My Husband Bought The Wrong Jewellery For My Anniversary r/Relationships

[@ec4145]

Story 2: Not only does she need to leave him, she needs a new therapist. She's getting her breakthroughs from reddit. The right response to her husband's behavior is not, "reach out to her for closure", and being happy he's going to meet up with the other woman. The right response to him being nicer because he's getting the woman he really wants is not to feel grateful for his improved mood. The right response is to KICK HIS ASS OUT because he NEVER loved you and has been emotionally abusing you over his love of someone else, and neglecting you. He's not even driving you to or from your CANCER treatments! Holy shit, this guy is only surpassed in douchebaggery by men who beat and murder their wives.

[@tallyp.7643]

My thought is now that she's having these breakthroughs, maybe she hopes the hubby and the girl will rekindle their flame and he'll divorce her. Part of me wonders if OP's now so sick of it she's just like "go screw her and get out of my life already--I'm tired of your whining and pining for another woman." I don't think OP's being devious and malicious with this (if it's actually her new idea); she's just out of F's to give and wants him gone (but infidelity will DEFINITELY help in a divorce case--hee hee).

[@myounakami]

​@@tallyp.7643I could see her sticking around for two reasons; financial stability and not being seen as 'the bad guy'. She's going through cancer treatment, which is pretty stressful in and of itself; throwing divorce and potential money troubles (dividing assets/separating finances/etc.) wouldn't do her any favors, plus the person initiating a divorce is usually painted as the bad guy unless there's proof of infidelity on the spouse's part. She might just be coasting in the marriage, either planning for the divorce once she's in a better medical/financial position or hoping he cheats with the girl he's pining after so she has an easy out to divorce him without being the one who ruined the relationship and can get more out of the divorce in the process (especially if their marriage has an infidelity clause).

[@toothless3835]

It's not the therapist''s fault she wasn't cooperating with treatment. Sounds like she'd been trying to get the woman to start writing her feelings down for months. It wasn't until she wrote on reddit did it help. Because really, it's sort of like a diary. Woman's going through cancer. She can deal with her husband and his nonsense once she's feeling up for it, but she needs baby steps and the first is accepting she doesn't need to be a doormat for the rest of the people in her light, starting with her family which she'd done. Then she can address her husband. There's a lot to unpack and she can only do it one at a time.

[@kelleynymph]

Was thinking the same thing. I was like “she needs therapy” and then when she said she has been in therapy I was instantly thinking her therapist sucks!

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

What did the therapist do? She’s not giving OP bad advice and it’s not her fault OP hasn’t fully opened up to her. Of course thousands of internet strangers would get to the root of the problem, throw out enough comments and some of them would stick.

[@kirtemoon529]

The huge difference between the healthy and loving relationship of Story 1 to the absolutely heartbreaking rollercoaster that was Story 2 😢

[@PrincessAfrica3]

Seriously! I can’t help but cry for OP. She must feel so lonely…God bless her

[@18Hongo]

Story 1 Husband had a brain fart and tried to sort things out like a sitcom character. A bit dopey, but we've all been there. Story 2 husband is a neglectful user who is taking advantage of his wife. I hope she gets out of there, and finds people who care for her.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 2: OPs life sounds like a fever nightmare, everyone in her life literally sucks, her husband even almost left her at the altar. 💀 She'd honestly have a better life moving somewhere else and starting fresh.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

That was such a heartbreaking story.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

You must be a special kind of evil to have a wife with cancer, but you're crying cuz your ex had a broken leg. 😭 OP deserves so much better.

[@mohsinAli-hq1nd]

i found you again, hobieinthebox!

[@hothotheat3000]

Her husband being thrilled to see his ex girlfriend again and OP having no reaction is so deeply disturbing and sad. He’s clearly going to leave her for the ex if he has the chance, and she is so emotionless about it.

[@bunnyslippers191]

@@hothotheat3000It sounds as if she doesn't have the energy to spend on caring, or maybe she's just done with him and if he leaves her she'll have more time and energy for herself and that's a good thing.

[@hiro4344]

Story 2: What a God awful person OP's husband is. Married to her and *in front of her* bemoaning the one that got away?! What the hell is *wrong* with him?! Who *does* that to their own spouse!?

[@paulastiles5507]

Imagine what happens when the One Who Got Away shows up still recovering from breaking a major bone in her body and expecting him to take care of her. OP had better leave while he's still in the Affair Fog 'cause I don't see that fog lasting very long.

[@cb9825]

Story 2 OP is like "I have no idea how my husband can help". But then she writes that she is so tired from chemo that she can't drive without having a rest. Girl, he can at least drive you to the hospital! No need to do EVERYTHING yourself! The husband having feelings towards his ex is a whole another issue.

[@paulastiles5507]

Honestly, I think her instincts are right on that one. He's such a flake that she knows she can't trust him or depend on him, so she just doesn't. At least she's learning how to rely on people who are actually reliable rather than chase after ones who never will be.

[@bunnyslippers191]

She was fine during her first cycle of chemo, which is pretty common. It's usually the second cycle of chemo when it really starts hitting you hard. I know a few cancer survivors and they spent their first cycle thinking, "What's all the fuss about? This is kind of unpleasant, but not bad at all. In fact it's easy! This isn't going to be a problem at all!" Then they go for their second cycle and they revise that opinion pretty fast.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@bunnyslippers191Yeah, that's happened to several people I've known/know. Chemo gets worse as it goes on, if you're doing it in a relatively short period of time.

[@PeacheIIe]

What the actual F, story 2 is so disturbing. OP needs to leave her husband imo and get serious help.

