My Fiance Said I'm Holding My Womb Hostage r/Relationships

[@battlesister1559]

"The bullet is coming in slow motion. Will you dodge it?" That's a good line

[@piratekit3941]

I think the bullet had been a long time coming. I don't think OP was noticing the flags before. I'm glad she got one last HUGE warning that finally opened her eyes.

[@keepdancingmaria]

Second story made me laugh. She was told to talk to her sister, break up with Gerald, and pursue her interests in order to meet people who'd be interesting to her. And that's what she did... and she's thriving. But she got no good advice????

[@elan825]

Seriously, like what?! She dismissed all advice because "it's not that easy", then does everything others advised her to do and it works out. But she's still not satisfied with the advice?

[@WabbitHunter68]

She doesn't come across as a very nice person.

[@AoiYukinoMisharu]

@@WabbitHunter68 Yeah she... sounds super judgmental, calling him a "loser" and talking about "nerd crap"... like I get she wasn't getting what she wanted out of the relationship but she sounds jaded and judgmental

[@MORGUEMAW]

@@AoiYukinoMisharu Yea, i was listening and it just sounded. Just off. He didnt sound like a absolute saint; Sure some more pressure of getting a job could have been needed, she could have easily talked to him about working out or something, but she just sounded so uninterested in everything he did. Kinda makes me wonder if he was actually slightly depressed because she was constantly just cold and judgmental, she doesnt sound like the kind of person who would just not tell him that what he does isnt something she wants Im positive it could've ended alot better if she simply said "We dont really connect well sorry" The only factor i can really honestly see being a red flag is him still living with his parents, but thats a diff can of worms

[@jessamynroguski9649]

​@@WabbitHunter68 she did mention she has ASD, and as someone who also has that i can say its really hard sometimes to convey what you're really thinking to others All in all, this whole post has a lot of gaps in information for us as viewers: info OP may have chosen not to share, Mark being able to only give us a handful of replies on the original post, the 2 year gap between the original post and the update Im not saying shes totally right to call him a loser, but she could have a personal reason we just dont know about

[@samvoss6697]

OP's friend made the right call to call her brothers to help OP get her things. Imagine what would've happened if they weren't there? I'm so glad OP got out of there

[@bruuh0_0]

Should have called the Police too

[@CanyonALynn]

@@bruuh0_0 Yes. For anyone leaving an unhinged partner/spouse, call the non-emergency line of the police and have some officers there for the move out in addition to family/friends.

[@chasefrost1401]

I hope she told his parents so he'll get a lesson

[@philwill0123]

True, it annoys me when you hear someone going back by themselves because they think they can " talk it out" with someone abusive or violent. Even the refusal to tell someone you have escaped to, for days what the issue is.

[@tegantalks9612]

Honestly if my sister is ever in a bad situation like that she has our dad, brother, and my husband who would all drop everything go protect her and make sure she’s okay. All three are the nicest guys, but I’ve seen my dad in papa bear mode and he gets really scary. My husband also broke a guy’s nose when he was a teenager because he sexually harassed and assaulted my husband’s sister and cousin.

[@cyndib511]

The story about Becca. OP concerns were 100% valid. I don't eat food unless it's made by my mom or sister or myself. People make little mistakes that could make me extremely sick. A tiny crumb can cause me projectile vomiting, extremely itchy hives, blisters in my mouth and many gastrointestinal issues, there is always the risk of anaphylaxis and I'm going to feel like crap for a week. I don't like to seem rude, but a big issue I have is people getting offended if I won't eat their food. Protecting their feelings does not take priority over my health. That brother and sister in law are absolute assholes.

[@buckeyenative1365]

Becca's mom and step-dad are jerks and their reaction makes no sense if Becca truly is celiac and has a dairy allergy. They of all people should know how easily cross-contamination can occur in a non-celiac kitchen - and i assume they bought new pans and deep cleaned the kitchen after she was diagnosed. They should be thankful OP was sensitive to Becca's health needs and found a restaurant able to accommodate her. I would want the name of the restaurant because finding ones that can safely accommodate food allergies is rare.

[@elenameissner]

I had a colleague once who was late-diagnosed celiac and she would often get left out of office celebrstions, because people forgot. When she was transfered to my office, I was the baker for the most part. I bought a new pan and utensils, I kept them stored in airtight containers. I would not make anything with gluten for a few days ahead of time and would clean the whole kitchen and the utensils before making anything that I brought in to share. I took every precaution possible and she thankfully never got sick, but every time I would spend a week after nervous, because it is so easy to mess up and cause real harm. I don't think I would ever do that again, I'd be too afraid of hurting someone. The stepdad and mother are complete AH and that attitude will end up isolating and hurting Becca.

[@asmith8692]

My sister has so many food allergies and sensitivities that restaurants are a source of anxiety. When I cook for her, I tell her what is in the food, so she knows whether or not it's safe. I don't use wine when cooking for her, since the preservatives in the wine make her sick, no flour, soy, and limited dairy. Mushrooms are iffy, some she reacts badly to, others are fine. Shrimp is bad, lobster and crab are fine.

[@pineappleking1930]

I agree that Becca did the right thing but she should have let Becca’s parents know what she was doing so that Becca’s parents know that OP is doing this out of concern for Becca’s health and not some passive aggressive move against some who is adopted.

[@nikkiwhray1598]

Story 3 - it seems like the mother, who married into a new family, is projecting her fear of rejection onto the daughter. The OP was incredibly caring and thoughtful, but the mom and step-dad had already decided that the family would treat the stepdaughter as less-than, so all of OP's actions were seen thru that frame.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

I think my bestie accidentally glutened my cousin as she said something she made was gf but it was low gluten (which I could eat as I have ibs), I feel terrible (a decade on) because I didn’t spell it out when asking as I should have phrased it… can a coeliac eat this? But this young girl needs an epi pen so she’s not "just" majorly vomiting 🤮 if a mistake is made, which I would not wish on anyone but needs a hospital if they get it wrong? Brother and his wife need to grow tf up. She did a really nice thing, and left it to the experts. If you’re not sure about gf/df subs you can accidentally make some pretty disappointing/disgusting "food".

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

And doubtless OP spent a decent chunk of change to cater 5 courses of gf/df items. NTA and they should be happy that someone did safely cater to their needs.

[@nataliereeves3594]

She could just be causing drama for the sake of it. I think whatever op didcthis wouman would cause trouble.

[@AquaLugia]

The fiance in the first story is absolutely disgusting! I hope OP makes it out okay

[@elizabethescalante8114]

Sounds like she did. Here's hoping she has a brighter future ahead!

[@anonmouse15]

Amazing that it took 9 years to work it out.

[@elizabethescalante8114]

@@anonmouse15 Maybe he hid his real self until he was confident that he had her wrapped around his finger? It's a good thing narcissistic assholes like this douche always get too over confident, which is almost ALWAYS their downfall!

[@stephanien6237]

@@anonmouse15 I’m impressed he kept his disgusting attitudes hidden for so long-unless he just started following people like Andrew Tate more recently

[@thomasjoseph5876]

The "you're holding your womb hostage" remark is so absurd I can't stop laughing. LOL Those saying he is a misogynist are waaaaay off the mark. It goes much more beyond something as simple as that when you combine all of the things he said to the OP. I would say he has/is experiencing some sort of psychotic break in his mind and without proper help, he will "fall off the deep end" very soon. When that happens, you want to be as far away from him as possible. Granted, not everyone falls to that extreme when they have a psychotic break but he sure seems to be going down that road.

