Only Child Syndrome, Explained: Why They're Not Just Weirdo Loners

[@thetake]

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[@dextermorgan-u2z]

@thetake please when will you stop claiming that Rory was never criticised or able to deal with criticism? she was criticised many times by Chilton's headmaster Charleston,by the guidance counselor, by Taylor, by Lorelai (termites episode, the pilot, after sIeeping with Dean),by Lane, by Dean - and she often thought seriously about the criticisim and sometimes she admitted it was valid and apologized,other times she challenged it intelligently like with Taylor and with the counselor.... she also stood up for people and was kind,while Paris actively tried to put people down

[@Cairo198]

Rory Gilmore even criticizes herself in season 3,ep 30,Say goodnight Gracie,she admits she 'was that girl who lets her bf treat her like dirt' , she often admits people are right when they call her out,especially when it's chilton teachers, Lorelai or Dean, she admits they were right about her

[@annarose932]

Now we really need to see a analysis of the middle child onscreen!!!

[@tockita]

We are not that bad. Although as I get older I am dreading thinking that I will have to deal with my parent's deaths all by myself 😢

[@twilightgardenspresentatio6384]

It is not only the children who live through the loss of friends. Reach out and see who else holds those links

[@nicoleconner3780]

I'm going through that right now. It's the worst!😢

[@mariaskabardonis8353]

It was tough on my Dad who didn’t have sibling but he did lean on his first cousin so that was a help. I hope when the time comes you have someone up lean on. So far I try not to worry about that even though I have my brother losing grandparents was hard enough

[@theblackdaria_]

I’ve already been working with my parents to get their wills and funeral arrangements in order bc you not finna have me out here stressed while grieving. That’s so disrespectful

[@ia490]

real. I lost my last living grandparent a year ago and ever since then I realized I'm gonna have to go through all that alone

[@crazy4beatles]

anyone else an only child to a single parent? Lots of parentification masking behind "my daughter is my best friend" life. As I tell my non-only child friends. Yes all the attention was on me. Which means ALL the attention was on me. Good and bad. All the praise and all the pressure. And my reward is to be the sole person in charge of my mom as she grows older and eventually passes away leaving me alone in the world. That said, some people have some very shitty siblings, so the only child in me is thankful to just do it all myself and not have to deal with all the sibling drama.

[@_Alimm]

Yes, single parents and only children end up trauma bonding through the abandonment they're both experiencing from the absent parent. Just like the Gilmore Girls you unintentionally become sibling-like. As you get older you feel guilty for wanting to be your own person outside them. You don't want to now be the abandon-er.

[@devilinred3319]

​@@_Alimm that happem a lo in mexican/latino community, a lot of single mothers, but when its only one child i saw a lot of codependence

[@ChessieChess]

It’s different for me because my mother was neglectful and needed the attention on her. She never focused on me even in a bad way. I almost would have rather gotten negative attention than no attention

[@lexa_power]

The parentification of only daughters of single fathers… it’s something else.

[@SamanthaStew]

@crazy4beatles Its like I wrote your post myself. We had pretty much the same upbringing and I'm at the point where my mom is in her 70s and I'm basically fulfilling the role of her parent as she needs alot more help these days.

[@thebowandbullet]

As an only child raised by a single parent, let me debunk a few things: no, it doesn't mean you're spoiled; no, it doesn't mean you had an easy childhood; no, it doesn't mean you're self-centered. Almost all my friends had siblings and fought endlessly. My childhood wasn't easy, but at least I had more peace in my home than these loud, rowdy home full of kids yelling and hitting each other. It's not for everyone.

[@mlsb9591]

Being the oldest child is the harder I think! You have to deal with your siblings being loud and younger than you. I will never know that feeling cause I'm the youngest 😂 it was the best, I know myself and I'd be so annoying and entitled without my older sister. But is just a matter of luck, as most of the things in life

[@sheriheffner2098]

I went to school with an only child. Shexwas two years older than I am. She was not spoiled. Shexwas a very intelligent person and was a Pharmacist. Later on her mother who became a widow got sick. This woman was a teacher and was loved by all her students. My friend quit her job and took care of her mother. She passed away in 2022. Then my friend was alone. But she volunteered for the local Food Bank and was a kind and caring woman. Everyone loved her. She sadly passed away in May of this year. They think shechad a heart attack. But I have recently heard of an illness called Broken Heart Syndrome. I think that's what she died from. She mourned her mothers death.

[@bryanalstoncoxing]

Only child raised by a single mom - I had to learn to be very responsible at an early age because you have a bunch of duties to do that can’t be shared with siblings. Plus there’s extra pressure to succeed and “make it” because you’re seen as the only shot your family has vs with siblings

[@thebowandbullet]

@@bryanalstoncoxing 100%

[@thebowandbullet]

@@sheriheffner2098 That's so sad.... I'm not looking forward to experiencing this.

[@sm-vo8hi]

Only children are most similar to oldest children as far as i know, personality wise, independent and mature.

[@Spikastru]

And you’re still compared with someone else’s child, with a friend, cousin, classmate,etc.

[@AndreaDiaz-rc3iy]

THISSSS

[@windycityliz7711]

Exactly. I raised one. And lacking siblings valued friends deeply - and has kept them since high school/college.

[@msmiami212]

Yup, there is all the same responsibility as the Oldest (once everyone’s an adult), with none of the usual support. I think responsibility towards younger siblings growing up, is similar to the pressure to singularly realise the family’s potential.

