INTJ Mental Health (Let's talk)

Hi everyone. I wanted to get your opinion's about mental health as INTJ's, and see what we have in common and where we're different. Maybe I'll do a video reading your comments if I get enough of them. Thanks for watching.

[@MaevrickOfficial]

I believe the majority of INTJs have known from a very young age that they were different, that they thought and reasoned differently from the majority and therefore felt alienated. They tend to isolate themselves and tend to be antisocial. And the feeling of always being misunderstood has left many feeling alone in the world. I think it leads to a variety of outcomes; they get used to being alone and don't feel the need to socialize thereby making it difficult to socialize, then they are prone to be socially anxious and then because they know they don't fit in, they struggle with self esteem and then they always evaluate and criticize their themselves and then depression sets in. I think an INTJ is born an INTJ and is predisposed to developing alot of psychological disorders.

[@psychicspy]

I am a 59 year old INTJ. I can remember a time in my 20s when I suddenly realized that I am in control of my emotions, not something or someone else. Since then I haven't suffered from depression or anxiety. When I feel myself slipping I take a mental step back and experience the situation as an observer instead of a participant. This step back allows me to use my intuition to find a solution. I can see the causal chain that leads to that moment and I understand what's happening.

[@VRIceblast]

I'm a INTJ, you probably heard of people being wide awake when they were young. Basically have an adult like mind at a very young age. I learned to play chess at 4. I never thought like my friends. Adults really never treated me as a kid. When you're wide wake like that, you feel alien to everyone your age, and that really never goes away. INTJ just think differently. What drives us, isn't really what drives most other people. Depression and Anxiety can come from lacking control, or feeling that way. I've dealt with both, but Anxiety is the problem I've dealt with the most. Usually what's happening is, you're thinking only about yourself. How whatever you're thinking about is effecting you. You're basically being self centered, and you're locked into your own mind. The best thing to do is be honest with yourself. Find the issue your having a problem with, and decide, is this something I can do something about, if yes, then make a plan on how to deal with it. If no, then you have to let it go. No matter how much we want something, we can't change the past. You need to make yourself understand that, because it's the truth. Learn from your past, and today is the begin of a new you. Strive to be better everyday from that point on. There is always a Ending, and a new Beginning. In the past, I would read a long series of books that were really good. Something to sink my mind into. Walk in the shoes of others for awhile. If you do this, it can get you out of your own head, and if you do it long enough, it makes it hard to fall back into your head again, where your only thinking about yourself. Take control of your life. Society tells you that you're only a success if you do this or that, or live this way or that. Society is full of bs. The only think that's important, is handling your Responsibilities, like paying the bills, trying to keep the house clean, make sure there is food to eat, things like that. Beyond that, do what makes you happy, as long as you aren't hurting anyone, then build your own world around you, and only let in people that make you happy. Life is short, try to enjoy every moment of it, and stop caring what others think of you. If you ever experience a close death experience, you'll learn what really matters, and what doesn't matter at all. Things you thought were the most important, weren't worth anything at all. I lost my father, it was unexpected, and it completely changed my look at the world. I lost my mother, and I learned even more from it. Then a couple of years ago, my lights were fading from my eyes, and truly thought I was going to die, and that taught me so much more. Be responsible, but once you've done your work, the rest of the time, have fun. Do what makes you feel happy. Because you could die today, and that would suck, because you'll learn in the last moments, that you could have been having fun, but instead you were stressing over things that truly don't matter at all. Life is too short to keep toxic people in your life. Doesn't matter if they are blood related, doesn't matter how much you love them, a relationship is a two way street. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, they make you uncomfortable, they make you unhappy when they are around, that you wish they didn't come over, they didn't call. That you feel a sense of relief when they are gone. That's a person you need to remove from your life as much as you possibly can. See how you feel when you don't have to worry about them anymore. I bet your life will feel so much better. You can be yourself, and enjoy things again, without worrying about anything. Build your own world, and only let in people that care about you, and make you happy. Find out what your basic mental foundation is. What do you really need to be in control, and live your life. For me, it's money, if I have enough to handle my bills without worrying about it, then I can handle just about anything. That's my baseline, and I guess I need my computer and the internet. :) If I have those things, I'm usually happy. Money doesn't make you happy, but it does put you in a position to allow you the time to look for it. I find most people just bring trouble into your life. Most people may only find a couple of real friends in their lifetime. That means that most people your not going to connect with, and just because your not connecting with them, doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it just means that they aren't meant to be a close person to you. It's your life, you shouldn't have to jump throw hoops to be friends with someone. It should be a very natural thing. You'll find that most people don't really want to learn how to connect with you. You aren't important enough to them, and even if you were, most people just don't understand how a INTJ really think. We are a bit odd. My sister is a really good person. Very friendly, and she has a lot of supposed friends, yet, I think she only has one real friend, and even then I'm not totally sure about that. All her supposed friends are in her life, because they want something from her. They are basically using her, to get things. Only one of them ever bothers to hang out with her. The rest, you never see. I don't need fake people, I won't let people use me for things. I'm good at seeing how people think, and some friends I tend to be a Therapist for, but I've learned that those friends never seem to take my advice, and they are just energy drains, so I lower contact with them. I posted on another one of your videos about Boundaries. You need to learn what your boundaries are, you need to set them up, and not let anyone cross those lines, without you stopping them. Trust and Respect are the 2 most important things in any relationship, and it's a two way street. Love or Blood relation doesn't mean they are allowed to cross your boundaries. A toxic person is a toxic person, doesn't matter who they are, or how much you love them, or that Society says you should love them. You only get 1 life, and it's too short for you to put up with toxic people, who break your trust, and keep disrespecting you. Stand up for yourself, because who else is going to do it. Learn that you can't be perfect, and that's completely fine, because no one else is perfect, so why should you be. I'm the same, I don't talk much, till I do, it's like I'm off, than I'm on. I just learned not to long ago that I'm a INTJ. Listening to videos like yours, and so many others helps me understand myself. I've had to learn most of what I know, all by myself. I had to be my own shrink. It took me a really long time to learn how to deal with Anxiety, and why I was having it, and how to deal with it. I hope some of the things I've said here, will help you, or anyone else. Most important thing in life, is learning what you enjoy, and doing it. Don't make life harder than it needs to be. My sister is a Workaholic. She doesn't know how to relax, and just enjoy life. She's always stressed, and it doesn't matter how I tell her to stop doing that, she just keeps doing it. smh

[@ashleybennetts3108]

Did I write this? I feel like I wrote this. INTJ here browsing through the tubes to remind myself that there really are people like me out there. Thank you for your comments. I see you. Just wanted you to know.

