My Family Ambushed Me With My Mom Who Abandoned Me As A Baby r/Relationships

[@reinwolf534]

Story 1 did anyone ever tell op that it wasn't infact her fault that Mom left? Her brothers always blame her and she never gave up any real time of day. Op should not talk with her family for a long time

[@ancadiamant]

This part of the story got me too. OP was so unfairly blamed for the egg donor's absence and then her brothers are the ones reconciling with her so fuck those dumb ass siblings, father, family and friends. Father did not even correct his sons on what they said they blamed OP for nor did anyone else.

[@kaykay8855]

Unfortunately, stuff like this happens a lot. Basically it boils down to the need to put the blame on someone else.

[@beebs4283]

the fact that they blamed her for it so often she acted as if it was a normal sentence for a human being to say gobsmacked me. fucking deplorable of her brothers

[@lilmsmetal]

Absolutely NTA. He could have dated anyone else in the world, but the woman who gave birth to her was never a mother, why would he choose her? Sound hard, but low contact with Dad, bros, may be easier than no contact.

[@1kokokala10]

​@@kaykay8855 It's so unfortunae and aggravating because the blame should 100% be on the person that ACTIVELY left. Like OP was a baby and the mom was for all intense and purposes a grown adult. dad gives me a bit of the ick with him getting the mom right after she graduated hs so honestly OP's entire family is a basket case.

[@carlrood4457]

Here's the response to "You made your mother cry.": How many times did she make me cry over the years with every time she failed to show up? The scales aren't close to being balanced.

[@DL-ce4vy]

Exactly!

[@rpurdy4821]

EXACTLY THIS! 💯%

[@PaintSplashProductions]

I'd give massive middle fingers to the brothers because they played a huge role in OP trauma

[@alicewilloughby4318]

How about , "I didn't MAKE cry, she damn well CHOSE to cry!"

[@Cl0ckcl0ck]

How can I make my mother cry when I never had a 'mother'? Dad is an absolute AH for never telling OP the truth. Lyle is an AH for telling OP everybody knew long before her.

[@katypurrito4429]

Story 1: "She made her mom cry", so what? Her mom made her cry for 20 years. Lyle obviously has his mom's totally self-centered personality.

[@carolroberts4614]

So a woman presumably in her 40s or 50s , is crying, but 20 year old Op is the immature one?

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

Story 2: NTA. As far as the aunt and uncle are concerned, it's not surprising their marriage is going strong, they both sound like arseholes to see no problem with treating kids that way.

[@groofromtheup5719]

She should say "Sorry if I implied you could afford a lunch out. You never even managed remotely that for me growing up."

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

So lying and then actual wanting someone to deliver on a promise is entitlement. The parents suck for allowing crap like that to continue, and of course aunt and uncle are Grade A AHs.

[@debl3063]

I can't figure out why OP is worried about uncle's feelings. Uncle is obviously being mean on purpose. He goes on about the gesture being so kind, but if you know it wouldn't be followed through on then it's just mean. Don't let someone be mean to your kid on purpose.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@debl3063 his horrible behavior had been normalized to her since her own parents didn't have the gumption to do the right thing with him ever.

[@unicorn12345]

She should take her daughter on that trip, then send uncle the bill

[@huinismith]

Story 1: OP's dad is delulu. The family they once were exists only in his memory/imagination. The twins were way too young to have many memories of that time.

[@Callimo]

Also, how significant was this age gap? OP's dad sounds like a groomer, yikes. OP needs to just disengage from that whole familial situation.👀

[@huinismith]

@@Callimo Yep, also that.

[@firetiger582]

I feel so bad for the op in the first story. Her father told her he wished that everyone could go back to 20 years ago.... so before op was born. And she didnt even catch it with all that was going on.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I hope he meant 20 years ago as in when OP was a baby, but either way her "family" sucks so it almost doesn't even matter.

[@wvanyar1801]

I caught that as well. Dad wants his happy family back, but it was never a happy family, it was an illusion. This will not work. I came from a broken family, Dad in this story is putting on blinders to OP’s feelings and the trauma Dad allowed on OP from her brothers. If OP does not need Dad or the brothers go low to no contact with them. Because if they try to play happy family and it fails, the brothers will blame her again. They will most likely blame her even if she is not in the picture.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1 : So, it's taken OP birth giver 20 yrs to get clean, knowing all of the time that she had 3 kids that who should be taking care of. Now that she has decided to get clean, she expects everyone to be over the moon, and accept her like she's never been away. She's already caused a rift between OP and her one brother, and tension between OP and her dad. I'm sorry but the woman that gave birth to her is a self centred, self absorbed piece of sh*t, and she's never been an actual mother to her, as far as OP concerned she may as well be a stranger, and OP have no obligation to forgive her or accept her back in OP's life. Any forgiveness from OP needs to come slowly, and completely at her own pace, if ever at all. Her brother owes OP a huge apology, he's put a woman's feelings, who abandoned him, over the sister who's always been there for him. NTA.

[@ianmoritzplatapino3684]

She can forgive her but that doesn't mean she has a right to be part of her life anymore.

[@onurkneezb]

All the men in that family are weak, and this is what real toxic masculinity looks like. NTA, this would be an instant block to both brothers and father in my book.

[@carlrood4457]

Father and brothers are actually in worse shape than OP. They apparently never gave up on false hope and the delusion of a family and a woman that never really existed.

[@jackchop1576]

I'm related to addicts who emotionally blackmailed me with that "I have to make amends for my sobriety" crap and it was always 100% for them and all about them. OP is right to not take the bait. My codependent enabler relatives always "clean slated" them and got robbed every time they relapse too. Addiction is sad but I don't deserve to be a punching bag. I have bipolar and never pull that crap.

[@HORIZON00236]

⁠@@onurkneezbit’s more like simping and lack of a self respect her father is so weak he took back a woman who didn’t care form him for years and the twin brother is weak because he is desperate to have a mother

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 2: That family dynamic is just wild. Why has everyone just accepted that uncle "exclusively" gifts crushed dreams and disappointment to all the kids in the family. I mean, it sounds like they've been getting away with it for the past couple of decades without anyone calling them on it. Why is that?