[@ranikster9955]

Yes! Thank you

[@kj7067]

From my experience, people with siblings actually get away with a lot more, precisely because parents have to split their attention between multiple children. I could never get away with taking a biscuit without asking, for instance, because my parents would notice immediately. I was parented pretty closely, in part because my parents had to be less concerned with just staying afloat. True, there are some benefits to that - but pretending that being an only child means that you get everything you want is just ridiculous.

[@Rita_Arya]

Exactly, my mom has too much of her attention on me and what i do, sometimes it gets burdensome😅

[@msmiami212]

Outnumbered from birth, and will be responsible for two, unless you marry. And even then they’ll have their own folks to worry about. It’s not the same..

[@lexa_power]

Yes! No one else to blame anything on.

[@Kaitalise]

When I look at my cousins who HATE each other and developed extreme versions of oldest, middle and youngest sibling syndrome respectively, I’m quite glad to be an only child.

[@Fenjar4022]

Well, I certainly fall into the categorie "had to parent my own parents". Still unboxing that "putting everyones needs before my own"-stuff at age 30. Having at least one other person to team up with would have been nice.

[@blueskies90210]

Same, but since mine were incapable of taking care of themselves and me, I'm pretty sure they would have pitted my potential siblings against each other, as that is what I read happens in similar situations where there are brothers/sisters. But I guess they would have directed maybe half of their needs to the other child, which would have been tremendous relief. Idk. In the end your doomed either way if your parents are not grown up...

[@Fenjar4022]

@@blueskies90210 I think you have a point there. I remembered a friend of mine and his brother took totally diffrent roles in the family. He was the one who was parentified and his brother was the troublemaker that necessarily learned to have boundries and a life on his own more quickly than my friend. I'm just happy we made it through and at least can now take our lives in our own hands for the better!

[@LKH165]

I'm the (adult) only child, weird and loner. I find it extremely difficult to make friends and interact with people in general. I live by myself, I work from home and at times I can spend days without talking with another person.

[@Grahamisthesword]

Same let’s be friends.

[@tayosphere]

I ship you and Grahamistheword being friends!

[@Lynchsnightmare]

Its difficult making friends as an only child (in ny experience)

[@sebastianbass2219]

Worst part of being an only child is trying to meet EVERY expectation from not-so-great parents.

[@LKH165]

This

[@mountain85]

Not so great parents ?! Now I see what your problem is...

[@cathygrandstaff1957]

Yeah and if your parents are teachers having to compete with all their students for their attention so it’s like you’re one of 20+ kids in terms of how much attention you get but you get none of the benefits of having siblings to interact with.

[@XinyuJiang-h3o]

Exactly. Imagine having a mom that tries to control every second of your waking life, from when do you wake and sleep, watch your phone, what so you talk to friends and spend every penny, even the mannerisms of you walking and sitting, when you are already an adult.

[@sebastianbass2219]

@@XinyuJiang-h3o oh I know. Literally joined the armed forces to get as far away from them and they still pester me. Only time I’ve ever felt a sense of freedom was literally moving to the other side of the planet. Now they’re feeling empty nest syndrome hard and bug me to visit them.

[@MissBlueEyeliner]

One of the kindest, most considerate and least self absorbed people that I have the privilege of calling my friend is an only child.

[@sarahchoi2657]

did you write this comment about me?? lol jkjk

[@cheekybeannn]

​@@sarahchoi2657 I was about to ask the same thing 😆

[@TheRunawayOfToday]

I love as an only child being told how much attention I got. My parents were always at work and I was raised by TV shows My first grade teacher wrote a note home telling my parents I was "too mature" for my age and recommended I should be socialized to more kids outside of school.I wouldn't want it any other way.

[@lexa_power]

Me too except i would die for it to have been another way, had an awful experience being so lonely.

[@madgooseadventure4896]

I am the (adult) only child of a single mom and the problem I have with the only child trope and real world stigma is my mom suffered 4 miscarriages 2 before I was born 2 after. Some only children were never intended to be only children and if my mom spolied me it was because I was and am her "rainbow baby". There is nothing wrong with wanting only one kid for whatever reasons, I personally want none. But it feels like only child syndrome can be just another way to stigmatize mothers for not living up to some bullshit societal standard.

[@abigailaceves9230]

I’m so sorry. Hope your mother’s doing well.

[@twilightgardenspresentatio6384]

You had friends tho, right? Other children near you? I hope she did too.

[@erinmcdonald6076]

My mom lost six between my sister and I (twelve years an only). One was what they call a late-term abortion or stillbirth. It was awful for everyone. But they kept trying to have that “normal” family so I have a brother 17 years younger and a sister 12 years younger than me.

[@mlsb9591]

This is very true and you are so right. There is stigma for not having children, there is stigma is you have only one, there is stigma if only have the same sex kids, if you have disabled kids, if you divorce, if your children die. Society is hard on moms and not normative families

[@abigailaceves9230]

@@mlsb9591 So true. There more concern with what they see and not under what’s going on.

[@_Alimm]

The "spoiled" part is foreign to me because I was an only child of a singe parent who was struggling to make ends meet. I always had to suck it up, focus, get great grades and be reason why my parent's struggle was all worth it. It almost felt like I didn't have the freedom to be flawed and make mistakes like kids with multiple siblings because the pressure was all on me and I absolutely could not disappoint. Rarely did I ever ask myself what I wanted or liked and it's recently as an adult that am I working through all the people pleasing issues that gave me.

