My Partner Asked For A Paternity Test Because He Doesn't Trust Me r/Relationships

[@platinum_noelle]

The fact that he saw a sharp decrease of communication and physical affection as a "stronger" relationship is alarming.

[@jakemarie828]

A matter of perspective. He felt relief most, and that colored their interractions for him. Unfortunately his accusations shattered her feelings of safety, feelings that she had probably relied on to get through the pregnancy. His lack of care for her feelings is what ruined the partnership, not the paternity test inherently.

[@IamJenJen101]

He just lacks empathy for his partner. It's fucked.

[@deballen7031]

Yep, he sounds insecure, inconsiderate of other, easily led and maybe in need of therapy of some sort and that is a lot to take on for OP on top of a baby and caring for herself, too. 🤔

[@MyUniqueBeauty]

As he lay in his bed alone as OP sleeps in another room after accusing OP of cheating and making him father an affair child, he thinks to himself, "Ah. Yes. This relationship has gotten stronger."

[@christopherernst1616]

I have said this multiple times, every birth should be subjected to a paternity test before signing the birth certificate, not because of relationships or emotions but because the birth certificate is a legally binding document in most parts of the world, no matter of true paternity. Make the process mandatory and the stigma goes away.

[@Monarch2424]

Finally, a smart comment

[@IlyriadeSade]

Funny that the guy in the first story wants more kids with her .... and I assume wants to test each of them as well?!

[@michaeldevlin7747]

If he's smart he will and just not tell her

[@gwenndolyncampbell1560]

​@@michaeldevlin7747 Frankly, that's what he should have done in this situation. If he was really worried about it, the best thing is to just do the test discreetly and make sure she never knows about it if it comes back positive. His idiot moment was giving her an ultimatum, making it into the watershed moment of their marriage, and thus humiliating her by telling her that her husband doubts her fidelity because of KZbin videos and online anecdotes.

[@Heegaherger]

Why not? I think it should happen as a matter of course. Did he derp the presentation? Oh heck yeah. Solid fail. But that is a deep fear in the back of the male mind. Give your man that assurance.

[@gwenndolyncampbell1560]

@@Heegaherger If he wants to keep his marriage intact, he shouldn’t lob around accusations of infidelity (which is what asking for a paternity test is). If he’s willing to risk her divorcing him due to her disillusionment with the trust in the marriage, then by all means, ask for one directly. But he’s the child’s legal father, so he’s able to get a DNA test without her knowledge. If he knows he has no reason to think she was unfaithful, then don’t do that to her and to their marriage.

[@Heegaherger]

@@gwenndolyncampbell1560 Hence why I said derped the delivery. Actually he screwed the not only the pooch on this, but also the goat, the sheep and the honey badger. What he did was the male equivalent of a female taking a single Gender Studies course her first year and spends Thanksgiving screaming about the “Patriarchy”. Yet I stand by stating this should be a matter of course. If this male fears offends, then please take the women who do this to task. They make the rest look bad.

[@sapphicgeek24]

A man has every right in the world to ask for a paternity test. However, a woman has just as much right to react the way she will. It's a two-sided issue. It does automatically accuse her of cheating regardless of true intent.

[@averycheesypotato]

Unless he asks before having kids, or even at the beginning of the relationship. Just say it’s a topic he feels strongly about & discuss it as a plan for the future. After the fact, it becomes an accusation, just as you said

[@adjwindu70]

Story 1: this is something couples should discuss BEFORE they decide to have kids. If that is not possible then the man should have fully explained WHY he suddenly wants a test after the kid is born.

[@ComaLies225]

Absolutely agree. I posted a comment on another video and it’s like couples don’t freaking talk anymore

[@mgaus]

It should be legally mandatory for every birth. Simple

[@adjwindu70]

@Old Red Sled naw... I wouldn't have paid for it when my son and daughter were born. You worried about your woman? Talk about it BEFORE you have kids. Still worried, break up. Thus isn't an issue with paternity, this is an issue about their relationship. They lost the trust and it seems the only reason they lost it was because of the man's fear.

[@mgaus]

@@adjwindu70 mandatory as in covered by the state through taxes. It is no one's fault that females of our species can have absolute assurance as to genetic lineage and males don't. But we have the tools to make everything equal, fair, and equitable. Why not simply do it?

[@Lillireify]

@@mgaus maybe because it's not fair to accuse all women of cheating on their partner because of few bad apples?

[@VidGirl88]

I damn near died giving my husband our children. If he turned around and demanded a paternity test my lawyer would be getting a call from me the same time I book the tests. Beyond insulting.

[@TheWhipsnap]

You’re dumb. Hospitals should be doing that at first breath. I’m not saying it’s you, but the amount of men who have been burned paying for cheating women’s crotch goblins for child support while being dismissed because a question of fatherhood, makes you sound like an indignant child. This wouldn’t be a thing if paternity tests were mandatory you selfish witch!

[@SJM3187]

Tell that to the women who did the paternity fraud, unfortunately they kind debunked the real loyal women’s integrity.

[@CovfefeDotard]

@@SJM3187yea and men are always loyal

[@stuart4746]

Story 1: There's nothing inherently wrong with a guy wanting a paternity test, but if you're the type of guy that wants one for your kids then you need to make that clear BEFORE you start having kids with someone. This type of thing is also something you discuss to determine if you're compatible long term. Some women have no problem with it, but some do. If you ask a woman for a paternity test on a kid out of nowhere that woman will most likely be rightfully offended because the implication is that she's deceteful and you think it's possible that she cheated. For some women, like the one in this story it will change the way she sees your relationship. That should not be a surprise to any man doing this. And the argument that "women know their kid is theirs, men don't" isn't completely true. Something like 20k kids get switched at hospitals every year in the U.S. and some people don't find out for years and some ppl never find out.

[@rubymeaddle]

That actually happened on Reddit, it ruined OP's family. He had their daughter tested behind her back and became emotionally abusive to OP and their daughter. They then tested her for both parents and it was shown she had been switched.

[@katphish30]

@@rubymeaddle I remember that story, that poor woman was absolutely frantic.

[@rubymeaddle]

@@katphish30 the worst part is men absolutely tore her apart 😮‍💨

[@nvfury13]

And around 1 in 6 paternity tests prove paternity fraud. If that 20k were swapped *just in NYC* that would be a lower percentage.

[@rubymeaddle]

@@nvfury13 that doesn't mean 1 in 6 men are the victims of paternity fraud my guy, and extrapolating that from the data just shows you don't understand how statistics work.

[@Cjaj2]

In general I think that If you have a reason to believe your partner cheated you should confront them because literally no one is above cheating, but if you accuse someone of cheating don't expect to continue that relationship especially if the person you accused was the mother of your child.

