Narcissistic Family: Finally Going No-Contact with Them

Going no contact with family members is filled with hidden emotional traps. In this video, I talk about the importance of dealing with the emotional and family systems dynamics of going No Contact. Going No Contact is the ultimate self-differentiation. I examine the physical and emotional dynamics of going No Contact to help guide you in your decision and in the successful process of No Contact.
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.
***DISCLAIMER: THIS VIDEO IS NOT INTENDED TO SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING. BE SURE TO CONSULT A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU INTEGRATE AND UTILIZE THESE CONCEPTS.***

[@jerrywise]

Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self

[@kellieabernethy4375]

How much is this?

[@carolnahigian9518]

How would you like Cousin WD? She wrecks events- ruins marriages& showers hurt where ever she goes. The family is so WARPED, she is rewarded & still included. I AM Done. Bye Windy

[@d.r.q.2032]

I think for many of us there can be a "final straw" moment, where you've taken your last blow, and then you know that No Contact is the right choice. It can seem reactive, but actually it was building up over time, and you finally say enough is enough. Over that time, you've already taken the steps to prepare yourself for no contact. You've cried and gone through the pain. It's the final straw and you are done now. It can appear to an outsider that it is a reactive decision but to the scapegoat it has been a long time coming.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@dnk4559]

Very well said and sadly so true.

[@beyondher]

My final straw was finding myself on the verge of madness and wanting to end my own life. I looked into this black hole and it spiralled down and down and there was no end to the madness. It was whirling and hissing at me and beckoning me to fall in. Then my higher self said that was not my madness. That was the family system, the toxic vortex. And I decided that it's time to walk away to save myself from suicide. It's an awful choice to make, to cut ties with family of origin, but I was left with no choice because the other option was far worse.

[@dnk4559]

@@beyondher so glad you chose to save yourself!!!

[@eunoia1016]

Exactly…

[@supremacy1914-Master]

Just went no contact and I told my wife that she had to do the same, because I'm sure they will call her to get to me. I'm not running away, I'm making a healthy choice for my life.

[@Butterflyyyy9]

I completely understand you need to do what's best for you!

[@lopeza.8046]

How has that affected your wife going no contact too?

[@supremacy1914-Master]

@@lopeza.8046 Can't really tell yet. But I will say that I stopped talking to her about it like I use to. Sometimes I feel like she just does not get it It's alot to dump on someone.

[@wonkyeyewilly4575]

get your wife onboard or she will be the trojan horse your family will use. if your wife does not agree, start preparing for divorce, her weakness concerning your family will be the downfall of your marriage.

[@sueanne3139]

@@laurenfrank9045 You have to research Narcissism more I feel, these people are REALLY nasty, and they can easily groom and manipulate anyone attached to the victim ie: the husband. You have to understand that not everyone is nice like you or can 'come round' to becoming a better person. Narcissists never change because its all about them. Stefon needs to take his power back and heal himself. 💕

[@dbradleymacaskill]

I went no contact with my narc mother 11 years ago. Best thing I ever did. A lot of people tried to make me feel bad but I knew I needed to. As she got older it was only getting worse. She told me she agrees with people who take their kids to court to make them support this parents. Lol I left home at 15 so she barely raised me. I raised myself. My sister has now gone no contact as well. The youngest, the golden child, isn’t loving being the only kid left. We are not young, I am turning 60 soon. Sometimes it takes a life time to learn!!!

[@bsc4344]

if youtube doesn’t shadow ban block erase or get rid of my reply like the company regularly does, then i hope you get it. I am in the same position and age.... took a life time to finally shake my head and stop the insanity . You could say I snapped, thankfully I wasn’t violent like I wanted to be. I just didn’t know anyone else admits to themselves it took them a lifetime. Now... It’s taking HIM time to get with it about how i changed ... he still tries the baiting for contact, guilt tripping when I don’t surrender to chores favours etc he wants, and is uncomfortable not getting his play toy control on me now. Acts like I was always going to be the unpaid unappreciated servant all my life even into my older age... delusional and pathetically unrealistic. Christmas time is hard... He wasn’t ever involved in my life, then snarled how he doesn’t know my friends or hobbies as if it was my fault, how is it someone this defective doesn’t understand NO ONE in my same shoes doesn’t want to be around him even when it used to be a full family time of year? When mom passed , it really was the end of family as a whole, and the end of family xmas. I rather be with strangers for Xmas, at least I can gamble that I can trust them more successfully than him...

[@keithstewart7514]

My life & age resemble your remark. @86 my MoMster is healthy and LIKELY to surpass 100... GOD has HIS reasons, that much I trust. MoMster always said that I was just so different... Glory be to GOD for that truth BEING something I can forever embrace 😂🎉❤🎉🎉😂❤

[@de7095]

My mother split up our family to follow her married boyfriend to another state. She moved back here at 84 because she knew she'd need help. I had her with me for a year and told her she needs an assisted living. She went to her sisters instead. This woman is 88 completely entitled. It made me sick having her here. .

[@kendrarobbins646]

I've only gone no contact with my parents recently, as my mom is the covert narcissist. They are elderly and I have mixed emotions about when they get sick and get ready to die. Do I break no contact? I know my mom will never change and I would hate for her to tell me something negative as a way to control me 1 last time then I have to get over that. I know I'll never have a mother / daughter relationship nor would she ever love me. But I just feel so guilty about no contact at such a late time in life. My dad is her enabler and I hate that I can no longer be there for him bc of her.

[@kendrarobbins646]

​@de7095 that was my situation too. I moved my parents in with me 2 yrs ago. It was terrible. It was during this time that I realized that my mom was a narcissist. We all new she was mean and her and I never got along. But once I came to the understanding that is a covert narcissist is when everything started to make ssense. As a result I had to put her and my dad out and has since gon no contact with them. It's been almost 2 weeks and I've never felt better in terms of peace. However I do feel guilty to a certain extent by going no contact but I know it's necessary

[@graveyardghost2603]

I always used to dread the holidays bc of family gatherings. But this year im just not going to attend them, bc i dont want to deal with the trauma. No Contact is the best thing i ever did for myself. There is great power in silence! ❤

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Oh I feel this. I used to hate Sundays and holidays, because I either went to gatherings I hated or dealt with ridiculous drama for not going. Then I moved 2000 miles away for 17 years, lol. I was still expected to return often, and I just...didn't, lol. There were insane phone calls and tantrums galore. But I then learned how relaxing and glorious Sundays and holidays can be and never looked back, even when I moved back to the same city again, lol. Welcome to paradise! ❤

[@graveyardghost2603]

@@madeleinegrayson8372 yes, wonderful isn't it? We can have our own friends or just be alone. I skipped Thanksgiving this year and my sister, the only one I talk to, told me how my aunt made a scene and there was a lot of drama over cooking utensils and she got her feelings hurt blah blah blah, and I'm just so glad I stayed away!

[@ccalexander1924]

That’s what I did last years holidays starting July 2023. I have no plans of going to anymore holiday functions with certain 2 family members are present. Holidays are just painful. They akways talk nasty about whoever isn’t there , then the politics talk start , then someone always argues , then I end up doing all the driving . It’s just mentally draining. I’m much happier being at home !

[@carolynjaynes9094]

I really enjoy my “no contact”safety, peace and emotional freedom. I’m healing and feeling so much better and stronger. A very good decision!

