myths about friendships & what I wish I knew about making friends in my 20s

IG: / rowenatsai | Appreciate your patience friends, here is the most highly requested ‘7 Mindset Habits’ topic. Most books, podcasts, and articles written on relationships are almost always about romantic ones. But what about friendships? Making them, losing them, keeping them, letting go of them-we’ll dive deep into ‘em all. 🤓
🎙 Voice Hugs #21: open.spotify.com/episode/20XG...
💗 Join our Productive Potato community: / discord
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
🙃 Don't be a stranger: [e-mail]
🎙 Voice Hugs podcast:
╰ Spotify open.spotify.com/show/5IlF8gT...
╰ Apple podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast...
✳️ My favorite daily planning & productivity app: try.sunsama.com/rowena
⛳️ My favorite app for everything else (Notion ❤️): affiliate.notion.so/rowena
📬 My favorite email app: superhuman.sjv.io/WD2jde
🌸 OUR NEW JEWELRY LINE w/ Ana Luisa: analuisa.pxf.io/c/2199166/164...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
TIMESTAMP:
0:00 Intro
1:48 1) Myth of effortlessness
4:24 2) Focus on the friend you’re being
6:06 3) Set the culture
7:40 4) Lean in to grow
11:15 5) Friends are like trees
13:08 6) Quarters over pennies
14:22 7) Watch this lol
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
✨ If you’re at all curious:
• My spiritual practice, Falun Dafa bit.ly/2z49zqz
• If you're interested in reading more, start with this to get an understanding of what qigong entails bit.ly/2u8DXOC
• The main text we read is Zhuan Falun* bit.ly/2t48xJP
*Best to read start to finish in the shortest time possible for the highest benefit.
• If you want to learn more about Falun Dafa and qigong, check out local contacts in your area - there are practitioners globally and in most big enough-ish cities: bit.ly/2E0PL6S
• My friend Chris over at China Uncensored made an incredibly informative video on what Falun Dafa is and why it's being persecuted in China (YT video): bit.ly/2CR9yZQ
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Music from Epidemic Sounds: www.epidemicsound.com/referra...
Camera & Equipment 🎥:
• Canon point and shoot amzn.to/2ZH8p0Q
• Canon mirrorless amzn.to/3moR07b
• Canon wide-angle lens amzn.to/3kpMinS
• Rode mic attached to mirrorless amzn.to/32yXwQO
• Rode mic for voiceover amzn.to/2FsbwTO
• Manfrotto 3-section tripod amzn.to/2sPRaIu
• Manfrotto mini tripod amzn.to/32BEucD
• Final Cut Pro X

[@khalilahd.]

Wow did I need this. I had a “friend” for 10 years (met in middle school) and I never felt like she was there for me. It was always one sided but I couldn’t let her go because I thought she would change and I didn’t want to throw away 10 years of “friendship” but I recently realized that if you don’t feel like your friend cares about things that go on I’m your life or doesn’t uplift you and push you to do better the same way you do for them then it’s not worth keeping no matter how long you’ve known each other. Hard pill to swallow but since letting her go I feel a sense of relief. Thanks for this video!

[@nehamallela969]

Girlll omg yes I feel you i was contemplating for a longgg time but it just felt so one sided and i was being there for her but she wasn't there for me and i practically grewup with her my entire childhood but when i told her and ended it i became soo relaxed and I'm relieved!! It's was 11 yrs of friendship

[@CrisTryingToBeProductive]

Same, I had enough of my friends always so self centered or thinking about their problems and family, never cared about what I wanted to do or if I needed something. I slowly started to ignore them, next step will be deleted their numbers of my phone because I couldn't care less about their status updates in WhatsApp.