[@skyelindsey687]

Everyone can cheat. I came across multiple comments on another video stating “y’all have been together how now long and he still thinks you’ll cheat. Shame on him.” Meanwhile there’s millions of Reddit stories of people finding out their partner of years, sometimes even decades, has been cheating on them, some of which have kids who are the affair partners. Then women want to act all butthurt when men no longer trust their partners.

[@Cjaj2]

@@skyelindsey687 I agree don't go accusing your partner over nothing, but if you have actual reason to believe they're cheating don't ignore it because "they wouldn't cheat"

[@skyelindsey687]

@@Cjaj2 I’ve seen stories of men finding out their child isn’t theirs just by doing one of those ancestry tests. Others was a fun blood experiment. One that I came across recently was this guy’s daughter was dying from liver failure, and she had a blood type that wasn’t possible with their genetic combination. Turns out all of his kids were biologically his cousins. Better to just do the test for no reason and have it on file than to find out years down the road when you’re attached to them that the child ain’t yours.

[@PowerStruggle555]

op shouldve told him after "women have done that before" with cheating, being pregnant with another man's baby, force hubby to raise the child, etc"...she shouldve said "Yeah and I read men have had affairs with other women, have a second family they see occasionally, how do I know when you go to work you are actually seeing your second family. they think you are work all night and stay with them during the day". if he says thats ridiculous, op could argue just as much as what he read. both are true...men do that and women do that

[@MrAlwaysOnTen]

She trusted him, he didn’t trust her. He built up trust in her but she didn’t build up enough trust in him. She can feel hurt but the fact is she didn’t do enough. If she took a paternity test and found out it’s not her baby, or she ate her sibling in the womb and it’s technically her niece, she should know! This goofy ass thought that no tests should be taken is weird, both parents should take tests, it’s that simple

[@averycheesypotato]

@@MrAlwaysOnTenOP hasn’t done anything a loyal wife wouldn’t do. Her dumbass husband doesn’t trust her because he’s been listening to other men who don’t know her say she will cheat, because they think all women will

[@doorlocke8009]

@@MrAlwaysOnTen Chimera children are always an interesting topic, I read a story where a woman had her kids confiscated by CPS because they tested them and it turned out she was the aunt and when they looked into the family, the woman was an only child and it turned out she was a twin but ended up merging and got a reproductive system that was biologically her sisters.

[@jimbobjones9330]

My thought on it is "If a man asks his partner -- one he has no reason to believe cheated but Andrew Tate told him it happens all the time -- for a paternity test, then that man is obligated to have a tracker on his phone and check in with his partner every time he changes location for the next two years. If she's supposed to be OK with not being trusted, then he needs to do the same. Just because there's a "test" for one and not the other doesn't make it any more right.

[@locusxe1411]

Story 1 you can’t just bring up getting a paternity test after the baby is born. You gotta talk about that before y’all start to get serious. Paternity tests should be mandatory and I would personally get one simply because some hospital staff can mess up with the babies. I was almost swapped at birth so I don’t want that to happen to my kid. In this situation it’s be reasonable to ask if he has definitive proof of her being unfaithful or something but he didn’t.

[@bhutehole]

Definitive proof is a bad idea. Too many stories of 23 and me where the dad never saw it coming..

[@emilybarclay8831]

@@bhutehole …wouldn’t mandatory paternity tests completely eliminate that issue?

[@Dr.RatioSnail]

@@emilybarclay8831 I think mandatory tests would help on both sides because hospitols can accidentaly switch babies. All it takes is one overworked nurse to mistake one baby for another. It happens rarely but it does happen.

[@bhutehole]

I never they wouldnt. I just said you shouldnt wait for definintive proof of her cheating cause too many men never saw it coming. Basically im implying doing it behind her back

[@bhutehole]

@@keplersdream901 they will just have kids with chad and we the tax payers will pay taxes that will be paid to those women in the form of welfare. Oh wait thats already starting to happen...

[@tamsel814]

I can only see two reasons for asking for a paternity test after the birth, either because you don't trust your partner or because you suspect that somehow the kid got swapped. If it's the former you gotta deal with the consequences of telling your partner you do not trust them.

[@fleurpouvior2967]

My SO and I are planning dna and paternity test if I ever get pregnant. Partialy for the hospitalswitch concern, and partialy because we both have one parent we don't have a family medical history for, so we want to make sure we have a heads up on anything to look out for.

[@Raigius]

Tbh the lesson I've drawn from all these reddit videos is that it's a dumb idea to idly raise paternity concerns to your partner. If you're wrong, you're blowing up your relationship. If you're right you're giving them enough warning time to try and manipulate the situation back in their favor... If you genuinely doubt your kids paternity it seems best to just go behind their back and secretly do some ancestry DNA tests with multiple different services. If multiple different genealogy services give similar results then you can either silently drop the matter without anyone else ever needing to know you had doubts. Or you can go forward with demanding an official paternity test now armed with the suspicion inducing results of the ancestry /genealogy tests. As their parent it's not like you need anyone else's permission to get a spit swab or hair sample so it's not like if anyone can actually stop you from secretly doing an ancestry test on yourself and your kids....

[@jimbobjones9330]

@@Raigius That seems like it would be the most prudent course. Especially if you have no reason to actually doubt, and are just being self-admittedly paranoid. Of course, I don't think that the brain trust in this story really believed the kid wasn't his. I have two daughters (I'm a white guy, my wife a dark-skinned Indian), but my kids both look enough like me that I never doubted for a second. I'm guessing that something else was going on, and he was grasping at straws for a way to make her the "bad guy"

[@fleurpouvior2967]

@@Raigius I've read plenty on how that one goes. Soooo many divorces when the wife finds out because hubby is acting different after finding out they are the father, and then lose their family in the process

[@Raigius]

@@fleurpouvior2967 well that's on them for failing to act normal at that point.

[@eph2vv89only1way]

The minute someone thinks I cheat on them without evidence (and there wouldn't be any since I don't cheat) I would think it's a case of cognitive bias (what they call it when people assume others think and behave like they do/would)

[@D64nz]

"I don't cheat" is the same thing every cheater says, male or female. It's not always about you as the partner.

