The "Ugly" Friend Trope: Who Gets To Be Hot or Not | Explained

[@thetake]

Thanks for watching! Up next, check out our video on the other side of this trope, the 'Hot One': kzbin.info/www/bejne/gGnKfmOQr5qtkK8

[@JordanS-ww4eu]

I like you and what your saying ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@leahlulu7032]

😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

[@andieallison6792]

Can we talk about how in a "Ugly Guy Gets the Girl" movie, it's the girl who has to learn to see past appearances and appreciate the guy for his personality or whatever (who often doesn't have very good or redeeming qualities). But in a "Ugly Girl Gets the Guy" movie, SHE is the one who always has to change her appearance to be considered worthy, and the guy never has to do any sort of introspection or character growth?

[@Tetradepodmelontea]

In kdramas, its usually two sided. Like, in She was beautiful, girls gradually glow up and also guy gradually learns how to respect her personality even before she becomes beautiful again.

[@memebread690]

Whats kind of funny is, in "she's all that" the roles are reversed where the guy gets a glow up instead.

[@oooh19]

Women are judged so harshly

[@oooh19]

@ciaodelilah that’s why I don’t like when people say it’s what’s inside that counts! It’s not realistic as we’re all shallow to an extent however people can see beyond looks but plenty of times we may put up with crap from someone who is better looking

[@lyndsaybrown8471]

Don't forget that in the "Ugly Guy Gets the Girl" movies, she usually also has some douche bag boyfriend who is so much worse than the main character and the main character is just such a good guy to try to help the girl see the error of her ways.

[@Bel_catlover]

in "jennifer's body" they really want to convince us that amanda seyfried is ugly

[@trinaq]

True, though they do make a point to note that Jennifer has Needy dress down on purpose, so as not to distract from Jennifer. So they're fully aware that Amanda Seyfried is just as gorgeous as Megan Fox.

[@BrutalSnuggles]

Probably the most unbelievable part of the movie in and of itself

[@naurrrre]

but she wears glasses 😮

[@jimbobbby]

​@@naurrrre I know!!! And a pony tail and paint covered overalls!!!

[@batchimegdamdindorj8557]

I wasn’t convinced one bit still am not Amanda is gorgeous!

[@kal2487]

it's helped me to realize that people will call a women ugly every time they want to shut her down... even if she's a 9 out of 10. And if you are a 10 they will say you are dumb. It's just tactic to find anything about you that's not "perfect" so you are scared to assert yourself and they feel more comfortable.

[@Melissa-sx9vh]

The perfect example is men calling Margot Robbie mid to "humble her"

[@mattmattmatt131313]

@@Melissa-sx9vh Tbh Margot Robbie is kinda mid. Thanks to your constant deception, you women are now competing with the make up covered, photoshoped and filter applied social media versions of you all. If you've seen her no makeup pics, yes she is kinda old, there is wrinkles, bags under her eyes... even Margot Robbie can't compete with her altered edited version she chooses to present to the world in all her media on a daily basis. In this world she is "mid".

[@Tetradepodmelontea]

Men become "midding" Robbie only after Barbie came out. Before that, she was Harley and was considered top 10. Its her feminist influence that made her "ugly" by manoshere😂

[@MariaPaula-uw3ds]

It's not "people", it's "men"

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

@@mattmattmatt131313 “you women” you tell on yourself.

[@qualinseler]

Designating an 'ugly' friend is meant to keep women in their lane: fighting for male approval. And most of the swan moments are instructions on how to win.

[@trinaq]

In "The DUFF", I liked that Jess and Casey didn't consider Bianca to be a loser in relation to them, but a genuine friend. Even when she abruptly stops speaking to them for weeks, with little explanation, they still take down that mortifying video that a mean girl posted online.

[@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254]

The book is better because it even goes into how anyone can be made to feel like the DUFF

[@trinaq]

​@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254Seconded, both versions of the story are decent, but I wish that they'd kept Toby as a genuine nice guy, and not just have him use Bianca to get to her friends. Her dynamic with her dad was nice, and there was no mean girl rival in the book.

[@lxxeax7446]

​@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 but the movie does too? The guy literally says that a DUFF doesn't have to be fat or ugly, he even shows examples of that - what

[@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254]

@lxxeax7446 No. In it, Casey and Bianca have a conversation regarding the label and Casey shares she feels like it with Bianca since Bianca is smaller in height while Casey is taller and feels like boys are intimidated by it. Also we learn Jess was once in a Toxic friend group that treated her like a servant (or a Duff) until Bianca made the move to invite her to their table.

[@OwlHoot1111]

Dang I'm seeing you everywhere. Cool

[@jairusjackson7799]

I am a male, but I was in a friend group with an attractive guy in college. Of the four of us he was the best looking objectively, you could say he was the hot one. I hadn't been friends with someone like that before, it was fascinating to see how differently he was treated than the rest of us. People would try to mingle with our group to talk to him, and act like the rest of weren't even there. Hollywood is full of tropes and lies, but I can say for sure having a hot friend who makes the other friends invincible is definitely a real thing. I've experienced it, and I know girls who have as well

[@Clarewillows]

Exactly! I have always been the ugly one all my life. This is definitely a very much real thing.

