EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO WATCH THIS - THIS IS WHAT A TOXIC MAN LOOKS LIKE

[@ayeshazafar494]

1) soft heart,his treatment with other people 2) extremely jealous, extremely paranoid 3) Extremely controlling 4) emotionless,hard hearts 5) emotionally unavailable 6) neglectful of their fatherly duties

[@halimasumayya9890]

"Courage doesn't mean the absence of fear.... Courage means doing the RIGHT THING despite the fear" 👏

[@Sarah-pj4vo]

Subhan'Allah! I wonder how many times this video popped up on the KZbin feeds of (Muslim) men but...just skipped it? I'm so glad that this video is being made because as Muslim women we need to 'step up our game and wise up' for a lack of a better expression.This also goes deeper than toxic masculinity...unfortunately narcissistic abuse and misogyny are silently rampant in our Muslim communities due to how it has passed down and through generations. What's even worse and really sad, is that such dysfunctional behaviour is justified under the guise of religion, when such vile, abusive behaviours have nothing to do with Islam 😔. May Allah guide us, and show us the truth for what it is and follow it, and equally show us the falsehood and help us to avoid it.

[@NafisasPearlz]

Absolutely ❤

[@kupaksulja]

Ameen! Couldnt have said it better

[@mantenehsaccoh2551]

Hard facts 🙏

[@riffk5325]

I have been in a toxic relationship for 22 years with 2 kids. I have experienced all the signs you have mentioned. I pray for my 2 boys who have seen this behaviour. All my life I have been told that I am always the problem. My mother is toxic and she encourages his behaviours. I pray I gave a peaceful ending.

[@michilita2959]

Sorry am also sailing in the same boat my mum is not helping n am dying everyday inshallah heri for us

[@Tshepiso18]

I am not muslim but your content is definitely relevant to literally any of us here. My boyfriend has all the traits of a toxic man that you just described. And like you said, us women have a tendency of making excuses for such men. He has managed to make me feel like I am the one to blame for him having to hit me. To be honest the red flags were there from early stages but I have been lying to myself that it is going to get better, only for things to get much more worse. As I am typing this, I am in bed, I did not go to work (we work for the same company) because he hit me last night and now my mouth is swollen. He hit me because two days ago, a guy I have known for years called me out of the blue, him and I have not been speaking for as long as I can remember. He got angry at the fact that the guy was calling me "mamie" and previously (back in 2021) me and this guy used to call each other "honey/sweedy" . He didn't care that all of that happened 2 years before I met him, and that I did not ask the guy to call me. He insulted me in words I cannot repeat here. Thank you sister for this video. It has given me strength and reassured me that I am not the wrong one.

[@NafisasPearlz]

I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you are doing better now. Please get out of this relationship. It’s not a safe place for you. The right man will protect you and not harm you.

[@Khwaab]

When she said "A man choking his wife", I remembered the viral video with the Sikh lady being choked by her husband right in front of her little daughters while they scream and cry, trying to make the dad stop (he later killed her as she took him back against the police´s advice). My heart sank seeing that video 💔💔💔. Triggered a lot of memories 😢. It reminded me of how "cheap" a woman is today. Just a slave, someone that can be used and thrown away (yet the man can marry and divorce a thousand times and not have his reputation harmed). Men can even leave their kids, yet start completely anew with a new woman and get new kids. Even his mother will help him find a completely new, virgin and super-young girl. NOBODY in society will say anything about him, yet the woman he left gets branded "divorcée", "couldn´t keep a man" and "unlucky" (even her parents will freeze her out). In most Muslim cultures (and even others), women are so expendable, so "cheap". You get married by your parent´s will and the in-laws KNOW that they can do anything, yet the parents of the girl won´t want her back. They´d rather see her miserable and married, even in danger, than to have her return and be happy/safe. Her "worth" then depends on how many sons she births. If she doesn´t get a single son, she can be sent back and given talaaq. In some countries, they DELIBERATELY bring a girl from a 3rd world country for their son, so she doesn´t understand the language, can be completely controlled and used as a slave. She cannot even call her parents without the mother-in-law either sitting next to her or taping her calls. This is STANDARD PRACTISE by many many families. Women are brought as modern day slaves, even "imported" to countries far away from home, and it´s like "You´re on your own now, don´t even think about returning if you encounter any problems". We have a saying even, that is from Hindu culture: "Today, as we bid you farewell, daughter...make sure you only return as a corpse" (said during the wedding). "Good" parents are seen as those who don´t encourage their daughter to seek help when she´s being oppressed, and "good" daughters are seen as those that never tell their family about what they endure. Messed up! MESSED UP culture!

[@Sarah-pj4vo]

Upon reading your comment, it's both shocking and not surprising that this still happens. I hope you are safe where you are, and know that the most important thing is your wellbeing and self-preservation, regardless of what culture or twisted, unfounded interpretations of any religion say about women and marriage.

[@Khwaab]

@@Sarah-pj4vo Jazak’Allah khayr, sister. 🫶🏼 Alhamdulillah, all is well.

[@Khwaab]

@@MuslimMan246 My witness is Allah, and that is enough for me. We may be ”invisible” to each other on the Internet. But no one is away from Allah’s watch. He sees every action and every word is recorded in our book of deeds. That’s my comfort and my ethos in life, alhamdulillah. Accusing a fellow believer of lying isn’t a light thing. May Allah guide me, and everyone who wants the guidance to do better. The Prophet (ﷺ) sent Mu`adh to Yemen and said, "Be afraid, from the curse of the oppressed as there is no screen between his invocation and Allah."

[@Khwaab]

@LoveLove-ev1cm Jazak’Allah khayr sister. It’s ”good” that he wrote it. People like that inadvertently prove me right. Obviously, something made him uncomfortable and it’s up to Allah swt what that will stir within him. His nick is ”Muslim man”…subhan’Allah, and ”how” Muslim a man or woman is will always be revealed by their adab/manners. So if he truly has even a mustard seed of imaan, Allah will guide him. This is the thing today: Lots of ”Muslim” men being very uncomfortable with women speaking up about the oppression we witness. So they hate on sisters online, while also following sisters’ content closely 🤷🏻‍♀️. It’s like we’re not even allowed to speak, or we’ll be humiliated or ridiculed even just for that. All that really just contributes to proving things right. Why do sisters not oppose or accuse men that write ”Mothers don’t let fathers see the children”? Why do women not get triggered? Because they simply aren’t guilty or triggered.