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@D64nz SOME cheaters say it. My ex didn't say it. He admitted to cheating, although it was always after being caught. Also, non-cheaters say it too, because for them it's true

[@tommyhaukedalhansson2797]

Paterny tests should be standard to get childsupport

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@tommyhaukedalhansson2797 that is probably a good idea, but that is different than a father basically telling the mother that he doesn't trust her

[@xxairman09xx]

@@eph2vv89only1way we understand what asking for a paternity test entails. But women will never understand the fear men have about raising a child that isn't theirs. Women know with 100% certainty that the baby is theirs. Men do not have that luxury. We have two options, believe and trust our SOs that the baby is ours or get a paternity test. The only close equivalent that women have to this is finding out the baby was switched at birth but even then the father is affected in that scenario as well. The easiest and best option would be to just make paternity tests mandatory after every birth before signatures can be applied to the birth certificate because then it takes that fear completely off the table and women who do cheat and try to pass off the child will be found out immediately before the man raises a child that isn't theirs

[@LisaApril]

It’s not a matter of her having to build up trust in him. He read articles that got in his head, and he burst the bubble of love and trust they had built together. That hit her in a way that the love she had for him turned off. Like when a man finds out his wife is cheating his love for her can turn off, same with a woman finding out her man is doing some thing so out of character from what she believes their relationship has been, that she feels like he’s a stranger and her love for him turns off. This man is very weak minded if he was in a good relationship and just by reading articles and going down the rabbit hole on the Internet of infidelity would make him think his own loving partner is also a cheater and his kid isn’t his, when everyone can see that the kid looks exactly like him. This man has a very weak mind.

[@c18888]

Paternity tests should be mandatory at birth to put a fathers name on the birth certificate

[@celverdi8990]

For the paternity test story, although I can understand a man requesting a paternity test, I agree that that should be something discussed before a baby is conceived so everyone is on an even playing field. That being said, the 1 thing that REALLY stood out to me is why he wanted one. Podcasts and KZbin. I’ve noticed a huge uptick on “alpha men” talking heads that have extremely misogynistic and harmful views on women and society. Unfortunately many men are falling for these influencers. The worst part is that when a woman leaves a man for acting in these ways, their warped reality reinforces the misogyny.

[@DiscoTimelordASD]

Those men are TERRIFYING!

[@gcra-luma2145]

Yeah, I noticed that as well.

[@tennesseedogpack]

There is a reason Judaism is passed through moms not dads

[@WhitneyDahlin]

@@DiscoTimelordASD you don't think that those women who lie and trick men for DECADES into raising a kid that they knew all along wasn't his aren't terrifying monsters? In my opinion that is way worse. Literally one of worst things that could ever happen to you, then asking for a paternity test is. Frankly I believe this is why I paternity test should be legally mandatory before a father should be allowed to be put on the birth certificate. Period. End of story. If the mother doesn't want to say who the father is that's completely fine but she can't just put any random guy she wants on the birth certificate.

[@LovestarVGC]

As a woman you can never truly understand the fear that your child might not be yours. Paternity tests should be performed with every birth

[@PowerStruggle555]

"Or he's cheating himself and paranoid you are doing the same" that was my thought. he was cheating and knew when they got a divorce. courts, family, friends etc would side with her. if he caught her cheating before hand...he can write the narriative

[@groofromtheup5719]

So, you now assume he was cheating when previously there was no signs??? Hmm... so by that logic, it is very justified to do paternity testing even if there have been no indications.

[@rubymeaddle]

@@groofromtheup5719 Ok lemme explain a phenomenon in psychology called "projection". It is incredibly common in cheaters, they see that they got away with cheating and now realize their partner could just as easily get away with it. It's also a way to rationalize in their own minds the gross betrayal they've committed. They'll begin becoming paranoid and start demanding to have access to their victim's phone, constantly accuse them of cheating if the victim is out of their sight for any reason, and eventually implode the relationship. I see you in the comments of reddit stories all the time, surely you've seen the pattern 🤣 oh wait, I remember now: you're a misogynist and regularly rationalize male abuse.

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@rubymeaddle none of that takes away from my point. I actually will justify the controlling behavior of men in so much as it is a response to the likelihood of paternity fraud. That is how social evolution work; The men that display that behavior are more likely to pass on their genes.

[@rubymeaddle]

@@groofromtheup5719 Except it does counter your point and you're an abuse apologist 🤣

[@groofromtheup5719]

@@rubymeaddle it doesn't counter the point. The point is nobody knows their mate as well as they think they do. Paternity testing is like the old "Trust but verify". Now I agree that people should be up-front about it (spell it out in the pre-nup). It would do a better job of keeping people honest. Ps. Understanding the roots of a behavior does not mean I condone it.

[@PoisonedFirefly]

Story 1: maybe paternity tests should be a standard thing after a birth. That way it is clear from the start. The husband seems to be very self centred. He doesn't seem to acknowledge the wife's feelings or thoughts.

[@tyashac.1102]

He came home and out of the blue demanded a paternity test, then had the nerve to ask her what's for dinner? The audacity.

[@CalamityM]

Yeah basically "cook me dinner, lying whore!"

[@SyntheticCupcake]

It's so frustrating that if a guy asks for a paternity test, they're the bad guy and how dare they not trust their partner. But if they stick around and find out later that their kid isn't theirs and they leave, how dare they leave a kid that's been in their life all this time and only knows him as a father. This is why paternity tests should be mandatory/opt out for all kids. No hurt feelings anywhere.

[@justinchristoph3725]

First story: Every kid the OP might have had with him, he would ask (demand) a paternity test. I'd end it with him as well. If I had been him and it was really driving me nuts not being sure, I'd do the test without her knowing for my own piece of mind and take what I did to the grave.

[@immortalsofar5314]

"Discuss things beforehand, especially before you have a child." Before I spent any time listening to people's stories, I would have thought that was the most obvious thing in the world - certainly something I figured out before I even became sexually active. A kid is, at the very least, an 18-year contract. How many of those do you enter into with as little thought, consideration and shrugs of "oh well, things happen"?

[@tinycrimester]

i understand the guy's side, but how is he going to prove that HE hasn't cheated, huh? he could have tons of kids with other ladies out there. but for some reason only the woman has to prove herself! :D i'm just kidding. anyway... i think the worst part was how he didn't apologize for accusing her and dismissed her feelings on the matter. the test itself was whatever.

[@mindyschocolate]

You’re actually right though. How does a woman seek proof SHE hasn’t been cheated on? 🤔

[@tinycrimester]

@@mindyschocolate i mean yeah, but it's dangerous to think too much about such things. We generally shouldn't police our SOs.

[@ErisstheGoddessofmanhwas]

I personally think he cheated on her and now think she is cheating too because he wants to ease himself.

