New Dad Training Dojo

[@TheBabylonBee]

What should this new dad coach add to his curriculum?

[@hazcat640]

Being able to assemble anything WITHOUT reading the instructions.

[@zandercage4383]

Diaper changes. Rubbing the pins through a bar of soap or your hair if you use vitalis. Oh I forgot, the diapers are now disposable with tape instead of pins.

[@WmRob]

Learning to deal with teenage daughters. Good luck.

[@MattDunlapCO]

"The Voice"

[@Video81501]

The "look" that makes the kids run crying to mom.

[@AverageTruckOwner1322]

I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage... it was bread in captivity.

[@Trapmaster-gz3kw]

A black belt in "Dad-jistu" I see

[@ProudDadVet]

🤣

[@Realbeardedgamerdad]

🥁

[@AH_TT_BZ_21_24]

Nice one 10/10

[@kingofthorns203]

That’s actually pretty good though

[@clifbradley]

True story: My son was 4 months old and started to roll off the couch while I was playing Call of Duty and my Supreme Dad Skills kicked in and I caught him with my feet amd placed him on the floor. Never even cried. I was quite impressed, but my wife was not.

[@prayerforceone]

Slow clap for you, bro!

[@adrielpahati185]

well i'm impress as well... my wife, well she's with your wife on this one...

[@Wirehead18]

Your wife was wrong.

[@mcraft1181]

You're still alive?😂

[@chriscreighton1480]

Congressional medal of dadness for this guy 👏

[@MattDunlapCO]

When I got married I needed someone to tell me to never... ever... leave my favorite shirt alone in a room with my wife. It was disappeared faster than snitch at a Clinton family reunion.

[@jonathanlong6987]

😂😂😂

[@dougearnest7590]

So, you're one of those right wing conspiracy theory nuts who think the shirt didn't dispose of itself? Won't you people ever learn to just trust the science?

[@flonoiisana4647]

I threw away a pair of ugly running shoes (?)/ boots (?) that seemed to have been designed for robot-hoboes from outer space, a decade ago. The most ugly thing ever. My husband was MAD. But I was willing to pay the price. Till this day I am satisfied. Don't leave your ugly stuff near us! Loll

[@OlgaSmirnova1]

Haaaaaaaaa

[@OlgaSmirnova1]

@@flonoiisana4647haaaaa me too! He almost killed me for throwing ugly stuff, after 10 years he stills brings it up

[@erniea5843]

Here’s to all the real men out there striving to be good dad’s. God bless you guys!

[@AlexTrainsChest]

“I’ve just always thought velcro shoes were a…. rip off.” 😂😂

[@maxscameraguy]

Brilliant end to it!

[@ctreid87]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

[@flonoiisana4647]

OK this comment section is definitely not for the mommy in me. I'm having headaches reading those ''jokes''. I'm out boys. Lol

[@gentlehuman2003]

I need to remember that one.

[@petermadany2779]

And butter flies even better.

[@katherineholker7578]

"That you must never, ever, ever, EVER throw away" got me 😂

[@solomani5959]

I have a couple of shirts like these. My wife hates them 😊

[@17TMAGA]

I have a mountain of clothes like that. My favorite stuff to wear. It's not the destination but the journey

[@warrior_of_da-Tetragrammaton]

I have a Led Zep shirt that is asking me to retire it. Me: No way José

[@BenMears-fd7he]

Literally me.😂

[@FreeSpeech4All]

I finally parted with my favorite ball cap 🧢. It's had plenty of holes that my hair stuck through for years, but the plastic brim finally just fell out of the front, it had gotten that bad. Rest in peace, Cappy. You served me well. 😢

[@randombsgo4367]

wheres the instructing the kid on how to hold the flashlight when fixing the car scene?!

[@jimmcclure7720]

That is on the job training

[@abcdefghij337]

Trick question. No proper dad actually tells his kid how to hold the flashlight properly, only that the kid is perpetually doing it wrong.

[@jzmott82]

What baffles me so is how EXACTLY like my dad this video depicts. My dad was the literal embodiment of this cliche.😢 Add model airplanes for a hobby. Make the gut bigger, the same EXACT outfit. Dad joke book. He was subscribed to some joke website he got emailed new jokes from periodically. I miss him.

[@terryhaines8351]

I've got my phone calendar loaded with what day this is... like National Flapjack Day, National Hot Fudge Sundae Day (surprising how many deal with food). Ask your search engine "What day is today?"

