Narcissist and Victim: Daddy or Mommy Issues? (See link in description)

WATCH Daddy Issues: Daddy's Girl, Mama’s Boy, Father Complex • Daddy Issues: Daddy's ...
The shared fantasy involves the narcissist and another person (intimate partner, friend, offspring, even co-worker). But is it founded on having daddy issues? And how does this square with my principle of dual mothership?
WOMEN: care, protection, approval, acceptance, understanding, support, validation, adoration, attention, worship, reality testing, unconditional love.
MEN: pampering, safety, regulation of sense of self-worth (grandiosity), unconditional love.
Both genders: “dead” father affects socialization and anxiety regulation, “dead” mother no separation-individuation. Or: extremely close, perhaps even disproportionately close, relationship with their fathers or mothers.
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[@Mothermochi]

My ex was in constant competition with me to “mother” our children. I suspected his father was this way as well. He was allergic to acknowledging there were things I did better because we had different personality strengths. If I bushed their hair- he had to do it better. If I made a meal he had to make it better. Petty things mostly. I didn’t mind because I wasn’t in competition with him. I initially saw it as enthusiasm until things were darker. As my son got older was not allowed to parent ( though I had spent years, albeit mostly hobby and some academic childhood development education). I would be mocked in front of my son or talked over. There was no hope of trying to teach at a young age to think through problems because if my ex was around BULLDOZE and I would be left in tears. Problems arised when my husband began being aggressive toward our barely a year old child. He barked at him like the was a 15 year old. He mocked my age appropriate responses to bad behavior and I consoled often. Food, bath and bedtime we massive triggers. For instance I heard him dumped water on my sons head when he was about 8 months. I heard gurgling. When I came into the room he ignored me and accused me of being crazy and psycho. It is a unmistakable sound and my son was crying. He had done a number in my head to the point where I was fearful of calling anyone because he was so good at being calm. No one would believe me. I wasn’t sure if I believed me or it would be downplayed as innocent. He started accusing my barely 12 month old baby of being a liar and manipulative. He was contemptuous if shared with him literature that proved my approach was likely healthier. I tried to insist on parenting classes together etc. Ultimately I think there was a lot of jealousy and not in the transitional sense where one is jealous of the time spent. I think it was deeper. I was proving something wrong at his very core and he hated me for it. That parenting could be firm but loving and respect and consent paramount. Any time I showed my some kindness or compassion for my sons big feelings my ex lashed out at me. Demanded I push my son away etc. he expected from me the same coddling and soothing when he would call me degrading names and do horrible things ti me. Bizarre and again fascinating. These videos make me remember pieces of a puzzle that I had locked away. I had to make myself forget I guess the parts when I was the most scared or dismayed. Sadly family court doesn’t understand the kind of harm people like this do. Now he gets to be the “mother” three days a week and he neglects both children but my daughter is the “golden child” for him.

[@GG-ci4nb]

A lady was telling me that her husband took her to a fancy hotel and in the morning started telling her everything that he doesn't in their relationship and she kept quiet because she didn't want a screaming match in the hotel, usually she is loud and fights back all the time. She says the following week her hubby took her to a fancy restaurant and started telling her everything he wants her to change, everything about her mistakes, she says it's even issues that were irrelevant to her, he's just always complaining and she quickly realised that, oh everytime he wants to scold me, he takes me to classy, A listers restaurants because then I will be quite and just listen to him rant. She said she fired back and it got ugly in public. First thing that came to my mind was of cause Sam Vaknin

[@Sekhmet218]

He's funked I'm out ....sorry Sam your work is not only timeless but necessary.❤ Thank you sir x

[@kathrin-jv4gt]

My daughter is the light off my life for the beginning hair father do a lot off wrong things when she was very young say things wrong for little child cant forgotten him

[@dilfuzakhaydarova2859]

Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin ❤❤❤

[@lalunatarot3953]

You’ve helped me understand so many dynamics in my life and with my parents. Thank you for your wisdom and sharing your gifts! ✨🙏✨

[@kathrin-jv4gt]

my daughter has been the light of my life since the day I got pregnant. because she had dyslexia my husband was very strict with her after the math years, he thought that by belittling her he would make her work hard and become a good student. all study help with experts and spent at university. but she doesn't forgive him. he is manipulative, very soulless many times and as we say in my country, he slaughters you with cotton wool. the first one who found the strength to oppose him is my daughter. I just took out ms, unfortunately, but she follows the same behavior now in her 30s with him. the same thing happened and that makes me very sad

[@Sadbuttrue-ThatSwedishGirl]

Interesting…. I've searched for both a maternal and paternal figure in my partners.

