My Wife Left After 20 Years . . .

On this episode, we hear about:
- A man dating for the first time after the end of a 20-year marriage
- A wife struggling to enjoy life outside of work
- A woman unable to stop talking aloud to herself
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or reach out via this page: Ask a Question - Ramsey (ramseysolutions.com). We want to talk to YOU!
As heard on this episode:
- BetterHelp - bit.ly/3seoBCe
- Hallow - www.hallow.com...
- Thorne (25% Off Orders) - www.thorne.com...
- Organifi - protect-us.mim...
- EveryDollar - www.ramseysolu...
- Eight Sleep - eightsleep.com...
- Apollo Neuro apolloneuro.co...
Resources:
• Building a Non-Anxious Life: bit.ly/3EL5ubR
• Anxiety Test: bit.ly/460QXUp
• Own Your Past, Change Your Future: bit.ly/47q7Skm
• Questions for Humans Conversation Cards: bit.ly/472lIKd
• John's Free Guided Meditation: bit.ly/3MAGpEV
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“This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/Delony and get on your way to being your best self.”
The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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[@Girlgonewise]

First caller she didn’t “abruptly” leave. She was having an affair…you just didn’t know. She wanted to be with her affair partner and he must have dumped her. She doesn’t really want her husband back. She just can’t find a better replacement.

[@boxingfanboy4111]

Like rich cooper said dont ever be option number 2 or 3 always be 1

[@godknowsimstupid7848]

Yeah Deloney said it but kind of glossed over that. Dude has trauma from being left amd kind of realizing she cheated but not being able to know she cheated IMO

[@jpwilliams5264]

⁠@@godknowsimstupid7848caller here. In my eyes, it was cheating, even though it didnt happen until after but I know the budding was happening prior and def added to the exit.

[@laurencethermes5433]

My very thoughts...

[@goinggaga4ladygaga]

Facts

[@roathripper]

rule no 1: never reward bad behaviour

[@sandyelliott3350]

My motto

[@distorbia20]

Honestly don’t take her back. How can you forget what she did. You can’t. Let her pursue a new life. Heal mate and let her go. Don’t let her crawl back

[@lisalister8002]

agree... and if she did it once.. well - she will do it again.

[@AnonAnonUK2024]

Worse still there's no clear explanation... She can't create a gaping wound and come in as wonder woman patch it up and things be like they were

[@alandalemorris]

⁠

[@alandalemorris]

⁠

[@xxx0ox0]

Yup let her sit on her mistakes

[@LisaLisaCJ]

My mother told me to never take back anyone that ever dumped me. She even said if he dumped me in high school and it was 30 years later😂😂 never take back anyone that ditched me. They will come back and do it again.

[@missl9348]

Your mother is a smart woman. It took me 40 years to learn this hard lesson.

[@thabsmkhize2481]

Mom is a legend!

[@FreeSpirit47]

This is true. I learned that lesson the hard way, yet at least I Learned it. Drawing on that experience, now, I never give second chances. Many have tried to come back. I call them boomerang guys. I quash their attempts right away. Happily, single & celibate since 2012. Discovering that I am much happier single than I ever was when I was dating or married, was so good for me. I have my trusted Doberman; he is the only man that I need.

[@izzywox8246]

They will come back and do it again. You are right

[@wolfmare50]

@@FreeSpirit47I choose alone too. It’s always been my best place.

[@sungreenshinebright8553]

My ex husband of 30 years was having an affair with a woman at work. He began sleeping out, then one day he just leave. No explanation. Several times he came to the house or try calling me. But I never looked back. It’s been 4 years now. I’m still hurting. Never take back a man/woman who leave you. If she loves you. She wouldn’t leave. Be strong enough to let go, and patient enough to wait for what you deserve. Stop entertaining this woman..go no contact.

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Plus, she doesn't even have respect for herself, if she'd cheat

[@thisissparta7782]

You’re right. Never take them back My girlfriend suddenly left and did a 180. It’s been over 2.5 years and I have been celibate since. Her ghosting was the best thing that ever happened because I’m taking time to work on myself and get closer to God each day.

[@lotusqueen4233]

You are absolutely right. NEVER take them back. Wishing you happiness and joy.

[@snudder.s.m.l.5026]

Exactly... The right person would never think of treating the love of hers life like that. Bravo that you didn't go back. Big hugs from Denmark 💝🌹🥰

[@aldenasuemia]

Wow you're someone very strong

[@Skullfuck34]

She ran off with another guy and when he was done with her he dumped her. Now she realizes she made a mistake. DO NOT TAKE HER BACK

[@Situtlab]

She didn’t make a mistake she made a miscalculation. A mistake implies good intentions.

[@barryc9115]

Just another failed monkey branching attempt. You are spot on!