[@daveeyes]

I miss my Dad, too.

[@justforever96]

And I bet he was a great father.

[@MrManchego43]

He was a legend

[@jjc4577]

one day you wake up and realize you have become Dad. One day you realize that you need a shed to put all the lawn tools into..then you find yourself admiring that pair of cargo shorts for their utility- color is not important. you discover that, yes..New Balance makes fine footwear...just like that the torch is passed from generation to generation.

[@Browncoat03-K64]

My absolute favorite was the Dad catching the baby doll with one hand while still playing video games! That's gamer Dad skill right there!

[@retirementpirate3665]

Are my blinkers working? Yes, no, yes, no, yes no.

[@Molly1454]

I’m a mom and I loved this. Downright masterful. A close second to your CA to TX series❣️👏👏👏

[@jasontheoldmillennial7197]

Once you wear cargo shorts with sandals you never go back.

[@pingislife2653]

Facts

[@kobusg7460]

Yup. Then, one day, one adds socks and life is perfect.

[@sharonabbott9588]

🤣🤣

[@derekhamel2991]

I'll probably never have kids but i'm ready!

[@fernleafmedia]

Socks with sandals is definitely a New Zealand thing.

[@HamnimationStudios]

Anyone else want to see a Part 2: What the Wives Think? :D

[@esg4364]

That would be awesome! Also, training for kids.

[@Retiredmom2]

Yes!!!

[@nathanwilliams9598]

I love these guys so much...so refreshing to actually see something funny.

[@moonnham7835]

t-shirt, cargo shorts, new balances...they are 90% of the way to owning their first corvette.

[@DapperCatPictures]

Ha ha haaa! "Here I am! Rock you like a hurricane!"

[@dagmarsuarez3033]

Wait. I thought the Bee was a satire site....

[@joedariano5384]

When you are watching a Babylon Bee video and start wondering if they just followed you around for a couple of days.

[@SpacemanSpifff]

Who designed king Arthur’s round table? Sir-cumfrence.

[@sigmacademy]

Sounds like a French porn parody? Lancelot: "Merci."

[@jalilocasio3340]

He was friends with the knight that only ate steak. Sir Loin.

[@scottybreuer]

Did you know that there was one knight who was renowned for his love of spicy food? It's true: Sir Acha.

[@elizabethwacaser7386]

And how did Sir Cumference get fat? From eating too much pi! My dad would tell a "joke of the day" every night at the dinner table. This was one of our favorites!

[@gullibleskeptic82]

When my daughter was young we would stand 10 feet apart and play catch with her. She had so much fun flying through the air and it was good exercise.

[@AverageTruckOwner1322]

Ya know, it makes sense the instructor doesn't have kids. Those that can't do, teach!

[@Tawadeb]

💯

[@surlyogre1476]

"Those that can't teach... teach phys.ed.😄😅

[@danielwessel9884]

Actually he does.

[@isaacblank8964]

Coaches don't play.

[@alisotom]

those who can't teach become administrators and screw it up for everybody else

[@BeardTech]

My wife told me that our neighbour was killed the other day. "Who, Ray?" I said. She said "it's too early to celebrate that kind of thing."

[@FreeSpeech4All]

😂😂

[@missastrum]

Wow, the purest of pure of dads' jokes

[@ChristopherKnN]

Misappropriation!

[@lukefriesenhahn8186]

😂🤔

[@uikmnhj4me]

The implication that she wanted to celebrate it at some point says a lot 😂

[@notthefbi7932]

The 25 year old shirt, don't ever let it go 😁

[@justforever96]

A shirt like that is literally priceless. You can't buy a shirt like that, they are the most comfortable imaginable, and they have many many sentimental attachments to them. I prefer to think of it as a valuable object you have spent a couple decades cultivating into it's present patina. I would actually be angry if the wife threw my shirt away. Like seriously angry. That's a disrespectful and nasty thing to do, you don't throw away someone's treasured possessions that they have indicated that value deeply, just because you don't like it, or worse think it makes _you_ look bad by extension. Like I would strongly reconsider if I actually wanted to be with a woman who would do something like that. I would never throw something of hers away, that's not how mutual respect works. I don't have a wife anyway but I would think of divorce if she did that. I also have a pair of pajama bottoms,I think they were already pretty old when I got them, but they are so old and threadbare that they are extremely soft and light, and cool in the summer, while also letting the chilly air off your legs. I value them very much.

