My Parents Refuse To Tell Me Why They Got A Divorce Now I'm Investigating Them r/Relationships

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

OP's anger and disgust at their parents makes *much* more sense now

[@pippo17173]

Dad may be worst, but mom still sucks for keeping this information for her own benefits.

[@LorienInksong]

Absolutely they're both super screwed up. I'm really glad OP got involved and damn OP was right not to trust them.

[@Sherwoody]

At that age if I were OP I might have thought it was my fault and that they’re breaking up because of me.

[@PonderingStudent]

​@AnimeWolfgamer, honestly, it sounded from OPs posts that mom is also either doing something illegal, or on the verge of doing so. Nothing as heinous as dad, but OP mentions stalking and hints at escalating behaviour. So, frankly, neither of them sound like good candidates for parent of the year, or indeed to be parents at all. I'm glad OP reported dad though. Who knows how many other children he's already hurt or would have gone on to hurt in the future.

[@pippo17173]

@PonderingStudent oh ya she can get arrested for that. Sounds like she stop but if she doesn't go to therapy, op should leave her too.

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

OP's parents: iF yOu dOn'T sTaY in fAmiLy tHeRapY wiTh uS, yOu'Re gRoUnDeD m' dudes, you're lucky that OP hasn't turned around and disemboweled you with their bare hands. They are 14 and--based on their comments + updates, overflowing with rage. Do you *really* want to attend therapy with a person who makes *no* attempt (who cannot make an attempt) to hide that they completely loathe you? (Honestly *I* loathe you, and I don't even properly *know* you)

[@bbureau12]

I read this with a grain of salt. First, it's a random person on the web. Second, it's a kid who probably feels like the net just dogpiled her. I wouldn't particularly blame her for making a LOT of this story up. The therapy bit would be particularly as that could be from her POV. It may be her parents threatened her with grounding for not wanting to attend therapy... making them TA. It may also be she was threatened with grounding for swearing, threatening to disembowel her parents etc. At 14 you'd see both the same way.

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

@@bbureau12 oh no, *she* never threatened to disembowel them, that was just me being hyperbolic.

[@DisneyChar]

​@@bbureau12 I spent 10 minutes trying to dox her to make you happy but I just made myself sad, oregon has tons of coaches banging teens, I did find a 43yr old that was assaulting a girl from 14-17.

[@browhattheactualfu-2659]

Reading some of the comments in the og post was an experience man. So many people were upset a child was behaving like a child caught in a situation that literally broke their home 💀

[@JaneDoe1812]

It's Reddit. Common sense and human decency doesn't exist.

[@pippo17173]

I don't get how none caught on the potential huge scandal that was exposed so easily.

[@ImGoat1995]

It's reddit. They defended a Boston marathon runner taking a fat shit in the middle of some dudes yard.

[@bbureau12]

She felt like she deserved answers re: her parents' love lives and that a "right" and "wrong" not only existed, but that she had the right to be the judge. That's understandable, but arguably entitled and self-absorbed, so I get both her feelings and people's assessment of her. Tbh, I'd give it 60% that she made the rest of the story up because she felt dogpiled.

[@Bala_Niranna]

@@bbureau12 "entitled and self absorbed" is just what being 16 and under is. she was a child, acting like a child

[@nekolalia3389]

I have been waiting for this sassy, lost child’s story to hit KZbin. Someone needs a hug…from someone wearing chainmail.

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

I'm only 2 minutes in, *why* does this comment sound so ominous...

[@amandasunshine2]

​@@thesewinggeekmiri9029 ikr, I'm not sure what their reaction is, maybe that makes them a bratty teen, but like.. they have a point? I also think they deserve an explanation :/

[@amandasunshine2]

Nekolalia, what do you mean by chainmail?

[@bbureau12]

Honestly, the story seems a bit unbelievable imo. I believe the parents are getting divorced, and I believe the internet called her out on maybe being a tad entitled. The bit about her being super hacker Nancy Drew who not only verifies her suspicions, but saves a high school student from a predator seems kinda like fanfic. It could be true, but without corroborating evidence I kind of doubt it.

[@jeannieanonie7932]

The dad is the one that mainly needs that chain mail hug. Anybody wondering chainmail protects one person and if done properly can really hurt the person getting a hug.

[@nickwilliams8302]

I remember seeing this story and being dumbfounded by the judgement. Kid arrives home and gets ambushed with an obviously preplanned divorce announcement. Asks for an explanation and gets told that it's none of his business. Apparently he was TA for being upset at that. Nice to see the update. I'm sure there's a bunch of Redditors who will learn absolutely nothing from this incident.

[@HeoBaby24]

Does same redditor Will be sucking up to up acting like they didn't call him an asshole

[@juliearmfield2634]

I know right i feel so bad for the poor kid.

[@icewolvz6977]

but it WAS none of his business. obviously we have an update now so there's that, but even if it was something simple... definitely wouldn't have been any of his business lol.

[@juliearmfield2634]

@@icewolvz6977 the kids famlies being ripped apart and his future is all up in the air so yes he DOES have the right to know what is going on and whats going to happen to him. Turns out it was good he didn't just set back and shut up because his dad ended up being a pedophile

[@joaolima7131]

​@@icewolvz6977 except it IS his business, you have no idea how those things affect the children

[@endofuwu2146]

Damn. This story really went from “kid being a bit too hostile even if it is understandable” to “OH FUCK THEY BOTH CHEATED”

[@purplecrayonismine2585]

to "OH FUCK THE DAD IS A FUCKING P*DO"

[@catsncrows]

Not only that but committed a crime 😑

[@TheOmegaRiddler]

If they both cheated, it wouldn't be this bad. it went to one is a pedo and the other is one bad night away from committing mass murder.

[@JaneDoe1812]

​@@TheOmegaRiddler Fatal attraction style. I hope her victim doesn't own a rabbit.

[@TheOmegaRiddler]

@@JaneDoe1812 you're going to need to explain that one to me.