[@MuslimMan246]

My sincere apologies for hurting you. I got flown by emotions, I have frequently seen women in my area using gender laws for their own ev!l benefit so got carried in my emotions. I am not justfying myself but my sincere apologies to you.

[@silverkitty2503]

If he is impatient with children or animals if he is racist or talks down to others. He should be tolerante and kind. He should not be petty and argue over every little thing but still be strong and firm to you. Is constantly getting into fights. Or hides from standing up for himself in a healthy way.

[@latifahwallace5985]

Jazakallah for the consistency. I recently made a big change in my life and your videos are really affirming my decisions Alhumdulilah

[@NafisasPearlz]

Wonderful. May Allah continue to bless you.

[@YoungRiaz]

​@@NafisasPearlznafisa i am a non traditional British Pakistani who is austistic guy but i find your videos very informative

[@YoungRiaz]

​@@NafisasPearlzmay Allah bless you

[@ginapetonito]

As-salaamu Alaikum Sisters. I too am shocked at what passes for male "Muslim" discourse on social media. I am here to say I have been married for almost 39 years. We have many Muslim couples as friends, at this point probably in the 100s. People are in loving committed Muslim families and we are raising our sons to respect others, and to live as close to the life of the Prophet (SAAWS) as possible. Good men are out there, sisters. May Allah (SWT) grant you all the best spouses and success in this life and the next. Jazakum Allahu Khair Sister Nafisa once again for this valuable video.

[@garybennett5645]

Outstanding video sister toxic narcissistic behaviour is a problem with this generation. Men must understand how their behaviour affects the upbringing of their children. Men need to be more empathetic.

[@Chicago_oo]

U are a high value man 🔛🔝

[@MissModernprincess]

narcissism cannot be cured, especially high spectrum narcissism..it is in the brain, starts in childhood...I don't know if God can even deliver them..i question this all the time

[@purplelove3666]

Thank you for speaking on this,i never mind a man taking the lead, but its scary , Allah has given them a leadership and a lot of them seem to abuse that leadership position ,and look down on their wives,May Allah grant us husbands who will take the leadership position that Allah has given them ,seriously and treat us with kindness and mercy ,And May Allah grant men who have that great Charactertics Jannah ,Ameen

[@n.n9035]

This is me aswell, I agree a man should take lead, protect and provide, but I got married nearly 9yrs ago and I will be forced soon to become independent because I need a divorce I can't b in a toxic marriage anymore..

[@wardahshahid2758]

Thankyou Nafisa

[@mattg7899]

I've been hiding in the shadows and watching your videos and now recently began to comment. I'm a man that's on the opposite end of this. I'm still single but trying to date and I'm talking to someone that is always angry at me aggressive and never gives me peace. , she says she fears God but she curses every 5min at me. If i were to talk to her in that manner or any woman I'd be considered an abuser. I wonder what's the best way to part ways with her without too much screaming and yelling? I'm very peaceful but i need a calm woman honestly 😂

[@fatimahmojisuleiman2319]

I'm so glad I came across your videos. Thank you

[@pineappleoreo5349]

The Like and Comment Before Watching gang, let's gather here for a small meeting🥴🥴🥴

[@SweettoothMarie77]

😄 I'm definitely in this gang!

[@NafisasPearlz]

😂 love it ❤🎉

[@fulaniyyah]

How yall doing today😂😂

[@ameenahmahabuallah3064]

Alhamdulillah I’m here and loving all the content!!❤

[@sirasaine4471]

Gang gang 🙌🏽

[@CompactCognition]

JazakIllah khair, another on point video. A relationship is like a garden. It can be destroyed by not watering it regularly but it can also be destroyed by pouring too much water. Nuance based on observation is always required

[@saeedfirdaus8868]

Sister Nafisa May Allah continue to bless you and protect you for the great job you are doing. You are a blessing to this Ummah l like you for the fact that you are always speaking the truth 😊.

[@sadafahmed9563]

Alhamduliah. Had a toxic stepdad he was very controlling, dominating, aggressively never cared about feelings. Toxic men are very emotionally unstable. Plus I dumped a emotionally unstable man! Gd stuff.

[@khadyndiaye5999]

My mother was excatly like this. A toxic masculine woman

[@YassgD]

i love it sister Nafissa. I 'm grateful to learn this now. May Allah bless you and your familly.

[@NafisasPearlz]

Ameen. May Allah bless you and your family too

[@susanna9831]

Thanks you for speaking out on behalf of us women. I have been watching Ali Dawah videos and reading so many derogatory comments on his channel aimed at Muslim sisters. The sad thing is that there are sisters defending the obnoxious ones saying they "love" it when their husband tells them off for wearing makeup which is so weird and sounds like some kind of sub/dom sex fetish.

[@Hafidakaj90]

Once upon a time my husband he was so verbally abusive I was crying and he slapped me on my face in a hard way and said who gave you the permission to cry.....I left the next day I went to mom's home I even cut my passport in Morocco to show him am done with him and I will never move to Canada with a man like that.....I had to make a New passport.....now am in Canada in a shelter with three kids this time he was banging the head of our five years old against the wall I just couldn't take it anymore I called the police

[@cathylemay2215]

Your words are wise. I'm worried about how young men percieve their place in the world . If their emotional maturity is thwarted and they are insecure about feeling loved. I wish everyone could be brought up feeling loved and secure.

[@Almas_Craftworld]

Masha Allah sister you are helping so much with these Videos in shaAllah we meet in jannah

[@Anaaa605]

Thank you so much once again sister. May Allah keep on guiding you and your family

[@NafisasPearlz]

Ameen and for your family the same

[@Anaaa605]

@@NafisasPearlz thank you but I just love you 😘

[@Citygirlinsuburbia]

Thank you for highlighting this- fearing someone and fearing losing the ability to love someone and have them in your life are two different things

[@ayeeshaj1366]

The way I clicked so fast on this video😭😭😭😭 MashaAllah this was all I needed to hear to re-think my decision of getting married to someone with lots of these behaviors you mentioned

[@NafisasPearlz]

I really hope you reconsider.

