My Step-Mother Attempted To Donate My Children Clothes Behind My Back r/Relationships

[@ladyofrillwater]

Story One: Dude, ballet uniforms too? Those are NOT cheap. As if the emotional abuse isn't bad enough, the financial impact it would have had is insane.

[@lilunette9319]

Tell me if I'm wrong, but I don't think donating costumes and ballet uniforms is a good thing for people who need essentials in a flood disaster. What the hell was Step-Monster thinking. It was obviously to hurt OPs family.

[@aly4920]

Definitely emotional abuse. SM went for the clothes that show the grandchildren's interests. The Pennywise shirt and the ballet outfit. She want to hurt them.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

@@aly4920that is such a good point!

[@zombiedoggie2732]

@@lilunette9319 Halloween costumes are made of cheap fabrics. nothing you can even refashion into something wearable no matter what you try!

[@zombiedoggie2732]

@@aly4920 yep, she specifically targeted those. It wasn't about the victims. It was about her wanting to hurt those kids.

[@godzillakungfu]

Story 2 comments are hilarious as usual. The soon to be sister in law avoids OP when they visit, only sees her at family gatherings, they have zero in common, and suddenly SIL asks her to be a bridesmaid. Then some comments are all about“ it’s like you are ignoring her, it’s a slap to her face, why can’t you understand.” The irony.

[@paulastiles5507]

I know, right? OP is under no actual obligation to be this woman's bridesmaid. Laura being a see-you-next-Tuesday, and using her friends as flying monkeys to bully and harass her future SIL only confirms OP's bad opinion of her. I foresee a quick divorce in OP's brother's future. After the update: Looks like this marriage may not be happening after all. Good for you, James.

[@Its_like_the_T-Rex]

Real talk - being a bridesmaid is actually a huge obligation, both in time, effort, emotion and MONEY. Bridesmaids often are obligated to spend hundreds to thousands of dollars on wedding attire and weekend trips, parties... plus you typically have to suck up being treated badly by the bride who's under stress. It is okay to say no to that.

[@lusnoct4298]

It's perfectly reasonable to decline in general, and when it comes to someone who's been distant to you for as long as you've known them it's doubly-so! If Laura wants to start building a better relationship, that's fine-- but this is neither the time nor the method.

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

I mean, it depends. I was a bridesmaid and it’s wasn’t a chore, it wasn’t work, and it wasn’t expensive. Then again, I was a friend of the bride and we actually liked each other.

[@LilBluSky0417]

I must have done the whole bride thing wrong then. I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, jewelry, hair, makeup, nails and other accessories. I paid for my own bachelorette party, and even gave them rides to and from the dressmakers shop (our dresses were made for us and not off the rack). My bridesmaids didn't spend anything on me that they didn't insist on (they gave me small things like my perfume, the keepsake that has my dad's picture on it that I attached to my bouquet, and some pretty hair clips). I paid for that stuff because it was MY privilege to have them be part of my wedding... It was an honor for me to have my best friends surrounding me and supporting me on my big day. I never thought it was them that should feel like it was a privilege to be there, rather that I was the one who felt privileged that they took time out of their lives to get dressed up for me. Then again, I love my friends so much and one of them is now my SIL and I was over the moon to finally have a big sister ❤

[@CircusoftheMoon]

@@LilBluSky0417 You definitely sound like an awesome bride! I feel like nowadays it’s more the norm for bridesmaids to pay their own way so people like you are rare.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

Stepmonster might’ve apologized for her past wrongdoings but an apology means nothing if someone doesn’t stop doing what they are apologizing for. Believe in actions, not words.

[@ComaLies225]

Say it louder for the evil step parents to hear! 👏 👏 👏

[@Siinwu]

Ive had a very few of my past bullies/abusers try apologise, i just reply with put action or money for help where the apology is if they mean it, funny enough they are not willing to, what a shocker.

[@ninirossau2304]

words without action are just manipulation. the first time I heard this it finally clicked in my little brain why things made me so upset. tell it to me straight, I am a big girl I can handle it.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

​@@ninirossau2304almost everything is manipulation with the key being figuring out what's toxic and what's ok.

[@kentario1610]

Talk is cheap, as they say.

[@Raaslen]

Story 1: I am brazillian, and it's kind of an unfortunate "trend" here to people who desperatly need psycological help to end up going to get a psycology degree instead of just going to treatment with a professional of the field.

[@anonymouse9833]

I think we have that issue in the US too, except they become therapists and social workers

[@loveyourwaifu1035]

that's not just a brazil thing tbh. the amount of times i've run into absolute narcisists who also happen to be in psychology or be psychologists is absolutely mind blowing

[@laurag502]

we have this problem in the US too. i went to school with one of the most mentally unwell, meanest girl i’ve ever met and she’s trying to become a mental health counselor. i want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she’s changed but i doubt it.

[@megnotmegan1966]

That is absolutely terrifying

[@stellamccoy5259]

​@anonymouse9833 As a therapist, I agree. I know many therapists who should not be therapists.

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

She apologized but didn't change her behavior? She's never been sorry, she was just paying lip service. At least they're finally going NC with her.