[@sujammaz]

the difference being, that all an "ugly" guy misses out on is personal happiness at most. while an "ugly" woman will most likely have a really hard time to get a fulfilling, well paid carreer - or any work at all. or to be treated respectfully by anyone, no matter her skills. i personally am kind of a shapeshifter in this regard, not sure how or why but i can dress and act quite far in both directions. which is not a flex at all, just means i definitely know this really exists. in all it's depressing detail and persistence. and that i know, from experience, that people on whom it doesn't work, exist too. they're really rare though. unfortunately, the "ugly" trait i have the hardest time masking is approachableness. i'm glad the video mentioned it's not only about physical things like weight, glasses and unflattering haircuts, but also about personality and behaviour. i'm naturally curious about people and so i get talked to a lot, and harassed and/or discarded a lot too. just not being cold and distant before someone has actually hurt me (intentionally or not), and honestly sharing my opinions and insights, makes so many guys think i'm either desperate or dumb. it's repulsive to them. i can see the disgust well up in them by the minute, while they realise that they are actually talking to a person and not to a circus act. it's taboo, sacrilege. a transgression against their need for superiority.

[@zainmudassir2964]

I'm an ugly overweight guy so yeah, we just have to deal with it

[@sujammaz]

@@zainmudassir2964 like the video said, focus on being a good person, at least to the people you interact with most frequently. that's way more important for personal happiness than any trophy wife/gf could ever be 🤗

[@Mariangelious]

Dammit. I feeling THAT.​@@zainmudassir2964

[@vh1077]

The comments on Monica are so disturbing to watch, really broke my heart. And thinking that this somewhat was a normal thing is just sad

[@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254]

I find this odd given that Matthew Perry found it impressive that Courtney was able to convincingly portray a beautiful woman in love with Chandler and South Park had "Courtney Cox, I love you. You're so hot on that show"

[@123seza]

The Friends show was really problematic and cringe and sad in many ways

[@adriennethiery5432]

The 90’s were absolutely brutal to woman. Remember when any celeb had any visible cellulite in a pap photo the tabloids would magnify it and mock them for being “fat”?

[@colettelee1162]

In Jennifer's Body, the point was that Jennifer manipulated her into believing that she 'wasn't allowed to be pretty, only Jennifer could be,' so that's part of her realizations

[@carloszapata847]

I think it is also hinted that what Jennifer really want was that nobody ELSE found Needy attractive (besides Jennifer herself). I think Megan Fox did say she played Jennifer as secretly in love with Needy.

[@alyzu4755]

There was a recent article that claimed Nicola Coughlan isn't attractive enough to be a romantic lead. Luckily, the author got roasted online for it.

[@maffieduran]

It basically happened cause she is an outspoken Palestine advocate while the author is a virulent z1onist

[@azabujuban-hito-dake]

I think it's true though

[@azabujuban-hito-dake]

​@Slayy05a Uhmmmm...

[@besukiBAM]

Oh I remember this article, it was very mean of whoever wrote that rubbish, I think Nicola Coughlan would be a great romantic comedy actress it would suit her a lot.

[@sanskritibarman4928]

Lmao really? She's so dayumm cute!!

[@mynameispeaches]

Still, if someone told me I was beautiful “in my own way” I would be insulted. Just keep that in the drafts.

[@Forceprincess]

Accurate! That is a really harsh modifier.😢

[@zainmudassir2964]

We are all beautiful on the inside, I believe

[@terebertuccivoicemusic9821]

That's because that's a microaggression

[@mynameispeaches]

@@Forceprincess I used to work with this really beautiful girl. She was going to audition for ANTM but she was too short. Once she decided to get her hair cut in this bob that wasn't her best look. She could never be ugly, but she hated this hair. People kept telling her it didn't look "that bad" all day, trying to make her feel better. But it actually made it worse. Bottom line, alot of the supposedly consoling tropes are just better left unsaid.

[@Niobesnuppa]

"You're so beautiful on the inside!"

[@myownheroisonlyme5721]

It bugged me how much Regina put Gretchen down. Gretchen's attitude was the only ugly thing about her and a much uglier thing than that was how her "bestie" Regina treated her. Gretchen seeking validation from Regina would be so odd if she weren't afraid of her. A pretty outside doesn't make for a less shitty inside. I'm pretty sure Regina still saw Gretchen as a threat even when talking about Spring Fling Queen and that's why she took the opportunities she did to kick Gretchen while she was down. At least Karen was there to be a real friend to Gretchen unlike Regina.

[@theoldrae]

Karen was the least mean of those girls 😂

[@wvu05]

​@@theoldrae Her man streak seemed mostly to be going along to getting along, and with a different friend group, she wouldn't be mean at all.

[@Niobesnuppa]

To be fair, though, I don't think the viewer is ever meant to view Gretchen as ugly, it's just a divide and conquer tactic by Regina to keep Gretchen from becoming confident enough to become a threat to her regime.

