My Step-Sister Tried Ruin My Relationship With My Girlfriend r/Relationships

[@kristinewatson3702]

Story 2: she must be the worst therapist ever. She doesn't LISTEN to her partner. The way she puts words in OP'S mouth is infuriating.

[@kidflash2fan]

You know a part of me thinks that she's not really over her last relationship falling apart. And she was punishing her new husband with For last husband sins

[@brodericksiz625]

This is the reason why therapists should never do therapy to people in their private lives: they can't be objective. It's even worse if they try to do therapy to their loved ones with the intention of steering them into a desired direction

[@carolinem.5044]

Yes, exactly one of those therapists patients will tell horror stories about.

[@JDKT002]

and worst of all doesn't acknowledge OP's feelings as valid feelings. It's god damn therapy 101, don't belittle or dismiss what somebody else is feeling. Every sentence from her in that text conversation was self-victimizing and redirecting the conversation to what SHE feels and what SHE wants. I shudder to think of the kind of damage she's done to her patients over the years.

[@jaymevosburgh3660]

​@@JDKT002She sounds like that therapist that manipulates their patients into becoming obsessed with them so that they do their bidding. Real creepy

[@thePhoenixQueen]

Story 2: So basically, she used her psychology degree to gaslight and play the victim. PLEASE get a divorce, OP.

[@RellaSemmone]

She's exhausting!!!!!

[@keshaponso2034]

What are you on? I see it totally differently. She communicated for ages the same things about feeling disconnected, over years! And everytime he put up roadblocks and minimized. Then when she finally "cracked" it, that when he made any attempt. And his attempt was making this reddit post and then discussing it with a mate whilst on the piss, thinking that he had the solution to everything. What he has done is little surface stuff which he should've started years ago when his wife brought it up the third time. But he didn't. When she finally cracked it, he then persuded hot women on social media. I think everyone is totally disregarding her point of view. He is totally coming across as a victim becuase he feels like communicating is a fight.

[@cuteandspookycritters8691]

@@keshaponso2034she’s not communicating effectively though. You can open your mouth all you want but unless you’re actually understanding each other there might as well be no communication at all. She’s being aggressive and pointing the finger and not working on the issue together like a couple should and he’s already shut down. I could see that in the way he answered her messages. He’s exhausted and she’s fed up. They honestly aren’t compatible and they both need to find something that suits them. It’s just not a healthy dynamic.

[@robertx8020]

Maybe she is cheating and want OP to feel bad so when he finds out she can easily gaslight him !

[@Batman-lg2zj]

@@robertx8020 I don’t think she is .

[@BerryTrekkin]

Story 2: I am SO irritated at how Julie keeps twisting everything OP says to make her the victim and him the problem. She hasn't listened to a single thing he said and just deflects. Argh!

[@robertx8020]

I'm getting tired just lsitening to the story ..for OP it must be so much worse!

[@carlrood4457]

@@robertx8020 God, she sounds exhausting.

[@katphish30]

Maybe it's both. It's usually both.

[@coreymartin6486]

Probably similar to how her first marriage ended.

[@robertx8020]

@@carlrood4457 Right? Dumping her would be a win but I already feel sorry for her next partner 😅

[@AnaReginaNica]

I have a very special hate in my heart for mental health profissionals who use their degree knowledge as a weapon against their significant others. Julie should date another psychologist next, who would be able to also use their psychology degree to sniff that manipulation tactic from miles away, just like she is using hers to gaslight OP... I would love to be in OP's position on that dialogue scene, just to say "This doesn't work on me, try again with feelings this time". She knew exactly what damage she was doing, and that infuriates me to no end.

[@nondisclosure3920]

As someone who studied psychology I'm frigging disgusted. She sounds like she has narcissistic personality disorder. Her BS is downright evil, poor OP

[@marshawargo7238]

I totally agree with you! But also I think she wanted to be Dr. Frankenstein. She wanted to do a paper entitled something like "I started with a caveman & turned him into Adonis!" She married her guinea pig!!! She has a "Look At Me" complex/personality!

[@dangomez5649]

She never will for exactly that reason. The other therapist will know exactly what she's doing and shut it down.

[@nightmarefanatic1819]

Very telling she was whining about how her ex husband "needed a woman who accommodates" because it's obvious she emotionally abused him in the exact same way and got sick of her shit. Every relationship she's in is going to end this way and she's going to whine about how "all of the guys I date just can't handle a woman who won't be submissive and voices her needs."

[@Brizlebird]

Story 2 infuriated me…. She’s just using her psychology degree to completely gaslight OP…. She has to play the victim. What an annoying story….

[@techterror1282]

Sounds like NPD

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

She sounds like a narcissist. 😒

[@fgentry1148]

And her first marriage was the same. Why TF are these people not in couples counseling? Or would she not accept real counseling?

[@knightraven7044]

Counseling would expose her too much

[@nagitokomaeda1183]

Story 2 sounds EXACTLY like what I had to deal with in my last long term relationship- except I was the one with the psychology degree and she was super into true crime so she had a lot of in depth psychology knowledge. I was so confused about why we were constantly fighting until that Amber Heard defamation trial came out. Then I learned a whole lot about narcissistic abuse and went no contact with her. It’s been a year and I’ve moved on from the relationship, but the trauma is still something I’m working to overcome. Narcissistic abuse is like its own circle of hell.

[@Russman67]

Story 2: Julie wanted out without being the villain. She started by picking out every real and imagined flaw OP has and trying to build him into someone he wasn't going to be. And it just went downhill from there. This was a doozy but in a bad way. 🤔🤦‍♂️

[@rcrawford42]

She is a shrew. It's one thing to ask your partner to change A LITTLE, but she apparently never gave him support or any sign she appreciated him, just more things she wants to change about him. Maybe unconditional love is too much to ask, but maybe if she didn't keep conditioning her "love" on him being someone else...

[@Swnsasy]

She's freaking exhausting and frustrating.. The gaslighting and TELLING him how he feels.. I'm just listening and I'm tired😂😂😂

[@lsmmoore1]

@@Swnsasy And this is the sort of crap plenty of autistic people and other neurodivergent folks get from a young age. This right here is proof positive that even neurotypicals find such treatment exhausting. And the stuff she's doing to her husband? There are areas of psychology where leading figures literally tell women how they can use that on their husband. Those folks are like PUA and "alpha male" figures, but for women (mostly women but some men as well) in academia. And I'd say if you're a woman and going into psychology, this is why you shouldn't listen to the nonsense about how one can use (insert psychological principles here) to shape their husband's behavior. That is a misuse of psychological principles as far as I'm concerned.

