My Family Think I'm Wrong For Not Allowing My Parents To Control Sisters Finances r/Relationships

[@LunaMane]

"They just want her to be financially responsible", I call horse sh*t. The sister had a log of eighty percent of the money the parents owed her. They just don't want her to use her money before they can. I'm glad she kept OP as a co-signer. You know they would have sold the car. OP should still keep an eye on the parents.

[@jennysmith38]

In Australia, you can open your own bank account without your parents at 14, as long as you have some type of ID that has your date of birth on it, ie a school ID or even a birth certificate. I've never understood why, in other countries, a parent has to be cosigner until the child is 18. I was working at 16 in the mid 70's and already had my own bank account, before I started working full time. I use to do a lot of babysitting, then had a part-time job at a swimming pool in the kiosk when I was 15.

[@christinesavage4837]

Same. Not everything in Australia is perfect but having lived and worked in USA, England, NZ and Germany, I am very glad to have an Aussie passport.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Seriously! If they wanted her to be financially responsible, they would be happy she was saving.

[@mm9374]

No one learns financial responsibility by having someone else controlling all their money. And this “We will pay for her purchases up to X amount” is really another way to control her money by refusing to make purchases they don’t agree with.

[@diamondseraph9369]

This. My mom is in charge of my disability money (I'm 21 going on 22) because I'm not financially responsible at all. That's not to say that I couldn't potentially _BECOME_ financially responsible once I get a job....but I just absolutely 100% cannot be trusted with the like 3000+ dollars given to me by the government. I would get taken off of disability in a heartbeat due to abusing it. Because I'm the kind of person who just impulse buys. So my mom is in charge of my disability money and she only uses it when she's buying something for me or something that I would also use (like she bought an ice maker for her house (that I would use whenever I'm there) and then gave me the one that used to be there since I kept on pestering her about it). But that's fundamentally different from what the parents wanted to do.

[@AndyyWithAY]

Nobody is that forgetful. They used the money for their own purposes. 16 seems very mature. She saved the money for a computer. 16 is nearly an adult. What parental controls? She's 16, not 6. Don't let the parents cosign anything. They full of 💩

[@laurag502]

16 is old enough to have a job it’s certainly old enough to have control over your own money. that’s how you learn. ofc you might need guidance but anything further is financial abuse.

[@Sherwoody]

I’m not sure where this is, but I had my own bank account when I was a kid. At 16, I don’t know why she can’t have her own account.

[@DeathWishDiva]

@@Sherwoody absolutely. I got my account at 12 and have been taught how to manage. They don't want her to be a person, plain and simple.

[@hydrokineticpowerhouse]

Nah grooming’s a huge problem online there’s nothing wrong with putting limits on your minor child’s device to ensure they don’t come into contact with the wrong people or content. 16 year old are still vulnerable to being victims of grooming.

[@jamesmyles4540]

​@hydrokineticpowerhouse well i do understand your argument, how susceptible someone is to grooming has very little to do with age, ive seen entirely too many 40 year olds let someone get in thier head and change them for the worse.

[@EnDB]

OP said, "combined income". That means she works too. Her husband is avoiding her and the kid.

[@nataliereeves3594]

Another cominter said, " Where's all the extra money going?" Because if it's not going towards household expenses, then where is it. If possible, op needs to check this.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

​@@nataliereeves3594 If it's not drugs or gambling, it's another family. OP needs to just cut her losses and get a divorce.

[@nataliereeves3594]

Agreed because this is not a healthy relationship. The man is ither a workaholic or has a secret. Either way, he's git to go. When divorce happens, his finances can be looked into, and op can find out where the money is going.

[@keepdancingmaria]

Just as a language usage point... He has more than one income, so his earnings alone would also be referred to as "combined" when put together into a lump sum. I'm not defending him, as he's being a jerk. But a combined income simply requires more than one income. It does not require more than one earner.

[@1kokokala10]

Story 3: "No one considered her feelings" The absolute audacity to tell, not ask, TELL your roomate that you're bringing someone for an extended stay. Then get mad when they're telling you thats not good and to get them out. Like did this roommate ever consider OP's feelings?

[@babybookworm003]

That right there was gaslighting

[@poohbear4515]

S1: OP’s basically a better “parent” than those horrendous excuses. I hope sister gets out of that toxic house.

[@karenbaldwin2867]

In circumstances like that it’s time to start making your getaway bag, important documents, financial information, reliable way to contact like a burner phone. Because in situations like that everything could go up in minutes you never know what’s gonna set control freaks over the edge.

[@Whatsername4224]

They didn't give her the cash, but agreed to finance any purchases up to that amount. I call BS. She will ask for them to pay, and they will tell her either that she doesn't need it or that they can't afford it at that time.