[@cintiasantos557]

I felt your words in my soul, I swear

[@hetaliajapan01]

As an only child with parents who had some... let's just call them non-healthy emotional habits, it's wild being both the golden child and the scape goat, because there's literally no one else in the family to push that onto. It's a mindfuck and a half, let's just say

[@pinkroses135]

🎯

[@RReneeS]

As an only child whose only parent is now gone, I've had to deal in stark reality the fact that I no longer have any immediate family to depend on. Extended family is a whole 'nother issue that is dealt with in therapy, lol. I know my status as an only child can make people kind of look at me as someone who knows how to be independent and self sufficient, whatever, etc. While it is certainly a commendable personal trait, I can also say that at 51 years old, "lonely" isn't the dirty word a lot of folks make it out to be. It can be simply reality. I look back at decades of so called friendships and other relationships and there really hasn't been anything vaguely "ride or die" about any of them. Not because I ever chose that way for myself because it's ingrained in me as an only child to be independent. It's just been an ongoing example of how hard things can be when your immediate family circle is naturally smaller than some and others are hard to pin down. I've come to accept that even as friends, etc might see me as someone fascinating to have a meaningless conversation with, no one has ever seen fit to attach their lives to mine and build a relationship that is REAL and goes beyond the superficial. After decades of that, is it any wonder why some of us might admit to feeling very lonely? Add to that coming up smack in the midst of social media and mobile phone communication where ironically people are far less inclined to deal with speaking with others face to face, one on one, in a tangible you-can-touch-it sort of fashion and if you aren't one of those people that managed to forge a good relationship during your younger years when that stuff was a lot easier, you're sure not going to get very far as you get older and you're left on the sidelines of your immediate peer group who are now involved with their own self-built immediate families.

[@andrychan]

You spoke every thought in my mind. I am 35 and my parents are elderly (they had me late). My worst fear is that one day i will be alone in the world as i also don't have any first degree cousins or aunts and uncles, just distant relatives I've not been much in contact with

[@johannageisel5390]

I have a similar problem. I was not only an only child, but also a lonely child and in my youth I suffered very badly from mental health issues. After I dropped out of university, I was "out of sync" with what my peers were doing. That made it even harder to form friendships. My health became a little better over time, but the windows for finding long-time friends had closed. Every new person I meet already has their family or friend group. And I also lost a few people whom I tried to build friendships with. They moved to other cities. I also lost friends I had for a lot of years during the pandemic. They are just not reachable anymore. Now I'm 40, don't have a partner, and are still very lonely.

[@gracehaven5459]

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

[@gracehaven5459]

It sounds like you have a lot of self awareness of yourself and your development. I think you are on a good path for your healing journey ❤

[@dakz9296]

Being an only child who happens to be a woman, it IS hard because both my parents are overprotective. All my life, I have been sheltered. It sucks, but this is the way it is. What if I'm a man? Would my parents be overprotective of me? I don't know.

[@ViguLiviu]

If you're a man, you learn to break the rules and not care, problem is you need to learn which rules not to break in general:)

[@zahinarfa2463]

@@ViguLiviu You are a man?

[@zahinarfa2463]

@@ViguLiviu You are a man?

[@zahinarfa2463]

@@ViguLiviu Are you a man?

[@zahinarfa2463]

@@ViguLiviu Nope. men are incompetent. Never that

[@GreenTeaGal01]

Wow, I wasn't aware of all the stereotypes. The number of people I've met with siblings who have all of these "only child flaws" is STAGGERING

[@facthunt2facthunt245]

Being weird and lonely shouldn't be considered a flaw. When I tried to socialize, I was bullied, so loners should be able to enjoy their own company without being stigmatized for it.

[@theblackdaria_]

I feel seen. I was not spoiled, I’m the only child of a disabled mother, during middle school we basically became a single parent household because of her declining health and relied solely on my dad’s income. I got told by godparents& uncles that I was spoiled but that’s because of their perception from the outside, they never knew what was on the inside. As I continue to grow into adulthood and my friends put more emphasis on family& their significant others, I am faced with more struggle around connection and community. I think only kids get a bad rep, and it’s so unfair.

[@lexa_power]

We value friendships so much more.

[@lornebloom4781]

Thanks, but we actually are weird loners.

[@twilightgardenspresentatio6384]

Middle kid here. Weird loner all the way. It was the only option I got.

[@juliacecilianepomuceno4915]

Same, there wasn't really terms for introverts/extroverts and ambiverts. I keep on self sabotaging relationships since I thought if I wanted to be alone I'm being away from them. Turns out I'm an ambivert and after that realization it came clear to me how as an only child it developed. Why I like vibing with people at the same time play Minecraft in my room

[@GEGray-rx8jb]

Not all of us! Just the best of us.

[@gurengamer9053]

The oldest one, I'm weird loner.

[@bryanalstoncoxing]

Only child here - this is true lol

[@jstall20]

As an only child, it has its challenges. You get all of the criticism and pressure from parents.

[@35.shreyashimukherjee90]

Never realised there were so many only child on screen 😮(i am a only child too)

[@Rita_Arya]

My mother has 3 siblings and father has 2. But they were never close. Always cold wars. Especially my mother never felt supported by her siblings, even during her mom's death, everyone were busy being selfish. And she always told me, don't feel feel bad because you don't have siblings, some of us have them but are of no use

[@mariapdr3261]

I have a sibling and didn’t stop me from being weird.

[@NemesiaVicuna]

Only child here! I've never understood the spoiled brat trope. I wonder if it's because hollywood writers tend to come from privileged backgrounds, so only children in those groups can be more spoiled. But I'm the daughter of a single immigrant mom. And because she had me young (like lorelai gilmore), she had to grow up fast but now that i'm in my early 30's/she's in her 50's, i feel that she's regressing and I have to be there to give her advice etc. Point is: a lot of people suffer from main character syndrome, and not all those folks are only children. Case closed.