[@sandracoleman1959]

I am also enjoying no contact. My self is growing

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@childoftheking2214]

No contact is a very painful but necessary step in getting well. The trauma from these people can progress to being life threatening.

[@pattyrooney1323]

I am 6 months into no contact with my family+ their flying monkeys. The healing process is ongoing. Thank you, Jerry!

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Same! I feel some guilt around mother's bday, because I'm not a sociopath, lol. But I also feel so much happier and stronger when I am not in contact with her or any of them.

[@arenee118]

Went no contact with older narc sister who targeted me. She did a smear campaign and my other siblings scapegoated me, blaming me for the problem. One cease and desist order later and narc sister turning my siblings against me, I finally went no contact with my siblings as well. It's been three years. I wish I had done it sooner.

[@ccalexander1924]

I am very LC with two family members ( probably 3). My mom and oldest sister and I think my oldest sisters ex husband ( who she is dating again ) is upset et me so I guess it’s 3 . I have not been to any family gatherings with them in a year and I don’t have any plans to go to another any time soon. As of now my younger sister seems to just still talk to everyone. My youngest sister is the golden child. Her experiences with our mom is drastically different than mine and we are 5 years apart. I was beat with belts and spit on as a child. She wasn’t. I was blamed for things she did ( she was never blamed for anything bc she was seemed as perfect ). I had chores. She never had any. Mom told everyone I was the bad child and my youngest sis was always the good child. I had to wear used clothes. She got new clothes and coats etc. she gave my sister 10,000 toward her down payment if her first home. I didn’t get any help with mine. My mom gives her money all the time when taking her places etc. never has given me a dime . I do get along with my younger sis and I don’t blame her for being treated so wonderfully and me treated like dirt on a shoe. I do get upset when my sis tries to make excuses for moms behaviors like saying “ well you know mom has anxiety ( as to the reason why she doesn’t drive but expects us to be her personal assistants when she is perfectly able to do everything herself. ) or when I get silent treatments from mom my sis says “ well you know she gets weird on birthdays etc ). I think my sis is trying to diffuse the situation and doesn’t understand why I’m so angry bc SHE has not been treated this way.

[@coffeegirl6854]

Thank you.

[@Kayla-kk5mu]

This quote make me think of you, ‘One day you’ll tell your story and it’ll be someone else’s survival guide’. So with that, Thank You Jerry Wise for being my survival guide

[@domt4588]

I have decided to let go of the toxic people in my life. My kids and I left a narcissistic husband and father. And now it’s my family. I have dealt with severe anxiety and emotional abuse from them. They are very judgemental and completely have no empathy. I have been a people pleaser for to many years. I can’t do it anymore. Self first.

[@tammyrules2000]

Me too, there was one afternoon this summer when the whole family ganged up on me over something that didn't happen but could have happened and it's like something inside me snapped, it's only been a couple of weeks, I feel free and I feel guilty. WTF

[@domt4588]

@@tammyrules2000 So glad you feel free!! It’s worth it

[@SonShine-JC]

@@tammyrules2000 same... It's been 3 days and the guilt is surprising to me considering all I've been through... Must be a form of PTSD

[@firstandlastname6601]

The only thing I have lost is a false identity

[@limkiop549]

Thats what Im afraid of. I have a narcicist father titally uninterested in my existence like the scapegoat i am and i cut off contact, this father that is Just waiting me gettin pregnant to love bomb again and comeback to have my children and me trying to get away my Kids of this romantic idea of a great grandfather and then this person tell my Kids he love them all that time and it was my problem to separarte them... I do t know how to handle that with kids

[@lesterdiamond6190]

NC 25 years here. Best thing I ever did for myself and my wife. Stay strong and never give them a crumb.

[@dianaknapp1725]

I went no contact with my family over 6 years ago. It was the best decision, I feel healthy now. When you get away and look back, you will realize how mess up things were.

[@dianaknapp1725]

You can’t change a Narc, so the best thing is get away and get your child(ren) away from them.

[@angel772921]

Thank you Jerry. .I am no contact with my family for 2 years...it's been heartbreaking but necessary...now forgotten wellness us returning. ..much love & gratitude for all you do...💖

[@katherine6068]

I also know that feeling of heartbreak.

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

It's been hammered that no matter what blood relatives do they still love their kin in the end. It's a misconception

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

@@thehotcoffeehouse6081 flying monkeys are their specialty, and narcs use them

[@machumak4915]

@@dontbelongherefromanother yep, definitely a misconception 👀

[@jackiemcging1943]

@@dontbelongherefromanother I am 58 & just figured this out. In my dysfunctional family, I am the scapegoat. I went no contact 4 months ago & I can feel a new me emerging. The freedom is intoxicating & joyous to live an authentic life 🕊♥️ I hope you feel this too!

[@ashleem3327]

Jerry, my mother (whom I have gone limited contact with over time) claims the same thing you did as a grandparent. She claims I’m using my children as pawns and is planning to tell my kids when they’re 18 how the whole situation played out and how she was right and I was wrong. My mother is emotionally abusive to me. I’m the oldest and the expectations forced on me are batshit crazy. I’m 35 and have my own family to take care of. I cannot tolerate her abuse and the abuse of my stepdad because I’ve chosen not to “play the role” any longer. My parents are not well. My stepfather is an alcoholic and his behavior is getting more and more upsetting. I just want to say that some grandparents who claim that they “love the grandkids”, they “didn’t want to have that happen”, have made NO effort to rectify the situation with their adult children.

[@StaggerLee68]

We didn't need pity, we needed the family of these narc parents to step in and stop the abuse. Most copped out with "it's not my place to get involved." Well then who's fucking place IS it? If my brother was mentally abusing his kids I would surely confront him. If he didn't stop, he'd be forced to deal with consequences as described by his family, me. I'd fight a battle for a defenseless abused kid even if it wasn't family, for my family I would naturally try to protect them in any way possible. I say this from a standpoint when I actually believed the long held definition of "family". The vast majority of family just watched with folded arms for their own reasons or indifference. Now they refuse to deal with the damage of those affected later in life. They want to sweep everything under the rug as if it never happened. They want to be absolved of responsibility of what their "family" did to it's children. The narc parent(s) loves this arrangement, it's the most encompassing gaslight there is. "Your whole life is not what you believe it is, you're crazy or fucked up." Now, they can continue to feed unfettered. Vampires, eh?

[@kennethedwards1677]

Run Forrest run!

[@travels360]

That's just it. The narc parents make zero effort to change, self reflect or go to therapy to address their unhealthy behaviors. Instead they project and gaslight others, constantly deflecting from addressing their own issues

[@audrajeanrussell8066]

Wow, I'm so sorry that your family is putting you through that! You're the 1st person I've seen who is actually mentioned this scenario and it's something I've also been concerned about happening if I ever have any kids when they turn 18 (been no contact w/ my parents for 4 yrs now). Do you have a game plan for when this conversation she's planning finally happens? Just curious

[@wonkyeyewilly4575]

"they will be in the grave one day, soon", this is the slight happiness i sense when i think of good ol ma and pa. break away from hateful people, no matter how close you think they are to you..