[@ladyoblivious]

Story 1, lol guy only started apologizing because he realized op still has the ability to just leave if she wants. It's a good thing he decided to show his arse to her before tying the knot. Truly a prime example of a blessing in disguise~

[@MsUnamusedNerd]

I read a relationship story that was pretty sad. Op gave a chubby guy a chance and he was the sweetest guy she ever went out with. Like he wrote her love letters going into detail about how much she meant to him. Then she encouraged him to join her and working out and he started losing weight and getting more into fitness. He started posting pictures on Instagram, and when girls started flirting with him on social media and OP express her insecurities, he told her “it’s not like I’m sending them nude pictures of myself you’re being insecure“ he clearly not got that type of attention before, and he clearly loved it because OP went to detail about how he started ignoring her in favor of random women on Instagram that we’re giving him attention and complementing how he looked. He stopped, putting in effort to be romantic, spend extra time going to the gym, and even started flirting with women in front of her. OP finish the story by saying she would read the letters. Her boyfriend used to write for her back when he was overweight and will start crying like the man she fell in love with had passed away and she has no idea who she’s with anymore.

[@jasoncarter4343]

No surprise. He has more options now.

[@gaaraxnaru]

@@jasoncarter4343 When you're in a relationship there are no other "options". If you're unhappy, you leave. You don't entertain other people unless you're in an agreed open relationship.

[@JordanDragonAs]

@@gaaraxnaru to be fair this wasn't about options it's about him learning he is attractive to others and how to navigate that but however I will say the woman is wrong about how she does not know who she is with he changed small things about himself for her yet still loved her and put in the effort to fix what was wrong with their relationship. I think she is surprised that he isn't the same as he was when he was overweight but lifestyle changes require consistency and I think there was only her side to the story not his

[@Flakey101]

@@JordanDragonAs I see, openly flirting with other women right infront of you, is such a small change, hardly worth commenting on then.

[@damien678]

Lesson learnt, just enjoy ya chubby hubby next time

[@schwagecko5589]

I don't think you're soft Mark. I think you're compassionate and see nuances. That's why I listen to you and not other reddit readers. Plus you're so positive you always make my day

[@ngoziagbakwu32]

Agreed. Not everything is black and white in life. I'm not a psychiatrist but I'm thinking the boyfriend may have depression. OP was giving mean girl vibes at the end. I mean besides being unemployed, the boyfriend had the same character/behaviour from the jump. He didn't change, OP did. If you didn't like video games or anime, why didn't you just leave earlier. You made the decision to stay because YOU believed that relationship was all you could have. Some people like that kind of relationship, doesn't make them losers, just different from you. As someone on the spectrum, it rather disappointing she's showing a lack of empathy or grace just because her tastes and ambitions changed...

[@bunnyslippers191]

Mark is absolutely my favorite Reddit reader by far. There are a couple I also listen to, but Mark is a wonderful person who has empathy and a killer sense of humor. When he starts giggling I giggle right along with him.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@ngoziagbakwu32 dude is still a loser tho. Even with depression I forced myself to get and keep a job and move out of my parents house. It's not hard to be an adult and not a teenager anymore. Also she was being constantly beaten down cuz she has a mental illness that can be a disability. I get why she resented the man child society said she had to be with cuz she was broken goods.

[@schwagecko5589]

@@bunnyslippers191 Yeah. Toilet humour isnt usually my cup of tea but I laugh cos Mark's laughing

[@schwagecko5589]

@@Kris-wo4pj I totally agree with you on why she resented him regardless of the rights and wrongs of it. However your depression isn't other peoples'. Two people can have the same physical disease or disability e.g. covid or cerebral palsy but it can affect them in vastly different ways. It's not fair to judge someone on their mental health issues based off yours

[@stephanien6237]

The second my partner said they would never want a daughter because “I couldn’t relate to her and don’t want to deal with all of that” we would be done. That just reinforces the idea that he sees girls and women as “other” and foreign. What does he mean “I couldn’t relate to her”?! How does he relate to anyone who is not himself? Disgusting.

[@stephanien6237]

2:27 no, you didn’t “waste 9 years of your life for nothing”. Imagine wasting more of your life on this pathetic excuse for a human.

[@notacatnt]

I'm a coeliac, and I would have cried if someone had behaved as OP did in story three. I'm so used to being left out, or having to bring my own food, or being given 'gluten-free food' that was cross-contaminated. I'm usually lucky to get a slice of plain bread, so to be given an entire meal? That's so sweet.

[@damien678]

My grandma had that and she always brought her own food when we went out to places to eat (and yeah she was okay with it, would even encourage us going). It was only near the end of her life that I even started seeing GF options in fancier places to get food. I did always enjoy her GF meals she'd make and hope to still make myself GF bread at home too

[@damien678]

I hope there'll be more affordable GF options locally for you in the near future btw!

[@notacatnt]

@@damien678 Thank you so much for your lovely comment, I've been eating gluten-free for over half my life now and the options people have today are crazy. We used to have to get our food on prescription and ration it for an entire month across our family. Now you can go to a lot of places and actually find something to eat. I'm so glad your grandma's coeliac disease was caught in her lifetime; we're the first generation to know about it here so looking back at our family tree you can definitely see the impact it had. And kudos to her for managing to make wonderful meals during some of the darkest times for GF food. (The bread was awful. Like, *super bad* for so long I considered eating the cardboard box it came in lol.) GF bread can be a nightmare, so don't take it too personally if it looks a little weird! The changing of ingredients can really impact the rising and, in our case at least, it took years of tweaking to finally get everything right. If you've ever seen those loaf of bread or pug memes, that's kind of how it feels. The Middleton Foods bread mix makes some wonderful bread/pizza bases/doughballs, though, if you want to skip the kitchen warfare. Definitely manifesting more affordable GF options, anyway. I just want a meal deal, give me a cheese sandwich of questionable quality and I'll be set.

[@damien678]

@@notacatnt Yeah I remember some GF bread being a bit wack, but I grew up with it so I get nostalgia for that specific crumbly feeling and how different they can look And that's a great way to describe it! Like a pug 😭 lol And yeah I seriously hope there's a lot more out there for ya in the future! I seriously never remembered my grandma being able to get anything for the longest time that it was so noteworthy when she could buy something for herself. A GF cheese sandwich also sounds so nice

[@thebarefootwitch5564]

Same.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

I read a quote that has always stuck with me... "Don't hold on to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it". Wow, not even halfway through the first story... That guy just needs throwing in the trash, even though that would be a horrible thing to do to that poor trash 🙄. He's THAT kind of low. Thank god he showed OP his true colours before she went ahead and married him!! I hope he never ever tricks another woman into giving him kids. 1) We don't need his influence on a child, we don't need more people like him in the world. 2) Would a child even be safe around him? Especially a girl?!

[@JenamDrag0n]

Sons wouldn't be safe either because they'd learn their dad's sexist views towards women

[@Loveroffood41]

As someone who has gone through a divorce that girl saved herself a lot of troubled by leaving her fiancee.

[@lovinglifebutnotonearth3909]

Story one: guess who decides how many kids the couple has if the woman wants less and then the man? The woman. The woman gets the final decision

[@orchidoxs126]

I had to do a double take and reread this because my dumb ass, but this so much this! if you want more kids and your partner doesn't, don't try and convince them you aren't compatible and you should find someone who is.

[@soogymoogi]

It's true but honestly they just aren't compatible if they want different amounts! 🤷 the guy sounds like a jerk anyways

[@seankeller1560]

funny enough as we learned she also gets the final say if she wants more men are nothing more then the a store to get the supplies to make the babies

[@elizabethescalante8114]

@@soogymoogi "Jerk"? That's sugar-coating it, don't you think?! "Future rapist and abuser" is more appropriate!

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@seankeller1560 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Save the “poor men” pity party. No one is interested.

