My Fiancee's Grandma Started Making WILD ACCUSATIONS Against Me r/Relationships

[@crossedwires2629]

"...because you decided to go against the agreement to pay 50/50." HE decided to go against the agreement to go on vacation the two of you. Adding a third person - his NEW GIRLFRIEND and expecting you to just smile along is incredibly entitled and ridiculous.

[@mbyerly9680]

And I imagine OP would barely be able to use her room because they needed couple space. Jerks.

[@jjr9792]

Yeah, the f***ing cheek this guy; unilaterally changing almost every aspect of the trip, then claiming Op needs honour the "original" plans? I literally can't think of a weaker argument, but the bloody choosing beggar just kept doubling down! So glad Op was able to cancel, and get her portion refunded directly to herself, otherwise Op would've never seen that $1800 again

[@owl7072]

Right???? "Changing the rules at the last minute" HE invited his girlfriend without asking then changed all the plans _also_ without asking

[@TaleToast]

Exactly! Changing the agreement without discussing it first and expecting everyone to just accept it is unfair and entitled.

[@Val_Benko]

Story 2: OP really should've pointed out that she didn't "change the rules", HE DID. I would've constantly returned to that point - "Our agreement was made before a third person was added. Now that you're bringing her, the terms have changed and the previous agreement is null and void. You changed the rules, deal with it."

[@SkyEcho751]

I would have said "I agreed to a 50/50 split based on only 2 people going, there is now a third person being added in without my say, so you should be paying 2/3 of the trip costs, otherwise you are attempting to force me to cover half of your girlfriend's cost. Which definitely wasn't the agreement, either pay your fair share, or I'm canceling and you will pay for everything."

[@robertlahue83]

That would work with someone operating under a normal thought process. But dude was thinking with his dick (mixed with being a cheapskate), so rational thought was lacking available vacancy much like that island was.

[@elikahnapace8668]

he is an idiot refused to pay and extra 600 and thus lost out his 3200 air fare costs...op is just lucky he played his stupid game cuz gf sounded like a vacation nightmare in the making

[@TaleToast]

You’re right, pointing out who actually changed the rules is crucial. The original agreement was for two people, not three.

[@nekorei2023]

Not about the story but my grandma is unfortunately like this: she would accuse ppl of trying to steal her husband if a female just talked to her husband..

[@Masenken]

How does that man put up with her?

[@SilverMKI]

​@Masenken over time you can normalise abuse that comes your way from your "partner".

[@Masenken]

@@SilverMKI yeeeeah, unfortunate but true

[@nekorei2023]

It actually got so bad she accused her own child (my mother) of trying to steal her husband.

[@Masenken]

@@nekorei2023 incest? That's uh... Wow

[@bangeryun94]

"I've met a woman and I'm taking her on our vacation. When we do activities together I expect you to pay half of her expenses. It's not negotiable." WTF indeed.

[@crossedwires2629]

"guy in his forties and she's 51' - WHAT? though for sure these were guys in their early twenties. OMG.

[@trilbynhiss]

Yeah, that surprised me too. And apparently his first serious relationship that's been a total of... two months. He doesn't sound like someone I'd want to spend any time with.

[@delilahbelle2125]

Right?!?

[@paulagoeringer9466]

In his forties and it's his first serious relationship? What? Was he in prison for decades? Something is seriously off there.

[@TaleToast]

It’s surprising, right? Age doesn’t always equate to maturity, unfortunately. Their actions speak louder than their years.

[@agathoklesmartinios8414]

Story 2: That friend and his new girlfriend may be in their late forties and early fifties, but clearly neither ever matured past teenagehood.

[@phtevlin]

Make that middle school. But, yeah, I agree.

[@MrJpaynebb]

The former friend? Definitely but OP doesn't know his girlfriend. I would bet $100 he told his girlfriend a tale of being a big man with this awesome vacation and she didn't have to worry about the cost because he and his friend already had everything covered. Notice how he was upset OP didn't even want to still go 50/50 on their meals and activities as originally planned. He played the big man on campus to impress a new girlfriend and showed what a chump he is.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

​@@MrJpaynebb nailed it.

[@Sanquinity]

You're discounting teenagers too much imo. Even older teenagers would realize that it's unfair for a friend to foot the bill for one's new girlfriend who was suddenly forcibly going to come along on a 2 person vacation.

[@TaleToast]

Exactly! Age doesn’t necessarily bring wisdom. Their behavior definitely seems more fitting for teenagers.

[@dougmartin2007]

Story 2: I am going to add a person, change the schedule and then complain that YOU are changing the rules. OP is doing the right thing by backing out.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

I'm imagining the convo friend and his GF had: "This is our chance to have a romantic getaway and at least part of it is on someone else's dime! You don't have to pay a cent, sweetiekins! My friend is kicking in half the total cost!" In what world is this okay??