[@sirrantsalott]

Jerry I really tried my best, 10 years active transformation and self-differentiation. And there was no way to negotiate. They all turned very contentious, demeaning, and disrespectful as I began to be more and more myself, especially a happy and financially independent self with a career of my choosing. 2022 was the year I cut them off…I have had to get local and international authorities involved… it has been a tough 6 months of no contact…it does get better…small steps at a time.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@lilaroha]

I went no contact before i was fully aware of the system i was in ( with my birthing vessel and 4 sisters ). They are in the process of trying to take our 5 yr old son out of our care 😭😭😭. I wish i knew this was going to take place before i went no contact. More psychological and financial abuse . Any praying types out there would be appreciated so much . Peace and love to fellow humans in this position. Stay strong beautiful humans, peace and love ❤

[@dnk4559]

I am so very sorry! Praying!

[@asmichi8516]

Sending you peace, love and protective energy 🙏🏼

[@janswimwild]

Once I saw and admitted to myself the trauma bond, the icy terror that was inside me that originated with my inner child I suddenly found the way to divorce myself from family relationships, my mother particularly. The adult had rationalised it but the inner child couldn’t do anything but feel the constant fight or flight, and it was only with this bombshell of an awareness could I understand the terror that was present in my relationship with my mother. This was the key to finally letting go and freeing myself from Stockholm Syndrome. I am finally in full recovery.

[@catherineshaw1122]

Very powerful comment and I can relate so much.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@josephpress1235]

No contact =serenity.

[@deborahreaves2358]

Amen and Amen!

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@chlldavefromsd7862]

Jerry, you’re channel is like a haven for those who have moved on or are in the process of doing so. My going no contact w my narc father (and sibs) seemed like a natural process after years of grey rocking. I feel extremely lucky to be on the other side of the negativity “curtain” for good!! Thank you for the kind and brilliant statements and lessons!

[@ladyvirgo013]

So thankful I found you. My last contact with my Mother was March 2019, Of course she shamed me like she's Always done Regardless of what I did or didn't do. She texted me after I spoke to her on the phone to tell me that I broke my Dads heart. Umm..no I didn't, She did all that by denying my feelings all my life. I'm 45 now and it took me this long to figure out completely what was wrong in that family's dynamic. Narcissist and Toxic

[@vibrantlotus8154]

Fellow Virgo here 🦋 .... I hope you’re happy now. Do there keep reaching out? I’m about to do NC but I’m scared. I’m 38 now ... want to enjoy at least some years of my life. Best of luck

[@shahilagh]

I hope you are well and well now ... you said you denied your feelings. I wonder if I see these behaviours in someone is it sign of narcissism? My mom always denies my feelings that are linked to her or the ones aren’t in her vision of me. Is she narcissistic?

[@ladyvirgo013]

@@shahilagh blessings beautiful 💙 it sure can be, They are known to validate themselves but You aren't allowed to express Your true feelings. Its detrimental.

[@shahilagh]

@@ladyvirgo013 Blessing beautiful :xx This man-Jerry- touched areas that touch me. like the fact that there r lots of shaming around this subject, like if the one who does all these to u is your mom, everyone looks at u differently and since we feel fragile, we add to that shaming too ..... The last thing I thought in my life was that she was narcissistic because she always played the role of a victim, but since last year I paid attention to our conversations over the phone more carefully- we live in different countries- and I saw it is always about questioning my true experiences and feelings. Like I have chronic pain for many years and when in a conversation I need to say, she immediately says no say you have no pain. and I say, but mom I am having this phone in my hand and pain is with me, and she keeps denying it and says I can't tolerate to believe so tell me you have no pain! and the same for anything too. She always questions all my experiences and puts everyone else and their needs from me first. I want to go no contact with her and I did it 3 months for 2-3 times, but every time I felt sorry for her and went back ... It is like a bad teeth ...

[@ladyvirgo013]

@@shahilagh yes! Ive experienced guilt for going no contact too but I've stuck to it. Not easy at all but my emotional well being is most important ♥️ I have faith in You🙏

[@maplelatte3366]

I also have a mother who makes things up and goes to the police and her lawyer with untruths whenever I try to pull away from her. In fact, it's occurring right now. She's almost 90, and I finally got an aide in place for her, so that takes away some of the appearance that I'm totally abandoning her, and it helps me feel that I don't need to respond to every crisis (minor inconvenience) she has or crises she manufactures. She still tells others that I abuse her, that I lie to others about her, and that I steal from her, but that narrative is just something I have come to accept. I can't change that. Fortunately, law enforcement, her doctor, and adult protective services are finally getting it. I don't plan on ever having any further contact with her, and I have made that clear to her flying monkeys. Thank you for sharing that anecdote about your client. No one I've talked to seems to have any frame of reference for grasping the concept that these occurrences are within the realm of possibility. I needed that validation.

[@Honestchild436]

I am no contact and feels great and healthier

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

So glad you not only survived but are thriving after such a traumatic event. You are strong, powerful, and full of beautiful vitality.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

@@jerrywise Thank you. Hope things are much better for you now. Take care.

[@twisted_read]

Refreshing. It's rare to find helpful YT videos about dysfunctional families and toxic family members. They're usually about romantic attachments.

[@justsewit_tk5477]

I went no contact with my mother immediately after she abused my son. There was no letter, no announcement other than during the altercation where I was being verbally abused and I told my son to get his things together because we were leaving. It has been 5 years since that happened. I did have to return to the house to collect the last of my things that I left behind in a hurry. I did attempt to start a conversation with my mother who was sulking on the couch. I made sure to take all of my things out in one go, put my house key (yes I still had one) on the sideboard and left. They contacted my husband by email to tell him to "make me see sense". There have been no birthday or Christmas cards to the children but she sent a card to my husband when he turned 50 last year. She turned up at the funeral of my dear friend earlier this year just to talk to me! I employed the grey rock technique. I had a rather insulting email from her flying monkey of a husband to inform me of my grandmother's death and that "if I wanted to know the funeral details then I was to contact him." Two days later, I had a phone message from him TELLING me the funeral details. I didn't attend! I do feel sad about it, that I couldn't go because of the animosity with my family. I would be breaking no contact for one and walking into a fire pit for another. It wouldn't be to honour grandma but yet another family drama. I know that to extended family I am seen as disrespectful. They do not and will never understand and I am not going to waste my breath in justifying my actions. No contact is not easy, but in order to be able to live a life of your choosing, I feel that it is necessary. I was physically, emotionally and psychologically abused by my mother and sexually abused by HER father and she brushed it under the carpet! To break free and to have an outside chance of giving my children a healthy family unit has been the only choice.

[@SonShine-JC]

I went no contact and blocked everyone from Facebook just 3 days ago and the whole family is going crazy.... Calling me, threatening me, and trying to guilt trip me already... I even got a phone call saying my aunt is in the hospital but I can't help but think its a trap... The second they see me i know all hell is going to break loose... I can already see that any funerals are a big no for me, and that's going to make them hate me even more... I can see this is going to be war. With even police and cps involved... And I can never go back because they will make my life hell... Sorry for the rant.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@lilaroha]

This was my mother (she is also a counselor - I am afraid of counseling now because of this) , she tried to use me to convict my father of sexual abuse (she wanted the divorce sped up and this was the only way... She wanted his money!) I refused to wrong my dad, he Never did Anything sexually to me Ever!! I told her about her Brother and what he did to me .... I was told it was overwhelming and she needed time to process. She never got back to me, she would have my uncle around and in home when I was living there. And just over a yr ago the birthing vessel and 2 sisters lied to me and tried to cover up that they took my son to him - the sexually abusive uncle. Then after this they called a meeting to say I am a toxic person. I cut contact to break the cycle.... now they are trying to have our son removed from our care 😭.