[@AndyyWithAY]

There was never an excuse for SM's behavior. Why TF would anyone allow you to just rummage through their home to use your best judgment regarding clothes to donate?? If you can't find the bags, call someone. F**k an apology. It is not a cure all. Children should never be on a diet unless it's changing from very unhealthy to adding more fruits and veg in a fun way. You need to go NC with your dad too. This woman gave you life long trauma and now she's doing it to your child. He's either for you or against you

[@mbyerly9680]

I'm curious if OP will discover some of her own things missing and her drawers rifled through.

[@adrian_k9195]

Story 2: I feel like she didn't ask the OP to be a bridesmaid to be able to get closer, it's more likely to keep up appearances/a facade and perhaps she doesn't have many friends she felt she could ask that of. Had she wanted to become closer to the OP she would've done so prior to the wedding.

[@alexanderhenby1362]

Asking your SIL to be a bridesmaid is pretty common.

[@lusnoct4298]

@@alexanderhenby1362 Doing so for appearances is a common part of it, especially when you've spent your entire relationship with your fiance being cold and distant toward your STB-SIL.

[@laurenjohnson4566]

Still common to do so, and is ok to want to get closer now that you will become family. Also, we only got one side. Perhaps OP was cold too or maybe there really was stuff going on in sil's schedule. Could be a time for bonding and communication for both, but OP is being petty.

[@lusnoct4298]

@@laurenjohnson4566 Something being common does not make it right or reasonable. There was plenty of time before now for them to develop a bond, and there will be plenty of time after the wedding to work on it. Expecting to bond with someone you barely know by thrusting a great deal of stress, responsibility, and financial strain on them is unreasonable and unhealthy-- not to mention incredibly entitled.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

@@laurenjohnson4566 Nah. They aren't close in any way and trying to force that by being a bridesmaid would be a disaster.

[@FlyingPurplePplEatr]

OP attempted to be friends with the fiancée yet the fiancée didn’t care to try when OP did. OP doesn’t have to be a bridesmaid and sign up for something where she doesn’t know anyone. The fiancée didn’t attempt to get close to OP and NOW wants to try and make it some sort of competition? Bye. The fiancée clearly wants to keep up appearances because that’s it. Sister of the groom is a significant role and more than enough.

[@alyzu4755]

Story 2: NTA. If it were a case of getting a dress, having a party, and supporting the bride the day of, that'd be one thing. But being a bridesmaid these days means spending a crap-ton of money, going on trips, and acting as an indentured servant for months. Laura has never made an effort to get closer to OP, they're not friends, and there was no reason for OP to be a bridesmaid. Then she sent her flying monkeys after OP. I hope James thinks long and hard before going through with this wedding.

[@polydactylblackcat2218]

Story one: Even if we grant that step mom genuinely missed the bags, that does NOT make it okay to go through the childrens' closets and take what you want!!!!

[@skyetan86]

There's a certain kind of person who sees a child's favourite belonging and feels the desire to take it away. A child with a favourite sleep plushie with keep it in their bed until it falls apart and gets lovingly put back together for them. A child with a favourite set of clothes will wear that outfit until they grow tearing out the seams if they're allowed to. Kids need that sentimentality, that object permanence, that stability to feel safe. There's a certain kind of person who can't stand to see that. And bodyshaming children, wow. That is just a whole other story altogether, isn't it? Cannot understand these kinds of people, can't relate.

[@HinataElyonToph]

Step mom is insecure and jealous that she doesn’t have OP’s dad’s full attention. And loves to bully to make herself feel better. And *needs* to be in control

[@aly4920]

Story 1: OP needs to go no contact with her father too. He still with a woman who abused his daughters, now tried with his grandchildren. He doesn't love his family and OKs her behavior by being with her. Go no contact with both.

[@carolinaazevedo2088]

Exactly! If my step mother treated me like this and he kept the relationship I would never forgive him

[@JW-vd4il]

This is the comment I was looking for. THE FATHER is STILL being terrible!!! Wasn't HE supposed to pick up the clothes? Not only didn't do it but let his abuser wife go into the home of his daughter, alone, with no consent for that. I understand OP trying to have a shred of a relationship with her Dad. But she has to face reality and back up from them all and tell him what a terrible father he's been AND CONTINUES TO BE .

[@user-blob]

This!

[@nataliereeves3594]

Ops, dad, is a typical dad you c on reddit. He's putting his sex life before the welfare of his family.

[@3adgamd3r]

But he has a warm wet place to stick his wonder Willy, so that clearly makes it all okay /sarcasm

[@trilbynhiss]

"WHY WON'T YOU BE MY BRIDESMAID!?!" Because I don't want to. Easy peasy.

[@ScooterBond1970]

RRREEEEEEEEEEEE

[@thefallennero5265]

Story 1: OP's father may have sided with her in this situation but how long til he starts going along with what she's been doing like he did when OP and her sister were children. If stepmother was already in therapy, then she must not be listening to her therapist at all if all she's done was apologize and not made any changes at all and the fact she's a psychologist makes her even worse.

[@beccaf262]

I get that to the fiancé it is “accepting the exes MOH role” but in reality it’s actually also her best friends wedding. It probably does feel like a slight but she’s made no effort to get close to OP as friends.

[@SalvatoreFerrell]

This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@RubyW.Cortes-pf7jb]

I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back

[@SalvatoreFerrell]

Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?

[@RubyW.Cortes-pf7jb]

Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being

[@SalvatoreFerrell]

Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive.