[@JiaLena27]

This video literally saved your life!

[@SJColeman-BoykinLi-yz3dw]

I Concur dear Sister! Misogynistic & Narcissistic wrapped all into one. Allaah hates Zhulm (oppression) upon ourselves and onto others.

[@dominiqueduar]

✨️JazakAllah Khayran, Sister. What I love about this video is that it gave me the opportunity to reflect on myself. I believe everything has a purpose and that every circumstance is not created in vain, so therefore what is it showing me about my own character, and how I speak to myself. Perhaps I have been allowing toxic thoughts to live in my mind for far too long. So long that it became reflected in my reality. It is mercy to be able to see it within someone else because it is the opportunity to choose change. Until I change what is in my own heart, I cannot expect much change outside of me. Any change I am fortune to see is by the mercy of Allah swt. May He guide us all to the striaght path. Ameen. ✨️

[@BQ900]

Really needed to be said! A lot of religious type cultures mistake this type of behavior as leadership. Hear it from some Muslim cultures and Ultra Orthodox Jewish cultures as it goes on behind closed doors. I have seen it with my husbands brothers in another country. 🇺🇸🇸🇦❤️☪️

[@aseelsoul992]

Great video!!!! Jazaki Allahu khayran❤❤❤❤

[@Asha-zq5kx]

Thank you for dropping this video Nafisa. I love your passion. It is a true fear of mine to be a single mother because our generation of men are choosing to be toxic and not fulfill their duties as men, brothers, husbands and fathers. I wish to see more men step up to the plate and be real leaders. Allah guides whom he wills. As women, we must do better too and not tolerate these things. We have such a big influence.

[@Marmar_559]

Thank you for spreading wisdom Nafisa 🧡 I always feel like you’re my big sister 🥰

[@kaoris8936]

Allahoumma barik thank you for this quality content

[@NafisasPearlz]

My pleasure

[@sahibaar5266]

السلام عليكم Pls make part 2

[@ajaratulampinley2028]

May Allah increase you in knowledge. This is awesome.

[@fatimamuktar3366]

i shed a tear watching this, may Allah swt bring ease to all the people in this situation.

[@tyra136]

Thanks sister... needed the remainder ❤️

[@pamk380]

You hit the nail on the head, he doesn't have kids but most of what you described is what I experienced with a guy in a matter of a couple of weeks, I'm so mad at myself for tolerating it even for that amount of time.

[@NafisasPearlz]

Wow, I’m so glad you left that behind. Onwards and upwards insha’Allah.

[@pamk380]

@@NafisasPearlz I'm still hurting and healing but yes insha Allah, most definitely

[@NafisasPearlz]

@@pamk380 you will get there. Stay hopeful, better days ahead God willing

[@glamourwithzainab3024]

Inshaallah

[@azidesai5710]

I agree with you on this, I am from a family of hard hearted people, who never see anything wrong in behaving badly.. & that makes me feel sad & unhappy & also hurt.. how do I get them to see that, that kind of behaviour is not normal?? 😢

[@fatimab5145]

Thank you nafissa for this video

[@Alexlittle9]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 *listen here!!!! This is so true and important and ESPECIALLY broke down the last 5 minutes!!!! Thank you and SHARED*

[@dxgccvxbvvh]

Thank you..much needed and please Insha Allah do a part 2 if you can.

[@pineappleoreo5349]

Day 1 on Nafisa's Patreon and I have watched everything like the greedy woman I am😂😂🎉🎉 But Im extra feminine now💅💅💅

[@NafisasPearlz]

😂😂 you made me laugh so much. Glad to hear that you are not greedy any more lol

[@Bruger333]

Great! Can you do a video on what a toxic woman looks like?

[@Khwaab]

Like always, sister Nafisa delivers top content, mash´Allah! I have so many cases to share that remind me of this topic. 1. My highly educated cousin who is a pious person, virgin, very well-read Islamically and beautiful was "head-hunted" by a bunch of "religious" sisters that wanted her to marry their divorced brother who had left 3 kids and now wanted to just get a new wife. The audacity, the delusional mindset that he, a butcher with no education, "deserved" a complete virgin girl! Of course my cousins´ parents were very angry and even stopped seeing that family. They assumed that they could have her just because she was 27 🙄. Today mash´Allah, she´s married to a brother who is both highly educated, responsible and close to her age. People think that age determines your marriage chances, but no....only tawakkul and Allah´s help matter. You can be 40 and find the best spouse, and you can be 22 and get the worst husband. One should never rely on society and its narrow mindset. Only rely on Allah swt, and don’t ”downgrade” yourself. Men always see themselves as worth MORE than they bring to the table because they are raised to believe that they deserve it 🙄). Women are constantly shamed for even wishing for an equally educated man or virgin. 2. A female relative basically tried to make her son divorce his wife (that she herself had chosen for the son).He even made up stories that the wife wasn´t loyal, when he knew that she´s completely pious. She was pregnant when the worst period was going on, and the mother-in-law said "If it´s a daughter, divorce her and let her raise that child alone. If it´s a boy, we will take him from her and send her back to her family divorced". That son was completely ruled by his mother, and had no guts to stand up for himself or his wife. The mother-in-law decides everything, even rationing out how many eggs they can have for breakfast, and how much milk the toddler gets. Such cruelty! Such immense oppression! Today, that woman is depressed because her own daughter isn´t getting pregnant (her husband is older) and her children are beginning to understand how oppressive and wrong their mother is. She fake-faints at every little thing, but the children don´t even react anymore 3. A friend of mine, a really wonderful sister, got married and "imported" to the West. The family totally ruled her and even taped her conversations when she called her parents or siblings. They then did black magic on her and didn´t help her when she got so ill that she had to be hospitalised. They just threw her clothes out and asked her parents to come and get her (all the way from Pakistan). They quickly divorced her before she could get permanent stay in the West (a frequent "punishment" used against girls who are imported brides)

[@noneofyourbuizness]

Oooh wooooooooww

[@Benkub123]

SubhaNAllaah! The oppressors and their lineage will pay for the oppression

[@aisharicci6400]

These stories shock me, and these oppressors are muslims? Don't they fear Allah swt?