[@dnk4559]

@@lilarohaI will pray for your protection and for your son’s protection. I have to remind myself that God sees all that is happening and these people will have to stand before Him and give an account of their actions.

[@pilis.5681]

Wow. You've been through it. What you said about the funeral resonated with me. I had to miss my best friend's funeral this year to avoid this lady. It really was the worst, but I know that's exactly what would have happened-she would have tried to talk to me or hug me. Ick.

[@annettecook7213]

Thank you for being available via youtube. Choosing to go no contact is hard but sometimes the only way out when one has exhausted all other options. At last in my old age I am beginning to heal, find peace and begin to get a glimpse of the person that I was born to be

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@kimberlymccracken747]

Jerry, you are courageous to have done this work. Like you, I have endured a lifetime of abuse (covert and overt) yet managed to have a rewarding career and got along fairly well outside the family system - until I didn't. I finally fell apart. Grateful for your assistance (and that of many others) who turned their adversity into service. God bless 🙏✝️😘

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@nicestart3650]

I moved out at my moms house a week ago. I saved money for it. I am looking forward for my own healing. 😊 and be happy again, without walking on eggshells. I wanted to always go home with a happy heart, and not worry about anything she would say. 😊

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@hearme4581]

The emotional pain is real. I have went no contact before with my mother and i became much more healthy after a while. I’m deciding to do it again but it hurts different this time.

[@dvawva5197]

Go no contact and STAY NO CONTACT. It feels different this time because IT IS DIFFERENT. The narcissist has a new brand of hatred for you now. They know you know and that's a no no.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@Feline-philosopher]

Often there is, in my mind, an ethical imperative to removing oneself from a toxic family or workplace. Some social systems deserve to be revealed for what they are.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@annabruinsma330]

I am nearly at the 3 week mark of going no-contact with my 2 male siblings and father from family of origin. I stumbled across this video and my goodness Jerry, you are SO enlightening, so precice, I just found myself nodding along and saying 'EXACTLY' to almost everything you said here. It's an incredibly confusing time, as I have a lot of sadness connected to the collateral family members (I have 3 nephews whom I adore) but I know that this is absolutely the ONLY choice I had left to cut off communication completely, in order to keep peace, harmony and balance in my life so I can contine on my journey of healing and growth. I've subscribed! Thank you so much!

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@wonkyeyewilly4575]

learning to accept i was abused and used until i was an adult by the very people who claimed to love and care for me was a HUGE step in growing up. EVERYONE is an idiot, some bigger idiots than others, and some are our parents. they will not change and they will fall ill and die one day, and the bonds i am stuck with will finally be over. until then, NO CONACT. just fade out of this world. you serve no purpose and never did.. love, your son.

[@d.r.q.2032]

So sorry you went through that - you didn't deserve it and they are the problem, not you, though they like to play mind games with you. I hope that you will find peace and freedom in going no contact.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@whygohome172]

Life got SO MUCH BETTER since I no longer have chats with my abuser! I'd rather visit a convict!

[@eurokay4755]

Flying monkey Mom: "But that's just the way your (abusive) brother is." Me: "Exactly." Mom: "You don't get to pick your family and no family is perfect." Me: "Exactly" Mom: "Well, the problem is, your brother just can't tolerate a pushy woman." Me: "That may be true." Mom: "You're being incredibly rude." Me: "I see it differently, but you are entitled to your perspective just as I'm entitled to mine."

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@alexheffner3089]

Thank you for this video. The last few years I have been trying to have a limited relationship with my father and I've only recently admitted the toll it's taken on me mentally. As a child I witnessed a lot of domestic violence, and my father still has a very misogynistic personality that rears its ugly head no matter how many boundaries I try to set in having conversation. There are other reasons I have decided to go no-contact, but this is the big one. The "giving up the need to defend yourself" portion really hit home.

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for watching “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families! Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@kaystephens2672]

Oh my goodness. You are so well educated on this problem. My mother adopted a child with some severe mental and emotional disabilities who destroyed her mental landscape. They were so emotionally enmeshed it was just so sick. This video struck me as powerful. You just do not know how eye opening it was. My adopted mother gave up a relationship with me and her grandchildren for this possessive man who she could have made other arrangements for in every single way. It was so sad to realize that our dad passed away when we were children due to a heart attack. I wish I could turn back time and rescue her from the denial of her pride to say"this is killing me and is not emotionally healthy in my life." But she hid it and sufferrd in silence. I believe the stress of it causes her to have a split personality and that is where she went. People, We as humans do Not have to suffer because we want look like a Hero. Fear, out of control, is what we had and his mental condition did triumph over her sanity. Thats the way it always goes. If you let it. And now, I have him living independently. He's doing just fine and doing better because he has no other choice to. The fear of not knowing is evil. People always seem to find a way to survive if forced to. Watch "Seize the Day". The best on this subject. Life is not fair. For anybody. Especially for the most spoiled who don't Want to accept that. Take their buttons away. Theyll be just fine. 😊

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@kaystephens2672]

​@@jerrywisethank you. I need it. And will be sure to go over it. You know Sir. Having come from a hive of these people, there's one insight I had today about them. I believe there are things in this world we can't see with our eyes but work through people in their behavior we know we witnessed and felt. To me, it's like a sneaky spirit that's not acknowledged that some people integrate into their habits and lives and continue throughout their life. And to me now, my definition of narc supply is, personally, behavior that a disordered person has that must find people to give them some rush to feel when they can get away with something. It's that feeling they get from doing that. Like they get something from the act of doing that they know they should not be doing. Be it a person or a family. In a family system, it can be that the scapegoat is devalued and mocked for trying to fit in. Its a power trip. I have a 65 year old bpd diagnosed brother who takes cash when he's supposed to buy groceries. I can see what he does online, of course. Old supply is when they're no fun anymore. Not a challenge to get away with something. It can be anything to make them feel sneaky. This habit he tried to rub off on me. Just to get me "in trouble" so he could be the "good boy". And yes Sir. Some people just aren't worth knowing. They never have to grow up. And you can't put your future in the hands of an emotionally disturbed child. But who needs to really know. But you and I.

[@torianichole831]

I went no contact with my dad and recently had my 3rd baby and have been feeling very emotional and guilty about it lately. I’m trying to educate myself as best as possible and not be reactive. It makes me so sad that my kids don’t have a grandpa on my side, but continually trying to remind myself why I made this decision and also accepting the fact that there were some good times too

[@ladennayoung2939]

I pray that things are better for you IN JESUS' NAME. AMEN. THE JOY OF THE LORD IS YOUR STRENGTH. ❤❤❤

[@torianichole831]

@@ladennayoung2939 thank you so much.

[@vvoss2805]

The sadness is that you had no father.