[@jcash5300]

Definitely smh

[@GMAMEC]

I actually had to rewind the video. Like you said, what in the actual 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

[@shamimtorang4390]

She is getting help. Therapy isn't a cure for all. It consumes so much time, and after a decade, you may still be working on the surface. Mostly, the therapist's goals are to help someone function. On paper, OP was functioning. Childhood trauma can make everything so messy and complicated. In this case, OP is describing some sort of disassociation and attachment issue. She survived her childhood by those as coping mechanism, unlearning them, dumping her associates, learning to develop healthy friendships and etc not only needs time, It's risky. Change is always risky.

[@LaineyBug2020]

​@@shamimtorang4390great insights! I struggle with disassociation too. It's easy to overlook!

[@catandrobbyflores]

I can't get over that she married someone who doesn't love her. He will go back to the other woman as soon as she snaps her fingers. Good lord.

[@GBunnyG]

Story 2 is genuinely one of the saddest stories I've heard on Reddit. I hope she leaves the husband and his "soulmate" wants nothing to do with him, so he's left alone with no wife to clean and cook for him.

[@paulastiles5507]

Pretty sure he and the soulmate won't work out, since there is probably an excellent reason why they never did before. As for OP, I feel so sorry for her, but I hope she is able to ditch all the dead weight before she leaves this earth, whether it's sooner or later.

[@spinshocker]

It sounds less like they’re the star crossed lovers he thinks they are, and more like he’s been stalking her on social media while she’s moved on with her life. She probably thinks they’re just getting a cup of coffee to catch up and reminisce, and he’s gonna drop an anvil of unrequited feelings on her.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@spinshocker I kinda hope she's into it, for OP's sake. Otherwise, Deadweight Hubby is gonna be back on OP's plate in no time.

[@selinesbeau]

He's absolutely going to cheat on her with the "love of his life". She's also an absolute doormat and likely has been raised to be that way.

[@paden1865able]

If she's the love of his life, why in the hell did you marry that jerk?! You are worthy, you are important, you are enough for someone who deserves you. I hope you recover soon and find a person who lets you know that you are their world.

[@fishbowl5308]

I had to rewind to make sure I heard husband correctly

[@tntaylor101]

Right?? I thought What did I just hear???! Who marries someone that’s pining for someone else? But actually, as it pieced together…this OP sounds insufferable. Rather sit silently and wait to be noticed than speak up or make friends that engage with her. Rather sit silently with their doctor than say “I have X symptoms.” Rather marry a guy who actively wants someone else than… Glad she’s good but I just felt like, Ok martyr. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[@rosihantu1]

@@tntaylor101 she's the opposite of insufferable. She's only insufferable to herself.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

@@tntaylor101 Some people get really broken down by life. It doesn't sound like she was doing any of this for sympathy, which is usually what I think of when I hear "ok martyr." I think she's just had a trainwreck of a life and needs to move forward.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

​@@tntaylor101Easy to say. When your whole life you only had those type of people around you and your parents raised you to be that way, it can take years into adulthood before you realize your way of living isn't healthy.

[@noah4071]

I’m hoping for OP 2. The survival rate is not great for nsclc (28% over 5 years) but she deserves to live her life

[@BerryTrekkin]

Hopefully her chances are better because it’s an earlier stage, suggesting it hasn’t metastasised beyond the lungs. I think women also have higher survival rates than men. I hope she pulls through and finally loves for herself.

[@noah4071]

@@BerryTrekkin hopefully. My boss (I work in a lab, he’s an MD/PHD) apparently has 1 case where a patient who had nsclc survived because the patient had a completely unrelated chest injury and it was incidentally found on the X-ray very early. It’s amazing how far medicine has come with cancer treatments so I’m rooting for OP to end up alright

[@TigerSpirit67KItty42]

Story 2 is heartbreaking. Everyone is taking OP for granted, and I mean EVERYONE. She needs to cut ties with family, friends AND husband. Make fresh friends, including her neighbour where she can gain better support and give her more inspiration to fight her cancer.

[@lindah3803]

Story 2: Thank you Mark. I heard the strain in your voice. I caught the pause. I can tell this was a hard one for you. Hopefully OP will see this. You've honored OP. The respect, sensitivity and support you always show/offer is tremendous.

[@mbyerly9680]

Some KZbinrs are better at some things, but Mark has such heart he's my absolute favorite reader.

[@PrincessAfrica3]

@@mbyerly9680he has a lot of empathy… God bless him

[@AndyyWithAY]

Story 2 WTAF?? Sounds like the husband is the most problematic person here. His reaction. Then there's someone else he's in love with?? She has zero self esteem and needs years of intense therapy and a long vacation. I just want to give her the biggest hug. Run from this man.

[@jakemarie828]

Agreed. I think husband's nonesense plus OP's parents' favoritism conditioned OP to accept last place. She seems imaginative and witty just from her writing style, I hope this wake-up call will show her she's worth more.

[@Kyubinooni]

I pray that the second story op recovers and gets the life she deserves.

[@Azulakayes]

I hope she reaches out to Nancy.

[@patty-pat-pat]

The five-year survival rate is only 5 percent for lung cancer. I hope she dumped that husband so she could at least feel less like a 'filler person' in her final months. It's not only incredibly sad she has to deal with this at such a young age, but to have to die with a moody partner in your home & bed, that's deeply in love with another woman? That's beyond cruel. Unimaginable.

[@paulastiles5507]

@@patty-pat-patIt depends on the stage. Stage 1 and 2 are pretty treatable, but it's usually not caught until Stage 4.

[@gabriellemeche992]

​@@paulastiles5507thank goodness. I just want her to be happy and live her life. She seems like such an amazing person.

[@PrincessAfrica3]

@@patty-pat-pathonestly…this is heartbreaking

[@HaliaStone]

The husband in story one is such a contrast to the one in story two. No dramas involved and he’s just chill about ‘yeah honey, we’ll order something else if you want’. I hope they enjoyed the charcuterie boards and wine.