[@VRIceblast]

@@ashleybennetts3108 Thanks! 🙂

[@ryanquick1824]

as an INTJ myself i KNOW that although it is EXTRAORDINARILY RARELY EVER discussed online, the feelings part of an INTJ ABSOLUTELY CAN BE an IMMEASURABLY DEEP WELLSPRING of content. if and when we do have an emotional response it is often felt EXTRAORDINARILY DEEPLY. and, it is EXACTLY the depth of the emotions that we can sometimes feel that drives us to temper ourselves so much. THAT IS WHEN we guard ourselves from exploding. but, i KNOW that talking about things with someone you trust IS an ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC AND POSITIVE way to deal with those thoughts. the trick IS in finding someone to confide in (even if you have to pay them :o :o :o ... it STILL helps REGARDLESS)...

[@ashleybennetts3108]

This is truth. I was crushed by a high school break up. I mean...I literally broke as a person. From that experience, as an INTJ, I coped by overly shutting off that part of me, but I was able to function and even succeed in life. But now, with life slowing back down, I'm needing to rebalance the scales because that inner passionate side of me is done being locked inside my head. Unfortunately, your last sentence rings true. I'm actually three weeks into therapy simply to have someone understand me....and even that is a challenge. Thank you for your insightful comment.

[@danielcunningham3418]

NIki, Lessons learned from a 50ish INTJ male: First, we are wired to contemplate the 'why' behind everything, from existential to the sensory verifiable. Our minds are like sponges which build understanding, competence, and knowledge, but also builds stress (both eustress and distress). I realized later in life I needed to remember to wring out my sponge, so as to consciously get myself out of the past and future and into the present. Essentially, pull myself out of intuition and into the sensory. Meditation, whether mindfulness or transcendental meditation, in my opinion is key for INTJs, and practiced daily. Second, I now see the depression and anxiety I experienced in life as part of my natural evolution and ascendance into who I am supposed to be. I had, and still have, an internal drive to be more. After years of researching, studying, and pondering, I now ascribe to Kazimierz Dabrowski's theory of positive disintegration, of which overexcitabilities are part. I recommend you learn about both. The phenomena you are sensing or feeling as depression and anxiety, under Dabrowski's theory (and essentially entwined with the works of Jung and Maslowski, et al.), is a developmental instinct in some people to ascend to higher levels of greater collective and personal understanding and acceptance. It is your natural drive to become the person you are meant to be: contemplative yet present and at peace. Third, consciousness. Especially for INTJs who on the surface appear calm but under the surface have a lot of energy and much going on, it is important to relieve that energy. It is important to understand and connect to the underlying field with which everything is based. Much like the sponge analogy above, it is key for INTJs to exercise and practice daily meditation to focus and remove ourselves from contemplative overload. Fourth, we INTJs are naturally wired to think we can think ourselves out of everything. I learned the mind cannot cure the mind. I encourage you to consider going through Russell Brands 12 step programs to attain peace with your path. That programs incorporates physical exercises that involve more than just your mind and helps to train rewiring beliefs by physically working at that end. Step four of that process was a key for me to transcend into a more peaceful person. Fifth, relationships: My advice is to use Myers-Briggs as a tool to narrow the field. I'd suggest you focus on finding an "n" and a "f". My wife's an ENFP and our connection was immediate and her "f" and my "t" offset and complement each other. There's a certain peace with an INTJ and ENFP connection. -I wish you peace.-

[@dumbledalfthewizard9486]

All the INTJs I know score super high on depression and anxiety. I would hazard a guess people just don't know how to raise them properly, on the average. You have much more severe symptoms then they do, probably because you experienced more trauma, but it makes me wonder what the correct procedure for raising an INTJ is if people keep messing it up.

[@sighanblossom5721]

We intjs when we learn something especially from experience we don't forget .

[@cletusMcFart]

To what extent is the rarity of the INTJ as a personality type linked to these things? To me, as a kid, I had no privacy at all, and I was even punished if I tried to get some. Growing up surrounded by extroverted people was hell. Pure suffering on a daily basis. I used to always be on the lookout for hiding places where I could just spend a few minutes by myself. Once I found one, I would spend most of my time there recovering from my crappy life and figuring out a lie to explain my absence. When I had to lie to my family, telling them that I had been playing with some kid, when actually I had just spent an hour under some remote tree or abandoned shed, it was then that I realized how far off I was from everyone. I literally had to pretend to be an extrovert just to be allowed the bare minimum of my introversion. And without anyone to tell me that I was OK, that being different it's OK (it was actually the opposite), once I reached my teen years I found myself getting super sad and anxious all the time, an automatic reaction whenever I found myself being the only one like "this" in a new group or setting. This and being constantly bombarded with stuff like "You need to change", "You can't be like this", "No one else thinks like that, so it must be wrong" just turbocharged the whole thing. Knowing that I was not the only one, that other people were as misunderstood as myself as actually been more beneficial than any therapy or meds. Knowing that there is nothing wrong with me, except perhaps being very unlucky, has done wonders for my anxiety and depression levels. It's weird to be uplifted after watching such a raw, deep and sad video, but that's how I feel. Because now I can rationalize all of what happened as just bad luck instead of something being fundamentally wrong with me as a person. Belonging to such a rare type, chances are that in most cases, you are the only one around for miles. Regardless of how different all INTJ are among them, they are typically much, much more different from everybody else. When you live in a society obsessed with conforming to an unibox, chances are that you're guaranteed to have a hard time at some point. But at least we have the Internet now!

[@eyeswideopen6278]

Personality Hacker has been doing some great podcasts lately on childhood trauma, attachment theory, and ACES theory. I’m a 45 year old INTJ. Their content has helped me so much.

[@TheJohnbahia]

I would just like to say, your story was a comforting thing to hear as INTJ myself who often struggles with gaining society's understanding. In many ways, I have felt like an alien walking and interacting with a world that was seemingly incompatible to the way I think and experience life. I was pushed for most of my life to behave like an extrovert, and so I did. Lots of small talk, laughs, paying people compliments, sharing interests, and endearing myself to the social crowd. In fact some people found it difficult to believe that I was actually the classic introvert. The more continued this social performance however, the more I had felt I was suppressing that which was my natural myself. In groups, I would become very subconcious about what I say, how it was perceived, and how long a period I went without saying anything. All in all it made me crave my alone time much more, added pressure to myself in social environments, which made it all the more difficult to actually establish meaningful connections, while I witnessed others able to forge connections almost effortlessly, much to my own frustration. To have a mind that is brimming with ideas and insights, eager to engage and share, to only find an empty theatre to reciprocate. Invariably this lack of audience manifested in the thought that there was lack of interest in who I was, which concequently erroded my own sense of worth to society. And how ironic it was, that throughtout my life I saw it as my main purpose to serve society, only to be seemingly rejected by it. And while I still struggle with it today, I remain steadfast in my pledge. I had become a private confidant to many, perhaps by virtue of my INTJ nature, I can listen, digest, and understand the nature of the person and reprocate in a way that was tailored them as an individual. The very thing that was denied to me all my life. Im not sure why I am writing all this, its not a common thing for me to do. Life has taught me not to open up so easily. But seeing you tell the story of your experience made me happy, because I know all to well the relief that comes when you feel fully comfortable to express ... Everything... that our beautifully constructed minds are capable of.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you for sharing. I find that what you said about gifting others with what you've been denied is true for me as well. I 100% agree, and you worded it so wonderfully. Not having anyone to talk to or share interests with is a certain kind of lonely that is hard to shake. Because of that, I am always so tuned in others and how they feel. I don't exactly know what to do with that lol but I make sure the people in my life know that I will listen to whatever they have to say and I'm there for them. In my personal life, I am just now finding friends who I can talk to about things I couldn't say here, and not be worried about the outcome. It's truly refreshing.