[@ccalexander1924]

It is very hard. Very hard. For one year I went very very Low contact with two family members. But it affects other family members. Now I have a very small family. I didn’t grow up with grandmas and grandpas and uncles and aunts. All of my family lived out of state so it was just me , two siblings and mom and father. My father passed years ago. I do not have kids. My one sis doesn’t have kids either. But my one sis has two kids. My mom was very abusive. So was her mom and from what I heard from my niece her mom is abusive as well. My niece went NC with her mom ( my sis ) for a year and went to therapy about it and is now talking to her mom. My niece told me some things she went through and it didn’t shock me bc I went through it too with my mom ( her grandma ). Me and my one sis has never gotten along. Way too long of a story but I decided NC as of today. I’m done. This decision didn’t come lightly. Now I’m thinking how to approach her with this. Do I send a letter. Do I tell her to her face. Do I just go silent ? She never calls me anyways. She doesn’t include me in things. She prob will not even realize I’m NC bc that’s how much she pays attention to me. Stay strong. It is hard

[@Cryptidfinder]

Just gone no contact with my in laws her games has resulted to playing our children off each to punish us. We’ve had some lovely close family days with no toxic games it’s been bliss for us all. It took 6 years to go no contact I thank god for the strength he’s given us 🙏 be strong everyone stay positive

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@vanessasouthern1792]

What a happy face 😊 And brilliant analogy! I always said "I'm no longer playing charades" and never returned to the bates motel 😂

[@Jewelliet]

Charades!!! I used that same word as a description of what goes on in my unfortunate family of origin.

[@StaggerLee68]

The Bates Motel... that is priceless. I'm going to borrow that joke if it's ok, my sister gonna roll with laughter. Humor has been instrumental in my life to lighten up such a dark load. And yes, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. Cheers!

[@vanessasouthern1792]

@@StaggerLee68 so glad you appreciate that . I've had another chuckle over it 🤣 take care.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

haha i like it.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@cindy7733]

YES!!! This is what pains me the most of going no contact! My nieces and nephews! I love them so very much! I know that my absence is being felt tremendously because I was so close to them. I still send them birthday cards with little gift cards and stickers to let them know that I still love them but I know they are confused. I know their parents continue to talk bad about me in front of them. It is horrible.

[@catherinesinclair7727]

Really awful situation. A court will always apply the test of what is on the best interests of the child .so that's quite a good guide.

[@Godlywoman88]

I relate to this. I explained to my niece before I left that I was leaving b/c kids don't understand this stuff and plus, being that we were close, I wanted to be considerate of her feelings and let her know I loved her. After I left, I responded to few of my sister's texts and she said she wanted me to see my niece as well as yhe newborn ahe just had but nit long after, I was suddenly blindsided by being blocked on my niece's phone. I know ot wasn't my niece b/c she always responded or reached out herself. My mom confirmed it by letting me know my nieces phone was still working and plus, my mother said that my niece missed me. My sister is very narcisstic and always used her child as a pawn with the child's father when they argued, always talking trash about he and his mother and complaining about custody. She always put that child off on me, but blocked me when I decided I didn't want anything to do with her or to get back at me somehow. It was hard b/c honestly, my niece was like my own daughter and dare I say it, I was more her mother than her own. I've accepted it though b/c my sister will never be allowed back into my life.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@lillylane2457]

Great second video in the series! Your description of the family roles being a play fit well. I refer to it as the “game” that I’ve chosen not to play anymore. My first steps in making boundaries were met with a smear campaign. I wasn’t aware of the smear until the holidays, which I wasn’t invited to. Even though that hurt, I actually had the most peaceful and meaningful Thanksgiving and Christmas.Now I’m working on emotionally healing. This is very hard work, but the freedom from toxicity and abuse is life giving. Looking forward to the next video!

[@lizafield9002]

This is so refreshing & freeing to read! You got free, you got free! What a joyful hard euphoric invigorating life lies ahead of you!

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@avelineb8239]

Thank you Jerry. I'm so grateful to you for helping me put to words what I and so many have gone/are going through. You help so many.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@grogweedwalker]

This is such a healing resource. I am in the throwbacks of going no contact and really needed to hear some of this. The nonreactive part especially. I have been sharing my story in order to heal. I was gagged for so many years, it is both freeing and confidence building to do so. But as I do, my family who are all blocked from my Facebook page are somehow getting through. Then I find myself reacting.....sharing what they do to me in order to bring it into the light and gain support. My husband died 2 years ago and my grief even my history of decades of mental abuse was so severe I didn't get out of bed for nearly 2 years. So I need peace.....just a place to be me....and to freely do whatever it is I need to do to heal.

[@jerrywise]

I'm glad you found some peace Thank you for your kind words I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my KZbin channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my KZbin channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@bleuneptune]

My family aren't narcs but they surely are dysfuntional.. and I have codependent tendency. I feel that I have to go kind of semi no contact with them in order to grow. But it has been so hard without any support system and I am unemployed. I am trying to get on my feet again.. 😢 Watching your videos will be my therapy for now as I can no longer afford one.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

yes, I don't think my mother is a narcissist, she's just in complete denial about the fact that her core belief is that I have no feelings. She can see that other people have feelings though. It's weird. I'm an object self to her. She is ''nice'' so long as I support her rosy view of herself. Keep trying bit by bit. I have found all the normal things that other people achieve easily so much harder. I'm in Europe where the driving test is much harder, but still, it took me four goes. 2nd or 3rd would be average. I'm going for the grade above me at work and I'm on my third attempt. I didn't get a degree because I didn't do well enough at school at university. I have just always struggled just to be AVERAGE. But I can be content and without anxiety. That is a very private achievement. Good luck.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@PumpkinPixie1978]

WOW! You're great description about cult family's is what I am learning what my family is. Its taken me years to figure out what my family is by stepping out and going non contact. I knew some thing was wrong but I could not find any one else with this problem because we did not talk about things, only with each other and make things look nice to others. I slowly figured out and stepped back and I gave up talking with my family last year, got sick of the drama and the hurt and the guilt. I am still healing but getting better. I am still in wow about what you said about family's and cults and that is what my family seems like, a whole bunch of narcissistic weird toxic people. Thank you. I look forward to seeing other videos you have done.

[@jerrywise]

I’m glad the description resonated with you, I hope it gives you some more clarity. When we see something it can be a start of having a new relationship with it- if we choose that. Welcome to the community ❤️

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@6431mastermind]

Best video I seen to date on 'Going No Contact.'

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@melaniesmith1409]

Jerry, thank you. Your videos cover all and any angles. Most of us are not prepared for what you are giving us a heads up on! Thanks for your golden heart! God bless! 🌙✨💕

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@DHW256]

I finally went no-contact after 46 years of narcissist abuse. I caught Mom purposely, maliciously misconstruing, to her friends, one of our recent activities and defaming me. I realized she'd been doing that my entire life, and my wife confirmed the suspicion that Mom had never called, never visited, never singularly reached out to me to anyone in my own family. So, I left it up to her. It took her five months to realize something was different, and she reacted by telling her "friends" that I had abandoned her: she failed to tell her "friends" that she was the neglector. Ultimately, all six of her children and stepchildren at least temporarily walked away from her, left it up to her to maintain relationships. One of my nephews walked into her house and heard her screaming, "Why does everybody hate me?!" Her two flying monkeys eventually returned to the fold for their own supply needs. Mom really deserves a movie, like an amalgamation of "Mommy Dearest" and "The Great Santini". I can't imagine treating my wife and kids the way she treated us.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@vvoss2805]

Yes it is a great way to get your life back. I did cut off for a number of years. It was interesting how my narc parent tried to re-engage on regular basis. Eventually I did again, things did not change. No remorse, no change, no mature conversations. Be aware, you will receive punishment and will find yourself on the tougher end.. they don't shy away from disinherinting you.