[@susanna9831]

These stories are so common in South Asian culture you won't believe. That's why it really gets my goat when youtubers like Ali Dawah makes videos about that "husbands are permitted to stop their wives wearing makeup", even if he had a point, just read the nasty comments from Muslim men on those videos and it's not hard to see why they would then push it and start oppressing her.

[@YoungRiaz]

Nafisa i think an interesting topic is how to deal with a austistic child, spouse or family member

[@faizahimasa]

Jazakillah khairan ❤

[@YoungRiaz]

I see myself as a co leader not main leader and i am a austistic guy

[@wasbruderwassollichsagenbr1608]

amazing video im thankful i found ur channel

[@nadirajames4267]

Subhanallah!!!!! Sis well said everything was very very beneficial knowledge Ma shaa Allah TabarakAllah 🤲🏾🤲🏾❤️

[@YoungRiaz]

Much love and respect nafisa

[@NafisasPearlz]

Thank you

[@YoungRiaz]

@@NafisasPearlz you're my dear sister

[@sidali2590]

Agree and men who are not short tempered

[@shapalikhanam9418]

Powerful video well done

[@nadhiramuhammad9158]

Please part two!

[@mariamabaldeh8644]

Thank you sister ❤❤❤watching from Gambia ❤

[@NafisasPearlz]

Thank you

[@Khwaab]

Here are some ways in which toxic men´s (AND women´s) behaviour is normalised in Desi cultures: 1. New brides are taught to not reveal if they´ve ever been in love, if the groom asks on the wedding night (some do this just to "check" the "piety" of a girl). If she says yes (and she´s only been in love and never even held hands with a man or even had him know of her feelings), it is either used to put her down for the rest of their marriage, OR she gets divorced immediately after the wedding night (like a punishment). If she says "No", she´s still not believed. A woman is ALWAYS under suspicion. The man on the other hand, can easily reveal how many women he´s had or his mother can also say "Oh, you´re such a lucky girl who got my son. You know, so many families were trying to push their daughters onto him before we chose you". A man´s experience is treated like "just harmless fun", or "popularity". Only decent families don´t behave like this 2. The husband demands to know all her passwords, so she cannot even write an email to her sister, family or female friends without him being able to open and check how she uses her email account. Note! The husband doesn´t give her any of his passwords...she should just trust him 🙄. This is awful, cause he can then also see any photos of female friends if they send her that, thinking she´s the only one who will see it. She cannot even call her family, without the husband´s permission. She cannot even go and visit her brother´s house 3. Families LET their sons do whatever on the Internet, but the daughters cannot even sit and watch KZbin. If the son is hiding and watching something, the family leaves him alone and even lets him have a closed door. Many Desi men are on the Net sending messages and asking strange women for photos (now world-famous for that!), while their sisters at home aren´t even allowed to have a social media account. Their sins are then blamed on "easy Western women who are on the Net...good women are not on the Net". Men are NEVER held accountable 4. If a husband slaps his wife, she´s not considered to be a good girl if she "makes a fuss". She´s supposed to have sabr, cater to him even more and check herself if she´s the reason for his anger (in other words, it´s never a man´s fault). The husband is called "Majaazi Khuda" (the one in God´s place). This is basically culturally accepted SHIRK (and Hindu culture, where a woman touches her husband´s feet and in olden days, be burned alive at his burial/cremation) 5. If a married woman has a rough marriage, she´s not supposed to "stress" her parents or reveal the problems. If she does, she´s being "irresponsible" and "risking the chances of marriage for her younger sisters". She´s also "jeopardising her parents´reputation". If a man has problems with his wife, EVERYONE around him pressure him to divorce and his mother finds him "a better girl" 6. If a woman gets sons, her "worth" increases and her mother-in-law may even have to start treating her better because now she´s considered "the mother of sons". A woman´s worth and reason for existence is in direct correlation to the men in her life (first father, then brother, then husband and finally sons). Desi women, therefore, often cannot separate themselves from their sons....because they tie their very worth and identity to them (and cannot tolerate him even wanting to spend time with his wife). Some women even use their sons to "put the husband in place" (for all the oppression they endured in their young days), now that she´s worth something because she has sons that can "fight for her". These women are often disappointed in their husband, and therefore put all their attention to their sons. They´re more "in love" with their sons, but only have their husband as a "statue of value" in front of society 7. Divorced women are routinely harassed in both public places (like office spaces) and within the extended families. Some men consider her to be an "open target" for harassment, because "she´s not attached to a man". This is how AWFULLY un-Islamic our cultures are! In weddings and family gatherings, women bully her by, for example, not letting her participate in any tradition of blessing the bride, because they see a divorcée as "unlucky" (they only let happily married women "bless" the bride). Superstition is rife, especially inspired from Hindu culture 8. If a girl gets harassed, she should stay silent or risk getting her reputation ruined. The offending male NEVER gets reprimanded or talked about. "Good girls" stay silent and are told to avoid the harasser next time This is just a "taster" of the sickness that occurs in many Muslim (and non-Muslim!) cultures.

[@ziziy243]

I am speechless. Even though I am scared of my own sins that I will be held accountable on the day of judgment (may Allah forgive us all.) I am extremely grateful for the Day Of Judgement when I see all this oppression. I know that they are not getting away with it on the contrary to what it might seem in this world. Alhamdulilah Allah is all seeing, all hearing and Just and wise. Alhamdulilah.

[@Khwaab]

@@ziziy243 Aameen sis, well said 👏🏼! Allah is the ultimate witness and our comfort of ultimate judgement. What bothers me is that this is so normalised, and the ”woman on woman” oppression in our culture. Parents RAISE the daughters to handle all this. I see the entire process of how little girls grow up to become those women themselves. That’s their survival strategy. By the time they become mother-in-laws themselves, they’re hardened, ruthless and greedy women. Every stage of their life is about how to secure their own position in this toxic culture.