[@sergeipohkerova7211]

Some mothers or grandmothers are like that. For whatever reason, they see a young woman's wedding as their own opportunity to grandstand and hijack the attention to make it all about themselves. Hence, we have moms wearing a white, wedding style dress to their daughter's wedding, or cases like these, with a weirdo attention seeking grandma. Once I was at a baptism to a friend's kid and the friend's mother kept muttering things loudly under her breath about how the daughter in law was holding her own baby wrong, the outfit was wrong, "she has no class or upbringing," "she isn't following tradition," "she is ruining it," and it got so bad that people were turning and looking at her with WTF expressions. Even the priest at one point loudly cleared his throat as a signal for her to Shhh! She was completely oblivious until my friend, humiliated, actually took her aside and in an angry but trying-to-be-quiet tone told her she was embarrassing them all. She then began raising her voice saying no, it is your wife who is making a mockery of this baptism, etc, and the MIL actually started sobbing about the son taking his wife's side. It became a cringe scene where a relative had to drag her out of the church. My friend says on the family's private Facebook chat later she was saying all sorts of nasty stuff about the wife and how her son was a traitor. The baptism itself was embarrassing and awkward. He says he's no contact with her now to protect his wife, son, and his own sanity.

[@Masenken]

"Christians" Lady clearly doesn't read her own book. Her son is 1000% supposed to be his wife's provider and caretaker. So if he's on anyone side, it's hers unquestionably

[@teddychu1177]

Some women are "Wedding = I'm to be the center of attention" while deliberately ignoring WHO the wedding is for...

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Some people HAVE to be the center of attention at all times, especially big events. If they aren't, they HAVE to ruin it. Either they're getting all the attention and praise or they're feeding on the misery of others like a vampiric vulture gorging itself on the carcass of dead happiness. There's no in between for them. They're the ones that you want to go full no contact with for your own sanity and safety. You can't be polite with them. Give an inch and they'll steamroll right over you for several thousand miles.

[@TaleToast]

So true! Some people can’t help but make everything about themselves, even at someone else's special event. It’s frustrating when they try to hijack the attention.

[@DerekScottBland]

Story 2 before update - this friendship is already over with the way OP's friend reacted. Cancel everything and take any cancellation fees out of friend's share of the refund since he forced the issue. When GF leaves him and he comes crawling back, tell him to piss off.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2: Yeah, no. He changed the rules first by adding an extra person, trying to kick OP out of the bedrooms, AND changing the itinerary. At this point, OP was merely a financer for their couple's vacation. Pass.

[@dm9078]

Story two NTA! Putting the cost of lodging aside OP has gone from a vacation where she and a friend were hanging out to becoming the third wheel on a couples romantic vacation. OP needs to cancel and get her money back.

[@shadowkissed2370]

Its not just "older" "religious" people that think like this. I was staying at my best friends house after I separated from my abusive husband and so many people accused me and them of having a ménage à trois because "there would be no other reason for letting someone stay with you for a while." The rumors spread fast that we were all sleeping together and no one would believe otherwise.

[@petitmains]

It's so weird they would be really shitty about something Jesus literally instructed people following him to do (help the helpless).

[@totallynotalpharius2283]

@@petitmainsthat would require them to have read the Bible and not just attend church for social reasons

[@paulagoeringer9466]

​@@totallynotalpharius2283 yes. It's so bizarre to me that so many "Christians" have no idea what the Bible actually says. They parrot the most ridiculous things that they heard "somewhere". Of course they can't remember exactly where. And coincidentally it's always whatever fits with their personal biases.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Yeah. My brother rented a room in his friends' house. They were a married couple, and brother got along really well with both of them. When his friend passed away, my brother and the friend's wife were both in rough shape financially, so they rented an apartment together. They were ROOMMATES, they were NEVER BF & GF. When my brother passed away, I nearly lost my mind over how often people referred to her as "his girlfriend."

[@Russman67]

Story 2: That was about to be a cheap romantic trip for this guy and the new girlfriend. Yeah, no. He'd need to balance the expenses better and not with a $15 cocktail. 🤦‍♂️

[@jasonrustmann7535]

I'd just do what he did, except I'd get two or three of my friends, and we'd split my "half" of this sht show lol

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

I love how he held that out as if it was some kind of incentive. "Hey, she's gonna buy you a drink if you still pay half the cost of the trip! That's fair, right?"

[@D-M-K-1-2]

Story 1: Mental illness or not, I think it's pretty unfair to be expected to be completely fine with being accused of stuff you've never done. Reddit Armchair Therapists at their finest.

[@user-nb8tk6hh6x]

Exactly! Reddit loves to gaslight when mental illness is involved, like, god forbid people react like humans when bad things happen to them simply because the one in the wrong is disabled.

[@eowyn8340]

I agree. Our brains may understand that’s not the same person we’ve come to care about and even love, but our hearts and emotions can’t just turn off. It’s going to hurt and there will be a grieving process.

[@bangeryun94]

Exactly. They wanted to ignore everything because of her age. Nobody seems to be concerned for the roommate or the horrible things that were said about her.

[@MrJpaynebb]

If the fiance wants her there then OP should back off for now but let the fiance, her family and grandma know she's on a short leash. If she acts up in anyway during the wedding ceremony or reception she will be escorted out without discussion or questions. Just a simple get up, grab her purse and be walked out. I am sure OP can find a few groomsman who will be more than willing to walk her out.

[@Ullabulladulla]

Typical reddit, you can't have any feelings or opinions about this no matter what, just put up with it. F that.

[@D-M-K-1-2]

Story 2: I feel sorry for OP, That cocktail was a once in a lifetime opportunity!