[@christinec2625]

Gretchen didn't have an attitude. She was blunt sometimes when telling truth she was supposed to keep but that's not mean

[@lauren_sunshine]

I’m SO excited to hear y’all talk about My Mad Fat Diary! That show was underrated as hell

[@talesyuki]

It's so so soooooo good! A masterpiece of a show!!! And our girl Sharon was Barbie!!!!!! I love it!!

[@vernicegirl8987]

@@talesyukiI had no idea that was her in Barbie 😭

[@talesyuki]

@@vernicegirl8987 i was screaminggg when I saw her!!! xD

[@As-jj2rc]

It's a great show! And it has a best scene in television history (the one with her in therapy when she had to talk to her kid self)

[@Moon_Moon91]

Right??! I love this show so so much❤

[@PokhrajRoy.]

1:38 I’m reminded of that scene in ‘Not Another Teen Movie’ where they parody ‘She’s All That’ and ponytails come under fire

[@alienboy1322]

Not a Ponytail!!

[@dr.braxygilkeycruises1460]

AND that it was commented on by Captain America himself!!! *"Oh my God, she has **_GLASSES_** and a **_Ponytail!!!"_* 🤣😂😅🤣

[@Catpuff818]

What's also crazy to me is that the idea of women in cinema, even in the black an white Era weren't living up to the Hollywood standard either and things like wrinkles were "photoshopped" even back then using old school techniques.

[@SevenEllen]

The number of transformation scenes in movies we had to sit through as kids, our ages hadn't even hit double digits yet and we were already having the beauty industry forced down our throats.

[@amyadams9970]

This makes me think of Barb from Stranger Things. Poor girl was just being a friend but since she wasn't hot, she ended up dead!!

[@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254]

The funny thing is she is a Kibbe Soft Dramatic, like Christina Hendricks or Barbara Struesand or Sophia Loren

[@bees.857]

And they kept Nancy, while the actress is in a full blown eating disorder weighing 75lbs. They can cover her in jackets and huge sweaters but you can still see it.

[@KhadijahsMamma]

But the way how those two bully’s treated her was so realistic tho.

[@Maialeen]

@bees.857 She's in such a bad state. It really doesn't matter what they dress her in. She has the sunken in face of someone who is starving. Naturally thin people do not have that face.

[@xcobmi]

​@@bees.857I thought I was crazy because I never see people talking about her eating disorder

[@trinaq]

I like that no mention is ever made of Penelope's weight on "Bridgerton", nor that she has to shed any pounds to be perceived as "desirable." Colin clearly likes her just the way she is.

[@dr.braxygilkeycruises1460]

Penelope's weight was mentioned _constantly_ by her mother and her sisters in season one. I'm glad they don't do it anymore, but they _DID_ do it consistently.

[@ShaySela99]

Nicola Coughlan and Luke Newton (Penelope and Colin) definitely lost weight before the third season aired. I don't know if they were told to do so, or if it was related, but it's hard to ignore - especially with Colin. I'm still happy about it, because Penelope is still curvy, and gets to be with hunky Colin

[@ShaySela99]

​@@dr.braxygilkeycruises1460 that's so weird to me. I think that during that time, being curvy was still considered very beautiful

[@lu5681]

@@ShaySela99 you were seen as rich, but well if you were *too* fat, it was not a good thing, but looking at her body in the video, I think yes she would have been seen as being rich

[@theoldrae]

In the books Penelope had lost her baby fat but it was because it was 13 years later

[@thunderstorm0826]

Growing up consuming way too much media really messed me up, as a teenager who was truly way below the ‘average attractiveness’. I developed severe BDD that led my 16 years old self to rot in her bedroom, lose great friends and give up on her dreams. While it was true that peers actually bullied me and were mean to me for the way I looked, my own attitude towards beauty and how much it means was crooked and the bullying got to me easily. I grew into my features and I love the way I look now. But all those years wasted wallowing in self-hatred will never come back.

[@gini4681]

Relatable.

[@Niniane17]

Be kinder your younger self. Grown adults are not immune to propaganda, how can teens not be affected? It wasn't your fault, it was your bullies' and, genereally, the media's fault for pushing this narrative which influenced your bullies in the first place.

[@francostevo9939]

I remember back in school once we had a play where the script says the pretty one dies. There was this girl named Tisha I found was cute but she didn’t think so. I want to let her know I liked her and I wanted to give her a confidence boost. I knew who the pretty girl was who does in the play but I pretended to be oblivious to it. I pretended and said, “Wait a minute. I thought it was Tisha who was supposed to die in the final scene.” Everyone asked me what I meant. I said “Well it says the pretty girl dies. I always thought Tisha was the pretty one here.” And just as I planned, she was happy.

[@idonteatspiders2986]

Did y'all get married

[@francostevo9939]

@@idonteatspiders2986 bro this was back in school. I just used a subtle way to compliment her. Also, I was a kid. Why would I get married yrs later after something like that?

[@idonteatspiders2986]

@@francostevo9939 oh it was just a light hearted "and everyone clapped/then they ended up together" sort of reply because the situation was heartwarming. Nothing too serious

[@gabbiwisteria]

Did you not think of how the other girl who was actually in that role felt when you said that?

[@francostevo9939]

@@gabbiwisteria she wasn’t even there. You seriously think I would say any of this at this event if she was?