[@dandymaiden]

Because “”fAAAAMilY””

[@ratoim]

It's simple math on both sides. The uncle has calculated the short term ego boost is greater than the cost of defending himself when confronted. The weak willed parents have calculated that the cost of a disappointed child is less than dealing with the drama uncle creates when confronted. As an aside, given the aunt's reaction, it seems uncle managed to find his female mirror image.

[@dandymaiden]

I like to believe she knows what the mom said is valid but her ego and wanting to validate her husband is simply too important, now she’s gonna sit around all huffy until the resentment boils over

[@TheVeggiekat]

The ego boost the uncle gets is typical of narcissists and the aunt is his flying monkey. To the uncle his intentions are every bit as good as an actual gift because nothing is about anyone else and his feelings are the only ones that matter.

[@TheVeggiekat]

Story 2 - The ego boost the uncle gets is typical of narcissists and the aunt is his flying monkey. To the uncle his intentions are every bit as good as an actual gift because nothing is about anyone else and his feelings are the only ones that matter.

[@valgardener7656]

Story 1: Block your Dad, Lyle, and half your friends. This was an ambush. Your father should have spoken to you privately, just the two of you. If he had, then maybe you'd owe him a listen. Instead the whole family ambushed and ganged up on you. Lyle is a big reason why you have so much trauma around your mother in the first place. HE bullied you about her his whole life. Same for your dad, because he didn't stop it. They caused your trauma, then triggered it by trying to bully you some more. Get rid of EVERYONE in your life who tells you that you need to sit still for this kid of behavior. Honestly, it wouldn't even surprise me if they triggered you on purpose, just so that they could then bully you for your reaction. Seems like your role in this family is to be the scapegoat for their bs. UPDATE: Tears of pure self pity and selfishness are still crocodile tears. And yeah, there's no way Lyle hasn't been a bully to OP her whole life. She's just so used to it she doesn't notice.

[@ZombieSazza]

OP is being unfairly blamed by her brothers, is told “you made your mother cry” like that’s supposed to mean something, was constantly told “I wanna be in your life”, OP actually told her birth mother how she felt. Her birth mother is acting like she can just waltz back in her life, was ambushed, is being harassed by text messages, Jesus Christ OP deserves so much better!!! I’m no contact with my own birth mother, she was extremely abusive and I actually post in r/cPTSD regularly so I can talk with others so I feel less alone with my trauma, it’s something that sticks with you. I’ve had some try and tell me “get over it” and “but she’s your mother, just forgive her”, too many people are dismissive of abusive parents because they had a decent family and can’t imagine having crappy parents, that might be why OPs friends are split on this issue as some are unable to wrap their head around this. Abandoned for 20 years, no apology, ambushed by her dad, made out to be the villain by her brothers, it’s honestly not worth it. I’d be going no contact with the mother and low contact with the father and brothers, their harassment will cause more heartbreak and strife for OP.

[@lifewithlee6298]

Brother wants to believe that if op plays along it will be a big happy family. It won’t take long for the toxic mom to show her colors

[@miminana-hd6nf]

the father should have shut down the bullshit of the "twins" blaming OP for her mother leaving the very first time they said it. He is an enabler of their nonsense, and has contributed to OP being blamed for everything. She needs to keep her distance from all of them.

[@Sherwoody]

Dad stepped up to raise his kids, but never shut down the abuse OP faced from her brothers. I suspect Lyle and Kyle have had more contact with their mom, and deep down feel OP is responsible for their mother leaving. She may even have told them that having another baby was too much for her. If OP decides to go LC or NC, the twins will be more than happy. The big question is, will mom again leave and cause the twins to blame OP for driving her away.

[@Nicholem718-1]

No contact with ALL of them.

[@jackspring7709]

Exactly. I feel bad for OP: the "father" is just as big an AH as her "mother". She has a family of AHs.

[@spikeoramathon]

Story 2 - the uncle isn't upset at the implication, he's upset that someone has finally called him out on his lies. There's something wrong with this dude's head, and the aunt is a Class One enabler.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Keeping this from the child asking the most questions about an absent parent is just insane. How spineless could you be to not give your children closure and then just spring news like this on them??

[@tallyp.7643]

Dad was living in denial all this time--he didn't want to answer questions about pills use or whatever else had he told the truth, so he just pretended she went away and she'd come back someday. Saying she was an addict would've put a huge wall between any future relationship possibilities with mom... of course, his silence and misdirection did that, anyway, so kinda pointless in the end. The men in that family are gonna shatter and blame OP for "not playing happy family" when mom gets sick of playing and runs off again.

[@jackspring7709]

The "father" is pathetic, he's just as bad as the "mother".

[@tracyperez1755]

@@jackspring7709 Enabler, always making excuses for her bad behavior, allowing her to continue the cycle. Mom is much younger than Dad, probably he's looking at having a younger wife to care for him, but he's not thinking about his kids at all.

[@jackspring7709]

@@tracyperez1755 True.

[@LordBison98]

Story 1: It breaks my heart to see how easily OP just accepts the fact her entire family doesn't love her Story 2: "You implied he can only afford a nice lunch" ...Well-? So far it looks like that's the only thing he can afford since he did NOTHING he promised?

[@brianaschmidt910]

It's really easy when you put all the bread crumbs together

[@CRSB00]

Also story 2: "How dare you to expect us to deliver on the empty promises we made you! That's very entitled of you"

[@Creshosk]

"You implied that he's willing to pay for a nice lunch! Don't you know he doesn't want to spend any money on you ungrateful brats that don't just love his lies and the pain and suffering he's caused you and the family?!"

[@merrick1588]

Story 2 "you implied all he can afford is a nice lunch!" look, if the shoe fits...

[@groofromtheup5719]

I doubt he can afford a nice lunch based on past performance.