[@heavenlyjaded]

🤣🤣

[@CandyLove2322]

Thank you for posting Mark!! I'm hiding from the Jehovah's witnesses and needed something to listen to 😂😂

[@DiZoSoMom]

I’ve heard that turning on a spicy movie loudly (so they can hear the happy sounds lol) will make them shuffle out at warp speed and not come back 😂 Also- telling them I am Jewish had one of their male gospel-sharers (I’ve no idea what to call them lol) absolutely flabbergasted and praying for me as he walked away. No one has come back to my house since 🤣

[@HighPhoenix1754]

I am so sorry. 😢

[@CandyLove2322]

@@DiZoSoMom haven't tried that 😂 but they are persistent. One time they tried to go into controlled access neighborhoods to "spread the word" even though the residents were threatening legal actions

[@notevenlistening6072]

Just remember, they fear nudity. Especially female 😂

[@Wulfyr]

I know somewhere you can buy a "No religious callers. We follow the Old Gods" sign if you need one.

[@cycy1578]

Story 2: He wants OP to foot the bill for his girlfriend

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

OP should have just found a friend to go with her as her co-companion. If he can bring an extra person, then so can she! Bet he changes his attitude about splitting the costs then. “What do you mean I have to help pay for your friend?”

[@wildblue0]

Story 1: As someone who works in a nursing home, I can verify that dementia makes people say really weird things. In my experience, though, it's because they've lost their filter. Or she might just figure she's to old to have any Fs left to give.

[@veezopolis]

I went on a trip with four adults, two of which were a couple. Only one of the couple had any money. Guess what? HE PAID THE HALF THAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO

[@crossedwires2629]

Mark, you said it: "I will NEVER not be shocked by some people's entitlement." THIS. We've heard/read so many stories - this behavior exists - and yet, and yet.... it's shocking every single time again.

[@ScooterBond1970]

That's actually a good thing, when you think about it. This kind of behavior is something we DO NOT want to normalize.

[@lusnoct4298]

Story 1: I really appreciated Destroyer's comment. Yes, there's a certain leniency that we ought to try and give people who are experiencing mental health issues-- but that does not mean that we should ignore their disruptive or harmful behavior. It does not mean that OP should roll over, let GMil ruin his reputation or his wedding. The comments suggesting to just have some friends escort her out of the building if she starts being disruptive are nearly as detached from reality as the grandmother is-- an irrational person is not going to allow themselves to be calmly walked out of the room, and you don't want to have to manhandle someone who's that old.

[@nightstarstar1]

S2- this guy is not a friend he’s a mooch who thought he could bring his new girlfriend along for free on OP’s dime and was shocked and outraged that she’s wasn’t going for it. What an entitled idiot. Glad OP just cancelled the whole clusterfuck.

[@paulagoeringer9466]

Fr. And they were going to kick her out of the activities and cabin? That she's paying for? Oh, Hell No!

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

I can't believe that people don't understand that old people are old-fashioned and their perception of what's appropriate can be very, very different from the perceptions of younger people. My friend and I once hung out while my husband was out of town and he said to me, 'Do you think it's appropriate for us to hang out when your husband is out of town?' and I was like, 'what the fack Michael, are you saying I'm going to throw myself at you? like...' and he was like, 'no, it's just my mom said...' and I was like 'oh this guy took social advice from his Irish catholic mother in her 70s of course he sounds insane.

[@trilbynhiss]

I really appreciate the comment in S1 that said to wait for the doctor's diagnosis. Too many people start throwing their uneducated guesses in with a touch of pious disapproval toward the OP for not instantly recognizing cognitive decline like they can from simply reading a short account of a single incident.

[@veezopolis]

You know the grandma could just be a bad person guys

[@sovereigncrux]

"Someone is being an asshole" Reddit concensus: Armchair diagnoses possible reason based on ageism and nothing else!

[@heatherdickau5335]

We need a grand ma update after the wedding.

[@destinedtogame]

AITAH for being upset about my fiancées choice of wedding dress alterations and cancelling some other wedding things to make up for the cost ? Hey all. So we’re planning a wedding for later this year. Since we bought a house also, the promise was that it would be affordable. I handle our finances and have to ring in her spending quite often (Both with wedding stuff and everyday things). She went out yesterday with her dress and said she was going to see somebody about having it altered. She came back later informed me that she’s signed up for $1200 worth of alterations. I was not consulted and this was the only place she took it too. I told her that she really should’ve consulted with me on such a large purchase and I was upset that she didn’t get a second opinion. It’s not the cost I’m upset about, if that is a fair price it’s fine. I’m upset because she thinks it’s acceptable to spend $1200 without consulting the person that handles the finances. I consider myself a very savvy shopper and cannot fathom going with a sole quote. For example, we had a plumbing issue and I got about 5 quotes before picking one. I’m concerned that she still doesn’t quite get the value of a dollar and needs instant gratification. I’m considering cancelling a few wedding items to make up for this. The first being donuts. Our venue includes a cake and several other desserts, so I personally think spending $300 on donuts is a massive waste with all of those other items present. I’m also considering cancelling the Photo Booth (like $800) as we already have a photographer for the entire reception. She has been avoiding me since I calmly told her she made a mistake. She told her friend that she’s “afraid of me”. I have never raised a hand or even my voice to her.

[@LilSiannyBean]

I don't think there will be a wedding. OP made it seem like it's doomed and the relationship is toxic in an AITA post. Maybe grandma saw something OP wasn't showing in his post.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 2: Friend: Hello yes. I am going to change everything about this deal on my end (adding a person, canceling plans) but I will be shocked, flabbergasted, and highly offended if you so much as quibble. Clearly your words are written in stone while mine are written in butter so just pay for the privilege of allowing me and my new lady to steamroll your vacation. mmkay? OP: How about no. Friend: How about I guilt you and offer you one alcoholic beverage? OP: oh dear. Looks like you activated my trap card “mistook kindness for weakness” which allows me to play “You ain’t the main character fam.” and withdraw from this clusterfuck entirely. Enjoy your honeymoon which you now get to pay for by yourself. Bye

[@user-wr3vt8uq4s]

I thought it was just the cost of the room, but that he expected OP to cover half of the dinners when he's got an extra person? Oh heck no. That trip would've been a complete shitshow.