[@AdamNPDSurvivor]

Oh wow. You should do a full on lecture about this subject. I have been watching you this last week and you have filled in so many gaps that I had in terms of assessing my 22 years marriage. I completely believe your dual mothership theory. I was looking for someone to love me and the narcissist wife promised that but essentially never delivered past the idealisation phase. The wife was very enmeshed with her Mother to the point it felt weird. It wasn't just a close bond between Mother and Daughter it was like the wife was still her baby (throughout adulthood). The ex-wife definitely had Daddy issues. I am certain he's a narcissist. The narcissist ex-wife was spoilt rotten (rich parents) and put on a pedestal (the baby from 4 other siblings). I definitely ended up being her care giver. We had 3 kids but it felt like I had 4. I was eventually discarded in May 2020. Her new supply is 10 years older than her (63) so again, she has gone for a father figure type. This goes beyond just receiving supply it really does.

[@samvaknin]

See link in the description.

[@AllyCurtis-tk6ry]

❤❤❤❤😇😇😇🧐🧐🧐🫣🫣🙈🙈 Idea: The old religious figures/Greek attempt to give mental and physical diseases through black magic and the medical community. They are schizophrenia. They are narcissism. ✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️ The old religious/Greek figures have put people in genders of bodies that are not their own with an evil purpose. This is why trans people exist. And surgery is a basic human right. They are also responsible for detransitioners existing. They abuse on gender and sexuality and control in these areas to attempt to confuse and change souls from who they are. The old religious/Greek figures are all controlling our bodies and are the voices. They are getting in our bodies to rape, murder and speak thoughts that are not our own. They have long term evil intentions and a very long past to cover up. 🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷 Religion has been used against the human population and the fear of hell for a long-term purpose of keeping us controllable. This is beyond full body/mind control they can do magic style. The old religious/Greek figures are arranging the marriages/relationships of the populace without consent. The psychic rapes are from old religious/Greek figures not a human person. It’s not kundalini as well. 🫷🫷🫷 Twin flame is very dangerous. People from above are attempting to pair you up as they did previously. It’s a fate based system where everything is chosen for you on birth. That life is just planned and it actually is by the old religious/Greek figures to be honest. But truly if you think about extreme poverty and acid attacks you’d have to see life is not fated. It’s a mess. The universe couldn’t know you at 0. I would never try to take the idea of love or potential of love from someone. It's the idea it was created on birth your lover and it's very fate based. The world and you was done the day you were born. And it can be used against you the idea of a match up that is chosen in advance of you becoming you by the universe (but is the old religious figures). And that things are set in stone and you don’t choose your partner. It sets you up to not see abuse and to accept any treatment because they are the one. It’s so dangerous. You have a forever someone who will have to work to remain your forever just like you will but it’s not set in stone and no one knows who it is besides you. You just will have a lover. And it’s the religious and Greek figures trying to control people to get together. By forcing souls to be with one another without consent through manipulation and control. Trying to get in the idea that the universe knows your partner or yourself better than you. Trying to plant signs of something that is not. They do this with all sorts of topics. They are the one touching you and talking to you. Evil Cupids. Evil People. We all will win though. And people will know that control exists. Who is truly at fault. And love will be found. If you want it. And there is unlimited food/drink in heaven. I wish you all the best. 😅😮😢…😂❤🎉❤❤❤🤩🤩🤩🤩🥹💖🙏🙏🫶🫶🫶🫶🤩🤩❤❤

[@AdamNPDSurvivor]

@@samvaknin Thank you 🙏

[@TamtuHolistic]

What is your opinion about children who suffered bad accidents that affected the frontal lobe and present themselves with narcissism as adults?

[@samvaknin]

Seach the channel for brain injury.

[@karlippo]

😮 So they look simultaneously for a warm maternal figure ánd a strict paternal figure in their intimate partner? No wonder it never works and as a partner is impossible to fulfill

[@LavaWaffle1]

Please excuse me Prof. - I know your answer is generally to "search the channel", but I don't know what to search. Just enderd a 10 year relationship with what I thought was a very selfish person, but after watching your video titled "Destroyed: Narcissist's Brain and Mind" last night I'm starting to believe that the reality of what my husband really is, is is much worse. We have two children. 6yo Daughter and 2month old son. He was already becoming ambivalent toward our daughter. He had marked issues with language and spacial awareness. You explained why in that video. I've realized, with horror, that my daughter also has a speech delay and is prone to "tripping over her own feet". Do you have a video covering possible treatment? Is she too old for this to be treated? Everything is still raw and fresh and I'm spiraling - I know - I've just been watching your videos looking for an answer and haven't found it yet. I would appreciate your help! And thank you for the hours of information you've shared. You've provided me with some semblance of closure that he's actively refusing to provide.