[@ellisdee1879]

Story 2: I have an uncle who would promise gifts and trips then would never follow through. Every time it was just ‘that’s how he is’. When I was around 13 he’d made some promise to let me visit him on the coast and I remember saying, “No, you’ve never kept your word to me so I don’t want to get my hopes up. It’s ok though, don’t feel bad, everyone says this is just how you are and it’s not a big deal. I still love you, just not your promises.” He started giving all the nieces and nephews lava lamps for every event after that. He was a weirdo

[@crowdemon_archives]

... Lava lamps... 😅

[@TwiggyHetfield27]

Story 1: OP was not immature. In fact she did the most mature thing possible. She took herself out of the situation. As for her "making her mom cry" AND? With the amount of let downs OP had experienced over the years... let that woman cry. After Update: Sounds to me like Lyle has always wanted to be a mommas boy. Cussing out his own sister for setting BOUNDARIES & wanting family therapy! Also I really hate that "you need to get over it" attitude. Also also the twins are only THREE years older! Meaning they were friggin 3 when she left! What kind of relationship did he really remember with her?! Story 2: NTA. OPs mom should've shot this down when they were kids. After Update: "My aunt told me I was creating unnecessary drama and that my daughter and I are acting "entitled" to expect them to do everything to go on this trip." EXCUSE ME?! YOU'RE husband promised this! The aunt is 100% enabling his behavior. She sounds like a bitch. Good on OP for giving her daughter a proper trip.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: OP is just making sure her uncle doesn't mess with her daughter's head like he messed with hers. Unless he's got booked reservations and tickets he shouldn't be doing this nonsense.

[@AndyyWithAY]

He didn't interpret it as you saying he could only afford lunch. He knows you're calling him out on his 💩 He might be a narcissist, they hate to be called on their BS.

[@Sherwoody]

Obviously he can’t afford lunch.

[@Creshosk]

He absolutely is a narcissist. The aunt is too. "How DARE you expect me to keep my promises that I only did to make myself feel good. You're so entitled to expect me to keep my promises. How dare you not want me to be able to constantly break this little girl's heart. Don't you know it's all about me and how good it makes me feel to disappoint children?"

[@ladyv5655]

So what OP needs to do going forward is bring up Uncle's history of making promises that he doesn't intend to keep the next time he does this. Cherry on top would be to share Aunt's comments when calling her out. Guarantee he will never do this again after that.

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

Sorry Uncle, but lies don't make good presents. Cheapskate and an AH.

[@debl3063]

@@ladyv5655 Going forward, he needs to not invite the uncle to children's birthdays, because he gets off on breaking kids hearts.

[@sweetr1832]

I just found my old waffle iron while cleaning, it's from grandma, at least 50 years old and still working perfectly well!

[@MarkNarrations]

Nice, get those waffles on the go! What's going on top?

[@sweetr1832]

​@@MarkNarrationshome-made jam (apples, ginger and chili is the best one) for sweet ones, but savory waffles with creamy yellowfeet mushrooms are my favourite!

[@FlamesofJagger]

Get those waffles going 😂🧇😂🧇😂🧇

[@grievernoctis2238]

When are you making waffles for the gang? Can we set up a fresh fruit table to compliment the waffle buffet? Lol

[@Sherwoody]

I’m having ice cream for dessert today, it’ll be in a waffle cone.

[@JMac7395]

STORY 1: From how OP describes her mothers break down, it sounds like it was already happening before OP was concieved. But like most spouses OP's dad probably ignored it until it reached a boiling point. OP's birth was the straw that broke the camels back. So everyone chose to blame OP instead acknowledging that they failed the mother. I guarantee the father has convinced himself that OP is the reason why the mother developed problems. Which is why he never put a stop to the twins blaming OP. I wonder if OP's mom was experiencing untreated PPD after having the twins?

[@Uneclipsed]

Story 1. Nope, I’d be low/no contact. That relationship isn’t gunna last, and they kept extremely important information from her. Instead of dad pulling her aside to break the news gently and PRIVATELY, they all ambushed her together. They’re the worst.

[@mattfischer7140]

So one twin is dead man walking. Got it. No matter what happens, even if she let the mother in (I doubt she will but still) that brother would be one hundred percent dead to me.

[@jennywhite2462]

Story 2 never promise kids anything. I always told mine maybe or we'll see even if I knew something was 100%. You never know what kind of unforseen circumstances will come up. They never ever forget a broken promise. The OP and her siblings never did.

[@tallyp.7643]

Yeah, I hate when I hear someone go "I promise" to a kid and most of the time they don't follow through. May sound like the words a kid needs to hear in that moment, but when it becomes a lie, it'll be remembered. The closest I've ever come to telling anyone "I promise" is saying "I promise I'll try my best." Because you never know what's gonna happen that could make a liar out of you by complete accident.

[@adak5805]

That second story reminds me of what my mother would do to me. She would promise gifts, clothes and trips which she never delivered. When I expresed sadness over it I got beaten for being brat.

[@pollyjean8026]

😢

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

[@rinistephenson5550]

You weren't being a brat, you were a kid who was lied to and was sad about it. I'm sorry. (Hug)

[@heatherdickau5335]

Story 1 The OP'S parents and brothers are in for a big disappointment. Even if the op forgives her mother this will not be a happy family. The mother will alway have an addiction problem. It will rule he life. Life will be very hard for all around. Every time the mother is a few minutes late they will wonder if she has fallen off the wagon.

[@louib716]

It's never the responsibility of the child that was abused, abandoned, or neglected, to make the effort to reconcile with the bad parent. Nobody is even offering op an apology and just expects her to act like nothing happened? Now THAT'S immature.

[@carrissa8867]

How was she neglected or abused all I heard was she was abandoned

[@akl2k7]

@@carrissa8867 Abandonment is neglect. Also, at least one of the brothers abused her by blaming her for their mom leaving.

[@carrissa8867]

@akl2k7 ok or abandonment is abandonment and physical or emotional abuse is abuse and siblings who both go through difficult situations tend to react by acting up especially with there siblings because they can't stand up to their parents and it's normal for children to do that when they have trauma just like her reaction is normal

[@carrissa8867]

@akl2k7 everyone vilianising the brother haven't been though any parental trauma me and my siblings were physically abused emotionally abused and eventually abandoned by both parents we all took it out on each other because the consequences of standing up to our parents weren't worth it and nobody has no effects from going though things like this and the older you are when it happens the more you realize what's happening and you react more

[@akl2k7]

@@carrissa8867 So, because someone didn't have it as bad as you doesn't mean they were neglected or abused. Got it. Also, for crying out loud, learn to use periods, at least. It would make your paragraph a whole lot easier to read.