[@britneyisallyouneedtoknow2406]

Ahh, this hits so hard because when I read The Duff, I already knew I was considered this in my peer group though didn't have a name for it. And then when you see stuff like that reinforced in tv & movies, it just feeds on your self esteem, self image, self confidence, and self worth.

[@malvavisco10]

I wonder if Brittany Murphy’s self-esteem was negatively affected by her being cast as the ugly friend in Clueless. I noticed a few years later, in Uptown Girl, her appearance and voice had changed so much that she really resembled Cher/Alicia in Clueless, like she had done a lot to embody the conventionally attractive female lead. I know she had a lot of issues that sadly led to her declining health and eventual death from eating disorder.

[@lauaracarrillo]

She didn't die because of her eating desorder

[@MrEvldreamr]

She died bc of drugs

[@lauaracarrillo]

@@MrEvldreamr unfortunaly yes, it is the most probably cause, her dead is still kinda mistery.

[@t221000]

As someone attracted to a wide variety of looks in women it’s bonkers how Hollywood has insane beauty standards they push on us

[@MrEvldreamr]

They arent insane. If yoy wanna be a celebrity you have to look like one

[@Zazsuran]

I’m the DUFF of my friend group. My weight has vastly fluctuated throughout my life and the way I’m treated when I’m thin versus heavy is INSANE.

[@terebertuccivoicemusic9821]

I hear you ❤

[@KittySnicker]

Yes!! I was always flabbergasted by the suggestion that Gretchen isn’t pretty! And I’m glad to see more focus on facial features and not just weight because I kept wondering why the body positivity movement never discussed facial features even though we can’t change them without plastic surgery!

[@ellajackson4272]

Hell yes! Hell yes! I was always deemed a "butterface" as a teen. They didn't use that word but teenage boys in my school made it clear they thought my body was amazing ( have a natural hourglass figure with big boobs and a tiny waist) but my face was "ugly". It's taken me years to convince myself I'm at least average ( I'd say average/ kinda cute girl next door) and then I'll be stunning and gorgeous from head to toe to some people, because beauty is subjective after all. But yes sorry for the long comment, I just had to add to what you said as it would always annoy me when people talk about just weight.

[@user-ep3fo5vw1v]

I'm so happy to see you covering "My Mad Fat Diary"! It's one of my all-time favorites and it's such an underrated and beautifully written show, I'd love to see you do more deep dives and takes on it!

[@theinformedvegan6758]

I truly believe we will only be free when we realize the issue is not with beauty standards being unrealistic, but the fact that they exist at all.

[@MariaPaula-uw3ds]

This!!!!! Why is it so difficult for people to understand?

[@MrEvldreamr]

@@MariaPaula-uw3ds bc thats not how the world works. Striving for mediocrity is literally the worst idea imaginable. Imagine if the olympics did that.

[@mbanerjee5889]

This trope works both ways. The attractive people hang out with those they consider to be less attractive to make themself look better in comparison. And the "ugly" people hang out with "hot" people because it elevates their social status. This isn't just a girl thing; it applies to anyone in positions of power and those who want a piece of it.

[@Missmagazinebura]

Yeah and when the ugly friend gets revenge on the hot one the ugly one is the villain

[@zainmudassir2964]

At least the attractive person can brush off questions about being with the DUFF as 'just being nice'. It's still humiliating to put up with attractive person for social clout and often doesn't last long.

[@MrEvldreamr]

@@Missmagazinebura bc ugly vengeful ppl are… you guessed it, ugly and vengeful. Do you ppl live in the real world? Or just theu film

[@stephaniejimenez7876]

I love My Mad Fat Diary!!! It holds such a special place in my heart...I am so so happy to see it here on the channel....I wish you would do more breakdowns of the characters, they are all very interesting! Cheers from Honduras !

[@DeeGlassGhosts]

I wish more people watch "my mad fat diary" it such a dear show to me and an emotional watch ❤

[@DarylBaines]

“Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?”

[@PrettyPrincess9609]

I was the “ ugly friend “ in highschool and I had a “ hot friend “. I had really bad acne, damaged chemically relaxed shoulder length, I was super skinny since I couldn’t gain weight, I was dark skin ( faced racism and colorism, I was socially awkward, an introvert, and I was a bookworm/ nerd. Boys use to either ignore me and would talk to my “ hot friend “ or they would mistreat me. I remember boys telling me I was ugly to my face, talking crap about my dark skin, telling me they would never date black girls, slamming doors in my face, picking on me, pushing me, and trying to start fights with me. It wasn’t until college that guys started approaching me and that’s when I got my first boyfriend. I did have a glow up. I found skin care products that worked for me and my skin cleared, I gained healthy weight and started working out, I cut off my damaged relaxed hair and grew my natural hair long, and I dressed better. I noticed how much better I’m treated now that I’m considered “ prettier “. I felt like it wasn’t ok for me to be treated bad when I was considered “ ugly “. I shouldn’t be treated based on how I look.