[@paulastiles5507]

I've never understood the way some people dismiss charcuterie boards and wine. I love stuff like that.

[@miragedown]

Story 2 kinda hit to close to home. I'm very passive and tend to care for those around me. It took a lot of work for need to learn that I can demand things of people as they do me and that there's nothing wrong with me wanting to feel first and considered.

[@tallyp.7643]

Same--I've always been the caretaker type to the point where I'll give and give, but asking for something for myself feels shameful. I've had to force myself to change that thinking because nobody is gonna advocate for me except for myself. Definite work in progress, but a much needed one, so I'm not annoyed by it (hee hee). Be well!

[@alexnightray3204]

Story 2: Did she learn to be independent because of her experience of being a "filler" person, or did people start treating her like a "filler" person because she's independent? I feel so bad for OP. Her husband was and is being unfair to OP and should have broken up with her because of his feelings for his "first love". The mom calling OP "arrogant" despite her diagnosis tells me how out of touch the mom is regarding OP's experience and I wouldn't be surprise if that makes her feel even more unseen and unimportant. I hope that OP acts on her realization on living her life for herself, cuts out everybody that is a dead weight to her, and treasures Nancy.

[@tallyp.7643]

I wonder if she even told her mom. I'm pretty much NC with my own and live a life similar to OP's. If I got a diagnosis, I doubt I'd tell my mother a thing. All it would do is invite more drama into my life that I don't need (and if there's anything I learned about family that's not there for you, the money is the only thing they care about in the end... learned firsthand when my dad died and I nearly got swindled out of my house before I got a timely panic attack and did some research). I bet if the OP wasn't married, she wouldn't have bothered telling anyone about her diagnosis, like a dog that crawls off somewhere to quietly die.

[@DeathclawJedi]

Hol Up!!! the love of Hubby's life got in an accident and broke her femur? WHAAT!!! OP really is an NPC in her own game. Man I feel sorry for her.

[@pompe221]

OP saying that her illness is making her husband realize that the woman he really loves could have died -- I just wanted to tell OP "Oh honey, no. He's thinking that when you die, he'll be free to go after the other woman."

[@KE-hr4sb]

Just saw story 2 on another video. So depressing and angering all at once. I hope she learns some rage, flips some tables, recovers, and leaves everyone in her life (except the neighbor) in the dust. Godspeed OP. Also - get a new therapist, it sounds like Reddit is giving you more help and clarity. "We haven't tackled that yet"? Why not? It's a huge issue!

[@callmepheebsformyphoebenam8113]

Story 2 is so painful and sad to listen. It's so relatable but in my case, I was nonchalant and making jokes about it because I shouldn't complain or cry about. I wholeheartedly relate with her when she is at the point that she stops caring for herself and doesn't have any self-respect, and that broke my heart I feel like I can see myself in her in the future, especially the mention of flower festival. I really love flowers too and I hope OP blooms and recovers😢

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

I hope you're doing much better

[@rylashadow18]

S2) Op deserves a huge hug. I hope one from an internet stranger suffices. I hope she gets to see that flower festival with Nancy. I hope she kicks all the cancers, her family, her soon to be ex and supposed friends to the curb with the actual virus. I hope she finds her worth in the things and people who value her or help her see it. That's a wonderful thing to have.

[@LilBluSky0417]

Story 1: When my husband and I first started talking about marriage, rings came up so I told him that he should talk to my best friend (who was my maid lf honor at the wedding) and I sent him lots of links and pictures of the style of ring I wanted and also repeatedly told him my ring size. He went to my mother for advice and got me a ring that SHE thought I would like... my mother and I have extremely different styles for pretty much everything, including our tastes and preferences for jewelry. He ordered me a ring that looked like it was made for a graduating engineer who loves building stuff and not for a bride who loves flowers and animals... and it was way too small. When he gave me the ring and proposed, I felt absolutely horrible because I couldn't keep the disappointment off of my face and he saw it. I cried and apologized and he laughed and said "I guess I should have asked your bestie and not your mom for advice". He reassured me that it was okay because he had kept thinking that my mom was wrong in her opinion about whether or not I'd like it. Rather than take the ring back, we took it to my mom who had offered to trade the ring for one of hers of equal value. There was one that I'd always loved from my mom's collection and she gleefully agreed to the trade because unlike me, SHE loved the ring that my husband had picked out lol. My husband then asked if it was okay if he redid the proposal because he wanted me to be surprised and not "make that face again". I agreed. He held onto my mom's ring for a year, during which time he got it resized and engraved and also went and got a custom made wedding band that matches. He proposed on new year's eve just as the countdown was happening in Toronto. I said yes and we kissed as literal fireworks and cheers erupted around us at the base of the CN tower. We got married this passed July (2023) and it was absolutely magical. My point is that sometimes its just a matter of communication and total honesty and transparency that'll get people through some uncomfortable and awkward times such as these. ❤❤❤❤❤

[@curtisalex456]

"Girl", you are a saint.

[@enjolireyes643]

Story 2-Wow! Oh wow! She has been nurtured her whole life to be everyone else’s background player and emotional support human. It sucks it takes cancer to snap one out of that mind frame but I am happy she is determined to not just survive… but truly live! I hope her success in beating cancer and living her life to the fullest!

[@onurkneezb]

Story 2: Anyone else expecting the husband to sleep with the ex when she is in town?

[@southwestshelly]

100%! that is exactly what he's going to do

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

yup

[@AngryReptileKeeper]

Oh, I guarantee he will if she's willing to open her legs for him.

[@maeahem]

Oh a 100%, unfortunately statistics already show that a lot of men (not all, but a much higher significant percentage) cheat or leave their partners in event of a serious illness like cancer.