[@sister_bertrille911]

Story 2: I was confused by the title. I thought the uncle was spoiling everyone with lavish trips. He's not "gifting them extravagant trips." There are no trips. He's lying to them about the trips and making the "recipients" sad.. That lying must be stopped. OP should take the little girl on the trip and then reject any of his future cards.

[@rinistephenson5550]

She did! What great parents! I'm guessing uncle won't be welcomed at birthday time, and I'd threaten him with disownment if he even pulled that nonsense again. Aunt isn't any better.

[@mavisvioleta]

1 story :This woman abandoned her family and returns now that the children are grown up and the work is done, she wants to come back?! F*ck her! And her brothers aren't any better, telling her that is OP's fault that the "mom" left, affected her to the point that she starts to believe it.

[@jjgandthatsenough]

There’s a lot to unpack. 1) your father didn’t tell you why your mother left. Your family shit down questions about your birth giver. Sometimes uncertainty is worse than the full picture, especially when you have to grow up with the other half of you basically being a ghost and a taboo subject 2) your brothers are evil as hell. Imagine telling your baby sister “you are the reason why mom left”, knowing how badly they want to know their mother. Even at the worst of times my siblings have never crossed a line like that. That’s something that scars you forever. 3) HOW ARE THEY CALLING YOU IMMATURE AND HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR MAKING THE DEADBEAT CRY WHEN SHE ABANDONED YOU?! How dare they even go looking for the audacity to muster up those kinds of things?! I’m seething on your behalf, that’s some crazy ass poop. None of this is your fault and yet somehow, they seem to blame you for that woman’s tragedies. These are not the people you need or should want in your life. I’m so sorry they did this to you. There’s no way you could be TA. If you screamed and shouted at her or at the others, you wouldn’t be the TA. If you wished Zeus would smite them then and there you wouldn’t be TA. You are NTA. You are a child who’s parent abandoned them and who’s remaining family treated like you didn’t deserve to know anything about her, as if you’d dirty her memory by knowing what kind of person she is. They are wrong, NOT you

[@jeaniebee3657]

how does this aunt think its ok for the uncle to make empty promises to get a child so excited knowing its never gonna happen?

[@recycledapathy7411]

That's probably how their entire relationship has been and she's gaslighted herself into thinking that empty promises are a sign of affection. 😛 "He might be a lying sack of crap, but at least he's MY lying sack of crap!"

[@jeaniebee3657]

@@recycledapathy7411 lol

[@SherlocksLeftNipple]

Story 1: The father and brothers are within their rights to reconnect with OP's egg donor on their own terms, but they have no right to force a relationship with her on OP, because they just want to play happy family. That woman is 20 years too late to call herself OP's mother, and her brothers (especially Lyle) honestly owe OP an apology for giving her a complex about why their mother left, whether they meant to do that or not. They don't get to project their own hang-ups onto OP and expect her to just smile and indulge their wants over her needs. They've been selfish enough as it is, and now they have to live with the consequences of that.

[@MarkNarrations]

We've only bloody made it to the end of the week folks!!! Firm hand shakes all around

[@kp2223]

Woo hoo, Friday morning waffles 🧇

[@FlamesofJagger]

Enjoy your waffles Mark. You made it!!🎉🎉

[@SofieAndMe]

I'm only off on Thursdays & low-key hate you "woo hoo it's Friday!" folks. 😂 (kidding of course - I get to go "woo hoo it's Wednesday! 😜)

[@FlamesofJagger]

​@@SofieAndMe I know how you feel. I usually only have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off in a week. I'm on vacation this wee, soive been relaxing and vegging out 😂🤣

[@recycledapathy7411]

@@SofieAndMe Think of it as being able to have your day off in advance. Everybody else has to wait until Friday night to get their time off, you're ahead of the pack. 😄

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

Nah, OP did nothing wrong, his uncle is a straight up liar and a tease that’s more concerned with looking good than actually giving kids a good present, the family needs to stop enabling him. He can’t be allowed to continue to lie and make false promises, I’m sure the kids will be just as happy to be given a gift he can actually provide instead of continuous disappointment. OP needs to put their daughter’s wellbeing over their uncle’s pride.

[@aileencastaneda3724]

S1: Basically the family turned their backs on OP and protected the egg donor instead. My child(ren) will always be my priority, no matter the age. I’m 27 no kids but OP if you need a home cook meal I’ll make you a sopita with some meat. It’s my comfort food. ❤

[@Swnsasy]

They want the "perfect" family again. The dad wouldn't talk about her and what happened, she broke every promise, the twins kept telling her she's why the mom left, what did they expect her to feel? They hounded in her head that it was her fault. I would have told her alone, this was not the right way to go about it at all.. Devil's advocate, I would tell her, you're dad's, girlfriend, not my mother and if you cross that boundary, I'll leave ALL of you.. I'll be civil but that's it...

[@tallyp.7643]

I bet Lyle firmly DOES believe that OP's the reason mom left, or he's making himself believe it, which is why he persists in forgiving mom and treating OP like crap for not doing so, and didn't hesitate to throw that "mom left because of you" line out in bad arguments.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Something tells me happy family gatherings are off the table from now on. They have betrayed her to the core by keeping secrets and had been meeting “mom” for months. They were all happy because they have had months to come to terms with her being back, but OP gets blindsided with a first meeting and they expect her to be happy about it…because they are? And Lyle is a little p*ssy because he’s still that little boy who’s afraid his mommy will leave again. If mom bolts again, he will blame everything on OP because she couldn’t give grace and forgiveness to mom, instead of placing any blame on the woman who can’t commit!

[@tallyp.7643]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 You hit it on the head. It's lose-lose for OP and even if she behaved perfectly around mom, if anything went wrong, bro would be back to blaming her fast. She needs to just let them all stew in the mess they created and find her own family with friends and other loved ones. It's a sad situation, and worse that they kept the secret for so long. Why they thought it was a good idea to ambush OP with the surprise when they knew she'd be mad. Dad's been hanging onto this fantasy of "the woman he loved returning to him," but it's been 20 years. Wonder how long they'll "reminisce" before one of them gets fed up and reality comes knocking.