[@RachelTam]

This is exactly what I’m feeling rn such a hard pill to swallow 🥲

[@Megan-vb9ze]

this has happened to me with someone I've been friends with my whole life, but it's just felt in the last few years they haven't cared about what is going on in my life and was always making the conversations about her or ignoring what I said so I decided to let the friendship go and it hurts a bit but its also just so relieving and refreshing because it feels like letting go of her is a change of seasons in my life, especially as I'm starting university next month it feels like a huge fresh start for me to start shaping my life the way I want

[@zerkap6354]

Very relatable. I had the same "friend". When I went to college I thought what if I don't text her first all the time, will she text me at all? Nope, she hasn't texted me after I stopped checking up on her and it has been 10 years...

[@BEe-hi4my]

One of the themes of my twenties has been relational break-ups: friends, romantic, even family. One thing I’ve learned is that whichever side you’re on, it’s likely going to hurt, cause anger, disappointment, etc…and, and this goes for friendship break ups especially cause they’re not talked about much, it takes TIME to grieve. Today, I feel like I’ve integrated these experiences. When I think of those people I feel acceptance, i feel calm, I wish them well, all whilst feeling like we all make the right choice in moving on.

[@djurdjicadespotovic1194]

For me, it's very hard to open up and be vulnerable, but also I feel that when I actually open up, my friends are not actively listening so I just give up and don't even try :(

[@TommyChanel12]

exactly! Pretty much the same here.. it happens very rarely but even if it does it seems like they are not only not actively listening but also don´t care that much so I end up feeling even more like sh*t and making it even harder for me to open up to someone else in the future

[@starsstars4458]

Those are the leaves of ur mother/friendship tree :) It's good to let them go. Roots (true friends that you deserve) will be in ur life soon if u want a one! :D It's ok to have no friends too :) Hope I made you feel better. Be yourself :))) Have a nice day!

[@starsstars4458]

@@TommyChanel12 I hope you're spending less time with them. Those are the leaves of the tree. Hope you find ur roots (true friends) 🌱 :) It's ok to have no friends too tho. Love yourself and have a nice day! Sending some strength to you.

[@ft.jackjimmy7282]

This video definitely brought up many things I need to journal later. I remember a celebrity saying that the danger of staying alone for a long time is dangerous because you start becoming super comfortable in your aloneness that you won't ever get out of it. As someone that had burned many friendships and romantic relationship is just hopeless for me, I had at one point decided that stoicism and solidarity is my fate. And sadly, I was happier and more confident in myself when I'm alone. No longer comparing myself to friends or thinking I'm not good enough for relationships when there's no one there to compare or hold myself up to. So I'm stuck. The idea of me wanting to make friends or having romantic relationship rn is just what society and biological pressure is making me do but subconsciously I don't want them in fear of who I'll become when I'm in it and not wanting to lose who I've built up so far.

[@scruffytuna]

Therapy in a nutshell made a good video about how to deal with anxiety. Basically exposure therapy, trying small new things, then working your way up to making friends. For me, it was being around my co-workers every day. Making a habit of greeting everyone when I see them in the morning. I make the effort to show up to events, just to show up and acclimate myself to the social atmosphere. Don't force commonalities where there are none. I found like 2 people I want to be friends with, genuinely, but for most people, I don't. So put yourself in new situations, make new habits, check in with yourself (do i genuinely like this person or am i forcing myself to?). I hope this helps. We are human, we need people, but also should hold healthy boundaries

[@lady_icarus]

I’m right here with you and trying to pursue a different route. I think, for me, I’m mostly afraid of the rejection or being forgotten like I feel I’ve experienced in the past. Been feeling better off alone or with sometimes immediate family lately.

[@Tobi-pb2fk]

Yeah i relate to what u said, it makes me reflect on it, thanks for sharing

[@eo7914]

i relate to u too. i kinda don't want to let them go but they just slowly slipped away. i'm sad but maybe it's the best for them as well as for me too. i kinda accept that i'll never be that good friend if i can't be a good friend to myself

[@ara682]

You won’t lose what you’ve built up when you were alone. In fact, it’s important for someone to mature to a point where they are comfortable and just fine being single and loving themselves before truly being ready to take on a relationship. Most people don’t allow themselves to grow to that point but for you, I wouldn’t stress about creating new bonds, because you’re probably more prepared for healthier connections than ever.