[@trillionbones89]

this relationship is dead. op can do all the therapy she wants, but her bf thinks their relationship is "the strongest it ever was"??? bro, he is not even trying to apologise for his accusation that came out from him hearing a tragic 1/10000 story and immediately thought his partner could do something like that. what insecurity-fueled panic will be next? him hearing to someone who regrets marriage and then dumping her on the altar? this relationship will sink if *_HE_* does not fix the gaping holes he does not even notice

[@KE-hr4sb]

I am SO TIRED of the "this other woman cheated, had a baby, and tricked her husband into raising a kid that wasn't his, so I need a paternity test. Not because I don't trust you, just to be sure" justification. NO. If you need one to be sure, you *don't* trust your spouse, you can't have it both ways. And if you don't trust your spouse 100%, why are you with them? You can't keep punishing all women for what a few bad apples did. Let's flip this around. How would these husbands feel if we did the same sort of thing to them, blamed them and distrusted them for things other husbands had done? "Becky's husband cheated on her, so I need to be allowed to go through your phone, email, track your location etc to make sure you're not cheating on me. She didn't know, so how would I know? Amy's husband had a gambling problem, took out credit cards, and racked up 150k in debt, so I need your social security number and your credit information so I can keep an eye on those, as well as all bank info." I guarantee they wouldn't like the shoe being on the other foot and would throw a fit.

[@MrAlwaysOnTen]

Shut up, just shut up. You’re tired of hearing the stories about people who can’t possibly know the truth until a test is taken??? IF YOU CANT BUILD 100 PERCENT TRUST IN YOUR PARTNER THEN YOURE THE PROBLEM

[@BrandonsGamingCorner]

Women have 100% certainty of their baby, men don't have that luxury. This can cause insecurities which the husband was under. He ASKED, didn't go behind her back, didn't insist, he ASKED. OP threw away the relationship because of an insecurity he had. Just saying.

[@lunkee6972]

@@BrandonsGamingCorner Yeah, and I would just be ASKING if I asked to track my husband and have all his passwords because my friend’s boyfriend cheated on her through her phone. You have to understand- the question ASKED shows they were thinking about it, and that they ultimately ASKED because they don’t trust their partner.

[@timolange633]

The sentence "you can't keep punishing all women for what a few bad apples did" is utterly infuriating to me. This is exactly what all men go through. We have to constantly bend over for the actions of "what a few apples did". We have to constantly tolerate hostility from women because there are some men out there who act in inappropriate or disgusting ways. Whether it be male teachers not being able to be alone with female students because of the implications. Switching to the other side of the Road to not make women uncomfortable. And here is the kicker, as a man myself, I understand many of these. What I find infuriating is that there are women who can dish it out but can't take it. I understand that it's a hurtful think to jump on someone, but your argument is really hyprocritical given what men experience on the regular.

[@KE-hr4sb]

@@BrandonsGamingCorner 1) Women do not have 100% certainty of their baby. While rare, babies switched at birth happens. Kidnapping happens. Selling babies happens. 2) A relationship can not survive without trust. He told OP he didn't trust her to not cheat on him and foist another man's baby on him to raise. His distrust cost him the relationship, and she didn't throw it away. He did. Going behind her back would have just been another layer of breaking her trust. (This is why, nine times out of ten, cheating ends a relationship: Because the *trust* is gone.) Women are tired of being held hostage because of what some other woman did. That's sad, and I'm sorry for the guy it happened to, but it has zero to do with HIS relationship, and that's what he needs to focus on.

[@MrsWheezer]

A man asking for a paternity test after the fact is the same as a woman asking her partner to have STD tests run. There aren’t too many relationships that can survive that level of mistrust.

[@desireeloveros1055]

I'm confused Is the woman asking for STD test before or after they've had sex? The way you phrased it just makes it seem like if a woman asks for a test at all that's red flag and it's not...

[@groofromtheup5719]

Mistrust is well justified by the odds.

[@MrsWheezer]

@@desireeloveros1055 a woman out of the blue deciding her partner may have cheated on her and asking him to have std testing done shows a lack of trust.

[@annieandelsieofarendelle3294]

@@MrsWheezer I don't see how that's a bad thing though. I would want my husband or boyfriend to be clean because I don't want to f*** up the rest of my life and possibly pass something horrible on to my children.

[@bricksloth6920]

Last story: Good for OP not giving in to threats. And for calling the authorities for a welfare check.

[@capsizemoonz2251]

Ah yes Good for op to just drop someone causing them to self harm Do you actually believe someone like that can get help After their SO dumped them

[@bricksloth6920]

I don't know, but I don't give in to terrorist threats. That's a him problem.

[@capsizemoonz2251]

@@bricksloth6920 ah Never "give in" to self harm and suicide threats Bet people trust you with their life

[@ElizaBetsy_]

@@capsizemoonz2251 threatening self harm to control someone is literally abusive. It is not her job to manage his emotional response to his situation or the reality of her breaking up with him.

[@capsizemoonz2251]

@@ElizaBetsy_ and if someone does self harm? What then its not black and white as you say it is your just making up an excuse

[@101Mant]

These sort of stories always get people upset that a women doesn't want to be in a relationship where her partner doesn't trust her. If the guy isn't sure then he doesn't trust the mother. In some cases this entirely justified and they shouldn't trust them. But you can't just pretend that there shouldn't be consequences. If this matters to you as a guy be upfront with your partner before they are pregnant if they are on the same page great. If not probably best the relationship doesn't continue.

[@bhutehole]

Most famous last words in the english language are "i trust you"...

[@tamsel814]

Yeah why stay in a relationship without trust.

[@bladesmith1438]

A paternity test should be issued at the hospital right away, so issues like this don't happen.

[@CalamityM]

No a _DNA test_ (which would include paternity) should be done. Because genetic illnesses can go undetected in the most essential first few years when early treatment could help the child immeasurably

[@jamiesheerdon1321]

@@CalamityM A genetic test does everything better then a verbal family history does.

[@jamiesheerdon1321]

If a forced paternity test was done my child and I would be dead now. Go DV :)

[@jmac5951]

That is actually a good idea. But some guys will be paranoid anyway.

[@abvhrulz]

There is nothing wrong with a person wanting to make sure they are the parent of a child. But spring it on your partner and not expecting there to be consequences is just unreasonable.

[@vorpalalice82]

Nope, marriage was over the moment he truly believed it was possible for you to cheat. He has proven this is not a relationship of love and trust.

[@addicted2mako]

How much of this strife would've been headed off at the pass if the partner lead with how stories he heard really rattled him instead of just dropping the "I want a paternity test" the second he got home? Then again, given how in denial he seemed about the strength of the relationship after the results, he's not exactly the walking embodiment of empathy.

[@DisneyChar]

Or just tested without telling her, MGTOW is a hell of a drug. If you don't know the abbreviation I recommend not looking it up, just incel bs.

[@katphish30]

Yeah, that doesn't make it better. He's basically accusing her of cheating either way.

[@D64nz]

There are more than enough horror stories out there to scare anyone into wanting a paternity test. It's not rational but it is a valid feeling.