[@ellorasg4525]

Agreed

[@Slushiii6804]

This is 100% what's going to happen

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

Claiming that they'll finance future purchases also gives them the opportunity to suddenly stop paying that a lump sum doesn't. They can now deliberately keep poor records to say that they've spent more than they have or simply say that they've had enough and no 16 year old needs x amount anyway, so they're simply ending the arrangement. I agree that claiming

[@katie6731]

This is exactly what will happen. For someone who can so easily explain multiple reasons why he's protecting his sister from their awful parents, OP seems to have an awful lot of delusions about their behavior. The parents said "no way" to OP living in a dorm. He offers that revealing piece of information without further comment, as if that kind of behavior is unremarkable. When confronted with his description of his parents' habitual theft of his sister's money, OP defends them with: " . . . some of the incidents were honest mistakes due to our mom being lax with money in general." When Dad is told that his wife betrayed their daughter's trust _again,_ he "often apologized and refunded the money from his own pocket," yet, "sometimes the money was not refunded." So, the people who claim they only want access to their daughter's bank account to "track" how she spends her money are so _incapable_ of responsibly handling their own finances that they've repeatedly stolen from their child. Riiiiiight. To make matters worse, "the incidents" of theft happened regularly enough that OP's sister kept a log of roughly 80% of her unreimbursed funds. It sounds like OP's mother has a spending addiction. Mom habitually harms _her own daughter_ to get what she wants immediately, instead of responsibly saving money the way her daughter has done. Since OP's sister is more fiscally trustworthy than their parents, it sounds like _she_ should be tracking _her parents'_ money!

[@anonymouse9833]

yyyyuuuuup that's the vibe I caught too. OPs baby sister will never see that money again

[@ep6287]

S3: omg, the number of female roommates I’ve had during my 20s who thought they could move in a boyfriend without asking or even paying more of their share was unacceptable and shitty. I even had convos before I moved in with a couple of them about how that is bad roommate behavior. This is peak “thinking you’re the main character” behavior.

[@akl2k7]

And why do I get the feeling that a non-zero number of those boyfriends moved in didn't have jobs and didn't clean up after themselves?

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

And the fact that this wasn't brought up as a possibility well before. If someone has to leave a country, it's going to be a process. Roommate was hoping you'd just do nothing.

[@Nylak-Otter]

Yeah, that's BS. I'm gay, so when it was convenient for my girlfriend to move in, we just considered her an extra roommate, and she was treated as such financially. When one of my roomies tried to move in her BF unofficially, I called BS. Just cause her partner was a guy didn't give him a free pass.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

OP isn't wrong. Her roommate LITERALLY put her in that bad situation. If OP wants to move out, she has every right to. What that roommate did wasn't cool. 😒 Shame on her.

[@AlyssMadigan]

Last story - My fiance and I had a roommate. Both of us were her friends (him first). Signed a lease and all that jazz. We both did Alaska work over the summer for years and when we moved in with her she knew about it. The second summer we asked her to take care of our cats when possible and I have a second person who can coordinate with her to help as well. She got MAD that I gave my key to a mutual friend she introduced me to. Thought it was general privacy issues. But it was actually because she moved 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE IN TO MY ROOM while we were gone. Using our stuff. Second friend took pics and collected evidence. Roommate denied all when confronted and started fights. Even moved a 3rd in. She still owes me $850

[@melindaflick631]

Story 2 - I'm not super hopeful. I hope he keeps his word, but I can easily see him backsliding at a time when OP needs him the most.

[@pfffetc6149]

I don't believe him.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

They didn’t “forget” about that money, they stole it. Good on OP for having sisters back.

[@damneddark2080]

This was exactly what I was about to way/ask, they give her the money back? -No? Then it's theft....

[@jackwatt8988]

3: "I feel bad because I put her in a shitty situation" - nope, she did that to herself.

[@mbyerly9680]

I'm guessing the roommate's BF never paid rent, either, and the roommate doesn't want to harm his fragile ego by asking. Good luck to her when she figures out she has a parasite.

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 2: I'm really curious where husband's desire for a second house / higher standard of living came from? Did he grow up in poverty / financial instability? Is someone whispering in his ear about needing to be a provider to his family? Is he hiding something that requires him to spend more money? It just seems weird that his mental shift apparently came out of nowhere.

[@martaledbetter2911]

As someone who grew up on a similar situation, it's not about all that. My dad talked a big game, but never delivered on any of it. Instead, he went from working 80 to 100 hours a week, and when I hit my preteens, doubled down and took a job that had him working outside the US about 10 to 11 months out of the year. I was an only child and was working steadily as a baby sitter and then at part time and full time jobs while in school. Paid for most of my bachelor's degree. We lived in a series of meglected homes which my parents were too cheap to fix. He didn't want to be with his family. The end.

[@Ashbrash1998]

Might be some childhood stuff or he's insecure about their finances or maybe one day losing the safe security they have. But even if that was, it doesn't make him right and he should get a therapist to unpack all that. Not live at work amd act like his family are roomates

[@nataliereeves3594]

My grandad was like this. He had no relationship with his kids and wife. He had the nice house but never really lived in it. It was all about the apearances and what people thought about his finances. When he retired, he just sat around doing nothing and didn't talk to anyone because he had nothing but his job.