[@khaoulasayuri4928]

So beautifully and accurately described.

[@chriskeats6982]

Wow! I’m now 54 and your discussion just opened my eyes to how it was the adults around me that influenced my cognitive function. So helpful. Thx.

[@PathFinder9-v4j]

You are so brave to share this. Thank you for your openness. I'm learning a lot from Intjs, keep up with the good work. -Entp

[@anonymously94]

If life has taught me anything, it's that people are not trustworthy. Being bullied and alienated throughout my upbringing for being different made the school years the worst part of my life, and I'm sure a lot of my unwillingness to let anyone get too close to me is partly or mostly due to that. The only thing that kept me going through those early school years was the knowledge that it would eventually come to an end, and of course my one good friend, an INTP 3 years older than me, the only person I felt I could relate to on any level.

[@universologist1941]

This is only a theory. But. As an INTJ, I was mildly depressed for a few years in high school. But I snapped out of it overnight. I think it has something to do with the psyche. Ni Te Fi Se The auxiliary function is often underdeveloped if you entertain Se inferior too much. Which was my case. With a relatively weaker Te. Tertiary Fi can trip you up and result in depression. The way out is to develop Te as much as you can. After I mastered Te. My emotions have been very steady and in check

[@elypelowski5670]

Fi can be INTJ biggest Achilles heal. Unfortunately maturing and learning to control your Fi usually comes later in life. Here is a quick test if you are seemingly wanting, needy and or obsessing about people or situations. Check in with your Ti logic (critical/6th function it is critical for a reason ie critical in thinking/logic) Weigh how you are feeling and if it makes sense logically. Is your Fi driving your motivations ? Ti and Te to an extent will tell you if your Fi is in line with reality. It becomes much easier to manage Fi (stuck in Ni > Fi loops) as you learn to do this test of logic.

[@universologist1941]

@@elypelowski5670 I don’t actually have any emotions Except anger. More like rage. After the development of Te along with shadow functions. I just don’t really feel any more. I have been in harmony with Si. The lowest level of awareness. But it brings enlightenment.

[@elypelowski5670]

@@universologist1941 While I understand anger and it's role/use as a motivator, it should not be your only tool in the toolbox if you know what I mean. You will really be limiting your potential.

[@universologist1941]

@@elypelowski5670 emotions are bad for you. If you pay attention, you will see Feelers generally age faster than thinkers. Looking at a 5-10 year difference on appearances. I like the state of being emotionless. Not repressing it. Just not feeling it at all.

[@kellyboyed7877]

@@universologist1941 Ageing in appearance and ageing in maturity are two very different things. Emotions are not bad for you; hiding from them is. If you feel great, that is awesome

[@jojomcmudak5379]

A minute into the video: 1. Slower talker. 2. Self conscious about it 3. Apologize about it cause because care about representation. Yes, actual INTJ. When I shared something as a child or teen it was often used against me, so i learned that sharing is showing weakness. It results in a roller coaster of emotions when you accumulate so much it comes of as bursts, often negative, and if it opposite it can be very off-putting because of intj arrogance. If fall in love, obsession like state that can really frighten people. It sucks to start living normal life in your mid 20 just because nobody can relate to you and you have to overcome so much by yourself. If you have friendly in** types, hug them please.

[@elypelowski5670]

Wow. This is really deep Niki. This is your therapy and you are healing. Keep moving forward, healing, teach others from the wisdom you have gained through your trauma. My opinion is that we either choose to be victims, or we choose to be survivors post trauma. You very much seem to have chosen the path of survivor. We all have the power within us to let go and forgive. ~ Peace and Blessings to you Niki ~ P.S. I really really want that Golden Octopus in the back ground. For Real !!!! I couldn't take my eyes off it.

[@nvargas4614]

You are so brave and real for doing this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and vulnerability. I love INTJs and this video helped me understand them a little bit better. Much love 💕 -enfp

[@nikiyikes5674]

Thank you!

[@mikaeladevries1776]

I'm a INTJ, I went through terrible trauma as a kid having brain cancer 4 times. What I hate is people downgrade my trauma because I'm "so smart". It took so much time to get where i am. It wasn't until I started fully studying psychology and found a therapist I could connect with that therapy started to work. My therapist understands I intellectualize much of my trauma.

[@Mohsenyazdani]

Thank you for this video. I had a similar experience as a male INTJ and now hearing from another INTJ who went through the same, gives me hope.

[@daisyzwart1895]

For me it started with not feeling understood followed by the idea that the way I am can not be loved, because to be loved is to be understood. To combat that feeling I suppressed my true self, needs and emotions and connected with people through an ‘acceptable’ ‘invulnerable’ illusion of who I was while trying to make them feel understood and loved in the way I wished to be. Now I am learning to accept and love who I am so I can give and receive authentic love.

[@timaf4458]

Thank you for this. I’m an INTJ woman with severe anxiety who can’t even handle people I live with anymore, and although I’ve been in therapy for a while and started explaining my emotions (I went to psychoanalysis and formed great bonds with a couple of my therapists), I still have trouble with not dissociating in a traumatizing context. Your therapist who cried sucks, that’s not what they are supposed to do. Mine were like the solid rocks I needed in life, I was able to respect them because of their knowledge and for their ability to control their emotions. I started having better relationships, but I still struggle to not dissociate because I still live with family.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I'm glad to here about the steps you're taking to heal and grow. That's a step not many are brave enough to take. I hope you get to a place where you can be on own and away from any triggers you might still have around you. It took me time to be able to do that since the world can be quite harsh.

[@BirdsChirpInTheCoolNightAir]

Thanks for your video, wow where to start, so much of that resonated with me and it was such a clear picture, I’m sat here working with some Tibetan bowls, I find that it really helps one to relax, as an INTJ I find the practice really healthy as a reflection of the interplay between flow and discipline. Sensational video and Thankyou again! 🏞️

[@ryant4871]

You've got a great story. Bravo to you for being able to come out of these experiences throughout your childhood, so well; it's obvious there's been a lot of strong character development, and you are simply a better person today than your perpetrators ever were at an older age.