[@ScooterBond1970]

👋🏻

[@MsAnonymous1981]

Story 2: I'm worried husband is actually a stalker-like maybe he didn't really have a relationship with the other woman at all-stalking her social media... dude is creepy. Glad OP came to the realization that they want more for themselves.

[@paulastiles5507]

While that's entirely possible, I think OP has more than enough on her plate that she doesn't need to get involved in that.

[@hothotheat3000]

Husbands of the world: if your woman told you specifically what she wanted, GET THAT. Holy hell, stop making your wives feel like shit by not thinking about them.

[@GLoLChibs]

"Or get me just flowers or anything really". She should had just ended it with the necklace. You're overlooking the possibility of a problem on the Etsy shop end too. What if the picnic idea isn't something he actually likes but something she likes? That's something a lot of wives of the world do- give and organize gifts to others in a fashion they like rather than the person receiving it. She was entitled and so is your response.

[@beccaf262]

@@GLoLChibs​​⁠​⁠she said in comments that he likes charcuterie boards and she tailored it to his favourite tastes. She’s allowed to be upset that he hasn’t listened to what she actually said, particularly because she goes out of her way to listen to what he likes. She’s not entitled for wanting to feel like he listens.

[@ghost-husband]

​@@GLoLChibsif you paid attention to the whole story then you would have heard that she planned this because she knew he would like it and his love language was physical touch and spending time together. she planned that as a gift because that's what he likes.

[@lynnw7155]

Yeah; he "didn't remember/think about it until this week, so I got something cheap". Wow; way to sweep a woman off her feet. The romantic devil.😉

[@mikea491]

As a man, Ive been burned by that. They want me to come up with what she wants and exactly what she said she wanted. It's impossible. My only success what going completely different, but right right up her alley. After 4 years of flip flopping, my new method has worked perfectly for the next 3. If you know your partner, just go with your gut. If you fail, listen more.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 1: Congratulations on your anniversary. May you have many, many more, and may they all be as happy or even happier.

[@miguelconamor6687]

So grateful for such a low stakes story for once😅

[@ivorynk752]

Low stakes stories don't usually make it to youtube,

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Story 1: My dad adores my mom, but when I was little he was the world's WORST gift giver. Some things I can remember as gifts: scrub brushes, windshield wipers for her car, big gold earrings (my mom prefers delicate jewelry), and pajamas in the wrong size. He's improved a great deal (mostly by asking for advice from his now adult daughters haha) but some people are just not good at this stuff. It wasn't that he didn't care, he was always very sweet with my mom and us kids, he was just clueless. That said, it sounds like OP was just overthinking and their relationship sounds lovely!

[@tallyp.7643]

At least he didn't do the thing where he gifts something she'll never use, but HE definitely will. I always wanna clobber the men who get their wives something like a new barbecue pit, power tool, etc., and then end up taking over the gift and giving a $20 gift card (if ANYTHING) as a half-baked apology that isn't fooling anyone.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

@@tallyp.7643 Oh yeah definitely! It was more funny and become a family joke even though I know Mom would've liked thoughtful gifts. She knew he was trying at least, just trying and failing 😅

[@srkh8966]

@@tallyp.7643I got my husband a panini maker for Father’s Day a few years ago, and when he opened it he laughed and said, “Oh, is this one of these gifts that’s really for you?”. After we made kicka** Reuben sandwiches for dinner that night (his fav), he said he takes it back-it’s a great gift for him!

[@gmun2248]

My dad always took my sister & I to pick a gift from a really young age, often when he was buying my mum's gift too. As I got older (like into my 20s), sometimes we'd still go together and have a fun day out. When I hear/ read certain stories, I have a genuine appreciation for the way my dad taught us to be thoughtful & showed us the effort he would put in. (Okay, often he bought things he knew my mum had looked at, but I didn't know that as a kid! And she would often say she liked several things so he could pick something, but between us we'd get them all, or multiple - cost dependent. We still do this too.)

[@sighthoundlady15]

I definitely understand OP in story 2 being “happy” about her cancer diagnosis. As someone who has been very ill for years and being surrounded by people who literally accused me of being dramatic and just being lazy, not actually sick. One of the most horrible parts of chronic illness, is not being believed. When I got my stage three breast cancer diagnosis it was actually very validating. Like fuck, do you see? Do you finally see? Obviously I wasn’t happy to have cancer. I was happy to finally have a solid answer though. This poor gal is sad though. Her husband is out right planning to cheat on her and she acts happy for him? She really needs to get away from him. He’s already not helping her through chemotherapy so not a loss.

[@AryonaSamoto]

Story 1: I'm glad OP and hubby had a happy anniversary. I'm glad he is getting her what she wanted. I hope their second baby plan goes off without a hitch. Story 2: I'm so sorry for OP. I'm glad she's decided to move on from the people who don't appreciate her. It's hard to accept that those we love and put time and effort into don't feel the same about us and would rather berate us and use us then actually see us as a person. Sadly it can take something life altering to make us see it. I hope OP makes the changes before she's better from Cancer. She deserves better people in her life who will love and support her. Though It will be difficult while she's sick, sometimes cutting out the toxic and stressful people from our lives can help us heal faster. I wish OP happiness, healing and a blessed life.

[@tallyp.7643]

S2--yeah, I was like "hon, you're basically pushing him into an affair, telling him to go meet her and all." And then as she went on with the explanation, I was like "oh, wait, that WOULD get him out of your life quicker if he took off after her, wouldn't it? Never mind--go for it!" (hee-hee). I get her feelings of "what's the damned point?" and just dropping everyone. I hope she gets to enjoy that flower show and make new friends. That special handful of people who actually care and speak with you is worth more than anything right now.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@tallyp.7643 And I would sit back and laugh my ass off if the ex girlfriend has turned into some humdrum woman now…nothing exciting anymore. Everybody changes over the years and he just remembers what kind of person she was when they were younger.