[@Sherwoody]

I had to check and see if OP’s friend was in his twenties, and his GF was 19 or 20. OP’s friend will be knocking on his door because she’s going to dump him after she’s emptied his bank account and maxed out his credit cards.

[@WyntheRogue]

OP brought all his lifepoints down to zero with her steel resolve :D

[@luke_at_my_art]

As a yugioh fan, I love this kshsjs

[@Kinsfire]

Second story - ex-friend: "I get to take my new GF somewhere and get the sucker to pay for most of it!"

[@ladyjpolite]

Story 2: Once he called her a btch, friendship was over.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2: I go to an anime convention with a friend. Usually it’s just us so the hotel and tickets are already paid for. But when others come in, they will have to pay their share instead of mooch off of my friend and my expense

[@lifewithlee6298]

My late aunt was watching a judge Judy episode where a necklace was stolen and the defendant was holding up a picture of what it looked like before it went missing unfortunately😅 the necklace looked a lot like something. My aunt had she got confused and thought the show was talking about her necklace and then started accusing my mother of stealing it. It was very awkward and my mom never watched Judge Judy with her again.

[@Boundwithflame23]

Story 2: Friend: You’re just changing the rules now Excuse you! You were the one who changed them first making OP have to bend over backwards to accommodate your girlfriend who basically invited herself Who thinks story 2 would fit nicely in choosing beggars?

[@plainsabertooth7828]

I do :3

[@christopherappleyard9061]

At my Grandmother's funeral, her best friend (90 years old) was talking with my brother and I. I'd taken in a friend I'd known since I was 18 (I was 31 at the time) because she was going to be homeless and I didn't want her in that situation. We mentioned to our grandmother's friend we had this girl as roommate and she looks at us shocked and says "well aren't you two a couple of gypsies!" We were confused and she said "living with a young lady...shame on you." We both laughed and assured her it wasn't like that, that she had her own room. Grandma's friend goes "A room either of you can walk into any time. Don't try and fool me. I'm not that old." We promised her it wasn't like that, gave her a kiss and went to talk with our dad. He was offended by her attitude, but my brother and I couldn't stop laughing about it. We chalked it up to the morals of the older generation and let it go.

[@infinessia4019]

Yeah if she called me and my brother a slur I’d be upset like your dad as well.

[@christopherappleyard9061]

@@infinessia4019 She's old-world Italian, my brother and I are WASP-y New England-ers so we never took it as a slur.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm of 2 minds in story 2. On the one hand the 2 of them are splitting the same room, so why would she need to pay 1/3. But, OP should have cancelled when they forced her to make this 3s a crowd. It's giving couple's vacation partially funded on someone else's dime. Then he wants you to split food, wrong, change itinerary, wrong, leave the lodging, wrong as a whole closet of left shoes, calling her a b*, unforgivable. Even if you lose money, back out of this. This won't be fun. You should've cancelled when he tried to force her along

[@TruckStopBarbie]

Oh thank you Mark. I'm putting party favors together for my daughter's birthday party today and needed something to listen to. Perfect timing as always friend!

[@tammypearce7491]

Happy Birthday to your daughter from an internet stranger 🎉🎉

[@DragonflyandTheWolf]

This story was reminding me of when I was planning on moving in with my guy best friend. My mom's oldest friend took me out to eat one day and while I was telling her my plans she told me not to move in with him, because "something will happen." She was just like, "a man and a woman can't live together without that temptation there." We lived together as roommates for three years before he started making enough money to live on his own. No drama, no temptations.

[@nutty77]

... when you hit like without even listening to the content, knowing that it's gonna be a good one regardless.

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 1: My aunt is like this. My cousin though enlisted Uncle's (her brother) help to keep her in check. 😊

[@deettekearns9092]

Story 2 - OP was "ruining" friend's vacation with his girlfriend. Well, actually, friend was ruining the vacation with OP.

[@cassieosbourne7666]

Story 2: this woman just wants a free holiday. Don’t even think she’s insecure

[@sidepai]

Story 1: NTA. One of my aunts is similar to this grandmother (but worse tbh). There isnt any mental issues for her to act this way. She had a MASSIVE hand in ending one of my prior relationships due to her accusations. Because of this, alongside previous accusations she made in the past towards other family members, we've all just went NC with her. Needless to say, family reunions/get togethers have been awesome and drama free ever since.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

Story 1 This woman was born in 1949 and was 20 years old in 1969 when the world was very, very different from how it is now. It is not unreasonable for a woman her age to find it inappropriate that a couple lives with a roommate. I can't believe that people are immediately jumping to, "she's being irrational, she has Alzheimers", without first considering, "Gee whiz, maybe she's old-fashioned because... she's *old* !

[@sammieg8641]

No the immediate assumption and then her entire shift in behavior, is signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s, as someone who has family members suffering from these diseases is a serious warning signs. They become paranoid and have outbursts.

