precious jewel we have.

[@kenlang2154]

Lol, then she should leave. He's happy where they are, why is he responsible for her choice to stay? Why do you place blame on him when it is clearly her decision to stay? It's always so weird when women refuse to be accountable for their own decisions.

[@clairesmith9637]

Being in three bands told me everything I need to know lol

[@umiluv]

Omg this guy is a nightmare. I’ve never heard of someone so indecisive in my life. He just thinks life is a whim instead of choices he makes. How can anyone live like that?!

[@karenhardie1132]

Paint or get off the ladder. You know in four years if you want marriage. Your moms stuff is not your baggage. Time to grow up and not string someone along for four years.

[@Thesussysuscat]

This dudes all over the place with everything

[@probablynot1368]

Yes he is. That’s the result of his BPD. Just imagine what his girlfriend deals with on a daily basis. He’s delaying quitting two of the three bands he’s in because that would result in more available time spent building a solid relationship with her.

[@katierojas8066]

😂

[@angelicapickles_]

6:00 he literally just described that he feels better being a serial dater. Lol you need to be single dude and just keep chasing that stupid honeymoon high

[@madagirl2026]

Girl 🏃‍♂️ run…….. I did 4 years and I was done! Best decision ever!!!!

[@emmaswartz4549]

With my husband, it took us only 4 months to start talking about marriage. If your SO other is taking 4 years to decide if you're the one, maybe they're not the one.

[@amys.6673]

Quote of the day: "It's like 'I don't wanna pee on the floor'...then DON'T! Just go in the bathroom!" -Dr. John Delony

[@winnie879]

He literally said he would rather ride the new relationship high with multiple women than stay with one. No judgment, just be honest and let her go.

[@TheBonBizzle]

HE IS SUCH A COWARD. HE IS SO SELFISH. he wants to keep her but is not willing to offer her something that's so not unreasonable. He is clearly not capable of making a decision. Men like that are dangerous and will waste your time. I can't believe Dr. Delony recommended that he should basically waste 6 more months of her time.

[@random-nz7dy]

Classic situation. You stay with somebody long enough but you know it's not really meant to be for life but because you've been with them for so long they become a comfort in your life and you're just so used to them being a part of your life it's hard to admit that you need to completely restart your life without them. It's why so many long-term relationships that eventually become marriage end in divorce pretty quickly. When you're just dating it's easier to tolerate incompatibilities It's the same thing that happens when you've been single for a long time and it's really hard to enter into a relationship because you don't want to give up the comfort of being single that you've gotten used to.

[@ivanvargas2425]

Same for people who get married so fast. Statistics show quick marriages end before 3 years. Waste of money.

[@pixie3458]

Excellent comment

[@thefoodwench4848]

His excuses are all BS. He’s using her as a space keeper, he doesn’t really love her. He needs to cut her loose.

[@computernerd8157]

Or she can take resposibility for her own life and dump him, problem solved.

[@K-wx6ki]

Is there a point at which we need to stop blaming our upbringing? Everyone has some trauma or another but you need to recognize it and take responsibility

[@stilljocelyn_]

4 years and shacking up. Stop wasting her time.

[@Lankston101]

I mean, he’s not going to inconvenience himself. It’s up to her value herself more than this relationship. Have some standards, boundaries, and expectations. If you don’t want to be the perpetual girlfriend, then don’t do it. Make that clear and be willing to walk away from things you don’t want.

[@ultramarinewaters9325]

Patrick, I hope you read these comments. You are wasting that girl’s life. She has committed to you, she loves you dearly, and all you talk about is how you would prefer to be with random women hopping around in other peoples beds. I hope she leaves you. If she doesn’t, please do her a favor and leave her. She deserves so much better than the crappy relationship you’re giving her.

[@GratiaPrima_]

1) either she isn’t the one and you should break up, and you’ve made it harder by “playing family” (don’t play family, kids) or 2) just get over yourself and commit. People have done it for all of human history, for good reason. You’ll be fine.

[@myahill7475]

He can’t! If he commits he’ll just tell himself that he was pressured into it. He’ll never accept his choices. He’ll just blame his mother for screwing his head up when he’s fully aware that his way of thinking is flawed and dysfunctional.