[@theresaschuebel5151]

​@@tallyp.7643I feel like you do. To have Nancy in her life is the best medicine emotionally. I think she should live with Nancy and dump everone else especially the parents.

[@lya9677]

I got my husband chocolate covered strawberry (which I would share with him), wine (which again would be shared) and cheeses/meats etc... for a charcuterie (which you know the drill).... I am just wondering... is it normal to gift husbands ''shared'' gifts and expect ''personal'' gifts

[@18Hongo]

​@@lya9677I think it depends on the individual. I like getting gifts from my GF, but she's always been clear that she'd prefer that I get her "experiences" - things she can do that she'll enjoy. She's also been very clear that she'd like to share most of those experiences with me: she's very keen on little holidays, going to events, etc. When I do get her a personal gift, more often than not it's something we can enjoy together, like a board game. I don't know of any societal expectations about gift-giving between couples; aside from a general expectation that men are supposed to give gifts for Valentine's day, with less social pressure on women to do the same, but since we don't do Valentine's day (her suggestion, god I love that woman), it's never really come up for us.

[@Windxchild]

Story 2 hit hard. I really feel for OP, because I sometimes used to feel like a filler person too. That is until I found the right friends, people that didn’t just tolerate having me around, people that want me around, that actively seek to be around me. OP, I am so proud that you are on your way to finding your people. I genuinely believe that there is so much more for you out there. I hope that you can beat this awful disease, and that you can start to actually live your life. Much love

[@Vivi_LaRue]

Story 1: it sounds like the husband is a very nice man who is just bad at gift giving.

[@devlyn873]

Etsy shops can have some long delivery times and often can't estimate very well, I've ordered Xmas gifts a month in advance and had them arrive two months after Xmas. She also told him "or you can just get me whatever" and it does sound like he tried.

[@justinecorrington4106]

Also my sticking point, my issue is she didn’t buy him a gift; she got him food spread, she planned on eating herself picnic style. Her gift was a heartfelt written card. It just felt slightly unequal as he got her a whatever gift

[@srkh8966]

Some people just aren’t good gift givers.

[@lizzietheelf]

​​​​@@justinecorrington4106 think you need to listen to the story again. She did get him a gift, a big box of chocolate cover strawberries that had different flavors. The gift theme was fruit and flowers, so food in this case is a gift. Also some people like food as a gift (im one of them lol). He was nice to share two strawberries with her but then ate the other 10 himself. The husband didn't even listen well and forgot what she really wanted, thats on him. He also shouldn't be bragging on how he didn't listen to his wife when she made clear on what she wanted. Glad though that he got her some other sweet things and is going to help her get a new jewelry piece with the son's birth flower.

[@justinecorrington4106]

@@lizzietheelf yes the update helped balance. But I should have added this was my initial thoughts on part 1. And she had mentioned it was going to set up picnic style. Leading to the impression it was going to be shared. But yes, the update did change my opinion

[@LoveK1]

Husband 2 got that surge of happiness because he’s going to cheat with the “love of his life” when she comes to town.

[@gcarr1089]

Story 2 - hope love of his life tells him " let's just be friends". The best payback for the life he has given OP.

[@thekameru6058]

Story 2 - Suspect she made those dumplings and refused help because deep down she knew full well no-one would actually help when push come to shove.

[@jaimedritt4622]

Good point. Sometimes, it's better not to ask than to be outright rejected.

[@SalvatoreFerrell]

Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@SalvatoreFerrell]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counsellor, and how do i reach her?

[@SalvatoreFerrell]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.

[@TwiggyHetfield27]

Story 2: Ummm... "the love of his life got into a car accident" Sorry but YOU'RE not the love of his life?! What did he settle when she rejected him?! This person really needs some self respect. OH HELL NO!! "His father had to talk him out of leaving me at the alter" Why would you choose to stay married to a man that doesn't love you?! A man that clearly still loves someone else?! After Update: THANK GOD! She finally sees it.

[@tallyp.7643]

S2: A "filler person"... holy crap, that's the perfect description for me. I always feel more comfortable around strangers, but people I know I'm awkward around because I'm waiting for the requests and demands to start up. I'm at the point I don't really hang around people anymore because other than a handful of neighbors, I don't mean anything to them. People like me and forget me; I get shut out easily once I've served my purpose, so I kinda fade away. Not ghosting (I don't drop contact and ignore them), but when in a crowded room of "friends" and no one listens when you speak or notices you, it's like you've faded away. It sometimes takes folks months to notice I haven't been around. Like the OP, I've gotten used to it (so used to it that actual friendship and hanging out are foreign concepts to me that I can barely handle). This is the weirdest thing I've heard so far... I always wondered if there was someone else that felt like me out there, and to see it was so jarring. Wish I had money--I'd like to revisit therapy after seeing this, but at least I can do what I do best in the meantime: research. I feel a lot like this OP, like helping others live their lives while I sit there wondering what I'm supposed to do with mine. It's taken some time for me to live with myself (and my caretaker role abruptly ending). I'm gonna have to look this up some more... wow. Edit--internet went out and typing went wonky before ready to post.

[@floraposteschild4184]

Maybe it's the opposite of Main Character syndrome? My best wishes in your quest to get what you want out of life.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Are there any low cost mental health care services in your area? I know there sometimes are subsidized programs for people who are struggling. I really wish you the best! Sending a lot of love today. You deserve to be seen.

[@tallyp.7643]

@@errantwinds-up8uu Thanks--I had some therapy a few years ago, but because I can't pay the bills with my current job, I've been searching for another for a year & have to cut expenses. I've got some workbooks to do some self-evaluation and resumed journaling the past month, so it helps a bit. When I get another job, I'll try to get back with my old counselor. I've made some strides, but just got used to being the "useful" person in everyone's life. Finally had to stop in when I stretched myself so thin during the 2020 shutdowns that I had a breakdown. Penny-pinching, job searching, & trying to learn new skills are helping me keep optimistic (and an Ark full of pets who've kept me from punching my own ticket because it's impossible to be lonely with this much noise and cuddles around each day).