[@someanon1984]

Story 1: Honestlyyyyy idk if OP is TA. Even before those huge updates, you can't blow up a kid's life and home without giving them a reason why. It sounds like the parents couldn't have come clean in a child-friendly way that wouldn't alienate one or both of them (especially the dad, holy shit), but it doesn't sound like they've created a trusting foundation for those relationships...

[@eye-chan1711]

The fact that they just blind sighted OP is completely cringe too. Giving him no indication of what’s happening makes it worse imo. “Just one day their marriage went poof with no indication.” Poor OP.

[@MrSupernaturalLife]

You're right. OP's story might be biased, but even the factual parts made it sound like the parents were protecting themselves and not OP. Neither parent thought this through and is avoiding being the adult/bad guy in the situation.

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

They were never an asshole reddit is just wrong half the time.

[@SteviiLove]

Wtf did this poor kid have to deal with leading up to this and even before?

[@Keyonne88]

I agree; it is their right to not associate with people whose ideals they do not agree with. If a cheater is someone they don't want anything to do with, then they deserve to at least know the minimum as to why this is happening. I wouldn't want to live with my cheating parent. I'd resent them.

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

8:53 OP you created a *dossier* ??? ok, my wariness of OP has now blossomed into begrudging respect.

[@champslim]

I heard that and I started laughing. Go OP!

[@paulqueripel3493]

A dossier of other people's emails , DMs etc. Hacked into the parents accounts and phones?

[@fiyahquacker2835]

@@paulqueripel3493 if a kid knows the password on their parents phone and the parent has the email app and doesn't bother to log out like me then it's not going to be to hard but I'd assume it's more likely the op found texts and call logs.

[@sebastianquinchia1840]

Ok so "We don't love each other anymore" is a perfectly valid reason, sometimes you just fall out of love and can't explain it. But DAAAAAAAMN I did not expect that

[@pippo17173]

I'm surprised op manage to never get both of these genes. She is lucky.

[@maeberriepie]

I love this kid. This kid is me at 14. I still have very strong views on right and wrong. This kid will be alright. Strong and smart.

[@TheOmegaRiddler]

But she's going to need therapy, otherwise she will always have trust issues. There is nothing wrong with how she thinks but she's been betrayed by the 2 people who are supposed to keep her safe.

[@astronautviolet153]

Story 1 NTA Op 14 has a right to be angry her entire life being turned upside down. None of the parents really communicating with her.

[@mezzokitty247]

Story 1: I’m so glad OP is safe now and that she was eventually able to figure out the truth and hopefully her “dad” gets placed where he belongs long term, what he did was so messed up on so many levels. And for the “mom” to willingly keep that hidden (likely so she can excuse her own cheating), absolutely disgusting. OP was right to not listen to the redditors who were telling her that she’s just a kid and should just blindly accept the divorce. People don’t realize that a divorce between parents is just as much the child or children’s business as it is the parents because ultimately, the children’s lives are the ones being the most altered by having their life uprooted and/or having to split time between their parents instead of having them both together under one roof. OP was 14 and more than capable of understanding things like cheating being wrong, and she even said herself that her parents could’ve given her a general explanation and she would’ve been ok with it and made her decision on what to do from there. But nope, everyone in her life had to act like she should just blindly accept her life being altered and it came back to bite them HARD. At least the grandparents apologized for their part in it and are trying to make things right by letting her stay with them instead of her “parents”. Also, the “parents” having already done shady things before the divorce and the reason for the divorce even being brought up makes it completely valid that OP lost enough trust in them that she got suspicious when they chose to act even more shady instead of coming up with an excuse. Kinda surprised her parents are divorcing at this point, it seems like they deserve each other.

[@erinnteeter]

The fact that her dad's affair partner is a child only a few years older than she is. Gross.

[@azadalamiq]

victim.. kids can't consent to being an "affair partner" plus he had authority over her.. so that double abuse layers.

[@Iflie]

I never thought the 14 year old OP was wrong, you need explanations, that's psychologically healthy. I guess the people who thought she was the AH all wanted to hide things in the divorce. Your kid is a person, they need to know things.

[@dcg590]

Nope. She isn’t owed a single thing these are adult decisions and she needs to stay in a child’s lane. She can be as mad as she wants but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s none of her business. NONE. All she needs to know is both her parents love her and shit happened. She’s a massive ahole and needs therapy. In what world does a child need to be involved in adult decisions? She doesn’t. She’s entitled , rude and out of order. Period.

[@quartzskull8772]

@@dcg590 adult decision that severely affect her life, she shouldn't get a say in them but she should be informed

[@cevanbrown2314]

This 14yr old is just awesome. From the first post to this current one has been so inspiring to me. I'm proud of this 14yr old they stood their ground and did the research. She has been more reasonable, and level headed then the parents in her life. The fact that she researched and found evidence is incredible. Keep speaking up for yourself kiddo and you might want to think of a career in detective work. IJS

[@susankaempfer8427]

I never understood the “it’s okay for us to lie to you for our convenience but we’ll punish the heck out of you if you do it to us” mentality.

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 1: OP went Punisher! I am surprised she actually has a moral compass considering how messed up the parents is. I do however think she should join a family session, where she will tell what she knows and why she does not want to live with either of the POS parents.

[@dcg590]

Who cares about her moral compass? She doesn’t deserve anything. It’s an adult situation. I wouldn’t tell her anything. She is child and needs to stay in a child’s lane. She is not owed a damn word. Period. She doesn’t get to be involved in adult situations.

[@DisneyChar]

​@@dcg590 right? Children are property and deserve nothing, even if dad's a pedo he should be able to keep his child?

[@Aurummorituri]

@@dcg590 She deserves everything. Her mother is a stalker and her father is a pedo predator. Her garbage parents clearly forced her to grow up and end her childhood early. You have problems to think that someone her age and intelligence should be quiet and docile. You sound like a minister from Talibanistan.