[@mindyschocolate]

The time to ask for a paternity test should have been before the baby was born. You’re stuck once your name is on that certificate no matter if you aren’t. Also, that should have been discussed before you even knocked her up. If you guys were on the same page about getting a paternity test before the pregnancy that would have been fine. Both would have known where the other stood. If he’s doing this now, he’s either thinking you cheated or he’s trying to be a deadbeat looking for a reason. Of course, like mentioned above, once your name is on the birth certificate and you’re married, you are now stuck for 18 years. Sorry🤷‍♀️

[@autumn557]

It’s so hard with these paternity tests. Because there’s just too many instances of what the husband said. Not knowing a kid is yours for years. Which that isn’t necessarily the underlining problem. It’s that your wife is a cheating liar. And he’s right, they can’t ever know. There’s even instances of a two white people having a black baby that WAS theirs but their genetics were wild. A father just. Can’t. Know. But on the other hand, yeah. When you’re NOT a cheater this is a real slap to the face as a partner and mother. It’s one of those super muddy situations where there’s no real right answer as to should every man do these tests, or should they let it go. I personally just think every parent, mother and father take a test when they go home. Because there was that one wild story where the baby was switched on accident too. But also, men, please just do this shit in secret. I mean, for real. You can literally do this privately. And I want to end with, everyone on Reddit goes straight to “divorce divorce” and yes, in ABUSIVE relationship absolutely. But really the first answer should be “communicate communicate” Then maybe divorce. 🤣

[@magnarcreed3801]

Idk I find out my partner was getting a paternity test behind my back and it would be a divorce. I’m mean. I wouldn’t even mention it. I’d just buy tickets and take the kid to another country.

[@Jesusblowsme666]

Personally I have to disagree with you on the last part, although communication is an important attribute to a relationship, there are moments when you should just get out immediately. Not everyone is the same, I'm well aware, but in some cases you need to have limits in terms of what you'll put up with. It's all about having the self respect to say "I don't deserve to be in a partnership where my S.O. feels like they can accuse me of cheating whenever they feel like it".

[@FrederikEngelmand]

While I understand where she is coming from. I have read so many stories where the wife was PERFECT. And it was revealed that she cheated all the way through the marriage

[@jguterrez01]

Exactly!

[@DisneyChar]

Pro tip: you can test without accusing the other person of cheating, you can even do it without telling them. Pro tip2: if the test is negative, don't just ghost, confront and see if the hospital swapped.

[@annieandelsieofarendelle3294]

Honestly, if I was in her position I would just say, "Okay. Go ahead. I have nothing to hide."

[@brianaschmidt910]

She did say that. She also said 'no trust, no love, bye felicia"

[@MsElla415]

Idk, I have no issue with a paternity test. I was expecting it for my 2nd son as my ex and I had already broken up and only had sex 1 time in 6 months and I got preggers. If he had asked I would have had no issues. But he also knew I was literally only working and taking care of the kids so I had no time to date or hook up. I'm all in favor of it being mandatory for unwed couples to get a DNA test before signing the BC.. that should be a nation wide SOP.

[@brianaschmidt910]

"I'm all in favor of it being mandatory for every birth" Fixed it for you. Any person can claim someone as the father. (Including married couples as not everyone takes their vows seriously 🤮)

[@deeperthings]

How to say "This relationships is over" without saying "This relationships is over": "I demand a paternity test."

[@Raigius]

Tbh the lesson I've drawn from all these reddit videos is that it's a dumb idea to idly raise paternity concerns to your partner. If you're wrong, you're blowing up your relationship. If you're right you're giving them enough warning time to try and manipulate the situation back in their favor... If you genuinely doubt your kids paternity it seems best to just go behind their back and secretly do some ancestry DNA tests with multiple different services. If multiple different genealogy services give similar results then you can either silently drop the matter without anyone else ever needing to know you had doubts. Or you can go forward with demanding an official paternity test now armed with the suspicion inducing results of the ancestry /genealogy tests. As their parent it's not like you need anyone else's permission to get a spit swab or hair sample so it's not like if anyone can actually stop you from secretly doing an ancestry test on yourself and your kids....

[@deeperthings]

@@Raigius Clever. And it's not that dear. And if you get caught, it's a fun thing you thought you would try. But have an extra kit for her if you want any chance of selling that. Even easier if your child is a son: either you both have the same patrilineal line, or you don't. So always get the Y-Chromosome extra report for a male child.

[@PowerStruggle555]

my brother survived cancer twice. at the time he was diagnosed the first time, him and his wife were just starting to date (like maybe for 2 months). his battle strengthened their relationship, near the end of the 2nd battle he was told he would do a procedure that would rid the cancer for good (which did) but make him unable to have children. so he had his stuff frozen. after the procedure he proposed, a couple of years later they got married. then 2 years later they did the steps to have their first kid, and a few years later the same for their 2nd. they settled on 2 because...well there was no more frozen stuff. but god had other plans. she found out she was pregnant. everyone was shocked as doctors said it was very unlikely. unlike the now ex husband in story. brother had a brain and trusted his wife. their third kid will be 4 next month and no test is needed. he is the spitting image of my brother with his mom's hair color.

[@bridgetbenson6291]

“Life finds a way”.

[@sammieh9695]

That's when he should go in and have his count checked so they can make informed decisions around family planning aspects like birth control going forward.

[@rubymeaddle]

People don't realize that unless the equipment is removed there is always a chance.

[@nyxspiritsong5557]

I really can understand a guy's perspective that a paternity test is the only way to 100% know the truth (baby comes out of me so I know it's mine... other men have been blindsided 20+ years later after having no reason to doubt it etc....) but at the same time if my partner brought this up out of nowhere I'd be so hurt that idk if the relationship would survive.... at least if the hospital just gave every baby the test, I could rationalize that it's not him doing it.... not sure what the solution is to this debate. I think both sides of the issue have legit concerns. Eta...That being said, op husband really should've TALKED to op about the article/ rabbit hole he went down. Might have been able to salvage the relationship. The way he approached it was just awful. This should really be discussed before the birth not when the new mom is recovering from birth and possibly dealing with post partum.

[@Endonia-ym3sl]

There's actually been some cases where a woman gives birth to a baby and discovers they're not actually her children but her nieces/nephews. It's a condition called Chimerisam that causes some parts of the bady (example - the uterus & overies) to have different DNA to the rest of the body.

[@nyxspiritsong5557]

@@Endonia-ym3sl I have vaguely heard of this! That's..... insane but kinda neat from a scientific standpoint!

[@jasonstewart8363]

They were not married. Yes married women cheat also but they hadn't gotten that far in the relationship so it seems almost mandatory in unmarried situations.