[@srbarkerchan]

OP in that first story didn't just dodge a bullet. She dodged a freight train carrying several crates full of bullets.

[@owl7072]

Story 3: I'm sorry, but she doesn't seem to care at all about the fact that she's eating something different. The only people who care and are making a big deal about it is them. She's only going to start caring if they actively tell her that what was done is supposedly "bad" and that she should feel upset about it.

[@Rose-yt5hi]

So weird her mom was more concerned about her being “included” in the eating of OP’s meals instead of, y’know, her actual health.

[@ScooterBond1970]

By "included", it means that the girl's dietary restrictions should be imposed upon everyone else. Classic "if we/my daughter can't have it, no one can." I think that one comment hit it on the head.

[@nataliereeves3594]

Classic entitled, attention seeking behaviour. My aut did something similar at Great grans funeral reception. She insisted on making all the food herself. When she brought it out, it was all this diet, vegan flavour free stuff she was on, and nothing else. Their were even kids there, and she didn't even have a bag of crisps for them. If she wants to eat that stuff fine, but don't force your diet on others. In the end, everyone left early, and she was left with all that food. Me, my parents and uncle went for curry and watched the bonfire night fireworks from the car park. To clarify, it was someone's brilliant idea to have the cremation ceremony on bonfire night. No, we did not stick her on the bonfire!!!

[@sarahbauer5593]

As someone with high Celiac disorder, I bring my own foods to friends and relatives's homes because I know how sick I can get if cross-contamination occurs. I would have been thanking the person for even going to that level of commitment of care for my dietary needs.

[@intetx]

Story 2: You are right, they are not compatible but it is damaging to just call him a looser. He might be depressed, even if not it's just non constructive.

[@nyxcuseme]

In story 3, I would absolutely feel the same as OP, I would not trust myself at all with a meal like that. I also feel like, as sad as it is, this child is going to be used to not eating what other people eat - going to restaurants, parties, weddings, whatever else, not everybody will always be able to accommodate her. This will be her life, bringing her own meals when she's able to cook, or getting suitable take out. I have a strict diet, and while I wouldn't have health issues as serious as in the story if I were to not follow it, I also have to provide my own food in situations like this. Sheltering the kid now will just give her screwed up expectations of how the real world works when having an illness or disability.

[@GIChiyo]

Story 2: It always shocks me how people cling to relationships they are not happy in...

[@dragonpasta5880]

Story three: NTA Op did the right thing. What would the parents do if OP did cook Becca a meal and something accidentally got contaminated with one of her allergens.

[@nataliereeves3594]

Throw a fit because that seems to be their mo. Sister in law is ither an attention seeker or projecting her feelings of being excluded onto the kid.

[@fox9t18]

I have celiac. Not everyone knows how to cook food I can eat, and I understand when people want to let professionals handle it instead. If my choices were between flavor or staying alive, I think I'd know what I'd choose lol

[@sarahbauer5593]

As a fellow Celiac, I can understand your feelings. Unfortunately, I have gotten restaurant food that was contaminated. I carry a NIMA, a tester that lets you know if food is contaminated, and use it, even on my own food as I am also cooking for non Celiacs. I have cross-contaminated my own food. Ain't Celiac great?

[@artemishallihan8973]

Story 2 - I think OP was being gaslit into a very toxic thought, that you're undatable if you're on the spectrum, and should be happy for anyone who will have you.... rather than loving yourself enough to understand your needs, and finding a partner who is enthusiastic to be with you. Everyone deserves a partner the want to be around and if you can't find that partner... being single is not the end of the world either, nor should it be treated as such.

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

Exactly. Unfortunately even the "gold standard treatment" focuses on telling autistics how they only have value if they can pretend to be neurotypical enough, and people can be incredibly cruel and perpetuate that internalised ableism and self-hate. I'm glad that she's moving on and making her life better.

[@aspidistraeliator]

@@JustAnotherBuckyLover very true, I actually had a fight with a aspi friend, because they kept going on about how they aren't "good enough" to have tons of friends. I told him one doesn't need tons of friends, what they need are friends who like them for WHO they are not a diagnosis.

[@ReyK_47]

@@JustAnotherBuckyLover I'm a woman with Asperger's, and I see this first hand. Times where I hadn't been masking I'd been called weird, awkward, a "b*tch who thinks she knows everything," among other things. I've been excluded by people who acted like my friends to my face, but would make secret group chats without me and talk about me behind my back. Lots of aspi's have similar experiences, and it does suck, but I've personally never been the type to put up with disrespectful behavior. I expect common decency and not to be treated like an incompetent idiot, and I refuse to let being neurodivergent be the reason my self confidence suffers. I hope OP can someday learn to be more confident in themselves and break away from that self-deprecation.

[@truthseeker9249]

I was called mean things all through school in addition to being called ugly. I even had things thrown at me ffs. I was diagnosed at age 12 but I knew I was a little "off" way before that. I have a lot of problems on top of my Asperger's and I really did think I would never find true love. And yet here I am with a real life fairytale prince. He was the quiet socially awkward kid who was afraid of people, did NOT like talking and who people have always underestimated and taken for granted. He also grew up thinking he would never find true love. He was just as shocked about our love as I was. He suspects that he might actually have Autism too and wants to get evaluated because there are some strong signs in him and a few big similarities between him and I. But even if he isn't, he understands me, he respects me, and he takes care of me. He rubs my belly to show affection because he knows how much I love that (my mom used to do that), he always covers my ears for me whenever there's some sort of loud high pitched sound that is hurting me because he knows I am super sensitive to high pitched sounds (microphone feedback feels like my ears are being stabbed), he walks me through things slowly so I understand, and he knows exactly how to talk me down from an anxiety attack. That's all I could ask for. He's my one true love and the prince I have waited for my whole life. He's going to be a great husband and a great father. If one of our kids is Autistic too I know he's going to be just as nurturing with them as he is with me. In fact, just last week, he and I were out at a restaurant for breakfast because we love getting breakfast together every now and then. And I just couldn't control myself and broke down crying because I honestly thought for a second that he wasn't real. That he was just my imagination and that our entire relationship had just been some sort of dream. I thought my mind had created him to comfort me from the sadness of being alone or that the universe was just playing a cruel trick on me. It's still so hard for me to believe how amazing he is and that he's really with someone like me. And that only made me cry harder because I know I never want to go back to the way my life was without him. And when I, through tears explained all of this to him, I expected him to laugh but he didn't. He just held me and assured me again and again that he's real, that he isn't my imagination. And he reminded me of how I really am worthy of him and every happiness.

[@LunaGirl196]

Yeah dating on the spectrum can be hard, my boyfriend is the type to play games and watch anime a bunch but we’re both homebodies and we’ll still spice things up by going to interesting places or watching a performance too. The guy didn’t sound like the worst outside of not getting a job and it depended on how often he played with friends. They were mainly not compatible and that’s that.

[@anarchylove92]

Story 2: I also feel bad for the guy. It's not that he was a bad guy, it's just that he and OP weren't compatible. My wife and I consider watching anime and playing video games, a good date night.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

NTA story 3! I have ADHD too, and I totally understand OP not trusting herself to make stuff for a kid with that many health concerns. I'd be terrified too. And from what it sounds like, the kid didn't even know it was from a restaurant!

[@chromaticHermit]

For people who have a kid with special needs they have very little space for understanding for someone else. Assuming the worst in OP is so rude and uncalled for. Especially when OP had gone far and beyond for them in the past, they sound entitled too.

[@Keira_Akoma]

Story 2: the fact she kept putting herself down about having aspergers, just really upset me, I understand having the toxic friend groups, and low self esteem, but as someone who has aspergers, it's really infuriating to hear them say that "nobody will love me cuz I'm autistic" there are a lot of people who wouldn't mind dating someone on the spectrum, what's stopping OP is themselves.