[@Cairo198]

@NemesiaVicuna Lane, Jess or even Lorelai were never spoiIed. and i think not even Rory - but her grandparents did mess her up a bit

[@LittleMissV]

I feel like I ended up with both the worst of having a sibling and being an “only child,” since my only other sibling is diagnosed schizophrenic. All my parents’ hopes and dreams end up on me, while most of their focus is on my sister-leaving me alone much of the time. I can’t relate with my sister, and I’ll eventually have to take care of her.

[@_Pritha_]

All my cousins have siblings as in only my parents have one child and all their siblings have multiple children. What i have observed through them and with my friends is that only children are most likely closer to their parents and feel deeper emotions. Not only love but also anger and disappointment. We just don't vent to our siblings and let it go. But then again, most only children are not only dependent on their parents but also liable for them. But if you have parents with issues, boy are you in for a ride

[@annarose932]

Please could you do a analysis of the middle child in film and TV. Would be nice to finally see a video about being the middle kid and the effects it has.

[@richthevillain]

I’m an only child who was raised by my grandparents and they did become my best friends while my parents, who are still together, became my children. The best part of being an only child is that you hear your inner voice clearly, it’s louder than anything else in the whole world

[@kitkatbar689]

Growing up (with three brothers), I thought only children were spoiled jerks who couldn't do anything without their parents' help. It was almost a slur. Now, my partner is an only child, and it's completely shifted how I see it. All of the stereotypes do not apply to him, and I realize that every family has its own challenges and dysfunctions that shape it. Furthermore, every adult has the opportunity to grow beyond the confines of their upbringing.

[@LotsofLisa]

I’m an only child, now a middle aged female with 1 young adult male child. Being an only child is a double edged sword. You get your parent’s attention… ALL of it, ALL the time! But, I have a great imagination and don’t need to be constantly “entertained” by others. My friends with the most drama and worst relationships are the ones who can’t stand to be alone, whereas I’m fine alone. I enjoyed visiting friends that had siblings, but I also enjoyed going home to peace and quiet where everything is mine. I had to make friends, whereas Siblings are usually built in friends. When my father died in the 90’s, I went into the army to get out of the house and out on my own. My mom and I are, but have always been very close, but she’s an enabler and why I left. My husband had to get used to our relationship. The army kept me on my own, in my own life. My mom is retired, well off and currently in Greece. She’s my bestie, but has her own life and has never tried to interfere in my marriage or “help” without asking. Like everything in life, it’s about balance.

[@juliall255]

I love that you out your friends as having a ''lot of drama'' and lowkey tell on yourself. : Friendships are often complicated, and acknowledging that complexity can help combat the notion that one type of upbringing or personality is “better” than another. Encouraging a dialogue that values various experiences and perspectives, rather than making blanket statements, can contribute to a more inclusive atmosphere. It challenges the notion that one's own experience is the “correct” one and instead will highlight how nuanced and diverse the human experience truly is. Forgive me, but there is something very disturbing about your comment and I think it is due to the lack of self-awareness you have in validating the negative stereotypes that surround only-children as you doing exactly that. By labeling your friends as having the most “drama” while emphasizing your own stability as an only child, you may inadvertently reinforce the stereotype that only children are self-absorbed or judgmental. If you sees yourself as superior to your own friends, it can validate that perception while also outing yourself as (potentially) being a very bad friend for the reasons outlined. Dismissing your friends’ struggles with being alone and emphasises your own comfort with solitude, it may come across as lacking empathy. This could further the stereotype that only children prioritize their own experiences over others. Stereotypes about only children often include being spoiled, self-centered, or lacking social skills. Your negative comments about your friends can play into these perceptions, as it is reinforcing the idea that only children see themselves as “better” than others. In conclusion, your comments might benefit from a dose of self-reflection but I recognise that your upbringing as an only child informs your worldview and maybe one day you will discover a more nuanced understanding of friendships and interpersonal dynamics. I hope in future, you will not speak about your own friends like this again. As I would be having a serious discussion with you about it, if I was them and caught you in this act.

[@bnadira212]

As an only child who was raised by a single parent it wasn’t easy. Yes, I got all the attention and yes I guess you can say I was spoiled; at least by my dad. However, a lot of the responsibilities fell on me. Even as an adult if anything happens to my partners I’m the sole person who would have to take care of them. I don’t have siblings to should the responsibilities. Also, as an only child so many expectations are put on you even at an early age and it can be draining.

[@darkwarriormaster9644]

I’m an only child. And admittedly I am a weirdo and a loner, but I’m trying to overcome that last part. Plus, while I was spoiled, I dealt with the pressures of having all expectations focused on me.

[@facthunt2facthunt245]

Why would you want to overcome it? Loners shouldn't be stigmatized in society. It's no different to picking on someone for their skin color.

[@cooperminion825]

7:44 I sorta had that problem growing up. I'm an only child and there was only one other kid w/in a mile of my house and she was a priss. My favorite activities included climbing trees, exploring, and being loud. She was bossy, preferred playing indoor games, and hated getting dirty. I basically ended hanging out with adults more than kids my own age due to my parents having a few dinner parties every year

[@cooperminion825]

@@HannaBanana1884 are you okay, dude?

[@user-nm6dr4uy3d]

I'm a weird loner and I have a sister. There's no way to prove that being an only child makes you antisocial. It's so easy to say "oh she/he is weird because she/he has no siblings". But how do actually you know they wouldn't have been that way even if they hadn't been an only child?