[@Swnsasy]

@@tallyp.7643 I agree with you! I really do think that is why he's the only one she brings up doing bad things growing up. Also, he's so angry and then won't even do therapy to work through things so he can have the family back, LIKE HE WANTED!

[@Swnsasy]

Coming from an addict as a mother, suffered horrible abuse and pain, it is going to be a long road to forgiveness. I went NC with her for 11yrs, I'm 46, and I just started letting her back into my life this last year. I still don't know if I want to see her in person because I love my life, drama free with my husband and my 3 adult children want absolutely ZERO to do with her. My sister, being the oldest, told my mother that when she became ill enough to need care that we would NOT be treating her as we did my grandmother, she rescued us, and she would be put in a home and hands washed of her.. I understand OP and the feelings that she has.. Nta

[@Mglay556]

Story 2: he’s upset that you guys assumed he can’t afford anything but a lunch but that’s all he can afford! If he’s been doing this for God knows how many years or so, does he just get some terrible enjoyment from making kids disappointment?

[@tallyp.7643]

Probably one of those folks who was (wrongly) taught that good intentions matter the most. But he ran with it and now pretends that he intended to do something nice and then reserves the right to get upset when he's called out because his "plans" just "fell through...oops". He wants the appearance of doing great things without a shred of actual effort.

[@carlrood4457]

There's a difference between learning that sometimes life gets in the way and we're disappointed when things don't work out and the betrayal of learning of a promise that was a lie all along. That's what it is, a betrayal.

[@yosandaniel7995]

Story one is mind-blowing and the twin brother who called her a brat is just. The way I would never speak to them. The disrespect is just so laude

[@TheRealKingddg]

That father in Story 1 really handled the situation in the worst way possible. An ambush like that will never go down well.

[@carlrood4457]

Sounds like dad and the sons never really accepted reality and still hold the idea of wife/mom in their heads rather than the reality. Also, it wasn't just "years ago". OP has been without a mother every day of her life up until the present. Forgiveness is earned and it's given. It's not demanded.

[@DameNickum]

#1. OP is not the reason her mother left. But she has been told over and over again that she is. Then she is bushwhacked by her brothers and father. How did they think she was going to react? NTA, but your family must do better in how they treat OP. She literally has no relationship with her mom, and only a long history of broken promises as her experience with her. NTA

[@AndyyWithAY]

It took her TWENTY years to get her act together. OP suffered more than anyone here. Abandoned by her mom and blamed by her AH brothers. The dad did step up apparently, but he also might have groomed the mom. And he did not handle this well at all. He's disregarding OP's feelings. OP is NTA, but for literally everyone else ESH. I hope she'll be individual therapy and go NC. These people are so selfish

[@squidward6187]

Story1: Seems like the brothers genuinely blame her and it just comes out when they are angry. I am female, the youngest of three, 2 brothers. Same dynamic. I am scapegoated for my mother's behaviour. If she has a tantrum it's my fault. When I was 29 I had third degree burns, skin grafts, and when I came home, my mother took my morphine for herself (she's an addict) and ended up having a psychotic break because she was mixing downers with uppers. This was blamed on me because I "stressed" her out with my problems. My whole life I was expected to sacrifice my life to her, to be her companion and her punching bag. I moved to a motel for a time to avoid my mom and this "stressed" her out so my brother called me yelling that I was "ruining her happiness." I just hung up. That's the last time I talked to that dick. Story2: He knows what he's doing is cruel, that's why he is playing the victim now. That's incredibly sadistic to do to children. They are sadists. Limit your daughter's contact with them because when sadists get called out they get extremely vindictive. They will try to hurt your daughter even more. Remember, these are people who enjoy hurting others.

[@girl1213]

Story 1: The sad thing about some people is how much they want things to be swept under the rug and forgotten about because they don't actually want to deal with the mess, just hide it in any way they can. OP's dad and brothers really want a positive thing with the woman who was their wife and mother. They had more time with her than OP, and there forth it's understandable they can't understand why OP doesn't feel the same way about this woman. *However* what they are ignoring is that OP never got the rose-tinted glasses like they did. She never saw this woman's positive side, if it actually is a positive side at all. Their hearts weren't broken as badly as OP's. Or worse they're ignoring how much their own hearts were broken by this woman because, like I said, they are rug-sweeping it. They are TA and will always be TA until they take off the glasses and confront the mess this woman made.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Story 2: Wow, so maybe that uncle thought his behaviour was okay because no one had really called him out on it before (obviously it wasn't but he probably minimised the impacts), but that aunt!!! What kind of an enabler! I can't imagine saying "she doesn't reallllly think we would do something like that, does she? What an entitled five year old!" They are both awful.

[@SpaceJunk07]

Story 2: I see what the Aunt and Uncle were playing at. “Sorry sweetie, but your mommy talked back to us and now we will take away that trip, all thanks to her.” Good on OP for giving her daughter an even better trip that those two can’t top or spin it against her!

[@madambutterfly1997]

Considering how many nights that you've cried from her being a disappointment I'm pretty sure one night of her crying isn't going to matter much

[@justaperson4656]

My father was like s2 uncle. Always made promises, never fulfilled, or half-fulfilled. Promised days out would never happen. Promised pets would be there for about a month until they "disappeared" or "escaped". He became very abusive very quickly, and it taught me to never trust a promise or a plan. Well done OP for getting your daughter out of that.

[@babytone54]

First story- lots of hurt and damage there. I think people say "you need therapy" too freely sometimes, but OP really needs to work through these feelings and continue the hard work for self-care.

[@debbietaylor2983]

Always love listening to you read these stories. Also love your take on them, thank you for what you do. Story 1. Oh honey no, your mother abandoned you just because you were born. Not sure how or what your father did or said to his sons to make them blame you. Your father and brothers are fools who don't understand addiction. They all blame you a literal baby for her actions. Your dad obviously helped your brothers think that way. That story made me so damn angry on OP's behalf.

[@MarkNarrations]

Thank for for being here Debbie!! Appreciated!