[@sx5r]

not even sure she wants out. My verdict marks her as a narcissist and as such she actually thrives on these kinds of situations, pulls strength from it. As long as she can keep up her narrative OP gives her the attention she craves (even negative attention is attention) If she would have wanted the exit she would have stopped after the talk. Would have stopped after the first long text message. OP's 1st reply "Sorry to have failed you. Hurt you. Berated you." did not require a response at all, she had an admission of guilt, even remorse. She needed more drama, more discussion, more validation. The only way to break the cycle is not engaging and cutting all contact you cannot win arguments with narcissists.

[@Swnsasy]

@@lsmmoore1 Omgosh! You just unlocked a memory from one of my professors.. Omgosh I didn't even think about it, I just ignored him.. Getting my PhD in Forensic Psychology and Applied Behavior and I think it was in my last year this one professor was like that.. I swear, at the time I assumed he was "teaching" but no, he was doing JUST LIKE YOU SAID!!! Wow.. Even though you had no idea, THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 🤗🤗

[@devegas4910]

Story 2: Julia sounds downright abusive

[@ronhall5395]

Completely. She got pissed when he sat her down to explain how and what he was going to try to do to improve. She should have been happy. Instead, she now wants a divorce. How dare he try to improve without her input? She is crazy for sure.

[@wmdkitty]

Because OP, the actual abuser, lied his ass off and you all ate it up.

[@SilverMaychan]

Probably why she got divorced the first time.

[@InDeathWeLove]

@@ronhall5395 Well he was improving his spine and standing up to her abuse. That wasn't the kind of "improving" she wanted. She wanted a little dog that could wag his tail just the way she wants him to. Simply using her psychology degree to give her a position of authority and enable her abuse.

[@W0lfscythe]

Julie is the kind of person who nukes every marriage she's in because of her own issues. Keep in mind she's studying to become a psychologist.

[@rogerrabbit80]

Julie is a practicing psychologist. 7:41 She's 43 and this is her second marriage. This is not a college student trying to apply her book learning to a relationship. This is a professional using her training and experience to try to twist and mold OP into her perfect partner, no matter how bad the effect on him.

[@bhart3321]

@@rogerrabbit80 Which will ultimately fail because what she wants changes with her mood. It's never enough. What she really wants is someone as toxic & manipulative as her that will be constantly trying to work her as much as she works him. That's the dynamic that turns her on, one of constant game playing & toxic one upmanship. Eventually one partner tires of it & either leaves or turns it all physical.

[@kellymcdonald9552]

Op should have recorded their conversations (verbal), print out the texts and turn them in to her college admin. She should never be trusted with that sort of position after this shit. Listening to that conversation, absolutely exhausting.

[@sierralovat5498]

God the wife in the 2nd one is unbearable. She wants something to mold, control and is complaining when her partner doesnt do what she wants. Then makes herself the victem and manipulates the narritive because she cant take criticism.

[@rcrawford42]

She didn't want a husband -- she wanted a project. When he didn't feel like being remade, she got frustrated and went looking for a new fixer-upper.

[@ghyslainabel]

I think the wife is acting as the therapist she is, instead of as a wife. She treats her husband like a client.

[@falconrywithkai]

​@@ghyslainabelthat isnt how a therapist behaves at all. Thats how a gaslighter behaves

[@ghyslainabel]

@@falconrywithkai I have little experience with both, so I will take your word for it. I based my previous comment on: - the wife focuses on the growth of her husband to the exclusion of everything else (lets not talk about me, lets talk about you); - a couple of questions are similar to the ones I got in the few therapy sessions I had.

[@falconrywithkai]

@ghyslaina the reason she comes at it the way she does is because she knows how to use those concepts to victimize herself and gaslight. It is something you learn to recognize in a psychology centered degree. So in a way you are correct that she is using her knowledge, except shes using what she knows to belittle him and victimize herself and blame him for everything and ignoring her own issue completely. Either way she sucks a lot

[@RellaSemmone]

Last story: she's exhausting! She treated her marriage like it was an experiment and couldn't separate her profession from her actual real life. Jeeeeez was I tired listening to her and her gaslighting. SMH

[@thecoolgrandma7208]

Her profession definately screwed her marriage(s). OP you are NTA, wife#2 was trying to fix you not grow with you. She expected to get involved with someone and then to change them which is never a good thing in any kind of a relationship. You can't change or fix someone against their will. If they don't want to change, it will never happen, good or bad. Take her one good advice of go find someone who will accept you the way you are. Good Luck.

[@tallyp.7643]

I kept shaking my head, thinking "She's gonna psychoanalyze her own marriage into the ground." Took a few minutes for me to realize that's probably exactly what she wants, just in a way to make OP look like the bad guy.

[@AhamkaraMommy]

Story 2: Divorce and run, this woman is literally refusing to reason, explaining to you how YOU feel, ignoring absolutely everything you're saying and seemingly never actually takes genuine consideration of OP's feelings, only what SHE perceives them to be.

[@keshaponso2034]

She's been bringing this up for years?

[@AhamkaraMommy]

@@keshaponso2034 Not all of it, just hinting occasionally at her insecurity of his feelings for her. She bottled it all up and then threw it in his face when she told him that HE was relieved to divorce her.

[@coreymartin6486]

@@keshaponso2034 ....and AFTER they were married. Isn't that interesting? 🤔

[@keshaponso2034]

@@coreymartin6486 Sorry, I don't get the point you're making?

[@coreymartin6486]

@@keshaponso2034 she didn't start all of this emphasis for talks untill 1 year after marriage. If this was such a huge issue for her, even to divorce about, than she should have expressed it before taking vows. You don't hide something like this before marriage and have the right to complain after marriage that people wont act differently. This is a bait and switch relationship. There are tons of reddit stories about a spouse acting differently after marriage.

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 2- jeez that text conversation was exhausting!!!!