[@jayjaytaylor565]

Excellently said. My soon-to-be-husband is autistic. He is the sweetest person ever and he even thought he would be alone. We got together at ~14 and 11 years later, we are expecting our first child together. 💗

[@MyUniqueBeauty]

OP 2:She puts herself down for the what she was born and says she's afraid of being single because one would want her for her disability but puts her ex down,calls him a nerd for having nerd hobbies. I'm all for bowing out of a relationship when you aren't compatible but to call the guy a loser because he indulges in nerd stuff is mean.

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

She wasn't calling him a loser for being a nerd. She was calling him a loser for sitting around even two years later, and not trying to improve his life, not getting a job, not trying to deal with any mental health issues, not even trying to interact with her as a partner etc. Why is this so hard for people to grasp? And calling someone a nerd literally isn't even an insult these days, LOL. If you like nerdy things, you're a nerd. *I'm* a nerd. She made it perfectly clear she tried to be involved in his hobbies but he wasn't willing to do the same for hers. And yeah -- autistics tend to struggle with that whole putting themselves down and feeling worthless because they get told it every damn day.

[@LunaBloodWolf]

@@JustAnotherBuckyLover i think context matters though, if you call yourself or your friends nerds/geeks / whatever, it can be seen as endearing, but OP wasn't close like that with him anymore (or really ever it seems) , so her calling him a nerd was absolutely meant as an insult. just because you personally don't see the word "nerd" as an insult, doesn't mean that it isn't an insult, it still very much is. and again, Context matters. also with the whole "putting herself down" thing, yes, getting told that kind of stuff everyday is hard (i know, i've been through it) but that is literally no excuse for putting down someone else. however he is very much so a loser, not because of his hobbies (i too like anime, manga, video games and drawing) but because he hasn't gotten a job and lives off of his parents like he's a teen. now dont get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with still living with your parents as an adult , and you shouldn't judge them based on that, but it really sounds like the ex just has no motivation to improve himself or his situation and THAT in my opinion is what makes him a loser. (also him just generally being kind of a shitty person makes him a loser, but i figured that goes without saying)

[@darianwells9191]

@@JustAnotherBuckyLover no it was a pretty cut and dry insult for what he likes, she kinda makes that clear

[@darianwells9191]

@@LunaBloodWolf your response is 100% correct

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

​@@JustAnotherBuckyLover What? OP _absolutely_ meant nerd as an insult. Of course, she's also into something nerdy - forensics - so, yeah, she's a hypocrite, and I wouldn't be surprised if she'd get upset if anyone called her a nerd. As Birdie Fawn mentioned, _context matters._

[@witheredrose357]

S 1 This reminds me of a story where the BF tried to cut out the ops Implant from her arm. It's a very good thing this OP left before it got to that point.

[@aspidistraeliator]

Implant, her implant out of her arm. A IUD is in the uterus.

[@witheredrose357]

@@aspidistraeliator the op called it an IUD, but you are correct and thanks for correcting me

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 OP's BF doesn't want the same thing she does. He's not the one. She doesn't need to get over anything, she just needs to break up. They seem wholly incompatible

[@Rose-yt5hi]

Idk what other “helpful” advice she wanted from Reddit when breaking up was clearly the only advice that needed to be given and followed.

[@sciencenerd218]

ADHD affects the memory to a degree but what she did for Becca is going above and beyond because OP knew her limitations and thought the best course was to find a takeout place that was gluten, dairy AND nut free to provide a full dinner for Becca

[@theconfusedvampire]

Story 3: WTF? As a celiac myself, I once ate cross-contaminated gf pancakes, I had to take morphine, and was knocked out for two days. A celiac attack is the most extreme pain imaginable. I would even rather starve than risk it. Hardcore NTA

[@PredictedCyborg]

I've been online for nearly 20 years, heard all kinds of stories. ... And the guy in story 1 scared the hell out of me. o.o;

[@damien678]

Yeeeeeeeep

[@hangas-s1507]

Story 3 : NTA. I have severe allergies too and I would be thankful for not poisoning me if I were Becca or her parents. The parents are TA. No-one should be a slave of other people's requirements, and OP walked the extra mile.

[@19nmiller1]

I remember reading that second story not too long ago and thinking that the OP definitely seems pretentious and selfish. The first post was fine, but the update made me raise my eyebrows with all the haughtiness. It just felt like they were looking down on everyone.

[@liabowden8526]

Seriously, I felt unjustly called out/attacked by the way she talked about “nerd shit.” Made me feel like it was the 80’s again, or maybe the 80’s vision of the 50’s, lol. Basically, Biff Tannen from Back to the Future. She didn’t have to shit on All of us because she chose a badly fitting partner & didn’t leave sooner. It ain’t me, babe, it ain’t my fault, it ain’t my circus, that guy wasn’t my monkey. Ugh, she just, made my hackles raise! I was so relieved that I’m not the only one who thought she sounded superior or something.

[@immasnakeee6460]

I don’t see the problem what are y’all talking about

[@crazyminegamer2339]

@@immasnakeee6460 I believe two of the biggest contributors was dismissing the advice OP received as unhelpful and calling her ex a loser. Definitely left a nasty taste in my mouth.

[@denelva]

Story 2: "No one wants an aspie." Girl, I'm an autistic woman with ADD and I've been together with a lovely. neurotypical guy for almost 18 years now. I wasn't even diagnosed until 5-6 years into our relationship. He has no disabilities and is just the kindest, sweetest man on Earth. Do we have our hangups? Of course, we're both human. Does he make me crazy at times? Sure - and I have the same effect on him. Are we always compatible? No, but we are on the things that matter and our love for each other is deep, stable and not built on one of us bending over backwards for the other. The guy you're with, just sounds like someone who isn't a good match for you, so dump him.

[@tinywaterdrinker5136]

Some people (some) change as soon as you get engaged engaged bc they feel they can finally show their true selves and that youre too attached to leave. Happened to my mom once and me TWICE. It's crazy out here

[@anntphamvo87]

Ah I’m so glad OP 2 updated us years later. Hope she’s thriving and worked out what she wanted in life.

[@Davtwan]

Glad she dumped her old friends. They seem like the type that thinks relationships are like fixer-uppers when you end up with a “flawed” lover. Ick.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

I don't understand the fascination of sitting around and "Gaming" all the time. Sure, it's fun every now and then but after about half an hour, I am done and ready to get up and move around (preferably outside). I can count on one hand how many hours I spent "Gaming" all of 2022. I also don't understand the women that will stand by and defend these "men" as they spend a large amount of their life in some sort of fantasy world. Perhaps I don't see the appeal of these games because I would rather go out and do the real thing while living life (except for the shooter games, been there, done that with 4 deployments to Iraq). I would rather go sky diving, scuba diving, lost treasure hunting, gem digging, racing down a frozen lake on an ice boat at 100 mph, riding a motorcycle, OR my personal favorite of having a lot of sex with my girlfriend/wife, etc. than sitting on my butt in some make-believe world. I just don't see how you can have a healthy relationship with someone when one of you or even both of you are stuck in some fantasy world for hours and hours a day.

[@Davtwan]

@@thomasjoseph5876 - Some people have some of their best memories working together with friends or seeing beautiful stories unfold. Playing Pokémon Gold under the sheets when everyone else was asleep at night. Sessions in TF2 with my brother as we worked together. Exploring vast landscapes in Minecraft. Seeing the colorful cast of Stardew Valley. Those were such relaxing and happy memories. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. ❤️

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@Davtwan I bet you were kids at that time too. That's different, we are talking about grown adults that are quitting jobs and throwing away relationships just to play in fantasyland.