[@elizabethseiden6667]

My brother texted and called me to make me call my narcissist dad after going no contact for one year! My brother and my sister went to my old friend who had my number. I’m changing my number again today!

[@Godlywoman88]

Wow! It seems hard to cut off only some family b/c the others may not understand or will force you stay in toxic relationships. I left my relatives knowing for sure I wanted nothing to do with my dad and sister. My mom was unhealthy too but not vas much as the others do I was low contact for awhile but she always brought up the other two when we spoke, even though I had an in depth discussion with beer about how I felt so I had to let them all go, including extended relatives.

[@Ash-gz9co]

OMG, yes!! It's like she has commissioned them to stalk me. At this point they either know their place or I will put them in one(i.e in the garbage with the rest lol)

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@happygirl532]

Gone no contact many times with my mom, noticed it’s good for a couple weeks, then the shtf, I’m 60 now, moved out of state, no contact, now my mom is aging, and I wanted to be there for her, but not at my expense

[@jerrywise]

It’s not the no contact that makes the difference it’s what we do to heal during that time🤍

[@happygirl532]

@@jerrywise yes, you are correct, I am on my healing journey, thank you for your healing information ❤️

[@lexieoverman7341]

We MOVED and didn't give them our address

[@elsh332]

I have the opposite issue: my mother ignores my existence and has failed to meet my relational needs since I was born. She then prioritises my younger siblings and their children. My mother has neglected me all my life. I recently got hurt yet again by her at a really pivotal time (not the first time and I'm seeing the pattern now). So I made a choice to protect myself by no longer making efforts to have a relationship with her. This probably means not seeing my siblings, but I was kicked out at 13 yo and don't even know them, nor they me, so it just feels like the same loss I've always had. I would love to have good relationships with all of them, but the sacrifice is too great and the pay-off is so minimal, if anything at all, so I just can't do it any more. I feel both sad and better 🤷‍♀️

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

You're doing the right thing. You're a good person, with a heart and a conscience so of course it's not easy. But it will get easier over time, and you'll likely feel so much stronger over time. ❤

[@terencenelson1950]

No I'm done I ain't going to no funerals I'm done I already told them Don't call me leave me alone I'm done grandkids great grandkids whatever I'm done no I don't want to be bothered leave me alone And don't come to my funeral

[@charlenerhoda2024]

Hi Jerry, I have so much gratitude for finding you. Your videos alone are what brought me 99% of my healing. Please keep digging into this territory of information for all of our sakes. You are speaking to what so many are yearning to understand and grasp. I have been set free from the grips of a mentally ill mother who was initially diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 63. I have battled her my whole life but the last 9 years have been horrible. I went super low contact (written notes, cards) for 18 months, and now nothing. Because I kept certain boundaries in place, she’s decided she’s done with me. She has recently been diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer and doesn’t have long. I’ve made peace with this and because of your videos as well as a free audio book on KZbin called The Borderline Mother I truly have been set free. I truly believe borderline describes my mom best. Now that my eyes have been opened with your teachings on self differentiation as well as other topics, I can say I am well. I am continuing to take care of myself in all my relationships which I never knew how to do before. Your work here is a gift, I look forward every time I am notified you have uploaded a video and treasure it for days. Thank you 🙏 Charlene

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@Jkl306]

I seem to come back to your videos a lot they really help. Thank you I’m 3 months no contact w my narc mother and just cut off my toxic sister as well was feeling like a orphan at first but I realize I’m actually reparenting myself and I need to love myself more than them. Again thank you very much kind sir ❤️

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@johnliberty3647]

I went no contact in March 2017. I lost my hearing gradually and when family members would lose there temper and get abusive over me not being able to hear them and I just could not reason with them. I didn’t understand these situations then I just knew my family was dangerous to be around. They tried and struggled to convince me it was my actions that caused this problem but my self doubt in myself was gone. All these decades of conflict with my family started to look more and more like their fault and not mine. The world finally made sense. I wasn’t the cause, I was the family scapegoat. It came from severe child abuse and me being the first to submit when conflict happened. I didn’t see it until I was physically unable to submit to their demands that I must hear them. My mother even tried to blame me for her not having a good reason for her abusive behavior. 6 to 7 years later and about to turn 50 I am actually making friends and developing positive social behaviors I could not develop before I was 40.

[@Puda]

I absolutely love the play analogy you used here! I always felt like I was an actor in a play when I was in contact with them.

[@catherineshaw1122]

That moment when you realize you have never been yourself with any of them, it never felt safe.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@Jamieoo77]

Thanks a lot Jerry your doing a great job! I moved to another country, partly to get away from my crazy family. It was the best thing I ever did. I have moved back again after 7 year and I seriously limit the amount of time I spend with them. I have also thought a lot about my previous role within my family and try to resist playing that role now. Both my parents are functioning alcoholics. Since returning I'm able to see things in a new light, I see that my 2 youngest siblings 34 and 40 are totally dependent on the approval of my father (The principle addict.) I try to take the good moments with them (which there are) but also try to slam the door shut (in terms of my boundaries) on the bad. Thanks again Jerry!

[@lizafield9002]

I needed to read this. Gives me hope & clarity. Thank you!

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@blackbutterfly2310]

Grief therapy helped me immensely in going no contact with entire family, gray rock with the main narc my aging NPD mom

[@DystoDreamer]

I've been no-contact for 2 years and I ended up in a hospital psych unit for a week due to a mental break😔 I didnt think about how I would be mourning going no contact and I didnt think about the family wide smear campaign I'd have to also go through as I was grieving. I also didn't consider how hard it would be when: A. My entire immediate family ultimately abandoned me wheb I chose to go no contact with my Mom B. They ultimately refused my daughter's existence as well and she has been deeply affected by abandonment by grandparents and uncle. Birthdays and Christmas were tough and sad, specially since we live 7 minutes away. So prepare your heart and plan your strategy well because its HARD - saying you're going no contact is just the beginning. ... I wish I had found this video 2 years ago, its so on point ❤ thanks for what you do Jerry Wise, bless you!

[@paradisefamilyvlogs3426]

This was well-articulated and spot on with application of Bowenian concepts. Very useful info! Thanks!

[@csstudio3648]

Thanks so much for this and all of your videos! They have been immensely helpful to steering my journey of getting toxic family and others out of my life and of course healing my own stuff. Of course it would have been great had I known this 30 yrs ago, lol. Would have saved a lot of suffering. Gotta love this KZbin platform for making it available to so many. Education on mental health for kids and parenting for parents I think is key to improving our family/societal issues. Thank you again.💙

[@jacquelineford5503]

Christine me too needed to hear this 30 years ago. I love Jerry calmness and low tone when explaining the topic he's sharing. I'm able to take notes and share his videos with other victims of this type of abuse. Why toxic people are destroying our Health and we must go no-contact to save ourselves. PRAYING for my mother, father, sisters, my adult children, their dad who abused me for many many years and his family. I'm STRONGER today, because of my FAITH in God....He pulled me AWAY when I started SEEKING His Love and NOT the Narcissist. Love YOURSELF!!!💕

[@AZDC99]

Yes, Christine! Videos like these have been a lifeline for me recently. Thank God for this medicine/therapy being available like this

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@lilaworley8935]

My alcoholic parents attempted to groom and brainwash my oldest child when I attempted to self differentiate and establish boundaries. They were causing damage to the relationship with my daughter (their first grandchild). They even went as far as telling CPS we were abusive and tried to take custody and encouraged our daughter to run away. The family dysfunction effected everything.