[@truthseeker9249]

Me too. I'm not dark skinned, My father is dark skinned and my mother is light skinned and I am exactly in the middle with medium chocolate brown skin. But still not desired often by black men because it's the light skinned girls like my mom that they want. Even if you aren't that dark they will always choose a lighter skinned black girl over you. Anyway, I also had (and still have) acne, I have dark circles around my eyes, my nose isn't exactly flattering, even though my lips are soft and relatively a nice size my lower lip is bigger than my upper lip which most people don't find attractive, my smile is very uneven, I have quite noticeable excess fat despite being a slender size, I gave stretch marks and I'm covered in scars, my natural curly/fuzzy hair isn't attractive to almost everyone I meet so even though I refused anymore relaxers because of how badly they burned, I styled my hair and wore it straight (shoulder length just like you). I was the ugly KID in school, not just anybody's ugly friend. I was mercilessly bullied in and out of school for being so ugly. I was/am a musician, an extremely talented singer and pianist and somewhat of an actor/dancer. When I was up on that stage doing my thing, that was the only time I had anybody's respect and even then people still didn't enjoy seeing me perform as much as somebody else because despite my talent, I wasn't eye candy. I wasn't pleasant to look at, only to listen to. I believed I was ugly and still do now, even after how much I've changed. I wear my natural curls with pride and I use lots of wonderful products that moisturize my hair and smooth my curls nicely, I have a thick healthy head of hair, lots of it, my acne has significantly improved because I wash my face with the right things and use face/eye masks regularly to brighten my skin and eyes and make myself look less tired and less...old, I have a great sense of style because now that my mom isn't telling me what to wear anymore and is even encouraging me now to wear more revealing things since I'm no longer underage I've explored different styles to suit my personality and make my body look as good as possible despite the excess fat, I'm exercising now to shave off at least 10 pounds and hopefully be more toned and I'm trying to eat better. I have about 10% more confidence than before but only because in reaching adulthood I've actually gotten to a point where I CARE a little less. That main reason being that I don't have to care what the whole world thinks of how I look because the one person who's opinion matters most to me thinks I'm the most beautiful thing in the world, inside and out. Everything I said about my nose, my curly hair and my skin tone, things all black people have deemed ugly and made me feel bad for, he genuinely finds those things attractive and wouldn't change a thing about me. He even thought I was beautiful back when we were in school together and everyone else thought I was ugly. And the kicker? He's white. A white guy likes all of my supposedly "ugly" qualities and makes me feel more beautiful and more comfortable in my black skin than anyone else ever has my whole life. We just got engaged recently and I can't wait to marry him. I hated the way I was treated for how looked and also for being different. I was also the socially awkward introvert but just a little bit more outgoing due to being a performer. I'm neurodivergent so I was also stupid and crazy to everyone around me. Me being ugly was just the cherry on top. I know how you feel.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

9:59 Louder for the people at the back who say the most vile s**t about bodies. It feels so violent.

[@JadedJassy21]

This is Us also shows Kate staying the same but still getting married (twice). She didn't have to change and her weight wasn't the focus of her character arch.

[@RoninRen]

Ugh, I hate how being treated with "dignity" is somehow it's own privilege(that those without the pretty privilege can at least get treated like co-workers/intellectual equals), and truthfully how you look is irrelevant to predators (&that's from my personal experience, basically by logic me being overweight, my acne, split ends &that I only wear basic baggy t-shirts and jeans basically means I'm unattractive) as when I testified against a mugger, it was how I found out(I didn't want to take any chances with a threat he made when I kept holding on to my bag during the struggle) he was facing charges for assaulting other women,

[@danderson8431]

My Bestie is an Instagram Influencer who dates actors. When we go to parties I am the DUFF. If you go by the movie, I am the exact definition. It’s fine. Just as long as I get to go to the parties too.

[@vladimirazubcekova7727]

i need a bestie like that lol

[@Patterner]

90% of the time i think the "ugly one" is the most attractive for me. it used to confuse me a lot.

[@andysmith5806]

I always found the idea that Gretchen wasn't pretty to be stupid. Even as a kid, I thought she was the prettiest out of all of them.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

An interesting male version of the ‘Ugly Friend’ trope was Denis in ‘I Love You, Beth Cooper’.

[@Noelle-h6f]

lets not forget the Hollywood Ugly trope where they do the bare minimum to make female characters look unattractive but frumpy, strange looking guys are plentiful on screen

[@marcia268]

I remember being 16 and at a night club with my friends and we were walking by a group of boys and they were in a line and my two girl friends walked by them first and they were looking at them thinking they were hot and then I walked past them and they were like "mmm no". I felt terrible, that was the first time I felt non pretty. I grew up thinking I was pretty but day I said mm maybe I'm not pretty and it all went downhill from there.

[@Mar.Sanford]

The real problem is that women are taught to care what some bunch of stupid strangers think about their looks. One remark and a womans worth decreases. That shows how deep the patriarchal way of thinking goes.

[@tfaddict8254]

10:32 "Ugliness isn't real. It is just a concept created to help control how we think about ourselves and our lives." ... BRILLIANT!