[@sammieg8641]

This kind of thinking is why elderly people don’t get diagnosed properly. People just assume it’s because they are old. As someone who has had and have family member suffering from dementia and Alzheimer’s, sudden shifts and paranoia are classic signs

[@brie1162]

The last story; the way the ex friend said that it’s “not his fault” OP decided to cancel the trip…WHAT!?! HE IS the reason she backed out and they (he and the gf) are delusional. I own (mortgage) my house, when my husband moved in he insisted on paying for half. When my cousin needed a place to stay, she insisted on paying as well. So we split 3 ways since we all share the common areas and have our own rooms/bathrooms. It wouldn’t be fair for my cousin to pay half while my husband and I would technically only be paying 1/4 each. OP is NOT the AH and I hope the vacation is AMAZING!

[@dizzysdoings]

I was expecting his girlfriend to be some young thing he was trying to impress. But 51?! I have no words.

[@KG-VanityInKnickers]

Since HE changed the terms of the vacation, adding the GF as a third person, he's the one who broke the "agreement" first. OP was only trying to make a "counter agreement" which she should do because the division of money is no longer equitable and it unfairly enriches his GF and himself. I'm glad OP pulled out. That would have been a nightmare especially since it's a NEW GF and I'm sure they're still in the lovey-dovey, honeymoon phase 😆

[@SS-te4hs]

The responses are halarious! How many Reddit posts have we read about a SO getting with a roommate??? Grandma may just be a Reddit reader

[@TsukiKageTora]

Story 2 update: my only response to 20:03 is “changing the rules? Me? Huh was I the one who invited a complete stranger to you and demand you pay half of them? Was I the one who canceled your plans to accommodate said stranger to you? If you think I was changing the rules then you’re just projecting. It was our holiday as friends and now you’re changing it to make me a third wheel with no activities to go to because your f buddy doesn’t like them. Again who is the one changing the rules? Cause it’s not me. You pay for your girlfriend you’re weaseling into someone else’s trip”

[@DoomChibi99]

Good evening, good afternoon and good morning, Waffle gang! Hope your weekend is going well. I am snuggled with 2 puppers (no flags for a bit. Got to wait for them to finish washing, then drying, then touch 'em up). Story 1: NTA. Sounds like the granny needs a mental check to see how delulu she is. Sorry to hear about your grandma. It might be smart to keep the fiancé's granny out, just to play safe. UPDATE: ... okay, that escalated. The granny is definitely delulu here. Stand your ground, OP. Keep letting your fiancé in the know and keep the granny FAR away. If she got away with this before, you don't want it to happen again. She can, and will, make a scene at the wedding. Story 2: NTA for asking for an equal financial split for accommodations. Also, you might want to cancel the trip. Sounds like that "friend" and his lady expect you to play ATM. UPDATE: oh, thank Houdini (tf that come from 😳) that you canceled that trip! Sounds like that "friend" is thinking with the wrong head (IYKYK). Glad you put your foot down, OP. UPDATE 2: Sucks to suck! He played a stupid game and won the stupid prize! Glad you managed to re-book YOUR trip, OP.

[@TaleToast]

Your decision to set boundaries with your mother-in-law is commendable. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for yourself and your family, especially when others might not understand or support you immediately. Stay strong!

[@lizgeorge8159]

While reading the second story I thought they must be young to be so entitled lol when op posted their age in the update they are in their 40 s and 50 s

[@1Katakana]

Notice how quick that "friend" started to refere to that holiday as "me and my gf's".

[@GuanildasPapperCakes]

My mother has Alzheimer and it is super hard to deal with. Me and my husband asked her to live with us because she can no longer take care of herself and it is not easy to live with her. It always shocks me when people think immediatly of cutting contact, what is wrong with the world right now?

[@Floratic]

Story 2: I'm one of those people who thinks couples should not split the cost of a room if they are sleeping in one bed. It the cabin was upgraded to have three rooms then I could see an arguement to be made but it was just two rooms and one of them was going to be occupied by the couple. Now in the 1st update when OP says they expected her to split the cost of food and excursions I was like, "Oh hex nah". Also telling OP they wanted to start canceling certain activities and have her leave the cabin so they can have "alone time" was also disrespectful. Before the update, the comments were correct that she should just cancel the trip because it would be a miserable time for her. Being forced into a third wheel position is never fun. Especially on a holiday.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

I get your point, but the GF was getting the benefits of this trip on OP's dime, because OP was paying half the total cost. OP had never even met this woman, yet her money was going to subsidize the GF's vacation. If I had been the GF, I would've offered a three-way split of the total costs.

[@UniquaDaBackyardigan]

When you said that post comes from r/relationships, I was so happy, lol. Thank you Mark! I have missed your voice immensely! I cannot listen to the AITA stories. Most of them can be summed up as: "I desperately want to tell someone about my horrible spouse, but I don't want to be judged tolerating it. So, let me phrase it as though I'm second guessing my very normal reactions to their truly abhorrent behavior."

[@spikeoramathon]

I worked for nearly two decades in dementia care, and I can attest that the sweetest, most inoffensive people can turn on a switch and suddenly be hateful. One lady who used to LOVE me, one day, due to one misheard word, decided that I was Satan Incarnate and, from that point on, would become violently angry any time I dared speak in her presence. Another lady decided that another (female) resident was "that evil man who hurt me" and we had to shift our whole schedule around so that they were never in the same room at the same time - otherwise, she would scream and shout. I have a million more stories like that. There is no rationality here, no reasoning, no explaining. They KNOW what they KNOW and no evidence to the contrary will shift what they believe. But it could just be no dementia at all, just a woman who misconstrued a look or a laugh and brought her own past trauma of her daughter's experience with infidelity in. It also could be cultural/generational - young people of opposite genders sharing housing as friends is a lot more common now. I know my grandfather would insist that "something MUST be going on!!!!" in this situation, simply because he couldn't wrap his early 20th century brain around it. Unless they can find a way to make sure Grandma doesn't ruin the wedding, then she shouldn't go, but ultimately, it's the fiancee's choice.