[@immapotato1]

sounds like the wife is using her psychology training very well to gaslight her husband.....

[@aparnarai3708]

She found someone ig

[@babybookworm003]

@@immapotato1sounds like op married a narcissist with a psych degree it’s all about her

[@azuill1126]

As much as I reserve judgement on things having only heard one side of the story, I would expect a trained psychologist to recognise several manipulative skills she's using, shifting goalposts, catastrophizing, conflating thing, putting words in ops mouth, what aboutism etc. she really just threw the whole book at him

[@cptfwiffo]

Totally. OP being "I'm just simple being me... looking at other women's newsfeeds, but I love you babe" means he's probably doing stuff way wrong and doesn't or won't fix it because 'he is who he is'. She was clearly very emotional saying all that, totally in offensive mode and thus tossed all the tricks at him. Personally, I feel like both suck here. But I wouldn't be surprised if it were OP.

[@sallynguyen4403]

Honestly, what she's doing is unethical. She shouldn't be diagnosing her husband or treating him using her expertise. She should have suggested that the both of them go to a couple's counselor and to have the both of them see individual therapists to deal with their issues healthily and on an even level so that she doesn't steam roll him with the degree she got. I'm raising my brow at her behavior because this sort of thing is immediately taught to people first going into psychology introductory courses. Don't treat people you know.

[@maryseflore7028]

Oh, she recognizes the skills she's using alright. She USING them. On her husband. Cause he refuses to be playdoh in her hands. She sounds like a vulnerable narcissist. No wonder she's now twice divorced. I hope she never reproduces, ye gods she'd turn her kids into permanent psych patients. She's a trained psychologist, but I wonder if she's mature and wise enough to have patients.

[@maryseflore7028]

@@cptfwiffo Careful... You're falling for her manipulation tricks here.

[@ineedhoez]

She threw the entire god damn book at him

[@champslim]

Story One: Reddit has ruined me. I just don't think it is over. Story Two: Holy crap this is so freaking exhausting. Jesus Chirst

[@Mathilde1469]

Story 2: I want a divorce and I’m not even in that marriage

[@drako8343]

Story 1, reddit has not ruined you, it has wizened you.

[@amandasunshine2]

Story 1, ikr, this is a huge overreaction. I don't think that was the real issue. I'm surprised no one thought she was in love with Daphne and was struggling with internalized homophobia. 🤷‍♀️

[@sorachitheeggo4440]

@@amandasunshine2 it doesn't have to be internalized homophobia. could just suck at communicating and is too scared to tell her feelings for fear of being (obviously) rejected

[@amandasunshine2]

@@sorachitheeggo4440 yeah, the main thing I was saying was that "why didn't anyone think she had a crush on Daphne" rather than what she did. But tbh, I did something similar when I was dealing with my own internalized homophobia. I lashed out at the woman I love. I remember being a teen, and I had several traumatic events happen to me, trying to hurt someone like this.. is hard to wrap my head around. I also know what it's like to be rejected. I can't see a normal teen doing this, there's something more than just rejection, imo 🤷‍♀️

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Story 1: OP, the gf, and the parents (and the therapist) were/are taken for a ride by the stepsister. She manipulated them all, and there HAS to be something deeper than her "being a teenage girl". I was a teenage girl once too, and I was **NEVER** that crazy.

[@wimsylogic65]

I agree. That explanation is really suspicious. Sets off my manipulator red flags. That is not typical teenage behavior. And they are down playing how disturbing that behavior actually is.

[@rogerrabbit80]

My guess - 1 - Sandra lost her father. Doesn't say how old she was when it happened, but she could be worried that she's going to 'lose' OP if he moves out. 2 - Sandra wants to control OP for whatever reason. Whether she's got a crush or just wants to keep him around as an emotional punching bag, she's trying to gatekeep him. Whichever it is, I'd suggest the parents keep Sandra in therapy for a while. She has problems that haven't been addressed.

[@jerriewyatt905]

Story 2… Holy cow, OP’s wife sounds like someone who’s impossible to please.. nothing OP does is right.. really divorce is probably the only thing that’s going to make her happy..

[@bridgetbenson6291]

Nope, she won't be happy until she finds someone she can completely change. Goddess forbid she ever have children.

[@Batman-lg2zj]

Divorce isn’t an option

[@charityquill4965]

It's so frustrating, can't she see he's trying? He suggested couples counseling and she got mad? They are SUPPOSED to help in situations like this, shouldn't she know this as a psychologist?

[@AndreNDP]

She doesn't want a husband. She wants husbandbot that she can program to be her with a dick and thereby make her feel right.

[@velentr]

@@bridgetbenson6291 And then, once they are changed into whatever _she_ has dictated for them to become; _that_ will be the new "problem" she'll blame them for. "You've changed. Why cant you ever stand up for yourself *[insert contradictory points to everything she has ever said here]* ." Man, this is like a speedrun of my childhood.

[@bubblegum1366]

Story 2: Julia sounds like a narcissist, and I mean that in the clinical sense. Not a psychological professional, just raised by one and the pattern of behavior matches so perfectly I had to keep pausing to take a break. Especially the "You'd be relieved to get away from me, since I'm sooo terrible" act when called out.

[@tfrtrouble]

This exactly. Raised by a narcissist and this was painful to read. I kept willing the OP to disengage and leave rather than giving her further opportunity to try to gaslight him and cut him down. People like this really are just garbage.

[@sgm8265]

She claimed being angry he talked to a friend, which is likely. But could her anger also stem from not wanting to be called out in couples therapy? She likely knows a therapist would point out her own flaws in this mess.

[@soraya1144]

I understand you so much. My ex was this way and I had to stop at around 15 minutes in because I got physically sick. Could nearly hear her. Now I'm worried for OP because it never stops just because you leave them. Hope you are fine!

[@tfrtrouble]

@@sgm8265 Lol I just realised that would have been the perfect response: "You are right about everything. I do want to work on myself and grow and be better and work on our emotional intimacy and meet your needs and make this relationship the best that it can be. Let's go to couples counselling!". It would not have fixed the situation (nothing but leaving will do that), but it would have been satisfying/validating to watch her trying to mask her horrified response at being given what she keeps dishonestly claiming she wants, and floundering to quickly come up with reasons why that's unacceptable.