[@ChuangSarah]

Thank you, Mr. Wise. I don't live in the U.S., & psychotherapy is very rare in my country. Your videos help a lot. This video really resonates. Thank you again

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@robceli80]

After our biggest argument, I went ahead and text my mother and told her first and then after my father started tapping my shoulder through my children to bother me I had to also text him directly and told him -- that was my only solution! They seem to be getting the point We live in the same roof and we don’t speak at all-- I can’t wait to move out!

[@katray7452]

Here is a mind-bender...Sartre said, "Hell is other people". What he meant was we judge ourselves with the means other people have and have given us for judging ourselves. His prodigy said "Hell is other people because you are, in some sense, forever trapped within them, subject to their apprehension of you."

[@jerrywise]

Love this

[@melscotto5330]

My mother last week brought four generations, neighbors and people I haven't heard of for 20 years into the circle to help scapegoat me all in one day. It was shocking to receive so many attacks even in social media. It was interesting because inadvertently it was finally revealed to me that mother was the source. I had suspected this for years because I'd been cinderella for her and generous to them even though I was the only one in the family who supported her. I concluded my involvement and went no contact the next day. So it is fresh. I was duped for all of my life as I tried to hold the family together financially and emotionally. Finally, a couple years ago I told her I remembered all of the abuse behind her facade. So I was scapegoated. But it's also comical that last week she was exposed by her own hand by others comments to me. I got my confirmation that she had always denied. You have described her character perfectly. Thank you.

[@janiemiller825]

I brought up child 👶 abuse from my father to my mother in order to help heal my childhood wounds & she is so sick & wants to keep it a covered up family secret 🤐 so total denial & pretends she doesn’t remember the abuse & she went around told entire family I’m being mean to her/ basically smear campaign & had siblings / aunts, uncles / even my own daughter all attack me/ because my mom played victim role & told everyone I’m being mean to her !! All I did was ask to have a conversation about the childhood abuse because my therapist felt talking it over with my mom may help in my healing childhood wounds!! WTH 🤦‍♀️

[@melscotto5330]

@@janiemiller825 Control your contact. I cut my siblings off and my mother started calling me. I limit the conversation. I heard it takes a least a year of no or limited contract where you are in control to heal. New friends are coming in. I share with one. I do feel better, as weird as the situation is. Blessed are those without narc abuse. Advance as best as you can. 💪🏻

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@salguzman802]

I have finally fully did no contact, sometimes you have partial go no contact if you don't have the money to move and trying to get the money to move to make a more permanent no contact. There were many nights for me if I felt dread and depressed cuz I was ready to go to a much permanent of no contact in fact it was more inviting to me of looking for of going permanent no contact and, wanted it so badly to where I am now officially in my own home and finally break free from my family of origin that relentlessly wants to stay stuck in the old paradigm and which I don't even care to even think about anymore. I am relieved and so looking forward to the journey of building a new self. Got to say it feels so damn good😊😊😊😏

[@ayatheartist]

Salvador Guzman congratulations

[@dontbelongherefromanother]

I wish there were financial resources and services for victims of narc abuse to transition

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@mayanah3124]

This was very helpful. I tried to be done with my sister in law in the past but kept falling back into the pattern. I now realize that I got back on the ride because I didn't do my own work and healing.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@lumapr]

Thank you so much, this is so helpful. I was criticised a lot for going no-contact to my father. It is empowering me to know I am not alone with this and that it can be necessary for healing and to detach.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@jackieking3417]

Thank you Jerry. I’ve had to go no Contact with my alcoholic/addict adult son and his wife. They are awful and abusive to me. They are the parents of my two grandsons who also recently started treating me badly. Especially the little one who is only 5. So so Sad, but had to be done. I’m getting better with therapy.

[@lizafield9002]

God bless you Jackie! The grandsons will reconnect with you some day. God's got it!

[@jackieking3417]

Liza Field Thank you so much Liza. 😊😊

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@jillwhiting919]

I went no contact a few years ago and the fog in the brain is starting to clear

[@ladennayoung2939]

Thank you SO much for sharing. I needed this more then you will EVER KNOW. GOD BLESS. ❤❤❤

[@lovelyella]

Thank you, CPTSD and I kept getting DP/DR and emotional flashbacks when my father contacted me. Just drew a boundary and this video was helpful. Thank you Jerry

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@urbansurvivor360]

Today is my day I set myself free from my dysfunctional narc enabling mother and father. The fear and probably slight reality is I'm dysfunctional myself. But I've spent years in therapy and I do take self help. I go to the gym I accept when I'm in the wrong I've done loads of inner work. Its time I cut lose the two nasty entities in my life who never would dream of doing any one of these things especially my mother. I have a 3.5 year old who i dearly must protect. like your videos. Your really good. Thanks

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@USAcit]

My favorite video. Relevant to me. Sending a "so long, farewell" card to my big sis and mother. Mailing it out Tues Sept 7th 2021.

[@jerrywise]

Best to you and good luck Thank you for watching. Any donation would help in making these videos. www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/donations

[@RubinaMerchant]

Your comment re "attachment" was crucial for me. Will work on it. God Willing. Thank you.

[@onlyonce1707]

This is the best advice (and most realistic) on KZbin. Thank you!

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@michellebennie5590]

Brilliant! Thank you Jerry. 😊 This so relatable for me! WOW!

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@YouthCode-1974]

Thank you so much Jerry. Excellent, helpful content. 👏

[@jerrywise]

You are very welcome, I'm glad it was helpful ❤️

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@Aldun22]

Thank you Jerry. I really appreciate the work you do. Much love from Argentina.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@Lene-ib7qz]

It's eerie how well and fitting you describe the situation. Thank you so much for these videos, they are of great help.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@BigTroubleD]

Your videos have been golden to me. You’ve given me advice and framed it in ways that made logical sense.

[@jovondamullin3545]

I’m going no contact with my mom and my daughter they are both narcissist they have put me through so much pain I’m doing this so I can self heal

[@deedee0318]

Omg Me too. Are you still no contact? Did you survive emotionally?

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@barbarahall5514]

No contact with family--It may get me out of the family…but it doesn’t get the family out of me…lots of memories, it’s an on-going journey…Mr. Wise..so helpful ❤thk u my friend 😅

[@daodejing81]

You're good. I actually healed myself first, from 1975, and went no contact 9/4/23. "Your enemies will be the members of your household." JESUS

[@cadymae3754]

We share the same timeline. Fifty years of abuse. I'm looking forward to the next 50 years of no contact.

[@daodejing81]

@cadymae3754 No, not 50 years of abuse. Those many years for me were knowing myself and healing myself. You are a victim if you choose to be. You create your reality. You see, the power was always and is always in your hands, to navigate the challenges of life, and those challenges are really treasures if you look deep enough, and the anger you felt, through this introspective healing, melts into compassion. Do what you must for yourself, but if you don't see the hidden treasure, you missed the point of the experience.

[@cadymae3754]

I've never considered myself a victim. I've just spent decades trying to understand these parents that I had. I know that it has recently become popular to have the belief system about creating your own reality. I've always believed that I create my own reality which is why I was able to survive them. I've gone no contact once I was blessed with the understanding of who they are. I've never been happier. It's much easier to navigate your life when you know who the enemy is. I'm so grateful for the discernment that God has blessed me with because many never know and therefore never heal. God bless you and thank you for your comments.