[@anmolnarain982]

I feel that it gets harder to make friends the older we get, and I realized recently that I've completely forgotten how to actually go about making friends in my late twenties. I'm an "introverted closed book" in the matrix mentioned in the video, and feel that the bare act of categorizing myself has been helpful in understanding exactly why it's been so hard. Time to change the status quo one baby step at a time.

[@came_leon]

Same here. I'm still open to the possibility of it personally but i dont have much hope and I've decided to stop going for it in any active way because of previous disillusions or lack of connection.

[@alenaatoutlemonde4036]

But also be careful: giving yourself a label can limit you from getting out of your comfort zone. You are not just an “introverted closed book”, you are more than what you can imagine. Just understand what works for you and what’s realistic

[@linabmjb]

Friendship is really important for me since I’ve always struggled with it for some reasons. But what I find difficult is talking about this friendship culture/how can we be better friends to each other/etc. with friends that don’t really care about it. Idk if it makes sense, but I feel like my friends don’t really wanna work on our relationships so I feel super lonely in putting the effort.

[@shanouboubou]

It makes a lot of sense. And listen to your inner voice, it's trying to tell you something. I let friendships like that go on for too long & now I have a lot to rebuild for myself. Be with people that make you feel good, with whom you feel appreciated & loved

[@starsstars4458]

@@shanouboubou is right!

[@notbelaved]

needing this. especially the number 5. never in my life i cried so much for people like my friends, who are now no longer in my life but it's still sad when the realization hits me. like i never cried for any romantic relationship this harder more than these people that i cherished so much 😂

[@maitryshivalkar]

I am loving how you're switching between being goofy and being this wisdomfull person to share about your experiences on friendships 😂. Your videos mean so much to me rowena and sometimes they're always the things i need to hear.

[@Ambrosha385]

i love this so much. i had created so much pain and suffering in my mind, where none otherwise existed. no need to force it. some friends are miscategorized.

[@loveleebeing]

I’ve been yearning for better friendships for awhile now and really needed more insight into how I can be a better friend. Thank you so much for sharing I’m glad I clicked on this video!

[@heididewhirst]

Omg I'm 30 now and only just starting to come to terms with my feelings towards friendship. I've always been paranoid about not having enough friends or them not being as close as I crave. It seems to me like I expect too much of them but it's only things that I would naturally give to them. It's my biggest worry in life I think.

[@sieunpark3436]

As open book-extrovert: "why are you thinking about what to say when the other person is still talking?" - because listening is most important thing in relationship, but my part of saying cannot be missed!

[@shieladaitol]

Just realized that I needed this, reflected and now I’m scared…bcus I actually don’t have that “someone”. i’m imagining my old self laughing and doing crochet with my best friend however I realized that I don’t have that kind of person 🥹 I know I gotta start friend-ing myself. I love you Rowena for this and to everyone 💖

[@laney3873]

“don’t turn your vulnerability into new walls to close yourself in” yeesh…. needed that one today!

[@Cornish_girl]

Always a good lesson to be reminded of! I always think friends should contribute towards your spiritual growth and that may even mean letting them go. Not just for your benefit, but for also their own.

[@rain_raii]

tysm for this! i got rid of so many people in my life last year and i’ve started making new friends who gave me qualityyyyy. the only problem is that outside of school they haven’t invited me places or added me to any group chats, and for the past weeks of summer i’ve been wondering like, why aren’t they being a good friends? but maybe i have to show how i want to be treated by reaching out and making plans and calling instead of sitting around all day. sometimes i forget that i don’t have to be stagnant where i am and that there are so many people who care about me and are just waiting for me to take the first step :)

[@methusharavi5136]

Rowena always coming out with videos with magically perfect timing when I feel all alone. Thank you.