[@Strigon008]

This is myopic narcissism.

[@sherockz.24.7]

Oh Gawd…Julie is EXHAUSTING !!! I couldn’t sit through HER conversations and have no clue how OP dealt with it for as long as he did.

[@sadisticrainbow9689]

The amount of trust and maturity for such a young couple in something like this is absolutely amazing. I dont think they have to worry much about the odds against them.

[@sx5r]

yep, I thought the same. Especially when OP said something along the lines "it was no big deal, it was obvious that it wasn't me" I was like ... yeah, and how many older partners fail to recognise that "obvious" detail and derail their relationship? these 2 deserve a big thumbs up.

[@lovelysakurapetalsyt]

​@@sx5rYeah seriously. People don't really seem to get how easy it can be to tell if it's your partner or not. All of my past partners, I always remembered how they typed, some even to this day

[@kmechwarrior1684]

S1: Keep a close eye on her. S2: Not everyone feels "daily struggles" or worries about "deep insights" or changing themselves, as a psyche-doc, she should understand that. She's pushing you away with her "expectations", not sure how long I'd put up with it. You talked to someone other than her about "your feelings", I have a feeling that didn't go well...yep, that's what I thought.... She's treating and talking to you more like a patient than a partner.... I'd have to tell her "I'm not a partner or person to you, I'm a project." She sounds very messed up inside, projecting her issues on to you... You be you

[@ineedhoez]

Right? Some People are just happy.

[@tashantimothy6180]

Story 2: imagine being a therapist who just does not listen at all. I would’ve stopped texting after the first few messages. Or yelled. Idk

[@faeb.9618]

i feel like she did listen but just to know how to twist things around and against op. it's even worse

[@madambutterfly1997]

THAT'S IT!!! She was just being a teenage girl and refusing to express herself properly? Omg. She really tried to destroy a relationship because she doesn't know how to open her damn mouth.

[@Sammvoy]

Yeah I straight up don’t believe op’s explanation. I think she honestly lied tbh

[@AndreNDP]

@@Sammvoy200% lied.

[@Sammvoy]

@@AndreNDP so glad it’s not just me that thought so. I was like oh, she literally manipulated you all :)

[@wimsylogic65]

​@@Sammvoy I agree. The explanation doesn't make sense . That is not being a typical teenager. Either way they are down playing that behavior. Honestly description kind of makes me think that she's a sociopath. A good one.

[@AngelaMerici12]

I don't believe any of that. OP sounds a little naive.

[@plantemor]

Story 2, that is absolutely insane. Op married a raging narcissist.

[@daniellejones7887]

Story 2: She's upset by him wanting to be accepted as he is but expects to be accepted as she is She has a psychology degree but can't see she needs therapy. Everyone else is the problem & every tiny little criticism of her is a major attack

[@k.a.4522]

#1: Doesn't matter why she did it and more teen girls need this kind of firm hand because too many parents think they will grow out of their meanness, bad ideas, bullying, etc, but rhey rarely do without therapy and boundaries. Even what OP considers not so serious is actually VERY SERIOUS because of all the boundaries that were crossed when StepS tried to break up OP and Daphne.

[@coyote16able]

At the very least hopefully she learned that what she did wasn't okay by the fact she was confronted and her parents were disturbed by her actions enough to send her to therapy.

[@onewingedangel9189]

At first I thought the wife in the second story just couldn't stop being a therapist while at home but the text conversation shows that she's a manipulative See You Next Tuesday more suited for the horrors of psychology TikTok than an actual practice.

[@cycy1578]

Story 2. I don’t like either one of them.

[@onewingedangel9189]

@@cycy1578 why? The husband did literally nothing wrong.

[@SidereusOfTheFallen]

@@onewingedangel9189 The husband coped kinda badly with the conflict but I don't blame him.

[@nativewarmask9861]

What exactly is psychology, TikTok, I'm asking for a particular reason, because I have a relative who sounds an awful lot like this woman, and fact, it was kind of scary, is this the kind of stuff that they propagating on there?

[@onewingedangel9189]

@@nativewarmask9861 looking back I'm pretty sure I made up the term but it's just whenever someone who is super unqualified gives bs psych advice on the platform. It isn't even necessarily a separate genre, I've seen it most in Reddit videos actually. It comes from a mix of people talking about things they know nothing about on a platform that does not give them the time to discuss nuance.

[@ghostcatcoon8175]

Story 1: If you don't plan to keep your phone on you, put a lock on it. Also I don't believe this is truly over. The stepsister was fully trying to cut him off from his gf behind his back, and make it seem like she was ghosting him. How long would it have taken til he realized his gf's number and messages were suddenly missing. If his gf hadn't picked up on the fact it was him, his stepsister would've just ruined his relationship because she didn't want him to leave just as they started getting along? No there's definitely something up with her. She's old enough to know better and the fact she just apologized and when they did sent her to therapy, she was given an all good after a couple sessions? I just don't believe that.

[@wimsylogic65]

I agree. I see bright red flags. This girl is being manipulative. Given with OP downplaying everything she screams sociopathic behaviors.

[@OceanSongBird6355]

Right! I also commented something to this I had horrible high-school bullied and even they would never do this

[@AzraelThanatos]

I don't think she was given an all good there, more of they figured out what was going on and are dealing with it. I do think there is more there than the OP knows, because that kind of thing makes me think that something happened with regard to the sister and step-mother that left her with abandonment issues there

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 this was already over, but OP spending hours following or interacting with photos of attractive women-- he's checked out too. Unless Ken is your therapist, you don't need to just rush to stopping your anti depressants, and even if advised by a professional, you might need to taper off. It's perfectly okay to want more out of your relationship but she's not even trying to allow OP to meet her expectations. She's just complaining. Why TF did she even get married?? 😒 "I" WOULD be relieved to be getting divorced from her. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@thePhoenixQueen]

Right? She's a complete pain in the ass using psychology and fancy words to gaslight the poor guy. She needs help

[@ineedhoez]

Hell yeah... that was some prime emotional manipulation.

[@sophiescott143]

Story 2: There is so much wrong with everything Julie says, but this especially jumped out to me: "you clearly have no interest in the work this relationship takes." That, after this man has spent hours and hours of his life bending over backward to try to make it work, to try to understand, to try to get on the same page with her... He's putting in so much effort to make it work and she's doing everything in her power to gaslight him and make everything he's doing look like abuse. What a piece of work.