[@Aluranae]

Story 2: ...since when is curating your social circle a faux pas? OP doesn't vibe with Laura, she vibes with Diane, all is cool. That's...how it goes, I thought? But apparently there's a whole other code of conduct for family that I don't know about or weddings or...nah mate, OP's in the clear dude, Laura's just throwing a tantrum and going through the larval stage of being a bridezilla.

[@carolinaazevedo2088]

Yeah. For me it is really weird since she never wanted to hang out with her. Why would I want to be a bridesmaid and spend hundreds of dollars to be part of her wedding? I dont understand people thinking it is ok to not talk to someone and then ask them to be a bridesmaid

[@zerobolt9506]

​@@carolinaazevedo2088 same I feel the same here, glad I'm not alone

[@july_paradox3094]

S2: i feel bad for laura having to hear that from james' friend and let her insecurities get the best of her. Like james say tho, she went about it the worst way possible. For their relatiomship sake, i hope that this is just an isolated event. James really need to talk to his friends on what they said and how it had affected laura.

[@laurenjohnson4566]

I agree, and did James defend his fiance? If he did, I don't think she would have freaked out so bad.

[@liabowden8526]

He didn't hear tge convo, only Laura, and she didn't tell him til he confronted her. Gotta wonder tho, if his idiot friends are that umaware of their surroundings, or if they *wanted* Laura to overhear them.​ it warrants investigation.@@laurenjohnson4566

[@SingingMermaid4]

Honestly before the update I had a sneaking suspicion it was something like this. Because before the asking to be in the bridal party Diane and OP seemed to be content to be curteous to one another, then the hard switch and spiral right after? Doesn't excuse Diane but that has got to be rough. I am alao curious if OP's brother bothered to follow up with what his friends said. Also as bad as Diane went about it, I genuinely hate it when one party goes away for the night or week to think about things. Either resolve the fight or break it off. The cooling off period is torture for at least one party. Like my partner and I have taken at most an hour to "cool off" not go over night or a week without talking to "Think things over". And I understand cooling heads prevail, but honestly think, when those prolonged cool offs happen, how often do they actually result in the couple staying together? It happens, and I get needing to walk away, but not for the whole night. You go away for the whole night or week, its to talk and gossip about your problems without the other party.

[@lusnoct4298]

@@laurenjohnson4566 Sounds like he didn't even hear the conversation that she did, so what matters will be how he handles that situation from here-- and whether Laura can learn her place in OP's life.

[@GiordanDiodato]

that's not an excuse

[@kitkakitteh]

Nah, bridesmaid is too much slogging work and expense for a stranger you don’t know, and aren’t close to. It’s basically signing up to be a cash cow and unpaid servant to a bridezilla.

[@ettinakitten5047]

Story 1: If someone sent me to their home to grab clothes in bags to donate, I wouldn't touch any clothes that weren't bagged up. If I couldn't find the bags, I'd either call them for help, or failing that, just not take any clothes at all. This was 100% deliberate.

[@mbyerly9680]

Anyone who deploys the flying monkeys at a slight is not a person you want to be close to. OP needs to keep her distance from the future SIL who is both self-absorbed and a drama queen.

[@DarkRelm22]

i misread that as "my step-mother attempted to donate my children behind my back." 😅

[@TH-hy9kr]

This made me think of my dad's story about being at the grocery store with his grandfather who put a produce price tag on him and joked to sell him at the store.

[@kitarrah1422]

I wouldn't put it past that harpy to try it.

[@ynmonroe]

Story 2: The only true point I see in the bride's favor is that the groom's friends are AH. First of all, why make this comment at a get together the fiancée is attending? And how the heck do they think it's an appropriate comment even if she was not around. Like to the groom had he heard? I hope OP's brother confronted them after finding out what Laura overheard. With that said, why didn't she try to get closer to OP or even ask James if OP has any bad feelings towards her before trying these manipulative tactics?

[@paden1865able]

You let your dad know exactly what she did, send pictures of where the bags were, and the drawers where she took the clothes from. This was a straight up attempt at theft. Tell him that you want him in your life, but no way in hell is she welcome around you and yours.

[@AndyyWithAY]

We need to normalize being on the side of bio family unless you're close to the future spouse. A wedding is not the time to forge friendships. She knew for months this wedding was coming and made no effort to get close to OP. OP wants to spend time and money on her FRIEND'S wedding. No ESH, definitely NTA

[@alexanderhenby1362]

Sure, but who refuses to be in the wedding party of a sibbling they admit to being close to? Like, that's weird, unless you don't like the person they are marrying.

[@GiordanDiodato]

@@alexanderhenby1362 because she won't know anyone?

[@torahammas6722]

@@alexanderhenby1362 Beeing one of her brothers gromsmen would make sense, but why would she be a bridesmaid to someone she isn't close to? Because shes a woman? Shell still be there as a guest.

[@bunnyslippers191]

@@torahammas6722 And, since she's family, she will probably also be taking part in making the wedding and reception run smoothly since the bride and groom will be the center of attention and won't have time to do that themselves.

[@ulvha]

​@@alexanderhenby1362 as one of the groomswoman or best woman yes, but why in the bridesmaids?That one of the thing I never get, you are from the grooms side why you stood on the brides side?