[@ziziy243]

@@Khwaab Absolutely, even though it is not as bad as you have described in my culture we do have some problems like women complaining about their husbands not helping with house chores..and I was having a debate with a friend and my argument was exactly as you said, we as a women reinforce this by teaching our boys to behave exactly as their predecessors that we are complaining about it. I said I will teach my sons to cook just like I would teach my daughters, but that exact friend who is complaining about a husband not helping said that she will never let her son go into a kitchen!! So nothing will ever change unless next generations women start changing. I really don't understand why a woman who has been oppressed herself as daughter in low chooses to do the same when she because mother inlow. But as you explain it is a learned behavior that needs unlearning by going back to the religion of Islam and back to Allah.

[@Khwaab]

@@ziziy243 Sister, I have a theory, and I´ve thought long and hard about this. I think these mothers experience real love for the first time in their life when they have a son. Most of them have never been allowed to have normal feelings, and have had either arranged or forced marriages. (Even the arranged are covertly forced, but that is a whole other topic!). They get very disillusioned when they´re married to men that they had no say in choosing. Marital rape is COMMON, and my mother´s generation did not even KNOW how a baby is created and what a pregnancy really means. The whole process must´ve been traumatising, especially for young girls below 20. All they were taught is to obey the husband, even if he does something creepy or wrong. And a lot of these young women are married to much older men, like at least 10 years older (and those men are often cunning and experienced enough to know how to manipulate the girl...hence why they marry very young girls). I´ve seen women in my culture get gradually disappointed after marriage (and become tyrants). Before marriage, their parents have often promised that "You can do anything you want after marriage" (travel, study, work, wear makeup, attend a friend´s party etc.). These girls then put ALL their hopes on finding happiness after marriage. But then they realise pretty quickly that life is even worse than it was at the parent´s house. From one jail to another. The first time she ever feels unconditional love from a male figure is when having a son (that often idealise their mommy even as toddlers, but especially around 6-12 years of age). That´s also when the patriarchy for the first time gives her a "value". Now she´s the mother of a SON, so now she is someone to be reckoned with. I´ve seen competing women hope that one doesn´t get a son, so that her "social worth" doesn´t become more than the other. Some even do black magic to prevent another woman from having a son (even if they know that only Allah swt decides that). In one family, you can see one bride keeping on having babies until she has at least more sons than the bride of the other brother. They compete in birthing sons, because it "increases their value". The one with more sons gets more respect by the mother and father-in-law. She also gets more inheritance. It´s a whole system of patriarchy.

[@Khwaab]

@@ziziy243 I´ve even heard a HIGHLY educated, smart and well-practising sister tell me that she hoped that she would have a son "So that he sees that someone loves me as much as he loves his mom". Her husband basically doesn´t show her love, not even a "Your cooking is amazing", but he compliments his friend´s wives´ cooking right in front of her. He´s basically a very stiff and boring person who doesn´t seem to believe in showing love to his wife. He has broken her down, and she was already someone who never had a father´s love. Things like this lead Muslim women to resent their husband, and get too attached to their sons. The sons become a "My little admirer who protects me". Eseentially what every woman hopes to find in a lover/husband. They then pour ALL their love into their sons, and it then gets difficult when he gets married, because by then...his bride needing his time and attention makes the mother feel like the son is being distracted from her. Then he cannot even have normal time with his family, without the mother taking everything personally and blaming the daughter-in-law for even wanting to go out and have dinner with her husband.

[@AllahsServant12]

You were so funny today explaining everything with your sense of humour. I was literally chuckling all the way! Lol 😂 Great and informative video as usual. Mashallah! ❤❤❤

[@kupaksulja]

Needed this! So much of this resonated with me. May Allah bless you ❤

[@aisha9109]

Massallah thanks for the very beneficial topic ❤

[@saliosman9171]

Am dealing with one and it's not easy, his behavior is emotionally draining me, I just want to leave and it's difficult

[@raihana.onfilm]

Thank you for sharing Nafisa! im nowhere near getting married but learning a lot for what to look out whenever the time comes inshallah 🧡

[@CarlaBarcelos-y4h]

Im going through this in my marriage and my mental heath is affected. 😢 always checking my phone, asking why i dont wear nikab, saying do u know men look at you like is my fault. Im fully covered and wear hijab. Im going through alot of stress i dont know what to do im lost, i moved to a different city after marriage and have no family or anymore. Quoting hadith on me if i reject intimacy all the time stating hadith on me. He verbally abusing me and then blame on me. Ya Allah i need help please sister can i contact you pls

[@Khwaab]

Let me guess, sister: You are Pakistani. Right? I hope sister Nafisa will reply insh’Allah as she has a lot of wisdom mash’Allah. Wearing hijaab is already well done mash’Allah. Niqaab is totally optional and not even allowed during Hajj. You’re basically being controlled. May Allah help you. I’ve written comments about the toxicity in Desi cultures, so do read them beneath this clip if you want to. Maybe they’ll help you realise that you’re not alone, and you’re not being treated in an Islamic way. Sadly, Desi women do not know all the parts that are un-Islamic about our cultures, because our parents have taught them to us. We have a hard time criticising our parents and admitting their faults.

[@CarlaBarcelos-y4h]

@Khwaab @Khwaab I'm not Asian, I'm African revert, and my husband is from Asian background from mauritius. He claims he follows quran and sunnah but SubhanaAllah is not what I see in him. He shows 2 personalities around people his practicing and all but with me totally different cursing and other things , I married thinking he was practicing and following quran and sunnah but I was totally in shock to see his behaviour at only 1 month into the marriage, now its been 1year , Allah has not given me a child and now I'm thinking if it isn't a sign.