[@joncena168]

25:00 omg so true!! They do balance dysfunction on others

[@janethomas78]

why tell them anything.

[@Original22]

For real !

[@catherineshaw1122]

Going nc with my family was something that pretty much happened naturally over time. The difference now is they have no way to contact me. Anytime I start to question the decision, I remind myself of how much stronger, happier and calmer I felt the moment I changed my number and set up those email filters. That tells me that it's clearly the right choice.

[@jerrywise]

That can be a good indicator that there is self differentiation work to do with the family. Often no contact can be necessary, also when it is- it's important to remember the goal isn't to take ourselves out of the family but to get the family out of us. ❤️

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@theresechauvin5216]

I subscribed to your youtube channel about a year ago. I found it very informative and affirmative so much so that while talking to my cousin in crisis, I sent her your youtube link. I recognise she has been going through many similar issues and could benefit from the same informative coaching posts. Thank you so much. Your channel makes a big difference even if I can't afford the work shops, just the youtube videos help so much too.❤

[@jerrywise]

Wow, thank you!❤️

[@sweetdreams5587]

why do we get chosen to be the scapegoat in the first place.

[@drendabaerwolf8579]

They are jealous of us

[@machumak4915]

@@drendabaerwolf8579 that’s right. We are a symbol of what they’ve always wanted to be but their “salty asses” cannot be or are just lazy to be. So rather than just be happy for us, they are jealous of us and we become the symbol of hate as our very being makes them feel inferior 👀🙊

[@eurokay4755]

You've committed the ultimate betrayal of recognizing the truth: their dysfunction is the cause of their problems. You've been to the puppet show and you've seen the strings. You must be stripped of your confidence, curiosity and independence because if you're out there experiencing, observing and thinking for yourself, you might see and reject the family's fantasy/false mask.

[@m.asammy3049]

That's a fantastic question.Its just evil.

[@janiemiller825]

Exactly 🙄 I’m 51 now & im done dealing with it It’s hard but detached from my entire family Dysfunctional & feel attacked, neglected , non compassion, no care or love from family & always criticize, picked on etc etc I’m done dealing with crazy dysfunctional family dynamic & scapegoat treatment! No contact / detachment is hard but healthiest option for me

[@tracyvonalmen7820]

Outstanding. Just exactly what I need. I went permanent no contact one month ago with my narcissistic mother and father. This has been a very comprehensive video and I’m going to watch the others.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@ccalexander1924]

It’s been one year today that I went very little contact with two family members. Nothing changed. My one sis still acts nasty and once again hasn’t said anything to me on my birthday. For her 50th last July I even told her happy birthday and sent a gift bc I felt bad it being a big b day and she says she was little depressed turning that age so I wanted to hopefully help that mood. I don’t know why I even try. I’m done. It’s very clear to me I don’t matter to her. I never did. I’m Not doing this lightly but it has to be done. I’m going to let my other sis know I’m not talking to the one sis anymore and I don’t want to hear anything about her life. I’m done. Her own daughter went NC with her for a year as she went through therapy about her. She had a friend who told her she was judgmental and not a nice person and didn’t want to be her friend anymore . Her step son told me he didn’t like her. She doesn’t see it though. She doesn’t see she is a nasty person. Funny bc she treats her friends and others she doesn’t know better than her own family. She throws all of our gifts in trash or next to litterboxes or we just never see anything we give her. She always says she doesn’t have time to see family but she sees her friends at least twice a week playing board games etc. she is very weird and very judgmental. Me going NC affects me seeing my niece and nephew ( her kids ). I feel I’m much closer to my niece that is older and I’m debating to meet up with her to tell her I’m no longer talking to her mom and I gave no idea if I ever will sgsin and I have no intention of going to any family gatherings where she will be present. I have no idea what my niece will think but she is about to be 22 so she is old enough to understand why I won’t be around but if she needs me for anything she can call me. I tried for almost 40 years to be civil with my sister and I’m done. And to make all of this more strange …. She did the same thing this year that she did last year on my b day asking what everyone is doing for memorial ( except me ) and stil not acknowledge it’s my birthday

[@JL-xd4cn]

This guy is aaaabsolutely genius! So technical, which for those of us emotionally prone is the perfect match

[@jerrywise]

Thank you for your kind words JL “Standing Strong as an Adult Child of the Narcissist” Workshop A great workshop for ACOA’s, ACON’s, and any of you who come from dysfunctional families! Workshop leader: Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC LIVE July 17th, 2021 Saturday, 1-5pm Eastern time On Zoom Topics: The Illusions of the Narcissist The Trauma of Adult Children of Narcissists Living in the War Zone 7 Things People Don’t Realize You’re Doing Because You Were Raised by a Narcissist 10 Ways Children of Narcissists Love Differently Healing Your Inner Parts and Inner Bonding Resisting Self-hate, Self-shaming, Self-rejection, Self-abandonment Cutting the Emotional Umbilical Cord: Going No Contact or Low Contact with Toxic Parents Superpowers All Adult Children of Narcissists Have And more… Lead by Jerry Wise Founder of Jerry Wise Relationship Systems and You-tubber of over 250 videos. Q & A Role Plays Volunteer participation You will receive the recorded workshop You will receive the notes for the workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/events

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@lisaparlove989]

My parents called this disowning. They disowned me when I was 19. Non of my sibbling were alowed to contact me. It was harsh. Looking at me as if I did not exsist in public.. It lighted up over the years. And now going no contact with my mother. I want my children to keep there relationship with there grandmother. I refuse to bring or spread our negitive relationship on to other family members. Im 59 and for the first time feeling joy and contentment in life.

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@truthteller1973]

Thank you 💜. I have been no contact three years and I feel so great 😊 to have no more chaos and drama and lies 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[@jerrywise]

You’re welcome 😊

[@jerrywise]

Returning to this a while later-if you're still interested in navigating no/low-contact with toxic family, I'm now offering a workshop on this crucial topic. For more details, feel free to inquire here. join.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/no-contact-workshop/

[@urallnutz5294]

In today's day and age, before you go no contact, I'd highly recommend communicating with your narcissist family member by a recorded medium like email and have them give their side of the story. If they are the typical narcissist, their communications will be full of gaslighting and lies, and if you challenge them here or there, they'll usually start avoiding the topics in ways that don't match what a decent person would do. The reason to keep this record before you go no-contact is that if you ever get challenged on your decision, usually by well meaning people who have never dealt with a human energy leech before, you'll have this record to show why you did what you did, in my experience that's a huge relief for your sanity

[@madeleinegrayson8372]

Honestly, it should not matter what anyone else thinks about it, and the ones I knew who defended them wouldn't change their minds from an email anyway. They'd make more excuses.

[@petermuller6923]

My narcissistic mother knows that. That´s why she never writes about problematic topics in emails or text messages, always wants a one on one phone call. I have to go no contact now.

[@Gemmarose9012]

I’m going through hell grieving the collateral damage. This video has helped me realize I’m on the right track even though it feels horrible. I miss my Grandson and I’m heartbroken but I’m in it for the long game. Thank you, Jerry.

[@jerrywise]

Being in it for the long game is the way, keep it up❤️

[@Gemmarose9012]

@@jerrywise Thank you, I will.❤️