[@Davtwan]

@@thomasjoseph5876 - Nope, Stardew came out when I was an adult for example. I still play with my brother too. Gaming addiction is no joke of course, but it is possible to have a happy and healthy life while gaming several hours a week.

[@samssams666]

Story 1 leave before you end up like Rei Todoroki, stuck in a mental hospital for 10+ years and unable to see your son's because of a mental breakdown because of your abusive husband, he's literally the manga definition of Enji Todoroki.

[@sazanafadoju7350]

WOW! not the anime ref!

[@ericaallisonc]

I think you should maybe go touch grass. Anime is no where near what reality is... This coming from a fan myself.

[@willegan1823]

This guy is worse than Enji. Enji actually cared about his wife as more than a breeding tool

[@simonO712]

@@ericaallisonc I personally don't see the problem with drawing parallels to fiction.

[@fancyme.alter1311]

Last story:. The mother of the child is the A hole. If her daughter is so sensitive to food the mother should have called the hostess (OP) and ask if she could provide her daughter's meal. Or even maybe come over the day before and help make a meal that could be ready but cooked the day of. Expecting a hostess to accommodate the needs of each guest and special guest needs is really an A hole thing to do.

[@yaqbulyakkerbat4190]

Man, she was lucky he revealed how drooling insane he was

[@adamwilliams4928]

Story 1: One thing we often tell ourselves is that our SO's behavior "came out of nowhere", but this isn't true. We've seen these behaviors here and there over the course of our entire relationship, but like most people, we were blinded by love. When you're 'blinded by love", you literally make yourself not notice questionable, abusive or manipulative things because of how much you care about that person. OR... Her fiance has a tumor that literally just now turned him into a raging monster. Which scarily enough, can also happen. O__o

[@aurorathedragonlady2728]

Still not done watching but story 2 hit home. I had an ex that didn't really do anything for me. He couldn't drive so I had to take us everywhere, he was always changing jobs, he always wanted to do what he wanted to do and I just went with it. I started school and he was annoyed because I wasn't as free as I was. I wanted to stop just being boyfriend and girlfriend, I wanted to start pulling our lives together and start actually having a life. Now I still am struggling with that but he never seemed to take me seriously with engagement or anything. It was watching a cartoon I realized how unhappy I was with him because we always had to do what he wanted. I didn't have my needs met. So I left him. It was hard because I was sure I was in love but years later I feel much better that it is done. He blocked me after we broke up but 2 years later tried to message me, saying how much he missed me. I ignored him. We aren't going back down that road! Take care waffle gang! And remember, if you aren't happy with someone you have a right to find someone that lifts you up!

[@OlympiaBox]

Story 3 As a person with very common food alergies and a ton of intolerances I bring my own food everywhere. From the most common things I am alergic to all grain and eggs. Intollerant to all types of milk. Whenever I go I check if I can eat anything and if not I bring my own food. Party at friends - I take my own food. Work - I take my own food. Becouse cross contamination hits hard. Once my grandma used a wrong oil to warm up some of my food and I got terrible rash and it was just some grain added to an oil. Those parents are just plain stupid. Also I would be so moved when a person ordered food specially for me! It means that they thought about me while making a meal and I'll always appreciate it

[@Sereia1]

Story 3; I, like Becca, have a lot of food restrictions due to chronic illness. If someone went above and beyond to get special take-out to cater me, I'd be thanking them eight times over that very night (and then some). I honestly don't even mind to bring my own stuff to dinner parties and always ask in advance if there is something I can do, as I realize how difficult it is to cater to my restrictions, especially when you're not used to it. My illness is my responsibility, not everyone else's. OP is NTA, and it was unrealistic for the parents to expect that OP would be able to safely cook for Becca without so much as a word of consideration.

[@sagesaria]

Story 1: made me retreat as far into the back of my office chair as physics would allow. Holy crap, what a horrible human being and I'm so glad OP called it off with him. Story 3: We have a family friend with a SEVERE gluten allergy. Like, her whole family has to eat gluten free because her husband kissing her after eating something with gluten would trigger it. When she was coming to town for the first time in years, I contacted her through facebook messenger to ask about gluten-free baking, since this was the time of year when I make a huge batch of cookies and I didn't want her feeling left out. She said she appreciated that I was thinking of her, but that because of the severity of the allergy and in the name of not asking me to be hypervigilent about cross-contamination, the safest way was to get storebought gluten-free cookies and she wouldn't be offended - the fact that I considered it at all was very sweet, she said. It's as simple as that; ask ahead, or if you're worried about someone feeling singled out, order out for everybody.

[@LisaApril]

Story one: it’s her womb, if she doesn’t want to use it with him that’s her right. This man doesn’t even sound deserving of his mothers womb.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 1: OP hasn't "wasted 9 years" of her life, she dodged a nuclear meltdown. Hope she gets far, far away. And a restraining order. Her friend is a gem.

[@AnAmurTiger]

I don’t think you’re soft in a bad way, Mark. I think you’re a compassionate kind man with a good heart.

[@DemonicGoddess]

story 2 makes me wanna bang my head on a wall.. "i got bad advice to dumb him" SOO anyways "i just started dumping him" "i asked my sisters they said the same thing you all did i still got bad advice here"

[@MydieLy]

Second story: OP: "no one has given me actually helpful advice" Also OP: *does exactly what most said she should do and it was the right thing to do* EDIT: I wrote this before I came to Mark saying the exact same thing and I just splurted out my Coffee laughing. This isn't the first time either, mind, loving this!

[@ArcaneChipmunk]

The second story, I personally have a hard time liking the OP. I'm happy for her that she found herself someone who she is much happier with, and it was a good thing for her to break up with the boyfriend. But especially how she says some stuff in the update... Some of the stuff can be typical how someone with autism can see it (I have autism myself), but the way she says 'The advice wasn't helpful' when the advice was partly to break up with the boyfriend, which she did. Like... ??? And I personally find it funny that apparently forensics in her mind isn't in a way considered nerdy/geeky? Honestly it fits perfectly with people that have autism.

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

She asked people how to stop feeling jealous and resentful. Nobody told her specifically how to do it. That's why it wasn't helpful. It's simply literal thinking and people don't seem to be getting it. Breaking up with her boyfriend wouldn't stop her either resenting his lack of interest in her, or feeling jealous of others with good relationships, especially when she was at a place where she clearly had so much internalised ableism because JFC we get told so often we're the ones at fault and nobody wants to be around us. I can't say I don't empathise with her frustration, whether I like her or not. And she wasn't putting him down for being "nerdy" so much, but for only focusing on his stuff and not being willing to do anything BUT that, and being forced into typically "aspie" stuff by everyone around her.

[@ArcaneChipmunk]

​@@JustAnotherBuckyLover I empathize with her frustration as well. Pushing people into specific boxes sucks. I personally feel that her question was answered as far as people could. You can't tell people how to feel or stop how to feel. Emotions (and in autism that can be even harder since emotion regulation isn't always great) are hard to control, so people gave the advice how to get out of the situation. What could improve things. The situation needed to change. People can't expect (we don't have control over them) others to change, we only have control over our own reactions/actions. Though maybe that is more in depth of what she got with replies. Very likely the seemingly (in my opinion) dismissal of geek culture is indeed born out of her frustration of the situation she had been in and her bad association with it. So I can sympathize with her. And it is great she has a friendgroup now that is into the stuff she seems to be into. It personally just left bit of a bad taste in my mouth. But to be fair, I'm just a stranger on the internet that she doesn't have to care for at all. Sometimes people don't mash and that is perfectly fine. I'm also aware I have been rather privileged in my situation, since while in the beginning I had a lot of problems (late diagnosis, being the odd duck, depression), I ended up being in a rather accepting environment that encourages me to do what I want. Tho it helps that a lot of people that I know (not especially friends but friendly) have autism.