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - My heart just breaks for OP. Totally understand where she is coming from about feeling like a filler. My healing thoughts are for her and a recovery and remission so she can go to that flower festival and anything else she wants to attend. And to get away from any friends or family that won't step up and offer to drive her to chemo and the like. If she is in US, there are several cancer organizations that will help with that, picking up groceries and other light errands. And make hubby tow the line for now, then get away from him when you are good. You deserve at least that much care from him.

[@Azulakayes]

Story 2: Poor OP 😢

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

Sticking to traditional anniversary gifts can sometimes be quite difficult. For example, the 14th anniversary gift is ivory. But obviously, I am not going to buy something that those big beautiful animals get killed for. So, I came up with an idea. I found an elephant sanctuary site and made a donation in my husbands name to Tarah the elephant. Once a month for a year (no, i dont mean she was only fed once a month, lol) the entire days food was sponsored in my husband's name. Each time, they would email my husband a pic of Tarah with various signs on her enclosure. For example, one read, "Thanks for filling my tummy today, Mr. Jim!" Or, "Mr. Jim, with all this yummy food you are giving my butt is starting to look big!"

[@TheRockinDonkey]

That’s a brilliant idea. Your husband is lucky to be with someone socially conscious and I bet he smiled every time he got an update from that elephant

[@zookie3737]

i feel so bad for story 2's op... everyone has a story in life and no one should ever be made to feel like they're a background character to anyone. i'm glad she's planning to leave her husband and her friends because it's obvious that he doesn't love her like he loves his ex. like, her being diagnosed with lung cancer has reminded him that 'the love of his life' could die at any given moment? what about your WIFE?? he disgusts me and i'm so glad that she's going to finally do something for herself for once. you go to that flower festival, girl. live your life.

[@fhuber7507]

2... OP has been essentially a walking doormat all of her life and is not wrong for having told the friend her diagnosis. Then her hubby actually openly loves someone else more than OP... again making OP a doormat.

[@impishrebel5969]

I got medically gaslit to hell and back about having anything wrong with me until I got diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Imagine being gaslit when you have *cancer* You're damned right I was gleefully telling people they're gigantic AHs telling me my disintegrating body was all in my head.

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 2- I really hope OP gets to put her wake up call to use. It was brave of her to share it in case someone else needed it. Hope her divorce goes smoothly!

[@civivva4501]

Nope not talking about herself in the 3rd person. The woman her husband ACTUALLY LOVES.

[@faeangel7649]

I can relate pretty heavily to OP in story two, and it's hard to start speaking up for your own needs when no one has cared your entire life. I was happy too when I finally got a doctor to tell me that I wasn't just dramatic or imagining my illness. I was oddly thrilled because my entire life I'd been told by everyone around me I was fine. I really hope she moves on and finds people who love and care for her the way she should be. She has a right to a happy life.

[@Windxchild]

“You mean you didn’t break up, divorce and leave this man?!” Mark, you cheeky so and so… You spend too much time on Reddit, and we all love it 😂

[@v_doll]

"Buying from X doesn't guarantee quality either!!!" is exactly what I would say if I was trying to excuse buying a cheaper knock off. She wanted something specific. She made it clear she wanted something specific. He not only bought something else but bragged about how cheap it was. And sure, you don't have to spend a fortune on gifts, but it's their anniversary. There's nothing wrong with cheap gifts if you 1. don't have that much money (he does) or 2. they're just something random that made you think of your partner. He really said "Okay, my girlfriend said she wanted this exact thing so I'm gonna get her something else from somewhere else". 😶❓I'm sure some people wouldn't care but giving gifts is my love language and his attitude took like five years off my lifespan

[@lizzietheelf]

This is what I was thinking. She made her words very clear on what she wanted and he just ignored that. These types of people need to actually listen better about these types of things imo. I'm very glad it worked out for them at least but that husband needs to do a bit better when it comes to listening about gifts and not "forget" about it.

[@knitwit9447]

My father never seemed to listen to my mom about what she wanted for birthdays and anniversaries. Theyre separated now because he's a piece of shit. Incredibly selfish, stubborn, and has put us in danger so many times. Personally, people ignoring their partners' requests on presents and getting something *they* like instead is a pretty big red flag for me, but i also have associations between that and abusive behavior, so i admit im very biased. It'd be good to communicate and let the partner know that it's upsetting and if you show a specific item and say 'i want this', if it's within an affordable price range and available, just get that. It's not low effort- it is a sign that youre listening and being thoughtful.

[@gmun2248]

​​​@@Chris_RLM I think you read that comment the wrong way. He said the jewellery wasn't expensive. She said he liked his gift. Wine & fruit infused cheeses - enough to make a charcuterie board cost WAY more than that. I have spent easily $50+ on a few cheeses for a xmas cheese platter, or for a cheese & wine gift basket (not including the wine). I could easily spend double that if I had a larger budget. And I'm not talking Costco sized cheese. Small batch, organic/ farm cheeses are not cheap. Wine is impossible to estimate, but your option are maybe $15 to hundreds, depending on taste, so expand your horizons! Chocolate covered strawberries alone are easily more than $30.

[@Chris_RLM]

@gmun2248 Yeah I meant to reply to another comment haha

[@Vipre-]

Some people just don't write trivial things to long term memory. He remembered the specific type of gift she wanted just not the specific flower or the specific shop it was from so he got the necklace with her flower instead of the sons by mistake. No harm no foul they can order the exact one she wants tomorrow.