[@Khwaab]

@@CarlaBarcelos-y4h I’m so sorry to hear your situation, but sadly not surprised at all. It is common at least in Southasian culture (Pakistan, India, Bangladesh) to lie when initiating a marriage. Whole families do this (they even lie about illnesses and jobs). I wish we born Muslims were better at getting in touch with new Muslims (instead of rushing them into marriage) and warning them of the cultures. Sister, do Istikhaara and don’t rush to get pregnant or you’ll be forever attached to him. If a man has STARTED a holy union with lies and fake behaviour, he has already SHOWN you his priorities and his real face. Whether you want to keep being with him is up to you (but these men do not get better). He is comfortable now, he knows that he has you and Muslim women do not want to get a divorce even when they have all rights in Islam and have been lied to. Men know this, hence why they so confidently keep oppressing. In a way, by not standing up for ourselves, we ENABLE these men to keep going. Oh sister 😞…how long will we sisters keep on putting up with subpar men who use Islam to blackmail us while we fully know that it isn’t Islamic? The answer is up to each woman. The reputation of Islam will not change until we actively refuse to let Islam be misrepresented by these criminals. I wish we understood that Allah does not condone staying in oppression, and that’s why (unlike Catholics and Hindus) He has allowed divorce as a last resort. Otherwise, divorce wouldn’t even be allowed.

[@CarlaBarcelos-y4h]

Thanks sister, I'm going to do the Istigharah. He has been putting pressure on me to get pregnant and a year has passed and nothing happend alhamdulilah I know now the reason. He uses his eczema attacks to justify his behaviour or cursing me right and centre and saying is part of marriage to be fighting and I shouldn't divorce for this, I ask myself why is that cursing is part of marriage when has this happened at the time of the prophet. He thinks I'm layman bcz im revert but I know my rights in marriage. We have booked civil marriage and I'm now more determined to not even accept it.

[@Khwaab]

@@CarlaBarcelos-y4h Oh, that’s really bad! If a man even tries to justify the zulm/dhulm (cruelty), it’s a clear sign that he doesn’t even WANT to change but is trying to make you accept it as ”normal”. 😮 A grown, mature man does not use his eczema to justify mood-swings and abuse. Otherwise, every woman could curse out the entire world every time she’s on her periods! 😉 Would men tolerate that? No! You’re not obliged to go through the civil marriage, because that will give him rights to your assets and more. It will give him permanent stay as well (if he’s an immigrant). Seems like he’s pushing all the ways through which to trap you. Sister…it’s up to you: When a man SHOWS so clearly who he is, it’s up to a woman to decide if she wants to be with such a man for the rest of her life. After this, you can never say that the signs weren’t there. He has clearly shown you his real face. You are a servant of Allah, sis…honour yourself, VALUE yourself. There is NOTHING in Islam that demands of us or even recommends us to take abuse. Nothing! Mash’Allah, you are an aware and knowledgeable sister. You’re not a woman who is dependent on him or imported by his family. Use your rights, use your intellect and don’t be a slave to anyone. These men are getting away because we women are LETTING them abuse us. They know that women don’t take divorce lightly (and worry about the divorcée label), so they feel like they’ve got us ”imprisoned” (and further want us to get forever stuck to them through getting pregnant). It’s sounds alarming that he wants you to get pregnant. Something is off about it. Men never nag about such things unless they have a plan and it benefits them somehow. 🤔 Allah’s kingdom is vast, and His signs are there, but we have to be wise ourselves too, and pay attention to when people show us their true self. Just do Istikhaara and then start planning your escape route. This guy sounds like someone trying to get you used to abuse. Don’t be disheartened sister…this may have been a lesson in your life, but you don’t have to stay there. Never compromise your dignity. A man being verbally abusive is only getting started. They work in stages. Next stage, he’ll make it physical by trying a slap, then apologising, then losing it again. It’s a pattern and a plan to slowly get the victim to accept it. I’ve heard good brothers say ”If a husband ever slaps you or calls you bad words…know that he’s checking how far he can push. Leave that very day, or it will get worse. He will apologise to mess with your mind. But only believe his actions, not his words. Next time he’ll push it further. Get your brothers to handle him after that. Never give such a man a chance”. If you don’t have such brothers/mahram, sis BE YOUR OWN brother 💪🏽. Treat yourself like you are your most precious asset. Remember that you’re Allah’s servant! Don’t let anyone abuse you! You are no fool to be abused or fooled that cruelty is ”normal”. He can go and try that on his male friends instead, and see how quickly they will beat him down. 😠 Only weak men try to teach women that abuse is a part of marriage! 😡 If he did that to some women, he’d be PUT IN PLACE snd taught a lesson by her mahrams! These ”men” doing it to innocent revert sisters…Allah will GRAB them by their hair on Judgement Day. They should FEAR Allah!

[@MaryamAli-vd1xv]

Love the video. Alhamdulillah

[@ajaratulampinley2028]

It was a blessing.❤

[@gamelakissy2076]

Fear of dad coming ...and everyone being scared is a flobal thing...which is 😔 sad

[@YoungRiaz]

I am muslim guy i find this video very informative

[@NafisasPearlz]

Alhamdulilah. I’m glad there are still good Muslim men out there.

[@YoungRiaz]

@@NafisasPearlz you're welcome my dear sister

[@hagirsalih8081]

My father was such a toxic man . That i didnt want to get married. After the example he set about muslim men to me.Then I married such a benign humble and supportive love of my life.

[@Kadiatusankoh-j6d]

Thank you God bless you

[@m_atisse484]

Great explanation Nafisa ! Very instructive ! Thank you so much for that beautiful content. I will start commenting all your videos once I watch them Insha2Allah You really deserve a lot of views sister ❤

[@tntt9313]

Assalam o Alikum I agree to all what you've said but my question is how do you identify those red flags before marriage? I've been engaged to a guy and I don't even have his contact number...and even of I did how can I tell if the man is toxic since most men tend to be polite before marriage ❤

[@fadumo6292]

Thank you sister

[@shamimtemour]

Men who refuse to cry because they think it makes them look weak are not appreciative of our Prophet Muhammad SAW. Who do they think they are??? If our Prophet SAW, who was the best from among us, showed empathy and emotions, who do these men think they are??

[@habibaroyees]

Clicked so fast lol Jazakallah sister ❤

[@NafisasPearlz]

🤗

[@laurastern2974]

Thank you for your great work! I would really be interested in a video where you talk about how to heal after such a toxic and traumatic relationship that went on for years. Its hard to let go of all the things you are used to even if it is toxic. Divorce is never easy but in those cases its more difficult and easier for a person to feel helpless in this situation. Some feel so helpless and have fear of letting go what we are used to so much that we go and stay with that toxic person even longer because of the fear and not knowing what to do next and how to heal. A video about how to heal would be very helpful. Jazakiallahu khairan

[@Samirahassan3094]

Masha Allah sister i love you ❤❤❤

[@purplelove3666]

The men also have to nature their children,a man is an example for the kind of husband he is going to be for his future wife and children and also a father is going to be an example for his daughters, to know what kind of husband to pick

[@lollo-wr4tj]

Can you do a video on mommy's boy. And what cand of boundaries do you have to have towards your in laws?