[@loveyourwaifu1035]

do we have another check for "why are so many psychologists also narcesistic" in story one?

[@videofan1010]

I mean - the father is still with a woman who has caused great emotional harm to his children. He's not innocent 😑.

[@CathySW]

You're probably right, but she could be abusing him too

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

no contact w stepmom: that's what she needs

[@AngelaVEdwards]

One reason why I like this channel is because Mark is so sensible with the things he says. I thought the same thing about all these “friends”. Lately whenever someone disagrees with you they send all their flying monkeys to come after you. Unbelievable.

[@ianesgrecia8568]

Story 2: You can always tell the imaturity of someone if they send their friends to harass you after a disagreement. I hope the brother gets away from Laura and gets a divorce soon.

[@sternenblumen]

They're not married yet, so hopefully, this is a wake-up call for the brother and he seriously reconsiders the relationship/wedding.

[@whitney10784]

I don’t understand Reddit sometimes! It’s like they don’t even read what the op writes! She said that the fiancé hasn’t really tried to get to know her or hang out with her. So why would she wait until she got engaged to do that and ask her to be a bridesmaid?!? She’s been friends with the ex for a long time so it is different. And it is so immature and ridiculous to get your friends to harass the sister! Goodness 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@Tammohawk1]

1. I'd be furious. That woman is a thief! There's no way she couldn't find those bags of clothes. Mental health issues are no excuse for treating children badly. First it was OP and her sister. Now she's going after OP's kids. What an evil person. 2. I really don't understand flying monkeys. Calling, texting someone blasting you on someone else's behalf is such middle school behavior.

[@wheresmysoul443]

story 2: I feel like the biggest problem Laura has is that its his ex, but if. we take that out of the equation, OP is the MOH at her childhood friends wedding. I think as long as OP was respectful when she turned Lauras bridesmaid request down then shes 100% NTA

[@LFROSTVEVO]

Story one: I have BPD, and went to therapy (DBT) for about 4 years. From OPs description, the stepmom may have attended therapy but has not put in any of the effort to change her behavior. Living with BPD is not easy, but I've also NEVER used it as an excuse for my bad behavior. Having BPD is not my fault, but managing the BPD is DEFINITELY my responsibility.

[@iononcantomascrivo]

The first story: the wicked stepmother might have apologized for the way she raised OP and her siblings, but she certainly didn't change or try to change. I will never understand certain people who think uttering an insincere non-apology just totally wipes the slate clean. It doesn't. It's the changed behavior and the effort putting forth to make sure the behavior doesn't get repeated that shows true remorse. It also shows that they care and want to do better. It doesn't matter that the stepmother is bipolar. I'm sure she's the type to use her medical condition as an excuse to not take any accountability for her actions. I've known people just like her. I myself have severe anxiety, PTSD and mild autism. I don't use any of those conditions of an excuse to trample all over people's boundaries and be a butthole. Whereas, OP's stepmother does. It's in her best interest to stay no-contact even though it will deprive her father from seeing his grandchildren. It's sad, because even if OP allowed her dad to see the kids you can bet stepmonster would find a way to wheedle her way back in OP's life. It truly is sad how one person's destructive decisions result in so many people ending up losing out.

[@NopeScope14]

Story two: OP was right in refusing to be a bride's maid. From FSIL temper tantrum and flying monkey sendoff, OP made the right call in not catering for this woman-child. The "YTA" commenters aren't reading the lines at all, no less in between them.

[@jackspring7709]

She did that on purpose. This is an ongoing thing with her and she has no intention of stopping: she got away with treating OP badly, now she is picking on the children. Bad form for OP's father not doing anything to deal with it. NTA - OP is protecting her children from this trouble making narcissist because her father won't.

[@Himitssu]

Story 2 - People say YTA or ESH, the moment Laura brought her friends in to BULLY op, she was automatically wrong.I feel like OP made clear that she respects Laura as her brother's partner and a Stepmom for her nephew, but that doesn't mean she HAS to be a bridesmaid in the wedding.Bridesmaid are usually people close to the bride, which,...she isn't.Which is why it makes sense se accepted Diane's invite, because SHE IS close to her.I feel like she'd be stuck in a bridal party were she wouldn't know/feel comfortable with anyone just to please Laura, even with Laura herself and thats a no to me.Also, with the update, I get why Laura was upset, but OP's brother is right, she went about it in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE.So no, I don't think OP was an AH in anyway.

[@foodieyumiko5593]

Ikr, I didn't get why people were gaslighting her. If you're not close to one, you have the right to not wanna do stuff for them.

[@TheMimiSard]

Story 1 - Stepmother being a psychologist just means she is probably arrogant and "I know better!" about a lot of mental issues. She probably refuses to think her abuse is, well, abusive, because "I am a psychologist! I know what is abuse and what isn't!"

[@CreepyBlueAnimals84]

Story 2: What were the "Friends" thinking talking like that in front of the soon to be bride? That's just downright stupid to make those comments in a place where she could hear them. She's stupid for not using her words like an adult and sharing her thoughts and feelings with the brother. What a bunch of idiots!!