[@Musiyca]

I mean the timeline suggest the mental shift came around when OP got pregnant with their first child. Honestly, that could be just the societal norm pressure that unlocked in his brain about needing more money, more savings, bigger safer house etc. The societal norm being that fathers are always working. The lack of preparing men for taking care of their children. just overall stress of expectations, didn't have to come from any specific person whispering, simply just reaching that milestone opened that box inside his brain. Similar to single women reaching 30 years old unlocking something like summary of "achivements" in life that they were supposed to reach by that time. OP should have given him a solid timeline though, and start couples therapy. Otherwise they might stay wishy washy.

[@bluecrocodilus6594]

The second house thing threw me off too. OP needs to find out where all the extra money is. I have a suspicion he might be using it to cover up debts from an addiction or he has an affair partner. But maybe I've been listening to too many reddit stories.

[@TheIronwil]

S1: Financially responsible? From the parents who’ve repeatedly “forgotten” about money they were holding for her? I think the F not! This is ridiculous. For them to promise to finance things up to the amount they “forgot” tells me the amount is considerable. That’s disgusting. Simply despicable. They’ve stolen from their own daughter. Repeatedly. I wouldn’t trust them any farther than I could kick them.

[@kentario1610]

How financially responsible of them to lose money they were trusted with/forget their debts /s

[@ellorasg4525]

Next update: My sister and I are going LC with our parents.

[@DrownedInExile]

S1: So the parents threatened to destroy property, and sicced flying monkeys on OP? Tells me all I need to know. I'm glad OP is standing up for his sister. But I'm very skeptical of the update. I don't believe for a second the parents will keep their promise to finance the sister's purchases. It's just more control. I hope OP remains guarded.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

OP is definitely NTA. And neither is his poor sister. But their parents sure are. They're definitely control freaks. This is considered financial abuse. I'm glad there was a solution in the update, even if it wasn't quite what I was hoping for. But I'm cautiously optimistic though. I hope OP and his sister stick together. ❤

[@nataliereeves3594]

I hope they have more than a verbal agreement. Otherwise, they will go back to square one.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@nataliereeves3594 Same here. This kinda thing doesn't get fixed with just a conversation, especially with a control freak.

[@maurer3d]

Story 3: NTA, you don't unilaterally move a BF/GF, into an apartment with a roommate. This is something that must be agreed upon, by everyone living in the apartment, and possibly the landlord (if your lease requires it). On top of that 2 months is most likely going to quickly turn into 4, the 6, then 12, then 2 years, etc..

[@dm9078]

Call the landlord and tell them that this guy is living in the house/apartment without approval. Ooo OP isn’t going to hang out. Punish her some more! She has done this to herself!

[@jackwatt8988]

3: "she would rather i speak with him directly rather than use her as a middle man" - nope, the issue is with the room mate, not the boyfriend.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Just tell her I am not in a lease together with him, so any gripes I have are your issues to deal with. Fix it or you are on your own with the rent!

[@JasperCatProductions]

Parents don’t own their children, a parents job is to protect and guide to love them. Not to control them, and conveniently forget their child’s money. They want the kids $…… no your parents are 100% wrong as are the older relatives.

[@Number-vt1fl]

Money that I got for my birthdays would always end up missing anytime my mother asked to hold it for "safe keeping."

[@sylviajones6745]

Damn, that's so not right. Hopefully everything will go well for you in the future.

[@Number-vt1fl]

@@sylviajones6745 It's all good. This was years ago.

[@Arylwren1]

My mom was the same. Her "happy birthday" when I turned 16 was "happy birthday 'throws stack of resumes in front of me' now get a job" started charging me 50 a week, which was a alot for a student, working part-time in 1996

[@akl2k7]

Let me guess: she'd also conveniently forget about it.

[@akl2k7]

@@Arylwren1 Yeah, it's beyond screwed up when people charge their UNDERAGE kid rent. Like does this mean they'll kick out their UNDERAGE kid if they don't pay them?

[@frankiejanejane]

First story: I’m worried that when the parents eventually purchase her something to make up for “forgetting” the money they’ll say since they bought it it’s theirs to control her use of it - if that makes sense?

[@Nylak-Otter]

S1: I got my first bank account (co-signed by my older sister) when I was 12. I started working outside the home and paying taxes when I was 12, so it was appropriate. (You can get an agricultural worker's permit at 12, and I did farmwork and trained/handled/cared for horses and working dogs). My parents had no issue with this; they were the ones who encouraged me to get a job so I could learn the value of a dollar and develop a work ethic early on, as long as I maintained a 4.0.

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: The parents are "concerned" about the sister being responsible with her money? Please. Those two irresponsible deadbeats just want to use her as a bank. Story #2: "The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon...." Story #3: Girl, stop feeling guilty. Take it from someone who has had some very manipulative flatmates that this was your flatmate's way of getting you out and her BF on the lease. You now have a great new friend who has recognized what a snake your STBX-flatmate really is. Also, the BF sounds like a total flake, so expect Karma to come knocking at her door soon. Make sure to get out of the way when it does.

