Narcissists hate when you rest or sleep

[@karengoodwin4828]

That is so true. Whenever I come in to go to bed I am super quiet not to wake them up. But when they go to bed they grunt and groan, pull the covers, shake the pillows loudly. The ultimate of rude and inconsiderate.

[@MontessoriFoundation]

Oh my God, the sleep deprivation is so relatable. I didn't think it was something related to narcissistic abuse but it is....

[@surfshack2]

Yep exactly. She would keep me up every night till 3-4-5 in the morning when i had to get up at 6am. I was literally going insane and falling asleep on my feet at work. I was a zombie , I kid you not. I think back and it amazes me how i dealt through it all. I finally felt so much pain and discomfort i started the blocking then unblocking game with her , then she found a new supply on facebook and I left and never went back. Then i had to get over the trauma bond which was a whole other thing i had to deal with and get over. I swear my body and mind could never go through that again.

[@NarcHark888]

My narcex used to wake up in the middle of the night ranting for hours there were demon energies. Yes, soon after he moved in!

[@AA-ct7cb]

Same. I had a sophisticated job I’d dreamed of having all my life, after him all could do is work helping middle schoolers.

[@surfshack2]

@@AA-ct7cb Hang in there. Stay strong.

[@AA-ct7cb]

🙏

[@karenkennedy6331]

My husband gets up in the middle of the night million of times, turns on the light, or bathroom light, make all sorts of noise!, I wear earplugs and eyemask, and ignore it!

[@cyndigooch1162]

Karen Kennedy Good on you and it must annoy him immensely that the noise etc doesn't bother you! I've found earplugs to be extremely helpful too. 😊

[@mikeseitz2792]

All true!! Vacuuming at 6am on your day off!

[@TaraWalshMusic]

You are so spot on! I knew I was dealing with a narc as I was raised by one, but you're opening my eyes to the subtleties that I didn't even realise where part of their abuse, it runs so deep

[@thirstonhowellthebird]

I never knew until decades after my childhood, that I grew up in an abusive home. It was horrific but I was raised to believe abuse was normal and it was called “discipline“ but it went way past that … decades later, because we lived in separate states when I would have a family member stay at my house they would wake up prior to me. They would be in the kitchen banging and slamming pots and pans of course waking me up and I never understood why they would continue to do that even after I asked them to be quiet. Now I know.

[@annaburns2865]

Yes! Why is that. They can’t even stand when you get water! Anything you do to survive takes away from your service of them.

[@davidemm829]

They will passively aggressively keep you away, if they think it bothers you, they will stay up late with music, tv, rattle dishes,, turn phone notifications up, it's just a little more refund horror than a two year old. Same crap...let's talk about being a passenger in the car while their driving next...

[@katjay3125]

Driving in the car is very dangerous ...my narc had many rages in the car so I had to stop driving with him until I left

[@AA-ct7cb]

Same.

[@puremaledark8305]

This is so true. Every time I slept the was a argument afterwards

[@elizabethbrehm8996]

Omg yes it sickens them to sleep in or anything

[@foxiefair123]

Omg, my narc mom.😂She would get up at like 7:30am and if I was already up, she would ask me what time I got up. I would say 5:30. She would say “and nothing is done.” Really?!

[@JackNance22]

My narc mom would wake me up early by putting away plates in the kitchen super loudly, I could tell she hated to know I was getting a good night's sleep. Most narcs don't sleep well due to their negative thoughts, and they'll lay in bed plotting their next evil plan. You always hit the nail on the head, Danielle.

[@puremaledark8305]

My mom would do that crap too. Then barge into my room screaming and yelling about "what i needed to do" that day at 5 am. knowing i had to go to school at 8am

[@aizzamoque5569]

My narc husband sleeps like he is in a coma

[@JackNance22]

@@aizzamoque5569 Some sleep very well, that's true. From what I've noticed coverts sleep better than overts.

[@fumarate1]

My mother Has Narcissitic tendencies she told me when shes sleeps she wake every 2 hours.

[@MusicMusic22223]

My mum would get home early in the morning about 6am after a nightshift! Start hoovering!!!!! And then even come into my room with the hoover! Like wtf!! I’m sleeping! so disrespectful!!!