[@Treveyon2010]

To be fair, it doesn't sound like they said it in front of her. OP said she overheard, meaning they weren't aware she was around. While they can have whatever opinion they want, I do agree they shouldn't have been having that chat somewhere she could hear.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

It also sounds like for all of OP's insistence that she's respectful, she's treating the bride noticeably cooler than the ex. The double standard is pretty shitty. The friends using OP's approval and acceptance seems to be deemed OK, but the bride doing so isn't.

[@carolinaazevedo2088]

​@@slytherinlibrarian3501she did say that whenever she visited the Bride would say she is too busy to hang out. So there was never an effort to become friends before.

[@slytherinlibrarian3501]

@carolinaazevedo2088 That doesn't mean in either direction that an effort was or wasn't made, only that it was inconvenient when OP stopped by, or she's saying that to not intrude on OP's time with her brother and nephew. Clearly, they're together beyond the confines of the apartment, or the friends wouldn't see the difference in OP's treatment between the bride and the ex. Based on what the friends are saying between one another, there's likely more to her behaviour than OP is letting on. Even she doesn't have anything bad to say up until the rejection of being a bridesmaid, and while not being besties is understandable and her prerogative, it doesn't seem like she's treating her as respectfully as she believes.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

​@@slytherinlibrarian3501 One woman is a childhood friend and the other is someone she barely knows. Some people just don't click. My SIL and I will never be close but I believe she's a good person and good to my brother and we're cordial.

[@sillyslag446]

Op in story one never should’ve let that woman around her kids in the first place, I understand forgiving people but no no no you don’t let someone that abuses kids around your kids, you know who she is so why??

[@browniewin4121]

1) So sorry this is happening to people there. What kind of idiot does not recognize that the 2 bags waiting by the door were the clothes to be donated and instead helps themself to clothes from the closet? I am so sorry OP was done harm growing up by the behavior of the step mom and now needs to protect her kids from this woman. Considering the history, it is best to go NC with her, but OP's father is not blameless, he was an enabler of his kids abuse. So sorry OP. After comments: OMG, that woman is a monster. I'm glad Op was able to get her kids clothes back. OP has made the right choice to go NC and it's a wonder this decision was not made sooner. After update: OMG ... this woman is a psychologist ... she is insane and abusive, and should never be in a position to have any sway over any other persons emotions and mental health. I'm glad OP told her dad SM is out of her life from now on and let him pass that news along. It's good OP is ignoring her. 2) It's too bad OP and her brother's fiancee do not get on, but now giving OP a hard time for not being a bride's maid for her, and being a bride's maid for a childhood friend. OP is correct about her obligation towards her. NTA, and WTH with sending in the flying monkeys. I think OP should speak with her brother and tell him everything and what is happening now. After update: Well that was unfortunate that those friends were overheard when they were reminiscing and this freaked out the bride and instead of speaking to her groom about it, she goes off on this tangent to win sisters approval and then have a melt down when it didn't go the way she wanted. I'm glad OP's brother is on her side and not upset with her, it makes sense he is upset with his fiancee. I wonder if he will see this as enough of a red flag to not just take a few days apart, but to call things off?

[@Russman67]

You tell Dad straight up that step mom can't be around your family. And Dad at least tacitly approved of what she was doing. Dad's got to make a choice. Uphold OP's boundaries or end up outside them.

[@faithdarkness9079]

I think what bothers me the most about story one (other than the fact that the step seems to have body issues she wants to give to other girls) is that if the step had thought to take the bags with her when she left, the op may not have noticed till the kids went to change, and by then it would have likely been to late. I really hope the dad rethinks his marriage at this point, seeing he was the one who had paid for some of that stuff.

[@TheSergio1021]

Why did OP even allow either her step mother or father in her house ALONE?! If she was abused as a kid by both of those people why did she think they would not try something shady and invade boundaries?

[@YellaBellaReno]

S2: “She could have given that spot to one of her GF’s, but chose you to likely become closer.” Nah. If you haven’t been able to bond with someone, your wedding is not the time to start. Bridesmaids have a lot of responsibilities that have them interacting very intimately with the bride, adding stress to the equation, making it an even worse situation for bonding. There are people out there who really expect anyone joining their family to just magically become a close friend. Sure, that would be great, but it’s not a requirement and there is absolutely no rush. Let it happen organically; you absolutely cannot force it. The only thing OP needs to be concerned with is her brother’s happiness, and like OP said herself, mutual respect.

[@HonorWillow]

Story 1: there is absolutely no excuse, even if we ignore the trauma, for donating OTHER people’s stuff without their consent, whether they fit or not!

[@Flufferz626]

My husband used to coordinate for a thrift store chain donation (he'd float around the district). The vast majority of donated clothes aren't the needed items after a disaster at all, even specific items like ballet uniforms. They go into storage to be sorted and maybe put on the shelves. Probably over 70% of clothing goes to be repurposed. They are shredded and made into other items even during good times. A lot of clothing donated is in bad shape or like specific uniforms or outer wear that people shouldn't share (swimsuits, dance costumes etc) and no amount of washing makes them usable for another person. Especially post-natural disaster, clothing is among the least useful items to donate and is a waste of time and money

[@bobbert1945]

It is really hard for people with BPD to sustain relationships. As this story shows, it's also difficult to tolerate a relationship with someone (stepmother in this case) with BPD.

