My First Year as a Gay Man (FTM)

[@arthur_rockwell]

I'm going to film a Q&A video with my queer trans friend! If you have any questions after watching this video about what it's like dating as a trans guy (or about trans friendship, community, medical transition, passing... you name it!), please submit them to this anonymous google form 😃 docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSc7s9BiAbZ9c1qTxOe3Dme0OVAMjv8yz7YRBPXa7oanvRQTRg/viewform?usp=sf_link

[@reee3734]

Yooo where do u find ur gay trans masc friends?! I’m a trans man attracted to men, and I realized I wanna be more involved in my community :)

[@cjnoche106]

​@@reee3734 Hey! I'm a gay trans masc also looking to get more involved. I usually find trans friends on Discord servers, though admittedly the ones that have stuck around/the ones I'm closest to are actually ones I met on fandom/interest servers! HMU anytime, I'm always looking for new friends!

[@dkmn7568]

I got a haircut a few months ago and the haircuter asked me if I had a girlfriend. I told her about my boyfriend and she got really flustered and said "I have a lot of friends like that and I can tell they are much happier that way. Good for you." I kinda had a 'oh shit.. I'm gay' moment in my head. When I started my medical transition I was so focused on being seen as a man that it never occured to me I'd be seen as a gay man. Figuring the ins and outs of being a gay man feels much more fun than figuring out my transition lol.

[@arthur_rockwell]

Lol yup I've also had barbers ask me about a girlfriend!! What a funny experience

[@태이씨]

Thank you so much Arthur for your videos! These topics are not discussed often enough in the trans community. Thank you for being so open and emotionally mature, you're like a big brother to me🤍

[@jonhinson5701]

Thanks for talking about the variety of gay men. Hollywood seems to think gay men are all the flamboyant best friend to the female protagonist. There is no recognition of the diversity of gay men.When i took an acting class in NY I dated a trans man for several months before he returned to Texas to take care of his mother's illness. People told me i was bisexual but i countered with the idea that trans men are men but i don't think i convinced them. And just you know, you are hot.

[@landerlaurits]

this video came at the perfect time for me, i'm trans masc non-binary and will be coming out publicly next month, i know that eventually in life i'll be seen as a gay man and i have no problem with that whatsoever, but it does also scare me a little just because it's such another role in society that will be put on me, as for most of the past years i've been read by people as a lesbian, i've never been sexually active due to all the discomfort of being (scared to be) seen as the wrong gender, so i'm really grateful you talked about that aspect of your life so openly, we trans people often feel behind and this kind of sharing of experiences can bring a lot of hope and relief to people, thank you Arthur!!

[@arthur_rockwell]

Hey sorry about that person! I removed her comment and have hid her from the channel. (Also I'm happy you liked my video and congrats on coming out publicly!! 🎉)

[@landerlaurits]

@@arthur_rockwell this is the very last thing i expected hahah, thank you!!

[@maxnewton8105]

1) Homosexuality is not a role; 2) You can’t be a non-binary and trans and gay at the same time. You are contradicting yourself.

[@thepeculiarmaple]

12:11 Thank you so much for being vulnerable about this, Arthur. I felt this TO A T?! Like, I just thought to myself constantly "I am an object to make others happy, and their pleasure will somehow trump my displeasure and make me feel good about myself somehow" I hooked up in the same way: as if it were a game. I was searching for someone or people that could prove to me I was not trans but also...prove I was??? Its so complicated to explain. I thought I was going to find someone to euther prove or disprove my trans identity. In reality, I found men that were confused and just wanting casual sex with me. They usually didn't gender me correctly, but I never endorced it and never dressed how I felt right. I was essentially putting on one final act to try and "prove my assigned gender". It backfired, so hard that I became severely unwell for years. Moral is: dont seek validation through sex, especially if you haven't validated yourself already. Sex is probably the one thing you should go into with an open mind, and never force yourself to be someone tou aren't yo prove yourself or be someone.

[@thepeculiarmaple]

Also, I thank you for your story. I feel like I could easily be lumped in with the blonde twinks... And for some reason it doesn't sit well with me? Not saying being a bottom is a bad thing, but.... I hope people don't assume I'm a bottom. I don't bottom unless it's a very specific scenario. I also typically love to take the lead. You can be effeminate and not be a bottom, and the stereotype all twinkish people are bottoms is harmful and creates misunderstandings.