[@carolinenagel7085]

Story 2: If I had a partner who would want to have endless conversations like OP had to endure - being analyzed to the bone every time - I'd be fed up with that partner after a week. She must be exhausting to live with.

[@stan8479]

Not to mention... you don't force those kinds of conversations. They happen naturally.

[@zmaragda2765]

You have more patience than me Lol. I was fed up with her just listening to the story. I can't imagine living with someone like that.

[@ksbs2036]

Story #2. Oh Lord Julie is so freaking exhausting. The world champion in bad communication and disingenuous responses. She is right about one thing though. OP will be much happier with someone else.

[@michaelautrey6641]

there is a reason he is on anti-depressants.

[@AndyyWithAY]

"All you see is criticism and rejection" because that's all there is. These people definitely married the wrong people twice 🙄 Maybe 3rd time will be the charm. Relationships are hard, but they shouldn't be this hard in this way. It's a f**king war zone in this house. I couldn't and wouldn't live this way 🤷🏾‍♀️ She IS the badguy. And if she's trying to force OP to end it first, she's a coward too😒

[@samiulhuda4001]

there is no right person for this chick in story 2.

[@ArcaneNim]

​@@samiulhuda4001The right person for her is probably a therapist, in a professional capacity.

[@adawongkennedy6570]

Story 2: Omg, I want to divorce this woman too, I felt so drained after those texts.

[@GreenKnight1982]

Every person I've ever met that has dated a therapist has had the relationship end badly. The partner who is a therapist can never disconnect that part of themselves from work and it ends up ruining their personal lives

[@wimsylogic65]

My therapist seems to have a really good relationship with his wife. But hes able to what's it called decompartmentalize. But then again he He Went to school to become a therapist years after being married. Maybe that makes a difference.

[@ineedhoez]

That and something like 80% of therapist are codependents

[@EterniiTea]

Oh… my word. Story 2 was… well that was something. Julie needs help. I grew up with someone like Julie, who would criticize how I talked to them-I’d be telling a story about a conversation I had, and my Julie would critique and correct my retelling, when I was just paraphrasing. Constantly interrupting and inserting their corrections or commentary when it wasn’t necessary, and it’s just… exhausting. OP is better without Julie.

[@babybookworm003]

Story 2 it sounds like op married a narcissist with a psych degree

[@Iflie]

She was trying to make him into her patient and you are never meant to treat your spouse, kids, family or friends.

[@SilverMKI]

It seems like that profession tends to attract all sorts of people who shouldn't be within 10,000 miles of someone's mental health

[@Iflie]

@@SilverMKI I had a psychiatrist once who moved like a zombie like some of the patients. Bit too many pills himself I think. People with eating disorders often want to become dietitians and some people with mental health issues want to become psychologists.

[@britnicox3929]

2: what Julie is saying is “you won’t love me enough to change in yourself how I want you too and you make me feel bad when I criticize you for not doing that” and it drives me CRAZY. She’s a therapist and can’t figure out how badly she’s communicating and how to step back and reflect on what her husband is saying. Also: it’s hypocritical of her to expect it and not be willing to do the same. And for an active therapist to reject the idea of therapy is wild. Makes me wonder if she’s got this idea that bc of her profession she *can’t* do things wrong bc she’s trained to deal with people’s emotions and thoughts, so this must all be his fault

[@myounakami]

I have a strong suspicion this is less about not knowing how to communicate and more treating him like an experiment to see if she can mold him into what she wants him to be; I also suspect the reason she doesn't want to talk to another therapist (and railed on OP for talking to someone else) is because she knows they'll see and call out her bullshit manipulation tactics for what they are.

[@ineedhoez]

Batshit crazy

[@tallyp.7643]

@@myounakami I think you hit it on the head. Even if she managed to get him to do everything she wanted him to, she'd be bored and then insist "you're not the man I married and I don't like this," divorce him, and move onto the next experiment. Wonder if there's someone in the licensing board he can talk to about what she's been doing and tell them about some concerns she has for her patients if she's acting like this with her family. Might not do much, but if complaints come, perhaps this'll help establish a record/precedent to work with.

[@myounakami]

@@tallyp.7643 He probably could, but it's more likely that he's just so tired of her bullshit that he's fully ready to just wash his hands of her so he doesn't get roped back into her drama.

[@heathercontois4501]

Story 2- Julie's essay length answers/lectures remind of the narcissistic essays my sisters ex-husband keeps sending her in hopes he manipulates and hurts her enough that she goes back to him with the kids. One kid is old enough to be showing the signs of the mental damage he puts them all through and doesn't have to go to visits, but the other 3 still have to go. Let's hear it for her new lawyer who sees right through him and let's here it for OP for seeing the light and getting out.

[@DakshaiRanger]

Story 2 - it's impossible to really grow and change in positive ways if you don't feel safe and accepted by someone in a relationship. Nobody wants to change for a person who is exhaustingly antagonistic.

[@adamstorfer415]

Story 2: OMG! That wife is exhausting. I am so happy for the OP. His life is going to be soooooo much better. I couldn't imagine being questioned, having to justify, and then being told I'm wrong and why, every single day. I couldn't imagine the trivial "discussions" she would prolong. RUN! Yeah, and she's probably cheating. Her psychology specialty is gaslighting.

[@annalau2596]

I had the same thought. 2-3 minutes in and I already feel exhausted.

[@notevenlistening6072]

The story 2 shrew needs to lose her license. She just twists and pushes and grinds him down. Evil

[@danisonice.]

You'd think a therapist would identify and stop themself from projecting their feelings 😰

[@tabithadearth7507]

Story 2's Julie could learn a thing or two from Story 1's Daphne. Julie is a true gaslighter and is misusing her psychological degree. I feel awful for her clients. Story 1's Daphne would be a much better therapist.

[@bhart3321]

She's not an isolated case either. Met plenty of people acting similar in college. Working in the campus clinic really was an eye opener for me, & the reason I never went into being a clinician. Truth is vast majority of therapists are mediocre at best, in any given large city there's probably less than dozen truly good therapists. That number goes down to around under 6 for small city & about 2-3 for several counties in rural areas like where I live. It's imperative you shop around to find a truly good therapist that meshes well with you, you cannot cheap out with your mental health anymore than you can with your physical health.