[@PassionateFlower]

I had dated one narcissist who refused to cuddle me in bed all night after disappointing sex that didn't get me off but got him off in a few minutes. He knew I had trouble sleeping without being cuddled. Dated a different narcissist who was a sex addict and wasn't happy until he banged me so hard and for so long all night that I was in physical pain and agony. And when he finally backed off and let me fall asleep he would assault me in the middle of the night when I'm dead asleep and if I refused then he refused to snuggle me which meant I would have trouble falling asleep without cuddles. Also if I refused sex all night, he would wake up super early, sit in a chair scrolling through his Instagram feed, and blast misogynistic country music in the room until I got up to shower and then he would immediately leave as soon as I got up to start getting ready. I had another narcissist scream at me half the night for crying after he got himself off using my body and didn't bother to meet any of my needs and refused to cuddle me afterwards and he raged at me that I was ruining his sleep because I quietly excused myself from the bed at 4am to go quietly cry in the bathroom for 10 minutes to calm my nerves because he kept pushing me off him and jerking away when I tried to snuggle for warmth in his arms in his cold house. Earlier that night he called me wifey material. Idk what it is about sleep and sex and snuggling but narcs are very strange and cruel about those basic human activities.

[@ellejee74]

Sex is for them, snuggles are for you, and anything for you doesn't exist in their eyes, it's sad.....

[@katjay3125]

Maybe you need to close your legs.....

[@AA-ct7cb]

Same. Told them to stay away. They won’t.

[@erikavaleries]

It's basically slavery.

[@suni8891]

They’ll basically go into narcissistic rage over you being at peace

[@bevshanks2972]

My parents, every night of the 19 years I lived with them, burst into my room and turned the light on, several times per night claiming they were just checking that I was ok. Even the adult years, the rare occasions when I conceded to visit them (I emigrated at 25 years old to get away from them!), still made a point of bursting in at 3,4,5am, anytime they woke to pee they automatically had to wake me despite knowing I’ve been struggling to survive a serious disease for almost 40 years now. My last visit was 5 years ago now and it was my LAST!

[@freshmanjeans]

I hope you are at peace

[@maximalzufrieden1349]

OMG, yes. Looking back I did experience that. I had to go to sleep when he was tired and had to get up before him in order to avoid him putting pressure on me or even rageing sometimes. Wasn't even aware it is a trade of narcistic behaviour, when still in the loop. 🙈 They are evil.

[@katjay3125]

Destroying your sleep and waking you up in the middle of the night ... Driving in the car and having them rage and scare you with the car is another one..... But the following you around the house and in-and-out of the house and to your car is another really bizarre one it's like they cannot stop creeping around following you all the time....

[@juneelle370]

Big part of childhood summarized. We were trained to feel guilty about just relaxing or having fun :( this is a disorder that needs to be taught in school! It’s all about lack of empathy for others! Hierarchy! Yuck!

[@lovinglife-tq4pv]

Mine wakes me up at 3 am asking where the dog is. He is always sleeping on his dog bed by our bed. Then he lets the dog out. Lets the dog come in and jump all over me. I have to get up at 4:30 and he does this to ruin the last hour of my rest. EVERY NIGHT.

[@suzanneadamson1306]

Spot on.

[@CJFreeza]

I can concur with this.

[@suni8891]

It’s sooo crazy and it doesn’t make sense. It’s like they want you to be restless and stressed out ALL the time.

[@suni8891]

Or they want you to be in panic mode 24/7

[@jhavajoe3792]

Yup. Been there, suffered that. It's that "IF only I knew then what I know now!!"

[@Imnotyourdoormat]

yep

[@izawaniek2568]

This is so painfully true. Especially when it started when you were a small kid 😢 and then it went on and on into adulthood but finally an awakening happened and I was born again! ❤ Thank you for everything you do❤

[@AA-ct7cb]

How did you stop it?

[@hanktteotd]

Thank you for all these short videos. They’ve been very helpful for me as I’m currently filing for divorce from my wife who has been very abusive in narcissistic ways for the last 8 years and I’m only recently realizing it. This one is spot on. She would always wake me up in the middle of the night and start fights with me about how terrible of a person I am for whatever reason she thought of, knowing that I wake up for work at 3:30am and barely get enough sleep as it is. She’s also referred to me laying on the couch with my hands behind my head, my comfortable laying position, as me “acting like a King”. It’s just sickening and I’m glad I’ve finally reached the breaking point of letting go from this toxic relationship. Again, thank you for these videos you do because it’s very supportive in my time of need.