[@кринжовник-ъ9н]

honestly it's very hard for me to call myself gay. I don't feel "male" enough for that. and I don't mean that i am non-binary, i am a guy. but i feel like I don't "qualify" to be called gay. i also oftentimes experience what you're describing, people being homophobic to me and reading me as a gay man. those moments are weirdly euphoric for me despite how horrifying they are. but at the same time, expressing my attraction to men feels emasculating and dysphoric. i feel like people who know I'm trans won't take me seriously if they know I'm not attracted to women. thank you for sharing this. i hope one day i will be able to change this internal block

[@arthur_rockwell]

I absolutely relate to having felt this confusing mix of feelings! And, yes, life is a lot more fun once you've worked through the internal block - you'll get there ☺️

[@blackpinkjisoo4969]

female sexuality is linked to fear, that's the reason behind SA orgasms.

[@DZrache]

It's kinda reassuring that there are other gay trans guys (well I've ID'd as an androsexual-leaning bisexual, but... effectively gay lol) that are insecure about topping, although I think my reasons are a bit different to yours - or maybe I'm just more aware of the nuances of my own insecurites/experiences than I am of yours.

[@none4530]

Thanks for the video! I really enjoyed your bit at the end about choosing to think of yourself as hot. I never thought of myself as attractive when I was younger, partially because I was trans and partially because I had never been hit on and had been called ugly before. But like you, I would like to think of myself as hot and be confident which I know people like. I was talking to a guy at a bar a few months ago, and he made it obvious I was too harsh on myself and needed to work on my confidence-- I really appreciated the bluntness! Another topic you could speak on is the way a lot of gay trans men don't really align themselves with the broader gay male community, and often dislike cis gay men. A lot of social media sites like Reddit are filled with gay trans men being solely negative, but I've have noticed most of it is them worrying about being rejected rather than actually experiencing much rejection. Personally I've been out as a gay men for only one year less than I've been out as trans (so 7 years total) and I have had mostly positive experiences with fellow gay men, and I don't see them in opposition to myself. But that seems to make me a minority amongst gay trans men. From what I've noticed, I think a lot of gay trans men are used to wlw/queer female culture and find it quite jarring entering male spaces and gay male culture which is quite different. What are your thoughts on these ideas?

[@ws16-19]

Life as a LGBTQIAP+ woman is far different from life as a LGBTQIAP+ man. Specially ace, aromantic, and polyamorous women have lives way harder in comparison to ace, aromantic, and polyamorous men, but sapphic and trans women also have their lives harder than gay and trans men. Depending upon where we are talking about, LGBTQIAP+ women are still prisoners to the men in their surrounding social environment, even if outside heteronormative monogamy.

[@none4530]

@@ws16-19 Interesting opinion. Historically gay men have been treated far worse than lesbians with being imprisoned, beaten, tortured etc at much higher rates. Then they're the ones called child molesters, not lesbians. So I definitely disagree with you there. I think it more so depends on someone's situation though rather than their gender. A rich trans woman with access to medical care, jobs, etc would likely have a much easier life than a poor trans man who can't transition, etc. Race as well factors in. I don't think its as black and white as you say it is.

[@nadjahoar]

This is such an interesting video!!! I am also a trans gay man and I had quite a weird, in my opinion, experience coming to terms with that. When I first realized I was trans, it was automatic in my brain that I'd then be a trans gay man. However later on I thought I had a crush on my only best friend, who was a girl. I was lonely and she was my only true friend, but I don't think I was sexually attracted to her. I identified as bisexual for a year or so, before realizing I'm actually gay. However both when identifying as bisexual and when I again started identifying as gay, I think I struggled with shame regarding both sexual attraction and internalized homophobia. It was very tough. Now I think I'm mostly over it, and while I identify mostly as gay, I don't really mind labels much. But I'm definitely in the gay male social category to put it that way.

[@Amaling]

It’s actually shocking how strong of a mirror image this is to my experience as a trans lesbian, which I think is pretty cool! Transitioning in opposite directions but also so much experiences and thought process are so similar. Only difference is I don’t get nearly as much game but that’s pretty expected right, cuz hooking up as gay guys is infamously easy/accessible

[@mmmpoetry]

This was awesome - thank you for making such good content.