[@MizutamariVT]

Story 1: sister is lying I'm amazed op and his family bought that sob story. That is "i only tried to get you fired cause i think you can do so much better" energy. She came up with a sob story and they bought it. I don't believe she meant a word of that

[@therealvess426]

Story 2: I just recently dodged a bullet with someone like the wife here and I feel like I'm getting some form of PTSD just listening to this. I kept shouting at my phone (listening on mobile) for OP to just disengage- there's just no getting your point through to someone like that when they just keep putting words in your mouth like that and attacking you. Your only option at that point is to just break it off and walk away from that kind of situation.

[@ineedhoez]

Amen

[@IReadTooMuchCrap]

Story 2 is so exhausting. @__@

[@stephanfletcher1159]

Story 2. Julie sounded exhausting. She used her psychology degree and over analyzed everything towards her husband and not once did any self awareness.

[@SchadenFloyd]

Story 2: Julia is weaponizing her degree to browbeat this poor guy. She’s an intensely manipulative narcissist. OP needs to go ahead and run.

[@troymclaughlin772]

I hope OP see’s these comments for story 2. Bottom line is she didn’t even try to fix the issues or work on the relationship. She just gave up and tried to manipulate and gaslight you. She’s truly an unpleasant person.

[@mitchellscheer677]

I struggled getting through that second story, Julie exhausted me and I don’t even know her

[@HonorWillow]

Story 2: I really hate how she accused OP of playing the victim while... playing the victim. I feel sorry for OP. You can't force someone to open up. People are different. I would prefer if my partner would feel able to open up more but I need to let him come to me. We're different people. I also don't think opening up about "deep" stuff is true or required for connection. She's asking for so much and also constantly bringing it up. Like the OP had a nice conversation with their friend and the wife just had to then criticise out of nowhere! She IS criticising OP too. She's demanding they change and then act like OP is being stubborn like they refuse to change at all. I don't see that at all! One, if you want someone to change and they don't want to, it's toxic and abusive to force it. Two, if they don't want to change and you need that change then leave. Three, if you want to stick it out and the partner wants to try and make it work, you've got to meet them where they're at. As long as their behaviour isn't dangerous to you, then you can't expect someone to change so quickly even if they want to change. It's so toxic to overexaggerate and turn OP being comfortable and themselves where they're at and therefore not wanting to change into OP refusing to put in any work and evolve at all. OP isn't just the wife's husband; they're a person and they don't belong to anyone but themselves. Also don't apologise if you're just going to make it about apologising for feelings. I hate that. It's so manipulative

[@landonhagan450]

It isn't even that some people won't open up. It's that some people just aren't that deep. They have no inner turmoil and don't concern themselves with things outside their control or interest. They aren't lesser for it, if anything they may have life more figured out than the rest of us. Does such a person even need to grow? How would changing benefit them? It sounded like Julie couldn't fathom that OP was just a simple, healthy, well-rounded person, so she invented all this nonsense and projected it onto him to confirm her existing insecurities.

[@loganmorningstar9122]

Story 1: OP's stepsister needs more of a punishment for what she did. She's old enough to understand that she's done something awful. Story 2: OP's second wife is.....kinda yikes. Idk she's giving weird vibes.

[@mracula1667]

Story 2: Anyone who’s a therapist and takes that role into their relationship is a bad therapist and partner.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

Story 2: And that right there is why OP is depressed and is on antidepressants! The blame, guilt building and manipulation is strong in that wife! It’s a wonder he hasn’t had a mental breakdown yet, but if he stays it won’t be far in the future. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I got a headache just listening, so I can’t imagine living it every day!

[@bestfriend72]

Story 2 just left me with the impression of she is a controlling person who is incapable of seeing op as anything except a patient instead of a partner.

[@MissSnakelover225]

Story 2 I don't think Julia is actually sane... She seems a bit delusional.

[@ghyslainabel]

Julie is sane, but she applies therapist communication into intimate relationship.

[@ThatOddChickenHippie]

Holy hell the lady in story two better not be a therapist or anything of the sort, because she's the exact reason why so many people have a bad perception of therapy. The a textbook nightmare therapist. I'm glad I got my therapist to start off with instead of someone like her because it would have put me off therapy for several more years until I had my next near s*icidal breakdown

[@thetokenwon506]

Story 2: good God just listening to that exchange was exhausting! Julie is gaslighting like a champion! Just putting words into op's mouth refusing to accept that she's any part of the problem. Getting out of that marriage is the only option for op.

[@blackskater121]

Story 2 has had me so infuriated, I'm having to stop at nearly every line this woman has said just because of how insanely critical and judgmental she is of OP. The fact that she felt she could use her psychology degree to carry through that marriage just proved that she's not ready for any sort of partnership. And to be so critical of someone going to an outside source for help that's not in too deep just proves she doesn't know what she's doing. She clearly forgot that growing pains are a thing and it shows. If she never takes time to stop and enjoy the relationship as it stands, it's only going to create resentment in her partners because they'll always feel like their best is never enough. I understand why her first husband left her, because I could never imagine having someone hound me and say I'm not doing enough just because my face isn't buried in a relationship book 24/7 and constantly in her face doing performative actions when I can't even spend any energy being genuinely romantic

[@mintcoral]

Story 2 those text she is sending is everything my therapist tells me to avoid in arguments with my spouse. Never put words in my spouses mouth, and never assume what my spouse is feeling.

[@mutegirlsirius8940]

Story 2, im sorry but op wife is too much insecure and controling, divorce is the best for them honestly.

[@flamelily2086]

Story 2 Julie sounds as though she doesn't want the relationship to work. She twisted what OP said and kept putting words into his mouth to make out that he was in the wrong. OP will be better off without her.

[@tinyKittn]

Story 2: that lady is abusive and she's using her psychology degree to gaslight tf out of her hubby. This is so bad because all the things she says and the way she acts reminds me of my narcissistic ex. He needs to get out of that relationship and continue with therapy and block tf out of her

[@forestspell]

"You're right, I'm unhappy. I thought you'd love me enough to care about that and want to work on things." That is a two way street. He's been telling you the same thing, but you only care about what changes you want out of it. I pity her patients. She doesn't like listening but she sure does love listening to herself speak.