[@destinedtogame]

Story 1 had another post AITAH for being upset about my fiancées choice of wedding dress alterations and cancelling some other wedding things to make up for the cost ? Hey all. So we’re planning a wedding for later this year. Since we bought a house also, the promise was that it would be affordable. I handle our finances and have to ring in her spending quite often (Both with wedding stuff and everyday things). She went out yesterday with her dress and said she was going to see somebody about having it altered. She came back later informed me that she’s signed up for $1200 worth of alterations. I was not consulted and this was the only place she took it too. I told her that she really should’ve consulted with me on such a large purchase and I was upset that she didn’t get a second opinion. It’s not the cost I’m upset about, if that is a fair price it’s fine. I’m upset because she thinks it’s acceptable to spend $1200 without consulting the person that handles the finances. I consider myself a very savvy shopper and cannot fathom going with a sole quote. For example, we had a plumbing issue and I got about 5 quotes before picking one. I’m concerned that she still doesn’t quite get the value of a dollar and needs instant gratification. I’m considering cancelling a few wedding items to make up for this. The first being donuts. Our venue includes a cake and several other desserts, so I personally think spending $300 on donuts is a massive waste with all of those other items present. I’m also considering cancelling the Photo Booth (like $800) as we already have a photographer for the entire reception. She has been avoiding me since I calmly told her she made a mistake. She told her friend that she’s “afraid of me”. I have never raised a hand or even my voice to her.

[@loganjoh1]

yeah that marriage is set on a path to failure

[@christinesinclair6938]

S1: Maybe "gently" suggest she be tested for dementia or alzheimers. I'm also petty enough to just say "don't come if that's what you think" and disinvite her to avoid drama. After update-disinvite the old bat, and be done with it! S2: NTA. He has altered the deal and OP2 was just trying to make things equitable for everyone and not just him and his new SO.

[@maggpiprime954]

That last story made me fume and laugh alternately! 🤬😂

[@rilo7891]

Story 2: A couple together a short time = Pay separately. A couple together a long time (usually sharing expenses) = Pay as 1.

[@michaelmcanally5783]

OP2 is well within her rights to demand a three-way split between all three of them. They had made these plans before they became a couple. It’s not fair for OP to be turned into the bad guy for wanting to make everyone pay their fair share.

[@heidifruchtl354]

Story one: OP is NTA. My mom was diagnosed with advanced alzheimer's and was constantly accusing my sister of stealing her jewelry, and she was going to call the cops. It got to the point that it became a joke, and my dad chuckled when I suggested that he start a counting board for how many times she said it. She's been in a memory care facility for 2 years, and he's been gone for just under 2 years. It sucks when a person you knew and lived isn't the person they were. I've been grieving my mom for 3 years now.

[@darlenemclain8]

❤ Love to all. Thank you Mark for your posts. Story 2: What if the woman overheard op's friend talking about going on the vacation with op and she wrapped her way into his life quickly just to tag along? Idk, if it were me, I'm not going on a vacation or trip with anyone I've only known for 2 months. I think this guy needs to wisen up and grow up "wrapped" was supposed to be "weasled"

[@CareyBilley]

Grandma might be a narcissist that enjoys creating drama because she’s an angry bitter old woman and when she behaves like this she gets lots of attention.

[@jrod1591]

The wording “I’ve done nothing to suggest that’s what’s happening.” Strange wording.

[@Argendriel]

I just don't understand why granny would even WANT to be invited to a wedding she obviously does not support.

[@ASmK9412]

The 2nd story reminds me of a one where a roommate moved his new wife in and tried making rules as to what the writer could do and where he could go in the place. When he refused they put up a stink and he spoke to landlord who hadn’t agreed and evicted them. The then tried to complain I thought we were friends.

[@aduckofsomesort]

Illness or not, OP is allowed to be upset by experiencing that.

[@lexiburrows8127]

If, in story 2, that man had never had a 'serious' girlfriend - at his age - he might have not really had any girlfriend at all before. He maybe a virgin who finally thought he was going to get a bit. That would explain the desperation.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

15:00 this part was so ridiculous! A cocktail to pay for half a trip? Bffr!

[@Diet_Mini]

Good morning everybody!

[@davidransom4476]

Story 1: How old is this grandma? This sounds like people are forgetting that older generations are a different culture. The family comes to meet the fiance and they don't even ride together? What was there to know about a parking lot that someone else couldn't drive or the roommate couldn't ride there with OP's fiance? All that planning OP mentioned could have included showing the roommate how to drive there. That tidbit pinged in my mind as soon as OP wrote it. Grandma doesn't need to be invited to the wedding, but don't pass off cultural differences as dementia.

[@aduckofsomesort]

If it was a cultural issue why would the grandmother have been completely fine until right now

[@davidransom4476]

@@aduckofsomesort , "my future MIL said this has happened before." Other times they met before, was OP living with another woman? What happened before? The grandmother said something when a man and woman were living together?