[@Kivlor]

​@@Situtlabyeah, she doesnt really internalize it as a mistake. She'll do it again most likely.

[@Wildanimal864.]

@@Situtlabeither way they don’t deserve you again @ all.

[@JUJU-._.-]

Agree.

[@soul1380]

Is his new gf avoiding him because she knows the ex is still in the picture. That's a big 🚩

[@robertreynard2916]

My wife left after 27 years of marriage(affair), only to come groveling back when she realized the “grass was NOT greener”….NO WAY!

[@heather4089]

Congratulations for having self love. I left my ex after cheating on me for years, I had enough and never looked back, he contacted me after I moved out of state and I blocked him.

[@thabsmkhize2481]

TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS??? She threw 27 years away?? 😭

[@lisajeter9511]

How interesting this husband say his ex came back “Groveling” that alone jumps out to me what little respect he has for her to begin with. Which might have more to do with why she left to begin with. His wording speaks more about him than it does about her.

[@lisajeter9511]

@@thabsmkhize2481 No one throws away 27 years for No Reason!

[@lisajeter9511]

Being married to LE or First Responders is not an easy Task. These partners suffer terrible PTSD and bring it home every day. Plus the Divorce rate is way above 50% There’s only 1 person to take out their own frustration out on.

[@bffoxjr]

Always remember, if a woman abruptly leaves you, she made that decision 6 months beforehand. She probably was already seeing him 6 months before. 20 years is also the magic number in some states where the ex gets alimony for life.

[@DjOne]

I actually Looked it up. You’re spot on. 20 years and then the ex wife gets alimony for life in Ontario 🇨🇦

[@heather4089]

Many states 10 years of marriage, reason why my son divorced before getting to ten.

[@bffoxjr]

@@heather4089 very true. California is the best known one.

[@debbiekoenig7376]

As a woman I think you have to respect a man in order to love him.

[@LateNightRewrites]

Absolutely, for women respect is inextricably linked to both love and desire

[@LukeRev480]

For me it'd vise versa

[@judedonnelly4100]

​​@@LukeRev480 "Vice" versa..

[@sandyelliott3350]

Respect and trust

[@redpilljesus]

​@@LukeRev480 well, you're a dude, so...

[@louisegould8840]

She left you for someone else and didn’t even have the decency to tell you for two years after you broke up. Do not take her back !

[@standground8284]

*She likely got dumped by the new guy* and now that she lonely she wants to return. *First off, why are you even communicating with an ex in the first place?* You should always remind them why the relationship ended and encourage them to keep it that way.

[@angelcare5969]

I agree, why is communicating with the ex wife? Doing that he is actually giving her hope that way. And maybe that is exactly the reason she wants to come back, cuz she thinks there is still a chance.

[@jpwilliams5264]

Kids

[@standground8284]

@@jpwilliams5264 Kids? Are you having deep meaningful conversations or short quick conversations regarding the kids?

[@lotusqueen4233]

Gentleman and ladies, NEVER take a woman/man back if they leave you. NEVER. In reference to the video she didn't respect you when she left and she definitely won't respect you if you take her back. Move on and be grateful of the gift she gave you by leaving. You deserve to be respected and happy and that will never be with her.

[@mrsmomrach]

Love Dr. John’s advice to Jesse. This idea of writing down what I’m feeling anxious about and off-loading it onto the paper has been revolutionary for me!

[@iloveplumpgrannies174]

How does writing down the things that make you anxious work?

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

@iloveplumpgrannies174 Because when you write it down your brains processes it differently. It helps you to release the stress instead of keeping it in. And if you add dates to it, you will realise how often a thought is in your head, and after a while you'll also realise it's gone. This is important because often you think a certain thought is in your head daily for months, while in reality it's just been a few weeks - or you only have it once per so many weeks instead of daily. So it helps realising how often you really have something. If you also add what else you did these days you will be able to connect x behaviour/happening to x anxiety feeling faster.

[@Kivlor]

​@@iloveplumpgrannies174journaling is a very powerful tool to record your thoughts, reflect on them, and over time control them. If you have the discipline to do it that is. And if your spouse wont go through it looking for everything they can to use against you in the next argument they pick.

[@JesusIsKing-109]

“Write down the anxious thought and get it out of your body” that really stuck with me. Will be trying this!

[@Kivlor]

Journaling and putting those things on paper is really powerful if you can do it. I cant, my wife goes through my journal and uses everything in it against me. But i highly recommend it if you can.

[@JennieC21]

I learned that from a therapist. I haven’t used it to get smaller gripes or stresses out for a while but I always pen the big stuff. I have written letters (unsent) to get big stuff gone too. It has worked for me in the past. Haven’t done it for a while, I should get back on it actually🤔

[@Kayla-cn9ff]

Dr. John I hope you read these comments I’ve been binging your episodes I get something out of every. single. one! I am in awe of your insight, compassion and grace. Changing lives .. one caller at a time!