[@elliemuica889]

Same, I am the oldest and I am the weird loner. Its not exclusive to only children, its annoying how people think it is.

[@Jessica-wo6px]

I relate to being the only child and it can be lonely at times but I also like it and it has its benefits💖 So this speaks to me

[@NetrunnerMox77]

People ignore the fact that only children tend to be around adults more than their peers which results in being privy to the adult world and conversations faster than people with siblings. Not to mention you are adultified but more so in the form of independence rather than having to help raise siblings. As the only child of a single parent, I was a latchkey kid. Had to make meals, clean, do laundry at an earlier age and expected to be able to look after myself for a bit. Though my mom had a community of people looking out for me so it was like being the only child in a small village. I think people get the idea of being spoiled because toys, gifts and money aren't divided. And as an only child, I don't find it reasonable to share considering you dont know how others will take care of your items. How many times have people with siblings complained about how things were taken and abused and they had to tolerate the destruction of their property because they had a brother, sister and or more? No one likes sharing because people don't care about things that aren't theirs. Also, rory was treated special because of her family. If her mother never introduced her to them, she probably would have been grounded. Rory was spoiled because of her last name, not because she was an only child.

[@charlotte5129]

I’d say it’s much more damaging to have a seriously fraught relationship with a sibling than it is to be an only child

[@ChessieChess]

How so? Were you an only child? Were you raised by a single parent who was a teenager who suffered from mental health issues, narcissism and workaholism? Were you raised in poverty? What a wild blanket statement to make

[@Hallows4]

I was hoping Dudley Dursley would be included (he fits the trope to a “T”). James Potter also has some elements of it, as he was born when his parents were older, after trying to have a child for years.

[@bluevol1976]

I’m a loner and I’m fine with it. I was a latchkey GenX had a lot of pressure to do well in school and I couldn’t do anything superfluous that would delay my college graduation date. I did get things, but many times, they were mostly practical. My parents expected me to have a productive job and be financially independent as soon as possible but my mom and I are besties. I’ve been teaching since I was 21 years old. If I’m selfish, it’s out of self protection.

[@facthunt2facthunt245]

All jobs are productive. I don't see how teachers are financially independent as teachers are notoriously low paid.

[@HotPink-jz6rn]

As an only child i feel my childhood was kind of difficult because youd really like someone your own age to connect with. Adulthood on the other hand is a cake walk comparitively. By the time youre an adult only children have adapted to being alone and kind of navigate the world far better. A lot of my friends who had close sibling relationships feel bad that their siblings have drifted away for work or because they've fot families of their own. Another major thing with being a single child is that because your parents dont have to divide resources, you end up far more established in later life. Theyve probable been able to fund college so yiu get a good education and therefore have better jobs and overall a more financially secure life. Being an only child is difficult at times but there are definite upsides to it which people with siblings sometimes hate to admit.

[@giovannasantos2335]

Unfortunately, I am a weird lonely only child that wasn't socialized correctly, but it has more to do with my parents' severe trust issues than the fact i am a only child 8:07

[@afrinaut3094]

Can relate to

[@kidenigma1400]

@@afrinaut3094yeah..

[@LeahWalentosky]

This can be a series: only, oldest, middle and the baby. Also the only gendered (only daughter with several brothers; only son with several sisters) have unique experiences.

[@gabiw2364]

Only child here, and I resonated with a lot of things in this video (the good and the bad). Interestingly, a significant number of people in my inner circle (my life partner, my business partner, and also three of my closest friends - which is a LOT since I don't have a huge circle of close friends) are each the oldest/firstborn child in a family of 3-4 kids. Is this a common dynamic? I am not really sad about being an only child per se because I've never known any other way of life. I am, however, a little sad about the fact that I will never experience the specific relationship quality/type of relationship between siblings. I may relate to it in stories or try to understand but I will never TRULY get it because I haven't experienced it. That, and the thing about parents and grandparents passing away or getting seriously ill, and you having to be “the only one“ in that situation.

[@christie140]

If an only child does something unusual or they act up it's always blamed on them being an only child but when a kid with siblings acts up, it's because they're stressed or exceptional. People just make shallow observations all the time.

[@celinelia8127]

argh again with the Paris worked soo hard and Rory was spoiled? not only do we see Rory support and help others many times,she sticks up for even Paris and defends her - while also defending others like Brad, when Paris is straight up buIIying him.

[@blueberries9850]

As a middle child, I have hard time socializing and connecting with my peers. Growing up I liked being the youngest and hanging out with adults. So yeah I feel like order of your birth doesn’t always define you, you might relate to certain aspects but at the end of the day we are all unique and deal with different challenges in life.

[@elliemuica889]

Yeah most of the "loners" I have met were middle children, not only children.

[@michellechen4631]

Growing up an only child and the way my parents parented me was not helping at all

[@PixieLady45]

I was a single child for 12 years and raised largely apart from my little half sisters. It's not miserable or a one track path to self-centeredness. It comes with its own set of challenges and can be wonderful. True on being a bit weird, but I don't mind it.

[@michealcormier2555]

One of the sweetest and most giving persons I've known since high school is an only child.

[@unionunicorn6776]

I’m not an only child, so I can’t speak for the people who are, but from what I noticed by my best friend growing up, she was actually a really big social butterfly and even though she was my best friend, I wasn’t her best friend because she had tons of best friends. Her mom really encouraged her to be social with peers her own age and lots of extra curriculars. Her mom was our Girl Scout leader and encouraged all of us girls to be social which was very different than my own mom who was an extreme loner who only focused on raising me and my younger sisters. So I ended up being much more socially isolated than my friend who was an only child.