[@nikkid7838]

Story 2: Haven’t read/heard so much gaslighting and deflecting in awhile. Holy smokes! Feel sorry for any of her patients. Couldn’t imagine the amount of gaslighting she does during those “therapy” sessions 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@AndyyWithAY]

I was worried the people in Story 1 were pushing 30 like they often are in these stories, but everyone is young. Just because someone is jealous, doesn't mean it's incestuous or borderline-incestuous. I'm glad they communicated and resolved these issues.

[@ivorynk752]

Teen drama with ACTUAL teenagers?! What a novel experience. (this is not sarcasm, so many bad relationship stories have grown adults acting like jealous kids and never learned how to communicate effectively or show enough emotional maturity to take the other's side into account. Good on these guys for getting started at an age appropriate time.)

[@locusxe1411]

I can’t really blame them for thinking like that tbh. We hear so many weird stories like that. At least she apologized but trying to break up someone’s relationship at 16 is crazy

[@AndyyWithAY]

@ivorynk752 Yea I know you were for real and I agree. So many times in similar stories I'm like sir/madam you are 40, why are you acting like a 5 year old 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@shadowkissed2370]

it wouldn't be incestuous either way, they are step-siblings, not biological siblings.

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@shadowkissed2370 That is why I said borderline-incest as well. I have a broad definition of incest and put stepsiblings in the incestuous category

[@CatLoverX74]

Julie sounds EXHAUSTING!! Nothing is up to her standards! She need to go to build-a-man at this point 😂

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I'm not sure, even THAT will be enough for her. 😒

[@tallyp.7643]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly yeah, she'd get bored once there was nothing left to fix and move on, or deliberately try to break it some more to give her a project to work on.

[@kaijumage5379]

Story 2: The most generous interpretation I can think of for the wife's behavior is that she can no longer separate herself from her job. She's become so consumed with it that she has to find faults everywhere so that she can "fix" them. I don't think she sees OP as a partner anymore. He's basically just another patient for her to work on. At worst she's developing mental problems and should start seeing a psychologist herself.

[@anndownsouth5070]

I would have thought that all therapist have a therapist for their own mental health. That is what my therapist said.

[@chadkent327]

@@anndownsouth5070 your therapist probably meant all therapists should have a therapist themselves, not necessarily do. Julia in the story completely blasted past the OP trying to ask for marriage counseling, and accused him of not wanting to improve despite the fact that he was asking for marriage counseling, probably because she thinks she doesn’t need therapy. D individual therapy would work wonders for her if she could accept that she has faults too.

[@anndownsouth5070]

@chadkent327 you are right. It's not a law that all therapist must have a therapist, the way my one put it, it did seem that most of the o es he knew did see a therapist. You are probably right about the one in the story as well. You have to admit that you have a problem before it can be fixed. It is sad that some people are so arrogant that they believe they never need help. I think everyone can do with talking to a neutral person once in a while just to clear your head.

[@babaXIII]

Story 2: OP needs to run as fast as possible. She's gaslighting him, lying, and trying to mold him into what she wants, not who he is. She puts words into his mouth so she can absolve herself of guilt for her lies

[@SinjunSands]

Story 2 .. Julie married him thinking she could make him into what she wanted rather than for who he is. She's utterly insane. Very controlling and judgemental and abusive.

[@jjm152]

Story 2: Remember people - this person is a world traveling psychologist. That should *frighten* you. The one thing I can say is that Julie is probably correct that OP likes to minimize things (as opposed to her always catastrophizing things), that's actually on OP here because I bet Julie has been exactly like this for the entirety of their 5 year relationship and he's just let her keep getting away with it, which only just makes her angrier because clearly she wants OP to be her project man, but OP is happy being OP. If he would have not minimized her behavior and simply told her off, either she would have corrected it (doubtful, but there is always a chance) or he would have brought the conflict to a head and dumped Julie. Because yes, she's a f'ing nightmare of a human being who loves to criticize OP, while playing the victim any time she gets called on her shitty behavior.

[@AngelDeed]

He also seems to have minimized how his children behaved, but somehow everyone ignores that. He agreed that they were terrible, but then highlighted that her reaction was "huge"... Probably a typical sh..tty father who thinks it's not his job to raise his children.

[@Mapache095]

The fact she’s a therapist terrifies me! The degree of twisting and self building narratives on that woman’s head is insane!

[@rcrawford42]

@@AngelDeed Or he wasn't permitted to be involved by the ex-. We can't know.

[@jjm152]

@@AngelDeed How do you walk around with that much sand in your vagina?

[@ineedhoez]

But hes been exactly who he is their entire relationship. Hes a simple man and he doesn't want to spend all his time trying to reflect and change. When you marry someone you marry them as is. Whatever you have now is as good as it's gonna get.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

Story 2: this feels like just Julie tearing down OP. Like, no matter what OP says, Julie sees something different and it’s how she perceives it so OP can’t take that away from her and I’m honestly exhausted and angry just listening to this.

[@minavelez2009]

Story 2: incompatible in the worst ways possible. They probably mistook lust for love and got married and then realized they had absolutely nothing in common. Damn.

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S2: Your wife sounds exhausting! I'm worn out just listening to your story -- I can only imagine how draining living with this IRL is. For a therapist, she does not listen at all. It's bizarre.

[@mellttabor2134]

Well mark- really enjoying ALL your post even if there are 17 other ppl posting the same stories. You post yours with humor and lots of kindness. Really love the UPDATES to your stories. I’ve started looking for your old posts …just so I can like them all. WAFFLE ON MARK! Thank you for your channel

[@curledhorncat]

Unironically, a lot of therapists/psychs I went to are like op's wife regardless if they're close to you. And I wonder if her patients are also getting the brunt of her issues as well. They just needed to divorce from the start, the text messages were super hard to listen through. Regardless of the outcome, I hope she doesn't keep working in that field. Because if she treats her husband that way, its likely she treats her long-term patients a similar way.

[@ineedhoez]

They are codependents or covert narcs.