[@ChristopherKnN]

I still have OD green t-shirts from when I was an active duty Marine.... I got out in '93. We'll, 70-80% of them anyway, they're pretty worn.

[@CyberKnight1]

I'm sitting here watching this in my Halo T-shirt and shorts. Sandals came off after I came back from the trip to Home Depot.

[@rcstl8815]

One trip to HD?

[@amandastjohn4735]

Sandals at Home Depot? Brave.

[@jonathanlong6987]

As a veteran of 3 daughters & grandfather of 3 grandsons I thot I knew all there was to know as a 19th degree black belt. And yet… I bow in deep respect to my Sensei.

[@stephaniemorrissey123]

"Thot"?? Dear Lord...

[@packhawk4651]

My first born is due July 8th. Thanks for this!

[@pingislife2653]

Congratulations!

[@deniselucasblanchek6357]

That is wonderful,… congratulations and best wishes ! My daughters birthday is “July of 10th” … (I suppose that’s her variation of “the 4th of July” 😁) here’s to July babies !!! 🙌🏻😎🥳 🙏🏻✝️🙏🏻

[@TrustinChrist-truthseeker]

Same here, though mine is June 26th. Here's to being a new dad, I am excited to see Him! He is very wiggly and also likes to snuggle up to me when I put my face up to my wife's belly! Cheers, and good luck! I am praying for you guys, especially since I know from personal experience being the oldest of 8 that moms and dads need all the help they can get! I am certain that the only reason why me and my siblings are still alive is because of the grace of God, and a whole host of angels looking out for us! Sincerely, Your Brother in Christ, JS

[@ryohikoakiyoshi7835]

3 Laws of Dadness 1 Dont drop the baby 2 If you do drop the baby dont tell mom 3 if 1 and 2 fail Run!

[@OlgaSmirnova1]

😂

[@francellew2073]

😂😅

[@katelynhenry777]

Very bad advice 😅😭

[@yveslaflute9228]

Special relativity too! if you get drunk enough, mom s anger with dilate in time and will shrink before your awareness grows. E=m(ickey) + a square glass.

[@pinkwonderpower7906]

😂😂😂

[@oldmanmarc9181]

The baby toss skill session needs to be taken indoors in order to familiarize the student with ceiling fan proximity.

[@surlyogre1476]

I'm nobody's dad, but I can _so_ relate to all of this. Happy Fathers' Day people!

[@flonoiisana4647]

:) It comes with age for every man I guess. lol

[@Kelgoran]

How is baby nobody?

[@flonoiisana4647]

@@Kelgoran No, you didn't go there. You didn't. lol

[@pingislife2653]

​@@Kelgoran, lol 😂

[@surlyogre1476]

@@Kelgoran all grown up now 😜

[@andreav9811]

I’m not sure which is better, the clip or the comment section 😂😂😂

[@jedidiahmayes7167]

...yes.

[@jaywalker0112]

My daughter was four. I taught her to jump into the pool & I would catch her. I kept backing up, because her favorite word was "Again, again, again!" after a week she was swimming the width of the pool & it finally dawned on her. "I CAN SWIM!" She's been an otter ever since. They're only young once guys, make the most of it. My daughter is 18 now. I'll have a grandbaby soon. That's going to be fun all over again.

[@jimyoung9262]

Love the 80s training montage

[@UnidadFamiliarCristiana]

Dad jokes are the best

[@sharonabbott9588]

Yes, they sure are!

[@justforever96]

I remember back when they were just "jokes" (or puns). Never heard of a "dad joke" until like ten years ago.

[@JesusisliterallyHim]

Found the dad 😂

[@Robsan40]

I'm addicted to the Dock Tok channel.

[@QuietCastle]

You must be on a constant quest to become "Pun King of the World" and never hesitate to use one, even in the most awkward of circumstances.

[@thronosstudios]

That shot when the teacher celebrates the dad patting his belly

[@69BTony]

this is 100% accurate. I always wear cargo shorts and keep a knife that I can flip out like a champ. I do grab my lower back after grunting while standing up before patting my belly. Dead on.

[@justforever96]

Go for the Spyderco. Get the Tenacious, I don't care if it's the cheapest, it's best anyway. And then you can learn to do the spydie-flick and flip it out into your open palm life spiderman. It's one of the must satisfying things I have learned in the last decade. The old thumb and wrist snap is just not cutting it any more, especially with all the spring assisted knives out there now.