[@RunToEternity]

You could say I've had social anxiety from a young age, like maybe 3 or 4 years old. It was with me most of my life, and wouldn't let me speak to most people unless I knew you really well. Sure it was later on in college that I figured out I was an INTJ, but even then I was still trying to overcome my social anxiety. It made me depressed that I couldn't just talk to people, even though I wanted to, I just couldn't. All I can say is that for me it is hard to have other feelings when you have depression always trying to come back. Sometimes it seems like having little to no feelings is preferable, maybe that is it.

[@captainfrosty31]

I am an INTJ female, my father an ENFJ and my mother an INFP. Growing up I lived primarily with my mum, older brother ENTP and younger sister INFJ. I didn't really get along with anyone in my house on any emotional level but what I did have which I am assuming you didn't and that was parents who first and foremost allowed us to speak our minds. Respected my privacy along with my opinion on things. I spent hours in heated debates with my mum, questioning was encouraged. I was spoon fed science, philosophy, art, religions, politics, anything was open for debate. Allowed to express myself however I chose and in a home predominantly introverted left to be alone as much as I wanted. My mum would paint the walls white and spend days, weeks painting a sky on the ceiling or other forms of art on the walls, we were encouraged to do the same in our own spaces. Not even an environment like that kept me from being just as you described in your video. I feel incredibly disconnected from other people and always have and I don't know why other than that I am an INTJ.

[@nikiyikes5674]

For many (or at least THIS) INTJ, we live in our own world and rarely in the moment. We're also abstract thinkers, so deep conversations can be difficult or even frustrating (and this is something I personally require to develop connections with others. When I say deep, I mean more than a debate) . I was in the early stages of emotionally developing when this video came out. It can take time to find a healthy balance between being in our minds and being mentally present in the external world. For me, I needed to feel safe enough to express emotion while also being accepted that I'm not expressive in the standard sense. I can be sad and not cry - in fact, I won't (where it can be witnessed, at least. I do have a reputation to uphold). PS, My best friend is an INFP. Developing an emotional connection was slow, but we both nurtured the friendship and learned what the other needed. This may take more effort for an INTJ, but I personally play for keeps. No shallow connections allowed. Thanks for sharing your story. It's interesting to see similarities despite different upbringings.

[@captainfrosty31]

@@nikiyikes5674 i agree, without depth to conversation (that's more than just debate) I don't feel emotionally connected to others either. Not even my family. Infact most of them I no longer speak with. I left home at 16 and planned to be a parent myself. I spawned my very own ENFP best friend at 17, she's now 22 still lives at home with me, infact moved in her INFP partner in instead of moving out. I can cry easily around her but on a whole I could be very sad and no one would even know. I appreciate the part on INFPs. Me and my mother have a difficult relationship but there are alot of external factors and not just personality differences. I have been in a long distance relationship for a yr with an infp and have felt many times like giving up because I'm not reaching the depth required for the kind of connection I am looking for but with you saying that I feel better about waiting to see where it goes. It's difficult when you only see each other once every two three months and you hate phone calls and he hates to text. Thankyou for the response it is interesting to read how similar we INTJs can be dispite having completely different lives.

[@jesssss12]

I’m sorry but that therapist story is totally me. People actually cry when I tell them of my trauma and I can’t react to it either. Fellow intj

[@mariamunozpiz6070]

Trauma definitely impacts the way we think our perspective and healing also impacts the way we think. However, I strongly believe we are all born with spiritual gifts as is.

[@qua7771]

I had bouts with depression until I went my own way, to an area with people I could relate to, and a set of responsibilities in line with INTJ ways. That was a start. I'll agree with what you said about opening up to people. We tend to get too caught up in our thought processes too much to be sociable. It causes social anxiety. That's the Ni Fi loop that we get stuck in. It tends to create conspiracy theories about others that exist only out minds. A false perception of what others think of us or expect from us.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I can tell that I do that sometimes. I'm great at reading people objectively, but when it's directed towards me I tend to see everything in a dangerous or negative light. I wish people could be more outspoken about what they want, but that's not how the dating game works lol I'd certainly feel less anxious that way.

[@qua7771]

@@nikiyikes5674 So you know, I'm male, but I can relate and perhaps provide some insight. As INTJ I have always felt that we often approach problems in different ways and can use non-conventional methods. Dating today is different than in the past, especially with everything that is going on. The virus has a lot of people feeling lonely. There are many factors. I believe that it is important to date people with similar core beliefs if you want to avoid major drama. It takes time to meet someone like that. Meanwhile you need to be comfortable in your own skin. The feeling I got from your video is that you may think you have an underlying emotion holding you back. I almost got a since of a possible family of origin issue, but that may stem from the awkwardness INTJ's have growing up. People we care about may see us as cold, and every INTJ I have talked to had trouble with the school systems methods. I have come to terms with my quirks as a feature, not a flaw. With that said I have found traditional dating to be awkward in this day and age. Instead, I found it more comfortable treating potential partners the same as friends or neighbors that I want to hang out with and do stuff together. I found this out my accident when a female friend and I got board and went out for a couple of drinks. INTJ's can be a little clueless about when others like us. We can be on a date and not realize it. Another problem we have when meeting people in general is out disregard for small talk. I try to use key phrases with a little humor to let the other party talk while appearing to be interested. A more engaging will come once you find common ground. This personality has it's challenges, but then again, we are eloquent in solving problems, therefore we like taking on challenges. The INTJ's Te (extroverted thinking), means we seek information externally to help us solve problems, which is probably why your here right now. Again, I would try to use that as a feature, not a flaw. Why beat ourselves up.

[@briannamorrison380]

Thank you so so much for sharing these videos. You have no idea how much I appreciate them. Don't ever stop.

[@kevrokka.d.9749]

IxxJs seem to have the most troubled upbringings. Its strange to me as an INTP as IxxJs present themselves as greatly structured individuals.

[@nikiyikes5674]

We are, but everyone is more than what they seem to be. Personally, I find that people who overcome trauma and their demons become the strongest there is. It makes you see the world for what it is, and it becomes easier to push through hard times.

[@arlettasloan6453]

I can tell you that the book The Body Keeps the Score is very good at explaining the brain being rewired due to trauma. I don't know that it could specifically answer the question you asked, but it would probably help to find the answer.