[@crysb8051]

In story 2, someone has probably already said this and I just haven’t read it yet…hubby was so happy op told him to reach out to love of life and get closure but what hubby heard is op gave him “permission “ to have an affair with the love of his life. I hate how most of the advice on Reddit is get a divorce but this is one of the times I think she really should divorce his useless butt! I would also recommend she do it now rather than wait until the affair actually happens. You really don’t know what the future holds so my advice is get the divorce and enjoy/live your life to the fullest and ENJOY every day doing what you want to do. And I truly hope when op is 70 she is still looking forward to next years flower show! Live your best life OP!

[@danishaussie63]

S1: This story gave me a flash back. For the 5th wedding anniversary, it's wood. I had no idea what to get him and hunted high and low for ages for something to jump out at me. I ending up getting him a really nice fishing rod with all the stuff you need to go with it. It was made of graphite, but they used to be made of wood but I thought it was a great pressy. Got a really nice card and made a special dinner... I got a couple of lottery scratchies he's picked up on the way home from work, big whoop... and the chances are they were for him as he often did this. It was a big game changer for me. If he couldnt be bothered with our wedding anniversary, that was a problem. No flowers, a card, no effort at all. It doesnt take a lot to make your partner happy, but lack of interest will make them very unhappy. He grew so lazy in everything, at times he couldnt even be bothered to change his mind...and yes, he is a ex husband now. Why go to a lot off effort when they cant be bothered...so dont!!

[@BigJon200]

“The love of my husband’s life” is CRAZY

[@roowyrm9576]

I really hope that OP (in story 2) recovers and learns to live her best life.

[@osaitus]

I honestly wanna hug story 2`s OP and don`t let go for an uncomfortable amount of time... not for THE cancer but for the "cancers" in her life

[@RhowanRed]

I have been married 41yrs. to a most wonderful man and have had a similar experience with him. I found that over the years those things don't matter as much as I thought they did. As soon as I stopped demanding, he started listening. 😂

[@Tammohawk1]

2. What a heart breaking story. Today there is hope for those with lung cancer, certain types anyway. I pray that OP is cured of this horrible hateful disease.

[@brittany9747]

Nothing better than a morning coffee and Mark's upload while I get my boys ready for school.

[@melindalarson7543]

Story 2: *This comment isn't just for OP, it is for anyone who is normally comfortably independent, but going through a hard time.* Just because you can do things by yourself, doesn't mean you have to. If someone is willing to drive you to appointments, let them. They get to feel good for helping you, and you get extra time to rest. If your neighbor tells you they are going to the store and ask if you need anything, ask them to get you the things you need the most, so you can put off your own trip for a day or two (or even just a small treat that will make you feel happy). You have always done for others, give them the opportunity to do for you. You will feel less like a filler person/NPC if you let people help you. When someone is competently (fiercely) independent, it is hard for the people around them to know how to help. They worry that an offer will be seen as an insult or that you will think they think you are incapable. Try to make a list of things you can do, but that don't need to be done by you, things you are comfortable putting in someone else's hands. Then, when people ask if you need anything, you won't feel put on the spot to come up with something and instead say you don't need anything because it is easier.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

I don't like when people pose a question based on a very limited scenario and then complain that people didn't get the full picture.

[@floraposteschild4184]

S2: OP sounds like the "me" character from the book Rebecca, except that her Maxim really doesn't love her and he's still obsessed with "the love of his life". She has much to work through, but if thoughts can cure cancer, I send her my warmest wishes for her recovery of her health and her life.

[@jackwatt8988]

2: I do kind of get her husband being upset that she seems gleeful. It's misplaced, but he's confronting the possibility that he's going to lose her, and it could come off like she feels like she's won by getting the diagnosis. Again, misplaced, but at this point I have some sympathy for the husband. *edit* 30 seconds later: ya, fuck this guy. His wife isn't the love of his life? "the one who got away" is a thing that old people who are lonely say, not a person in a marriage. I feel bad for OP that she's married to this guy who is hung up on someone from his past.

[@impagain]

The last storythe last story breaks my heart. It's awful to give and give and give and not feel like anyone will reciprocate. I've come to realize most of my friends are that way because all i know in life is how to give too much. I hope OP is able to recover from her cancer andgo with her friend to that flower festival. And i hope she gets to do many, many more flower festivals in the future

[@tylerpatrick3511]

You gotta warn people Mark. That blood red waffle is absolutely terrifying.

[@moonspider55]

All these comments about Etsy does sting a bit. I know Etsy has gone down hill fast and bad. Yet, I sell handmade on etsy and get shit cause of all the dropshippers on there. Off topic but that is what I focused on.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

A lot of it depends on the product they're buying. If they're buying cheap jewelry, they're going to get cheap jewelry. I've bought knitting and sewing supplies from Etsy for years and absolutely love it.

[@kateemma22]

Need an update where OP2 goes into remission and a week later her husband is hit by a car, dies, and leaves her everything so she can visit every flower show in the world with her awesome friend.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

My husband was like this. I even had a friend who did this. You tell them EXACTLY what you want and they just refuse to get that thing. I don't know what personality trait this might refer to, but when someone asks for something specifically I get that thing!

[@MakiPcr]

Story 2: Honestly I'm glad OP is starting to realize they are a person, they seemed so detached in the first part, like they honestly didn't realize they were human and worthy of real love; it's really sad

[@Dee-jq2ob]

All I could think of with the title was Betty Broderick, the scene when he bought her the jewelry he liked, instead of the one she wanted. Eventually killed him btw and true story

[@Jhddtukbdd87542]

You nailed it. Bragging about how cheap it was isn’t a good look. The jewelry is for her, and telling her it’s cheap doesn’t signal that she’s important to him. He could have just kept that to himself.