[@ObsidianFaux]

Bed with step mommy must be amazing for the dad Story 2 that’s just on op for being friendly and doing a lot for the girls

[@dm9078]

As the kids like to say, OP doesn’t have a stepmother problem she has a father problem. She wants to rug sweep what her father did and lay all the blame on the stepmother. OP is not TA to not want stepmother around, but if she’s going to lay blameon she needs to lay it where it belongs without lying to herself

[@heathercontois4501]

Story 1-OP do not block her. She is now harassing you and you need to document it, file a report AND file against her license, She should not be practicing psychiatry while also being unhinged.

[@sammieg8641]

I feel like my sister wrote story 1… go NC with your dad, he will always choose her over you… my father always has

[@rayneingdown]

Hello early waffle gang! I just finished studying for a test at work, and I am READY to relax with some Reddit drama!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Hope you passed well

[@mohsinAli-hq1nd]

Yayyy

[@rayneingdown]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 Thank you! I’ll be taking the test later today, but I hope I pass too!

[@kaah2999]

Good job, mate!

[@AngelaVEdwards]

Come back and tell us how you did. We’re rooting for you. 😊

[@TsukiKageTora]

Last story: the bride seems too immature for marriage. If she has to pressure OP into being a bridesmaid…

[@roowyrm9576]

Just because a person is a psychologist, it doesn't mean that they are a stable person themselves. Also, ballet uniform? How on earth is that suitable for donation to children in need after floods?

[@HinataElyonToph]

It’s not. Step mom just wanted to stir shit up just because

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

16:26 I always think about this too! Like, I can’t imagine doing this for anyone. We just bitch about them together, I don’t call them and harass them.

[@brandyb2931]

20 bucks says she looked in the bags and didn't like what was donated and then grabbed what she wanted. How do you miss 2 bags right by the door? When you look at my daughter's and her boyfriends pictures when they were 10-13, both were chubby. They were best friends at that age. Then they hit puberty, and they shot up and are both skinny. When my daughter was younger she was built more stocly like her dad. Now that she's 17, she's built like I was at that age. Skinny minnie.

[@Swnsasy]

Where is some Poppymeister puppy bloopers barks while you record? 😂😂😂❤

[@hilaryc3203]

I have two brothers and each married. I was not asked to be a bridesmaid, nor did I care. It had nothing to do with my relationship with my SILs, but simply what the bridal party was considered to be; that the role is for the brides close friends or relatives (who were also close to the bride).

[@rayneingdown]

The second story is so confusing to me. It may just be my autism (I often struggle to understand the little complexities), but OP’s logic makes perfect sense. They don’t know the fiancé very well and don’t feel like spending thousands of dollars to be part of a crowd that she also doesn’t know. It’s just weird to assume she *has* to be a bridesmaid because it’s her brother’s wedding. If that’s the route commenters want to take, then shouldn’t she be a groomswoman? There’s no reason for her to waste so much money just to have a high chance of being ostracized, and Diane is her childhood friend. Of *course* she’s going to be the maid of honor for someone she’s known her whole life and is close to. The status of ex isn’t relevant since it’s not like Diane is *OP’s* ex. Who her partner’s sister chooses to be close with is none of the fiancé’s business. The fiancé doing all of this out of some warped sense of inadequacy is even more telling. I’m glad OP’s brother is putting a pause on things to figure out what’s going on. Either the fiancé is ridiculously insecure and needs to seek help for that, or the OP’s brother isn’t doing what he should as a partner and isn’t supporting her enough to establish faith in their relationship. Given how creepy trying to win over the OP to prove her superiority to Diane by proxy is, and how she sent her friends (or at the very least likely didn’t even try to *stop* her friends) to harass her, I’m more inclined to believe it’s the first issue. People like this creep me tF out.

[@sternenblumen]

I would like to say it's not the autism, just common sense, but then I got recently diagnosed with autism, too, so...

[@neru1584]

I'm autistic too and it made me so, so confused. Like no I'd rather be in a wedding party with people I'm close with than with someone I barely know??? People saying "well she probably took it as you wishing Diane married him instead" is the definition of people reading too far into it. Like no lol

[@BruinPhD2009]

I'm neurotypical, and I agree with you all. I am, however, slightly neurotic, but that's a different story. 😂

[@Uneclipsed]

Some people are still very strict about rules at formal events and weddings traditionally have gendered rules (women in the bridal party, men in the groom’s) It IS stupid and makes more sense for her to be on her brother’s side, but the bride probably thought it would “look” weird.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Seems perfectly reasonable to me. Some do ask members of the other family but usually only when they're close.

[@gngrblls2thwall]

S1: I suspect a lot of the same stuff that makes people manipulative also attracts them to studying psychology. If you're really curious about the inner workings of minds that curiosity alone can make you tempt to manipulation just as an experiment. The curiosity itself isn't a vice, but it can lead being tempted towards manipulative vice.

[@Horstinkistan]

OP1 should never give the code for their house to dad ever again. Everyone knows he's just gonna give it to his wife, or she's gonna figure it out from looking in his phone.