[@TheOmegaRiddler]

@@dcg590 Wrong. Parents were exhibiting dangerous behaviour that would have escalated. Dad was messing around with underage students, and the mother was having an affair and stalking her boyfriend. The daughter was in danger. The mother is one bad night away from killing someone, as her stalking behaviour will only get worse. And Dad's behaviour may have led him to raping his own daughter. OP is 14 which is where she is developing as a person and at 14, that is a strong moral compass and judge of character. The parents needed her trust if she was going to decide who she lived with, and they showed no trust in her. She is at an age where if the courts got involved, it would come down to her where she goes. And that is partly why the Police didn't force her back into the care of her mother. Also, if this is how you think of children. I hope you don't have any.

[@barryexel]

@@TheOmegaRiddlerFR, this person feels like a full on super villain that kidnaps children and gets mad at them for being confused as to why they’re kidnapped.

[@deirdrelewis1454]

This 14 year old is incredibly mature for her age. She is embroiled in a huge mess and is handling it really well. But she does need professional help.

[@azadalamiq]

ya but can't push therapy on someone who isn't willing for it. not how it works

[@ergotempusvernum]

I always content that a parent's marriage IS a child's business because it very much involves the child. Rocky spots WILL be detected by the child, and they WILL assume that they (the child) is the cause of it. Divorce WILL disrupt the child's life and cause them to have to cope with new and abrupt living patterns.

[@azadalamiq]

never understood the "think of the children" mindset of hiding relationship issues... kids are the product of said relationship... it is their business... more so for when the custody hearing happens they can give the judge an informed discission on who to live with. with out info.. kids in situations like hers... end up abused or are fast to end up dead due to "crimes of passion."

[@WhitneyDahlin]

​@@azadalamiq EXACTLY! I totally agree! I just can't believe how parents justify lying! Lying/lying to your child by omission is always the wrong thing to do. Period. You don't have to give them every detail but you do have to tell them in an age-appropriate way why their life is being blown up. They deserve to know, it's the right thing to do, and they will blame themselves if they don't know who actually holds the blame. You aren't protecting your kids when you're lying to them. You just don't want to deal with their emotions. because kids will feel hurt and anger and as a parent you want to protect them from being hurt. But you can't protect them from being hurt their whole lives. Your job as a parent is to be there and support them and help them pick up the pieces. Walk through the anger and hurt with them. And help them deal in a healthy way. I don't even feel bad for parents who lie to their kids like that

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

Story 1: I remember this one especially since I’m also a child of divorce. All I gotta say is “suck it” to any and all YTA commenters there were.

[@CrankyPollyanna]

I don't get the YTA votes on story 1's original post. A kids life is being turned upside down and she's not entitled to an explaination? Kids aren't stupid, they know when there's something wrong. Shrewd child. I'd be happy if I raised a child like that.

[@Vipre-]

The most ridiculous part is that two major liars couldn't come up with even a basically passible lie to tell the kid. If they'd just made up some believable bs beforehand rather than stonewall they'd have likely gotten away with everything.

[@SunnyD74]

It’s not the kid’s relationship. It’s not up to her to decide “mom cheated so she’s an asshole” or whatever. There are parts of a marriage and a divorce that are not the child’s business. I agree, they could easily have said they had grown apart, or something like that but I think this kid wouldn’t have accepted that either.

[@chornathome]

My relationship with my significant other as the father of my children and as my husband are completely separate. No matter the kids age if it's something we don't want to share with them then we won't. Honestly in the first post the kid came off as a spoiled brat. The story evolved but- she was annoying at first

[@katherineteppenpaw1975]

Because it’s none of her business. Regardless of the updates, not her place at FOURTEEN to decide I’m not staying with my parents.

[@canislupusfool]

​@@katherineteppenpaw1975 how is it none of her business? Her family unit is being torn apart and they can't even give a basic reason...If they can so casually stop loving each other for no reason, how is she supposed to believe they won't just stop loving her for no reason? To still think she was TA in the first post is insane...

[@HackiePuffs]

As someone who’s lived with divorced parents pretty much their whole life and still has a lot more unresolved trauma than I thought F**K the people shaming this 14 year old who’s a child becoming her own person reacting badly and just wanting some sort of explanation as to why her family is being torn apart.

[@safespacebear]

Story 1: kid is a legend. Therapy only works for certain people and I don't know this kid is a good candidate. She understands the situation, she knows it's not her fault, what is therapy going to accomplish? Reddit treats therapy as if it is a cure all

[@helenhmcdominick8278]

It's possible they mean therapy for the trust issues. But from how OP is acting with her grandparents, her trust issue with others might not be that bad, it's just that her parents have destroyed her trust in them specifically.

[@dcg590]

Kid is not a legend. When did adult situations require a child’s say so? What happened to a child staying in their lane? I’m 55 and would NEVER question the adults. She’s rude and entitled. She needs to stay in her lane and when she’s an adult if the parents feel like filling her in they can. She is owed NOTHING inteh way of answers to adult things. They can assure her she is loved and she needs to accept the world does not owe her understanding. This is why the snowflakes need a safe space in colleges. Whatever happened to the word NO? No, you don’t get to know what goes on between adults. Period. She doesn’t get to question them. She doesn’t get to judge them. She gets to know they are above her and she still has 2 parents who love her that’s it! Wow. She has some audacity.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

@@dcg590 no one ever said anything about requiring a kids say so that's just some stupid sh×t you made up again. The kid does deserve at the very least a basic reason for their life turning upside down especially at an age like 14. Children staying in their lane is that same abusive nonsense as "the customer is always right" which is used as an excuse for customers to bully employees that aren't 1000% perfect. You're 55 so your sentiments make sense considering your generations entitlement and cause of current wages stagnating. Adults should be questioned because adults aren't some sort or wise supreme being that'll make the best decisions by default with the op's parents as a prime example. She is neither rude nor entitled while you are the former and seemingly the latter. She doesn't need to stay in her lane and be the obdient puppy that you think she should be plus there's a fair amount of information that hold be given to a kid sooner rather than later in appropriate terms the will understand. She is owed answers when those adult things significantly impact her life. The world may not owe her an understand but her parents certainly do and assurances of love can easily feel bland and unbelievable like a lot of words from most politicians. The only snowflake here is you, the person who can't handle their kid asking for reasonable information then later complains about entitlement the irony. The word no can sometimes be more like saying "we are doing some shady stuff" and can be the worst possible option. You do get to know what goes on with adults when those adults are your parents and those adult things severely and significantly impact your life. She absolutely does get to question them and she absolutely gets to judge them and the shoddy and neglectful people that they are. Clearly they don't love her otherwise the wouldn't have messed up so badly and they are barely above her here. The only one with any audacity her is you for coming from a generation that reveled in self-pleasure and entitlement so much that you cause wages to stagnate and then you come at younger people for wanting the same opportunities you had that you bulldozed for everyone after you.