[@Hawkfire3937]

Fellas don’t take these women back after they blow up the relationship. Taking them back validates bad behavior

[@sarahalderman3126]

Exactly! Same for us girls as well. If they are unfaithful its best to be done.

[@lnlywriter9618]

Well I could say the same thing about the men who leave their wives for another....and the one they leave for.....ultimately leaves them! -- this very same thing happened to me and no way on God's green earth would I ever take him back!

[@TC-yx1qt]

And she'll never respect a man who takes her back after she left him and cheated on him First girl was 100% cheating, she thought the new guy was going be her new man, he didn't want her and now she wants her man back Disgusting woman

[@thomasm999]

😊

[@brown_eyed_girl]

Except that goes both ways!!

[@jimbrown4640]

You are free now. Don’t take her back.

[@csx6910]

Just starting it; betting her life got worse, his got better, and she's looking for a golden parachute. RUN, dude!

[@KillerofGods]

Probably she was cheating and the guy dumped her, she was good enough as a side chick but not a main chick.

[@csx6910]

@@KillerofGods Precisely.

[@bernadette573]

Yes, she is tanking and misses the security. Don't take her back.

[@Dansyoung]

My comment was deleted. But she is exhibiting a pattern of behaviours of someone with a personality disorder. I am not diagnosing I am saying be aware and educate yourself on the subject and stay away.

[@AnonAnonUK2024]

They stay connected to watch if you move on. When they get a hint you are moving on then desperation kicks in. Sometimes people don't want you but don't want anyone else to have you either. Sometimes when we are left we hold ourselves back in the next relationship. I pray he makes the right decisions.

[@sohhp79]

The first caller, please run fo your dear life...

[@lindawilson4625]

Jesse-Please do not allow your ex back into your life. Cutting contact would be even better. Don't date 1 on 1 for a year to recenter yourself. Group outtings yes, but not hooks up, etc. During this time think about what you want & don't want in a partner. Spot the deal breakers. Write it all down. When you start dating after a year look at that list to see if your love interest is really a good fit. If they fit, great! If they don't, move on. Best of luck to you.

[@barbaraking6578]

Excellent advice!

[@carnivoreRon]

The first call: his ex had an affair, then left him and hit the wall so Now she's sorry years later. Why is he still talking to her??!!!???

[@flashthecorgi2053]

It doesn’t sound like she cheated inside the marriage but she left him for another guy to then pursue a relationship with him! I think if she had cheated inside the marriage he would have said that.

[@carnivoreRon]

​​@@flashthecorgi2053 Often, a woman will select a guy as a backup so when she leaves the marriage, she has him to go to. Monkey branching. She had the guy on the side for as long as a year with the emotional affair.

[@kw2075]

@@flashthecorgi2053​​⁠ He may not have known she was having an affair which would explain why she “couldn’t say” why she left and he is in the dark. You are saying she left him for another guy and pursued a relationship with this new guy…. Which means she was at least having an emotional affair which pulled her out of her marriage.

[@flashthecorgi2053]

@@carnivoreRon​​⁠​​⁠ Maybe, but again doesn’t sound like she cheated. It sounds like she found someone else and left Jesse to pursue the relationship with the new guy.

[@jt7233]

The wall remains undefeated.

[@FTG2Eli]

Jenna's story is my story.............wow, 30 years ago I went to my OBGYN visit and was immediately air ambulanced to the nearest town that had a neonatal unit and a surgeon that specialized in complicated C-sections. It was crazy emotional for me as I was in IC and my son was the only baby in the neonatal unit w/o the O2 chamber. Congratulations Jenna!

[@sitcomchristian6886]

Wow, thank God you had an appointment that day! That sounds awful to go through.

[@berenicefarrell4970]

FYi In Gaeilge(Irish language) Owen (Eoin/Eoghan in Irish) is the Irish form of the name John!!

[@KC-or1ic]

That's awesome. Hope Dr. D sees this.

[@daCubanaqt]

What about Sean? That’s John in Irish also.

[@brianclingenpeel5123]

"I made that weird, im sorry." 😂😂😂. I really like Dr Delony

[@bestbudsourchannel4807]

Hang in there, Jenna! Prayers he grows and grows and you can bring him home soon. And, congratulations on Owen!

[@megalopolis2015]

Amen.

[@vinniedeluca2188]

Of course I have a happy marriage but I come home from work and I’m miserable 😂😂 the lengths people will go to paint a picture of happiness so everyone thinks they have a great life! Just be real and tell it how it is, you will feel so much better!!