[@canecorsomami2104]

I'm a woman who thinks paternity testing should be done as part of the birthing package in hospitals. I've known men that were victims of paternity scammers that had man after man on cs before paternity was established and they had no consequence as they continued repeating the same song and dance. I've known a guy who dated someone for nearly 2yrs when she ghosted him and when he finally found her she said she was married and pregnant by her husband and to leave her alone. He was military. Well, she went into labor "early" and her husband had it when the kid was 2 and suspiciously looked like neither of them and was ethnically very different. She told him my friend was the dad and he told her he was leaving so u gave the kid up for adoption without telling the actual father. They divorced anyhow and my friend found out six mos later the kid was his. He never got his kid. All that long story said, I don't blame her for leaving in this case at all. He should have spoken about it before. Trust lost is hardly recovered.

[@jgw5491]

I'm starting to agree that hospital paternity tests should be an enforced standard for all. If it were known that was what was just going to happen in every case there would be no need for recriminations, no pointing fingers about possible cheating, and there might be a few less people screwing around. I'd feel sorry that this standard might compound ugly feelings in cases of incest and rape, but those occasions are already a can of worms. 🪱🥫

[@nightdweller6446]

To both OPs. Run.

[@LordGertz]

True : Love is blind. True : Love is stupid. True : You can't always help who you fall in Love with. False: All you need is Love. False: Love is Enough. False: Love means never having to say your Sorry.

[@shecoda4402]

This is why paternity tests should be a routine procedure at childbirth.

[@draconicfeline6177]

Would get hilarious with sperm donation or dark with IVF doctor abusers.

[@paulschaaf8880]

Men should always get a paternity test when their wife or girlfriend has a kid. The financial consequences of having a kid are extremely high so you're a fool not to want proof that it's actually your kid no matter how much you trust her. Imagine if there was a 50% chance that the hospital switched your baby with someone else's when the kid was born. Wouldn't you want to test the kid to make sure they gave you the right kid? But women don't have to worry about that. With extremely rare exceptions, like the hospital F up, when a woman has a kid she knows it's hers.

[@jettanyx1]

#1 there are more than a few stories of a woman having cheated and guy finds out decades later it was never his kid, it’s a brutal thought. While I’m sure it happens rarely it happens enough to make many men question. A few bad eggs have caused doubt for many others

[@accidentalgoddess]

2nd Story: The thing I kept thinking was that she said before this BF she'd had "awful" relationships in the past. The thing about moving on from awful relationships is that in comparison to awful, bad actually seems good, or at least better. Just because something is better than awful doesn't make it actually "good".

[@71160000]

I guess I'm going against the comments. My first wife seems to have been able to lie to me without giving me a clue. Most people in that situation say don't ever trust another woman. I've been with my second wife for nearly 30 years and I trust her completely and will continue to until the day she gives me a reason not to. That said if I was back in my twenties I'd dna test every child. Why? Not because I would not trust my wife but to protect myself. Just as carrying a concealed weapon. You don't do it because you are scared but rather so that you aren't in danger. In the story the guys best move would have been to say nothing and just take the baby down and have the test run. Then he would have been satisfied and his spouse would have not been hurt. It's unfortunate but in todays world if your wife divorces you she's likely to get the home, alimony, child support and you get all the bills. If by some chance you get the kids don't expect anything. My wife got a lien against the home I built myself for over twice what the house cost me to build. She didn't have to pay a penny of child support.

[@marywray6046]

Sorry sweetheart, but you can't unring a bell, what your feeling is every last drop of love for bf leaving your body, and you have every right to feel this way, its over , you will never be able to look at him, live with him or sleep with him again with out feeling violated and no longer trust him, you leaving is not wrong, you deserve better then the man child . I would also sue the crap out of him for defamation, once those words got out and you proved him wrong about the baby, what he did could have hurt your reputation. And he did this bc of some stupid story he heard on Reddit. That kind of igornance should be against law

[@gigga143]

S1: why does Markee keep saying married? they’re not even married and he’s pulled this crap, and now is talking about marriage. she’s not in a one sided marriage yet, and hopefully she goes with her original plan and gets out before she ends up in one.

[@tamsel814]

Story 2: why is op with this guy, he seems to have no positive qualities

[@ochitakishi2350]

I just wanna say, Every man deserves peace of mind and the knowledge that a kid is there's. On top of that prenuptial agreements are not a problem either

[@sapphicgeek24]

He absolutely does, but that doesn't negate the fact that there will be consequences to that. Communication is key here. If he had presented it as the mental health issue it is than he'd be absolutely NTA. But he didn't do that.

[@skyelindsey687]

@@sapphicgeek24 arguably he didn’t have the right words and instead of trying to talk about it she left him to his thoughts and acted like her feelings are the only ones that mattered in that situation, even after she sat down and told him how she felt she brushed off his feelings as petty and childish. Then she tried giving a hint at her displeasure, which as everyone but most females know doesn’t work with men, only to end the relationship when he didn’t get the hint. Part of good communication is being able to accurately portray your feelings and not rely on hints to get your point across because that is the worst and most inaccurate form of communication.

[@wimsylogic65]

@@skyelindsey687 It Sounded like she was communicating clearly. Her post sounded very rational. And she sounds like some big things went down especially if she can't talk about it yet. And opie's husband is the one that was not Validating His wife's feelings in the matter. got the assurance that the kid was his, But now he has to fix the consequences of his paranoia. He downplayed the effect it had On his postpartum wife. He was thinking only of himself no one else.

[@Human-kb6xc]

Regarding the paternity test story, let's just remember the story from way back where the woman was pregnant, came back early from a girls' trip to discover that her husband was sleeping with her MOTHER and had been for over 20 years. Then they found out that half of her siblings were actually her husband's kids and not her father's kids. Relationships are absolutely built on trust but this woman trusted her husband and her father trusted her mother. People can be incredibly deceitful.

[@MrAlwaysOnTen]

So the father who wasn’t the father should have gotten a paternity test is what you’re saying

[@jimbobjones9330]

@@MrAlwaysOnTen And the wife should have had constant access to her husband's phone and installed video cameras in the house and had him microchipped just on the off chance he was banging her mother is what you're saying. Sounds like a fun marriage and life to have. Just because it's "easier" to do a DNA test doesn't make it any less a betrayal of trust than having your spouse under constant supervision.

[@cerescop]

I don't blame him for requesting the test. I think that it should be required at every birth. The last stat I read was that 30% of all children born in the United States are not the child of the husband.

[@jasoncarter4343]

I think 30% is more in the 3rd world category as birth control is less commonly used. I remember seeing 15% for countries like the U.S. but I’m certain precise stats are impossible to find.