[@nopls359]

I have a similar experience except that, as a male and someone who lifts weight at the gym, my "aggression" ()or drive/motivation) and passion for getting thigs done, directness etc. well is interpreted as "anger issues" or actual physical, violent-type aggression and people look at me like I'm crazy... so the "accusations becoming my reality" eventually does start to affect me and I start having some disturbing thoughts with a locus of violence or in general just malevolent very negative stuff that causes me disturbance when it comes up. My morals wouldn't ever allow me to hurt someone like that(except in self-defense/defense of another). It's just not part of my programming or something I have any desire for, or have ever done. In fact I have actually on multiple occasions put myself directly in harm's way in defense of other people, usually women, in my security job. Had to get into a couple of scuffles with fairly dangerous people, etc. So, that is to say that, like what you shared, I feel like I'm not ever able to get closer than a certain distance from people because eventually there will be a disconnect and I will be on the losing end of that. As stable and confident as I like to think I am it seems unfortunately true that no one is immune to social pressure in every way, eventually the stress comes in, and personally my only solution to that is to create distance. Edit: Also, almost forgot to add thank you for sharing this it's provided some relief to me continuously questioning myself right now, ha. And sick tat.

[@user-zl3mw9ek6i]

Thank you for this video 🙏 You know... It's very emotional difficult video for me. First of all, I learnt that I'm INTJ maybe 2-3 mounthes ago. Before I also passed test but I never thought that is something serious and helpful. However, it is. Thanks KZbin I find video from INTJ and understood that I'm quite normal person (as in Ukrainian and Russian languages there's too little information I also glad that I know English😅and that's why KZbin is so important for me). I'm nearly 20 and most of my not too long life I felt that I'm a mistake, not normal. I couldn't be normal for my classmates and even family, everyone wanted to make me more clear for them, more standard. But I just couldn't follow others stereotype behaviour if it's not logical, if intuitively I understand that it's not mine. I can see what people just don't notice that's why I known that there's something wrong inside my family. But we pretended ideal picture of family too long. All that time I felt guilty as I thought that if only I noticed that something going wrong but others not, I maybe misunderstood something, I had wrong thoughts. In my 13 y.o. I had the most hard time. All days felt like infinitely hell. But in our mentality (I mean Ukraine) was not normal to go to psychology and if adult saw that I wasn't okay they tried to force me be okay. Understanding that showed emotions could be dangerous, I hid them. I didn't understand why I felt bad, when it was end. I wanted to die but it wasn't strong desire, it was just one of way to run away from pain. However, I felt something as it sings in Lonely: "This shit messes with my head The only home I know is my bed Too lazy for suicide I just watch the days pass hoping to die". I felt loneliness, I had terrible state. But I had education and good imagination. At day I learnt, learnt and learnt, at night I went to my own worlds. I was tired of this state and I didn't know that I could seek professional help. I found channel where guy shared his thoughts and what's more important - light energy. I saw that people can be so happy and maybe I also can be like him. So my way to happiness started. I watched many videos about health, a year after I started do exercises. Then it turned out that people speak about reading, it's also cool and I started read. It was my high school. My parents divorced with many loudly scandals. Due to lack of money we lived with father 1,5 years that was terrible period. I turned to school psychology. And nothing. Now I understand that only I can help myself, not other person. I passed my exams successfully but I didn't enter my dream university (I dreamt about this for 2 years...). My life stopped. Again. I needed to learn how to life, dream and plan again. But I couldn't. I again studied a lot, didn't notice that my mental state was awful. I finished 1 year at university and in summer holidays again started doing exercises, tried to return flavour of life. However, it turned out that I had leukemia. Life stopped again. Now it's nearly a year that I had CML. It's a year of my reborn. I had many time to think about my life. For me this disease wasn't surprise as I understood that my way of mentally and physically life was wrong and once it returned to me with negative. Only thanks for leukemia I understood how strong I criticized myself, how strong I didn't love myself. It scared me. I was really guilty, but only before myself. So many times I apologized to myself. I learnt how to live and plan with enjoy. I understood that I need to treat to life more easily. I understood that life depends on my worldview. I understood that I don't must anything if it doesn't match the first important life's rule "Love yourself". I wrote my life's rule, I returned to daily note to support myself. I accepted who I am, I accepted that people are different. When you understand yourself better with love, life's going better. However, it's still the biggest my fear to trapped again to emotional black hole as I know how difficult I go through it. But I hope that I can handle it. I also hope that my story help someone. Love yourself, it's very important, you, only you are valuable in your life. You need to understand how show love to yourself and then you understand better emotions of others people. Go to the mirror and say that you love yourself. If you don't succeed, you should think about how much you accept yourself. Remember what you liked as a child, look at old photos, remember your favorite books, cartoons, movies. It will all help you understand who you are and how you can be. Become a friend to yourself. You are not lonely when you are alone with yourself. You are lonely when you cannot communicate with yourself alone, when you do not treat yourself as a friend to be loved and respected.

[@devhirsch7178]

Hey Niki, for what it’s worth, me and my brother were both homeschooled and raised in the same house, but he (ESFP) is a much more emotional person than I am (INTJ). Though this is one anecdotal example, I think there’s something to it. I tend to think that our brains are wired a certain way, and external circumstances can change it to a point, but a lot of it comes from the inside. I think the dissociating from emotions is also more of a personality trait as I am very uncomfortable expressing real emotions with even my family

[@qua7771]

Talk about two polar opposites. I think my mother is ESFP and she thought I was the most unusual kid. She said I was adult like and stubborn.

[@extinctviolate5522]

I totally get you! Glad that you realized what was going on in your later life! Privacy is really important for us, I think it's the traditional society we grew up as a child which we can't relate with of lot of people about their different morals! I think the best way is to learn from it and evolve!

[@StillGamingTM]

You remind me of myself 5 - 10 years back. For what it’s worth: I found most people indeed (still) are very hard to connect with on that personal level, just like it was in childhood. HOWEVER: growing self-confidence and knowing yourself increasingly better tends to offset the need to connect with and get approval from others more and more as you age. Also, probability of meeting 1 or a handful of people you CAN connect with increases as time passes. And that is really all you need!

[@patodonald7174]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You've got to be brave to open up. Female 26 year old INTJ going to therapy since age 8. I had a traumatic experience as a child, one of my parents dying in front of me, and only years later I could fully understand what happened. I dissociate so much from my emotions that sometimes, even if I try hard, they just won't show. As a child, I was always taught to be tough and handle the pain (being it physical or psychological), but that only made me feel less human.

[@nickr5213]

First, I really enjoy listening, and think you are very insightful about how you express your thoughts. Also, I agree completely about generalizing INTJs. I know a few, and they are very different people. However, there is also some common thread there, and I get along very well with all of them, much more so than most types of people. I think that there is a combination of genetics and experiences that lead to depression and anxiety. I’m not an INTJ, so it may not be of any interest to you, but my experience was that as a child, I understood and thought about things in an adult way and not as children should. I have never gotten along with children, even when I was one. But, I was always accepted as an eccentric by the people that mattered, and didn’t care what people in general thought. It is very bothersome to me, what you went through, because people who didn’t understand you made your situation worse. As for nowadays, I do have a lot of trouble connecting with people, but one big reason is that I have serious health issues that don’t have a good outcome, and there is absolutely no treatment that does anything but manage a few symptoms. I don’t want a lot of people to be close to me and then be disturbed when the inevitable happens. I don’t know if this is the kind of feedback you were looking for, but I can say I wish you the best, and I’m glad you are making videos and I enjoy listening to what you have to say.