[@alittlepieceofearth]

Could it also be, for Emily, that at work she just doesn't have time to think about how she feels?

[@Apgloor85]

Dellony nailed this episode

[@KeatingChick]

I can relate to the last caller. I can't remember a time that I was in a social situation that I didn't go home and dwell on something I said or should have said differently. Or maybe should have just kept my mouth shut. Sometimes to the point of not being able to sleep.

[@irina383]

I used to be the same, i think its social anxiety. People who have social phobia or anxiety obsess about the slightest interaction with other humans. In the past year i had a huge relief from that. I do exposure therapy, talk to strangers every day. I read out loud for 15 mins/day from self-help books. It helps to be more confident while talking, because if you dont do it, talking to strangers can be excrutiating because your voice shakes or something else embarassing happens. A

[@KeatingChick]

@@irina383 I'm glad that you've had relief and are working at it. I don't have problems talking to people, including strangers. I strike up conversations with people I don't know every time I go to the store. For the most part, I'm comfortable in social situations, although I get overwhelmed with the noise level in a large crowd. I feel like my problem has gotten worse since my husband passed away in 2014. Lately when I get home and start thinking about what I wish I hadn't said, I say NO! and busy myself with something else. Usually, the thoughts will creep back in at some point though. lol

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I've had this too since my teens and I'm now 34, sometimes the dwelling went on for days. If it was something (to my idea) negative I would even avoid the person. When thinking about people from the past my head instantly starts talking about embarrassing moments with them, even when there were years of positive things too. My social anxiety and depression has been pretty bad but the last 3 years (since my transition and diagnosed as autistic) it's reduced a lot. Now I only have these intrusive negative thoughts when I have a bad or exhausting day.

[@sanniepstein4835]

Remember this: no one is thinking about you at all. Everyone is focused on their own problems, dreams, fears, hungers, etc., etc. Unless you punched someone, you're not in mind.

[@JennieC21]

I overthink absolutely everything I say, should have said, want to say… I drive my self crazy! I have terrible social phobias and am terrible at communicating 🤦🏻‍♀️😫

[@barryc9115]

Never give someone a second chance to treat you like trash or to cheat on you again. PTSD is a horrible affliction. It takes a lot of work to deal with. She has you on layaway. Your plan B. Leave her on the streets she wanted to live on.

[@amandaalford1980]

Went through that with my first baby. He ended up being a c section at 34 weeks. ❤ It was scary going home without him, but I managed it. I am so thankful for the nicu nurses they are the best!

[@corrieworou4813]

My grandpa took my grandma back after an affair and their relationship is better than ever, she loves him more now than she ever did before that. I think it depends on the person and situation. I also think menopause can make woman do crazy things, but i dont know, ive never cheated.

[@curious6379]

I agree with you that there are exceptions to the rule. It depends on their motivations for the separation and reconciliation. If it's based on love and respect, it can be saved.

[@randybobandy9828]

Menopause is absolutely no excuse, your grandma is a horrible person.

[@coureenlawrence4915]

2nd caller, you know exactly why you are not happy at home. You are carrying your husband financially, and you are not feeling it.

[@randybobandy9828]

Yes only the husband is ok with carrying the wife financially... But it's never ok for the wife, we wouldn't want doh le standards at all.

[@coolaunt516]

From what I recall from my dating days, it takes about 3 or 4 months for a couple to decide if they want to continue with a relationship. If the other person pulls away, it's not working, so move on.

[@bryden5243]

Huh, i never knew this was common experience but previous to my current relationship every relationship ive been in has ended between 3 and 4 momths

[@cozymoggele]

Same!!! The ones that were just a mismatch to begin with ended after approximately 3 months

[@claremolony6050]

I disagree. It can take longer or shorter. Everyone is different

[@richardbrennan2913]

Grass isn’t greener please take me back. Run Forrest run

[@marymargaretlindstrom4381]

😂😂❤😂😂

[@chrisoneal2718]

Congrats to Jenna and Baby Owen!!

[@Mr.Boring_Man]

She left him for another guy. The other guy or guys blew her back out and sent her back to the streets. The simp ex-husband has allowed her to stay in his life, which interferes in other relationships. Now, she needs a soft financial cushion again and wants him back. His life, his choice. If it were me, she would have been cut off since the divorce ESPECIALLY if no kids are involved.

[@nicodiaz627]

Her "mistake" was leaving her cushioned married life while she cheated on the side.

[@boston312]

Most American males are desperate simps. He will take her back

[@KM-nq7ez]

B I N G O

[@ThisisMe-jy1ci]

He sounds so nice. It happened to me a similar situation, just 2 and a half months ago, my husband suddenly left. My life changed overnight. I hope that I will not feel this feeling in 5 years' time.