[@papasalvo]

Story 1: I truly believe that paternity tests should be mandatory and done at the time of birth if the results show the man is not the father he is presented that information in a room with a therapist separate from the mother. Along side of this men should be allowed to relinquish parental rights to a child without issue and requirement of child support within the same outlined time frame that a woman can have an abortion as well as abortions should be legal everywhere up to the point that the fetus would have brain and heart functionality making it a living creature. This is the only way to truly make the birthing process equal for all parties involved oh and if the child is not the man's child even if it was conceived whilst in a marriage if the man leaves he is not responsible for said child legally (there's a few states that this is not the case in and its bullshit)

[@Bub383]

Having no job is far better than being a cop, like imagine looking at the continued history of systemic racism in the UK and saying 'I want to be part of that', vile. He may live in a pigstie, but at least he's not a pig

[@forreal2398]

Story 1 U just leave him. No custody for him no co parenting. Nothing.

[@1bbasket]

NEVER “ask”, just do!!! Walgreens has the test.

[@strange4202]

Paternity story. I think all kids should get one at birth (and I think it would be best damn I know my two girls are mine I carried them for 9 ish months each). Damn the guy has no garrentee.

[@FunSizeSpamberguesa]

Generally, if one partner accuses the other of cheating, it's because they're cheating themselves. The fact that OP's ex genuinely thought he hadn't torpedoed their relationship tells me he's got the emotional intelligence of a sea sponge, as well as being so stupidly gullible as to let KZbin and podcasts cast doubt in his mind. You can't unring that bell. Once your partner knows that you don't trust them, it's over. If a dude wants a paternity test, he needs to discuss that with his partner at the very start of the relationship. Springing that on your partner out of the blue is never going to end well.

[@sjmccafferey4437]

A man has right to know if his child is his. Paternity fraud is common.

[@nimisilverbird1239]

Nta. He can be sure he is gonna be a part time father. Get that child support.

[@ttfk1686]

A paternity test should be standard. This would prevent a lot of problems in the future. Also, it would help remove the stigma of asking.

[@Jesusblowsme666]

I agree and, not only that, but it can also get rid of the stigma that women are innately deceitful gold diggers and some other kind of bs that MGTOW and incels like to push.

[@CalamityM]

And every man should give all the passwords for all his social media, emails, phone etc to prove to his partner to prove that he's not cheating. That way it removes the stigma of her asking.

[@KashyaCharsi]

It's not snobbish not to want to be leeched on, second OP. Of course romance scammers can turn up the affection. (Nobody is that good in the bed, just buy a toy or something, that would be more practical.) If I take his word for not having mental problems, like depression, I'd cut him more slack if he were a spoiled rich kid who had his own servant for wiping his ass, therefore never learned to take care of himself when all of a sudden he has fallen on hard times. An abuse survivor is supposed to do his best to get independent and not be picky. That's the right thing to do when someone tries to guilt-trip you with self-harm. The authorities will either call his bluff, or get him the professional help you couldn't give him, anyway.

[@B4dr4bbit]

Story 1: Even my own mother understands that fear, its not rational its basically a tiny what if that starts hanging over someone's head

[@petitmains]

He could have talked to her, he could have gone to counseling to address his internet induced bullshit, he could be basking in the glow of a happy new family with a beautiful new child annnnd he gon just be supporting while his mama tells his future girlfriends to watch out. He'll make you test any kids because he's paranoid about cheating for... literally no reason. Well I say "no reason" but...ya know what they say about accusations being confessions...

[@carolphillips9348]

I think they need to mandate Paternity test for all birth. Having kids is a business decision, and all party need to know they are even invested in raising the child.

[@vetaroberts3333]

He deserves it 100%

[@mikecosta7591]

My uncle was stooped into believing some lil girl was his.. paternity test said that he wasn't lol. He dodge a bullet

[@VIDEOVISTAVIEW2020]

Story1: OP, leave this guy, you deserve better, run

[@83gemm]

“Some women have done this.” Ok. Well, some men have murdered their wives. I’d better divorce you just in case.

[@shecoda4402]

NOT WORKING BF. What, just what does OP see in this bf? I see nothing redeeming about this boy. Clearly, the bf has problems and needs therapy, but OP does not too need to hang around while (and if) he seeks help. Because OP picks such losers as a pattern, perhaps she should get counseling herself. Also, she is at a young age and perhaps most young men are still trying to figure out this boyfriend-girlfriend thing out and aren't mature enough for a grown-up relationship. Maybe OP should give the boyfriend thing a rest for a few years while men in her age group and OP herself mature a little.

[@rmhartman]

Great. You have your reassurance. But now I know that you have no trust in me.

[@nahbruh2613]

I don’t feel bad for anyone who stays in this situation.

[@skyelindsey687]

Whoever gave him face tats when he wasn’t established in a career needs to lose their job and tattooing licenses/permits

[@pudintatter7196]

I’ve never understood not wanting a paternity test, better to get a test right away and ensure the child is yours than to find out 10 years later that the hospital sent you home with the wrong kid!

[@naturebehindglass6512]

The approach matters. If you talk to your partner before even trying to get pregnant that you want this done, it's fine. If you tell your partner that you are anxious, and don't think they cheated, but could you please do the test to put your mind at ease, the relationship might recover. Coming home and just dropping the bomb that you want a test for the relationship to go forward.... You are a ducking idiot and deserve to get dumped...

[@swaginton1180]

I feel the issue is how he went about it rather than the action itself. I agree with r/slashes take on this story mostly in all honesty

[@jamason2008]

Paternity tests should be mandatory. Problem solved.

[@SuzzyWow]

#2 Never go to someones home to bresk up. Go somwhere public so you can walk away safely.

[@youtubewatcher245]

If he was even kinda intelligent he would have just done it in secret.

[@gerryca4500]

Double standards at his finest. A woman have a dream about it dude cheated she going through his phone. And you have to make her feel reinsure but when a guy wants it it's a problem and all these people attacking him for what he want. Just cuz she says she hasn't done anything to make him feel like she hasn't cheated does it mean that he didn't see or feel like she was cheating

[@GoodBrotherGrimm]

Ok incel.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

S1: I don't think there is any fixing this for OP. He talks about marriage and more kids and all I can see is him asking for paternity tests for each child. I can actually understand this as there are so many toxic women out there these days and the only way this would be a non-issue is if this becomes a standard test the hospital does at the time of birth. It's just sad that in this day and age it is the honest and loyal partner that is swept up in the serial cheating.