[@quartzskull8772]

@@dcg590 the situation didn't require OP's say so it just required her to be informed since it's affecting her life

[@elcat2577]

​@@dcg590 Her father was having an "affair" with a 17 year old girl. The kid is 14 he was sexually abusing a girl three years older then his child and he was her coach. The mom was apparently stalking a man who was married and her affair partner. But yeah questioning adults isn't good because adults always know best. No adult never has ever done a bad thing ever that need questioned. Let alone one in a leadership role. No teacher or preachers who are child predators. No teachers who bully their own students. Nothing that needs questioning. No questionable actions at all. (This was sarcasm if you couldn't tell.)

[@Doomessenger4654]

i have to say, on story 1 people were calling OP the ahole but imagine someone tells you something life changing then asks you if you have any questions and their only response to your only question is "thats private" like why offer

[@owl7072]

RIGHT 💀 People's comments in the og post being like "You aren't entitled to the details of their relationship. It has nothing to do with you!" Like, bro yes it does! Op is 14, a dependent minor, who is having her whole life flipped upside-down and her parents don't even have the decency to tell her _why_ even in a watered down way.

[@azadalamiq]

@@owl7072 ya never understood that mindset.. yet the same kids need to go to a judge in a custody hearing and give an informed choice on who to stay with.

[@Faith12996]

I wonder if the mom knew who the dad's affair partner was and decided to keep it a secret rather than report it

[@TheOmegaRiddler]

There was probably some level of blackmail between both parents. You tell on me and I'll tell on you. Both had a lot to lose.

[@Faith12996]

@@TheOmegaRiddleryou might be right

[@pippo17173]

@Omega Riddler how does the dad even pull that when mom is the least bad by a margin. Still she ended up being worst too for keeping cover of a groomer.

[@HidanKitten32]

I wouldn't even call it an affair partner, given it was a minor. It would have been victim because the girl wouldn't have legally been able to consent. Ops father is a Pedo. As for the mom knowing though... Well, ops suspects she is lying so she may have known

[@tigernotwoods914]

@@HidanKitten32 exactly. A minor can’t consent to sex with an adult. It doesn’t matter if they “consent”. They can’t. Why don’t predators get this? 🤦‍♂️

[@hellomoron]

I love this kid -- not only is she smart enough to come up with that brilliant "who wants to be the bad guy?" trick, but she's also smart enough to know how to get evidence and where to go for help. I hate comments that say kids don't need to know why you divorce. My parents divorced when I was 27 and lemme tell you, it's gonna hurt at ANY age. A kid who has no say in their life is going to be royally screwed by even the nicest and most civil divorce, but this one is ten times worse and she still handled it like a rock star. I hope she knows how awesome she is!

[@HodajuciParadoks]

This is the most mature 14 year old. Morals on point, spine shinny.

[@HodajuciParadoks]

PS. OP should think about being a cop or detective, she is really good.

[@ondank]

I took the view that as someone who is seriously affected and is being asked to make a decision on where to live, OP had a right to pivotal information on making that decision. Any kid facing their parents divorce would want that decision and I was really confused at the time why everyone had lost sight of it. Its also confusing to me that the parents apparently did not want to put their kids mind at ease and they just ignored it. With the update? Christ above I am so glad OP didn't just let it go like everyone told them to.

[@HoneyBakedHamlet]

'Me, FOURTEEN, female'.. NOPE. NTA. - You're a child in this adult situation. Edit: That poor, angry baby. Wow. All she's doing is reacting to this crazy, life changing event that just exploded at her out of nowhere. Those parents are gross predatory cretins. Both of them. I have a child the same age and I just want to go and hug her now. ... i can't though because it's currently 1am where I am, she's asleep and she'd get the shits lmao 🤣

[@MaddyFish]

That is a VERY intelligent 14 year old. The parents fucked up and treated her like she was an idiot. The 14 year old went scorched earth. Seems fair!

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

oh my--I didn't know that this story went beyond ' "heeey, turns out both my parents were cheating! yaaaaay" /s'

[@Faith12996]

Same! This story literally went left 😳

[@immapotato1]

yep that went 0 to 100 in one update lol

[@TheMormonSorceress]

Not only cheating but one was a stalker while the other was a pedophile.

[@thesewinggeekmiri9029]

@@TheMormonSorceress exactly! The first time I heard it, the story went 'so, my parents are both cheating, so my suspicions are justified,' not 'my mom is actively trying to break up a marriage--that is NOT her own, oh and my dad's also a creep who's """dating""" one of his UNDERAGE STUDENTS.'

[@rontheauraknight9606]

@@thesewinggeekmiri9029 to be fair when she ended the first first update with “thanks for the comment but I’m completely right. Something is going on and no one is in the right” told me “ok something Illegal is going on here and OP can’t share but both parents are doing it or one is doing it and the other parent is still brainwashed by the other

[@prox6833]

To the people saying it’s not any of the child’s business in the first story I was that child a few years ago. My parents brought the divorce out of nowhere and, unlike OP, I blindly accepted that fact because they were, quite honestly, awful together. I wish I could’ve pushed for answer because I’ve grown up hearing them both be passive aggressive about one another and each of them hating on each other in front of me. I’ve grown up unsure on who to believe and I’ve kept both of them at an arms length in a lot of aspects of my life. If the kids are young, fine, give them a very censored version. But they deserve to know when they’re older. I still don’t know what happened between them and, after all this time, I feel like knowing will not change all the hurt I went through over the years trying to figure out what happened between them. I should’ve been told back then.