[@metchadupa]

This man didnt cut her out, he has kept her floating in and out for 5 years so she kept him on the hook and he didnt create space for himself to move on. So i wouldnt assume you will end up like him. If you have clean boundaries when your ex tries to float back in, you will be able to move on properly and get on with your own life.

[@lisajeter9511]

Wives don’t leave for No Reason. It takes a wife a long time to reach their “Breaking point”.

[@ronhall5395]

True, unless she has a replacement ready on the side. She was hooking up publicly a week later. That is very very fast for someone with mental health issues. I think she was having an affair and decided to choose the other dude.

[@ronhall5395]

Normally unless there is a replacement waiting. She was as a minimum having an emotional affair. Hooking up after just a few weeks is very quick for a woman who left for her mental health

[@tonyascott7887]

Some wife’s do no different than men.

[@BP-xe7dw]

Wives only? Is that a privileged group? Men or women, all the same. No need to give her a pass, I wouldn't give any dudes either.

[@keylacmckemp1309]

No problem, but stay gone. It's the coming back that's really crazy.

[@Nancy-uc2tu]

Never go back. She made her decision to leave. Reality has set in and she doesn’t want to be alone.

[@RealAnimeBadGuy]

The worst thing about having a NICU baby is the constant worrying about your baby. My youngest could have died if my wife let me know she wasn't feeling him move. When they pulled him out it was great to hear his cry but the boy had a stroke and brain bleeding before he was a minute old. It messed me up but now 5 years later he is so Super strong and smart. Attached to my hip all the time and he loves to cook. I couldn't imagine life without him but it really almost happened.

[@sitcomchristian6886]

Whew, I got emotional just reading it. I can't imagine living through that. Precious little guy.

[@feliciaortega8062]

The last caller could be me, thank you Kait for calling and Dr John for the help

[@katelyn6039]

3rd caller- I do this ALL THE TIME and honestly thought I was the only one 😭 it’s definitely a stress induced response- I do it a lot more when something is going on at work or at home.

[@roxannebush8410]

Understand my grandson was 2 months premature we call him our miracle baby. He's 22 now so he's not a baby anymore. Has heart problems just need to keep an eye on him. He was able to fit him on the palm of our hand he was so small.

[@susi09]

Hope Jenna and the new baby are doing well now!

[@anneshirley9560]

The fact that he sang part of Jessie's girl is kind of ironic. 😆

[@neoalley]

Yeah the man Jesse's ex-wife slept with wanted Jesse's girl apparently 😬😅

[@KindCalmKaila]

"Talkin' to myself because I am my own consultant"--LW

[@TheEblenRealestateTeam]

Hey! ❤❤❤ praying for a speedy recovery for her baby ❤❤❤

[@jennadasch]

If I'm not singing, I talk to myself ALL THE TIME. I appreciate hearing someone else say this lol. It's just like a processing thing that helps me to stay on task in a way sometimes. Or simply just process my feelings about things that happen. I forget really easily, so this does have an aspect of helping me.

[@rainbowkitty1996]

Anxiety is information, nothing more.

[@JennieC21]

I get anxiety very often in many everyday situations, if I listened I wouldn’t leave the house 😫

[@rainbowkitty1996]

@@JennieC21 That's why you're able to live your life. You're stronger than your anxiety.

[@juliemcgugan1244]

Aw! Baby Owen! So lovely! All the best to Mom and baby! Sometimes, the very best things come in small packages! I was also a 3-pounder. Needed no extra heat or oxygen, but needed some sun-bathing and lots of formula around the clock and I was home by 5 weeks. I was 11 weeks early and big for my gestation. I will warn Jenna, we former preemies are feisty! And we eat a lot to make up for it! We are stubborn, too!

[@lisalister8002]

Don't take the bait.. Keep the ex away.

[@tinam761]

Oh Emily … I’m so sorry. I had a husband that quit his job because he was not happy with it and had no job lined up. So I had to carry it all and I couldn’t. We lost our home, we lost our vehicle because before that he decided to lease a vehicle rather than keep driving our paid for car … it just didn’t end. He is not allowed to quit and dump it all on you … and then guilt you about being committed etc. He is selfish. I lost respect for him and it was INCREDIBLY difficult to build respect again and he never stepped up like he should and I was not able to trust him and years later we divorced. So sorry Emily … all your feels are valid. You deserve a partner that doesn’t dump all responsibilities on you. He could have stayed at his job while looking for a new position… he could have any kind of temporary job while looking for a permanent position. He was okay with dumping it all on you and he still is … it Will require radical change on his part to fix this … and he doesn’t seem like the hard working type. I know you love him … it’s not always enough. I’m sorry I just see years of more of the same for you before going down in flames… I’d get out before then.

[@standground8284]

Great comment, I would never put my wife in this position!