[@janaemam7377]

I don't get how whenever I'm at my lowest I open youtube and I find that you posted something new that helps with exactly what I'm going through. You are amazing and your content is always on point! Love youu

[@leminoade]

I love this video Rowena! I've acknowledged that I'm a low maintenance friend who loves showing up in the form of quality time and gifts, so I've accepted that my friends not being physically present in my life is akin to my lack of presence in theirs and I'm okay with that. I'm working on leaning in to grow as an open-book extrovert. I really want to work on having a friend for all seasons, but the analogy of the tree really helps me make peace with the seasonal nature of my friendships. Everything is really like nature! On the bright side, I do have friends who feel like family. I can count them on my two hands, which also means I could count the cost of my wedding reception one day. LOL but really, I'm glad to have my 5-10 close close friends. Love from the Philippines Rowena, I'm so happy to hear wisdom from someone who's lived through it all 🥰🥰💖💖

[@AndreaDiaz-rc3iy]

Lol, love the comment on the wedding reception😂

[@wfk2757]

This woman massages my brain, absolute ASMR in a human. You've helped me so much Rowena, your videos are always exactly what I need. x

[@johannatampogao3922]

When ur an infj that adds more the difficulty level of making a genuine friendship.

[@inaherscribbles5152]

I love this topic! I realized early this year that my friendships are as important as my relationship with my family, myself, and romantic relationships. Before, I was always like “if they want to keep the friendship, they sure will reach out to me”. Unlike Rowena, I am a introvert closed book, and so for quite some time, I was never really making an effort to friendships. I agree with this whole video. We must make an effort with our platonic relationships as much as we do with our romantic ones. Oh what a beautiful culture of friendship that would be! Sending love from the Philippines 🥰🥹💖

[@kevinc4392]

i feel like this is why my friendships have both been the most intense and fulfilling experiences. I’ve always ‘dated’ my friends or treated them with the same care i would with a partner. Mostly bc in 2022 i don’t think anyone is finding a good man anytime soon. DATE UR FRIENDS, go out to new restaurants, buy them random gifts, write them appreciation notes, tell them they look good

[@lecryptojames]

Wow this was really good. Friends definitely "leave" you after a season. I also need to be more appreciative of my quality of friends vs. quantity.

[@prerza]

the timing of this is so important to me omg, ily rowena

[@eshaaaa]

Hi rowena, I'm just here to tell you that your videos are so relaxing and i really really feel sp calm after spending time with you here on KZbin. Thank you for being my KZbin mom❤❤

[@Tephcia]

this video came at the best timeeee!! i've been struggling with letting go of certain friendships and making friends out of college and keeping in touch.

[@melissa-janeagodon6093]

Hi I just found your channel and I just wanted to say that I love it. I really resinated with this video and I’m really happy to know that I am not the only person who struggle with friendship. I’ve always felt alone, never fit in and like no one understood me. This opened my eyes to different ways in dealing with my friendships. I’ve learn a lot in just this one video. Thank you so much!

[@insyirah7675]

the thing about treating romantic and platonic relationships is SO important. especially for someone like me who falls under the ace spectrum, friendships are probably the most important thing to me (other than family). I definitely fall under introversion/closed book so I have a lot to work on though haha.

[@jocelynwhitephotos]

Thank you so much for this video, Rowena! It’s been much needed especially in this point of my life. Even in my early 20s, I’ve been learning to appreciate my quarters over my pennies of friends. I also want to work more on gradually being more vulnerable with them and hopefully deepen our relationships as well. Thanks again Ro!☺️❤️

[@sammyss147]

Really grateful for this video topic! Honestly I've been struggling with a long time friend I've had, feeling distant and neglected etc, and after getting over my feelings of frustration I've come to also think of "wait have I been much of a good friend myself lately?" :( I know I can try more and there was a time when I was more proactive in this friendship but I feel currently drained at the thought of getting little to nothing back...