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: Without knowing your finances, can't really give a vote. But kids are very expensive, maybe you and he are not doing as well as you think. Story 2 (update): NTA, now...A second home? unless he meant a bigger home (like an upgrade) he's delusional.

[@susankaempfer8427]

I’m still putting money on the job having a name. Rhonda? Vicky?

[@tully6648]

Story 3: Yeah, stories in which your roommate tells you the person they're seeing is moving in never ends well. The person always stays longer than they say they will, and then it winds up becoming a two against one situation. The three big rules for having roommates is basically: 1.) Never room with a friend, 2.) Never let "But faaamily!" force you to move in a relation you know is bad news, and 3.) Never let the partner move in.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

2nd story: He's promising this... yeah... why am I sceptical on that?

[@mogulmade]

Exactly Bet he will be back to Sundays after gets pregnant again.

[@akl2k7]

@@mogulmade Or a month after exams. That second house must be really important.

[@Musiyca]

We are all sceptical because no solid date was set. You can't achive this big change with no stakes nor deadline at hand. Husband is just flimsy.

[@pfffetc6149]

I'm with you. I don't believe him. I hope i'm wrong, i hope he doesn't have someone else.

[@ashl2115]

Story 1 - Hmmm, yes, everyone wants to 'learn' financial responsibility from people who clearly aren't financially responsible. Actually, I take that back, it seems the sister has learnt from them - what not to do and to track everything.

[@wildfyah]

Ah my ex intentionally took days off when our daughter was at school. I asked him for 1 day in the weekend so we can do family stuff, help out or even chill together. His response? "It's not my fault your days off fall when there's no school." Hoping he does better going forward with his current partner and their daughter.

[@devegas4910]

Story 1: NTA. Her parents didn’t forget about saving their daughter’s money. They purposely spent it and thought SHE would forget it, but she didn’t as she kept a log of nearly 80% of all the money. They also threatened to take her DESKTOP COMPUTER and destroy it all because they were pissed that she got it without needing to rely on them. They’re full of it and op just doesn’t realize it yet. They are still trying to get control over both siblings anyway they can. Sister doesn’t really need their advice on spending if she’s capable of keep track of where her money is going and able to reasonably save up for big purchases that she needs. She needs to prepare herself to GET. OUT. There should not be any agreement for the parents to finance anything. They need to pay her back all of the money in a lump sum.

[@AruoraOkami]

Omg the first story made me tear up because my parents did that and still do that. I don't have the means to move out and I have no family or older sibling to go to. Being controlled like that really messes with you

[@RisetoStrength]

If this hero were my older brother, the course of my life might have been very, very different.

[@sylviajones6745]

So very sorry for what happened to you, with not a family member to help you out ❤

[@RisetoStrength]

@@sylviajones6745 Hoping for a better roll next time around.

[@yvonnefobbs6232]

Story #1: They would throw out the computer?? That means that they would pawn it! Take your sister with you when you move out!! You're a good big brother!

[@hmspretender]

I had to go back a bit when the comments kept mentioning that OP had "escape[d]" or is "away". I'm like wtf are they talking about? OP literally said he was "a college student who lives with parents". 🤦‍♀️

[@pfffetc6149]

Soms people already have their comments in their head and don't listen or read the story. Happens so so many times.

[@aduckofsomesort]

A child gave their parents money for safekeeping and the parents just… Forgot? Yeah no they’ve been stealing money from her. Stealing money from a minor child. Do they take candy from babies too?

[@jacksongreen1319]

I am currently sanding a 3d print of a gold dragon.

[@Taecoconut]

Ooooooo

[@0SC2]

Is it going well?

[@PawtinMeowMeow]

Thats so cool! Make sure you update please!

[@jacksongreen1319]

I am currently working on the base coat now!

[@bellasmom2597]

They aren't forgetting they ate stealing

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

Nah, those parents want to keep control. They wanted to be co-signers to sister's account. Why do I feel they're going to try and bully subtly (at first) to get what they want. They told OP they didn't want him to move, either. Those "parents" are going to wonder why their kids are hardly speaking to them later down the track, I can guarantee it.

[@MrPete1985]

Story 1: I'd like to know how much the parents "forgot" about, it must have been a large amount if she started keeping a ledger

[@kimberlyterasaki4843]

Story 1: Sounds to me like OP is also still in the Fog when it comes to his parents. They didn't let him move into dorms and he had to apologize to them despite doing nothing wrong, which is a frequent tactic of abusive/narcissistic people to shift blame to their victims. I hope he and his sister stay safe, maintain their boundaries, and soon realize how unhealthy the family dynamic is.

[@Nerdificent]

Story 1: It seems that OP and his little sister both seem more financially responsible than their parents.