[@barbaraking6578]

How horrible you went through this, but so generous of you to share your experience and encourage her.

[@alucard7218]

Standard female advice just get out..

[@DemonTime08]

Funny how women aren’t willing to face adversity and criticize the man for giving up when mentally he r gets crushed he gets called a child if it was her this wouldn’t be the convo simply

[@Cashhhhew]

@@DemonTime08learn to piece together a sentence before trying to speak with adults.

[@FrankieFresh]

Dr. D is awesome.

[@Aspenfawn]

Nice intro ! Seems fitting for John (and Kelly 😆) !

[@RedBig10001]

Was just thinking the same thing! Super cool intro!!!

[@jazzad]

Yaya I like it !

[@yenibobenny]

Lmao the diarrhea comment killed me 😂

[@godknowsimstupid7848]

Lets all be honest, everyone has there phone when there on the toilet lol Next up, peeing in the shower

[@yenibobenny]

Whoever says they have never peed in the shower is lying 😂@@godknowsimstupid7848

[@cscors2-bi8lj]

1.) She was cheating on you with another guy 2.) He gave her attention and said all the right things without knowing her for 20 years 3.) He got what he wanted and dumped her 4.) She now left fantasy land and realizes she destroyed her family for nothing! 5.) DO NOT TAKE HER BACK

[@CJ2023Incognito]

Kait, I do the same thing!! You are not alone. 💙

[@wonder12374]

Same here

[@TheUglyTruthWriterOfficial]

You give some of the most solid advice I've heard from anyone online. It's gold. Earned a sub from me ❤️

[@jdryan6860]

Love the new intro!!!

[@chrislim7976]

She wants you back because her exit plan didn't work out. Respect yourself.

[@WestZ]

Wow, today is Jan 22, right as Kelly called it! Good job!

[@JaZmine147]

She knows the upload schedule. She's not a witch.

[@sonyaakhanna]

😅​@@JaZmine147

[@chilloften]

I was dating a man and then figured out how enmeshed with the ex-wife he still was. That. Sucked. He’d said they were friends, and divorced 6-7 years prior. Soon found out she was calling & texting. Then she let him have the dog that she never would allow. Then I found his car her driveway at 2 am when he said he was visiting adult daughter. What scum, to involve another in your weird life. Go away.

[@magpiegirl3783]

THANK YOU John. The first and last calls were so me! John’s analogy about anxiety/weight lifting was powerful. As for the last caller … ME TOO. Thanks for calling to discuss this. And it’s ruminations on my perceived failure in interactions with people. I will also “prepare” myself by running through scenarios with people I’m having difficulties with. I will sometimes “restate” what I should have said to them, or explain myself to the air in ways I cannot explain myself to a real person. An introvert, lacking assertiveness and constantly questioning my worth. This call was a lifeline for me.

[@jennifercottrell2588]

Love that you interviewed your amazing wife on 500th episode! So special!

[@eatnplaytoday]

I feel like he’s holding back some details. Relationships take two to tango. You cannot be with someone for 20-25 years and not know exactly why she left 😅. It sounds like she was lonely considering she went and cheated. Cheating is WRONG but psychologically, there’s alreadys a reason why it starts. She wasn’t feeling emotionally connected to him for some reason. And now his new girl is disconnecting herself from him. He mentioned briefly she’s going through stuff. It just sounds like he’s not very supportive when his loved one is in difficult situation because he’s already emotionally drained from his work. This situation is going to repeat itself with any woman unless he deals with this bad work life issue

[@eatnplaytoday]

Throw in the ex and any new woman would run away as well. I’d say if he still loves his ex, just get back with her. She already learned her lesson, leaving him was not the right choice and a mistake and she admitted herself. Forgiveness is okay, you know? No man a perfect, we all made mistakes. A spouse that accepts our mistakes and forgives is a real keeper and she’ll be grateful for you for sure. If she does it again and leaves even after he takes her back, cut all ties, no communication.

[@niram4107]

I actually think that his ex-wife has issues that she hasn't dealt with. She was a single Mum before marrying this man, has a daughter that had issues and used drugs, that daughter obviously had multiple kids very young and was placing the kids in a dangerous situation. I believe the ex-wife is a big contributor to the breakdown of the marriage. His current girlfriend has said that his ex-wife is using him and she is not happy that he has not severed ties with the ex. I think that he feels that he is still responsible for keeping her safe. The fact that he is a police officer would bring out that natural protective nature. Thus, which girlfriend wouldn't begin to question her relationship and distance herself if he cannot sever ties with the ex and make her the priority.

[@jeromehenry4484]

@@niram4107 100% correct! It's impossible to compete with a ghost, so why should new GF even try? Also sounds like these parties are likely to be in their 50's (possibly early 60's). New GF just not willing to put up with all this past drama seeping into present. New GF is smart to move on & find someone else not stuck in the past.