[@Josh-sv4vo]

Why do we think that sufficiently opening up and burning through all vulnerability to the point of being totally uninhibited is what we need? We can just let go of the need. The beauty to be found in solitude is infinitely more beautiful than anything that can be found outside of solitude, so I say, INTJs should learn this and embrace their nature. You are everything and all you need.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I did this video a long time ago, but I think people should do whatever will bring them peace and joy regardless of their personality types. INTJ's aren't immune to human feelings wants or desires. Also, I need more than myself. I need food, my cats, and occasionally someone to fix my car.

[@arlettasloan6453]

Also: I have come to the conclusion that I am INTJ. It was very hard to get to, because, I acted like so many other types at different parts of my life and I can recognize almost all of them as being due to needing to survive or having survived a traumatic situation or event. I have never been depressed for more than a few scant moments, here and there, but I do have a lot of stress stored in my body and I recognize- now- that this has made me less logical, more feeling, less self-controlled and organized, more hoarderish and reactive. I believe INTJ is my born with normal, except that I am also a lateral thinker so ESFP is also my born with normal. I used to tend toward being very quiet and observant when around people who were louder and reveling in some way, but if I was around quiet, studious people, I would go the other way, a bit. Not always. Sometimes, I just joined in full force or halfway or whatever. I feel very comfortable, sometimes, in ESFP mode. Any other mode, by INTJ is of the moment and it is not comfortable really, though it can feel natural and useful- though worrying- when it is needed. INTJ is purely, 100% comfortable. It's just harder for me to find that comfort because of life happening in all sorts of unpleasant ways.

[@RaidenShogun..]

Oh no, your inferior Se is catching up to you… I also get stressed when there is full of uncontrollable sensory chaos. I would have a long list of plan and then when the time comes, unexpected things can happen. The only way is to navigate through the mess. Don’t give up!!!

[@af101roxz]

The amount of vulnerability it takes to make a video like this. Proud of you

[@mariamunozpiz6070]

I was quiet too and my mom always compared me to a cousin who was outgoing. She wanted me to be outgoing and loud and I was constantly shamed. so I grew up ashamed of how I was rather than where I am now in life after healing and loving who I am. I was bullied severely in middle school and high school and was a loner. Now I see with my son. He has experienced bullying but the good thing that here at home he has a mommy (me) who understands him deeply. I remember when he was 2 I had put the ungly duckling movie and he cried when the ugly duckling cried after being rejected. My son is an empath 😊beautiful human beings in such a cruel world 😢

[@bakaakoyan1345]

The video thumbnail is literally my expression all the time. No expression 🔥

[@conniedavis3783]

Wow I’m an INFJ and I can totally relate to you. It’s constant work to change what’s so deeply in bedded from such an early age. Though I have externally feeling as one of my dominant functions I’m very much like u in that I keep my feelings to myself. Childhood trauma has taken a tremendous toll on friendships n relationships. I to am in therapy which I don’t believe in talking problems to death it’s pointless. My therapists use an awesome method called IFS….internal family systems. It’s changing my life. Just putting it out there for those like us who need help that makes sense and actually works

[@Kevo-vt5di]

Us INTJ are a rare personality type. that's why most do not understand us. Once you understand this, life becomes much easier. Thank you for sharing this. 👍

[@clarencemadjoe3599]

:) I'm not alone. I can relate too much to what you are saying. To express my emotion on this, listen to Castle Walls(T.I. ft Christina Agulera). You're cool like Batman :)

[@godKiller.369]

47yo INTJ, the thing is that most hunanoids are not remotely ready to listen and you have to give them small grains a few at a time and see if they can grow into handling another step up. Also many people stagnate with age rather than grow futher so be prepared for even more disappointments. Luckily I had an older really sharp ENTP colleague whom I could try to outdo with dark analysis of the human condition at the lunch table for many years until he retired.. still giving him a call now and then 😂

[@erdftzgh]

Am INTJ , i had to start all over away from my family, home land, my X and every one that created havoc and Drama. I realize now that i have been created to be alone wolf and am really diffrent , i dont have expectations that people will understand me, love me or love who am. Ilove me thats enough. Toxicity was sooo harmfull for me and the most close people to me who suppose to care for me were the most toxic and damiging and haefull. I just want to be left alone.

[@mycheung6757]

After my head was constantly hit hard by my mother when childhood, i think there's some wires are wrong in my brain on the one hand, but on the other may be it is just an intj thing instead. Only emotion left is like anger, for the rest, I can barely feel them.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Anger can be just as much of a motivator as it can be a detriment. I hope you're harnessing it a way that improves your life and circumstances.

[@sumayyasid6993]

thank you for saying all this and explaining all this, our situations and stories are so similar while not being exactly the same but similar roots and i totally understand word to word what exactly you are talking about and its not really a nice experience, it feels sometimes like why do i have this extra struggle? why couldn't i be normal and stupid and just go through life. the only major difference i see between you and me is belief system in God the almighty supreme being the one true God, not any deity and so far you didn't mention any spirituality or religion i feel like that is the only major difference between you and me.

[@MultiBalto123]

INTJ- I stopped wanting to talk to people when they started insulting me with things that are good, I am constantly called too logical or you care to much about being right or my personal favorite, your being too reasonable. all of these things' people have yelled at me. then I'm told that I use and or care about the dictionary too much lol. it's gotten so bad that before I say anything to anyone new, I ask them how they feel about dictionaries, and I have to remind people I didn't write the dictionary this is what people agreed these words mean! I once had someone tell me that definitions don't mean anything to scientist, people just want to use words however they want to use them regardless of context or the meanings of the words they use. how am I to reason with someone when they think apple means to sexually abuse someone or sexually mean to take a long drive in a car LOL. I say, I love when I'm proven wrong, that means I learned what is right but people now days seem to think being wrong is better for them. This would be great if I was an immoral asshole but I'm not, so I won't take advantage of people choosing to be stupid. I have been fired three times for doing what was right by the company's standers and they wrote it up all three time as insubordination because they couldn't put down the real reason lol. Sorry to gush but I felt like screaming into the void lol.

[@julianizdebski5035]

First off nice videos seriously. Ok, short comment but I totally agree with the ‘not letting people in even when we probably should be’ part. Honestly….I’ve got to say Im conflicted about this, but hey I can say after watching this the 1st time a few days ago, I actually implemented this in my life because I tried to be emotional and well…I can’t tell if it went good or not honestly… but the thing actually is still to be determined bc it’s not over yet, so I’ll get to see what happens….