[@beccaf262]

“They offered to co-sign if she wanted to open her own account” that was a further attempt to get control. They tried to make it out to be a favour when it was a bid to seize back their power over her.

[@meirin5316]

yeeep and to steal

[@janestewart9608]

I'm so disappointed that Mark hasn't updated "AITA for getting a makeover to mess with my BIL" yet. He covered the early part of the story but nothing since, and it's a heartwarming (if bittersweet) story. The latest was added to BestOfRedditorUpdates a few days ago.

[@lugi_L]

Story 1: That's the same bs my mom tried to pull. I just have my dad cash in the checks for me then stash the money somewhere I know she can't get to.

[@TheOddityFair]

S1 - Those are just selfish, greedy parents. Stealing from your own kid (yes, that’s what they did!), then trying to gaslight & bully her into feeling bad about buying something she saved for. Hope OP keeps an eye on them for his sister’s sake. S2 - Only time will tell w/ this one, but I hope he does choose his family. S3 - I had 4 roommates in college. My immediate Roomate (IR) was similar to me, & we got on well. The other 2 were nice but irresponsible. They’d have lots of guys over at all hours of the day & night. No warning. Finally, me & IR had enough. We’d told them we weren’t ok w/ this. No, the guys hadn’t been bothering us directly, but we weren’t comfortable w/ strange men constantly coming into our apartment. One time, IR had just gotten back from the gym, & she walked in to 3 guys in the living room. She was in the habit of only wearing a sports bra & shorts to the gym. You can imagine how uncomfortable she felt when, as she walked through the living room, the catcalls started. Worse still, she was alone. Thank goodness the doors had locks. So, we had a sit down, & told the other girls that if this happened again, we’d be going to the office & maybe even campus security. Since this was all on college grounds, they could get in real trouble. Fortunately, it stopped. OP has every right to be angry at her ex-roomate. She’s the one who brought home an unknown guy w/ only a 24-hour warning. She’s the one who lied about him leaving. She’s the one who gaslit OP into feeling guilty.

[@kentario1610]

Getting catcalled in your own home, *YIKES.*

[@TheOddityFair]

@@kentario1610 Exactly. Your home is the one place you should be able to feel completely safe. Hence, why it being violated is so personal.

[@rebekahjo1234]

Story 3: depending on how good of a landlord theirs is, I'd get them involved. That's what my sisters and I had to do when our brother moved his girlfriend(now fiance) in under the guise of a visit. They kept moving back her departure until we told our landlord and he told them to leave at the end of the month. That was in July and I haven't spoken to him since

[@kumikor3392]

Story 1: even after the update, they're still financially abusing the sister. I think OP needs to stop thinking he was given the same parents. At no point have they tried to do these things to him.

[@kumikor3392]

Story 2: even after the update, I'm dissatisfied. She doesn't have forever for him to want more, more more. He didn't say anything to her, just disconnected. He's missing his children's life by overworking

[@kumikor3392]

Story 3: so the roommate invited a stranger for TWO MONTHS, and didn't notify OP? Why do people feel guilty for prioritizing their safety and security? 🙄 Break the lease and leave. She was never the friend you thought; she's crazy about her boyfriend

[@Tammohawk1]

I just watched a video of yours from 4 years ago!! What a difference 4 years make.

[@dandotvid]

Story 2: So husband is doing all this work to give his family a "better life" while completely neglecting them? His priorities are out of whack. And when does it end? When has he done enough to start having those vacations and spending time with the family? Was there some kind of plan in place? Something like he's doing this for the next couple years and then stopping? Because as OP said, it would probably never be enough. There'd always be another goal post to work towards. Husband sounds like a workaholic and it's not doing him any good. At the very least, the first couple years of his kids' lives are going to be void of a father.

[@johnatandelacuso4174]

Honestly I would really be interested in finding out husband's background as well. If he comes from a financially struggling family or family that places great emphasis on money it would explain why he puts this pressure on himself to earn more and more. It wouldnt excuse his behavior (since he should have gotten therapy for these issues way before the two of them became married) but it would provide some explanation to his paranoia.

[@slimecorn]

I’m guessing cheating?

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: NTA, your parents didn't "forget" that she gave them money to save for her, they stole it. You are never an AH for preventing someone from being financially abused. They don't want to track the money they want to use it, like they have been doing. Story 1 (update): I hope this epiphany of your parents is true, and they stop being AHs and follow thru on paying her back.

[@potatoempress5731]

"I'd be pissed if someone moved in my living space without consent" hoooo boi imagine living it, with no way to get out of the situation. I hate my life.

[@reginarainer9740]

I, for years as a teenager, gave my dad my check to deposit in a savings account for me every week. Every week he would come back with a deposit slip for me. When he couldn’t he was up front that he wasn’t able to. He never ‘forgot’ and my money never somehow vanished. I didn’t have to keep a log of what I gave him. That trust was implicit and never broken. Op’s sister probably couldn’t trust her parents with $5. They routinely stole from her and used the excuse of ‘forgetting.’ They are terrible parents and thieves who only stopped because their children do not give them the opportunity to steal from them again.