[@miriamcohen7657]

He should not marry her. He will never totally commit to her. He should live in his mother's basement, where he belongs. She deserves a a man who will commit to her. He's an adolescent.

[@rabbitholegirl1]

He wants a diagnosis so he can use it as an excuse.

[@rarajean]

He can’t even let go of his bands🤣He’s not gonna break up with her

[@MickeyCastro]

This hits home. It used to be hard for me to commit to someone but then I lost someone special bc of it. By the time I found out how I truly felt about her it was too late. After that I decided I would never make the same mistake and fully let myself love and surrender my heart to people who my heart landed on. I'm married now. Relationships aren't easy but they're worth it. I'd rather have my heart broken than have regret. I'd rather the person cheat on me than wonder what if... Never again. The funny thing is that sometimes it takes us losing somebody special to appreciate love and relationships.

[@blueseptember2174]

My husband cheated on me. And the thought of the day has been: Is it better to have love and lost instead of wondering what if? Or would I have been better to build my life alone and safe? It's been an interesting introspection. I still don't know the answer 😅

[@MickeyCastro]

@@blueseptember2174 Following you're heart is ALWAYS better than regret (trust me). If he cheated on you that's bc he's got problems HE'S got to work on. I think wanting to be single for a bit is normal, but to actively avoid relationships cus you got cheated on isn't healthy and isn't fair to the guys that WOULD treat you right.

[@blueseptember2174]

@@MickeyCastro I totally agree. But I'm now raising a family alone. He visits and provides financial support but it would take one amazing man to walk into all that. It feels impossible. But maybe one day.

[@MickeyCastro]

@@blueseptember2174 You're options are put yourself out there and be patient. Or keep to yourself and not expect anything.

[@show_me_your_kitties]

Sounds like you are in love with your ex.

[@LauraLParr]

Damn dr John coming in with the heat 👏👏👏

[@vrobson2473]

He is a man-child...my ex was like that...afraid to commit. We broke up, a year later he’s trying to come back into my life😅

[@virgomoon1168]

Most men I date are like this. Drag me along for YEARS and not want to commit. My last ex literally put EVERYTHING before us and our relationship. I had a father who was distant and unloving and never there for me so I attract the same crappy guy over and over. Now that I see it, I’ll be single forever. Not even worth it.

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

It's not just that you attract them, you also are attracted to them. You can change that half of the equation and in doing so probably become someone who more responsible men find attractive too.

[@jeanniefelix6534]

@ Virgo Moon heads up, a man knows within 3 to 6 months if your the one, they know but we as a woman, are okay just allowing the relationship to just go along, they are just getting sex without the headaches of purchasing anything for you, ur giving it for free...you gotta be careful with men, YET no one tells women that

[@genxx2724]

@@jeanniefelix6534 Thank you. So how do we women go about it? I refrain from letting things get steamy, and it might make men think I’m not interested.

[@colmwhateveryoulike3240]

@@jeanniefelix6534 Goodness you give men a lot of credit and women none. I think we're each as clueless and clumsy in our own different ways. Where do men get this superhuman insight, do you think?

[@nique7098]

name checks out

[@nr7701]

Honestly, once you cross the three year mark of being together in a relationship with someone, you need to come clean to yourself about what's preventing you from making it official. (Some commenters may disagree and say one year or two years is all that's needed. I say you can take three years to figure this because you will experience a good amount of life events for those who argue that a longer amount of time in a relationship is needed to see, and it accounts for long distance relationships/people who generally move slowly in relationships.) There can be a few exceptions to the above rule (you're younger than 22, you're only waiting because you're still saving up enough money for a wedding, etc.), but if you're still unsure about life with this person after having spent THREE years together... that's not a good sign. You really need to question, Why? How much more of my life am I willing to spend (and potentially waste) with this person trying to figure this out?

[@weekendnomad5038]

A man knows in the first few months. You shouldn’t wait longer than a year. An older woman told me this and it changed my life. I’m married now and we were married at 11 months. I let it be known I would walk away snootily after a year if this isn’t where it’s going Ahh I didn’t read the whole comment. What you said makes sense . I’m 36 I just don’t have time for uncertain men lol

[@MichaelJones-rn2pq]

I was engaged after three weeks of my first date with my wife. We were married within a year and we didn't live together. Married for 32 years with three grown sons. When you know, you know.