[@tonipashova6998]

Thank you, dearest Rowena. Your videos are always such a treat! ❤️🌺✨

[@manuelenetee1109]

needed this most especially today. thank you ro and potato fam :)

[@alissawiratno7703]

Why did I (almost) always came across your vids in perfect timing :') thank you Rowena for this video, it's really lighten me up :')

[@majawillumsen519]

I love the effort put into this, it really helps, great tips💖

[@Carmi15]

I was teary eyed by the end beacause I realized I needed this for friendships that I have now. or at least I hope I still have now.

[@Imanthemodelcitizen]

one thing about making friends I have experienced and took me till now to notice is that it makes me so anxious. I think I hide it well, because I come off bubbly and enthusiastic (which I am enthusiastic about meeting people), but I'm more nervous but loll I think I have unconsciously convinced myself that 'I am not anxious, I'm excited'.

[@iterumm]

that open book introvert question got RIGHT at me. i have been read

[@magdalena9082]

One thought to Nr. 2: I was a really good friend, in my definition AND in my friend's perspective - however, this friend-ship was a one way street where me, my thoughts & experiences didn't get any space. So I ended it. It took me 8 years to finally set my boundary, today I am very happy with the decision.

[@dreamy_crystal46]

me being an introvert in my own friend group but this advice is so meaningful and helpful 💗🌸🍄

[@otakumultifandom]

Yea the last one was something I've thought about like 2 years ago? But I've never actively asked the people in my life how I could show up for them. Also virtual hug🤗

[@iamdannisescott]

I enjoyed how you articulated this topic from beginning to end

[@dorcasnyawira7144]

yay so happy to watch it I love ur videos a LOTTT so mindfullll and thoughtful of us !! Love from Kenya,Africa!!! I'm grateful to be here!

[@oz6533]

Friendships is exactly the theme which I've struggled but not realized the problem and how to deal with. We think about sometime too much about romantic relationship but now I see the importance of other kinds of relationships. Those also widen our world.

[@chnelali]

active listening is surely a skill that needs to be worked on and given attention. just this week i've had to coach my BF on the 4 Types of Listening and ACTIVE LISTENING is sooooooooooooooo needed in a relationship, do ya hear me?! lol

[@Taritariwee]

omg i've been thinking how i'm hug deprived before the video started and then you offered a hug 😭i didn't schedule a sobbing session today!

[@sayitwithyaart9194]

Thank you for the hug 🤗 I felt it and it made me smile

[@methusharavi5136]

So grateful for your videos, without them I would be horribly lost in life. It's a privilege. You've saved me more times than I can count.

[@AndreaDiaz-rc3iy]

I loveee thisss, personally for me my friends are reallyyy important and I feel that the things that ppl experience in a romantic relationship I experienced in my friendships jaajajja

[@prettyeyes6940]

Same 💔

[@angeliedee]

this came at the right time 💖💖💖 thank u

[@LolaAndre]

I just needed that hug fr (and all the video tbh)

[@emmanuelpedida884]

Starting to lose my hs friends at the moment. Perfect timing.

[@annawassen4230]

This was very much needed❤️❤️

[@Drfatmaashraf]

Thank you for the hug Rowena 💖

[@rupachemudupathi9569]

Wow , this was so good , I have taken notes of every point

[@briannaquintanar2838]

I love your content so much!❤ thank you 🙏

[@amanda625]

Loved this video. Thanks for sharing as always. Sending my love 💕

[@deepshikha1]

Thanks you for this video . This helped me a lot 💗

[@melikaparviziyan327]

One of the most amazing video i see ❤

[@jisookim___]

I need this video ;) Thankyou Ro ❤️

[@doctor4163]

There is nothing like true Friendship in this world You are only friend for people as long as you are useful to them

[@TubeDeviant]

@9:01 That is what I feel my problem is. I can be vulnerable (as an introvert), but I may be TOO VULNERABLE. And if the individual on the receiving end of it isn't on the same page, that repels them. While I understand that, it's still why I find it difficult to connect with people and that is rooted in my upbringing. The lack of being able to be vulnerable, to be able to communicate. Am I making sense? Another thing is that I cannot stand small talk. I can't talk about the weather, or tv shows (I don't watch tv), my taste in music isn't really mainstream.. etc. Then there are the topics which others may not want to talk about or may not be able to talk about, like politics, the banking system, fast fashion and other hot topics/issues.. Because I'm an introvert, I typically don't open up to most people, not as outgoing or energetic with people I'm not close with.