[@katwitanruna]

Good grief! I was the one who explained to my 11 and 9 year olds that their father and I were getting a separation. I told them that we were still friends and still loved them but we had become different people and couldn’t live together anymore. My daughter understood and my son only wanted to know where he’d live. I said with me and he went “Okay” and went back to playing.

[@azadalamiq]

ya as long as kids are informed, they are chill and adapt. but we as humans should stup dehumanizing are kids and stop the "adult vs kid" stuff. :/ at about 6-7 years old i knew i was progressively slower then my peers, i knew i had ADD, took ritlan, i knew what my heart condition was and could explain it to teachers... kids ant stupid, we should stop acting like they are.. :/

[@Allmightyimortal]

I remember the original post for story 1 and the people attacking her to just be a good doormat. Very glad she didnt listen to those people

[@Reality_TV]

Story#1: I hate that the parents want to cover each other and lie instead of being honest. I would never do that. If a person blows up his family, then I want to know! The parents aren't doing a great job by lying. They simply are in the wrong. This kid is smart. I appreciate that he wants the truth. OP is NTA! His parents don't need to lie to support their version of the truth! They want to hide & lie instead, but that isn't acceptable. OP needs to become an FBI agent! *He CAN HANDLE the truth!* I can't believe people think OP should be OK with being gaslighted by their parents! The parents were lying and sneaking around and OP was caught in the middle. He DESERVED to be told the truth!

[@elizahamilton5599]

Story 1 NTA My thoughts went “is the dad dying” to “oh he’s a pervert”

[@TheOmegaRiddler]

You were right, because he's a pedo.

[@jay2thaudy]

Love the no nonsense attitude from the little homegirl.

[@kayq3231]

I don't think OP is the TA. Never did. Divorce is a huge change to a child's life and, in my opinion, truth is always best. The parents lied because they were both in the wrong and couldn't make themselves look like the good guy. Mom says what dad is doing, dad retaliates by telling what mom is doing. My mom would hide family issues from me even when I could tell she was lying. I got good at guilt tripping people and snooping around to find the truth. And I don't often take people at their word any more. Working on all of that but they're hard habits to break.

[@britnicox3929]

1: when a 14-year-old kid has more character than both of their parents combined 😬 I am really sad that this poor kid ended up finding out so many awful things about their own parents but I’m glad they looked out for the poor girl the dad was preying on. I want an update on how they’re doing

[@randomusername3873]

"This thing that will impact your life and family in a major way forever, it's none of your businness" How are people so stupid?

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: I saw this one pre-update and was annoyed at all the people telling OP to stop being a child. Her wanting to know the truth was no less valid due to her age than if she had been in her twenties. (And I can’t blame her for not wanting to live with cheaters. Especially her dad! That’s pure evil and I hope he gets exactly what he deserves.) Post update, OP is a freaking warrior. Proud of her for taking no prisoners and being willing to burn toxic family to the ground, that is something grown adults struggle with.

[@josiemorgan6567]

Nudity story: if your neighbours don't want to stare into your house they can get voils.

[@paulqueripel3493]

They work better on the house that you are in, ie, to stop people looking in to a window with them rather than stop you looking through them into another window.

[@kirtemoon529]

Been waiting for the update to story 1 I feel so bad for that little sassy kid

[@memyselfandi7782]

YO THIS WAS WILD. I'M GLAD OP DIDNT BACK DOWN

[@sophdog2564]

I remember hearing the first story without updates and disagreeing when OP said "people don't just fall out of line for no reason, that's dumb" and thinking "oh you sweet summer child" because tbh I think people can just fall out of love for no reason, or for a reason that's so vague that you can't place it and can't describe it. I remember feeling bad for op but also thinking that maybe there wasn't anything more to it and she just needed to accept that. But OP clearly knew her parents better than any of us did

[@WoodlandT]

I COMPLETELY disagreed with the AH judgement on the original post. It honestly pissed me off a little. I don’t believe in keeping secrets this important. This kid is obviously old enough to understand and deserves to know what happened. Kids are smart and should be treated as such. I figured OP would figure out what was going on. They’re clearly quite clever and resourceful. What I didn’t expect is that the mom was a cheating stalker and the dad was a sex offender. Holy shit! I feel completely vindicated. Op deserves to know he’s being raised by criminals. Stop treating kids like they’re idiots ffs! 🤦🏻‍♂️

[@ZombieSazza]

How TF is OP TA for being upset about divorce completely changing their entire life? Divorce can be extremely traumatising as parents can be extremely toxic, weaponise their child(ren), manipulate, it can be extremely difficult during this period where your entire life is upheaved, so HOW TF is OP TA?! Especially when her parents are constantly lying, when one of the parents is literally having an “affair” with A MINOR. Divorce can seriously mess a child up, especially during such a toxic situation. Both parents are horrible in their own way, OP distrusts them for good reason, OPs mother seems unstable, OPs father was literally sleeping with A MINOR, all of this is horrible and a mess. I hope OP is able to lead a happy life in the future. I’m a child abuse survivor, I completely cut contact with my very abusive mother and violent brother as an adult, I’ve serious trust issues and PTSD. For me, distrusting people is natural because I’ve had reason to distrust those around me, sometimes we develop trust issues in life because of horrendous situations in life, and we are right to distrust.

[@ronhall5395]

The whole idea that parents can have affairs and think it is not their children's business is ridiculous. Of course it is the child's business. Absolutely effects their life both present and future. OP parents are crazy. They both are shady as heck. Should they be divorced? Yes! Should they have worked all this out a long time ago? Yes. Dad is going to, at minimum lose his job and any ability to ever teach or coach again. He might go to prison. He obviously does not have any common sense. Good luck OP, your a good person and smart also.

[@GeekyBibliophile]

I remember the first story, and my thought then was OP is NTA. The updates only further prove why.

[@flamantvert6916]

Op is in dire need of therapy, but I think that's something they'll need to choose on their own term instead of being forced into it. Poor kid.