[@vanzy01]

💯👍🏿

[@JustAnotherBuckyLover]

​@@ArcaneChipmunk Oh, I understand this completely, and you're not wrong. I'm simply explaining that I know I felt like this a LOT, especially before I, too, was diagnosed and found my "neurokin" as it were. The number of times I tried to explain to therapists that I know what I am feeling, and why, ALL I want is for you to tell me how to not feel these things. And nobody could do that, and none of the typical therapy techniques work very well for so many autistics (like CBT, exposure therapy etc) simply because our brains aren't wired up the same way and simply function differently. There really probably wasn't a better way for the responses to answer her question in a way that felt helpful to her - especially as the people were probably not autistic either. I'm not even saying that their advice WASN'T helpful because it was. But I can absolutely understand why she didn't feel that way. I also understand personally why it would leave a bad taste in your mouth. I am not in the habit of calling people losers either. I think part of what frustrates me the most is that I know *full well* that there are plenty of people out there who are thinking the same thing but will say how rude she was for saying it aloud. It's the hypocrisy for me, I guess, and the mischaracterization that it was just because of his hobbies rather than her frustration at the lack of effort he put into their relationship and in trying to improve his situation (i.e. get help for any mental health issues, find a new job, etc) - especially so when you're struggling so hard to do that every day to try and become better. I know that's felt disrespectful to me, in the past.

[@ArcaneChipmunk]

​@@JustAnotherBuckyLover 'The number of times I tried to explain to therapists that I know what I am feeling, and why, ALL I want is for you to tell me how to not feel these things. ' I feel this part a lot. I'm great at self-analyzing. Why certain things make me feel a certain way. Am great at advising other people. But how to deal with my own issues? Emotions are just so stupid and hard at times D= Especially since I personally tend to have a hard time remembering how I felt exactly if I am not feeling it in the moment, which might just be me having a mental block on it. I had quite a few different therapies and while I can do great with the 'theory' part, the 'practical' part is where it all falls apart x'D Yeah, I understand it as well. I think for her situation, face to face advise so it can be explained better and more in depth with her questions was a far better option. So I'm glad her sister helped with that and was supportive. I indeed bet a lot of people in her situation would think the same way but wouldn't say it out loud. In a way commendable that she is able to voice her opinion out loud and not lie about it, but it could've been said a bit more tactfully. But yeah, I think she couldn't empathize with him anymore because of her own resentment towards him. Which, I mean fair in her situation when you have been in it for years and feel like shit yourself. Outsiders can observe things much easier because it isn't our own emotional involvement. I hope the ex will get his own mentalhealth help, and that the girl will keep doing well in the path she took.

[@MsTemptation]

The last story: NTA. You went above and beyond what I would have done. Your sil is the one who was actually upset and of course she told your brother who then had to save face with his wife. It sounds like the step-daughter was enjoying the food and didn’t give two fucks about who cooked it. Your sil is going to continue to be a pain so keep an eye on her because she’ll continue to expect everyone to treat her child like a princess.🤓

[@Icmlost]

I completely agree. As I get older my inner sarcasm tends to bleed out more. I think I would have apologized for not accidently "killing" her child like they "obviously" wanted me to. Like you said, they went above and beyond to make sure there was safe food for everyone.

[@samssams666]

Story 3 NTA I'd rather be safe than sorry.

[@Draggonny]

I agree with OP. If it's a dietary choice, it's not the end of the world if you get something wrong. But serious allergies are not to be messed with. I doubt the neice would have appreciated her feelings being protected if it had ended her up in the hospital. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Just don't invite that part of your family to dinner until Becca is old enough to visit without her parents. From the title, I was expecting OP to have not provided any food for the child and asked the parents to bring her a packed lunch. OP was a good host in providing food for all their guests and making the necessary accommodations for medical needs.

[@ILJ68]

Story 1. When a person shows you who they are, BELIEVE them.

[@Lestaticate]

1st Story: OP did NOT waste 9 years. As apposed to spending the rest of you life living like a back-yard breeder dog? I'd rather take the 9 year L! Some AH's are just THAT good at hiding their true intentions, the invisibility cloak just happened to finally slip off. I'm so glad OP got out of that dangerous situation and I hope she got some sort of legal protection, I hear they're hard to get. Keep that support group close -- OP's friend and her brothers are absolute bosses! Last story: Living with a loved one with food allergies, cross-contamination is NO f***ing joke. Luckily I don't have to buy new utensils, cutting boards or cookware, but I scrub the living hell out of them before preparing his meals. For some people it's literally life or death and I don't want that kind of pressure on my plate. I thought it was wonderful OP went out of her way to order something from a specialty restaurant -- that would've made me feel cared for, and well ... special. NTA

[@noydb-1]

The 9 years would have only been wasted if you hadn't learned anything from them and went back to be abused by him. On a side note, keep a lawyer on speed dial, and be ready for a future of restraining orders and court appearances, as he seems like the unhinged type who sees you as property and may even pull the "If I can't have her, no one can" stunt. Be prepared to defend yourself.

[@nataliereeves3594]

Story 1: Report him to the police and file a restraining order.

[@trash-hime]

Story 3: NTA. As OP stated all it takes is ONE mistake for things to go south when someone has severe allergies/dietary restrictions. OP didn't trust herself to cater to Becca's restrictions and instead found a place that specifically caters to it and ordered/paid for an entire meal so that Becca wouldn't be left out of the meal entirely. That was extremely thoughtful and better than "Here's what I'm making, Becca will need to bring her own food due to her dietary restrictions". The only ones that are making a mountain out of a molehill are Cheryl and Greg. Moreso Cheryl because she seems to be taking it as a personal insult instead of the thoughtful gesture it is.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - It's YOUR womb to hold 'hostage' as you see fit. That is YOUR life and health on the line with each pregnancy. He cannot force someone to use their body at his service; that's called slavery. As to the 'waste the time,' it would be worse to waste MORE by staying with him. In the end, leaving would be the cheaper lesson.

[@carolsh1983]

It’s not soft to be compassionate and empathetic. I will always think it is possible to treat people well and still advocate for getting needs met. In other words, OP was right to end the relationship but I also agree that it is a bit much to call him a loser. But I understand why she has stronger feelings about it, too.

[@tennesseedogpack]

That’s why you don’t date tard balls unless you are one

[@Detector1977]

S1: So op managed to miss the biggest red flag in history for 9! YEARS?

[@floraposteschild4184]

I doubt somehow this is the first misogynistic remark he has made. But sometimes people are more sensitive about what is said about (possible future) children than themselves.

[@whitneybennett4857]

Yeah, he's probably made other misogynistic comments in the past but they might've been minor and/or easier to mask over as being "jokes".

[@bellagaur6594]

Ironically saying he doesn't want daughters yet say she's holding her womb hostage, what a freak!!

[@dm9078]

For me the keyword in that story was blatantly. That means that she has seen his misogyny before he just wasn’t that open and vile about it in the past. She doesn’t think she wants to marry him anymore? I wonder what he would have to do to make her certain that she didn’t want to marry him anymore? Punch her in the face center car on fire? And as far as wasting nine years I hope she doesn’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. So the advice was helpful she simply chose not to take it. I will bet the sister’s advice was dump him. 🤦🏽‍♂️! If the genders had been reversed everyone would have pointed out the obvious. Gerald is suffering from undiagnosed depression.

[@attilathemom7518]

9 YEARS together, and this is the first time you've talked about future and kids? REALLY?? I hope they have meaningful conversations with their next relationship partner much sooner than that.