[@Cbucks-te2gg]

One thing missing from this analysis is that living in a single family, 2-generation home is not the default and the struggle of being modern American phenomenon. You can be the only child born to your parents without being the only child in your household.

[@erinmcdonald6076]

The best part about being an only child until - surprise, we’re pregnant siblings - when I was a teen was it meant I could move 2,000miles away as an adult while my less independent siblings stay with my parents as they age. There’s no animosity, it’s just I was always a loner solo spirit and I wasn’t anchored by parental obligation as an adult. My siblings are happy to be close to home. Win-win-win.

[@lexa_power]

As an only child i loved making friends with other only children. They were also so lonely so we were always so eager to share with each other and have someone to talk to.

[@jenniferwells2291]

My father never wanted kids, and despite my mother saying I was a great baby she was pretty much done being a mom by the time I was 2. I got none of the attention, but all of the abuse. Not sure who decided that only children get love and money thrown at them, but they are wrong. Unlike my husband and so many others I have known who were forced to share with siblings and can't stand the idea of sharing with anyone now, I am generally always happy to share and tend to offer up some of whatever I have. I've never lost my shit because someone sat too far over the center line in the backseat. Siblings bully and fight with their siblings for years, sometimes into adulthood. But I stood up for others and tended to be the leader and "mom" of my friend groups.

[@jenneast8611]

I'm the only child of divorced parents and I was both the "golden child" and the scapegoat at the same time. I often had to run interference between my mother who never remarried and my father who remarried twice. It wasn't pleasant to say the least.

[@igose]

I can confirm the "Can do things they love without the judgement of a sibling" thing. I'm an only child and my cousin who is around my age has two older sisters, about 12-13 years older than her. They would often tell me the typical toxic beauty standarts things like "Beauty is pain" or "No one will like you if you're fat" and since they are my cousins I heard these once in a while. I said "Screw that!" and was how I like, even though I looked absolutely ridiculous. My cousin on the other hand, got those comments all the time and started caring about them. Now she has learned more about how to be herself while looking gorgeous as usual while I learned about how to actually dress lmao. She's the sister I never had and I'm so lucky to grow up with her I love her so much.

[@camilamorais9605]

It didn't mention the loneliest of them all, Meredith Grey

[@XinyuJiang-h3o]

Because of China’s one-child policy, most people of my generation are only child to their family. We aren’t some giant lump of nasty stereotypes LOLLLL There are certainly a lot of challenges and limitations, to the point that many of us wish we weren’t the only child: parents’ controlling eye on you 24/7, heavy expectations, loneliness and isolation from other people, and all. But first and foremost we are people with complexities. Most only-children I knew aren’t spoiled, but their parents are usually unfairly harsh. My own parents included.

[@twilightgardenspresentatio6384]

I often think if I were an only child that my mother would have had time to teach, protect and train me the way I needed

[@ryle4h]

I lived with my mom in a highrise with a door man, so there were a bunch of kids my age living in the same building as me that I could hang out with whenever. My dad lived in the suburbs, and staying with him over the summer was like being stranded alone on a desert island. So I imagine neighborhood walkability plays a part in how this sort of thing plays out.

[@sarahchoi2657]

something that my high school psych teacher taught me that I've held onto throughout the years is that "being self-centered" is different from "being selfish". The former indicates that you tend to focus a lot of your energy towards yourself, while the latter indicates that you have little regard for the needs and wants of the people around you.

[@oooh19]

I’m an only child but I know tons of people who are like this and not only children

[@elliemuica889]

Same

[@YukiTombo]

Joke's on you, Judgy Judies--I had a sibling, cousins, and neighbour kids who were constantly around, and I was STILL a lonely weirdo.

[@facthunt2facthunt245]

How could you be lonely if your neighbours were constantly around?

[@YukiTombo]

@@facthunt2facthunt245 It's possible to feel lonely with others around if you're the odd one out in some way.

[@lexirowe3151]

I’m an only child raising an only child with my husband who hates his only brother. I was in no way spoiled and don’t spoil my own child. I do notice that both of us do enjoy our alone time and have strongly developed hobbies and interests. It’s not about sibling count but how your parents raise you…I’ve been in education for over 20 years and I’m telling the weird loners and spoiled kids are RARELY onlys

[@rosegirl3220]

Can you also do youngest? We have to deal with resentment from our older siblings because our parents made the older ones grow up too soon by taking care of us, we're underestimated, looked down on for not helping but told to stay out of the way when we do

[@angelicagaldos]

My mom is an only child yet she said her cousins are her brothers and sisters.

[@ajwillustratorauthor]

My mom used to say she liked how independent I was. I would just make a decision or go somewhere by myself and not care. She said she could never do that herself. She had three brothers. I was an only child.

[@Cairo198]

Rory often admits people are right when they call her out,especially when it's chilton teachers, Lorelai or Dean, she admits they were right about her

[@juliannehannes11]

I'm a middle child, in college my roommate was an only child. By the end of the semester she was thankful she didn't have siblings.

[@Doctor.Dentista]

My siblings are 10 and 15 years older than me. I grew up like an only child. And I have one child. We’ll be alright.