[@tfrtrouble]

I'm getting really sick of these stories that go "My parent was really abusive. As an adult who has a choice, I chose to invite them around my family and they are causing trouble by being continuing to be abusive - surprised Pikachu face." I understand that childhood abuse can mess you up and many people feel a sense of obligation still and find it hard to cut contact (I had an abusive mother myself who I cut contact with at 18), but if so, you have a duty to address these issues before you have children. "It's ok because I supervise all contact and am willing to cut access to the kids if it gets too bad" doesn't cut it. Firstly, abusers are sneaky and will find ways to sow doubt and discord, and supervising all contact gets harder as children get older and have phones. Secondly, it's not ok to let your children form an attachment to nice-seeming grandma/grandpa when you know you might have to cut contact and not be able to explain to them why. Do not let emotionally abusive people form relationships with your children! It's a tragedy that nobody protected you as a child but now as an adult and a parent it is your job to protect your children.

[@dk9619]

None of my friends or family would ever message someone I had a dispute with. Who are these people?

[@heathercontois4501]

Story 2-NTA, you are not close to Laura and she has certainly not made an effort to be close to you. As far as being Diana's MOH, how can she even compare your childhood friend (regardless of being our brother's ex) and she is a box of cats for not stopping her friends from coming at you when they should get it, too.

[@rainmeh4255]

I'm Brazilian. I get buying clothes too big, my grandparents did the same till I said to just give me money, but at that time my parents were probably saying we were growing allot (I wasn't) and we were living in the UK again, and they hadn't seen me in years. I've also don'e ballet in Brazil and yes, that's expensive. She definitely knew what she was doing. You don't go into someone else's closet to pick clothes when you have two bin bags full of clothes by the front door. Even if she hadnt seen it on the way in I'm sure she would have seen it on the way out. Block her out of your life, and maybe dad if he's willingly following her delusion.

[@teamaang7915]

Wow? A psychologist that is an abuser🤬 in other words she knows exactly what to say to 'apologise'

[@dwilcox7706]

You ain't finna tell my kids shid at my house.

[@SK98765]

S1: You miss the bags, then call/text or else just leave. This does NOT give you permission to go through their stuff and choose what you think would be motivated. The history of abuse just made it worse.

[@lbfaith]

She knew where the bags were. She just wanted that control…

[@vSpade]

stepmother keeping the stereotype alive. can't handle a partner with baggage.

[@maranathaschraag5757]

Step monster is unsafe to be around. I strongly suspect she either went through other things (like op's bedroom) and probably took other things OP hasn't realized yet. the dad is complicit and will almost certainly need to be cut out as well. As simon whilster says (casual criminalist): don't mess up your kids.

[@jaredsnoddy1859]

Always love your videos, Mark! I'm still a bit sore from a minor surgery I had yesterday, and this is the perfect distraction from that.

[@RockerBabe0015]

I kinda feel bad for the fiance in the last story. Yeah, she should have talked to her future husband about it, but to have all of his friends talk about how he should have been with his ex instead of you, that's probably soul crushing. I hope he talks to them and gets them to apologize, but with that said, she needs to apologize to op as well and get her friends to do the same.

[@babimina9617]

Story 2 having people call op the asshole is so crazy to me the brother already said op was his grooms sister and op tried to get close to Laura but Laura made it hard to get close being a bridesmaid isn’t the first step to becoming close unlike Diane who op knew for YEARS and on top of that Laura got her friends to attack op so how is she the AH?

[@AnaReginaNica]

Oh, Mark, your Brazilian Portuguese pronounciation is great, I promise. A little funny over the edges, you did eat some letters, but correct and understandable enough for any Brazilian to get it. And yes, the floods here on Rio Grande do Sul are the worst we got to date (we had another big one in the 80's, but nothing like this one). This time, the water invaded an area the same size of the entire Italy country. It's like every citzen in an European country lost their homes to the water, and we are still counting the deaths. Just for you to have an idea.

[@ariste01]

Yeah my niece is 3 years youngest than my youngest daughter. When they were little my husband and I moved in with my MIL to help her pay off her mortgage and save for or own house and my SIL moved in to mooch off everyone. My daughter was a bit small and my niece is rather large so they ended up about a size apart. I didn't mind handing down stuff that was too small but my SIL and MIL used to steal stuff before I even got the tags off.

[@des1279]

The fact I keep hearing these stories about horrible mothers and finding out they’re therapists/psychologists/social workers just makes me even more apprehensive about going to therapy bc like Jfc if I got one of them as my therapist idk I just know I wouldn’t be getting any better lol that’s wild they can be in such a profession yet lack so much. I guess they really separate their work and personal life so much…

[@shebakoby]

Stepmother diagnosed Borderline? You don't say! At least with Borderlines they generally (?) have more empathy than Narcissists, though it varies. At least Stepmother had enough self-awareness to apologize, although it might have been a case of only telling OP what she wanted to hear. However, it doesn't sound like Stepmom changed much and is still very much a "Cluster of Bees" (ONLY refers to abusive instances of Cluster B). And the father sold his soul to a LITERAL "demon in the sack". He should have been taught, "My son, stick it not in Cluster B/Crazy".

[@fluidwolf]

Why am I noticing a trend of abusive people being psychologists, therapists, and others in that line of work? That's legitimately concerning as a trend

[@minakat369]

That's always been the case. You just starting to notice?

[@patrickwalsh5153]

I wonder how many narcissists become psychologists in order be better at gaslighting?