[@alexinfired7109]

I never cared what others think of me. And I never sought their approval or understanding. I get thrilled if someone understands me, tho. I was born in a dysfunctional family with a violent father. At a very young age, I somehow decided that the best way to deal with the beatings and the unreasonable things happening was to watch my life as a movie, instead of feeling/living it. This had me even laugh through painful situations because of their ridiculousness, just as if I was watching a black comedy. I kept this way of viewing and criticizing my life like watching a movie as an adult too. I'm 52 now and my emotions still are more of a viewer than of the subject. But I sympathize too much with animals (and too little with humans). I get overwhelmed by any animal"s agony, even in movies or books. In real life, it's the only situation I panic. I've kept my cool mind and acted quickly in life-threatening situations with people dying, but I panic if an animal is in danger/pain. This panic, anger (about cruelty, injustice, and stupidity), and astonishment (in front of nature, great art, and great minds) are the only emotions I feel deeply to the point of tears. And laugh. :)

[@annie.bo.briggs]

I hear you. I kinda wonder too 🤔

[@cruzader35]

I relate to being able to tell others about personal trauma and emotionally troubling matters in the past with ease because it's more of a factual retelling of events in that moment, and I'm not actually reliving those moments and feeling anything particularly. I work out my feelings alone because it is highly uncomfortable showing it in front of others with their expectations and reactions that I didn't relate to in the first place.

[@whatiftherewerejust100peop8]

I am an INTJ with Depression, Anxiety and Dissosiation. My therapist helped me realised that

[@mariamunozpiz6070]

I think you’re an empath and unfortunately we are magnets for narcissists because we are seeking to heal and they are seeking to destroy use and abuse if that makes sense.

[@anneh851]

Excellent question, Niki. When the brain starts to rewire itself.....My opinion is about half born and half environment....but it's just opinion. I've wondered about nature vs. nurture many times.

[@chossenone730]

U look so amazing the shirt . tattoo . necklace . hat as hair style . ear ring ur skin eyes and lipstick color

[@ranatheprincess541]

I very very much connect to most of the things you mention in this video. I'm a female intj as well....

[@naleegeispowa5562]

For me i can relate intj to my upbringing. Moving around , divorce , psychological abuse. All of that needs me to analyze my surroundings to survive. That makes me believe me being intj can be caused by nurture. No one among my relatives is even close to my type.

[@denvercolorado811]

I hope ur doing great!

[@plushypanda3322]

[SEE BOTTOM OF COMMENT FOR “TLDR”] Regarding which came first (the chicken or the egg), I think issues of mental health are more like a chicken that is in the middle of laying an egg. There’s a case to be made about mental health issues being passed through genes, but then there are also environmental factors that can possibly “activate” or worsen a person’s mental health. For the longest time growing up, my parents always suspected that I had depression and anxiety. I had friends at school, but never wanted to hang out with them outside of the classroom. My parents would try to get me out of the house from time to time, but I was very comfortable being at home and having my alone time. I think my behavior as a child was more likely the result of my personality rather than my mental health being an issue. However, there was probably also an undertone of depression and anxiety that I inherited from my family’s mixed gene pool. It wasn’t until the last two years of high school that I started experiencing a noticeable change in my mental health and ability to live life as I normally did. Maybe it was an increase in stress from school, social life, and family that flipped the switch or exaggerated the behaviors of my youth, but I wasn’t able to shake it off through sheer will. After being really stubborn about taking medication, and then having to wait months to a few years for it to be of substantial help, I finally got a handle on my mental health. I don’t know if medication is always necessary or even an effective solution for some people, but it certainly helped me. I was utterly helpless in trying to think my way out of depression or in trying to force myself not to be anxious amongst people. Thankfully as human beings, we don’t have to rely on just ourselves, but it can be difficult to accept help from others and open up to the right people. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TLDR: I think mental health is too complex an issue to be attributed to just personality or to physiological and environmental factors. Like many things in life, the answer is complex and usually is the result of many variables interacting with one another. If you experience mental health issues, be open to investigating multiple avenues of help since the cause could be multi-faceted and beyond resolving through one’s independent effort. As a side note, I love how there’s a framed photograph of the “chubby bubble girl” meme in the background lol.

[@Dandoz666]

Great its better now hope you are on road of happines now :) Really likes the way you took up the mather in.

[@ivan5844]

Thanks for now on I’ll be more like a teacher showing em how I am.

[@mokari9268]

Sad how society is set up sometimes. I think what hurt me the most was the self doubt that crept in by giving ear to these yappers- the pain is real.

[@nikiyikes5674]

When say my privacy was violated, I mean that. I couldn't say, do or write anything down. I couldn't draw or even so much as blink without someone inserting themselves. I've since overcome all that crap and don't have that energy in my life, thankfully.

[@SeraphXeno]

your videos got me thinking that the INTJ may be a trauma response. Then I started wondering if all personality types are a trauma response.

[@karoszaska]

I always want to hear what a fellow intj has to say on these things but it's always so painful. We have such a painful learning curve with relating to others and boundaries. It's so hard for me to not shut everyone out or have only really superficial relationships. The more you work on yourself, the easier it gets fortunately or else you start finding peace in solitude.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I believe there is a certain beauty in finding peace in solitude and enjoying your own company. Adding someone to that shouldn't be as disruptive as it seems to be.

[@dr.strangelove9815]

I found this video by chance while searching for more information on my personality, INTJ as well (5w4), and a lot of what you mentioned resonates with me also (and seems to with other INTJs in the comments too). Over the past few years, I have also tried to understand if the bouts of depression I experience stem from the general neural wiring of my brain, nurture or both. I think for quite a large portion of INTJs, there is an underlying tendency for our type to see the world in a different hue, from a different, almost disembodied, vantage as an observer; INTJ introverted intuition coupled with extraverted thinking is a special combination which provides us with unique perspectives which are generally not well understood by the majority of societies around the world (some speculate this has to due with the intrinsic nature of introverted intuition). Although INTJs have such great potential to impact the world through applied creativity within a plethora of disciplines, the majority of the world does not share our "language", lifestyle or thought patterns, leading us to some darker places as ostracization happens. So, I think, initially, the tendency towards depression is partially neurological and eventually the social aspect only exacerbates it. Life is not simple for most of us who are INTJs, and not for anyone really, but each of us share similar struggles despite what our passions are, we seem to mostly feel the same alienation and disconnection from how others experience the world. For INTJs, I think it is incredibly important to find the right position in life where our unique perspectives, independence, mindset and creativity may be beneficial, giving us not only the mental/creative stimulation we require but feelings of fulfilment in someway. Maybe in finding that unique pathway, INTJs may find some form of eudaimonia. Great conversation, I also had a tough childhood as well and I think many INTJs seem to share that experience in one way or another. Best wishes to you and all other INTJs who struggle; it's not easy, but somehow we'll persevere and find our places in the World.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I think it's safe to assume most have a rough childhood. My friend who is an ESFJ currently did, and when we talk she says she has no idea how to relate to what I feel. For better or worst, we INTJ are thinkers and we think ourselves into depression, I believe. Then has we age we struggle on what to do with emotions, good and bad, and it's a lifelong journey to being as healthy and happy as we can be. Thank you for choosing to watch my video :)

[@stu6097]

You might want to research the Enneagram system to find your answers. 5s run away from feelings thru research and learning. The enneagram also talks about how over life you develop survival strategies that make you more 5 ish. Many INTJs are 5s. You seem like you might be a 5wing4 at quick glance. I am being overly simple in my description of Enneagram but just pointing you in that direction if you havent looked into that system yet. I am 5w6 INTJ and I found it very valuable for understanding myself.