[@debbietaylor2983]

@@MarkNarrations My pleasure, you are one of the most beautiful people on YT. You are a young man who understands so much in this world. Listening to your life story, sharing with us everything that you have been through. I would give you a grandmotherly hug. In a weird way I am so proud of you. Well done Mark for being the best KZbinr out there.

[@LizLuvsCupcakes]

Let’s not get carried away- the brothers were young children that probably just connected the baby’s arrival with Mom going away. Dad absolutely failed to correct this, but honestly the fact that they never grew out of it is way more concerning to me.

[@Sherwoody]

⁠@@LizLuvsCupcakesthe brothers were abandoned by mom, and dad would have had to pour his efforts into caring for a baby. Their resentment was, although understandable, was not properly addressed by dad early on. Seems like dad is trying to make everyone happy but is failing. Blindsiding OP was the worst way to handle it, and I wonder which family member suggested it. As a guess, Kyle.

[@nofrackingzone7479]

Wow this story brought back so many memories. When I was a kid my dad would promise to take me camping. He said he was going to teach me to fish and how great it was going to be. Of course this never happened. He was an alcoholic. When I was a teen he continued with the same cute story, but I’d had enough and told him so. I think I said I’ve heard the same story since I was five and nothing ever happened. I can’t remember the exact language it was probably more colorful. Funny I probably hurt his feelings because he never brought it up again.

[@tallyp.7643]

Yeah, I've heard that behavior a lot in addicts. They live inside their own heads so much they don't realize they're recycling the same old stories and the same old promises. More effective on young kids, far less so on teens and adults. Sometimes when they're called out, that's the moment they start to wake up and realize they've been hurting others around them. I think almost every addict I knew played the promise game and rarely pulled through (or they did after being screamed at by someone who knew what was going on and a slap-dash effort was made in order to come through in time).

[@TryniaMerin]

Why do people think that they can play happy family when they try to get back with an ex who hadn't been around for years? Then they get angry that one of the kids is disgruntled and won't accept the entire family again?

[@samoanjoseph1457]

"I made my mom cry." If true, that's the least she owes OP.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Lyle and Kyle, twins? Twins confirmed. Just thought that was funny. The beauty pageant was important to you, and the least she could've done is be there for once in your life. You immature? How about abandoning your child then rocking up like you've done nothing wrong? That's not immature? If OP is financially stable, she should go NC. Her dad is no longer a safe person

[@tgbedini]

When OP was a child, her brothers would tell her she was the reason their mom left. Dad, apparently, didn't care enough to stop her from being tormented by her siblings. She's been the scapegoat for 20 years, and they keep her in the dark about this too? Yeah, toxic family, don't look back, just leave.

[@carlrood4457]

I love the "You made mom cry." crap. How many times did mom make OP cry over twenty years? So many times, it evolved into not giving a F. Dad and brothers are delusional about a mom and family that never really existed.

[@MyInnerWeirdo]

Currently working as a custodian at a school! These help me power through the quieter parts of my days.

[@godzillakungfu]

Story 1. I’d be reevaluating 50% of my friends. Secrets and an Ambush, but you think I am wrong? Nope.

[@TsukiKageTora]

The trip story reminds me of a family friend who used to promise money to his kids and my mom’s kids to do odd things, such as find a piece to a puzzle or other fun things that benefit him (not labor), and he refused to give the money and got mad at us for being upset for expecting the money he promised.

[@ec4145]

Story 1: As a similarly abandoned daughter, I'd have behaved worse. NTA! Forget is easier and healthier than bothering with forgive, in my opinion. They were no mothers to us--what on earth could we possibly owe them or want from them once we're adults? I have my own family now. I'd never trust that woman around my kids, even if I were deluded enough to want her in mine.

[@photoflo78]

Story 2: tell uncle and aunt BOO FREAKING HOO!! He's a prick and a lying letdown. Even when you told your aunt what he had done to you and your siblings, she had no sympathy or empathy. They are clearly a match made in heaven (or hell). And I love how she says it has nothing to do with money, well clearly he has none or at least not enough that he shouldn't promise something he doesn't have as in an inexpensive Trip. Unless that's why aunty got mad..less cash for her. Your uncle is trash and should have never started or continued to pull this shit. Considering his track record and especially to a little girl. She will resent him forever just as OP and her family does and rightfully so. I think OP has only 2 options, Either immediately take the gift before he gives it to her daughter or completely go no contact. Good luck and give them both hell. Then block!

[@Tokuijin]

Story 1) Op's mother can kick rocks Story 2) Op sounds salty, YTA.

[@franciebelcher4594]

Uncle story, NTA. My mother is just like Uncle. She's the reason I learned at an painfully young age that the world is not safe

[@leorose6039]

Story 1 OPs dads and brothers are going to be really disappointed when they find out mom is still a piece of crap.

[@Zurround]

Story 1: As unfair as it may sound I ended up hating the OP's father EVEN MORE THAN THE MOTHER. What the HELL is wrong with him. Its not my place to tell others how to live their lives but he wants to remarry someone who abandoned him and their children 20 years ago???????? That is a very SICK way of NOT moving on with one's life.

[@BraveryWing26]

I loved it when second OP FINALLY stopped being nice and called out Enabler Aunt.

[@nickneal3955]

That last story really resonated with me. My dad used to make promises to my brother and I to do things with us. Not even extravagant things, just like... going to the zoo for the weekend, or the nearby beach, or even just a movie or something. We almost never went. He always was 'too tired'. Eventually I just stopped expecting those trips to happen and as an adult I ended up no contact with him. I wonder why. People who do things like this to kids are crap people.

[@lizzykayOT7]

Story 1 - This gave me real bad vibes, when an addict waltzes back into their family's life and manages to implode things, yeah, that's a bad omen. Addicts are usually given counselling on how to make amends and attempt to approach family, and it's for a reason. This was super sneaky and manipulative. She already has one of the twins battling for her, so I can imagine the amount of 'tears' and gaslighting she's been doing. OP is thankfully keeping distance. This won't end well. That the dad couldn't even speak about it for years probably means he's been in her back pocket for years as well, probably sending her money and not saying the truth because he had this illusion that she'll be back to play happy families. Story 2 is insane. Who lies to kids like that? Why? so glad the daughter got a trip, the uncle is a shameless pretender that has no doubt been lying about lots of things. Him not even answering calls is cowardly, he had to have his Karen wife do the barking. What shameless people.