[@samvaknin]

The videos are arranged in thematic playlists and this is the best place to start.

[@LavaWaffle1]

@@samvaknin Didn't think about checking for playlists. Thank you

[@AllyCurtis-tk6ry]

❤❤❤❤😇😇😇🧐🧐🧐🫣🫣🙈🙈 Idea: The old religious figures/Greek attempt to give mental and physical diseases through black magic and the medical community. They are schizophrenia. They are narcissism. ✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️✊️ The old religious/Greek figures have put people in genders of bodies that are not their own with an evil purpose. This is why trans people exist. And surgery is a basic human right. They are also responsible for detransitioners existing. They abuse on gender and sexuality and control in these areas to attempt to confuse and change souls from who they are. The old religious/Greek figures are all controlling our bodies and are the voices. They are getting in our bodies to rape, murder and speak thoughts that are not our own. They have long term evil intentions and a very long past to cover up. 🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷🫷 Religion has been used against the human population and the fear of hell for a long-term purpose of keeping us controllable. This is beyond full body/mind control they can do magic style. The old religious/Greek figures are arranging the marriages/relationships of the populace without consent. The psychic rapes are from old religious/Greek figures not a human person. It’s not kundalini as well. 🫷🫷🫷 Twin flame is very dangerous. People from above are attempting to pair you up as they did previously. It’s a fate based system where everything is chosen for you on birth. That life is just planned and it actually is by the old religious/Greek figures to be honest. But truly if you think about extreme poverty and acid attacks you’d have to see life is not fated. It’s a mess. The universe couldn’t know you at 0. I would never try to take the idea of love or potential of love from someone. It's the idea it was created on birth your lover and it's very fate based. The world and you was done the day you were born. And it can be used against you the idea of a match up that is chosen in advance of you becoming you by the universe (but is the old religious figures). And that things are set in stone and you don’t choose your partner. It sets you up to not see abuse and to accept any treatment because they are the one. It’s so dangerous. You have a forever someone who will have to work to remain your forever just like you will but it’s not set in stone and no one knows who it is besides you. You just will have a lover. And it’s the religious and Greek figures trying to control people to get together. By forcing souls to be with one another without consent through manipulation and control. Trying to get in the idea that the universe knows your partner or yourself better than you. Trying to plant signs of something that is not. They do this with all sorts of topics. They are the one touching you and talking to you. Evil Cupids. Evil People. We all will win though. And people will know that control exists. Who is truly at fault. And love will be found. If you want it. And there is unlimited food/drink in heaven. I wish you all the best. 😅😮😢…😂❤🎉❤❤❤🤩🤩🤩🤩🥹💖🙏🙏🫶🫶🫶🫶🤩🤩❤❤

[@LastNineBreaker]

When it comes to men having daddy issues, I find it fascinating in reference to my cousins. Both are brothers; four years apart. Both in military. Both without their father for most of their life. One went into military at age 18 to escape, but he is mostly like his father, even though he hates his father. An abusive and controlling drunk. The other - stayed at home with mother, playing video games until 26, and had a woman lover 12 years his senior spoil him. Then at 26, joined the military. Same upbringing. Same outcome. Different results in between. Just an observation.

[@reinas1713]

Question: Do you think it’s damaging to have substituted primary childcare from the newborn stage on, as in the case of a Nanny? And the original Mother has returned to work.

[@samvaknin]

Depends on the substitute. S/he could act as a maternal figure.

[@reinas1713]

@@samvaknin Thank You

[@mommakimmins5554]

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the parentification between both partners because the male partner has a dead mother and the female partner has a dead father. It would be a wholly unhealthy relationship, that I know, but I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this scenario.

[@samvaknin]

Search the channel for “daddy”.

[@anne-vc7bg]

It's sad we as a society confuse (intentionally or not) parental figures with DNA donors and legal guardians. A dog or a cat is just as qualified to emotionally mother a child (aka seeing and responding), as well as do a pretty decent job of an emotional father (setting boundaries and rules of engagement with others). And thought it sounds like a joke or something a person in need of medical intervention would say - if you look at a group of dogs in a dog park interacting and compare it to how some people order coffee: a lot of kids would benefit from being raised by a pack of stray dogs.

[@n_9283]

Question: Can the role of the mother - as you've described it - be taken on by more than one person present in the life of the child at the ages 0-3. I'm wondering if it only ever has to be a single person or if 2 or more people or groups can contribute to the role.

[@samvaknin]

One.

[@n_9283]

Thanks.@@samvaknin