[@rickkinnison9573]

Cargo shorts and pants, excellent for an extra magazine … or two.

[@ProudDadVet]

💯

[@f308gtb1977]

Right on.

[@theGimpfantry]

Yep.

[@pingislife2653]

👍

[@supergene256]

Car 'n' Driver? ;)

[@kryse4944]

Need to show this to Zeducation! He always talks about his New Balance shoes being a staple since becoming a dad.

[@Retiredmom2]

Love Tyler Zed

[@justforever96]

I thought they left them out at first. I should have known they didn't.

[@ArbiterDan]

I'm so tired of Zed's jokes and his incessant book plugging. Golf jokes, airforce jokes, gas price jokes, sports jokes. Rinse, repeat.

[@11C1P]

I'm a 7th level black belt in Dad-Kwon-Do, these guys have a long way to go.

[@francellew2073]

"It doesn't matter what she says" 😄🤣😂

[@tarfap.kpamber9732]

Flannel, holes, and tools: guilty as charged

[@TiroDvD]

4:22 dad reflexes are a thing and a prime example of "Gentleness is not weakness."

[@lavernesmithson1792]

This might be the best Bee Video yet!!

[@shantelbryan3660]

Ok I thought this was going to be a joke but as a mom of 6 kids I can tell you this is really a class every dad needs!! Years of experience in this class.

[@Peter_Morris]

I had one of those bouncy seats for my kids while playing video games. I got really great at using one foot to keep them rocking while playing.

[@mandygershon8603]

All these years, I thought I was "Mom." Turns out I was also "Dad" in some ways -- grilling, foosball & beer. Tomboys rock! ;)

[@jerrycaughman6324]

Never apologize for a Dad joke. Words to live by.

[@jbonaful]

I love that the switch controller was empty 😂 nice touch!

[@AH_TT_BZ_21_24]

B-17 back from Berlin is a heck of a lot of holes you talking about.

[@anonuser7157]

Replete with dad jokes 😂

[@Bad_Llama]

The dad training montage was such 80s cheese. I loved it!

[@haythebug5290]

I'm giving birth soon and sent this to my hisband so he could prepare. Hopefully he utilizes all the skills taught

[@wadelavan736]

4:21 can we appreciate he’s not even using the actual controller 😂

[@ThePsh07]

If you look hard, you’ll notice he’s also training without the actual baby. 🤯

[@03flhtcui]

That was hysterical! Love the Bee!

[@en5788]

More of this. My kids love the Bee but some of it they aren't ready for. This is awesome!

[@D34Weez]

I knew as soon as he threw the dad uniforms to the guys, they were going to be exactly how I dress now. 😅 I went on Amazon looking for a lighter but all I found were good matches.

[@stevenfoster5217]

Child falls. Starts crying. Dad: "Get up! You're ok." Child: "I'm hurt." Dad: "Shake it off. You're fine." Child: "But I'm bleeding." Dad: "Don't worry about it. You'll live."

[@holycrap0866]

Don’t forget….. rub some dirt on it and get back out there.

[@FF-Nation]

Dad: "Is the bone sticking out?" Kid: "No" Dad: "Can you still move the hurt appendage" Kid: "Yes" Dad: "Then you're good" 👍

[@runfastforaliving2728]

One of your best

[@jasonb9913]

I feel attacked

[@jonathanlong6987]

Were you watching with your your wife & their Mother? Seriously, it’s the Bee. Who takes them seriously? 😂

[@zuilok]

I feel understood.

[@jed9615]

I'm not even half way through and I am dog laughing!!!!! Thanks, keep it up! and keep walking with our KING!!!

[@BnORailFan]

You forgot to train them on selective hearing.

[@PruneHub]

What's "hearing?"

[@surlyogre1476]

That's in the _Advanced course_ .

[@mangostickyrice9781]

4:52 ?

[@jmh6823a]

That's probably being saved for new husband training 😁

[@roughneck2204]

They caught it at the end.

[@sleeser44]

New dad here, my son is almost 5 months now, and i got lucky with a smiling one ❤

[@thomasgirty6397]

love where he ask's "where'd you get that " about the box and the answer"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT" is true!!! anything my dad didnt feel like talking about, that was his go to.