[@citizen_brimstone3113]

On story 2, it always makes my blood boil when people change plans and try to make you seem like the bag guy for not allowing them to take advantage of you. OP and the "friend" made plans go on that trip, just the two of them. He is the one who didn't hold up his end of the deal.

[@madambutterfly1997]

It's pretty messed up how easily he's ready to torture you or friendship for a replaceable piece of a**

[@PlasticBluVentRabbit]

I don’t know what a berk is, but Mark sure did add it to my lexicon with all these people acting up 🙄

[@Regrettable-Username]

S2: I'd either A) cancel the trip if they didn't buy me out or, if I can't cancel B) sell them on the DL if they don't buy me out. I don't wanna travel with these entitled ass people! OP's the one who put that whole thing together, they can start over and travel alone later on without the risk of friends switching up last minute. Hopefully something like that goes down in the update Edit: 19:26 Not okay. He's acting like that over a brand new relationship!?! Nah. Thanks for the [length of time] of friendship, but that is over now. Hope she's worth it.

[@Clyde-S-Wilcox]

Story 2: Ffs NTA. Three people, three-way split. Really though OP should have cancelled the whole thing when the ultimatum was given.

[@jessymonster]

S 1: he should tell her it's up to her but under no circumstances can she be there for the ceremony part.

[@CareyBilley]

Greetings from Canada Mark, love the channel. You are truly a funny guy, keep up the great work my friend.

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 1: I haven’t finished the story, but wanted to play devil’s advocate before the update. What if it had nothing to do with dementia or mental health. It might be a an era thing. Grandma is older, and probably didn’t like her granddaughter buying a house before marriage. And then add in roommates is a female; and the old school thought; ‘men shouldn’t be friends with women; they will cheat.” Especially since aunt was cheated on. So she sees history repeating herself. Story 2: before op expanded that the 50/50 was more than the hotel, I was well each room is 1/2; unless the price increased due to girlfriend, no. But then I found out the 50/50 on also all excursions and activities with a third party. With expectations to leave the hotel/cabin to let them have privacy. Glad op cancelled. And I love how the friend demanded to change arrangement or he’d cancel. And now op said okay this isn’t the trip as originally agreed too; but then had the audacity to demand op pay for changing their agreement. Nope

[@annhans3535]

This is why I don't like making plans with other people. He can pay for his trip and his room. You pay for your trip and your room. No expense sharing.

[@joshuanavarro8925]

Hi, Mark! 👋

[@justinecorrington4106]

Story 1: I haven’t finished the story, but wanted to play devil’s advocate before the update. What if it had nothing to do with dementia or mental health. It might be a an era thing. Grandma is older, and probably didn’t like her granddaughter buying a house before marriage. And then add in roommates is a female; and the old school thought; ‘men shouldn’t be friends with women; they will cheat.”

[@justinecorrington4106]

Edit: after update; well my theory still hasn’t debunked. especially with concern about history repeating itself with aunt’s fiancee.

[@gngrblls2thwall]

S1: The opening shot of my grandmother's dementia was one time when nobody was home except her and I, she took me aside and told me that I should just love whomever I love and not listen to what anybody else thinks. I had no idea what she was talking about, but it kinda sounded like she thought I was gay. I wasn't/amn't. Eventually I got it out of her that she believed I was in a fight with the entire family because I was dating a fat girl and everybody in the family was trying to keep me away from the fat girl. I wasn't dating anyone. I guess it's nice that she would've supported me even me if I dated a fat girl... but I was also kind of offended that she thought I would. If it's not dementia, it is worth meditating on the fact that from 1977-1985 "a guy with 2 female roommates" was a ludicrous enough premise to form the basis of a popular sitcom. Not that that means she should be invited or not be told to STFU.

[@venomousspecifics45]

At least her response was to support you! That’s very sweet. When my grandmother had dementia, my youngest sister and I went to visit her together. I’m about 15 years older than this sister and she was in college at the time. For context, this sister is a twin and they are adopted, so they look different than the rest of the family, obviously. I’ve looked about the same since college. While we were chatting with grandma, she turned to my youngest sister and asked “So, how are the twins doing?”! It was pretty funny. My grandmother was concerned about her youngest grandkids even though she didn’t recognize my sister at the time. My sister said later that she appreciated grandma caring about her and asking. I think she managed something about how they were doing well. Grandma was definitely expecting a younger kid and not a college student! Fortunately my grandmother had good anti anxiety medication, so she told herself really positive stories about what was going on. Like she was on a cruise or going to an exclusive school. One time she told me it was a mysterious mansion and she was working with others to solve the clues they kept discovering! I always told her that I was so glad that she was able to secure a spot and what a great opportunity it was! She was happy most of the time and that’s what mattered most to me.

[@theScytheofGod]

Grandma always knows.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

this is a downfall of lots of opposite sex relationships: one party is being used for partner type things without getting anything in return. in story 2 it sounds like she was doing lots of things previously that were beneficial to him and she only realised it when he tried to add a third party into the equation

[@marktwain2053]

2. NTA. Some friend if he's expecting to get a 2 for 1 deal. You will not only be paying half the cost, but have to be sharing accommodations with a total stranger. I would tell him he could pay me my half of the costs, and he and his new GF could have it to themselves, or just cancel it. He's being TA for expecting you to cover her part of the trip.