[@erickmarroquin123]

@@weekendnomad5038 what was the rush to be married before 1 year? As in what do you gain? Bc you lose the ability to see how a person reacts to the ups and downs that we all experience in our lives. How they handle conflict?

[@Jamesgeeee]

I stayed 5 years before breaking it off, but told friends at the 1 year 9 month mark that it was inevitable that we break up…I wish for her that I broke it off then. I wasted her time. And for that I am ashamed

[@shachede6828]

Fam less than a year. My dad dated a woman for 10 years never married her. Met my mom within a year got married and they are 30 years together and going strong. 3 year for a woman especially is BS!!!

[@random-nz7dy]

What business does a pre-marriage counselor have diagnosing somebody with borderline? Definitely get a second opinion because that's way over diagnosed and I don't personally think that a pre-marriage therapist should be making that diagnosis.

[@Thatperson2-u7u]

And takes long term therapy to truely make that diagnosis. The caller may have misunderstood the premarital mentioning the possibility and suggested him seeking behavioral therapy.....but possible it was an egocentric counselor who over did the stay.

[@random-nz7dy]

@@Thatperson2-u7u some people are so obsessed with diagnostic that they love to throw diagnostics at patients all the time. Or maybe said "sounds like borderline" and he went with it. But overdiagnosis is a huge problem in psychiatry right now. But he definitely needs an exhaustive workout by a psychiatrist.

[@ineedhoez]

I mean he sounds like a BPD.

[@random-nz7dy]

@@ineedhoez it's too hard to tell from this Convo. Having seen patients with it. I'm not saying I know he doesn't. It's just, a marriage counselor shouldn't be the one to diagnose that.

[@judithmiller7308]

Never shack up and never provide wife benefits without marriage. NEVER.

[@johniii8147]

He's not marriage material. Not every wants or should get married. Better just to admit that but he still wants to keep her since she's comfort while he's off having his fun. Don't encourage to marry her, he will just screw it up. She's the one John should be talking to her and telling her to move on.

[@mrsage4489]

If she leaves him then he will the same day be 100% ready to commit. Be then she won't anymore and it will be the hardest hit he ever felt in his life. I hope he will not have to go through that to learn but some people just have to (speaking from personal experience unfotunately).

[@els9559]

He's being selfish. If his childhood has made him afraid if commitment and he knows that ...work through it! His long term girlfriend deserved that at least.

[@mr5timewcwchamp]

1) he needs to make a choice, and be straightforward. 2) she’s also an adult and needs to make a choice, it takes two to tango.

[@ek5384]

If I'm dealing with a dude who's not sure if he wants to marry me.. Oof! No people, just no.

[@GDuncan8002]

Talk to a few 40 year old men. He should be afraid.

[@Sharnecau]

RUN 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️ Girl its so hard woth anyone with mental health issues. I could never again

[@uscitizen3252]

Don't let this guy get through the phone lines ever again.

[@3mrabbit]

[@deeali9757]

LOL

[@ninjasavings]

HAHA

[@mimimonster]

I was married to a man with intimacy issues bc his own mother had BPD. He cheated the entire marriage with multiple women at a time - he admitted to at least 30. He to this day lives the same way but it’s because he was never interested in a diagnosis and never interested in fixing it, he was obsessed with the flame thrower vs the carnival and still lives for it. It’s a miracle this man here recognizes there are issues, admits he’s not happy, is open to a diagnosis and a solution. Very, very rare!! I hope he follows through bc it sounds like he can end up with a very happy life but damn, it’s gunna be hard.

[@blueseptember2174]

Yes at least he's self aware. If he works hard, he's got a lot of potential and could even help other men with his advice. So many men in his position just ride a conveyer belt and don't even think about anything.

[@steph6109]

It's not a miracle. Just how some victims of sexual abuse go on to abuse and some don't, it's a personality problem. He'd have been a scum bag regardless

[@poopoopeepee4233]

Finally a woman that’s understanding of him and not trying to bash him. Thank you for this

[@megalopolis2015]

I am praying for these two people. Alone or together, they will have quite the trail to blaze.

[@witchsistah]

He's selfish. He's going to just waste her time for his comfort.