[@kayleighdriessen]

Throughout most of my life I've always felt like the ugly uncool nerdy friend to my female-friends who weren't even real friends but superficial and constantly changing social groups at school to make them feel like the center of attention, by spending most of my time alone and focusing on hobbies and self-growth did I learn to find my own unique qualities and flaws that make me beautiful for just the way I am and attract true friends who'd see and accept that too.

[@alienboy1322]

Not another teen lampoon this trope brilliantly. All you need to do is get a beautiful looking woman, mess up her, make her wear super nerdy glasses, no makeup, and Baba Boom. Even then, she's still good looking.

[@adriennethiery5432]

“She has glasses? And a ponytail? Eww what’s up with that”

[@carloszapata847]

This is called the "Clark Kent effect".

[@bonafide4874]

I love how the 'The Ugly Friend Trope: Who Gets to be Hot or Not' doesn't even specify 'female'. Like, you didn't even have to specify that this is almost always a female character, because if a guy is 'ugly' in a group (even if they are actually not so good looking) it doesn't matter/ they won't be called the ugly friend. They'll still just be A Guy and won't be called the duff, or compared in looks to their best friends/ others in the friend group.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

7:27 Such a wholesome friendship!

[@deeniemediainc9959]

Neither Bonnie nor Cher were anywhere ever near ugly in any way

[@jeremyud]

Cher isn't the ugly ducking in Clueless- that's Tai.

[@bees.857]

I went to see US with a group of friends. When Elisabeth Moss' character went feral, my girl said 'You look like her'. FUUUUCK that's the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.

[@vanesalodico7798]

But Elizabeth Moss is attractive.

[@bees.857]

@@vanesalodico7798 no she's not. I have watched 400 hours of her face in handmaid's tale. I appreciate that tho lol

[@vanesalodico7798]

​@@bees.857 Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think she is a pretty woman. She may not be as beautifull as other Hollywood celebrities or hot but she is still conventionally attractive.

[@bees.857]

@@vanesalodico7798 She's a lifelong Scientologist. I don't find any of them attractive.

[@vanesalodico7798]

@@bees.857 Okay, That's fair. I didn't know that.

[@detective___mcnulty]

You should do "The Fat Friend" troupe. That is a troupe I can definitely identify with.

[@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254]

Can you do Aunts and Uncles in the media? My favorite aunts: Lilly Munster, Peggy Hill, Aunt Viv, Aunt Jackie, Nalini Vishwakumar, Didi and Charlotte Pickles

[@Leto85]

For years I was very afraid at schools because I looked like the male version of the ugly friend/side character trope, particularily George Mc. Fly, a side character from Back to the Future. And I wore big glasses like he did. It took me literal decades until I finally saw the strengh in his character: He was the one afraid of talking to women, and he also was the one reading a poem to the woman of his affection, which he did so in a crowd. He faced his fears. And that's power.

[@JR_Donofrio]

They made an entire movie called The Designated Ugly Fat Friend and i think it would be cool if you guys did a video about it

[@little_kid_lover_]

Thanks for this video

[@angelagokool9514]

We should try to love ourselves, just as we are, flaws and all. And others should try to accept us, just as we are. I can see why there are more movies and shows nowadays that are focusing more on this concept. I'd like to see more stories where girls who wear glasses are made to look cool, and not just "dorky." Why did they always have to have so many movies or shows where girls who wear glasses were considered "undesirable"? I wear glasses, and I'm not a dork. In the movie, Hidden Figures, one of the women wore glasses, but that focused more on intelligence, and less on looks. Plus, it was based on a true story. I know animated movies weren't covered, but Mei Ling in Turning Red wore glasses, and she owned it! More girls with glasses, please!

[@dreagonzalez6217]

Rachel was "the hot one" and yet, Monica got Richard (underrated hottie) and Chandler. (I love both but... Monica got it way better lmao)

[@DennisAlexis]

While this happens everywhere, being a Swede, I've seen it so much more in American movies and series (which I've grown up watching). Good that it's become less of a thing at least.

[@gabrielafonseca4034]

I love the girls of Booksmart complimenting each other so much!

[@SpacyMidnight]

Monica was always the most beautiful one. But the three women was always one woman split into three for me..

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Richard Curtis Comedies have interesting ‘Ugly’ Friends: Bernard in ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’, Honey in ‘Notting Hill’, and Bridget Jones in the Bridget Jones Franchise.

[@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254]

And Bridget was gorgeous, she just needed to change her audience.

[@Donut_Sprinkle]

Maya Matlin from Degrassi had glasses and braces and was one of the most popular and gorgeous characters in the series.

[@dreamseemstudio7545]

I LOVE this video SO MUCH!

[@bea4156]

I love this channel and this is one of my favorite videos yet 🥰

[@talesyuki]

Uuuuugh My Mad Fat Diary is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!!

[@VonHautkopf]

I think another really good point My mad fat diary made was when we get to see Chloe's pov of things and we find out that, despite being "hot" and popular, she actually has really low self steem and envies how clever and funny Rae is. This world just really wants to make women feel like shit no matter what.