[@ellensunden2778]

So true! Ever since I was around 9 years old, my diabetic narc mom would allow her blood sugar to drop dangerously low during the night and would have a diabetic reaction/coma. These were often violent rages she would go into while in this state. She would scream, wail, thrash around and attack us when we would try to give her something sugary to raise her blood sugar. Each episode would last for hours on end. She would often do this to us between 1 and 4 times per week. I never rested, not once because I knew if I went to sleep and didn't wake up to get her blood sugar up from her purposeful diabetic reaction, she would die. I'm 44 now and cannot ever get a restful sleep because she's still playing this game of intentionally putting herself in mortal danger so that she can get that "high" or thrill of having someone come and save her.

[@KEOSHAANEILIA]

Omg! THIS!!! The shit is ridiculous! I had never met someone quite this way before. It’s insane. And they will try to make you feel guilty or like you wronged THEM in some way for taking care of yourself. Just disgusting.

[@rafaelgiraldo4128]

Thank you Danielle for your content and for educating us. It is absolutely pathetic how ridiculously true this is. I went thru this trash during my marriage.

[@christinecronk9234]

What the heck? I thought it was just my x. IT'S A THING??🤢🤮

[@AA-ct7cb]

It sickens then to see you not serve them like a slave enemy though you work snd they don’t. They keep you up all night, they want you exhausted. Never knew why they did that, thanks! Yep!!!! Good vid.

[@AA-ct7cb]

And then when you tell them to do even 1 chore, even if they don’t work, they can’t even do that. Thanks.

[@Emile-philia]

How about the vacuum cleaner, or the lawn mower, at 8 am "because it's morning!" ~

[@katjay3125]

And don't forget how they like to break your stuff!!!!

[@tjradmila]

👋 I wouldnt put it better to the words. They dont allow you to rest !!

[@annechristina9077]

My husband used to wake me up during the night to ask me what time is it ?!! Your right - I wasn’t a coffee machine, I was a speaking clock!! I now sleep in a different room 🛌

[@jimmy031408]

This is spot on. She made me feel like I was lazy when in fact I was just tired from work. Is and working crazy hours. Anne also sleep deprived me before I had to go to work. It's abuse plain and simple. And the scars go inside not out

[@AA-ct7cb]

Right in my early 20’s my sibling insisted I work as I went to school, which interfered with my schooling, even with that, the job I took wasn’t good enough for the narc., even though the narc. lived off anybody and everybody.

[@laurabriscoe1]

Same for me. He tried making me change my sleeping patterns by arguing at first and I said no, this is how my life is and I won’t change my sleep just because you think I should. Man, he started a war right there and then. Fell asleep on the couch right after dinner so I had to go to bed alone at around 10pm, he then woke me up at 4am to “watch the sunrise” or even shock me with a cold beer against my leg. Every single night/morning until I left him. How can they not just chill out and live a comfortable life, it’s complete insanity.

[@cyberchen4]

Omg!!! This is so Real n True!!! What the heck?!?! Omg!!! All these years….

[@humanistology]

Spot on...I could never "just rest" because there was always "something to get done"...so glad I'm out!

[@Trumpingyall]

This is sadly the sick truth. On my day off my boyfriend literally tells me to come downstairs as soon as I open my eyes he bombards me with shit he expects me to do for the day. And he says “well you’re not going to do any of it so I don’t even know why I waste my breath.” Instead of telling me the good things I do for him, he tells me what I never do.

[@franciscocardenas5758]

Absolutely 💯

[@mookhobrenda2349]

Amen 🙏

[@kkey4700]

Yes exactly…I’m so surprised to see this…they are all the same! It’s textbook- every single one of Danielle’s videos are spot on…and no one else (other KZbin therapists) have talked about this. I have been shamed for resting all my life by my narc family…if I’m sick or whatever…now I have a full on panic attack when I wake up from the occasional nap or even if I fall asleep early at night. These people are sickening.

[@AnaRibeiro-v5p]

If they're a narc nothing and no one will ever be enough

[@sahd0w]

My nex never wanted to let me sleep. If i dozed off he would say things loudly to himself to wake me up. So crazy!! Ug

[@aleksandarpecuh9013]

You are 300% correct on all your examples 👏👏👏

[@paulwisdom1090]

Omg!!!! Im sooo shocked that im not the only one who was dealing with this for soo longgg!!!! Omg!!!! During the first year married to the narc ex wife she would say "why are you going to bed so early"? I would say "because sleep is important and i get up at 6am everyday to maintain my health" then she says "you know what, go to bed its not like you care about me anyway"!!!!