[@TheOmegaRiddler]

Agree, although the Grandparents, especially the ones who lied to her should try talking to her. As all of them have this shared experience of their children being monsters and suddenly having to be parents to a headstrong 14 year old who has faced one of the worst betrayals in their life.

[@nonyabiznez38]

I remember this story the first time around and was LIVID at the YTA verdict before. OP was not a toddler and deserved a reason. I’m so sorry to hear how her world is crumbling around her and I hope she takes that fire and anger and turns around and unleashes it on life itself and not let it consume her.

[@Songbirdstress]

I agree with OP, they behaved badly, OP needs to know, if it's "we just grew apart", what's the big deal?

[@wmdkitty]

Nosy Neighbor Nudity: So, uh... why is the whole family peeping on OP? They can just, IDK, *_not look_* if they don't like it.

[@vampire9545]

NTA in story 1 - the parents indeed need therapy. And op is right, can't trust them and they're lying via omission. The kid is owed why the parents are breaking up, it's not hard op isn't asking anything big, just a why. My parents divorced before I was conscious, if I was never informed of the various reasons by anyone I wouldn't be able to trust them. Shit with all secrets I grew up with, I already distrust my family but silence would be a cutting off response. They gaslighted op for years! Jeez Nta in story 2. doesnt need to do anything, THEY have the problem with op. Its them looking at op without consent, not the other way around. This would be telling someone to go smoke their weed indoors vs THEIR YARD because of the smell

[@josiemorgan6567]

Divorce story: What a skilfull investigation by OP she knew she was being lied to. And mega brave to go to the police. OP is not the AH.

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Story 1: There needs to be more kids like OP! Too many kids get bulldozed in separations and divorces. OP needs to write a book for other children to know that, not because they are the children - The adults who destroyed the family need to be held accountable to them as well!!! Well done OP! She gives me hope for the future! She's a modern day Joan of Arc and I cannot see how two of those members of the subhuman species managed to create a great offspring like her. I wish her all of the very best for her future. Story 1: Sigh...Reflective titanium tint film for the windows. You can see out clearly, but they only see their reflection. By the by...Would the father be this ridiculous if OP was female?

[@83gemm]

Sorry, but OP is NTA. OP deserves to know information of each parent’s character. OP is old enough to decide if they want anything to do with a cheater, or if this has been building for a long time, or it’s financial, etc. What if it’s something illegal and OP doesn’t want to be involved? They handled it horribly. Go on vacation, honey, and when you get back our family is blown up with zero explanation. EDIT: HOLY EVERYTHING! See. NTA

[@wluTom]

Honestly OP you are a budding detective. That was my thought after the story and update was fully done. Totally NTA not even a question in my mind about that! Please someone make sure OP studies forensics. It was like a well plotted out mystery story. OP has big things in store for their life and I hope that Markee will continue to update on this story as I want to know OP's future and celebrate their many many successes to come!

[@tinak2576]

I didn’t think OP was an AH initially. They just wanted to know why. The parents response of refusing to give her an answer for so long just added tinder to this dumpster fire.

[@CanyonALynn]

Ayo, OP was not here for her parents BS, she was not here for Reddit's BS, she took the judgement with open arms... better than other people twice her age would've done.... and guess what? She was right. I wouldn't have judged her the AH in her original post for just knowing a GENERAL reason why her life was about to be upended. Her parents couldn't give her that, so she didn't trust them and found out herself... now the father in the process of going through the legal system, and her mother almost cut off. She trusted her gut and potentially saved that 17 yr old's life.

[@hanzojapa]

OP is a badass. People calling them an AH are really out of touch.

[@Boe-Temeraire]

Dang. I always knew my mum dealt with the divorce and raising my sister and I in a competent and compassionate manner, but this really hammered home just how competent my mum actually is. I’m just blown away by how competent it makes my HIGHLY incompetent and assholeish dad look, like that’s a genuinely massive feat! My life is a shit show but this kids life makes mine look pretty decent!

[@fionna_cool_girl]

This is why I think it's important to tell teenagers why parents are divorcing. If the children are under 12 they might not completely understand but the majority of kids and teenagers are not dumb. Kids deserve to know why their parents are divorcing and not try to "keep the peace" because there have been too many instances where the child's anger is directed at the wrong parent or wrongfully at both parents, one of the parents spills the beans, the children are manipulated or in this case both parents just suck ass all around. They deserve to know and they're gonna find out eventually. Lying only delays the inevitable and people that say it's none of the kids' business are idiots. You're the parents. You set the example. Infidelity is and should be made a big deal. If I was a parent, I wouldn't want my kids thinking that infidelity isn't a big deal. Infidelity doesn't just affect you and your spouse's relationship. It affects the kids as well and to say it doesn't and this situation is none of her business is idiotic.

[@galaxygato9642]

With that first story nobody brings up the fact that the parents have been shady for a year! The kid is acting this way because the parents were already hiding stuff and not being transparent and this was the last straw! I can't imagine being around my parents while they're always hiding stuff from me! Just based on that OP is NTA!

[@sonialinsey8083]

There’s nothing wrong with therapy, but there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to go to therapy, finding you don’t connect with a particular therapist, or feeling it doesn’t help you. Therapy sometimes doesn’t help people from non-western cultures, and it doesn’t always help people from the west either. If she does go, I do personally agree OP needs to go for her and not because it makes her crappy parents feel better. You cannot force these types of things.

[@GalliaUchiha]

Said it before, I'll say it again. OP for the first story is 14, not 4. If a person is old enough to ask a question, they are old enough to get SOME kind of answer.

[@owl7072]

Story 1: "Your parents are doing a great job of handling the divorce" mmmmm yes, lying to your child and keeping them in the dark about why their life is being flipped upside-down out of nowhere while still expecting them to make sound decisions in regards to said life being flipped upside-down is only the most fantastic of moves. There is clearly nothing wrong with this whatsoever. A sound decision I must say. .... Press X to doubt.