[@saradigota7201]

love you sister Nafisa, you a true gem, such a beautifull kind soul,may Allah reward you

[@Tasneem1413]

A neglectful father is definitely not attractive and a major red flag, on the other hand a caring loving father\brother\caregiver is very endearing because it reflects his character as a provider and a supporter.

[@suveeraamin5100]

SUBHAN ALLAH ALHUMDULILLAH ALLAH AKBAR!!!

[@miruyusi]

❤😍 true 👍

[@Novause]

Im back:( sister Nafeesa please make a video or even a short clip...on helping muslimwomen in how to navigate apps most especially ones like Muzz. I know these videos you make is like a broad spectrum that cover the topics etc. But im speaking specifically about how these muslim men conduct themselves especially during initial conversations of simply just trying to get to know etc. Thannk you 🤗🤗🤗

[@Khwaab]

Oh sis 🫣. That’s a whole other can of worms. Those apps seem filled with married men, men with kids (yes, not real responsible fathers), VISA-seekers and unemployed men seeking thrills online. I’m part of a convert-page and I swear, EVERY single day, a revert sister comes with a problem of having met a ”Muslim” man online who has asked for nudes, who lied about already being married, lied about his age or came to Europe and now demands the woman to send money back to his family in Pakistan or Egypt, while he sits unemployed in her apartment and she works full-time. Every day they cry, then go back to the man. Only one in a thousand claims that she found her good husband there. Others have moved to his country and feel alone and misunderstood (culture shock). Subhan’Allah…it’s a scary world, and a lot of sisters don’t pay heed to ultra red flags. The wish to get married and have children trumps the women’s self-respect, self-preservation (dignity and health) and protection. Women are putting up with a LOT of shadiness just to marry. It’s baffling!

[@momomst2013]

Walaikumussalam...❤sis

[@YeahNoWay123]

In lots of cases even in married relationships, men may not leave their children and wives, but they will deliberately not give time, or take care of children, all the pressure on the mother, the wife, while he’s laying or sat in bed. She doesn’t get any help. She has to do the entire house chores, clean, cook, nurture, look after. He does nothing. For him, working outside is all enough. Even though, outside-working mothers also exist, and most of them do the house chores *aswell.* The same mother, who has to suffer the ordeals of pregnancy, and then suffer the world’s second most painful pains a human can endure, when giving birth, battling life and death, and yet she still also can’t even take a break, without the husband screaming. Also, in the past, women used to have wider pelvic bones, making it easier to birth children, and the children they’d birth back then were also, mostly smaller-sized. But now, the pelvic bones of women have gotten more narrow?, and the children are now bigger-sized than of before. Those same women may have also, just like men, been @b#$3d by family members, or suffer female toxic masculinity, or toxic femininity. But being @b#$3d isn’t an excuse to treat others harshly. And those same women are especially restricted from such behaviours and acts. And for toxic masculinity, its how one controls themselves, and takes the surrounding’s lectures. And they could choose not to. But yes, they could get in trouble for it. Such behaviours could also stem from trauma. Traumatic experiences can shape somebody, especially when untreated or not given psychological care/treatment. Like, loss of a family member or loved one, having been @b*$3d by a family member or many, being $€xû@||¥ abused by someone and/or by your own, having toxic siblings or an entire toxic family, having toxic friends, having manipulative and two-faced people they thought they could trust, being bullied, being betrayed, or all, most, or either, combined.

[@jeremynx]

Wow liked how u said at 26:58 that a boy needs to see other men who demonstrate what it looks like to be a man

[@muritalaakande69]

compliment

[@Khwaab]