[@KateKanenator]

Story 1: If that's the biggest issue in OP's relationship, it sounds like they're in a wonderful partnership!

[@stuffedninja1337]

For our first Valentine’s Day, my ex surprised me when I opened the door to his room (it was a separate outbuilding on his parents’ property, this was years ago and it was cheaper than rent) to him in heart-print boxers with a fake rose in his mouth. For my part, the following night, he came back from work to me in a red (his favourite colour) satin nightie, four-cheese heart-shaped grilled cheese on sourdough, and an entire shirt box of chocolate-dipped fruit I had made. It was both of our first times not being single on the holiday, so we pulled out all the stops, lol. Still a great memory.

[@boneymeroney2674]

My partner and I always (every dang year) forget about our anniversary. 😂 One year, we had to pull up the calendar and we still forget. 😅

[@LaineyBug2020]

Story 2 makes me think of Tim McGraw's song 'One of These Days (you're gonna love me)'. Especially in the last verse when the narrator learns to love themself!

[@Ryuondo]

I wont lie, I've ordered from Etsy and recieved stuff in amazon boxes. Shoot I've gotten stuff I ordered in tuperware containers full of TP as padding.

[@maxrobertson2834]

I Can kinda relate to op in story 2. When I was diagnosed with OCD (ik not even close to being diagnosed with lung cancer) I was so happy. I wasn’t a psychopath. I just had an evil disorder, and while it absolutely sucks to have it, I am so thankful for the diagnosis

[@pauldavisjr.3284]

That second op needs to rethink how she's living her life because that's the saddest thing i've ever heard and I'm a person who has accepted that I'll probably died alone and unloved.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 2: NTA You have accepted your illness, and you are getting treatment for it. It is not up to other people to tell you how to react. Husband is TAH I wish you a lot of luck with your treatment, and complete healing. Good Luck. Edit: WHOA, excuse me? Your husband's "love of his life" ????? WTF???? YOU are his wife. YOU are supposed to be the "love of his life." Please explain. I do not understand.

[@lisawhereisthecultjam]

The lady with lung cancer, her type of relationship is the reason why I am so happy that I am now single. Holy fuck.

[@knrdvmmlbkkn]

13:56 So *you* are not "the love of his life". That's a large red flag.

[@PDHABigDaddy]

I love charcuterie boards. An ex and I did that once on an anniversary. We called it our adult lunchables.

[@SalamandraSalamandra27]

I couldn't be someone's second choice/someone he settled for. It's really shitty to settle for someone as well, like let them find someone that loves them and isn't settling for them. SMH 🙄

[@maggpiprime954]

14:12 "I alone wouldn't inspire such emotion in my husband... (he) felt helpless at the concept of death." I'm sorry, what? "The love of his life" was in a car accident, and this person was... somebody _else?_ And it was there other woman's _broken leg_ and not his own wife's _cancer diagnosis_ that got him all bent out of shape????? Ohhh my god... No fucking wonder OP feels like an NPC in her own damn life. Holy fucking shit, she was neglected/emotionally abused growing up, and she's neglected/emotionally abused now. What is the rest of this story going to bring? 😩💔💔

[@heatheraucoin5832]

I quit buying jewelry from Etsy. 3 items I bought. 1) earrings cannot be in direct sun. 2 another pair of earrings must be kept in the box, avoid taking a shower (I think the steam would melt the glue off the stones, & 3) it tarnishes after 1 month. Never again

[@janenorwood1614]

Story 2- just WHAT?!?! Someone else is 'the love of her husband's life'?!?! WTH

[@tammypearce7491]

If you give gifts to get gifts, then you will always be disappointed.

[@muhname6052]

Story 2: I'd rather die alone than survive with that husband

[@LivxLaughxLove]

S1: is why I do NOT like giving gifts because if I give a gift and you look at me like it's a disappointment, you'll NEVER have to worry about me picking another gift. Take this gift card and go pick it yaself!

[@Llama_Whisperer]

Story 1: been married 40 years to my favorite person. He’s the worst gift giver ever. I learned to buy my own gifts or show him exactly what I want. Your man isn’t good at gifts. You need to accept this and let it go. You are being entitled.

[@deirdremcloughlin1380]

I wish l was the person who could swoop in and save the OP in story 2 she sounds sensitive and lovely to be around. It would be so nice to see her meet somebody who gets her and only her❤.

[@amandasunshine2]

Story one, the issue is he didn't listen to what she told him.

[@ambercloud]

Story 2- being happy/relieved that you have a diagnosis after questions and pain isn't weird to me. I was invalidated and called a hyperchondriac but then I got a diagnosis and knew they were wrong. I'm disabled and have been all my life and trying to keep up with abled bodied people. Diagnosis can feel good. The husband stuff? Not touching that trainwreck lol

[@jeanglendinning1860]

she is the AH my grandmother always said "its the thought that counts" not the gift

[@analyticmoviereviews101]

I had friends like that. There's a reason I call them EX-friends. I really want to give OP on story two a hug. It sounds like she needs one desperately. No one should be alone or feel like they are alone.

[@GBunnyG]

I don't like chocolate covered strawberries, but I'll knock people over to get to a good charcuterie board.

[@grievernoctis2238]

Story 2 was just so sad. Clean house and get well.

[@AnnMegFair]

God I hope OP from Story 2 kicks cancers ass and then kicks her emotional leech of a husband to the curb and cuts off her toxic family who only call when they need something and her toxic friends who never reach out first, and she gets the life she deserves, with flower festivals, and travel, and people who actually care! She deserves so much better than this sh*t!

[@wildone9946]

Recently moved two states away from my parents. Starting a new life for myself. I even got a new mini waffle maker! Your videos are the one part that comes with me all the time.

[@angleofkaos9459]

The final story absolutely broke my heart because I know exactly how she feels. Literally had tears in my eyes