[@ace.of.space.]

thank you everything you share, Arthur! as a nonbinary person with some shared experiences with trans men, i really value being able to learn about what your particular trans experience is like. also totally feel you about how wonderful having queer friendships is.

[@brainstorm4838]

Out of curiosity, what did you do your PhD on??? Fellow trans boy here 🫶 love your vids

[@carinagomezfernandez7473]

I am also a gay transman. I am also older and pre T. However I always felt myself attracted to gay men and gay culture, I only had relationships with women. For me it was very hard to be perceived as a woman by men and that was the main reason I didn't want a relationship with a man. Another reason was that I am not attracted to straight men. And because I dress myself masculine people assume I am a gay woman. It is very complicated.

[@gabebutgayb]

So I’m a gay trans guy too (19) and I had top surgery like 3 months ago and I find myself really fucking hot and I’m obsessed with my body and can’t pry myself from a mirror if I see one, but I’m like very slightly chubby (which I like) but it causes me to be kind of uncomfortable in showing my confidence because I know not everybody is attracted to my body type, is there any advice you could give me about that?

[@DZrache]

If you believe you're hot, then that makes you hot. More people are also into broader ranges of bodies than it might seem (that might be different for hookup culture, but still) Honestly if I were 19 again, I'd worry more about being more selective myself with my partners, because there are a lot of ppl who are attracted to youngers for bad reasons

[@MeduSasnakeHead]

You sound like a narcissist

[@Reed5016]

@@MeduSasnakeHeadBeing confident with your body doesn’t maKe you a narcissist. Narcissism is a completely different thing.

[@MeduSasnakeHead]

@@Reed5016 Your absolutely right, confidence and narcissim are different. The comment I replied to is text book narcassim, being obsessed and in love with yourself and your own reflection, the word narcissism originates from the greek myth of Narssisus, a being that fell in love with his own reflection!!!! Problem with ppl these days is they dont like using accurate descriptions.

[@AnythingExcept]

Thank you for talking about relationships and sex in such a straight forward and honest way, I know a lot of trans people tend to avoid it or speak more vaugly. I'm bi but only dated women because I didn't know what a relationship with a guy would look like since I'm trans, and was to scared to try one. Hearing your experiences really helps me build confidence and I think I might give it a try.

[@linzihan]

i could literally sit down and listen to you to talk about anything, thank u for these videos i probably have commented on every video and i will keep doing so :p

[@arimorales0102]

I know this is old but I really enjoyed this video. Thank u for sharing 🫶❤

[@AmankayaBessent]

Great content, as always! Could you help me with something unrelated: I have a SafePal wallet with USDT, and I have the seed phrase. (alarm fetch churn bridge exercise tape speak race clerk couch crater letter). What's the best way to send them to Binance?

[@KarolaTea]

Thanks for sharing your experience!

[@felix5287]

Yes! Trying to have my own era of hotness even though in 31 lol. Great vid

[@joane24]

(small disclaimer: pardon my ignorance, I'm listening to these videos out of sheer curiosity) But I wanted to address one particular point you said at about 4-5 minute. About experiencing the sexual attraction, that you say need some amout of interaction and engagement, etc. That's actually absolutely normal, especially for (natal) women. I don't know why would you think that it's perhaps different from the average person, it isn't. Men's sexuality is indeed, on average (meaning, it's a spectrum irl), more visual and immediate. For a woman it's completely normal to not be immediately attracted to a body - I think it's just projecting men's type of attraction and sexuality upon ours, but it's not true - but rather as you say, we have more need for emotional connection i.e. prior interaction, or be attracted to the way someone smiles, etc. or another example, maybe the voice. Also that's not to say that men don't develop attraction in that way, because they also do, and also that some women may be more immediate, because some are. But it often works like that - that you need more interaction and engagement, or some emotional connection - it's absolutely normal and typical and not rare at all. (For instance, it's a bit another example how that may work in non immediate and non visual way: for me the way someone speaks, it's both the voice but also intonation and just the feel of it, can make me be attracted to that person. Again, it was a bit different example, but just to show that emotional component and non visual or immediate reaction can work in various ways and is not rare or atypical in any way.)