[@charlotteschnook1351]

So many guys are like this - they are cluster B types who want constant thrills - they will NOT tell this to women upfront. Instead they use the hell out of women to get that thrill and leave a trail of hurt behind them. I wish these dudes would buy flesh lights and leave women alone - they are the MAJOR reason why so many women in our society are so defensive and bitter.

[@user-he6rs8xi7u]

You should see the cluster b crap show in women.

[@isay207]

It would be ok if they were honest up front about What they wanted

[@funicon3689]

@@user-he6rs8xi7uno, women are perfect. their problems are men's fault 100% of the time.

[@Cashhhhew]

@@user-he6rs8xi7uokay? It’s almost like it’s damaging on both sides

[@madisonandthefarm]

This is her fault too, she should have never let this drag out. She could have left, she got too comfortable.

[@TrustintheLord860]

He has a fearful avoidant attachment style stemming from his mom’s abuse. Unless the trauma is addressed, he’ll keep sabotaging.

[@MamiTT237]

The entitlement 🙄🙄🙄… girl! Leave him! And him! LEAVE HER ALONE! Relationships don’t work that way!

[@weekendnomad5038]

Men are sorry they will string you along. My husband said this to me too. I said ok cool at (insert date here) I will walk away. Like 2 months later he proposed and we got married in two days at the courthouse . Just go to the courthouse and sign the damn papers

[@seraphenki933]

I feel like that's coersion. Like an ultimatum. I still feel that it wasn't his choice , but yours instead. I don't want to make someone marry me. 😊

[@EmpressxAllison]

Men like this are the reason women would rather stay single than be lead on by another man who doesn’t actually love her

[@Foxie770]

It’s the woman’s fault (and he family) for moving in / having sex with a man she’s not married to. Men only live up to the standards that are set for them.

[@moonface3351]

vice versa

[@lasantuzza777]

honestly a man (or woman) is only like this if they’re holding out for better or doesn’t truly think you’re the best option. once people learn to accept that instead of making excuses of falling for the back and forth, they can leave and find someone who truly values them. it’s my opinion that ppl know in less than a year whether you’re the one for them or not. i wouldn’t entertain anyone longer than that dating wise.

[@anon7684]

Like women aren't complicit and have ability to leave

[@zaynyt3420]

women only invest emotionally in the guys who treat them the worst what do you expect?

[@user-sl4cd2sz5l]

Holding someone back and giving every excuse is not fair. Shame on you Patrick !

[@pattyajones]

This problem (as well as the previous call) is ALL ON YOU, Patrick. And that's cool...but Dude, find the courage and set her free. You need to work on YOU. She can't help. Set her free. If you say or feel that you "love" her...the kindest thing you can do is set her free.

[@InTheNameOfLife1]

Break up with her and let her go is exactly right. You can’t drag someone along like that. You’ve already been together for 4 years. What is the issue? Obviously he still has desires outside of his gf. Let her be with someone that actually wants her.

[@alexanderroberts8579]

This dude just has zero discipline. He is a child. Get over your self and grow up

[@dr.bradshaw]

Zero discipline while managing a career, a home, a long term girlfriend, and 3 successful bands that are full time jobs. Yeah, zero discipline huh.

[@alexanderroberts8579]

@@dr.bradshaw yes zero. He isn’t going anywhere in life. He stuck in the kid world

[@dr.bradshaw]

@@alexanderroberts8579 cool

[@FreeSpirit47]

Too many women give husband privilege to a manbaby who is just a boyfriend.

[@birsancristina9278]

In 4 years he knows he will never marry her. He should leave that woman alone.

[@donnasearch1]

He is still a little boy. He values his mother's beliefs. He is doing EXACTLY what he wants to do.

[@katrinaisalwayscorrect]

Women need to be upfront on what they want and what they will accept. I don't play house, I'm a good woman with love to give and I don't have time for a Peter pan who wants to play house.

[@tpeopleway]

Girlfriend, please make sure you listen to everything that your boyfriend is saying, how he’s pushing back, not taking accountability. Not taking the advice that Dr Delony gave him last time. He’s questioning if you are even meant to be together and feels more comfortable with multiple people..

[@Raina430]

Love it that John says BPD as over diagnosed. It’s important to make sure.