[@MichaelTargaryen8809]

the brief inclusion of Lestat de Lioncourt to exemplify an egotistical brat made me cackle

[@mariaskabardonis8353]

Well Rory does have a half sister shame it’s ignored in the later seasons. I do enjoy having a sibling but it’s fun on Thanksgiving having my family to myself now that my brother goes to my sister in laws. I am friends with only children and they are wonderful and not spoiled. I do wish sometimes I grew up in a bigger family like my cousins but I wouldn’t want to be the mom of one lol

[@sm-vo8hi]

Rory wasn't raised with Gigi who was born to another mother when Rory was already finishing high school and Gigi was a baby when Rory was at college. Gigi was being raised as an only child by the father who wasn't there for Rory until she was 16. Gigi wasn't forgotten as she played part of the story of the Lorelei relationship with him. She wasn't in the reboot, which would have been nice, but neither were Louise or Madeline, which would have been great.

[@mariaskabardonis8353]

@@sm-vo8hi Well she did see Chris before she was 16 on holidays. I understand but I felt that Rory didn’t care that much for Gigi. Like in the see said in s4 see didn’t have siblings or during the revivals. She could have said Gigi looks Parisian when I saw her in Paris. I do blame the writers more than Rory

[@GoodPooper8669]

Kinda true. I got a small taste of how it was to be an only child when my parents divorced at an early age and I wouldn’t say I was spoiled, but I definitely got my way a lot more. Also the loneliness incentivized me to get out of house more frequently and hang out with my friends from school. Also gave me more time to try out new hobbies like painting and a dance class kept me busy for a couple of years, but grew bored of that quickly after my friend moved away. The need to be constantly doing something for yourself is very real.

[@thaisgregorio2734]

As an only child, I LOVE silence. I am used to amore silent home. I need my alone time, it's what I'm used to

[@alisbea07]

You technically have to deal with everything that surrounds you internally. Complaining its a big NO NO. Because to the eyes of society you are spoiled and ungrateful if you do. So you suck it up and find a way to channel all that energy out creatively, and then society sees you like some super identity for your creativity, attacking you as a weirdo. Yeah that has beeen my experience as an only child. So far 7/10 kinda recommend, kinda not

[@williamj.dovejr.8613]

There was a book that stated that if you have a sibling five or six years younger than your oldest sibling, they leave before you graduate... technically you are an only child. I'm not sure how that works.

[@foxesofautumn]

That is very not true. One, the younger child benefits from parental experience. Two the other child is still around and you have a relationship with them. Three, ideally, they're still a support when you need it around anything with the parents and, four, there is still someone else in the world who knows what it's like to have your parents. Saying "they're not really your sibling if they're a lot older" is actually pretty offensive and dismissive of this author.

[@indiathomas3088]

Please please please do the middle child trope next

[@dextermorgan-u2z]

TheTake please when will you stop claiming that Rory was never criticised or able to deal with criticism? she was criticised many times by Chilton's headmaster Charleston,by the guidance counselor, by Taylor, by Lorelai (termites episode, the pilot, after s

[@Cairo198]

errr, actually...Rory Gilmore even criticizes herself in season 3,ep 30,Say goodnight Gracie,she admits she 'was that girl who lets her bf treat her like dirt', she often admits

[@Sk8rToon]

I got sniped by that “New York lonely boy” description even though I’m a California girl

[@zahinarfa2463]

This video made me feel seen♥️♥️Felt lots of things

[@KattMurr]

I had an unusual experience growing up because I have older siblings but because of the age gap, I felt more like an only child. By the time I was old enough to remember experiences my parents were divorced. So I also grew up in a single, working parent household. Definitely a strange childhood....

[@cynthiaorozco4471]

We get blamed for everything.

[@ToudaHell]

What these kind of videos don't show is being the only child of abusive parents reap all that abuse onto that 1 person. There's no one to share it with.

[@krn2683]

Always amuses me when people say Rory was spoiled. She really wasn't, at least in the earlier seasons. I was a lot like Rory growing up, except we lived in the rural midwest. Yeah, I had a pretty nice life but if you put it up next to one of my classmates (who had a brother) it looked pretty middle class. I certainly didn't have a $20k show horse or a brand new truck to drive to school. It's all a matter of degrees.

[@marcuspotter7784]

My older siblings grew together. When I was born, they soon moved out and started their own families, so it was like I was the only child I have friends. They helped me develop social intelligence and taught how to connect with people and live in a society Nobody is real friend with my older brother. People can only tolerate him, but that b should be in jail My sister has friends, but she is never ernest with any and complains rather then either address the problem or find other friends Also never seen a guarantee impact of that on anyone beside that those who have many siblings never have personal space or money

[@robinj7385]

Some siblings are close and loving *shows two sisters who didn’t speak to each other for ten years

[@anndeecosita3586]

I’m an only and so are some of my first cousins and yet we all had different experiences. 3 out of 4 of us had parents who divorced. I was one of them. However, my father and his family maintained a relationship with me and my cousins’ didn’t. I think it affected their self esteem as children. Also there was still somewhat of a sibling rivalry because we all spent summers with our grandparents and I was obviously the favorite. Also it’s hard to be self- centered if your parents don’t center you. My cousins had moms who were more interested in their romantic relationships than their kids. My mom wasn’t like this but she focused so much on me that I felt smothered. Especially once I got into my teens, it seemed like she was somewhat jealous of my friends and tried to make me feel guilty about spending time with them instead of her. She wouldn’t let me go hardly anywhere if it wasn’t a school activity. Like occasionally to the skating rink but that was about it and she dropped me off and picked me up. I asked to go to boarding school but she wouldn’t let me. I wanted to go far away for college and she said no. I attended a university half an hour away. At least I was able to live on campus so it gave me a little room to breathe. Also just because you don’t have to be responsible for other kids doesn’t mean you don’t have to take on adult responsibilities early. I was a. Latchkey kid at a younger age than a lot of kids because my mom had to work and couldn’t always find someone to watch me. (My auntie lived across the alley from us but she and my mom didn’t always get along so sometimes she wouldn’t keep me). Now my mother was a good mother to me but when a parent makes you their everything it can feel like a burden. I actually wish my mom would have taken more interest in things outside of me when I was a kid. It’s a balance. I will say my vocabulary was at a higher level than a lot of other kids because I spent so much time around adults. Also because I am used to having at least some time alone to myself, it is difficult for me to live or be in places with constant loud noise and activity. I have to take a break and shut my door. On the flip side by bff is one of three kids and hates a long quietness. She has never lived alone on adulthood. Also with roommates or romantic partners now with husband and kids.