[@deniseslay9056]

Last story; I was betrayed like this when I was a kid. It’s absolutely heartless and cruel. F your uncle and aunt. I hope they had a wonderful, magical time at Disney

[@nicholassykes128]

I hate when people do this. Don’t promise something you don’t intend to do. A lot of the time they just hope you forget about if. I remember a program that offered to send students to other countries for a cultural exchange. My mom and I went to the presentation and I asked about it after and she said we’ll figure something out. Later when an interview for the program was happening I was getting dressed and she laughed saying we aren’t doing that. But guess who went to Spain that same year.

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

Fuck yeah! You made that happen!

[@nicholassykes128]

@@Stopthisrightnow560 well she went to Spain. However later in life I went to 7 different countries and loved all of them.

[@Stopthisrightnow560]

@@nicholassykes128 Oh, shit. I read that wrong. I thought you hustled and got there by yourself. What a bitch!!!! I'm so proud that you're out here doing things your way though! 🩷

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 nta they all betrayed you. You deserve so much better.

[@zookie3737]

well in regards to story 1, it's not like op just cast her mom out of her life from the get-go for abandoning her as a baby. it's the fact op DID give her several chances to be in her life, and she screwed up every single one of them. why should she have to be forgiving and give her ANOTHER chance when she never even seemed sorry about it? her dad says he just wants their family to be the same as it was but she literally wasn't around for any of op's life, so i suppose that it'd be just the same as if she stayed out of it. the whole thing is so convoluted lol.

[@mechanical_chaos]

Story 1: Her mother isn't a safe person for her and they didn't prioritize that, so now they are unsafe as well. Not only does she have every right to not trust them, she shouldn't. Their behavior made it clear that they were either unable or unwilling to put her safety first. I'm glad that at least her father seems willing to put in the work to fix that, hopefully with time everyone develops better coping strategies for repairing their family. Story 2: Wooo man, if the family isn't allowed to openly address very plain and public truths like that, I'd hate to know what actual dark secrets they aren't acknowledging. What a frightfully closed system. Good on both these ladies for standing up for clear communication and strong boundaries. 🎉

[@BlackDiamond2718]

I loved the flash for bringing in something similar to story 1. Joe and Iris run into her again and Joe is broken while Iris tells her off and she does so to protect her dad. They come back together for the sake of closure cause of her condition and because of their new addition to the family.

[@mollymolly_89]

Story 2 just makes me think of the saying “don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

[@fhuber7507]

1... OP is NTA for being enraged with the abusive, neglectful abandoning, drug abusing, cheating mom. And OP's dad is insane for even thinking of taking that ***** back.

[@fhuber7507]

Lyle can join "Mommy Dearest" in..."BLOCKED. Never contact me again" zone. He's being an abusive A$$hat.

[@DavidMurray-v7h]

NTA, after abandoning OP all those years ago and then ambushing her, the mom gets what she deserves. Her dad should have grown a spine and had a word with OP first

[@cynicalrabbit915]

I've had one relative promise me something that I took seriously but quickly figured out that is was an impulsive promise he never took seriously. I just sucked it up and didn't really let it affect me.

[@chaudx]

Story 1: TBH OP's family sounds like one of those not worth keeping...

[@crypticcharmz517]

making promises and repeatedly breaking them is gonna give you a child who grows up to never trust anything you promise them, ever. happened to me A LOT with teachers for the majority of my childhood and teen years, the school was awful.

[@InvasionAnimation]

First story op need to leave her crap family. Or manipulate the dad into not dating the mom.

[@RobertBishop-xt6yq]

Story 1 I grew up with a absentee father My mom did everything cooked clean Raised us mostly by herself, they divorced He never reached out to us until we were Adults, by my brothers never once contacted me for birthdays, graduation If my mom reconciled and got back. I Would have contacted a mental facility. I would believe she was literally crazy.

[@McBruce999]

S1: OP should go NC, by giving options to these scumbags, she is just waiting for another unwanted painful drama to unfold. None of the adults related to OP, are not thinking about her. Going NC and LC, is the only way to stop future mental and emotional problems.

[@deifieddata4462]

Story 2: the pro move here is to keep gassing up the uncle's promised trip to the daughter - just behave as if uncle is a decent, honest human being who would never lie to a child. When the disappointment hits, call up uncle and put daughter on the line. He should explain his failure to follow through on his commitments to himself. Guarantee she'll never fall for it again.

[@CouncilEstateRach]

Wow. I was 10 se onds in and someone beat me to it.

[@CouncilEstateRach]

Never go back.

[@MarkNarrations]

These waffles are quick!!

[@CouncilEstateRach]

I'm sorry to laugh and be cruel but lyle and Kyle....why?

[@michellealinateague9892]

Story 1 - there was more information the dad didnt tell OP that came out in another post by one of the twins. Turns out mom wasnt just in rehab. She was having a whole other life and when it didnt pan out she came back thinking she had a back up. I think its still up on Reddit but it got nasty because the brothers thought OP knew and was dangling it over them.

[@annamoonc2175]

That makes it even worse! Her dad is a complete doormat and the brothers are ok with this because they have selective baby memories of a good family before OP. I hope she went LC/NC. Thanks for the update!

[@paulclay4229]

Story 2: his interpretation is not OPs problem. Saying he is not not allowed to promise something he isn't going to deliver is absolutely needed.

[@JA-rq9hm]

It never ceases to amaze me how often people are betrayed by their own flesh and blood.