[@heidiainsworth4348]

Agreed!

[@heather4089]

@@eatnplaytodaylol, nah, I wouldn’t get back someone that cheated on me. I would be disrespectful to myself, that’s lack of self love.

[@alexrawls7407]

Run! Somewhere in one of John’s comments sections I talked about “do not take her back even if she shows up to your door n@ked in a snowstorm.” And that applies here. She learned how to leave you when she left the first time. Next time will be easier. No friends, no lover will ever drag you before a Judge in a courtroom. You are NOT friends nor will you ever be even after forgiveness. Anxiety is appropriate, you should Feel anxiety sometimes. For the next girl you date, do the notebook thing

[@KittieOnALeash]

LOVE THE NEW MUSIC!!!

[@tomnohmy1273]

Welcome back Big J

[@dabd8175]

Bj?

[@anonymus830]

My mind is blown. The three conversation spoke of issues I have in my own life. Some, I didn't know were issues or I couldn't pinpoint exactly what was affecting me. You opened wounds and showed exactly where is the infection, what caused it, and how to cure it. Thank you.

[@Chet73]

Don’t you dare take her back!!!!

[@wonder12374]

To the last caller I do the exact same thing. It helps me to understand how I am feeling and what I am going through much better, its not always negative thoughts sometimes I speak things that Im planning once again to clarify things. I dont think its odd but I do notice its been happening more with me especially since those years we all had to isolate for most of our lives a few yrs ago, so i try to be mindful of when I do it more now.

[@fijaystudio]

The teacher has a hubbie who quit his job doesn't look keen for another and spends all his time on his phone. Next logical extension - he's got a side chick - and the pro-social hardworking wonderful woman starts accepting it. Delony is So right to tell her she needs boundaries

[@randybobandy9828]

Nothing wonderful about a wife who spends all her time away from her marriage. She has filled 100% of her days with something else... Including volonteeing her time.. she would rather give her time to others for free then be with her husband... No that isn't a result from her husband not working, it was happening before he quit his job, honestly I wouldn't be surprised if her husband was depressed over the terrible marriage. I would divorce her... They don't work well together.

[@Debora.14]

Man, that last caller is me...that hit different!

[@taganriley4780]

I have a Micropremie named Owen! He was born at 28weeks and we stayed in a NICU for two months! Congrats on your little one! It’s a journey for sure!

[@kita3256]

The new intro!! 😮

[@danielleelias685]

Wow I love how Dr. JOHN always says it like it is. He is right on with everything.

[@CharlotteCarMoments]

I had preeclampsia and my son was born 11 weeks early and was 2 pounds, 12 ounces. We got to hold him a lot, even with all the wires. The nurses would pick him up with one hand. He is 26 now and 6’2”. Sending my love mom and dad’s way

[@arfriedman4577]

I thank the canadian police officer for his service.

[@AlexaHopkins]

I LOVE the new intro!!!! So sick!!!

[@Daniellapalo]

Philippians 4:6 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. Anxiety should show us our lack of trust in the Lord, and also our lack of obedience.

[@LukeRev480]

Don't use a bible to slap other people, for some anxiety is an illness that is cause by this rotten world nothing to do with lack of trust

[@Daniellapalo]

@@LukeRev480 The only cure for this rotten world, is God.

[@debmacie1612]

Why why why does everyone think they have to be with another person? What is wrong with being on their own and building an interesting life and learning to enjoy being alone? Get stable and confident in yourself. You will be a way more interesting person and will not be willing to be with someone just because you are desperate. People are so pathetic and stupid.

[@somethinggood-sy1ed]

Finances. Period

[@annagreynerovych4069]

It’s funny how no one talks about discharge with out a baby. When I went thru it with my twins (NICU for 50 days), one of ladies had premature baby at our church, I came to a hospital next day and told her to get ready for tomorrow, because it will be worst day in your life going home empty handed. She still remembers my talk with her. But we made it somehow.

[@heatherdoeur114]

That happened to me. I hope your friend’s baby and your babies are alive and well. I had my first baby at 28 weeks. I was 19 and terrified. I didn’t get to hold her until she was a month old. I only got to hold her a few times. After all avenues were exhausted, she was almost 5 months old when she died. She would have turned 20 years old this year. You’re absolutely right. No one talks about the void a parent feels when they leave that hospital empty handed and no one talk about when they have to bury their own child. Thank you for your post. ❤

[@Carelock]

My young adult daughters used the word “simp,” I never knew what that was until today…

[@barbaradann1446]

John where do you get your energy? I want what you are having!