Dear sister Nafisa, may I kindly wish/request some topics for your future videos? Doesn´t have to be exactly the same, but just trying to suggest ideas: # How Muslim women can avoid bad life situations by MAKING better decisions themselves, and not falling victim to family pressure (like getting age-stressed, bullied into "Nobody will marry you" and "Do this because pleasing the parents means pleasing Allah" i.e being guilt-tripped into marriage). Basically about standing up for one´s rights , instead of expecting the Ummah to change magically on its own, or by expecting someone else to "give us our rights" # Having tawakkul and putting our hope in Allah swt instead of putting hopes in society (many sisters are taught that they only have as good chances of happiness as society will allow them or depending on their youth) # How having standards and wishes isn´t "unrealistic", "too much to ask", "delusional" etc. That it is okay and even good for women to have standards, just like cultures TEACH men that they can always ask for more than they bring to the table (like demanding a virgin when they´re nowhere near being one themselves!) # What it can feel like being a brown or black Muslimah, and facing being "chosen away" by our very own communities (not just when it comes to marriage proposals, but even friendship and being expected to not break the barriers of our cultures). For example, many Muslim brothers who have brown/black blood-sisters, choose to marry exclusively white women, and then they even help with household chores and more, because they only expect brown/black women to do everything that his mother did, but with white women, they behave differently (of course not all men are like this, but do I even have to say it?) How it can feel disheartening to be called "manly" and "hairy" based on being brown, and being deemed "undesirable" because our men are affected by the magazine covers and the entertainment industry standards (and let´s not lie...even by the adult industry). How brown and black Muslimahs are continuously neglected on the basis of age, body size and "too much" education, while said men actively pursue experienced white women whose age, size, lack of hygiene and sexual experience apparently doesn´t matter # The ruling of marrying Ahl-e-Kitaab and how prominent scholars (among others Ahmed Deedat, Yusuf Estes and Abdullah Hakim Quick) have said that it isn´t allowed when the women of the Ummah struggle to find Muslim men. How come ANY white woman is considered to be Ahl-e-Kitaab when they don´t even have a faith, and why isn´t the Ummah even talking about how so many women say that they heard about Islam "through a Muslim boyfriend"? 😮 Ahl-e-Kitaab is only a pious, practising Christian, Jewish or Sabian woman. Not just any white chick dancing in a nightclub. Why are imams carrying out these marriages while fully knowing that the woman isn´t Ahl-e-Kitaab, but just a white woman from a Western culture? Is there no limit to how much these men can get away with in the name of Islam? There is a huge overflux of Muslim women struggling to find good Muslim men, but every other white lady is finding marriage with a Muslim man! Even white women dabbling in crystal-magic, yoga and "nature religion" are finding Muslim men to get married with! # How routine and deeply systemised oppression and inequality in Muslim homes is affecting Muslim women (they´ve seen their mothers endure it and are now expected to do the same). How women are slowly getting disheartened by the Ummah, and the open bashing by Dawah brothers online who are saying things like "You are kaafir if you don´t want to become a 2nd wife!, you have left the fold of Islam!", and saying "A woman´s purpose is having kids...what else are you gonna do? Have cats and die alone?" and a very frequent one "An unmarried woman above 25 is used goods...she should just give up now. It is normal for men to stop desiring these old croons above 25". (They are assuming that anyone above 25 is experienced...a very very sad and dangerous thinking). These people are affecting sisters deeply, and not being allowed to complain about it is also chasing sisters away slowly. We´re literally losing sisters and making a lot feel that non-Muslims are right about us (as a woman-hating, oppressive community that can only tolerate women´s presence through service, martyrdom or through motherhood) # How wearing the hijaab feels risky to many Muslim women, because they feel like it puts them at risk of becoming invisible, or used by people who see hijaab as a way to "She´s religious, so we can use religion to guilt-trip her". Also, could this be tied with how many with hijaab seem to be making it very sexy and attractive, because if they don´t...they feel like Muslim men don´t even see them. Back to the previous point, that Muslim men are choosing any other women except for pious Muslim women. Even young, pious Muslimahs are not being approached by Muslim men (they’re busy chasing women that are willing to compromise) # How to handle compliments and positive attention from polite/decent men of other religions (and then getting angry with yourself for even thinking about him!), while you feel neglected and unwanted by Muslim men (including your father and absent brothers). How to avoid feeling like this when your home environment makes you feel like you´re just not even wanted in this world, other than for giving selfless service. Especially, how to tackle kind, upright men from other religions who respect you and compliment your hijaab and the manners, mindset and loyalty of Muslim women. How to not secretly sit there and wish that he becomes a Muslim 😁. How to just stop hoping in others and cling onto Allah as our ONLY source of contentment, care and appreciation. (Let me just mention sis, some non-Muslim men are showing much more appreciation towards Muslim women than our brothers...especially towards black women who are considered "the least desirable" by so many Muslim cultures. Let´s be honest about this racism, please). How does a Muslim sister who is constantly seen as an AGE avoid feeling infatuated with utterly polite non-Muslim men who see her as she is (with her age, her size and her hijaab)? How do sisters, who are even bullied by their mothers for their dark complexion avoid feeling flattered by men who even seem to like her complexion and her dark eyes? We are human after all. We also have feelings and coming home and getting a badd-duaa for not having picked up your brother´s plate can make anyone feel utterly starved of positive attention. Muslim women are dying inside...but desperately trying to hide it (the duty of carrying/practising Islam is put on sisters…while the men are afforded tasting as much haraam as possible without it affecting their reputation or the love of parents) # How to handle seeing great sisters with no hijaab being chosen by well-educated Muslim men and their families, because those families prefer someone without hijaab? How do hijaabi sisters reconcile that with their duaa, dhikr and hopes in Allah swt, while also being totally happy and pleased for those friends? Basically, how to stop the whispers that "If only you didn´t wear hijaab, you would also be seen by some educated Muslim man with a forward-thinking mindset"? This is especially rife within Pakistani circles. The decent families with an educational background often stay away from "outerly religious" families because they can a lot of times also be mentally regressive (like not allowing girls to work) or expecting her to live with the in-laws

[@realtalk313h.z.3]

May Allah taala bless you sister! Allahumma salli Allah Muhammad wa Ali Muhammad!!!

[@Coachnaimah]

May Allah bless and reward you dear sister. Great video, Alhamdulilah! 💫✨🤲🏽

[@mta8795]

People should not use their cultural interpretation of Islam and make a sweeping assumptions about all other muslim communities which would make sound that its the deen.

[@minoganiso906]

Ma sha Allah while u talking I don't want u to stop talking ur words are heart touching 🙏❤️‍🩹🤍

[@MAhmed-zs2vp]

Salaam sister, I have emailed you about coaching, I haven't recieved a response as yet, just thought I'd remind you as I know you're probably busy. JazakAllah khair. I find your content very useful.

[@salmachama1309]

MashaaAllah sis walahi I Love you

[@aaminakhurram1392]

i really, really, really hope there are lots of men watching this

[@faebalina7786]

One thing we see from recent content by men on gender is that there really are some unjust men that see women in a problematic way and masculinity in an unhealthy way which is arrogant and lacking in accountability. It is clearly a new fitnah. Alhamdulilah good brothers exist they really really do, it's just sometimes from the exterior they look just like the toxic ones. so sisters need to really be both self-aware and accountable and do due lots of diligence and loads and loads of dua and dua,

[@khadyndiaye5999]

This reminds me of my childhood with my mother she was a woman with toxic masculinty, it was like living with a man

[@JennifervonPickartz-c1i]

I thank G-d for You

[@bilkisubmusa3220]

For me I respect more he/she who respect me. I believe that respect is reciprocal. I don't have to be afraid of you for me to respect you. It's a manner less person that would disrespect a person who is kind to them. As for me, your kindness, compassion, love and good characters will gain my respect 99.9% Any person especially a man who has this qualities will finish with me. Meaning, I will always be there and he will know that he's lucky to have a woman. May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala bless us with good characters and use it in accordance with the rules and regulations of Qur'an and Sunnah. Jazzakumullah khair wa Bjannatul Firdaus Nafisa pearlz.

[@Halo.H]

Very well done, excellent points made, thankyou for speaking the truth, may Allah swt reward you ameen

[@shanaz3]

Every man is a male but not every male is a man. 🎉