[@lobsterbisque7567]

My narc didn't berate me for relaxing, but she was still extremely needy. Calling me everyday, and keeping me on the phone for hrs. But then again, I didn't stick around for the shaming & guilt, I walked as soon as she started😆😆😆 Oh well, She's on her own now!!

[@jaijai8829]

Yes! My ex narc would keep me on the phone non stop!

[@davidm4566]

Thank. You. I needed to hear this.

[@robin2319]

I was called ( lazy ) if I took a nap. This is absolutely wrong . But he takes naps throughout the day and I can’t say nothing about it

[@OmatieGbenebitse]

Thanks for posting. This was really a thing in my house. .. did some real damage. This guy was a yeller about everything including this deprivation- felt like it took years off my life!😢

[@johnmaurer2035]

They've always got something the f**k to say.

[@elisecliftonklitz]

I stay single for all those reasons.

[@blee9304]

I always wondered why my ex just didn't like me to rest or pick fights just before bed time!

[@AltraTara]

Growing up, my mum would be so vicious with us (the girls) after coming back from the club in the morning (door slamming, moving dishes but at the same time leaving all of it for us to wash after waking up, subtle jabs, just evil stuff…) that my sister and I just understood that we had to either not go out at all or stay up all day after coming back from a night of clubbing

[@CandyOnAChopstick]

I didn’t know this was a thing. I worked all night and my ex woke me up because she had to wake up early.

[@heatherbowman9450]

704 likes!🌻🌺🌸🌷🌹💐

[@CarolineHerchenroder-tv7qz]

Excellent advice

[@adinayima7404]

^ 👏🏼 Yep, this was the biggest red flag 🚩 in the relationship. I noticed he’d never let me rest, and was jealous of me staying at home. So much sadness, delusions, pain in these creatures. After 4 months No Contact it’s like I finally got out of that scam/trap/abuse

[@nanny287]

He would keep me up at all hours, set an alarm very early waking me and then go back to sleep several times. Horrendous and violent behavior by the narcissist. I”ll never forget the verbal and physical abuse.

[@lindagurrera685]

I'm ordered to get up

[@rayyar3380]

ths too good.ths ppl r not normal .well dne dr🔥🔥💐

[@stillhealing8811]

To his credit, the one I was with didn't deprive me of sleep. He did a lot of the other f'd up stuff, but I lucked out on the sleep deprivation tactics.

[@marylourodriguez9227]

Mine said, better yourself before he died, mind you. As if he paid my bills!!!!

[@Trumpingyall]

Or the best one. “You’re never going to find someone who will do any of this for you.” Ok…. Sure.

[@lindagurrera685]

So true

[@paulwisdom1090]

During year 2 of marriage, she had this on call job where during the hours of 3 in the morning she would be getting calls that would disturb my sleep to the point where i had to buy earplugs for when i slept and even when i did wear them i could still hear her and it would piss me off!!!!!

[@paulwisdom1090]

Whenever we were in bed, she would always be tossing and turning and i had to sleep with one eye opened because then she would get up and leave our bedroom and go into the living room with her phone and it would still be dark and silent!!!! My sleep was disturbed for the rest of the night!!!!!

[@unpocoloco369]

It's not just narcissists that do this. I know she didn't say "only narcissists do this", but I thought it *might* be helpful to someone else to point that out.

[@davidswanley1812]

Your right, it’s pretty much just narcs and psychopaths that get pleasure out of someone else’s pain

[@Reza-hope]

You are the best. 🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺👌🏻👌🏻

[@isabelolsson1890]

1000 thanks 👍

[@cherrybacon3319]

I remember when I was ill and spent all day in bed and my Ex would moan about having been at work all day whilst I lounged about. I told him I wasn't feeling well, and that I couldn't managed Tea, and the fit he through then was unbelievable. I didn't want to be there and as bad as I felt, I got up off the sofa and got my things and left his to come all the way back to mine. 🍒

[@herbienbrian2]

Most jobs are this way

[@aizzamoque5569]

Why are they so evill

[@AA-ct7cb]

Good question.

[@vincepolo666]

sounds like my wife

[@brightpage1020]

You're trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it.

[@BeckyJade]

Yessss

[@sandyheinrich2204]

S.p.o.t...O.n.

[@Private_Pookie]

This is pure evil

[@HANZELVANDERLAAY]

Nice looking 🥳🥳 r u single? ..asking for a friend 🎉🎉😸