[@DMMA0726]

While obviously she came along a lot later in my life this is why I love the artist Shygirl. She reminds me a lot of some aspects of myself when I was younger, and the shield of confidence I wrapped myself in. I wasn't the DUFF, I was just one among friends (I had different friend groups, from one that was all guys to another that was popular girls) but I think I found so long as I acted confident, my weight (fat for early '00s, curvy by any standard of any other decade, Mad Men helped me a lot) and being the only black girl didn't matter. "Hot" friend? No. But definitely have been out with friends as an adult and had them comment on they felt I was the only one getting hit on.

[@ticoliro-j7l]

"... that she's beautiful, that she's perfect". The real standard that we should go for.

[@francostevo9939]

For yrs it pisses me off with that quote that Amanda Waller said back in that justice league episode: “Why is it that superheroes are always… so good looking?” I don’t understand why main characters need to have some level of attractiveness. A person could get caught up in a radioactive explosion, be bitten by a radioactive spider, end up in a lab accident weather ugly or attractive. How they use that power is what is important? Why are ugly characters always getting a short end of a stick?

[@darlalathan6143]

Looksism.

[@vernicegirl8987]

We got Deadpool now though

[@Melissa-sx9vh]

It's the halo/horn effect. Having a beautiful actor play a character is going to imply to the watchers that they are also kind, smart, and funny, it's a cheap shortcut. A similar character played by an ugly actor is going to be perceived as being meaner, dumber, and more boring. It's a fascinating but sadening effect perfectly illustrated by the Disney movies (Snow White vs the Evil Queen, Raspunzel vs Mother Gothel, Ariel vs Ursula...).

[@francostevo9939]

@@Melissa-sx9vh well it is stupid. Are people really so lazy that they are willing to make such things of side characters like that? A side character must be either unattractive, fat, or shaggy? It annoys me like the show Code lyoko. The main characters are the fighters while there is this one side character who is a nobody, a nerd, and has pimples all over his face. What bothers me is that only the nerdy characters seems to have pimples while the main characters do not. Funny because these characters are teenagers and last time I checked teenagers would be having pimples because of puberty. Why is it only the side character who happens to have them while the main characters don’t? If I was an animator, I would have at least 2 characters gets zits and keep those zits in there for at least 2 episodes or 3 and them disappear after that but the zits eventually come again but animated in different parts of the face. Main characters get acne too; then being the main characters shouldn’t have them void of such things.

[@starsinger5935]

It’s driven by racism. To reinforce the idea that anyone not a white abled-bodied man or woman is evil somehow.

[@kikithepupper6774]

This is so true. I looked like the "ugly friend" back in elementary and high school with glasses and raggedy handme down clothes and I got made fun of so much

[@grandmanitou6563]

I get it can get ridiculous like for "jennifer's body" but no being fat is not unattractive because of social norms it's just plain unattractive AND unhealthy, also everyone, man or woman should strive to improve in every domain, including health and beauty.

[@isabelsdieppa]

You should do one on the smart friend! ❤

[@starsinger5935]

Can we talk about this legit influences real life? I actively avoid being the fat funny supportive friend cuz they wind up dead, terminally single or source of ridicule in every movie. Which is not to say I don’t have friends I do, but I am extremely strategic about how I spend time with other people. And unfortunately it works. 😂

[@veronicapiccinini7956]

Beauty is entirely subjective and has no practical purpose. I mean, has beauty ever helped us to stop wars? Or to find a cure for cancer? Or to find success that doesn’t require prostitution or peddling?

[@suzannesanderson]

I love mmfd, i saw it when i was 16 am 30 now and omg i freaking love Rae and the whole show. It's such a powerful story.

[@rachelhamilton8669]

9:03 lol I gained 30 lbs this past year, and imagining the 10 year old version of myself wouldn’t do anything to help… because I was actually a weight I liked all the way through the age of 21 😅

[@SeychelleSunshine]

This trope immediately made me think of The DUFF. I'm supposed to believe Mae Whitman is anywhere near ugly? 🤨 As if 😂

[@Tontoquienloleation]

Vanessa was considered attractive in Gossip Girl. Blair told Serena she should feel jealous because Vanessa is very attractive.

[@Noelle-h6f]

i'm gonna defend The DUFF here a bit, in that it's explained that a DUFF isn't necessarily ugly or fat in and of themselves, it was more in relation to her friends who are more conventionally attractive so the movie isn't saying that Mae Whitman is unattractive, it's just that her friends are more traditionally, model-like hot (but i was attracted to Whitman the most, she's so cute and pretty and a great actor)

[@李小美-f6z]

1:39 nah im currently wearing glasses and when I heard that I had a long pause 💀

[@sawayamacult]

Mmfd was my high school teen drama turning point Im glad i watched it 😭😭😭😭

[@WXSTANG]

It stems from the "hot" one having personal worth issues, and gaslights friends to feel better about themselves.

[@thabo3866]

beauty is always in white, western, blonde standards

[@Zazsuran]

Yup. Can’t tell you how many years I spent bleaching my black Asian hair blonde to be considered pretty. Took me until my late 20s to realize it was all horseshit and I look fine the way I am

[@Wineoclockbookworm]

​@@Zazsuran which is crazy! My half-sister is Japanese and I always grew up wishing I could be half as beautiful as her

[@thabo3866]

@@p.ellet.1314Nah..