[@kieramaccourt8717]

Hey Mark! Thanks for telling us stories today. Hugs to you and Poppy! Story 1: Thank God little sis has such a great brother in her life. He is certainly NTA and he's a great example for her.

[@fs3743]

The parents are totally financially irresponsible and saying they want control over her finances to ensure financial responsibility...?

[@Rose_Bride]

I wish I had had someone like the big brother (OP) in the first story looking out for me when I was a child. I haven't spoken to either of them in _years_ due to their abusive, controlling ways.

[@tinycrimester]

story 1: op describes the parents as "lax with money". how curious that they're lax when it's money that's in their control, but seem pretty uptight when it's money that's not under their control...

[@meghanmckenzie5273]

Oooo..3 stories with updates..sweet! Thank you

[@telanana]

S3: The thing that stood out to me imo is when the roommate said her BF is depressed and she doesn't want to hurt him by discussing what happens if he doesn't get a job and move out in 2 months. Now, idk if it's actually depression or just that he's bummed about a specific situation, but, in my experience, someone with depression is not going to have a stable job and their own place lined up within 2 months. Not when they're living with their partner rent free with no real incentive to be independent or even treatment for said depression. It's obviously not his fault he's depressed and doesn't need to be nagged or bullied into getting a job and leaving, but let's not pretend that 2-month timeline is realistic. OP had no guarantees her home would be hers again anytime soon and was absolutely right to get out of the situation.

[@Forwantofaname]

I had a roommate move in their partner without asking. It was awful. I liked the partner better than the roommate after a certain point. She always wanted privacy and was very protective of him. Plus we used to pool food as a household, but after he moved in, she started making her food private but insisted she store it with the public food me and my other two roommates bought, then would yell at us if there was any confusion. It was awful.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I sympathize! My partner’s son (37) has lived with us off and on for years and every time he comes back, he would help himself to food I had bought for myself, even if I wrote my name on it. He even told me once that I should have eaten it faster…like WTF, I bought it, not you! I b*tched and complained about it to partner but nothing changed (yea, partner problem) . On the occasions he was back living with us, I just took to putting my food in my room. Partner and I don’t have issues except when the son comes back…because of my inability to not be taken advantage of by his son. He bought a house last year, so hopefully he won’t ever be back!!

[@violetb3666]

My old college roommate had her bf live w us for ages. He paid no rent, didnt work and used up all my food. It was the worst. I finally told her they needed to get thier own place (it was my lease) and she got so angry cuz he didnt have a job (it had been over 6 months of that) and she couldnt afford to live on her own. For the next few months until they left they were overly aggressive towards me and would nail thier rent checks to my door. It scared the hell out of me and i was so happy when they finally left

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

OP's sis should've got the parents to agree to a repayment plan, because what they said just smacks of bs.

[@katraylor]

Story 1: Lol, those parents are not going to "finance" anything. "Sure, sweetie, I'd be happy to buy it, but I don't have the money with me today. We'll buy it later, okay?" "Hmm, are you sure you really want that? I really don't think that's a good purchase. We need to sit down and talk about it before we buy it." "You're buying something again? Do you know how much money you've spent this month? You need to learn to be responsible. Wait until next week. You don't need it right now." Poor kid. : ( Not that there's really any option. I'm pretty sure the brother has no power to do anything else, and the sister has even less power...

[@IrisAsuras]

Parents steal money and say she needs to be responsible.

[@susanlosey9511]

Don’t let them have access to your sisters money. It would disappear very quickly. They are controlling or trying to control your sister. Don’t let them.

[@affsteak3530]

I think the parents 'forgetting' often enough that the sister kept a log of every dollar she gave them speaks for itself. Hopefully, OP can get more independence/perspective and realize how unhealthy and abusive his parents are.

[@Shenn3165]

Op is between a rock and a hard place, a 19 year old college student trying to protect his 16 year old sister from their parents while living in their house. Happy brother has a good relationship with his sister, but the parents hold the cards when push comes to shove.

[@Swnsasy]

It's MARK TIME!!! 😊 NTA! Great sibling in my opinion. I cannot stand parents like this! What they are doing is flat out wrong, period!! She is working or saving HER money and can do what she wants with the money SHE makes/given. This is what I did with my 3 kids at that age. They didn't have to work but they did. I taught them money management and they do great in saving etc today as adults... Good job OP!

[@rebeccagowler9025]

She was already financially responsible. She kept a log of her money, she saved towards a computer. My 16 year old daughter as full access to my bank account and she only spends her own money. Teen-agers can be very responsible

[@lindalehr1551]

Story one. The troubling thing about the resolution of the parents offering to finance any of her purchases up to the amount they owe her, is that effectively they are getting the use of her money. And she's not getting to build any kind of equity or getting interest by having the money under her control in her account.. So, how is that teaching 😮 responsibility?