[@coolguybob]

Ok which one of you wrote the hilarious whiteboard vinn diagram? Don't think I didn't pause the video at the end to catch this hilarious easter egg. Young gets Energetic, Stupid, Intelligible, and Soft. Old gets What? Huh? Senior Discount? Gray Hair? President? ( I love that they all end in question marks 😆) Medium has questionable morals 😆 and the overlaps with Flintstone Vitamins, Mario and something else. I love "What is a Baby? Are they real?" and I definitely agree with "Chores that get you out of the house"

[@yangashi]

Lmao, so accurate, especially the clothes thing. I have a dozen of t-shirts with holes that I will never throw out.

[@marshaclark1398]

God bless you men# thank you for all you do #love your humor

[@TheBigCrabber]

This is one of the BEST videos I've ever seen. EVER.

[@steveej1558]

Don't forget to add the gruntish-moan as you sit down and sigh of relief once you are all the way down. Repeat when getting up.

[@CameronShawMusic]

The acting is TOP NOTCH

[@njo7086]

This is the best Bee video since Californians move to Texas. The instructor brings a "Wayne Brady on Chappelle's Show" energy to the role which is amazing. 🤣

[@TickedOffPriest]

I did not think that I could get up and the mountain, but I... Got over it.

[@jackoff1826]

Now if only fathers can get equality 50/50 in parenting.

[@MatthewSmith-cp3hu]

lol you guys are killing it 😆

[@en5788]

This one is up there with the CA to TX videos!

[@leek5682]

Shane's sketch about the uncle daycare is funnier, but I like the effort displayed here

[@karencuen8140]

This was one of your best yet! Thanks for the good laugh!

[@gagestandingready1472]

The dad joke part almost killed me! 😆 🤣 😂 Awesome

[@Atulipan]

😂😂😂😂😂I loved it!😂😂😂😂 Happy Father's Day!

[@Teraticala]

Gotta wait 10 years to watch this brb

[@freeswimmin]

I laughed way too much at this (and related to most all of it)😅

[@randelrobbins1408]

This is WAY too accurate!!! I'm cracking up over here!

[@cinny.]

The chair that's empty is for the absent father

[@FinnishTomato]

Great detail! I didnt even think of it HAHAHA

[@DeutscherGospel]

​@@FinnishTomatoTheFatherEffect documentary tells about this!

[@gonebamboo4116]

You guys are great Thanks bunches

[@andrehendricks8044]

Be one with the dad jokes

[@mcraft1181]

That baby toss.😂 Our youngest is 6 and he still tossing her in the air like that.😭😂

[@nekofjung]

The cashiers at my local grocery store know never to ask me if I want a milk in a bag. They've been hit too many times with "No, please leave it in the carton."

[@davidsalveson3924]

You would get a totally different answer if you were shopping for milk in Canada

[@RealJeep]

I resemble those remarks

[@federicomuria8377]

Nice to see you Machine!!! You already have a son! good for you! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@rorkgoose6114]

Thank you for this. I've learned so much, I feel prepared now. Fatherhood, here I come. (innuendo intended)

[@justfun985]

It is not just shirts you have to watch so she doesn't throw it out. It could be anything you treasure (Baseball cards, comic/manga books, solid silver cons) and have kept around for forever for no reason. (she would understand)

[@christophercatiller2422]

At first glance, I thought the stack of books was one volume of dad jokes.

[@list1726]

Thanks for posting

[@angelaharris53]

My husband's favorite yard-mowing shirt is a collection of holes held together by seams. It's so bad he might as well just mow shirtless. Why he doesn't will forever be a mystery to me. I finally tried to throw it out once, and he DUG IT OUT OF THE TRASH. I still haven't heard the end of it.

[@rhouser1280]

I own all of those clothes...dad for 20 yrs

[@Elerad]

"Where'd you pull that from?" "Don't worry about it." That big grin on his face as he said it just cracked me up.

[@jonathanfrancesco3305]

I feel so ready to be a dad now. O_O

[@DefiantSix]

Don't worry. That will fade in time for you to become one. [/Dad]

[@johncrocker4209]

Never got this training from anyone but my father. I have 2 healthy, strong-willed and physically tough kids. It never hurts to be a dad.

[@lati_da]

This is funny as hell. God bless the dads ❤

[@mesamom62]

Except for the flannel, that's my husband to a tee, who's been on the job for 40 years!