[@Raigius]

Tbh the lesson I've drawn from all these reddit videos is that it's a dumb idea to idly raise paternity concerns to your partner. If you're wrong, you're blowing up your relationship. If you're right you're giving them enough warning time to try and manipulate the situation back in their favor... If you genuinely doubt your kids paternity it seems best to just go behind their back and secretly do some ancestry DNA tests with multiple different services. If multiple different genealogy services give similar results then you can either silently drop the matter without anyone else ever needing to know you had doubts. Or you can go forward with demanding an official paternity test now armed with the suspicion inducing results of the ancestry /genealogy tests. As their parent it's not like you need anyone else's permission to get a spit swab or hair sample so it's not like if anyone can actually stop you from secretly doing an ancestry test on yourself and your kids....

[@sammieh9695]

This is why paternity tests should be required at birth for EVERY child. It ensures established paternity for fathers and protects the feelings for mothers. I told my ex husband he should get a paternity test for our son if he has ANY doubts, he refused and after a genetic test when our son was 4 he admitted he always had lingering doubts but didn't want me to be angry if he got the paternity test because he thought the offer was a trap. I insisted my boyfriend get a paternity test for our 6 month old but when they told him at the hospital it wasn't mandatory for getting his name on the birth certificate he turned it down. So now I have this nagging feeling he has doubts too, and that bothers me so much

[@magoichi75]

So the guy in the second story is damn if he is and damned if he isn’t.

[@dankiburz4217]

Story 1, The way women are now. I would never commit to anything till it was proven they are mine.

[@GoodBrotherGrimm]

You probably won't need to, incels don't have kids.

[@Ellerwind]

OYFG. Literally 5 seconds ago I was watching a KZbin video that ended with story 1 (minus the comments). I love that I now know more of the story (last video cut a little out) and the comments from the story. Added: AND it was updated (just found that out)

[@skyelindsey687]

The part I hated was she didn’t accurately communicate and Reddit praised her for leaving him because he didn’t get her hint. Anyone who is in a relationship with a biological male will tell you that hints don’t always work with them no matter how massive it is.

[@wimsylogic65]

@@skyelindsey687 What are you talking about? Are we even listening to the same story. I heard OP communicating clearly what hints are you talking about? Before the tests were done they had a conversation together and opi clearly stated everything she felt and her plans for possible after. The husband thinks everything is all right because his concerns were solved. But he still broke the trust of his wife, And proved that he Was only thinking of himself not his wife And how his paranoia affected her in their relationship.

[@yaqbulyakkerbat4190]

She married a guy that peaked in highschool. What a pathetic dude. I'm not going to suspect my partner of cheating just because a commenter on a random youtube video said they were. yeesh

[@Ni1996Ki]

I see his point. Doesnt mean hes right. And he never said op cheated.

[@zachcrawford5]

Leaving someone simply because they want a paternity test is ridiculous. She says it's because she is upset that he doesn't trust her, but then openly admits she is planning in advanced on blindsiding him with a break up. She didn't say "if you do the test, I can't be with you anymore" she just told him he could do the test. Also, it sounds like she never even asked him why he wants the test done. There are reasons other than suspected cheating to have a paternity test done. She just speculated on his reasoning and danced around the question that was actually asked of her, which was "Did you ask what suddenly made him change his mind?" and not "What do you think made him change his mind?". I don't know if she cheated or not (honestly, I kind of don't think she did) but given what she has written and the way she has written it, I wouldn't trust her 100% ethier. Maybe it all just comes down to her having poor communication skills, maybe not.

[@hennessya96]

Women get PPD and have all sorts of problems after giving birth and we're told as a society to forgive them and to be understanding. Becoming a father might not have the same physical/hormonal affect on a person but there's still a lot of pressure. Maybe get reality check and realise in one of the most high pressure situations of his life, a dark thought creeped in and he couldn't get rid of it.

[@Avoidnow]

Rslash offered a much more thoughtful opinion on story 1.

[@nai5949]

I saw that video!! I was surprised. I loved his take.

[@sjmccafferey4437]

Among women who know they are pregnant, up to 25 percent of those pregnancies will end in a miscarriage, according to the National Library of Medicine.

[@benjaminnadeau7305]

Tests should be mandatory at birth..

[@TheBaskinmays]

Sadly in this day and age with all the social media and talk shows about "Who's the Daddy' men will have that in the back of their minds. Ask him why he has thinks it not his get the test do not fight him on it. Get counsloring if need be.

[@adjwindu70]

Story 2: simple. go on Dutch dates at all times if you continue to date him

[@sweeneytodd2420]

Paternity tests should just be mandatory after the child is born... And a father should be made aware of the fact that he is signing his name to a child that isn't his.... This is textbook consent. Making it mandatory not just for the right of the man/potential father to know whether or not he is the father of the the child. (no doubt there's gonna be some people that are gonna have a problem with my phrasing of that sentence lol) then for the child whose medical history will be falsified and increase the likely hood of a complication due to inaccurate information Literally makes no sense that with all our advancements in technology, these matters still happen. The only reason more laws aren't passed to avoid stuff happening is because there'd be a hell of a lot of more families breaking because John doe finds out he's raising the milk man's kid The reasons why stories like these happen is because of lack of information and an inability to relate to either parties perspective. It's sad that the government won't step in and fix this shit but why would they? They're the ones that are gonna have to step up to financially support the kids that this happens too once the fathers in question leaves because of paternity fraud happen... It's just so unnecessary and sad for the ones effected (the kids and guy who thought he was the kids father )

[@RJLiams]

This is why paternity tests should be mandatory before any birth certificate is signed. It doesn't just protect the man from paternity fraud.

[@user-xd6nc6rg7b]

Make sure to demand a database with everyone on file so no babies fall through the cracks after anonymous/ "gave the wrong name" hookups. Let's make sure the real babydaddy is identified in EVERY case.

[@beardpapa12]

@@user-xd6nc6rg7b yeah, I notice that no men are pushing for THIS suggestion.

[@dragonetafireball]

Story 2/ I think some people are being harsher than they’d usually be to convince OP to leave. There are many areas in the UK that make it really hard to get a job and getting therapy isn’t appealing because if you go through the NHS people have to wait over a year after they’ve accepted you have a problem and if they go private they’ll probably feel like a financial burden. Also people underestimate how much work it takes to recive universal credit in the UK. You have to show you’ve spent a certain number of hours applying good faith to jobs and if you turn one down you have to have a really good justification. Over the last year a lot of Job Center have mad mandatory meetings weekly and you have to document your whole search and attend jobs fairs and seminars. Personality spent almost a year in this process and have been volunteering with helping people with this process for years because some will try every trick in the book to make you make a mistake so they can sanction you, especially people who aren’t computer savvy or experienced documenting their work. Not saying he’s a good guy or OP should stay with him just giving context American probably don’t have.