[@tazhienunurbusinezz1703]

If you have a roommate, you do NOT get to move someone else in without their consent. You shouldn't even get a pet without their consent, let alone moving in a whole person. What an absurd & totally selfish person.

[@mogulmade]

The more stories I hear, the more I think women need to wait a bit before getting pregnant again. If your husband changes and isn't doing well after child number one, DO NOT HAVE MORE KIDS.

[@Ashbrash1998]

That didn't happen in the story though, let alone that he only recently started doing it.

[@Musiyca]

@@Ashbrash1998 no? he started doing that during first pregnancy

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@Musiyca No, it started tutoring back in college and it wasn’t an issue. She said they have a 1 year old…”However, in the last year or so it’s become a big issue, and it’s getting worse. He keeps adding more classes to his schedule…” So the overworking and spending less time with his family started right around the time his son was born. OP has essentially been a single parent. At that point, what’s the point of being married if you have to do everything by yourself?

[@ajvanmarle]

They won't return the money but will finance her purchases up to that amount. Yeah, sure they will. As long as they agree with what she's purchasing. The OP is naive, This is just more control.

[@LunarisArts]

The fact that the sister didn't have her own account at that age is baffling. I got my own account at 14, I think, because family wanted to send money as birthday and confirmation gifts. Brother got his quite young as well. Our own bank cards with picture ID and all. Never brougt it to school or out with friends. Got weekly allowance for that. But we had our own accounts, under our own names and social security numbers, for years, which made getting student loans and stipends so much easier later on. Parents just had to guide us through the process. Switched banks a couple years later, and still have that same account.

[@keepdancingmaria]

Perhaps bank accounts with minors aren't allowed in that particular country. The OP did not tell us where they are.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

You need to give your children some control over their own lives and give them some independence. Otherwise they’ll end up not able to take care of themselves. You’re not protecting or loving your child by controlling them to this level. You’re setting them up for failure. There’s a weird mentality that some people have that children are property of their parents, and whatever the parent says, goes. I disagree with that. Nobody should ever be blindly followed. Children, believe it or not, are people, and worthy of basic respect. Children are completely dependent on their parents, and that relationship requires trust. Saying that the parents are entitled to break that trust whenever they want hurts that relationship.

[@owl7072]

I can say as someone with overly controlling parents that it absolutely screws kids up. They wouldn't let me do _shit_ without their permission or without them doing it for me because they just assumed I was incapable, then just turned around and expected me to be able to do things on my own which gave me terrible anxiety, which they would then get mad at me for not knowing how to do something which made my anxiety worse. Any parent who thinks controlling and dictating their kid's lives is "preparing them for real life" can get bent because they're just screwing their kids over before they can even have a proper _chance_ at life.

[@Midnight33_]

Then yers later, they'll wonder why their children wont talk to them

[@jamessym4484]

Double Mark narration post on the weekend? You spoil us 😭

[@carolroberts4614]

A real treat!

[@bantubrat343]

How is it that with them being co-signers they’ll teach her financial responsibility but they don’t even have good financial management habits or skills 🤣

[@EveryDayALittleDeath]

Woo! Here in the first ten minutes of the video going up as I knit a scarf for my step-mom

[@CouncilEstateRach]

Yr a gem mark!!!! You work so hard for us!!

[@mashonem]

Making a giant hammer prop for my Tinkaton cosplay

[@Kalossupremacy3356]

Oooo that’s cool

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

My ex roommate also had her boyfriend move in lol. It was also weird cuz I had to let her know when I had company, but she never had to do the same cuz it was her apt.

[@susankaempfer8427]

Story 2… I’m wondering what the other job’s name is 😂

[@BraveryWing26]

Its so lovely to see a happy ending on that first story. OP and sister did right in standing their ground.

[@brie1162]

21:55 I’ve been in a similar situation as the last story, it was a nightmare. For context I bought my house with my (now) ex boyfriend. As we were both on the deed and didn’t have the means for either of us to move, we stays friendly and I moved to the other side of the house. When I started dating my bf (at the time) I talked with my ex to see if he’d be ok with it. He was. Let me be clear, I was the one paying for everything; mortgage, utilities and buying groceries. My ex had a girl he was talk to and said she’d be coming for a “visit”. Glaze NEVER left. When I asked how long she’d be staying, he said “oh, she lives here now”. …What!?! I at least had the decency to ask him if my (then bf) could move in and he agreed. My ex and his gf were SLOBS, and if I could show the absolute state of destruction they left the room/bathroom they were occupying, I would. I had to have it professionally cleaned and decontaminated. It was vomit worthy. I have since broken up with the bf I had at the time and have a wonderful husband now.

[@Loku242]

Sounds like these parents are trying to keep your sister shackled to them for control. Financing purchases means "She needs to ask our permission to buy things". Co-signers= "We expect our control to be in writing" and the "Parental controls" could be "we expect to see everything you do and dont do on your computer, know what you say online, what you search, and who you talk to. Its for your own good" All of this are manipulative subtle control tactics they are using since the direct authority commanding obedience approach failed, so they'll con your sister into surrendering herself to their power indirectly.