[@GBunnyG]

Ooooh, that title already is getting me riled up.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: "Dad, I'm an adult and have a say over my own tone. But if you don't want me to speak like that in your house, I will abide by that rule and leave." Any "father" that sees the hurt and trail of broken promises that woman left of his kids' childhood and decides to get back with her is a selfish POS and deserves to lose contact with you too. "I made my mom cry." So? She made you cry plenty; turnabout is fair play. And she's not your mom: she's your egg donor. NTA. She doesn't get to waltz in after 20 years and pretend she's been there all along. S2: NTA. Your uncle wants to be the fun uncle but doesn't have the funds to do it. Tell him to make a homemade gift (this will teach your daughter appreciation for the expensive gifts as well as the cheaper ones), but to not make promises based on wishes that he can't fulfill, because it will only leave your daughter as disappointed as you were. You were lucky enough to be understanding about it; whereas she may not and it could ruin his relationship with her. Stop being sensitive to his feelings. How did he think you felt when NONE of his promises ever came through? Did he think you just forgot, when another one was sent the next year, and another the following? (He made sure you wouldn't forget by sheer repetition.) Does he actually in his mind think he is somehow the cool uncle for the extravagant promises? Or, does he take some perverse pleasure in crushing children's dreams? Be prepared in case he tries to spin it, "Your mother got mad about my gift so I can't take you now."

[@jacksonwalker2667]

The brothers in story 1 really pissed me off, They straight up used the "you're the reason mom left card" during arguments with OP. No sibling should ever say something like that and OPs dad shouldve shut that down immediately

[@MusicGirl881]

Story 1: IMO OP should just go NC with her family cause they obviously don’t care about her mental well-being since they get angry at her for refusing to accept the egg donor that abandoned them and pretend like they’ve always been a happy family. I hope OP gets all the mental help and strength from therapy and moves to live her best life because I give it a couple of months before the egg donor runs off again or does something worst that hurts the father and twins and for those three to try and get OP to come back and pick up the pieces/be their emotional punching bag.

[@lasmirandadennsiewillja9435]

Second story. My mom tried to do things like that for a while, but with small stuff. She promised she'd get me a toy or shirt I liked and when we stood in front of it and I picked it out, she'd tell me to put it back, she changed her mind because she didn't like the item or it wasn't "appropriate for girls" and reasons like this. And when I got upset, she'd scold me for being entitled and that I'd have to learn I couldn't have anything I wanted. When I tried to explain (as well as a child under ten could) that I don't feel entitled, I understood when my parents told me "no", it's just the "yes, of course!"-promises followed by her not keeping the promises that made me upset, I was told to quit talking back. She did it a couple of times until one evening my dad asked why I was so upset and angry with my mom. SHE told him I wanted an expensive toy/shirt/shoes/video game and couldn't handle being told "no" and that I had to learn blahblah. I got extremely angry one time this happened and shouted that it wasn't because I was angry, it was because she'd promise me something and wait until the last second to tell me she changed her mind. Oh boy, my dad got pretty angry at that and told her off and that this wasn't teaching me anything but thinking of her as a liar. It's true that I was a little spoiled as the only child in my age bracket in the family but playing weird games like that was just mean (yeah, I might not have gone all the way to my room so I could listen). Long story short, the games stopped and I was just told "no" when I wasn't supposed to get something outside Christmas or my birthday or I was told to save my money to buy it myself. Fun fact. It's been a couple of decades since. My dad's long dead (died of cancer when I was 13), and my mom is still a little salty that he was my favourite parent. I don't tell her that. We don't talk about that. But she knows it's the truth and I know that she knows. When I was younger she did try to attack me over it but that pretty much stopped when I gave her reasons that she miraculously can't remember to this day but, as she likes to say, "Well, if YOU say that's the truth, I guess it has to be true." (paraphrasing, we aren't from an English-speaking country.). We have a relationship, it's mostly peaceful and nice, but we also know that we have to keep it somewhat superficial to keep it enjoyable (not saying she's a 100% horrible mother and never helped me with anything, on the contrary. But it's a case of personalities clashing and trust issues from my side that we have given up working out years ago). Parents, don't play games with your kids. Just because they might be too young to coherently explain what it does to them it doesn't mean they don't realize what you're doing and they feel about it just how you'd feel if someone you love and trust did it to you. Only, in addition to that, they depend on you. Don't do this shit. Say "no", explain why, and if kiddo is sad or angry, allow them to experience and work through those emotions. Unless you want to hear things like "No, you won't get the emergency key to my home because you snoop" or "I told you last about this because I don't trust your word." from your adult children in the future. If you still think "Nah, I do what I want" I wish you kids who feel righteous anger over this treatment instead of meek sadness because that will give them a strong sense of boundaries with you when they grow up.

[@lancevonalden5585]

S2: I had a similar experience. My parents used to promise a big trip to USA and Disney when me and my brothers were little, a trip that never came to happen for whatever reason (as kids, we were kept in the dark with a lot of information, and they never told us any reasons other than "we are too busy" or "it's not the right time) and it became a recurrent trend of my parents to promise that and never fulfill it. After a while I, personally, stopped getting excited. In the end, my trip to USA came to happen after mom separated from dad and decided that SHE would finally fulfill that promise. We were adults by then, but we still got to go. But I still have to go to Disney, since one of my brothers thought it was too "childish" for us by then. Thanks bro!

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

Hey, good morning waffle gang! Looks like another great fall morning. So grab your coffee ☕️ and let's enjoy our favorite narrator, Mark, and start our days off right!😊

[@MarkNarrations]

Enjoy the brew Lorraine and have a wonderful day!!

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

@@MarkNarrations thanks Mark, I truly enjoy listening to you every day.

[@zachf748]

*_Story #2 :_* Why on earth was that allowed to go on so long? That’s beyond cruel to do that over and over to children.

[@michaelmcanally5783]

I can understand why OP would be pissed. She’s been an absentee parent for your entire childhood, and now that you’re an adult, she comes waltzing back in as if nothing happened. Then there’s the fact you could never get a straight answer from your dad on why your mom left, and the fact that everyone else knew about her and your father reconciling and keeping it from you. It’s almost as if your family enjoys deceiving you about your mother.

[@clarissagafoor5222]

Story2 I have never been able to understand why people allow bullies to be in contact with them. Block everyone and move on.

[@selinesbeau]

Don't tell him to stop giving trips, tell him to stop making promises he has not intent to keep.

[@LostCause-69]

Most people don't really care if you accept their apology and forgive them, they just want you to forget what they did because they don't have to feel the guilt.

[@Mia-dt3gl]

I’m surprised. When long-lost parents suddenly reappear it’s usually the older children who refuse to welcome them back.

[@mitchellsoto5141]

Story 2 is crazy. “How dare you call me out in the nicest way possible for me being a piece of shit”