[@maranathaschraag5757]

The vacation - OP isn't changing the agreement or the rules. HE is. He's the one who decided to invite an entire other person to come. OP is only trying to find something fair and equitable so she doesn't end up paying for someone else and getting cheated out of her own vacation.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

story 2 he's getting one girl to pay for him to bring another woman on a vacation??

[@cpaul9269]

S2 - It was ENTIRELY his fault OP no longer wanted to go...LOL!!! I'd have backed out the minute he got a GF....you had to know what was coming.....

[@Clyde-S-Wilcox]

Story 1: When it comes to the wedding, doesn't mater if it's malicious or due to some cognitive condition. You can't risk grandma making a scene. Period. And people who have openly spoken out against a marriage should not be invited in any case. Maybe grandma is ill, maybe she's just an ass.

[@serialgunner6055]

Being old does not excuse a person behavior

[@Mewse1203]

Story 1: I love how everyone is assuming she's not of sound mind. Usually, when something like dementia happens, it's intermittent and doesn't last for days until way later in tye progression, by which time they would have noticed other changes Edit: Yeah, this is a pattern. Definitely not alzheimers Also, this could be a case of projection. Grandma is tye type of person to do what she's accusing them of so assigned them her own thoughts. My mom is like that

[@marktwain2053]

2. NTA. Some friend if he's expecting to get a 2 for 1 deal. You will not only be paying half the cost, but have to be sharing accommodations with a total stranger. I would tell him he could pay me my half of the costs, and he and his new GF could have it to themselves, or just cancel it. He's being TA for expecting you to cover her part of the trip. Update: Wow, what an entitled AH, they wanted you to pay for half of the trip, let them have the cabin, change the itinerary to suit her, then want you to pay for half of a trip you wouldn't even be on when you didn't want to do things their way? That's not a friend, that's a leech. He's prepared to lose a friend for an older woman, who will probably dump him after the trip, so let him. Block him, after telling him you don't need friends like that.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

S2: Maybe OP should have given him a taste of his own medicine and found a friend to go with her too. Bet he would have kicked up a fit when he realizes that he would have to help pay for the additional person, just like he expected OP to do.

[@DeanLafitte]

story 2: maybe friend’s gf is dating the friend for the trip and planning to dump his dumb ass afterwards

[@CanonSkyrissian]

story 1: old people can be really stubborn about stuff. my late maternal grandmother once asked my mother what was going on with "mom's third neglected daughter". mom only has two kids, me and my sister, so grandma must've dreamt the whole thing, which mom tried to explain, but nope, apparently mom has a third secret child who is neglected according to grandma. granted she had memory issues towards the end and the line between dream and reality got very blurred

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

20:08 I hate that he keeps blaming OP cuz OP isn’t the one with a new and jealous girlfriend. He’s the one who is letting the girlfriend call all the shots.

[@CH-ns4gv]

"If you're not sleeping together then why are you living together?" "Because you destroyed the economy grandma"

[@Dana-712FifthAve]

Oh god, another so called boomer blamer.

[@Voodoomaria]

Story #1: Tell Fiancee that Grandmother CAN come to the wedding. BUT. Understand IF she objects during the ceremony the officiant is BOUND and OBLIGATED to halt the ceremony until the issue IS RESOLVED. That means IF Grandmother objects THERE WILL BE NO WEDDING, at least that day. Everyone goes home, no ceremony, no party, No honeymoon, no presents, and NO MARRIAGE. AND if THAT occurs, Fiancee and HER FAMILY will be on the hook for any and all expenses resulting from the FIRST cancellation, AND all expenses for the Do-Over... IF one happens. Set those conditions, set them IN STONE and let her know, IF Grandmother objects to the ceremony, you will walk, and wait at home until they SORT IT OUT AMONG THEMSELVES.

[@Rose_Bride]

I stopped right before the comments so haven't yet finished the video but... I guess I'm the only one who is giving OP the side eye, here. 😕 During his explanation of events, he very notably skimmed over the part about his roommate. He skipped over _any_ sort of casual details, such as gender, how long they'd known each other, the relationship between his fiancee and the roommate, the relationship between _himself_ and the roommate, etc. I actually had to _re-listen_ to the first few moments of the video because I thought that I'd possibly _missed_ something. But nope...OP just very strangely (and very _deliberately,_ I'd say) quickly slipped in the bit about the roommate and gave as FEW details as he could manage to get away with. For whatever reason, he does NOT want us asking questions about this mysterious roommate. 🤔 And I'm not saying that the grandma ISN'T potentially having some sort of mental decline, because she very well could be, but maybe grandma is noticing something that other people _aren't._ ...or more likely, maybe grandma _saw_ something going on between OP and the roommate and now doesn't want her beloved granddaughter getting married to a SLEAZEBALL. OP's reaction to this whole thing just feels REALLY _off_ to me. Like, it feels _rehearsed._ No one else seems to even be very upset about anything but HE is going out of his way to throw a whole lot of hatred and anger towards this elderly woman that no one around him is even taking very seriously. Not only that, but he is only focusing on HIMSELF and using a lot of "I" statements; _"I'm offended that,"_ or _"I don't like the fact that,"_ he's not one time brought up what his fiancée thinks or feels. It almost seems like he's paranoid. He's trying REALLY hard to stir up anger in the family at this old woman, and to me it seems like he is trying to put her in a position to where no one will take her seriously or believe her, so he can write her off as the deranged, unstable grandma. I dunno...I personally feel like grandma might have seen or heard something between OP and his "roommate", and now he is trying to cover his tracks.