[@smmds]

The first caller by his own admission said that he had his role in the marriage ending in divorce..I wonder what exactly he did. Would love to hear the other side of this story

[@talitapodda6835]

#2 totally me. 3 years off work, trying to help in all the manners, I only realize only me wanted that job for him.

[@randybobandy9828]

Man this show is a magnet for women who had a bad relationship... Just a man hating audience.

[@FreeSpirit47]

I would love to hear the woman's side of the situation.

[@randybobandy9828]

Why? So she can admit she has an affair and after she left her husband the affair partner didn't want that relationship.. so she came crawling back?

[@FreeSpirit47]

@@randybobandy9828 No. Just would like to hear the other persons perspective. Two sides to every story, sometimes even three.

[@guadalupeeg5034]

The first caller....Let both women go! Take control of your own life. Learn to be content with being alone, then in the future patiently take time to get to know someone new.

[@barefootnoah]

The fact that the first caller was a cop changes things. They have an above average rate of committing domestic violence AND they are trained, professional liars. I have serious doubts that he told the whole truth with why his wife left him.

[@heather4089]

I met someone that invited me out, when he said he was a cop I made up an excuse and left the place 🤣. They use the law in their favor, same with my sister soonest she told me she was dating a cop and they were planning to move together and on top she said he was telling her what to do, dress etc etc. I told her to run the marathon 😂, she still running.

[@aaabbb8812]

Yeah-I don't believe him. And the 2nd woman backing off is proof that he hasn't learned anything, and the new woman is probably waay too young to be bothering with him, anyway. I would bet she's in her 20s. If he was married for 20 years FIVE YEARS AGO, then he is NO spring chicken. He needs to leave that much younger new woman alone, she deserves better.

[@lilaworley8935]

Yeah... As he spoke and tried to offer explanation I couldn't help but think ... Yeah-okay buddy. Women don't just leave without trying for months or even years to communicate with a man about needs, wants or relationship issues. He is a police officer. They have a higher than average rate of abusive domestic relationships as well. She didn't leave out of nowhere. He wasnt blindsided. Just shocked she finally called it quits.

[@chelseysmith3485]

I relate to Kait very much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Definitely buying the book and speaking to myself in third person

[@tiffany-sheriwageman.3702]

I'm like that 😂 last callers 😂.

[@stephwilliamsco]

“Pod Show, god I’m the oldest guy ever” that got me!😂

[@elizagooler-5889]

My husband got laid off with 9.11 . He stayed at home for 15 years ,,,hiding behind our son,,,stay home dad. I asked him to work many times and I stoped sexual wife obligation,. NO RESPECT. This poison made us divorce after 30 years . I felt like a his mother.😊

[@vaska1999]

15 years?! What on Earth took you so long?!

[@flashthecorgi2053]

Love the new intro!!! 🎸🤘

[@dabd8175]

Quiet dog

[@luannkelly5071]

I talk out loud to my 3 dogs, and sometimes at the grocery store when I am looking for things. I have lived alone most of my adult life so I have to remember when I'm in public, to not talk out loud. 😂 If I didn't talk to myself, the house would be pretty darn quiet. It's tough because most men want sex before marriage and I don't want to sin against God, so I was married for 8 years, but turns out my ex husband had another lover while we were engaged and he told his friends he was waiting for me. That's not why we divorced...he insisted on smoking weed after he retired and had 3 rotating girlfriends, I found condoms in his nightstand. Yuck! And he was verbally abusive to me in public for several years. I had a nervous breakdown.

[@neededtobesaid4275]

talking to your dog or yourself is completely normal. My wife just laughs at me when I talk to the dog. I'm like "Yes, they understood what I said. And I understood what they said back." Fortunately, when I talk to myself in public most people can't tell if I'm using an earbud. LOL

[@luannkelly5071]

@@neededtobesaid4275 , so true! 😆

[@salonsavy6476]

Me too

[@jonclingan193]

I talk to my cats all the time 😂 now my kids are growing, the cats are my babies.

[@jamaicaninthekitchen4358]

Keep strong ❤

[@ilsevdg1194]

I LOVE these epiphanies and revelations. It begins with silence. Then the loud "Ooooooo!!!!" or Aaaaaaa!!!!" And then, in the following minutes, you hear them exhale. It's magic. MAAAAAAGIC!!!!!!!!

[@scrapykat3028]

I had the same experience and he wanted to come back. I could feel it big time. It took absolutely everything I had to say no to the situation. We tried the forgiveness and come back home too many times. He could not separate himself from her. I could not take it anymore. I wasn’t mean about it. But… advice to the guy… give yourself at least a year with NO relationships. You need to find you without the complications of another person. I found me and it’s wonderful!

[@natalia_00123]

She realized the grass wasn't greener on the other side that's why she wants you back.