[@maiaautumne2167]

Ditto totally me too

[@paulinechapman5669]

My best way to survive a friendship is to be mindful of the truism..friends will always let you down..if the down is not devastating..keep the friend..if on the other hand ..if the down shatters your world the truism stands..so move on..be happy..🇨🇦

[@pumpkinpie7367]

early today, wohoo! love your videos as always, ro 🍃♥

[@Ambrosha385]

whoa my mind shattered!!

[@susanbertrand8620]

Thank you, some great thoughts to begin the day.

[@_pltuo]

the last one is so interesting!

[@thirteenwolfies]

“The leaves just prematurely fall off” wow amazing

[@BlessyNaval]

This is so good and helpful!

[@jonathanphenkola6288]

You inspire me so much

[@luciliareis4972]

You are the best. I love the themes You talk about

[@undyingtome]

Love love love this. Actually, I’m wondering if I already commented this, but oh well.

[@alonemusk27]

How do you do this Ro? Everytime I think that you haven't posted ... And eagerly wait for your video, the next thing I see is your video.... I needed this 💗thank you universe, thank you ro ❤️

[@psifealmeida]

I was missing youd videos!!!!!

[@jenjen9509]

Love your videos 🥰

[@jupitired777]

thank you, thank you so much

[@rowena]

thank YOU 🥹🫶

[@theehappysunflower]

Hey Rowena! Loved the book Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close by Aminatou Sow, would highly recommend⭐

[@piacarrasco_]

me ha encantado el video ❤️‍🩹 saludos desde Argentina.

[@xhuyentran]

Dear Rowena. Can you make videos about romantic relationships? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experience

[@itskaevee]

unbothered ambivalence has really limited me in everything lol. hoping that the changes im making now will get me where i want to be :)

[@myacisneros3801]

in the quarter over pennies section, you mentioned asking the right questions. what are some examples of those right questions to ask?

[@AnnaLin]

Rowena how do you style your bangs??

[@lucydelaluna]

Friendship!! Let's invest more in friendship. 🌳🐷🦄🐛

[@Michelle-ew5fq]

tears

[@veronicafortunaveronica]

Rowena quoting Taylor... ❤️❤️❤️

[@ahsylegnp]

What does vulnerability with boundaries look like? Do you have an example?

[@ahsylegnp]

Also! What is your answer to "what is your life purpose"?!

[@jerbear97]

is it just me or does she kinda look like LOONA's Kim Lip

[@alittlemundane]

I'M EARLY TODAAAAAY

[@veronicafortunaveronica]

Last one seems difficult

[@MarianneRollandAssistante]

Dommage que nous n’ayons pas les sous titres en francais

[@nope34]

Omggg u rre so cuteee

[@chrisly9241]

Can we be friends

[@sarangbalakrishnankp99]

Why saying sweet potatoes in the beggining

[@SandraB21]

First ❤️😍

[@LyraValley]

If people who are meant to stay in your life will stay and the ones who aren't won't, then I must not be meant for lasting relationships. None for her said karma or universe or whatever.

[@mbuivids]

As you suject, i am goin migo

[@brokeheartwolf3733]

🙏🙏🙏👍🏼👍🏼🦋

[@mbuivids]

Mel gibbons Christ is good too

[@badlove6896]

you and joma tech look like siblings

[@sammynovak9983]

Totally distracted by your arms here ...they look so toned and slim. Please share your secret with us 😅