[@MMKMoore1]

Story 2 - OMFG, that wife! OP needs to end this. She's got some serious issues, she's a narcissist with a main character/victim complex. She is using her "expertise" in psychology to rationalize it. I couldn't listen to the text exchange, it hit too close to too many things I heard from my own ex. The instant she brought up divorce, I would have just said OK and refuse to get drawn into that long-winded text exchange. I wish OP a smooth divorce.

[@VidGirl88]

Story 2: wife refuses to see she's imperfect and needs to work on herself and passes the buck to OP, ironically accusing him of playing the victim while SHE is pulling that stunt.

[@Shamazya]

Julie came across as such a hypocrite. So OP is expected to listen to her and 'grow' but she isn't. She is clearly unstable and isn't able to accept the help she obviously needs. As evidence by her throwing OPs stuff into the snow among other things. And here's the thing. She might be right that her and OP are incompatible but she's not willing to put in the work to at least challenge that belief before making a decision.

[@TheBlankInk]

Story 2: Julie be gatekeeping gaslighting and girlbossing wayy too much This is DARVO at full display. I would have just told her "Im exhausted.I want a divorce.You can think whatever you want i dont care anymore.Goodbye."

[@Tokyo_Rose.]

Story 2 - I am exhausted reading this, so I can only imagine how draining this is on OP. Her degree has made her unbearable. It does sound like they cant really get through this, they would be happier out of the marriage sadly.

[@jessicamarsh9779]

21:34 Good lord. She is doing the absolute MOST. She’s making a mountain out of an ant hill.

[@ingloriousbetch4302]

The shrink wife is very red flag-gy. Sounds like she was trying to use hwr psych training to belittle, condescend, gaslight, and dismiss OP. She even said he "needed to change for her to be happy was always hoping he'd be willing to change." She's coming across as suuuuper manipulative. Like, to the extent where she should not work in psychology with a personality like that.

[@absolute-xero7502]

Story 2: "Why doesn't he just let me psycho analyze him all the time. Doesn't he understandthat my feelings are more important?" Clear example of psychological abuse.

[@Dragotto]

Story 2: She's an absolute headcase. She doesn't treat OP like a husband, she treats OP like a patient. She needs to learn to turn it off when she leaves the office or every relationship will end with her claiming to be the victim who pushed every man away.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Story 2: OP's wife is exhausting. I don't know how he tolerated for so long because after just a few minutes I'm ready to bang my head against the wall.

[@accidentalgoddess]

Story 2: Notice how the wife absolutely glossed over and ignored how OP wanted to do couple's therapy. That's because a professional would absolutely see everything she was doing to OP and quite possibly tell OP to run. Evn possibly report her, because if she treats any clients the way she treats OP then she would be the kind of therapist that does harm to her clients. Honestly, she sounds more like she has untreated BPD with the way she tests OP, puts ultimate negative spin on everything, and blows up at even the barest hint of "abandonment".

[@wmdkitty]

Notice how OP LIED about that.

[@dandotvid]

Story 2: OMG Julie sounds like a freaking exhausting nightmare.

[@Weirdandwonderfull19]

Ugh story 2. That woman sounds absolutely EXHAUSTING. I was mentally and emotionally drained just hearing those messages. So glad she's not my therapist because it sounds like she needs a lot of therapy before she can work with others 😬😬. What the hell? She uses her psychology degree to gaslight and manipulate OP. She's trying to pain him as the bad guy and herself as the victim. Woe is her. She sounds like an exhausting person to be around, and toxic as hell. I honestly hope she gets the help she needs.

[@Ivy94F]

Story #2 - Good grief!!! How can anyone communicate with this woman?? She’s arguing with herself so much, how can OP get a single thought in? I swear Julie was a chihuahua in a former life.

[@silverdee2127]

Story 2: I find it disturbing that one of Julie's criticism of OP is that he wants to be accepted "as he is". I mean don't we all?

[@janiceandthomas]

And I don't think he was even stressing that. Dude was looking forward to start working on himself and she didn't give him a chance to even express that properly.

[@nativewarmask9861]

I'm glad you said this, because I was thinking that, I am over here like, how is that a bad thing? I never thought I would see a time when wanting to be accepted for yourself is somehow considered stagnation.

[@ItsYaBoiV]

Dude, those conversations in story 2 were EXHAUSTING!!

[@user-sk2ij7mo6y]

Story 1 I'm confused that therapist after 3 sessions says its just her being a teenager and not being able to communicate well then cuts the sessions.....really ummm yeah think I would be looking for another therapist because if her ability to communicate is so bad she tries to break up her step-brothers relationship then she definitely needs therapy to work on her commination skills.

[@Happydandy]

A relationship between two people who truly love each other should NOT EVER be a such a struggle. She clearly does not accept op for the person he is, and is frustrated at her inability to change him. She clearly should have never entered the relationship with him. Instead she should have found herself another psychologist to marry.

[@Nikephorus]

Wow...Julie has problems. Seems like she just wants her husband to be the way she wants him to be rather then help him be the best he can be as she claims. OP has a lot of restraint. I would be be so annoyed having to deal with someone like her on a daily basis.

[@megannason3649]

How exhausting to be in a relationship with someone who constantly psycho analyzes you and criticizes you! This woman is toxic and she will never find a guy who wants to be constantly under the microscope like that.

[@jennyanswer42]

Story 2: I was willing to give Julie the benefit of the doubt. I thought maybe she'd become addicted to the deep emotional connection she gets from helping people who need it. That she wants to live in that kind of depth and people cannot live there, that place is full of emotional turmoil. Then she put words in his mouth, telling him how he felt about things. I lost my empathy for her.

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Story 2: I'm exhausted, I need a break from all those mental gymnastics... I'm not as fit as I used to be guys.

[@kp2223]

Story 2: I find it interesting , that Julie thought op wanting to be loved as he is , was a bad thing.

[@James-sq4sc]

Ughhhh. I’m this reminds me too much of my relationship right now. She just keeps victimizing herself and shoving words in his mouth expecting him to apologize for her assumptions and live in his toxic relationship. Run away

[@wimsylogic65]

Story 2. What I heard from that interaction was Op's wife thought her husband was more broken than he actually is and she wants somebody to fix. And all her attempts at trying to fix somebody who Is not broken the way she wants, isn't working out for her.

[@ineedhoez]

Yup