[@user-nz2rf7fm8h]

If you want marriage do not let it go years and waiting for someone to step up. They know pretty early if you fit in their life long term

[@brightpage1020]

Perfectly valid not to be ready for whatever reason to commit. That is respectable, as long as you stay honest with the parties involved. But if you string girlee along... Until you meet a wife - that's some bad juju, dude. If you don't know by now, the answer is NO. Move out and let her move on. Stop robbing her of the future she wants to sustain your mental instability. When it's the right one, and you can man up without besitation, you'd feel so foolish to risk losing her, you'd never wait til year 2 let alone year 4. You are doing both of you a disservice. Break up and let her find the life she wants with someone else. Someone who wants the same things - to run down the aisle with her. Who would feel honored more than trepidatious. Or you're wasting her time and she'll resent you for stringing her along. Punishments will leak out of her. Tears. I was this girl. Year 4 my college boyf comes to meet extended family on a big ski vacay. Just before dinner he slips me my Christmas gift, in a small velvet box... I opened it. It was beautiful. It was a blue diamond and gold - pendant necklace. I had thought this might be the moment and how thoughtful and brave he was to do it there in front of my family... My sisters saw the box and rushed me to the bathroom to catch my tears... He could afford a diamond, just didn't want to marry the girlfriend of 4 years. It was a beautiful gift and so painful to accept. I tried to give it back to him. He asked why and acted shocked when I said, "It's a diamond, but not a ring? I can not accept this." It felt humiliating. . But he genuinely thought it would be sweet. Uhm... We did not last another 3 weeks. I'm married now to somebody with the balls to jump. Thank God! Letting me go was the best thing that guy could have done for me. The very best. If you have borderline you should not be in committed relationships. It's not for you. Do NOT become a parent, please. Please use protection and tell people you date that you have this!! As a sign of respect and integrity for yourself and for them.

[@acidgambit8138]

It is called insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting something different. Dump the poor girl and go to therapy. Figure it out.

[@KellyAlbright-tg9kz]

Thank you for stating that this is overdiagnosed. People want to not accept their sin nature and call it a "disorder" alllll the time. Ridiculous.

[@sds6303]

From what this caller was saying, it doesn’t sound like he has bpd. He definitely needs a full diagnostic workup. Just bc someone has issues with commitment and self sabotages doesn’t necessarily mean someone has bpd.

[@sabrinay9430]

I had a guy try to do that to me. Notice I said tried. He tried to sting me along. Didn't want to get married, not even call me his girlfriend, just hang out and be casual. Oh and have sex with me whenever he wanted. It hurt me because I wanted more then that. We don't talk anymore 😞

[@TheSweetestTouch]

And now you are on a KZbin video implying with that emoji that you miss him. Not every woman is a wife, you should have stayed you probably would have been happy despite the hit to your ego you would be able to say you still have him instead of the memory

[@Cashhhhew]

@@TheSweetestTouchand you could have learned English. And yet you are here admonishing some random comment thinking you made a difference. See how that works?

[@TheSweetestTouch]

@@Cashhhhew no, explain the point you're trying to make further for me

[@TheSweetestTouch]

@@Cashhhhew to the idiot on a public comment forum, please explain to me "how it works" if my comment doesn't make a difference

[@TheSweetestTouch]

@@Cashhhhew elaborate on the ways your comment makes a difference. We'll see who speaks English... I'll be waiting

[@stephaniebermudez8948]

Everybody wants to play house.. no one wants to commit

[@j.d.7569]

Couples who live together before marriage are more likely to end in divorce

[@Dlroper95]

So many people are now experts on the relationship of someone they’ve never met nor know the whole situation. It’s crazy that you don’t all have your own podcast with millions of views

[@OneDanae]

Can you relate to the guy on the phone?

[@blueseptember2174]

@@OneDanae nooo lol

[@imenehaddad2860]

Let her go man

[@arbitrarylib]

She probably said the same thing to him but he only listened to another man

[@alexavasquez1992]

Hate to say it, but literally the only reason this happens all the time is because women put up with it. We've all heard enough stories of women who ended up as placeholders to be replaced by a woman that got the ring within a year of meeting the man who turned you into a placeholder, to be falling for it over and over again. It's getting ridiculous now. We KNOW what's up within a year of dating