[@LAWoman323213]

All the people I know who have narcissistic traits have siblings. So there’s little true to this trope. Being an only child is great! All my cousins have siblings and there’s always drama.

[@elliemuica889]

Funny, because all the people I know who have narcissistic traits are only children.

[@michellemarie1197]

Yes finally! My time to shine!!!!

[@melusine826]

Lol, i was an only child.... except my mum was only 16 when she had me and shes been sick and anxious all my life which controlled every moment of my childhood.

[@sheriheffner2098]

If I were an only child I would have probably taught how to take care of myself. My parents treated me differently from my younger sister. She was the one they favored. She was the one they bought the most expensive clothes and shoes and toys. She was and I quote " The SMART ONE; THE BEAUTIFUL ONE; THE TALENTED ONE". I was according to my late mother " Not normal; brain damaged; needing psychiatric help; should have been failed because she was so atupid." My late fatger was no better. I took an intelligent test at fourteen and I don't remember my IQ but it was a bit above average and the first thing that came out of his mouth was " Well NOW I KNOW YOU'RE NOT STUPID!" My sister has been married three times and is Bipolar and Paranoid and has the mental problems. Even though I'm the oldest I am a loner. I never dated or married. My entire life consists of going to work and coming home and waiting hand and foot on my Grand Nephew who is ten and can't even fix himself a sandwich. When my parents were alive neither one of them showed any affection to me; especially my mother. She would treat me like I didn't exist if I did anything wrong. She would blame me for stuff I never did. I came homecfrom school one day and she wasn't workingbthat day and asked me if I had stuck my middle finger in the air atb the neighbor boy in the lunchroom at school. I had no idea what that meant and told her the truth. I didn't even know what time this boy ate lunch. And besides my mother had been given Valiums and Amphetamines since the year I was born and she was hooked on them. And later on it was Xanax and Hydrocodone. This stuff damaged her brain and she died from Alzheimers.

[@afrinaut3094]

Being an only child is like having siblings, either setup being a pro or a con, simply depends on the family & circumstances. For me, someone who is right down the middle between introvert & extrovert, & was black-american who was forced into a non-diverse environment(& the other environment being uneducated black-american Bible thumpers), being an only child was devastating. Having siblings that you love, understand you & can grow up with, that you can rely on one another is the best advantage in adulthood. Especially now, where adulting & the cost of living is hyper expensive. You parent(s) becomes elderly, you need roommates, you need family that can relate to you & will help you in a heart beat. In 2024-2025 adults & young adults are literally shacking up together because they can’t afford independence on their own otherwise. It’s horribly demotivating & lonely at the same time.

[@farrahaliceblack7453]

Something that I do think gets missed when talking about only child is that you're you parent(s) one and only stab at parenting. Im an adult only child of a young single mum, and we have a great relationship now and I do feel like she absolutely did the best she could raising me, but even she would admit I did have to be very independent as a child because she just didn't have a clue. I have no older siblings she could make the mistakes with and then have a better grasp of parenting when it came to me. I also think there's sometimes too much emphasis on the number of siblings you have, when I actually think you're shaped considerably more by the parents you have. The pros of having a young parent is me and my mum have always had a lot more in common than some of my friends do with their parents, and she's always been exceptionally good at relating to my problems in life because the societal and economic times we grew up in aren't that far apart (she's gen X and I'm a millennial/gen Z cusp, whereas I have fellow 1998 babies with boomer parents who give them advice like "Have you tried walking into Netflix HQ and asking for a job?") but the obvious con was she was only 21 when she had me, so she just didn't have the maturity, wisdom, or confidence that other kids parents had. I was an only child, but I still looked at my friends who had siblings and two older parents and thought wow... they have family love and protection coming from 2 or more directions and I ONLY have my mum and myself.

[@darman210]

Only child here. I’m comfortable being alone, and being with a group of people. When I was in college, my friends thought it was as “crazy” that I had no problem going to parties & bars alone. Them: “I’m not going out because everyone else canceled.” Me: (grabbing my coat & keys) “Peace!”

[@elliemuica889]

Yeah but this isn't exclusive to you only children. People with siblings are allowed to be loner introverts too, you onlys don't own this trait.

[@liamweddell4223]

OK, cool then now that I know what it’s like for some people to grow up as an only child I want to see the take do the whole large family/extended family trope pretty soon.

[@rituparna6133]

1)I am not self centred but careful because there's none to stand behind us. 2)Spoiled? No, I am again standing alone so I don't want to lose the few people standing by me. 3)Weird is subjective and lonely yes...but too many people for too long is also not as entertaining.

[@lexa_power]

I wouldn’t wish being an only child on my worst enemy. It was awful.

[@adamm5107]

I'm in my mid-30s and an only child. Growing up I longed for a sibling. I even dreamt at one time about my parents adopting a child. I might've turned out a little weird after all 🤔