[@maxinemyers9215]

She did what was right, proud of her 💐

[@maryann778]

Idk why people were calling OP the AH i the original post in the first place. Imagine if OP wasn't this intuitive and stubborn when they hear their parents are getting a divorce with no explanation and one parent already gone. To me, that'll make me think I did something wrong to make my mom leave and my dad not talk about it. Good on OP for having that sense of mind and getting to the bottom of this. Sometimes being rude and stubborn about a situation is the only way to go, especially since the reason for them getting a divorce is partly because of not only cheating, but because of harassment and child abuse. If OP didn't do what they did, then the dad might not have been discovered and reported. I wonder if the mom also knew, which then makes her just as bad as the dad

[@TheSuperTroutMan]

Story 1: OP is clearly a very powerful person. I am extremely impressed, my god.

[@ViixenVox]

Story 1: NTA. She literally came home to her mother gone, and couldnt even get the most basic explanation. "We fell out of love" id the most stereotypical excuse out there, and most of the time isnt the actual reason. As evidenced here. She has a right to even a basic reason. Reddit is wild sometimes.

[@Fig_Faerie]

Just because OP mentioned the neighbor's window, doesn't mean that's the only place the neighbor/his children can see them from. Like, if they can see OP from the window they may also be able to see them from the yard. The kids might be able to see him while waiting for the bus or through their kitchen window (which can sometimes be dangerous to fully cover in terms of supervision/flammability). Also, kids lack impulse control and are curious af. Of course they'd peep. This isn't on them. Like, dude, OP could keep a fresh pair of boxers or robe next to their bed. This feels like the dude has issues with authority and was reactively defensive before giving it a second thought.

[@catandrobbyflores]

If someone is actively saying don't do this because kids can see, it's obviously a they can see from other places.

[@Fig_Faerie]

@@catandrobbyflores That was my thought. I think why OP got such a positive response from the Reddit/React community has to due to with literal thinking associated with autism. Like, I think based off the father's words/OP's portrayal of that conversation readers assumed a single window was the only place he could be seen from. Like, I'm auADHD and it took me a minute to filter in the unspoken context.

[@catandrobbyflores]

@@Fig_Faerie this guy is going to get some kind of sexual charge eventually because of children seeing his dong.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

@@Fig_Faerie doesn't matter if it's 1 winder or 100 the father can still deal with all their windows since the op is being considerate enough considering they're not naked for very long after they get up. It just sounds like the father is being a creep too often that his partner is starting to sense something is off with how often he stares.

[@Tinfoiltomcat]

OP was not the asshole Nor do they need therapy, they were entirely reasonable and sane the entire time. What a trooper

[@heymikey4025]

OP likely needs therapy to deal with finding out how criminal her parents are…especially if the dad had maybe started trying to groom OP since he is a pedo and she’s approaching his preferred age range…or if OP is worried that maybe he was starting to try to groom her…(since he was remaining in the house initially was she expected by her mom to stay in the house with a pedo? Yes, I’m assuming that the mom knew about him being a pedo) Plus therapy could help OP in dealing with the fallout of her parents’ exploits being made public to the whole town etc… I’m thinking that OP might yet get bullied by her peers because of her parents’ actions… hence therapy could help her…but it’d need to be a different therapist that didn’t deal with them previously so that they know that the therapist isn’t likely in their parents’ pocket… She might need to move to a grandparent that lives farther away to get away from the gossip in her hometown… heck she might need to change her last name depending on how many more skeletons her parents have tried to bury…possibly literally as the case may be…

[@WhtAbtBob10]

Story 1: How is OP the a-hole? Their parents mislead them and refused to answer any questions. OP deserved something besides "its not your business." And now that ive hesrd the update... I can see why they didn't say anything but OP absolutely still isnt the a-hole. I hope OP gets some help. Sounds like they need it.

[@arleneclark6369]

If the older person is a teacher, boss, coach etc, than the age of consent has different rules, it's one thing for a 17yr old to date a much older man, but if that man is in a position of authority over them, then it's a whole new ball game.

[@alexishenry4434]

Story 1: the dad doesn't need therapy, he needs a prison to be under

[@pippo17173]

Mom should go to jail too for stalking.

[@Kal_57]

Story 1 : Very proud of OP. I think she did everything right, I don't understand the people that said she was an AH. She gave her parents a chance to explain themselves, and she had the right to since her life was messed up by their actions. They didn't, so obviously she had no choice but to make her own assumptions and act according to it. Everything she did was logical and well thought out. And when you see what her parents did/do, thank god she didn't "suck it up" like many people wanted. To think she's only 14, it's weird how such shitty people managed to make a kid this amazing.

[@poetryqn]

Given the full context of the story, I understand OP's rage. I think in most circumstances parents owe their children an age appropriate explanation of their decision to divorce. Having said that, I don't expect divorcing parents to share the full intimate details of what they know with their 14 year old child. In this case, though, it appears that the child is the most responsible and level headed of the three. I wish her all the best.

[@nanoglitch6693]

I was always on OP's side in story 1. It absolutely baffled me how the commenters were fully supporting the gaslighting and dehumanizing way OP's parents were treating them. Scumbags cover for other scumbags though. Still would've been on OP's side even if the reason for the divorce wasn't anything anything big or shocking. A child is not an object or a pet and they have a right to know why you are completely upending their life.

[@IrisAsuras]

I am so glad that kid went digging. It's super gross what the dad did and the mom tbh. Stalking... Yikes. Run kid, don't walk, run.

[@yamairad1]

Story 1. I am so so so proud of OP. I pray my son is as emotionally strong as they are at that age.

[@hibiscusrose6074]

This 14 year old is sane and knows what they want.

[@de9722]

Story 1: I think the mom lost her mind if her daughter had to report her husband while she did nothing. Smh.

[@TheOmegaRiddler]

She lost her mind, but not because of the husband. She's stalking the person she cheated on him with. Which means they now both have something to lose. I'm willing to bet there was some level of blackmail between the two and before you mention anything about one having better dirt on the other. It's not about what they have on each other, it's what they don't want to lose.