[@spook6394]

I would say it is rare. Talking to all types of people, I see the majority of people fawning over people’s biceps and abs and ass and waist, or tits or whatever people like on women. As for myself, as a trans man, I feel sexual attraction towards simple images of men I’ve never interacted with, or men I’ve never seen outside of the image. As for your ignorance, saying “natal women” is not what we say, out of respect. The implication that he’s a woman rubbed me off the wrong way, just so you know. It gave me the feeling that you wrote this in bad faith. Please understand that many people do write things like this in bad faith, and so wording things well will help you be heard more.

[@MeduSasnakeHead]

100%

[@nyrowie]

You'te right. I remember when our teacher asked our class what is the first thing that attracts and makes us develop a crush, all of the boys said that physical and visual things like "I first look at her face, if she's pretty then I inmediayly like her", "I first notice her hair", "I look at her body first" meanwhile the girls were saying stuff like "He has to make me laugh". Cis men are super superficial about it, they'll notice your body first before they start caring about your personality, ofc personality still matter to them but I don't think they take make that a priority. Kinda sad that the offended by everything crowd took this as transphobic.

[@Dribblio]

Jeez, those first couple experiences with threatening people sound terrifying. I have so much respect for those who continue to be themselves despite experiencing real danger for it.

[@Jcrosay]

Suuper stoked to find your vids as a queer trans man myself. Have you ever considered hosting a podcast? I’m not even a big podcast guy, but I’d be all over that.

[@terriersman5]

Thank you for this video! I am a trans dude that considers myself heteroflexible but i feel very connected and myself with the bear and butch communitys. Its nice to hear from similar peoples experiences and this really made me feel not alone

[@maxnewton8105]

Heteroflexible? lol wtf is that.

[@shadetreader]

Not everyone can simply pretend they're hot no matter what...

[@gaesimp__]

this was cool to watch as a trans guy trying to figure out my own sexuality (i also before being trans identified exclusively as bi), you give a really refreshing look at being trans and it makes me feel better about myself being trans

[@gretx.]

I thought playback speed was x1.25

[@seyley2901]

This video sums it up... being heterosexual doesn't require require this depth of analysis in order to seek justification.

[@lpssuperlove201]

Jesus I needed this ! Thank you!!

[@itzChauncey]

I’ve been subscribing to a lot of FTM/trans masc YTbers to educate and motivate myself since I’m planning to come out to my family when I’m 18 to since I’ll be in college and moved out in case they disown me-😭🙏🏽

[@person2225]

Thank you for this video and the way you talk so openly about your experiences! Also a very interesting observation about your partner and ex-partner and how their appearance and self-image are/were so different from each other. Choosing to be hot seems like a great idea

[@Richie66026]

Sigh

[@bengialagiii5908]

I have a question Can a gay bottom be manly?

[@Jcrosay]

Yes!

[@landerlaurits]

of course!

[@iwromi1852]

Of course! And a gay top can be feminine!

[@MrX-X-X]

@@iwromi1852 Then of course you got people who are switches. Doesn't matter if they are more masculine or feminine.

[@spook6394]

Yes brother, taking it up the ass doesn’t make you girly lmao. That’s hetero shit. They think penetration means dominance means masculinity.

[@AddiRockART]

Been binging your videos… I was hoping to be able to reach out to you somehow.

[@kryldon8146]

I really enjoyed this video! You remind me of myself in a lot of ways, but I'm still in the midst of figuring out my sexuality. I've only had one long-term relationship, and my ex wasn't interested in sex, so my experience is limited. My attraction to people is a lot like how you described yours--I'm less interested in someone's physical features than I am in their energy, the way they carry themselves, the way they interact with other people, etc, so I feel like there's no way for me to be sure about my sexuality until I've been with a variety of partners. Which is fine by me, I'm not in a rush; I just wish that it was easier for me to disclose my transness to new people so that I could start experimenting and hopefully figure out what/who I like. My dysphoria can make me feel like my unsureness and insecurity around sex is super unique, so it's good to be reminded that almost nobody has their sexuality figured out 100% by the time they've graduated high school like we're taught to expect, lol. I turn 21 in a few months so I'm looking forward to finally being able to go to gay bars and get plugged in to the local queer scene :)

[@850sudenazcoruk3]

What his instagram?

[@blackpinkjisoo4969]

you're just addicted to the "new me" thing, you're gonna keep changing from something to another once you get bored with the current you, but someday you'll run out of the "new me" es.

[@neomatrix4412]

do you like boys or girls or both as romantic partners

[@arthur_rockwell]

Guys!