[@mindfulskill8458]

Thank you for this video!

[@nanden4641]

Wow I resonated with feeling misunderstood in childhood. I have always asked myself if I connect with my friends or if I'm holding back, because it's been easy for me to cut off the friends and people I've had disagreements with.

[@nanden4641]

Same with not feeling safe letting people in! Wow.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I think we start off trying, but for how long are we supposed to? Eventually we just give up as adults, which is when we're most likely to find people who understand us. I think that's interesting and at least true for me.

[@danegoodwin3057]

Weed really does seem to help. Makes me question why it's illegal 🤔

[@Chtsht23]

Great video, Nikki! I try to be one of the understanding friends, I promise. Lol

[@nikiyikes5674]

You listen to me rant about nonsense, so you're fine as you are!

[@Chtsht23]

@@nikiyikes5674 lol thank you. I enjoy the rants, I appreciate learning other perspectives.

[@lauw5052]

Thank you for this video

[@et9120]

Great video! First!

[@lancefarrar3442]

The Sister I never had.

[@AzraiRazuan]

Thank you for your video. I don't think I have the courage to bare my personal issues in public as you did. I do wonder if I was predisposed from childhood to be an INTJ or if it was the result of my upbringing. I had challenging relationship issues with family members and I carry some scars til today. I am curious to know your age. My most unhappy and turbulent years were probably all through my teenage years and into my mid 20s. Feeling unhappy and depressed was normal back then. I am 45 and a lot more mature, outwardly 'normal' to people but only after a lot of work on my self and some serious soul searching. Nevertheless my core is the same and I do not know a single adult whom I can show all of my true self. I prefer to play with my kids or animals rather than interact with adults. Only one close friend know me well enough to be aware (and be understanding)of my INTJ-ness. Anyway, as part of my growth, I learnt to appreciate myself and to stop judging myself all the time (or try to). It is still a work in progress but I think the key is to realise that there is nothing wrong with you, be true to your heart and that you are perfect the way you are. Mind you it took years and years including some pain. I know I still have periods of anxiety and depression but no one around me is ever aware of it.

[@pluto9000]

That teacher has something seriously wrong to do that to a kid.

[@viljarharaldsson828]

When i was little i used to sit and stare/observing people. My aunt was afraid of me staring at her, asking my mom to put me into another room. Like i was the Omen-kid :)

[@nikiyikes5674]

I've been asked why I'm "staring". Um, it's because I'm paying attention? Let me just... stare at my phone instead I guess lol

[@viljarharaldsson828]

@@nikiyikes5674 And looking serious aswell can lead to some strange situations. A friend of mine asked why i was angry or disliked a girl. What the heck are you talking about, i asked. I was looking at her because i liked her.

[@SanelKeys]

It all comes to one thing: NEUROPLASTICITY. For me, the best song lyrics that describes INTJ childhood is "Caves of Altamira" by Steely Dan. Just don't expect from many people to understand you. It would be helpful if you had INTJ friends. I have 2 INTJ friends.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I had one and she and I didn't get along and aren't friends anymore. Both INTJ's and yet very very different in a bad way.

[@nonjaninja4904]

I always figured just never seek help because they'll just try to medicate you and turn you into some soulless normie lol. Like when it comes to existential stuff there's really no answer to it and you just kind of have to find a cope on your own.

[@mamu7976]

It does seem to run in families. I am going to annoy you, by answering a question, with more questions. Is mental illness related to nature or nurture? Is it due to genes? Is it due to the environment? (There is the transgenerational transmission of trauma theory). Is it due to both? (genes and environment) Personally I think it is due to environment, but your guess, is as good as mine. 25% of people will have a mental health problem at some point in their life time. 10% of people have had significant trauma or multiple small traumas and their rates of mental health problems are higher. It's complicated. It's common and it sucks, but it will get better. With therapy or tablets, or sometimes just by exercise and having good friends. I've read INTJs are actually quite tough, but then they crash with severe depression, but who knows? Anyways it's good to talk and break the stigma of mental health.

[@annie.bo.briggs]

Do you do any art? I have a lot of hobbies and I do music lip sync videos on TikTok. I need these emotional outlets as I don't have family or friends.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I love music and writing the most. I enjoy singing as well!

[@michamichalak6200]

You cannot control your emotions, learn to observe and express them, especially anger.

[@nikiyikes5674]

I'd argue that emotional control is not acting on them which I don't. I'm expressing them in this video which is a conscious choice.

[@michamichalak6200]

@@nikiyikes5674 In my opinion, often, it takes too much energy to control emotions like anger for example. Expressing anger for me makes life more bearable and sometimes even pleasurable. Of course not in every situation, but from time to time, when it is reasoned.

[@lancefarrar3442]

Born

[@shepardcommander5174]

Wow a question i have asked myself a lot of times! Was i born this way or was it the traumatic experiences i had as a child that made me this way. I like to think that it is both?

[@nikiyikes5674]

I agree.

[@awesomefeldmanfamily]

Wow that's hard

[@charlesertel1324]

You seem alright to me. Just try and stop putting so much emphasis on what other people think. Concentrate on your own goals and don’t look behind you. Stop taking those BS prescribed drugs too. It sounds like a Parent giving their kid adderal just because they are extroverted. Just get on with yer life’s goals. I’m an INFJ and I understand about the Grammar School BS but that is behind you now. Use those experiences to make you stronger, as opposed to a crutch and use that strength to reach your highest ground. I hope my words help.

[@nikiyikes5674]

Of course, there's a lot I didn't say but these were past experiences, nothing present. I mentioned that the intent wasn't for me to remain on medication, which means that stopped a long time ago, so don't worry about that. Neither myself or the doctor felt I needed it for my whole life, but at that time, it was needed. And it actually helped. It wasn't a matter of caring what other's thought, but the actions they took towards me as a result of that, which caused me harmed in more ways than one. Thanks for the comment!

[@jessenoreligionno5731]

Nurture Vs Nature is a very long ongoing debate, so, there is no consensus on the topic.

[@soa2444]

I don't believe in depression- ISTJ

[@nikiyikes5674]

I'll have to ask my ISTJ friend what they think on this one. Thanks for commenting.