[@Qyshawn]

For the window, I'm not in anyone's side. If OP doesn't have blindsand knows there are children he could be exposing himself to... there's an actual, legal difference. He could EASILY get a privacy screen to cover it and not lose light

[@elisonholace4033]

I hope those commenters calling OP the asshole originally are enjoying eating crow.

[@tartlynerdy]

Story 1 - lol I really admire the shiny spine on this fourteen year old. Op is going to go far in the world. People like op get sh*t done. The yta comments were unnecessary. Op wasn't an ah for demanding answers rather than quietly suffer and watch everything she thought she knew fall apart. Sucks that op found out both of her parents are horrible people. (Understatement) Story 2 - I mean, ew. I would just buy curtains so I wouldn't see my neighbor naked but I wouldn't be a Karen about it. Frosted self adhesive paper is a good idea though. Still. I'm really surprised that op acted so gracefully in the face of this harassment. Let the idiot call the police. It's not like op is out there in public exposing their bits and body like a creep.

[@witheredrose357]

s1 there is nothing wrong with being upset when no one will give you ANY answers. If anything it would be weird to not be at least suspicious in this case. The truth matters. If my life is thrown upside down I want to know why. It affects my life so I have the damn right to know why it affects my life. I feel bad for OP. Those parents are complete failures.

[@JoltaeAndwae]

The irony of the dad making a point of her being "a child" whilst also preying on child(ren?). I'm not sure I don't believe the mum didn't know the full facts of the dad's "affair" and just downplayed it to save face. I usually throw people in the trash but this requires a vat of acid. #2 agreed! curtains/blinds exist- if they have a problem they know what to do. It's annoying that everybody is telling him to eat the cost of their problem all the things their suggesting could be done just as easily by the neighbour.

[@jorijoestar4998]

The 14 year old is NTA. His family was blown up at a critical time of development. He has every right to know why.

[@clwbchbabycakes]

Last story - automobile window tint on your house windows allows you to see out and they can't see in as long as it isn't dark outside with the inside lights on.

[@SteviiLove]

My hope for the first OP is that they doesn't resist singular person therapy sessions forever, especially if they can find one with the help of their grandparents and not anyone connected to their sick parents. They _are_ sick and for a 14 year old to be at this point, what have they actually been through? I'm the mom of a 12 year old and while I know a lot changes between 12 and 14, they sounded far more like a 16-18 year old than a 14 year old. I'm sorry OP had to live with such sick parents. I wish I could do anything to help them.

[@meganstreiff5157]

That's the difference between a good parent (you) and parents who have NO problem mentally messing up a child. I might not know what the relationship between OP and their parents before, but knowing what we know about them, they have NO issue forcing a child to grow up QUICK to make them feel better about themselves. It's terrible that the OP has to go through that, but it's not uncommon in these situations and situations of abuse.

[@meganstreiff5157]

I also hope the kid ends up getting help for themselves too, it seems like the parents tried to use it as a tool to further gaslight OP, which in cases of abuse where the kid KNOWS things are not right tends to make them AVOID certain things used as tools like a plague (Idk how bad their homelife was before, but considering how they treated OP in this and how the OP has such little trust, something tells me they were at the very least mentally and emotionally neglectful, if not abusive mentally and emotionally. Though the fear the kid had for the 17 year old getting hurt or them getting hurt if their anonymity is uncovered, THAT scares me that they even knew to think about that at 14). It'll probably take some growth and a LOT of time of No Contact with the parents for them to finally think to take up therapy for themselves. Luckily, it seems like the grandparents are well meaning and decent people, so that CAN help a LOT.

[@Grace_x68]

Last story I think the neighbour had to pry the binoculars from his wife's hands 😂

[@adlinreese]

First kid is a solid soul. Good on them.

[@Russman67]

Wow! There are very few redeeming qualities for either parent (Okay none really). I can see exactly why OP would want to be anywhere but with them. At least She won't have to worry about dad trying to get custody anytime in the near future. 🤦‍♂️

[@teresarayburn4501]

Mother and Father try to pull the wool on her , Op gets mad and starts digging. She slowly takes everything apart ,and finds out the real truth which destroys their attempts. Then she goes full Nuclear blast on them, exposing everything and also gets justice for another party even though she is 14 . Lesson here? Dont be hiding things with your kids if there is a seperation, be honest but keep it civil for them both.

[@moodycrab77]

First story wow that was a roller coaster ride, Op I hope you're doing ok.

[@ramonasalden9926]

Story about blinds, tell neighbor to buy curtains and tell Markee to pound sand. Why are you trying to keep making OP the one to fix the neighbor's problem! OP Say a LOUD "NO"!

[@colleens1107]

Wow…now I too said she was the AH but damn was she ever vindicated. I was all, oh poor girl will learn that sometimes things don’t work o- HOLY SHIT THE DAD AND A 17 year old??? Never mind. And the update made me completely change my verdict. Her parents are absolutely awful, making her go to family therapy and trying to ground her for not wanting to participate. And the mom has some gall to tell OP about dads cheating (because she wants to turn her against the dad) when she’s trying to destroy a marriage.

[@losttechnochan]

I get where op's coming from but if I was the parents I'd feel like I'd have a right to hold the reason until she's older. Me and my husband got a divorce over just not loving each other I just woke up one day and there was nothing, I felt nothing no love no hate not even regret. It took years before I told my kids and I still regret not getting the divorce sooner, but they shouldn't have done it while she was away do the sit down first then let her know your plan from there she doesn't need to know all the adult problems yet but still don't shut her out

[@LovesGaming37]

Age of consent needs to he 18 everywhere in the world. Are there people living there? Age of consent needs to be 18

[@tonia8903]

Agreed. Some states in the US have the age of consent as 16…

[@IFAMILYIH]

OP WAS NEVER THE ASSHOLE SHE DESERVES TO KNOW WHY THE FAMILY BROKE UP

[@joeymikeny]

with the last story, the should tell his neighbours to go ahead and call the cops and then they just totally out themselves as peeping toms and get arrested.

[@rebel1612]

He has no curtains and is nude. That’s problematic