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Story 2. When we had our twins and I became SAHM, my husband did the same thing. He started working more. Then when the twins were 6 months he transferred to a new dept, which yes it paid really well, practically doubling his salary. But, it entailed a lot of traveling. He was gone at least 15 week days a month, and a few times he was gone for 3 wesks straight setting up new sites for contract his company won.. We argued about it a bit, especially because I sometimes felt like a single mom. He finally realized that he was messing up and not spending enough time with the family when one time he came home after being gone 2 weeks straight and our 3 year old son asked him, "Daddy, where do you live?" That really hit him hard. Within 3 weeks he found a new position which required him to travel only 2 ot 3 days a month, and making more money. He realized that working hard for his family was great, but it was more important to be a dad. He told me he wants his headstone to read, "Loving and Cherished Husband and Dad," and not, "He worked hard for his family."

[@Musiyca]

Honestly, this is what we need to teach men - working smart for the family, not hard. Because your company won't remember how many times you stayed late, but your children will cause you missed all their big milestones.

[@bridgetw8688]

I assumed in the first story that the offered to finance the purchases instead of giving her the cash because they currently couldn’t afford to do that. Obviously that was speculation on my part but that’s what assumed.

[@patty-pat-pat]

What an awesome brother, OP is in S1.

[@petralee574]

So, let me get this straight - parents who “forget” to return money to their daughter are trying to “teach” her financial responsibility? What am I missing here?

[@barbthegreat586]

Yes, you forgot that responsible parents never borrow money from their (underage) children.

[@ashh4929]

Right? She already seems to have a firm grasp on financial responsibility, being as she is able to keep a book of figures. All the while saving a decent amount and has already learned how not to let herself be railroaded by others. (Mostly anyway). It seems they come from a very misogynistic, respect your elders no matter how bad they screw you over type culture.

[@Peeges_]

Thanks for hanging out with us ❤

[@lindtplease1693]

Classes on Sunday? Who does that? Time with family is more important. I could understand short term to get out of a financial hole, but this is not the case. He's doing it because he likes it & the ego boost he gets. He's not participating in their family at all. If he keeps it up he'll be the 'Cat's in the cradle" father wondering why his adult 'children' don't have time for him & why he's divorced.

[@Musiyca]

Not even adult children. It's around when they turn 12-13 that they start to explore outside world and outside relationships and question a lot things at home. He will wonder why his teen don't respect his autority and "rebel", but he will be a stranger to them by then.

[@groofromtheup5719]

s2; I know I sometimes work late, to avoid shit at home, and I am salary. Ask him why he is doing it. For me, it isn't the kids. I don't buy the money excuse. That isn't a job someone super money hungry does.

[@ErisstheGoddessofmanhwas]

First story NTA Relative are nothing to OP ,they are just relatives and they have no right to talk for Op and his sister. Please suport your sister.

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 3: How does the landlord not know?

[@floridafrostbite8002]

Story 2 honestly reminds me of the season finale of breaking bad and Walter White. Specifically his reasoning. Having so much yet still doing something for his “family”. I just finished watching so it’s still fresh in my mind.

[@angelaa7388]

My sister-in-law and mother-in-law lived together in MIL's house. MIL got a new boyfriend, who started hanging around the house even when MIL wasnt there. SIL asked her if she could just let her know when boyfriend was gonna be there. MIL responded with "that just isn't sustainable," whatever the fuck that means. So, SIL decided to move out and get her own apartment. Now MIL likes to cry about how expensive everything is. She could have just respected her daughters boundary, instead she wanted to make a power play. She's not even with that dude anymore.

[@AndyyWithAY]

After being up a few hours, the lull of the rain put me right to sleep. I went to the gym, had a walk now checking out Tekken 8 with my brother

[@annetraut8247]

I was living with a married couple that decided to move their handicapped father into the living room of the house and that he would be sharing my bathroom. I was given a week's notice that this was happening. My advice to the girl whose roommate's boyfriend is moving in... Get out before you're stuck living with someone you're uncomfortable living with.

[@iamallaboutfood7242]

I thought that's what was happening on Story 2. From the moment I heard the post my first thought was "he IS doing it for the family, except probably OP and the husband didn't sit down to establish goals once the babies were born so the husband set goals based on society's expectation, or friends or some outside pressure and he decided that those were the goals without informing OP" It's really easy to set goals for oneself without realising that it did not get communicated properly. It could be because of a different definition of the same words or concepts. I have had similar misunderstandings with friends or family (not to this degree, much smaller ones) where we both thought we agreed on something but then turns out we had different ideas of what was actually agreed on. I would sit and wait and see if the husband does what he said he will. I feel like this is not necessarily immediately an asshole husband, he might have just been spiraling, thinking he had to provide for those invisible goals. But at the end of the day, depends on what he does