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: If stepmomster couldn’t find the bags of clothes, she should have asked for clarification. Not gone into their rooms, violating both their and your privacy, and helped herself. She majorly overstepped your boundaries and needs to face the consequences of her actions. “I refuse to let her damage my children the way she damaged me.” To me, that’s all that needs to be said. I’m NC with my own mother for the same reason; she’s not getting the chance to hurt my kids. S2: Disagree with the commenter saying Laura asked OP to be a bridesmaid as an opportunity to get closer. Nah. If she actually wanted to get closer, she would have hung out the many times OP visited her brother instead of locking herself away. She was trying to look good for OP’s brother. Also, jaded me thinks she told her friends OP said something completely different. Oh geez. Drunk friends said something stupid and OP basically gets the heat for it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[@jake8748]

Story 2 - my brothers ex was like this. Never wanted to interact with any of us. She'd sit watching TV inside instead of out talking with us or helping as we were doing landscaping on their house etc. It's not the reason she's an ex but the reason probably was to do with why she never wanted anything to do with us. Deliberately keeping in laws distant without any real reason is a recipe for a future failing relationship. Don't have to be friends, but indifference will not help and make people less likely to help and support your relationship. Family can be an amazing support and help through tough times. But it can also leave you in the cold just as easy

[@colleens1107]

I’m sorry but forget the stepmom the true villain is the father for staying with a woman who legit abused his kids. She’s never gonna change and should have been kicked to the curb THE MOMENT he heard his gf call his daughter fat and tried to limit her food. HES the one OP should never forgive

[@stellamccoy5259]

S1. NTA. Be honest with your father and if he doesn't accept your boundaries, he can also be put on the back burner. He either chooses the right thing or backs his wife. Either choice he makes will let you know where he stands. S2. NTA. Why does someone have to accept a role in a wedding? You are not close with her so why would you accept this and why does she demand this.

[@Mapache095]

Ohhhh Story 1 makes me mad - im brazilian, i know that the economy is bad there, and it's not as easy to replace the clothes had they been lost. Stepmom is an evil evil woman!

[@SamasBananas1]

Story 2: Saying no to being a bridesmaid is always okay; it's a big commitment, time and money wise. Why is this being treated as a bid for closeness or friendship when the brother's fiancée never made the effort prior? If she truly wanted OP to be her bridesmaid, she would have made the effort before the engagement. SIL probably just asked OP out of obligation and only got butthurt when she said yes to being in her friend's bridal party

[@LovingShadow-e3k]

Let's face it if Stepmonster got life threatening version of COVID-19 the family would be rooting for the virus.

[@shydog7276]

Look, I have BPD. Maybe Stepmonster has it, but that's not the point. It's, at best, an explanation for some of her behavior. What really matters is that she's done little to nothing to mitigate a lifelong personality disorder. I have to actively fight my nature to be squirrelly lol. But when I inevitably slip up, I make damn sure to own my bad behavior, apologize, and correct it. This B has yet to do any of that. Also, if anyone in OP's life try to accept Stepmonster "couldn't find the bags" right by the damn door should do so understanding they need to accept this woman is unbelievably stupid. I think even us readers know she isn't stupid, so why would her family think this? It would be the only reason she apparently couldn't find a bag you'd have to near trip over to get inside. Time to stop tolerating this woman. And time to stop tolerating passive useless dad as well. These people do not care.

[@jackspring7709]

P.S. You don't need to talk to your father about this, or justify it. He enabled her throughout and even joined in with her. Tell him once that you don't want her around your family and tell him why. If he tries to object tell him you'll go low to no contact with him. Accept it or 'goodbye'

[@isasantos8577]

Listening to Mark trying to pronounce Rio Grande do Sul made my day instantly better

[@shebakoby]

The Cluster B to Psychologist Pipeline is real.

[@wmdkitty]

How do you walk past two huge bags of clothing and not see them? Stepmonster did this deliberately.

[@henrietteko]

Story 1 got me thinking about my own childhood trauma. I grew up with an abusive step father. I don't have any contact with him. And I rarely talk with my mother. She allowed stuff to happen, she was there, she witnessed it. A few years ago I was invited to my aunts birthday and my mother and step father had said they were coming so I told my aunt why I couldn't come. At the birthday my mother kept asking why I was not there but I had told my family that they can say that she can call me and ask, so the day after, she called me. I told her I had a bad childhood and I wanted nothing to do with the man she lives with. And what did she say? "Sometimes we had good times" and I was just like, that doesn't make up for all the bad, all the shit and trauma I have been dealing with. I told my mother that she decides if she still wanted to have contact with me and she said of course she wanted that. It's very rare I talk with her, usually it's a message around Christmas, birthdays and mothers day. And I don't take the initiative to talk with her.

[@CrimsonBoxer]

Stepmonster being a psychologist is not surprising but still fucked reminds me of a school counselor I had in elementary school who heard me repeat a suicidal joke my abusive father made but instead of trying to understand why said it she instead wanted me to be punished for it the day after she told my abusive father she asked me if he punished me she smiled as soon as I said yes

[@Peeges_]

Thanks for hanging out with us ❤

[@aduckofsomesort]

What would a kid affected by a flood even do with someone else’s ballet uniform?

[@zombiedoggie2732]

Maybe she stole the ballet outfit because she thought the daughter was "too fat" for ballet or something, or had it in her mind that it was an old Halloween costume.