[@RCMN-2024]

At least OP found out his opinion on her womb & behaviour before they got married Big bullet dodged

[@bridgetw8688]

Story 2: OOP from that story was very unlikable. She seemed very rude and judgmental. Gerald lost his job and maybe he was being lazy and not finding a new one, but everything else about him seemed fine. Liking games, anime and being a homebody aren’t bad. He seemed totally normal. It was clear they were incompatible but OOP doesn’t sound like someone I would want in my life either. Maybe that’s why Gerald didn’t make an effort, subconsciously he knew she wasn’t worth the effort.

[@darianwells9191]

Right? Like obviously incompatible sure, but she straight up just was insulting just to insult

[@adrianmcbride1666]

I wouldn't call pretty much ignoring your partner fine. She noted that even on dates he did not spend time with her.

[@MyUniqueBeauty]

First story:Glad she got out and had help. I wish she had a police officer there just incase he wouldn't break her belongings.

[@yosoyroman875]

Oh nooo….even just the guy saying he wouldn’t love his daughter as much as his son was enough. The rest of that blowup was…terrifying and I hope that the story continues with her leaving and never coming back. Jesus.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S3: NTA. It was incredibly thoughtful of you to provide a separate meal that she could eat, even if you didn't cook it yourself. Feeding her (safely) is her parents' responsibility, and you did the best you felt comfortable with. Tell them if they have a problem with it, they are welcome to provide her food at the next gathering, but you don't feel confident in your abilities to avoid all her allergens and would rather not risk putting her health in jeopardy.

[@liss2503]

The mom and step dad are being the aholes in the food story. They are making a fuss when the kid isn’t. The parents are more isolating to the daughter than anyone else. They need to pull back a bit.

[@ericaallisonc]

Not being able to relate with with a daughter is utter bullshit. Me and my father have a lot more in common than me and my mom. He runs his own auto stop but knows all there is about electrical, hydraulics and HVAC. I'm taking after him and persuing fluid power and Pnumatic automation. Why? Because my father didn't boot me out of his shop, he welcomed me into his world. This is why gender stereotypes are stupid and mostly enforced by parents and social pressure.

[@madambutterfly1997]

With her dietary restrictions she's getting left out regardless

[@LittleMissDeath]

This video makes me appreciate how much my fiance loves our daughter even more. She's the most important person in his life and watching them interact makes my heart sing.

[@russhall856]

Uuuhhh, if your husband "can't love" a daughter as much as a son then something is DEEPLY wrong.

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 2: odd how the advice was dump him but op dumped him and thought the advice was useless. Um, no op had been in a pity party of who would have me

[@Nevertoleave]

Story 3, she bought the step niece a special meal instead of risking cross contamination and doing serious harm. It was very throughtful

[@TaraYourArmOff]

For the first story: screenshot everything then send it to his family. They need to know why she left and what kind of person he is. That way hopefully if he does get with someone else then they can be warned

[@jessicarose0528]

I agree with you about how OP spoke about Gerald. They certainly didn't belong together but the way she spoke about him as a loser was probably what made people around her "guilt her into staying w/him". If she spoke to him like that it probably just made him more depressed. My 1st thought also was the advice OP got from the original post was EXACTLY what they needed to do & ended up doing. Not sure how they still don't see it other than that part of the Aspergers & that it just wasn't what they wanted to hear based at the time. It's like they wnayed detailed instructions on how to not resent people who had what she wouldn't allow herself. I wish more people also alerted OP to the fact that almost all their family & friends were being incredibly ableist & greatly mistreating OP with respect to their Aspergers. (If what OP said was accurate & not just their interpretation.);OP could have used some guidance on how to deal with people acting that way towards them & dealing with how they themselves bought into that way of thinking. Other people can have their opinions or give advice to OP but they don't have to live her life. Glad OP found their way in the end.

[@Windxchild]

Omg, the man in the first story scared me so much! I’ve been single for a while now and not always happy about it. But it is definitely better than being with someone like this guy smh 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@AuskaDezjArdamaath]

Wow! The dude in the first story sounds like the type of man that thinks once married, he OWNS the woman’s body and she can’t refuse him. Run outta there!

[@blandoatmeal1273]

Story 3 I have a friend that's allergic to egg and a few other things and for his housewarming/birthday I decided to try making an egg free cake. I was panicking about cross contamination from thrice washed bowls and utensils when I was only making that cake for him and nothing else because of how severe his allergy is. I couldn't imagine attempting to make it if I was using any of his allergens especially eggs to make something else on the same day.

[@kyle18934]

I hope the second story helped Gerald had a wake up call when his ex left. he sounded very depressed and dejected. what he needs is motivation and a way out of his situation.

[@kyleanuar9090]

Same with my thoughts, she went way above and beyond by taking precautions with the proper expert in preparing specialty foods

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

I love that she did go out of her way to make sure Becca was safe!

[@JohnSmith-zw8vp]

Story 1 -- As a stereotypical talk show studio audience member would say, "Girl, you need to dump dat zero and get yourself a hero!!"

[@TsukiKageTora]

It’s sad that people like the ex in the 2nd story is being called a loser cause he has hobbies that OP doesn’t like. I bet her friends are telling her that no one would like her because of her crappy personality instead of her Asperger’s. Cause not only did she not speak up about her distaste for anime, but had to call the guy a loser for him liking it. Rudeness doesn’t make for a good partner

[@damien678]

He was called a loser because he didn't get a job again even after two years and does nothing but play video games and watch anime in his parents' house.

[@TsukiKageTora]

@@damien678 for someone who does the same thing as him, it’s hard to find a job. I’ve lived and still do live with my mom. 3 years of not having a job and applying to thousands, only 1 got back to me and is my current job. It’s not being a loser cause she only sees 1 part of his life. She sees what she wants to see and that is “a lazy man doing what I don’t even like”. Her social skills are probably crap because of her disorder but she isn’t entitled to be rude to people and use her disorder as an excuse. They didn’t work out, good, she can move on, but he didn’t do anything to her and she insults him to random people online. To me that is b!tchy behavior

[@damien678]

@@TsukiKageTora Look, mate, I get it but according to her he wasn't even trying to look for work. Would be all well and good if he decided to become a homemaker, but I feel like it would have been mentioned if he did a lot of cooking and/or cleaning, or expressed the interest to learn. Like, I get you. I'm disabled and currently unemployed, have been for years, but I'm also a dedicated homemaker and am seriously planning on starting a small business at home. I'm also a massive nerd that plays too many games, like I get it but I still pull my own weight. A lot of men like ex's description usually don't I also personally think it's smarter to live with parents for financial and economic reasons, and hate when people shit on multigenerational homes. Was just saying that's why she was calling him a 'loser'.

[@alissaroberts2545]

Story 3, the brother is the AH for not letting OP explain.

[@ajwinberg]

Last story: The O.P. is not the Ahole. Food allergies are serious and one small mistake could have put that poor little girl in the hospital. I hope that the O.P. can get through to her brother. He and his new wife sound very entitled.

[@damien678]

'No one wants an aspie gf' literally I do because I'm also autistic. There's a lot of us out there, too, with wildly different personalities, hobbies, etc.

[@ninirossau2304]

life isnt about finding a man you can live with. it is finding one you dont want to live without. I am happy being single , I do what I want. I am not saying I will never have a man again, but he is going to be bloody amazing to change my mind.

[@1decimal7725]

Story 3. Absolutely NTA.I would be quite happy if someone was half as aware as OP. I have celiac disease. Most don't quite understand that I can't just eat what they make. People just don't understand the food they eat probably has wheat in it. You have to check out everything except for things like raw meat or veggies. Secondly, I would never trust anyone with cross contamination unless we talked about it in depth. Again, people just don't understand how bad it can get, or misunderstand how far you have to go.