[@thabo3866]

@@Zazsuran I'm neither white nor Asian but Asian women have a certain beauty about them.. You see beauty comes in different forms, types, shades, and phenotypes..but the media bombards us with this one type of look and place it as better than anything else

[@pixiebells]

​​@@p.ellet.1314No, they were coveted because being blonde is a genetically recessive trait which makes it less common, therefore making them look "special." Which I always found sort of odd because I'm naturally blonde and I never necessarily felt any more special than anyone else based on something so arbitrary

[@chotchytochy]

Ok. So we want to showcase less conventionally attractive people by pairing them with the conventionally attractive. We are supposed to be pissed when the not hot girl is overlooked while she focuses on the hot guy? Really problematic messaging. At least in Bridesmaids, Megan picked someone who isn’t conventional either. But this is Hollywood, they still look a lot better than most of us.

[@lucys.4695]

Well, i'm the ugly friend

[@palomavega6494]

But, are these girls ugly or just not as pretty as their bff? Because having a gorgeous best friend does affect how you see yourself. For example, I was not fat but I had "chipmunk" cheeks growing and when I finally lost them on my late 20's I suddendly weighted the same but looked 10 kg lighter and suddendly with my friends we are all in the same footing because I finally feel pretty. What made me feel less than was gone and I could finally notice what was always great about myself.

[@maloneaqua]

Lacey Chabert as “not pretty” is laughable

[@thepointlesswords290]

Great quality content👍🏻..was thinking about the same topic, but in Indian movies.

[@sashanoel8766]

Thank you for highlighting the fact that racism, misogyny and fat phobia play a role in the automatic black bestie role.

[@isabelfranco6387]

great video!!! you are great in what you do. btw are there no more tags indicating the movie/series the clip is from?

[@Ckga28]

The most unrealistic thing is Amanda Seyfried being presented as ugly

[@Miss_poppular]

I swear the amount of attention rachel got baffles me 😭😭😭 monica is the most beautiful 😻

[@apocalypsgoddess1]

I’m so glad you touched on the token black friend being used as the ugly friend

[@gabbiwisteria]

Never forgave them for Tryna gaslight me into thinking Lacey chabert and Amanda seyfried are ugly.

[@zainmudassir2964]

I was the ugly fat guy in school. Thanks for breaking down the trope

[@EnigmaticLich]

The Cece and Jess comparison falls a little flat when considering the fact that Jess is white and Cece isn’t. In my experience white women don’t feel threatened by the beauty of women of color because they know society puts them on top of the beauty hierarchy.

[@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254]

Trust me, they do. Check out Jennifer Weiner's piece on the J.Lo Super Bowl Show and Jezebel's response to that

[@MomMadness1]

I was going to say the same thing . They would never make Jess feel inferior to or less attractive than CeCe

[@laurie_guilbeau]

I've always thought that beauty ideals and fatphobia are dumb because I've always been pretty and thin and like..I've never been happy?? I've still had lots of severe problems in life, I've gotten attention from men but been mistreated by them, I've never been committed to by one, I'm still getting established in life, etc. People put SO much focus on being/becoming pretty and thin/fit/not fat, but it's not like once you are those things you're now happy and life is easy. Those things just don't bring happiness.

[@johno5605]

Also I must admit as I lad who recognises society issues of attractiveness. Often guys are the ones who benefit the most from perceived attractiveness. I'd like to see a video about that topic please.

[@jillcnc]

We had come a long way for about five minutes. Then Ozempic came along. And now we're right back where we were, except now society expects girls and women to take a drug every day for the rest of their lives in order to be more attractive. Social media has made it even harder for young girls to develop any sense of self-esteem unless their parents are 100% supportive, and few are, because they too are trapped in a societal aesthetic.

[@lucypreece7581]

one of my fave ways I remind people to not play into bs societal beauty stuff is my interpretation of achieving a "bikini body" in 2 steps Step 1: buy a bikini Step 2: put it on your body just wear clothes and eat food and be yourself and be a good person and keep good people around you. everything else is just white noise.

[@justaname999]

The fact that that one guy on Mad Men thought calling Peggy "Gertrude Stein" rather than a Jackie or Marilyn is an insult... But what's truly annoying is the fact that there are way too many people who adopt this way of thinking in real life. There are so many young people who essentially put being happy on hold because they pretend that this is some sort of representation of reality. Luckily, I believe the majority of people eventually mature out of that. And that should be reflected in the writing of such shows, especially if they're somewhat higher calibre and put value in their writing. It's also always telling how shows *have* to make a point of *telling* us how hot everyone thinks a person is. Like Cece on New Girl or Kamala on Never Have I Ever and countless other examples. Because they have to artificially create this dichotomy, flag the hot one as "different." And even this video seemingly eats that up. In New Girl, Zoey Deschanel is not inherently that much less beautiful than Cece but this video makes sure to let us know that it's ok, "Jess is beautiful in her own way" like that's not a completely empty phrase because so is everybody, unless we all get the same surgeries.

[@shujaaronin]

Lacy Chabert in Mean Girls was the ugly one??? She's literally the baddest one out of all of them 😂