[@neomatrix4412]

@@arthur_rockwell um is it easier for a transboy or girl to date guys ?

[@neomatrix4412]

@@Lulu-xl5cm what about dating other transman ?

[@neomatrix4412]

@@Lulu-xl5cm what about MTF transgender women

[@neomatrix4412]

@@Lulu-xl5cm i found this " My daughter is now 24 years old, and only recently began using testosterone. Her medical coverage is no longer tied to my own and, as she proudly states, I cannot stop her. She has at least four current friends who are also young women on testosterone, currently “identifying” as “men”. Because some of them are in intimate relationships with each other, they purport to be gay men, having gale male relationships. Lesbian is no longer a fashionable word in her circle; it is favored now by trans-identified males. Instead, queer or gay are the preferred terms in my kid’s crowd, and the accent on masculinity is no coincidence. Needless to say, this seems surreal to me."

[@neomatrix4412]

do you get attraction from straight women ? i bet if you try tinder you would

[@locutusofquail8426]

Arthur! Thank you for sharing your joy. :-]

[@markrobinson5221]

very interesting, learnt a lot. find a trans men attractive.

[@gretehomann7556]

This was such a helpful video, thank you! I'm a pre-transition trans guy. I'm straight but also attracted to femininity in men. As I look like a lil twink gay men are also the people that are attracted to me right now so I've had some opportunities to explore my sexuality in that direction. But even without this gay exploration I stil feel queer and part of the queer community although I am straight. It is difficult for me to imagine dating a straight girl who has had little to no experience with the queer or trans community. I also don't think I would feel comfortable living outside that community, living as a straight men among straight people. Anyways, I can't wait for top surgery so I can buy a see-through shirt to express my straight twinkiness.

[@soupsoup8006]

Buddy i think you’re bisexual

[@smokesparkles777]

thank you! This video has helped me so much ♥️

[@robertsimons806]

Hi my name is Robert nice to meet you and I hope you have a great gay pride mouth and I am gay to I like any one that is LGBT I am little shy by form robert

[@modernl0ver]

thank you so much for sharing your experience! love this video and love your energy, you seem like such a cool person to be friends with!!

[@Slippers.]

Beautiful videos, please I want know name free website for ftm or transboys ?

[@tetovanej374]

cute boy💋❤🏳‍🌈

[@shanereynolds8651]

Wow what a great video! Thank you! This was really reassuring because since being post transition I've really struggled romantically because it's real now, this is the real me, and theres no drag to hide behind any more. Good to see I'm not the only one!

[@lifebelle5430]

being authentic is important it starts by recognizing our chromosomes XY or XX. in case of XX this is about being a woman even after different surgeries or drug consumption. a trans man is XX and therefore a woman on testosterone. identification and authenticity can be the opposite; i can claim and/or believe I am authentic by saying that I identify as a fish but I am not in reality.

[@gabrielalejandroortizsanto1813]

There have been studies performed on male and female athletes regarding their chromosomes back in the 60’s to 70’s. Because of cis men finding out they have XX chromosomes, cis women finding out they have XY chromosomes, and because of the existence of intersex people in general, chromosome tests have been disqualified altogether from sports ever since. With that said, go fuck yourself you transphobic loser.

[@harper5378]

I'm very 🥚 but your channel and videos are aligning a lot of cogs in my brain, and things are starting to make sense. Thank you!

[@arthur_rockwell]

Aww I'm happy to hear it!

[@kembm]

07:28-07:32 adorable 🥰

[@Bibirallie]

Lol, the way you are attracted to someone is how majority of women are attracted to people. it’s not different.

[@intuitivelymagician2076]

god bless you

[@devitaromlah2866]

A very handsome man. As a gay cis man I will date you

[@landerlaurits]

nobody asked and i can assure you that since you are just a random person commenting on his video: no, you will not date him

[@clamstea7036]

Are you from the 3rd world?

[@boohasnobum]

@@landerlaurits ??? lmfao he didn’t even say anything bad

[@landerlaurits]

@@boohasnobum yeah he did trans people are not inferior to cis people, it's dumb that he left this comment thinking anyone would care at all

[@boohasnobum]

@@landerlaurits I get now. He says it in a congratulatory tone as if him being a cis gay man being willing to date him would validate Arthur in the first place. Sorry if I didn’t get that earlier! And thank you for correcting me!