[@JayeEllis]

Story 2: You're an extrovert, he's an introvert. There's nothing wrong with either, but it doesn't sound like your relationship styles mesh. Stop being jealous of what others have by ending it, and finding a new love more your speed.

[@JayeEllis]

Update: Good on you for realizing you deserve more, and working towards it. Sitting back and dreaming only gets you so far if you don't put in the work. It sounds like you're much happier and more comfortable in your own skin. Congrats.

[@DePhoegonIsle]

Story 2: IDK, I feel like we're being gaslighted & mislead by OP. Honestly it feels like WAY TO MANY details are left out. A 'normal' person doesn't get freaked out by carnie rides. (an exception being ones that simulate free fall/skydiving) - How bad is her 'symptoms' ? - How Anti-social is OP BF? --- Like really, not wanting to go out on a date or just be with someone is ... not normal at all. OP needs therapy for the jealousy issue. It seriously sounds alot more like the case of envy & chasing the Jones'. Is the only reason she wants what they have (relationship) is ... what the hyper romanticized beginning, where two people spend literally every waking moment together regardless of anything. It may not be 'No one wants to date an asburgers', and more a cloaked way of saying 'You have a personality/condition that most people just wouldn't or couldn't tolerate.' Like her condition is more ...... extensive than is let on (which is it's own thing, & ok... but still a critical factor) -- let's be honest, this is an ahole thing to say... but it's a reality those with bigger medical issues have to deal with because more often not, people avoid an SO with deep medical needs to start with. OP is acting like the BF does ... nothing ever for her (not counting the underwhelming dates), & is actively refusing to give any details of what he is like, what he does, or what if any conditions he has either. Edit* The update Wow, seriously OP is a douche nozzle. So much detail is missing, outrightly cold & abusive towards the ex (which if taken at face value of the posting, would suggest he was seriously depressed and in need of help himself) So let's get this straight.... Others got OP to get a good paying IT job... and OP turned outwardly hostile to 'Nerd stuff' Like.. the fuck? What the hell stopped OP from getting into those groups where the hobby was centered around 'cold cases' & that sort of work? Not saying She shouldn't have left him, she should have & for his benefit as it's clear after the fact OP was a bad person for him & likely only made things worse. ---------------- Story 3: NTA... but with that said though. Is your nephew ever going to able to eat with the family if you cook, or are you going to order every single meal? I 100% get the sheer pain in the ass when it comes to more extreme dietary restrictions. I get how difficult it is.... I have to have my own set of cast iron cookware, because my own mother can't have what I have. Therre is no bread, milk, wheat, whey in the house, and No meals are 'shared', with cooking having to be done separated by a good 5 minutes entirely. Serious question though, is OP unable to not use ADHD as an excuse to focus on what a critical task of not accidently mixing foods. It sux, My own SIL seriously puts in stupid amounts of effort to accomidate not only my dietary restrictions, by my own mothers. Yes it does take alot of fing time to do that compared to just a 'normal diet'. Got to wonder, how would you feel if you went to a family dinner and everyone else had 'home cooked', while yours was a meal from a restaurant with no reasonable way to get 2nds if you wanted a bit more. Honestly, NTA... but ya OP was short sighted & stupid for that one.

[@chromaticHermit]

Not that I dont agree that she was a little too antagonistic against her ex, but I doubt she was trying to gaslight or mislead anyone either. She was living a life not fit for herself, it happens to us all where we are made to believe we can only do this or that due to x y z. Seems she broke out of that delusion finally and she could stop not just wasting her time but her ex boyfriends time too. She doesnt have the space for his needs and he doesnt have the space for hers. It goes both ways, and thats okay, no one is the bad guy. But they both understandably deserve better. I was thinking the ex bf was perhaps suffering from something I do as well. It comes from trauma, and its hard to want to go out. I hope he gets therapy, and he's doing alright. Every one deserves to be afforded understanding and compassion, because most of the time we arent out to just maliciously harm others for no reason. We all have issues, and it is a kindness to be able to reflect on our issues for ourselves and others. But it isnt easy, which is why the op found herself in that situation to begin with. She was a confused social butterfly trying to make friends with shy little snails, maybe because she was told she flies a little funny so she should stay on the ground. It just wasnt in her nature to stay, just like it wasnt in her exs nature to fly away.

[@DePhoegonIsle]

@@chromaticHermit I think you're too kind with 'a little to antagonistic'. Ya, people need to find themselves and perhaps she couldn't see what was going on, but... I'm going to be real, if I knew her as a friend I'd drop her instantly learning she was behaving like this. Life is hard, all around and at times we get confused... but what isn't excusable is the way she treated others. 10:1 the anti-nerd thing was so aggrovated because she tried to change the BF into what she liked to do and that as likely didn't help w/e was going on in his head and pushed him into the state he was in. She was & is a b*tch. It's perfectly ok to not get or like X hobby or field. Though it's clear she took all her frustrations out on him & others ignoring them. To be real, Sure 'everyone deserves compassion', but frankly ....that's only really viable in healing conditions. People only have so much 'Give a damn' before they break, and Honestly it should go to those suffering whom aren't lashing out in some kind of violence against others first & foremost.

[@addicted2mako]

"I hated computers, but felt pushed into it because of my Aspergers and how they are great at technology to begin with." There's a saying: "If you met one person with Aspergers...you've met one person with Aspergers." Not everyone on the spectrum has the same subject of hyperfocus. My husband, for example, is a walking encyclopedia on rock music. Tell him a song and he could tell you what year it came out, who was in the lineup at the time, what equipment they were using, and all kinds of side stories relating to it. Glad to see you're finding your voice and going into a field you are truly passionate about.

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

OP in the second story sounds like a friend of mine. Its not the exact situation, but it wasn't good for her, yet she stayed because she didn't think anyone would take a woman with ADHD, anxiety and depression. Her boyfriend accused her of cheating on him all the time, but she stayed because she thought he was the only would who would stick things out with her.

[@andrethegiant3035]

As someone that has two daughters this guy couldn’t be more wrong. I love those girls more then the air I breathe. I’d die for them. They are my buddies.

[@juresichj]

Story 3. I have some food issues. Some do affect my breathing. If I am invited somewhere, and am not sure what will be available to eat, I eat before I go, or I bring food with me. Expecting others to cater to your food issues is selfish and weird.

[@Alberto-wu1mj]

As someone who has to eat gluten free due to medical conditions, I can definitely say NTA in the third story. It is hard to cook gluten free. Nine if my family knows how to do it so I have to bring my own food to family functions. OP was very considerate. I would rather eat separate food that isn’t cross contaminated.

[@lunalee8174]

story 3: as someone with celiac disease and a plethora of other dietary restrictions, OP went above and beyond what the majority of hosts do for food-related events - 1. completely forget you have restrictions in the first place or 2. not take it seriously enough. i generally have to push HARD to have people even remember about my dietary restrictions, let alone call up a restaurant in advance to provide safe and quality food. literally the only thing OP could have done better was opening up a dialogue in advance about her niece's dietary restrictions (to ensure she has all of them completely right) and maybe ask what food she likes. then expectations would be curbed from the get-go and, if there's pushback on it, explain that you're ordering from a safe environment that you don't believe your kitchen can provide when you're cooking so many dishes. maybe, MAYBE, the consideration of a fully celiac/dairy free meal could be considered, but that is already so difficult to slither around that expecting everyone to eat how you do at an event that's not even yours is kind of a disservice.

[@wickedamoeba8719]

Story 1: This is a terrible situation but I’m glad he waived the red flags before the marriage.